


you make me smile (please stay for a while now)

by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess



Series: i'll give you everything i am (all my broken heartbeats) [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: + alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Multi, a metric fucktonne of angst and heart eyes and softness, just in case that's a trigger for anyone, like yall have no idea, soccer player!sara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-06-06 06:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 342,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15188471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows, https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitprincess/pseuds/moonlitprincess
Summary: "Something about Ava's small smile, about the comforting warmth of her beside Sara, the familiarity of wandering to class together, the way she didn’t seem to look at Sara as though she expected anything, expecting a way of acting and being and reacting, as though Sara didn’t owe her anything. For the first time since she’d walked into school earlier that morning, Sara felt like she could breathe.Maybe, just maybe, this year wasn’t off to an entirely bad start."ORsara and ava have been rivals throughout high school, but now it's senior year and suddenly everything about their lives are changing before their eyes, and their rivalry is no exception. a hsau filled with your favourite fic tropes, including unwittingly becoming best friends bordering on girlfriends, everyone else betting on their potential relationship, endless group chats, and a whole lot of angst and softness.





	1. everything has changed (and i can't tell what matters)

**Author's Note:**

> HEY GUYS!!! chim here!! so here's the multi-chapt HSAU that me (moonlitprincess) and rachel (CoffeeAndArrows) have been promising since that first fic in may (oh yikes has it really been a month and a half??) 
> 
> in our defense!!! we wanted to have written enough chapters that we had a buffer between what we were posting and what we were writing so we didn't trail off or leave you guys hanging because we are SO invested in this fic (you honestly have no idea what we've got planned here, not even kidding) and we are so so so excited to finally share it with you guyssss!!!
> 
> in case you hadn't already read it, our previous fic 'don't you like you, cause i like you' is a prequel to this one and sets up a lot of what we write here, and there are heaps of references in this fic to what happened in that other one (especially bc it's a super significant turning point in their relationship in this AU)
> 
> ANYWAY. ENOUGH CHAT/EXPOSITION ETC. it's literally my 21st birthday and it's 2am and wanted so badly to be able to share this with you guys today of all days SO!! we hope you guys love this first chapt and please let us know just how much bc we have the craziest journey in store for you all!!!
> 
> (chapter 1 title is from wild heart by the bleachers)

 

It should be weird, Sara felt, to look around a place she’d spent three years in and find everything pretty much exactly the same.

The sunlight still streamed in through the high, rectangular windows, warm and shimmering and illuminating the leaves on the trees outside that were very slowly beginning to turn yellow. It reflected off the lockers and created a dizzying array of patterns on the linoleum floors, and just like every year, there was always groups of artsy, hipster 14 year olds who would stop in the middle of the hallway to take a picture for the ‘first day of high school’ instagram posts (Sara was thankful to be able to say that she and her friends had _not_ been those 14 year olds in freshman year). She still had the same locker, three doors down from the gym, opposite Mick and Ray’s lockers, conveniently close to the girl’s bathroom, still filled with Star City High School stickers and logos, photos from Amaya’s disposable camera blue tacked to the back of the door.

She paused as her eyes scanned the snapshotted moments thoughtfully, gaze roving over her own face in each of them. She still had the same friends - that was clear to see in each picture, which, despite their gradual ageing and maturing features, was filled with the same group of people, plus or minus the occasional one or two (like Nyssa and Leonard, both of whom had left Star City in sophomore year, and Zari and Wally, who had moved and joined the group soon after). Sara’s fingers traced the edge of one photo of her and Zari after their last soccer game the previous year, backs turned to the camera and laughing as they glanced over their shoulders, showing off their numbers (Sara was #7, Zari was #15).

She was still playing soccer, just like she had been in freshman year. Same school, same sunlight, same locker, same friends, same sports team. But somehow, Sara felt like she was a completely different person. Like the world had shifted profoundly on its axis since the day she walked into SCHS on her first day of freshman year.

Because everything _was_ different. Back then, Sara was walking down the hallways holding hands with Nyssa al Ghul, avoiding the dirty glares she received from the (admittedly few) homophobic members of their student body. Back then, she’d hang out with Laurel, Oliver, Tommy and Thea over the weekends (the friends she’d had her whole life) because she was only just starting to get to know the misfit group of kids she’d ended up sitting with at lunch. Back then, she was skipping classes to watch kickboxing fights over in the grungy part of town with Mick and Leonard, prioritising spending time with Nyssa over homework, the only thing she put first to do with school being soccer. Back then, her mom wasn’t talking to her (which wasn’t hard from all the way in Chicago) because she didn’t approve of Sara’s bisexuality, her dad was just a regular detective, Laurel was the school golden girl, and Sara Lance was just a nobody whose name teachers sighed in exasperation at. Back then, Sara was picking fights with Ava Sharpe everyday, scoffing her nose at Amaya Jiwe and Ray Palmer - despite them being within her friend group - who’s kindness and patience and optimism made Sara want to puke.

Now though.

Now, Nyssa was in Dubai where her father had moved their family to after disapproving of his daughter’s relationship. Laurel, Oliver and Tommy had graduated last year, Thea was a sophomore and had her own group of friends. Leonard and his family had moved to Central City. Mick had settled a bit, was no longer someone that teachers dreaded to have in their class, and both he and Sara had found an irreplaceable family in the group of friends they’d tentatively opened themselves up to. Now, Sara was an Honours student, was (quietly) planning on applying for at least one Ivy League university, spent her afternoons either at soccer practice or studying at one of her friends’ houses. Somehow, she’d become the mother hen of their friends and Amaya and Zari were the two people in the world she was closest to.  Her mom had come to terms with everything and texted at least once a week, her dad was captain of his own precinct - even Sara’s relationship with Ava Sharpe had somehow changed from the antagonistic, spiteful rivalry it had begun as and was now very tentatively something resembling a friendship.

And then there was Laurel.

Laurel, who wouldn’t have been here this year anyway, but definitely wasn’t at Stanford studying Law like everybody thought.

Sara pushed away the memories of her sister from over the summer, of the bags under Laurel’s eyes, the pale colour to her skin, the way she’d slowly looked less and less like the sister Sara knew and loved.

Sara’s eyes flickered shut and she swallowed, slammed her locker shut and offered Nate, Zari and Wally a smile as she fell into step with them, walking towards homeroom.

 

_“Dad, I’m just going to Ollie’s!”_

_“Where you’ll be drinking?”_

_“Yes, we’re I’ll be drinking, which you’ve never had a problem with until now apparently.”_

_“Maybe that’s because suddenly, it’s happening a lot more than is_ **_healthy_ ** _Laurel. You’re not going - we need to sit down and talk about what’s going on with you.”_

 _“Oh my_ **_god_ ** _Dad, nothing’s going on with me!”_

_“You’ve been slipping yourself those painkillers and god knows what else for almost two and a half weeks now Laurel, and you’ve gone out partying with Oliver and Tommy almost every single weekend this summer, I’m pretty sure that’s not the definition of nothing.”_

_“We_ **_graduated_ ** _, we’re celebrating, how is that a bad thing? Oliver’s staying in Star City, Tommy’s going to Chicago, I’m going to Stanford - we’re spending as much time together as possible before splitting up for literally the first time in our entire lives. Do you suddenly have a problem with that?”_

_“What about the pills?”_

_“I hurt my arm in kickboxing last month, you know that.”_

_“The doctor said it’d be healed in a week.”_

_“Yeah, well it’s not.”_

_“Laurel -”_

_“Dad, drop it. I’m fine. Now are you gonna let me go or not?”_

 

“Hey, Sara, you okay?”

Sara’s head snapped up from where her eyes were burning holes in the back of her notebook to meet Zari’s concerned gaze. “Yeah, fine. Sorry. What’s up?”

Zari took her seat at the desk beside Sara’s, dropping her bag to the floor unceremoniously. “How easily do you think I could get away with skipping practice this afternoon?”

Amaya kicked Zari’s ankle lightly from the seat behind her. “It’s not even 8:30am and you’re already planning on getting in trouble?”

Zari flashed her a charming smile and Sara had to refrain from rolling their eyes at the stupidly obvious flirting between the two.

Sara snorted. “You would be roasted over a bonfire by tomorrow morning if you skipped Z,” she said with a chuckle. “Don’t even think about it. I’m gunning for captain this year and there’s no way in hell I’m starting the season off with one of my best friends skipping practice.”  

Zari groaned. “It’s the first day of school and games don’t even start til _February._ I don’t understand why Coach Hunter’s making us start training so early.”

“It’s called preparation Miss Tomaz, and it’s the reason we’re going to make it to playoffs this year.”

All eyes flickered to the doorway where their homeroom teacher (and Sara and Zari’s soccer coach), Rip Hunter, gave Zari a wry smirk and shut the door behind him. The volume in class dropped to a low hum with the occasional burst of quiet chatter, and Sara took the opportunity to let her eyes flicker around the classroom. She’d known most of the people here for years. The majority of their grade was Star City born and raised, so the friendships she had with a lot of the people in her homeroom class went back longer than just the three years of high school. It was weird to think that next year, Sara would be somewhere without any of them, without the familiarity of childhood references and inside jokes.

Inexplicably, her gaze shifted to Ava, who was perhaps the clearest indication of how much things had changed.

Ava Sharpe, who Sara had spent the better part of freshman year throwing biting remarks to, making fun of, antagonising, bickering, arguing, driving their teachers up the wall and receiving many berating reprimands from the principal about the way they treated each other. Ava Sharpe, who for some inexplicable reason, had been the first person to ask if she was okay after Nyssa left. Ava Sharpe, who had slyly challenged Sara to _try_ and do better than her in their massive French assignment, the resulting A+ kick starting Sara actually wanting to do better at school. Ava Sharpe, whose group of friends played endless pranks on Sara and _her_ friends, but had become such comforting, familiar faces that Sara couldn’t help but smile when she saw them around the city. Ava Sharpe, who had shown up on Sara’s doorstep last year in tears after her mom’s disapproval over her coming out, who Sara had pulled inside and comforted and teased and studied with and then walked home until Ava finally was ready to face her family. Ava Sharpe, who now joined her in tearing apart anyone’s homophobic comments on facebook, who she’d somehow created a bubble of inside jokes with and who she’d glance over to wink at when one of their teachers referenced something funny, who didn’t scowl at Sara’s retorts anymore but instead just rolled her eyes and threw a wad of paper at her, who sometimes looked at Sara with a soft, unguarded expression that made Sara’s stomach jolt and her brain overload with confusion and uncertainty.

Ava Sharpe, who right now was looking at Sara with a raised eyebrow and a _Can I help you Lance?_ expression on her face. Sara flipped her off, grinning at Ava’s half-hearted glare in response before breaking her own gaze away, tuning into a conversation between Jax and Ray as Rip let the class dissolve into quiet discussion (he knew better by now than to try and get them to do something productive in homeroom). The boys were comparing timetables, and Sara pulled hers out of the back pocket of her jeans to see if the three of them shared any classes. Realising what they were doing, Amaya and Zari got up from their chairs and peered over Sara’s shoulder, and within a couple of minutes, Mick, Nate and Wally were with them, everybody trying to figure out who was in who’s classes.

Sara managed to decipher over the babble of noise and loud chattering that she had Physics with Ray, Classics with Ray and Nate, English and French with Amaya, Zari and Wally, Calculus with Jax, History with Mick and Nate, Biology and Social Studies by herself, and P.E. and Chemistry with Jax and Amaya.

She read her timetable aloud to Amaya and Zari, mostly to confirm for herself what she had on today, when Ava laughed incredulously and said “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Sara glanced over at her, resting her arm on the back of her chair. “Got something to say, Sharpe?”

Ava returned the unrelenting stare, eyes narrowing. “You’ve got Calc next, right? History last today? Bio third tomorrow?”

Sara stole a peek at her timetable before nodding, furrowing her eyebrows.

Ava let out a quiet huff. “We’ve got exactly the same timetable this year Lance.”

Sara was surprised at how little the idea bothered her, to spend all day every day at school in class with Ava. She shrugged. “Hey, you’re the one who’s probably going to end up being valedictorian. Now I know I have you to copy off in every class.”

“Yeah, like I’ll ever let that happen,” muttered Ava, shaking her head. “If I get anything less than an A average this year, I’m blaming you.”

Before Sara could retort anything back, Rip interrupted them with a pleading “Ladies, _please._ It’s senior year. Civility, I’m sure you’ve both learnt it by now. I do not want to have to receive any frustrated complaints from your teachers about you two holding up the entire lesson with your arguments and debates.”

“Actually,” piped Zari, “they’re usually pretty much on the same page about stuff in class. They sometimes team up and completely take apart some poor jerk who has the misfortune of holding an opposing viewpoint.”

Both Sara and Ava flushed, sinking into their chairs a little and exchanging small, slightly sheepish grins with each other.

Rip also smiled a little fondly. “Well, that I can deal with. Just try not to derail the entire lesson in the process, won’t you? Now if you could all listen for just a few minutes, here are some announcements that might actually be useful to you …”

 

_The car pulled up with a soft crunch of tires over gravel. As soon as Laurel caught sight of the sign in front of the building before them, her head whipped over to the driver’s seat and she stared at her father, horrified._

_“I’m sorry,” said Quentin quietly. “Lying about where we were going was the only way we knew you would agree to come with us.”_

_“You tricked me!” accused Laurel, gaze flickering panickedly between Quentin and Sara, who was sitting in the backseat. “I can’t believe you -”_

_“Would you have come otherwise?” interrupted Sara._

_Laurel didn’t reply, deflating slightly and slouching in her seat, rubbing the heel of her palm into her forehead. “You guys. I don’t … I don’t need this. I’m fine.”_

_“You collapsed in the kitchen yesterday,” said Quentin, and the pain in his voice was overwhelming. “You’re lucky we didn’t take you to hospital.”_

_“I was tired,” insisted Laurel. “I hadn’t eaten all day, I was out in the sun with Tommy, it was heat stroke or something -”_

_“Tommy said you ordered three margaritas at lunch with your fake ID,” said Sara. “It’s was a fucking Tuesday Laur, who day drinks on a Tuesday unless they’re an alcoholic?”_

_“I’m not an alcoholic!”_

_“Yeah, just like you’re not a drug addict? Even though you begged Thea to ask Roy to get you more of those pills you ran out of? First of all, I went through your cabinet in the bathroom and I saw the packet you tried to hide, Laur - you’re not even on the damn pain meds anymore, you’re on that awful new street drug that Dad confiscates at work! And second, I can’t believe you would use how much Thea looks up to you to get more product, are you for real -”_

_“You went through my stuff?” exclaimed Laurel, her eyes widening. “What the hell? Could you be more of a brat?”_

_Sara ignored the comment and the sting of hurt she felt at it, instead schooling her features into a glare. “And what about Thea, huh? And Roy? He worked so damn hard to get out that neighbourhood and now you’re using him to get yourself drugs?”_

_“Stay out of this Sara, it’s none of your business,” snapped Laurel and Quentin raised a hand between them._

_“Stop, both of you.” He sighed heavily, reaching out to curl a hand around both of Laurel’s, which were trembling in her lap. “Laurel, baby, I’m sorry we did this behind your back but you’ve gotta see how worried we are about you. We can see you’re falling apart, even if you can’t, and this is gonna be for the best in the long run.”_

_“Daddy please. I start at Stanford in three weeks!”_

_“Not anymore,” said Quentin firmly. “I already called them to defer your acceptance.”_

_Laurel’s jaw dropped, her eyes widening with horror. “_ **_No_ ** _,” she choked out. “No, Dad, please, Stanford law has been my dream since I was six -”_

_“And it’ll still be your dream in six months, or eight, or ten, however long it takes for you to get clean.”_

_Laurel tugged her hand back, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them against herself tightly. “I can’t believe this is happening.”_

_“Laurel,” whispered Sara, leaning over to gently tuck some of Laurel’s hair behind her ear. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. You’ve just … you’ve gotta trust that we know what’s best for you. That_ **_this_ ** _is what’s best for you.”_

_Laurel sniffed, ducking her head to try and hide the tears that had started streaming down her face. “I just … I don’t want this to be who I am. I don’t want to be the girl who had everything and just ended up in rehab.”_

_“That’s not who you are baby,” promised Quentin gently. “It’s not. You’re the same Laurel you’ve always been. You just lost yourself somewhere along the way and now you need to find that person again.”_

_Nobody said anything for several moments, silence hanging heavily between the three of them in the car, only broken by Laurel’s occasional stuttering breathing. It was early evening, and the sun had begun its slow descent in the horizon and lit up the inside of the car in a calming, gentle glow. The radio crackled with sudden static, and Laurel startled a little at the sound of it. Her eyes were red rimmed, bottom lip trembling and Sara was stunned in that moment at just how thin she was, how prominent her cheekbones were and how the usual, healthy colour in her cheeks had faded almost entirely._

_“Please Laur,” Sara said before she could stop herself. “For me.”_

_Laurel’s eyes met hers, and Sara saw the flicker of realisation at what she’d done register, saw the shame and regret and fear. Laurel reached over behind the seat and grabbed Sara’s hand, then found her father’s too, squeezing tightly as her eyes snapped shut and she sucked in a sharp, shaking breath of air._

_“Okay.”_

 

As the bell rang shrilly through the school and Rip dismissed them, Sara swung her bag over one shoulder and let out a quiet sigh. As far as everyone knew - apart from Oliver, Tommy and Thea - Laurel was at Stanford. That’s what Laurel had wanted, for everyone to think that she was the same person they knew, that she was still the Star City sunshine who was going to make everybody proud. And Sara respected that, knew that if she was going through something similar, she’d want the same thing. But it also meant that Sara couldn’t tell any of her friends, couldn’t let slip what she and her father had been agonising over all summer, couldn’t cry or break down in front of anyone, couldn’t text Amaya for advice, couldn’t let anybody know that everything wasn’t _fine._

She just had to figure it out, she supposed. It would all feel more normal eventually, right?

Someone bumping their shoulder against hers startled her back to reality, and she looked over to see Ava having fallen into step with her.

“Calc?” Ava said, nodding in the direction of the math department.

Something about her small smile, about the comforting warmth of her beside Sara, the familiarity of wandering to class together, the way she didn’t seem to _look_ at Sara as though she expected anything, expecting a way of acting and being and reacting, as though Sara didn’t owe her anything. For the first time since she’d walked into school earlier that morning, Sara felt like she could breathe.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

Maybe, just maybe, this year wasn’t off to an entirely bad start.

 

* * *

 

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_ztomaz posted 1 new photo:_ **

#7 & #15 back again for one last season of SCHS soccer!! Wouldn’t wanna have been doing this for the past 2 years w anyone else <3

 **_Tagged: saraalance._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City High School Stadium_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _saraalance, amayajiwe, avacsharpe, raymondcpalmer, and 143 others._

_Thursday 25 August._

 

**_jeffersonjax posted 1 new photo:_ **

Gonna miss these losers next year (but not gonna miss them interrupting me literally every single time i flirt with any girl ever thanks heaps guys) #OGsquad #senioryearlessgo #weekonedone

 **_Tagged: saraalance, amayajiwe_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City High School_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _amayajiwe, saraalance, nathanielheywood, gxryggreeen, and 160 others._ __  
**_Comments:_ ** **_  
_**_saraalance:_ lmao u sitting here thinking that us cockblocking u is gonna end w u running away to college thats SO FUNNY  
_saraalance:_ (i love u lil bro)  
_amayajiwe:_ @saraalance Bless his soul for thinking he can ever escape us #OGsquadforlife <3 <3

Saturday 27 August.

 

**_lilssstein posted 1 new photo:_ **

The Gals & Gary™ back for #senioryear bitchesssss

 **_Tagged: avacsharpe, noradarhk, KuasaJiwe, gxryggreeen_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City Waffle House_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _gxryggreeen, wallacewesttt, avacsharpe, KuasaJiwe, saraalance, and 201 others._

Monday 29 August.

 

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_TUES 2:41pm:_

__  
**_You:_ ** **__  
** y’all

lmao

guess who my partner for  
the YEAR LONG 60% history  
project is

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_**Guessing by the fact that you  
don’t seem happy about it,  
I’m gonna take a wild guess  
and say

Ava?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** *ding ding ding*

and the $500 bonus goes  
to ray palmer

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_**Surely every teacher knows  
better than to put the biggest  
rivals in school together for  
such an important project

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ok but

to be fair

we do work pretty well  
together

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh ho

And how do we know this?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** what’s that supposed to mean

we’ve been in the same school  
since 6th grade

we’ve had to WORK together  
before z

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fair

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_**If you know you work well  
together then it probs  
won’t be too bad then right?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i mean yeah

it’s just

it’s ava fuckin sharpe

and i’m gonna have to  
spend so so much time w  
her all year working on this  
thing

at least it’s not some loser  
who’s just gonna bum off me  
doing all the fuckin work

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_**yeah u know for sure  
that ava’s not gonna screw  
u over

like she wants the good  
grade just as much as u

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_**Probably the one person  
who wants it more tbh

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** true

thanks guys

gtg actually pay  
attention in class

  
_Seen by: Nate, Zari, Amaya, Ray, Wally, Mick, Jax._

 

* * *

 

  


**Messenger**

Ava Sharpe  
_Active now_

_TUES 3:57pm:_

hey so

  
this history project

  
we should plan it or something  
right? especially if it’s gonna  
be some big massive year long  
thing

  
Sara Lance, taking initiative on  
something to do with school?

  
Never thought I’d see the day

  
you’re the one who didn’t  
want her average to drop  
below an A

  
just helping u out sharpe

  
Whatever would I do without you

  
have an unbelievably boring  
and uneventful high school  
experience, clearly

  
Wouldn’t that be nice

  
you gonna stop being shitty  
abt the fact that we’re paired  
for this thing & actually tell  
me when ur free?

  
After school Thursday?

  
can’t, soccer practice

  
unless ur ok to come over  
after that? practice finishes  
at 5:45

  
That’s fine with me

  
I’ll just walk over to yours at  
around 6? We can plan it for like  
an hour maybe?

  
yeah sounds good

  
_Seen: Tuesday, 4:09pm_

 

* * *

 

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

The Gals & Gary™  
_Active now_

_TUES 8:18pm:_

__  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **__  
** hi so

sara lance hooked up w  
john constantine last  
year right?

  
**_Nora:_ **  
Yeah I think so?

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_**Do I even WANNA know  
why you’re asking this  
Gary?????

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah she did

At that weird American  
Horror Story Asylum themed  
halloween party

I don’t even know why I know  
that tbh

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** hmmmmm ok

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why????

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** putting out the gaydar feelers

something tells me he’s into  
guys but he’s only ever hooked  
up w girls that i know of

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_**Ooooh I see what you’re getting  
at Gary

Yeah if he hadn’t hooked up w  
so many girls around school, I’d  
be pretty sold he was gay

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_**How exactly he’s hooked  
up w so many girls around  
school is beyond me but  
whatever, each to their  
own I guess

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_**LMAOOO oh yeah I forgot  
you don’t like the guy ava

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** You don’t like constantine??

How come?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_**Okay well first of all  
he makes people call  
him by his last name

What, are we in some  
police tv drama???

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m crying HAHAHAH

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg Ava ;’D

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk he’s just strange

I don’t like him

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_**would you still support my  
endeavours to sleep w him?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Very reluctantly

(I’m kidding ofc Gary)

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_**Are we putting a ‘get gary laid’  
plan into action?

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_**Can we put a ‘get all of us laid  
at some point this year’ plan into  
action too?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_**Finding gay girls is  
a mission you guys I’m  
serious

The only ones I’ve found  
on tinder are those weird  
alty super hipster grunge  
chicks with too many facial  
piercings and cigarettes in  
every other photo

And then girls looking for a  
third person to have threesomes  
w them and their boyfriend

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh yikes

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** and sara lance

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** GARY

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** the hate sex would be gr8

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_**Stop talking abt my  
hypothetical sex life  
Gary, like rn

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m wheezing omfg

  
_Seen by: You, Gary, Nora and Kuasa._

 

* * *

 

 

  
**Messenger** **  
** (Lily Stein)

Nora Darhk  
_Active now_

_MON 8:47pm:_

MESSAGE GARY RN

  
YOU’VE KNOWN HIM  
THE LONGEST OTHER  
THAN AVA

  
TELL HIM TO SHUT THE  
FUCK UP RN

  
ON IT

 

_Seen: Monday, 8:49pm._

 

* * *

 

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

Gary Green  
_Active now_

_MON 8:50pm:_

GARY BALTHAZAR GREEN

  
I SWEAR TO GOD

  
IF YOU DON’T TONE IT TF  
DOWN YOU ARE GOING TO  
RUIN THIS WHOLE SLOW  
BURN THING WE’VE ALL  
BEEN WAITING FOR

  
it was in CONTEXT

  
we were talking abt getting  
laid and she was talking abt  
the considerable lack of gay  
girls on offer in star city

  
sara is into girls and sleeps w  
like, any girl who is mildly  
attractive and gives her any  
form of heart eyes

  
AVA’S MORE THAN MILDLY  
ATTRACTIVE WHY NOT PUT THE  
IDEA INTO HER HEAD

  
BECAUSE AVA IS AVA  
AND STARTLES SO EASILY  
WE KNOW THIS GAR WE’VE  
BEEN FRIENDS W HER SINCE  
WE WERE SIX

  
also we were rooting for  
the slow burn like 2 years  
ago

  
now i’m pretty sure the  
whole school just needs  
them to bang like now

  
also ava deserves to  
get laid by someone like  
sara lance

  
Firstly while you’re not wrong

  
We’re going to listen to our best  
friend and stop talking abt her  
hypothetical sex life okay?

  
Secondly be PATIENT they’re not  
even rlly friends yet

  
But they’re doing that big history  
project together remember?  
Hopefully they’ll get closer through  
that

  
JUST TONE IT DOWN

ugh FINE

anyway im gonna call u  
i need help w this constantine  
thing

  
_Seen: Monday, 8:54pm._


	2. now the door is open (the world i knew is broken)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ava had never seen Laurel’s room, had never really even known her very well, but she’d always seemed like the kind of person whose room would be not pristine, but at least leaning towards tidy. Ava unintentionally stepped closer towards the bedroom doorway. She’d have thought Laurel would have been a person to buy her textbooks as soon as she got her acceptance letter and packed her suitcase carefully a week in advance, rather than grabbing her most important possessions on the way out of the door. And ... the laptop. Surely Laurel would need that for college?
> 
> Ava was sure there was a reasonable explanation, but before she could turn to Sara to ask, Sara had barraged past her and slammed Laurel’s door shut, something fierce flashing in her eyes that Ava couldn’t recognise."
> 
> OR 
> 
> everyone starts to catch on to the fact that sara is hiding something, including ava. meanwhile, she and sara grow somewhat closer which everyone ALSO starts to notice (and maybe freak out about. just a little).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE NEW CHAPTER! 
> 
> we've been so so excited about how supportive and keen you guys all are on this fic so we kind of doubled our efforts with writing and because of it, figured we could upload a new chapter early as a thank you for being so great!! we're not guaranteeing double uploads every week, but we will be aiming to upload a new chapter every friday, and if we upload any additional chapters during the week than WOOHOO lucky you! 
> 
> also, yes, amaya and kuasa are cousins in this fic as several of you asked about! 
> 
> in this chapter you also finally get to meet one of our favourite OCs, ali, ava's little sister! (it's actually kind of hilarious bc user QuackTracks has an amazing college soccer au (go read it) where ava also has a sister named ali, and apparently they're introducing a new legends character in s4 called ali so this is all gonna be a big ali fest) 
> 
> ANYWAY. ENJOY. COMMENT. MUCH LOVE ALL XX
> 
> (chapter title is from when the darkness comes by colbie caillat)

 

Ava hadn’t been to Sara’s house since October the previous year after the fight with her mom about her coming out. From the outside, everything about it looked the same, apart from Laurel’s room being dark (which wasn’t surprising given the elder Lance daughter was now away at Stanford). Ava had barely knocked twice before the door swung open, Sara offering her a bright, cheerful smile as she ran a towel through her still damp hair. She was wearing baggy, grey sweatpants that sat low on her hips and a tight fitted navy blue tank top and Ava determinedly flickered her eyes upwards to Sara’s face to avoid looking at her very toned figure (she had _eyes_ okay, and she was very gay, and Gary wasn’t exactly _wrong_ about Sara being one of the only good-looking girls also into girls at SCHS. Ava wasn’t going to pretend that Sara wasn’t an objectively attractive human being).

“Hey,” said Ava, slipping her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

“Hey!” said Sara. “Sorry, I just got out of the shower. Come on in.”

Stepping through the doorway and into the hall, Ava tried very hard not to think about the words _Sara_ and _shower_ together, silently chastising herself. What the fuck was wrong with her brain today? This was _Sara,_ not some random pretty girl on the street that she could fantasise about. Clearly, Gary and his stupid comment had gotten to her more than she thought. Ava shook her head, adjusting her bag on her shoulder as a way to distract herself.

Just like the outside of the house, nothing on the inside had moved, and Ava found her eyes drawn to the photos of much younger Sara and Laurel that still lined the walls.

“Hey, eyes off the baby photos Sharpe,” Sara joked as she nudged her shoulder against Ava’s. “You want a drink? Food?”

Trying not to tense at the contact (seriously, was her new pill making her super hormonal or something, what the fuck was going on?) Ava bit her lip, thinking for a moment before giving her head a small shake. “I’m good, thanks.”

Sara smiled slightly and turned around, seemingly assuming Ava would follow her up the stairs. Maybe it was because Quentin was still at work and that the last time Ava had been here, the house had been full of people - Quentin and his precinct friends crowding the living room and Laurel keeping to herself in her own bedroom - but something about Sara’s house felt...off. Wrong. And the emptiness didn’t feel like an explanation, especially considering that Ava _had_ been here before with just Sara, back when they were a lot younger and had other projects to work on. It felt as though something big had changed over the summer, something both Sara and her dad were determined to keep hidden by smiling a little too brightly and hoping no one would notice.

Ava dismissed the persistent thoughts quickly, even though Sara _had_ seemed distracted the past couple of weeks (zoning out in class, not rising to Ava’s challenging retorts, seeming subdued from across the cafeteria at lunch … and Ava had definitely seen the way Zari and Amaya’s concerned gazes lingered on Sara over the past few days, she’d seen Jax pull Sara aside after Calculus on Wednesday and ask what was going on, only for Sara to shake her head and insist with a smile that didn’t meet her eyes that it was nothing). But Ava knew she and Sara weren’t _friends._ They weren’t rivals, not anymore, but she definitely wasn’t going to go as far as friendship, not when Sara was still the one person in the entire world that made Ava want to throw herself out the window every time she started winding Ava up. So no, there was no reason to ask or to pry because even if something was going on, Sara would probably much rather talk to one of her _actual_ friends over Ava.

(Ava ignored the nagging voice in her head that reminded her about the last time she’d been in this house, about the softness in Sara’s expression and the tightness of her fingers curled in Ava’s, the way she’d promised that it would be okay and the safeness Ava had felt by her reassuring smile.)

Sara was probably just missing Laurel, Ava concluded. They’d always been unbelievably close, and having her so far away in California couldn’t be easy. There was a closeness to their relationship that Ava had never quite been able to understand, had always admired and envied just a little; Of all her siblings, she was probably closest to Spencer but there was always a disconnect because of their age gap, and he’d joined the army at 17 and that was four years ago now. Ava hadn’t even started high school when he left - she was a completely different person now. She and Spencer were close, sure but nothing near as tight knit as Sara and Laurel. Even with her sisters, Ava had never quite seen eye to eye with Layla and for all that she loved Ali to pieces, they’d always been siblings first, friends second.

As she and Sara reached the top of the staircase, Ava’s eyes flickered to Laurel’s room, surprised by the door hanging ajar and revealing an unorganised mess of cluttered belongings. The lights were off, but even in the darkness Ava could make out Laurel’s laptop on the desk, clothes scattered across the floor, the bed untidily made with the duvet still wrinkled and uneven, as if someone had made it in a hurry and forgotten to straighten everything.

Ava had never seen Laurel’s room, had never really even known her very well, but she’d always seemed like the kind of person whose room would be not pristine, but at least leaning towards tidy, everything placed somewhere that made sense, clothes that weren’t tucked away instead neatly hung over the back of a chair unless they were dirty, then they would be in the linen laundry hamper by the window. Ava unintentionally stepped closer towards the bedroom doorway. She’d have thought Laurel would have been a person to buy her textbooks as soon as she got her acceptance letter and packed her suitcase carefully a week in advance, rather than grabbing her most important possessions on the way out of the door. And ... the laptop. Surely Laurel would need that for college?

Ava was sure there was a reasonable explanation, but before she could turn to Sara to ask, Sara had barraged past her and slammed Laurel’s door shut, something fierce flashing in her eyes that Ava couldn’t recognise.

Sara turned to glare at Ava, the look in her eyes clearly daring her to ask, but for once Ava decided not to step up to the challenge. Something about it didn’t feel right, something about the way Sara’s taunting stare seemed to be seconds away from crumbling, a vulnerability in her expression lingering just below the surface that made Ava chest tighten in concern. For whatever reason, this wasn’t the time for Ava to engage in an argument with Sara, so she stayed silent, waiting for Sara to realise that she wasn’t going to take the bait. For a moment, it looked as though Sara was going to say something but after a couple of seconds, her expression mellowed and she tilted her head towards her bedroom door. Ava nodded in response, following Sara through her open doorway and perching on the edge of her bed.

“So how was soccer practice?’ she asked conversationally.

Any lingering tension in Sara’s shoulders seem to leave her as Ava’s change in topic confirmed that she wasn’t going to press the strangeness of the state of Laurel’s room. Sara grabbed their history textbook, her laptop and a thick pad of A2 poster paper before dropping it onto the bed and flopping down beside Ava.

“It was good,” she said, a small smile finding its way onto her face. “I … I missed soccer over the summer. Obviously, me and Zari were out kicking a ball around at least once a week and I’m pretty sure half my friends would be good enough to play division 2 soccer after all the beachside games Z and I forced them to play with us, but it’s different being back with the team, you know?”

Ava nodded, pulling the textbook over to her and shuffling backwards so that she could lie on her stomach, Sara quickly moving to do the same. “Yeah, I get it. I have days where I miss basketball so much that I consider getting Dad to pull a favour with the head coach and getting me a spot on the team or something.”

Sara laughed with quiet surprise, pushing hair away from her face as she opened up her laptop. “I _always_ forget that you were a basketball star in middle school. You should come over to Jax’s sometime. I’d pay real money to see you kick his smug ass in basketball.”

For some reason, Ava had expected this to be awkward, having to spend such a significant amount of time alone with Sara without something massive (like a difficult coming out situation) to act as a conversational bridge between them. To her slight surprise, chatter flowed easily between them and they filtered through different topics quickly and easily - school, sports, Sara’s friends, Ava’s friends, senior year, whatever ridiculous point of gossip had captivated school attention that week - before they fell effortlessly into the same rhythm they’d begun to find the year before the last time they’d been in this exact position, studying. Side by side on Sara’s bed, notes between them and a large piece of poster paper slowly filling with brainstorms and scribbles, Ava found that Sara seemed to finish her sentences, suggest ideas that Ava had been about to bring up herself, agreed wholeheartedly with Ava’s own thoughts and suggestions, and before long, they’d already decided on a topic for the project and begun to research it. The ease with which they worked wasn’t a _huge_ shock - for some reason, ever since they’d stopped being so fiesty towards each other, their teachers had loved to put them in the same groups for group projects (for which Ava usually found her and Sara doing most of the work, not that it really bothered either of them given how much they wanted a good grade).

It wasn’t until they heard a sharp knock on Sara’s door that Ava realised how much time had passed, and she felt a sudden sense of deja vu from their study session last year, the situation feeling so similar that it was momentarily a shock when Quentin walked in instead of Laurel. To hide her slight disorientation, Ava’s eyes flickered down to check her phone only to find it out of power. She was a bit surprised. As far as she knew, Quentin didn’t usually finish work until later - _why did she know that?_ \- but it was still fairly light outside, so Ava supposed he must have the evening off.

“Good day?” asked Quentin, pulling Sara into a brief hug.

Sara shrugged, a teasing smile on her face as she replied with “Well, I got paired with this nerd for our year long history project, but apart from that it was pretty good.”

Ava snorted and grabbed one of Sara’s ridiculous number of throw pillows to toss in her general direction. Sara caught it and laughed, lightly shoving Ava’s legs in payback. Quentin rolled his eyes at the two of them.

“I can only apologise that you have to put up with this one for the entire year,” he said, grinning as Sara’s jaw dropped, now throwing the pillow at her father who dodged it, chuckling and giving Ava a wink. His eyes flickered to his watch and he returned his attention to Ava as he said “Would you like to stay for dinner? We’ll probably get takeout.”

Taken aback by the offer, Ava instinctively glanced over at Sara who nodded as a sort of _yeah, if you want_ action. For a second, the _yes please_ was on the tip of Ava’s tongue before she remembered that her aunt was arriving from Florida today to spend a week with them, and that tonight was non-negotiable family dinner. She sighed. It would be so nice to just stay here. Something about this house - even from the time she was ten and she’d fallen down rollerblading with Nora, and Quentin had sat her down on the front porch and bandaged up her knee before telling her sternly to walk home - had always felt _safe_ and warm and inviting. But Ava knew she’d be in so much shit if she didn’t show, so flashed Sara an apologetic smile before saying “I’d love to, honestly, but my super conservative aunt is here for a week and dinner tonight is pretty much set in stone unless I want to be disowned.”

“Super conservative?” echoed Sara, raising an eyebrow.

Ava nodded, scowling a little. “Yeah, she says she’s just here to see us but I’m pretty sure she actually wants to come and check that me being gay hasn’t completely warped the goodness in my soul, so I should probably make an appearance to show her I’m not just a 5 foot 8 girl of sin.”

Sara choked on her tongue, seemingly not knowing whether to laugh or be concerned, but before she had a chance to figure it out, Quentin shook his head and said “And I repeat Ava, very emphatically this time, are you _sure_ you don’t want to stay?”

Ava chuckled softly, shaking her head. “Thank you, but I really should go.”

“Raincheck then,” said Sara, apparently having found her voice. “We’ve got a whole lotta history to do before the year’s over anyway.”

“I’ll be seeing you soon then,” said Quentin to Ava with a warm smile. “Sara, you good with Thai?”

Sara nodded and Quentin ducked out of the room.

“Your dad is so nice,” said Ava once he was out of earshot.

Sara smiled fondly, shrugging. “He’s pretty cool. He’s super overprotective at times, but I think that’s just cop instincts.” There was a brief pause between them as Ava stood, gathering her stuff and packing it back into her bag before swinging it onto one shoulder. Sara also rose to her feet, stretching her arms high above her head and Ava had to look away as her tank top rode up, exposing a brief flash of toned muscle on Sara’s middle.

“I’ll walk you down?” said Sara.

Ava snapped her attention back to Sara’s face, hoping Sara hadn’t seen her distraction. “Yeah, yeah thanks.” She followed Sara out of her bedroom, shaking her head and reprimanding herself silently. She really needed to get a freakin girlfriend. Maybe she just had to refine her standards on Tinder.

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Messenger**

(Ava Sharpe)

The Gals & Gary™  
_Active now_

_MON 7:47am:_

_  
_ **_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey so I look fuckin great  
today so someone better  
take pics of me for insta  
so that brett peterson will  
see  & then ask me to prom

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hi good morning to you  
too Lily

  
**_Kuasa_ ** **_  
_ ** HAHA wow Lils

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** Guys pLS i’ve been  
thirsting after this guy  
for almost a year help me  
out here

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Babe we know

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** Help me get laid then

I thought we were putting  
the ‘get all of us laid’ plan  
into action

I’ve heard fantastic  
things around school  
abt brett’s dick

Like ava sweetie i don’t  
expect u to understand but  


  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t even fucking  
finish that sentence Lily  
I swear to god

It’s 7:30 and i just had  
breakfast and I am way  
too gay to start the day  
by having a conversation  
about Brett Peterson and  
his dick

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m dying HAHAHAHA

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** dw lily i got ur back we can  
have a photoshoot at lunch  
or something

and i, unlike ava, am the right  
kind of gay to start the day by  
having a conversation about  
brett peterson and his dick

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** I love one (1) man and his name  
is gary green

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** If only he was straight

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** i think we’ve established that  
if i was straight, i would have  
dated all of you at least once

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I love you Gar, I do

But not a chance

 

* * *

  


**Messenger**

Sara Lance  
_Active now_

_WED 1:08pm:_

_  
_ hey so I’m gonna be out of  
the city this weekend

  
and we said we’d message abt  
the research we were gonna  
do for history

  
and obvs if I’m not at home  
I don’t have internet so I  
can’t fb u

  
so i thought now would be as  
good a time as ever to ask  
for ur cell number instead

  
(202) 318-6547

  
cool will text u now  
to make sure

  
_Seen: Wednesday, 1:11pm._

 

* * *

  


**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_THURS 9:06am:_

_  
_ **_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Anyone wanna come over  
to mine and do some SAT  
study this weekend?

I’ve got my last few over  
the next couple weeks

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** Lucky

Mine don’t finish until  
halfway through October

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m keen Zari!

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, me too

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m visiting my dad and sister  
in central city this wkend can  
we do another study sesh next  
week plssss

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah dw wally I’m down  
for something next week

I’m outta town this weekend  
too sorry guys

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Where you going

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** You going to see your mom?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** no just

going to see family outside  
the city

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** would totally come study but  
coach is going crazy w the extra  
football practices before the  
homecoming game

speaking of

homecoming dance

we doing dates or we going as that  
obnoxious gang everyone hates

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** obnoxious gang obvs

prom is the one dance  
where we’ll all separate  
and find people to make out  
with in the bathrooms ;-))

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** You say that now

But chances are you’ll  
be the one person out of  
all of us actually doing that

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah no this year I’m  
wingmanning all of you

I believe in ur ability  
to all get super hot dates

  


* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

The Gals & Gary™  
_Active now_

_FRI 3:09pm:_

**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** yo someone tell me they  
were also in the cafeteria  
when all that shit went down

 **_  
_ ** **_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** FUCK NO I WASN’T BUT I  
HEARD SOME CRAZY SHIT  
HAPPENED WERE U THERE

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait what

What happened

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk, apparently there  
was a fight or something?

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Almost a fight

That bitch Trinity Bradley  
decided to have a go at  
Sara Lance

Sara got in one good swing  
before Mick Rory and Nate  
Heywood intervened

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** What????

What did Trinity say???

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** idk i think a whole bunch of  
stuff

It’s like she had a checklist on  
how to piss sara off

1x homophobic comment  
1x dig abt sara’s mom leaving  
1x taunt that sara wont make  
soccer captain this year  
1x stupid comment abt laurel  
not actually being at college  
or something (where tf did  
that even come from everyone  
knows laurel’s at stanford???)

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah and Sara just snapped

Literally decked her in the face

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh shit

And Sara’s done martial  
arts too so that would’ve  
hurt so bad omg

Wow I can’t wait to  
see Trinity’s face on  
Monday

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** I hope it looks fuckin awful  
that’s so shitty for her to  
make those comments

Like I know we all have that  
long standing rivalry w sara’s  
group but like obvs none of us  
actually hate each other

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** i actually rlly like most of them

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** Trinity’s always just been mad  
that sara beat her out for the  
spot on the soccer team in  
freshman year

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** She also had this massive  
thing for Leonard Snart in  
sophomore year and was FUMING  
that the one person he hooked up  
w before leaving for Central City  
was Sara

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** All of that shit was  
years ago now, surely  
she’s moved on???

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** apparently not

  
**_Lils:_ ** **_  
_ ** Do u guys think sara’s ok?

Like, she’s feisty as hell sure  
but she’s actually a pretty calm  
person most of the time

For her to snap like that, one  
of the things trinity said must’ve  
rlly hit home

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll ask Amaya?? Maybe she knows

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll text Sara too

Just to make sure

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** since when have u and sara been  
close enough to text each other

when did u even get each other’s  
numbers

how

I feel like i’ve missed a pivotal  
moment in the evolution of ur  
relationship

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god Gary you’re such  
a weirdo it’s nothing

We needed to text bc we’re  
partnered on that history  
project

We’re not even friends

  
_Seen by: Gary, Nora, Kuasa, Lily._

 

* * *

  


**Messenger** **  
** (Lily Stein)

Nora Darhk  
_Active now_

_FRI 3:14pm:_

Just so I know that someone  
else is on the same page as me

  
Ava and Sara could’ve totally  
gone the whole year working  
on that history project via fb  
and not had to have each  
other’s cellphone numbers

  
Right?

  
100 fucking percent

  
Ohhhhh boy

  
This is gonna be good.

  
I wonder who at school bet  
it would be senior year.

  
I did

  
I’ve got like, 200 bucks  
riding on this thing

  
Oh my god are you serious

  
Fuck yeah i’m serious

  
I know I told you to tell  
gary to lay off w the  
comments to ava

  
Doesn’t mean i dont  
need this to happen  
more than I need to  
graduate  

  
I placed this bet at the  
beginning of last year  
nora i’ve been WAITING

  
Lils, you are something else  
I’m telling ya

  
And dw

  
We’ve ALL been waiting.

  
_Seen: Friday, 3:18pm._

 

* * *

 

 

_Sara Lance_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

 **  
** **_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey are you okay?

  
**_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah why?

  
**_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I heard about the fight

  
**_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And you were super out of it  
in like, every class today

  
**_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It was weird, it was like  
you didn’t want the day to  
end or something, like you  
were dreading the weekend

  
**_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Which is super unlike you bc  
you’re usually first out the  
door when the last period  
bell rings on a Friday

  
**_4:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And, well, you’ve kind of  
been super out of it for the  
past 3 weeks

  
**_4:59pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And I know we’re not friends  
or anything so you obviously  
don’t have to tell me but we  
do have every class together  
so I’ve kind of noticed and  
I just wanted to check

  
**_5:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** there’s just some stuff  
going on

  
**_5:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m fine

  
**_5:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** trinity was just being  
her usual bitchy self  
and wanted to get a  
rise out of me, which obvs  
worked

  
**_5:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i was just out of it and let  
her get to me that’s all

  
**_5:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you for asking though  
that’s really nice

 **_  
_ ** **_5:04pm:_ **  
didn’t know you had it in you ;-))

  
**_5:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Look Sara

  
**_5:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know you like to pretend  
that you’re okay all the time

  
**_5:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And we don’t know each other  
that well so hey, maybe you are

  
**_5:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** But from the looks of it, whatever’s  
going on is getting to you and I’ve  
seen Jax and Amaya and Zari ask  
you about it and I’ve seen you brush  
them off

  
**_5:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And I get that you’re like, the mom  
friend or whatever and you like  
taking care of everyone else but  
you deserve to have someone  
take care of you too

  
**_5:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And I know how close your whole  
group is and I get the kind of thing  
where if you tell one person, you’re  
sort of obligated to tell everyone  
else as well bc my group’s the same

  
**_5:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** But I’m not in your friend group

  
**_5:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** So

  
**_5:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** If you wanna talk to someone  
who’s, idk, separated from  
everyone else and won’t have to  
keep it a secret from their closest  
friends then you can talk to me

  
**_5:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** God knows I owe it to you after what  
you did for me last year

  
**_5:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you don’t owe me anything  
for that ava

  
**_5:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you needed someone

  
**_5:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You need someone now

  
**_5:09pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m fine

  
**_5:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay

  
**_5:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** But if you’re ever not fine

  
**_5:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m here.

  
**_Read:_ ** _Friday._

 

 

* * *

 

 

The one thing that was getting Ava through what was quite possibly the most agonising game night of her entire life, was the promise that her aunt Susan would be _gone_ after this weekend. Gone, and back to Florida, not hovering around the house waiting for Ava to make an appearance downstairs and immediately pulling apart every flaw in Ava’s entire damn life.

This past week had been an absolute nightmare. Though Susan hadn’t outwardly said anything homophobic, or made any comments aloud about Ava’s coming out, the undercurrent of tension had been clear, as was Ava’s mother Barbara’s attempt at pretending that everything was _fine._

Ava and Ali had survived by spending most of their time upstairs, in of their rooms, studying, watching movies or sneaking out the back door to go into the city. But dinners had been mandatory, as had two consecutive weeks of church on Sunday morning that had Ava shifting uncomfortably in her seat and itching to get out of the revolting dress Barbara had shoved in her hands when she’d woken up.

Now, it was Sunday night, just over a week since Susan had first arrived, and Ava and Ali had been forced downstairs for a game night before Susan left the following morning. They’d made their way through snakes and ladders (Ava couldn’t believe that Susan had found a way to make that game into something resembling a sermon), had spent about forty-five minutes on _Articulate_ , and were now playing the most boring game of scrabble Ava had ever had to experience in her life. She made eye contact with her father, who pretended to fall asleep and Ava ducked her head down to hide the smirk that crossed her face. She fiddled with her sleeves absentmindedly, itching for her phone to give her something to _do_ . Susan had made Ali, Ava and Layla leave the phones upstairs as a way to _disconnect_ and engage with _family time._ (When she’d said it, Ali had mimed puking behind Susan’s back.)

Ava sighed and her eyes flickered back down to her letters for this round.

_A, J, U, Q, M, Y, O, G, I_

Ali leaned over the armchair, resting her head on Ava’s shoulder as Barbara and Susan were distracted by trying to decide whether _Quidditch_ was an acceptable word for Robert to use. Ava wanted to bring up that quidditch was now in the Oxford dictionary, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to Susan unless absolutely necessary. She felt Ali snort with laughter and frowned, nudging her lightly.

“What?” she murmured.

“You know what you could spell with your letters?” said Ali in barely a whisper, but Ava could hear the laughter in her voice.

“What?” said Ava again.

“ _I’m gay._ ”

Ava choked on her breath in an attempt to muffle her giggle, ending up having a brief coughing fit as Ali shook with laughter behind her. All other eyes shot to them curiously.

“Are you girls alright?” asked Susan, arching an unamused eyebrow.

Ava nodded, reaching over to the coffee table to grab her water and take a long gulp to avoid having to reply.

“Fine,” said Ali, snickering.

Susan eyed them both for a long moment before looking back over to Barbara and Robert. “I’m going to get the dictionary,” she said decidedly.

“You do that,” muttered Ali under her breath, waiting until her aunt had left the room before leaning back over to Ava and going “ _Please_ just spend this entire game spelling out super queer things that will make Susan so mad that she won’t come back for thanksgiving.”

“And get grounded by Mom until graduation?” said Ava. “Yeah, no way. You’re welcome to though.”

“Yeah but it’ll be funnier coming from you!”

Ava rolled her eyes. “You’re a terrible influence. And that’s not a yes, I’m still not doing it.”

Ali sighed over exaggeratedly. “You’re no fun.”

Ava just poked her sister’s knee lightly and replied with “So how’s the first three weeks of school been?”

Ali shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Same old same old.” But there was an edge to her voice that Ava could hear, a clear line of something she wasn’t saying and after 15 years of having Ali in her life, Ava latched onto it in seconds. She touched Ali’s knee lightly, raising an expectant eyebrow to which Ali just sighed and shook her head. “It’s … it’s nothing Aves, seriously.”

“If it’s nothing, then tell me.”

Ali avoided looking at Ava as she said “I’m just hanging out with a different group, that’s all.”

Ava glanced over her shoulder to check that Susan was still out of the room and her parents were still engaged in conversation with Layla before shuffling closer to Ali’s armchair. “Different group isn’t the same old. Why? What happened to Erica and Becky and stuff?”

Ali picked at a lose thread of fabric from the chair. “We had a disagreement.”

“About?”

“Nothing.”

“Sure, because disagreements usually happen about nothing and usually result in you completely changing who you hang out with.”

“Just drop it okay, it doesn’t matter.”

“You’re my little sister, of course it matters!”

Ali’s eyes darted up in what seemed like a mixture between surprise and affection, and a small, grateful smile crossed her face. She moved, sliding down to the floor to sit beside Ava and bit her lip. “You … you can’t get mad or anything,” she said in barely a whisper so that their parents wouldn’t hear. “Don’t say anything to anyone.”

“I won’t,” promised Ava quietly, but she frowned in concern. “Al, are you okay? You’re not in trouble are you?”

“No, it’s not like that.” Ali sighed shakily. “Erica. She … she was saying some stuff. Making these shitty jokes. They were super offensive and I called her out on them and we had this massive fight and I told her I didn’t want to hang out with her if that’s what she thought was okay and she said that I should probably leave then and I did.”

“Wait, all this is about some jokes?” said Ava, trying to catch up. “I get that sometimes people say stupid stuff but a lot of the time, they don’t even realise it’s wrong, you’ve just gotta make sure they know -”

“It was about you,” said Ali in a rush, her voice breaking as she said it. “It … she was making jokes about you being gay.”

Ava felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and an uncomfortable, sickly feeling build in her stomach. Ali was pointedly looking away, and Ava tampered down her own confusing feelings of uncertainty and distant anger, instead reaching out to gently tug her sister’s arm, pulling Ali to face her.

“Ali,” she said softly. “You didn’t have to cut ties with your best friends for me.”

Ali shrugged, sniffing wetly. “Yeah, well I did. It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters -”

“Erica’s the only one who was saying stuff anyway. I know the others were uncomfortable about it, they’re just too chicken to say anything. It’s fine, I bet they’ll soon come crawling back apologising and Erica will be the one with no friends.”

Ava couldn’t help but chuckle proudly, spreading an arm around Ali’s shoulders and pulling her into a half hug. “God, you’re a spitfire kiddo.”

Ali laughed into Ava’s shoulder, squeezing back tightly. “I learned it from you,” she murmured before pulling away with a small, slightly relieved smile. “Besides, I’ve been hanging out with Thea Queen and Roy Harper and stuff instead and they’re so much cooler. They said I should join archery club with them.”

Before Ava could approve Ali’s new choice in friends and encourage the archery endeavour, Susan returned to the room and both Ali and Ava fell silent, exchanging subtle looks of disdain as their aunt took her place back on the couch and flipped the dictionary open to _Q._ Thankfully, before conversation resumed, the loud ring from the doorbell echoed through the house.

“Are you expecting anyone?” asked Susan, looking at Barbara in surprise.

“Not that I know of,” said Barbara. “Girls?”

Layla, Ali and Ava all shook their heads.

“Sunday is family time,” said Susan, tightening her lips. “How rude for someone to call in unannounced on a _Sunday_ of all days -”

“I mean, maybe somebody tried to call us but we didn’t know because our phones are upstairs,” said Ali, shrugging and ignoring the way Susan bristled and the warning glare that her mother sent her way.

“Regardless, someone should go see who it is,” said Robert, and before anyone else could move, Ava jumped to her feet to volunteer, grinning when Ali quietly groaned in disappointment, evidently having hoped to be the one to go.

Ava resisted the urge to also retort something bitchy as Susan continued about how inconsiderate and discourteous it was to show up unannounced at this time of the evening, going into a rant about the thoughtlessness of the younger generation etc etc etc, that made Ava want to throw something at her. She hurried down the hall and let her anger out into violently yanking open the door, eyes widening almost immediately.

“Sara?”

Sara looked so small on Ava’s doorstep, shivering a little even though it wasn’t really that cold. She was dressed in faded black jeans, a pair of tattered old white trainers, and was bundled in what Ava suspected was one of Laurel’s old lacrosse hoodies and a big, oversized denim bomber jacket. She had her hands stuffed in the jacket pockets, her hair in a messy bun at the top of her head, and Ava could see smudges of mascara in the crinkles of her eyes.

“Hey,” said Sara, and her voice cracked a little as she spoke. “Sorry for just showing up. I know it’s late, i just … I … I tried to call you but you didn’t reply and I -”

“No, it’s okay,” said Ava quickly. “My phone’s upstairs.” She suddenly noticed the puffy redness of Sara’s eyes and something uneasy jolted in her gut. “Are … are you okay?”

Sara sniffed, let out a quiet, unhumorous laugh as her eyes flickered upwards as though she was trying not to cry. She swallowed, shifted her weight and then her gaze fell back to Ava, expression tired and vulnerable and far too close to broken. She smiled weakly.

“That offer to talk still stand?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this fic ruining you yet? 
> 
> pls scream at us, we live for your comments and support!!! 
> 
> the lovelier your comments, the more we're incentivised to get our shit together, write some more, post more chapters as quickly as possible!


	3. all my walls stood tall painted blue (and i'll take em down and open up the door for you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey,” said Ava gently, reaching out and trailing her fingers lightly down Sara’s arm. “It’s okay.” 
> 
> Sara let out a choked laugh, her head ducking down as she rubbed the heels of her palms into her eyes. “I don’t even know where to start.” 
> 
> Ava shrugged, tilting her head with a small smile. “The beginning’s probably a good idea,” she teased, relieved when Sara shot her only a slightly unamused glare. “Start anywhere Sara,” she added softly. “It doesn’t have to make sense, I’ll listen either way.” 
> 
> OR
> 
> sara is finally able to talk to someone about laurel, ava realises that there's a lot more to sara lance than she ever thought, and ava and sara's weird holding pattern starts to actually resemble a friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S UPDATE DAY! 
> 
> seriously guys, thank you SO flippin much for all your love, encouragement and support! you have no idea how much it's motivating and humbling us, we are so grateful for all of you! 
> 
> this chapter is the beginning of the serious angst this fic has to offer (there is a Lot we apologise in advance) but it also has our avalance friendship begin to blossom and sara getting talked out of her unhealthy need to keep everything to herself (thank god, someone tell that girl in canon that she needs to TALK to someone) 
> 
> ANYWAY! enjoy all, please please comment & let us know if you're enjoying things and what you might wanna see in future chapters! we love you XXX
> 
> (chapter title is from everything has changed by taylor swift & ed sheeran)

 

Ava gaped for a second, her brain taking several moments to catch on to what was happening, before she snapped her mouth shut and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah of course it is. Hang on, let me just grab a jacket -”

“Ava?” Barbara’s voice echoed down the hallway and Ava straightened, cringing. “Who is it?”

“Wait, if you’re busy -” said Sara quickly, looking a little alarmed.

“No, seriously, it’s okay,” promised Ava. “You have no idea how glad I am to have an excuse to _not_ be here anymore.” Though a flash of slightly amused relief crossed Sara’s face, Ava could see the uncertainty flickering in her eyes and the hesitance to pull Ava away from her family. Before Ava knew what she was doing, she stepped closer to the door, curling one hand around Sara’s forearm and smiling reassuringly. “I’m not busy,” she said softly. “I swear.”

Sara’s shoulders relaxed a little and she gave in with a small nod. At the sudden _click clack_ of approaching footsteps, they both glanced nervously towards the hallway. Ava let out a quiet “thank god” when Robert appeared in the faint light of the doorway rather than Susan or Barbara. He furrowed his eyebrows in momentary confusion when he saw Sara before he seemed to catch sight of her puffy, tear stained eyes and her slightly disheveled appearance. His gaze turned to his daughter, who was giving him a pleading, beseeching look.

“Please Dad,” she said. “You know I’m gonna lose it and say something that’s gonna get me in trouble if I have to stay in there and deal with Aunt Su for another two hours.”

Robert cracked a sympathetic smile. “I know,” he said, sighing as he glanced over his shoulder. “I’ll cover for you, just don’t be out too late okay?”

Ava sagged with relief, surging forward to hug her father tightly. “You’re the best, I love you.”

Robert chuckled, patting her back. “Go get a jacket before you leave, it’s getting cold outside.”

Ava tried to stay clear headed as she sprinted upstairs, grabbed Spencer’s old basketball varsity jacket, her wallet and her phone before hurrying back down. She didn’t want to think about the fact that Sara - stubborn, refused to ask anyone for help, unrelenting Sara Lance - had actually caved and come to ask for help. Ava knew that if Sara had reached this much of a breaking point that she couldn’t stick it out on her own, whatever was going on couldn’t possibly be good. She paused before she reached the bottom stair, clutched the railing tightly and let out a stuttering breath as she tried to school her thoughts and prepare herself for the worst.

No matter what was happening, she had to be ready to support Sara, regardless of what (or who) it was about, despite the fact that they had literally no actual _friendship_ for Ava to call on in how she should comfort Sara.

She didn’t give herself more time to overthink it, to consider how mad her mom was going to be. Instead, she hurried back through the hallway and flashed both her dad and Sara a smile - a grateful one to her father, and a comforting, _it’s okay_ one to Sara as she shrugged on the jacket and shoved her belongings in its pockets.

“I’ll see you later,” she said to her dad, mouthing a quick _thank you so much_ before slipping out the door and slamming it shut behind her and Sara. “We should walk quick for a bit so that my mom doesn’t have the time to stop us,” she added and Sara grimaced apologetically even as they both picked up the pace down the sidewalk.

“I’m so sorry,” she said and Ava hated the way her voice cracked again as she spoke. “I should’ve known when you didn’t pick up your phone that you were busy -”

“Sara, I told you,” said Ava, shaking her head, “I really, _really_ didn’t wanna be there. That conservative aunt I mentioned last week? She’s making the most of her last night here and giving us every remaining lecture she can in every way possible. She’s ruined snakes and ladders for me.”

Sara snorted a half hearted laugh, managing a barely-there smile. “I don’t wanna get you in trouble.”

Ava shrugged. “I’m a straight A student, don’t go to parties, don’t try and sneak in shitty boys past my curfew, always do as I’m told - which is more than I can say for all three of my siblings. I think I’m allowed some leeway once in a while. Especially if it’s to help a … friend.” She couldn’t help the shyness in the smile she offered Sara because it felt strange to acknowledge the shift in their dynamic, to say that they were _friends_ out loud, especially because she’d spent the last couple of weeks denying that very fact to Gary, Lily, Nora and Kuasa.

Sara let out a shaky exhale. “Well, I appreciate it. Seriously.”

They dropped into silence as they walked, and Ava could practically hear the cogs in Sara’s head turning, could see her struggling to get her thoughts together, the way her breath hitched and her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to stop the oncoming tears every time she attempted to talk. Sara’s hand tensed, as if instinctively, she wanted to move to grab Ava’s before changing her mind and shoving both her hands in her jacket pockets instead.

Ava stepped closer, bumping her shoulder against Sara’s gently so their arms brushed as they walked. Though Sara startled initially at the touch, it quickly seemed to ground her enough that she let out a soft, relieved sigh.

“You’re okay,” said Ava quietly. “You don’t have to say anything yet, or at all if you want. We can just walk for a bit.”

Sara nodded, murmuring a barely audible “Thank you”, and the hesitance and unease began to roll off her shoulders, her body visibly relaxing as they settled into a more comfortable quiet between them, walking with ease down the sidewalk. They headed further into the wealthier parts of town, and Ava was surprised at how familiar Sara was with the area, before remembering that she’d grown up with Oliver and Thea Queen. Sara seemed to know these roads off the back of her hand, appeared to be following them instinctively, turning corners on streets that Ava had never walked down, heading in a direction that Ava only vaguely recognised from driving past on the way to somewhere else.

“So where are we going?” she asked, gently nudging Sara’s elbow with her own.

Sara paused, eyes flickering over to Ava before glancing around in sudden surprise, as though she hadn’t realised where they were until now. “Queen’s Park,” she said, her mouth curving upwards in wry amusement. “Sorry. I didn’t even realise I was leading us there.”

“It’s okay,” said Ava. “I haven’t been there in years.”

As the large, brass gates to the park that the Queen family founded almost two decades ago appeared in the distance, Sara smiled, a softness in her eyes as she gazed fondly at their destination.

“We used to go all the time when I was a kid,” she said, chewing her bottom lip. “Robert and Moira Queen used to have fundraisers and benefits here every summer and Ollie, Laurel, Tommy and I - and obviously, Thea once she was old enough - would always sneak off and explore because the speeches were so fucking _boring._ By the time I was seven, I knew the entire park off the back of my hand.”

“That’s impressive,” said Ava with a quiet whistle. “It’s pretty big.”

“Those fundraisers were long,” smirked Sara, shaking her head reminiscently. The smile on her face dimmed a little. “After Mom left, Dad liked taking us here because it was one of the places that didn’t remind him of her. He’d take us ice skating at the pond in winter, I’d practice soccer when it was warmer, Laurel would practice softball … or lacrosse, once she got older.”

Ava didn’t reply, her gaze lingering on Sara as they reached the gates. They paused, letting three young boys race past them before strolling through. Something about the tone of Sara’s voice was telling, and though Ava couldn’t figure out _what_ , she felt like what she was saying was some kind of clue about what’d been wrong these past few weeks. She decided that now was good a time as ever to offer Sara the chance to talk. “Wanna keep walking or …?”

Sara’s jaw clenched and she sucked in a sharp, stuttering breath. “No uh … we can …” She nodded towards a series of benches by the pond before glancing over to Ava with an uncertain look on her face.

Ava had never seen Sara so hesitant. She smiled comfortingly, reaching out to curl her fingers around Sara’s wrist and tug her over to one of the benches, a free one near the middle of the pond with one corner wrapped in ivy and the metal frames just slightly starting to rust. It had an inscription along the back that on any other day, Ava might have bothered to read. But the way Sara seemed to curl in on herself as she sat, pulling her legs up to the bench to cross them, fingers nervously picking at a tear at the knee of her jeans, sniffling a little and firmly keeping her eyes fixed on the pond in front of them, made Ava forget everything else apart from the clearly distraught girl beside her.

Because she remembered so, so clearly when that was her. When she was a shaking, incoherent, broken mess on Sara’s doorstep, remembered the comfort of Sara’s hug, the warmth of her hands on Ava’s back, the softness in Sara’s eyes as she’d pulled Ava upstairs, talked her down, promised it would be okay, somehow put the entire world in perspective and actually made it seem like maybe, just maybe, it would be.

“Hey,” said Ava gently, reaching out and trailing her fingers lightly down Sara’s arm. “It’s okay.”

Sara let out a choked laugh, her head ducking down as she rubbed the heels of her palms into her eyes. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Ava shrugged, tilting her head with a small smile. “The beginning’s probably a good idea,” she teased, relieved when Sara shot her only a slightly unamused glare. “Start anywhere Sara,” she added softly. “It doesn’t have to make sense, I’ll listen either way.”

Several moments passed, in which the only sounds breaking the silence were Sara’s uneven breathing, the ducks splashing in the pond and the loud, shrieking laughter of the children playing in the playground a few feet away. Eventually, Sara gathered the courage to speak, her voice thick with tears.

“Laurel’s not at Stanford.”

Ava wanted to to reply that she suspected as much, wanted to ask whether Laurel was okay, whether something serious had happened, but knew interrupting was probably the last thing Sara needed right now.

“She’s uh … she’s …” Sara shook her head, and the tears finally came rolling down her cheeks. “She’s in rehab.”

Of all the things Ava expected Sara to say, of all the things she thought _might_ have been wrong with Laurel, this was definitely not one of them. She was glad she stopped herself from saying _what_? extremely insensitively.

Sara shrugged helplessly, not even attempting to wipe her eyes. “It started over the summer. Or maybe even towards the end of last year, I don’t even know - what does that say about me? That I didn’t even notice when my sister started drinking and using.”

Ava opened her mouth, ready to provide a defense about how busy the end of last year was, about how the SCHS soccer team had made it to the district champs and then lost, about how Zari’s brother had gotten really sick for a while and Sara had dropped everything to help her friend, about how even Ava knew that Sara had gotten her first and only contact from Nyssa since sophomore year around exam season which hadn’t exactly been easy to deal with. But Sara carried on before Ava had a chance to speak, her voice now cracking with emotion and tears streaming down her cheeks.

“She hurt her arm kickboxing at the start of the summer and was given these temporary painkillers but … I dunno, she just, got hooked on them. And then she started drinking lots, like, going out with her friends every weekend, ordering drinks whenever we went out anywhere … it got bad. And everytime me or Dad tried to bring it up, she got so defensive and angry that we were just scared. She was so unlike herself, we didn’t know what to do, we didn’t know why or what had happened. Maybe it was the stress of moving to Stanford, or breaking up with Tommy - I don’t know, she didn’t _say_ anything, why didn’t she just _talk_ to me -” Sara’s voice caught in her throat, a strangled sob slipping from her mouth and Ava instinctively reached out to stretch an arm around her shoulders, smothering a gasp when Sara burrowed her head into Ava’s shoulder and broke down, entire body shaking.

For all that their relationship had evolved over the past three years, Ava couldn’t help but feel like she and Sara weren’t nearly close enough for whatever this was. They certainly hadn’t ever acknowledged any form of friendship until Ava had said the word earlier tonight, and although Ava had been the one to offer a shoulder to cry on or a person to talk to, she definitely hadn’t expected that to be taken literally and for her to end up with a crying Sara Lance in her arms in the middle of Queen’s Park. Not when Sara was the fiercest, most stubborn, pain in the ass, unflinching and invulnerable person Ava had ever met. But she couldn’t help but remember the way all their silently drawn boundary lines had been smudged when she’d been in this position last year, the way every wall they’d built between them had immediately crumbled the minute Sara had pulled her into a comforting hug, and Ava knew that Sara deserved at least that much from her. Because yeah, they’d spent most of the time they’d known each other arguing and getting on each other’s nerves, but they _had_ known each other most of their lives, gone to the same schools since middle school, been in the same classes the past three years of high school and Ava realised with a start that knowing Sara that long and awarded her a level of trust and respect that Ava didn’t even realise she _held_ for the girl that used to be her arch rival.

So when she felt Sara tense at her obvious hesitation and make a move to pull away, Ava just tightened her grip around Sara and murmur “It’s okay, I got you.”

“I’m sorry,” Sara mumbled and Ava could feel her hot tears soaking through her jacket, heart twisting at how broken Sara sounded.

She shook her head, rubbing small circles on Sara’s back the way she always did for Ali when she was upset. “Don’t apologise,” she said, shaking her head. “Literally no one in the entire world would blame you for being upset right now, this is a lot to deal with.”

Sara’s hands curled around the fabric of Ava’s jacket and Ava could feel how tightly she was hanging on, how desperately she was clutching the old, worn fabric as though if she let go, she would just start drowning. Ava couldn’t blame her. It had been three weeks since school began. Three weeks of Sara trying to pretend everything was normal, spending everyday with people she trusted more than anyone in the world and not being able to confide in them, three weeks of having to deal with the amounting stress of senior year and continuing to sit SATs and ACTs, three weeks of soccer trainings and trying to work hard enough to make team captain, three weeks of Honours level classes and the excess amount of homework they were given - three weeks of pretending that her sister wasn’t falling to pieces and there was nothing she could do to help. Almost worse too, was that if Ava had her math right about the timeline of what Sara had told her, it had all been going on for almost three _months_ already.

No wonder Sara was at breaking point.

It wasn’t a far stretch that the stress of school starting again had been the catalyst for Sara breaking. Ava was just surprised that _she_ had been the one to get through to Sara. She’d known something was wrong right from the start of the year, when Sara had turned up at school with a tension in her shoulders and a look in her eyes that just didn't belong there, didn’t belong to the girl who usually had a carefree smile and a laid back attitude and a _it’ll be fine_ way of rolling through the year. Somehow, the over exaggerated smile she had plastered on Sara’s face seemed to have fooled most people, if only temporarily. But after all this time - after months of the growing strain over the summer and weeks of trying to come to terms with it since the term started, Sara hadn’t told anyone anything, hadn’t let the crushing weight off her shoulders for a second until now, if the way she was crumbling was anything to go by.  
  
She'd clearly been keeping this to herself to protect Laurel's reputation, and Ava knew that while it might be what Laurel would want, it was so obviously eating away at Sara from the inside. Ava shifted slightly on the bench, only for Sara to tense, clearly anticipating Ava pulling away. “It's okay, Sara,” she murmured again. "It's okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

It took a worryingly long time before Ava felt Sara’s shaking stop, felt her still and clutch Ava tighter for a brief, fleeting moment before pulling away and scrubbing her hand forcefully over her face.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, and there was a tremor in Sara’s voice that was so unlike her that it made something uncomfortable jolt in Ava’s gut. “I didn’t mean to … I shouldn’t have just unloaded this all on you -”

“Hey,” said Ava immediately, interrupting before Sara could finish. “No. Don’t do that Sara.” She reached over, curling her hand around Sara’s wrist and giving it a light, comforting squeeze. “I know we’re not like … _proper_ friends or anything but I’m glad you came to find me. I know Laurel probably didn’t want you to tell people, but you can’t go through everything alone. That’s too much, even for you.”

She was sure she was overstepping any remaining boundaries between them, but hey, there was no fucking rule book on how to comfort your ex-rival who had been there for you when some of your family were weird about you coming out and whose sister was now a drug addict recovering in rehab and who had no-one else to talk to about any of this. Honestly, Ava couldn’t bring herself to care because Sara looked like an absolute ghost of the person Ava was so used to seeing and she hated it more than anything.

“I …” Sara’s breath hitched in her throat as she tried to speak and she let out a frustrated, unhumourous laugh, her gaze flickering up to the sky and Ava could tell she was trying to blink back more tears. She wanted to tell Sara that she didn’t have to pretend it was okay, that she could cry as long as she wanted, but Ava also knew that Sara wasn’t that kind of person. Even when her life was crumbling around her, Ava knew Sara would still want to break down on her own terms.

Finally, Sara let her gaze drift back down but she pointedly stared at the pond ahead instead of looking back at Ava. She didn’t speak, clearly still struggling for words. When she eventually let out a quivering sigh, her eyes flickering over to Ava’s face hesitantly, Ava’s heart plummeted to her stomach. Because oh, she really was not prepared for the grief and loneliness she found staring back at her and without thinking, she let go of Sara’s wrist and tangled their fingers together, squeezing tightly. She knew she should’ve seen this kind of brokenness coming, should’ve expected to see Sara this lost after everything she’d just told her, but somehow, the pain in Sara’s expression was so overwhelming that Ava could almost physically feel it, as though her chest was collapsing in on her lungs.

Ava knew in that moment that every smile Sara had put on, every laugh she had faked over the past few weeks had cut a little bit deeper, adding to the problem and now the wound was so deep and raw that it couldn’t be covered, couldn’t just be fixed with anything as small as a bandaid and a lollipop because Sara was so clearly losing every part of herself that made her who she was and was desperately trying (and failing) to stitch herself back together by herself.

So Ava shuffled slightly on the bench, nudging Sara’s arm gently with her own and pressing her leg against Sara’s, hoping it would ground her enough to start talking again if she wanted to. Sara glanced across, gave Ava a barely there, grateful smile and she sucked in a sharp breath, murmuring “I know … I know should talk about it. About how I’m feeling and all that crap.”

“You don’t have to,” Ava said quickly.

“I will,” said Sara, her voice still far too close to cracking. “I need to. Just … give me a second, okay?”

Ava nodded, squeezing Sara’s hand once more before disentangling their fingers, giving Sara the space to work through her thoughts. Sara swallowed thickly, closing her eyes for a long moment before taking several, deep, stuttering breaths and leaning almost subconsciously against Ava’s shoulder before she said, in the smallest of voices “We should’ve done something sooner. Me and Dad we just … God, for ages we were in this stupid holding pattern of waiting for the other person to suggest intervening first because we didn’t want to be the one she snapped at.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve hurriedly. “I mean, once we realised how serious it was obviously … obviously we _tried_ , but she wouldn’t listen, and we couldn’t think of what to do, it just kept getting worse, so we -”

Her voice broke and she stopped abruptly, presumably hoping Ava hadn’t heard. Ava didn’t feel right to call her out on it, but desperately wanted to comfort Sara _somehow_ , so just placed a gentle, tentative hand on Sara’s knee. Sara flinched momentarily but when Ava hurriedly attempted to retract her hand, Sara quickly grabbed Ava’s wrist and kept it there.

“In the end … me and Dad told her we were going to Central City for an overnight thing as a family retreat before we dropped her off at college, when in reality we drove her to the facility and … _God_ , Ava, she was so … the way she looked at me. I -” Sara shuddered and pulled her knees up to hug them against her chest, digging her nails into her calves. Ava couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and touching Sara’s shoulder comfortingly, helpless, because how did you even _begin_ to tell someone that _this_ was gonna eventually be okay?

“We went and visited her this weekend and she barely even talked to me,” whispered Sara. “She wouldn’t meet my eye, didn’t even say five fucking words to me but she stayed in there for like half an hour talking to dad. I know she feels like I betrayed her. I’m her sister, right? I’m not supposed to go tell our parents what she’s doing, I’m supposed to lie for her and protect her like she _always_ did for me and -” She cleared her throat, harshly wiping her face with her sleeve, “I - I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me.”

Ava sighed, carefully using Sara’s chin to turn her head so they were looking properly at each other. Surprisingly, Sara’s tears had stopped - at least for the moment - but the redness around her eyes and the misery in her expression gave Ava the urge to hug her so, so tightly.

“Sara,” she said softly, ignoring the way tears seemed to collect in Sara’s eyes as she started speaking, the way Sara immediately looked away and swallowed. “You didn’t betray her. There’s a difference between not telling your dad about Laurel sneaking off to see a boy and then not saying something when she’s spiraling into a drug addiction. She needed that help and as much as you and your dad wanted to, you couldn’t be that for her. She’ll see that, eventually.”

Sara mumbled something inaudible and leaned back against the bench, and part of Ava wanted to keep pushing until she got through to Sara, made her understand that she _had_ actually done right by Laurel. But if Sara didn’t want to hear that right now, Ava knew she didn’t have a chance - all she knew she could do for sure was be her and make sure Sara knew that whatever she was going through, she didn’t have to go through it alone, even if she was determined not to tell any of her friends.

It was a while before Sara spoke again. They both were content to watch the kids playing around them, the ducks in the pond, the way the sun was lighting up the whole sky in a soft, peach glow and a burning orange along the horizon.

“I can’t help but think it’s kind of my fault,” said Sara eventually, and Ava was surprised at how calm and still her voice was.

Ava couldn’t help the way her head snapped round to face Sara, immediately opening her mouth to contradict her before Sara saw her expression and added hastily “I don’t mean it like that ...it’s just… Laurel was always there for me, through everything. But when my parents split up, Dad kind of threw himself into work to try and distract himself and there was a huge mixup with settlement and stuff so for ages, Dad was struggling to support us by himself because the child support payments were all complicated. Laurel had to grow up so fast and look after me, and I can’t help but feel like maybe if I hadn’t acted the way I had - if I hadn’t been such a troublemaker and rulebreaker - then she would’ve gotten a chance to grow up normally instead of being the parent that Dad couldn’t be at the time, and this … this wouldn’t even be happening.” Sara shrugged helplessly, biting her lip so hard that Ava was scared she would draw blood. For what felt like the fiftieth time, Ava had to stop herself from reaching out and pulling Sara into yet another hug. Sara slid her legs back down to hang over the bench, swinging them and letting the soles of her shoes scrape over the concrete of the ground. She cleared her throat and Ava could hear the thickness of tears in her voice as she said, quieter than Ava had ever heard her before, “I feel like I stole her whole life before she even got a chance to live it on her terms.”

“Sara,” murmured Ava softly, trying not to sound pitying or sympathetic because she knew that was the last thing Sara would want. “I … I don’t know Laurel well. I guess I only really know her the way the rest of Star City does - as the golden girl. But if going to the same school for the past six years and growing up in the same city our whole lives has taught me anything about you two, it’s that Laurel loves you more than anything. I’m willing to bet she wouldn’t have changed a _thing_ about your childhood, would never take back the way she took care of you because I know how much you mean to her and I know that all that shit you guys went through together as kids with your parents’ divorce made you as close as you are. And that’s gonna be one of the things that gets her through what’s going on right now, I’m certain of it.”

She’d thought that maybe Sara had exhausted her supply of tears, but her eyes looked suspiciously watery once again, although if the way she was blinking furiously was anything to go by, she was determined not to let them fall. Ava thought for a moment about calling her out on it, pointing out that she had every right to be upset and to cry as much as she wanted, but their moment for unapologetic honesty seemed to have passed, and she got the impression Sara had reached her limit for emotions for the day.

The sun was beginning to disappear and the crowds were starting to thin out, so Ava finally pulled her phone from her pocket and realised how late it had gotten (ignoring the several texts from Ali, and her parents because she just didn’t have the energy to deal with that at that very moment).

“It’s getting late,” she said, squeezing Sara’s shoulder gently.

“Yeah,” agreed Sara, her voice hoarse and her eyes fixed in her lap as she pulled the sleeves of her bomber over her fingers. “I should let you get home. I hope I didn’t get you in trouble with your mom.”

“It’s fine,” promised Ava. “Pretty sure I would’ve ended up saying something that would’ve gotten me in trouble at some point over the night. At least this way, I got out of a night with Susan and her dumb board games too.”

Sara chuckled half-heartedly. “Still. If there’s anything I can do to make up for it -”

“There is,” said Ava and Sara’s expression morphed into a surprised, _wait, really?_ “You can tell one of your friends what’s going on.”

Sara looked immediately torn and uncertain. “Ava, I don’t know -”

“Look,” Ava interrupted, putting on the firm, no-arguments, big sister voice she used whenever Ali needed convincing of something, “as much as I’m glad you took me up on my offer to talk about everything, and as much as I promise I’m _always_ here if you need to talk, I’m not Amaya. Or Jax. Or Zari. Or even Ray or Nate or Mick or Wally. And I know that they would drop absolutely everything to help you in any way possible if you were to tell them, I know they would keep it a secret to protect Laurel’s reputation and I know that they would have a much better idea of how to help you because of how much history you guys have.” Ava sighed, this time unable to keep the sympathy from her voice as she said “You need them Sara.”

Sara didn’t say anything, and Ava guessed it was because they both knew what arguments she had going through her head because she’d used all of them already. They sat there for a little longer, Ava not wanting to push Sara to leave because something told her that this was one of the first moments of something resembling _okayness_ in God knows how long. It was only when the sun had set and the cold had settled into the air, the wind sharp, that Ava made the executive decision and stood up, pulling Sara to her feet. Sara gave her a wary, tired look and Ava just smiled warmly, nodding towards the gates.

“Come on,” she said softly. “I’ll walk you home.”

Something reminiscent flashed across Sara’s features, and to Ava’s surprise, a small grin appeared on her face.

“Walk me home?” echoed Sara with a small, still teary smirk but a classic Sara Lance trademark smirk nonetheless. “You know I’m black belt in like, three different martial arts, right?”

Ava remembered in an instant, remembered those same words slipping from Laurel’s mouth last year when these roles had been reversed, and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing dryly and giving Sara a playful shove.

“I’m being _nice_ ,” she retorted, clearly recalling Sara saying the same thing that night when Ava had made a similar joke, grinning too as she added “Not that you’d know what that is.”  

Sara’s eyes sparkled with a fire that Ava found wonderfully familiar after it had been so heartbreakingly absent the whole time they had been talking this evening. She still looked exhausted, was still clearly on the edge of broken, but for the first time since they’d gone back to school, Ava felt like Sara actually looked like _herself._

It wasn’t until halfway through their walk back to their neighbourhood - strolling down footpaths still damp from the rain earlier in the day, ducking in and out of the beams of light from the towering streetlamps above them, watching the evening joggers on runs with their dogs, and the last few businessmen who were returning home late - that Ava realised that she and Sara had a _rhythm._ Their comfortable silences, their nonverbal communication, their push and pull, the balance between raw honesty and playful bickering that all had an odd sense of familiarity even though this development in their relationship was so recent.

“You okay?” asked Sara, breaking Ava out of her introspection.

“Are you kidding?” said Ava, raising an eyebrow at her. “You’re asking _me_ that?”

Sara shrugged, pulling her jacket tighter around herself as the wind whistled around them. “You kind of zoned out for a bit. Are … are you worried about your mom being mad?”

In truth, Ava _was_ a little worried about that, wasn’t sure _how_ exactly her dad was planning on covering for her when she’d just ran out on Susan’s ‘very important’ goodbye game night. But she shook her head, bumping her shoulder lightly against Sara’s.

“No,” she said, “I’m worried about _you_.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Ava wasn’t sure she believed it, and by the sound of her voice, Sara didn’t either, at least not completely. But Sara was no longer trembling the way she’d been when Ava had first opened her front door, and the haunted expression on her face had faded into something between resignation and acceptance, which Ava knew Sara could deal with more than the numbing confusion she’d evidently been feeling earlier.

They reached Ava’s house first, and Ava went to walk past it but Sara grabbed her arm and pulled them both to a halt.

“I’ll let you get back to your family,” she said. “I can walk the rest of the way.”

“Sara,” Ava tried to argue but Sara seemed to have regained her ability to give impressively silencing _looks_ , and utilised one now.

“I’m good Ava,” Sara said firmly.

“Somehow I doubt that,” Ava said, folding her arms challengingly.

“I’m not saying I’m _okay_ ,” Sara shot back. “I’m saying I’m good. For now.” She paused, eyes flickering over to Ava’s house and Ava was sure they were both thinking of the last time they’d stood here, of how Sara had held Ava’s hand tightly in reassurance and offered to come inside in support, how Ava had been so distracted talking to Sara that she’d managed to actually say the word _lesbian_ for the first time, of how they’d both gazed at each other nervously, well aware that everything about their relationship was about to change after that night.

And it had.

 _This_ night was proof of it.

“Hey Ava?” said Sara.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” She looked over at Ava as she spoke and there was a determined sincerity in her eyes that Ava had only seen once before - last year, sitting on Sara’s bed as Sara promised that Ava’s mother didn’t hate her, that everything would eventually be okay even if it didn’t seem like it right now.

Again, Ava wanted to say _always_ or _anytime you need_ but it felt like too much for them, or at least too much right now. So she smiled softly, taking a couple of backwards steps towards her house as she said “Text me so I know you got home safe?”

“I will,” promised Sara, pushing some stray hair from her face and biting her lip as she slowly started to walk down the footpath. “Uh … let me know how much shit you’re in with your mom, yeah? I’d say I’ll do your homework for something gross like physics to make up for it, but knowing you you probably _like_ doing your homework -”

“Shut up!”

“- so I’ll shout you coffee or something instead.”

Ava glared at Sara so indignantly that Sara laughed, and Ava realised with a start that the familiar sparkle in her eyes had returned again. She swallowed the nagging thought that the only few times she’d seen it this year so far was when the two of them had been playfully bickering, silently insisting to herself that she’d probably just not _seen_ it any of the other times.

“If uh … if you need to talk, text me okay?” she said, fiddling with her keys in her pocket. “Or just turn up on my doorstep. Either works.”

Sara laughed again, a sound somewhere between embarrassed, grateful and still just a little broken. “Yeah, I will. Thanks Aves.”

It took everything in Ava’s power to ignore the way her stomach fluttered at the nickname. Barely anyone used it anymore, usually only Ali, and Sara hadn’t used it since That Night last October. Sara was almost past her house on the footpath when Ava quietly called out “See you at school tomorrow?”

Sara stopped walking, nodded, then smiled, wider than she had all evening and brighter than Ava had been expecting. “See you then.”

 

* * *

 

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Amaya, Zari  
_Active now_

_MON 8:18am:_

 

_You created the group._

 

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey

any chance you two are  
free for a girls night tonight?

I know it’s a monday and all  
so alg if your parents aren’t  
cool abt it

my dad’s working late and  
i kinda had some stuff i  
wanted to talk to you guys  
about but it can wait if  
tonight doesn’t work

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m free tonight

My mom’s visiting family  
out of town and my dad  
pretty much lets me do  
anything when she’s away

Are you okay?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s … complicated

  
**_Zari:_ ** ****  
It’s abt why you’ve been  
weird these last few weeks  
isn’t it?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can be free

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
if you’ve got shit on z then  
it’s no big deal we can do  
whenever

I wanna tell the boys too

just … not rn

idk i love them but it’d  
just be a Lot to have to  
explain it all to everyone  
all at once

  
**_Zari:_ ** ****  
Yeah no whatever this is  
sounds big

I’m now officially free

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you sure?

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** My house, 5 o clock

Zari, you’re on snacks and  
Sara, you’re on movie selection

  
**_Zari:_ ** ****  
Be prepared to eat ur weight  
in donuts ladies

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i love you guys

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

so, so grateful for this bunch of crazy kids after this week <3 i don’t know what i would do without you all, especially rn. thank u for putting up w my moodiness this last month and for always being the most supportive bunch of weirdos i’ve ever met!! endlessly thankful to have found a family with you legends, love youuu XXX

**_Tagged: ztomaz, amayajiwe, raymondcpalmer, nathanielheywood, wallacewesttt, jeffersonjax, mickrxryy._ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, oliivxrqueen, tommyxmerlyn, amayajiwe, iriswestxx and 184 others._ ****__  
**_Comments:_ ** ****__  
_amayajiwe: I love you so much XX always here if you need anything._  
_raymondcpalmer: We got ya back captain <3 (you’ve done it enough times for all of us) _  
_nathanielheywood: what_ _@raymondcpalmer_ _said. Love you Sara X_  
_wallacewesttt: <3 <3 <3 #legendsforlife _  
_mickrxryy: If you think i’m leaving some gross sappy comment then you’re very mistaken_  
_ztomaz: lmao_ _@mickrxryy_ _same (jk i love u sara, got u always xx)_  
_jeffersonjax: love ya sis X_  
_saraalance:_ _@amayajiwe_ _@raymondcpalmer_ _@nathanielheywood_ _@wallacewesttt_ _@jeffersonjax_ _ <3 <3 _ _  
_ _saraalance:_ _@ztomaz_ _@mickrxryy_ fuck u both I DONT DO SAPPY EITHER SO WHEN I DO IT YOU HAVE TO TOO (i love u two as well)

Thursday 15 September.

 

* * *

 

 

_Ava Sharpe_

**iMessage** ****  
(Sara Lance) **  
** **Thursday**

 ****  
**_9:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Proud of you

  
**_9:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** For telling them

  
**_9:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah, well you were right

  
**_9:41pm:_ **  
i do need them

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** ****  
Sorry any chance you can  
voice record that message  
and send it again

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** ****  
I just want tangible proof that  
Sara Lance told me that I was  
right about something

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** fuck u sharpe

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** goodbye

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’-D ;’-D ;’-D

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** ****  
no longer buying  
you that coffee

  
**_9:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s been almost a week

  
**_9:43pm:_ ** ****  
I figured you’d just  
forgotten anyway

  
**_9:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** um rude

  
**_9:44pm:_ ** ****  
Am I wrong?

 **_9:44pm:_ ** ****  
… It may have maybe  
temporarily slipped my  
mind

  
**_9:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ha

  
**_9:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Knew it

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** ****  
FINE YOU’LL HAVE A  
DOUBLE SHOT CARAMEL  
LATTE EXTRA FOAM IN UR  
HAND BY FIRST PERIOD  
TOMORROW

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** happy???

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Immensely

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** ****  
Also how tf do you  
know my coffee order?

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** gary

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** ****  
I asked my him on sunday  
night when i still had full  
intentions to actually give u  
the coffee on monday lmao

  
**_9:46pm:_ ** ****  
Well now that I see that the  
intention was there, maybe  
I can be more lenient

  
**_9:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ur the fucking worst

  
**_9:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ok no but for real

  
**_9:47pm:_ ** ****  
I am proud of you for telling  
your friends

  
**_9:47pm:_ ** ****  
I know it couldn’t have been  
easy

  
**_9:47pm:_ **  
it wasn’t

  
**_9:47pm:_ ** ****  
and tbh … i still kind of feel  
like i’m betraying laurel but

  
**_9:48pm:_ ** ****  
i also know i probs couldn’t  
have done this for much  
longer without them

  
**_9:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** so uh

  
**_9:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you

  
**_9:48pm:_ **  
for pushing me

  
**_9:49pm:_ ** ****  
i wouldn’t have done it  
without you


	4. it's killing me that you're both so obvious (that you're both so oblivious)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Even weirder though, was how different this September felt from each one that had come before. While Ava had tossed and turned about her and Sara's sudden development of friendship for a couple of nights, she soon realised that it wasn’t actually making her more stressed. Instead, it was quite the opposite. For the first time ever, instead of making Ava’s September more aggravating, Sara Lance had made it calmer, lighter, with more laughter and eye rolls and quiet days after school spent studying in the library (the occasional study session spent with some of Sara’s friends also in their classes.) 
> 
> Which was why when they all started sitting together at lunch, for some reason, it felt as though they’d been doing it for years already."
> 
> OR
> 
> the one where Friendship is a thing apparently, everyone else shipping our fav two disasters goes to an entirely new level, and ava realises that sara being in her life might actually be something she's been missing all these years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
> 
> so this update is a day (ish) early but teeeechnically it's friday here in nz so hey, loophole. this is, admittedly a bit of a filler chapter but we don't wanna go crazy with the action and plot every chapter, so hopefully this will tie you over until the next chapter which, prepare yourself folks, is a metric fucktonne of angst (actually the next THREE chapters are so enjoy this lightheartedness while it's here). 
> 
> we're hoping to give you two updates next week (so like, basically show us a bunch of love in the comments and you'll ideally get a new chapter in your hands by tuesday woop!) 
> 
> anyway! we love you all, can't thank you enough for all your support on our wee baby, this fic is literally our entire life (how sad is that) until s4 so we're so happy to finally be able to share it with other people! XXX
> 
> (fun fact: title of this chapter is from a song one of my best friends wrote! it's abt when you're on the outside looking in at two people who you Know belong together but they have absolutely no idea ........ thought that was relevant to the chapter just a little)

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

Ray, Amaya, Nate, and 3 others.  
_Active now_

_FRI 10:29am:_

 

_You created the group._

 

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ok first of all

Raymond i fckn see you  
typing YES I KNOW I DIDNT  
ADD SARA TO THIS GC IT  
WAS ON PURPOSE

DON’T U DARE ADD HER

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is this about her bday

It’s not til december

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nope not abt her bday

Yall

What in the name

Of EVERYTHING that we know  
and love in this world

Was up w sara showing up to  
homeroom this morning w a  
coffee for ava fucking sharpe  
of all people????????

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** OH MY GOD

RIGHT?!?!?!?

I DIDNT KNOW WHAT  
TO DO WITH MYSELF

  
**_Amaya:_ ** ****  
Honestly Wally, I’m surprised  
you didn’t go into cardiac  
arrest, you’ve been shipping  
them forever

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** i think i was too in shock tbh

the heart palpitations are only  
setting in now

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg guys

Did you see Ava’s SMILE though?

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** YES

I DID

  
**_Mick:_ ** ****  
You reckon stick up her ass  
goody too shoes sharpe has  
the hots for sara?

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
I’m sure there are more  
romantic ways to put it

But yeah for sure

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** ok yes but

i don’t think either of them  
REALISE it

like they’re not friends yet  
you know???? I think they  
probs think the other is hot  
and idk, interesting or something

  
**_Amaya:_ ** ****  
At the rate this year is going, I  
think they’ll be friends pretty  
quickly

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
Honestly if they could  
bang before we graduate,  
that would do wonders for  
my college fund

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Now who’s being crass?

 ****  
**_Nate:_ ** **  
** Oh shit yeah the bet

I don’t even remember how  
much I’ve got riding on this

Who’s got the moneypot?

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gwen I think?

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, Gwen has it

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait yall

You dont think

Wait no

No way

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** What???

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
Do you think maybe  
sara went to ava first  
about this laurel thing?

And that’s why she told us?

Bc ava told her to?

And the coffee would be like,  
a thank you kind of thing

  
**_Wally:_ ** ****  
the coffee literally had ‘thank you’  
written on it in sara’s handwriting

i sit behind ava i saw it

  
**_Amaya:_ ** ****  
And we all know Sara’s not the  
type of person to just confront  
feelings like this voluntarily

  
**_Nate:_ ** ****  
But if anyone could have pushed  
her to talk about it

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** And to TELL us

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** It would be ava

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** g u y s i can’t

  
**_Jax:_ ** ****  
they’ve been different  
the past year too

like remember how they  
just kind of … stopped  
arguing around october  
last year?

like they didnt really argue  
much by that point anyway but  
it was like something just changed

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m so invested in them guys

  
_Nate changed the name of the chat to_ _  
_ _“avalance will rise y’all”._

  
**_Mick:_ ** **  
** He’s not wrong

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** lmaooooo ACCURATE

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg subtle Nate

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fuck Sara’s coming

We’ve got French

Gtg

We will continue this  
later akdghja

aLSO @Ray Palmer I s2g  
if you tell her abt this gc  
I will end you

  
**_Ray:_ ** ****  
Honestly, my want for this  
to happen pretty much  
completely overshadows my  
inherent need to tell the truth

For like, the first time in my life

  
**_Jax:_ ** ****  
oh boy, we are all in way too deep  
with this

  
_Seen by: You, Nate, Amaya, Ray, Wally, Mick._

 

* * *

 

“So what was that thing this morning? With the coffee. Between you and Ava?”

Sara looked over at Zari in surprise as they hovered outside their French classroom, waiting for the few lingering students from the previous class to disperse. Zari wore a curious expression that was tinged with confusion and suspicion, not that Sara could really blame her. A lot of the significant evolution of her and Ava’s now-friendship had happened behind closed doors - Ava’s quiet offer of condolences for when Nyssa left, Sara comforting Ava about her mom’s homophobia, Ava’s gentle reassurances about everything with Laurel - so it was easy to see where Zari would be bewildered about the sudden friendliness between them.

“I may have mentioned what was going on with Laurel to her on Sunday,” Sara mumbled with a nonchalant shrug. “She listened. I said I’d owe her a coffee for being nice about it all.” She hoped Zari didn’t feel hurt or anything about the fact that she’d gone to Ava before any of them, but Zari just nodded.

“I didn’t realise you guys were that close.”

“We’re not really,” said Sara, waving to Amaya who was just hurrying down the hall towards them. “She was just returning the favour.”

“Who was returning what favour?” asked Amaya as she reached them, giving Sara a wide, _hello_ smile and then an even brighter one to Zari that had Sara biting back a fond smirk.

“Ava was,” said Zari as explanation, giving Amaya a _look_ that Sara couldn’t decipher. “But yeah, what favour Sara?”

Sara rolled her eyes at the identical expressions on their faces. “It’s not a big deal you guys. Her mom was being shitty about her coming out last year and I gave her some advice about it. She did the same for me about Laurel the other night.”

The final stragglers from the previous class finally pushed past them and they all herded through the doorway to hurry to their seats, and Sara was distracted enough by pulling her books from ber bag that she missed her two best friends exchanging incredulous looks with each other.

“When _was_ that?” asked Amaya, trying to sound casually interested. “Ava came out in like, October, right?”

Sara nodded. “Yeah, mid October I think? We talked about it super early on too, like, she came out on a Sunday and she came over the next Thursday.”

Zari spluttered on her water, choking loudly and Sara reached over to rub her back, half concerned, half amused.

“You okay Z?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“She came over to your house?” said Zari, voice strangled.

“Uh, yeah,” said Sara, sounding uncertain, eyes flickering to the front of the room where their French teacher was still organising herself before the lesson began. “She had a fight with her mom at dinner, walked out, ended up at my place kind of a mess and we just talked about her coming out and I told her that my mom wasn’t the greatest at first too and that it would mellow out eventually, she just needed to give it time. Then we just did some bio study for that Genetic Materials test we had the next day and I walked her home. Why?”

Zari shook her head, cheeks still flushed from her choking fit and she took another, long gulp of water before mumbling out “No reason.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about this?” asked Amaya, furrowing her eyebrows pensively.

Sara shrugged. “Wasn’t my place to talk about Ava’s family stuff. She just needed someone who _got it_.” She looked suspiciously between the two of them, at Amaya’s too-innocent face and Zari’s seeming inability to look anywhere but at the front cover of her French textbook. “Why do you guys care, anyway?”

“We’re just curious,” said Amaya, immediately moving to rectify Sara’s growing unnervings. “The whole coffee thing this morning threw us. You guys have never really been overly _friendly_ so we were just wondering.”

Sara was satisfied at that, nodding and twisting in her seat so she could face the front of the room. “I dunno, I guess we’re kind of becoming friends now I suppose.” A surprised smile crossed her face at the thought and she ducked her head down and bit her lip to try and smother it, hoping neither Amaya or Zari had seen it.

(Their French teacher clearing her throat to get everyone’s attention distracted from Zari choking on her water again and Amaya’s silent laughter, both very clear indicators that they definitely _had_ seen it).

 

* * *

 

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_jeffersonjax posted 1 new photo:_ **

Yeah yeahhhh give it up for the star city wolves back again for one last season WHADDUP #homecoming #startingtheseasonstrong

**_Location: Star City High School_ **

**_Liked by:_** _saraalance, nathanielheywood,_ _lilssstein avacsharpe, and 218 others._  
**_Comments:_** ** _  
_** _wallacewesttt:_ yeaaaaa boi nice win!!!!  
_saraalance:_ i bet i could kick ur ass if they let girls play football but whatevs  
_nathanielheywood_ : @saraalance Let him live  

Friday 30 September.

 

**_sara1ancepriv posted 1 new photo:_ **

catch me bout to throw myself out my bedroom window bc i need these stupid fckn SATs to be over like yesterday jfc @laureldlancepriv you wont see this but I wish u were here to help me

 **_Liked by:_ ** _Zzzzpriv, amayajprvt, jaxisbetterthanu, raymondpa1merpriv and 28 others._  
**_Comments:_ ** ****  
_raymondpa1merpriv:_ Ugh same (p.s. Love you)   
_Zzzzpriv:_ big mood   
_Zzzzpriv:_ also calling u now X   
_amayajprvt_ : Text me if you want me to come over later <3

Sunday 2 October.

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (raymondcpalmer)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

What it’s like trying to study with @saraalance & @avacsharpe:

Sara: stop using big words  
Ava: they’re good for your SAT prep!  
Sara: yeah well we’re studying classics rn so latin or nothing.  
Ava: you don’t KNOW latin!  
Sara: i COULD KNOW LATIN!

#helpcomesaveme #mondaymood

 

 

_Monday 3 October at 5:24pm:_

**_ztomaz replied to your story:_ **

Are they for real?

Like … that is flirting

They’re aware they’re  
flirting, right?

  
Listen I’m just trying  
to pull myself together  
enough to study for this  
test I don’t have time to  
be having a Wally level  
freakout about Ava and  
Sara ffs ZARI HELP ME

 

* * *

 

_Sara Lance_

**iMessage** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

 ****  
**_8:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey

  
**_8:12am:_ ** ****  
wanna come over & do  
some history today?

  
**_8:14am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey

  
**_8:14am:_ ** ****  
I’ve gotta take Ali to her  
lacrosse game at 9 because  
my Dad got called into the  
clinic  & Mom’s comforting  
Layla over another really  
‘traumatic’ heartbreak

  
**_8:14am:_ ** **_  
_ ** So maybe after 11?

  
**_8:14am:_ ** ****  
i am living for the clear concern  
you have for layla in her post  
break-up state ;’D

  
**_8:15am:_ ** ****  
It’s her 3rd break-up  
in 4 months, I think  
she’ll live

  
**_8:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAHAHA

  
**_8:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** but yeah say 11:30?

  
**_8:16am:_ ** ****  
on ur way over can u stop  
at that burger place in the  
village  & grab lunch, there’s  
literally no food in this house

  
**_8:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’ll transfer u money

  
**_8:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re a disaster Lance

  
**_8:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** don’t ya know it sharpe!

  
**_8:17am:_ ** ****  
tell ali good luck for her game!!  
see u at 11ish??

  
**_8:17am:_ ** **_  
_ ** She says thanks :-)

  
**_8:17am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yup, see you then

 

 

* * *

 

Ava always found that every year, regardless of situation or circumstances, September passed in a flash. One minute she was walking into school again for the first time in three months, and the next she was stressed out of her mind over assignments, tests, balancing a social life, trying to attend football games to give herself her _sport_ fix for the week, deciding whether to attend the ridiculous number of school dances being planned, managing her internship at the Star City Archival Society, trying not to explode over increasing tension within her family as everyone got busier, and this year, having to manage the last straggling SATs to sit and college early applications.

She didn’t hate it though.

Ava always loved being busy, and it made a nice change from the endless weeks of lazy days summer days that she became so accustomed to over the break.

This year was no exception, and the quickly established routine of early mornings, late nights and jam packed hours at school had the days of September rolling into each other until one day, Ava pulled up the wooden Venetian blinds covering her bedroom window to see orange tinged leaves along the trees in front of their house slowly beginning to fall to the ground. Momentarily surprised, Ava glanced at her calendar and realised with a start that it was almost a week and a half into October already.

(She was used to seeing a glimpse of the date every day in class, but it never really _registered_ how much time was passing until she took a minute to think about it. How weird was it, that she was already one month into her last ever year of school?)

Even weirder though, was how _different_ this September felt from each one that had come before. Ava was used to feeling overly tense and stressed during the first month of school, was used to doubling up on her runs every day and spending late nights sprawled on her bedroom floor trying to avoid falling behind before the year had even really begun. Perhaps more significantly, she was used to suddenly being on _edge_ again because of Sara. They barely saw each other over the summer usually, only a couple of run ins in the little village halfway between both their houses, and that first month at school every year tended to be spent with them making up for all the bickering they _hadn’t_ done over the past three months. This last summer, Ava had seen Sara even less (which she now chalked down to everything that happened with Laurel), so she expected for the shock of being tugged back into the bickering, antagonistic, argumentative relationship she’d been so used to between them to be even sharper than normal.

Only it didn’t come.

Sara had been withdrawn and uncharacteristically quiet those first few weeks, and apart from a couple of short, unheated debates in homeroom, Ava was surprised to go through the end of August and the first half of September without a single, proper _fight_ with Sara. Then, Sara had shown up on her doorstep and it was like the entire world shifted a little, like everything Ava had known and grown accustomed to in her relationship with Sara vanished and they were suddenly on a brand new playing field, playing a brand new game that had no rules whatsoever.

While Ava had tossed and turned about this sudden development of _friendship_ between them for a couple of nights, she soon realised that it wasn’t actually making her _more_ stressed. Instead, it was quite the opposite. Sara being in all her classes gave Ava this abrupt reassurance that there was _someone_ who cared as much as she did about school and grades that she could call on for every subject, someone she could badger with homework questions, someone she could study with, someone she could complain to when their teachers were being stupid. Conveniently too, someone who lived just a 7 minute drive down the street, someone who was just the right amount _less_ wound up than Ava and knew exactly how to tell her to relax without making it sound patronising. Someone Ava didn’t realise how glad she was to be friends with until now.

For the first time ever, instead of making Ava’s September _more_ aggravating, Sara Lance had made it calmer, lighter, with more laughter and eye rolls and quiet days after school spent studying in the library (the occasional study session spent with some of Sara’s friends also in their classes.)  Somehow, she’d worked her way into Ava’s top 6 contacts on Messenger and had sneaked into her best friends on Snapchat. It would have been disconcerting if Ava wasn’t becoming increasingly used to being around Sara literally _all_ the time (she avoided thinking about how comfortable that made her too).

The one thing that made her _less_ freaked out about all these developments was telling herself that they had been heading towards a tentative friendship for years now. They and their respective groups of friends had stopped being enemies a long time ago - their pranks were harmless now, their arguments barely ever had any heat or weight, and more often than not, Ava found they actually got along quite well.

Which was why when they all started sitting together at lunch, for some reason, it felt as though they’d been doing it for years already.

 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Ava glanced up from her phone, almost crashing into Nora who’d come to a standstill in front of their regular lunch table. She swerved, managing to hold on to her tray tightly enough to fall into line with Nora and Lily, raising an incredulous eyebrow when she saw what they’d stopped walking at.

“No way,” Lily muttered with a scowl. “Absolutely not. I refuse. We are _seniors_ , don’t we get some stupid, highly unfair privilege system that outranks literally everyone?”

At the table they’d sat at since the third week of freshman year, a group of sophomores were occupying every available seat, crowded in close and watching an episode of something on someone’s laptop.

“They’re not even newbies,” said Kuasa, frowning. “Don’t they _know_ better?”

“Should I scare the shit outta them?” asked Nora, grinning a little.

“Don’t be mean,” said Gary, tugging Nora’s arm. “Look how crowded the cafeteria is right now, they probably just took the first table they saw.”

“Yeah, and that’s fine for them but where are _we_ gonna sit Gary?” demanded Ava, stomach growling as they all glanced frustratedly around the room, eyes scanning for any sign of a free table or spare seat. Usually lunch breaks were divvied up based on year level so there was enough space for everyone to eat comfortably, but today was the first in a three-day career expo that was messing with the regular schedule of the day, hence everyone being forced to squish into one cafeteria or find somewhere to eat lunch outside.

“I hate career expo week,” whined Lily. “Nobody even pays attention anyway, they realise that right?”

While Nora answering Lily with a snarky comment about the school’s need to feel as though they have an influence in their students’ college success, Ava found herself catching Sara’s eye. Sara and her friends were sitting at their regular table, evidently having managed to claim it before any ignorant lowerclassmen decided it would be a good idea to take it themselves.

“You good?” Sara mouthed.

Ava shrugged, nodding towards her regular table and grimacing. Sara grinned with recognition and understanding, rolling her eyes before her gaze flickered around the cafeteria, clearly trying to help locate a spare table. When she was unsuccessful, she leaned back and glanced at both ends of her own table before her eyes landed back on Ava.

“Yo Sharpe,” she called aloud, gesturing in a _come here_ motion. “You guys can sit over here. Hey, Nate, Mick, shuffle over. There’s plenty of room if you guys stop manspreading everywhere.”

Ava raised a surprised eyebrow, nudging Nora and jerking her head towards Sara. “Sit with them?” she suggested. “It’s not looking like we’re gonna find a seat anywhere else.”

Nora tilted her head thoughtfully. “Yeah why not.” With one last scathing look at the sophomores that had put them in this table-less predicament, Nora led the pack over to Sara’s table, offering Sara a _thank-you_ smile before shoving Ray down the bench less than delicately and flopping down beside him. Ava managed to sit down beside Nora and opposite Sara, Gary on her other side while Lily squeezed in between Sara and Jax (whom she knew well through her dad, the Head of Physics Martin Stein who had personally mentored Jax to get his GPA up for football), while Kuasa snuck in next to Amaya, (her cousin). Though it was somewhat of a squeeze, with some shuffling and readjusting, Ava was surprised the two tables that Sara and her friends usually claimed could fit all of them without much discomfort or difficulty. She lightly bumped Sara’s shin with her foot, smiling almost shyly.

“Thanks,” she said, finally spearing her overcooked hash brown with a fork. “For letting us sit with you.”

Sara shrugged, eyes twinkling. “Yeah well, Nora over here looked like she was either about to physically remove them from their seats or dump her lunch over their heads so I thought offering another solution was best.”

Gary snorted with laughter and Kuasa, Ava and Lily chortled at the indignant expression on Nora’s face.

“Is she wrong?” asked Lily, snickering.

“I mean, _no_ ,” muttered Nora, elbowing Ray as he grinned. “Shut up Palmer.”

“I didn’t say anything -”

“Yeah, and you better not _start_ saying anything -”  

Ava rolled her eyes at them, attention drifting to actually eating as she tuned into a conversation Sara had begun between her, Zari, Kuasa and Lily about the first fitness and weights training they had for the season. Ava didn’t say anything, just scrolled through her phone and listened to brief snippets of the multitude of flurried conversations happening around her - Amaya and Mick debating which Pirates of the Caribbean movie was better, Lily checking over Jax’s Calculus homework, Nora leaning behind Ava to ask Gary about whether he was coming over this weekend for a Stranger Things rewatch, Sara and Nate devolving into a debate over which part of the world would be the best place to live during the 16th century.

It was so much louder, more hurried and spontaneous and busy than Ava was used to her lunchtimes being. But it didn’t feel _wrong_. It was different, and new, but all these people were familiar enough to her that their voices, their laughter, their jokes and teasing retorts and bickering was the comforting kind of new, and Ava realised suddenly that she wouldn’t hate it if those dumb sophomores decided to claim their table again tomorrow.

Her eyes flickered over to Sara, who was absentmindedly brushing hair from her face and laughing at a story Wally was telling from his track practice yesterday afternoon. The bags under Sara’s eyes from those first few weeks at school were almost completely gone, as was the distant despondence and the hesitance in her general demeanour. She had more colour to her cheeks, and though her freckles had faded slightly as the summer sun slowly disappeared over the past month, her eyes were no longer cloudy with uncertainty and helplessness, were back to the bright, brilliant blue Ava always remembered them to be. She looked _happy_ again, and Ava’s stomach fluttered with relief at the sight. Sara caught her staring in that moment and gave her a challenging smirk.

“What?”

“Nothing,” said Ava, shaking her head.

“No, seriously -”

“It’s _nothing_ ,” Ava insisted, tossing a protein bar wrapper at Sara when she just gave Ava an infuriating, patronising look accompanied by that cocky, Sara Lance eyebrow raise. “God, you’re annoying. I was just thinking that this is cool. Sitting here. It’s nice getting to do things a bit differently, talk to other people and stuff.”

Sara looked a little surprised and her grin softened a little. “Yeah well.” She ducked her head down, bumping her ankles against Ava’s under the table. “You guys are free to come crash our lunch table anytime.”

 

(The group of sophomores officially claimed that table for the rest of the year. Ava and her friends couldn’t bring themselves to care.)

 


	5. reaching for the phone ('cause I can't fight it anymore)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was so easy to talk to Ava. 
> 
> In the same way that their arguments, bickering and banter had become instinctive over the years, talking without any of those antagonisms was somehow just as seamless. Ava somehow made her comfortable in sharing what she wanted to share, but she never pushed for more than Sara was willing to give, and Sara couldn’t help feeling so incredibly grateful for that. For a reason Sara didn’t want to consider, talking to Ava was relaxing and strangely familiar in a way little else was, and between Ava, returning her attention (though admittedly, half heartedly now) to her homework, and the trashy movie she was watching, Sara didn’t even notice how much time had passed until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze."
> 
> OR
> 
> (.... listen honestly we don't wanna put in any summary of anything that'll spoil this chapter in any way shape or form just go read it tbh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE 
> 
> (so we promised you a tuesday update and it's technically tuesday?? for me over in nz it's tuesday??? well ... it's 2:21am on a tuesday so ...... here have a chapter) 
> 
> so who's dead after comic con? anyone still alive? cos we're certainly not, we spent the entire weekend of sdcc 18 screaming to each other and dying with each new cast selfie & s4 snippet we were given until now we're just vaguely trying to sort ourselves out enough to write this fic (don't even look at us or talk to us about the avalance scene from the trailer okay, we'll literally just have a mental breakdown right in front of you)
> 
> but after four days of procrastinating, we finally finished a monster of a chapter that you will get in a few weeks (not kidding yall, that chapter is 13.5k words) SO we finally get to post this one, this wonderful, wonderful chapter that kick starts a 3-chapter train of angst but Soft angst that makes u hurt in the best possible way (we hope). for real tho, this chapter right here is very close to our hearts, we actually love it so so much and are so proud of it (it was the chapter we finished writing the day we posted ch 1, we wrote it in 6 hours, on my (chim's!) birthday and it's one of our favourite parts of the story so far so we really hope you love it as much as we do! 
> 
> disclaimer: you may need some tissues, some tea, ice cream, chocolate, whatever your preferred comfort food, and a happy interview from sdcc queued up to make you feel better afterwards. 
> 
> (chapter title is from lady antebellum's need you now!)

 

Sara had read somewhere once that being family of a cop meant that at some point, you got used to the constant feeling of terror you carried around with you. Well, it’d been 17 years and Sara was pretty sure she’d never quite be  _ used  _ to the low, aching dread in the pit of her stomach as she watched from the kitchen as her dad pulled on his dark blue police vest and holstered his gun to his hip. Quentin let out a soft sigh, fingers thumbing over the badge hanging from his neck before his eyes flickered over to Sara hesitantly. 

“Are you  _ sure  _ you’re gonna be okay by yourself?” he asked softly. 

“Yeah,” said Sara, relieved when her voice didn’t crack. They both knew she wasn’t gonna be okay, that she was never okay when he had to do this kind of thing. 

“Can you at least get a friend to come over?” begged Quentin, crossing the living room to stand in front of his daughter, curling his hands around her arms. “I can’t stand the thought of you just sitting on that couch alone, waiting for me to come back.” 

“That’s what we always do,” said Sara in a barely audible mumble. 

Quentin sighed shakily, gently tilting Sara’s head upwards to meet her eye. “That was when Laurel was here.” 

The air between them chilled and Sara felt her heart drop to her stomach at the mention of her sister, at the sadness in her father’s eyes, at the feeling of tears burning behind her eyelids. They didn’t talk about it much, could barely stomach bringing  _ her _ up because Sara still hadn’t decided if she was upset or angry or numb, and she knew Quentin blamed himself for everything that had happened. 

“I’ll be fine Dad,” Sara whispered. “I’ll make dinner, do some homework and if I need to, I’ll call Z or Amaya and talk to them for a while. Don’t worry about me okay? Just … just come home safe.” 

Quentin nodded, taking Sara’s face in his hands, kissing her forehead and pulling her into a tight hug. Sara shuddered into it, burying her face in his chest and clutching tightly, trying to memorise the way he smelt, just in case - the sharp, cinnamon like scent of his cologne, the warm muskiness of his aftershave, the lavender soap from the downstairs bathroom. When she was little, she’d always run upstairs immediately after he left and write down every detail of how he looked, of his smile and what he smelt like, what he’d said before he left, everything she could remember about the last time she saw him on the horrible, unbearable off chance that it  _ was  _ the last time. 

“I love you,” she mumbled when he reluctantly pulled away. She didn’t realise she’d started crying until Quentin gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. 

“I love you too baby,” he murmured, voice hoarse. “I shouldn’t be later than midnight, okay?” 

Sara nodded, stepping away from him because she knew if she went in for another hug, she wouldn’t be able to let go. She turned to the bench, snapping her eyes shut and waiting until she heard the front door creak open and then bang shut before she let out a strangled sob, letting the tears fall fast down her cheeks again now that there was noone to brush them away. 

Laurel had always distracted her from the minute Quentin walked out the door. Had always let Sara choose the first movie, had pulled her down onto the couch and let her cuddle in close, had ignored Quentin’s ‘at least  _ try  _ and eat healthy’ request and dragged all the junk food from the cupboards and let Sara have her pick, let Sara have an entire pizza to herself and even order dessert if the op Quentin was working on happened to be particularly dangerous. 

Laurel had always kept her awake, had soothingly talked her down and eased her worries, had made jokes and asked her about school and offered to practice soccer with her in the backyard, had made Sara buckle down and do homework, had smoothed her hair and hugged her tight if it started getting too late and too quiet, and had always let Sara jump up and hug Quentin first when he came walking back through the front door. 

But Laurel wasn’t here. 

Sara sucked in a sharp breath, trying to steady her breathing. She was holding on too tightly to the stainless steel benchtop in front of her and her knuckles were going white. 

_ Breathe Sara, come on dammit. He’ll be fine. He’s always fine.  _

But what if - 

She sniffed, dropped her head to her hands and exhaled into her palms, rubbed her eyes roughly. She needed to distract herself. There was no way she would be able to focus on homework, no chance of being calm enough to sit through stupid amounts of Chem equations and English analysis. Her eyes darted to her phone that was sitting silent by the sink. 

It was unlikely but maybe … maybe if she just  _ called _ \- 

Her hands were reaching out and grabbing the device before she could remind herself out of how dumb this idea was, swiping the screen, scrolling through her contacts and dialling the contact that made her feel sick everytime she saw it.

“Hello, this is the Starling-Central Cities’ Rehabilitation Facility, you’re speaking with Jonah. How can I help you?” 

“Hi,” said Sara, but it came out as barely a whisper and she cleared her throat quickly. “Hi,” she said again, stronger. “Uh … My name is Sara Lance. My sister is a patient - Laurel Lance?” 

“Laurel, yeah! She talks about you all the time.” There was a warmth in Jonah’s voice, a recognition of  _ who  _ Sara was and Sara startled a little at it. Laurel hadn’t been able to look at her the last time she and Quentin had visited, hadn’t even said more than ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. 

“She does?” Sara said before she could stop herself. 

“Never runs out of stories about you,” said Jonah with a quiet chuckle. “What can I do for you Sara?” 

“I uh …  I know you probably have like, regulations and stuff for this kind of thing but uh … is there any chance I could talk to her? I know you’ve got visiting hours and I understand if it’s against the rules or whatever -” 

“Hey, kid, slow down a lil. Yeah, we’ve got rules about this kind of stuff but listen, it’s a quiet night over here and your sister is a good patient and I owe her a favour anyway.” 

The lump in Sara’s throat disappeared suddenly. She was going to get to talk to Laurel. The hand that had reached back down to tightly grip the kitchen bench loosened a little and she exhaled shakily in relief, smoothing a wrinkle in her sweatshirt with trembling fingers. 

“I’ll have to record your conversation for safety and security,” informed Jonah. “Need to make sure you’re not helping supply your sister with any substances.” 

“Yeah, yeah I understand,” mumbled Sara, an unpleasant shiver tickling up her back at Jonah’s last sentence. 

“Okay Sara, just give me about 5 minutes to get a hold of your sister.” 

Sara nodded, before remembering that she was on the phone and snorting a little at her stupidity, murmuring a quiet “Thank you.” 

As the phone line turned to classic, 80’s  _ on hold  _ music, Sara hurriedly scrubbed the last remnants of tears from her face even though she knew Laurel wouldn’t be able to actually  _ see  _ her. With shaking hands, she pulled open one of the cupboards opposite her and pulled out her favourite, navy blue ceramic mug and a packet of herbal tea, the type Laurel used to always drink that Sara had scoffed her nose at when they were younger and loudly proclaimed her preference for coffee. She managed to keep herself busy as she waited, tucking her phone between her chin and her shoulder as she set the water to boil and found the one tea strainer they had in the whole house (a result of both Sara and Quentin being obsessed with coffee). She had just left the tea to steep when one of Celine Dion’s chart toppers abruptly stopped playing and the line crackled with static as the receiver was clearly handed off to someone. Sara held her breath, squeezing her eyes shut in almost dreaded anticipation. It had been almost two months since Laurel had even spoken to her, and there was a flicker of fear that licked in Sara’s stomach as she heard a soft whoosh of breath from the other end of the line, immediately recognising who it belonged to. 

“Sara?” 

Even with one word, - said quieter, hoarser and more hesitant than she was used to - Laurel’s voice was so achingly familiar that Sara couldn’t stop the quiet sob from slipping past her lips as she slid down to the floor, shivering at the chill of cold tile against her bare legs and curling in on herself as she began to shake. Suddenly, talking to Laurel seemed like the worst idea in the world because all Sara wanted right now was her sister. 

“I want you to come home,” she whispered in a choked voice, hugging her legs tightly against her chest. 

Laurel’s sharp inhale sounded wet and broken. “Sara, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Dad okay?” 

“He’s on an undercover op tonight,” Sara croaked out. “He just left.” 

There was a long pause, and Sara heard Laurel sigh heavily, heard her sniff and heard the shuffle of something moving against the microphone of the phone. “Oh Sara.” Her voice was so soft that Sara buried her face in her knees to muffle her broken cry, curling her fingers into her calf as she mumbled “I wish you were here Laur. I don’t know how to do this without you.” 

“Sara, please tell me you’ve asked a friend to stay the night with you,” demanded Laurel, her voice automatically switching to the  _ big sister  _ tone Sara remembered despising when she was younger, but now ached to hear more of. “Don’t you dare tell me you’re alone right now.” 

Sara didn’t reply and Laurel groaned. 

“It wouldn’t be the same,” said Sara quietly, sniffling. “I want you.” 

“I know,” said Laurel, softer. “I wish I was with you. I …” Sara heard her breath hitch, heard her clear her throat and take a steady breath. “God Sara, I’m so sorry for how I acted when you visited last month. You deserved so much better than that.” 

“Laur, don’t -” 

“No, listen. I … I was humiliated okay? You should’ve seen me that whole Friday, I was so freaked out about you and dad visiting. I was still so messed up from all the withdrawal symptoms and I was spiraling, overthinking  _ everything _ and the easiest way to mask how scared I was to see you guys was to be angry instead.” 

Sara picked at a scab on her knee, chewing on her bottom lip. “Why’d you talk to Dad and not me?” she said in a small voice. 

“Because I could handle seeing Dad,” said Laurel, her voice much quieter and even more regretful than before. “He’s … he’s my  _ dad _ , I mean, he changed my diapers and sat through the night with me when I had that god awful stomach bug when I was six and comforted me from nightmares and dealt with my moodiness after Mom left and comforted me through my break-up with Ollie and gave me the sex talk … he’s seen all my lowest points and my embarrassing moments because he’s Dad and he’s meant to and I know he’ll never judge me for them.” Laurel sighed and there was a long pause in which Sara could’ve sworn she heard a muffled cry. “But you’re  _ you  _ Sara. Mom and Dad always said that you idolised me since the day you were born, that you’d follow me around everywhere and always want to be around me, that you’d cry when I went to school or daycare in the morning and be the first person at the door when I came home. You asked me for advice with  _ everything _ , you covered for me when I snuck out to see Ollie, you supported me in anything I ever did. I was the first person you came out to, you  _ trusted  _ me with that, you trusted me to be a  _ role model  _ for you and look at what I turned into. I couldn’t bear for you to see me like that, I couldn’t bear to  _ not  _ see that awe and admiration in your eyes when you looked at me. I was too ashamed.” 

“Laurel, I never needed a role model from you,” Sara tried to insist. “I just needed a sister. I … I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You felt this insane responsibility to be something you shouldn’t have had to be for  _ me _ \- you shouldn’t have had to raise me the way you did, be this person I was always in awe of and aspiring to be, that was too much weight on your shoulders.” 

“Stop,” said Laurel firmly. “I can see where this is going and I’m stopping you right there. This is not your fault.” 

“But -” 

“ _ No.  _ My addiction is  _ my  _ mistake, not yours, do you understand?” 

Sara just let out a half hearted mumble of affirmation, wiping her nose with her sleeve. 

“Sara,” said Laurel, voice thick with tears. “Sara, please. Don’t blame yourself, I’m begging you. I need to know that you’re not beating yourself up over this.” 

“I’m not,” said Sara, rolling her eyes at the Laurel’s scoff of disbelief. “I’m not Laurel. Not … not anymore. Not as much as I was.” 

“Okay.” There was a distinct tremble in Laurel’s voice as she spoke but it was coated in overwhelming relief. “Good. Now … how long did Dad say he’d be gone for?” 

Sara let her head fall back onto the cupboard behind her, swiping the tears from her cheeks with her free hand. “Til around midnight.” 

“I can’t guarantee I can talk to you for that long,” said Laurel remorsefully, “but I’ll stay on the line as long as I’m allowed to okay?” 

“Yeah, okay,” Sara said, releasing a breath she hadn’t even realised she was holding before hauling herself off the floor and catching sight of the tea brewing on the counter. “So why did Jonah say he owed you a favour? That sounds super dirty.” 

“ _ Sara _ !” 

Sara giggled at Laurel’s affronted tone, tossing the tea strainer into the sink and taking a tentative sip, sighing at the warmth and comfort it brought. 

“It was  _ not  _ like that,” muttered Laurel, making a retching sound. “His girlfriend is trying to get her citizenship and her boss is some racist asshole getting in her way. I was telling him what legal options he could take to help her out.” 

Sara laughed softly. “Dinah Laurel Lance. Not even in law school yet and still trying to save the world.” 

Laurel echoed Sara’s laugh, affectionate and a little sad and wistful. “Don’t you know it. Hey, now tell me about what’s been going on with you. I miss you. How’s school and soccer and stuff?” 

Sara knew that Laurel was trying to distract her, but it’d been months since they talked, and she’d missed this. She’d missed the way Laurel laughed at her jokes and teased her about her friends, (she could imagine the smile on Laurel’s face, warm and soft and caring, just like it always used to be when she and Laurel would curl up on the couch together and talk the night away as they waited for their dad to come home). So yeah, she knew what Laurel was doing, but as she sank down onto the empty couch and pulled a blanket over her legs she couldn’t bring herself to care because if she closed her eyes for long enough and let Laurel’s voice wash over her, she could almost convince herself that her sister was here, arm around her shoulders, pointing out the bad CGI of whatever movie they were watching, threatening to finish all the pizza if Sara didn’t stop picking at her food. It was easy to let it all spill out to Laurel, to tell her about Jax’s homecoming game last week, about Zari and Amaya’s flirting, about how soccer trainings were going, about how she and Ava had stopped fighting and were actually friends, how their two groups were actually sitting together at lunch now. When Laurel quietly said “How have you been doing?”, clearly asking about more than just school and friends, Sara hesitated for a moment. But when Laurel just murmured “Come on Sara, you can tell me. I wanna know”, it was just as easy to let the truth fall from her lips, to tell her about how much she missed her and the awkward conversations with Quentin, about how she wanted to just call her and tell her about her day every single evening and how much it ached that she couldn’t. 

(Sara didn’t mention her talk with Ava though, nor did she admit that she’d told her friends about what had really been going on. She loved Laurel, but couldn’t bear to confess that she’d betrayed her trust by revealing the one secret Laurel had asked her to keep. Instead, she just said that her friends had noticed her acting weirdly and had been endlessly supportive, eventually easing the burden of everything until Sara felt somewhat  _ okay  _ again). 

Yet, as much as they both wanted it to, the conversation couldn’t last forever. When Sara suddenly heard Jonah clear his throat over the end of the line and apologetically tell Laurel it was time to hang up, her eyes flickered to the large grandfather clock near the living room doorway and realised with a start that she and Laurel had been on the phone for almost two hours. She tried to ignore the flare of panic that shot through her at the thought of Laurel leaving her alone, at the idea of everything suddenly being slow and quiet and empty in this big old house. She would be fine. She  _ could  _ be fine. She was 17 for God’s sake, she didn’t need her big sister holding her hand. But when Laurel softly murmured “Sara, I’m so sorry but I have to go now”, Sara couldn’t help the way her breath caught in her throat and her fingers curled desperately into the blanket on her lap. 

It wasn’t Laurel’s fault, and the remorsefulness and regret in her voice didn’t belong there, and maybe if Sara was a better person she would manage to tell her all these things. But instead, the words died in her mouth, and she could feel the tears from earlier burning at the back of her eyes as she let out a choked “ _ No. _ ”

She shouldn’t’ve said it - she should’ve kept her thoughts to herself, because Laurel _had_ _to go_ and she didn’t need the guilt of leaving her little sister alone piled on top of that, but then Laurel sighed a soft “Oh, Sara,” and suddenly Sara couldn’t _think_ and she couldn’t _breathe_ all over again and she could barely see through her tears or concentrate on what Laurel was still saying to her, voice low and comforting and on the edge of desperate as she tried to calm her sister down in the little time she had. “Sara, babe, I have to go, but there’s something you can do for me, yeah? Please?”

Laurel waited until Sara managed to choke out an agreement before continuing softly “Call one of your friends. I don’t want you sitting there alone.”

Sara swallowed the  _ I don’t want them, I want you _ that was on the tip of her tongue, but any other responses were cut off by a choked sob, and she pressed a hand across her mouth in a panicked attempt to contain the rest - Laurel didn’t need her making things difficult, not now (and not ever - just look where that’d ended up). She swallowed, biting her lip as Laurel almost begged “Please Sara. I said I’d stay here for you, get better for you … and I am. Do this one thing for me.”

For Laurel. 

She could do it for Laurel. She would do  _ anything _ for Laurel, so Sara took several deep, shaky, shuddering breaths before telling her sister in a voice she hoped was less hesitant than it sounded in her head “Okay. I’ll call Amaya or Zari or … someone.”

(Somewhere in the back of her mind was the nagging reminder that today was Zari’s little brother’s birthday - his first birthday since he’d gotten sick last year - and there was no way Sara was going to interrupt that after everything the Tomaz family had been through, that Amaya and Kuasa were in Central City for their grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary and Amaya probably wouldn’t have her phone readily available anyway. She didn’t tell Laurel that. She just made the promise, silently and half heartedly convincing herself that she’d find someone else.)

Laurel’s sigh of relief shouldn’t have cut through her like it did, but Sara didn’t have chance to process it before Laurel was telling her everything would work out and that she loved her and that Quentin would come home safe, and then hanging up, leaving Sara staring at the clock in the semi-darkness, nails digging into the palms of her hands as she wondered how she was going to make it through the next 2 hours, 37 minutes and 42 seconds. 41 seconds.

40 seconds. Sara cursed out loud, running a trembling hand through her hair before picking up her phone and opening her contacts.

 

* * *

 

  
  


_ Ava Sharpe _

**iMessage** ****  
(Sara Lance) **  
** **Thursday**

  
**_9:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey 

  
**_9:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** … You okay? 

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** ****__  
yeah i was just wondering   
if you’d done the engl hw

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Just finishing it now

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** How much have you done?

  
**_9:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** haha uhhhhhhhh

  
**_9:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** none??? 

  
**_9:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** SARA

  
**_9:27pm:_ ** ****__  
whaaaaaat it’s not a big deal    
aves chill out

  
**_9:27pm:_ ** ****__  
mr murphy is so chill abt hw   
and it’s friday anyway he’ll   
probs just give us a practice   
pop quiz and it’ll be fine

  
**_9:29pm:_ ** ****__  
If you don’t care then why   
are you texting me about it?

  
**_9:33pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara?

  
**_9:35pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara are you okay?

  
**_9:35pm:_ ** ****__  
so my dad’s heading a rlly   
dangerous undercover op   
tonight and usually when   
he’s on jobs like this, me   
& laurel wait up together   
but obvs she’s not here &   
i just spent the better part   
of 2 hours on the phone to   
her but she had to go & she   
made me promise to call a   
friend but z and amaya both   
have family stuff that i dont   
wanna interrupt & i needed   
an excuse to text you

  
**_9:37pm:_ ** ****__  
You don’t need an excuse   
Sara 

  
**_9:37pm:_ ** ****__  
I told you to text me if you   
needed anything, remember?

  
**_9:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah well

  
**_9:38pm:_ ** ****__  
idk i wasn’t sure if all that    
stuff last month was you just    
repaying the favour for when i   
was there for you last year i guess 

  
**_9:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What?????

  
**_9:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara no, that’s ridiculous

  
**_9:39pm:_ ** ****__  
Do you want me to come   
over? 

  
**_9:39pm:_ ** ****__  
no, no you don’t have to   
i was just hoping i could   
text you for a bit to   
distract myself

  
**_9:39pm:_ ** ****__  
if ur busy doing hw tho i dont   
wanna distract you 

  
**_9:39pm:_ ** ****__  
Please, I’m the world’s best   
multitasker 

  
**_9:39pm:_ ** ****__  
Plus this way I can make you   
actually do your english homework

  
**_9:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh come ON

  
**_9:40pm:_ ** ****__  
Hey, if you do it then you’re not   
distracting me, just saying

  
**_9:40pm:_ ** ****__  
you’re the actual worst,   
you know that right? 

  
**_9:41pm:_ ** ****__  
Shut up I know you’d feel awful   
if you didn’t do your homework   
and Mr Murphy gave you the ‘I   
expected more from you Miss   
Lance’

  
**_9:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ouch 

  
**_9:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** that was cold

  
**_9:41pm:_ ** ****__  
that was a dirty move    
sharpe

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did it work?

  
**_9:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** um no 

  
**_9:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** maybe 

  
**_9:44pm:_ ** ****__  
brb i just need to eat   
dinner hang on 

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara wtf it’s almost 10pm

  
**_9:45pm:_ ** ****__  
i was talking to laurel!!   
i didn’t even realise it   
had gotten so late until   
we hung up, i swear 

  
**_9:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** there just ordered pizza

  
**_9:55pm:_ ** ****__  
Sorry, had to go mediate a   
Layla and Ali argument over   
who gets the shower rn 

  
**_9:55pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** sounds riveting?

  
**_9:56pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh it was -.- 

  
**_9:56pm:_ **   
How’s Laurel doing? 

  
**_9:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** she’s good!! heaps better

  
**_9:58pm:_ ** ****__  
giving legal advice to the   
receptionists who work    
there even tho she hasn’t   
even made it to law school   
yet????? 

  
**_9:59pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hahaha omg 

  
**_9:59pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why am I not surprised

  
**_10:00pm:_ ** ****__  
That sounds like the Laurel   
I always saw and heard about

  
**_10:01pm:_ ** ****__  
she apologised for the way   
she acted last month when   
we went and saw her

  
**_10:01pm:_ ** ****__  
sounded more like herself   
too which is nice

  
**_10:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i miss her so much though

  
**_10:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t even imagine

  
**_10:03pm:_ ** ****__  
I wish I could help more   
somehow 

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** ****__  
aves you have no idea how   
much everything you’ve   
done for me over the past   
month has helped i swear

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** ****__  
wow can u imagine us from    
freshman year seeing us now

  
**_10:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh they’d be horrified

  
**_10:05pm:_ ** ****__  
they’d be so disappointed   
in our friendship

  
**_10:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can hear the arguments now

  
**_10:05pm:_ ** ****__  
14 year old me would be screeching   
something about ‘how dare you help   
the most despicable frustrating girl   
in school Sharpe are you insane’

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D ;’D

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** ****__  
*despicable frustratingLY HOT   
girl in school tyvm 

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** ****__  
Uh sure whatever helps you sleep   
at night Lance

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was so _ easy  _ to talk to Ava. 

In the same way that their arguments, bickering and banter had become instinctive over the years, talking  _ without  _ any of those antagonisms was somehow just as seamless. Ava redirected their conversation back to their English homework, and Sara was surprised at how readily she found herself lying on the living room floor, laptop in front of her and English notes sprawled all over the carpet, texting Ava and comparing their analyses on the short story they’d been working on that week. Sara hadn’t planned to actually accomplish any schoolwork tonight, anticipating being too anxious to even begin to concentrate, but by the time the doorbell rang to alert her to her pizza delivery, with Ava’s encouragement she’d managed to finish all the English work she had to do for tomorrow and start on a Calc worksheet that wasn’t even due til Monday. 

As Sara curled up on the side of the couch, switching movies on Netflix and devouring the piping hot pepperoni and mushroom pizza before her, her and Ava’s topic of discussion drifted back to Laurel. Ava somehow made her comfortable in sharing what she wanted to share, but she never pushed for more than Sara was willing to give, and Sara couldn’t help feeling so incredibly grateful for that. Their conversation soon lightened up to stories about stupid things their friends had done over the past few days and plans for Halloween next week. Sara laughed out loud when Ava launched into a detailed, clearly frustrated story about Layla almost flushing her toothbrush down the toilet out of spite, jumping a little at the sound of her own voice and blinking in surprise at the fact that despite the fact that four hours ago, she was an absolute, crying wreck on the kitchen floor, she was now actually  _ laughing,  _ being productive, feeling calmer and more at ease than she could ever remember being when her father was working late. For a reason Sara didn’t want to consider, talking to Ava was relaxing and strangely familiar in a way little else was, and between Ava, returning her attention (though admittedly, half heartedly now) to her homework, and the trashy movie she was watching, Sara didn’t even notice how much time had passed until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

If anyone else were here to see it, Sara might have been embarrassed at the less than put together yelp of alarm she let out, or how quickly she leapt off the couch when she saw who was standing beside her. 

“ _ Dad _ !” she gasped, curling her fingers into his jacket and sighing in relief as Quentin pulled her in closer. 

_ He was safe. _

Sara couldn’t focus on anything other than the overwhelming relief flooding her system, and those three words repeating in her mind like a mantra, soft and soothing in a gentle voice that reminded her of both Laurel and Ava at the same time. She buried her head into her father’s shoulder and inhaled deeply, grateful that earlier wasn’t the last time she would get to do so. His arms tightened around her in a brief squeeze before he dropped a gentle kiss to the top of her head and laughed tiredly. 

“You good?” he asked softly into her hair.

Sara nodded, breathing deeply for a moment before pulling away and nodding. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Quentin studied her face for a moment as if he wasn’t quite sure he believed her, and Sara rolled her eyes at the clear  _ Dad expression  _ of suspicion and concern on his face (though she wasn’t sure she could really blame him, considering how unsteady she’d been when he left). 

“I’m good Dad,” she repeated quietly, squeezing his hand. “I mean it.”

He laughed again tiredly, this time sounding relieved, and he poked her in the side as she moved to switch off the TV and gather up her loose sheets of homework and messily scattered books. It was almost half an hour later, nearing a quarter to one when Sara heard a quiet knock on her door, glancing over her shoulder to see Quentin hovering in the doorway, now in his pyjamas. 

“DId you get the guy?” she asked, crossing the room to stand before her father. 

“Yeah,” said Quentin, smiling. “We got him.” His eyes flickered with hesitance, eyebrows furrowing momentarily. “Are you sure you were okay tonight Sara? I was so worried that leaving you alone was the worst thing I could’ve done.” 

“It wasn’t great at first,” Sara admitted with a shrug, “but I talked to Laurel -” Quentin’s eyes flashed with surprise, “- and then some friends after she had to go and I was fine after a while. I swear.” 

“Full disclosure?”

“Full disclosure.” 

Quentin nodded, seemingly satisfied with that and he reached out to gently tuck some of Sara’s hair behind her ear. “I’m glad.” He leaned forward, kissed her forehead and dropped his hand to her shoulder to squeeze gently. “Go to bed baby. I love you.” 

“Love you too Dad.” Sara smiled as he waited in the doorway, watched her clamber into bed and tie up her hair before shuffling under the covers. It was an old habit, was something they did every time this happened. Neither Laurel or Sara had been ‘tucked in’ by a parent since elementary school, but on nights that Quentin worked late on dangerous jobs, he always paused in the hallway between their rooms, waited til they were in bed to murmur a soft “Goodnight” and switch off their lights for them. Sara gave him one last smile before sinking into her pillows, chuckling at the familiar sound of the hallway floorboards creaking as Quentin walked back down to his room before she reached over and unplugged her phone from where it was charging on her bedside table to send one last text to Ava.

 

* * *

 

_ Ava Sharpe _

**iMessage** ****  
(Sara Lance) **  
** **Friday**

  
**_12:42am:  
_ ** hey

  
**_12:42am:_ **   
sorry i disappeared for ages

  
**_12:42am:_ ** ****__  
my dad got back and i was   
getting ready for bed

  
**_12:42am:_ ** ****__  
i hope you went to bed tho   
oh shit it’s so late

  
**_12:42am:_ ** ****__  
nope just saw ur online on fb   
GO TO BED AVA I KNOW UR A   
WEIRDO WHO THINKS IT’S NORMAL    
TO GET UP AT THE ASSCRACK OF    
DAWN TO GO FOR A RUN 

  
**_12:43am_ ** ****__  
I’m glad he’s okay but shUT UP    
THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH    
BEING A MORNING PERSON

  
**_12:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Anyway. Goodnight Sara

  
**_12:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll see you tomorrow

 

**_12:54am:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey aves?

 

**_12:54am:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you

  
**Friday**

  
**_7:03am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Anytime Sara x


	6. i'm underwater with no air in my lungs (my eyes are open, I'm done giving up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was beyond cold, it was like ice, so utterly freezing that Ava could feel her legs start to go numb, goosebumps breaking out across her back and shoulders and she clenched her teeth together in a futile attempt to stop them from chattering. But before she could rush away, a warm hand curled around her wrist and Ava turned to see Sara, a little deeper in the water than she was so that it came up to her waist instead. She was shivering, muscles even tenser from the cold but she’d pulled her hair out of its ponytail before they’d run in and it was falling down past her shoulders, wavy and the wet tips darker while the rest shimmered in the setting sunlight. Her blue eyes flashed with mischief and before Ava could open her mouth to ask what predictably frustrating scheme she had devised, Sara had curled her hand tighter around Ava’s wrist and she yanked them both down under the water."
> 
> OR
> 
> zari has Stuff going on so the gang goes to the beach to help distract her, in which sara and ava are predictably flustered over each other's abs, everyone is sweet and supportive of each other and they're all healthy and actually Talk about their feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's friiiiiiday (for us) lovely peeps, happy (regular) update day! 
> 
> hope you've all had a wonderful week & are still basking in the post comic con glow of new cast content! we're currently writing the Angstiest Chapter Yet so are very happy to go back and read these soft, sweet ones, so we hope you enjoy them too! we're actually living for how enthusiastic and lovely all your responses are and every time we get a comment raving about how much they love the fic, we actually just sit here in puddles of emotion for a good hour trying to process that other people actually are a part of this world we've been living in obsessively since may?????? like bless all of you wow 
> 
> pls tell us what you like and what you don't about each chapter because we know what to keep doing and what to switch up a bit! so much love for all of youuuuu XXX
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from pools by paramore)

 

When Ava thought about it, the ease with which hers and Sara’s friend groups melded together wasn’t really surprising. They’d all known each other for long enough and were in fact very similar groups of people, that the odd rivalry that had existed for so long between them was something they seemed to have stuck to solely out of habit and familiarity. For all the animosities from earlier in high school, and the eventual good natured banter and debating, Ava found that both her and Sara’s friends were all somewhat alike at heart - loyal, humourous, focused at school, a balanced mix between sport and academically driven, quick to a laugh, adventurous and kind hearted to a fault.

It only took a few weeks of them all sitting together at lunch before the rivalry was quickly forgotten, the lines between their groups blurring until it was difficult to determine where one friend group ended and the other began. While Ava and Sara’s recent friendship was clearly the biggest change in the relations between them all, Ava began to notice the development of other friendships she never would have expected - Ray and Nora became close fast, Ava noting with a grin how Nora would roll her eyes and smother a laugh when Ray cracked a stupid joke (she and Sara had a bet running on who would ask who out between them). Lily and Amaya got on well, which was somewhat unsurprising considering Amaya could get on with everybody, but was still refreshing to see. Gary and Zari too, which _was_ surprising given Gary’s tendency to be shy and hesitant around people he didn’t know, a sharp contrast to Zari’s brash and unflinching nature. But they talked about video games and TV shows and their deeply religious families (Gary was Jewish and Zari Muslim) and what it was like trying to balance what their parents wanted them to believe and what they were figuring out for themselves. Kuasa developed a friendship with both Wally and _Nate_ of all people, despite the latter being her cousin’s ex-boyfriend (though Ava was pretty sure Amaya and Nate’s break-up had been pretty amicable, considering how close they still were and the lack of animosity between them).

But for all the rapid change that fused their groups together, Ava still picked up on the little things that reinforced how recent this was, how much time they’d spent separated by a dumb rivalry for so many years. The small inside jokes that only one group would understand, references to things that others hadn’t been here for, the history between some of these friendships - Sara, Jax and Amaya being so close that one of them just had to _look_ at the others and they immediately understood whatever unspoken question had been asked. Ava had seen it before, often in Calculus when Jax seemed to just _know_ when Sara was distracted and gently poke her in the side to remind her to pay attention the same way he did when she made a bad joke at lunch, yet somehow in the two different contexts the same action meant completely different things.

It wasn’t until the week before Thanksgiving that the slight divide that still existed between the two groups of friends finally closed. Ava and Sara’s Social Studies teacher had gone over time and their class had gotten out late, so they were the last to arrive at lunch, squeezing in a gap between Wally and Kuasa. Ray and Lily were helping Wally study for his final SAT resit, everyone else occupied in discussions and idle chatter, except Zari and Amaya. Zari was picking at her food, eyes fixed on the dull grey of their lunch tables as she pushed salad around her plate, too reserved and quiet. It was such a contrast to the Zari Ava was used to, the one who was always quick with a retort and an easy laugh. But that being said, Ava silently admitted that of all Sara’s friends, Zari was the one she knew the least. She didn’t grow up in Star City like everyone else (neither did Wally, but he was from Central City and Ava remembered him visiting every once in a while when they were kids before he eventually moved in sophomore year).

Ava eyed Zari with concern. They’d never really had many classes together, never even had any reason to _speak_. Zari had fallen into the routine of pranks and bickering with Ava’s group once she realised everyone else was doing it too, and Ava had always admired her hilarious insults, her quick thinking, the pranks she orchestrated.

It could just be a bad day, an unfortunate interaction with a crappy teacher, an exhausting class - Ava knew that, had plenty of those days herself. But something just wasn’t sitting right with the way Zari’s shoulders were slumped and hair was just slightly disheveled as though she got ready in a hurry and hadn’t gotten enough sleep. Ava couldn’t help the unmistakable feeling that something was _wrong._

Sara, usually constantly fidgeting - crossing her legs, swinging them from her chair, twirling a pen in her fingertips, drumming her hand against the table or her own thigh - was uncharacteristically still as soon as she noticed Zari, and Ava saw her attention dart to Amaya, posing one of those silent questions that for once, Ava was able to decipher. Amaya silently shrugged as she tilted her head towards Zari, clearly unsure and anxious. Ava watched out of the corner of her eye as they unspokenly decided how to approach this, before Sara nodded and Amaya shifted in her seat so she was facing Zari, nudging the other girl lightly and giving her a warm smile.

“Hey.”

Zari looked up, seeming a little dazed as though she’d forgotten where she actually was and who she was with. As soon as she appeared to remember, her eyes flickered back down to her plate and Ava saw the way her shoulders tensed. Amaya glanced over at Sara apprehensively but Sara just nodded again, this time mouthing “Go on.” Amaya reached out to touch Zari’s shoulder, relieved when she didn’t flinch, and said, almost too quiet for Ava to hear “Talk to us, Z.”

Zari gave a small, half-hearted shrug and bit her lip. Ava tried not to watch her, tried to pretend she was focusing on her own lunch but still caught a flash of vulnerability and uncertainty in her expression that had no place there as she said “Can we do something tonight? Something crazy, or stupid … I dunno, just … _something._ ”

The desperation in her voice made Ava’s stomach drop in something that closest resembled _fear_ rather than concern, and she could see the same feeling mirrored on Sara and Amaya’s faces. But when Amaya’s hand moved to gently brush some of Zari’s hair away from her face and Sara leaned across the table to touch Zari’s hand, Ava suddenly felt like she was intruding on a private moment between the three of them and fished out her phone, briefly switching on the screen to check for notifications she knew she didn’t have. She tried to tune into Wally and Lily’s conversation, tried to get invested in it enough that she would turn her attention to helping Wally study but instead, her ears just listened out for Sara and Amaya to reply.

“Yeah, you got it,” said Sara after a couple of moments, still soft enough that nobody but the four of them could hear. “We could go to the beach?”

It was mid November. It was _freezing_ and the beach would be so cold that they would all probably end up with pneumonia, but Ava bit her lip and stayed silent because she wasn’t a part of this conversation and, well, if Zari needed something stupid, then this would definitely count, no matter how bad of an idea it was.

Zari nodded, flashed Sara a grateful smile before her eyes glanced over to Amaya and quietly asked “You free?”

She wasn’t, Ava knew she wasn’t; last night in their group chat, Kuasa had mentioned a huge, family dinner happening tonight to celebrate her older brother’s engagement, a family dinner that both she and Amaya _had_ to go to. But Ava watched as Amaya’s eyes flickered to her cousin before she nodded, giving Zari a small smile and bumping their shoulders together.

“For you?” she said softly. “Always.”

Well, that wasn’t something Ava saw coming.

Zari and Amaya had always seemed close, but Ava had never thought they were any closer than either of them were with Sara too. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed their easy affection before - a nudge here, a hug there, holding hands on odd occasions when one of them was having a rough day - but this was … not subtle. Ava had never really assumed people’s sexualities, not since she first began questioning her own, so it wasn’t the idea that both Zari and Amaya might be into girls that shocked her. Instead, it was the intimacy in the way they looked at each other, the relief and gratitude in Zari’s expression as she leaned over and rested her head on Amaya’s shoulder for the briefest of seconds before pulling away.

And Ava wasn’t the only one who noticed if the way Sara glanced over at met eyes with a knowing grin was anything to go by. They both waited perhaps a bit longer than they needed to before Sara cleared her throat to break up Nate and Ray’s rowdy discussion about Back to the Future.

“Guys, you free for a trip to Castle Point beach tonight? Head out sometime before dinner, grab takeout either on the way or once we get there?”

Everyone looked momentarily confused, and Ray opened his mouth to ask something, probably why the _hell_ they were going to the beach in the middle of November as the temperatures were plummeting. But when Sara subtly tilted her head in Zari’s direction, they seemed to immediately get the hint and quickly agreed to the idea. Sara glanced around, eyes catching Ava’s again before roving over to Nora, Gary, Kuasa and Lily.

“You guys keen too?” she asked.

Ava raised an eyebrow. She’d thought Sara was only talking to _her_ group. After all, with all the small instances of distance Ava had observed over the past few weeks, she’d assumed that them all sitting together didn’t equate to them being one massive friend group. Her friends seemed to share her hesitance because none of them said anything. Sara’s attention turned solely to Ava and she arched an eyebrow, prompting Ava to sigh.

“You don’t _have_ to invite us just cos we’re sitting here, you know,” she said, wincing at how blunt it sounded. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m just saying … you don’t have to feel bad about making plans in front of us that don’t actually _involve_ us.”

Sara rolled her eyes, opening her mouth to predictably chastise Ava for being ridiculous, but Ava caught the flash of guilt in her eyes that told her that Sara’s invitation had been, even if only partly, out of a feeling of obligation. But before Sara could speak, Jax chimed in, shaking his head.

“If we’re sitting together at lunch now, all our reckless, dumbass decisions are open to you guys,” he said, grinning. “This is where we come up with all the fun anyway. And hey, if you guys are as good at spontaneous adventures as you are with the pranks you pull, I think we’ll be fine.”

Lily laughed at that.

“Yeah, that fountain pen prank in sophomore year was iconic,” smirked Nora, also laughing out loud when Ray pouted (he had been the unfortunate subject of said prank).

“Come on Aves,” said Sara encouragingly, elbowing Ava lightly in the ribs. “Please? It’ll be insane and stupid and freezing but so, so fun. I swear.”

 _Sounds like something I’ll definitely regret tomorrow,_ Ava thought briefly but Sara’s bright smile was so hopeful that it made Ava want to follow her to the edge of the world, especially when Sara poked her arm and cheekily said “You’ve been overworking yourself anyway these last couple weeks, come on - live a little, take the night off.”

She wasn’t _wrong._ Ava had been so focused on staying ahead of her schoolwork - of finishing her early college application and her SATs and ACTs, of not getting too stressed or behind, on maintaining her A average because she would be damned if she _wasn’t_ class valedictorian - that she genuinely hadn’t taken a proper night off in at least a week and a half. Plus, she’d come to really look forward to spending time with Sara, especially outside of their now familiar classroom context, and Zari had looked up and was smiling at her too, telling her that it’d be fun and how seeing Ava Sharpe let loose would probably make her day more than being at the beach itself. Ava shot her a half hearted glare, throwing a straw across the table at her and ignoring the shining beam on Sara’s face when it made Zari laugh.  

“You know what, why the hell not,” muttered Ava eventually, rolling her eyes at Sara’s victory whoop.

“You guys in?” asked Zari to the rest of the group.

Gary bowed out because of obligations with visiting relatives for Thanksgiving while Kuasa lied, claiming to have an assignment due tomorrow instead of the family dinner and Ava caught the grateful look Amaya flashed her. Kuasa waited til Zari was facing another direction before she mouthed “You’re gonna be in so much trouble.” Amaya just shrugged, as Lily and Nora both piped up with interest.

“We’re taking Mick’s four wheeler right?” said Sara, sending Mick a questioning look, to which he responded with a nod of confirmation.

“We’ll need one more car,” said Jax after doing a quick head count.

“I have one,” said Ava. “I could drive some of us there.”

Sara frowned, poking her again in the ribs. “Um, excuse me, why don’t I know about this? You could give me a ride to school!”

Ava smirked. “Yeah, I’d love to, but technically it’s a _shared_ car between me, Ali and Layla. Ali’s too young to have her license yet so right now it’s just me and Layla, but she claims that as the eldest she gets first dibs so she kind of has the rights to the car _all_ the time. And trust me, you do _not_ want Layla driving you to school.”

Sara snorted and popped a tater tot into her mouth.

“What about tonight?” Jax asked with a frown. “Won’t Layla claim all rights to the car?”

“She’s grounded with no car privileges,” said Ava, trying to avoid showing how gleeful she felt as she said it (by the way Sara snickered, she probably hadn’t done a great job hiding it). “Tried to sneak her boyfriend into her room without Mom and Dad noticing. Dad caught her, hates the guy, so car’s all mine for two weeks.”

Times, locations and the last of the travel arrangements were quickly made over the last twenty minutes of lunch before everyone split and heads to class. Ava and Sara’s afternoon bio class flew past, particularly given how little attention either of them were paying to the material in front of them.

“We’re gonna regret being so distracted later,” said Ava, glancing ruefully at her textbook after almost twenty minutes of she and Sara chatting quietly about the evening’s plans instead of working on the exercise they’d been set.

“We’re two of the smartest kids in our year,” said Sara with a shrug. “We’ll just stick around at the library after school tomorrow and catch up.” She paused, twirling her pen absentmindedly in her fingers before humming softly. “Thanks for agreeing to come tonight.”

Ava looked up in surprise. “Thanks for offering,” she said. “I did mean it though, when I said you didn’t have to extend the invitation just because we were there.”

Sara shook her head, shifting her weight on the stool and kicking Ava’s ankle lightly. “Are we friends?” she demanded.

Ava ignored her own momentary spike of hesitance. “Yeah.”

“Then I wanted you there,” said Sara, as though it was the simplest thing in the world. “I like hanging out with you Aves, I like that we’re all friends now instead of getting on each other’s nerves all the time.”

“You _still_ get on my nerves _some_ of the time,” teased Ava and Sara shoved her playfully. “You think Zari’s okay?” Ava added, pretending to be reading her notes as their teacher strolled past.

Sara sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I dunno. Last time she was this down it was when her brother got sick last year. I’m hoping she’ll tell us tonight.”

Ava just nodded, biting back her reply when the class abruptly fell quiet. She and Sara managed to actually complete _some_ of the assigned work given the lapse in chatter, and before they knew it, the bell for the end of the day was ringing shrilly through the school.

 

It was only much later, as Ava tugged on a SCHS basketball sweatshirt Spencer had left behind, that it occurred to her that her parents might have an _issue_ with her suddenly disappearing with the car on a Thursday night to do God knows what. But as she tentatively hovered in the doorway of the living room, keys in her track pants’ pockets, her dad noticed her shoes and sweatshirt and broke into an almost insultingly relieved smile.

“You going out?” he asked.

“Yeah,” said Ava, biting her lip nervously. “Is that okay?”

“Of course!” said Robert, a little too enthusiastically and Ava raised an eyebrow at him that clearly said _excuse me?_ Robert rolled his eyes, shifting his weight on the couch to look at her properly. “I’m just pleasantly surprised to see you hanging out with friends instead of burying your nose in your books like you have been for the past month. You’re 17 Ava, go have some fun.”

“Will Mom be okay with it?” asked Ava, nodding towards the staircase. “She won’t be horrified that I might be sneaking off to meet up with a girl?”

“ _Are_ you sneaking off to meet up with a girl?”

“No, I’m going to the beach with Sara and Zari and their friends. Nora and Lily are coming too.”

Robert shrugged. “Then it’s fine. Be home by midnight.”

Ava wrinkled her nose. “Dad, it’s a school night. I’ll be home by 11.”

 

It felt almost strange to be driving her car. With Layla monopolising it _always_ , Ava could count on both hands the number of times she’d actually gotten to drive it since their parents bought it at the beginning of the previous year. Oddly enough though, it became more natural with each person Ava picked up on the way. It was inexplicably comforting to have Zari, Nate and Wally bickering in the back seat and Sara in the passenger seat either ignoring them or videoing their antics for Snapchat or Instagram. Ava laughed when she caught sight in the rearview mirror of Zari pressing a cold hand to Nate’s neck, making him let out an undignified screech and flinch away. Sara chuckled fondly, leaning back in her seat. Ava met her eye for a second, only a second before her gaze flickered back to the road, but she still saw the lightness and happiness in Sara’s expression that hadn’t appeared nearly as often as Ava would’ve liked since the start of the year. Sara’s freckles from the summer were still fading and the early evening light caught in her hair as it blew in the gentle breeze blowing in from Ava’s partially open window. Ava pretended not to notice how carefree Sara looked or how happy that made her. They’d only been _real_ friends for a few weeks now. She needed to chill - whatever her brain was trying to stir up was too much, was far too complicated to even think about right now.

The others had beaten them to the beach, having come from further out of the city, but when Ava finished easing the car past the car park and down the ramp onto the sand, she was surprised that Sara, Nate, Zari and Wally didn’t leap out immediately. Instead, a moment of stillness and serenity swept through the car, all of them sitting in silence as they were distracted by the view - the evening sun reflected off the water, making it sparkle in a hue of peach, purple and orange and illuminating the car in a soft, golden glow. The world around them was alight with colour and Ava was stunned at how beautiful everything looked. But the peace only lasted a moment, broken by the sound of the car door slammed and through her window, Ava saw Zari out on the beach, tugging her top over her head as she stripped down to her underwear. Sara swore under her breath, shoving her door open.

“Z, what the hell, it’s like 50 degrees out here!” she said in an equally fierce and concerned voice.

Ava pulled her keys from the ignition and slipped them into her pocket as she also stepped out of the car, Wally and Nate following in suit. Zari shrugged, turning to Sara and Ava saw a flash of the same desperation she’d seen at lunch cross Zari’s face.

“I said I needed to do something crazy - something stupid,” she said, tugging off her jeans and tossing them onto the ground alongside her top. She crossed her arms defiantly over her chest and Ava could see how much effort it was taking her not to shiver from the cold. “So are you gonna just stand there and mother me, or are you gonna be stupid _with_ me?”  

Sara stared at her for a moment, mouth twisting as she mused the pros and cons. Her eyes flickered over to the water before returning to meet Zari’s. Ava stopped herself from saying something, even as she glanced incredulously between them. Sara couldn’t actually be _considering_ this - it was crazy, reckless and they would probably both end up with hypothermia. But after a moment, Sara shrugged and reached down to curl her fingers around the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head, tugging her t-shirt off afterwards before starting to pull her jeans down her hips. Zari broke into a grin, glancing over her shoulder to where the others were walking over from Mick’s car, parked near Ava’s.

“Tell me you’re not doing what I think you’re doing,” said Amaya, raising her eyebrows at both Sara and Zari.

“Come on,” said Zari, reaching out to tug Amaya closer. “It’ll be fun.”

“It’ll be freezing,” amended Amaya but Zari gave her a beseeching look, squeezing her hands and Amaya caved, rolling her eyes and unbuttoning her cardigan.

Mick didn’t need convincing, nor did Jax, Lily or Nora, all more than willing to go through with these kinds of thoroughly irresponsible ideas (Ava wished Kuasa was here to be on her side about how insane this was). All it took was Sara throwing her jeans at Nate and cheekily saying “Come on pretty boy, strip! We all wanna see those famous Heywood abs.” for Nate to flip her off but over exaggeratedly pull his polar fleece over his head and twirl it in his fingers as Sara, Zari, Amaya and Jax hooted. Ray took a little more convincing, immediately launching into an argument about how likely it was that they would get sick and how he would much rather be the designated photographer. But when Nora gave him a _look_ before pulling her jeans down, Ray’s eyes darted up to the sky and Ava almost snorted with laughter as she saw his lips murmur “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” He threw his arms in the air in defeat and unzipped his jacket, giving Sara a half hearted glare when she crowed “Get it Palmer!”

But when Sara glanced at Ava, wearing an _oh, really?_ expression when she saw Ava was still fully dressed, Ava shook her head defiantly and purposefully kept her eyes fixed on Sara’s face because _yes_ , she had definitely caught sight of Sara’s abs and she was not prepared to look at them again without her brain short circuiting because _wow._

“No,” she said, shoving her hands in her pockets. “Absolutely not. No way. You guys are crazy, it is _freezing._ ”

“I mean, I’m aware,” smirked Sara and Ava swallowed to stop her jaw from actually falling open when Sara turned to face her, all freckled, toned skin, still somewhat tanned from the summer with a well defined set of abs and goosebumps all over her bare shoulders, muscles visibly tensing as an icy breeze blew across the beach. She stepped closer to Ava, flashing her a challenging grin with eyes alight with laughter and amusement. “What? You scared of a little cold water Sharpe?”

Ava clenched her teeth. Sara knew exactly what she was doing, knew that Ava would never back down from a direct challenge, especially from _her_ , and Ava hated that Sara obviously _knew_ it would work.

“Fuck you Lance,” she muttered under her breath, giving Sara a moment of uncertainty before she reached down to pull her sweatshirt and t-shirt over her head in one go, leaving her in just her bra and track pants. Her body immediately stiffened at the cold, but it was almost worth it at the way Sara’s eyes suddenly darted to her midsection, wide with surprise and Ava felt a distinct satisfaction erupt in her chest. But Sara schooled her features quickly, grinning less smugly and more sincerely at Ava.

“It _will_ be fun,” she said, quieter so that nobody else would hear. “But you don’t have to though, if you really don’t -”

“Shut up Lance, you know I’m not backing out now,” said Ava, rolling her eyes as she shimmied out of her track pants, gathered up her clothes and tossed them to Nate who was throwing everybody’s stuff into Mick’s car (in a tangled mess that Ava was pretty sure was going to be a nightmare to sort out later).

She was glad to see that she wasn’t the only one to hesitate once they were all down to their underwear, even Zari faltering with a moment of contemplation. But Sara was Sara, never one to back out at the edge of something and put on her best, overconfident leader voice and said “Right then team. Let’s go get hypothermia.” and everyone broke into laughter. Ava wasn’t sure who moved first but suddenly, they were all running. This was stupid, so so crazy and Ava almost stopped at the edge of the water but then Sara was laughing, eyes lit up with mirth as she sensed Ava’s hesitation and Ava felt a flash of their old competitiveness burst within her because she would be damned if she let Sara _win_ here. So instead, she followed Wally - always the fastest - into the sea, wading in until she the water was pooled at her mid-thigh before she stopped, eyes snapping shut because holy _shit_ that was cold. It was beyond cold, it’s like ice, so utterly freezing that Ava could feel her legs start to go numb, goosebumps breaking out across her back and shoulders and she clenched her teeth together in a futile attempt to stop them from chattering.

 _Now_ she was ready to back out, very very ready to retreat back to the car, back to the warmth of her sweatshirt and the apple crumble pie from the restaurant down the road from the beach. But before she could rush away, a warm hand curled around her wrist and Ava turned to see Sara, a little deeper in the water than she was so that it came up to her waist instead. She was shivering, muscles even tenser from the cold but she’d pulled her hair out of its ponytail before they’d run in and it was falling down past her shoulders, wavy and the wet tips darker while the rest shimmered in the setting sunlight. Her blue eyes flashed with mischief and before Ava could open her mouth to ask what predictably frustrating scheme she had devised, Sara had curled her hand tighter around Ava’s wrist and she yanked them both down under the water.

Ava’s shriek of surprise was cut off by salt water filling her mouth and it felt like shards of ice were in her lungs but after the initial moment of painful numbness, Ava realised that the silence was oddly calming. All she could hear was her own heart in her ears and the hum of the water, all she could feel was the cold and Sara’s hand still clamped tightly around her wrist and before she knew what she was doing, Ava blindly reached out with her free hand to find Sara’s, grabbing it tightly before Sara pulled them both up to the surface. As soon as they emerged, sounds filled Ava’s hearing - water splashing, piercing laughter, loud cursing, the crash of people tackling each other back underwater. She opened her eyes, blinking away the water and the first thing she saw was Sara, whose mascara was slightly smudged and she wore a wide beam that was all chattering teeth, bright eyes and Ava couldn’t help but notice the way her eyelashes had droplets of water hanging off them. Another breeze blew over the beach and Ava shivered - she could taste the salt in her mouth, her body was shaking incessantly from the cold but she felt so _free_ that she couldn’t bring herself to care. She looked around, seeing Lily clamber onto Jax’s shoulders to watch the sun drift lower in the horizon, saw Nate, Nora, Ray and Mick in an elaborate splashing competition, watched Zari duck underwater again, vanish for a second before popping up and pushing her hair away from her face, a soft smile on her face as she said “Thanks guys. For this.”

Everyone quietened, waded through the water to stand a little nearer to her and Amaya was closest, wrapping both arms around Zari’s shoulders from behind and hugging her tightly.

“Of course Z,” she said quietly.

They stood there for a while, huddled close, trying to find warmth in each other despite the fact that their skin was colder than the water at this point. They watched the sun disappear, the sky an ombre of dark, navy blue shifting gradually to the lightest of yellows tinged along the horizon.

Wally eventually broke the silence. “So uh, can we get out now and all crowd into the biggest car and literally crank up the heating to _full_ because I think hypothermia is a real threat right now. I’m numb in places I do not _want_ to be numb, y’all.”

A rumble of chatter and laughter broke out among them and suddenly it was chaos as they all pushed and shoved, rushing to get out of the water. Ava was surprised when Sara’s hand found hers again, tugging her forward until they were both on dry land again. Once they all reached the cars, Nora popped the trunk of Ava’s car, pulling out the towels that were still there in case of spontaneous beach trips from the summer, everyone passing them around to dry off before they all stood at the back of Mick’s car and tried to determine which clothes were whose in the faint evening light.

“You know what, screw it,” said Sara decidedly. “Everyone just put something on and get warm, we can figure out what belongs to who later.”

They were all still shivering, so nobody really had any complaints with that, and there was a flurry of hands and limbs everywhere as they all reached in to grab some form of clothing to tug on. Ava managed to find her own track pants but ended up pulling on what she recognised as Nora’s t-shirt and Nate’s polar fleece before clambering into Mick’s car and helping Amaya and Mick push down the seats so the trunk and back seats became one big space for everyone to sit in.

“Yo Mick,” said Sara, holding up one hand. “Keys.” She had her socks on, was wearing her Berks but had given up trying to shove her still wet skin into tight fitted jeans. Ava blinked as she recognised _her_ (well, Spencer’s) sweatshirt on Sara, large enough that it hung past her hips almost halfway down her thighs. Ava let out a quiet, huffed laugh. Something told her she was never getting that sweatshirt back.

Mick tossed the keys to Sara without question and she ducked into the driver’s seat to start the engine and crank up the heating. Somewhere outside, Jax, Lily, Nora and Ray were taking photos for Instagram, but soon they gave up and practically fell into the car and banged the trunk shut behind them as they ungracefully pulled on some clothes.

They all ended up in a huddled mess in Mick’s car, wet towels thrown into the passenger’s seat and some thick, fluffy blankets tossed around them to share. Ava found herself squished between Jax and Lily, until Sara shuffled over, kicked Jax’s leg and squeezed between Ava and Jax.

“It was fun right?” she said, smirking at Ava.

“Yes, it was fun,” Ava admitted with an eye roll. “But if I get sick this weekend, I’m blaming you.”

“Hey, at least it’s Thanksgiving next week so if we all come down with colds, we have the whole break to mope around at home,” said Zari with a wry grin and everyone half groaned, half laughed.

“Yeah, you’re lucky tomorrow’s the championship game otherwise I would kill you for making me do this during football season,” said Jax, poking Zari in the side.

Small, infrequent conversations quickly broke out between them all, one of which was deciding who was going to get food. Lily, Ray and Amaya lost paper scissors rock, much to their dismay, and Ava tossed Lily her keys so that they could at least take her car and avoid walking in the cold.

It was so warm and soft and comforting to be sitting there, huddled in a car on a clear, fall evening with people who Ava had genuinely come to enjoy spending time with more than anyone else. Sara had her legs tucked under Ava’s as she cuddled into Jax’s side, Zari was sitting next to Nate and had a wide smile on her face, wider than any smile she’d worn in the day so far, Nora was taking Snapchat videos, Mick fiddling with Jax’s bluetooth speaker to connect it to his phone and play some music -

It shocked Ava how long she’d spent convincing herself she didn’t like most of the people around her, using excuses that they were frustrating, reckless, never took anything seriously, irresponsible …

Now, Ava wondered whether all this time, she’d just been covering how much she actually _wanted_ to get to know them, especially considering how much fun they always seemed to have, how close they were, how diverse and interesting and _loyal._ And it wasn’t like her own friends weren’t the same - Ava had known Gary and Nora since they were all six, they became friends in first grade and had been inseparable ever since, but that made them feel more like family than friends. While Kuasa and Lily were her more recent friends and Ava felt like she could tell them anything in the world, loved how different they all were, something about the way hanging out with Sara and the other ‘legends’ as they called themselves, seemed to have just opened everyone up from a shell none of them even knew they had. Most clearly of them all, Ava had seen Nora smile more, laugh more, was softer and more raw than Ava had ever seen her in the 11 years they’d known each other. But Lily, Gary and Kuasa had been different too and Ava was sure they would say the same about her, as though being with these people had brought out a better side in all of them that they didn’t even realise was there.

 

It took around twenty minutes for the others to return with the food, Amaya being the stern, organised one and passing a burger round for each person so there wasn’t mindless chaos in everyone trying to grab food. Ava was surprised that they seemed to have catered what they’d bought to everyone’s preferences, handing Zari a vegetarian burger (apparently the beach takeaway restaurant didn’t have any Halal options), giving Mick a burger with extra pickles, Ray had no tomatoes, Nate, Wally, Lily and Jax took regular ones, Nora a chicken burger, Sara a smaller size with jalapenos, and Ava one with no red onions.

“Everyone always has different tastes in this group,” said Amaya, catching Ava’s expression. “I asked Lily if you and Nora had any special preferences or allergies or something, seeing as we were being fussy for all of these guys anyway.” She shot the others an affectionate, teasing grin before settling down beside Zari.

“Fry?” asked Sara, offering the box to Ava. Ava smiled her thanks as she took one and the chatter in the car lulled as everyone was distracted with their food, the only sounds being the rustling of the paper bags and music filtering through Jax’s speaker.

This time, it was Zari who broke the comfortable silence between them all, her voice quiet and thick with emotion when she said “My parents want to send my little brother to boarding school.”

Amaya’s eyes immediately snapped over to Zari’s face and Ava felt Sara stiffen beside her.

“Who, Behrad?” Ray asked gently and Zari nodded.

“Yeah uh … now that he’s better and stuff, they have this weird thing that if he’s in Star City, he might get sick again or something and they want him to be far away where he has a ‘better chance to succeed’ or whatever.” She sniffed, placing her burger down on the bag in front of her and bringing her legs up to hug her knees to her chest. “It’s stupid but I get it. They were terrified he was gonna die last year, we all were and this is some weird way of them feeling like they’re protecting him. But -” Her voice cracked and she swore quietly, ducking her head down. Amaya stretched an arm around Zari’s shoulders and shuffled closer, leaning towards Zari to murmur “Z, it’s okay.”

Zari squeezed her eyes shut tightly, nodding before she spoke again and her voice was shaking when she did. “He’s been my _favourite_ person from the moment he was born. He … he looks up to me so much, he’s the reason I try hard at school and wanna do well at soccer, he always asks me to tell him stories and runs into my room as soon as he gets home to tell me _everything_ about his day and _God_ , I love him so much.”

Ava felt Sara tense again and she let her eyes flicker from Zari to Sara, something jolting in her gut when she saw a heartbreaking expression on Sara’s face, a vague recognition and understanding and _pain_ in her eyes and Ava had to stop herself from reaching for her when she realised.

Oh. _Laurel._ Everything Zari was saying sounded like it echoed Sara and Laurel’s relationship and as much as Ava knew Sara was doing better, there was no way she was completely _okay_ yet and though Zari desperately needed this, Ava wasn’t sure if this was what Sara needed to hear either. She wanted to say something but it wasn’t the right time, didn’t want to take attention off Zari, so just leaned in a little, letting her arm rest against Sara’s and Sara seemed to relax just slightly at the touch.

Zari sucked in a sharp breath, curling her fingers tightly into her palms. “I know they just want what’s best for him but I just … I feel like my parents are being so selfish because they think _they_ were scared when he got sick? So was I! And now he’s okay and he’s better and I was just starting to feel like everything was back to normal and now they wanna take him away from me and I just -” Her voice broke again and she turned, letting Amaya pull her into a tight hug as her shoulders began to shake.

“I’m so sorry Zari,” said Ray softly.

“We could kidnap him and he could take my room and I’ll move into my mom’s basement?” offered Nate and Zari let out a teary laugh into Amaya’s shoulder.

“It’ll be okay,” said Amaya gently, rubbing her hand up and down Zari’s arm. “I promise. I know it feels hopeless right now but whatever happens, you’re not losing Behrad, not the way you think you are.”

Suddenly, Sara’s warmth beside Ava was gone and she was crawling across the trunk of Mick’s car to sit in front of Amaya and Zari, reaching out to take Zari’s hand and tug her just slightly from Amaya’s arms so they could look at each other.

“Listen,” said Sara, her voice quiet and firm. “When we had to drop Laurel off at rehab, I thought my entire world was crashing down around me because I couldn’t imagine any scenario where I could be in any way okay without her, without being able to text her everyday and Skype her like, three times a week and have her visit every birthday and holiday and Christmas without fail.”

Both Lily and Nora’s eyes widened with shock and Ava realised that they didn’t know about Laurel. Their gazes darted to her, expecting to find the same astonishment on her face and they both furrowed their eyebrows into identical looks of surprise when they didn’t find it there.

“Tell you later,” Ava mouthed and they nodded, staying quiet.

“I’m sorry,” said Zari hoarsely. “I didn’t want to make you feel even like shit about Laurel by bringing this up, I know everything with her is even worse -”

“Hey,” interrupted Sara, eyes flashing with determination. “No. Absolutely not. Shut up. This is not a ‘who has it worse’, us trying to outdo each other with our respective sibling pain, dick measuring contest.”

A series of snorts and guffaws of laughter filled the car with sound, and even Zari cracked a grin. Sara winked at her before squeezing Zari’s hand tightly, eyes mellowing into both sympathy and understanding.

“Z, I’m not talking about Laurel to make you feel guilty,” she said gently. “I’m talking about her because I need you to know that Amaya’s right, that it’s gonna be okay. Ideal scenario, your parents realise they’re being kind of ridiculous and connecting two totally unrelated things and Behrad stays here in Star City. But if he does end up leaving, the world isn’t gonna fall apart just because he’s not here, I promise Z.”

Zari’s breath hitched and her eyes flickered to the roof of the car, blinking furiously.

“You’re already doing better than I was because you’re talking to us now,” said Sara. “Which means we can be there for you, no matter what, whatever you need because we _know._ I know how much you love him Z, because that’s how much I love Laurel and as much as that first month was absolute hell, if Behrad goes to boarding school, it’ll get easier eventually okay, I swear.”

“I know it’s not the same,” mumbled Zari.

“It doesn’t have to be the same,” Sara said firmly. “It hurts the same, that’s what counts and I know exactly how much you’re hurting right now.”

Zari didn’t reply, just tightened her grip on Sara’s hand and curled into Amaya a little more. Several heavy moments of silence hung in the car, everyone reluctantly returning to their food and wishing there was something they could do to ease Zari’s unease, to make her feel less lost and upset.

“You know,” said Ava eventually, and everyone’s eyes shifted to her. “My brother left to join the army when I was 13. I know it’s not the same either but Sara’s right in that it hurt the same. It was his choice, so at the time I wasn’t angry at my parents but at _him_ , but that kind of made it hurt even more.”

Zari shuffled to sit upwards a little, moving her legs so she was sitting cross legged instead. “Why’d he go?” she asked, voice still a little hoarse.

“I don’t know,” admitted Ava with a small shrug. “He’s the eldest so he always kind of had the brunt of the rules and stuff, was sort of the guinea pig for our parents on how to successfully raise a kid. I think he needed a way to just get out of Star City and this was the only way he could see _how._ He wasn’t a _bad_ kid either - he had his fair share of sneaking out and going to parties but he did well at school, was a basketball star, everyone liked him.”

“Spencer, right?” said Jax, leaning forward to look across at Ava. “I remember seeing him in a couple games. He was good.”

Ava smiled wryly. “Yeah, he was amazing. I adored him when I was little, thought he was the greatest person on the planet. I would’ve done anything for him, and I’m pretty sure he would’ve for me too. We were the closest out of all my siblings and I was so, so heartbroken when he left. I didn’t speak to him for weeks, even considered not coming to the airport to say goodbye because I was that mad.”

She shook her head, sighing a little shakily. She could still remember Spencer’s face when he told her, the earnestness as he said she would still see him heaps, he would still visit, the broken regret as she’d shoved him away and stormed off, tears streaming down her cheeks. “But the thing was … I was madder for reasons he didn’t even know about. It was an insane year for me - I was just hitting puberty, was gonna start high school soon, it was actually the first time I started to think about my sexuality … I needed him more than ever but he didn’t _know_ that. What I’m saying is, your brother is the kid here, same as I was. I know you’re upset and I know you’re probably really angry too but don’t let Behrad see those things because he can’t control what’s going on anymore than you do. Chances are, he actually needs you more than you need him, he’s probably even more scared at the prospect of leaving and he really needs his sister to tell him it’s gonna be okay. Cause Sara and Amaya are right, it _will_ be okay. You’ve got all of us to tell you that - make sure your brother has someone too.”

Zari’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully and she nodded slowly. “Thanks Ava. I … I actually really needed to hear that. I’ve been so caught up in how I felt about this … I don’t think I’ve even talked to Behrad about how freaked out he must be.”

“Meanwhile, you’ve got us always,” said Nate warmly, reaching out to squeeze Zari’s arm. Zari smiled gratefully, the tenseness disappearing from her shoulders and the frown seeming to ease from her face. Ava could see the slight colour appearing on her cheeks, a self consciousness of being the centre of attention, of having been so vulnerable and Sara seemed to catch it too because she let go of Zari’s hand, shuffled around to face Mick and said “Still got that deck of cards in your glovebox?”

It was easy for conversation to seamlessly shift from there, Sara clambering into the front of the car to retrieve the cards, everyone shifting closer into a circle, huddled under blankets and returning to the food scattered between them. Sara returned to her place beside Ava as she shuffled the cards, nudging Ava’s arm with her own.

“Thanks,” she said, so soft that only the two of them could hear.

“For what?” asked Ava.

Sara’s hands slowed in her shuffling of cards and she bit her bottom lip. “For what you said to Z about your brother. I don’t think anyone else could’ve made her see it like that and she really needed to.” She paused, gaze softening as it flitted to Ava, smile small and slightly sad. “And … for being there when you knew I was thinking about Laurel.”

Ava shook her head, a little surprised. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You didn’t need to,” said Sara, meeting Ava’s eyes for a moment before looking away, clearing her throat. “Alright, what’re we playing team?”

Ava let out a quiet, breath of a laugh, revelling for a moment in the warmth in her chest, in the sounds of laughter and playful arguing and teasing around her, in the still darkness of the beach surrounding them and the surprise of seeing how such a sad, vulnerable moment could turn so quickly into joy and happiness and comfort. And when Sara glanced over her shoulder to look at Ava again, her grin was infectious, so much so that Ava had to roll her eyes and look away because she felt a little ridiculous at how light hearted and free she felt in this moment.

For the first time in a very, very long time, Ava felt like she belonged here.

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_THURS 11:37pm:_

_  
_ _Zari added Ava Sharpe to the chat._

_Zari added Lily Stein to the chat._

_Zari added Gary Green to the chat._

_Zari added Nora Darhk to the chat._

_Zari added Kuasa Jiwe to the chat._

  
**_Z:_ ** **  
** Welcome to the insanity

  
**_Nora:_ ** ****  
@Ray Palmer  Why is your  
nickname ‘Haircut’?

 ****  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **  
** HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ohhhhh boy

 ****  
**_You:_ ** ****  
omg wait lemme find  
the photos

 ****  
**_Haircut:_ ** **  
** NO

Ok well she’s gonna post them  
no matter what I say so

Listen in 5th grade my mom  
thought it’d be a good idea  
to give me a haircut herself

Let’s just say my mom should  
never take up a career in  
hairdressing

 ****  
**_Z:_ ** ****  
I had one of these photos  
as my lockscreen for like a  
month they’re so funny

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Zari Tomaz  same ;’D

 ****  
**_Haircut:_ ** **  
** I hate all of you

 ****  
**_Kuasa:_ ** ****  
You should see the photos of  
the afro Amaya’s mom made  
her have when we were like 4

 ****  
**_Z:_ ** **  
** WHAT

I NEED THIS NOW

 ****  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **  
** K U A S A

 ****  
**_Kuasa:_ ** ****  
Brb lemme go find the photo  
albums

 ****  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** ****  
Do that and I’ll tell your dad  
about the time you snuck out  
past your curfew to go on a date  
w Liam Quinn.

 

 **_Kuasa:_ ** ****  
… Yeah sorry Zari you’re gonna  
have to go without those pics

 ****  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Sent 3 pictures._

 ****  
**_Nora:_ ** **  
** Oh

My

God

 ****  
**_Haircut:_ ** ****  
Oh wow I’d forgotten how  
bad they were

 ****  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **  
** I’m dying oh my god HAHAHA

 ****  
**_Ava:_ ** ****  
Okay well that’s one of the  
greatest things I’ve ever seen  
in my life

 ****  
**_Lily:_ ** ****  
When’s your 18th birthday  
@Ray ? Jw ;’D

 ****  
**_Haircut:_ ** **  
** 31st of February

 ****  
**_Gary:_ ** ****  
It really says something abt  
how tired I am that I genuinely  
thought that was his birthday

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** go to bed gary

(@Lily Stein @Nora Darhk his  
bday is on the 10th of march  
just fyi)

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fantastic

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara why do you hate me?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3 <3

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_FRI 4:18pm:_

  
**_**_Engineer extraordinaire_** :_ **  
i’m so nervous i think i’m gonna  
puke you guys

i can’t

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey

breathe

you guys have had the best  
season SCHS has possibly  
ever seen you’re gonna kick  
ass tonight

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** ****  
And we’re all gonna be there  
to cheer you on bro!

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** Win or lose xxx

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** preferably win

you guys are capable of  
winning so u better do it

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** SARA DON’T PRESSURE HIM

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
I’M A SPORTSPERSON WHAT DO  
U EXPECT RAY

  
 ** _ ** _Engineer extraordinaire_** :_ ** **_  
_ ** lmao tbh i think i needed that

wow

okay

last ever SCHS game

  
**_Lily:_ ** ****  
Dad told me to tell you that he’ll  
be cheering for ya  @Jax

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg bless Mr Stein

  
 ** _Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** ****  
i just wanna make everyone  
proud u know

my mom and my dad if he were  
here to see this and @Lily your  
dad for everything he’s done for  
me and you guys too

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
only person you need to  
make proud is yourself jax

everyone else is proud of u  
already, us more than anyone

just be a legend and play your  
heart out, and like amaya said  
we’ll all be there no matter what

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_jeffersonjax posted 1 new photo:_ **

Last home game as an SCHS wolf and making the playoffs was the best I could have ever asked for!! Not ready to say goodbye to this team or this jersey, but glad to at least have a few more games in it before it all comes to a close #SCHSwolves #fridaynightlights

**_Location: Star City High School_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _lilssstein, saraalance, wallacewesttt_ , _nathanielheywood, and 241 others._  
**_Comments:_ ** ****  
_saraalance:_ TOLD YOU YOU’D KILL IT  
_saraalance:_ SO PROUD OF YOU  <3 <3  
_lilssstein:_ YEAH JEFFERSON WOOOO  
_nathanielheywood:_ CONGRATS  
_jeffersonjax:_ @lilssstein dont call me jefferson lily I s2g just bc ur dad does it  
lilssstein: :-)))))

Friday 18th November.

 

* * *

 


	7. all along i'm (trying to keep the things i thought i lost)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They lay there in silence for a while, content to watch the sky darken as evening turned into night and more stars became visible. It was peaceful, and Sara almost didn’t want it to end, didn’t want either of them to burst the bubble of comfort they were in and bring them crashing back to the reality of why they were out here in the first place. She found herself relieved though, when Ava let out a long exhale and said teasingly, her voice considerably less shaky than before, “I had no idea you were even capable of being that polite and put together.”
> 
> Sara laughed softly and reached out to nudge Ava lightly with her elbow as she said “Yeah, well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
> 
> OR 
> 
> it's thanksgiving, and surprise surprise, ava's homophobic aunt decides to make an appearance, but this time, sara's there for moral support (and if they happen to have a deep, meaningful, heart to heart under the stars in ava's backyard? well that's just a bonus)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update day!!! 
> 
> you guys are honestly the best wow we are so thankful for people who are as invested in this story as you all are! we've received some truly incredible comments this past week (including like, two massive essays that just dive into literally everything they love abt the story which just so happen to pick up on the things we've tried the hardest on, and like, wow ... we are so thankful u have no idea, i literally had a little meltdown at dinner over how sweet your comments have been and my flatmates all took turns to read them bless) 
> 
> ANYWAY. this is another chapter that we are super proud of, it's one of our favs and it's another big turning point of sara and ava's relationship in the fic, so hopefully you love it! the next couple of chapters after this are just super fluffy fillers (one of them is 13.5k words so like .... y'all will be content) so this is last of the three chapter lowkey angst train for a wee while (but there is angst coming, don't you worry ha) 
> 
> just in case, tw for homophobia / blatantly shitty family members, even though a lot of this fic/series talks about that, in case it's something that really gets to you, it is in this chapter so just an fyi! 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from natve by KYKO)

 

**Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

Sara Lance   
_ Active now _

_ WED 10:04am: _

Hey

  
hey

  
don’t u dare ask me something   
abt homework right now ava   
we’re on THANKSGIVING BREAK

  
literally day ONE of thanksgiving   
break if you’re doing homework   
i am about to come over & throw   
it out your fucking window 

  
No I’m not doing homework

  
But you can come over tonight    
at like, 6:45 and stop me from    
committing murder instead

  
what 

  
I’m kidding

Sort of 

Ugh 

My aunt Susan is here for   
Thanksgiving and I’m about   
to either throw her or myself   
off the roof I swear to god

  
yikes 

  
that bad??? 

  
However bad you’re thinking,   
multiply it by 10

  
It’ll be fine tomorrow bc her kids    
are gonna be here and they’re   
actually decent human beings

  
But it’s just Susan today and    
ughhhhhhh

  
I’ve literally been hiding in my   
room all day pretending to do   
homework so I don’t have to see    
them til dinner

  
how much were you kidding   
about me coming over &   
stopping you from committing   
a severe felony? 

  
The felony part? 100% kidding

  
Inviting you over? Only about   
50% kidding 

  
i could if you wanted

  
dad is working tonight so i don’t   
have anywhere to be

  
I feel like it’s my duty to warn   
you that it won’t be in any way   
pleasant

  
Like, it’ll be all kinds of awkward   
and Ali will be cracking jokes all   
night to make mom mad and make   
EVERYONE uncomfortable and then    
Layla will probably make a bunch   
of jabs at both of us to win points as   
Susan’s favourite and my mom will   
be awful and my dad will be trying   
to diffuse the tension and I swear   
it’ll be this big unbearable time 

  
You really don’t have to Sara, I   
was being overdramatic

  
your aunt susan

  
she’s the super conservative one,   
right? 

  
Yeah

  
homophobic? 

  
Yeah

  
what time should i come over?

 

* * *

  
  


_ This is a bad idea _ , Ava thought, shaking her hands out nervously in an attempt to not pace back and forth in front of the doorway. She shouldn’t have dragged Sara into this - it was her problem, her family, and Sara shouldn’t have to sit through this family diner just because Ava didn’t think she could handle it alone. Also … as much as she admired Sara for normally being so open about her sexuality, so bold and unapologetically herself, and Ava had begun to think having her of all people here in the same room as her aunt Susan was just a recipe for disaster.

She’d just turned away, run a desperate hand through her hair and kind of convinced herself to stop freaking out, to go upstairs and breathe for a second, when the doorbell rang shrilly. Ava paused, snapping her eyes shut and letting out a long, anxious sigh as she turned the handle and tugged it open. 

Sara looked amazing, unsurprisingly. Somehow, Sara was one of those people who was capable of pulling off literally any outfit effortlessly and making it look somewhat stylish, and now was a prime example. She wasn’t wearing anything more dressed up than Ava - ¾ length blue jeans, a black, loose fitted silk sleeveless top with a high enough cut that Susan (and Barbara) wouldn’t have a fit over it, a casual grey cardigan overtop and an elegant, camel coloured coat. She’d put on some light makeup and pulled her hair into two neat space buns on the top of her head. Her wide, greeting smile was so familiar and reassuring that Ava couldn’t help but pull her into a hug, embracing her tightly and Sara laughed softly as she squeezed her back as hello. “I take it it’s going well then?”

Ava snorted lightly as she pulled back and flashed Sara an already exhausted smirk, but before she could respond her dad had appeared. Robert gave Sara a warm smile as he took her coat and thanked her for coming. Ava leaned against the doorway to let Sara step inside, watched as she returned Robert’s smile and handed handed him a box of chocolates Ava hadn’t even noticed her carrying. 

“Thank you for letting Ava invite me,” said Sara with her winning Lance beam.

“No problem, kid,” Robert replied with an easy grin, before moving towards the kitchen to check up on dinner. Ava brushed a hand across Sara’s arm, too brief to be mistaken for anything except an accident by anyone but Sara, and then tucked her hands firmly into her pockets, ignoring Sara’s raised eyebrow. “You ready?”

Something resembling surprise and amusement flashed across Sara’s face before she carefully schooled her expression into the picture of innocence, saying in an incredibly un-Sara like voice “I was born ready, Sharpe.” Sara paused for  a moment, her voice softening to something that couldn’t be overheard, also slipping her hands into her back pockets. “Are  _ you _ ready?”

Ava snorted again, less sure this time, desperately trying to give herself the energy and courage to actually  _ be  _ ready for the nightmare that about to ensue because she really, really just wanted to grab her jacket from the coat rack, take Sara’s hand and rush out the front door before anybody could notice. But when she glanced up at Sara, Sara’s eyes were full of patience and understanding. So instead, Ava took a deep breath, steadying herself before murmuring “Yeah. I’m … I’m okay. I’m ready.” 

_ Come on Sharpe,  _ she thought, glancing over her shoulder down the hallway to where the rest of her family was either in the living room or the kitchen.  _ You got this.  _

She nodded in the direction of the living room and Sara seemed to get it, started walking so that Ava had no choice but to snap her legs into action and follow. Barbara was in the kitchen finishing up dinner but came and said a curt hello when Robert informed her that Sara had arrived. Introductions were mostly brief - her parents already knew Sara - at least vaguely in the way they knew all the kids Ava had gone through the past eleven years of schooling with - as did Ali, and Layla didn’t seem to care, still annoyed that Ava had been allowed to invite a friend whilst her request to bring her boyfriend had been ignored (Ava just stopped herself from chuckling at the thought, because it was kind of hilarious just  _ how much  _ her dad despised Layla’s current guy).

Introductions with Susan, however, were another story altogether. Ava had to stop herself from speaking, biting her lip hard as her aunt’s disapproving gaze skimmed over Sara’s clothes before returning to her face and giving her a terse greeting, as if she already resented Sara for intruding on their precious family time. Ava felt her jaw tense - there was nothing about Sara that indicated  _ anything  _ that Susan had any real  _ reason  _ to dislike, yet Susan was clearly picking out flaws already. Ava curled her hands into fists behind her back, nostrils flaring when Susan just let out a quiet “Hm” and asked Sara how she knew Ava. It was clear what she was doing - she wanted to know if Sara was Ava’s girlfriend and it made Ava  _ beyond  _ mad. Ali must’ve sensed that because she leaned over, poking Ava’s leg as a distraction and murmuring “I was kinda hoping Sara would come wearing a pride flag as a cape.” 

Ava had to turn her back to Susan as she choked on her laughter, slapping Ali’s arm as her sister also dissolved into giggles. 

“Alison, behave yourself,” said Susan, arching an unimpressed eyebrow, and Ali struggled to compose herself, coughing a little as the quiet laughter stuck in her throat. 

There was no way Sara hadn’t heard, she was definitely close enough, but she didn’t even bat an eyelid, just gave Susan a firm handshake (Ava suspected it was stronger than necessary because Susan’s eyes widened and she looked a little perturbed momentarily, and Ava and Ali both pointedly avoided looking at each other so they didn’t burst into laughter again). Only once Susan had gone to offer her help to Ava’s parents in the kitchen did Sara turn to face Ali and Ava, immediately throwing a couch cushion at Ali, a wide grin on her face as she said “Are you kidding me little Sharpe? Aren’t I supposed to be making a  _ good  _ impression and then you go off saying something like that?” 

Ali winked as she jumped to her feet, shoved the cushion back at Sara and said “Buckle up, heaps more where that came from.” 

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Ava hissed, attempting to trip Ali up but Ali just dodged and gave Ava a cocky grin as she disappeared down the hallway. 

“She’s fun,” smirked Sara, tossing the cushion back to the couch. 

“She’s a pain in my ass, that’s what she is,” muttered Ava. “I told her to take it  _ easy  _ tonight, Susan’s gonna make this painful enough without Ali throwing a wrench in it all with her provoking comments.” 

“Hey,” said Sara, elbowing Ava gently. “Breathe. It’ll be fine.” 

Ava exhaled shakily, wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans and offering Sara a small, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for Ali. And … I dunno, everything that’s to come tonight.” 

“Stop apologising,” said Sara sternly. “I knew what I was signing up for here. I’m just here to make this less agonising for you.” 

Ava paused, eyes softening. “I appreciate this Sara. Seriously.” 

Sara just shrugged, trademark smirk on her face. “What are friends for if not to help you through uncomfortable family dinners with horribly conservative relatives?” 

Ava rolled her eyes, hip checking Sara before swerving around the coffee table and grabbing her phone from the mantlepiece to check it quickly before placing it back where it was and letting her eyes flicker over Sara’s outfit once more. “Thanks for uh … dressing … um …” 

“Not gay?” finished Sara, grinning. 

Ava rolled her eyes again but the smile she gave Sara was sheepish and guilty. “Yeah.” 

“I know I’m the person who usually intentionally tries to make a situation worse, but I  _ can  _ be responsible sometimes you know,” said Sara, jaw dropping when Ava snorted. “Excuse me!” she added defensively.

“Sorry, it’s just you and responsible in the same sentence is a lot,” teased Ava, easily stepping away from Sara indignantly throwing a pillow in her direction like she had at Ali earlier. Before either of them could continue a conversation, Susan returned to the room with Barbara and Robert, each of them holding a glass of wine. Barbara and Susan were engaged in a conversation that Ava was certain she didn’t want to be a part of, and was immensely relieved when Robert told her and Sara to go help Ali set the table. 

“Sara’s a guest, she shouldn’t have to do Ava’s chores,” said Susan briskly. 

Ava smothered down the urge to snap something rude and just put on as joking of a smile as she could manage and said “Well I’m not leaving her here to get interrogated by you guys, so she can just admire Mom’s pride and joy of a renovated kitchen while me and Ali do all the incredibly difficult manual labour of setting the table.” 

Robert coughed to disguise a laugh and Barbara shot Ava a warning look as Ava dragged Sara into the kitchen, huffing frustratedly. Ali caught sight of the expression on Ava’s face as they walked in and grimaced. 

“Yeah Aves, you can do napkins and cutlery,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Pretty sure you would crush any glass or plate you held right now.” 

Ava glared at her sister but didn’t argue, catching the stack of cloth napkins Ali tossed in her direction and carefully laying them out on the table while Sara surveyed the dining room, eyeing the photographs along the walls with a small smile and poking her head around the doorways to catch a glimpse of the rest of the house. 

“Your house is gorgeous,” she announced as Ali straightened up the last of the chairs. 

“It’s a lot, I know,” said Ava, flushing with slight embarrassment. The Sharpe home was the clearest indication that her family were wealthy. Robert was a doctor and owned his own separate clinic that Ava worked at every summer, so his wealth was unsurprising. Barbara was an elementary school teacher but came from a rich family, and the Sharpe family home as a result was hugely extravagant. They’d done several unnecessary remodelings and renovations over Ava’s lifetime, had built an enormous patio out back that included a spa, had installed a basketball hoop against the garage, built a pool house and two guest bedrooms (one upstairs, one down, though the downstairs one was currently a makeshift storage room of sorts for sports gear, old school books and clothes put aside to give away to charity). Ava had always been uncomfortable with how much her family - particularly her mother’s family - flaunted their wealth, especially when so many of her friends came from much more modest backgrounds. While Sara’s house was lovely, spacious, well kept and modern, Ava was very aware of how much larger and fancier her home was and found herself self conscious of what Sara might be thinking as she first took in the space. 

“I like it,” said Sara, seeming to sense Ava’s unease. “It suits you guys.” 

“You mean it suits Mom’s innate need to have the best house of all her siblings,” piped up Ali with a grin before she stuck her head out into the hallway and called “Table’s set Mom!” 

Ava straightened her shoulders, flexing her hands anxiously before glancing over at Sara. “You sure you’re ready for this?” 

Sara chuckled softly, rolled her eyes at Ava’s uncertainty and bumped their arms together. “Since when have Sara Lance and Ava Sharpe ever been afraid of a challenge, huh? We got this.” 

 

Ava was shocked at how smoothly dinner went. Her parents and Susan monopolised most of the conversation, and when Susan  _ did  _ address Ava, Ali or Layla, thankfully it was to ask menial questions about school (or college, in Layla’s case). When she asked Ava what her plans were for college, Ava informed her aunt of her early applications to Yale, Harvard, Princeton, Columbia, Stanford and Brown, as well as a few non-Ivy League schools like Rutgers and NYU. Out of the corner of her eye, Ava saw Sara’s flicker over to her momentarily, clearly impressed at Ava’s choices in colleges. Ava wished they weren’t  _ here _ , weren’t stuck at a dinner that felt more like an uncomfortable, awkward interrogation because this was one thing she and Sara hadn’t chatted about yet, and given how hard Sara worked at school these days, Ava was dying to know what her college plans were. She made a mental note to text Sara about it later, instead just staying quiet, returning her attention to her food and praying that the rest of the dinner would go without a hitch so it would be  _ over  _ soon. 

In hindsight, Ava felt like she should’ve known it was too good to be true. 

Robert was clearing the last of the dinner plates from the table while Barbara carefully placed desserts down in front of everyone when Susan decided it was time to interrogate Sara. 

“So … Sara,” she said, her smile thin and shallow. “You and Ava know each other through school, was it?”

“That’s right,” said Sara. “We’re in the same friend group.” 

“Ah. And … why are you here tonight?” The undertone of  _ what  _ she was asking was obvious, the reiteration of her implied question from earlier, the blatant  _ are you Ava’s girlfriend, are you  _ **_like_ ** _ Ava, are you gay too?,  _ making Ava’s blood boil and skin itch uncomfortably. Sara didn’t even seem fazed though, just took it in her stride and offered Susan a winning smile. 

“Well, my dad’s a captain for the Star City Police Department,” she said, looking Susan dead in the eye. “He’s working late tonight and Ava was kind enough to invite me over for dinner seeing as I didn’t have any plans.” 

Susan seemed mildly impressed by Sara’s father’s profession (Ava guessed that was because the cops where she was from were  _ not _ good hearted, justice-seeking, morally sound people like Quentin was), eyes darting to Ava to gauge how she was reacting. It took considerable effort for Ava to maintain her smiling poker face. 

Susan nodded slowly, taking a long sip of wine before returning her almost predatory gaze on Sara and casually asking with a smile that made Ava want to  _ throw  _ something at her, “Where’s your mother tonight then, if your father’s working late?” 

“My parents divorced when I was younger,” said Sara, not batting an eyelid. “I live with my dad, my mom is based in Chicago.” 

Susan’s expression shifted to disapproval and it took everything Ava had not to physically drag Sara out of the room because  _ God _ , it was not fair that she had to deal with this just because Ava had invited her over for moral support, this was  _ ridiculous -  _

“What are your plans for college, then Sara?” asked Robert as he pulled up his chair and finally took his seat again. Ava shot her father a grateful look and he returned it with a small, knowing smile as Sara began talking. 

“Actually, I’m applying for a lot of the same schools Ava has it turns out,” said Sara, shooting Ava a grin. “Both me and my friend Zari are aiming to play Ivy League soccer so we’re applying for all the best soccer teams those schools have to offer.” 

Susan appeared impressed by that too and the tension dissipated in the room momentarily, much to Ava’s relief. It fell quiet for a few seconds as they all dug into their desserts - grilled peaches and vanilla ice cream (Robert’s specialty) - but any mediocum of calmness and civility Ava felt about the whole situation vanished when Susan broke the silence by asking “Do you have any siblings Sara?” 

The way Sara tensed was barely noticeable, and Ava knew at least her mom, Layla and Susan wouldn’t have noticed, especially from where around the table they were sitting. She wouldn’t put it past her ever observant dad to pick up on something, or Ali, who at least knew Sara a little and might have been able to tell she was suddenly uncomfortable. But Sara didn’t hesitate, didn’t falter, just plastered on the fakest smile Ava had ever seen in her life and answered with “Yeah, actually. An older sister, Laurel - she’s Layla’s age. She’s currently studying Politics at Stanford, planning on getting into Law school.” 

There was an edge to her voice that wasn’t there usually, again something that to anyone who didn’t  _ know  _ Sara, wouldn’t even be an issue. But for almost three months now, Ava had spent all day every day with Sara, studying with her, sitting in class with her, bickering sometimes but mostly just  _ talking _ , laughing and joking at lunch time, hanging out after school with their friends, doing their history project, going to Jax’s football games - and Ava could tell that though Susan might not know it, she’d achieved her goal in finding one of Sara’s vulnerabilities. 

Ava knew her mom was right there, knew Susan was too, but she didn’t care at this point and couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and squeezing Sara’s thigh under the table. Sara let out a soft, subtle exhale and relaxed just a fraction, her hand slipping under the table to curl around Ava’s and clutch it tightly in thanks. Ava glanced across the table, saw the question in Ali’s eyes and knew immediately her sister had noticed Sara’s reaction. She gave Ali a  _ look  _ which Ali understood, changing topic immediately by asking Susan about one of their cousins which quickly changed the track of conversation. 

Dessert passed without any more drama, and again, Ava found herself falling into the trap of hoping that maybe, just maybe, that would be the only real uncomfortable encounter of the evening and that maybe they were actually going to get through the whole dinner without a scene. She was just beginning to daydream about slamming her bedroom door shut, getting into her pyjamas and watching an episode of Buffy in bed, when Layla excitedly brought up her friend Nia, who had recently gotten engaged and made Layla a bridesmaid. 

Susan chuckled with a warmth she only ever exhibited towards Layla (and Spencer, when he was here) as she said “Well it’ll be you before you know it, honey!” She smiled at Barbara and Robert, her southern tang more pronounced with the term of endearment, before she added “You two better start preparin’ yourselves - in the next five or so years, you’ll be handing your little girls over to their future husbands!” 

“Or wives,” said Ali automatically, and the entire room fell quiet. 

In all honesty, Ava hadn’t even been listening closely enough to what Susan was saying to realise her purposeful use of ‘husbands’ to describe  _ all  _ their future partners, but as soon as Ali spoke, the realisation of what her sister had risked saying sunk in and she immediately sent a grateful smile in Ali’s direction (because they both knew Ali would be in a  _ lot  _ of trouble with Barbara later for this). 

“Yes, well,” said Susan, pursing her lips into a tight line.”We’ll see. Ava, darling, I still think that when the right man comes along, you’ll snap out of this …  _ unfortunate experimentation _ , let’s call it.” 

If the silence could have gotten quieter, it did, and the temperature in the room seemed to drop to  _ ice.  _ Ava’s stomach churned and there was angry, fuming white noise that abruptly began buzzing in her ears, the words  _ unfortunate experimentation  _ ringing loudly in her mind. Though time seemed to slow down with the awful, weighted comment hanging in the air, in reality, it only took a second of silence before the tightly wound coil of still suspense snapped as Ali’s dessert fork clattered to her plate loudly and Robert exclaimed “Susan! That is unacceptable!” Even Barbara shifted in discomfort, Layla’s jaw hung open in shock. Sara, whose poker face had been  _ perfect  _ all evening, looked astonished, her eyes darting to Ava ready to back up any play, offer any form of comfort or support any argument Ava was ready to make. 

Because Ava could see the fire in Sara’s eyes, could tell how much she wanted to fight on Ava’s behalf but still wanted to let Ava make that decision for herself, to not overstep. And part of Ava - the part that was still alight with rage and defiance, the part that couldn’t believe that those words could even come out of someone who was supposed to  _ care  _ about her’s mouth -  _ did  _ want to hold her own and call Susan out. But overshadowing the anger was shock, because Susan had made subtle digs before, had quietly expressed her disapproval, but never once had she said anything as blatantly homophobic as this and Ava felt a low, numb ache in her chest, the telltale burn of tears behind her eyelids. 

So instead of arguing, she just glanced up at her father, and, in a voice that was much calmer and stiller than she expected, said quietly “Can I be excused?” All eyes flickered to her, surprised by her low, controlled voice. Ali’s eyes were wide with worry, Sara looked as though she was about to reach for Ava’s arm, hell, even Barbara of all people seemed as though she was about to say something. But Ava knew the minute any of them spoke, she was going to lose it so she looked pleadingly at her dad, already shuffling to the edge of her seat, ready to run.

Robert hadn’t even finished nodding before she was out of the room.

 

* * *

 

 

The moment Susan had spoken Sara felt the room freeze, and her eyes instantly shot to Ava as she started to reach out, not knowing what to do but desperate to do  _ something. _ Because right now, she wanted nothing more than to wipe Susan’s self-righteous expression off her face, to tear her apart with words and demand to know how she could be so heartless and demeaning towards her own niece. But this was still Ava’s fight, and as much as Sara wanted to, she couldn’t interfere with that. She had to give Ava a chance to respond. But when Ava finally spoke, it was to Robert, and her voice was deathly quiet, didn’t even have a single trace of anger. 

“Can I be excused?”

Ava’s words were much calmer than she expected, almost still, but Sara could see the glimmer of unshed tears in Ava’s eyes, and as Sara moved to reach out a hand to grasp Ava’s as tightly as she could - homophobic relatives be damned - Ava shuffled away, perched right on the edge of her seat. 

Robert nodded and Ava bolted, exiting the room as fast as she possibly could, and Sara longed to curl her fingers around Ava’s wrist like she had the year before and tell her everything would work out. The room was silent apart from the faint echo of Ava’s chair legs scraping hastily across the floor and the subsequent slam of the back door, and Sara’s eyes flickered to meet Ali’s, whose were filled with identical concern. Ali barely had to nod before Sara was on her feet too, following Ava out into the garden.

She found Ava on the the patio out back that overlooked the excessively large garden space the Sharpes owned. She was leaning against the railing as if it was the only thing holding her up, her head was ducked down, eyes closed, breathing shaky and unsteady. Sara saw Ava stiffen at the sound of the door opening, but she made no attempt to move or open her eyes as Sara cautiously stepped closer, careful not to invade her personal space. She’d learned, after years of being friends with Mick and Zari, that as much as she wanted to wrap her arms around people and pull them close when they were hurting, it wasn’t always what _they_ needed. And she hated that for all that they’d grown close over the last few months, she still didn’t know enough about Ava to know what she wanted or to understand how much space to give her. Sara swallowed, leaning back against a patch of the railing near Ava and whistling softly through her teeth. “Shit, Aves, I knew you guys were rich, but I didn’t realise you were loaded till now. Pretty sure my entire fucking house could fit in your backyard. Like, is that a goddamn _pool house_?”

Ava let a choked laugh fall from her lips and she finally looked up at Sara. Her eyes were red but they were dry, and the fierce anger burning there seemed to overshadow the need to cry over Susan’s hurtful comment. The anger didn’t surprise Sara. Why would it; Ava was Ava, not someone who’d let people just walk all over her without a second thought - but Sara  _ was  _ shocked by an intensity to Ava’s gaze that Sara hadn’t seen before. What did surprise Sara was Ava’s hesitance as she moved to step closer but stopped herself at the last minute, a flicker of shame and embarrassment in her expression before she looked away, eyes drifting back towards the railing.

Sara felt her own anger bubbling in her veins, and she wanted nothing more than to storm back into the house and demand to know why Susan thought it was okay to make Ava doubt her own sexuality, why she thought it was okay to make Ava doubt  _ herself,  _ and why Ava’s parents seemed okay to just let it happen. But that wasn’t what Ava needed right now - _ not that you know what Ava needs _ , she reminded herself with slight frustration.

Still not wanting to crowd Ava’s personal space, Sara took a step backwards before sitting down on the patio and then lying back to stare at the night sky. She had never really been able to see the stars well from her own home, but Ava lived in the fancier area of their neighbourhood. Here the houses were further apart and had bigger gardens with less street lamps and light pollution, and Sara could see the stars twinkling vibrantly above her. It took a moment, but eventually Ava also lay down on the patio, not touching but close enough that Sara could feel her body heat, a direct contrast to the cool November air. 

“I’m sorry you have to go through that,” said Sara softly.

She still couldn’t see Ava’s face, but Sara heard her scoff lightly as she muttered “Pretty sure I should be saying that to you.” Sara rolled her eyes, even though she knew that Ava couldn’t see her, and resisted the urge to reach out and take Ava’s hand as an act of comfort and reassurance. They lay there in silence for a while, content to watch the sky darken as evening turned into night and more stars became visible. It was peaceful, and Sara almost didn’t want it to end, didn’t want either of them to burst the bubble of comfort they were in and bring them crashing back to the reality of why they were out here in the first place. She found herself relieved though, when Ava let out a long exhale and said teasingly, her voice considerably less shaky than before, “I had no idea you were even capable of being that polite and put together.”

Sara laughed softly and reached out to nudge Ava lightly with her elbow as she said “Yeah, well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Ava hummed, barely audible before murmuring “Yeah, I guess there is, actually.”

Sara paused for a moment. “There’s a lot I don’t know about you too, I guess,” she said thoughtfully, a wry smile crossing her face. “We never really made an effort to properly get to know each other when we were rivals, and then we kind of skipped the ‘hi, nice to meet you’ part of the friendship.”

She tried to ignore the burst of warmth in her chest as she mentioned their  _ friendship _ , but when Ava gave let slip a pleased chuckle she gave up, letting her lips curve upwards into a grin. It was still disconcerting, this sudden shift in their relationship, and calling Ava her  _ friend  _ and meaning it still felt foreign even if it did make her feel dumb and giddy in a way that would’ve been embarrassing had she not caught Ava with a similar expression on her face every time Sara deliberately let the word slip from her lips. She rolled over onto her stomach, propping her head up on her hands as she grinned down at Ava, who was still lying on her back. 

“Okay then,” she said decidedly. “20 questions. That’s a good way to get to know people, right?”

Even in the dim glow of the patio lights, Sara saw the way Ava rolled her eyes and chuckled “When you’re in grade school, sure.”

Sara glared at her lightly. “You wanna go back in there Sharpe? Or do you want to play this stupid icebreaker with me?”

She heard Ava sigh exasperatedly and knew she wasn’t going to refuse, especially as a small smile began to creep onto her face, making her seem more relaxed than she had been all evening. 

“Okay,” she said, huffing, “but … no questions. We just … I dunno, tell each other things we think the other person doesn’t know, and if they do know it, it doesn’t count. Up to twenty, first person to run out of things loses.”

Sara snorted and adjusted her position so the patio was no longer digging into her hips. “Of course you had to make this into a competition.”

“It’s us,” Ava replied instantly with a shrug and a sly smirk. “Did you expect anything else?” 

Sara swore under her breath but the unwavering, affectionate grin on her face gave her away, and she stole a glance in Ava’s direction to find Ava’s eyes sparkling with amusement. Even though she seemed far more relaxed than she had been earlier, her muscles were still tense and she clearly hadn’t forgotten what was still waiting for them inside the house. Sara briefly thought again about reaching out to take her hand, but instead bit her lip and gave Ava’s leg a soft nudge with one knee. “Okay, well prompt me or something, I can’t just think of something on the spot.”

Ava rolled her eyes, falling silent for a second to think before saying “Tell …. tell me something you  _ can’t _ do.”

Sara felt her eyebrows creep up towards her hairline and couldn’t help her quiet noise of surprise. Ava smirked at her again, warmer and softer this time, and Sara hummed thoughtfully for a moment before she replied. “Play any sport other than soccer.”

A flash of surprise crossed Ava’s face and Sara grinned, happy to have caught her out. Ava pushed herself up onto her elbows, leaning closer into Sara’s space “Wait, really?”

Sara nodded, shrugging slightly. “Yeah. I mean, I can do some martial arts, but other sports? No chance. Laurel played softball in grade school and lacrosse for a bit in high school and she tried to teach me but I have  _ terrible _ hand eye coordination. Like … you know all the games where you have to hit a ball with a bat or a racket or something? Forget it, no way. I can never judge when to swing the bat and I never hit the ball and it’s just an all round bad time.” She smiled wryly, gave Ava another shrug. “I started playing soccer when I was six, and never looked back.”

Ava looked at her for a long moment, as if she was filing the information away for later before she said with a quiet chuckle “I bet you’d be good at basketball, you know.”

“Aves, I’m so tiny,” Sara laughed softly, leaning onto her left side so she had a hand free to poke Ava in the stomach teasingly.

Ava squirmed away with laughter in her eyes, and Sara couldn’t help but notice that this was the happiest and least on edge she’d looked all evening.

“You don’t have to be tall to play basketball,” said Ava insistently. “You need the short players to make things interesting.”

Sara tilted her head in Ava’s direction in acknowledgement before rolling back over and lying back down on her back in the middle of the patio, staring up at the sky, lost in thought. “Your turn then. Tell me why you stopped playing basketball.” 

Sara heard Ava’s breath hitch and rolled over, concerned, watching as Ava moved her elbows so she too was lying on her back, next to Sara but carefully avoiding her eye. Putting Ava back on edge was the exact opposite of what Sara was trying to do, and she bit her lip. “Ava? You don’t have to - ”

“No, don’t,” Ava murmured quietly, still avoiding her eye. “I will. It’s not … I uh … ” She shook her head, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I don’t mind telling you.” There was a slight emphasis on the final word and Sara’s stomach flipped at the undercurrent of what that meant - that Ava wouldn’t necessarily tell anyone else, that Sara was special somehow. A beat of silence fell between them, before Ava let out a breath, and said quietly “I was scared.”

She was … what? Sara frowned, stopped herself from scoffing a little at how strange it sounded and instead just asked, as unobtrusively as possible, “Of making it big?” 

Ava shook her head again, and Sara couldn’t see her face, but her voice sounded slightly hoarse as she started “No, no, not of that. I always knew I was good, especially spending my whole life around Dad and Spencer. Seeing Spence do so well at it in high school made me  _ excited  _ to get there, to make him proud, you know? I would’ve loved to have ended up playing college ball. But … when I was thirteen, in eighth grade, I … I first discovered being gay was a thing through schoolyard gossip and stuff. And it was through all the stereotypes - girls who were super butch and were really muscly and played sport, or who didn’t like dresses or weren’t super girly, any girl who  _ didn’t  _ fit in somehow would get bullied and laughed at, would get called a lesbian as an insult when the teachers weren’t listening. I’d spent my whole life raised by a Christian mom who never outwardly said being gay was bad, but hinted that anything other than the norm was wrong. And that, coupled with everything I heard about at school … it made me scared that maybe that was me. And even more than that, I think I was scared of people  _ thinking  _ that was me, of my family maybe finding out. So when the season was over I told dad I was quitting basketball. When he asked why, I couldn’t exactly tell him I was scared it was making me gay or something, so instead I just lied and said I wanted to focus on grades more in high school. He didn’t look like he believed me, but he supported me anyway.”

Ava finally rolled over onto her side so Sara could see her as she finished speaking. “That’s when I made Nora teach me how to do makeup, let mom buy me a few skirts and dresses to wear at birthdays and thanksgivings, grew my hair out past my collarbones … just ... tried to become someone people wouldn’t notice.” Her eyes flickered up to Sara’s hesitantly, offered Sara a sad, resigned smile that made Sara’s heart sink into her stomach. She hoped it was dark enough that Ava couldn’t see the pity in her eyes, because Ava of all people would loathe being pitied right now. But Sara’s heart ached, she couldn’t quite manage to pull her emotions together because Ava deserved  _ so much better.  _ She’d thought that everything she’d had to deal with her mom’s disapproval last year was the height of unfair in trying to deal with her sexuality, had only been proved wrong tonight when she’d encountered Susan, but now … this was something else. Ava hadn’t come out until she was 16. That meant there had been three long, lonely, terrified years where Ava had been trying to come to terms with being gay after being conditioned her entire life to believe it was wrong, after listening to the horrible names and discriminatory slurs her classmates threw around during lunch. 

This time, Sara couldn’t stop herself from slipping her hand into Ava’s, giving it a tight squeeze and not letting go as she ran her thumb softly across Ava’s knuckles. She couldn’t even think of a coherent response, because this had suddenly become so much more than some breezy game they were playing to pass time and distract themselves from having to go back inside. Sara could see the pain in Ava’s eyes at the memory, and even  _ worse _ , could see the acceptance and resignation, as if it was now just a  _ part  _ of who she was. Sara sighed. This could have so, so easily been her if her parents had been different, or if she hadn’t had someone like Laurel who she could tell so early on. She cleared her throat quietly, swallowing the lump in her that had formed there as Ava had spoken, before she asked in a soft voice “What about now? Now you know? You could try out for the team this year.”

Ava shook her head, looking Sara in the eyes despite the darkness. Her voice was quiet when she spoke, calm in a way that Sara couldn’t even fathom. 

“Nah,” Ava said with a shrug. “As much as buckling down at school started off as an excuse for quitting basketball, it really did become a part of who I was quicker than I expected. I don’t wanna be valedictorian just to keep up the act, not anymore.” She was telling the truth, Sara could see that, but she could also hear the unmistakable longing and regret in her voice, could imagine what it would feel like if she had to give up soccer after so many years of it becoming an integral part of who she was. So she squeezed Ava’s hand again and murmured softly “Maybe … maybe you can teach me then.”

Ava smiled, rolling onto her front and propping herself up on her elbows to mirror Sara’s position from earlier. “Yeah,” she murmured with a shy smile. “I’d like that.” She swallowed, words barely a whisper when she added, in a slightly pleading tone “Tell me something else.”

Sara nodded, immediately understanding. Talking about Ava coming to terms with her sexuality was far too similar to what had just happened inside with Susan, and it was  _ too much  _ right now. The conversation quickly dissolved into little discussions about things they didn’t know about each other, nothing too heavy or emotional, and Sara once again found herself surprised by just how much there was to Ava that she’d never found out about over the years due to the distance between them. She learned that Ava knew how to surf, and that she was closest to Spencer out of all of her siblings, although the more time that passed with Spencer away, she was quickly becoming closer to Ali instead. She learned that Ava was the biggest Harry Potter fan (turned out they both were), that she used to drive her parents mad by sitting in her room and reading whilst she was supposed to be getting ready for school, that she was a fantastic cook, and that she once temporarily dyed her hair blue during the summer to freak her mom out. In return, Sara told Ava that she could dance (trying not to feel overly smug at the way Ava's jaw dropped at the revelation), that she still knew some Arabic from what Nyssa had taught her while they’d been dating, that the only thing she knew how to cook was pasta and pancakes because both she and her dad were useless at cooking, and Laurel was the one who always took care of that. 

 

Neither of them realised just how much time had passed until the back door opened and Ali stepped tentatively out onto the patio, giving them both a long look of both fondness and apprehension, before she moved to sit next to where they both lay. Ava was still laughing, apparently not having seen her sister, and Sara slapped her gently on the arm, grinning and insisting “Shut up, I was four!” before she poked Ava in the arm and gestured towards Ali. 

Ali smiled softly as Ava sat up, and then gave Ava’s shoulder a gentle nudge with her own “You okay?”

Ava nodded, reaching out a hand to pull Sara up too as she answered “Yeah, I’m … I’m alright.” She bit her lip, sighing heavily as the reality of  _ everything  _ she and Sara had managed to escape from seemed to come rushing back in an instant. “You didn’t have to do that Al,” she whispered. “Really. You’re gonna be in so much trouble later, and all because of me.”

Ali snorted, rolling her eyes as she said jokingly “I’m  _ always _ in so much trouble Aves, Mom wasn’t gonna wait that long before she dragged me across the coals.” When Ava’s frown deepened instead of lessening Ali sighed, leaning back on her arms, smile still on her face as she continued “Besides, it wasn’t just for you - do you know how long I’ve been waiting to see that smug ‘I’m too good for you’  smile wiped off Susan’s face? I wasn’t just gonna let that opportunity pass me by.”

Finally, the smile returned to Ava’s face and she gave Ali’s leg a light, grateful squeeze. Sara leaned back on her hands to mirror Ali’s position as she asked “So you finally escaped too lil’ Sharpe?”

Ali sighed again, and Sara initially thought it was due to the nickname but then Ali’s expression fell further as she scrunched her nose slightly in disgust. “Not really. I’m just a messenger. Dad’s giving you guys an out, said that you can take the car to drop Sara off, go on a detour and take a ridiculous amount of time to get home and then come back in through the back door and go to bed. I meanwhile, am going to have to deal with McBitch Umbridge for like, forty-five minutes before I can retreat to bed or something. You don’t deserve me, honestly, the things I do for you.” 

Sara laughed at the indignance and pure cockiness in Ali’s voice while Ava just rolled her eyes and shoved her sister lightly. But any tension in Ava’s shoulders just disappeared with the knowledge that she didn’t have to go back inside, that she didn’t have to face Susan (or Barbara) tonight and both Sara and Ali caught the way she exhaled softly in relief. 

“Here,” said Ali, tossing Ava the keys. “Layla was all mad that Dad was making her give up the car, which is dumb because where the hell is she gonna go at this hour now that they’ve given her a curfew so she’s not at her boyfriend’s all night, you know?” 

“It’s because she’s  _ Layla, _ ” muttered Ava darkly, catching the keys effortlessly and glancing over at Sara. “You good to go?” 

Honestly, Sara wasn’t. She liked talking to Ava, liked being out here in the cold Autumn air, laughing and telling stories with the fairy lights strung up around the patio, with the enormous garden before them and the swing that hung from the huge tree in the middle of the yard, and the odd comfort and familiarity they’d begun to find with each other. But she nodded, offered Ava a smile as she said “Yeah, whenever you are.” 

Ava frowned suddenly, eyes flashing with discomfort. “Shit. Your coat’s inside.” She looked so terrified at the prospect of having to go back and walk through the living room, risk confrontation with any of her family, that Sara just shook her head, bumping her knee against Ava’s. 

“Leave it,” she said. “I’ll swing by and get it sometime soon, or you can bring it with you next time you come over to do History. Let’s just get out of here.” 

Ava nodded, overwhelming gratitude in her eyes. Sara pulled herself to her feet, sharing a  _ look _ with Ava at Ali’s overdramatic, exasperated huff of protest, before she grinned and ruffled Ali’s carefully arranged hair, making the younger Sharpe yelp and swat Sara’s hands away. 

“Come  _ on,  _ I did my hair like this purposefully to aggravate Aunt Su!” she complained, trying to fix it in the reflection of the back door despite it being almost completely condensated over. 

“Leave it Al,” said Ava, kicking Ali’s food lightly. “Come on.” 

Ali blinked. “Where are we going?” 

Sara exchanged a smirk with Ava before reaching out to her hand to offer it to Ali. “What, you thought we were gonna leave you here?” 

A mischievous smile crossed Ali’s face and she took Sara’s hand to haul herself up. “Mom will be mad that Susan won’t have anyone to pick on,” she reminded Ava. 

Ava shrugged, twirling her keys around her finger and nodding towards the car. “She’ll let it slide because of what Susan said to me, trust me. Even if Mom agrees with it, she knows it was wrong and fucked up, so I just have to claim that I needed you as ‘moral support’ and voila, grounding avoided.” 

Sara hummed, arching an eyebrow. “I think I’m a bad influence on you Aves.” 

Ava glanced back at her, flashing her a surprisingly sincere smile given all their joking and teasing. “Yeah well,” she said, with an only half-kidding shrug of her shoulders, “I’m not complaining.” 

Ali, who had raced to the car, hissed at Ava to open the door so they could get out of the cold. Before Sara could answer, Ava hurried down the patio steps and to the driveway, trusting Sara to follow as she made her way to the car. Sara bit her bottom lip, slipping into the passenger’s seat and sending Ava a barely there, affectionate, and half surprised grin as Ava’s eyes flickered to her to make sure she was set, seatbelt on and all. 

“Not complaining either,” she murmured, soft enough that Ali wouldn’t hear. “Turns out, being Ava Sharpe’s friend isn’t as bad as 14 year old me would have thought.” 

To that, Ava just laughed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_ Sara Lance _

**iMessage** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Thursday**

****  
**_9:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey

****__  
**_9:49am:_ ** ****__  
Thank you (and sorry) again   
for yesterday

****__  
**_9:49am:_ ** ****__  
You have no idea how much   
I appreciate it, I wouldn’t   
have managed without you

****__  
**_10:37am:_ ** ****__  
firstly, apologies for the late   
reply i only just woke up

  
**_10:37am:_ ** ****__  
you don’t need to apologise   
or thank me aves, it was   
actually pretty fun until your   
aunt revealed her gross raging   
blatant homophobia

****__  
**_10:38am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah we all have our flaws

****__  
**_10:39am:_ ** ****__  
i think ali put it pretty nicely   
with the ‘mcbitch umbridge’   
thing that was pretty accurate 

****__  
**_10:40am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I mean she wasn’t wrong

****__  
**_10:40am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey, by the way

**_  
_****_10:40am:_** ** _  
_** Are you and your dad, idk  
gonna be okay today? With  
Laurel not here? The holidays  
can’t be an easy time for you  
guys this year. Do you need   
anything?

****__  
**_10:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** wow 

****__  
**_10:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** aves that’s really sweet

****__  
**_10:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** we’re okay

****__  
**_10:43am:_ ** ****__  
just gonna do it all super   
lowkey this year, you know?

****__  
**_10:43am:_ ** ****__  
managed to get a hold of that    
super nice receptionist jonah   
who’s gonna give us an hour or   
so to call laurel in the afternoon

****__  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh, that’s so cool!

****__  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** honestly bless his soul tbh

****__  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you though xx seriously

  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I owe you anyway X

  
**_10:45am:_ ** ****__  
okay this owing thing is ridiculous   
aves, this is gonna be our deal:

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** you need me, i’m there, got it?

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ditto then

  
**_10:46am:_ ** **_  
_ ** glad we got that sussed

  
**_10:46am:_ ** ****__  
speaking of, you gonna want   
to escape at all after the big   
grand sharpe family lunch?

  
**_10:46am:_ ** **_  
_ ** you’re welcome to come over

  
**_10:47am:_ ** ****__  
Depending on how it goes   
I’ll let you know?

  
**_10:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** sounds good

  
**_10:59am:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey aves?

  
**_10:59am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah?

  
**_11:00am:_ ** **_  
_ ** happy thanksgiving

  
**_11:00am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Happy Thanksgiving Sara X


	8. i didn't plan it (but the light turned red and i ran it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shut up, you two!” complained Zari loudly, glaring at them. “Take your flirty bickering somewhere else!” 
> 
> There was a chorus of shushing and hisses to shut up, and Ava wasn’t sure if they were aimed at Zari, or at her and Sara, or all three of them, and she didn’t really care because her mind had zeroed in on flirty bickering and suddenly all she could feel was every single place where Sara was touching her - Sara’s thighs and calves draped over her own thighs, Sara’s arm pressed against her midsection, Sara’s shoulder leaning into her elbow, Sara’s hair brushing exposed skin every time Sara shifted, Sara’s fingers curled around her wrist as she’d moved to playfully grab some popcorn, and Ava wanted to tug her hand back because Sara’s thumb was resting just over her pulse point so Ava knew Sara could feel the way her heartbeat had quickened exponentially. 
> 
> They hadn’t been flirting. 
> 
> They hadn’t. 
> 
> ... Right?
> 
>  
> 
> OR
> 
>  
> 
> it's movie night, and of course ava and sara ending up lowkey (highkey) cuddling the whole fucking time, and the gang absolutely 100% cannot handle it in anyway whatsoever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise update!!! 
> 
> there's gonna be two updates this week because both this and the next chapter are super, super fluffy fillers and we wanted to post them within the same week!! also because holy sHIT you guys, your comments on the last chapter??? we knew WE loved ch 7 but we never fuckin expected you guys to respond the way you did, like wow, we are so overwhelmed and in awe (we promise we will eventually get around to replying to all your sweet lovely comments) so here is an extra update for the week as a thank you! 
> 
> i'm currently swamped with assignments for uni and rachel has abandoned us all to go camping for the week in the middle of who knows where so honestly, your comments are the reason we're finding time to keep writing in weeks as insane as this one <3 
> 
> ANYWAY. have super tooth rottingly sweet filler chapter (and hey, you'll all be very pleased to know that this is where 'feelings' first start coming into play (yes we know, finally, we're getting to that part of this slow burn)) 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from i didn't plan it, from waitress the musical)

**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_THURS 4:18pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yo

dad’s working late tonight

i know thanksgiving break was  
kinda tough on a few of us bc  
the whole ‘family bonding’ thing  
isn’t always easy and fun

and we’ll all be swamped studying  
for midterms from next week

so was thinking maybe a movie  
night tonight might be fun

quite a few of us have our study  
period first tomorrow so gives us  
the opportunity to sleep in and all

 

 **_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Keen

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yes please! Today was so long ugh  
a movie night would be perfect

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s like i can read ur mind ;-)

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah nah if anyone is weirdly psychically  
or mystically connected somehow it’d  
be amaya and  @Zari 

but yeah def up for movies tonight! might  
be late tho, me and the other football  
boys are meeting up to give coach a thank  
you present and stuff

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Jax has a point they even have those cute  
matching necklaces they picked up at  
that flea market last year

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Cool so now that we’ve established that  
amaya and I are telepathically linked

Movie night

@Nate  I know ur not doing anything  
tonight you told me at lunch so I’m  
putting you down as a yes

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll come to movie night! I don’t have  
study period first though so I’ll leave  
a bit earlier? If anyone else needs to  
come home earlier I can give them a  
ride :-)

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** WILL ALSO BE LATE BC I HAVE TRACK  
PRACTICE SOZ BUT WILL BE THERE

CAN WE WATCH THE INCREDIBLES

:D :D :D

  
**_Heat Wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Who tf gave wally coffee

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** it was just a small cup it’s fine

  
**_Ava:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why don’t we give Wally coffee?

 

 **_  
_ ** **_You:_ **  
HA

so this insane kid’s metabolism  
burns through it so quick that he  
has like, an hour of hyperactivity  
and then he crashes for like 3 hrs  
afterwards

I 90% guarantee u he will spend  
the night on my couch bc he will  
crash halfway through movie night

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** …

i feel attacked

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m down for tonight

@Sara  want me to bring anything?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** everyone just bring one or two  
snack things bc there’s a fuck  
tonne of us and we all eat heaps

should we say 6:30? we can order  
pizza too

@Mick @Lily @Nora @Gary @Ava  
y’all keen or nah? If you’re busy  
that’s chill too

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah I’ll come

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah keen will just have to leave early  
w Ray tho

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll come around 8:30ish if that’s  
okay?

 **_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’ll come wooo i will just need a  
ride rip

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Gary  I gotcha

@Sara  Ava just went out w her dad  
and she doesn’t have data you probs  
need to text her

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** on it!

 

* * *

 

_Ava Sharpe_

**iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Thursday**

 **  
** **_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** group movie night at mine  
tonight

  
**_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you coming? xx

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What time? X

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** people are gonna start coming  
at like 6 but whenever works  
for you is ok :-)

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That should be fine

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are we having dinner at yours?

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah probs just pizza

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll either be on time or dad will drop  
me a bit early, is that okay?

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’re coming straight from his clinic

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah ofc that’s fine

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you chill w watching the  
incredibles first?

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** As long as we can agree that  
Elastigirl was very very bi

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh my god

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAHAHAHAHAH

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you are my FAVOURITE omg

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you just changed my entire  
life holy sHIT

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’-D ;’-D

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I gtg help dad

  
**_4:30pm_ ** **_  
_ ** See you at six-ish X

 

* * *

 

There was no reason Ava should have felt so nervous about going round Sara’s house. She’d come over so many times already this year that by now, it felt like second nature. She knew where the glasses and mugs were kept in the kitchen, knew how to wiggle the weird latch on the front door to unlock it, was aware of the third step from the top of the staircase that creaked loudly, was pretty sure she’d be able to navigate around the house blindfolded.

So Sara’s house was familiar. No reason to be nervous.

And it wasn’t like she hadn’t hung out with everyone like this before - after that night at the beach, the small, slightly tense divide that had still existed between them had vanished. Tonight would be one of the rare instances in which _everyone_ was all free, but regardless, Ava had spent enough time by now with both Sara’s and her own friends together that she wasn’t nervous to hang out with them. Nothing about this situation warranted any reason for her to be on edge, but here she was, taking a second to catch her breath outside of Sara’s door because ever since Thanksgiving, ever since Susan’s _comment_ , she’d spiraled just a little, getting flashes of insecurity about her place in Star City, among her friends, at SCHS, within her family, even with Sara.  While Ava was very, very aware of how unfounded her anxieties were, she couldn’t find a way to dispel them and she figured this was the way in which all her stress and exhaustion over the year so far was manifesting.

Something else had changed since Thanksgiving too. Ava had noticed a definitive  shift in her relationship with Sara. (It wasn’t like things had changed abruptly between them before - they had, many times over the last year - but this was something else.) There was a sudden, new intimacy in their friendship, a trust that Ava hadn’t realised wasn’t there yet, an unspoken understanding and closeness that Ava had only experienced a few times in her life with the people she trusted the most - Spencer, Ali, Nora and Gary. And somehow, with Sara, it felt different than all those other relationships, and not knowing _what_ exactly this meant had Ava on edge for other reasons entirely.

She took a deep breath, firmly telling herself to get a grip as she knocked on Sara's front door and tried to push those thoughts out of her head. It swung open almost instantly to reveal Sara, smiling widely and taking the chips from her hand before curling her fingers around Ava’s wrist and pulling her into the house before Ava had any time to have second thoughts. Nothing had changed inside, but Ava still couldn’t stop her gaze from drifting to the photos on the walls, momentarily distracted until she heard Sara ask “Hey, you okay?”

Ava startled a little, eyes flickering over her shoulder as she offered Sara a small smile. “Yeah,” she said, flushing a little sheepishly. “Sorry. Just a bit out of it.”

Sara raised an eyebrow, eyes flashing with concern. “Is everything alright?”

Ava nodded, turning to face Sara and toeing off her shoes when she noticed the messy, haphazard existing pile at the door. “Yeah, just been a long week. Getting stressed about midterms and all.”  

Sara didn’t look like she entirely believed her, but let it slide. “You’ll be fine Aves,” she said, her voice warm and comforting. “Just text me if you wanna come over and study if you’re stressing heaps, okay?”

It took Ava a second to realise that Sara hadn’t invalidated Ava’s anxieties, hadn’t told Ava that she was ‘smart enough not to worry’ or ‘worked hard and would do fine in the exams’ or ‘was stressing about nothing’ or to ‘not be stupid, you’ll do great’. Sara, without even blinking, had offered to help Ava destress about school in the one tried and tested method Ava had - actually doing the work. Ava didn’t know when Sara had learned this about her, when she’d suddenly gotten to know Ava well enough that she understood exactly what Ava needed to hear, but somehow here they were.

“Okay,” said Ava, swallowing back the numerous questions nagging in her mind.

“Good,” Sara replied, smiling brightly at Ava and reclaiming her grasp on Ava’s arm to tug her into the living room. Sara dropped the snacks Ava had brought onto the quickly growing pile on the coffee table before weaving through the already small crowd gathered in the living room to head to the kitchen.

“You want a drink Aves?” she asked, hovering in the doorway.

“You still have that really nice tea that you think tastes weird?” smirked Ava, laughing when Sara flipped her off.

“Shut up, it _does_ taste weird, you’re insane for liking it!”

“Um, why didn’t you offer _me_ a drink when I showed up?” demanded Zari. “Where’s my good hostess treatment?”

“You know your way around this kitchen blindfolded Z,” said Sara, rolling her eyes. “Get your own drink.”

Ava didn’t speak up about the fact that she knew exactly where the box of tea in question was kept, let alone everything else in the kitchen. Zari sighed overdramatically before flopping down between Amaya and Ray onto one of the European pillows on the floor. The room was already alive with energy despite it still being 15 or so minutes before 6 o clock. A few of their friends were scattered throughout the room; other than Amaya, Zari and Ray, Lily, Nate and Wally were perched on various armchairs and cushions, all listening and pitching in to and Lily and Nate’s debate over who from The Incredibles was the most powerful superhero. Ava sank down into the couch, grinning as she watched Lily completely shut down why literally every other character was more useful and powerful than Mr Incredible and his ‘ridiculously boring super strength’. Sara appeared beside her after a couple of minutes, handing her a mug of tea that smelt like roses before dragging a beanbag across the floor until it sat next to Amaya and in front of Ava’s legs, flopping down onto it just as the doorbell rang.

Sara groaned and threw her arm over her eyes. “Someone else can get it, my feet are tired.”

Everyone laughed. Ava resisted the urge to roll her eyes and thought about getting up, but thankfully Wally beat her to it, and immediately, Kuasa, Jax and Mick piled into the room which abruptly filled with the easy chatter and laughter that had become so familiar to Ava. Jax spied Sara on the beanbag and shook his head vehemently, crossing the room and kicking Sara’s ankle with his foot.

“Uh uh,” he said. “Come on Lance. You know the beanbag’s mine. I have a bad back from -”

“From football, yeah yeah, I know,” whined Sara, pouting at Jax. “What if I have a bad back from soccer, huh? What about that?”

“My season’s over, yours hasn’t even started,” Jax shot back, folding his arms. “Come _on_ , there’s room on the couch.”  Sara grumbled disgruntledly, making a big, dramatic flourish of hauling herself out of the beanbag and glaring at Jax when he sent her a cheeky grin. But she just moved towards the couch and bumped Ava’s knee with her own, smiling a little softer when she said “Shove a little, will ya?” Ava went to shuffle so that Sara could squeeze in between her and Nate, but realised quickly that Sara had moved to the other side of the couch so she would end up sandwiched between Ava and the armrest instead. Before Ava could pause to wonder why Sara would choose sitting _only_ next to her rather than with her _and_ Nate, Sara had already plopped down beside her, forcing Ava to shuffle towards Nate to make room. Sara pulled her legs up from the floor and draped them over Ava’s lap, tucking her feet under Nate’s thighs to keep them warm and smirking at him when he sent her an affronted look.

“You know blankets exist?” he said dryly.

Sara just shrugged, squeaking a little when Nate tossed a thick, fluffy grey blanket into her face and poking Ava in the arm when she burst out laughing.

“Why is everyone ganging up on me tonight?” Sara demanded. “This is _my_ house.”

“Like you said,” Zari answered through a mouthful of popcorn (to which Amaya wrinkled her nose), “we know this place inside out. Second home ‘n all. We’re allowed to give you shit here.”

Sara just huffed, spreading out the blanket over her, Ava and Nate and reaching across Ava to snatch a pillow from Jax’s lap to rest her head on. They all agreed to start the movie without Nora and Gary who were coming in a couple of hours and everyone immediately grabbed their favourite snacks from the coffee table to get the rustling of opening everything over before the movie began. As Sara relaxed onto the couch and Wally jumped up again to switch off the lights, her gaze flit to Ava momentarily, leaning in a little closer and murmured, quiet enough so nobody else would hear “Is this okay? Do you want me to move my legs or anything?”

“It’s fine,” assured Ava quickly, smiling her thanks when Sara handed her her cup of tea from the coffee table beside the couch.

It _was_ fine. Ava was now used to how much more physical Sara and all her friends were from her own friend group. They’d all done the 5 Love Languages test online at lunch on Tuesday and physical touch had been one of Sara’s top two. This Ava had seen (and experienced) clearly over the recent months, the way Sara’s affection came in the form of nudges, hip bumps, hand squeezes, grounding touches, playful kicks and pokes and light, half hearted, usually indignant punches to the arm.

Ava wasn’t usually one to like people in her personal space, but somehow, with Sara it was different (which in itself seemed to be a common thread in their friendship). For whatever, inexplicable reason, Sara’s touch wasn’t overwhelming and uncomfortable the way Ava found even Nora’s or Gary’s or Ali’s sometimes. Sara seemed to be able to tell when Ava needed a gentle hand on her arm or a playful elbow to the ribs, and perhaps more importantly, had figured out when she didn’t need any touch at all (the dinner at Ava’s house had been proof of that).

Ava let one of her hands rest on Sara’s knee under the blanket, the other reaching over to grab a bowl of popcorn from Nate and rest in Sara’s lap for them to share. This kind of closeness and trust was one of the things Ava had realised was different after Thanksgiving, and it was now that she wondered whether she was disconcerted by over how much she actually _liked_ it.

Reality tugged Ava from overthinking her and Sara’s friendship and back to the movie in front of her, just in time to watch Elastigirl insistently say “Girls come on! Leave the saving the world to the men? I don’t think so!” Wally hummed and thoughtfully said “Anyone get a gay vibe from her? I kinda get a gay vibe”, prompting both Ava and Sara to burst out laughing, Sara dropping her head to Ava’s shoulder as she snickered. All eyes flickered to them and Ava snorted at Lily’s bewildered expression.

“I literally texted Sara that this afternoon,” she explained. “Apparently she can never watch the movie the same way again.”

“Okay, but who _wouldn’t_ have a crush on that girl?” said Sara, pointing at the TV. “She’s a badass! Also, super flexible, so like …” She shrugged, a gleam in her eye and Ava’s cheeks grew hot, Zari choked on her piece of chocolate, Amaya rolled her eyes and threw a cushion at Sara while Jax and Nate wolf whistled.

 

“You’re talking about cartoon characters here,” reminded Jax, shaking his head even as he chuckled. “Cartoon characters who are _married_ with _children_.”

“Elastigirl’s in great shape for three kids,” Sara said but Amaya just tossed another cushion at her and Nate tickled her foot to shut her up. Quiet fell between them quickly again, everyone becoming enthralled in the movie and the calm sense of nostalgia it provided. Ava didn’t really notice when Jax swiped the bowl of popcorn from her lap, just propped her feet up by his head on the beanbag and grinned when Jax tried to swat her feet away and poking his cheek with her socked big toe instead. He squirmed and Sara snickered before Ava finally gave in, shifting her feet to rest closer to Jax’s shoulder and reaching over to grab a last handful of popcorn before the bowl was inevitably ravaged by everyone on the ground. Sara hummed, stealing some from Ava’s hand and rolling her eyes at the faux affronted look Ava shot her.

“Shut up and watch the movie,” Sara murmured with a smirk.

“Get your own popcorn,” whispered Ava, trying not to grin as Sara just petulantly stole some more.

“Um, you gave up our bowl,” said Sara, gesturing vaguely to Jax. “Your fault.”

“You’re welcome to get some more.”

“And why should _I_ do that?”

“You’re the one who wants it!”

“And you _have_ some, so I’m just gonna -”

“Uh, _no_ , fuck off -”

“Stop being stingy Aves, gimme some popcorn -”

“Shut _up_ , you two!” complained Zari loudly, glaring at them. “Take your flirty bickering somewhere else!”

There was a chorus of shushing and hisses to shut up, and Ava wasn’t sure if they were aimed at Zari, or at her and Sara, or all three of them, and she didn’t really care because her mind had zeroed in on _flirty bickering_ and suddenly all she could feel was every single place where Sara was touching her - Sara’s thighs and calves draped over her own thighs, Sara’s arm pressed against her midsection, Sara’s shoulder leaning into her elbow, Sara’s hair brushing exposed skin everytime Sara shifted, Sara’s fingers curled around her wrist as she’d moved to playfully grab some popcorn, and Ava wanted to tug her hand back because Sara’s thumb was resting just over her pulse point so Ava _knew_ Sara could feel the way her heartbeat had quickened exponentially.

They hadn’t been flirting.

They hadn’t.

That wasn’t -

She and Sara weren’t -

 

Right?

 

Ava swallowed as inconspicuously as she could, tried to slow her heart, tried to bring down the flush in her cheeks, pointedly avoiding looking at Sara and using her other hand to as cool and collectedly as possible, continue snacking on her popcorn before she crushed it to dust in her tightly clenched fist.

 _You and Sara weren’t flirting,_ she told herself firmly, keeping her eyes fixed on the television. It was because they always used to fight all the time. There, that had to be it. Antagonism and banter had been such a fundamental part of their rivalry that it had just continued into their friendship. Simple. She was just freaking out because Zari’s comment was bad timing - that had to be it. Susan’s disapproving retort last week had put Ava on edge, had made her unsure of herself and feel uncomfortable in her sexuality, so it made sense that she felt weird about Zari accusing her of flirting with Sara.

Great, explanation sorted.

_Not. Flirting._

It took several more minutes before Ava risked glancing over at Sara, gauging her reaction. She too had gone back to watching the movie but as soon as Ava’s gaze drifted, her eyes flickered back and the look she gave Ava clearly said _you okay?_ She had loosened her grip on Ava’s arm but her hand was still there, pads of fingers touching Ava’s skin and thumb running soft, comforting patterns on the underside of her wrist. It shocked Ava how familiar the touch was, how much it _calmed_ her instead of sending her spiraling further. So when she nodded her confirmation of _yeah, I’m okay_ , it was actually somewhat truthful. Because as much as the idea that she had maybe, just maybe, been flirting with Sara Lance made Ava’s head spin and stomach flip with confusion and anxiety, Sara somehow managed to make it less of a big deal, was able to just _look_ at Ava and make Zari’s comment less daunting and unmanageable.

Sara eyed her suspiciously for a second, clearly looking for a crack in Ava’s expression to indicate that she _wasn’t_ fine (and honestly, Ava knew she wasn’t - she hadn’t exactly been okay since Susan had decided to be a Class A Homophobe at dinner last week and she was still putting herself back together after that disaster). But Sara didn’t seem to find the vulnerability she was looking for so relented, gave Ava’s wrist another gentle, comforting squeeze before letting her hand drift down to rest in her lap beside Ava’s, their fingers close enough to brush against each other but still far enough apart that they weren’t holding hands.

Ava offered her the last of the popcorn and Sara grinned widely, eyes sparkling with mirth as she took it and gave Ava a triumphant smirk that made Ava roll her eyes and poke Sara in the ribs exasperatedly. At the cheeky way Sara stuck out her tongue before relaxing and settling back in to continue watching the movie, Ava’s heartbeat quickened again and she clenched her jaw nervously.

 _Not flirting_ , she reminded herself. _No way._

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Amaya Jiwe)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_FRI 7:06pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ZARI

BE QUIET

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** OH MY GOD Z WHY WOULD  
YOU SAY THAT

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** AVA LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE A  
DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS I’M  
LOSING MY ENTIRE MIND

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** L i s t e n

LOOK AT THEM

SARA IS HALF SITTING IN AVA’S  
LAP AND THEY WERE LITERALLY  
PLAYFIGHTING OVER POPCORN

I feel like they need some kind  
of a nudge at this point guys

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah a NUDGE Z

Not a push over a cliff in  
which a sign saying ‘please  
date’ is hanging as they fall

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** i mean i’d be up for orchestrating  
that too

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’ll be the first to know if it  
comes to that wally ;’D

And oKAY FINE NO MORE BLUNT  
COMMENTS

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ok but how fucking cute are  
they though

Look at that cuddling

LITERALLY IF SARA WAS TO MOVE HER  
HAND AN INCH RIGHT NOW THEY WOULD  
BE HOLDING HANDS AND NO PART OF ME  
CAN HANDLE THAT

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** S T O P

i can’t pretend to be a functional hunab  
being when u point this shit out alskdgjalk

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** A functional hunab huh, wally?

 **_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** leave me alone ava can see my phone if she  
looks over at me properly im trying to be  
SUBTLE

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think all of us on our phones  
on a groupchat that neither of  
them are a part of is the least  
subtle thing we could all be  
doing so maybe we should get  
back to the movie

Meanwhile

Z, babe, no more nudges ok?

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** F i n e

 

* * *

 

It was nearer to nine when Nora and Gary finally showed up, pushing open the front door after Sara yelled “It’s open!” to their knock and blinking in adjustment to the darkness and the glaring light of the television. The Incredibles had finished almost an hour ago. Jax had won the subsequent game of paper scissors rock to determine who would get to pick the next movie, and had chosen some cheesy, B-grade, morally sound, underdog-comes-out-on-top basketball film. As it turned out, the funniest part wasn’t actually the sheer cliche-ness of the film itself, but Jax and Ava’s indignant reactions to it (or more specifically, the basketball aspects). By the time Nora and Gary arrived, the film was forty-five minutes in and both Jax and Ava were leaned forward, shouting frustratedly at the television over how unrealistic the unfolding of the current game they were watching was while everybody else either laughed or watched _them_ with incredible amusement.

Sara meanwhile, was just watching Ava with a wry, fond smirk on her face. Ava’s nose was crinkled with defiance, she had shuffled forward to the edge of the couch, hands resting on Sara’s shins as she waited impatiently for something else “Wildly improbably in literally _any_ real life basketball match” to occur.

 

Nora and Gary paused as they stepped into the room, waving their hellos to everyone and trying to work out what was going on in the chaos of Jax almost throwing his packet of doritos at the television when one of the players piggy-backed another down the court for a layup. Gary immediately made a beeline for the free spot beside Lily, but Nora’s eyes scanned the room a second time, suddenly making sense of the happenings when she realised what kind of movie was playing.

“Whose dumb idea was it to put on a shitty basketball movie when Ava Sharpe is in the room?” she demanded, leaning against the doorway.

“Shut up!” said Ava, not even looking in her direction as she flipped her off, causing Sara to snort with laughter. It was then that Nora noticed how the two of them were sitting - it was clear that at one point, Ava had been properly seated on the couch, but she had shuffled forward over the course of her critiquing of this movie and had inevitably moved Sara with her. Sara, whose legs were curled in Ava’s lap, whose hand was resting on Ava’s arm as she laughed at Ava’s indignance. It was a kind of intimacy that Nora rarely saw Ava indulge in with anyone. Even in the 11 years she and Ava had known each other, they were both quite reserved and introverted people, didn’t show physical affection too often despite how relaxed and comfortable they were after so many years of friendship. The two people Nora had seen Ava be this open and touchy with were Spencer and Ali and Nora was pretty sure most of that closeness came from the fact that they were _siblings_ , even then, with Ali this kind of intimacy was fairly recent, and with Spencer, it hadn’t been since he left to join the army four years ago when Nora and Ava were in eighth grade.

They’d all been betting on Ava and Sara jokingly for a long time, but truth be told, Nora was a little nervous about the whole situation. She knew how fragile Ava still was in terms of being confident in her sexuality, knew how much she’d suffered and how much of _herself_ she’d lost in the three years she’d struggled on her own to figure out what it all meant. As much as Nora was invested in this growing relationship between Ava and Sara, and as much as she personally thought they would be great for each other, she was nervous that the whole bet that surrounded it and the _newness_ of this kind of intimacy (even at its current platonic level) would scare Ava away, or at least play into her insecurities about being gay to the point that she closed herself off from the possibility of anything happening.

But even then. Nora was only _human_ , and she seriously couldn’t handle the soft and openly fond way Sara was gazing at Ava. She pulled her phone out from her back pocket, swiping across the screen to unlock it and open up her messages, trying not think about the fact that Ray was her top contact and instead opening their conversation thread.

 

_Ray Palmer_

**Text Message** **  
** (Nora Darhk) **  
** **Thursday**

 **  
** **_8:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara Lance is the definition  
of heart eyes right now and  
I might just be losing my mind  
a little bit bc she is looking at  
my best friend as if she hung  
the fucking MOON in the sky

  
**_8:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg

  
**_8:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You should’ve seen our gc  
before when Z said the thing

  
**_8:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WAIT YOU JUST GOT HERE YOU  
MISSED IT

  
**_8:52pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re in on the bet right? For  
Sara and Ava?

  
**_8:52pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you kidding?

  
**_8:52pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course

  
**_8:52pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m pretty sure the only  
people NOT in on the bet  
are Sara and Ava

  
**_8:53pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Also what gc?? Not the  
Legends one right?

  
**_8:53pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait hang on

  
**_8:53pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gary, Lily and Kuasa, are they  
in on trying to get them together  
too???

  
**_8:53pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ohhh boy

  
**_8:53pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Big time

  
**_8:54pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay bear with

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_FRI 8:59pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I fucking know we said no  
more nudges but

Tell me somebody else can  
see the way sara is looking  
at ava rn

Pls

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m so fucking glad i’ve got my  
back to them because i honestly  
don’t think i could handle it

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** why do u think i left to go to the  
bathroom i was pretty sure i was  
going to propose to ava on sara’s  
behalf if i stayed

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I haven’t seen Sara look this smitten  
since Nyssa you guys this is a Big Deal

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Like y’all we’ve joked about this for so  
many years but for ages, I never thought  
it could actually happen bc they still low  
key hated each other

But now

GUYS LOOK AT THEM

  
_Ray added Nora Darhk to the chat._

_Ray added Lily Stein to the chat._

_Ray added Gary Green to the chat._

_Ray added Kuasa Jiwe to the chat._

_  
_ **_Nora:_ ** _  
_ Holy shit

‘avalance will rise’???

Oh my gOD

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Wally  THE BIGGEST MOOD

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god

This is the best thing I’ve  
ever seen in my life

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** This goes without saying but

You guys can’t tell them about  
this gc they will murder all of us

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’M LOSING MY MIND THIS IS  
THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE  
EVER SEEN

And also

Dw Z we’ve had enough  
convos abt this between us

We have the same level of  
investment in this

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I just scrolled up and  @Zari  WHY  
WOULD YOU SPOOK THEM LIKE  
THAT

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** LEAVE ME ALONE DARHK I  
ALREADY GOT CHEWED OUT  
FOR THAT

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is like that time I suggested  
to Ava in our old gc that Sara was  
an option for hot girls in SC to  
have sex w and  @Nora  messaged  
me ready to murder me for it

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** You WHAT

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** YOU DID NOT HOLY SHIT

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tf did she say to that

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHAT

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Sent 2 photos to the chat._

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fyi Zari is literally using me as  
a pillow so Sara and Ava won’t  
hear her laughing at those sc’s

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know the whole suggesting Sara  
as an available bi girl at school is  
the takeaway from those sc’s but

Dude

Why is your messenger nickname  
‘Gay carebear Green?’

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s …. a long story

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t stop laughing

Genuinely think I’m about to  
choke on popcorn

Anyone know the heimlich?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** See  @Amaya  some people  
have even less subtlety than  
me!!!

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** are we talking about me or  
ava and sara??

 **_  
_ ** **_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Honestly both

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_THURS 9:34pm:_

 

 _Nate changed Gary’s nickname to ‘Gay_ _  
_ _Carebear Green’_

 _  
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** what

  
**_Ava:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAHAHAHAHA

@Nate  when did you hear this  
story?????

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** what story?!?!

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** I DIDN’T BUT I NOW I DESPERATELY  
NEED TO KNOW

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ava @Kuasa @Nora @Lily i hope u  
all take this moment to remember  
just how much dirt i have on each  
and everyone of you

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ava  tell me later ;’-D

  
**_Ava:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gotcha ;’-D

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** AVA CATHERINE SHARPE

  
**_Ava:_ ** **_  
_ ** Love youuuuu ;-)

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_FRI 9:48pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tell. Me. Later.

Are they for real

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** honestly it’s lucky she used the  
laughing emoji bc if she’d used  
the winky one i would’ve melted  
into this rug

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** can’t even bring myself to care that  
ava’s spilling my embarrassing childhood  
stories bc it just means they’re BONDING

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tell US the embarrassing childhood  
story Gary ;-))))

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** PHONES OFF SARA LOOKS SUSPICIOUS

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** All of us typing away furiously and  
grinning like idiots when the movie is  
terrible and there’s nothing happening  
in the gc she DOES know about?

No wonder she’s suspicious

You guys are so conspicuous

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** We have a lot of pent up emotions about  
this okay

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Clearly (I mean, same)

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** What if like … we all just left one by one  
so they were left cuddling on the couch

We could do that right

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay but now that we have  
nora  & co on board actually  
orchestrating them getting  
together will be so much  
easier you guys bc y’all are  
close enough to ava to like,  
interrogate her and we can  
do the same w sara and suss  
out where they’re both at

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Whoa

This is true like we only ever had  
Ava’s side of things to go off

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** We only had Sara’s

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** So we’re doing this properly?? Like,  
not just goofing around, betting on  
them for fun, freaking out when they  
act all dumb and cute, but actually  
trying to get them to date

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not just bang but actually date

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I mean Ava’s like, the biggest virgin  
ever so she’s not gonna be having a  
one night stand anytime soon

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** i need this to happen

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Big mood

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay so we’re gonna come up with a plan  
of action on how to do this

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHICH by the way, should mostly include  
letting them figure this out for themselves!

But also until then

Phones off kids, the last thing we need is for  
one (or both) of them to realise what this is  
all about and freak out before anything has  
even started

  
_Seen by:_ _Nate, Zari, Gary, Lily, Kuasa, Jax, Mick, Wally, Nora and Ray._


	9. you took the time to memorize me (my fears, my hopes, and dreams)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The conference has been lengthened to finish around 8 or 9pm,” said Sara, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Dad’s gonna be driving back overnight, won’t get home til maybe 2 or 3.”
> 
> “You can’t stay home alone,” said Amaya before anyone else could reply. “I know you say you’re fine but you also know that in case this is something worse than a shitty period, you shouldn’t be by yourself. I have that geo trip at 6am but if you have nowhere else, I can always -”
> 
> "Stay with me," interrupted Ava. Everyone’s eyes flickered to her. "I mean, it’s near enough to yours that if you need anything from there, we could just walk down and get it. Plus, we have a guest bedroom and my dad’s a doctor so if there is anything really wrong with you, you’re under the right roof." 
> 
> "You sure?" asked Sara. 
> 
> "I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t," promised Ava, bumping their knees together under the table. 
> 
> OR
> 
> it's exactly what it sounds like. sara stays the night at ava's when her dad is out of town and she has bad period cramps. you thought chapter 8 was fluffy?? you guys have another thing coming wowee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you guys even real??? honestly???? you are all so fucking amazing and sweet, you make our weeks so much brighter with how much you love this fic, we're actually having such a mission getting through all the comments and replying to them because there's so??? many??? what tf you guys we love u so much! 
> 
> i just came down with the grossest flu which is literally the worst possible timing, but thankfully rachel is back from her camping trip so WOOP, your dream team is back! meanwhile, we honestly have been so flipping exciting to post this chapter because:
> 
> you guys at chapter 8: omg it's so fluffy i love it so much!  
> us thinking about the 13.5k words of actual cavity inducing fluff in ch 9: ....... oh no they aren't ready 
> 
> we don't know how this happened but it did, and here we are. we hope you guys are prepared, because this chapter is just. it is. but warning you all, enjoy every single moment of this chapter bc ch 10 is ......... angst. we will apologise for it in advance. BUT YOU HAVE A WEEK TO GET READY FOR THAT SO UNTIL THEN, ENJOY THIS <3 <3 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from stay stay stay by taylor swift, shout out to drew and emily for suggesting it!)

Sara and Amaya weren’t at lunch when Ava showed up at their regular table on a normal Thursday in early December, though honestly, she didn’t think anything of it. Most of them were involved in a huge plethora of co-curricular activities and had various lunchtimes where they’d have to duck in and out to attend meetings, practices, organise events or catch up on homework. Plus, right now, they were inching closer and closer to midterms and everybody was cycling through their scheduled mental breakdowns. Ava assumed that Sara and Amaya were dealing with one of the above, and just sat down next to Gary and opposite Wally. The conversation flowed easily, switching between college applications, student gossip and drama, speculation over which teachers were sleeping together, and a tentative broaching of plans for something to do this weekend. Ava and Jax were lively arguing for why they should go rock-climbing instead of laser tag (which Nate and Ray were pushing for) when Sara and Amaya appeared at the table, Sara flopping down to the space on Ava’s left and resting her forehead on the table with a loud groan.

“Sara, you okay?” asked Ray immediately, as always the first in the group to voice concern for anyone.

Sara just mumbled a muffled expletive in response before letting out another groan, this one sounding more pained. Everyone’s eyes shot to Amaya, who was shuffling down to sit beside Sara.

“This one just puked her guts out in the nurse’s office,” Amaya announced, moving to rest a comforting hand on Sara’s shoulder.

Jax almost jumped a foot in the air as he jerked away. “I’ve got a date tomorrow night, don’t you dare give me a stomach bug Sara!”

“It’s not a stomach bug,” assured Amaya quickly. “Promise.” She gave Sara’s shoulder a small squeeze before saying “Babe, maybe eat something? Then you can take some more Tylenol.”

“I swear to god I’m gonna kill Anderson,” grumbled Sara, not lifting her head from the table. “If they could just get a hold of my dad, he’d let me go home but _no_ , this sexist, incompetent asshole is convinced that this is just a _coming of age struggle._ Son of a bitch.”

“Anderson?” said Ava, turning in her seat so she could face Sara a little easier. “You mean the substitute nurse?”

“Yeah, he sucks,” announced Amaya. “Literally the worst medical professional I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Explain?” asked Zari with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m on my period,” said Sara, sitting up and wincing as she did so, “and fucking _Anderson_ decided that despite me throwing up, literally almost crying in pain and not being able to focus on any classes at all, that learning to cope with period pain is just a _part_ of becoming a woman and that I should power through the school day, especially considering they can’t contact my dad to get permission to send me home. Which is because he’s currently at an out of town police conference, so of _course you can’t contact him_ Anderson you nitwit. God, I want to die, it’s like my uterus is on _fire._ ”

Ava was surprised at the reaction of all the boys at the table, or rather, the _lack_ of reaction. Gary was the only close male friend she had, and he’d been raised by a wonderful single mother who had taught him the importance of knowing about this kind of thing. Most other guys Ava encountered always pulled disgusted faces, looked totally grossed out and requested a conversation change. But Ray’s eyes just became sympathetic, Nate reached out to give Sara’s hand a comforting squeeze, Wally said “Oh, that’s not fun” and Mick reached over to offer Sara a bar of chocolate.

“Mick, I fucking love you,” muttered Sara, snatching it from his hands.

“Why is it so bad this month?” asked Zari, furrowing her eyebrows. “I swear you’ve never gotten sick before.”

Sara shook her head. “I’ve been skipping for the last four months because of summer and then soccer practices, and then my doctor wants me to change pills so he’s taking me off the one I’ve been on for this month and starting me on the new one in a few weeks. First time getting Satan’s death wave in four months _and_ it’s off the pill equals absolute hell.”

Ava grimaced in sympathy. She was lucky. Having a very open minded doctor for a father meant that he was extremely aware of just how bad period pain could be and had always been comforting and willing to give Ava and her sisters days off school if things were particularly bad.

Sara winced again and dropped the chocolate bar into her lap, resting her elbows on the table as she buried her face in her hands. “I literally just want to go home and sleep and have like, 500 hot water bottles on top of me to ease these goddamn cramps.”

Ava instinctively moved her hand to the small of Sara’s back, rubbing small comforting circles there. Sara shifted her head and sent her a tired, thankful smile.

“Wait, I’ve got these things that might help,” said Gary, grabbing his backpack. He reached in and pulled out three weird, cushioned rectangles that seemed to be made of cotton. “They’re like, heat packs that you stick on your stomach and back and they stop cramps and aches and stuff. You rip the strip off and they heat up for like, 4 to 6 hours.”

“Oh my god, are you _serious_?” gasped Sara, snatching them from his hands and examining them closely. Zari and Amaya also grabbed one each from Sara to examine them, impressed.

‘But how do they work?’ said Ray, stealing Zari’s and holding it up to his face. ‘What heats them up? What _keeps_ them warm for so long?’

“I don’t care, as long as they stop my cramps,” announced Sara, peeling the strip off the one she was holding and yanking her up her top to plaster it over her lower stomach. Ava pointedly looked away from the suddenly visible hard lines of her abs.

“Okay, but why do you have these Green?” asked Zari, arching an eyebrow.

Gary flushed.

“Don’t tease him,” said Ava, coming to her friend’s defense. “His mom is one of those awesome women who wants her son to be equally helpful to his female friends should they need it. You have no idea how many times he’s saved my ass because I forgot a tampon and he had one instead.”

“Dude, good idea,” said Nate. “Why don’t we do that?”

“Yeah, why don’t you?” asked Amaya with a smirk. “Three and a half years of friendship and you never carried around sanitary supplies for us? Unbelievable.”

“Because they’re expensive as shit,” interrupted Jax. “Take it from someone whose ex-girlfriend made them buy their stuff every month for the whole year we were dating. My bank account _hated_ me.”

“Yeah, and ours hates us,” said Zari. “Every. Damn. Month. For like, 40 years of our lives.”

“Can y’all like, talk about something else?” said a guy from a little further down the bench, wrinkling his nose. He wasn’t a part of the group and was sitting with another gang of students, but was close enough to overhear their conversation. “Like for real, we’re at lunch. Maybe just, save it for a better time and place.”

Sara gave him such a sizzling death glare that Ava was surprised he didn’t burst into flames.

“I’ll stop talking about it when I can, you know, just choose _not_ to have to deal with it,” she growled. “Fuck off Chad, mind your own business.” Chad seemed appropriately scared by her venomous outburst and quickly turned away.

“Jackass,” muttered Wally, frowning.

“Sara, you sure you’re okay?” asked Ava, noticing how tense Sara’s shoulders were and the way she was incessantly tapping at her thigh with her fingers. “Surely you could just sneak out of school and go home?”

Sara shook her head. “I need to talk to Stein about an extension for that physics project and he’s got staff meetings and other classes until ours at 3. Plus, Amaya is worried I might faint and doesn’t want me to be by myself.”

“Jesus Sara, you should _not_ be at school,” muttered Zari, eyes clouding with concern.

“Yeah, she’s right,” said Ava, gently massaging a tight spot near Sara’s spine. She bit back a smile at the way Sara’s eyelids fluttered contentedly. “You’re not going to soccer practice this afternoon.” (She ignored the voice in her head that asked why she knew Sara’s co-curricular schedule off the back of her hand). Sara opened her mouth to protest but as soon as she straightened her body to argue, she cringed and doubled over the table again, clutching her stomach.

“Yeah, no way,” Amaya agreed with Ava, gently smoothing Sara’s hair.

“Fine,” Sara relented, returning her attention to Mick’s chocolate bar. “And, it doesn’t seem like it but I am okay guys, seriously. It’s sweet that you’re all so worried - it’s just because my hormones are all screwed and I’ve forgotten how gross periods are after four months of not having one. Honestly.”

Nobody looked as though they believed her, but they did take it as a cue to segue into another conversation. Jax immediately relaunched into why they should go rock climbing, while Nate emphatically began listing reasons why laser tagging would be much more fun. Ava listened, unable to stop the amused grin that appeared on her face as the argument got more heated between the two boys.

“Actual idiots,” muttered Sara affectionately and Ava chuckled under her breath.

“Which do you wanna go to?” she asked.

“Rock climbing for sure,” said Sara. “Too many 12 year olds at laser tag. Plus, I’m better with things I can actually _see._ You?”

“The same. Before, it was me and Jax versus Ray and Nate but I think both me and Ray have bowed out of the debate now.” Ava’s hand still on Sara’s back was cramping up a little, so she gently trailed her fingers up Sara’s spine for a second before retracting her hand back to the table, smirking a little at Sara’s quiet whine of protest and the slight, embarrassed flush on her cheeks that appeared seconds later.

“We’ll get more _exercise_ out of rock climbing!” Jax insisted loudly. “Laser tag will just be us trying to avoid annoying middle schoolers pretending they’re _so_ badass and they’ll try to be better than us and then Mick will punch one of them and we’ll get kicked out and have to go do something instead.”

Zari choked on her mashed potatoes with laughter and Amaya exchanged a smirk with Mick.

“He’s not wrong,” grunted Mick with a grin.

“You just wanna go laser tagging because it’s the closest thing to pretending you’re in _Star Wars_ with lightsabers,” said Wally.

“And you _don’t_ wanna do that?” accused Ray to which Wally sheepishly shrugged.

The debate continued hotly, mainly between the boys. Zari and Amaya pitched in with alternative suggestions occasionally but it appeared to be a matter of pride now over who won, so they were ignored. At some point, Nora and Kuasa joined the group, and Gary was also dragged into the weekend adventure argument. It was then that Nora leaned over to kick Sara’s shin lightly, saying “Hey. My social worker told me yesterday that your dad’s closing in on mine, and … just for the record, I hope he gets him in handcuffs soon.”

Sara’s eyes widened and she paused for a moment before shaking her head apologetically. “I don’t think he’s quite there yet. He mentioned a drug ring, but I think he’s slowly working his way up from the bottom rather than going after your dad straight away - I’m pretty sure he was hoping to pick some people’s brains at this conference he’s at.”

Nora shrugged, looking almost disappointed. “Oh. Well - he’ll get there eventually, my dad’s an arrogant jackhole, he’s bound to slip up at some point. Wish _your_ dad luck from me.”

Sara nodded, smiling slightly. “Yeah, I will. And … thanks, Nora.”

Everyone else was distracted enough in their conversations to not have really noticed the exchange between the two. Ava however, had tuned in and she saw the way Sara began nervously picking at the chocolate wrapper on the table. She nudged her gently.

“Hey.”

Sara looked up with a small smile that didn’t really meet her eyes. “Hey.”

“You feeling any better?”

Sara nodded. “Yeah, Gary’s miracle heat stickers are a blessing. I’ll probably take some Tylenol before class.”

Ava paused, chewing her bottom lip nervously before saying “What you were saying before to Nora. Damien Darhk, her dad. I’ve heard about how dangerous and messed up he is for years from Nora, but I feel like I’ve heard you say his name before too.”

Sara glanced over at her, a wry grimace on her face. “Yeah, I probably have. It’s his supply of product that Laurel got hooked on. He runs the whole operation. Dad’s been hell bent on sending him away since the summer - it’s why he’s been going on so many raids this year, there are a whole load of splinter groups he needs to take down first.” Almost immediately, as though on cue, Sara’s phone buzzed and she leaned over the table to read the new text message. “ _Fuck_.”

“What?” everyone chorused, their attention snapping over to her instantly.

“The conference has been lengthened to finish around 8 or 9pm,” said Sara, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Dad’s gonna be driving back overnight, won’t get home til maybe 2 or 3.”

“You can’t stay home alone,” said Amaya before anyone else could reply. “I know you say you’re fine but you also know that in case this is something _worse_ than a shitty period, you shouldn’t be by yourself.”

“I would offer my place but you know I have extended family over,” said Zari. “Plus, they’re my dad’s conservative parents who are weird about stuff like periods. It would be one big uncomfortable nightmare.”

“I’m saying no before any of you offer,” said Sara, pointing her finger at Ray, Nate, Wally and Mick. “You guys are the best, honestly, but trust me when I say that it’s easier if I stay at a girl’s house.” She glanced over at Amaya, grimacing. “You’ve got that geography field trip at like, 6am tomorrow, don’t you?”

Amaya nodded. “But if you have nowhere else, I can always -”

"Stay with me," interrupted Ava. Everyone’s eyes flickered to her. "I mean, it’s near enough to yours that if you need anything from there, we could just walk down and get it. Plus, we have a guest bedroom _and_ my dad’s a doctor so if there _is_ anything really wrong with you, you’re under the right roof."  

"You sure?" asked Sara.

"I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t," promised Ava, bumping their knees together under the table. "We can walk back to your place after school, pick up some stuff and then head to mine? I’ll call my parents before class and give them a head’s up but given the number of times Ali and Layla have spontaneous sleepovers with friends, they really have no reason to say no."

Sara’s smile was soft and grateful. "Thanks Ava."

Out of the corner of her eye, Ava saw Zari exchange an undecipherable _look_ with Amaya but ignored it, just returned Sara’s smile and nodded an indication for the previous conversation to continue. By the end of lunch, Sara had been convinced to eat at least half of Amaya’s mashed potatoes and an apple that Ray slid across the table, admitting to feeling better afterwards. Ava was relieved to see some colour return to her face, although she did still wince if she moved too sharply and happily accepted Gary and Wally’s offer of more chocolate. The rest of the day passed fairly normally, the afternoon progressing like any regular Thursday would. The one exception was that Ava suddenly found Sara was a lot more _affectionate_ and _touchy_ than usual. (She was consciously avoiding thinking about how much she didn’t hate it).

Sara sat a lot closer to her than normal in their classes, their arms pressed together tightly. She nudged Ava when something funny was said in class, swatted Ava’s hand away from notes she needed to see, bumped her head against Ava’s shoulder when another student said something stupid, looped her ankle around Ava’s when she was bored. Ava desperately hoped she wasn’t _showing_ how surprised she was at all the little physicalities that Sara was usually a lot more reserved with.

It was in physics - their last class of the day - that Ava noticed Sara scribbling something in the corner of the back page of her notebook, a section reserved for them writing notes to each other as communication in class (mainly because Stein was a big advocate for work environments varying in noise based on what they were studying. Today the classroom was dead quiet.) After a couple of minutes, Sara elbowed Ava gently and pushed the notebook in her direction.

 _Hey,_ she’d written, _sorry for being all weird and touchy all afternoon, i kinda just realised that you’re probs not used to it. me, amaya and z always get like this when we’re on our periods and we all kind of indulge in being overly affectionate and cuddly bc we feel gross and shitty. sorry i didn’t give u a psa abt it earlier. Also, my dad hasn’t gone outta town like this since before Laurel left and I’m just kinda nervous for some stupid reason so i’m being all fidgety and trying to distract myself. sorry again if i’m being annoying. and tysm for letting me stay with you, it means so so much aves, seriously._

Ava smiled, pulling the notebook over to her side of the bench and beginning to write underneath it.

_Hey, I get it, my dad always knows when to buy me like 3 blocks of chocolate without me having to say anything bc I latch onto him like a freakin cuddle monster bc I feel so yuck. It’s fine, given how bad you were at lunch, I think you’re justified. And your dad will be okay - he’s a good cop and I know you’re used to him being unsafe but he’s not on an op this time, he’s just away for the night. I’m sure he’ll be fine. And you don’t need to thank me, that’s what friends are for. You’d do the same for me._

She pushed the notebook back to Sara, attempting to focus on the equations in front of her and not let her eyes flicker over to gauge Sara’s reaction to her message (which, she noticed with a triumphant roar in her chest, was a wide, brilliant smile). Sara sent one more message before they both shoved the notebook underneath their textbooks and buckled down to finish at least the page’s worth of work -

_I would do the same, in a heartbeat, and don’t forget it. you’re the best aves <3 _

When the first thought that came into Ava’s head was that Sara drew her love hearts really cutely, Ava almost threw the notebook across the classroom. _Nope._ Not happening, not thinking that, that was not a line of thought that was going through her head today.

Physics. Electricity. Equations. Gravity. Momentum.

Not Sara’s ankle still hooked under hers, their shoulders touching, not Sara’s hair brushing against Ava’s bare forearm when she leaned closer to Ava to look at the questions in the textbook they were sharing.

_Nope._

Ava let out a quiet sigh. Thank god they had a guest bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara’s painkillers had worn off by the time they reached Ava’s house, and the first thing she did once they were inside was sit on one of the kitchen bar stools and hunch over the bench with a quiet, pained groan.

"Would I be the worst house guest ever if the first thing I did upon entering your very lovely home was to ask for drugs?"

Ava laughed, slinking up to the top shelf of the pantry cabinet and pulling down the medicine box. "No, you wouldn’t," she promised. "The whole reason you’re here is so that there’s someone keeping an eye on you while you’re not feeling great." She grabbed the bottle of Tylenol tablets and filled up a glass of water, placing it and two tablets on the granite countertop in front of Sara.

"You really didn’t have to do this," said Sara softly. "I appreciate it. A lot."

Ava shrugged. "It’s what we do right? You and me. You were there for me after I came out, and I helped you when you were having a tough time with Laurel. I know you’ll be there for me if I need it, so this is fine. Honest."

Sara just offered her another warm smile before moving to chug down the two tablets. Ava suddenly grabbed her wrist, the water overspilling slightly onto the counter.

"Wait, have you eaten since lunch?" asked Ava, furrowing her eyebrows.

Sara shook her head. "No, but it’ll be fine, I take this stuff on an empty stomach all the time."

"Yeah, not in this house you don’t," muttered Ava, snatching the pills into her hand and before Sara could protest, she promptly replaced them with one of Ali’s famous blueberry chocolate chip muffins. "Eat. Then painkillers."

Sara furrowed her eyebrows, a wry smile working its way onto her face. "You’re good at this you know," she said. "Taking care of people."

Ava blushed a little, nervously rubbing the back of her neck. "I dunno. I just - I get it from Dad I guess. I’ve helped him out at his clinic since I was ten."

"Really?" Sara broke a piece of the muffin off and popped it in her mouth, leaning forward in what seemed like genuine curiosity.

"Yeah," said Ava, starting to move out of instinct in the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. "Spencer did too for a while but he had this big thing about not wanting to turn out a carbon copy of Dad so he stopped. Layla faints at the sight of blood and Ali was just never really interested. But something about it was always just so cool to me, to help my dad save people’s lives. Not the way he does when he’s at the hospital obviously. But at his clinic, it’s a lot more intimate I guess. You get to know the patients and staff really well and they were always so neat teaching me about medical stuff and the protocol differences between being there and being at the hospital, and patients loved telling me their life stories and I thought I was _so_ badass sitting in my dad’s office while he wasn’t there." She stopped, as though suddenly realising the tangent she’d gone on and her cheeks coloured again. "Sorry. I only do it over the summer and I forget how much I kind of miss it in the months after school starts."

"No, I think it’s awesome!" insisted Sara, chomping down on another chunk of the muffin. "Seriously. And not just the medical stuff after me and Laurel spent a whole summer binge watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

Ava laughed, biting down the invitation that was on the tip of her tongue for Sara to come binge watch medical shows _with_ Ava sometime (and look, she knew they weren’t always medically accurate, they were a guilty pleasure okay?) Before Ava could think of an alternative reply, Sara had started speaking again.

“It’s so much better than just some regular old coffee or retail job during the summer. You’re actually _helping_ people." She paused, frowning a little. "You’re not going into med though, are you?"

Ava shook her head. "Nope. History and then Law."

"Not following in your dad’s footsteps? How come?"

"I _do_ want to help people," said Ava, stirring her cup of tea. "But … not the way my dad does. I don’t want to just help _sick_ people. I want to help people who deserve good lives but the system won’t let them, or people who do the right thing but get in the wrong situations anyway, or people who deserve happiness and justice and someone to believe in them." She shrugged, caught up momentarily in the memory of the day Nora had shown up at her house crying, babbling something incoherent about her father disappearing and the police showing up with a warrant for his arrest and her mother being taken into custody and her being told to pack a bag because she was going to stay somewhere else for a while. Ava remembered the way Nora bounced from foster home to foster home around Star City for years before her aunt moved back to town and took her in, remembered how useless the system had been to ensure her safety from her father, remembered how much it took a toll on Nora’s studies, on her mental health, on her entire _life_. “I guess a lot of it is because of what happened to Nora,” she admitted softly, almost forgetting for a second that she was actually talking to Sara. “She didn’t deserve having her entire life turned upside down just because of decisions her dad made, but that’s what happened. I just wanna make sure another little girl actually gets to live the life she deserves without having to deal with the repercussions of adults in their life being negligent, you know?” She tossed the spoon in the sink before looking up, and was immediately stunned and breathless at the way Sara was looking at her - wide smile, eyes soft, full of awe and fondness and reverence and Ava’s heart stuttered for a second.

"You’re … " Sara laughed quietly. "You are really something Ava Sharpe."

There was a feeling in Ava’s chest that she couldn’t tamper down, a burning, blossoming warmth that made her want to simultaneously laugh and cry because she suddenly had a vague, faint inkling of what it was and there was a desperate flash of panic, an overwhelming wish that she was mistaking what this feeling was, that it was anything other than _that_. She managed to mask the sudden turmoil in her head and just smiled shyly and murmured "Likewise, Sara Lance." There was a moment of silence, of comfortable quiet where the air was still and peaceful and Ava found herself lost in gazing at the seemingly endless depths of blue in Sara’s eyes. The room smelt of Ali’s muffins and Ava’s chai tea and Ava wondered if it was possible to pause a single moment in time and save every little detail of it forever.

"Hey girls, you’re home!"

The spell was broken by Robert entering the room, smiling when he saw the two of them and pressing a kiss to the top of Ava’s head as he passed her. Ava glanced away from Sara, feeling the heat in her cheeks.

"Hey Dad. How was your day?"

"Pretty normal," said Robert, making an identical cup of tea to his daughter. "Finished early because things were quiet down at the clinic." He turned from the opposite bench, moving to stand next to Ava on the other side of the island from where Sara was seated. "So I hear you’re having some extra bad time of the month symptoms."

"I told him when I called and said you were coming," said Ava quickly before Sara could reply. "Sorry, I hope that’s okay - I just figured that since the whole reason you’re staying here is because there’s a doctor in the house if you end up feeling really shitty and -"

Robert cleared his throat pointedly. Ava rolled her eyes, repeating with a level of sass that Sara choked in laughter over "Right sorry, if you end up feeling _really fucking shitty_." Even Robert laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he shook his head.

"Ava," he said warningly but his voice was light.

"Come on Dad, since when have you had an issue with swearing as long as there was good context?" said Ava, folding her arms.

"I don’t," agreed Robert, "but you know your mom does and she’s just upstairs."

"Yeah, and what mom says goes," muttered Ava under her breath.

"Hey."

Ava huffed. "Sorry." She glanced up and saw Sara grinning at her. "Anyway. Right. Yeah, I told him just because I figured maybe he could help? Sorry if I overstepped."

"No, no, it’s fine," said Sara, giving Ava a reassuring smile. "Yeah Mr S - my doctor took me off my original pill because it wasn’t agreeing with me, so my period’s kind of bad but on steroids right now."

Robert grimaced. "I feel for you kid. I remember a time when I was 16 that I had to drive my sister to hospital because she woke up with such bad cramps in the middle of the night. People underestimating how bad they can be is one of my biggest pet peeves as a doctor."

Sara pointed at him and turned her attention to Ava. "Him. I like him."

Ava rolled her eyes. "He has his moments."

"My _moments_ ?" said Robert, gasping in mock scandal. " _Ava_!" He threw his arm around Ava’s shoulders and pulled her into a playful hug before she shoved him lightly, ducking under his arm to get to the fridge. "Right, so Sara. Tell me what you’re feeling and what you"ve experienced throughout the day, and place it all on a pain scale from 1-10 yeah?”

 

Ava had always admired the type of doctor her father was. He was kind and easy to talk to and patient and understanding in a way that many doctors Ava had met weren’t. He made jokes to lighten the mood, had the perfect balance of concern and reassurance, was informative and knowledgeable without being patronising and condescending. He was so calm in the face of uncertainty and stress, so warm and soothing when patients were anxious or scared, that often, Ava questioned whether she actually _did_ want to follow in his footsteps and join his profession.

(He’d always encouraged whatever line of career she was considering at any given time, but had made a point to remind her that just because she idealised the way _he_ worked, it didn’t mean it was exactly what she would want to do, made her promise to always explore her own passions and the clinic would always be waiting as a backup if she wanted it.)

Now was no exception, and Ava smiled a little at the way he easily coaxed answers out of Sara - truthful ones, no less - about how she was feeling, how much pain she was in, what medication she was currently on, whether she’d overexerted herself in soccer practice recently, her stress levels, how much sleep she was getting, until their conversation had drifted to him making light jokes and Sara laughing loudly, her mostly eaten muffin laying forgotten on the kitchen bench as her eyes crinkled with amusement. Eventually, he brought the conversation back to the fact that Sara was here, glancing between her and Ava as he asked “So how much work do you girls have to do tonight?”

Sara groaned, dropping her head down to the countertop. “So, so much.”

“Midterm study for one,” said Ava, grimacing. “English test on Monday, Classics essay due next Thursday, a few 5% mini assignments due next week as well.”

“Plus that stupid physics assignment,” muttered Sara, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes. “God, do they think we don’t sleep or something? How are we supposed to get all this done?”

“You have an extension on that physics assignment,” Ava reminded, giving Sara a stern look. “Don’t freak out about it tonight, you’ve got time.”

“Okay well,” said Robert, folding his arms, “from what I’ve seen of Ava, she’s been out studying non-stop for the past week. Am I correct in guessing Sara, that you’ve been at some of those study sessions too?”

“All of them,” Ava corrected, grinning at Sara’s glare.

“Good,” said Robert, sounding decidedly final as he said “I’m forcing you both to take at least a few hours off tonight.”

“But Dad -” Ava started but Robert cut her off before she could even launch into her argument.

“No buts,” he said firmly. “Sara, you being tense and stressed out over school is not going to help your aggravated nausea and cramps, not at all. You need to relax, at least for a little while. You girls are incredibly intelligent and I’m sure you’ve done more than enough study for your midterms so far considering you have a week before they start. No studying, doctor’s orders.”

“We have a quiz in Bio tomorrow,” Sara weakly tried to pipe up but Robert smiled.

“Judging by the weather reports, the clouds outside and the way the temperature has plummeted these last few days, I think it’s safe to say it’s probably going to snow tonight,” he said, squeezing Sara’s shoulder. “I have a feeling you guys are going to get the day off tomorrow, so, take those painkillers Sara, thank you very much. Ava, grab Nana’s old wheat bag from the bottom drawer and both of you get upstairs and watch a movie or something, okay? If I hear a word of school talk before dinner, I’ll hide your textbooks.”

“Dad,” said Ava, rolling her eyes, but they both did as he said. Sara popped the two pills in her mouth and downed them with a glass of water, while Ava tugged open the bottom drawer of the cupboard beside her and pulled out an old, heavy wheat bag, covered in dark green material with faded apples printed all over it. It was ancient, held together by bandaids and tape, but it had served all the Sharpe children well through injuries, illnesses, period cramps and more. As Ava put it in the microwave with a mug of water, the warm, comforting, autumny smell of cinnamon and nutmeg filled the kitchen and Ava saw a surprised smile flicker onto Sara’s face.

“I’m gonna go look through some emails,” announced Robert. “I’ll see you girls at dinner, okay?”

Ava nodded and Sara thanked him as he left.

“He’s so lovely,” she said softly as soon as they were alone.

“Yeah, I know,” said Ava, curling her hands around her mug of tea. “I’m glad you’re staying here tonight mainly because it meant Dad got a chance to make sure you were okay. I would have worried about you all night if you were home alone.”

Surprise flashed across Sara’s face and she reached across the counter to squeeze Ava’s wrist. “I’m glad I’m here too,” she said in barely a whisper.

Like before, there was a long moment of stillness, of them gazing at each other, of comfort in the dim light of the late winter afternoon that made a soft, fluttering warmth fill Ava’s stomach in a way she wasn’t used to in the slightest. It was only broken by the ding of both their phones receiving messages from the group chat and they both pulled their hands away quickly, glancing down as colour rose to their cheeks. Ava distracted herself by pulling the wheat bag from the microwave and pushing it across the bench to Sara, unable to stop herself from smiling when Sara exhaled with relief as she held it over her stomach.

“What do you wanna watch?” Ava asked, swinging her bag over her shoulder and refilling her mug of tea with some more hot water in preparation to head upstairs.

“I don’t mind,” said Sara with a shrug but Ava gave her a look.

“Come on,” she said, shaking her head. “Everyone’s got a comfort TV show. When I have my period or I’m super sick, I just sit there and binge watch Buffy for an unhealthy length of time until I feel like no level of cramps or headaches can stop me from kicking ass.”

Sara laughed, also gathering her stuff and glancing at Ava with unhidden amusement and affection. “Of _course_ you do,” she smirked. She paused, tapping her phone screen as she fidgeted for a moment before smiling wryly and saying “Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Me and Laurel watched it _all_ the time, even Dad would sit down with us because he thought it was cute and funny.”

Ava smiled too, a warm, soft smile as she nodded towards the hallway and led them down the stairs. “Good,” she said, glancing over her shoulder at Sara. “It’s been on my Netflix list for like, a year and a half. I can’t wait to finally watch it.”

 

It was only as Ava was pushing open her bedroom door that she realised suddenly that Sara had never seen her room before. After Thanksgiving, Sara had seemed to sense that Ava always felt a twinge of discomfort about being in her own home, even more so when she had friends over, and so Sara had intuitively just always suggested study meetups to happen at her house rather than Ava’s, never suggested otherwise unless they stayed after school to work at the library or somewhere similar. Besides, Ava was pretty sure that even if they _had_ spent time together at Ava’s place, Barbara would refuse to allow Ava to have a girl in her room, even if they did claim to be studying and have the door open and despite the fact that Spencer had always been allowed to have girls in his room, and Ali and Layla were allowed guys in their rooms if they insisted they were just friends (which for Layla, was bullshit most of the time).

But Sara was staying the night, and though she was staying in the guest room, there was no way Ava was gonna make her sit downstairs in front of the rest of her family while she was feeling nauseous and exhausted and in pain. So tonight, Barbara would just have to suck up her internalised homophobia and deal. Ava did stick to their house rule however, and left her door open, just closed it as much as she could without shutting it entirely.

“Whoa,” Sara said in a soft breath, pausing in the middle of the room and letting her eyes flicker around, taking it all in.

“I know everything is really plain,” said Ava, nervously fiddling with her jacket zipper. “It’s super boring compared to yours -”

“It’s so nice,” interrupted Sara, shaking her head. “It’s … ” A small smile crossed her face and she glanced over her shoulder to look at Ava. “It’s so _you._ ”

 

Ava did like her room. It was calm and peaceful and uncluttered and organised and she made a point to keep it neat but always fill it with enough memories and favourite things that this one place in her chaotic, sometimes unwelcoming house, felt like a sanctuary, felt _safe._ The room was spacious, painted an off white, bordering on cream colour, and Ava had purposefully made her entire colour scheme one of calming whites, light greys and pastel blues so that she always felt like she could _breathe_ when she was in here. Her room was located at the end of the hallway, looked out at the side of the house, so you could partially see the street and the pavement below but Ava’s view was mostly just trees, their small concrete basketball court in front of the garage and a flash of the back garden. The windows through which all this was visible were huge, directly opposite the doorway and covered by wide, wooden Venetian blinds. The head of Ava’s bed was pressed against the window, and to the left was a desk, neatly organised, everything in its proper place, a calendar and monthly planner pinned to the wall above it. Beside the desk was an old, vintage looking dressing table, adorned with delicate looking jewellery, a few make up products neatly arranged, and a large, square mirror hung on the wall above. To the right of the bed were two wide doors that led to a walk in wardrobe (which Layla would never forgive Ava for having) as well as a tall, painted white bookshelf (that as well as holding an impressive collection of books, also displayed a few photographs and numerous basketball trophies) and a wall covered in polaroid pictures. Two tall pot plants were sat on opposite ends of the room - one by Ava’s desk and the other beside the bookshelf, while a succulent and a cactus sat on the windowsill, bookending Ava’s first edition set of the Harry Potter books.

It was very _her_ , Ava had to agree. It was her safe haven. So she was kind of glad that Sara liked it because there was this part of her that desperately wanted Sara to feel safe here too, as safe as Ava felt in Sara’s room everytime she came over.

She felt overwhelming relief when Sara’s shoulders relaxed as she stepped further into the room. Sara dropped her bag to the floor in front of Ava’s bed and walked over to the bookshelf, a small smile crossing her face as she inspected the (admittedly impressive) collection of academic awards and basketball trophies on display.

“I would kill to see you play a game,” she said, carefully straightening a middle school _player of the season_ award.

“Come over sometime in the summer and you can,” said Ava before she could stop herself.

Sara glanced over her shoulder, a surprised but pleased grin on her face. “Yeah?”

Ava shrugged, trying to hide the slight flush to her cheeks and busying herself with pulling her laptop out of her bag, tossing it onto the bed before crossing the room to unload her textbooks onto her desk. “Yeah,” she said, offering Sara a small smile in return. “If Spencer comes home this year, me, him, Dad and Ali will be out there most days. Spence and I always gave Dad and Ali a pretty good run for their money during two on two games.”

“I’ll put it on my calendar when I get home,” Sara joked with a wink before flopping down onto the bed, wincing as soon as she did.“Question for you Doctor Sharpe Junior: what’s the point of painkillers if they don’t even help?”

Ava rolled her eyes, picking up Sara’s legs so she could sit down too, opening her laptop screen in front of them and moving to find Netflix in her bookmarks.

“It hasn’t even been 10 minutes Sara,” she chided with exasperated fondness. “You have to give them time to work.”

Instead of a response, Sara just groaned again and pushed herself upwards into a sitting position to lean against Ava’s pillows and headboard against the windowsill. She didn’t interrupt as Ava searched through Netflix for the show they were after, instead turning a little to admire her copies of Harry Potter and tracing the particularly worn spine of the third book.

“Guessing this one’s your favourite?”

Ava glanced behind her, laughing softly when she saw what Sara was referring to. “Yeah, always has been. I love all of them for different reasons but when I read Prisoner of Azkaban for the first time, I just -”

“Couldn’t put it down?” finished Sara. Her eyes were full of warmth and softness and Ava was breathless for a second at the overwhelming _intimacy_ of her gaze, of the familiarity in her eyes at Ava’s words. “Don’t worry, I get it. I was the same.”

Sara dragged her thumb along the top of all seven books before shifting to face the laptop again, shuffling closer to Ava. Ava stopped herself from sucking in a sharp breath when Sara leaned into her, instead just pushed her laptop a little further away with her foot so it was far enough away from them that they weren’t too huddled, struggling to see the screen.

“You okay in those clothes?” Ava asked. “You want something comfier? Now that you’ve had some painkillers, we could drive down to yours to pick up some stuff.”

Sara shook her head, her smile warm and grateful as she leaned a little further into Ava. “No, I’m good. Gym tights and a hoodie are always a good bet for comfiness.”

(They were also a good bet for Sara looking both adorable and stupidly attractive with her muscular legs and well defined calves and Ava had to actually bite her lip to stop herself from absentmindedly saying as such.)

“Just let me know if you’re cold or anything,” she said instead and Sara chuckled, eyes sparkling with fondness.

“Like I said before,” she said, squeezing Ava’s knee, “you’re really good at taking care of people. I’m okay Aves - Tylenol’s kicking in and this miracle of a heat pack is doing wonders and I get to just chill with you and watch my favourite TV show without thinking about schoolwork for a few hours. I’m more than okay.”

Ava’s stomach flipped at the softness in Sara’s expression, at the firm, truthfulness in her voice as she spoke and she had to actively look away, distract herself by pressing play on the first episode.

 

She really hoped Brooklyn Nine-Nine was a good show, because she desperately needed a distraction.

 

* * *

 

 

They made it through to the first Halloween episode by the time Ali knocked on Ava’s door to tell them dinner was ready. Ava had to admit, Sara was right. The show was brilliant, the perfect level of clever, fun and hilarious, laced with enough scattered seriosity that it was quickly becoming Ava’s favourite tv series.

Ali smiled brightly when she saw Sara, immediately chatting up a storm about school gossip, asking how soccer training was going, about how she was thinking of trying out for the team next year because she wanted to try a new sport, and Sara indulged her without blinking, picked up any thread of conversation Ali offered and responded with her own questions. She asked about Ali’s subjects, about archery club, about whether she was enjoying hanging out with Roy and Thea and Curtis and their friends.

Once downstairs, Robert immediately asked what they’d been up to when he saw them (grinning when Ava promised him that they hadn’t been studying and had just been watching TV), before inquiring whether Sara felt better and telling him to keep checking in with him over the night if she didn’t. For all that Barbara Sharpe was a sharp edged, conservative, unflinching woman who had an arsenal of narrowed eye looks and disapproving glares and tight grimaces that could make even the bravest of men squirm in their seats, Ava knew her mother had been raised to be a Good Southern Hostess. So despite the unfolding of the incident at Thanksgiving, Barbara didn’t even bat an eyelid when she saw Sara, just offered her a curt smile and asked how much lasagna she wanted.

Sara was evidently feeling better because she was as charming as ever, easily engaging in discussion with Ava’s family more than Ava usually did over dinner herself. She joked around with Ali, asked genuinely interested questions to Robert about his work (that had Ali, Ava and Layla all groaning as he immediately asked Sara if she’d heard the joke about the heart surgeon and the cactus that all three of them had heard on an endless loop their entire lives). She even managed to talk to Layla without any contempt from the latter, bringing up things that Laurel had clearly told her about Layla’s year group that made Layla laugh a little and dive into further explanations of each story.

 

Unlike the last time Sara was here, dinner thankfully passed without incident.

Ava and Layla were just clearing plates when Barbara stood, moved to the kitchen bench and pulled a stack of envelopes from under a larger stack of bills and letters from the hospital for Robert.

“These came in the mail for you this morning Ava,” she said. “I think they were sent to the high school and they posted them over.”

Ava furrowed her eyebrows, leaned over across the bench to take them and examine what they were, see whether they were an administrative letter from SCHS or a book delivery she’d ordered online a couple weeks ago or something sent to the wrong address. It was only when she saw the stamp in the top left hand corner of the first envelope that she realised, and for one, overwhelming, petrifying second, she actually thought she was going to throw up right there in the middle of the kitchen. Her heart leapt into her throat and her hand curled around the side of the kitchen bench, hanging on for dear life as she placed the envelopes down on the counter and shuffled through them, catching sight of similar stamps on each one.

 

_Harvard University. Yale University. Columbia. Rutgers. Princeton. NYU. Stanford._

_Brown University._

 

Oh _God._

“Ava?” asked Barbara, her voice on the edge of its usual hardness and a different, careful, knowing tone that told Ava that Barbara _had_ in fact seen _what_ these envelopes were.

“Hey Ali,” said Ava, fighting to keep her voice steady and not absolutely terrified for what these letters might say. “Can you do dishes tonight and I’ll do them tomorrow instead?”

Ali opened her mouth to complain but Ava shot her a _look_ , a pleading, desperate look (that she knew Sara caught sight of given the sudden concern the flashed across her face) and Ali conceded, nodded with a quiet huff and got to her feet to take Ava’s spot by the sink.

“Can Sara and I be excused?” Ava asked her parents, clutching the envelopes so tightly in her hand she was sure she was wrinkling the letters inside them. She was surprised when Barbara spoke before Robert, and was even more surprised when her answer was “Yes.”

“Are you okay?” asked Robert, frowning worriedly.

“Fine,” said Ava, offering him a winning smile that she had used on him enough times before that she knew it bought him over. “I just think it’s time we actually did some study.”

Robert seemed to accept that given the conversation they’d had earlier in the afternoon and nodded. As Ava dragged Sara to the doorway, Barbara called out “Remember, door open please Ava!”

“I _know_ ,” Ava replied, trying hard not to put any animosity into it because Barbara _never_ reminded Ali or Layla of that; everyone knew it was a house rule for the Sharpe children, and Ava knew why her mother was reminding _her_ , knew Barbara wouldn’t be making that comment if Gary was the one hanging out with her instead of Sara.

But that wasn’t important right now.

 

The walk back to Ava’s room was quick, and Ava knew Sara had noticed she was walking faster than usual, that something wasn’t quite right. It was confirmed when Ava pointedly shut her bedroom door behind them, tossed the envelopes onto the bed and started pacing anxiously beside her bed.

“Aves?” said Sara slowly, hovering hesitantly by the door. “What’re you -”

“They’re my early acceptances. For college.” The words tumbled from Ava’s lips in a rushed, terrified breath and she wrung her hands together tightly, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to suck in deep, calming breaths but they just got caught in her lungs and a wave of panic swept through her. But suddenly, Sara was stepping in her path to stop her pacing, was taking both of her hands and squeezing tightly enough for the touch to ground Ava momentarily.

“Hey,” Sara said, both soft and stern at the same time. “Ava.”

Ava managed to force her eyes open, focus her gaze on Sara as she exhaled shakily. “What …. what if …” She swallowed. “I can’t open them. God, I don’t -”

Sara stopped her by squeezing her hands harder, her voice gentle when she spoke but firm enough that it left no room for argument. “Ava, listen to me. I know you’re nervous and I can see you’re panicking, but that’s not going to help, okay? Breathe.” It was a soft command but it was so comforting and familiar that Ava managed to listen, succeeded in sucking in a sharp, shallow breath and holding it long enough for her lungs to figure out how to work again, for her brain to stop mindlessly freaking out and actually remind her of the facts.

That she was an A+ student.

She was on the Honour roll.

She was on track to being their class valedictorian.

She had letters of recommendation and an outstanding personal essay and records of volunteering and extracurricular participation and she was a _model student_ -

She would almost definitely have acceptances from _some_ of these colleges. It was just … there was only _one_ college she wanted the yes from, and if she opened it and it wasn’t there -

“Brown,” she said in a quiet, shaking voice, snapping her eyes shut. “The letter from Brown is there and … and it’s been my dream school since I was 14.”

She felt Sara’s thumbs trace careful, soothing lines across her knuckles as Sara squeezed Ava’s hands again comfortingly.

“Do you want to start with that one?” she asked gently. Panic shot up Ava’s spine and Sara must have felt her tense because she immediately started rubbing soft circles on the back of Ava’s palm, her voice soft as she said “Okay, that’s okay. We’ll work our way to it. How about we just watch another episode, yeah? And you can open them when you feel up to it.”

“Yeah,” Ava breathed, barely audible and she let her eyes flicker open. Sara’s expression was warm and open, concerned, but when she saw Ava open her eyes, she smiled and tugged her over to the bed. She let go of Ava’s hands to grab her laptop, this time lying down on her stomach and placing the computer on the pillows in front of them and shuffling closer when Ava tentatively mirrored her position. Ava entered her password, Sara reached up to press play on the next episode and they settled into a comfortable, still silence.

They were lying inches apart, Sara leaned in so close that Ava could smell her coconut shampoo. The college acceptances lay on Sara’s other side, far enough that Ava couldn’t see them and she was kind of glad they were out of sight. She wasn’t expecting to have to deal with the fear of opening those letters today, and was so stupidly grateful that Sara was here to help her _not_ spiral into an absolute disaster because _this_ \- her studies, her grades, getting into the one college she’d been dreaming of since freshman year - was all she had at this point in her life after giving up basketball and she was terrified of it slipping through her fingers. But Sara seemed to understand just how much this meant, just how _scared_ Ava really was because she let one arm overlap Ava’s so she could gently rest her hand on Ava’s forearm in a gentle, comforting gesture that made Ava’s petrified, pounding heart slow just a little.

They got through one episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine before Ava ducked her head down and whispered “Can you pass me the letters?”

Sara did so without speaking, carefully placing them in front of Ava and moving to pause the episode about to start playing before them.

“Start with one of the shitty ones,” said Sara softly, before bumping her shoulder against Ava’s and shooting her a joking smirk. “You know. Like Harvard.”

Ava choked out a laugh, instinctively rolling her eyes. But she did move to grab the Harvard envelope first, ripping it open with shaking hands, taking a minute to pause before flipping the letter open.

 

_Dear Miss Sharpe,_

_We are delighted to offer you -_

 

“Oh thank God,” Ava whispered, her eyes not skimming past the first two lines, just catching words like ‘congratulations’ and ‘fall semester’ and ‘should you wish to accept’ and feeling pure relief seep through her entire body.

Sara beamed at her, looped her arm through Ava’s and squeezed tightly, carefully picking out the envelope from Yale and handing it to Ava with a small, motivating smile.

It was like a strange, hazy dream. The colours of Ava’s room seemed to melt into each other, everything was a fuzzy hum of nervousness and anticipation and the low whirring sound of the heater by Ava’s door and the rustling of paper between them and Ava’s still slightly uneven breathing but Sara was warm and gentle and kind beside her and provided exactly the right amount of jokes and sarcastic comments and reassurances that Ava needed to work her way through the stack of letters.

She got enthusiastic acceptances from Yale, NYU, Rutgers and Stanford, Stanford and NYU even offering her partial scholarships and Rutgers, to Ava’s astonishment, offered her a full ride for a History major. Columbia and Princeton had her high on their waitlist, which given her other acceptances, Ava couldn’t even bring herself to be very disappointed over.

With each envelope she opened, Sara gave Ava’s arm an encouraging squeeze, gently rubbed her thumb over the flash of skin visible on Ava’s wrist where her sweatshirt sleeve had been pulled down.

Finally, only Brown was left.

Silence hung heavy between them for several moments. Ava was pretty sure if Sara hadn’t been lying beside her, literally prepared in every possible way to calm her down from any outcome, she would be having a full on panic attack on her bedroom floor over how terrified she was.

“Can you open it?” she asked eventually, unable to even look at the envelope.

“Only if you’re sure,” said Sara, her voice quiet.

“Yeah,” murmured Ava, swallowing. “It’s okay.” She closed her eyes, felt Sara’s weight shift a little as she moved her arm to hold the envelope properly. The sound of paper ripping was the only noise in the room for a few seconds, and Ava held her breath, clenching her teeth together to tamp down the nausea she was feeling. Sara didn’t speak as she unfolded the letter and for a second, Ava was sure it was a rejection because Sara was so quiet for so long that there was no way it could’ve been good news if she was this hesitant, and Ava readied herself for the crippling disappointment when -

“ _Dear Miss Sharpe_ ,” Sara read, her voice steady and her warmth suddenly leaning back against Ava. “ _We are very pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Brown University to start in the coming fall semester this August._ ”

“Are you serious?” Ava gasped, her head snapping over to look at Sara so fast that she was shocked she didn’t give herself whiplash. Sara’s expression was still remarkably neutral and controlled but her eyes were sparkling as she continued down the letter, a slow smile spreading across her face as she read further.

“ _Furthermore, we are delighted to offer you a scholarship to partially cover your tuition fees for any History courses you will be studying while at our school, although please note that this scholarship will not cover papers from other disciplines if you wish to take them. Please follow these next instructions should you wish to accept these offers._ ”

“Oh my God,” Ava croaked, her voice dry and her face hot and her entire body thrumming with disbelief and excitement and relief. “Oh my _God._ Holy … holy _shit_ , I got in!”

“You didn't just get in Aves!” said Sara, shoving Ava gently with an affectionate laugh. “You got offered four different fucking scholarships, two of which are for Ivy League universities! This is incredible!”

Ava couldn’t speak, just shook her head and took the letter from Sara’s hands. She tried reading it but her eyes couldn’t focus on the words, so just let it drop in front of her and a soft, incredulous laugh slipped from her lips.

“I got into Brown,” she breathed, wondering if saying it aloud would allow the words to actually sink in.

“Come on,” said Sara, sitting up suddenly and tangling her fingers in Ava’s to pull her up off the bed too.

“Where are we going?” asked Ava, arching an eyebrow but unable to wipe the wide beam off her face.

Sara grinned. “Where do you think? To tell your freakin family, you weirdo!”

 

* * *

 

 

Between the terror of opening the letters and then the elated, excited celebration of actually knowing that she’d succeeded, Ava forgot for far longer than she should have the reason that Sara was actually at her house in the first place. She was so caught up in her father’s excitement when she confessed why she’d shot upstairs so quickly, was so surprised by Barbara’s sudden smile and the - _was that pride? -_ glint in her eye when Ava revealed the scholarships she’d received on top of her acceptances. As Layla shrugged and said “‘S kinda cool I guess” and Ali scoffed and went “Yeah, you’re just jealous because you’re stuck studying here”, Ava rolled her eyes and exchanged a grin with Sara, who still wore an expression of so much affection and pride that Ava was a little overwhelmed.

Ali cheekily suggested popping open the champagne in the fridge, to which Robert snorted and said “Ha, nice try muffin.” but Ava couldn’t care less because _she was going to Brown_ and literally nothing else in the world mattered at that moment.

(She knew that technically, she should look over the other schools a bit more, should do some more research, especially given the full scholarship Rutgers had offered. But she’d been researching Brown in depth for three years now and she knew without a doubt that she was going to accept them, regardless of what other opportunities were on offer.)

 

It was almost 9pm by the time she and Sara finally made their way back up to Ava’s room, and Ava was still floating on the joy of the past hour that she closed her door without thinking, couldn’t even bring herself to care about the ‘Sharpe open door policy’. She rubbed her hand over her face as she laughed softly, gazing at her own reflection in the mirror and wondering when the last time she’d seen herself this happy was.

“Hey Aves?”

Ava met Sara’s gaze in the mirror, still unable to stop smiling. “Yeah?”

“I hate to be a buzzkill,” said Sara, grimacing, “but any chance you have more painkillers?”

Ava’s throat went dry and she whirled round, a sudden rush of concern and anxiety flooding through her body. “ _Fuck_ , I totally forget,” she said, immediately yanking open a drawer of her dressing table and pulling out a strip of tablets. “I’m so sorry Sara, you should’ve said something.”

“It’s fine,” Sara insisted. “I’m fine. Honestly, I would’ve told you if I wasn’t. They only just started wearing off now.”

Ava gave her a weary look, making her way over to the bed to sit beside Sara and hand her the pills and a glass of water from the bedside table. “How bad?”

“It’s not -”

“Sara.”

Sara sighed. “I dunno, maybe like a 7 or 8 out of 10 I guess.”

“ _Sara_ , you should’ve -”

“It was _fine_ , and you were so happy and excited and I wasn’t gonna take that away from you.” Sara gave her an indignant, defiant stare. “I’m telling you now, okay?”

Ava shook her head with a sigh, reaching out to rub a gentle hand over the base of Sara’s back and Sara’s eyes flickered shut, letting out a quiet breath of relief and her entire body seemed to relax at Ava’s touch.

“C’mon,” said Ava, nodding back to where her laptop was sitting on top of her pillows. “Let’s watch a few more episodes until those tablets kick in. You’ve got me hooked on this dumb cop show now.”

Sara smiled, and Ava could see the silent _thank you_ in it even behind the exhaustion and slight amusement. They rearranged themselves to sit the way they had before dinner, sitting against the headboard with the laptop before them. Sara moved to sit as though she was going to put at least some distance between them, but Ava reached out and curled her fingers around Sara’s wrist, tugging her closer and giving her a _look_ when Sara seemed hesitant.

“What, you’re the cuddle monster all day and suddenly you’re all ‘middle school dance with a ruler between partners’?” teased Ava and Sara snorted with laughter before caving, scooting across the bed to sit closer to Ava, the way they had been all evening previously.

They powered through three episodes before Ava knew enough about the characters now to suddenly notice similarities between Sara and Jake Peralta of all people. They were up to the Thanksgiving episode, it was around 10 o clock, and Sara’s head was resting on Ava’s shoulder, their legs tangled together and arms pressed tightly against each other. They were clearly growing sleepy but Ava knew that they were both too stubborn to give up on an episode they’d already started, even if they were barely a minute in. They’d just gotten through the cold open, where the whole squad was teasing Boyle for his Thanksgiving mannerisms by playing ‘Boyle Bingo, Thanksgiving Edition’, when Ava had the sudden image of Sara doing something similar with their friends and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud.

“What?” murmured Sara, shuffling so she could look up at Ava.

“I was just thinking that this is a very _you_ thing to do,” said Ava with a soft chuckle. “The bingo thing. I can see you doing that with Ray.”

Sara snorted into her shoulder. “Holy shit we _should_ do that.” She paused, and Ava looked down to see a fond smile cross Sara’s face. “Laurel always used to say that I was just like Jake. We used to make a tally of all the Jake things I’d done, and all the Jake things that I _would_ do.”

Ava grinned, poked Sara gently in the side as she said “We should start one too.”

They fell quiet again, just chuckling their way through the episode with the occasional soft, sleepy commentary. It was around a quarter of the way through, during Amy’s orchestrated Thanksgiving dinner, when Jake was teasing Amy about the font and spacing of her speech, that Sara let out a proper laugh and leaned into Ava with an affectionate smirk as she said “So you’re definitely an Amy.”

Ava opened her mouth to argue but at the look Sara gave her, closed it again and couldn’t help herself from smiling wryly. Sara wasn't wrong, not even slightly - Ava had always been the organised friend, the one carrying colour coordinated binders around and stressing about following the rules, so it was a pretty accurate assessment. But as Sara settled back against her side, Ava had to force herself _not_ to think about how cute Jake and Amy were, how clear it was that the writers were setting them up to be the couple you rooted for, how their teasing and flirtatious bickering was founded in a soft, respectful rivalry between two partners that worked together seamlessly and were equally good friends.

Because clearly the fact that she and Sara were like Jake and Amy was only due to their personalities, rather than being about the way they interacted with each other. There was so much lingering sexual tension between the two characters, and so many romantic undertones, and Ava could absolutely _not_ think about that right now, not when she could acutely feel Sara's leg resting against hers, the bare skin of her arm burning in a way that was not entirely unpleasant where it touched her own. (She might even _like_ it, but that felt like a bit too much to admit right now, not when it made her stomach lurch with something that might be fear, not when Sara was clearly just seeking affection because she felt like crap. Not when Ava couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this physically affectionate with anyone that wasn’t her family, couldn’t remember ever feeling this safe and comfortable with anyone. She couldn’t think about any of it. Not right now. Maybe not ever.)

 

* * *

 

Ava was sure she’d stayed awake through the episode, but when she blinked to open her eyes and reached over to check her phone, she realised with a start that the episode they’d actually been watching had ended around 15 minutes ago, and both she and Sara had managed to fall asleep through almost an entire episode afterwards. Ava tried to shuffle upwards but Sara was curled into her, fingers curled around Ava’s sweater and her breath soft and sleepy against Ava’s shoulder.

“Sara,” Ava murmured, poking her gently in the side, hesitant to wake her or to break the comfortable bubble they’d created. “Sara, we need to go to bed.”

Sara groaned, burrowing further into Ava’s shoulder. “I’m _in_ bed,” she mumbled quietly, words muffled. Ava couldn’t help her soft snort of incredulous laughter because, yeah, Sara wasn’t wrong, and honestly, what was shocking her the most was that neither of her parents had come in and said anything, neither of them had told her off for having her door shut or for being on her bed with a girl, cuddling in a way neither Barbara or Robert would be used to Ava doing with anyone. Yet somehow, they’d been left alone and Ava was pretty sure the rest of her house had retired to their own rooms too.

Sara seemed to finally pry herself into consciousness and she pulled away slightly, blinking up at Ava and brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face.

“As much as I’m very aware that I literally have one of the comfiest mattresses in Star City,” said Ava with a soft, joking smile, “you should probably go to the guest room.” Her voice was tinged with something hesitant, vulnerable, and it made Sara’s eyebrows tilt downward into a slight frown, remorse flashing across her expression and she nodded slightly, understanding replacing the doubt in her eyes

“Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve - “

“Sara,” Ava interrupted yet again, halting Sara’s inevitably long and completely unnecessary apology. She curled her fingers around Sara’s wrist, giving it a soft squeeze to ensure Sara understood that it wasn’t about _her_ , that more than anyone, this was about Ava’s mom and about how absolutely nuts she would go if she found out Sara had spent the night in Ava’s room. Sara seemed to get that though, caught on to what Ava wasn’t saying quickly and she followed Ava in suit to slide off the bed, gathering her stuff to relocate to the guest bedroom down the hall.

“Aves?” she said, her voice quiet and slightly groggy with exhaustion. “Thank you so much for tonight. You have no idea how much I needed this.”

Ava felt all her breath leave her lungs in a rush at the warmth in Sara’s eyes, and all she could manage for a second was a brief nod before her brain caught up and kick started again.

“Anytime Sara,” she said with a small smile. “Thank you too. For … for tonight. For being there with the letters and just … you know.”

Sara’s eyes got brighter, if that were even possible, and she swung her backpack over her shoulder, pushed her disheveled hair away from her face and beamed at Ava, looking far too radiant for someone who had been half asleep for the better part of an hour.

“Anytime Aves,” she echoed, voice soft. “See you in the morning.”

 

* * *

 

Ava had a routine. Everyday, apart from Tuesdays and Sundays, her alarm would go off at 5:55am regardless of what time she’d fallen asleep the night before. Almost always, - apart from sick days, feeling particularly groggy, or if she really had only gotten one or two hours sleep - Ava would drag herself out of bed, would pull on some workout gear while half asleep, trudge to the bathroom to wash her face and then be out the door for a morning run (that at this time of the year, would be cold enough to wake her up).

Ava didn’t expect Sara to be much of a morning person, so assumed that she would be able to maintain her regular _run_ schedule, and was just emerging from the bathroom to hurry down the stairs at 6:06am when the guest bedroom door opened, shut, and Sara stepped into the hallway. She was still wearing her clothes from last night - the well fitting jet black gym tights and the huge, worn pastel pink hoodie. Her hair was tousled from sleep and the large bags under her eyes had lessened just slightly from what Ava hoped had been a good night’s rest.

“Hey,” Ava said in surprise, taking her headphones out of her ears. “What’re you doing up? I thought you scoffed at those of us who got up at the, and I quote ‘asscrack of dawn’.”

Sara glanced over at her with a wry, still somewhat sleepy grin, eyes flickering over Ava’s body as she took in the thin workout gear. “What’re you doing?” she asked.

Ava blinked, gesturing to her outfit a little confusedly. “Uh …. Going for a run? I don’t exactly wander around the house in these shoes and this stupidly expensive sports bra for the hell of it.”

Sara grinned widely, and Ava was momentarily so distracted by the colour that had returned to her cheeks and the sparkle of light in the corner of her eyes (God, it was too early for this), that she almost missed Sara cockily ask “You are, are you? Going for a run?”

Ava huffed with frustration, crossing her arms. “What is it Lance? You wanna come _with_ me?”

Sara laughed out loud, crossing the gap between her and Ava and tugging, dragging Ava towards the window and nodding at the gap in the curtains with an infectious grin on her face, her whole body clearly buzzing with excitement. Ava furrowed her eyebrows, feeling both slight annoyance and bewilderment at Sara’s apparent energy so early in the morning.

“Sara, what’re you even … _oh._ ”

 

The ground was covered with a thick layer of snow, undisturbed by the world. As much as Ava was usually a summer person, she was a sucker for snow. She loved the way the world seemed to calm, if only just for a moment, when the first snow started to fall - everything blanketed in white, everything peaceful and quiet, almost fragile, even if it was just for the first few hours. But she usually liked to admire it from afar, from the warmth and comfort of the living room window, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with a hot chocolate and stupid fluffy socks. Of course she would inevitably end up tugged outside for the annual first snowfall snowball fight once Ali woke up, but truthfully, Ava could’ve spent hours just gazing at the snow from the safety of the house without ever stepping foot outside. But Sara didn’t give her a chance, instead pulling her away from the window enough that she could slip in front of Ava and look her in the eyes.

“Come outside with me?” she said, brimming with excitement as her hand slid into Ava’s and squeezed tightly.

Ava hesitated for a moment. She knew how cold it would be. The kind of cold that no matter how many layers you wore, it still seemed to sink down to your bones and wrap a low chill around your entire body. As soon as they took one step, their clothes would be soaked. As soon as they started running around, the snow would become gross, muddy sludge and Ava grimaced, eyes flickering down to her thin, workout clothes, to her exposed abdomen only slightly covered by her black, zip up hoodie. “Sara, look at what we’re wearing. We’d freeze.”

Sara rolled her eyes. “Go put on a sweatshirt or something then - I’m fine, I’ll steal sweats from you after or something. _Please_?”

Ava opened her mouth to continue to protest, to say something about _clothing_ and _warmth_ and being _sensible,_ but before she could, Sara sent her a soft, beseeching look with something else behind it, something more fragile, a vulnerability that Ava was certain she wasn’t meant to have seen. Sara bit her lip, looking away, and Ava realised that as much as she was protesting, her mind was already made up.

“Come on Aves,” Sara murmured quietly, smile slipping into something softer. “It’ll be fun.” Ava felt her resolve crumble. How was she supposed to say no to the way Sara was looking at her?

She sighed overdramatically. “Okay, _fine._ ” She pinched the bridge of her nose, mentally preparing herself to lose pretty much all feeling in her extremities over the next hour. When she looked back up, she huffed a little indignantly at the surprised look on Sara’s face at her agreement. She grinned, prodding Sara in the ribs, “Stop looking so shocked, I’m capable of actually being reckless sometimes.” At Sara’s scoff, Ava slapped her arm lightly and sent her a half hearted glare. “Shut up! I’m gonna go change, but you have to go wake Ali, she’ll kill us if we go outside in the snow without telling her first.”

Sara grinned brightly. “First snowfall with the Sharpe family? This is gonna be a blast.”

 

* * *

 

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (saraalance) **  
  
**

**  
** **_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

It’s not first snowfall without a  
snowball fight bitchessssss

@avacsharpe  
@aliJsharpeXX  
@laaylasharpexx

#wewon

FRIDAY; 25°

 

_Friday 9 December at 8:49am:_

**_amayajiwe replied to your story:_ **

Cute!!

Are you feeling better? XX

  
so, so much xx

did they cancel ur geo  
field trip bc of the snow?

  
Yup

No busses are going anywhere  
in this weather

  
WAIT

AVA GOT HER EARLY COLLEGE  
ACCEPTANCES

DID U GET YOURS

  
…

I haven’t opened them yet  
I’m so scared

  
i’ll come over later? open  
them with you??

you, me and jax can have  
our first snowfall hot choc  
tradition like always xx

  
Sounds good, come over  
whenever <3

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
  
**

**  
** **_aliJsharpeXX posted 1 new photo:_ **

when  @avacsharpe  is a traitor and betrays the sharpe clan to take us down in the first snowball fight of the year. it's fine, it's chill, just u wait until  @spencepsharpe  is back bc we’ll get u big sis, just saying #firstsnowfall

**_Tagged: avacsharpe, saraalance, laaylasharpexx_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _saraalance, theaqxeen, lilssstein, ztomaz, cvrtishxlt, noradarhk, and 112 others._ _  
_ **_Comments:_ ** **_  
_ ** _avacsharpe:_ It’s called evenly numbered teams???? What were we gonna do, have every single one of us against Sara???? _  
_ _saraalance:_ um excuse you  @avacsharpe  i still coulda kicked all ur asses by myself  
_avacsharpe:_ Ha, that’s funny. And sweet. And so wrong.  @saraalance  _  
_ _saraalance:_ i demand a rematch, you vs me, i will take u down  @avacsharpe  
_aliJsharpeXX_ : @saraalance you have no idea what you just got yourself into omgggg

Friday 9 December.

 

**_avacsharpe posted 1 new photo:_ **

Things to freak out over at this point in the year: midterms, the fact that we’re halfway through senior year, midterms, college, midterms, turning 18 in less than a month, the infinite number of tests/assignments due after the break, midterms.  
Things to press pause on the freak out for: the first snowball fight of the year, & binge watching Brooklyn Nine Nine after @saraalance gets you just a little bit obsessed #whoops #balance #itsthelittlethings

**_Tagged: aliJsharpexx, saraalance, laaylasharpexx_ **

**_Liked by:_** _saraalance, ztomaz, amayajiwe, noradarhk, gxryggreeen_ _and 174 others._ _  
_**_Comments:_**  
_saraalance:_ surely a b99 marathon over the break  
_saraalance_ : (i still demand a snowball fight rematch)

Friday 9 December.

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_FRI 10:08am:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Who here follows Ava’s little  
sister Ali on instagram

Because

_Sent 1 photo to the chat._

_  
_ **_Zari:_ **  
DON’T EVEN FUCKING GET ME  
STARTED I HAVE BEEN TEXTING  
AMAYA ABT THIS ALL FUCKIN  
MORNING

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** I don’t follow Ali and I think I  
just had a brief moment of heart  
failure from seeing that photo for  
the first time

The way they’re SMILING at each  
other wow I’m fine

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** OKAY  BUT  @NORA U LEFT OUT  
THEIR FLIRTING IN THE COMMENTS

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh no

there was flirting in the comments?

am i abt to be hospitalised from this

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Sent 1 picture to the chat._

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** They’re so cute wow

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay but Ava just posted this on  
Instagram

_Sent 1 photo to the chat._

_  
_**_You:_** **  
** ‘#itsthelittlethings’ ??

Is she for real

When the fuck did she  
become this romantic

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Guys they binge watched b99  
together this is too much

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay so basically nobody ever  
offer their house as a place to  
stay if either of them ever need  
it because clearly they just need  
to have more romantic sleepovers  
to progress things along

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** None of you follow Layla right?

Ava’s older sister?

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** i do but my instagram app is fucked  
rn so I cant look at it

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nah I never liked her

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nope why?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Her story

They’re making hot chocolate

Like rn she just uploaded it

Also, they changed into dry  
clothes and um …. not to like  
ruin anybody’s life or anything  
but the hoodie Sara changed  
into? I know that hoodie

That’s AVA’S hoodie yall

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** shut the fuck up

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I need to figure out a way to  
remember how to breathe

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** this can’t be REAL

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara’s birthday is this month  
right?? I dont even wanna think  
about what Ava’s gonna get her

 **_  
_ ** **_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** SHUT UP NORA YOU’RE RUINING  
MY LIFE I CAN’T HANDLE THIS

 **_  
_ ** **_Zari:_ ** **_  
_** Mood

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Every time you think it just can’t  
get any damn cuter :’)

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** At this rate, we won’t even NEED  
to do anything to set them up, they’re  
doing just fine on their own

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I still reckon divide and conquer  
at some point to see where each  
of them are at

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not today tho

Today we are all just gonna bask in  
the fact that sara lance and ava sharpe  
just had a sleepover and binge watched  
brooklyn nine nine together and then  
had snowball fight and are now making  
hot chocolates w family members

You know what, none of that even sounds  
remotely real and here we are

They’re going to ruin me

 

 


	10. i just know i need you now (like i've never done before)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It wasn’t because she was scared, or at least, that was what she was telling herself, silently and desperately to stop the rising panic crawling in her lungs and the building nausea every time the reality of the situation sunk in. (Pretending that she hadn’t felt her entire body go cold when her dad had sat her down and quietly repeated what he’d been told over the phone earlier in the morning, in a hoarse voice thick with unshed tears and overwhelming anxiety, whispered “Sara, baby, listen … Laurel isn’t doing so good. We need to go see her.”)"
> 
> OR
> 
>  
> 
> ...... we are ........ really sorry ..... for how much this chapter hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look we WARNED you okay 
> 
> tissues required  
> probs some chocolate/ice cream too  
> a happy episode of legends / a cute sdcc interview to watch after
> 
> (again we love u all so much for ur absolutely wonderful comments they make our days so much happier you guys are incredible like listen SHOUT OUT to the beautiful soul who made us fanart for chapter 9????? we still haven't recovered from that so congratulations you've temporarily broken us we're so grateful and in awe this is more than we ever could have hoped for in terms of a response for this fic. despite the angst, we actually love this chapter even though it gave us a physical ache in our chest to write, and it really kickstarts where things are at for avalance too dw so just ... hold on to your hats) 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from help! by the beatles)

**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Ava Sharpe  
_Active now_

_SAT 9:57am:_

 

hey

so uh

i know we said we’d do  
history today

but i kinda need a raincheck  
i’m so sorry i know we wanted   
to finish that second section

  
It’s okay, we can do it later this   
week if that works better

Is everything okay?

  
i don’t know

i can’t talk right now

  
Sara

Are you okay?

  
no

can i maybe call you later?

  
Yeah, of course

Is this about Laurel?

  
_Seen: Saturday, 10:06am_

 

* * *

  


It wasn’t because she was scared, or at least, that was what she was telling herself, silently and desperately to stop the rising panic crawling in her lungs and the building nausea every time the reality of the situation sunk in. (Pretending that she hadn’t felt her entire body go cold when her dad had sat her down and quietly repeated what he’d been told over the phone earlier in the morning, in a hoarse voice thick with unshed tears and overwhelming anxiety, whispered “Sara, baby, listen … Laurel isn’t doing so good. We need to go see her.”)

The terror, the cold sweat, the aching in her chest had all faded over by the time they were on the road heading out of the city, and was being replaced by a slow, muted anger bubbling from the pit of Sara’s stomach. An anger that had become a burning in her chest as they arrived, as they walked through the awful, dull corridors, as the doctors quietly talked to Quentin as though Sara wasn’t even in the room, words like _unstable_ and _hospitalised_ and _relapse_ thrown between them so casually that it made Sara feel sick.

And now.

Standing here with Laurel trying to make excuses, shrugging off the seriousness of it all, trying pick fights and argue to mask her clear shakiness and fear. And yet every time she tried to lie that she was doing okay, for the first time in their lives, Sara couldn’t feel any concern or sympathy for her sister, just felt her anger rising, prickling just under the surface of her skin, because what did Laurel think they were gonna do - _ignore it_ ? Pretend this was just a regular visit? Just drive back to Star city thinking it was okay, everything was fine? Leave her here and go back to their lives as if they didn’t care? She didn’t even _look_ minutely okay - she was just as thin as she had been when they’d first dropped her off, her hair limp and lifeless, skin sallow and pale, cheeks gaunt, lips chapped -

Apparently they’d just released her from the hospital ward this morning, but in Sara’s opinion, she didn’t look nearly healthy enough to be on her feet. Yet here she was, insisting that everyone was overreacting and that she was fine, that they didn’t need to come all this way in the snow on the second day of Sara’s winter break, that she just needed to sleep it off.

Sara fumed. Maybe she shouldn’t’ve been so upset about it. Because technically, it was _Laurel’s_ problem, it was _Laurel’s_ mistake … so why did she feel so goddamn responsible?

 

She faintly heard her dad having a gentle argument with Laurel in the background, going back and forth between “Why didn’t you tell us you were struggling?” and “I’m not struggling, it’s fine, I know this looks bad, but it’s going well!”

She groaned, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against the wall with a resounding thud, prompting Laurel to snap something at her about how “if this is so much of an inconvenience for you Sara, you should’ve just stayed at home!” which Sara ignored. Who cared. Clearly not Laurel, if this afternoon was anything to go by.

“They told me it was the same stuff as before!” said Quentin and there was a touch of anger and frustration in his voice that wasn’t there a minute ago. “Darhk’s stuff. Where did you even get it Laurel? Are you still talking to a dealer or something?”

“Can you not be a cop right now Dad?” hissed Laurel through gritted teeth. “Can you just be my father instead?”

“I’d love to, but I wouldn’t be your father if I didn’t ask where the hell you’re getting this stuff from Laurel!”

Sara only kept her eyes closed for a moment - the longer she didn’t look, the more Laurel’s voice began to twist into their mother’s, and the more she was reminded of time spent in Laurel’s room when they were younger, head buried in her side, Laurel’s headphones tucked into her ears in a futile attempt to block out their parents arguing in the room below. And just like then, closing her eyes didn’t _work._

“Can you please just think about someone other than yourself for one _fucking_ second?”

She meant for the words to come out harsher, more insistent, but instead they fell flat - the exhausted sound of her voice creating a silence that neither her father nor Laurel attempted to fill, so she did instead.

“It always has to be about you, doesn’t it?”

It wasn’t that she didn’t _see_ the flicker of hurt that passed across Laurel’s expression as she turned to face her, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t _know_ that she was pushing too hard. But Laurel wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t let them help her, and if the only way to get her to talk was to push her buttons, then so be it. But just like when they were kids and their tempers flared up, the hurt on Laurel’s face faded into something less kind, less caring (and Sara hated that it somehow made her feel less guilty about the thoughts she could no longer control). Laurel’s words were much harsher than before as she snapped “Well yeah, it _is_ about me. Because this was just _my_ problem, until _you_ stuck your nose where it didn’t belong and dragged us all into this mess.”

Sara whirled around, anger flashing in her eyes. “You know what?” she spat out, curling her hands into tight fists. “ _I_ was doing _good_ , Laurel. I know this whole fucking disaster is about you but _I_ was good. I was happy and I was doing well at school, and soccer is gonna start soon, and for the first time since this whole mess began things were going _well_.” Sara felt something ugly inside her twist, the part of her that had been tensed since the start of the year finally snapping as she added with quiet, shaking fury “It’s literally one _week_ until my eighteenth birthday, and this is what you do? I thought you were better than this. You were _supposed_ to be better than this.”

It took all of her willpower not to turn around and storm off, to hold her challenging glare, but then Laurel huffed, looking away as she murmured condescendingly “I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” and Sara could feel the way her heart rate picked up, the frothing, bubbling anger rising to the surface and the words came rushing out of her mouth before she could stop them, coated with fury and outrage and a flash of vulnerable hurt that Sara wished she could hide.

“All I understand is that you _said_ you were getting better for me. Is this for me too?”

“Sara, stop,” she faintly heard her father murmur, but the rage was rushing through her body, she could see the spark of defiance in her sister’s eyes as Laurel stepped closer and snapped back at her, words dripping with a spite that Sara was far too blinded to notice was disguising humiliated exhaustion behind it. Because Laurel was lashing out too, and Sara was livid, and she could feel her nails dig into her palms when Laurel scoffed at her father’s words, her voice childishly goading, clearly trying to provoke another reaction.

“Yeah, Sara, maybe you should stop it.”

“Both of you stop it,” Quentin pleaded, much gentler than either of them saw coming. He stepped between them, looking to Laurel as he finished “Laurel, baby, please. We just want you to get better so you can come home. I miss my daughter.”

If Sara could think rationally, maybe she would have managed to hear his words for what they were, but instead she felt herself suck in a deep breath as he spoke, because there it was. There was the low, flickering insecurity that she’d had her entire life, there was the anxiety that she hadn’t been able to suppress since everything that had happened over the summer, the fear that she wasn’t enough for her father, that she was his second favourite, that even with Laurel in rehab, no amount of success Sara ever achieved would allow her to sit at the same tier as her sister. Quentin didn’t need to say _‘If only Sara could take your place’_ or _‘why was it you, not Sara’_  for her to hear it anyway. Sara’s fists clenched tighter, enough that her nails broke skin and she wanted to scream, shaking with an anger more intense than she’d ever felt before as she thought _am I not your daughter too?_

She bit the inside of her lip, pushing past her dad as her last thread of self control frayed. “You know what?” she snapped. “No, we don’t want you home. Don’t even _fucking bother_ Laurel, just get better and fuck off to Stanford where you belong. Your reputation in Star City is ruined anyway - all my friends know _exactly_ where you are.”

She saw Laurel’s jaw drop, saw the way she looked as if the ground had been pulled from under her feet, and Sara felt a sickening sense of satisfaction creep through her, which only grew when Laurel choked out a horrified gasp, pushing Sara back roughly by her shoulders.

“How could you?” she demanded, voice strangled and broken. “I asked for _one_ thing and you promised -”

“Are you _fucking kidding me_ Laurel?” Sara shouted, an incredulous spike of uncontrollable rage erupting within her, the volume of her words increasing. She ignored the way her dad reached out to hold her back, ignored the shocked look on Laurel’s face. “You expected me to live with the burden of this secret for the _entire goddamn year_ and never talk to _anyone_ about it? To lie to all the people I love the most and pretend that everything was fine even though I was falling apart, to act as if it didn’t matter at all? You think you’re the _only_ person your addiction is affecting?”

“It’s not the _same_ -” Laurel began but the fierceness from her voice was gone, her argument already sounded weaker. But Sara was still fuming, Sara suddenly had six months worth of pain and confusion and heartache and anger and anxiety that had all come to a head and for all that she’d talked to Ava, for all that she’d been able to voice her uncertainties to her friends, there was a part of her that needed Laurel to _know_ , needed _Quentin_ to know, needed them both to understand that she still wasn’t okay, that _this_ wasn’t okay.

“You know what Dad’s been doing at work?” Sara demanded, gesturing blindly towards Quentin and she heard the way his breath hitched.

“Sara, no,” he tried to say but Sara ploughed past him, hardened her gaze as she glared at Laurel with so much conviction and unflinching honesty that she saw Laurel hesitate and step back a little.

“Dad’s been trying to take down Damien Darhk,” Sara hissed and she heard the contempt and selfish fury in her own voice because as much as she knew this was her dad’s job, there was a part of her that was livid at him for taking on such a feat, for putting himself in such a dangerous position when right now, if he were to - God forbid - get killed on a Darhk raid, Sara would be left alone with nobody in the world at her side.

“Dad, what the hell?” said Laurel, her eyes wide as they flickered to Quentin. “Getting yourself killed trying to take down the drug kingpin who’s stuff I got hooked on isn’t going to make me better, that’s just going to leave me and Sara without a father!”

Sara knew, rationally, that she should be glad that Laurel saw the truth in it, saw it from _her_ perspective, but instead it just made her madder.

“No,” she snapped in a growl, “it’ll leave _me_ without a father because I’m still out there, going to school, trying to live a normal life. You’re the one holed up in here like the fucking mess you are, and I’m obsessing over all the ways I could have stopped this from happening, Dad’s out there putting his life on the line to take down the guy behind all this, and you’re not even _trying_ to get better.” Sara took a step back, pushing her hair out of her face. “I never thought of you as selfish Laur,” she spat bitterly, “but here we are.”

That was when she left.

She knew she’d taken it too far, knew as soon as the fire left Laurel’s voice that the argument was gone, that Laurel felt guilty enough that they could just talk like normal people without the need for false reassurances and empty promises. But Sara was _Sara_ and she hadn’t been able to stop, knew that the next expression on Laurel’s face would be her facade crumbling and Sara couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t be the reason that her strong, beautiful, kind, brilliant sister broke down.

She could hear her dad calling after her as she stormed out of the room, but Sara couldn’t bring herself to care, because she’d spent half of the goddamn year caring about Laurel, and she’d had enough. And Quentin was trying his hardest to fix this, to hold this family together through the chaos, but Sara knew that if he had the choice, he would trade her for Laurel in a heartbeat, because who needed two fucked up daughters when you could just keep the perfect one in the first place, right? Sara stumbled slightly at the thought, reaching out to brace herself against the wall. She didn’t know where she was, and all the grey, overly lit corridors looked the same, and she had no idea how she was going to find her way out of this later, but right now - as she sagged down to the floor and leant her back on the wall, burying her head in her knees - she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Because what was the point anyway? It was caring that got her here.

Caring about Laurel, about her family, about Laurel’s fucking reputation had nearly torn her apart at the start of the year, and now, just when she’d finally managed to piece herself back together and work her way to a place she was happy, caring about Laurel had dragged her back down again.

 

She didn’t know how much time had passed before she heard her father crouch down next to her, placing a careful hand on her shoulder as he murmured her name, but she couldn’t bring herself to look up, couldn’t bear to see the disappointment she knew would be in his eyes if he saw the way her hands were still shaking or the faint wet patch her tears had left on her jeans. He smoothed down her hair with a gentleness that was simply _too much_ and Sara could feel the tears welling up in her eyes yet again, because his hands were kind and comforting in a way she didn’t deserve, not after what she’d said to Laurel.

“Sara, please go talk to her,” he said softly.

Sara shuddered, finally looking up but keeping her eyes firmly shut. “I can’t.”

It wasn’t fair on him, her acting in the selfish, immature way she used to when she was 14, she thought faintly, but pushed it away and let the familiar weight of anger take its place. She’d told Laurel things she’d promised she wouldn’t, and she’d screamed at her and lost control of herself and she probably didn’t deserve her forgiveness.

She didn’t even _want_ her forgiveness, not right now.

(The worst part was, half the things Sara had said were at least partially true.)

“For me, Sara?” Quentin pleaded in a quiet voice, and Sara choked down another sob, forcing away the part of her that just wanted to do as he said, just wanted him to be proud of her. Sara sucked in a deep, shaky breath and pushed herself up to her feet before turning and walking out of the facility, holding her breath until she realised that her father was following her to the car rather than pushing her further to talk to Laurel.

No goodbyes then, Sara thought, and she wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or even more upset.

 

(The journey home was silent, and Sara felt almost guilty that she was glad she didn’t have to face her father’s harsh words or the disappointed looks she knew she deserved. And yet, the silence was almost worse, because she could only hear her deafening thoughts echoing in her mind, broken only by waves of bitterness every time her father looked her way, because it wasn’t fair that Laurel was the one in rehab, the one who had just relapsed, and yet Sara was still the disappointment.)

 

It was as they were heading closer to Star City - the city lights and the buzz of an urban centre becoming slowly closer in the distance - that the perpetual breeze filtering through the millimeter gap in Sara’s window (that’d been there for years, still hadn’t been fixed) turned icy and goosebumps erupted on her arms. She shivered, glancing over her shoulder to grab her jacket from the backseat only to realise she’d left it on Laurel’s bed, discarded haphazardly as they’d stepped inside for the first time. The reminder of it just had Sara tumbling back down the rabbit hole of her thoughts, of her anger and resentment and broken, overwhelming confusion and regret. It was too much all over again and she purposefully reached across to turn up the heating inside the car as a way to distract herself, to avoid losing it in front of her dad when they still had at least 25 minutes of the journey left.

Sara didn’t know what to do. What to think, what to feel, how to even move forward from something as heartbreaking and emotionally destructive as the argument she and Laurel had had. She just wanted someone to tell her that she wasn’t _wrong_ , for someone to look at her and not have disappointment in their eyes the way Quentin did, for someone to squeeze her hand and give her a tight, comforting hug and murmur “It won’t be like this forever” and make jokes to lighten the mood and distract Sara with conversations and homework and -

 

Ava.

She needed Ava.

 

The realisation hit Sara hard and her eyes snapped shut. Before she knew what she was doing, her hand was pulling her phone out of her back pocket, but when she went to unlock it and open her messages, her fingers hesitated and an ugly, vicious thought entered her mind.

_She doesn’t care, why would she care? Why would anyone care? If Laurel of all people doesn’t, why would someone who’s hated you for longer than they ever liked you?_

Sara swallowed, clutched her phone tightly. Rationally, she knew it wasn’t true. Somewhere in her mind, she was aware that this was her fight with Laurel playing on her anxieties, her insecurities, the toxic parts of her own mind trying to alienate her and send her further into a spiral of loneliness. But that awareness was so faint right now, overshadowed by Sara’s exhaustion and unease, that she found herself dropping her phone into her lap and returning to gaze out the window at the rapidly approaching city, trying to think of anything _but_ the way Laurel had looked at her before she’d stormed out of the room.

She _didn’t_ need Ava, she tried to tell herself firmly. She didn’t. She didn’t.

 

She didn’t.

 

* * *

  


_Sara Lance_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

  


**_7:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey   


**_7:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You wanna talk?  

  
**_7:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No pressure ofc, I’m here   
if you need though XX

 

 **_7:14pm_ ** **_  
_ ** we’re about twenty mins   
out of star city now

  
**_7:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** do we have hw for monday?

 

 **_7:15pm_ ** **_  
_ ** That avoidance was by far the   
least subtle thing I’ve ever seen

  
**_7:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah well my head’s not   
really screwed on straight   
i guess

  
**_7:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** the classic sara lance wit   
and genius may be slightly   
lacking tonight

 

 **_7:17pm_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you okay?

 

 **_7:20pm_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara?

 

 **_7:25pm_ ** **_  
_ ** what are you doing rn?

 

 **_7:25pm_ ** **_  
_ ** Want me to come over?

 

 **_7:26pm_ ** **_  
_ ** not if you’re busy

  
**_7:26pm_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m not

  
**_7:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I promise

  
**_7:27:_ ** **_  
_ ** we’re still driving

  
**_7:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** we’ll be home in about   
10 minutes

  
**_7:27:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay

  
**_7:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll see you there

 

 **_Read:_ ** _Saturday._

 

* * *

 

Ava pulled up outside the Lance’s house just as Quentin finished backing into the drive. (Predictably, Layla had made a massive fuss about her using the car, only relenting when Ava claimed that it was an emergency with a friend, to which Robert had used the ‘parent’s authority card’ and forced Layla to hand over the keys. Ava was pretty sure she would be getting the silent treatment from her sister for the next week, but she didn’t really care anyway.)

She was so unsure of what to expect. Sara had barely said anything over text, the one indication for what had been going on being her lack of response when Ava inquired about whether it was something to do with Laurel. Fear on Sara’s behalf clamped down suffocatingly in Ava’s chest and she hoped, begged silently and desperately to the God she’d been raised to believe in that Laurel was okay. That she wasn’t -

No way. Sara and Quentin wouldn’t be coming back within the day if something _really_ bad, _truly_ serious had happened. But it had to be something bad enough that Sara was shaken. She’d openly admitted that she _wasn’t_ okay, actively asked for help when Ava had sent her follow up text just twenty minutes ago. It was so, so unlike her that Ava was more than a little apprehensive as she turned off the engine, pulled her keys from the ignition and hesitantly stepped out of the car to walk down the drive. It took longer than she expected for Sara to climb out of the police cruiser, shivering slightly as the icy December air hit her bare arms, causing goosebumps to break out across her skin. (It had only snowed a couple of times since the night Sara had stayed at Ava’s house, the last being several days ago now, but the temperature was still hovering low enough that Ava was stunned with Sara’s lack of a jacket.)

When Sara finally turned around, Ava’s breath left her in a rush. She took in Sara’s dishevelled appearance with an ache in her chest. Sara’s eyes were clearly red and puffy even from a few metres away, hair tangled as if she’d been frantically running her hands through it, something Ava somehow knew Sara did when she was unsure or nervous. Before Ava could speak - not that she had any clue where to start - Quentin took a step closer to Sara, squeezing her shoulder gently and murmuring something about going inside before he left them both standing outside the house. There was a long pause in which Ava took a hesitant step forward, her instincts telling her to be closer to Sara, to comfort her, to ask what was wrong or offer to take her somewhere to get her mind off things, but she forced herself to wait, to pause, because Sara looked more on edge and more vulnerable than Ava had ever seen her before, even that night in Queen’s Park.

Sara shivered, wrapped her arms around herself tightly as she offered Ava a broken smile that didn’t even come close to meeting her eyes, whispering a choked, unsteady “Hey” that came out hoarse, as though she was inches away from tears. Ava didn’t remember moving forward, but Sara didn’t bolt as she did. In fact, as soon as Ava was close enough to reach out and brush her fingers gently against Sara’s arms, Sara just staggered forwards, as though she needed to be closer too, needed the reassurance. She trembled visibly as Ava gently squeezed just above her elbows.

“Sara?” Ava asked softly and Sara crumbled, lurched forward with so much force and desperation that Ava would have stumbled back had she not been ready for it. There’d been a flash of complex, overpowering emotion in Sara’s eyes that Ava didn’t have a chance to process before Sara had hidden her face from view, buried in Ava’s shoulder as she her entire body shook with clearly uncontrollable sobs. Ava had seen guilt, anger, vulnerability, and her mind raced with questions and anxieties over _what_ had happened today, what had been so bad that Sara was this broken. She felt helpless without that information, not knowing what to say or how to comfort Sara, so just pulled her closer murmured “It’s okay, I’m here, you’re okay.” Ava wasn’t sure which of Sara’s tremors were from the cold and which were from how much she was crying, and when she went to rub a hand up and down Sara’s arm to warm her up, she found Sara’s skin was _freezing._

“Hey,” she said quietly, straightening up a bit so she could lean back and look down at Sara. “It’s like the fucking Antarctic out here, let’s go inside, yeah?”

Sara nodded, roughly wiped her tears with the heel of her palm and Ava could see the way the muscles of her neck tightened as she stepped away, clearly trying not to panic. Instinctively, Ava reached out to grab Sara’s hand as a silent gesture of _you’re okay, you’re not alone._ Sara’s eyes flickered up to hers, full of gratitude, before her breath evened out a little and she stepped forward to drag them both towards the door. Once inside, Sara visibly relaxed from the warmth but Ava could see the way her shoulders tensed as she looked around the house, jaw clenching as her eyes caught sight of family photos on every wall, every mantlepiece. She was still shaking a little, her arms were still covered in goosebumps, so Ava tugged off her Dad’s old college basketball hoodie and nudged Sara, handing it to her. On any normal day, Sara would have shaken her head, insisted she was fine or pointed out that she had a plethora of her own hoodies upstairs. But today, Sara just nodded mutely, pulled the garment on and seemed to curl into the lingering warmth of Ava’s body on it, before shoving her hands in its pockets and sniffing. They both stood there for several moments, Sara leaned back against the door and Ava hovering in front of her, close enough to touch but far enough to not be in Sara’s personal bubble. It was only once they heard the door of Quentin’s study downstairs bang shut that Sara exhaled and began to pull Ava’s upstairs.

She moved sluggishly, like she didn’t have the energy for the steps she was taking, and as soon as they reached her bedroom, Sara sank onto the edge of her bed and let her head hang, her hair spilling out of its loosely bundled bun to hide her face from view.

“We don’t have to do the gross talk about your feelings thing you know,” said Ava as she sat beside Sara, nudging her a little. “We could ignore our emotions with minutely healthy coping mechanisms like study, or watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, or going out somewhere as a distraction, or rounding up some of the others and play a practical joke on Gary that’ll make everyone’s day.”

Sara laughed, a cracked, hoarse sound but it at least sounded somewhat genuine.

“I would love to do all of those things,” she said in barely a whisper. “But I just … I can’t.”

Ava nodded, reached out to squeeze Sara’s shoulder in a way that just said _I get it_ , before Sara sighed, pushed her hair off her face and shuffled backwards onto the bed to lie down on her back. Ava copied her, letting her hand rest between them on the covers so that Sara could take it if she needed to. It felt just like that night at Ava’s house before Thanksgiving, out on the patio beneath the stars when Sara had talked Ava down from the heartbreak that was her aunt’s disapproval. Ava hoped desperately that this wasn’t another awful, unbearable family situation, even though logically she knew that hope was unfounded given all the things that added up to this being about Laurel.

Sara sucked in a sharp breath, pulled her hands up into the sleeves of Ava’s hoodie and kept her eyes focused on the ceiling. “Laurel relapsed,” she said in a small voice.

_Oh._

Oh _no._

Ava wanted to say something, wanted to say exactly what Sara needed to hear but she was so shocked, so horrified and astonished that she didn’t know what that was. Almost thankfully, Sara filled the silence, kept talking with words that just spilled out of her mouth uncontrollably.

“Me and Dad, we … we went to see her and God, I don’t know the … the doctors said it wasn’t actually that bad, like, she’d didn’t overdose or anything, but she’d gotten her hands on product somehow and they caught her and she was so out of it when they found her that she was hospitalised and … _fuck_ , she just kept saying that she was fine. Like it wasn’t a big deal, like it didn’t even matter. And it just made me so _angry_ and I know it’s not my place to tell her how to feel with all of this because I know it’s not happening to _me_ but I just lost it Aves, I couldn’t stop myself from just yelling everything that’s made me mad and upset about this whole thing since the summer and she was so on edge too that suddenly we were just fighting and screaming and each other and - ”

Her words had been growing thicker with oncoming tears with every sentence and suddenly, they caught in her throat and she stopped abruptly. Ava rolled onto her side and reached out for Sara’s hand slowly, giving her the chance to pull away if she wanted to. But she didn’t, so Ava pulled the hoodie sleeve up enough that she could curl their fingers together, giving Sara’s hand a gentle squeeze. Again, she wanted to say something but she didn’t know what, didn’t know what would help rather than hurt, so just stayed quiet, waiting for Sara to speak again.

Sara seemed to understand Ava’s internal struggle and just clutched Ava’s hand tightly, still pointedly avoiding Ava’s gaze, before she sucked in several shaky breaths to try and dispel her tears. “I was mad at her for not thinking about us - me and Dad,” she said finally. “I told her that I’d told you - _all_ of you, all my friends - about where she actually was, and she …” Sara shuddered, grip on Ava’s hand tightening, “she was so mad, Aves. I’ve never seen her that angry, not at _me._ And it scared me, I didn’t want to see her looking at me like that, I would’ve rather seen anything else, would’ve rather seen her hurt and crying than _angry_ at me so … so I just kept going. Kept trying to hurt her.”

“You weren’t wrong Sara,” Ava finally said softly. “You weren’t wrong to tell us. You could never have managed this whole year on your own, it was tearing you apart.”

“I shouldn’t have said it like that though,” croaked Sara, her free hand drifting to her face to rub her eyes. “It wasn’t just me venting all the things I needed to get out, Ava. I … I said things I _knew_ would hurt Laurel. I _wanted_ her to feel like shit about it. I -”

“That doesn’t make you a bad person,” interrupted Ava, pushing herself up onto one arm so she could look Sara clearly in the eyes. “Do you regret wanting to hurt her? Not _what_ you said, but the _intention_ of wanting her to feel pain because of the things you said. Do you regret it?”

Surprise flashed across Sara’s face and Ava saw the momentary defiance, the contemplation of maintaining her fury and her grudge. But it passed as soon as it came, mellowing into resignation and exhaustion, and Sara’s eyes flickered shut as she whispered “Yeah.”

Ava didn’t continue straight away, let the meaning of what she’d asked and what Sara’s answer meant sink in before she repeated again “You’re not a bad person for saying what you did Sara.”

Sara didn’t reply, her breath stuttering and grip on Ava’s hand as tight as ever, almost painful, but Ava didn’t mention it, just ran her thumb over Sara’s knuckles with a feather light touch, hoping the action said the things Ava still wasn’t sure how to voice in the right way.

“I don’t care what Laurel said to you Sara,” she said eventually. “She never should’ve asked you to carry the burden of keeping her secret alone.”

“I know,” Sara said, but the response seemed automatic, flat somehow, and her words were still hesitant and disbelieving.

“Do you?” said Ava, arching an eyebrow.

Sara snorted humourlessly, eyes flickering to Ava momentarily before darting back up to the ceiling. “Am I that easy to read?” she asked wryly.

“Maybe I’m just learning your tells,” said Ava with a small smile.

Sara chuckled with slight surprise, before the barely there grin faded and she swallowed with a long, trembling sigh. “I’m … working on it,” she admitted in a murmur. “On knowing that me telling you guys wasn’t betraying her trust. It was me doing what I needed to do. I’m … I’ll get there.”

Ava nodded. She bit her lip for a second, wondering whether Sara was still up for talking about this. She seemed so tired and defeated, and now that she’d told Ava the main reason for all this, Ava couldn’t help but suspect Sara was going to push her away and ask to change the subject, do something else. Ava let her eyes trace the few faint cracks in the ceiling as she tried to decide whether to prompt Sara or not.

“At the time I thought she was as mad as I was,” mumbled Sara, fiddling with the cuffs of her sleeves. “But I think … do you remember when I talked to her on the phone when Dad was on a raid?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“She … she said that night that she didn’t want to see _me_ when we visited because she was embarrassed. That she was humiliated for being in this situation and didn’t want me to see her like that.”

“You think her arguing with you today was her trying to mask her humiliation?” asked Ava, feeling an ache in her chest not for Sara, but for _Laurel_ this time.

“At least a little bit, yeah,” whispered Sara. “I was too angry to see that earlier, but I could see it in her eyes. I could see how much she _was_ hurting, how much she wanted to break down. I think she was pretending to be fine because _I_ was there, because she didn’t want me to see her at her lowest.”

“I think you’re right,” said Ava slowly, “but Sara - even if that’s true, that doesn’t cancel out the way you were feeling, or how much you needed her to hear the things you said.”

“It wasn’t just her,” said Sara, a surprising anger present in her voice all of a sudden, and something Ava couldn’t recognise flashed in her eyes. “Laurel and I were fighting and I would’ve stopped, I know I would’ve stopped before it got worse because I would’ve been able to see when Laurel cracked, when she wasn’t mad anymore but … but Dad said something and it just _got_ to me and I couldn’t stop myself.”

Ava didn’t know whether Sara wanted to repeat Quentin’s words, but the “What did he say?” slipped out before she could convince herself to stay silent. Sara didn’t seem to mind though, just huffed with some lingering fury but mostly sadness, sniffing before she murmured “He said he wanted Laurel to come home because he missed his daughter. And I _know_ he didn’t mean anything by it, I know he wasn’t trying to imply that I _wasn’t_ his daughter but like … God Ava, I’ve spent my whole life trying to be as good as Laurel. And I never hated her for it, never, because she never made me feel bad for not being as perfect as her, she never made me feel like I wasn’t enough. And Mom and Dad didn’t do it intentionally, but I _always_ knew she was their favourite because she was less trouble, she was easier to handle, she was everything they wanted in a daughter, even after they split up. And I know this is so wrong, it’s so, so wrong in so many ways, but part of me was excited for Laurel being at rehab to give _me_ a chance to be the perfect daughter but somehow, even _now_ , Laurel’s _still_ the favourite and Dad doesn’t even realise that and it makes me so, so mad and his words just got tangled up in my head and it was all too much and I just kept saying stuff to Laurel because I was angry at Dad and she was the one I was already yelling at and he kept trying to break up our fight and _he_ and Laurel were fighting too and kept reminding me of when he and Mom used to fight and I just -”

“Hey, Sara, breathe,” said Ava quickly, sitting up and pulling Sara up with her, running the tips of her fingers up and down Sara’s arm while placing her other hand on her knee, keeping her voice low and soft. She had heard the growing restlessness in Sara’s voice, heard her inching towards panic and knew she needed to stop this train of thoughts before Sara fell into a black hole she couldn’t crawl out of. Sara seemed to instinctively lean into Ava’s touch and Ava tried not to jump when she curled her hand around the one Ava had on her knee, squeezing tightly.

“Honestly?” whispered Sara, her voice a lot steadier than it had been moments ago. “I’m still mad at her. At both of them. I know I should be worried … I _am_ worried, of course I’m worried. I’m just…” Sara shrugged half heartedly, bringing one hand up to wipe fresh tears off her face, her voice shaky as she quietly said “I don’t know how to feel.”

“No one can tell you how to feel, Sara,” Ava murmured gently, “but every single feeling you have is valid. You don’t have to be okay all the time.”

Sara snorted again, and when Ava raised a questioning eyebrow she murmured “I’d kinda like to be okay some of the time though.”

 _You are_ , Ava thought about saying, because she could remember all the moments over the past few months that Sara _had_ been okay, had smiled so brightly that no one would ever suspect something as tragic as Laurel’s addiction was even happening behind closed doors. And Ava didn’t know how she felt about how clearly she could recall the sparkle in Sara’s eyes and the wide unrestrained happiness from those increasingly frequent moments over the last few weeks, but Ava knew those smiles had meant Sara _was_ okay. She _had been._ But she wasn’t right now and reminding Sara of this didn’t feel right, so she let the conversation lapse into silence for a moment before asking quietly “Tell me about her?”

Sara opened her mouth, voice catching hesitantly in her throat as vulnerability flickered across her expression, and Ava shook her head, squeezing Sara’s hand yet again. “I don’t mean … not like that. I mean the her before all of this. What’s her favourite colour?”

“Blue,” Sara answered immediately, almost instinctively, pausing before she added, “until I decided blue was my favourite colour, and she didn’t want me to copy her so she changed it to yellow for like, six years.”

Ava chuckled as she pictured a small Laurel insisting vehemently that she had to have a different favourite colour to her little sister. Ava’s grin widened when she saw a small, fragile smile creep across Sara’s lips. It was barely there, but it was a start, so Ava prompted again. “Favourite season?”

“Spring. She was a big fan of new life and all that sappy shit.”

Ava laughed, and Sara’s smile - although still small - became firmer somehow, more deliberate. “Favourite animal?” Ava continued, shuffling back again to lie down and rolling back onto her side.

Sara’s grin softened as followed in suit, rolled over to mirror Ava’s position, lying on her side with her head resting on the pillow, still keeping a firm grip on Ava’s hand. Her voice was far too quiet as she murmured, lost in thought, “A canary.” Ava almost frowned, was seconds away from asking what was clearly weighted behind the answer but Sara beat her to it.

“I was 5 or 6,” she said, “and Dad bought these two canaries because we were both sorta allergic to cats and he was out too often and we were too young for us to have a dog. He got a black canary for Laurel and a white one for me, which is ironic really; she was always the good one, the pure one out of the two of us, not me, so really she should’ve gotten the white one. But yeah, those canaries became her favourite animals. I don’t know if they still are, but that’s what she told me when we were kids.”

Something about the story flagged something familiar in Ava’s memory, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was for a while. She racked her brains, let her eyes flicker around the room searchingly as a trigger, until she caught sight of the pinboard hanging above Sara’s desk. It was covered in reminders, post-it notes, polaroids, inspirational quotes, school notices and the like, but among all of them was an old, slightly faded child’s drawing in coloured pencils of two birds tangled together, their wings just overlapping. It was messy and far from perfect, but there was an odd kind of charm to it that Ava liked, an innocence that didn’t quite make sense but was loveable all the same. Ava’s gaze returned to Sara and she made sure to meet Sara’s eye before tilting her head in the direction of the desk.

“It took me a second,” she said, “but that drawing you have on your pinboard. It’s of you and Laurel’s two canaries, right?”

Surprise flashed across Sara’s face and she seemed momentarily stunned that Ava had even noticed the picture, let alone remembered it well enough to piece together what it was.

“Yeah,” said Sara quietly, shuffling onto her back so she could glance over fondly at it before turning back to face Ava. “Laurel drew it when we were younger. It’s one of my favourite things because it reminds me of her before things got bad. She used to have it pinned up in her bedroom and I found it when I went in to tidy it up soon after school started this year. I missed her so much and it was such a stupid little drawing but having it in my room and being able to sit here and see it made me feel like she wasn’t so far away, somehow.”

Her voice took on a wistful tone as she spoke, heavy with regret, and Ava bit her lip agin, wanting to intervene but still not wanting to overstep.

“You haven’t lost her you know,” Ava said softly. “I know you said you fought and I know it’s bad but she’s smart. She’ll be able to piece together your side of things, even if not right away. She still loves you. She’ll forgive you.”

Sara swallowed thickly, looking away for a moment, and Ava was briefly worried she’d gotten the wrong message. But Sara’s eyes quickly found hers again, filled with fear and honesty as she said, “I’m not sure I _want_ her to forgive me right now.” She took a deep breath, as if trying to get her thoughts in order. “I shouldn’t’ve lost it and yelled at her like I did,” she admitted hoarsely, “but … the worst part is that I still meant a lot of what I said. I don’t think I’d take much of it back, even if I could.”

“You’re the best judge of that Sara,” promised Ava, “not me. And I know you’re smart and logical enough to figure that out for yourself over however long you need. You deserve to give yourself the time to work through this. But whatever happens, you can tell us - me, Amaya, Zari, and everyone else, we care about what’s going on in your life, and you should talk about it. Don’t let what happened with Laurel convince you to close yourself off.”

Sara shuffled a little closer, her fingers tightening around Ava’s. “Thank you,” she said in a small voice. “I needed this. I … I was so glad you texted. I wanted to talk to you so badly but I was scared you were busy or wouldn’t wanna hear any of it.”

“I always want to hear anything and everything you want to talk to me about,” said Ava before she could stop herself, and she felt her cheeks grow hot until a small, grateful smile spread across Sara’s face.

“Okay,” said Sara, voice warmer and softer than it had been through the entire conversation so far. “I’ll take you up on that then.”

To that, Ava just nodded, offered Sara a smile, before they lapsed into their familiar, safe, comfortable quiet that made the world outside of their little bubble just a little less scary and the enormity of all the things happening around them feel only slightly more manageable.

 

(Later, Sara curled up beside Ava as they watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a tub of chocolate caramel swirl ice cream sitting between them on Sara’s bed and a blanket thrown over both their legs. Ava relaxed at the warmth of the room, at the easiness of being this close to Sara, of the surprising intimacy between them that Ava had never experienced with anyone before. It was then - with Sara’s weight pressing into her side and the fun, familiar and safe sound of the Brooklyn Nine Nine theme song blaring through the laptop speakers, with the vague hum of cars racing by on the street outside and the look of Sara still curled up in Ava’s hoodie - it was then that Ava finally let her mind drift to what she’d been consciously avoiding thinking about for at least a few weeks now. She allowed the thought to appear at the forefront of her mind, hesitantly opened herself up to it, sucked in a sharp breath as the reality of it sunk down on her.

So.

Maybe … just maybe, she had feelings for Sara Lance.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again 
> 
> sorry 
> 
> (is it bad that we were lowkey laughing when you guys were commenting 'so glad laurel is talking to sara again' in ch 5 bc ....... we were writing this at the time and oh boy) 
> 
> feel free to like .... yell at us for laurel here or on tumblr it's fine
> 
> but on a happier note: ava knows she has feelings, let's get this show on the road ayyyy


	11. baby, then you'll see (you're the only present i need)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara moved to the opposite bench to empty the chips into a bowl and darting to the fridge to find the cream cheese dip. She returned to the bench, and was licking cream cheese off her fingers when Ava slid a large, rectangular, crimson velvet case across the marble countertop towards her. Sara’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s this?” 
> 
> “Your birthday present,” said Ava in a no duh voice. 
> 
> “Um, no it’s not,” said Sara, turning to face Ava and crossing her arms over her chest. “You already gave me a gift.” 
> 
> “That was your Christmas present.”
> 
> “I thought I made it clear that if anybody was going to get me a present, to only get one thing.”
> 
> “And since when have we done exactly what we tell each other to, huh?” Ava arched a challenging eyebrow, smirking when Sara scowled, scrubbing her eyes. 
> 
> OR
> 
> it's the 25th of december, aka christmas, aka sara's birthday. you really need us to tell you anything else?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey wonderful folks XX
> 
> happy update dayyyyy! for some weird reason it feels way longer than a week since the last time we posted a chapter? maybe it's because we were up for hours last night talking abt a tiny background detail for chapter 14 and somehow spiralled into talking abt the gang in this au like 15 years from now? don't look at us we're ..... invested 
> 
> ALSO. for anyone who hasn't already, go watch the netflix movie 'to all the boys i've loved before'. like, right now. even if it's not your thing, even if you don't like straight romcoms, even if cheesy teen dramas w fake dating and so many pretty people aren't your thing, do it for this reason alone: lara-jean is literally this au ava sharpe with subtle hints of sara lance too, dan covey (LJ's dad) is literally halfway between robert and quentin, LJ/lucas/chris's friendship is ava/gary/nora to a fucking T (except lucas is less of a disaster than gary), KITTY COVEY IS ALI SHARPE IN EVERY WAY SHAPE AND FORM Y'ALL, and LJ and margot's sister relationship is sm like how we see laurel and sara in this fic so like ....... if you want to watch the dynamics we imagine in this fic play out in front of you, go watch this movie (also because it's just perfect in every way so like whatever) 
> 
> ANYWAY. chapter 11. it's christmas day AND it's sara's birthday y'all!! hope you guys enjoy it, next week's chapter is new year's eve and holy shit you guys, it's a monster. like, almost 17k. and it's .... a Lot. so, prepare yourselves this week. 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from let it snow by boys II men)

**Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

we’re all getting old   
_ Active now _

_ SUN 9:34pm: _

 

_ Zari removed Sara Lance from the chat. _

 

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** SO

we’re all pieces of shit and   
literally have been so busy   
that this is the most last min   
thing ever bUT

SARA’S BDAY WHAT’RE WE    
DOING Y’ALL

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Holy shit I’ve been so so   
distracted that I almost    
completely forgot 

It’s her 18th we should do   
something big

Well, as big as we can in a   
week’s notice

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey we are more than capable   
of pulling something truly   
spectacular off in that time frame

How about a big surprise party?? I    
can bring one of my mom’s famous    
cakes!!! 

 

**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Nate YES

We could invite heaps of people   
from around Star City too :D All   
her friends from over the years

 

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Very very keen for Mama   
Heywood cake tbh 

Ok so when / where etc?

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Guys wait

Has Sara talked to any of you   
about yesterday??

 

**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** What do you mean? 

What happened yesterday??

  
  


**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit

Okay

I don’t know if I can say what    
exactly bc it’s not mine to tell 

 

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Well that sounds ominous

Is everything okay? 

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m sure she’ll say something when   
she’s ready but something happened   
with Laurel

Sara’s not coping very well

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** How bad?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not like, worst of the worst bad

Laurel’s safe and stuff, physically   
she’s fine and still in rehab

But what happened wasn’t good

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think Sara’s birthday is gonna be   
super rough this year

The holidays haven’t been fun   
anyway w the whole ‘spirit of   
family’ stuff while Laurel’s away

But this will almost definitely be   
even harder and idk how Sara would   
feel about a massive surprise party rn

 

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit 

Okay

 

**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay everyone hold off for now,    
me & Z will talk to Sara and see   
what we should do XXX

  
_ Seen by: everyone. _

 

* * *

 

**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Amaya, Zari   
_ Active now _

_ SUN 9:57pm: _

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara

So 

Your 18th

Ava mentioned things aren’t hot rn    
so instead of organising some big    
elaborate shabang we wanted to ask    
what you’d be cool with

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** fuck

i’m sorry guys

i know my birthday is usually   
the big holiday celebration that   
we all hold out for all term 

I just

Idk I just don’t think I’m up to   
that this year i’m really sorry

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Babe stop apologising

It’s your birthday

We’ll cater to whatever you feel   
up to honestly 

 

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** We don’t even have to do anything   
if you don’t want to 

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** can we maybe do something   
super quiet at mine 

oh wait it’s christmas

everyone will be busy w their   
families lmao just kidding

dw

 

**_Zari:_ **   
Nope shush it’s fine

We can sort it out

I don’t celebrate Christmas anyway   
and neither does Gary so us two are   
free at least

 

**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Plus if we just do something after   
lunch then most people should be    
able to come at least for a bit, it’s    
not like anyone does anything on   
Christmas afternoon anyway

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Except nap until dinner when you   
have to put on fake smiles for the   
family members you dont like and   
make awkward conversations with   
cousins you only see once a year

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** wow z, for someone who doesn’t    
celebrate christmas, you really have    
a pretty good grasp on how much   
it can suck 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** How about board games? Like we used to   
do back when we first became friends?

Super chill, heaps of food

Just so you and your Dad aren’t   
alone all day either XX

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah

that’d be really nice actually

only if it’s not super inconvenient   
for everyone else though

 

**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** They will come under fear of   
death :-)))) 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** And because they WANT to,    
right  @Zari ? 

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh yeah that too

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** okay 

thank you guys

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey

You can talk to us, you know   
that right?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah i know

I want to

I just can’t even think abt   
it rn it’s just so much

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’re here when you need us

**_  
_ ** **_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, anytime

Although I’m putting a limit on like,   
3am bc i need my beauty sleep

**_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m going to call you at exactly   
3:33am ;-)))

**_  
_ ** **_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m going to throw you the biggest   
18th birthday party of our grade

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re the actual worst

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m just following ur example captain

 

_ Sara removed Zari from the group. _

_ Amaya added Zari to the group. _

_ Zari removed Sara from the group. _

_ Amaya added Sara to the group. _

_ Sara created a plan in the group. _

_ Sara named the plan  “call Z at 3:33am”. _

_ Zari created a plan in the group. _

_ Zari named the plan “Throw sara a giant obnoxious 18th”. _

 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god

Why am I friends with you both

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** love u ;’D ;’D

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Xoxoxoxoxox 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ugh

 

_ Seen by: Sara, Zari _

 

* * *

  
  


**Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all   
_ Active now _

_ SUN 10:38pm: _

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay so like

I know we’re all worried abt   
Sara and what’s going on w   
Laurel so let’s all acknowledge   
that we’re not terrible people   
and we’re not forgetting that

But now that me and Amaya have   
talked to Sara and we’ve got this   
whole chill birthday afternoon thing   
planned

Can we PLEASE just talk abt it

Bc guys

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** SHE TALKED TO AVA FIRST SHE TALKED   
TO AVA FIRST SHE TALKED TO AVA FIRST   
SHE TALKED TO AVA FIRST

A G A I N

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah that

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Breathe Wally

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Literally nobody else knows about what   
actually happened w Laurel right?

She didn’t talk to anyone?

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nope!!!! 

Ava is the only person she talked to   
to wow I’m so not fine

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** They know each other so well now

The trust each other sm

I’m

Fine 

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** LMAO I’M NOT

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Mood  @Lily asldgkjagk

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

WHEN DID THEY GET THIS CLOSE

WHEN DID THEY TRUST EACH OTHER   
SO FCKN IMPLICITLY 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t even look at me I can’t 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Gary @Nora @Lily @Kuasa will   
Ava be able to come to Sara’s   
bday board game thing???

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit idk her mom is Hardcore Christian™    
so they do the whole Christmas church   
thing every year but also idek when   
that is it might be 24th night or 25th    
evening so who knows 

I spent a couple Christmases w them   
when we were kids but that was years   
ago so idk 

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’ll be there  @Amaya

I 100% guarantee she’ll find a way 

  
**_Lily_ ** **_  
_ ** I love them

I would take many bullets in order   
to see this relationship happen

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ain’t that a mood

  
_ Seen by: everyone. _

 

* * *

 

Sara was 100% prepared for her birthday to suck. It was inevitable. Unavoidable. Just lying in waiting, ready to descend upon her in an overwhelming blanket of grief and loneliness and disappointment. Because every single birthday for as long as Sara could remember, Laurel had come to wake her up, bursting into her room and climbing into her bed, prodding her affectionately in the side until she sat up then pressing a card and gift into her hands with an excited grin on her face. But this year, no one barged through the door before the sun had even risen, and although Sara could already hear her father making breakfast in the kitchen, Laurel’s absence was painfully obvious as Sara rolled over in the empty bed.

She’d been dreading this day all week; in all honesty, she’d been dreading it since before her argument with Laurel - since the moment they’d dropped her off at the facility and she’d known Laurel wouldn’t be allowed to come home for holidays. It had hurt a little too much then, let alone now. Sara shuddered as her phone buzzed, pressing her face further into her pillow, closing her eyes tightly as she tried to ignore the familiar ache that had settled in her chest.

Laurel should’ve been here. 

But instead, she was further away than she’d ever been, angry, upset, and probably more disappointed in Sara than she could even imagine. Sara swallowed thickly, blinking away the burning sensation in her eyes and pushing herself upright, swinging her legs over the side of her bed and reaching for her phone. 

  
  


**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™    
_ Active now _

_ SUN 8:41am: _

 

_ Nate changed the name of the chat to _ _   
_ _ “HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA <3”  _

_   
_ **_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAPPY BIRTHDAY

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAPPY 18TH CAP

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara you’re definitely not awake   
yet but HAPPY BIRTHDAY we love you!   
<3 <3 <3

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ur lame i hope ur birthday sucks XXX

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hb Sara!!! Can’t wait to see u later

**_  
_ ** **_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Also happy christmas guys!!! (to   
everyone who celebrates ofc,   
happy holidays  @Zari @Gary ) :D

**_  
_ ** _ Seen by: Zari, Amaya, Nate, Mick, Lily. _

 

* * *

  
  


_ Amaya Jiwe _

**iMessage** **  
** **Sunday**

**  
** **_9:01am:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU WONDERFUL   
SOUL <3 <3 <3

**_  
_ ** **_9:01am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course I’m going to do the big   
sappy post on fb later but I wanted   
to text you too

**_  
_ ** **_9:01am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I love you so much and you’re one   
of the greatest people that has ever   
come into my life! I’m so grateful for   
you and all our years of friendship and   
I hope you know that I am here for you   
and will stand by you til the end of days   
no matter what XXXX 

**_  
_ ** **_9:02am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Have a great morning and I will see you   
sooooooon

 

* * *

 

_ Ray Palmer _

**Text Message** **  
** **Sunday**

**  
** **_9:08am:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!

  
**_9:08am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thank you for being one of   
the best people I’ve ever met   
(literally like ever) and for an   
amazing 3 and a half years of    
adventures and only somewhat    
bad decisions ;’D

  
**_9:08am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can’t wait to celebrate with you   
this afternoon <3 

* * *

 

_ Zari Tomaz _

**Text Message** **  
** **Sunday**

**  
** **_9:14am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey birthday girl

  
**_9:14am:_ ** **_  
_ ** So you know me, and you know   
I’m not gonna do all that revolting   
sappy public displays of friendship   
via fb and instagram bc ew

  
**_9:14am:_ ** **_  
_ ** But between you and me

  
**_9:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re one of my best friends

  
**_9:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t imagine the last two years   
of my life if you hadn’t been in it

  
**_9:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You adopting me into your gang of   
weirdos and insane misfits was one   
of the best things that have ever   
happened to me and I can never    
thank you enough

  
**_9:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re an amazing person Sara and   
an inspiration to literally every person   
who knows you 

  
**_9:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Like, don’t get me wrong, you’re   
infuriating and stubborn and a pain in   
my ass half the time but I love u for it

  
**_9:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You deserve every bit of happiness the   
world has for you and I hope you get it

  
**_9:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** So happy 18th fucking birthday, I hope   
the Christmas/morning/awkward family   
part of it doesn’t suck too much and just   
remember you’ve got your other, arguably   
crazier family coming over real soon XX

  
**_9:17am:_ ** **_  
_ ** And sappiness over just a psa if u dont   
give me my spare pair of soccer socks   
back before the break ends I’m going to   
break into ur house and steal them

  
**_9:17:_ ** **_  
_ ** (Love you)

 

* * *

 

_ Ava Sharpe _

**iMessage** **  
** **Sunday**

**  
** **_9:23am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey you

**_  
_ ** **_9:23am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Today’s special for some reason   
right? I can’t really remember   
why, any ideas?

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh wait it’s Christmas

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** There we go

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Jk jk, Merry Christmas but also

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAPPY BIRTHDAY <3 

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay so firstly if you’d told me   
a year ago that I would be sending   
you this message I literally would    
have crafted the meanest message   
possible just to spite you bc there   
was no fucking way 

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** But back then I never could have   
imagined we would even be friends

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Let alone be as close as we are now

**_  
_ ** **_9:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** So clearly me a year ago knew nothing

  
**_9:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay so anyway. I know today isn’t    
gonna be 100% great and it’s not gonna    
be in any way easy

  
**_9:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** But I hope you have enough moments   
today to remember this day for how   
special it is 

  
**_9:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Because it’s your 18th birthday and   
you’re so, so deserving of every little   
ounce of love you get not just today but   
everyday

  
**_9:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Because honestly Sara? I can’t believe I   
spent so long ‘hating’ you because you’re   
one of the fiercest, smartest, most caring   
and incredible people I’ve ever met and    
you’ve made my life so much fuller and    
more wonderful since we became friends 

  
**_9:26am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t imagine not spending every minute   
of school with you this year, can’t even   
fathom that there was a time when I actually   
didn’t like you and the legends because you’re   
all such amazing people and I have you to thank   
for all of it 

**_  
_ ** **_9:26am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think part of me realised that night I showed   
up at yours last October that everything was   
going to change between us but I never could   
have imagined things would change this much

**_  
_ ** **_9:27am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m just rambling now tbh but God, Sara   
thank you so much. For that night you were   
there for me when you didn’t even have to   
be last year, for every single time you’ve   
made me feel like the world wasn’t ending   
and everything was gonna be okay, for the   
laughs and the spontaneous adventures and   
indulging my over-intense study habits and   
helping me deal with my awful family and   
opening up your friendship group to mine   
and just 

  
**_9:28am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Everything

  
**_9:28am:_ ** **_  
_ ** So happy birthday

  
**_9:28am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll give you a less intense fb/insta   
post later but here you go

  
**_9:29am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll see you later today <3 XX

  
**_9:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** holy shit

  
**_9:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** ava

  
**_9:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s too fucking EARLY for   
me to be crying already

**_  
_ ** **_9:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank u for everything you’ve    
done for me this year too, god,    
i never would have been able to   
deal with all of this without you

  
**_9:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** becoming friends with you has   
been one of the best parts of   
this year so far and i’m so    
endlessly grateful aves 

  
**_9:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** i can’t wait to see you later

  
**_9:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** i love you so so much XXX

 

* * *

  
  


**Messenger**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA <3    
_ Active now _

_ SUN 9:54am: _

_   
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i love every single one of   
you weirdos to the moon &   
back holy shit 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i honestly can’t even say   
how much you guys mean   
to me, all of you 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** so excited to see you all   
this afternoon <3 

 

* * *

  
  


Her dad was trying his hardest, Sara could see that. He had tried so, so hard with the decorations and the Christmas/birthday morning waffles and the stack of their favourite Christmas movies waiting by the TV and a decent sized collection of presents under the tree. But it still wasn't enough to fill the awkward silences between them, and every time one of them paused to let Laurel speak or move or open a gift Sara felt herself freeze, a cold hand wrapping around her heart pulling her back to reality, reminding her that Laurel wasn't here, Laurel hated her right now, Laurel was endlessly disappointed in her, and Laurel might avoid her for the rest of her life after the horrible, unforgivable things she’d said last week. 

Her dad shivered beside her on the couch in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with the cold, and then pushed himself to his feet and moved towards the kitchen (moved away from  _ her _ , the ugly, vicious voice in Sara’s mind whispered and it took everything she had to shake the thought away).

Sara swallowed thickly. It wasn't her birthday without Laurel, and it didn't feel like Christmas either. It was just … nothing. Just another day she and her dad were just trying to make it through, pretending everything was okay, pretending there wasn't a Laurel shaped hole in both of their hearts, a hole that - at least for her - might be there to stay.

Sara swallowed again, trying but failing to force those thoughts from her mind as she untangled her legs from her blanket and pulled them up, resting her chin on her knees and closing her eyes, listening to the sound of Hugh Grant’s voice from  _ Love Actually  _ fade into the background as she wished desperately that the 25th of December would just end as soon as possible.

  
  


Laurel had been on her mind all morning, but Sara was in absolutely no way prepared to have to talk to her, today of all days. So when Quentin tentatively sat down on the couch beside her nearing midday, attempted to pass her the phone and softly murmured “It’s Laurel”, Sara shrank back, panic crawling up her throat, an icy chill settling in her chest as a wave of guilt washed over her and made her forget all of the words she knew.

Because she’d screamed at Laurel, lashed out at her, and then after it all, she had simply walked away without apologising. She hadn’t  _ wanted _ to apologise, and still didn’t. She wasn't  _ wrong _ \- after everything she and Ava had talked about, Sara knew she wasn’t  _ wrong _ , had just taken it too far and Sara wasn’t prepared for Laurel to expect an apology. And if Laurel couldn't accept that, then Sara didn't know what she could do to repair this. 

She sucked in a shaky breath and her eyes flickered up to finally catch Quentin’'s eye, clenching one hand into a fist at her side so hard her nails almost broke the skin that had barely healed from the same action the previous week. She tried her hardest to ignore the disappointed look her that father had given her (even unknowingly) far too many times before.

“Sara, please.”

It shouldn't've cut into her like it did. It shouldn't've  _ hurt _ . But he was almost pleading, and she  _ couldn't  _ let him down, not like she seemed to have let everyone else in her family down, not today when he’d tried so hard to make things  _ normal _ . So sighed heavily and hesitantly forced one arm to move, gripping the phone he was offering so hard her knuckles turned white as she brought it to her ear. Quentin smiled, pushing himself to his feet and giving her shoulder a silent, grateful squeeze before disappearing towards the kitchen. 

Sara swallowed, squeezing her eyes shut tightly and trying to calm her already uneasy breathing before trying to say her sister's name, hoping the word would sound less vulnerable and unsure than it did in her head, because she desperately didn't want Laurel to realise just how torn up she was over what had happened the weekend before (she didn’t know whether it was her pride, or whether she wanted to save herself the heartache, or protect Laurel from the reality of how much she was hurting). But when she opened her mouth, Sara couldn't force her voice to just  _ work _ , and instead she was forced to clamp one hand firmly over her mouth to prevent a choked sob from escaping. She shuddered, grateful that Laurel couldn't see just how much of a mess she truly was.

“Hey, you,” Laurel said in barely a whisper from the other end of the line, voice soft in a way Sara neither wanted nor deserved. “Happy birthday.”

It's almost too much, hearing her speak and knowing that there was this chasm between them, a deep divide that neither of them knew how to cross, or even where to begin to try. Sara knew her strangled thanks sounded half hearted, and yet another wave of panic washed over her as she heard Laurel give a broken sigh, and for a terrifying moment, Sara thought Laurel was considering asking, considering talking about their fight the weekend before, and Sara felt her blood run cold. But for whatever reason, Laurel didn't. She just waited, waited long enough for Sara to breathe before she gently said “So what’re you doing today?” 

Sara was well aware of the hesitance and reluctance dripping from her voice as she spoke, part of her wished she could just  _ pretend  _ to be okay because Laurel was clearly trying just for the sake of today. 

“The … um … the others are coming over later,” Sara replied before her silence grew too long. 

“Board game tournament?” asked Laurel with sad but fond nostalgia. 

“Yeah,” said Sara. 

“You better kick Jax’s ass in Monopoly.” 

“Yeah,” Sara said again, this time accompanied by a weak chuckle. “That’s uh … that’s the plan.” She paused, an uncomfortable uncertainty picking at her when Laurel seemed just as unsure of what to say. “We’re gonna go to the Queens’ place for dinner,” she added eventually just as something to fill the unbearable quiet. For a second, the awful urge to make Laurel  _ hurt  _ reared its ugly head and Sara had a fierce desire to mention that Tommy was gonna be at dinner tonight, home for the holidays. But it was gone almost as quickly as it came and Sara bit her lip, staying quiet. Laurel had broken up with Tommy at the beginning of the summer because she didn’t think a long distance relationship going into college was fair on either of them, despite the fact that they both clearly had very real and very strong feelings for each other. As much as Sara was still somewhat angry with Laurel, she knew her sister was in a very fragile state of mind and mentioning Tommy was definitely not a good idea.

“That’ll be nice,” said Laurel, about the dinner with the Queens’, and Sara could hear her wistful longing. There was a hitch of breath over the line, a pointed silence that translated to clear hesitation, before Laurel whispered “Can you apologise to Thea from me?” 

Sara snapped her eyes shut, exhaling shakily as guilt gnawed at her. She knew Laurel, knew that for all her confidence and determination and resilience, Laurel could so easily be taken apart by the right people saying the right things. And Sara knew that every single thing she’d said to Laurel last week would inevitably be eating away at her, that her sister would be sitting alone in her room, musing over Sara’s accusations, overthinking everything, including unhealthily ruminating on how she’d used Thea (and Roy) over the summer to get product - Thea who was basically like another sister to her. Sara knew that as much as she was angry at Laurel, Laurel would also be sitting there quickly convincing herself of all the ways she’d torn their family apart.

“You have nothing to apologise for Laurel,” Sara said before she could stop herself, even though she knew it wasn’t exactly true. 

Laurel scoffed bitterly. “I do Sara,” she breathed hoarsely in barely a whisper. “You know I do.” 

Sara shook her head, cleared the lump in her throat. “Laurel -”

“No,” interrupted Laurel, sounding firmer and more sure than she had in the phone call so far. “Not today. It’s Christmas, it’s your  _ 18th birthday _ .” Sara could hear the way her voice was shaking as she quietly said “I’ll … I’ll let you and Dad go do something else. Something fun.” 

Sara wanted to argue, wanted to tell her to stay, to keep talking, but she didn’t know what to say. She was almost  _ scared _ because the words went dry in her throat, she didn’t know what she would say even if she and Laurel  _ did  _ keep talking, so she just whispered “Okay.” 

“Happy birthday Sara,” Laurel said softly. Another pause, one far more weighted and heavy than before, and then, “I … I love you kiddo.” 

Sara swallowed thickly, forcing down another sob, unsure whether the guilt she felt was too much or still not enough. She dragged the moment out as long as she could, trying to get her thoughts in order, not wanting to let Laurel go just yet, but eventually the silence became too much and she forced herself to suck in another shaky breath, replying “I love you too" before hanging up, dropping the phone on the couch and wiping her hand across her face to ward off her tears.

  
  


It was such a relief when Zari turned up, flashing a gentle, un Zari-like smile as she toed off her shoes and left them at the door before nudging her back towards the couch, pressing a small, neatly wrapped box into her hands as they sat down. She was almost twenty minutes early - early enough that Sara had only just started to get nervous about her friends coming over today, and seeing her for the mess she was. She didn't know if it was intentional, but she was grateful anyway.

As if she could hear her thoughts, Zari glanced apologetically at the clock, tapping her fingers against her leg. “Sorry. I know I'm really early, my family were driving me crazy and I hoped you wouldn't mind if I just came and helped … I dunno, set up or whatever.”

Sara smiled, tucking her feet under her. “Of course, Z,” she said quietly. “I … I kinda needed a distraction, it's been a long morning.”

Zari frowned, nudging her shoulder lightly as she asked in a quiet voice “Why didn't you say something? You know I wasn't doing anything Sara, I would’ve come over.”

Sara took several quiet, shaky breaths before Zari's fingers found her own, slipping into her grip and giving her hand a soft squeeze. She shrugged, looking away. “I dunno, I just … I didn't want to bother anyone. It’s Christmas, you know.”

Zari gave her a long, indecipherable look, before she said with a grin “I mean, Christmas doesn’t mean anything to me, so …” Sara laughed a little weakly with a smile that didn’t meet her eyes, so Zari squeezed her hand and said, softer this time, “I'm not good at this...  _ emotions _ thing. And I know me and you don’t tend to do this, but this is important, so … look. I get it. I really do.” She bit her lip, thinking for a moment, before adding, more firmly “You are  _ not _ bothering anyone by needing their support. I don't know where you got that idea from, but I can take a pretty good guess. And I think it's something you really struggle with, and I'm not saying I'm any better, but … you know what I said this morning?”

She waited for Sara to nod before continuing in a quiet voice, thumb brushing gently across Sara's knuckles, “I meant every single word of it. And you know what? There is not one single person in our friendship group who wouldn't drop everything to help you if you asked. So you don't have to pretend to be okay when you're not, even if it's your birthday or Christmas or whatever. We're all gonna be here anyway, because we care about you.” She shrugged, nudging Sara and ducking her head down, almost embarrassed. “You already had the disclaimer that I'm bad at this, and I dunno where I was going with that - “

“Z,” Sara interrupted softly, letting go of her hand to pull her into a lopsided, awkward hug as she tried to hide the tears in her eyes. “Thank you. I know I haven't always been upfront with you guys about what's going on, but it means the world to me that you're still here.”

“We always will be,” Zari replied immediately, a small smile crossing her face as she returned the hug. “Now how about I kick your ass at Mario Kart and we pretend we don't have emotions until the others turn up?”

Sara laughed, pulling herself up to go turn on the screen, nudging Zari’s shoulder hard enough as she got up that she wobbled, balanced precariously on the edge of the sofa for a moment before toppling to the floor, legs tangled in Sara's blanket. Sara smirked, tossing her a remote and joining her on the floor, determined to remain right there until the others arrived.

 

Somewhere in her mind, Sara had logically known that as soon as her friends showed up in the afternoon, she wouldn’t be as on edge, would immediately feel calmer and happier and everything would suddenly feel like her  _ birthday _ . But the overhanging weight of Laurel’s absence had been so suffocating all morning that that logical reassurance had somehow been muffled until Zari’s arrival. Though the ache in her chest - the lingering anxiety and insecurity - still flickered as a low reminder while she and Zari were playing video games, all it took was a knock on the door and Amaya and Jax grinning at her with brightly wrapped presents and wide smiles for the uneasy feeling in Sara’s stomach to dissipate and for excitement to set in instead. Kuasa had given them a ride and hurried in moments later, giving Sara a hug as she stepped inside. Gary, Nora and Lily arrived ten minutes later and Sara jumped almost a foot in the air as they all let off party poppers the minute the door swung open. But her heart rate soon went back to normal and she laughed, tugging them inside and noting how the day already felt more special, more like Christmas, more like her 18th birthday. 

Almost everyone else managed to dramatically make their appearance within the hour since Zari’s arrival, filling the house with laughter and bickering and teasing and noise and presents and food and apparently Jax had even made a playlist that lightened the somber mood in the Lance house almost immediately. Sara’s eyes flickered over to the kitchen doorway for a moment - somewhere between Nate being embarrassingly beaten by Amaya at Scrabble, and Jax and Zari almost getting into a violent brawl over Mario Kart - and she saw her father, gazing at them all with a soft, amused smile on his face. One that for the first time all day, actually looked real and genuine, actually met his eyes and made the lines in his face disappear a little, made him look as young as he had before all the mess with Laurel had began. 

It was then that Sara let the comfort settle in her chest, let almost all of the lingering hesitance and sadness fade. Because it  _ was  _ gonna be okay, she could see that now with all the people around her, with the way they made her happy, made her dad laugh too, made the world seem less grey and bleak and despondent. 

But even so, even as she found herself laughing and playing games and snatching Jax’s phone to queue as many uninterrupted Beyonce songs as possible, it was hard not to miss Ava and Ray, both of whom were coming a little later. Ray and his mom were at his grandparents’ house because they went to the Christmas Eve church service at Ray’s mom’s childhood church every year. Sara had told him that it wasn’t a big deal if he needed to stay with his family, but he’d insisted that he would find a way to come, even if it was later in the afternoon. (Sara also knew that he was desperate to have time away from his stepfather, who wasn’t necessarily a  _ bad  _ guy, but Ray just really didn’t like him, so she was happy to give him an excuse to leave). Ava meanwhile, had had church this morning with her family, because Barbara Sharpe had very strict and rigid rules of how Christmas was to be spent. Honestly, it was a miracle she’d let Ava come at all, so Sara couldn't complain, (not that she didn't miss Ava's presence by her side, someone steady, calm, and collected, which she could really use right now in the middle of this craziness, as much as she did love her friends’ insanity). 

Before she could think about what  _ that _ meant, Sara felt someone give her shoulder a squeeze from behind, and turned to see Ray grinning at her as he handed her a neatly wrapped box and wished her happy birthday, but Sara barely had time to thank him before a smaller, warmer hand slipped into her own, giving it a light squeeze as she was tugged into a hug. 

“Happy Birthday, Sara,” Ava said quietly, a soft smile on her face as she pulled away, keeping Sara's hand gripped lightly in her own. She'd probably have to stop later and think about why Ava’s presence made it so much easier to breathe, as though she hadn’t even realised it was hard to do so before, the way Ava made her feel so much more comfortable … so much more  _ safe. _ But that wasn't a train of thought Sara could follow right now (was something that had nagged vaguely in the back her mind for a couple of weeks now and she didn’t have the space of mind to actually stop and dwell on it) so she instead just pulled Ava over to where the others were sat and tugged her down to sit on the floor next to the stack of games, grinning brightly and wondering how she’d ever thought that her birthday could be bad when she had people like this around her.

 

* * *

 

With so many of them here, they’d organised it that people were usually split into duos or trios for games, could tag team in and out, so that everyone got a chance to play and teams could vary over the course of the afternoon. During the second round of Cluedo, Ava found both her and Sara tag teamed out of the game, and Sara dragged them both to the kitchen so Ava could help her top up the dangerous dwindling snack supply. Sara laughed loudly when Ava sighed and interrupted her struggling to reach the top shelf of the pantry, bumped her out of the way and reached up to grab the packet of nacho chips. 

“Thanks,” Sara said with a small grin. 

“I don’t know how you survive when you’re not surrounded by tall people,” joked Ava, ducking away from Sara’s attempted slap. 

“I’ll have you know that short people are  _ extremely  _ resourceful,” said Sara with a half hearted glare, before it melted into a soft smirk. “But I’ll keep you around, just in case.” 

Ava rolled her eyes. “Good to know that’s the sole reason you appreciate my friendship.” 

“That, and you not noticing when I’m copying off you in Calculus.” 

Ava stared at her, jaw open. “You do  _ not _ !” 

Sara burst out laughing at the expression on Ava’s face, reaching out to squeeze Ava’s hand comfortingly. “Oh my god Aves, your  _ face _ ! Of course I don’t copy off you in Calc.” 

Ava let out a quiet huff of relief, before Sara added “I just get Jax to do my homework for me instead.” 

“Please be joking,” groaned Ava. 

“I’ll let you stew in musing discomfort,” Sara shot back with a wink, moving to the opposite bench to empty the chips into a bowl and darting to the fridge to find the cream cheese dip. She returned to the bench, and was licking cream cheese off her fingers when Ava slid a large, rectangular, crimson velvet case across the marble countertop towards her. Sara’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s this?” 

“Your birthday present,” said Ava in a  _ no duh  _ voice. 

“Um, no it’s not,” said Sara, turning to face Ava and crossing her arms over her chest. “You already gave me a gift.” 

“That was your Christmas present.”

“I thought I made it clear that if anybody was going to get me a present, to only get  _ one  _ thing.”

“And since when have we done exactly what we tell each other to, huh?” Ava arched a challenging eyebrow, smirking when Sara scowled, scrubbing her eyes. 

“Aves, I can’t accept this -”

“I mean, you kinda have to because it was specially made so even if you return it, it can’t exactly be sold to anyone else.” Ava shrugged, trying to pretend that nerves weren’t fluttering incessantly in her stomach, that she didn’t have goosebumps on the back of her neck as she desperately hoped Sara liked the gift, that it wasn’t an overstep of boundaries, that Ava hadn’t misread how close they had become. 

“Specially made?” Sara echoed. She returned her attention to the box, fingers lighting touching it. She swallowed. “Shit Ava, what did you  _ do _ -” She’d flipped it open as she spoke, and her words trailed off as soon as she caught sight of the necklace sitting safely in the cushioned fabric inside. Her eyes widened, throat going dry. 

Carefully propped inside the velvet case, the chain of the necklace was delicately tucked away so that the pendant was on display. The pendant, which was two small birds, one white and one black, their wings slightly overlapping. 

Sara’s breath hitched. “Are they…?” 

“Yeah,” said Ava, anxiously playing with the edges of her sleeves. “I um … I was thinking that it must be rough not having her here, especially today and especially around the holidays. And I know that you wanna remember all the good things about her and the good stuff you shared together but with everything that’s going on, that’s kind of hard to do. So uh … I thought maybe this would be a good reminder.” 

Sara didn’t say anything, and Ava stepped forward hesitantly, placing an uncertain hand to Sara’s elbow. 

“Sara, if I overstepped I’m so sorry -”

“No!” said Sara immediately, shaking her head vehemently. “God, no Aves you didn’t overstep.” Her voice was thick with unshed tears and she reverently touched the black canary with her thumb. “I just can’t believe you would do this for me.” 

Ava squeezed Sara’s arm gently. “After everything you’ve done for me in the last year, it shouldn’t be that hard to believe.” 

Before Sara could say anything, the back door swung open and Quentin walked in. Ava instinctively took a step back from Sara, busying herself with trying to neatly arrange the vegetable platter sitting on the bench in front of her. 

“Hey girls!” said Quentin, flashing them both a smile. He noticed Sara’s gaze focused on something and glanced over his daughter’s shoulder to try and see what. Ava found something very interesting on her shoes to stare at. 

Quentin cleared his throat, saying in a very quiet voice “Are those canaries?” 

“Yeah,” said Sara softly. “Aves gave it to me.” 

Ava really, really wanted to disappear as she felt Quentin’s eyes flicker to her. She didn’t have to see the expression on his face to know that he was trying to figure out how much she knew about Laurel, when his daughter’s worst enemy had become the person she confided in, wondering just how close the two of them were. 

“It’s beautiful Ava,” he said eventually, and Ava looked up only when he placed a gentle hand in her shoulder. He didn’t linger, just offered her a smile that had far too much gratitude and fondness than Ava could stomach thinking about before pressing a kiss to the side of Sara’s head and disappearing down the hallway.

Ava was distracted enough by Quentin leaving that she didn't notice Sara carefully removing the necklace from the box until she turned to face her, small smile still gracing her lips. “Can you …?”

Ava blinked for a moment, confused, before she realised what Sara was asking and nodded, taking the necklace from her hands and moving to stand behind her, hoping Sara hadn't noticed the way heat seemed to creep up her cheeks. 

“Of course,” she murmured, using one hand to gently brush Sara's hair round one side of her neck, trying her hardest to ignore how smooth and warm Sara's skin felt underneath her fingers. That _ …  _ that  _ crush  _ \- the stupid, inconvenient, almost definitely unreciprocated crush - was not going to be something Ava thought about today. Today was way too special to Sara for that. After clasping the necklace, Ava gave Sara's shoulder a light squeeze and took a step back, taking a moment to try to gather her thoughts into some sort of order. But before she had a chance she felt Sara's hand slip around her wrist, thumb brushing against her pulse point and making Ava's stomach flutter in a way that was becoming far too familiar.

But before she had a chance to process that feeling, Sara had picked up the bag of chips on the counter with one hand, gesturing to Ava to grab the other food, clearly with no intention of letting go of Ava for the time being. (It wasn’t like she minded. The closer they became the more affection Sara seemed to show, and by now Ava was used to the way Sara would nudge her gently and prod her in the ribs when teasing her, or slip a hand into her own when she needed some comfort.)

But she was certain other people must've noticed the way Sara pulled her back into the room by her wrist, and the way she leaned against her once they'd both sat back down on the floor to watch the game play out, still holding tightly onto Ava while the hand brushed gently, almost reverently against the necklace. It shouldn't've made her feel self conscious, because this was Sara and their friends, not homophobic relatives or anyone with any cause to judge them. Even so, she still had to force herself not to pull away when she saw the  _ look _ Jax exchanged with Amaya, a small, secretive smile crossing his face as he tried to pretend he wasn't watching them. There was just something so new and unfamiliar about this, a little too raw and vulnerable, that made her want to hide. Because even if she was okay with this newfound affection when they were alone, lying side by side on Sara's bedroom floor or curled up on the couch, she still hadn't decided how she felt about it away from the safety of either of their bedrooms, and...it was stupid. 

But still.

Before she could follow that train of thought, Ava felt Sara squeeze her wrist lightly, drawing her attention, her other hand still wrapped around the pendant. Her voice was too quiet for anyone to overhear as she said softly “I can never say it enough, but thank you, Ava. From the bottom of my heart.”

Ava ducked her head down, trying he hardest not to get lost in Sara's eyes, which were shining with sincerity and affection. “I'm just glad you like it.”

It had been difficult, finding somewhere that would make this necklace in a week. But after everything that had happened between Sara and Laurel the weekend before, and how shaky and unsure Sara had seemed after she got back from visiting her sister, this had just seemed... _ right. _ The idea had come to her on the walk home, and after everything Sara had told her, it seemed like she needed something like this, something to hold onto when times got rough, something to help her remember just how much her relationship with Laurel meant to them both even when things seemed to be falling apart.

Sara’s fingers barely moved from the necklace all evening (not that Ava was watching her), and the small, gentle smile that had appeared when she first laid eyes on the pendant had remained firmly fixed on Sara's face. It shouldn't've made Ava's stomach do flips every time she caught sight of it, and it was Sara's birthday, and she was still struggling with Laurel's relapse, so Ava didn’t even want to  _ think _ about what that feeling meant, what it was  _ becoming,  _ especially not today.

Not right now.

Not even as Sara pulled her into a tight hug before she left, arms snaking around Ava's back as she held her close and rested her chin against her shoulder, almost on her tiptoes to do so. Not when Sara pulled back slightly, honest eyes finding Ava's, searching her face for something Ava couldn't even begin to understand, and certainly not when Sara leaned forward until Ava felt her lips almost brush against her ear as Sara murmured a soft, almost inaudible “Thank you", too quiet for anyone else to overhear.

Yeah, not today.

 

* * *

 

By the time Sara and Quentin finally got back from the Queens’ house, Sara’s birthday had been and gone and it was now the soft, quiet hum of early morning of the 26th of December. 

Dinner had been nice. Sara had forgotten how much she actually missed Oliver, Tommy and Thea until they saw each other, until they immediately fell back into their patterns and routines and habits established from knowing each other almost their entire lives. They spent most of the evening reminiscing, laughing until their stomachs hurt, teasing each other and bickering and daring each other to do increasingly unnerving things until they all agreed to stop to avoid getting in trouble with their parents. Again, Laurel’s absence was painfully obvious, but Sara was surprised to find that for the first time since the fight the previous week, it didn’t  _ hurt  _ to talk about Laurel, about the memories of things they’d done and shared as kids, and Sara wasn’t sure if it was because of Ava’s necklace as a reminder or if it was because of being around Oliver and Tommy and Thea. But whatever it was, she was grateful. Because  _ finally _ , she’d felt like maybe she could move on from her anger.

By the time she got home, Sara was exhausted, could barely drag herself up the stairs much to Quentin’s amusement. He helped haul her up the last couple of stairs to the second floor before his grin mellowed into a fond smile, voice soft as he said “I remember having to carry both you and Laurel to bed every Christmas because you’d fall asleep downstairs every year without fail.” 

Sara paused, glancing hesitantly at him. She wasn’t sure whether it was quite  _ relief  _ that she felt when she realised there wasn’t any sadness in his eyes, just gentle, reminiscent nostalgia, but she smiled back and yawned sleepily. 

“Just keeping up the tradition,” she joked, stepping over to him and giving him a tight hug as she murmured “Thank you for today Dad.” 

Quentin sighed into her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry it wasn’t everything it could’ve been.” 

Sara shook her head. “No, it was. I … I wish she was here but … other than that it was perfect. I swear.” 

Quentin pulled away, eyeing her carefully, looking for any hint that she might be sparing his feelings or putting on a brave face. 

“Full disclosure,” promised Sara. That he couldn’t argue with, so he just smoothed her hair, gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze as he said “Goodnight baby. Happy birthday.” before ducking into his own bedroom and leaving Sara to wander exhaustedly into her room and flop down on the bed as soon as she was close enough. Somewhat instinctively, her fingers automatically moved to lightly and reverently trace the outline of the necklace, and Sara committed its shape to memory before dropping her hand back to her side. It was beautiful - more than beautiful. 

It was stunning. 

So stunning that Sara didn’t even know how to  _ begin _ to process the fact that Ava had carefully listened to everything she had said about Laurel, and somehow understood the thoughts that she hadn't even been able to express. That Ava had gone out of her way to get this made - a reminder of everything she'd had with Laurel when she was younger, every special moment and memory, something for her to hold onto when things were falling apart, something she could look at and know Ava was right, that things  _ would _ be okay between her and Laurel eventually.

And yet somehow, it simultaneously managed to be a reminder that Ava would listen to anything she ever wanted to tell her, whenever, and wherever she wanted. A reminder that Ava would hear what she was saying, and then hear all the things she didn’t know  _ how _ to say. 

A reminder that Ava  _ cared _ .

Sara sucked in a sharp breath as the feelings she'd been pushing away all day - all  _ month _ \- made a sudden reappearance, her fingers tightening over the pendant, the wings of both canaries digging into her palm. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a long, deep breath before exhaling and staring up at ceiling, trying desperately to scroll through the memories of the day rather than focus on the thoughts about Ava that were swirling around her mind. But exhausted as she was she couldn't push them away, as if her body refused to let her sleep until she'd at least acknowledged how she felt. She threw her arm over her eyes, breath shaky as she realised with a low, terrified jolt in her stomach that this feeling wasn’t entirely unfamiliar. Though it had been absent for a while, Sara clearly remembered the last time she’d had this nervous jump in her stomach, a fluttering in her chest, a smile that she couldn’t wipe from her face. 

Nyssa.

And look at how well that had ended.

Sara shuddered, rubbing her eyes roughly. This wasn't even slightly fair on Ava, because Sara knew she always ended up messing things like this up, and Ava was too pure, too good, too special … Sara swallowed thickly, ignoring how much that thought physically hurt as she pushed it away. 

She was pretty sure she could pinpoint the exact moment these thoughts settled in her mind to stay, refusing to be discarded any longer. Today, in the afternoon, while Ava had tagged in for Sara in Monopoly, and Sara had been curled on the couch between Lily and Ray, watching with wry amusement as Ava proceeded to completely flip the tables of the game and somehow gain a steady lead and simultaneously deplete Jax’s bank account to the point that he was lying on his back, swearing profusely and groaning “Oh my  _ god _ , how do you  _ keep  _ kicking my ass with something  _ else  _ every single fucking move?” 

It’d been that comment that had Sara suddenly flashing back to her phone call with Laurel that morning, to Laurel’s joking remark that Sara had to beat Jax at Monopoly, and Sara had felt the entire world slow around her and she couldn’t do anything but stare at Ava, at Ava who was laughing so brightly that the corners of her eyes crinkled and her nose wrinkled and faint dimples appeared in her cheeks, which were lightly flushed from the warmth of the room. Her eyes were so blue, so sparkling and Sara didn’t realise she was momentarily breathless until Ray tugged at her arm and asked if she wanted anything from the kitchen, and Sara had had to take a second to screw her head back on straight because everything was just suddenly  _ Ava _ and nothing else to the point that Sara had literally forgotten to breathe for a few moments.

Sara didn’t know when it had happened, but Ava had somehow become the person she trusted most, the person she wanted by her side when things were rough, the person she needed when her entire world started to crumble. And at the same time, she’d become the person Sara wanted to pull into the snow in her pyjamas, the person she wanted to drag into the sea with a smile on her face, the person she could spend hours curled up with in the safety of her room, watching TV tangled up together under a blanket, her own bare skin brushing against Avas and sending sparks shooting up her arm as their fingers hovered so close they were almost holding hands, but not quite.

The person she wanted to spend time with more than anything.

 

_ Shit _ .

 

As Sara lay on her bed, heart hammering in her chest, fingers playing with the delicate pendant around her neck and eyes staring at the familiar cracks in the ceiling as fear and perhaps dread and overwhelming uncertainty began to settle in her stomach, one, clear, unavoidable thought almost illuminated in neon lights in her brain. 

Okay so. 

Maybe … just maybe, she had feelings for Ava Sharpe.


	12. darling, just kiss me slow (your heart is all I own)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You do too," said Sara. "Look great, I mean. That dress is amazing, if you weren’t like, 6 feet tall I would borrow it from you.” 
> 
> “Yeah, no, you’re just short,” teased Ava, smirking at Sara’s reactionary affronted look. It was then, at the upturn of Ava’s lips and the amused, fond twinkle in her eye and the soft waves of her hair, the way the fabric of her dress sat so perfectly on her skin, that Sara remembered it was New Year’s Eve, and all of a sudden, she had an overwhelming thought of exactly who she wanted to kiss at midnight. 
> 
> OR
> 
> it's new year's eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey heyyyy e'ryone! this chapter comes a wee bit early (it's thursday night for me) because i'm currently home for my mid semester break buuut I have to bus back tomorrow for work over the weekend so wouldn't get a chance to upload this until tomorrow night, and tbh, I'm way too excited about this chapter to wait until then so here we go. 
> 
> this chapter is a monster. it's 17.5k, because we just figured we'd write it and split it up later and then we finished it and realised that everything that happens needs to flow within one chapter otherwise it's not as effective and thus we were left with this insanity. 
> 
> it was actually awful to write too, it ended up being during that hell period a few weeks ago when all my assignments hit and then rachel was away and then i got sick and rach had work and this turned out to be the longest chapter ever so it was an absolute nightmare, took us like two and a half weeks to actually FINISH and as soon as we did, we kinda went nOPE goodbye never want to look at this again. but then i came back to it last week and reread it and OH BOY. 
> 
> turns out, this is my (chim's!) favourite chapter we've written so far because wow guys i'm not kidding, it's a good one. there's a bucket load of avalance, as well as heaps of really cool side character stuff and development for some of the secondary relationships in the fic (some of which *cough* darhkatom *cough* we have become so invested in that we genuinely want to add some separate one shots to this series that are just abt stuff that you don't see that happens between them in this fic) 
> 
> ANYWAY. i'll stop spoiling the chapter for you now lmao just go read! enjoy! i hope you love it as much as we do (and don't hate it as much as we did writing it), please scream at us in the comments, we actually live for it. 
> 
> (p.s. i mean i should hope you know where that lyric is from but yes, chapter title is from perfect by ed sheeran ;))

**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_TUES 2:41pm:_

 

 **_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** @ everyone

What are your plans for new years?

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg I was just gonna message  
abt that

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** usually we do something real  
chill at someone’s place

last year it was ray’s

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sorry guys, my stepdad decided  
he wanted to host a big party at  
ours this year

 **_  
_ ** **_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I would offer my aunt’s place but  
it’s a) tiny and b) the whole sort  
of problem child foster kid throwing  
a NYE party probs wouldn’t be a good  
look

 **_  
_ ** **_Ava:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah my parents are hosting a party  
for all their friends too

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** So what I’m gathering is that you’re  
all free??

Good great

Party at mine

 **_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** wait for real????

 **_  
_ ** **_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** Kuasa’s parents will be at my house  
for our big family celebration and  
most of the time they’re chill w the  
‘kids’ of the family going off and doing  
their own thing

Kuasa asked if she could have friends over  
for a party at their house

We’re a go

 **_  
_ ** **_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** My sister Mari and a couple of our other  
cousins will be there too, hope that’s ok

 **_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** you know what

what’re the chances your parents  
will be chill with this being a lil  
bigger than just our friend group?

 **_  
_ ** **_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** How big are you talking?

 **_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** nothing crazy, no way

just some other friends from  
around school that we don’t  
get to hang out with much

people like kendra and carter  
and constantine and gwen and  
helen, maybe jonah? those guys

 **_  
_ ** **_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ooooooh yes that would be fun

 **_  
_ ** **_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’d be cool

I haven’t seen Kendra and Carter  
in forever

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** yessssss omg

if it’s cool w kuasa ofc

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** I just asked my folks and they  
said as long as it doesn’t get  
bigger than like, 30 people and  
as long as there’s noone getting  
tragic drunk, it’s fine

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** so alcohol, y/n?

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yes but again, nothing crazy

Maybe like, one bowl of super  
weak punch? And if someone  
wants to be Fancy and bring  
some champagne for the actual  
countdown then my parents  
would probs be fine w that too

But seriously if anyone gets  
tragic, I’m sending you home in  
an uber at your own expense

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’ll be chill, all of us soccer girls  
aren’t supposed to be drinking v  
much anyway

Z doesn’t drink

ray and amaya are super responsible

nate’s older brother taught him to  
have a high tolerance from the  
age of 16, right  @Nate  ;-)

jax is like a fckn sailor, idk how he  
does it tbh but he’s fine

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t remind me

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** ‘das me

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Mick  you WILL be responsible

Okay?

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Whatever u say cap

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** wally’s a lightweight but he also  
sobers up in a flash too

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah Gary’s the same

And Ava is boring and responsible  
too so all round we seem pretty ok

Okay cool

So

8 o clock, my place, bring snacks

Don’t bring alcohol, I will provide  
so I can control how much is in  
circulation just to be safe pls

I’ll create the event now

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** woop woooop this is gonna  
be gooood!!!

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

  


Ava literally had nothing to wear.

She groaned, tossing the t-shirt she was holding back onto the bed and turning around, shooting a helpless look in Nora’s direction as she ran one hand through her hair. Nora had come over to get ready before they went to Kuasa’s to help set up, but currently seemed far too amused watching Ava to make any attempt to get ready. “I don’t know what to wear,” Ava complained for perhaps the 500th time over the past half hour, flopping down on the edge of the bed with a frustrated sigh.

Nora raised a questioning eyebrow, leaning against the wall. “Since when do you care about what to wear to parties?” she asked with a smirk as though she already knew the answer. Ava looked away, ducking her head down so her hair covered her face, hoping Nora wouldn’t notice the way her cheeks flushed slightly.

After a moment, she shrugged, forcing her voice to remain calm, casual as she replied “I dunno, I just … I wanna look nice.”

Nora eyed her carefully for a long time, not saying anything. When Ava finally found the courage to glance over at her friend, she had a thoughtful expression on her face and her eyes were soft in a way that Ava hadn’t expected. Ava’s breath caught in her throat, because the silent question on Nora’s face was 100% clear - _do you wanna look nice_ **_for_ ** _someone?_ Neither of them spoke for a second, Ava’s heart thumping anxiously in her chest as she waited for Nora to ask out loud. But she never did, instead offering Ava a gentle, teasing smile and crossing the room towards Ava’s wardrobe.

“Well not that, for starters,” she said, snatching the t-shirt off the bed beside Ava and tugging open the wardrobe doors. Ava let out a barely audible sigh of relief when Nora dropped the topic, even though she had definitely known there was more to it than Ava was letting on. Ava wasn’t sure what she would’ve done if it had been someone else helping her get ready - someone like Gary, or Lily, who might’ve pushed the topic, instead of letting it go until a time when she was ready to share the answer.

In all honesty, she hadn’t entirely _realised_ what she was doing until Nora had asked, but when she thought about it, yeah, she wanted to dress up for one person in particular. Because Sara was … well, Sara. She was stunning.

And maybe Ava shouldn’t’ve been letting her life be dictated by this stupid, unattainable crush, and maybe it would backfire later, because Sara was her _friend_ , and probably had no interest in being anything else, but hey. Tonight was New Year’s Eve.

Her crush on Sara was a problem for next year.

 

* * *

 

If Sara had any lingering doubts about whether or not she _actually_ had feelings for Ava, they were gone the minute she stepped foot into Kuasa’s house and _saw_ her. She hadn’t really known what to expect, in all honesty. She didn’t have any clear recollections of previous instances in which Ava had been dressed up, full makeup and all, and part of Sara had just assumed that she would stick to something relatively casual (Zari, after all, was wearing Chucks with _her_ dress). But as Sara followed Amaya, Zari, Nate and Jax through Kuasa’s front door, it was only moments after Jax had whistled to admire the size of the house and decorations Kuasa had put up, that Ava rounded the corner.

And Sara was instantly breathless.

Ava was wearing a black dress that looked soft and delicate, cinched in at her waist, hugged her hips, cut off around mid thigh (to show far too much of Ava’s seemingly endless legs for Sara to handle), loosened a little around her top half with a low V cut that revealed a cleavage Sara definitely couldn’t unsee. She knew Ava and Nora had been getting ready together - had received a Snapchat earlier in the evening from Nora, but they’d both just been in sweats then, hadn’t started putting on makeup or choosing outfits. Nora had clearly curled the ends of Ava’s hair and it was out, falling gracefully over one shoulder as she smiled brightly when she caught sight of Sara and the others.

Oh _no._

She was _beautiful._

Sara swallowed, quickly admonished herself before schooling her thoughts and grinning back, hoping she didn’t appear as flustered as she felt.

“Hey!” said Ava cheerfully, giving her a quick hug before doing the same to Nate, Amaya, Zari and Jax. “You guys look great!”

“Ditto Sharpe,” said Zari, pointing up and down Ava’s figure. “Didn’t even know you _owned_ something that fancy.”

Ava rolled her eyes at her, swatting Zari’s fingers away to distract from the soft flush on her cheeks. “Shut up, Nora picked it. Plus, I have to own like, three nice dresses. It’s kind of a requirement as a member of the Sharpe female line.”

At that, Sara couldn’t help but remember what Ava had said last month before Thanksgiving about only starting to buy dresses when she felt she needed to hide the possibility of being gay. She watched Ava carefully, looking closely for any hint of a false laugh or a tight lipped smile, but there wasn’t one. Ava’s eyes flickered over to her moments later, and after a curious, questioning look, recognition suddenly fell upon her face and her expression softened. She shook her head incrementally, stepping closer to Sara to bump their shoulders together.

“You really think my mom gave the seal of approval on a dress this low cut?” she said jokingly, quiet enough that only Sara could hear. “Don’t worry. This wasn’t one of the ‘attempting to convince my mom I’m straight’ dresses. They were all thrown in the trash a long time ago.”

Sara laughed softly, finding herself relieved that their conversation that night before Thanksgiving had perhaps been a chance for Ava to come to terms with the reality of what she’d tried to hide all those years ago.

“You uh …” Ava cleared her throat, smiling a little shyly. “You look great.”

Sara felt the back of her neck heat up and she grinned to cover up the way her stomach was fluttering incessantly. _God_ , was she 12? She hadn’t felt this flighty and nervous about a crush in _years._

“What, this old thing?” she said with a shrug, gesturing to the blood orange, ¾ sleeved playsuit she was wearing.

“You literally got that last week,” said Zari without looking up from her phone.

“It’s an _expression_ ,” muttered Sara, reaching over to shove her friend who easily dodged it.

“It’s nice,” Ava insisted, crossing her arms to keep them warm as Nate slipped out the front door to get something from his car, letting in a gust of cold air.

Sara’s mouth went dry. Oh for _fuck’s_ sake, of _course_ Ava had good arms too. It shouldn’t’ve been a surprise. She’d played basketball her whole life, came from a reasonably sporty family, still went for a run once a day, so of course she’d still be fit (and Sara would be lying if she said that sporty girls weren’t a definite turn on), but Sara hadn’t exactly expected Ava to have proper, toned, well defined biceps that were any gay girl’s absolute nightmare. Sara pressed her lips together to stop herself from making a comment asking why Ava lived solely in Spencer’s massive old t-shirts when she could be showing off arms like _that._ Instead, she smiled at Ava and adjusted her playsuit a little to give her fidgety hands something to do.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “You do too. Look great, I mean. That dress is amazing, if you weren’t like, 6 feet tall I would borrow it from you.”

“Yeah, no, you’re just short,” teased Ava, smirking at Sara’s reactionary affronted look. It was then, at the upturn of Ava’s lips and the amused, fond twinkle in her eye and the soft waves of her hair, the way the fabric of her dress sat so perfectly on her skin, that Sara remembered it was New Year’s Eve, and all of a sudden, she had an overwhelming thought of exactly who she wanted to kiss at midnight.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, definitely not.

Ava didn’t even _like_ her like that (and Sara ignored the voice in her head that reminded her that people didn’t have to have feelings attached to New Year’s kisses), and they had barely been friends for a few months, definitely not long enough for Sara to grin casually and blatantly ask “Hey, wanna be my kiss at the countdown?”

Not a chance.

Thankfully, she was saved by Kuasa, who appeared in the doorway to the living room after having heard the chatter from the foyer. She grinned widely when she saw them, waving them further into the house. “Get your asses in here, we still have a shit load of decorating to do, make yourselves useful.”

 

* * *

 

Maybe Sara was a little tipsy - _just_ a little - but even stone cold sober it would be hard not to look around at her friends without a stupid grin on her face. Because for so many of them, it’d been kinda tough to get to this point, but they all looked so … happy. Ray was dancing with Nora, and she was standing so close, fingers curled in his shirt as she beamed up at him, eyes sparkling in a way that could never be explained by the alcohol. Next to them, Wally was doubled over with laughter as Nate tried to demonstrate dance moves, whilst Jax tried his hardest to chat up one of Kuasa’s cousins (she was laughing, clearly entertained, but Sara wasn’t entirely sure whether she was laughing with him or at him - he could really use some pointers, and Sara would definitely give them to him when it counted, but tonight didn’t count and … well, this was more fun to watch.)

Sara let her gaze wander, grin widening as she noticed Zari and Amaya curled up on the couch together, Amaya practically lying in Zari’s lap, looking up at her with the biggest heart eyes Sara had ever seen. She laughed incredulously as Zari reached down to brush a stray strand of hair behind Amaya’s ear, whispering something to her that no one else could hear, making Amaya’s eyes visibly light up from across the room.

“They’re so freaking cute,” murmured a voice behind her suddenly, and Sara jumped with a quiet yelp, whirling around and glaring when she saw Ava standing behind her with an amused smirk.

“God, Ava, don’t _do_ that!” hissed Sara, slapping Ava’s arm. She was glad she had an excuse to keep her eyes on Ava’s face rather than drifting down to look at that _dress_ and those arms and those _legs_ and God, she really needed to get a grip as soon as possible before Ava noticed and -

“Sorry,” Ava replied but she was still grinning and Sara huffed at her disgruntledly, sipping her punch. Before she could comment, or find a witty comment to reply with to win back her cred after her less than put-together yelp, Ava nodded towards where Zari was beaming down at Amaya, fingers tracing the softest patterns across Amaya’s bare arms, and Sara choked on her drink at this blatant lack of subtlety between them tonight. Ava took Sara’s cup out of her hand as Sara, even less put-together than before, began coughing embarrassingly loud. Ava laughed, but still reached over to rub Sara’s back as she tried to clear her throat. “You okay?”

Sara nodded, not trusting herself to speak without having another coughing fit. Instead, she reclaimed her drink from Ava with a small smile and took a long gulp to avoid talking. Thankfully, Ava filled the silence, bumping her hip against Sara’s as she said “They’re so adorable.”

Sara swallowed, trying to clear her throat and remember how to breathe (not that it helped, not when Ava was standing right there looking at her like _that_.)

“ _You’re_ adorable,” she retorted instantly, realising a second too late that that was definitely _not_ the response she’d intended.

Ava raised a teasing eyebrow, and Sara felt a familiar heat start to creep up her neck, ducking her head down to hide her face. _Shit._ That wasn’t meant to slip out, not now, not when it was nearly half past 11 and getting a bit too close to New Year’s for comfort, not when Ava’s face was this close, sparkling eyes highlighted by the simple eyeliner and mascara she had put on, that soft smile still gracing her perfectly made up lips, lips that Sara was desperately avoiding thinking about kissing at the end of the countdown.

“You think I’m adorable?” Ava teased, and Sara wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

“No,” she said automatically, stubbornly and it sounded so childish that she wanted to sink into the floor beneath her. Ava gave her a _look_ , a joking, teasing look that if she was anyone else, Sara would’ve said was kind of flirty but she definitely couldn’t go there. She bit her lip, glancing away. “Maybe.”  

A small, (absolutely not) adorable smile crept across Ava’s face and Sara tried her hardest not to think about how perfect it looked on her. “Not that that doesn’t mean you’re not a pain in my ass, Sharpe,” she added quickly, hoping the words didn’t come out as flustered as they sounded in her head.

The grin on Ava’s face remained, and Sara bit the inside of her lip, shifting her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. Sensing that she was a little uncomfortable, Ava’s smile softened. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” she said, words far too sincere, and for a moment panic flashed through Sara’s mind, wondering whether she’d been caught and Ava was about to call her out on this stupid crush.

But when Sara eventually looked up, Ava’s eyes were fixed on Nora. Nora, who was still gazing up at Ray with a wide smile on her face, leaning into his side, swaying a little tipsily as Ray held his arm firm around her waist, keeping her steady. He looked equally besotted, laughing at something Nora had said and nudging her shoulder gently.

“D’you think he likes her?” Ava asked softly, finally turning her attention back to Sara.

Sara shrugged and couldn’t help the fond smile that flickered across her face as she gazed at Ray. He’d been one of her best friends since the very beginning of high school, and though he was generally a happy, cheerful person and had had a couple of brief relationships over the past few years, the smile that was gracing his face right now was unlike any smile Sara had ever seen him wear. “I’ve never seen him like this,” she said honestly. “What about Nora?”

Ava hummed thoughtfully and Sara saw a rush of emotions cross her face as she took in how happy Nora seemed in that moment, before she mirrored Sara’s shrug. “The same. I’ve never seen her like this. But … I do think I still need to convince her she deserves happiness before she’ll be ready to acknowledge it.”

Sara’s smile became gentler and she brought one hand up to fiddle with her necklace and slipped the other into Ava’s, tangling their fingers together and brushing her thumb gently across Ava’s smooth skin. She ignored the way the contact sent sparks shooting up her arm. “Well,” she said too quietly for anyone to overhear, giving Ava’s hand a light squeeze, “you managed to convince me.”

Ava looked at her for a long moment, an indecipherable expression on her face. “Sara,” she said quietly, eyes shifting to fix on where their hands were joined. She opened and closed her mouth several times, as though she couldn’t figure out what to say, or how to say it. Sara went to tug her hand back but Ava’s grip tightened and pulled her just a little closer. Finally, she spoke, lips upturned in the smallest hint of a smile that was so open and honest that Sara didn’t quite know what to do with herself. “I guess now’s as good a time as any to say thank you,” said Ava, in so close to a whisper that if Sara hadn’t been standing barely an inch away from her, she couldn’t have caught it. “For … you know … everything. Everything you’ve done for me this year, and last year too.”

Sara laughed disbelievingly, cheeks a little hot as she elbowed Ava lightly. “Pretty sure I should be the one thanking you. I’ve kind of been the epitome of a hot mess this year and you managed to not only put up with it but you also …” She stopped, cutting herself off.

“Also?” asked Ava, and it took everything Sara had not to tug her down and kiss her right then and there. She swallowed, forcing herself to meet Ava’s eyes.

“You also kind of helped put _me_ back together at the same time,” she said in a rush. (She’d definitely drunken just a little too much punch).

The look in Ava’s eyes was almost too much, too kind and reverent and overwhelming that Sara wanted to look away, but she couldn’t because God, Ava was so _beautiful_ that she was just completely mesmerised.

“You put yourself back together Sara,” said Ava softly, her grip on Sara’s hand tightening, “not me. I was just there when you needed someone to remind you how.”

Sara wasn’t sure what to say to that, because there was something more than simple affection fluttering in her chest, more than a casual crush, more than attraction, more than the familiar, alcohol tinged feelings of desire and she didn’t know what to do with that so she just squeezed Ava’s hand as tightly as she could before finishing the last of her drink.

Ava allowed the moment of raw honesty pass (to Sara’s relief) and let slip a quiet laugh. “God, if 14 year old me knew that you’d one day become my favourite person in the world, I think she might’ve moved across the country.”

Sara froze, and only then did Ava realise what she’d said, eyes widening in shock. She cleared her throat and there was a moment of silent stillness between them, almost physically crackling tension and apprehension in which they both seemed to weigh up what to say or what to do. Sara could feel the way Ava had stiffened, in the low light of the room could _just_ make out the faint blush on Ava’s cheeks and she felt a rush of incredulous fondness for the flustered girl beside her. Ava bit her lip, looking down to avoid Sara’s eyes and bringing up her free hand that was holding her phone it it to check the time just so she had something to do.

“Your favourite person,” Sara repeated in the barest breath of a whisper, not quite a question, but almost.

Ava’s eyes flickered up at Sara’s words and she shrugged awkwardly, the blush on her cheeks intensifying. She went to lock her phone again, but Sara, emboldened by her not quite sober state, had a sudden flash of mischief overtake her and she found herself disentangling her fingers from Ava’s and snatching Ava’s phone, tapping open her contacts application.

“Hey!” said Ava, moving to grab the phone back but Sara just dodged her half hearted swipe, grinning cheekily. “Sara,” Ava protested, clearly trying to sound annoyed but Sara could hear the smile in her voice and just danced a little further out of Ava’s reach, tapping away at her phone screen. It only took half a minute max before she was handing Ava’s phone back to her with a proud, triumphant smirk on her face. Ava eyed her warily, with a clear, _what did you do?_ look in her eyes as she glanced down. Sara’s contact was staring back up at her, except instead of just reading ‘ _Sara Lance_ ’, the name was now absurdly and irritatingly long, reading ‘ _Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance’_.

Ava rolled her eyes with a huff of laughter. “You’re infuriating.”

Sara smirked at her, eyes warm and affectionate even as she faked an affronted gasp. “That’s no way to talk to your favourite person in the world now, is it?”

She wanted to be able to blame this all on the alcohol messing with her mind, but when Ava smiled softly at her Sara felt her heart flutter in her chest, a warm, comfortable feeling spreading out from deep inside and making her toes curl in her shoes, and Sara knew somewhere deep down that even if she had been drinking lemonade all evening instead, she would be just as dumbstruck, just as speechless, falling just as hard. She could stand here forever, music blaring loudly through Kuasa’s family’s ridiculously expensive speakers, the sound of their friends laughing and enjoying themselves and being _happy_ fading away until it was just her, and Ava, and the most softest, sweetest, most affectionate smile she’d ever seen.

Ava cleared her her throat, fiddling nervously with the edge of her dress. “I should … uh … get another drink. Find Lily and Gary.”

“Yeah,” Sara agreed, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly, shoving her other hand into her pocket, glad that the semi-darkness was hiding the blush she couldn’t keep off her cheeks. “I should go find … Mick. Check he’s not … you know - ”

“Yeah,” Ava echoed unconvincingly, taking a small step back. She swallowed, and Sara wondered if she’d imagined it when Ava gave her a small, awkward wave and disappeared into another room just as someone turned the music up. She closed her eyes for a moment, sucking in a shaky breath.

She really needed to get a handle on this, before it got out of control.

 

* * *

  


It wasn’t until Sara slipped outside to get some fresh air that she realised it’d been a while since she’d last seen Ava, having gotten so caught up in the music and the dancing and the crazy atmosphere inside that she had momentarily slipped from her thoughts. Which she’d thought would be impossible the first time she’d laid eyes on her that evening, blonde hair flowing over her shoulders, wearing that stupidly attractive black dress that showed off her arms and her … _nope_.

Sara groaned, running one hand over her face and pushing those thoughts as far away as she possibly could, leaning back against the wall and taking several breaths to steady herself before heading back inside and starting to look for Ava. Tomorrow, this would be fine. Tomorrow, she wouldn’t get butterflies in her stomach every time Ava looked at her, and they could go back to texting and sitting next to each other in class and studying together rather than … whatever _this_ was.

 

(At least the countdown had come and gone without her doing anything stupid, like pulling Ava into a kiss and wiping that stupidly attractive smile off her face in a scenario in which she let that irritating crush decide what she did for once, rather than forcing it away. Thankfully, she’d at least seen some sense, and had instead leaned up to kiss Ray when the countdown had reached zero, both of them tipsy and laughing but clearly wishing they were kissing someone else instead. It was better this way, Sara had promised herself, taking a long sip of champagne in an attempt to smother her emotions.

At least this way, she got to keep Ava’s friendship, rather than making her uncomfortable and pushing her away, losing the person she trusted most in the process.

But still.

Ava looked amazing - Ava _was_ amazing - a fact that was rapidly becoming harder and harder to ignore.)

 

Sara eventually found Ava in a hallway near one of the upstairs bedrooms, breath catching in her throat a little because it’d been nearly an hour since she last saw her, yet somehow she looked even more stunning than before, hair still falling in soft waves around her face, cheeks slightly flushed from the heat inside the house or the alcohol or the dancing, or a combination of all three. “Hi,” Sara said quietly, a small smile crossing her lips when Ava looked over to her, hoping her voice sounded less breathless out loud than it did in her head. “Where’ve you been? You okay?”

Ava nodded, leaning back against the wall, tilting her head towards the bedroom at the end of the hallway. “Gary’s reached his sad, I want a boyfriend, sleepy drunk stage, so me and Nora are tag teaming looking after him. I just finished my shift.”

Sara smiled, moving from the middle of the hall until she was standing next to Ava, so close she could almost feel the heat of her body radiating through the air, and she thought for a second that she could _feel_ Ava’s breath catch in her throat, eyes fixed on Sara as Sara asked “Is _he_ okay?” concern leaking into her voice.

Ava shrugged, rolling her eyes with a grimace and leaning back slightly. She seemed to struggle to find a response for a few seconds, distracted by something (if Sara didn’t know better, she’d think Ava was distracted by _her_ but there was no way). Ava cleared her throat quietly, looking away as she said “Yeah, he’s fine. He’s just pining over how John Constantine doesn’t even know he exists, he’ll get over it.”

Sara snorted, raising an eyebrow at the disgusted expression Ava hadn’t even noticed making as she asked teasingly “You don’t like John?”

“You could say that,” Ava muttered under her breath before she could stop herself, before seeming to remember that Sara and John had hooked up the year before, clamping her mouth shut. She flushed slightly, an apologetic look crossing her face. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “I know you guys are … I dunno, friends or whatever.”

Sara laughed softly, taking a step closer, until she the bare skin of their arms was almost touching, so close that Ava could probably smell the alcohol on her breath as she shook her head, replying “We’re not really friends. We … we slept together once.”

Ava wrinkled her nose in clear disgust, and Sara was just the right side of tipsy for her brain to quietly voice that the flash of _something_ in Ava’s eyes could very easily be jealousy. But the rational, reasonable part of Sara quickly smothered down the thought, sternly telling herself not to read into things that weren’t there, instead trying not to smile too brightly at how quiet and soft and defensive and _beautiful_ Ava was right now.

“Yeah,” muttered Ava under her breath, eyes flashing with the same _something_ as before, “I … I know.” She paused, cheeks a little red, and Sara knew it wasn’t entirely from the alcohol because in truth, their sex lives was kind of a previously uncharted conversation topic between them and of _course_ it came up while they were both not completely sober somewhere around 1am on the first of January. Ava seemed to think of something to divert the conversation back to what it had been though, and amusement graced her features and she added “Gary did a full workup of all Constantine’s previous _conquests_ for research.”

Sara snorted loudly, rolling her eyes as she indignantly insisted “Excuse me, if anything, _he_ was the conquest, not me!” and _there_ was the indecipherable emotion again, lasting barely a second before Ava schooled her features and smiled wryly.

She wanted so, so badly to tease Ava, to question _why_ she seemed to hate Constantine, to make her do that adorable thing where she ducked her head down, hair falling in front of her face, trying and failing every time to hide the crimson blush creeping up her cheeks. But at the same time, Sara was well aware that she was still at least a little intoxicated, and the longer she stared at Ava, the further she lost herself to Ava’s sparkling eyes, the soft curve of her lips, the way the light caught on her cheekbones…

Sara sucked in a slow breath, leaning back slightly and trying to clear her head, but Ava was just so … distracting. Especially now that she was _aware_ of how she felt, it was like everything Sara liked about Ava had magnified tenfold, and Sara wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. She swallowed, cautious about crossing a line she wouldn’t be able to undo later - not that she would ever regret it, but Ava … Ava might. “So Gary likes him?” Sara eventually asked, attempting to continue the previous conversation. “Constantine?”

Ava swallowed, blinking a little as if she’d completely lost her train of thought, but then nodded, brushing her hair out of her face. “Yeah. Beats me why, but he’s currently bemoaning how sad it is that Constantine’s never even spoken to him.”

Sara smiled softly, leaning close enough to nudge her shoulder against Ava’s. “Well how about this, I wait until Gary’s actually sober and actually introduce them so he can stop his pining. Everybody wins.”

“You’d probably make Gary’s entire year if you did,” Ava smiled, grinning back, eyes fixed firmly on Sara’s face for a moment before a door opened somewhere and a sudden blast of music from downstairs caused something to shift, both looking away to see whether anyone was coming.

No one was, but even so something shifted between them, the silence becoming thicker, more intense - charged with something neither of them could name - before Sara leant closer, bare arm resting centimeters from Ava’s, too focused on this weird, unexplainable intimacy that she barely noticed herself moving. Ava was right there in front of her, looking more beautiful than she’d ever seen her before, eyes shining as she subconsciously leaned closer, gaze focused on Sara’s lips. Sara sucked in a breath, closing her eyes for a moment. It would be _so easy_ to tilt her head up and lean closer, brushing her lips softly against Ava’s, giving in to what she’d been dying to do all night. But it was late, and she’d had more alcohol than she probably should’ve, and Ava was probably exhausted and tipsy too, so just like before Sara stopped herself, biting her lip rather than leaning up to taste Ava’s.

But … it was still New Year’s Eve, and she had kissed Ray earlier when trying to ignore this new, unhelpful _crush_ she seemed to have developed, and…

Sara reached out to curl her fingers around Ava’s wrist, brushing her thumb over her pulse point, trying her hardest to ignore the way Ava’s heart rate picked up when she squeezed lightly, with just the right amount of  pressure to make sparks fly under her fingers. She’d lost her shoes hours ago, but Sara barely noticed as she leant up onto her toes, hesitating for a moment to look Ava in the eyes before pressing a light kiss against her cheek, lips barely pressing against her skin but lingering for much longer than necessary before she pulled away, sinking back to the ground trailing her fingers down Ava’s arm as she murmured quietly, softer and more gentle than Ava had ever heard her speak, “Happy New Year, Aves.”

Ava’s lips curved upwards into small, bashful smile as Sara pulled away, one hand coming up to her face, fingers brushing softly against her cheek where Sara’s lips had been moments ago, before letting them drop. She reached out for Sara’s hand without breaking eye contact and slid her fingers into her soft, warm grip, tracing a gentle circle across her skin. “Happy New Year, Sara.”

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_1:27am:_

**_You:_ **

Guys

So uh

Not to alarm anyone or anything

And if any of you mention this  
out loud i will personally hunt  
you down

But uh

Sara may or may not have just  
kissed Ava on the cheek and  
wished her a happy new year

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** what

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re fucking with me

There’s no way

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** What?????

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m

I NEED A SECOND

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m 100% serious

I just saw it

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** thIS IS TOO MUCH

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gary I’m right beside you  
why are you messaging  
the gc

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Holy shit

It’s happening

It’s H a p PENING

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Lmao that’s not the only  
thing happening  @Zari   
;-) ;-) ;-)

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** What do u mean

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh come on

Don’t think we didn’t all  
see you and  @Amaya  when  
the countdown hit zero

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** That was some New Year’s  
kiss you two ;-)

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** We also all saw you both  
disappear for like, an hour  
after the fireworks ;-)))))

@Nate  you should make a  
‘congrats on the sex’ cake

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D ;’D

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** You are all the worst

Literally

Awful, awful people

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Zari  we are literally doing  
exactly this about Sara and  
Ava we can’t exactly judge

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Amaya  stop being logical

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah Amaya, stop being  
logical and go make out  
with Zari instead

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Goodbye

  
_Zari left the group._

 _  
_ **_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D

  
_Amaya added Zari to the group._

 _  
_ **_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** wait what

what happened between  
amaya and zari

what

what did I miss

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god were you literally  
pining over Constantine so  
long that you missed the  
new year’s kisses?

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg gary

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Surprise  @Gary  me and Amaya  
are dating

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are we??? We didn’t have that  
conversation yet

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Too busy fucking?

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** MICK

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** I am

Crying

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is overwhelming

First Amaya and Zari

Then Sara kisses Ava on the cheek

Are we sure this isn’t an elaborate  
and very realistic dream?

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I sure fucking hope not

  
_Seen by: You, Amaya, Ray, Jax, Nate, Mick, Lily._

 

* * *

 

“So,” Sara smirked, poking Zari in the side whilst smirking in Amaya’s direction. “Who am I supposed to give the shovel talk to?”

Zari shifted on the couch, turning around and pressing her face into the crook of Amaya’s neck, tugging the duvet Kuasa had provided up over her ears. Amaya just laughed, pulling Zari closer and pressing a small kiss to the top of her head, whilst Sara looked up and down the couch they had slept on. It was big enough for one person easily, but even with them both lying half on top of each other, legs tangled, arms wrapped around each other, it was a miracle neither of them had fallen off the couch in the night.

She and Lily had also stayed the night at Kuasas, having volunteered to help tidy up in the morning - but, like ordinary, reasonable people - they’d chosen to sleep in the beds that were offered, rather than remain exactly where they were. (Not that it hadn’t been adorable when Zari - _Zari,_ of all people _-_ had quietly protested “I don’t wanna wake her” at 3am, running one hand through a sleeping Amaya’s hair as she lay on the couch, her head once again in Zari’s lap.)

Sara snorted, asking dryly “You do realise Kuasa has beds, right?”

Zari murmured something that sounded suspiciously like “As if you wouldn’t do the same” from under the duvet before Amaya lightly slapped her arm.

Sara smirked at them both. “So are we gonna talk about last night, or…?”

Amaya flushed, sitting up, jostling Zari in the process and causing her to groan. Amaya smiled, running one hand through Zari’s hair as she quietly replied “not now, Sara,” rolling her eyes when Sara’s grin just widened.

“Okay,” she agreed, pushing herself up from the floor and pulling the duvet off Zari, trying to ignore how adorable it was when Zari shivered, curling closer to Amaya. “In that case, get your ass up Z, you’re not even hungover and we’re supposed to be helping Kuasa clean up.”

“You didn’t have to stay,” reminded Kuasa from the kitchen and Zari huffed, burrowing into Amaya’s shoulder as she muttered “Yeah Sara, we didn’t _have_ to stay.” to which even Amaya swatted her affectionately before they both hauled themselves to their feet and moved to shower and find something to eat.

 

Sara was happy for them.

She was.

She just … hadn’t expected how hard it would be to watch Amaya press a quick, gentle kiss to Zari’s cheek and _not_ think about Ava. Not that Ava hadn’t been on her mind all morning - and all of last night - but, now she didn’t have the blanket of alcohol or that stunning black dress or the adrenaline of the party as an excuse. Now all she had was the cold, hard facts of just how quickly she was falling and how much she literally had no idea what to do about it.

With a sigh, Sara tied up her almost dry hair into a ponytail and crossed the kitchen to Kuasa’s pantry to look for something to eat for breakfast. Zari rounded the corner moments later, clearly having just had a shower. She looked more like herself in jeans and a button down flannel, rather than the tight fitted navy dress she’d worn the night before, and Sara offered her a less teasing smile hello as she moved to make herself some toast.

“I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I?” Zari said, but she glanced at Sara with a wry grin.

“Nope,” said Sara, bumping their hips together. “I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t waiting for it but now that it’s happened, I’m gonna give you both so much shit.”

Zari groaned, snatching the peanut butter from in front of Sara and sending her a withering (yet half hearted) glare. “You decide who you’re gonna give the shovel talk to yet?” she muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Neither of you.”

“Oh really? How’d you decide?”

Sara shrugged. “I know you both and … you could never hurt each other. Not intentionally anyway. No shovel talk necessary.”

Zari paused, gave her a thoughtful look that mellowed into a soft smile. She hummed in agreement, ducking her head down to hide the gentle blush that coloured her cheeks and Sara felt her heart swell at the unbridled happiness literally radiating from her friend. She couldn’t help but chuckle, throwing an arm around Zari’s shoulders and hugging her for the briefest of moments. It really said something about how relaxed and happy Zari was, that she didn’t flinch or tense, just also laughed softly and returned Sara’s hug with a squeeze. They fell quiet for a while, Lily’s ‘chill acoustic’ playlist filtering through Kuasa’s speakers as Zari made her toast and Sara poured oatmeal into a bowl and hunted through the several soft drink bottles in the fridge to find some milk.

“So,” said Sara, shoving the fridge shut. “You guys sleep together?”

Zari choked momentarily on her toast and blushed brighter than Sara ever thought was possible. Sara had to actively stop herself from laughing at the embarrassed and indignant look on Zari’s face.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“We’re not doing this,” said Zari flatly, shaking her head and shovelling toast into her mouth to stop herself from having to say anything. Sara swallowed her spoonful of oatmeal and poked Zari gently in the elbow.

“Hey. I’m not trying to embarrass you.”

“You sure ‘bout that?” mumbled Zari through a mouthful of food, narrowing her eyes.

“ _Yes_ ,” said Sara pointedly. “Yeah, I’m gonna tease you both endlessly and at some point in the next couple of days, I’m gonna interrogate Amaya too. But Z, you’re one of my best friends and I’m well aware you’ve never dated anyone, or hooked up with anyone. I know the fact that it’s _Amaya_ is different - good different - but … don’t pretend this isn’t a big deal, at least not with me. ”

The tension in Zari’s shoulders relaxed a little and understanding flickered across her face, her eyes softening. “Oh,” she said quietly, shooting Sara an apologetic look. “Right.”

Sara smiled. “So.”

Zari let out a whistling breath that sounded like a shy, half sigh, half laugh. “So.” She bit her lip, eyes darting over to Sara with colour still staining her cheeks. “I … don’t know how exactly to have this ‘girl talk’ conversation.”

Sara chuckled affectionately, shuffling closer to Zari so she could nudge her fondly. “I hate to break it to you but it’s gonna involve some gross, mushy emotions.”

Zari jokingly grimaced, biting another piece off her toast. “Unfortunately, I think I proved to everyone that I actually have those after last night.” Sara snorted, and Zari shrugged, trying to stop the wide smile from growing on her face. “I … I seriously can’t believe this happened Sara. Like … this can’t be real, right?”

“It is,” said Sara. “It’s real and you deserve this so, so much Z.”

A cheeky smirk crossed Zari’s face. “You know what? Remember when we were like, 16 and you said that having sex for the first time would be like, 80 times better with a girl than a guy?”

Sara choked on her oatmeal, spluttering with laughter. “Oh my god, _yes_ , I remember that!”

Zari shrugged again, sliding her plate across the kitchen bench with a glint in her eyes. “I mean, you weren’t wrong.”

Sara arched an eyebrow, trying not to think too hard about the fact that Zari was referring to _Amaya_ because _yuck_ , and instead just teasingly saying “No regrets then?”

Zari shook her head. “Not a single one. No way.”

She’d forgotten about Ava for a second, so caught up in Zari and trying to see where her friend was at with this fresh, new relationship. But suddenly, it all came flooding back and Sara had to look away, stop herself from sucking in a sharp breath because the fatigue from the previous night, the morning grogginess was all gone. And all the feelings she’d tried to blame on the alcohol last night were still here. Still here, still slowly consuming every inch of Sara’s being and she realised with a uneasy, sickly feeling in her stomach that unlike Zari, she _did_ have regrets from last night.

She regretted not kissing Ava at midnight.

 

The countdown had snuck up on all of them. One second Sara was dancing with Lily, Gary, Nate, Jax and Kendra, and the next everyone was chattering and shushing and yelling excitedly about it being five minutes, then two, and suddenly the room was full of people. They’d pushed open the french doors from the living room so they could see the fireworks, Jax had brought out the bottles of champagne, the TV was being turned on so they could watch the ball drop. Sara had tried so hard not to, but her eyes kept darting over to Ava who was on the other side of the room, caught up in conversation with Kuasa and Gary. It had been _hours_ but she still looked so stunning, her makeup was still so flawless, hair was mussed from dancing and had fallen out of its curls from the warmth of the room and Sara just … she wanted to go over so _badly_ , wanted to joke and tease and laugh with Ava, wanted to count down to the new year with her and God, she so, so badly wanted to pull her into a soft kiss when the clock hit midnight.

But she couldn’t.

Because Ava was … Ava was _Ava._

So instead, she’d let her eyes sweep around the room, fall on Ray who looked oddly out of place, and walked over to nudge him cheerily. He smiled brightly when he saw her, hugged her to his side and flushed a little when Sara cheekily said “Who you kissing in -” (checked the clock) “- forty seconds?”

Ray rolled his eyes. “You, I’m guessing?”

Sara shrugged. “Only if there’s no one else in line.”

A strange expression crossed Ray’s face and Sara watched his eyes inadvertently flicker to Nora who had made her way to stand by Gary and Ava. “No,” he said quietly. “There’s no one else in line.”

Sara frowned, and even her not quite sober brain could pinpoint that this was something she’d have to remember to talk to Ray about later, because there was definitely _something_ going on here. But now wasn’t the time for that, so she wrapped her arm around Ray’s waist and squeezed.

_20, 19, 18 -_

Sara couldn’t stop herself from glancing over at Ava _again_ , and something in her chest tightened at seeing her reluctantly accepting the champagne Kuasa was pouring, smiling with a roll of her eyes at Nora and Kuasa bickering, absentmindedly run her fingers through her hair.

_15, 14, 13 -_

“Sara? You good?”

Sara glanced up at Ray, the back of her neck hot as he called out her distraction. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to have noticed what she was staring at and she nodded, plastering a grin onto her face. “Pucker up Palmer.” (It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed before over the years, at parties, truth or dare games, hell, Sara was pretty sure they’d kissed in a school play at some point in middle school.)

_10, 9, 8 -_

It was then that she had caught sight of Zari and Amaya out on the balcony, Amaya behind Zari and her arms around Zari’s shoulders, saying something that had put a soft smile on Zari’s face - softer than anything Sara would ever have expected from Zari.

“Ray,” Sara said, elbowing him in the ribs. “Look. Amaya and Z.”

Ray glanced over where she was pointing and she felt his sudden intake of breath. “No way. You don’t think -?”

Sara shook her head, an incredulous laugh stuck in her throat. “Oh my god, if they are -”

_6, 5, 4 -_

Sara looked across the room (for the millionth time), heart skipping a beat when she found Ava already looking at her, eyes sparkling as she nodded towards Amaya and Zari, and Sara laughed breathlessly. She wanted to keep looking at Ava, was suddenly drowning in her familiar, intimate gaze, wanted to let it draw her in closer, was almost convinced to go against the logical but increasingly quiet voice in her head and go over there when -

_3, 2, 1 -_

Ray tugged her arm gently, giving her a soft, amused, questioning look and Sara returned his smile, slinking up onto her tiptoes and pressing her lips to his for the briefest of seconds, before they clinked their champagne flutes together.

“Happy New Year,” said Ray.

“Happy New Year,” echoed Sara.

The world was illuminated in a bright glow of lights, of sparkling gold and twinkling blues, in the sound of glasses clinking together and people laughing, crowing, cheering, music restarted and flared through the speakers.

And then there was Amaya and Zari.

Ray choked on his champagne, gawking over at the balcony and Sara wasn’t much better, her jaw hanging open and eyes wide with astonishment. Because instead of a chaste, not-just-friendly, half-joking, tentative New Year’s kiss, Amaya’s lips were seared to Zari’s, hands gently cradling her face as Zari’s fingers were curled tightly in Amaya’s shirt, both of them apparently not realising that there were literally dozens of people around them. As though they were in a movie, the fireworks exploded in the sky behind them and Sara laughed incredulously. They broke apart, and Sara had never seen a wider smile on either of their faces.

(And if she just so happened to look at Ava one more time, well, she could blame it on the champagne.)

 

“Sara? You even listening to me? You’re the one who wanted this dumb girl talk.”

Sara blinked, suddenly brought back to the reality of her (getting soggy) bowl of oatmeal in her hand, Zari beside her in Kuasa’s kitchen, chilled winter sunlight creeping through the gaps in the curtains as the sound of the shower running down the hall abruptly stopped.

“Sorry,” she said, hoping she hadn’t zoned out for too long. “I uh … I was just trying to see what I remembered from last night.”

Zari arched an eyebrow. “You didn’t drink _that_ much did you? You seemed fine.”

“Yeah, I was fine,” said Sara quickly, shrugging and covering her distraction with a teasing smirk. “A lot happened, ‘s all. Making sure I’ve covered all my bases of major developments, you know? Like Zari Tomaz and Amaya Jiwe making out under the fireworks in front of _all_ of their friends -”

“I hate you,” announced Zari, abandoning her dish on the counter to walk out the room.

“No you don’t,” chortled Sara, grinning.

Zari glared at her. “Shut up Lance. I thought you said we had work to do.”

Sara eyed her amusedly for a second, considering winding her up further before deciding silently to save some of her ammunition for after the winter break. She winked at Zari, slid her bowl along the counter to sit by Zari’s plate and crossed the kitchen to guide Zari upstairs.

“Whatever you say Tomaz.”

 

* * *

  


**Facebook** **  
** (Sara Lance)

  
**Zari Tomaz** is in a relationship with **Amaya Jiwe** .  
January 1st

  
_You, Ava Sharpe, Ray Palmer and 271 others liked this._

 **View 36 others comments**  
**Gary Green:** still not over it <3  
**Sara Lance:** I’M SO HAPPY YOU GUYS honestly there are real tears, i love you both so so so much XXX  
**Guinevere Grace:** Finally!!  
**Nathaniel Heywood:** Still baking that cake, will let y’all know when it’s ready  
**Zari Tomaz:** don’t u fuckin dare  
**Amaya Jiwe:** Omg @Nathaniel  
**Lily Stein:** @Nora you owe me 5 bucks (p.s. So happy for you guys eep!)  
**Zari Tomaz:** wait what  
**Nora Darhk:** You guys couldn’t have waited, like, 2 more months? Dammit  
**Zari Tomaz:** WAIT WHAT  
**Amaya Jiwe:** Why am I not surprised?

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

Ray Palmer  
_Active now_

_SUN 11:08am:_

_  
_ What happened between  
us last night

  
In the kitchen

  
Can we please not talk  
about it?

  
Okay

  
Of course

  
Thanks

 **_  
_ ** I’m so sorry

  
It’s okay

  
_SUN, 11:19am:_

  
You didn’t do anything wrong

  
_Seen: Sunday, 11:25am._

  


* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Tommy Merlyn  
_Active now_

_SUN 2:04pm:_

 

hey loser

  
how long are you in star  
city before u jet back off  
to chicago?

  
Hey short stuff

  
I’m here til the 3rd

  
You wanna meet up?

  
yeah, if you’re not busy?

  
I kinda just need someone to vent  
to who knows me well enough to  
get where I’m coming from ‘n all  
idk

  
but if you’ve already got plans  
then don’t cancel them for me

  
Are you kidding? My dad won’t  
shut up about wanting me to  
move back and join the family  
business

  
You’d be doing me a favour by  
giving me something to do other  
than listen to him go on about how  
I’m ‘wasting my time and talents in  
Chicago’

  
And hey, what’s going on? You ok?

  
i would give u some sympathetic  
spiel but i literally expect nothing  
less from your dad tbh

  
i’ll tell u in person dw

  
Yeah well

  
All the more reason to a) fill my days  
with things to do, and b) leave town  
as soon as I can

  
And okay, how’s tomorrow? Lunch?

  
We could do that lil burger joint we all  
used to go to after school sometimes?

  
omg I haven’t been there in  
forever yes please

  
12??

  
Sounds like a plan

  
can’t wait xxx

  
_Seen: Sunday, 2:07pm._

  


* * *

  


For Sara, being around Tommy was like catching her footing at the last minute when she thought she was about to fall. She didn’t know how she kept forgetting how _comfortable_ she was around him, and it was ridiculous because it made _sense_ . They’d spent seventeen years growing up around each other, spending evenings and weekends and vacations, breaks and holidays and Christmases all together, playing pranks, getting into trouble, fighting, laughing, sometimes even convincing each other to do their _homework_ if it was particularly pressing. But Tommy had always been there, and the minute he caught sight of her, broke into a brilliant beam and tugged her into a tight hug, Sara suddenly felt like all her growing, pressing anxieties weren’t quite as bad as her brain was convincing her they were.

Tommy insisted on paying for their food, to which Sara retorted “You’re not taking me on a _date_ Merlyn, you don’t need to be chivalrous.” and Tommy raised an eyebrow and said “I’m sorry, which one of us actually has a job and has money to spend on things like stupidly overpriced kinda gourmet burgers?” and Sara had to huff and relent.

“Why did we even come here as kids if it was so overpriced?” she grumbled with an eye roll. Tommy laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders.

“Because Ollie and Thea don’t know the meaning of living cheaply.”

There was so much history here that any expectation to act or be a certain way, to offer any kind of explanation or fill a lull in conversation all just vanished. It certainly helped that Tommy had spent a little over two years dating Laurel, and had basically become a part of the Lance family before they broke up. There’d been countless movie nights, family dinners, lazy afternoons after school, Sara’s soccer games Tommy had come to watch with Laurel - Sara shook her head with a soft laugh. She didn’t know why she’d been so nervous about today. Tommy was _Tommy._ She could tell him anything. The fact that he and Laurel had broken up was never going to change that.

 

Tommy let the conversation drift over menial things for a while, let the small talk filter between them. But once their order was called and he sat back down after retrieving it, he nudged Sara’s shoulder gently with his own and slid a bowl of fries and two milkshakes onto the table between them. “Sara, I can feel you freaking out from over here. What’s up?”

Sara sucked in a shaky breath, lifting her milkshake up to take a sip but then placing it back down on the table with a sigh. Tommy flashed her a reassuring smile, and she only hesitated for a moment before running both hands through her hair and saying quietly. “So I kissed Ava.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Ava _Sharpe_? The girl in your grade who you never used to shut up about how annoying and uptight and frustrating she was?”

Sara wrinkled her nose, grimacing a little. “I did used to say that, didn’t I?”

Tommy laughed. “Sara, you used to call her Hermione Granger without the interesting parts!”

Sara glared at him, tossing a fry in his direction as she weakly insisted “Look, I was young and naive, okay? It … it turns out she’s not actually that bad.” She let out a soft huff of breath, rubbing her eyes and letting out a frustrated groan. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Hey,” said Tommy, kicking her shin lightly under the table. “Give yourself credit. You’re only like, 60% idiot.”

“Shut up Tommy!”

A small smile crept across his face, and he gave her a cheeky smirk. “So. Back to this kiss.”  Sara saw the expression on his face and suddenly realised what she’d left out of her initial declaration, face immediately reddening as she added rapidly “On the _cheek_ , Tommy, oh my god, I didn’t - Jesus, I didn’t like, _kiss_ Ava, I just … I don’t know, it was New Year’s Eve and I’d had more alcohol than I probably should’ve and I …”

“Kissed her,” Tommy finished unhelpfully, still grinning, giving her an affectionate poke in the arm. Sara sighed, pushing her fries around the basket in front of her, but remaining silent. Tommy, shook his head, leaning forward a little as he said “If I’m completely honest Sara, I don’t really understand your problem. I’ve seen your Instagram posts - you guys seem to have gotten pretty close. You’re friends, she’s not as bad as you thought, she’s smart as hell … I mean, truthfully, I don’t know much about her - I remember her older brother Spencer was this big basketball star, and look, it’s not like she’s _unattractive_ \- don’t _look_ at me like that Sara, don’t make me say that she’s hot, okay, I still think of you as a little kid, I can’t stand classifying people your age as attractive.”

“Tommy, you’re literally one year older than me.”

“Not the point, don’t try and change topic. What’s the big deal here? So you kissed Ava on the cheek. I saw on Facebook that she came out last year. So she’s a viable, you know, dating option, or a hookup …?”

Sara groaned, “Tommy, _no_ ! I can’t … it’s not …” She sighed frustratedly, bringing one hand up to tightly grip her necklace whilst the other tapped against the table, finally looking over to meet Tommy’s eyes as she repeated “I _can’t_ . I _kissed_ her Tommy. On the cheek, yeah but …  she’s … she’s my …”

“Your what Sara?” asked Tommy gently.

Sara exhaled shakily, letting the realisation dawn on her with a sickening swoop in her stomach. “She’s my best friend,” she said softly. “And I can’t Tommy, I just … I don’t wanna … I don’t … God, I don’t _know_.” Her voice cracked on the last word and she shrugged halfheartedly, breaking eye contact as she tore her gaze away. Tommy looked her up and down, and even out of her peripheral vision, Sara saw the moment it clicked, saw the burst of realisation in his eyes, the softness in expression before a teasing smile appeared on his face.

“Do you _like_ her?” he asked with a playful nudge to her side. “Like, do you _like_ like her?”

“How old are we Tommy, 11?” Sara asked dryly, glaring at him before rolling her eyes, trying to ignore the way her heart immediately sped up at the implication. Because … well, yeah. She did. _Like_ like Ava. But Tommy seemed to genuinely expect an answer, raised an expectant eyebrow, so she sucked in a breath, before answering quietly “Yeah. I dunno, I guess. I … I mean …” She shrugged again, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

Tommy smiled, eyes calm, comforting as he nudged her gently and quietly said “You need to say it, Sara.”

He was right. He was usually right, just like Laurel, in that familiar, annoying, older sibling kind of way, but Sara still froze for a second, taking several deep breaths and letting the words repeat on a loop in her mind so she could get used to them. It was several minutes before she opened her mouth to speak, and when she did, her voice was so, uncharacteristically quiet, but she knew Tommy could hear her, knew it didn’t matter how loud she said it, just that she _did._

“I have a crush on Ava.”

Tommy smiled, poking her again before reaching for a fry, dunking it in his milkshake and then popping it in his mouth. “There we go, was that so hard?”

“No, Tommy,” Sara groaned frustratedly, leaning back against the leather seat of their booth. “You don’t _get it_ . This isn’t … this isn’t _good,_ it’s not gonna end well.”

For the first time, confusion made its way into Tommy’s eyes and he shuffled a little closer, reaching between them to squeeze her shoulder, giving her the same, encouraging but expectant look as before.

“I just …”  Sara shook her head, swearing under her breath as the words got caught in her throat. Because saying all of this, having this conversation with Tommy was making this whole situation _real_ , was making this crush on Ava a proper, tangible thing that she had to figure out what to do with and all she could feel right now was growing fear and uncertainty. And most of that was because she _knew_ she had a crush on Ava - she’d known since her birthday and maybe even come to terms with it. But at Kuasa’s party, there had been something _else_ there, something more than just faint, easy, teenage attraction, something Sara had maybe only ever felt once before in her life and she was _terrified._ She ran a slightly shaking hand through her hair before trying for a second time. “I don't wanna hurt her Tommy. But I know I will because, well … I'm … I'm _me_.”

“Hey,” Tommy said, voice suddenly stern and purposeful in a way it hadn’t been in their conversation so far. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Sara shrugged again, this time helplessly and half heartedly, leaning back and letting her eyes flicker up to the ceiling as she tried her hardest to get some sort of hold on her thoughts. “I don't know. I'm not good at this. Relationships and stuff. Everything with Nyssa kinda threw me for a loop big time - I don’t have to tell you how bad it was, you were there. And me and Ollie were the biggest fucking disaster.”

“Sara, you and Ollie were doomed to begin with,” reminded Tommy, giving her shoulder another squeeze.

“Yeah, but it’s still 2 and 0 to the absolutely terrible outcome of a serious relationship column,” said Sara, hearing the slight desperation in her voice, “and I can't stop thinking about this stupid crush, and I know it's gonna end badly and I care about Ava so much, not just because I have feelings for her but because she means so much to me as a friend and I can’t lose that. I don’t know what I would do if I lost that, Tommy, I never would’ve made it through this year so far without her and it’s so _not fair_ on her for me to have feelings like this, especially when we’re getting so close, and I don’t want to overstep and invade her privacy or confidence or anything because she trusts me as a friend and doesn’t realise I also have these stupid feelings that are gonna fuck everything up and …” She stopped, sucking in a sharp breath and letting it out again, shoulders slouching with defeat as she did. “I just have no idea what I'm supposed to do.”

For a moment, Tommy said nothing, his hand still warm and comforting on Sara’s shoulder, eyes watching her careful as he seemed to mull over the best response to give. Finally, he said, quietly and a little sadly, “No one ever does Sara.”

Sara sniffed, looking over to him a little curiously, and hating the way her voice twisted as she murmured “You and Laurel always seemed to.”  She only realised far too late - _after_ it had fallen from her lips - that she couldn't be more wrong. Because he and Laurel had broken up, Laurel was in rehab, and Sara _knew_ this was hard for him too - as much as he pretended to be okay, as much as he’d pointedly avoided mentioning Laurel in the conversations they’d had over these holidays, she knew that the harsh truth of how he and Laurel had ended was eating away at him even though he didn’t show it.

Part of Sara wondered what it would’ve been like if they’d _just_ broken up - if the only reason things were weird was because Laurel had ended her and Tommy’s perfect, idyllic high school relationship because of college long distance, and all that existed now was the awkward aftermath during birthdays and holiday seasons when they had to see each other. But it was more than that - everything to do with Laurel had an extra element of unpredictability and heartache and as soon as Sara let her sister’s name slip, it was as if a blanket of uncertainty fell over them. For several moments neither of them said a word.

"How is she?" Tommy asked eventually.

Oh.

He didn't know. Of _course_ he didn't know, it’s not like Laurel would’ve told him. And it hadn’t exactly been appropriate for dinnertime conversation on her birthday, so the past week had been and gone with Tommy being in Star City with _no_ idea about Laurel’s relapse.

Sara bit her lip, looking down at the ground, one hand coming up to grip her necklace tightly. “Actually …” she said quietly, her voice hoarse, “she’s not doing great.”

It took a huge amount of effort to glance up at Tommy, and she felt a physical ache in her chest at the way his eyes widened with concern, fear flickering in his expression at her words. Sara sighed, keeping one hand tightly clasped around the necklace as she picked nervously at her burger, keeping her voice low as she began to talk because for all that she’d yelled at Laurel about how her reputation in Star City was ruined, the truth was that most of the city actually genuinely believed she was at Stanford and Sara wasn’t going to go telling them otherwise. She spoke hesitantly, her gaze darting back to the table because Tommy was _Tommy_ and was so close to Laurel that she couldn’t bear to see the look on his face when she revealed what she’d said and done the last time she and Laurel saw each other.

She explained what had happened the week before her birthday, tried so hard not to trip on her words as she recounted word for word what Laurel had said, what Quentin had said, what _she’d_ said, desperately fought back the tears as she reluctantly revealed the horrible, hurtful things she’d thrown back at Laurel’s frustrating, nonchalant attitude towards the situation. Tommy didn't speak until she'd finished, but Sara kept her head down, avoiding his gaze, not willing to look up and see the disappointment lurking in his eyes too. Because as much as Ava had reassured her and justified her actions, Ava didn _'t know_ Laurel, not like Tommy did.

It was _different_ telling him. Ava didn't know just how much Laurel had struggled with this addiction, hadn’t seen it first hand the way Tommy had, hadn’t spent endless hours over the summer messaging Sara, them trying to figure out what to do, whether it was right for them to intervene, whether he even had a right to after Laurel had broken up with him. Ava didn't quite know just how much Sara's words would've cut into Laurel, chipping at all of her vulnerabilities until she broke her down, leaving her a mess and storming out of the room.

Tommy did.

Tommy knew all of it, better than anyone else.

Sara let the silence hang heavy in the air once she was finished. Her appetite had vanished and was replaced with an uncomfortable, sickly feeling low in her stomach and she shoved her burger and milkshake away with a quiet sniff, finally letting go of her necklace to fiddle with the strings of her hoodie. She didn’t know how long passed before Tommy spoke, didn’t know if it was 30 seconds or 30 minutes, because all she felt were his eyes watching her carefully and the hum of the diner fade into a low buzz around them and a vague, distant feeling of panic and apprehension flooded through Sara’s veins.

After what seemed like an age, his voice cut through the silence.

"Sara," he said softly. "Listen to me. I know Laurel. And I know you. And … I can see how much you're blaming yourself for this, but Laurel … Jesus, we both know how fierce and stubborn and angry she can be - you’re as bad as each other sometimes.”

Sara let out a weak laugh (resisting the urge to rub her eyes because she’d actually put on mascara today and she didn’t intend to wander around Star City looking like a panda).

“Hey,” said Tommy, reaching across the table and curling one hand around Sara’s. “Look at me.”

Sara did, finally, and she was shocked to find no anger, no disbelief or fury or disappointment or resentment in his eyes. Just soft, kind, warmth and understanding, coupled with a sad resignation that tugged at Sara’s heart.

“You’re as bad as each other,” Tommy repeated, voice still slow and gentle, “and I don't believe for a single moment that she didn't give as good as she got, at least to start with. There’s no way this is all on you. I _know_ this isn’t all on you because I can see how much you’re hurting right now.”

Sara looked away, biting down on her bottom lip as a distraction from the gathering wetness in her eyes. Tommy gently nudged her shoulder.

“Have you talked to her about this since then?” he asked.

“She called on my birthday,” said Sara, clearing her throat when it came out a little choked and strangled. “But … when it started to come up, she said that she didn’t want to do it right now.”

“Of course she did,” muttered Tommy, overwhelming fondness in his voice. “Not since then though?” Sara didn’t respond, fingers tapping anxiously against her leg, but that seemed to be enough of an answer in itself. Tommy sighed. “You know - you’re gonna have to do that at some point.”

Sara couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was so _different_ from talking to Ava - Tommy was blunt, unflinchingly honest, but Sara could hear the gentleness in his words, the concern for both her _and_ Laurel that she almost hadn’t expected would be there.

“Yeah,” she replied, scratching at a fleck of loose paint on the table. “I know.” She sucked in a sharp, stuttering breath. “I just … I can’t. Not right now. Not yet.”

“Okay,” Tommy eventually agreed, pausing for a moment before asking “What about Ava?”

Sara’s head snapped up, panic flashing through her eyes. “What _about_ Ava? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Sara, you know exactly what I mean,” Tommy grinned, and while she was glad the conversation had moved on from Laurel, she still wasn’t sure where this was going, still didn’t know what to do.

Sara sighed. “I’ll - I’ll work something out.”

Tommy swirled his straw around the milkshake thoughtfully, watching Sara with careful eyes. “You didn’t come to talk to me just for me to let you decide on ‘I’ll work something out.’ I know you, you need a game plan, otherwise you’ll spend way too much time in your head about this.”

Sara groaned, rubbing her eyes fiercely. “God, it can’t _work_ like that. This isn’t just me having a crush on _anyone_ , it’s me having a crush on someone that _counts._ She means so much to me, and I don’t wanna ruin what we have. I can’t make assumptions here, or just throw caution into the wind and take a risk because she’s too important for that.”

“Well then, you know that your game plan can’t include outright just asking her out, can it?” Tommy sounded so calm, so reasonable and logical that it half infuriated Sara, but it eased her worries a little too because maybe …. maybe it wasn’t as dire as she thought.

“No,” she agreed, a little quieter. “No it … it can’t.”

“You guys only became friends recently,” said Tommy. “So you’ve already had this massive shift in the dynamics of your relationship that neither of you have been used to. It might be worth waiting a bit - maybe a few weeks, maybe a month or so - to get used to what you guys have now. Maybe then you’ll be able to read signals a bit better, because it won’t all be so new, you know?”

Sara let out a long, shaking breath. It was a good idea, because yeah, a lot of what was confusing her was how rapidly her relationship with Ava had moved from an antagonistic rivalry to a friendship so close and intimate that Sara wasn’t sure she’d ever had quite like this before. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the niggling thought that she didn’t _need_ time to know just how real these feelings were, but maybe taking Tommy’s advice would be a chance to figure out whether or not Ava could possibly have the same feelings.

It seemed a lot more like _inaction_ than action, and Sara wasn’t quite sure if it was exactly what she needed to screw her head on straight right now, but it would have to do. She wasn’t willing to lose Ava over this.

No way.

 

* * *

  


_Nora Darhk_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Monday**

 **  
** **_8:16am_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey

  
**_8:16am:_ ** **_  
_ ** What’re you doing today?

  
**_8:19am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Homework at some point

  
**_8:19am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Other than that nothing

  
**_8:20am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Any chance you can bribe  
Layla for the car?

  
**_8:20am:_ ** **_  
_ ** What’s wrong?

  
**_8:20am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why do you immediately assume  
something’s wrong?

  
**_8:21am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nora, come on

  
**_8:21am:_ ** **_  
_ ** How bad?

  
**_8:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Bad

  
**_8:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gimme 20 minutes to shower  
and change and then i’ll drive  
to yours, okay?

  
**_8:27am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thanks Aves

 

* * *

 

As much as Ava always classified her family as _insane_ and _ridiculous_ in every possible way, she was well aware that in the scheme of things, her life had pretty normal. For all their flaws, her parents had worked hard to provide a better than average life for their four children, and Ava’s childhood had been full of laughter and adventure, always having someone to play with, never being bored and never being without anything she needed.

So when she looked back on her life between the ages of 6 up til now, it was easy to see that a lot of the excitement and uncertainty she’d experienced had been shaped by _Nora’s_ life rather than her own. Nora’s life, that had been the furthest thing from smooth and lighthearted.

When they were kids, every time the investigation into Nora’s father began to pick up, every time a foster family decided they were too afraid of Damien tracking them down and no longer wanted to house his daughter, every time Nora slipped up and lashed out of anger or confusion or desperation and was pulled away from a family because they decided she was ‘too much trouble’, Ava always got a phone call. (Or, she just got a teary eyed, stoic Nora on her doorstep asking if they could _go somewhere._ )

With four kids, there were more than enough bicycles to go round in the Sharpe garage, so every single time Nora needed it, she and Ava had grabbed two and set off down the road in silence. They never really _went_ far - when they were little, it was just circling the neighbourhood several times until they were both tired and flopped down in Ava’s backyard, under the huge tree on the far end of the garden, and eventually Nora would quietly say what had happened this time. As they got older, bike rides got traded in for walks, and when Ava got her license, it usually became one of the rare occasions that she actually got the chance to drive the car. (Oddly enough, Layla never really had a problem with giving up the car keys when Ava provided the excuse “It’s Nora.”) With age, they usually ended up venturing further and further into the city, and the last time they’d done this (just before the end of the last school year), they’d actually wound up in Central City before Nora had explained that she’d had a huge fight with her aunt and was afraid she had screwed things up again. (She hadn’t, of course, because her aunt actually _cared_ about Nora more than the paycheck she received for taking care of her).

So as Ava mindlessly drove through Star City, her fingers tapping against the steering wheel in time to the music filtering through the radio as Nora sat silently in the passenger seat beside her, there was a small lurch of fear in Ava’s stomach that whatever had happened now was something _bad_ to do with Damien Darhk. Because she knew from Sara that the investigation was slowly but surely closing in, and it was taking everything Ava had not to ask before Nora was ready.

“It’s not about my dad,” said Nora softly, a small, barely there smirk on her face as she glanced across at Ava.

“I wasn’t -”

“You were.”

Ava hesitated, before sending Nora a sheepish smile.

“It’s okay,” said Nora, pulling one leg up to the seat and resting her chin on her knee. “It was a safe assumption to make.”

Ava hummed, pressing down on the brake as the traffic light in front of her flickered to red. “Is everything okay with your aunt?”

Nora nodded. “Yeah. We’re fine.”

Ava waited, and when Nora didn’t elaborate, she didn’t push. Because she knew Nora had texted her for a reason, knew she would talk when she was ready, and knew that all she needed from Ava right now was to just be here. The light turned green and Ava shifted her foot to the accelerator. When the song on the radio switched to incoherent modern rap and thumping bass, Nora wrinkled her nose and immediately leaned over to switch the channel.

“How do you know I didn’t wanna listen to that?” said Ava, raising an eyebrow. Nora sent her a dry, unamused look and said “Do you?”, to which Ava just laughed and let Nora go through the frequencies until she settled on an early 2000s pop music station. It filled the car with a low comfort, a blanket of nostalgia and Ava saw Nora relax a little out of the corner of her eye, watched as the tension disappeared slowly from her shoulders, saw her head lean against the window and her eyes soften as she gazed out at the city flying by around them.

“You wanna go somewhere in particular?” Ava asked. Nora glanced over at her, surprised. Usually they never had a _set_ destination. But the thought clearly crossed Nora’s face and she chewed her bottom lip, exhaling softly before she said “Can … can we go out to the Central Bay woods? Is that too far?”

“Nor, we went to Central City last time,” reminded Ava. “The woods are literally a quarter of that distance, it’s fine.”

“I’ll shout you gas.”

“Don’t be stupid, I bet my parents will cover it, you know what they’re like.”

Nora smiled wryly, ducking her head down with a quiet laugh of agreement. Ava smiled too, glancing over her shoulder to switch lanes so they could head to the motorway and out of the city. Once she knew they were going in the right direction, she returned her attention to her friend, eyes flickering across to the passenger’s seat.

“So,” she said, trying not to sound too persistent and pushy. “The woods, huh? It’s that bad?”

The Central Bay woods were where Nora and Ava had first become friends. It’d been a treat for their grade, a celebration for being almost halfway through their first year of school, and they’d gone on a class trip to the woods that overlooked a beautiful lake. It was far enough out of the city that everything was pure and pristine, but close enough that Ava wasn’t lying when she had insisted it wasn’t a big effort to make the trip. Obviously, when they were young, it was too far for them to bike or walk out to, but they’d driven there twice, only on the occasions when Nora really, _really_ needed to get her mind off something.

“Yeah,” said Nora, her voice much quieter than Ava had been expecting. “That bad.”

Ava frowned, concern flaring in her chest and she ignored her stern ‘two hands on the wheel’ rule momentarily to reach across and squeeze Nora’s hand. “Hey,” she said, soft and gentle. “You’re okay.”

Nora swallowed, curled her other hand around Ava’s and clutched it tightly, before shooting Ava a smirk that didn’t quite meet her eyes and said “Two hands on the wheel Sharpe.” Ava laughed, poking her knee before pulling her hand back.

It was a bright, clear, crisp January day and Ava couldn’t help but appreciate it as the tall buildings and dull greys and navy blues of the city began to fade into trees, a far stretching highway before them and just the faint hint of the sea somewhere in the horizon. It was a nice drive, and because it was _Nora_ , the silence wasn’t awkward. In fact, it was kind of nice - they hadn’t spent much time together over the past few months what with their friend group suddenly expanding and their lives being so largely occupied by school and study and college applications. Also, Ava was well aware that she had started spending a _lot_ more time with Sara than anybody else, and she wasn’t going to pretend that she hadn’t noticed that Nora had been spending almost an equal amount of time with Ray too. She also knew that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. They were both finding new friendships in unexpected places, and Ava certainly had picked up on how much happier Nora had been so far this year with Ray’s presence in her life, and she wasn’t going to be bitter about that. Definitely not when Nora was someone who deserved happiness more than possibly anyone else that Ava had ever met.

But that didn’t mean that Ava didn’t _miss_ her. They’d been in each other’s lives for the better part of 11 years, and it was only now - as they cruised down the highway towards the place where their friendship had first began, Nora curled up in the passenger seat with the window cracked open, her eyes snapped shut and a relatively at peace look on her face - that Ava was hit with just how glad she was to have this day to selfishly spend with only each other.

As if Nora was thinking the same thing, without opening her eyes, she softly said “Hey Aves?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve missed you.”

Ava reached out again, squeezed Nora’s knee for a second. “I’ve missed you too.”

 

Nora was out of the car as soon as Ava pulled over in the gravelled lot, moving almost instinctively towards the edge of the large rock overhanging the lake. Everything about the world around them was a haze of dark greens, bright, vivid blue, the gentle, earthy brown of the forest floor, and the sharpe contrast of yellow signs indicating which pathways people should follow. There were several walking trails available to the public, all of which ultimately led to the nicest, most swimmable part of the lake. On their school field trip, Ava remembered that they’d gone on a trail through the woods, but she remembered the way Nora had wistfully looked at the carefully constructed trail along the rocks, where you could weave in and out of the trees but still walk alongside the water the entire trek. It became clear very quickly that Nora liked the freedom of the open space, of not being surrounded by trees, of seeing the soft sparkle of the water at every step.

Ava would’ve been worried about how close to the edge Nora was standing, but she knew her friend well enough by now to know that she a) had perfect balance, and b) wasn’t going to jump into the predictably icy water below. Ava waited, leaning against a nearby tree and watching Nora carefully, watching the way she rolled out the lingering tension in her shoulders, pushed her hair back from her face, hugged her arms around herself tightly as she gazed out at the water for several minutes. It wasn’t until Nora sank down to sit, hugging her knees tightly to her chest, that Ava moved from where she was standing, crossing the space between them and settling down beside Nora with her legs hanging over the edge of the huge rock below them.

The shaky exhale Nora let out rattled past her teeth. “So,” she said in barely a murmur.

“You don’t have to tell me, you know,” said Ava, keeping her gaze out on the lake before them so Nora didn’t feel watched or scrutinised. “You don’t owe me an explanation or anything.”

“I need to talk to someone about it,” said Nora, reaching down to pick up a small stone and toss it into the water. “Someone who knows me and can tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do. And, well … you’re the most boring and sensible person I know, and you know me better that anyone, so I figure you’d have the best advice.”

“Fuck you, I’m not boring,” said Ava, but she rolled her eyes, giving Nora a gentle nudge with her shoulder. “Okay then. ‘Fess up, what’s going on? If it’s not your dad, or your aunt, then -”

“I kissed Ray on New Year’s.”

Ava paused, her eyes finally flickering to Nora and trying to take in the almost unreadable expression on her face. “When?”

Nora sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m not sure exactly. It was after Gary had fallen asleep so … maybe around 2? I went to the kitchen to get some water because I wanted to start sobering up - not that I was _drunk_ really, not anymore, not after taking care of Gary for like, half an hour - and Ray was there making a fucking sandwich for Nate who apparently ‘gets the munchies’ when he’s been drinking.”

Ava snorted with laughter, relieved to see a glimmer of a smile on Nora’s face too.

“We … we were just talking. I wish I could blame the alcohol but I know I wasn’t drunk enough to not know what I was doing, I did know, I … I _wanted_ to do it. I’d wanted to do it at midnight but I was way more tipsy then and I freaked out because I knew he’d been drinking a bit too and I didn’t want to do something like that when neither of us were in our right state of mind and so I -”

“Kissed me instead,” smirked Ava and Nora shoved her lightly.

“Shut up, I saved you from having an awkward New Year’s kiss with Gwen,” she said. She paused, her gaze darting back to the water and she threw another rock into the distance. “I said something really stupid about Gary and he laughed and he just had the biggest smile on his face as he looked at me and I just … I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been that unabashedly _happy_ around someone, you know? I don’t know what came over me, before I knew what I was doing I’d just … stepped forward and kissed him.” She laughed hollowly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I freaked out as soon as I realised what I’d done. Ran off. He called after me but … I dunno, I guess he knows me well enough to know not to have followed.” She sighed. “We’ve been so close recently and … I don’t know. I don’t know whether I _like_ him or if I’m just grateful for how sweet he’s been or whether I’m just not used to having a friendship like this with a straight guy who’s not _Gary_ and I’m just reading things that aren’t there into what’s happening between us -”

“There are things there Nora,” said Ava softly. “You’re not misreading anything, trust me.”

Nora grimaced. “It’s that obvious?”

“No,” promised Ava, smiling a little. “I just know you really well.” She reached out, gently smoothing out a small kink in Nora’s hair. “You like him.”

Nora shrugged a little helplessly. “I don’t know. I … I think I do but I can’t … I can’t _do_ anything about it. Not right now, not even if he felt the same way. I’m not ready, I’ve got way too much going on with school and God, everything with my dad - I can’t …” She broke off abruptly when her voice cracked, her eyes flickering up to the sky and Ava saw the way she blinked furiously, fiercely trying to avoid the tears welling up in her eyes from spilling over.

“Hey,” Ava said, leaning in closer. “It’s me. You don’t have to hide with me.”

Nora let out a soft, unhumourous laugh and she used the sleeve of her jacket to wipe her eyes. “The thing is,” she said quietly, and Ava was struck by the sudden fear in her voice. “My dad could show up at any moment. I know there’s a restraining order and there’s all this police bureaucracy and systems in place but … it’s not like I’m in witness protection or some shit. My dad has eyes all over this fucking city, if he wanted to come grab me, he could. And I swear to God Ava, I spend every fucking second of some days just … _agonising_ over how _scared_ I am that he’s gonna show up and hurt all the people I love, that me being friends with you is gonna somehow get you in trouble because he knows you and Gary, what if he … I dunno, what if he uses you to try and coerce me to do something? And I … I can’t put Ray in that position. He’s this sweet, lovely guy who only ever sees the best in literally everyone and how can I let someone that _good_ into my life when I have so much shit going on and so much danger around me?” Nora swallowed, letting out a broken huff of air and leaning forward to rest her forehead against her palms. “If I let myself care that _much_ about someone, I can’t even imagine what would happen if my fucked up life messed with that somehow.”

Ava’s heart ached and she sighed, gently running her fingers through Nora’s hair and shuffling closer so that she could curl her other hand around Nora’s arm. It took a few moments for her to get her thoughts in order, to figure out what she wanted to say that would actually get _through_ to Nora without invalidating the very real, very terrifying fear she had of her father finding his way back into her life.

“Listen to me,” Ava said finally, her voice soft but stern. “Your dad is a fucking psychopath, we know this. But I remember him from back when we first met and Nora, babe, as screwed up as he is, I remember that he loved you. And God knows that he deserves to be in jail after all the people he’s hurt but I’d like to believe that he would never hurt _you._ ”

“You don’t know that -”

“No, I don’t. But I think for all the lives he’s ruined and the people he’s hurt, he genuinely has the capacity to care for a few things in the world and one of them is you. I know you’re scared. I know that after _everything_ , you can’t stop imagining all the ways that he still has the potential to screw up your life even more. But you can’t make that a reason not to let people in, to let yourself be happy.”

Something that sounded far too much like a sob escaped Nora’s lips and she buried her face in her knees immediately.

“Oh Nora,” whispered Ava. “C’mere.” She wrapped an arm around Nora’s shoulders and pulled gently. Nora hesitated for a second before giving in, sinking into Ava’s arms and hugging her tightly, still tucking her face into the crook of Ava’s neck to hide her expression from view. She wasn’t crying - Nora Darhk very, very rarely cried. But Ava could feel her shaking with the weight of everything clearly on her mind and she tightened her hold on her friend, pressing her lips to the top of Nora’s head.

“I feel so bad,” whispered Nora eventually, curling even closer into Ava. “I texted Ray on Sunday morning asking if we could just not talk about it, that’s how scared I was.”

“What did he say?” asked Ava, squeezing Nora’s shoulder gently.

“He agreed. Of course he fucking agreed, he’s Ray Palmer.” She scoffed bitterly and self deprecatingly, the fingers of her free hand picking at a tear in the knee of her jeans. When she spoke again, the harshness of her voice had lessened and she just sounded heartbreakingly _lost._ “Aves, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt him even more.”

“You don’t have an obligation to do anything if you’re not ready for it,” said Ava, pulling back a little so she could tilt Nora’s chin upwards and look her in the eye. “Ray cares about you. A lot. Anyone with eyes can see that. If you can’t deal with whatever this is right now, then don’t. Just make sure he knows that you still care about him, that you’re not trying to screw him over, and he won’t want anything more than that, I’m sure of it.”

Nora nodded, but she didn’t speak for a while. She leaned back into Ava, letting out a soft breath of relief when Ava hugged her tight again. They both fell quiet as they watched the stillness of the lake, the breeze rippling through the trees beside them, the boats in the distance, the birds swooping down to the water before soaring high back into the sky. When Nora finally extracted herself from Ava’s arms with a soft, thankful smile, Ava could see the worry and tension had eased from her face (at least, the worry and tension that was _new_ ; Ava had known Nora most of her life, and had seen the endless burden she carried on her shoulders, the responsibility she felt for her father and his wrongdoings, and Ava wasn’t sure that would go away until the day Damien Darhk finally went to prison).

“So,” Nora said, absentmindedly tugging the cuff of Ava’s windcheater. “We haven’t _talked_ like this in ages. Anything new with you I should know about?”

The first thing that flickered through Ava’s mind was _oh yeah, have I mentioned that I now have a crush on Sara and it’s kind of consuming my entire state of being? No? Oh, well that’s a thing._ But as soon as she even considered telling Nora, she was struck with the same, constricting feeling in her throat that she remembered from all the times she’d tried to come out over the last few years, her tongue curling to the back of her mouth and her lips suddenly feeling very dry. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to _do_ about her crush on Sara. As much as Ava was sure Nora would be able to give her some pretty solid advice about it, it also meant having to reveal just how close and intimate her relationship with Sara had become over these past months, and Ava wasn’t quite ready to share that with _anyone_ yet. Not even Nora.

Part of her felt guilty, because Nora had clearly trusted her with what had happened with Ray, and Ava felt almost obligated to return the trust with her own romantic uncertainties. But there was _something_ about this that Ava couldn’t put into words - she knew as soon as she said it aloud, admitted how she felt about the person that was rapidly becoming her best friend in the world (which in itself, Ava felt guilty about with Nora sitting right beside her), it would become _real_ and Ava couldn’t face that, couldn’t face having to make a decision about those feelings and what she was going to do with them.

“You don’t have to say anything,” said Nora, startling Ava out of her thoughts. “It goes both ways. If you’re not ready, you don’t owe me an explanation.”

Ava couldn’t stop herself from breathing out in relief and she sent Nora an overwhelmingly grateful smile. She didn’t attempt to fill the silence, let the calm of such a serene spot do that instead, only breaking it to quietly say “Did I tell you my aunt Susan has basically disowned me?”

Nora choked on air and her head whipped around to stare at Ava in shock. “Your mom’s sister aunt Susan? The bitch with the husband who highkey looks like Vernon Dursley? You’re kidding!”

Ava laughed out loud. “Yeah, her.”

Nora whistled, shaking her head with a low laugh. “Jesus Aves, you sure neglected mentioning that. Why?”

“Oh, there was this massive blow up at Thanksgiving -”

“ _Thanksgiving_? That was like, a month and a half ago!”

“Things were _crazy_ , school was nuts and -”

“Um, do I care?”

“Okay, well _sorry_ , I’m telling you now. Anyway, she said this thing at dinner -”

“Oh no way. You don’t get to gloss over this when you waited a month and a half before I got to find out that the bitch from hell who looked like she wanted to _exorcise_ me that time I had Christmas with your family has finally released you from her evil clutches. Full story, thank you very much.” Ava arched her eyebrow at Nora with a smirk, to which Nora just groaned loudly and said “Oh my god, _fine_ , I will buy you waffles on the way home as compensation for the immense trouble and emotional trauma of having to relieve Thanksgiving with your devil aunt. Happy?”

Ava grinned. “Immensely.”

“Shut up and tell me what happened.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not kidding guys, when I went and reread this last week, I genuinely yelled at my computer screen when sara didn't properly kiss ava even though I was 100% aware that a) this was coming and b) we were controlling what these characters did and could've changed it at any point
> 
> FYI! next 4ish chapters are pretty ava-centric (still heaps of avalance, trust me) so prepare yourself for that, there's a big plot bombshell dropped next chapter! there's a few shorter chapters coming up as well to balance out this one (by short we mean like 5k, lmao when did that happen) 
> 
> also, seriously, would you guys read separate one-shots that we wrote for this au that were about other stuff that happens that you don't necessarily see in this fic bc it's through ava and sara's eyes / it glosses over stuff? atm, we're thinking primarily darhkatom bc there's a whole storyline we have planned for them that you kind of only see in flashes bc this fic is focused on sara and ava's story (e.g. what exactly happened between them at this NYE party) - we wouldn't write a whole multi chapter darhkatom fic but we were just wondering if you would read some of these separate one shots (some of them would also be amari, maybe some sharpe family stuff, perhaps some backstory? we're not sure, but let us know in the comments if you'd be interested!)


	13. it's everything you wanted (it's everything you don't)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ava sighed before entering the bio classroom, forcing a smile onto her face as she caught sight of Sara sitting on a table, legs swinging, clearly waiting for her to appear in the doorway. The moment she moved to sit down Sara blinked, seeming to notice her presence for the first time, and before Ava knew what was happening she felt Sara wrap her arms around her from behind, pulling her so emphatically into a hug that she couldn't help the small laugh that slipped from her lips. 
> 
> Maybe getting up this morning wasn't the worst idea after all."
> 
> OR
> 
> ava's 18th birthday is clouded by a shocking discovery about her past (while sara continues to be the best friend ever and make ava's day special regardless)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update this week bc this weekend is gonna be Hectic af so we wanted to get this upload outta the way! this is the first in several chapters that are quite ava centric on a specific plot point, so pls let us know what you think! things are picking up super quickly in the story both where we're uploading and where we're writing, and we're kind of in shock at how far down the timeline of events we're at already! you guys have a rollercoaster coming up over these next couple of months hehe 
> 
> again, thank you so so much for all your comments and lovely praise! we do this for you guys and we still can't believe that other people are as invested in this world as we are! pls feel free to message either of us on tumblr if you have any qns about the world of this au bc truuuust me, we have a million and one headcanons about this fic that are never gonna find their way into the story itself and we would luuuurve for people to ask us about them. so. rubyhvle.tumblr.com or legolasunderstoodthatreference.tumblr.com, don't hesitate to yell at us about anything legends related at all XX (and shout out to the people who already message us stuff like fanart and memes and anything in anyway connected to this fic, literally this is all i've ever wanted from writing is to have people as engaged with a story as you guys are, you're literally a dream come true, all of you) 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from holding on and letting go by ross copperman)

As Ava tried to tug open the stiff filing shelf, dust puffed into the air and she stumbled back, coughing and trying to pat it off her tights, squeezing her eyes shut as they immediately began to water. 

“Jesus,” she croaked, blindly reaching for her torch in her jacket pocket and managing to flick it on, cracking one eye open. The attic of their house was rarely used, had very quickly become a place to store junk that nobody could be bothered sorting through. It held countless boxes of old clothes, of outdated sporting equipment, had endless photos and books and toys. Even their old television was crammed in the corner, gathering layers of dust, and Ava was pretty sure the last time she remembered it  _ actually  _ being in their living room was when she was around eleven years old. Why they hadn’t just thrown it out was beyond her. 

At some point, she figured they would all have to actually make the effort to clean this all up (at some point being a very vague, unhelpful time frame, considering another seven years would probably pass before they ended up doing anything about it). 

Finally being able to suck some clean air into her lungs, Ava tugged her t-shirt over her nose and mouth and held the torch up by her head. She waved through some of the dust still floating in front of her, stepping back towards the filing cabinet and curled her hand around the handle, pulling hard. This time it came free, and Ava glanced away in preparation for the second cloud of dust released into the air. 

“There we go,” she murmured, leaning in and shining her torch closer towards the rows of alphabetised files. She wasn’t sure  _ where  _ exactly her parents had kept her and her siblings’ old baby photos and embarrassing childhood memories, but she had assumed somewhere in the attic was probably a safe bet. Plus, her dad was ridiculously organised and on top of his life (aka, where Ava had gotten it from), hence why Ava had made a beeline for the four filing cabinets pressed against the far wall of the attic. She’d started with the one furthest away, assuming that being the oldest cabinet, it would probably hold the oldest photos. All the files were organised in alphabetical order, and Ava found her own name almost at the front. She let out a soft huff of triumph as she held her torch between her teeth, pulling the drawer open a little further and pulling out the surprisingly thick file labelled  _ Ava.  _

She couldn’t see any files with Ali’s name on it anywhere nearby, or Spencer’s, or Layla’s, but she shrugged it off. They were probably in one of the other cabinets. Instead, she just tossed the file onto the top of the cabinet and flicked it open, frowning in the harsh white light of her torch. There weren’t any photos - it was all just paperwork. Letters, something that looked somewhat like a contract, forms that had Ava’s name, her birthdate, her parents’ names. She saw her birthday several times on several different sheets of paper, scribbled in unfamiliar handwriting, on a printed letter - January 6th. 

Over and over again. 

Ava caught sight of a flash of teal paper slotted towards the back of the file and she pulled it out slowly. It was her birth certificate - not that she’d ever actually seen it before, but she’d seen Ali’s, and Spencer’s when he’d needed it for applications for stuff and always just assumed her parents had hers stored somewhere safe. There was a small stack of other documents paperclipped to it, and Ava furrowed her eyebrows, flipping the certificate horizontally to look at it properly. Squinting to try and read the somewhat worn paper in darkness of the attic, she managed to find her name -  _ Ava Catherine Sharpe _ \- and her parents’ names below -  **_Father:_ ** _ Robert Sharpe _ ,  **_Mother:_ ** _ Barbara Sharpe.  _ Her eyes followed to the next declaration on the page, and she couldn’t stop herself from saying “Wait, what?” aloud, even though there was no one else in the room. 

**_Place of birth:_ ** _ Community Regional Medical Center, Fresno California.  _

She hadn’t been born in Fresno. She was born in Star City, just like Spencer and Layla and Ali. Star City, born and raised, that was … that’s what she had always said. Why would her birth certificate say she was born in Fresno? 

She tugged the certificate away to examine the attached documents. It seemed like a very formal letter, full of words and terms she didn’t understand without context. There was a header that seemed to indicate that it was some kind of an official, government issued document titled ‘Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children’. 

“What the hell is this?” muttered Ava, pushing it aside and trying to find  _ something  _ that explained what this absurd additional material to her birth certificate was. It took a considerable amount of shuffling and skim reading for her to find the answer she was looking for, but when her eyes caught sight of the explanation she now so desperately wanted, her mind instantly went blank. 

 

_ Papers of adoption for one  _ _ Ava Catherine Sharpe _ .

 

No. 

 

_ No. _

 

Ava blinked, stared at the words for far longer than she needed to, as if they were going to rearrange on the page in front of her into something else. 

It had to be  _ something else.  _

It couldn’t be. 

Her breath hitched, hands shaking as she carefully pushed the first page aside, her heart thumping painfully against her ribcage with apprehension and disbelief. The second page was worse, because it was a confirmation. It had all her details - date of birth, hospital of birth (which was apparently not Star City General Hospital, but the Community Regional Medical Center in Fresno), how much she’d weighed, the date of adoption, the date of adoption  _ application _ , scheduled post-placement visits - 

Ava couldn’t stop the soft whisper of “ _ no _ ” falling from her lips and she stumbled a little, vision going blurry and her legs giving way under her. She slid to the floor - dirty, covered in dust, littered in junk and chaotically organised memories - and her torch rolled across the uneven wooden floorboards when her fingers lost their grip on it. It flickered slightly when it disappeared behind one box, leaving Ava in an unsettling darkness that felt as though it became thicker and more stifling with every passing minute. She gasped as the walls of the attic seeming to close in her as she tried desperately and futilely to suck in a frantic breath. 

 

_ No.  _

God, no, it couldn’t be. 

 

She could feel her lungs closing in, chest tightening, and Ava’s hands clenched around the papers in her hands, crumpling their edges as her knuckles began to turn white. The sensible voice in the back of her head - growing fainter by the second - reminded her to breathe, or at least to call someone who would  _ tell  _ her to breathe, not to sit here in this awful, dingy attic by herself, slipping further and further away from clarity. She reached for her phone frantically, needing someone (needing  _ Sara _ ) to tell her firmly that this wasn’t real, that she was just dreaming and in a minute she would wake up, pushing herself out of bed and reaching desperately for something, anything to hold onto.

She’d left her phone in her room. 

“ _ Shit, _ ” Ava cursed under her breath, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes and rubbing, trying anything and everything she could think of to bring herself out of the panic attack she could feel herself slipping into.

 

It couldn’t be true.

 

She didn’t exactly get on with her mom, or Layla, but surely someone else would’ve said something at some point over the last  _ 18 goddamn years  _ if this was real.

_ Breathe Ava, dammit, you can’t let someone find you up here like this, not now. _

The thought of having to  _ explain  _ this to someone downstairs if they saw her in this state was enough to snap her out of it. Ava sucked in one shaky breath, followed by another, and another, until she found herself able to breathe somewhat normally. As soon as she felt the tight pain in her chest ease momentarily, she let slip a bitter laugh, leaning her head back until it hit the wall with a thud. The pain of it was almost welcome, a distraction from the anxiety building tenfold from the base of her stomach. 

She’d come up here for  _ photos _ . Funny childhood photos to laugh about at her 18th birthday party … and instead, she’d ended up with  _ this. _ She ran one hand through her hair, dropping the documents to the floor and shoving them aside. She didn’t want to look at them, didn’t want to know anymore, wished she could just  _ forget _ \- (as if she could ever forget the words ‘ _ Adoption order - Ava Catherine Sharpe - female, 9 weeks’;  _ they were seared into her brain.)

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she’d seen this coming. Because in all honesty, it made perfect sense - she’d never fit in this family, not really, no matter how hard her mom tried to force her to act like Layla or think like Layla or dress like Layla her entire goddamn life. And as much as her dad had tried to include her in sports and games and had tried his absolute hardest with her, things had never quite been the same with her as they had been with Spencer, even after he’d left. 

Wait.  _ Shit. _

Spencer. 

He was  _ four years _ older than her. Four years. Old enough to remember - 

Ava choked back a sob as tears started to collect in her eyes, burning, making it difficult to see, but still not managing to erase the words from the papers that she could still see in the back of her mind. Because there was no way Spencer hadn’t known about this, and even  _ he  _ never said anything. He’d always been so desperate to make a name for himself outside of their family, was always so insistent on being  _ different _ , on not following Robert’s footsteps. Ava buried her face in her hands with a violent, shuddering sob that she couldn’t suppress this time. What if she had only been his favourite member of this family because she  _ wasn’t _ a member of this family? What if he’d left because he didn’t want to have to lie to her anymore? 

God, it didn’t even  _ matter _ because he  _ knew.  _ He’d known her entire life - played endless games of basketball with her, cooked dinner together once a week, had movie nights, gone on road trips, family vacations, helped her with her homework, teased her endlessly, been her  _ big brother _ , her favourite person in the whole fucking world, and this entire time he knew that she was -  

Ava squeezed her eyes shut tightly, not able to even  _ think  _ the words. She shuddered again, digging her nails into her palm and biting her lip hard enough that she could taste blood in her mouth but still couldn’t bring herself to care. 

The worst part … the worst part of  _ all  _ of this was that it made more sense than she would ever be able to admit. The strange looks from family members she’d always assumed were about her wearing Spencer’s old basketball shirts and a denim jacket rather than fancy dresses to family events, the way Aunt Susan had seemed to hate her even  _ before _ she came out, that time she’d heard her aunt whisper sharply “Well this is what happens Barbara, when you take in strays,” and assumed she was still talking about the ‘bad influence’ Nora was, instead of  _ her. _

Ava ran two shaky hands through her hair, wiping the tears she hadn’t realised were falling from her cheeks, ignoring the sting from where her nails had broken her skin. With trembling fingers, she shifted her weight to reach forward and grab the torch from behind the box it’d disappeared behind. She felt a lump catch in her throat when she saw the label on the top of the box:  _ Family photos - Ava (1-3 yrs), Spencer (4-6 years), Layla, (2-4 years).  _

Ava scoffed, resisting the urge to violently kick the box across the room, tear up all the photos inside of it, destroy everything in sight. Imagine if she’d just found what she was looking for first. If she’d never even found these documents. She didn’t expect the wave of resentment and fury that erupted within her at the thought, at how close it could’ve been for her to have just gone on believing this elaborate lie. She wanted to  _ scream.  _

There were so many questions whirling around in her head. She felt more on edge, more anxious than she had after she’d first come out, even more than after Susan’s comment at Thanksgiving. But the idea of confronting anyone - especially her parents (not her parents, apparently), made her feel overwhelmingly nauseous, and she immediately dismissed the idea. With a shaky exhale, she reached out to pick up the first of the documents in front of her, eyes flicking over the first line again before she looked away. Instead, she walked slowly back to the filing cabinet, pushed it shut with trembling hands and curled her hands around the whole file that had had her name on it, shoving it roughly inside her jacket in case she ran into someone on the way back to her room.

She’d read them later. 

 

Maybe.

 

* * *

 

It felt impossible. 

It was her birthday, and she should’ve been excited, should’ve been already half running down the stairs, letting Ali dote on her, having an excuse for Layla to be nice to her all day, to make the most of her dad’s famous birthday waffles, the bunting Barbara had bought for Spencer’s third birthday and had recycled for every birthday, every year since. And it would inevitably be worse this year, because it was her 18th and Ava remembered so clearly how exuberant Layla’s 18th had been last year and it was  _ definitely  _ going to be the same now. The idea of getting up, of going downstairs and talking to her… not family, pretending to be okay, laughing and opening gifts like she belonged here - 

As if they hadn’t been lying to her for  _ 18 years of her life. _

It’d barely been a few days since she’d found those papers in the attic, and even though she’d noticed Sara sending concerned glances in her direction at school when she thought Ava wasn’t looking, Ava still hadn’t been able to bring herself to say anything. Because just like with every other secret she’d lied to herself about over the years, in the back of her mind was a suggestion, the stupid idea that maybe, if she didn’t say it out loud, it wouldn’t be true. That said, right now she was really regretting not mentioning this when Sara had gently nudged her shoulder and asked if she was okay, or if she wanted to talk, because she had no idea how she was supposed to do this alone, pretending everything was fine.

Ava rolled over in bed, picking up her phone to look at the time. Countless notifications flashed up at her and Ava slammed it back down onto her dressing table, a sick feeling settling in her stomach. She couldn’t deal with birthday wishes right now. She would’ve paid so, so much money to just  _ skip  _ it this year, it was too soon, too much, too overwhelming. 

She bit her lip and let her head drop back to the pillow with a thump. However much she thought, every time she paused and racked her brains as hard as she could, it just didn’t make  _ sense _ why her parents would keep this from her for so long. As much as she and her mother had had a difficult relationship, she and Robert had always been  _ honest  _ about important family things. Ava had heard plenty of stories about kids who’d known they were adopted most of their lives, and ended up having  _ better  _ relationships with their parents because of it. 

But instead, Robert and Barbara Sharpe had lied. 

And now … now, Ava was expected to just go along with it, because the idea of confronting them about it today, of all days, sent shivers down her spine, made a wave of panic wash over her and it was suddenly impossible to breathe, impossible to think, impossible to do anything except lie in bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as she thought about all the ways this could go wrong. Could get even  _ worse.  _

Because she was 18 now. Legally, she was an adult. And she didn’t know why they’d adopted her in the first place, and yeah, Barbara had never seemed to like her much, or Layla, and even though her dad -  _ not _ her dad - had always seemed to love her, maybe he was just trying the best he could for a daughter that wasn’t his, and she had misinterpreted things, because she just desperately needed someone to love her.

God, that was miserable.

 

And then there was Ali.

 

Ava bit back a sob, unable to help the way thick tears started to roll down her cheeks as her thoughts ran away from her. She burrowed her face in her pillow, curling her fingers in her sheets and trying not to think about the birthdays that Ali had come racing into her room, jumped on the bed, urged her to come downstairs because she was  _ more  _ excited than Ava. Ali, who Ava had called ‘Ali-bear’ when they were little because Robert had gotten a tiny, teddy bear onesie for Ali as a newborn and Ava had adored it more than anything in the world. Ali, who’d never hesitated to defend Ava from Barbara’s sharp criticisms, even when Robert had stayed quiet. Ali, who’d cut ties with her best friends this year because they were making snide comments about Ava’s sexuality. Because Ali was her  _ little sister.  _ The little sister who’d stood by her when she’d come out, who’d nearly started a fight with Susan on her behalf at Thanksgiving, the little sister who always came into her room and flopped down dramatically onto the bed to complain about her day, the little sister who looked up to her endlessly, the little sister who she loved more than anything, who was snarky and bubbly and unflinching and beautiful and wonderful and - 

Apparently  _ not  _ even  _ her _ little sister. Not really. And Ali clearly wasn’t even aware of that herself, and when she found out … Ava trembled, pressing a hand to her mouth to muffle the cry she couldn’t bite back this time, and as if on cue, she heard a knock on the door. 

“Ava?” Ali asked, pushing the door open, brimming with obvious excitement as she stepped inside before Ava had a chance to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She froze when she saw Ava, saw her curled up under the duvets looking so tiny with tear stained cheeks and a quivering bottom lip. Ali’s smile vanished and she rushed forward, clambering onto the edge of the bed and tugging down Ava’s duvet to see her face properly. “Aves, what’s wrong, what happened? Are you okay?” She reached over and gently brushed some of Ava’s hair off her face, and her touch was so gentle that Ava wanted to start crying all over again. 

It would be so easy just to tell her. But Ali was concerned about someone she truly believed was her big sister, because she’d never had any reason to doubt that. And Ava couldn’t be the one who broke that, not now - today, of all days, she couldn’t bear to see the way Ali’s face would fall as she moved away, not even knowing who the stranger in front of her was.

Ava swallowed. 

Her hands shook slightly as she wiped away her tears, pushing herself up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed so she was facing away from Ali, unable to meet her eyes. “I’m fine Al.”

Ali frowned, and Ava could see her shuffling closer, knew she’d heard the slight tremor she couldn’t keep out of her voice. Ali murmured her name again, curling one hand around her arm as she quietly murmured “No you’re not.”

Ava flinched away from Ali’s touch as if she’d been burned, standing up and curling her arms around her waist. Ali wasn’t  _ wrong _ \- she really, really wasn’t okay. But somehow, today, she was just going to have to grin and bear it, stop her hands staking, smile and laugh and accept the birthday wishes from people she’d thought were her family, when really, she didn’t know them at all. She paused to school her expression before turning, offering Ali what she thought was a reassuring smile and trying her hardest to force the tension out of her shoulders. “Sorry,” she said quietly, meeting Ali’s eyes for the first time and shrugging slightly. “I had a bad dream, and it kinda threw me a bit.”

Ali raised a skeptical eyebrow and there was a still pause in which she held Ava’s gaze, suspicious and curious and clearly very worried. But then she nodded, deciding not to question the blatant lie. “Okay,” she replied slowly, eyes fixed firmly on Ava. “Dad’s making waffles, they’ll be ready in 10.”

Ava nodded too, reaching for her clothes and moving towards the bathroom, freezing with one hand on the door as the words  _ Dad’s making waffles  _ echoed in her head, making her head spin a little. “Yeah, I’m … I’m just gonna shower. I’ll be down soon.”

 

(Later, - after presents had been thrust into her hands, after candles with wax dripping into the waffles below them were blown out, after hugs and out of tune singing and Ava finding herself snorting with half hearted laughter as she and Layla silently agreed not to tell Barbara about the birthday bunting ripping off some of the paint from the walls - Ava found Ali as they hurriedly tugged on their jackets for school, and pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks,” she murmured, putting on the most genuine, unbroken smile that she could manage. “For not telling anyone about this morning.”

Ali gave her a strange look, lingering concern still clouding the usually bright green in her eyes. “You know I’ve got your back _ , _ ” she said quietly, and something resembling guilt and hesitance and overwhelming sadness jolted low in Ava’s gut. Ali didn’t seem to notice though, breaking into a softer smile than the ones she’d been wearing over breakfast and bumping Ava’s shin with her big toe, voice filled with adoration and sincerity as she added “Happy 18th Aves.”)

 

* * *

 

Putting one foot in front of the other and walk through the door seemed like way more effort than it was worth, when Ava arrived at school. She stopped to grab her books for her first classes of the day, and came to a standstill as she caught sight of the brightly coloured post it notes plastered all over her locker. She let out a small, surprised huff of breath, touching the blue one signed by Nora. She’d forgotten that this was a birthday tradition their old group had - decorating each other’s lockers with streamers and notes and sometimes balloons sellotaped to the corners, lighting up dull off white of the lockers to a rainbow of colour. But the familiarity of it just reminded her of the family birthday traditions from this morning and a tight ball of anxiety pulled at her chest and Ava sucked in a sharp breath, yanking open her locker and snatching what she needed before slamming it shut and hurrying down towards her Bio classroom. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to get through a day of birthday greetings and well wishes without thinking of the constant, nagging reminder that this day being the day she was born was the only  _ real  _ thing she knew about herself. 

God, this was not the way she’d envisioned feeling on her 18th birthday. 

Ava sighed before entering the bio classroom, forcing a smile onto her face as she caught sight of Sara sitting on a table, legs swinging, clearly waiting for her to appear in the doorway. The moment she moved to sit down Sara blinked, seeming to notice her presence for the first time, and before Ava knew what was happening she felt Sara wrap her arms around her from behind, pulling her so emphatically into a hug that she couldn't help the small laugh that slipped from her lips. 

Maybe getting up this morning wasn't the worst idea after all.

“Hey,” Ava greeted softly, turning around to hug Sara back before pulling her off the table and into an empty seat. The smile on Sara's face was so soft, so caring, just like Ali’s had been this morning before Ava had pushed her away, and she couldn’t help the twinge of guilt that shot through her at the thought. She still had to go home this evening to the mess she’d left behind and pretend everything was okay, pretend she was fine, pretend she hadn’t found out the secrets her family had been hiding from her… 

Honestly, if she managed to make it through the rest of the day without crying it would be a miracle. As if she could read her thoughts, Sara’s hand suddenly slipped into hers, squeezing gently and distracting her from her thoughts as she murmured “Happy birthday Aves,” smile still fixed firmly in place.

And somehow, even after everything, Ava found herself smiling back. What’s more, for the first time today it felt natural, genuine, rather than the exhausting pretence she'd been living in all morning. Sara grinned at her again, blonde hair falling around her face, caught in the early morning light shining in through the window, free hand fiddling with the pendant resting just at the base of her neck as she asked excitedly “How was your morning? Did your parents spoil you?” 

Sara paused again, but before Ava could speak she added “You said they do birthday waffles right, is that still a thing? It's such a great idea, I should've persuaded my dad to do it for my birthday.”

She seemed so excited, so interested, and Ava should’ve been able to pull herself together enough to answer her but she could already feel her fragile, barely there smile slipping, and it was 8 in the morning, and she had a full day of school ahead of her, and she couldn’t fall apart, not  _ now _ . Ava swallowed, eyes flickering down to the floor to hide the tears she could already feel burning in her eyes, fingernails curling into her palm in a futile attempt to stop herself from crying in the middle of class.

“Ava?” Sara murmured beside her, one hand already resting on her arm, thumb brushing across the bare skin of her wrist. “Is everything okay? What's wrong?”

She shook her head, eyes still fixed on the ground, free hand coming up to rest on top of Sara's, tangling their fingers together. She knew she should say  _ something _ , attempt to reassure Sara and promise things were okay, get rid of the worried look Ava knew without looking was on her face right now. But when she opened her mouth, she just  _ couldn't,  _ until Sara shuffled close enough to bump her shoulder gently against her own, asking quietly with far too much concern in her voice for Ava to handle, “Did something happen this morning?”

It wasn't that she didn't  _ know _ she needed to talk about this with someone and soon. Plus, she would be lying to herself if she said Sara wasn't exactly the person she wanted there when she finally confessed the secrets that’d been weighing heavy on her shoulders these past few days. It was just ...  she couldn't have this conversation now. Not in a classroom, surrounded by people, when she knew exactly how said conversation would end. She swallowed, still not looking up from the floor. “It's … It's nothing. I’m fine, I'm just really tired.” She picked at a chip in the wooden desk in front of her. “Bad dream last night,” she added quietly, wondering if Sara would believe it anymore than Ali. Her words didn’t sound convincing even to her own ears, the weakness of her lie clear when she finally forced her eyes up to meet Sara's to see blatant disbelief. But after a moment Sara nodded, leaning closer until her arm was pressed up against Ava's. 

Their teacher cleared her throat, asking them to finish off the last of the exercises they’d been working on yesterday while she went to consult another teacher for something. Sara picked up her pen and flipped open her textbook, shooting Ava small but warm smile. Ava tensed, tentatively picking up her own pen and twirling it in her fingers. It should've been relief coursing through her veins - relief, that Sara wasn't going to ask, relief, that she wasn't about to break down into tears in the middle of their bio class - but instead she just felt how she had after her talk with Ali this morning. Guilt. Because after everything that had happened between them this year, she should be honest about this with Sara of all people. 

But instead of pulling away because of Ava’s dishonesty, Sara stayed by her side throughout the day, resting her arm against Ava’s in all of their classes, slipping one hand under the table to lightly squeeze her thigh, somehow knowing even before Ava did that she was starting to slip, hovering near Ava’s side as if she was ready to jump in the moment she was needed.

Even so, it wasn't until lunchtime that she brought it back up, after the gang had surprised Ava by decorating their entire table with streamers, balloons, setting off party poppers the moment she walked into the cafeteria, pulling her into the hugs she'd been avoiding this morning. She only saw the box when Sara pulled her down onto the bench beside her and Nate set it down on the table, gesturing for her to open it. She'd seen Sara's group do this for every birthday over the last few years, and even though Nora’s birthday had been in November, she’d adamantly vowed that anyone who decided to decorate or do anything extravagant or special did so under fear of death, and so the usual festivities had gone amiss. Because of this, technically, Ava had had the first birthday out of herself, Gary, Nora, Kuasa and Lily that offered the possibility for everyone celebrating it, but she still had her suspicions about the contents of Nate’s mysterious cardboard box, arching an eyebrow at him as he grinned excitedly at her. Even so, she couldn't help but give a surprised laugh when she opened the box to see a beautiful iced cake, the words ‘Happy 18th Ava!’ piped carefully on top.

A small, genuine smile found it's way on to her face as warmth blossomed in her chest. Because they'd done this for  _ her _ ; not out of any obligation, but because she was someone they cared about, someone they'd  _ chosen _ to bring into their group, someone they all just wanted to have a great birthday. Ava swallowed, looking around at the expectant faces around the table, gaze softening. “Thank you guys. You really didn't have to - “

“Hey,” Nate interrupted before she could finish, waving a plastic knife around as he continued firmly “Family get birthday cakes. And you guys, you're family now. No arguments.”

She could feel tears once again burning against her eyelashes, an enormous, unfamiliar sense of gratitude overwhelming her for a moment and making it difficult to breathe. But thankfully her friends either didn't notice the way she looked down at the bench, blinking back tears, or they just realised she needed a moment free of any expectations or demands, and their attention all turned back to the cake, a heated, friendly debate starting over the correct way to cut it.

Ava was momentarily distracted by Nate slapping Zari's hand out of the way to take a photo of his handiwork. Then, Sara nudged her gently, slipping one hand into hers and giving it a light squeeze as she murmured, too quiet for anyone else to overhear, “You okay?”

_ No. _

She wasn't. Not even slightly. 

But now wasn't the time; even though Sara would willingly listen, nothing had changed since this morning - she couldn’t have this conversation with everyone else listening, and she wasn't ready - not today. And besides, even though  _ okay _ felt like a long way off right now, her friends had somehow put all this together just for her, because they  _ were _ family _ ,  _ and for the first time since she found those adoption papers in the attic last week, it felt like maybe, just maybe, things would work out. 

She turned to face Sara, lifting her head to meet her eyes, hoping for a moment that Sara might see everything she didn't have the strength to say right now. And she did - almost instantly, Sara seemed to just  _ get it _ , if her soft nod and gentle smile were anything to go by. She squeezed Ava's hand yet again, this time pausing to murmur “Another time, yeah?” not waiting for Ava to respond before turning back to the table, grabbing the knife out of Nate’s hand and smirking. “Ava can cut the cake however she wants.”

Ava smiled in relief, accepting the knife she was handed and allowing herself to be dragged into the friendly bickering. As Zari pouted at the unanimously agreed lack of trust in her cake cutting skills, Gary already making requests for his birthday cake, and Jax sneaking a fingerful of icing when Nate wasn’t looking, Ava found herself unable to stop stealing brief, second-long glances at Sara beside her, silently thanking the stars that somehow, nearly a year and a half ago when she'd ended up on Sara's doorstep desperate for a person who would understand, she'd found the person she never even knew would mean the world to her.

  
  


“I don't want you to think I’ve forgotten about your present,” Sara said as they walked out of their last class of the day (Math) and headed towards the car park. “I just kinda wanna give it to you without … you know, spectators.”

Ava snorted, nudging Sara lightly with her elbow as she replied dryly “Don't worry, I get it.” She hoped there was enough going on around them that Sara wouldn't notice the way her cheeks heated up as she ducked her head. “I thought the same on your birthday.”

Sara smiled, her hand once again finding its way to her necklace, fingers fondly tracing the two intertwined canaries. “Good.” She thought for a moment before looking back up. “I can bring it over at some point tomorrow?”

Ava bit her lip. Tomorrow was supposed to be a family day; if somebody’s birthday fell on a weekday, the nearest Saturday to the birthday was always reserved for family time. But today had been bad enough, and she had no idea how she was expected to get through tomorrow, pretending to be a part of a family where she knew she didn’t belong, from the moment she got up to the moment she fell asleep in the evening. Her mom would probably be so mad if she invited a friend over at all, but maybe… 

Ava felt a sudden flare of anger and defiance. Barbara wasn’t even her mom, not really, why did it even matter if she got mad? So she nodded at Sara, quietly said, “I’m supposed to do family things, but … yeah, that’d be nice, if I can get away with it. I’ll - I’ll text you.”

Sara smiled, hair falling to shield half of her face and brushing delicately against her cheeks as she looked back to the school momentarily to try and catch sight of Zari, whose house she was going to this afternoon. Ava wasn’t sure if the faint blush she spied briefly on Sara’s cheeks was due to the cold or not, but before she had a chance to overthink it Ali had appeared at her side, Layla honked from the car park and Sara’s gaze flickered back to Ava as she agreed softly to the suggestion, too quiet for Ali to overhear.

 

* * *

  
  


_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _   
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

****  
**_11:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey birthday girl!!!!

  
**_11:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** how’s it going??

  
**_11:50am:_ ** ****_  
_ You know it’s not my birthday   
anymore right? 

  
**_11:50am:_ ** ****_  
_ You see, there’s this thing   
called the sun setting and   
it becomes nighttime and   
then the date changes wow   
can you imagine

  
**_11:51am:_ ** **_  
_ ** shut the fuck up

  
**_11:51am:_ ** ****_  
_ don’t be a sourpuss it’s   
called a BIRTH WEEK ava

  
**_11:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’s not a thing

  
**_11:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** excuse you yes it is

  
**_11:52am:_ ** ****_  
_ It’s an excuse for people to   
celebrate for longer than   
necessary and justify doing   
extravagant things in the   
name of treating themselves

  
**_11:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** jeez who hurt u

  
**_11:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s FUN aves

  
**_11:53am:_ ** ****_  
_ plus it’s your 18th i think   
if there was anytime you   
deserved to give in to the   
whole ‘birth week’ thing it   
would be now just sayin

  
**_11:53am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re ridiculous

  
**_11:53am:_ ** **_  
_ ** you love it ;-)

  
**_11:54am:_ ** **_  
_ ** anyway

  
**_11:54am:_ ** ****_  
_ again, how it’s going   
BIRTHDAY GIRL

  
**_11:55am:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s okay

  
**_11:56am:_ ** ****_  
_ I’m just, idk … not really   
feeling up to it rn 

  
**_11:57am:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you okay?

  
**_11:57am:_ ** ****_  
_ do you wanna talk about   
what’s been going on?

  
**_11:57am:_ ** ****_  
_ What do you mean what’s   
been going on?

  
**_11:58am:_ ** ****_  
_ aves come on, i’m not   
an idiot, i know you

  
**_11:58am:_ ** ****_  
_ something’s been up w   
you these last few days

  
**_11:58am:_ ** ****_  
_ you don’t have to tell me   
but at least don’t pretend   
that you’re fine when you’re   
clearly not

  
**_12:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ava? 

  
**_12:07pm:_ ** ****_  
_ You said yesterday you wanted   
to come over at some point to   
give me a present

  
**_12:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Could you?

  
**_12:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** when’s a good time?

  
**_12:09pm:_ ** ****_  
_ I could slip out for a few minutes   
whenever

  
**_12:09pm:_ ** ****_  
_ i’m getting lunch w dad in town   
right now

****_  
_ **_12:09pm:_ ** ****_  
_ i’ll get him to drop me at yours   
on our way home in maybe   
half an hour?

****_  
_ **_12:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That sounds good X

  
**_12:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** see you soon birthday girl ;-)

****_  
_ **_12:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why are you like this

****_  
_ **_12:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D ;’D

 

* * *

  
  


It was almost ironic, that for once it was Sara smiling on the doorstep, while Ava tried her hardest to keep it together from inside the house. Because that seemed to be what always happened when they needed each other, and yet somehow the tables had turned in a way that neither of them were prepared for.

But she couldn’t talk about this  _ now _ (still), couldn’t let her emotions show, because she knew that once she started the whole story would pour out of her mouth and she wouldn’t be able to stop, and she still had to go back inside and talk to her family for another few hours after this, pretending everything was okay. Even so, it took all of her willpower to pull herself together when Sara’s expression softened into a concerned frown, the “are you okay?” falling softly from her lips, a faint echo of their conversation from the day before. 

Ava shrugged, shaking her head slightly. She shoved her hands into her pockets to stop herself from reaching out as Sara took a step closer. Sara remained patiently quiet, eyes full of worry as she waited for Ava to elaborate. Eventually Ava sucked in a breath, straightening her shoulders as she murmured “It’s just been a long day, you know?”

Sara didn’t look as if she believed it one bit, just like yesterday, but she let it slide. “I get that,” she said softly. Instead of elaborating more, instead of pushing like Ava almost  _ wanted  _ her to as an excuse to just break down, Sara held out a small, neatly packaged box, buzzing with an almost nervous energy and she bobbed on her feet. But when Ava reached out to take it, Sara shook her head, that familiar, mischievous smile appearing on her face. “Not so fast. Close your eyes.”

Ava looked at her for a long moment, a little confused. But when Sara raised an eyebrow that clearly said  _ Come on Sharpe, do it, we don’t have all day,  _ Ava sighed and did as instructed. She tried her hardest not to flinch when she felt Sara’s fingers on her wrist, followed by the cool bite of metal against her skin. 

Opening her eyes, Ava let her gaze flicker down to the bracelet hanging around her wrist, three small charms hanging down from it and resting gently against her skin. The two she could see immediately were a small silver heart and a little matching rose gold basketball, and upon closer inspection she could just about make out a small number 12 engraved in the centre of the heart, barely visible due to the bright light of the winter sun glaring overhead. Ava didn’t even remember telling Sara her number, so she either remembered seeing Ava play, or … or she’d specifically hunted down the information just for this. Just for that little charm.

Ava bit her lip again, trying to blink back the tears in her eyes as she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Sara gestured for her to turn the bracelet around, and the moment she saw the third charm her breath caught in her throat, the small silver park bench staring up at her as a vivid reminder of everything hanging in the air between her and Sara, every moment they’d shared since the start of the year, every late night phone call, every nudge and hug and smile.

And it wasn’t just that. It was somehow so, so much more; a reminder that Sara would listen if and when she wanted to talk - anywhere, and about anything. It was a reminder that they didn’t have to be okay, not all the time, neither of them, not as long as they were always there to catch each other no matter how far they fell.

It was a reminder that Sara had needed her, just as much as she needed Sara right now.

And it was beautiful.

She must’ve been silent for too long, because eventually Sara shuffled nervously on her feet, saying quietly “I know it’s not as special as what you got me, nowhere near. After what you told me about what basketball means to you and the reason you had to give it up, I wanted you to have some kind of reminder that it’s still a part of you and always will be, you know? And …  that last charm wasn’t even specially made or anything, I just saw it in at the mall and got the idea for the bracelet and I know it’s kinda cheesy and I dunno -”

“Sara,” Ava breathed finally, looking up to meet Sara’s eyes and finding Sara’s full of apprehension and nervousness. Ava held Sara’s gaze for a long moment before she took another hesitant breath, thumb tracing across the charms reverently. “It’s  _ perfect _ , Sara. I love it.”

“Really?” Sara murmured quietly, eyes softening and flooding with yet more affection, although the lingering concern behind her eyes remained. Ava knew Sara hadn’t missed the way her voice had cracked as she spoke, tears still threatening to fall.

“Yeah,” Ava whispered, the single syllable catching in her throat and making it harder to breathe as she fixed her eyes on the three charms, wondering just how long Sara had been thinking about this gift, wondering how she had managed to find something so fitting for right now, so  _ perfect _ , even when she had yet to confide in her. 

As if she could tell there was something Ava wasn’t saying, Sara reached out to curl one hand gently around her wrist, brushing her thumb momentarily along the bracelet before pulling away and meeting Ava’s eyes once again, her gaze impossibly softer than before as she said in a quiet voice “I don’t know what’s been going on this past week, what it is that you’re clearly trying to work through … but consider this a permanent reminder that I’m here if you  _ ever  _ want to talk, no matter when. If you need me, I’ll be there.”

The determination and sincerity in her eyes was so intense, so raw and honest and caring that Ava had to bite her lip to push her feelings away, a shiver running through her body as she tried desperately to suppress a sob, closing her eyes and reaching out blindly for Sara's hands, or anything else she could hold onto. Sara took a step closer, fingers tangling with Ava's briefly before she slid her hands up Ava's wrists to brush across her pulse point, matching the rhythm of her heartbeat. God, it was so difficult not to just open her mouth and let the secrets pour out, knowing that if and when she stumbled, Sara would catch her, just like she always had done before.

“I’m gonna talk to you about this Sara, I  _ will _ ,” Ava choked out, eyes still closed, unable to force them open, “but not yet, I can't, not  _ now _ .” Her voice broke on the last word and she felt Sara’s grip tighten. 

“And that’s okay Aves,” Sara murmured immediately, voice as gentle as the patterns she was tracing across Ava's bare arms. “Not now. Not until you want to.” 

_ I do want to _ , Ava thought desperately, and this time she couldn’t stop herself from pulling Sara into a tight, grateful, all encompassing hug, forcing herself not to cry because after this she _ still _ had to go back inside, still had to talk to her family, pretend she was okay, pretend that she  _ belonged. _ As her fingers tangled into Sara’s shirt she pressed her face into her shoulder, past pretending that she was okay, just hoping that the familiar scent and feel of Sara would somehow make it easier to breathe. Sara brought her hands up around her back, pulling her close enough that she could feel Sara’s heart beating under her chest as she rubbed her back, murmuring soft, vague reassurances in her ear.

It was several moments before Ava pulled back, knowing that if she stood there in Sara’s arms any longer she wouldn’t be able to peel herself away and go back inside, but instead would probably take her hand and let Sara pull her down the drive, take her somewhere safe and let her fall apart. She wrapped her hands around her arms and took a step back, hating that the only overwhelming emotion she could see in Sara’s expression was understanding. She took one deep breath, followed by another, forcing her voice to stay level as she said quietly, regretfully, “I should go.”

Sara opened her mouth as if to protest, to insist Ava stayed until she seemed okay, even if she wouldn’t talk about what was bothering her - but then she seemed to pause, closing her mouth and swallowing. “You got it. I don’t wanna keep you from family time ‘n all. But don’t forget what I said, okay Aves? Anytime you need me _.” _

Ava nodded, stepping back into the house but lingering in the doorway, fingers coming to rest on the charm bracelet around her wrist. Her words were barely audible as she murmured “Thank you, Sara.” Her eyes drifted from the little silver park bench to where Sara was gazing at her fondly, an unreadable expression on her face. “And … thank you for the bracelet. It means a lot.”

Sara smiled that same warm, familiar smile she’d had on her face when Ava had first opened the door, and gently replied “I’m glad you like it”  before turning and walking back down the drive, giving Ava one last reassuring glance over her shoulder as she left. Only once she was down at the pavement did she wave, call “Happy birthday Ava, and  _ yes _ , it still counts, it’s your  _ birth week  _ so  _ suck it _ !”, making Ava genuinely laugh in a way she was convinced she couldn’t today. 

Ava closed the door, leaning back against it and running her fingers along the cool charms resting against her wrist. They calmed her, were a comforting reminder that despite how lonely and overwhelming this felt right now, she wasn’t alone. She just had to get through today and then she’d have the time and the energy to tell Sara. Tell  _ anyone.  _

_ Just get through today _ , Ava thought firmly. (Easier said than done). 

It was many minutes before she found it in herself to smother down the rising feelings of anger and resentment and confusion and despair. With a sigh, she pushed herself off the wall and straightened her shoulders, checking her face for any stray tears in the hallway mirror and then walking back into the living room, as prepared as she could ever get for the rest of the afternoon.

  
  


* * *

 

**Messenger**

Sara Lance   
_ Active now _

_ SAT 10:52pm: _

  
Thank you so so much

  
i love you heaps nerd, happy   
birthday again XX

  
Love you too X

 

_ Seen: Saturday, 10:54pm. _

  
  



	14. it's a quarter after one (i'm all alone and i need you now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A loud buzzing from her bedside table jerked Sara suddenly out of a hum of peaceful sleep. She swore under her breath when she caught sight of the time (it was 2am - seriously, who the fuck called at 2am?) before Ava’s name flashed up at her. Sara immediately pushed herself up, shoving her covers down so that they tangled around her feet, hoping the cold would wake her up faster. “Ava?”, she asked, not bothering to hide the concern in her voice. There was no reply, just a heart wrenching strangled gasp on the other end of the line, followed by a muffled sob, as if Ava was desperately trying to hold herself together but not quite managing it. Sara ran her hand over her face, closing her eyes. “Where are you?”
> 
> It took far too long for Ava to reply, and Sara had already grabbed her wallet and hurried down the stairs by the time she did. Ava’s words, her choked, barely audible whisper of “the park” came out hoarse, as if she’d had to force herself to speak, and something crumbled inside of Sara because she knew exactly where Ava would be.
> 
> OR
> 
> we're back at queen's park, sara finds out what's been weighing on ava these past few weeks and .... maybe ... there's some very ... 'platonic' bed sharing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy friday! (for us, maybe it's thursday for you guys?) 
> 
> so it's been a Week (for chim at least). it kind of feels like my whole life is a disaster (thats mainly just how many uni assignments i've had to do and other shit i've had to deal with) so i actually genuinely forgot that This was the chapter we were uploading this week and now i'm b u z z i n g because we've had this chapter planned since BEFORE we even started writing the fic, i think maybe even before we wrote the first one shot that we posted in may. 
> 
> i'm so excited for you guys to read it and i hope you like it, pls pls pls comment just to make the end of this stressful week sm better for us, we know it's been like a few months now and the slow burn is still burning (don't worry, stuff is picking up, we promise!) but we still love hearing what you guys think and your comments are the highlight of our week XXX thank you again to all of those who reached out to message us on tumblr abt this fic, sorry if we haven't replied, this week has been a lot as we said but we love you guys so much!
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from need you now by lady antebellum)

A loud buzzing from her bedside table jerked Sara suddenly out of a hum of peaceful sleep. She groaned, rubbing her eyes as she rolled over, blindly reaching for her phone and swearing under her breath when she caught sight of the time (it was 2am - seriously, who the fuck called at 2am?) before Ava’s name flashed up at her. Sara immediately pushed herself up, shoving her covers down so that they tangled around her feet, hoping the cold would wake her up faster. “Ava?”, she asked, not bothering to hide the concern in her voice.

There was no reply, just a heart wrenching strangled gasp on the other end of the line, followed by a muffled sob, as if Ava was desperately trying to hold herself together but not quite managing it. Sara ran her hand over her face, closing her eyes. She’d known something was wrong these past couple of weeks, known it had to be _bad_ because she’d never seen Ava this shaken, this out of step - not last October after she came out, not even after the Thanksgiving debacle. She heard Ava’s breathing grow more and more panicked, and Sara sucked in a breath and tangled her fingers into her sheets, wishing more than anything that she could slip her fingers into Ava’s instead, pull her close, give her the comfort it sounded like she so desperately needed. “Hey, hey, Ava,” she said quietly, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes. “It’s okay Aves, just breathe. You’re alright.”

She shouldn’t’ve been able to _feel_ the way Ava shuddered over the phone, but somehow, she did. And it _hurt._ “Breathe,” she reminded Ava softly, climbing out of bed and pulling some proper clothes on from where they’d been hastily thrown over her desk chair, waiting until Ava seemed calm enough to speak before asking quietly “Where are you?”

It took far too long for Ava to reply, and Sara had already grabbed her wallet and hurried down the stairs by the time she did. Ava’s words, her choked, barely audible whisper of “the park” came out hoarse, as if she’d had to force herself to speak, and something crumbled inside of Sara because she knew _exactly_ where Ava would be. Of course Ava would take herself to the park when she could barely think, overwhelmed by panic over something Sara didn’t understand, needing somewhere safe, somewhere comforting, somewhere Sara would know where to find her.

Sara didn’t hesitate grabbing her her father’s keys from the shelf beside the door, knowing he’d understand why she’d borrowed his car when she explained in the morning. She pushed open the front door and winced at the sharp bite of the January air, hurrying into the car. “Hey, Aves,” she murmured as she shoved the keys into the ignition and started the engine, biting her lip. “I’ll be there in 10, okay?”

Ava murmured an agreement, past pretending she didn’t need help, thankfully sounding at least a little calmer than when Sara had first answered the phone. Before Sara could speak again she herd Ava sniff quietly, mumbling “You better not be phoning me while driving.”

Sara snorted humourlessly, but then tipped her head back to rest on the seat and closed her eyes. While she knew Ava was mostly joking, at least part of her wasn’t, and Sara knew that. She couldn’t just hang up and leave Ava alone in the park until she got there, even if she was in the centre of the richer, safer part of town. But as the daughter of a cop, she was well aware of the awful, brutal fatalities from negligence while driving and Quentin had been very stern, very clear when he gave her and Laurel his lecture about driving safely when Laurel had first turned 16. But it sounded as though Ava had more than enough on her plate without worrying about Sara too, so when she quietly asked “Sara?”, voice sounding so, so small in the night, Sara sighed softly, before agreeing to Ava’s quip in an equally quiet voice, wishing more than anything that she could already be by Ava’s side as she reluctantly hung up and then backed out onto the road.

 

The drive felt like the longest 10 minutes in her life, and Sara could barely concentrate over the thousands of questions swirling around her mind. When she finally reached the park and practically ran through the gates, past the signposts directing her to the gardens and instead straight to the duck pond, a wave of relief swept over her when she spotted Ava exactly where she’d known she would be. Ava looked so small, so vulnerable curled up on the bench - _their_ bench, Sara noticed with a faint smile -  her knees tucked under her, hair falling around her face, illuminated by the moonlight, that Sara froze for a moment, feeling her heart twist in her chest. Even now, she was so, so beautiful.

Ava was shivering, clearly not having taken a jacket when she left the house. Her arms were wrapped around herself like they were the only thing holding her together as she stared at the pond, lost in thought, fingers curled so tightly around her bracelet that Sara was momentarily concerned she was cutting off her circulation. Sara shrugged off her own jacket, walking quietly over to the bench and placing it around Ava’s shoulders before sitting down next to her, still not knowing what to do.

Was this how Ava had felt at the start of the year, she wondered? Had she watched Sara huddled on the bench barely holding her tears in, but with no idea what was wrong or what she could do? Ava’s breath was still coming out in short, strangled gasps, so quiet that Sara would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been paying attention, or if the park wasn’t as deserted and silent as it was now. Even so, Ava still sounded calmer than before, and Sara didn’t know if it was the weight of her warm arm across her shoulders that helped, but she left it there anyway, just in case.

In all honesty, the hazy look in Ava’s eyes - as if she couldn’t quite force herself back to the real world, couldn’t stop her thoughts from swirling around her head even for a moment - was the most concerning, but all Sara could do was rub her hand gently up and down her arm as she reminded to her to breathe in a quiet voice, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to calm Ava down, at least enough that she could speak.

“I - ” Ava eventually gasped, cutting herself off, bringing one hand up to her throat as she struggled yet again to draw breath, panicked eyes meeting Sara's clear, concerned blue ones for the first time since she’d sat down.  

“Hey,” Sara said firmly, calmly, sliding her hand over Ava's and turning sideways on the bench, crossing her legs in front of her so they were eye to eye. “Breathe.”

Ava shuddered, closing her eyes, and Sara tangled their fingers together before lifting Ava's hand up and moving it to cover her own heart, pressing down until she knew Ava could feel her heart beating a steady rhythm under her palm. “C’mon, breathe, Aves,” she murmured softly. “My heartbeat, can you feel it?” Ava nodded and Sara tightened her grip on Ava’s hand, brushing her thumb over Ava’s. “Good - try to breathe in time to it okay? I’ve got you, it’s just you ‘n me and it’s gonna be okay, I promise.” Sara wasn’t sure if it was her words, if it was Ava actually taking her advice and breathing in time to Sara’s heartbeat, or if Ava was just finding another way to regain control of herself, but Sara watched Ava valiantly claw herself back from the edge of complete and utter panic and after a minute, her shoulders dropped and she let out a long, whistling, shaky breath. Sara let their hands drop to her lap, giving Ava’s a light squeeze. “There we go.”

Ava drew in another breath as if to speak, but Sara beat her to it. “Give yourself a moment to calm down before you work yourself up again, yeah?”

Ava nodded, shuffling closer until her arm was pressing firmly against Sara's. She picked at a loose thread on the edge of Sara's jacket for a moment before her fingers stilled, clinging tight to the cuff until Sara pried them off with her free hand, tugging them down to join her other hand resting against Sara’s leg. Sara smiled softly, giving her an affectionate poke in the leg before murmuring “We really gotta stop meeting like this,” causing Ava to let out a surprised, tearful laugh, turning to bury her face against Sara’s shoulder.

Sara shivered when Ava’s cheek brushed against her neck, the heat from the contact not managing to disguise just how _cold_ Ava’s bare skin was. It was only then that Sara realised she had absolutely no idea how long Ava had been sitting here before she called - it could’ve been _hours_  and knowing Ava, it probably was - and Sara forced herself to suppress a shiver, glad that Ava couldn’t see the way her smile fell from her lips, lost to the darkness. She nudged Ava lightly. “As much as I wanna sit out here with you, and I do, I really do, I love this place - but it’s like 20 degrees out here and we’re both basically in our PJs, so how about we do this in my dad’s car, yeah?”

“That’s what she said,” Ava murmured unthinkingly under her breath, and Sara choked out a laugh.

“You’ve been hanging out with the boys too much Aves,” she teased gently, pushing herself up from the bench and then pulling Ava to her feet, feeling the way Ava tensed at the loss of contact. Sara hesitated before throwing caution to the wind, looping their arms together and leaning against Ava’s side as she led her over to where she parked the car.

This kind of physical contact was risky, especially with the feelings that were accelerating way too quickly for Sara’s liking. But it wasn’t about that right now. Ava needed her, Sara knew that. And she could push aside her crush on Ava for tonight. She could.

(She could, right?)

 

* * *

 

Sara cranked up the heating the minute they were in the car, and as much as Ava was grateful for it, she was so numb (and not only from the cold) that she barely noticed, didn’t even realise Sara had started driving. She was too absorbed in her thoughts, wondering _how_ to tell Sara, now that she’d opened a door to the conversation that she definitely couldn’t close. Not when it was 2am and she’d dragged Sara out to the park in the cold just so that she had someone to cry on.

“Ava?” Sara murmured in a quiet voice, pushing a warm double shot caramel latte into her hands (complete with extra foam and a soft smile). And for some reason, that was what almost did it, what almost opened the floodgates and caused her tears to spill down her cheeks, because she was exhausted and she couldn’t sleep and she couldn’t _think_ and Sara fucking Lance knew her coffee order perfectly even at 2:39am, knew _exactly_ what she needed right now, even if she still didn’t have the words to voice it.

Ava hated that she had to turn away from Sara’s piercingly blue, understanding eyes but it was too much. Instead, she leaned her head against the window, watched the view of the city speed past them, a blur of golden lights and dark, indistinguishable buildings. She didn’t recognise where Sara was taking them at first (and honestly, she didn’t care, she just needed any excuse to be out of her house and be here with Sara). But eventually, she saw a sign labelled _Starling Point, 1 mile_ and a flash of recognition rippled through her. She hadn’t been here often - had hiked one of the trails up the hill a couple of times with Nora - but she had seen Sara’s instagrams, knew that Sara and the original legends had come here countless times for sunsets, picnics, summer outings, or even evening drives.

When they reached the top of the hill, Sara pulled into a park but let the engine hum, keeping the heating on as she shifted her weight and glanced over at Ava with a soft, concerned expression on her face. Ava closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest, wishing the silence would somehow swallow her, instead of having to answer a thousand questions she had no hope of ever knowing the answers to.

Not that Sara asked any questions.

Of _course_ Sara didn’t ask any questions. Because she was Sara, the same Sara who’d let her sit on her bed in silence for hours a year ago, before they were even friends, the same Sara who had followed her lead on Thanksgiving and talked for hours about anything and everything except her aunt’s homophobic comments until she was finally ready to acknowledge them. The same Sara who had spent the last few weeks gently reminding her that she would listen, whenever Ava was ready and not before, to however much of the story she wanted to share.

So of course she didn’t ask, just let Ava soak up the silence, soak up the calm and the warmth and the _safety_ of Sara’s presence that she had needing desperately for so, so long. Finally, Ava worked up the courage to suck in a sharp breath and she could feel the words heavy on her tongue, tasting bitter and still making her feel just a little sick inside. “I’m adopted,” she whispered, opening her eyes just in time to catch the way Sara’s head snapped around to face her, jaw dropping as her eyes widened so much that it might’ve been funny, in a different situation.

She could _see_ Sara carefully attempting to school her features, and part of her wanted to continue, to say something - _anything_ \- to lighten the quiet between them, to pretend that it wasn’t eating away at her the way was. But her throat seemed to have dried up, words failing to form in her mind. Before she could speak, Sara beat her to it. Her mutter of “oh thank God, you’re not actually related to Layla,” making Ava snort in surprise, head dropping back against the seat as she laughed, properly, for the first time in almost two weeks.

_Two weeks._

It had been a fortnight since she’d found out, fourteen days of carrying this dark, heavy secret around when she could’ve told Sara all along. Because somehow, even though saying the words out loud made them _real_ , it was worth it a million times over for the sense of relief in her chest, the overwhelming knowledge that she wasn’t alone, at least in this. Even if she was alone in reality, because her family weren’t her family and never had been, and they had lied to her for 18 years of her life and they’d _still_ not brought it up, even though she was legally and adult, old enough to make her own decisions, old enough to deserve to know the _truth -_

“Aves,” Sara murmured quietly, shifting so she could lean across the car and curl one hand around Ava’s wrist, her other hand coming up to rest against her jaw, brushing away the tears she hadn’t even noticed starting to fall. Ava closed her eyes, momentarily leaning into the warmth of Sara’s touch before she shook her head, tears burning against her eyelashes. She wiped her eyes with the sleeves of Sara’s jacket that she was still wearing, letting out a shaky breath, letting the feeling of Sara’s fingers on the skin of her wrist ground her, at least for now.

“Did they tell you?” Sara asked quietly, eyes brimming with concern and affection and heartbreak on her behalf. “Or…?”

Ava shook her head, barely keeping it together, fingers tangling with Sara’s and gripping so hard her knuckles were almost white as she finally murmured “I was looking for photos and stuff for my 18th in the attic, and - ” Her breath caught in her throat, but Sara squeezed her hand hard enough that it brought her back to the moment, giving her an encouraging nod. Ava shot her a grateful look before continuing quietly “I - I found - ”

Sara was looking at her expectantly and it was just _too much_ so Ava closed her eyes, feeling slightly guilty as she realised just how much easier it was to speak without Sara watching. “I found it all.”

Sara didn’t ask her to elaborate, didn’t ask for anything she wasn’t willing to give, and somehow Ava found the courage to add “I haven’t actually said anything to them yet,” voice so quiet and tentative that she wondered if Sara might’ve missed it.

Of course she didn’t. Ava watched as she blinked, realisation dawning on her face. “Wait, I’m the first person you’ve told?” Ava nodded in response, and Sara gave her a long, indecipherable look, curling their fingers together, eyes suddenly looking suspiciously wet, even in the darkness.

And suddenly, somehow, from there it all spilled out and Ava couldn’t stop, couldn’t hold back the words even if she wanted to, couldn’t let every single little niggling terror and insecurity that had built to a breaking point these last couple of weeks just fall from her lips, dripping with heartbreak and resentment and uncertainty that Sara let her talk through. And overshadowing it all, encompassing everything was the horrible, sickly fear that her whole life was a lie and she couldn’t stop herself from telling Sara that it was so overwhelming that she didn’t know what to _do_ , was so overwhelmed by the thought that she could barely concentrate on her schoolwork, which was just making her panic even more. All of the thoughts she’d had over the past few weeks seemed to come tumbling out now Sara was here, warm and safe and _here_ \- how it made so much sense that her mother had tried so hard to make her like Layla and Ali, to make her into the perfect daughter, how Layla acting so cold towards her seemed to make _sense_ , why her dad and Spencer had always tried so hard to protect her and help her fit in … and somehow, along the way, other thoughts got mixed in, the ones she’d promised herself not to voice, the questions about whether Ali knew, or if their parents were going to break her heart too, and who the hell was she supposed to be if she wasn’t Ava Sharpe, if Ava Sharpe didn’t exist in the first place?

“Ava -” Sara interrupted for the first time but Ava shook her head.

“My life … all my memories with my family …” she choked out, “they’re all this big lie. They’re not real, I’m not even _real_ -”

At that Sara pulled away, reaching down to unbuckle her seatbelt before climbing out of the car and closing the door, disappearing for long enough that Ava felt pure panic start to crawl up her spine, certain she’d gone too far, sharing too much, dragging Sara out of bed in the middle of the night and then freaking her out, causing her to walk away. Ava sucked in a breath, the prospect of losing Sara _as well_ so overwhelming, so terrifying that she almost didn’t hear the passenger door open or see Sara crouch down in front of her until one warm hand came to rest on her thigh, tracing the softest patterns over her sweatpants, Sara’s free hand covering Ava’s fist and gently softening her grip until she could slide her fingers into Ava’s, gripping her as tight as she could.

“Look at me,” Sara said firmly once Ava seemed calm enough to hear her even though she could feel the millionth wave of tears already burning against her eyelashes. “Ava Sharpe is real, d’you hear me? You’re the same person you have always been. You’re smart and funny and kind and an absolute pain in my ass, but you’re the only person I know who can intimidate Mick Rory with a single look, or who isn’t afraid to go toe to toe with me when I’m being stupid and you know I’m wrong. You’ve had my back every single time I’ve needed it over the past year and a half, even when I was too scared or too caught up in my own head to ask for help.” Her voice cracked as it caught in her throat. “God, Aves, you’re my _best friend,_ and that’s gotta count for something. That _has_ to be real _._ ”

And then Sara was shifting upwards, was resting her forehead against Ava’s before pulling her into a hug, crushing her against her chest, arms wrapping around her shoulders as tight as they possibly could at the awkward angle, thankfully hiding Ava’s face from her view, because she could barely see through her tears, and there was no way she’d be able to process any of this any time soon. Because Sara was … well, Sara. She was special. And it wasn’t as though Ava wasn’t _aware_ how much Sara meant to her after all this time, but in all honesty she’d never in a million years have anticipated Sara feeling the same way (well, not _quite_ the same way) back - Sara Lance who had endless friends who had her back, Sara Lance who could charm anyone with a smile and win people over in a heartbeat, Sara Lance who was the school favourite, who everyone was in awe of, who freshman stumbled when they talked to, who teachers in recent years had started to gush about, the soccer captain with perfect grades, the glue that held their grade together.

Sara who was here, for some reason, crouched down in a car park in the middle of the night and calling Ava her _best friend_.

Ava exhaled, sagging into the hug, sinking into Sara’s shoulder and not even attempting to come up with a response, well past trying to keep her emotions in check. When Sara eventually pulled back, she paused, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Ava’s ear and squeezing her shoulder. “You good?” she asked softly.

Ava knew she wasn’t asking if she was _okay_ , wasn’t assuming that she would be in any way fine. No, Sara was asking if she was okay _enough_ , okay enough to breathe, okay enough for Sara to go back to the driver’s seat, okay enough to not be on the edge of a panic attack. And to that, Ava nodded, because for the first time since she’d found the papers, yeah she was. Sara gave her a long, searching look before pushing herself to her feet and going round to the other side of the car. She settled back into her seat and flicked the radio on quietly, offering Ava the carton of french fries and giving Ava’s thigh a gentle squeeze before her gaze flickered to look out across the sleeping city, and they drifted back into the comfortable, familiar silence that they both knew so well.

 

It was almost 4am when Sara looked back to her, asking in a quiet voice “Are you ready to go back?” A flare of panic shot through Ava at the thought of going back _home,_ back to her … not family. She shook her head vehemently, and Sara hesitated, probably reminding herself that they had school in less than 4 hours, and they both needed at least _some_ sleep. “Come back with me?” she asked softly after a moments pause. “You can stay in Laurel’s room, and we can swing by your place on the way to school for a change of clothes, or if you don’t wanna see your family, you can just borrow some of Laurel’s.”

Ava paused. If she was in a better state of mind, she would have the energy to weigh up the pros and cons, to mentally deliberate the idea of staying over at Sara’s right now when she felt this unstable. Because yeah, Sara had stayed the night at hers before but that was before Ava had been aware of her increasingly non-platonic feelings. Plus, that’d been under the Sharpe roof, under which Barbara had clearly set rules about sleepovers (for Ava at least). At the Lance’s, something told Ava that Quentin wasn’t that stern or rigid, and the idea of Sara being so kind of and sweet right now had Ava terrified that this was just going to quadruple her feelings to an uncontrollable extreme.

But the idea of going back home was even worse, even more stifling and unmanageable, so she gave in and nodded. Sara smiled at her before restarting the car, pulling out of the car park and heading back towards the city.

(It took everything Ava had to keep her eyes out the window, watching Star City fly by instead of gazing at Sara the entire drive back.)

 

It was far too easy to creep through Sara’s house in the dark - somehow, without realising it, Ava had learnt which steps were creaky and where exactly she should stand to avoid making a noise - she could do this blindfolded. So when Sara paused for a moment at the top of the stairs, outside Laurel’s room, Ava knew exactly why. But the idea of letting go of Sara’s hand, of spending the night alone in a room she’d never been in before sent a sudden wave of panic shooting straight through her, and although she managed to smother her gasp Ava couldn’t help the way her shoulders tensed, back straightening as her free hand curled around her waist, gripping Sara’s hand even tighter than before.

“Okay,” Sara murmured softly, taking Ava’s reaction as the answer to her unasked question. Her hand tightened and she brushed her thumb across Ava’s knuckles before leading her down the hallway and into her room, finding her some warm, dry pyjamas and pressing them into her hands. Sara smiled softly at her, giving her hand one final gentle squeeze before letting go, pointing her in the direction of the bathroom so she could change.

 

* * *

 

While Ava was in the bathroom, Sara found herself restlessly pacing around her room. It was past 4am. Her dad was definitely going to notice that he no longer had a full tank of fuel in his cruiser, and Sara wasn’t exactly going to try and _hide_ Ava in the morning as though she wasn’t here. It wasn’t fair to Ava, or to the trust Quentin had in Sara. After thinking about it for a brief series of moments, Sara sighed, slipping out of her bedroom, down the hall and into her dad’s room. He’d never be mad about her for sneaking out to help a friend, but he would appreciate her honesty so much more. Full disclosure, and all that.

“Dad?” Sara asked quietly, perching on the edge of his bed.

He startled awake, blinked slowly and rubbed his eyes, frowning when he took in her appearance. He opened his mouth to speak but Sara shook her head to cut him off. “It’s fine, I’m fine. I just … it’s Ava. She called, and she needed someone, so I …” She bit her lip. “I might’ve borrowed your car to go pick her up. And I probably should’ve woken you up and told you before I left, but honestly I wasn’t thinking straight, and she’s here now, she’s staying the night and I know I’m supposed to ask permission but -”

“Hey, Sara,” Quentin interrupted, sitting up and placing one hand on her knee, giving it a light squeeze. “It’s okay.”

Sara let out a soft _whoosh_ of relief whistle past her teeth before she looked away (still catching the way his frown deepened out of the corner of her eye).

“Is Ava alright?” asked Quentin slowly.

Sara only hesitated for a moment, but it was long enough for him to notice. He had that look on his face she’d seen a thousand times before, that warm, kind, _fatherly_ worry, and something about it made Sara shiver as she realised that from now on, Ava wouldn’t be able to have that without all of her worry and fear and insecurities drowning it out.

“Sara?”

“She’s…” Sara sighed, biting her lip, picking at a stray thread on the sweats she’d hastily put on when Ava had called. “I dunno Dad. She’s not okay right now, and I’m not sure … I just don’t know what to do. It’s something that I can’t exactly _fix_ or make better for her.”

Quentin nodded thoughtfully, before asking in a quiet voice “Is this a family thing?”

Sara looked up with a start, surprised, and Quentin’s expression softened. He sighed, pulling her into a quick hug before letting go, ruffling her hair as he offered her a small smile. “Don’t tell me anything if it’s not yours to tell, that’s not what I’m asking. I just want to know if there’s anything I should be concerned about as a cop. Nothing dangerous, right?” Sara shook her head immediately, and Quentin nodded. “Okay. Then … as for what to do - you just told me she needed someone, Sara. She needed _you_ . So just ... be there, okay? Sometimes, that’s all you _can_ do.”

Sara nodded. “Yeah. Yeah okay.”

The sound of the bathroom door creaking open from down the hall had both their heads turning in the direction of the doorway, and Sara immediately swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up to hurry back to her room. “Thank you Dad,” she said softly.

Quentin smiled encouragingly at her, tilting his head towards the door. “Night Sara,” he said gently. “I’ll see you both in the morning.”

 

* * *

 

Sara was sitting on top of her bed covers scrolling through her phone when Ava came back into the room, and she hesitated uncertainly in the doorway for a moment. Sara shifted and nodded towards the space beside her but Ava couldn’t refrain from sucking in a shaky breath, suddenly unsure about what to do, where to go, who to _be._

“Ava,” Sara murmured softly, brow furrowing with concern, and Ava forced herself to exhale slowly, walking over to the bed on legs that still felt like jelly. Sara’s duvet was soft and warm as she curled beneath it and she felt a hum of comfort as she settled in beside Sara, feeling for the first time that night that she might actually get some sleep. Sara’s eyes were still fixed on her, but Ava couldn’t bring herself to meet them, knowing that the moment she saw the gentle concern and worry in her gaze she would crumble yet again, and this time, she had no idea how she would come back from it.

Sara quietly said her name once more, reaching out and carefully placing her hand over Ava’s, and Ava couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything except listen as Sara repeated the same gentle reassurances she’d offered Ava at Starling Point, as though trying to make sure Ava knew how much she’d meant them. Ava was still too shaken to properly comprehend what she was saying, but let the words wash over her, attempt to calm her, hoping the panic still vaguely restricting her lungs would lessen, at least for a moment.

It didn’t.

Ava swallowed, closing her eyes tightly, furious that she was unable to just turn her mind off for long enough that they could both sleep, at least for a few hours. It was so unfair on Sara to be dragged her out of bed in the middle of the night, for Ava to make her come deal with this complete and utter mess she’d gotten herself into. Because when it came down to it, Ava could just as easily told her in the day, rather than in the car at 4am, both of them freezing and exhausted and barely keeping themselves awake. She could’ve told Sara when she’d first found out, or at any point when Sara had checked up on her over the past couple of weeks, nudging her arm gently and asking if she wanted to talk, or if she needed anything, or if there was anything she could do to help.

(But never if she was okay - Sara already knew the answer to that.)

Ava felt Sara shift, moving to sit directly in front of her, free hand curling around her wrist and brushing her thumb across her pulse point in a way that was so, so heartbreaking familiar. Ava sucked in a shaky breath, suppressing a sob when Sara’s fingers stilled, coming to rest against the bracelet still around her wrist, the tiny silver park bench pressing lightly into her skin.

“What do you need, Aves?”

 _You_ , Ava thought suddenly, the thought burning at the front of her mind, hot tears starting to roll down her cheeks once again. Because she did. She needed Sara so desperately, so completely - she needed someone to hold onto, someone who would let her cry onto her shoulder without judgement, someone who wouldn’t try to push when she wasn’t ready to talk. She needed someone she could trust, someone who wasn’t keeping things from her, someone who wouldn’t try to sugarcoat the truth but would be there anyway, through thick and thin.

She needed _Sara_.

She hadn’t spoken out loud, but Sara must’ve seen something in her expression, because a moment later she was brushing a hand across Ava’s cheek to wipe her tears away, rubbing her shoulder gently and pulling her to lie down, letting Ava curl up against her side and hide her face, hide her thoughts until she was ready to share them.

Sara’s arms were so warm, so comforting, so _safe_ that Ava could feel her panic finally starting to ebb away, taking a long, shaky breath and shivering slightly. Sara reached down and pulled the blanket up around their shoulders, keeping one arm firmly around Ava as she did so. Ava was barely holding it together, but at this point she couldn't bring herself to care. Sara ran one hand gently through her hair, the other gently trailing up and down Ava’s back and Ava found herself tangling her hands into Sara’s shirt, knuckles whitening as she clung on for dear life, desperate to imprint this memory in her consciousness so vividly that she could be sure it was _real_ , realer than the lies of the rest of her life that she just couldn’t make sense of.

She didn't even know how she managed it, but eventually Ava heard herself whisper, voice thick with tears, “It’s just - I don't even know who my family _are_.”

The hand combing through her hair stilled, and Ava felt a flash of pure panic course through her veins as Sara pulled away slightly, but then she moved one hand so it was resting against her jaw, tilting her head up so she had no choice but to look her in the eyes. Sara's gaze was so intense, and the gentle, caring look she gave Ava was almost too much.

Sara seemed to notice (of course) and gave her a moment, before brushing one thumb along her cheek. “Just because they're not your family by blood, it doesn't _necessarily_ mean they're not your family. But …” She paused, giving Ava a long, indecipherable look before softly adding, “I can't tell you how to feel about them. You have to decide that for yourself - and only when you're ready.”

Ava shook - whether with cold, emotion, or her tears she didn’t know, but she pressed closer to Sara, and she felt more than heard the way Sara's breath caught in her throat.

 

The whole scene was so heart wrenching that Sara couldn't help but pull Ava into another, tighter hug, holding her almost as tightly as Ava was clinging into her. “Ava,” she murmured quietly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Whatever you choose, we'll all be here for you - me, Amaya, Nora, Gary, Lily … _everyone_ . Because at some point when I wasn't looking, you became one of the most important people in my life Aves, which means you're family. _We’re_ family, all of us, and nothing is ever going to change that.”

She could feel a fresh wave of hot tears soaking into her shoulder,  but she just pulled Ava even closer, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. She hadn't actually realised the truth in her words until they fell from her lips, but now she'd said it, it made _sense_.

Because - especially this year - her friends had _always_ been there when she needed them, whenever, wherever.

But none of them had worked their way into her life quite like Ava had, turning up on her doorstep and asking for help, offering her own assistance in return, even when Sara didn’t want to take it.

Ava opened her mouth as if to speak but thought better of it when her breath caught in her throat, ducking her head back down with a strangled gasp. She looked so far from the Ava that Sara knew so well - calm and put together, always ready with a roll of the eyes and a kind but infuriatingly smug smile. This Ava was falling apart at the seams, so confused and lost and broken, and Sara’s heart ached for how much pain Ava was clearly in. “God Aves, I’m so sorry,” Sara murmured, helplessly tracing patterns across Ava’s back in a hopeless attempt to soothe a wound she could never hope to fix.

It felt like hours later that Sara felt Ava shift in her arms - a quick glance at the clock told her it was nearing 5am. They both had to be up in two hours, and neither of them had slept, and …

(Ava shuffled closer, tucking her head down as her breathing finally began to even out, and Sara immediately lost her train of thought.)

She used her free hand to readjust the blankets around Ava’s shoulders, trying her hardest not to wake her, because she looked so calm, so peaceful, so much more at ease than she had done then she was awake.

Ava’s hand curled subconsciously around her arm, and Sara smiled, trying her hardest not to think about _those feelings_ right now, not when Ava's whole world had been turned upside down and she just desperately needed some familiarity, something she knew was true. She exhaled slowly, giving in to the temptation to press a soft kiss to the top of Ava’s head and trying not to smile at the way Ava stirred and leaned in closer. Sara - despite her heavy eyelids and the overwhelming exhaustion enveloping her - took a moment to take in everything; the way Ava looked when she had fallen into a deep, hopefully peaceful sleep, the feeling of her ankles tangled in Sara’s and Sara’s body pressed against hers, warm and soft and _beautiful_ , even with puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks and huge, dark circles under her eyes. Sara saved every detail, quietly hoping she would never forget what it felt like to fall asleep next to Ava Sharpe, before she let her eyes close and drifted into the same depths of unconsciousness as the girl curled up beside her.

 

 

* * *

 

Ava woke up at 5.55am on the dot, as always - years of waking up early to go for a run before school had left her with a finely tuned body clock, one that apparently refused to be ignored even when she was exhausted and had barely slept an hour. But unlike normal, this time the sunlight filtering through the window didn’t fall onto her neatly organised desk, didn’t reflect off the calendar pinned on the wall above it, but instead lit up the room with a soft glow, perfectly complimenting the warm yellows and oranges the room was decorated with. As Ava let her eyes flick around the room, blinking against the early morning sunlight, she tried her hardest to push down the panic crawling up her spine. _This wasn’t her room._

Ava pushed herself up onto her arms in alarm, mind too exhausted and confused to register where she was for a moment, before her gaze landed on the little, familiar drawing of two interlinked canaries and she flopped back onto the bed with a shaky sigh, running one hand through her hair.

There’d always been something comforting about Sara’s room, something gentle and kind and safe and … Sara.

 _Shit_.

Ava backtracked for a moment, tilting her head slightly until she could see blonde hair out of the corner of her eye, spread out over the pillow as Sara slept, lips curved into a small smile that had no right to be that adorable this early in the morning. She let out another shaky breath, this time for an entirely different reason. There was so much going on right now, and even the idea of putting on a straight face for her family - (not family) - sent a wave of panic shooting up her spine, let alone the idea of _confronting_ them about this right now.

But Sara had found her and brought her here in the middle of the night because she was _Sara_ , because she was kind and caring and wonderful, and Ava couldn’t deal with these feelings right now, not when Sara was literally _in bed_ beside her, not when she was just looking out for her out her as a friend.

That wasn’t fair on her, not even slightly.

Ava bit her lip, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and slipping silently out from the covers, careful to avoid the hand draped across the bed next to her, as if Sara had been...nope. Ava paused in the doorway and looked back at Sara one more time, ignoring the way her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight, before closing the door quietly behind her, hoping desperately she could get a handle on these … _feelings_ … before Sara woke up.

 

She’d assumed Quentin would also be asleep, and the surprise must’ve shown on her face when she closed the door of the linen cupboard after finding a towel and turned around to find him behind her, clearly having just gotten up. Ava swallowed, an apology and an explanation about why she was in his house in Sara’s pyjamas at 6am on the tip of her tongue, but before she could speak he just offered her a warm, gentle smile, somehow managing to make her feel a little less broken inside.

“You feeling up for pancakes kiddo?”

He still had that concerned but fond look on his face, far too caring and far too much like Sara’s, but Ava forced herself to smile back, hoping he couldn’t see her thoughts playing out in her expression. “You don’t have to - ”

“Hey, I’m having a craving,” Quentin interrupted with a shrug, shaking his head. Daring Ava to call him out on it. “I’m just asking if you want in.”

Ava met his eyes, ready to tell him that she was fine, that he didn’t need to do this, but then he raised an eyebrow expectantly. It was such a blatant _go on and say no_ , the same challenging stare that Ava had never been able to resist from Sara and she couldn’t stop the quiet, resigned laugh that slipped past her lips. She let a small, shy smile creep onto her face. “Yes, then. That’d … that’d be lovely.”

Quentin gave her a smirk that was again startlingly similar to Sara’s, but before she had a chance to process it he was tilting his head towards the bathroom and disappearing down the stairs, leaving her standing, still a little confused, in the hallway.

 

Sara was still asleep when Ava crept back into the room, hair wet from the shower, still dressed in the pajamas she’d had on earlier. She should probably wake her, if Quentin was about to start cooking pancakes, but she just looked so peaceful curled up in the spot Ava had vacated that she couldn’t bear to wake her.

Especially when Sara had barely gotten any sleep during the night, entirely because of her.

As nice as Quentin had been to her when she’d talked to him earlier (and as nice as he’d been literally every time she’d spoken to him before now), she wasn’t quite up to socialising with him this early in the morning. Not this sleep deprived, and definitely not by herself. So instead of making her way back downstairs, Ava rolled over the chair from in front of Sara’s desk and sat down, pulling one leg up and resting her chin on her knee. She was facing the window, and it was nice, at least for now, to just watch as the sun slowly crept over the neighbouring houses and into the sky (trying her hardest to ignore the way the bright colours of the sunrise washed over where Sara slept, illuminating the soft curve of her lips, and the way they were curled up into a smile).

Who was she kidding.

She wasn’t even trying to ignore Sara - how could she? It was peaceful looking out of the window watching the world wake up, but it could never compare to watching Sara, watching the way her chest rose and fell with every breath, and the way she shifted slightly on the bed, burrowing down under the covers, fingers subconsciously reaching out to grasp something next to her, but only finding empty space. It was the middle of winter, but in the warm sunlight Ava could just about make out the light dusting of freckles across Sara’s cheeks that she’d thought had faded, standing out against her pale skin.

Ava swallowed. She’d known since that New Year’s party that there was something more to this crush, but she’d forgotten, at least temporarily, in the midst of everything else that was going on. (Maybe forgotten was the wrong word. She’d known all along; Sara making sure she was there by Ava’s side to offer her support, or a hug, or simply a gentle, comforting smile whenever she needed it had only made those feelings grow stronger, more persistent.)

But somehow, with all the chaos over the past couple of weeks, it had been easier to ignore the way her stomach fluttered whenever Sara smiled at her and slipped her hand into hers, or the way her cheeks seemed to heat up whenever she thought about that _moment_ at Kuasa’s, the way Sara had looked at her, eyes filled with affection, flickering over her expression before she leaned up, brushing her lips softly over Ava’s cheek.

Ava shivered, forcing herself to look out of the window rather than gazing stupidly at the sleeping girl in front of her. But as her eyes stilled to rest on the quietly awakening street out the window, Ava found her heart skipping a beat as she suddenly realised what that feeling she hadn’t been able to name was, and why her brain had seemed so reluctant to acknowledge it. Because she’d never felt it before. Because she hadn’t _known_ what this was, had never felt it in real life, had never been able to pinpoint it or compare it to the books and movies and songs she’d seen it in. Because this wasn’t the stupid crush she thought it was, not at all.

 

She was in love with Sara Lance.

 

* * *

 

Sara didn’t know how she’d ever thought she could go her entire life without knowing what Ava Sharpe looked like in the mornings, hair still wet from the shower, face soft and eyelashes free from mascara, her lips curved in a thoughtful kind of contented peace. But now that she knew, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forget.

Ava looked beautiful. More than that, she looked … comfortable. Not _okay_ , not at _peace_ , not at all. But comfortable. At ease somehow, as though now she’d told someone about finding out she was adopted, the burden had been lifted just enough that she felt safe in her own skin again, even if she wasn’t anywhere near to being _alright_.

How would anyone expect her to be, after finding out her parents had been lying to her for her entire life?

Before she could follow that train of thought, Ava turned to look at her, sunlight catching in her hair and making her skin glow, illuminating the soft smile that crept across her lips when she noticed Sara was awake. It really wasn’t fair, Sara thought, that Ava had only had one hour of sleep and _still_ looked incredible. She blinked, hoping Ava would assume it was due to the sun, rather than her trying to find something to do that wasn’t just … staring longingly at her best friend. Who was in her room, wearing her clothes, having just slept in the same bed as her, buried in her arms.  

Who Sara absolutely, definitely, 100% did not have feelings for.

“Hey,” Ava said quietly, voice a little hoarse, and even though Sara knew it was probably from the crying the night before rather than the early morning, it was still far too adorable. She smiled back, not trusting herself to open her mouth, not when she could almost hear her heart beating rapidly, lodged in her throat, that familiar feeling she didn’t want to acknowledge blossoming in her chest, stronger than ever before.

“Can I borrow some clothes for school?”Ava asked quietly, completely oblivious to the internal crisis Sara was having. Sara nodded, pointing towards the drawer she kept them in and managing to mumble out something to do with Laurel’s jeans being in the second drawer of the dresser in Laurel’s room. In all honesty, she barely caught two words of what Ava said before she disappeared towards the bathroom to change, too distracted by Ava’s smile and her hair and her lips and those stupid _feelings_ she couldn’t get rid of to pay attention.

Sara rolled over in bed, pulling a pillow over her head to muffle her groan, trying to stop her hands from shaking. Tommy was wrong. She _couldn’t_ do anything about this crush, no way. Because it was quickly growing into something Sara couldn’t control and if she did decide to act, it was going to mess up her relationship with Ava - the best friend she’d ever had - beyond repair, and it would probably tear their friendship group apart in the process. And anyway, Ava had enough going on in her life right now, she didn’t need Sara complicating things between them.

Not now, and not ever.

Sara groaned again, pulling the pillow off her head and rolling onto her back, staring up at the ceiling as she desperately tried to make sense of the million thoughts swirling round her mind.

She’d _already_ complicated things, the moment she pressed her lips to Ava’s cheek on New Year’s eve - and in all honesty, she didn’t regret it. She’d do it again in a heartbeat, just to feel the tingle of Ava’s skin under her lips, to see the way her cheeks flushed red, ducking her head down and letting her perfectly curled hair fall over her face to hide that small smile that had crept onto her lips. She’d do anything, just to get Ava to smile like that again, that soft, secret smile she knew she wasn’t meant to have seen.

Sara sucked in a breath, closing her eyes and remembering how Ava had been sitting that morning, staring out the window but lost in thought, looking safe and happy and content, almost glowing in the sunlight.

 

_Oh._

 

A lump formed in Sara’s throat and she let out a quiet, barely audible whisper of “ _No”_ as it suddenly hit her all in one go, stealing the breath from her lungs as her heartbeat quickened, pounding incessantly in her chest.

 

She was in love with Ava Sharpe.

And she had no fucking clue what to do.

 

* * *

 

A gentle tap on the door snapped Ava out of her thoughts, swivelling in the chair she’d sat back down in to face the door, trying her hardest to focus her attention solely on Quentin, rather than getting distracted by Sara (again).

Quentin smiled, gaze flickering between them. “Pancakes are ready,” he started, before his eyes met Ava’s from across the room and he smirked, adding “if you can drag Sara out of bed, which might I add, should be an Olympic sport. Extra bacon for you if you succeed.”

Sara let out a protesting “Hey!”, throwing a pillow at the doorway just as Quentin vanished downstairs. She huffed indignantly before turning her head to face Ava, lips curving up into an identical smirk from the one her father had worn moments before. Ava swallowed, wanting to drag her eyes away, but unable to. “Guess you’d better drag me out of bed then,” Sara said slowly, propping herself up on one elbow as she winked in Ava’s direction. Ava blinked, trying to ignore the stirring in her chest and the way her cheeks were beginning to heat up, but before she had a chance to compose herself Sara had climbed out of bed, slipped her hand into hers and started to pull her down the hallway.

Ava smiled, following her. But keeping that smile on her face became more and more difficult as they entered the kitchen and Sara went over to hug her dad, smiling up at him as he kissed her lightly on the head. Because even though it had still been there at the back of her mind, she’d almost managed to ignore the reason she was here, not at home, until now. Until Quentin had started talking and making pancakes and acting like the world’s best father, causing everything to come flooding back - every lie, every doubt, every insecurity.

Ava squeezed her eyes shut, reaching out to place one hand against the wall, desperately trying to steady herself without anyone noticing.

“Ava?” Quentin asked quietly, holding a plate of pancakes out in her direction, and only then did Ava realise Sara was on the other side of the kitchen looking through the cupboard for something, completely oblivious to the turmoil Quentin seemed to have spotted. “You alright, kid?” he asked quietly, handing her a plate of pancakes and giving her shoulder a light, comforting squeeze before dropping his hand back down to his side.

Ava opened her mouth to speak, not sure what she was going to say, but found she couldn’t force any words past the lump in her throat anyway. She wasn’t alright. In fact, she’d never felt as far from okay in her life as she had last night - lost, alone, sitting on a park bench barely able to breathe - but that wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have with the girl she was crushing on’s father, so she just swallowed, nodding slightly. “Thank you for the pancakes, they smell delicious.”

Quentin’s expression softened, and he just looked so _understanding_ that Ava started to feel tears burning at the back of her eyes. She blinked, rapidly, forcing them away.

“That’s quite alright, Ava,” he eventually responded, seeming to sense her dilema and gesturing in the direction of Sara, who had piled various sauces onto the kitchen counter. Sara looked up, smiling brightly and causing Ava’s stomach to flip, thankfully giving her something else to focus on instead of Quentin’s fatherly affection.

 

It wasn’t until later, after they’d eaten breakfast and gotten ready for school that Quentin mentioned anything again, pulling her aside when Sara vanished upstairs to find her keys and giving her another thoughtful, concerned look that made her want to burst into tears. “Ava, I want you to know that our house is open to you anytime, if you need somewhere to go. If being at home isn’t an option, here always will be.”

His words were so sincere, so caring that Ava lost her voice for a moment, unable to come up with a response. She swallowed thickly, desperate not to cry in front of Sara’s dad, just about managing to softly murmur her thanks before Sara came back downstairs and he went outside to start the car, leaving Sara to lock up.

“You okay Aves?” Sara asked quietly, lightly resting one hand against Ava’s arm and brushing her thumb across the fabric of the hoodie Ava was borrowing. Ava closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly, and she faintly heard Sara say her name before she was pulled into a hug, both of Sara’s arms wrapping around her back and pulling her close, giving her the space to pull herself back together before they had to go face the world.

Sara rubbed one hand up and down her back, and Ava could hear the smile in her voice as she said teasingly “You know, we could just skip school and stay here.”

It was tempting, but honestly, if she didn’t do this now she might not manage it at all. So Ava shook her head, sucking in a shaky breath before pulling away. She didn’t need to say anything, didn’t even need to give Sara a particular _look_ for Sara to just _get it._ They stood on the front porch a few moments longer, and Ava wasn’t sure how Sara knew that it was exactly what she needed - the cold air, the morning sunlight, the hum of the car engine slowly warming from down the drive, the feeling of Sara’s hands curled around Ava’s forearms - but it was. It was enough for Ava to eventually somewhat resemble herself, to feel like she could be at school without being seconds away from crumbling, to feel like she was still real.

“You ready?” asked Sara softly.

“No,” confessed Ava truthfully, but she offered Sara a small smile. “But I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_MON 8:14am:_

**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** RED

FUCKING

ALERT

AVA AND SARA JUST SHOWED UP  
AT SCHOOL TOGETHER

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m sorry wHAT

 

 **_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no oh no oh no Ava is wearing  
one of Sara’s hoodies HOLY SHIT  
DO YOU GUYS THINK … ??????

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** You think they hooked up??!?

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** ok ok ok let’s look at the facts

a) they’ve been getting v close  
these past few months, esp since  
sara’s birthday  
b) they just showed up at school  
together on a school night  
c) ava is wearing sara’s clothes

conclusion: they had sex i’m abt  
to have a mental breakdown

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP WHERE  
ARE THEY  @Nate WHERE ARE YOU

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** BY MR STEIN’S PHYSICS CLASS BUT  
THEY’RE HEADING TO AVA’S LOCKER  
I’M GONNA LIKE SUBTLY TRY FOLLOW

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** oKAY OMW

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Whoa guys, hang on

That doesn’t sound like Ava

Tbh that doesn’t even sound  
like Sara these days

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I mean maybe they’ve finally  
admitted their dumb gross  
feelings for each other and it  
wasn’t just a hookup?

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** @ Nate  were they holding hands  
or something???

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk I didn’t see they’re by Ava’s  
locker rn

They’re standing really close

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m fine i’m fine i’m fine i’m fine

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait I’m in that hallway rn

Nate oh my god you literally  
look like you’re about to fckn  
combust calm down chill out

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** HEY CAN YOU BLAME HIM

 **_  
_ ** **_Jax:_ ** **_  
_** dO THEY LOOK LOVESTRUCK

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** GIVE US THE PLAY BY  PLAY

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Guys guys guys shut up

Something’s wrong

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** What do you mean?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s Ava, something’s wrong  
with Ava

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** how bad?

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** How can you tell?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s been my best friend  
since we were 6 I know her

She’s been crying

They both look like they  
haven’t gotten any sleep

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava’s been acting so weird lately

They’ve gone to each other about  
like, big stuff first over this year so  
far

You think she went to Sara abt  
whatever’s been up these last 2  
weeks???

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** They definitely didn’t have sex  
guys so drop that thought asap

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** How bad do you think it is?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava literally looks like a fucking  
trainwreck, I think it’s Bad

I don’t even know what could be  
wrong, after everything with her  
mom after she came out I can’t  
think of anything that would like,  
break Ava this much

Unless

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Unless????

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Gary @Lily @Kuasa Spencer??

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh no

oh shit no no no

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait her brother Spencer? What  
about him?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** He’s in the army, what if …?

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god no

 **_  
_ ** **_Lily:_ ** **_  
_** Okay guys no think rationally

If something had happened to Spencer  
we would’ve heard about it, like Ali  
would be just as crushed, Ava probably  
wouldn’t have come to school for a bit

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah she’s been weird since school  
started again, we definitely would’ve  
heard by then if it was something that  
big

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay I think Sara’s going to  
her locker

I’m gonna talk to Ava

I’ll keep you guys updated

 

* * *

 

The closer Nora got to where Ava was standing, the clearer the slight redness around her eyes became, and the more obvious was that both she and Sara had had very little sleep, if they had slept at all. Ava shivered in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with the cold, leaning closer to Sara’s side, and Nora watched as Sara slipped her hand into Ava’s, brushing her thumb gently across Ava’s skin and causing Ava to visibly relax, some of the tension she was carrying draining from her shoulders.

Nora walked closer until she could lean against the locker next to Sara, making sure Ava saw her but not wanting to breach her personal space. Ava swallowed slightly as her eyes met Nora’s for the first time, wrapping her free hand tightly around her waist, fingers barely creeping out of the sleeve of the oversized soccer hoodie she was wearing (Nora was trying very hard to ignore the letters SL embroidered clearly on the sleeve).

She watched as Sara smiled softly at Ava, raising an eyebrow to ask a question Nora didn’t understand. Nevertheless Ava nodded, and Sara gave her hand one final squeeze before slipping way to talk to Nate and Ray, leaving Nora and Ava alone to talk.

“Hey,” Nora greeted quietly, deliberately not asking if Ava was okay, not wanting to give her the chance to lie about how she was doing. She also purposefully didn’t mention where Ava had clearly spent the night, because like she’d said in the group chat - something was wrong, and the Ava and Sara thing was definitely not top priority right now (although Nora wasn’t going to pretend that a small part of her wasn’t absolutely, stupidly ecstatic about this small development).

Ava smiled back, or at least tried to, but it seemed a little too out of place, a little too fragile for Nora’s liking.

“It’s not - ” Nora hesitated, eyes flickering upwards to scan Ava’s face, just to be sure before she carefully said, “It’s not Spencer, is it?”

Ava shook her head immediately, closing her eyes for a moment as though trying to keep tears from falling. It took everything Nora had not to reach out for her.

“No,” Ava said in a small voice. “No, he’s … he’s fine.”

Nora nodded. “Okay. I just wanted to check.”

Ava didn’t reply, her hands fidgeting absentmindedly with the cuffs of Sara’s hoodie. Nora wouldn’t have worried about it but it seemed such an anxious and panicky movement that Nora couldn’t stop herself from curling her hands around Ava’s and squeezing to try and still the movements. Ava shivered again, freezing briefly and then shoving her hands deep into her pockets, trying but failing to hide the way they were shaking. Nora sighed softly, unsure what to do when Ava seemed so reluctant to give her any information. She was used to the roles being reversed.

“I’m not gonna push Ava,” she said quietly when Ava remained silent. “Just let us know if there’s anything we can do to help, yeah?”

Something between relief and conflicted confusion flashed in Ava’s eyes before she nodded again just as the bell rang for homeroom. Nora offered a gentle, reassuring smile in response, nudging Ava’s shoulder and tilting her head slightly in the direction they were supposed to be walking as other students began to flood through the hallway. Ava exhaled shakily, running one hand through her hair and starting to walk, and Nora guessed the action was mostly so she didn’t have to see Nora’s face as she murmured “It’s just family shit, y’know.”

Nora snorted. “I do know. In fact, I’m thinking about majoring in it at college, it does seem to be my speciality.”

Ava laughed, quiet and a little uncertain, but a definite genuine laugh nonetheless, and Nora grinned a little. Sara appeared at Ava’s side as they passed Nate’s lockers, joined by Nate, Ray and Lily. Sara offered Ava a comforting smile that the others didn’t seem to catch and Nora was certain she wasn’t meant to have seen.

Well.

Family shit or not, something had shifted last night, even if Sara and Ava hadn’t noticed it themselves.

 

* * *

 

As the floods of students rolled out of the school, eager to get home after a predictably long and dreary Monday, Ava caught Nora’s arm as she went to walk out of the gate, pulling her across to the other side of the road. A few minutes earlier, she’d insisted to Sara that she was okay going back home, and even though Sara clearly hadn’t believed her, she’d nodded, not trying to change Ava’s mind, but making sure she knew to call her the moment anything was wrong, or even if it wasn’t and she just wanted to talk. Ava had nodded, agreeing, but in the few minutes since Sara had left she’d started to question her decision, becoming more and more unsure by the second. The idea of going home alone was sending Ava into a quickly spiralling state of anxiety.

“Ava?” Nora asked, voice tinged with as much concern as she’d clearly been trying to disguise this morning.

Ava swallowed, fiddling with the straps of her backpack. “D’you wanna … are you … I dunno, are you free tonight?”

Nora’s expression softened. “For you? ‘Course I am Aves.”

The sense of relief that Nora’s gentle reassurance brought her was overwhelming and Ava smiled slightly as a silent thanks. She was still more than a little on edge, but before either of them could say anything else Layla pulled up beside them, and Nora nudged Ava, tugging her into the car. Ava waited for Layla to mention something about her vanishing the night before, about Robert being furious or Barbara having infinite punishments lined up the minute Ava stepped foot back in the house.

(She didn’t - the car journey was silent, and although Ava was grateful for the lack of questions, it didn’t exactly help her growing panic about going back to the house she’d called her home for 18 years without even knowing better.)

 

Her mom - _Barbara -_ was acting … nice. Overly nice, almost nice enough that it was suspicious when she gently asked Nora how she was doing and made them both a cup of tea before leaving them to go upstairs and talk, letting them both know she was downstairs if she needed them, but not once mentioning Ava’s disappearance the night before. Ava didn’t miss the odd look Nora shot in her direction once Barbara’s back was turned, but she just shrugged, not quite understanding either - she’d convinced herself on the way home that Barbara would be fuming that she’d snuck out of the house after midnight, without leaving a note, Sara’s text to Ali being the only indication that Ava was actually _okay._ Ava had been pretty certain Barbara would never let her out of the house again.

Apparently not.

Once her mom - _Barbara, not her mom_ \- had left, Ava practically dragged Nora upstairs, leaning back against the door and closing her eyes for a moment once they were in her room, trying to remember how to breathe.

“We don’t have to launch right into whatever this is now, you know,” Nora said quietly from when she had perched on the side of the bed. “I doubt your mom’s gonna be kicking me out anytime soon, she’ll probably offer me a dinner invitation.”

Nora wasn’t wrong, but Ava shook her head, walking slowly over to her bed and sitting down, leaning against the headboard. She swallowed. “No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “If I don’t tell you now, I’ll never be able to.”

Nora frowned, concerned and clearly about to ask more questions. Before she could, Ava yanked open her bedside drawer and pulled out a thick folder, shoving it into Nora’s hands without opening it, hating the way her hands were still trembling. Nora looked at her for a long moment, expression indecipherable. Ava just shook her head, somehow unable to explain this all to Nora, not when she’d known her for almost as long as she could remember.

“Just read it,” she eventually whispered, and only then did Nora look down, slowly opening the file and beginning to look through the papers.

Ava had needed Sara’s calm the night before, had desperately needed the way she had schooled her features and talked her down and reminded her that she still had another family who loved her, and who would always be there. That was why she’d gone to Sara first, even though that decision was more subconscious than anything else, panicked and shaking and calling the first person she could think of.

But now that the realisation had begun to settle in, she also needed someone to scan through the documents like Nora was doing right now, looking at her birth certificate in confusion and wondering what it was doing in the file, searching through more and more wordy, confusing documents before she found what she was looking for. Nora froze, jaw going slack and breath hitching in her throat just as Ava’s had done two weeks earlier as she finally found the adoption papers near the back of the file, staring at them for a moment before slowly lifting her head to meet Ava’s eyes, confused and angry and upset and so, so much more.

It was almost reassuring, seeing Nora cycle through the exact same emotions she’d gone through - Nora knew her far too well by now to pretend that this was fine, to maintain any semblance of calm. Nora exhaled, placing the papers down gently on the bed. “They told you?”

Ava froze, breath caught in her lungs. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, but the silence was more informative than any response could ever be, so Nora shoved the papers roughly away from her and pushed herself up, eyes burning as she said angrily “I swear to _God_ Ava, I’m gonna - ”

“No,” Ava said far too quietly, catching Nora’s arm before she could storm out of the room and confront Barbara, even though it was what she deserved. “Nora, _no._ ”

The words came out far more desperate than Ava had intended, but they did the trick, and Nora sank back to the bed, looking back at Ava, even more concerned than she had been before.

“Why not?”

Ava shook her head, trying her hardest to put thoughts into words. “I...I’m not ready to do it yet. But…” she exhaled slowly, trying to calm both herself and Nora down. “ _I_ need to be the one who does it. It’s gotta be me.”

Nora frowned, nodding as if she knew Ava’s words were true, but hating that she couldn’t do anything to help. After a moment, she sat back on the bed, swinging her legs up and leaning next to Ava against the headboard. “Okay,” she agreed softly, putting the papers carefully back into the folder and closing it. “Okay.”

Ava was going to say something else, a question about something unrelated, but before she could her phone buzzed loudly. She picked it up of the bedside table, reading through the message and snorting in surprise, sounding more lighthearted than Nora had heard her since before the winter break. Nora turned, arching a questioning eyebrow, but before she could ask, Ava smiled a small, genuine smile and said “Apparently Ali told mom you had an emergency last night, to explain why I vanished. That’s why she’s acting so weird towards you rather than yelling at me.”

Nora snickered at Ali’s quick thinking, tilting her head back to rest against the windowsill. “Well, what can I say, I am her favourite daughter.” Ava winced and Nora’s eyes widened, instantly realising what she’d said. “Sorry,” she said quickly, grimacing. “I’m guessing that inside joke won’t quite be on the table for a while.”

Ava laughed a little flatly, mirroring Nora and leaning back to rest her head against the headboard, her eyes snapping shut. She wanted so desperately to be able to say something lighthearted to Nora, to assure that she was doing at least _kind_ of okay after Sara had talked her down, just to say _something._ Because Nora had known her forever and as much as Ava had needed someone who had that kind of place in her life to understand how insane this revelation was, it also made it so much bigger and more daunting and Ava now needed some way to regain control over how she felt about it all. But her mouth had gone dry at Nora’s accidental quip and she couldn’t bring herself to say anything, even as her brain whirred desperately at double speed to try and manufacture some kind of appropriate response.

Nora’s voice was quiet when it broke the tense silence between them, and Ava almost jumped at the feeling of Nora’s hand on her knee as she said “Hey. Aves.” Ava opened her eyes hesitantly to see Nora watching her carefully. “What’re you thinking?” she asked softly.

Ava shook her head. “I can’t -”

“Yes you can,” interrupted Nora firmly. “It’s me, remember? Anything ever, it’s always okay, that’s what you used to tell me right? No matter how sad or horrible or scary or dark or illogical, I could always tell you. I’ve told you the worst thoughts that have ever gone through my head Aves, don’t feel like you can’t tell me absolutely anything.”

Ava met Nora’s eyes, saw pure, unfaltering honesty there and grasped ahold of a moment of courage as she mumbled out “I’ve been thinking … maybe … you know, this is why my mom always hated me so much. It … it made sense.”

“Ava -”

“I wasn’t really hers, so it was harder to love me, harder to make me into who she wanted. And it was easier for her to condemn me for all the ways I was different - for being so tomboyish and rebelling in everything she wanted me to be - and then acting the way she did when I came out.” Ava’s voice shook as she spoke and she curled her hands into tight fists in her lap. “But … but what I don’t understand is … if that’s the reason she never connected with me, why did she always love _you_ so much?”

Nora’s eyes widened, and Ava wondered whether she should press her mouth shut and forget this part of the conversation had happened, but now that she’d started talking about it, it was as though the words fell from her lips of their own accord.

“It’s not like you were her daughter either, and it’s not like you fit all the rigid rules for what she wanted out of a kid or _around_ her kids - you were this troublemaker foster kid whose dad had turned into a criminal and was all over the news, whose Mom had died in the way that people at church whispered rudely about and I remember the awful looks my relatives gave us during the Christmases you’d be at my house but Mom still protected you no matter what, and I know she still would. She loves you Nor.” Ava could taste the salt from the tears that were streaming down her face, could feel the bitterness for blurting this warped accusation at Nora, but the thoughts were pressing this painful weight on her chest that was so heavy that Ava felt like she could barely breathe. “So why was she so determined not to love _me_ ? What did I do? I know I’m not hers, but neither are you, and she wasn’t willing to support _me_ when I came out, she let Susan say what she did at Thanksgiving and never even stood up for me. It has to be more than this whole adoption thing right? What did I do that was so wrong that she hates me so much?” The last sentence came out as a choked gasp, thick with tears and Nora’s arms were around Ava before either of them could say anything, just in time for Ava to crumble.

“Oh Aves,” murmured Nora, hugging Ava tightly. “God, I’m so sorry.”

“‘S not you,” whispered Ava brokenly into Nora’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t’ve made it sound like your fault. You didn’t … I didn’t mean it like that. I would redo it all exactly the same a hundred times over to have you as my best friend because you deserved to have my family when you needed us the most.”

“Your mom loves you Ava,” said Nora.

“She’s not my mom,” muttered Ava petulantly, sniffling. Nora whacked her elbow.

“Yes she is,” she said sharply. “She’s raised you your entire damn life Aves, saying she’s not your mom disregards the validity of adoptive parents’ for kids everywhere.”

Though part of Ava felt a spike of anger towards Nora for her blunt reprimand, and part of her felt nauseous still at the words _adoptive parents_ , another part was relieved. Relieved that someone was here, telling her to stop being stupid, to stop pretending that she wasn’t at least in some way a Sharpe.

“For what it’s worth,” said Nora, leaning back in and reaching down to gently brush away some of Ava’s tears, “I think how your mom treated _me_ isn’t some kind of indicator that she loved you less, I think it proves that how she treated you had nothing to do with you not being biologically hers. I’m not saying it excuses it, because God knows she was shitty to you for a long time and you definitely didn’t deserve that. But I think when you finally feel up to it, you should talk to her. About all of this. It’s the only way you’re going to figure out _why._ ”

Ava didn’t reply. She couldn’t find the energy to argue with Nora’s logic, but the thought of facing Barbara and demanding why she’d always been second - or third, or fourth, even fifth - best was still too much to even fathom. “Can we just … just sit here for a bit?” she whispered. She was glad to have told Nora. It was nice knowing that she had two different kind of friends in her corner who _knew_ , and who could help her figure out in their own ways how to approach this situation in the days and weeks to come. Ava hadn’t planned on telling Nora anytime soon - in fact, it hadn’t even crossed her mind. But now that she had, she couldn’t imagine having to keep this a secret from her.

“Yeah,” murmured Nora, fixing Ava’s hair before dropping her hand to Ava’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “Yeah, always. As long as you need.”

Ava nestled into Nora’s side, a closeness that was usually very uncharacteristic for them (save for situations like these, where the world felt like it was falling apart and nothing was safe or familiar or secure, and the only thing either of them could do was pull the other close and promise they’d be there no matter what.)

“I’ll always need you Nor,” Ava said quietly, hoping it would at least somewhat make up for the slightly resentful words she’d let slip before.

Nora hummed softly. “You’ll always have me Aves. I promise.”

 


	15. hey brother (do you still believe in one another?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I talked to Zari,” Ava said quietly. “She … we talked, a bit, about Spencer. And Behrad, obviously. But - ” She cut herself off, not sure how to word what she was trying to say. Sara sat with her in silence for a moment, only the sounds of other people talking quietly and turning pages disturbing them. Sara’s fingers traced soft circles across Ava’s skin, causing goosebumps to shoot up her arms at the contact, thankfully distracting her slightly from her other problem. Sara frowned slightly, seeming to follow her train of thought about Spencer not actually being her brother without Ava needing to say a word.
> 
> “You could talk to him,” Sara eventually said in a soft voice. 
> 
> OR
> 
> ava finally confronts someone in her family about her adoption, and sara, predictably, is the greatest and most supportive ~~girlfriend~~ best friend ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy update day! 
> 
> this isn't a plot filler per se but it iiiis kind of a filler in terms of avalance interaction. this chapter progresses the plot / ava's adoption storyline more than avalance's relationship, so i hope you guys still like it even tho it's more plot / character based. it's also a bit shorter than usual (sorry!) but given that ch 12 was 17.5k, we figured a shorter chapter later on would balance things out a little
> 
> your comments last chapter were so fckn huge and so lovely and i dont think we'll ever get used to how incredible it feels to know you guys love this story and to be able to share it with you weekly, so as always thank you thank you thank you we love you all ridiculous amounts XX
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from hey brother by avicii)

Somehow - Ava wasn’t quite sure _how_ (that was a lie, yes she was, it was Sara) - she managed to make it through the week. She managed not to fall behind in school, was nudged out of her absent minded anxious spirals of thought by Sara, was prompted to laugh and roll her eyes and feel somewhat _normal_ by the rest of the legends during the day. Their antics and the bickering, the familiarity of them all, the hum of comfort their jokes and speculations and ridiculous plans brought was everything Ava hadn’t realised she needed since finding out she was adopted.

It turned out, Sara had been right. They _were_ the family she hadn’t even realised she had, and right now, that meant everything.

By Friday, miraculously, Ava’s entire brain wasn’t all consumed by overthinking her place in the Sharpe family. Instead, she was trying not to roll her eyes at the constant stream of messages Gary was sending to their old group chat as they all tried to brainstorm prank ideas.

(It had been a tradition every year of high school that after the winter holidays, both Ava and Sara’s friend groups had a prank war up until spring break. It had started as a competition among their whole grade, but even during freshman year it become very clear that Ava and Sara’s groups were the two most creative, and the animosity between Ava and Sara just made things all the more interesting. Sara and the legends had won that first year, and by sophomore year, though several others in their grade participated, it soon became a schoolwide spectacle to see which group was going to best the other in the annual competition.

This year, Rip had jokingly mentioned in homeroom that with their groups no longer at odds and now all one big bunch of friends, there would be no prank war this year. It’d been Nate and Gary, outraged at Rip’s insinuation that they would let _senior year_ pass _without_ the annual prank wars, who immediately declared that it was still happening ‘for old time’s sake’. According to them, the fact that they were all _friends_ now would make it even more amusing this year.)

Ava let out an exasperated sigh as dozens of messages lit up her lock screen. She muted the chat, not _quite_ okay enough yet to handle Gary and his unbridled energy and enthusiasm or being dragged into discussions over the prank ‘greatest hits’.  

“Hey, Ava.”

Ava glanced up, smiling with slight surprise. Zari was leaning against the locker next to Ava’s, fiddling with the straps of her bag with definite uncertainty.

“Hey,” said Ava, slipping her phone into her back pocket and dialling in her locker combination. “What’s up?”

Zari bit her bottom lip, waiting for Ava to finish unloading her textbooks before she quietly said “I was wondering if you - maybe - had a minute to, you know … talk.”

Ava did know.

She knew _exactly_ what Zari wanted to talk to her about.

Despite all of Zari’s efforts, after the winter break, Behrad had been sent away to boarding school, and even though Ava had been caught up in the chaos that was her own family life right now, it’d been hard to miss how much Zari was struggling. She’d been so quiet and withdrawn at lunch over the past few weeks, one hand attached to Amaya’s at all times, leaning against her side. However much Nate and Ray tried to make her laugh the most she ever managed was a small, slightly fragile smile.

Zari wasn’t by any means the loudest one in the group, but everyone had missed her snide comments and inappropriately timed jokes - it felt as if she’d vanished, even though she was sitting right beside them. But no one could blame her, not when she was clearly in so much pain with the emptiness Behrad had left behind in his absence.

So yeah, Ava knew that Zari wanted to talk to her about Spencer, and him going away, and _God,_ Ava wished more than anything that she could just _forget_ how much more complicated talking about all of this suddenly was after discovering the truth about her adoption, because she wanted more than anything to be able to give Zari the advice she needed. Especially when she looked like _that,_ eyes wide and full of pain, confused, lost, and a little alone. Ava closed her locker, shoving the books she needed into her bag and fiddling slightly with the bracelet around her wrist. She sucked in a sharp breath, swinging her bag over her shoulder. “Yeah,” she said after a moment. “Yeah, okay, of course.”

Zari looked so incredibly relieved by her agreement that Ava couldn’t bring it in herself to regret her reply, even when she knew it was going to send her into a black hole of her own thoughts about Spencer and her relationship with him. Zari needed this. Zari _deserved_ someone to be able to give her some sort of _peace_ about this. So Ava just offered her as comforting of a smile as she could manage before she had to look away, leading Zari towards a quieter part of the corridor just so she couldn’t see the guilt that clawed at her stomach, because the thing was, Zari wanted help from someone who had a similar relationship with their brother. Back at the start of the year, that’d been Ava … but now -

Now, Ava just felt like a fraud.

She eventually came to a halt near their French classroom, turning around to look at Zari and giving her what she hoped was another, reassuring smile. “Go on,” she prompted quietly, sensing Zari’s hesitance. “Ask whatever you want. Seriously.”

Zari paused for another long moment, eyes scanning Ava’s face for any reluctance or unease that Ava desperately hoped she was hiding. Zari cleared her throat, wincing almost imperceptibly at how loud the sound was in the unusually quiet corridor. “How uh … how did you deal with it? When … when he went away? Your brother, I mean.”

_Your brother._

Ava had to purposefully stop herself from flinching at the words, but thankfully Zari’s eyes were now fixed on her sleeve, fingers picking at the seam of the flannel she was wearing. Ava swallowed thickly, but before she could answer Zari had continued, voice trembling slightly. “I just don’t know what to do. He was just … the house is so quiet now, without him. Usually he was singing and laughing and being so fucking _annoying_ but he made me play soccer with him outside and I had to watch his dumb cartoons after school and it was all so ridiculous but without it all, everything feels so empty. I - I feel like I’ve lost something. Someone. I don’t know. And I know he’s not _gone_ , I know I’ll see him during spring break and then over the summer but it’s just -” She ran a frustrated hand through her hair before shrugging helplessly. “I tried explaining it to Amaya, but I couldn’t find the words, I just - I dunno, I guess I just thought you’d get it, because you said your brother left, and …”

She broke off, voice cracking slightly and Ava knew she should’ve reached out, taken Zari’s hand and squeezed it or offered the advice that Zari had clearly come here for, but instead she froze, the words _your brother left_ echoing round and round and round her head, drowning out anything else.

Of course, Zari didn’t know about the adoption thing.

Ava had only told Sara, Nora and very recently Gary, so there was no way Zari _could_ know. And way back at the start of the year, when Behrad being sent away to school had first been mentioned, Ava had told Zari she could talk to her about it anytime, so she was entirely to blame for getting herself into this situation, but now … now she just felt that same guilt from before settling deep in her stomach, making her feel more and more nauseous the more time she spent here, talking to Z, pretending she understood.

She’d thought she understood, but now she felt like she was lying, because it turned out Spencer was never her brother anyway, so how could their experiences even begin to compare?

“Ava?” Zari murmured quietly, desperate for something, anything, to hold on to, and Ava swallowed again, trying her hardest to make sure her thoughts didn’t show on her face. Zari didn’t need to hear any of this on top of her own problems right now. Besides, it wasn’t that Ava didn’t _want_ to tell her, it was just … this definitely wasn’t the right time.

“Honestly … I could’ve dealt with it better,” Ava said after a long pause, voice quiet enough that Zari would’ve missed it, had she not been waiting so desperately for a response. “I mean, I was a kid, you know? I didn’t understand why he was leaving - I did when I got older, especially when I started getting the brunt of all my … my mom’s shit.” (She hoped Zari hadn’t heard the way her voice had wavered on _mom_.) “But back then, I was so angry with him for just leaving me behind that we didn’t talk for ages. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew it wasn’t his fault, I knew he deserved to go live his own life and get away from our parents and stuff but I took it out on him and I think… I think we maybe that’s when we started to lose each other.”

 _But not why,_ Ava added in her head, biting her tongue to stop herself from saying it out loud, reminding herself that it was her who didn’t talk to Spencer for months after he left, not the other way around. But that said … maybe, for all these years, she’d been blaming him for leaving when she should’ve been blaming him for lying to her over and over an over, keeping their parent’s secrets with no thought about the cost, or how much it’d hurt her in the future.

 _If he had known_ , Ava reminded herself weakly, clinging onto that one final thread of hope.

(He must’ve known. He couldn’t’ve _not_ known.)

Ava shivered even though they were  nowhere near an open door or window, ignoring the odd, slightly concerned look Zari was giving her. “Make sure he knows how much you love him,” she said, shoving her shaking hands into her pockets. “Make sure he understands why he was sent away. Because if he doesn’t - ” She cut herself off, swallowing thickly and trying to get her thoughts back into order. “That’s … that’s when misunderstandings happen.”

Zari frowned, eyes now fixed on Ava, still looking concerned. “What do you mean?”

Ava shrugged, unable to help Zari without spilling her secrets to the world, secrets she wasn’t ready for the world to know. “I don’t - I don’t mean anything, that was - sorry. I … look, just make sure you tell him how much you love him, okay?”

“I do,” Zari said firmly, tapping her fingers anxiously against her leg. “And I know he loves me more than anything,” she added slowly, words hesitant, but still filled with a quiet confidence. A confidence that Ava envied more than anything, because a month ago, she would’ve said the same, and believed it with all of her heart. But now … now she couldn’t help but wonder, because maybe for Spencer keeping up the pretence of being her family had just become too much, and he’d had to get out. Or maybe he’d just realised that pretending to love her would only get harder and harder as she grew up, and that she’d start to notice that things were wrong, and ask for answers he’d sworn not to give her.

Either way, he’d known, and he’d left her alone in a house full of strangers because of it.

“Ava?” Zari asked again, and only then did Ava realise she’d been quiet for too long, had zoned out enough that Zari had caught onto there being _something_ else here.

“Sorry,” she murmured, pulling her phone out of her pocket to check for notifications she knew she didn’t have. She exhaled, trying and failing to force the tension from her shoulders. “Sorry, I gotta - I need to go.”

She could hear Zari quietly asking if she was okay, saying her name, but Ava couldn’t focus, couldn’t manage to concentrate on the words, could only keep walking away from the questions she didn’t want to think about, and the answers she already knew. Her phone vibrated in her hand, this time with a text from Sara asking where she was and if she was okay, but Ava just shoved it roughly back into her pocket, closing her eyes and leaning back against the wall once she was out of view. She’d told Sara she’d meet her in the library for their study period, but there was no way she’d be able to concentrate now, not with this many questions about Spencer flying round her brain at a million miles per hour.

Ava sighed, before pushing herself off the wall and picking up the bag she’d dumped at her feet, heading towards the library. To pull herself back from her fear and uncertainty, she firmly reminded herself that it was Sara and Sara would make things easier. Sara would calm her down, Sara would make her feel like the world wasn’t ending, Sara would assure her that Zari wasn’t going to go spreading rumours that something was up with Ava.

Sara wasn’t going to push, not even if she just sat and stared at the worksheet she needed to do until the bell rang for the end of school.

 

* * *

 

There was just something about the way Sara was sitting there, sending concerned glances in her direction every few minutes as she stared blankly at the math question in front of her, that made her want to hide. And yet somehow at the same time it made her want to open up, to tell Sara everything that was on her mind, to let Sara persuade her to do something about her problems rather than just ignoring them for as long as possible.

Because of course Sara could be the one person who made Ava feel both unbelievably terrified and also so, so safe at the same time.

Ava sighed, looking back down at the jumbled numbers on the page her brain couldn’t focus on one last time before putting her pen down on the table and running one trembling hand through her hair. Sara leaned back in her chair, eyes fixed on Ava, even more worried than before yet still not asking for any answers Ava didn’t want to give. Ava let out a shaky breath, eyes fixed on the desk. “I talked to Zari,” she said quietly.

Sara’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before the expression vanished from her face. She slid one hand across the desk to place it across Ava’s fingers, which had started tapping anxiously against the table without her realising, squeezing lightly, but still not speaking.

“She … we talked, a bit, about Spencer. And Behrad, obviously. But - ” Ava cut herself off, not sure how to word what she was trying to say. Sara sat with her in silence for a moment, only the sounds of other people talking quietly and turning pages disturbing them. Sara’s fingers traced soft circles across Ava’s skin, causing goosebumps to shoot up her arms at the contact, thankfully distracting her slightly from her other problem. Sara frowned slightly, seeming to follow her train of thought about Spencer not actually being her brother without Ava needing to say a word.

“You could talk to him,” Sara eventually said in a soft voice, but she seemed to sense Ava’s panic before it had even had time to take effect, adding quickly “Not now. Not today, if you’re not ready for that. But … at some point.”

Ava exhaled, forcing some of the tension from her shoulders as she gave Sara a small, hesitant nod. Sara smiled, her thumb brushing against the small, basketball charm hanging from Ava’s bracelet as she retracted her hand. This time, Ava lost her breath for entirely different reasons and she silently reprimanded herself as she attempted to find some sort of control over her emotions, eventually murmuring an agreement.

“You might even find some of the answers you’re looking for,” Sara pointed it out quietly, and it wasn’t that Ava hadn’t considered it before, but somehow the words sounded more reasonable, more logical coming out of Sara’s mouth, so she nodded.

“Yeah,” she agreed in a small voice after a long pause. “If he remembers me being...adopted, then I guess - he must know why, or … or why they didn’t _tell me_ or … I don’t know -”

“He’ll know something, even if he doesn’t know the full story,” Sara interrupted firmly, and it was so sure and confident that Ava couldn’t help but believe her. She nodded, giving Sara a thankful smile. Sara returned it warmly before clearing her throat and picking up her pen from the table, twirling it round her fingers. “Okay, so, now we’ve talked about that, can I have some help with 2b? I would copy you, but you haven’t done it yet.”

Ava gave her a scandalised glare, to which Sara just laughed, grinning back at her. Ava rolled her eyes, grateful Sara had pushed the Spencer issue as far as she needed, but still stopped the moment the conversation started to go somewhere she wasn’t ready to hear just yet. She _would_ talk to him, soon - Sara was right; either he hadn’t known, or he’d have answers, but either option would be better than her sitting here with endless possibilities swirling round her mind, unable to work out what was going on.

 

* * *

 

**Messenger**

Zari Tomaz  
_Active now_

_FRI, 4:19pm:_

_  
_ Hey

  
I’m sorry for running out before

  
There’s weird stuff going on w my   
family atm and Spencer’s a part   
of it all, I didn’t quite know what   
to say or whether my advice would   
even be any help and I kind of flaked

  
Dude no it’s fine

  
I’m sorry if it brought up anything   
you’re not rlly ok to talk about rn,   
i would never put u in that position

  
No, I know, I’m fine Z, I swear

  
Give me this weekend to sort out   
all my family shit (at least w Spencer)   
and then I’m all ears to talk about   
Behrad leaving

  
I know it’s not easy, not at all and   
I’m still here to talk, I just gotta   
actually take my own advice for a   
second, it turns out

  
Well for what it’s worth

  
It’s pretty good advice

  
I called Behrad last night and i think   
it helped both of us to talk it all out

  
And uh, idk what’s going on rn with   
your fam but this goes both ways -   
you can talk to me if you want to

  
Or any of us

  
We all care about you Ava, we’ve got   
your back if you need us

  
I know xxx

  
Even if we are gonna kick all   
your asses in this prank war but   
you know, whatever ;-)

  
Ha

  
You wish Sharpe

  
_Seen: Friday, 4:28pm._

 

* * *

 

_Spence_

**Text Message** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

 ****  
**_1:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you busy?

  
**_2:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hello to you too Aves

  
**_2:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you?

  
**_2:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No, why? You okay?

  
**_2:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Aves, what’s up?

  
**_2:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did you know?

  
**_2:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Know what????

  
**_2:15pm:_ ** ****  
Ava what are you talking   
about???

  
**_2:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait

  
**_2:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Do you mean

  
**_2:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Aves

  
**_2:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did they tell you?

  
**_2:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** So you knew

  
**_2:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava

  
**_2:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’s all I wanted to know

  
**_2:20pm:_ ** ****  
I know you’re probably busy   
sorry for bothering you

  
**_2:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava, jesus just stop for a sec

  
**_2:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did they tell you?

  
**_2:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No

  
**_2:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I found the papers

  
**_2:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit

  
**_2:25pm:_ ** ****  
Listen, give me 10 minutes and I’ll   
call you, is that okay?

  
**_2:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Aves come on please

  
**_2:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay

  
**_2:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fine

 

* * *

 

This was a mistake. Spencer was going to call, and tell her that it was true, he wasn’t her brother, he’d just tried his hardest to do what their parents wanted - to make her feel like she belonged, when in actual fact, there was nowhere she belonged less. Ava sucked in a shaky breath, pulling on some shoes and creeping out of the house, shoving her hands into her pockets in a futile attempt to stop them shaking.

She shouldn’t’ve texted him. This was a conversation she desperately wanted to have face-to-face, but since yesterday’s talk with Zari she hadn’t been able to think, hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything other than the fear in her stomach, the absolute, petrifying, all consuming fear of losing Spencer. Spencer, who’d been the only real support she’d had in this house for so long, until Ali had grown old enough to make her own decisions, rather than just following her mom’s - _Barbara’s -_ lead.

Ava paced around outside for a moment, until the shivers from the dread of Spencer’s incoming call merged with her shivers from the cold, and she snuck into the pool house (which wasn’t necessarily much warmer at this time of the year), closing the door behind her and sinking down to the floor, leaning back. Not to keep the door shut, but, well … to make sure no one came in. She wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her family, not when that would mean having this conversation with Ali - not when that would mean losing Ali for good.

Because Ali _didn’t_ know.

Whereas Spencer did. And in all honesty, Ava had absolutely no idea which was worse.

Her phone buzzed against her leg and Ava pulled it sharply out of her pocket, but the moment Spencer’s contact photo flashed up she felt that now familiar panic crawling up her spine, making it impossible to breathe, to think, to move. She reached out to decline the call, letting her head tip back against the door as she smothered a sob, gripping her wrist so tightly with her other hand that she could feel the charms on her bracelet digging into her skin as she sucked in a frantic, shaky breath. The phone rang for a second time, but this time she didn’t hesitate, declining the call instantly and tossing it onto the floor, running both trembling hands through her hair before dropping her head down to rest on her knees, not even trying to hide the way her shoulders were shaking now that no one was here to see.

 

**_2 missed calls_ **

 

 **Spence** **  
** Saturday, 2:35pm

 ****  
**Spence** **  
** Saturday, 2:35pm

  


_Spence_

**Text Message** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

  
**_2:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava

  
**_2:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s okay

  
**_2:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Please pick up

  


The phone rang for a third time, vibrating against the cool pool tiles and echoing in the empty room, far too loud, still making Ava’s breathing catch in her chest as she reached to pick it up. It took far too long for her to work up the courage to accept the call, lifting the phone up with a still shaking hand and pressing it against her ear.

She didn’t know what to say.

And it was stupid, because she’d had all morning to think about it - she’d been playing this conversation on loop in her head for the past few weeks, ever since she first found those adoption papers in the attic the week before her birthday; she’d run through every possible outcome over and over again, until she could barely bear to think about it. But still, when Spencer said her name gently from the other end of the line, it felt like he was a stranger, a million miles away, and instantly everything she’d planned to say vanished from her head. Ava shuddered, leaning her head back against the door and closing her eyes, not realising tears were rolling down her cheeks until she faintly heard them drip onto the cool tiles below.

Ava wiped her eyes, sniffing slightly, wishing Spencer’s voice wasn’t so gentle, so concerned as he murmured her name for a second time, and then said quietly “tell me what happened, yeah Aves?”

She tried.

She really did try, opening her mouth and putting all of her energy into speaking, letting the truth fall from her lips. But just like the first few times she’d tried to talk to Sara, no words came out, and Ava choked back a sob, burying her head in her hands. She couldn’t. Because the moment she told him she knew the truth, he’d leave, and Ava had never felt more alone in her life than she did right now, and she thought he was safe and she’d thought he cared and that he would always love her even if their parents didn’t, and she couldn’t bear it if -

“Breathe, Ava,” Spencer reminded her quietly, and she shuddered, knuckles whitening around the phone as she tried frantically to force air into her lungs.

He waited until she’d caught her breath before asking again, and this time, after a moment of hesitation, Ava managed to work up the guts to tell him about looking for photos in the attic, about finding the file and the birth certificate and all of the information she needed to put two and two together. And somehow, after that, she kept talking, telling him how she hadn’t been able to confront their parents yet because she was so scared of what they would say, how scared she was of losing him and Ali, and even Layla, how she wasn’t even sure if either of them actually _knew_ , or if their parents had just been lying to everyone else as well.

Spencer didn’t speak, not yet, but he might as well have, the question _have you been keeping this to yourself all this time?_ thick and heavy in the air. Ava wiped away a few more stray tears, opening her mouth several more times before she managed to force out “I told Sara,” small and quiet and far too shaky.

“Yeah?” Spencer asked quietly, clearly looking for more information, but Ava remained silent, pressing one hand over her mouth to muffle the choked half sob that threatened to escape.

Instead of pushing for more information, Spencer waited for her to pull herself together, didn’t speak until he heard the small “Spence?” she murmured, voice miserable, still trembling. “Can you just - if you hate me, just tell me now. Because you’re not my brother, so you don’t have any obligations now, and if you’re gonna say it i’d rather you did it now than - ”

“Ava, just because we’re not related by blood doesn’t mean we’re not still siblings,” Spencer responded a little too harshly, causing a fresh wave of tears to roll down Ava’s cheeks. “God, Aves, I love you more than anything, you know that, right?”

Ava’s breath caught in her throat, and she didn’t respond.

“Aves?” he asked again, bordering on desperate, and Ava curled her free hand around the bracelet on her wrist, fingering the little rose gold basketball Sara had found and using the cool metal to ground her, bring her back to reality rather than letting her thoughts wander.

She swallowed thickly, voice barely audible as she finally replied “I don’t know Spence, I thought you did, but now I can’t stop my mind from running over every crazy scenario and every single reason why - ”

_Why you left._

Ava choked slightly on her words as she cut herself off, but thankfully Spencer didn’t realise where she was heading, and instead asked “Why this would change things?” When she didn’t reply, he said her name again, adding quietly “this could never change things between us Ava - I already _knew._ ”

“Then why did you lie?” Ava demanded, a hint of anger entering her voice for the first time as she sat up straighter, wishing she could see Spencer’s face, but at the same time glad that she couldn’t. “If this doesn’t change anything, they why keep it from me? Why pretend? Why didn’t you just _tell me?_ ”

“You know why,” came the inevitable response, and she did, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Because she’d known from the start that it was her parents who’d hidden this, not her brother, but even so...maybe if he’d had a reason, it would’ve been easier to understand, easier to forgive.

Neither of them said anything for several minutes.

Ava watched the wind ripple through the trees out the pool house window, considered hanging up because she didn’t know if she had anything left to say. But she didn’t want to. She’d waited so long to talk to someone who could actually give her some kind of _answers_ and she wasn’t ready to go back to the lonely confusion of trying to make sense of all of this on her own.

“You know,” said Spencer eventually, even quieter than before, and Ava could’ve sworn she heard the tears in his voice. “I remember the first time I met you.”

“You were four,” Ava scoffed, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve. “You probably didn’t even know what was really going on, there’s no way you remembered that clearly.”

“I do!” argued Spencer.

“Yeah right.”

“Can you and your stubborn ass back up for a second and listen to me?”

The familiarity of his insult, of them bickering made Ava smile a little. When Spencer seemed sure that Ava wasn’t going to shoot him down, he started speaking again.

“It’s not all, you know, this bright clear memory in my head,” he admitted and Ava bit her lip to stop herself from making a triumphant quip. “But I remember it in flashes. I think even then, I could tell whatever was happening was important. A friend of dad’s had come over and he … he had you with him.”

Ava sucked in a sharp breath, eyes snapping shut. “That friend - was he … _is_ he my -”

“No,” said Spencer quickly. “No, he wasn’t. He was also a doctor, I think … I think that’s why he had you. I don’t know why he came to us, I don’t remember him arriving, but I remember I was in trouble with Dad for making a big mess upstairs and he came up to tell me off and bring me downstairs to keep an eye on me.”

“Where was Layla?” asked Ava before she could stop herself.

“I don’t know,” replied Spencer honestly. “She wasn’t at home, I don’t think - maybe she was at some kind of a playdate? When I came down, Mom had you. I knew you weren’t Layla … you were too small, too still, too quiet. She was literally the most annoying, fussy baby Aves, I’m not kidding, and you were just so … _calm._ Dad introduced me to his friend - I don’t remember his name, I’m sorry, I’ll see if I can find him on Facebook later tonight for you - but I’m pretty sure I cared more about seeing who the hell you were.” He stopped suddenly, and Ava heard muffled voices over the line, heard Spencer say something like “No, not now, get Mike to do it.”

“You can go if you need to,” she said, ignoring the panic that settled in her chest at the thought of having to go back into the main house.

“No, it’s okay,” promised Spencer. “I can stay. I _need_ to stay Aves, I’m not just gonna let you run away right now. You deserve some kind of explanation.”

Ava didn’t have an argument or a response to that, so instead, she said “Did Mom and Dad tell you who I was?”

“They just told me your name,” said Spencer softly.

Something cold and unsettling washed over Ava and she had to tamp down the sudden wave of nausea that swept through her. “My name?” she echoed. “I … I already had a name?”

She heard Spencer’s intake of breath, the remorseful, hesitant sigh before he said “Yeah, you did. I don’t know whether Dad’s friend had given it to you, or whether there was a letter or something that said what your name was but … Mom introduced you to me as Ava.”

“Just Ava?” Ava whispered, hugging herself tightly.

“Just Ava,” echoed Spencer, obviously hearing how desperately Ava needed the truth over any false reassurances. “Mom and Dad gave you your middle name later. To make you a part of the family.”

Ava didn’t have anything to say to that. She still felt kind of sick and leaned forward to rest her head on her knees. She didn’t know why she hated the idea that she’d already been named before she came to the Sharpes - it should’ve been some kind of relief, that she had _something_ that was real, that had always been hers, but it unsettled her so much and she couldn’t explain why.

“Ava? Are you -”

“I’m fine,” said Ava bluntly. “Just … finish your story.” She swallowed, hearing the reluctance in the gaps of Spencer’s silence, so softened her voice and added a quiet “Please.”

He didn’t for a second, but when it became clear that Ava wasn’t going to continue, wasn’t going to fill in the blanks, wasn’t going to admit how much the name thing had shaken her, there was the rustling of movement from the other end of the phone line before Spencer decided to do as Ava had asked.

“Mom told me your name and … I … I dunno, I can’t quite remember what happened next. I think I went to go play or something but I was being really rowdy and I wanted attention I guess - I mean, I was four. Dad was getting really frustrated I think? I think he was the one who was stressed about the whole situation. Not because he didn’t want you - not like that, I just think he was trying to figure out how to do right by you. Mom could see that I guess, and she asked me to come over and sit with her on the couch and got me to hold you so she had her hands free.”

“That doesn’t sound like Mom,” Ava said in a small voice.

“I know,” said Spencer with a low, reminiscent chuckle. “Fun fact Aves - she wasn’t always a raging bitch all the time. There was actually a period of time - before I decided to be rebellious just to piss them off, and you became a tomboy and then later came out, and Layla was deemed perfect, and Ali developed her defining personality trait of sarcasm - where she was actually a really, really good mother. To all of us. You especially.”

“I find that hard to believe,” mumbled Ava.  

“I wish I could prove it to you,” he answered, voice heavy, “‘cause she was. I think she had already made up her mind before Dad about keeping you. But as soon as she gave you to me …” He broke off abruptly and Ava felt something clench in her chest. “I swear to God Aves, you looked up at me with these massive blue eyes and you just … you just smiled. You smiled so wide and you were so freakin’ cute and like, you punched me in the face a little bit and I think I kinda hated you for that but it didn’t even really matter because I figured if you could do that, then I could teach you to bounce a basketball and that was good enough for me.”

Ava laughed, not realising she was crying again until she heard the wetness in her voice, felt the tears drip from her jaw onto her shirt.

“I looked over at Mom,” continued Spencer, “and I asked something along the lines of ‘Is she ours? Can we keep her?’”

Ava couldn’t suppress the strangled sob that ripped past her throat, couldn’t stop her whole body from shaking as she hugged her knees tightly against her chest and crumbled, wishing Spencer was here to pull her into his arms, to tell her this in person, to smooth her hair and crack gentle jokes and promise her it would be okay, to tell her _these things_ that she couldn’t remember that gave her some kind of soft assurance that despite the anger she had towards their parents right now, they loved her. They’d always loved her, even at the most difficult of patches, and somehow Ava had managed to convince herself to forget that until now.

“I know it doesn’t change that we’ve all lied to you,” said Spencer, and his words sounded hoarse, dripping with regret. “But Ava, I need you to know that you were _wanted._ You _are._ You had me wrapped around your little finger from the very first moment I met you, Dad only ever wanted to give you the best life he could whether that was with us or not, even Mom loved you almost immediately. You were _ours_ from that first day Aves.”

It took Ava a while to bring herself to answer, to steady her breathing and brush away her tears, but when she did, she mumbled “Layla always hated me though.”

Spencer huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, well. It’s because you have better hair than her.”

“She’d feel a lot better about that if she knew that it had nothing to do with me winning some kind of genetic lottery that she missed out on.”

“Maybe that’s all the more reason to let her stew in it a little then.”

This time, Ava laughed too. It was weak and tired and more than a little broken but somehow, it was genuine.

“You get that right?” prodded Spencer, and Ava could hear the urgency in his voice. “You get that we love you so, so much.”

Ava heard her own pathetic cry that only partially got stuck in her throat, followed by Spencer’s shaky sigh and Ava could tell he was about to launch into another big brother speech about her importance in the family and as much as she appreciated that, she didn’t need to hear it, not anymore, and she didn’t have the energy to continue sobbing on the pool house floor in this freezing weather.

“I know,” she interrupted before Spencer could get another word out. “I know Spence.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. I … I do _now._ ”

Spencer exhaled in relief and Ava felt tension from her own shoulders vanish.

“Are you gonna talk to them?” asked Spencer gently. “Mom and Dad?”

Ava curled her fingers around the cuffs of her sleeves, letting the uneven feeling of the fabric ground her from the vague panic she felt at the idea of confronting her parents. “Eventually,” she murmured, “yeah. I … I don’t think I can right now.”

“That’s fair,” Spencer agreed quietly, pausing for a long moment before adding “just let me know when you do, yeah?”

Ava murmured an agreement, wishing she could stay on the phone with him for a while longer, but knowing before he told her that he had to go. “I love you Ava, don’t ever doubt that,” he said in a quiet voice, and Ava bit her lip, closing her eyes and stretching her legs out in front of her, forcing some of the tension from her shoulders.

Spencer went to hang up and Ava sat up straighter, a desperate “Spence, wait,” slipping from her lips before she had a moment to think about her words. He paused, and she swallowed thickly, the fingers of her free hand tapping against her leg in a familiar rhythm, trying to calm herself down. She took a deep breath, letting everything he had said sink in, voice cracking slightly as she finally murmured “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for me (chim) these last 2 weeks have been like ....... hell. pretty sure a walking disaster accurately describes me in absolutely all ways atm so like, despite sounding like i'm absolutely fishing for validation (i am) if u guys could leave us comments for this chapter even tho it didn't have a Heap of stuff going on, i would love y'all. (so would rachel but she's less of a disaster than me rn. it's ok tho, she's moving to uni in like 4 days so it'll be her turn soon ;-))


	16. i will lay here with you (until the hurting is gone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ava knocked on Sara’s front door slightly awkwardly, trying not to think about the last time she’d been here, especially when she saw the surprise on Sara’s face as she opened the door to find Ava standing on her doorstep. Clearly, the same thought had crossed through Sara’s mind, because her eyes flickered up and down Ava’s body as if to check if she was alright before finally finding her face again, meeting her eyes with a confused “Hey. You okay?”
> 
> Ava nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets and trying to ignore the way Sara was dressed in only a tank top and some pyjama shorts (in winter in the late afternoon - God, was this girl immune to the cold or something?) because now was not the time for Ava to be preoccupied by this damn crush, she was here for more important reasons than that. “Yeah, I’m okay, I just … actually, I came to talk to your dad.”"
> 
> OR
> 
> nora is going through a rough time & ava (and sara) help her through it, and ava gets thinking about her own relationship with her parents.  
>  **[pls read chapt notes for content warnings for this chapter!]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CW: this chapter references + talks about the previous suicide / death of a family member! if this might be super triggering to you then scroll down to the instagram post about halfway through and read from there! X**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS LAST WEEK oh boy did we need those, you have no idea how much it means to us and how reassuring it is for you guys to say that you're actually invested in the PLOT of this fic as well as all the cute fluffy relationship things! we always loved the story we created for this AU and the fact that you guys are following it with as much interest and love as the relationship within it is so heartwarming and validating <3 
> 
> we're both still super busy atm (rachel just moved to uni woop!, and I've got uni essays up the wazoo and applications for a million different things due) but we're doing our best to keep up to date with the fic. that's the reason this chapter is being uploaded a bit later, for these chapters we end up having to edit them the day we post so you might have to wait a few more hours than usual for an update (sorry!) but we kinda can't believe we're uploading chapter 16 already, this is fckn crazy, and we've reached out favourite part of the whole timeline where we're writing rn, so hold onto your hats because things get crazy soon. 
> 
> this chapter is pretty heavy, so again! please bear in mind things that might upset you in anyway, but we hope you guys enjoy it and appreciate the extra layers we've added to some of these characters with this chapter x (also we feel like this makes up for last week's shorter chapter. turns out this one is 13k .... neither of us have any idea how this actually happened)
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from until the hurting is gone by billy raffoul)

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

The Gals & Gary™  
_Active now_

_TUES 7:02am:_

  
**_Lily:_ ** **  
** @Nora  Love you babe x

  
**_Kuasa:_ **  
Let us know if you need  
anything, okay?

  
**_Gay Carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3 <3

  
**_Ava:_ ** **_  
_ ** Love you Nor XX

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thank you

I love you guys x

 

* * *

 

_Ava Sharpe_

**iMessage** ****  
(Nora Darhk) **  
** **Tuesday**

 

 **_7:11am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You coming to school today?

  
**_7:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not this time

  
**_7:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** This one

  
**_7:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** This one’s just too much

  
**_7:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know

  
**_7:13am:_ ** ****  
The legends are gonna ask why  
you’re not there

  
**_7:13am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Do you want me to tell them?

  
**_7:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_7:15am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait no

  
**_7:17am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I don’t know

  
**_7:17am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You don’t have to

  
**_7:17am:_ ** ****  
I can tell them you took a mental  
health day, or that you had stuff  
to look over w your social worker

  
**_7:24am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nora?

  
**_7:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tell them the truth

  
**_7:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You sure?

  
**_7:25am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_7:25am:_ ** ****  
I trust them all and idk I guess  
I’m fucking tired of pretending  
every year

 ****__  
**_7:26am:_ ** ****  
I need to stop being ashamed  
of what happened

  
**_7:26am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ashamed?

  
**_7:26am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Babe, you shouldn’t be ashamed

  
**_7:27am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ashamed is the wrong word

  
**_7:27am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not of her, or of what she did

  
**_7:27am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk

  
**_7:27am:_ ** ****  
Of this just being another piece  
of the Nora Darhk tragedy

  
**_7:28am:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’s not what your life is

  
**_7:29am:_ ** ****  
Do I need to remind you what  
today is, Aves?

  
**_7:30am:_ ** ****  
Your life isn’t a tragedy because  
I distinctly remember the day in  
7th grade that we were studying  
Shakespearean tragedies in English  
and you joked that maybe that was  
you and then you said to me, and I  
quote, “Wait, no, that’s not right,  
because Gary’s my comic relief and  
you’re my sensible best friend who  
stops me from prematurely dying so  
I have to eventually have a boring  
happy ending because otherwise you  
would both be useless characters in  
this overall story and that would be a  
waste.”

 ****__  
**_7:34am:_ ** ****  
I can’t believe you remember  
that

  
**_7:35am:_ ** ****  
You’re going to live a long and boring  
life with a dumb happy ending and I’m  
going to make sure you do responsible  
things like pay your taxes and Gary is  
going to make you laugh at least  
once a day and at some point I promise  
you today won’t hurt as bad as it does  
right now

 ****__  
**_7:37am:_ ** **  
** I don’t deserve you

 ****__  
**_7:37am:_ ** **  
** Yes you do

 ****__  
**_7:38am:_ ** **  
** I love you so so much Nora

  
**_7:38am:_ **  
And I’m not the only one, both  
my mom and my dad have told  
me this morning to give you a hug  
from them and to tell you that  
if you need anything ever, you  
can come over at anytime

  
**_7:39am:_ ** ****  
Mom contemplated making your  
favourite pecan pie for me to  
bring to school for you so that  
today wouldn’t suck as much

  
**_7:39am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course they did

  
**_7:39am:_ ** **_  
_ ** OF COURSE SHE DID

  
**_7:39am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tell them I love them

 ****__  
**_7:39am:_ ** **  
** They know

  
**_7:40:_ ** ****  
You’re the favourite Sharpe,  
remember? ;-)

  
**_7:40am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh, how could I forget? ;’D

  
**_7:40am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thank you Ava

  
**_7:41am:_ ** ****  
I owe you and your family  
so, so much, god

  
**_7:41am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hush

  
**_7:41am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You don’t owe us a thing

  
**_7:42am:_ ** ****  
Just promise me you’ll call  
me if you need anything, ok?

 ****__  
**_7:42am:_ ** **  
** I will, promise

  
**_7:42am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Love you x

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Sara, just a sec.”

Sara paused on her way out the door, glancing over her shoulder to give her father a quizzical look. He was standing by the couch in a suit - Sara knew he had to go down to the courthouse for something today - and he wore an odd, thoughtful expression. Sara felt a sudden, swooping fear in her stomach and she tightened her grip on the doorknob, barely managing “Is it Laurel?” in a somewhat calm and regulated voice.

“What?” Quentin’s eyes went wide. “No, no - God, no Laurel’s fine. Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve -” He shook his head, laughing tiredly. “No, baby, it’s not Laurel. It’s nothing that serious.”

Sara exhaled in relief, giving her father a halfhearted glare. But Quentin still looked a little torn, was holding the file in hands a little too purposefully for Sara to just dismiss it, and she stepped back into the living room to raise an eyebrow at her father. “Dad?”

“How close are you with Nora?”

“Nora Darhk?” said Sara, frowning. “Uh, I dunno. Kinda close I guess? She and Ava have been best friends since they were little and they all joined the legends around October. She’s pretty cool - a little reserved but I guess you can’t blame her with all the shit that’s gone on her life. Why?” A niggling thought flared in Sara’s mind and she sucked in a sharp breath. “Is this to do with the Darhk investigation? You’re not gonna try use her to get to Damien are you? She’s just a _kid_ Dad, that’s not fair -”

“Sara, no,” said Quentin firmly, holding up one hand to cut Sara off. “I would never risk her like that. You know I’m not that kind of cop.”

Sara huffed with both frustration and confusion. “Okay, then what’s this about?”

Quentin furrowed his eyebrows, eyes flickering down to the file he was holding. “I know you care a lot about your friends,” he said, and his voice was gentle in a way Sara hadn’t been expecting. “If Nora’s at school today … just be there for her, okay? Be a good friend to her.”

There was something protective and paternal in his voice that Sara only ever heard when he spoke about her or Laurel, and she couldn’t stop herself from asking again, “What’s this about?”, adding a quiet “Why wouldn’t Nora be at school today Dad?”

Finally, Quentin glanced up to meet her eyes and Sara’s stomach jolted at the heaviness in his expression. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Sara nodded, not knowing if she was more nervous or scared for what the hell it could possibly be that her father was talking about.

“Today’s the 10 year anniversary of the day Nora’s mother committed suicide.”

All the air left Sara’s lungs in a rush, and a low ache filled the space instead. “Oh.”

Quentin sighed. “Yeah. I … I wasn’t sure whether to tell you to respect her privacy or anything, but I know you won’t go broadcasting it.”

“Of course not,” said Sara quickly, clutching the strap of her school bag tightly. God, she wanted to call Ava right now.

“Just be there for her,” repeated Quentin, and his eyes were soft and fond this time. “I know you will be. You’re a good friend Sara - that’s why I wanted you to know.”

Sara couldn’t help but smile, an embarrassed flush working its way onto her neck. “You’re the one who taught me to care about people, Dad,” she said with a shrug, biting her lip as she met his gaze. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll look out for her if she is there today.”

Quentin crossed the space between them, squeezed her shoulder. “That’s my girl.”

 

* * *

 

_Ava Sharpe_

**iMessage** ****  
(Sara Lance) **  
** **Tuesday**

 

 **_7:46am:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey

  
**_7:46am:_ ** **_  
_ ** so uh

  
**_7:46am:_ ** ****  
dad just told me what today  
is for nora

  
**_7:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** How does he know??

  
**_7:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** the file on damien

  
**_7:47am:_ ** ****  
i had no idea that’s what had  
happened to her mom

  
**_7:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_7:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s been through a lot

  
**_7:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** you don’t fucking say

  
**_7:49am:_ ** ****  
is she coming to school today?  
do you know?

  
**_7:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not this time

  
**_7:49am:_ ** ****  
She does most years but I think  
it being 10 years is just a lot

  
**_7:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** jesus, yeah no fair enough

  
**_7:50am:_ ** **_  
_ ** She asked me to tell everyone

  
**_7:50am:_ ** **_  
_ ** The legends I mean

  
**_7:51am:_ ** ****  
wait seriously? she doesn’t have  
to, like there’s no obligation

  
**_7:51am:_ ** **_  
_ ** she knows that right?

  
**_7:51am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, she knows

  
**_7:51am:_ ** ****  
Nora Darhk isn’t someone who would  
tell people something like this out of  
a sense of obligation

  
**_7:52am:_ ** ****  
I think it’s her way of letting people in,  
of trusting them with something big  
about herself

  
**_7:52am:_ ** ****  
I think it’s also a way for her to start  
to move on from it

  
**_7:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** god i can’t even imagine

  
**_7:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, me neither

  
**_8:01am:_ ** ****  
I’ll be at school in 10ish minutes,  
meet you outside?

  
**_8:02am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Meet you then x

 

* * *

 

 **_  
_ ** Nora was waiting on the Sharpes’ front porch when Layla’s car pulled up in the driveway after school that day.

“Will it be too much if I give her a hug?” asked Ali in a small voice.

“No,” said Ava and Layla in unison, and Ava couldn’t bring herself to be surprised at how soft and sympathetic Layla’s voice was. (She’d always had a soft spot for Nora, even when Ava was her least favourite person in the world.) All three sisters had exited the car, grabbed their bags and headed towards the door. Nora got to her feet, giving Ava a small, sheepish smile as a silent hello before stumbling a little when Ali attacked her in an emphatic hug.

“Let me breathe Al,” said Nora, and Ava could tell she was putting in a lot of effort to keep her voice level.

“Sorry,” mumbled Ali, pulling back and glancing hesitantly up at Nora. “I’m … I’m sorry Nor.”

Nora’s eyes flickered with weight and sorrow before she schooled her emotions for Ali’s benefit. “Thanks Ali,” she said quietly. “That means a lot.”

 

Ava waited for Ali and Layla to head inside before leaning against one of the obnoxious pillars that framed the front porch, watching Nora carefully. Eventually she spoke, softly and she hoped, full of understanding. “You wanna stay here or head out somewhere?”

Nora fiddled with the cuffs of her sleeves. “Stay,” she whispered.

Ava nodded, reaching out to curl her hands around Nora’s but stopping herself, knowing that Nora was one for needing her personal space when she was this emotionally overwhelmed. They ended up sitting in the backyard, lying down unter the huge tree at the bottom of Ava’s garden just like they used to when they were kids and everything in Nora’s life seemed to be falling apart, just staring up at the branches above and enjoying the calm and quiet understanding between them. It was a while before either of them said anything - after all this time, it didn’t feel like there was much left to say - but eventually Ava heard Nora say “Do uh … do you remember when Gary fell off that branch right there and broke his arm in 4 places?” Her voice was quiet, almost wistful.

Everything had been simpler then - they were 7, messing around in the garden in spring when it’d just started to warm up - before Nora’s dad had disappeared, before Ava had realised she was gay and stopped playing sports because she was scared of her … _mother_ … finding out, before Barbara had really started to pressure her about what she was wearing and how much makeup she didn’t own. Ava laughed, shuffling slightly closer so she could nudge Nora’s arm lightly with her own. “Yeah, it looked like something out of a horror movie. Layla puked when she saw it.”

Nora snorted. “I remember,” she said softly, but her words sounded hollow, almost empty, and Ava had to force herself to keep her eyes on the branches above and give Nora the space she needed rather than turning to look at her friend. A silent shiver ran through Nora’s body, and it took everything Ava had not to act on the instincts she was used to with Sara - reaching out, holding Nora’s hand, pulling her into a hug. Nora wasn’t Sara. So Ava waited, watching Nora and making sure not to push. Nora had something to say, she could tell - she’d sought Ava out for a reason, she just needed the space to unjumble her thoughts before she could share them with anyone else.

There were a few moments of heavy silence between them, but eventually Ava heard Nora suck in a shaky breath, saying in a quiet whisper, voice thick with tears, “I can’t remember what her voice sounded like.”

Ava felt something snap inside of her and rolled onto her side, all self control flying out of the window when she heard the way Nora’s voice cracked. Nora’s bottom lip was trembling, eyes still fixed on the leaves on the tree as if Ava wasn’t there, clearly moments away from tears but trying her hardest to keep them at bay as she fiddled nervously with the zipper of her jacket instead. It took her a minute to get her breathing under control, but Ava still waited, not interrupting, knowing that Nora would continue when she was ready.

And she did. It took a few seconds, but Nora scrubbed a hand over her face and started in a shaky voice, “We have these … _had_ these home movies. You know the ones your parents do to try and ‘capture your childhood’ at christmas and birthdays and when you take your first steps and all that shit? Yeah those. And - ” Nora sucked in a sharp breath, cutting herself off, and this time Ava couldn’t help but reach out and take her hand, giving it a light squeeze and hoping it would somehow give Nora enough strength to continue. Nora sniffed, blinking rapidly. “We … we had so so many of them. They were all so dumb and so badly filmed but my mom, she loved them - she was always talking in them and laughing at stuff my dad was saying and cooing at me and all that. But they - the police, they took them all away when she died. They started confiscating a few when dad disappeared but then when she died they just took everything, claiming it was evidence or something, I don’t know.”

She stopped, finally rolling over onto her side to meet Ava’s eyes, and Ava felt a fierce flash of anger on Nora’s behalf shoot through her when she saw the sheer vulnerability in Nora’s expression and the way she was still blinking back her tears. Nora squeezed her hand almost painfully. “I think they thought it could’ve been a homicide at first, that maybe she’d known something about dad’s operation and he’d sent someone to kill her. It took _years_ for them to verify that it was a suicide, but I just …” She shrugged helplessly, wiping her cheeks with her free hand before meeting Ava’s eyes, her breath catching in her throat. “There’s this part of me that isn’t sure. About whether it was … you know. Actually a suicide. I know they proved it but like … Dad would be able to frame it that way. Or get into the police, I dunno. I don’t know, I don’t care right now what it was - it doesn’t change anything, she’s still gone and nothing is gonna bring her up. Once they catch dad it’ll be important to know which one it was, but until then … I just … I just want one of those videos so I can hear her voice again, you know?”

“Yeah,” said Ava softly. “Yeah, I know.”

A flash of anger and resentment flickered in Nora’s eyes suddenly. “I’ve tried,” she said bitterly. “When … when it was 5 years, when we were 13 … I - I asked my social worker if she could get me one, and she tried, but the cops were insisting it was evidence, and they wouldn’t let me - I don’t know what the fuck kind of evidence a shaky video of my mom playing with me is, they’re _home movies_ , but whatever, I guess.”

Nora shrugged again, letting go of Ava’s hand to wipe her eyes again, properly this time and slightly smudging her mascara in the process. Ava opened her mouth to say something, but Nora cut her off, sighing and adding quietly “If it’d help them catch dad then I’d get it, it’s just … I just want _one_.”

Ava nodded, lost for words. She would never stop Nora from talking about this when she needed to, especially when it was something that Nora so fiercely kept these vulnerable parts of herself hidden from almost everyone. But it was so difficult hearing it all and knowing that there was nothing - _nothing_ \- Ava could do, no way that she could fix the situation and provide Nora with a tiny semblance of the closure she so desperately needed and deserved.

 

Except maybe…?

 

No.

Ava pushed the sudden, almost exciting thought away. It was a possibility, for sure, but … it wasn’t fair to suggest it to Nora, not right now, especially not when there was such a slim chance of anything coming of it. She sighed quietly, rolling back onto her back when Nora did the same, but remaining close enough to rest her arm against Nora’s to ground her.

“I miss her,” breathed Nora, voice hoarse and full of grief and longing.

“I know,” said Ava again, hating that her own voice cracked as she spoke, hating that she could feel tears building against her own eyelids. She could only vaguely remember Nora’s mother, remember her bright smile, the way her perfume smelled when she hugged Ava when Ava came over after school, her light, twinkling laugh when Gary used to get up to his antics. She wanted to tell Nora all this, but knew it was nothing Nora wasn’t already replaying in her head every minute of today, every tiny, otherwise irrelevant memory being agonised over, analysed, desperately preserved. Instead, Ava didn’t say anything, just squeezed Nora’s hand with all her strength as they continued to stare up at the tree in silence, not able to fix the past but both wishing they could.

 

* * *

 

Ava knocked on Sara’s front door slightly awkwardly, trying not to think about the last time she’d been here, especially when she saw the surprise on Sara’s face as she opened the door to find Ava standing on her doorstep. Clearly, the same thought had crossed through Sara’s mind, because her eyes flickered up and down Ava’s body as if to check if she was alright before finally finding her face again, meeting her eyes with a confused “Hey. You okay?”

Ava nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets and trying to ignore the way Sara was dressed in only a tank top and some pyjama shorts (in winter in the late afternoon - God, was this girl immune to the cold or something?) because now was _not_ the time for Ava to be preoccupied by this _damn_ crush, she was here for more important reasons than that. “Yeah, I’m okay, I just … actually, I came to talk to your dad.”

Sara raised an eyebrow, even more confused than she had been before. But she stepped back to let Ava in, taking the umbrella she was carrying out of her hands and leaning it against the wall.

“About anything in particular?” Sara asked with her regular type of unrestrainable, teasing curiosity. Ava nodded, smiling at Sara’s clear inability to be subtle about not liking being in the dark. Ava nudged Sara’s shoulder and followed her into the living room.

“I’ll tell you both in a minute.”

Quentin seemed just as surprised as Sara had been that she wanted to talk to him, but had somewhat more subtlety than his daughter. As Sara switched off the TV, Quentin made Ava a cup of tea and moved to sit in his armchair, leaning forward on his knees and giving Ava reassuring look. Ava took a deep breath, suddenly uncertain. She didn’t know whether this was a ridiculous request, whether Quentin would frown at her for asking him to break police rules or whether it would obviously interfere with the current Darhk investigation and Ava was just being stupid and clueless. But then Sara sat down next to her with her knee resting against Ava’s, offering her a small smile almost identical to her father’s that silently said _it’s okay_ . So Ava tentatively explained her idea. Quentin listened patiently as she explained about the home videos, and how important they were to Nora, about how Ava knew they might somehow be important to the  case and she knew that if they were actually useful Nora would prefer the police kept them and used them to catch her dad, but … if they _weren’t_ being used for any purpose, Nora having one wouldn’t do anyone any harm, would it?

“Ava.” Quentin stopped her before she could continue, cutting off her rambling thoughts, just as Sara placed a comforting hand on her knee.

Ava ran one hand through her hair, looking down at Sara’s hand. “Sorry. I - ”

“Don’t apologise,” Quentin interrupted gently, leaning forward a little further and waiting for her to meet his eyes before continuing earnestly, “It shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll look into it, and see what I can do.” He paused, before something resembling frustration and a seemingly fatherly protectiveness flashed in his eyes. “If we’re being honest, those tapes have never been examined as evidence since they were first confiscated, and they _should_ have been released back to Nora when they became unnecessary to the investigation. Now that you mention it, I might put someone on reexamining them, just in case but as soon as we find one that’s useless to us, I’ll give it to Sara to pass on, yeah?”

Ava’s breath left her in a rush and it took all of her effort not to sag back against the couch in relief. “Thank you,” she replied, not sure quite how to express just how much this would mean to Nora without spilling secrets that weren’t hers to share, but Quentin just smiled as if he already knew, getting up from the armchair he was sat in and squeezing her shoulder comfortingly as he walked past, pausing in the doorway and turning back to face her.

“Would you like to stay for dinner Ava? It’s probably going to be homemade pizza.”

Ava glanced over to Sara briefly, who just nodded at her and bumped their shoulders together, hand still burning against Ava’s knee, not seeming to have noticed it was still there. Ava swallowed, trying her hardest not to think about _that_ whilst Quentin was talking to her. “Yes, thank you, that’d be lovely.”

“Good,” Quentin smiled, grabbing an empty mug off the shelf by the door and making his way towards the kitchen, humming to himself as he went and causing Sara to roll her eyes affectionately.

Finally, Ava let herself relax into the couch, closing her eyes and just letting herself stop for a moment. Sara shuffled closer, leaning her head against Ava’s arm almost absentmindedly as she scrolled through her phone. Ava fought the urge to squirm away at how close Sara was, at how the proximity was making Ava’s heart race in a way that she desperately hoped Sara couldn’t hear.

When she finally braved a glance at Sara, Sara was looking at her with a small, accidental smile on her face, something indecipherable in her eyes. The same look she’d had that morning in bed a week ago after she’d come to find Ava in the park in the middle of the night and brought her home.

“What?” Ava asked softly, unable to help a matching smile from creeping across her lips.

Sara shook her head. “It’s nothing,” she tried to say, but the words just made something flutter deep within Ava’s chest, not helped when Sara’s eyes met hers, burning with an unfamiliar, yet not entirely unwelcome intensity. Ava raised an eyebrow, and Sara laughed softly, pushing herself off the couch and holding her hand out to Ava, wiggling her fingers and waiting for Ava to take them before pulling her up too. Sara looked down at where their fingers were joined, squeezing Ava’s hand lightly before finally looking up and meeting her eyes again, saying in a quiet voice “You’re a really great friend.”

There was just so much sincerity to her words that Ava was temporarily speechless, but Sara didn’t seem to notice, already leading her towards the stairs before Ava had a chance to reply.

“Brooklyn Nine Nine?” Sara asked, and Ava blinked, not having been paying attention.

Before Ava could respond, Quentin called out from the kitchen, “Ava! If you can get Sara to _finally_ clean her room then you get first dibs on extra toppings.”

“Dad!” exclaimed Sara, cheeks flushing but Ava smirked.

“Brooklyn Nine Nine _after_ your room is actually livable then,” she teased and Sara glared at her with no heat in it, just dragged Ava up the stairs scrunching her nose embarrassedly in a way that really shouldn’t have made Ava’s heart flutter like it did.

“Fine,” said Sara, sending Ava a cheeky look over her shoulder. “But you have to help. You’re the one who spontaneously stayed the night and interrupted my room tidying schedule.”

Ava ignored the heat at the back of her neck at the memory of that night, and instead scoffed and elbowed Sara playfully. “Sure Sara,” she chuckled. “Whatever you say.”

 

* * *

 

In truth, Sara was more than a little apprehensive about this. Not about giving Nora the video her Dad had managed to obtain from the station, but about how she would react. Because unlike Ava, Gary, Lily, Kuasa, and even Ray, she still felt like she didn’t know Nora that well, having not been close to her growing up and seeing first hand over these past months the kind of walls Nora used to hide herself from the rest of the world. Ava had mentioned, once or twice - usually when discussing the easy friendship Ray and Nora seemed to have formed - that Nora tended to try and push people away rather than letting them in.

(It sounded a little too familiar for Sara’s liking, but Ray had been one of the main people forcing his way into her life and changing her outlook when _she_ was young and abrasive and untrusting and pushing people away. But it gave her some kind of relief that he was the one carefully toppling Nora’s walls, because Sara had complete faith that he would give Nora exactly what she needed.)

Sara spun the package in her hands round, watching the gate for Nora’s arrival, pushing herself off the wall the moment she saw a flash of dark hair coupled with that familiar leather jacket. Sara walked over to meet Nora, a hesitant smile on her face and giving Nora a reassuring grin when Nora arched an expectant eyebrow that clearly said _is something wrong?_ Sara couldn’t really blame her for being suspicious - the two of them didn’t really have a relationship, and their friendship was still pretty on the outskirts. But Sara didn’t want Nora to think she was going to give her some kind of ominous, serious news passed on from Quentin about the investigation, so she offered a quiet “It’s nothing important.” She waited until they were inside, walking towards their lockers before she stopped, turning to face Nora and leaning back on the wall, dropping her bag to the floor.

“Okay Lance,” said Nora, crossing her arms defensively even as a somewhat amicable smile lingered on her face. “What’s up? You’re acting as though you’re about to break up with me.”

Sara snorted with laughter, rolling her eyes. She’d always liked Nora’s sense of humour, and she couldn’t stop herself from quipping “Yeah, hate to break it to you Nora, but there’s someone else.”

Nora grinned and Sara returned it, finally holding the package in her hand out in front of her. “Nah, for real though. Ava mentioned something to my dad last week and uh … he did some digging. Went over some old evidence to make sure there weren’t any loose ends and he decided that you’d have more use for this than the cops.”

Nora still looked confused, eyes scanning Sara’s face for a moment, looking for some kind of indication of what Sara was talking about. She finally took the package and started to pull off the tape holding it shut. The moment she looked inside and pulled out the old, VCR tape, Sara heard all of her breath leave her lungs, eyes flickering incredulously to Sara before drifting back to the item in her hands that had started to shake.

“Is this …?”

“Yeah,” said Sara quietly, a little taken aback as she realised this was the most emotional she’d ever seen the girl before her. “Dad said that they were going through all of the other ones again over the next couple weeks. Just to check if there’s anything they can pick up from them now that they have new evidence and … he told me to make sure you knew that you would get any of the tapes that the cops decide they don’t need. He doesn’t know how long it’ll take to get them back to you but -”  

Suddenly, without warning, Nora flung her arms around Sara’s neck, pulling her into a tight hug, almost dropping the videotape in the process. Sara stumbled back in surprise but hugged Nora equally tightly, unable to help her soft, slightly uncertain laugh. “Easy Nora, I told you - there’s someone else, you’ve gotta stop being so clingy.”

Nora pulled back with a laugh of her own, sending Sara a smirk, but Sara tried not to noticeably stare when Nora quickly moved to wipe her eyes. She thought she’d known how much this would mean to Nora when Ava had initially explained the situation to her and her dad, but now, with _Nora Darhk_ having hugged her like she’d done the impossible, gratitude rolling off her in waves, Sara realised that she could never even begin to understand just how much Nora needed this.

“Thank you,” said Nora quietly, in barely a whisper.

It was the sincerity in her voice that blew Sara away. The complete and utter broken gratitude, the way her voice cracked on the words and made Sara want to hug her all over again. But then Nora shifted her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, looking uncomfortable and more than slightly out of her depth, so Sara simply smiled, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “It’s really no problem Nora,” she said just as genuinely, eyes fixed on Nora’s. “I wish we could’ve got you the lot of them all at once.”

“Sara,” Nora interrupted, voice slightly less unsure than it had been before. “This is more than enough. So thank you.” She smiled back, carefully shoving the package into her bag. Before Sara could reply, Wally, Nate and Lily caught sight of them, calling out a hello and joining them by Nora’s locker. Lily seemed to notice Nora’s silence and nudged her, asking a silent question that Sara didn’t need words to interpret. But Nora’s answering smile was just as easy to read and Sara found herself inwardly promising to make an effort to spend more time with Nora.

The same way Sara had told Ava that the legends were her family, something told Sara that Nora needed that too.

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** ****

**  
** **_noradarhk posted 1 new photo:_ **

10 years of missing you and your undercooked chocolate chip cookies, your fairytales that made me feel like the world wasn’t such a bad place, your hugs, your smile, your terrible choices in 80s classic movies and everything else in between. I love you mom xxx

 **_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, saraalance, gxryggreeen, ztomaz, laaylasharpexx, raymondcpalmer, and 176 others._  
**_Comments:_ ** ****__  
_avacsharpe:_ <3 <3 <3  
_avacsharpe_ : I still remember that time she managed to convince  @gxryggreeen  that chicken and ice cream w caramel sauce was an actual delicacy from New Mexico  
_gxryggreeen_ : SHUT UP @avacsharpe SHE WAS VERY CONVINCING  
_KuasaJiwe:_ Here if you need anything x  
_nathanielheywood:_ Heaps of love x  
_wallacewesttt:_ <3 <3  
_aliJsharpeXX:_ love you nora <3  
_raymondcpalmer_ : Let me know if you need anything at all  <3  
_noradarhk:_ @avacsharpe @KuasaJiwe @nathanielheywood @aliJsharpeXX @wallacewesttt Thanks you guys, love you all stupid amounts xx  
_noradarhk:_ @raymondcpalmer  <3 Thank you x  
noradarhk: @avacsharpe @gxryggreeen HAHAHAHAHA I had actually forgotten about that ;’D ;’D and no Gary, she wasn’t convincing at all, you were just the sweetest, most gullible little seven year old

Tuesday 31 January.

 

* * *

 

Ava had come over after school to do history - or at least, that’s what they’d said, even though they both knew it was unlikely to happen after the week they’d just had. In fact, they’d never actually got as far as opening the textbook, as Sara had dropped it unceremoniously on the floor when Ava had flopped down onto her bed, lying back with a heavy sigh and staring up at the ceiling, fiddling anxiously with the charm bracelet around her wrist. Instead of speaking, Sara had simply joined her on the bed. She lay close enough that their arms could touch, hoping the warmth of her skin against Ava’s would do something to calm her down, even if she couldn’t do anything else.

It felt like they’d been there for hours before Ava moved, shifting slightly on the bed and slipping her fingers into Sara’s, squeezing them tightly as she sucked in a shaky breath. Sara squeezed her hand back but didn’t move, keeping her eyes fixed on the ceiling, not wanting to pressure Ava into speaking, but waiting until she was ready.

“This thing with Nora,” Ava eventually said in an uncertain, slightly shaky voice. “I just … I can’t stop thinking about it. She - she’s lost both her parents. And we’ve been friends for years and I don’t know why this year is different but it just -”

Sara ran her eyes over a crack in the ceiling as Ava’s voice broke, tracing small circles across the back of Ava’s hand but still not looking, trying to give Ava the privacy she needed to sort through her thoughts and work out what she needed to say.

“I might - ”

Ava’s impossibly small voice cracked for a second time and she gripped Sara’s hand harder. Sara pushed herself up onto her elbows so she could look Ava in the eyes, and it took everything Sara had not to act on instinct when she saw Ava shudder just slightly, eyes wet with unshed tears that Sara hadn’t seen appear. Because Sara’s instinct was telling her to distract Ava, to lean in and press the softest of kisses to Ava’s lips and murmur “It’s okay.” But that wasn’t an option. So Sara gave Ava as gente and encouraging of a smile as she could, her thumb tracing the lines on Ava’s hand, patiently waiting until Ava took a deep breath and steadied herself just a little. She didn’t say anything though, so Sara gave it another couple of moments before, shifting her weight and nudging Ava’s thigh with her knee. “What Aves?” she asked quietly.

Ava shivered, curling one arm around her waist protectively and closing her eyes, and even though she knew that this was what Ava needed, part of Sara immediately regretted asking the question. Ava swallowed, before eventually saying “I might talk to my parents about the adoption papers.”

Sara smiled gently at Ava, nudging her shoulder affectionately when she saw Ava’s lips twitch slightly, not quite a smile, but almost. Sara couldn’t quite spot the link between Ava’s thoughts - how Nora’s situation related to Ava’s at all, but while she was deliberating whether or not to ask, Ava seemed to understand and sighed again. “I owe it to Nora to try to fix this,” she said in barely a whisper.

Sara rolled onto her back to hide the way her face fell at Ava’s words, unsure why the sinking feeling in her stomach was so heavy, so intense. But just like a moment ago, before she could question Ava’s words, Ava filled the silence. “No matter what was going on between me and my mom, she always had a soft spot for Nora. And … with everything that’s happened with Nora’s family, I know - at some point, accidentally, my mom … she became the closest thing to a stable mother figure Nora had. And if … I don’t know, it’s almost like … if I lose her - if I _let_ myself lose my parents, Nora loses that stability too.”

Sara forced herself to keep her face calm, unchanged, but pushed herself up again and crossed her legs. She waited for Ava to do the same before taking both of her hands, gripping them tightly and giving Ava a long, concerned look. “Aves, look at me,” she said softly, giving Ava a small smile when her eyes flickered up from the bed to meet hers, still damp but looking a little more focused than before. Sara took a deep breath, desperately hoping her words would somehow express her thoughts without Ava misunderstanding her. “Ava, I’m not … I did hear what you said. And you do have a point - a good one, and I know how much you care about Nora.” She paused, uncertain, and bit her lip before continuing earnestly, “But this has to be about _you_. Only you. You can’t make it about Nora, or your siblings; if and when you talk to your parents about this, it has to be because you want to, not out of any obligation to anyone else.”

Ava remained silent for a long moment, and Sara was scared for a long, uneasy moment, wondering whether telling Ava what she really though was a good idea or not. A stray tear rolled down Ava’s cheek and before she could stop herself Sara had reached up to brush it away, ignoring the way Ava shivered slightly at the contact. “It’s easier to do it for her,” Ava eventually whispered, voice thick with tears. She leaning forward slightly - almost instinctively - and this time Sara couldn’t help but pull her into a hug, wrapping her arms around Ava and rubbing one hand up and down her back, hating how familiar it now felt to have Ava crying in her arms after these past weeks.

“I know,” Sara murmured quietly, fighting to keep her voice steady despite the way her heart felt like it was breaking on Ava’s behalf. She smoothed one hand over Ava’s hair before leaving it to rest against her shoulder, giving it a light, comforting squeeze. “I know.”

 

It was a while before Ava shifted in her arms. She pulled away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and pausing for a moment, and Sara couldn’t stop herself from grabbing a tissue from her bedside table and fixing Ava’s smudged mascara. Ava laughed a little when she realised what Sara was doing, fingers fiddling with a tear of Sara’s jeans.

“This whole breakdown every other day thing means I should probably just stop wearing makeup these days, huh?” she said, not quite sounding okay yet. Sara offered her a small grin to the weak joke, stopping herself from saying something along the lines of _you’d look beautiful either way._ “You’re right though,” added Ava, far too much vulnerability in her voice. “I’m gonna … I’ll talk to them tonight.”

“For you?” Sara asked gently, eyes filled with concern.

“Yeah,” Ava agreed, voice still a little too fragile for Sara’s liking. She swallowed hesitantly, looking down at the floor before lifting her eyes to meet Sara’s once again. “For me.”

This time, when Sara smiled, it felt as if the room lit up around them, just as it had done in the early morning sunlight that day that simultaneously felt like months ago, and like it happened yesterday, when Ava had spent the night at Sara’s. Ava smiled back, taking Sara’s hand but hesitating a moment later when she looked over to the door. “Can you…” she paused, biting her lip, but when Sara nodded encouragingly at her she worked up the courage to ask quietly “walk home with me?”

“Of course Aves,” Sara replied softly, pulling her to her feet. “Always.”

 

Ava could already feel her breathing beginning to pick up, the idea of confronting her dad starting to seem worse and worse now she’d actually committed to it and was standing right outside her house. If Ava hadn’t felt sick to her stomach about it all, she would’ve found it kind of funny, a little ironic about how closely this mirrored the first night her friendship with Sara had properly began. Back when it had only been about Ava coming out, when her and Sara didn’t really know where they stood with each other, when Ava had at least been sure about her _place_ in her family, even if things were tense right now. All these months later, Sara was still right there, right by her side promising her things would be okay. It was much more than just about coming out now - and Ava knew this wouldn’t blow over as quickly and as easily as that first fight had. But it felt kind of comforting to know she was in the same position she had been before, and had come out on the other side okay and could do the same again. As if on cue, Sara squeezed her arm gently, with just enough pressure to ground her and attract her attention without causing her to freak out even more.

“You got this,” Sara said quietly, eyes fixed on Ava’s face.

She smiled reassuringly, giving Ava a small nod, and somehow her infectious confidence allowed Ava to take a deep, shaky breath to steady herself, before nodding back and meeting Sara’s eyes once again. She bit her lip, not fully able to force all of her doubts from her mind. “Can I … can I call you tonight?”

“Of course you can,” came Sara’s immediate response, accompanied by another reassuring smile.

Ava paused for a moment, expecting Sara to leave, but for some reason she didn’t. It was as if she was waiting - waiting for her to work up the nerve to move, waiting for her to regain enough confidence to actually go talk to her - her _dad_ \- rather than just thinking about it. It shouldn’t have meant so much, but the simple idea that Sara would stay here for as long as Ava needed was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes, so Ava blinked, looking down at the floor and whispering “Okay,” to herself, before straightening her shoulders, finding Sara’s hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

Without her having to say anything else Sara seemed to understand, tilting her head slightly towards where Robert was still tinkering in the garage and giving Ava one final encouraging smile before letting go, taking a few steps back down the drive. Ava paused, screwed her head on right, took one last deep breath, before finally starting to walk down the drive, awkwardly adjusting the straps of her bag as she went.

It felt like she was standing inside the garage for hours before she worked up the courage to clear her throat, catching Robert’s attention. “Hey uh … Dad. Can I … can I talk to you?”

Robert stood up, smiling when he saw her. When she didn’t return it, he frowned with concern, placing the spanner he was holding down on the side and wiping his hands on his jeans before leaning back against his workbench. “Yeah, of course bug, what’s up?”

Ava froze, her stomach twisting unpleasantly at the nickname. All of the words she’d planned out in her head dried up in her throat and she was suddenly too terrified of hearing the answers he might give her. Before he could ask for a second time, Ava reached into her bag, hands trembling as her fingers curled around the manila folder holding the papers, pulling out into the open and shoving it in her father’s direction.

“What’s this?” asked Robert. He raised a teasing eyebrow. “Did you get a bad report card?”

Ava still didn’t speak, and Robert gave her a long, anxious look. After a minute, he finally flipped the file open, and Ava felt even sicker as all the colour drained from his face and his confusion morphed into horror mixed with heartbreaking understanding. “Ava, I -”

“Were you _ever_ going to tell me?” Ava demanded, almost glad that her voice was furious rather than the pathetic brokenness it had been with Sara earlier.

Robert’s face fell. He took a step forward and Ava instinctively moved backwards, trying not to think about the flash of hurt on his face. “Of course were were Ava,” he said, eyes flickering down to take in the papers in his hands. “We … we were going to tell you after graduation.” When Ava again didn’t respond, he sighed, flipping the folder shut and placing it on the workbench. “That’s the truth sweetheart, I promise.”  

Was it?

How was she ever supposed to know what was the truth anymore, after all the lies she’d been told? Tears burned against her eyes and she turned away from him, roughly wiping them away. She saw him move to try and comfort her and she shrugged him off, shaking her head. “No, don’t,” she said in a low voice that was thankfully still coated with anger. He kept his distance, but Ava hated that she actually felt _bad_ that she’d put that heartbroken expression on his face.

No. _He’d_ put that expression there, he was the one who’d made the choice to lie. To keep her in the dark. To now make her question everything she thought she’d been sure about in her life.

“Ava,” Robert said helplessly, almost pleading with her. “We _were_ going to tell you. We wanted to give you the summer after graduation to come to terms with it, and have space from us at college if that was what you wanted, but leave enough time for you to ask any questions you might have before moving out. That’s why we chose that time.”

Ava closed her eyes, not able to look at him any longer. “ _Why_ though?” she finally whispered hoarsely. “Why not just tell me when I was a kid? It would’ve been so much _easier_ for me - instead you just _lied_ to me for 18 damn years!”

The pause that followed was unmissable, only a heartbeat, but it still felt like a lifetime. But then Robert stepped forward, grabbing Ava by the arms and holding her just tight enough that she couldn’t run away as he answered “Because we wanted you to be ours, Ava. You _are_ our daughter, whether that’s by blood or not.”

It took a moment for Ava to work up the courage to open her eyes, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, but when she finally did she immediately found similar eyes looking right back at her, wide and desperate and full of pain. They’d always laughed and joked as kids about who got which features from which parent - Ali had insisted, over and over again, that Ava had inherited their father’s bluish-green eyes, whilst she’d been stuck with Barbara’s. And their parents had laughed and joked and played along. Ava stifled a sob. All that time, they’d acted as though nothing was wrong, even though they’d known all along it was a lie, because Ava wasn’t _their_ child, and never had been.

(A small voice in her head - maybe Sara’s, maybe Nora’s, was quietly but vehemently insisting the opposite, was reminding her that 18 years of parenthood wasn’t dismissed by something as trivial as being related by blood, but right now, Ava ignored it.)

“Am I the only one who didn’t know?” she eventually asked, voice even smaller than it had been before, not entirely convinced that Spencer had even known the whole truth. “Did Layla? Ali?”

“No,” Robert replied immediately, letting go of her arms and shaking his head to try and reassure her. “Layla was too young to remember, and Ali was born after. We never told either of them.” He paused, uncertainty flashing through his eyes before he quietly admitted “Spencer did though.”

Ava took a step back, too exhausted to run but desperately needing to put some space between herself and the man she didn’t know whether to call her father. She sagged back against the workbench and hung her head, roughly wiping away a tear before it could fall. “Yeah, I know.”

If Robert’s face showed any surprise, she didn’t see it, because he’d turned around, running both hands over his face and sighing before dropping them back to his side. Ava wondered, briefly, if he’d be mad that she talked to Spencer first, but that thought was smothered by another, sudden flash of anger. If he’d wanted to talk to her about this first, then he should’ve fucking told her to begin with.

“He hated it,” Robert said quietly, turning back around to face her but avoiding her eyes. Ava felt a wave of panic ripple through her before he must’ve seen her expression, hastily adding “not that you were adopted. _Never_ that you were adopted - he loves you more than anything, Ava. But … he hated that we lied to you about it, and that we made him lie to you about it too.”

“I wonder why,” Ava snapped spitefully, letting out a disbelieving scoff. “I know he hated it,” she said, fighting to keep her voice level and devoid of emotion. “He told me.”

Robert sighed, taking a step closer but not reaching out to her, seeming to recognise that she couldn’t manage that, not right now. “Ava,” he said softly, waiting for her to look at him before continuing in a quiet, still concerned voice. “Please don’t blame him for his part in this.”

Ava hardened her gaze, fixing it on the car in front of her because she knew she would break if she even _tried_ to look at the man beside her. Her hands gripped the workbench so hard her knuckles went white. “I don’t,” she said coldly.

She didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t know how to act, she just … she just desperately wanted this conversation to be over, so she could go upstairs and call Sara immediately, instead of simply standing here and trying to make sense of a million things at once, putting all of her effort into not letting her tears fall. She needed Sara to tell her things would work out, to tell her that confronting her dad had been a good idea, that it would get easier, and that at some point soon she’d stop feeling like the world was crumbling around her.

Ava pushed herself up and walked over to her bag, picking it up from where she’d dropped it earlier and slinging it over her shoulder.

“Ava,” Robert started before she could leave, the worried expression on his face far too heartbreakingly for Ava to convince herself that she didn’t care, that the anger was overshadowing any sympathy she had for him right now. “Do you want to talk to your mom about this now?”

Ava’s eyes widened, stomach clenching in fear, the idea making her feel more than slightly nauseous. “No,” she said immediately, voice sharp and desperate.

Robert’s gaze softened. The facade of her anger had finally broken, and Ava knew he could see how vulnerable she was underneath it all. “I can tell her you know, if you want me to.”

“Okay.”

“Ava,” Robert said quietly but his voice was firm, as though he’d finally found his footing again as being the adult in this scenario. He waited for her to look at him but when she didn’t, he just sighed, as though not surprised. “We love you Ava. So much. Don’t ever forget that.”

He sounded so sincere, so genuine that Ava’s feet were frozen to the spot for a moment as she replayed his words over and over in her head, finally feeling her tears start to roll down her cheeks, unable to hold them back for any longer. She heard him say her name in a soft, comforting voice. Out of the corner of her eye, saw him move along the workbench to pull her into a hug and she instantly moved, sucked in a panicked breath and practically ran from the garage. leaving Robert standing alone in the garage, still holding the adoption papers in his hand.

 

* * *

 

Ava knew the minute Robert told Barbara that Ava had found out about the adoption.

Though the snide remarks, disapproving sighs and endless antagonisms Ava had always endured from her mother had lessened over the past few years, Ava was still quite used to the way Barbara would purse her lips when Ava moved to leave the house wearing one of Spencer’s ratty old hoodies, was familiar with the icy tension that settled in the room if Barbara heard anyone mention anything about Ava’s sexuality. Even now, almost four years after Ava had quit playing basketball, Barbara still sighed if Ava showed any sign of interest in the game, whether playing, watching, or just discussing it with Robert.

It would’ve been exhausting, if it hadn’t been the foundation of Ava’s relationship with her mother for the past 18 years.

But the same evening that Ava had confronted her father in the garage, every look, every sigh, every unamused expression or quiet remark that Barbara sent Ava’s way all suddenly stopped. Ava wasn’t sure whether it was Barbara’s way of trying to atone for the lies they’d told for so long, or whether she was afraid of the inevitable confrontation, or even if she just thought it was easier to cut all communication with Ava altogether (the latter of which Ava couldn’t think about because it sent her into an anxious panic). Ava tried to convince herself that perhaps Barbara had had a difficult day at work, or this was her immediate way of processing that the secret she’d tried so hard to keep was now loose. Three days later, however, even Ali and Layla had noticed their mother’s behaviour all week.

“Did the rest of us miss something?” asked Ali unhesitatingly at dinner on the third day.

“Miss what?” asked Barbara, taking a sip of water.

“Are you kidding?” Ali deadpanned. She emphatically waved her fork between Barbara and Ava, to which Barbara sent her a _look_ and Ali rolled her eyes, dropping her fork to her plate. “ _This._ You two. Like, I get you’re not exactly Lorelai and Rory Gilmore or anything, but you two are being weird. I swear you haven’t spoken a word to each other in like, ten days.”

“Alison, you’re being overdramatic,” said Barbara stiffly. “I’ve just been busy.”

Ali glanced over at Ava with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Ava with a shrug, but the way Ali’s eyes lingered on her proved that she hadn’t exactly been convincing in her deflection. The rest of dinner had been quiet, the conversation thankfully diverted by Robert quickly filling the silence with an anecdote from the clinic and then Layla monopolising the talk with details about her new boyfriend. Ava had caught Ali’s continuous glances over at her, evidently suspicious of whatever both Ava and Barbara were clearly not disclosing.

Ava told this to Nora on the phone later, lying on her bed and recounting her mother’s distance over the recent days. “It’s everything I was afraid of,” she whispered, throwing her arm over her face even though there was nobody there to see the way her bottom lip quivered. “I mean, Ali’s not wrong - we’re not exactly about to go have our own mother daughter television show but … that doesn’t mean I want to _lose_ her. As fucked up as our relationship is, you were right Nor, she’s still my mom and that’s more than I can say for my birth mother - whoever she is, it’s not like she’s lining up anywhere to have any kind of role in my life, clearly.”

“She hasn’t said anything to you?” Nora asked. “Barbara?”

“Nope,” said Ava, sighing. “Literally, not one word other than like, ‘set the table’ or ‘tidy up the living room when you leave’ and all that crap. God, I wanna ask my dad what he told her but … I don’t even know how to talk to him right now.”

“I mean, the thing is Aves, it’s not like she’s never acted this way before,” Nora pointed out. “Remember after you came out to them?”

Ava let out a soft huff of breath. Yeah, she remembered.

She remembered the split second of agonising, terrifying silence after she’d whispered out “I’m uh … I’m gay”, broken by Ali’s quiet whoop and the immediate, wonderful hug that had relief seeping through Ava’s entire body. Ali had started talking a mile a minute about how great it was that Ava didn’t have to settle for the plethora of disgusting guys around school and how half the girls were much hotter anyway. Layla had shrugged, given Ava a small, tight smile and said “Good for you I guess. Less competition. Now I know I never have to worry about you making a move on any of my boyfriends” to which Ava had let out a hoarse chuckle and muttered “Yeah, not a chance.” She could tell there was something more in the hesitance in Layla’s eyes, something resembling uncertainty and maybe even embarrassment or apprehension, which Ava had later realised was Layla’s worry about her image at school when people found out her younger sister was a lesbian. But in that moment on that Sunday afternoon, Layla’s half-approval had been enough.

Robert’s eyes had been filled with surprise, and Ava had seen his thought process in his expression, the way he was clearly cataloguing and combing through memories, trying to figure out how or why or when he missed this massive development in Ava’s life. Of course, he didn’t say any of that aloud, just given her a kind, gentle smile, reached out and squeezed her knee and softly said “We’ll love and support you no matter who you are or who you love Ava.”

But Barbara hadn’t said a word. Ava had felt her mother’s eyes on her during Ali’s hug, but when Ava turned back to face her parents, Barbara’s gaze was fixed firmly on her mug of tea in her hands. She hadn’t spoken, just offered the most incremental, barely there nod at Robert’s declaration of support, only managing a quiet hum of agreement when her husband turned to her and said “Right, honey?” The phone had rang out shrilly from the kitchen soon afterwards, and Ava wasn’t sure she’d ever seen her mother leave a room so quickly in her life.

“Yeah,” she said now to Nora. “I remember. She didn’t say anything to me for like, two days.”

“Exactly,” said Nora. “Maybe this is her way of processing stuff this massive. Because instinctively, it’s something that she’s been raised to act a certain way towards, but somewhere deep down she probably knows that that isn’t the right thing to do.”

“Except when she did talk to me again after I came out, we had that huge fight over dinner about how wrong she thought it was,” added Ava, trying to ignore the lurch in her stomach at the recollection, instead attempting to focus on the better memories of the night - of the first time she’d ever spent an evening hanging out with Sara.

“Didn’t you tell me later that she’d said all those things after getting off the phone with _her_ mom who had called because she saw your coming out facebook post and like, wasn’t having any of it?” argued Nora. “Your grandma, the shitty, homophobic, incredibly racist, conservative and all around awful matriarch of your family?”

Ava bit her lip. “I mean, yeah,” she admitted reluctantly.

“You can’t tell me that you don’t think that conversation would’ve influenced how she reacted that night,” said Nora and Ava wished they were talking in person so she could glare at her lifelong best friend.

“Why do you always take her side?” she huffed petulantly.

“Aves, I’m not _taking_ her side,” Nora insisted, a hint of a smile in her voice. “I’m _showing_ it to you. Your mom’s not a bad person.”

“That’s because she actually _likes_ you,” Ava retorted, trying not to think about how much saying that hurt.

“She loves you Ava,” Nora said softly. “She can’t have raised and cared for you for 18 years and not love you at the end of it all. She just has a really, really different view of the world and you challenge literally all of the things she assumed was right and wrong.”

“Bet she never imagined I’d make her life this challenging when she adopted me,” muttered Ava in a small voice.

“Hey, if it’s any consolation, you’re my favourite Sharpe sibling,” joked Nora. “I’d adopt you over Layla, Spencer or Ali any day.”

“Uh, you better!” exclaimed Ava, but she couldn’t stop the grin from flickering across her face. She sat up, ran her fingers through her hair and let her eyes scan the room. Her gaze paused on one of the polaroids on the wall opposite her, one of her whole family smushed in close on Christmas day several years ago the last time Spencer had visited home, his long arm outstretched as he tried to take a selfie on Layla’s polaroid camera. (It had turned out too overexposed, Robert’s face half cropped out and Ali’s hand moving as the photo was taken, creating a blur near Ava’s head. Layla had sighed and declared that it wasn’t ‘aesthetic enough’ for her to keep, had let Ava claim it instead).

“You gonna talk to her?” asked Nora quietly.

Ava paused, anxiously raked her nails over her jeans as she kept her focus on the polaroid. It was one of the rare photos Ava had with her mom, and an even rarer photo she had of Barbara smiling.

“No,” she said eventually. “Whatever she’s trying to figure out … if I ask when _I_ want to know, I doubt she’ll tell me. But she has to talk to me about it sooner or later - Dad will make her - and I figure if she’s the one who starts the conversation, it’s more likely that I’ll get the truth.”

Nora hummed softly in agreement. “That’s a good plan.”

Ava tore her gaze away from the photo and flopped back down onto her bed, snapping her eyes shut and roughly pushing her hair away from her face. “Yeah,” she murmured. “I sure hope so.”

 

It wasn’t until Saturday that Barbara seemed to finally find it in herself to bring up the elephant in the room. Layla was out with her ‘boy of the month’, while Robert had taken Ali to her lacrosse game. Ava had assumed that Barbara had gone too, and was relieved to finally have the house to herself for at least a few hours, to be able to wander through the hallways without feeling like she had to avoid her family, able to take her time finding food and not have to worry about making small talk with anyone. She’d slept in - a rarity for her, but Nora, Sara and Spencer had all collectively ordered her to take some time for herself this weekend - so it was nearing eleven when she finally dragged herself out of bed and down the stairs to eat breakfast.

It was a dreary day outside - rain splattered loudly against the window panes, grey clouds painted across the skies and showing absolutely no signs of letting up. Ava sighed, grabbing the peanut butter from the cupboard above her and pulling open the dishwasher to find a knife. Just as she shoved the dishwasher closed again, she spotted movement out of the corner of her eye and she whirled around with a yelp, breathing out a loud sigh of relief when she saw it was just Barbara standing in the doorway, not an intruder who had snuck inside while she’d been asleep.

“You scared me,” she said breathlessly, turning back to her toast. “I thought you’d taken Ali to lacrosse and I was about to get murdered by a home invader or something.”

It wasn’t until after she spoke that Ava remembered that she and her mother hadn’t been talking all week, and she immediately tensed, paused in buttering her toast, waited uncertainly for Barbara to respond (or _not_ respond).

“I have a lunch with Yvonne and Penny at twelve,” said Barbara eventually, her voice careful and measured.

Ava just nodded, tightening her grip on the knife. For a second, she thought Barbara would leave the room, wait until Ava had finished using the kitchen to use it herself. Ava wasn’t sure if she wanted that or not. Part of her was desperate for the safety of not having to _talk_ about this, especially with the one person she already had a less than easy relationship with, but the other part of her needed so desperately for some kind of answer, for any kind of explanation that Barbara was willing to give.

It felt like an age before Barbara stepped a little further into the kitchen and quietly said “Can we talk?”

Instinctively, Ava wanted to say no. The same way she had automatically gone to decline Spencer’s phone calls in the pool house, the way she’d wanted to run as soon as she actually brought up this topic with Robert - right now, all Ava wanted to do was disappear. But as she glanced hesitantly across to her mother, Barbara’s face was so anxious - more emotive and expressive than Ava could ever really remember it - that she relented with another, small nod.

Barbara let out a sigh of relief before moving to stand beside Ava at the bench, opening the tin in front of them that held her standard Earl Grey tea and absentmindedly making a cup, clearly trying to find a way to organise her thoughts. Ava finished making her breakfast, tossed her knife into the sink and crossed to the other side of the kitchen, standing by the island in the middle of the room to give herself _something_ to do in the uncomfortable silence, a way to move at least a little away from Barbara and not feel so caged in.

“Look,” Barbara said after a couple of minutes. “I … I know you and I haven’t always had the best relationship.”

Ava resisted the urge to scoff. Barbara seemed to notice, and Ava was surprised to see her lips upturn wryly.

“I also know that that’s largely my fault,” she added, a little quieter. “I’ve always been hard on you. Harder than I should’ve been and … usually for things that weren’t fair. I was always trying to make you more like your sisters, more like who I _wanted_ you to be.” She shrugged, her fingers stilled from stirring the tea and her eyes flickered up to meet Ava’s. “It’s not an excuse but - I guess I never really knew how to raise a sporty girl. Being a tomboy was discouraged in my family. Although, to be fair, a lot of things were discouraged in my family.”

This time, Ava did scoff and Barbara smiled a little properly (if not slightly remorsefully too), before she tore her gaze away from Ava’s and furrowed her eyebrows thoughtfully.

“When … when you came out,” she said slowly, and Ava felt her stomach lurch, “I -” Barbara paused, tightened her grip on the handle of the mug. “I didn’t react well. And … Ava, I hope you know that I regret that more than you could ever know.”

Ava stiffened, and her hold on her plate became so tight that she had to turn away from her mother and put it down on the bench in front of her out of fear of breaking it. She had _not_ expected this to come up during this conversation.

“Ava,” said Barbara, her voice so much softer than before and Ava snapped her eyes shut, could feel the tears burning behind her eyelids. “Ava, I need you to know that … none of it - none of it _ever_ \- was about this. It was never because you were adopted.”

Ava’s breath hitched at the word, and her whole body was poised to bolt. She wasn’t sure why she’d wanted this confrontation so badly, because now that it was here, she wanted to be doing literally _anything_ else. She didn’t realise how tightly she was gripping the countertop until a hand curled around her arm and tugged gently. Ava reluctantly released the bench and turned, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor because she couldn’t look at her mother.

“Ava,” Barbara said, keeping her light hold on Ava’s elbow. “You have _always_ been my daughter. I was hard on you for being so sporty as a kid because that’s how _my_ mother taught me to raise my daughters. I always did what I _thought_ was best for you, even if it wasn’t necessarily the right thing to do. And … as for … as for you coming out -”

“Mom -” Ava tried to whisper out.

“No, listen,” said Barbara firmly, squeezing Ava’s arm. “You know what our family is like. What _my_ family is like. You know how they think, what they believe, what I was raised to believe. I grew up thinking being gay was a sin, and even though being with your father all these years had a tiny voice in the back of my head reminding me that maybe that wasn’t quite true, I never thought I would have to reevaluate my beliefs because if we’re honest, I never thought it would become a part of my life. It never even occurred to me that any of you kids would - you know, _be_ that way - and it wasn’t until you came out that I had to stop and try to teach myself to think differently. Those early days after you told us … I remember how I acted and that must have hurt you a lot, but I promise you right now Ava that nothing I ever did was trying to intentionally make you feel like you didn’t belong in this family, because you do. As much as Layla or Ali or Spencer.”

A lump had formed in Ava’s throat and she desperately wanted to reach up and hurriedly wipe away the tears that were spilling from her eyelids down her cheeks, but she didn’t want to give away to her mother that she was crying. But something - Ava refrained from calling it motherly intuition - made Barbara click on to exactly what Ava was trying to hide, and she carefully reached between them to tilt Ava’s chin upwards so she could meet her eyes. As soon as Barbara caught sight of the tears streaming down Ava’s face, she let out a soft sigh of “Oh Ava” and pulled her forward into a tight, warm, gentle hug. Ava sank into it, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut. It struck her suddenly that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been held by her mom like this, couldn’t remember the last time any form of affection or comfort between them had been this open and honest rather than curt and hurried and somewhat uncomfortable.

“I know this will take a long time to fix,” murmured Barbara against Ava’s hair, and another wave of relief swept over Ava. Because perhaps more than anything, she had been terrified that even after she’d talked to both of her parents about this, even after she’d confronted them and everything was out in the open, that maybe they’d just sweep it under the rug again and the topic would gather dust, forgotten.

“Yeah,” Ava whispered, pulling away and wiping her face with her sleeve. Barbara’s _tsch_ ’d, pulling Ava’s hand down and reaching out to grab a tissue from the bench.

“Don’t do that, you’ll ruin your sweater.”

“It’s Dad’s from like, thirty years ago,” replied Ava, arching an eyebrow.

“Exactly, it’s sentimental,” said Barbara.

“Pretty sure he’s forgotten it exists.”

“All the more reason to preserve it carefully.”

Ava couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped past her lips at how quickly they fell back into their usual arguing, although she couldn’t help but notice the absence of the normally present heat and frustration. She finished dabbing her cheeks and let her gaze flicker back to her mother’s face. Barbara’s expression was uncharacteristically soft, but Ava could see the weariness in her eyes.

“Yeah,” Ava repeated, straightening a little as she let herself drift back to Barbara’s earlier comment. “Yeah, this is gonna take a while to fix. You … you guys lied to me for 18 years.”

“I know,” said Barbara, shaking her head. “We should’ve told you years ago. We just … we kept waiting for the right time when you were young and it never came, so we told ourselves we would leave it until you were 10. But that birthday came and went and we were so scared of what it _meant_ to tell you that we just kept delaying it.”

“What made you decide on graduation?” asked Ava, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

Barbara sighed. “Spencer,” she said, and Ava wanted to cry all over again. “Before he left, he told us that the next time he came back, we either had to have told you or have a plan for _when_ we were going to tell you. And it had to be before you went off to college. He … he was done with us lying, and he was done with having to keep it a secret from you.”

“Before I went off to college,” echoed Ava, and she couldn’t stop the incredulous smirk from flitting onto her face. “You realise you literally chose the last possible date within that time frame, right?”

Barbara let out a quiet laugh. “Yes, I’m aware.”

Neither of them said anything for a while. Ava glanced over her shoulder, saw her toast sitting on the bench getting cold, but she’d lost her appetite and couldn’t bring herself to eat any. She found herself playing with the cuffs of her sleeves to give herself something to do with her fidgeting hands, while Barbara moved to reboil the kettle.

“Did, uh -”

Ava glanced up as Barbara hesitantly started to speak.

“- did your Dad say anything? About how we got you?”

Ava shook her head, feeling an uncomfortable chill run through her body. “No,” she said in a small voice. “I kind of ran out on him.”

Barbara nodded, didn’t seem to have any kind of judgement for Ava acting the way she had. She paused for a few moments, before saying “Do … do you want to know?”

Ava’s breath caught in her throat, and it took her a long time to find her voice. “Eventually, yeah,” she whispered after a while. “But um … not … not now. Not yet.”

Barbara nodded again, this time her eyes full of understanding. “When you do want to hear about it, you can ask us whenever,” she said, and Ava could hear the promise in her words. “We’ll tell you everything we know, if you like.”

A soft breath whistled through Ava’s teeth. “That would mean a lot,” she said quietly, offering what she hoped was a sincere smile.

There was another beat of silence, this one more familiar and a little awkward, before Barbara rolled her eyes with a gentle chuckle and crossed the space between them again, grabbing Ava’s plate of peanut butter on toast and setting it down beside the sink.

“Hey!” protested Ava.

“Those look like the most unappetising pieces of toast I’ve ever seen,” said Barbara, her voice back to its usual, sharp quip. “Go upstairs and shower. I’ll make you something to eat.”

Ava did a double take. She couldn’t remember the last time her mom had made her - _just_ her, rather than the whole family - a lazy weekend brunch. She made another (though somewhat half-hearted) attempt to take back her plate as she weakly insisted “Mom, it’s fine, you don’t have to -”

Barbara swatted her hand away. “I still have an hour before I have to go out,” she said, and the sternness in her voice left absolutely no room to argue. “Now go do as you’re told. Your hair looks like a mouse’s nest, and I’m certain that sweater desperately needs a wash.” She glanced across at Ava, and though her words were as unflinchingly reprimanding as usual there was a softness in her eyes and a small smile on her face that Ava definitely wasn’t used to.

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes overdramatically as she headed for the door. She heard Barbara huff something about ‘teenage attitude’, but the fondness in her voice overshadowed any exasperation she was clearly trying to put on. Ava grinned a little, and as she hurried up the stairs, she felt the sick feeling she’d been carrying around with her for the last three weeks suddenly vanish, felt as though an enormous, crushing weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and perhaps for the first time since she’d stumbled upon the papers in the attic earlier this month, she actually, properly believed that maybe, everything would be okay.


	17. don't hate me, i know i'm the one you blame (it's nothing that i can control)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sara had realised within the space of five minutes as she approached her locker between Bio and P.E. on Monday morning. Ava hadn’t been in Bio because she’d been organising an event for one of the ridiculous number of clubs she was a part of, so Sara was alone as she tugged open her locker and grabbed her gym kit. It was then that she heard Trinity Bradley’s voice, clear and spiteful from a few lockers down as she said “I mean, is anyone shocked? It’s not like she looks like them.” There was a ripple of chatter before someone else’s voice, a guy’s, replied with “I mean, she kinda does Trinity. And they always seemed like such a tight family - I definitely didn’t see this coming. I wonder how Ava’s taking it.”, another boy chiming in with “Ava Sharpe, adopted? That’s definitely a yearbook moment.”" 
> 
> OR
> 
> ava's big secret finally comes out. to everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey update day
> 
> (sorry it's like, several hours later than usual, this chapter needed a lot of editing & that took a bit longer than we anticipated) 
> 
> again, thank you guys literally from the bottom of our hearts for your absolutely unbelievable responses to each chapter, your comments make our days like you wouldn't believe X we apologise for not being able to reply to every comment, we wanted to from the beginning but like. turns out that takes a Lot of time and it also turns out that we don't have a lot of time these days (not kidding, we're so busy, why is university like this) 
> 
> this chapter is the last proper chapter that revolves solely around the ava's adoption arc! obviously the plot point doesn't just disappear after this, it's gonna affect ava and various relationships in the future but the storyline that we set in motion from ch 13 kind of gets wrapped up for the immediate future after this and we go back to other parts of the story from next week so buckle up! we hope this arc is something you guys have enjoyed and let us know if you did or didn't, and if there's anything in particular you wanna see in future chapters!!! we're up to writing a very very exciting part of the story and we honestly can't wait until you guys get to read it, so hope you're sticking around despite the v e r y slow burn in this story (whoops!) 
> 
> p.s. chapter title is from love made me do it by ellise

Ava had known this was coming. She’d discussed it with Sara, multiple times and at length, and both of her parents had checked with her that this afternoon was the right time for her to tell them. But still, Ava didn’t think she’d ever be ready to tell Ali and Layla the truth, especially when there was such a high chance that she’d lose them both even though this hadn’t been _her_ fault, that she’d had no control over the lies her parents had told on her behalf.

“Ava?” Robert asked quietly from where he was sitting next to her on the couch, he and Barbara on either side of Ava, both closer than they would usually be in any other situation.

“Well this seems ominous,” quipped Ali, pulling her legs up onto the armchair and crossing them. “Okay, so we can rule out Ava getting herself knocked up. Did she see a murder and now we’re in witness protection and have to move across the country?”

“Alison,” said Barbara warningly and Ali rolled her eyes, falling silent. Robert glanced across at Ava, softly saying her name again, a prompt for Ava to start this conversation _her_ way if she wanted to. Ava shook her head. She knew Ali, knew her joking remarks were her way of hiding her nerves over the clear seriousness of whatever this was. Even Layla’s eyes were on her, careful and suspicious and maybe even an element of concerned that made Ava just feel nauseous. She let her gaze flicker to the floor, fingers anxiously and instinctively spinning the charm bracelet round her wrist.

If she was being brutally honest, Ava could handle losing Layla. It would hurt almost unbearably of course, because for all the shit between them, Ava wasn’t sure what her life would be without Layla in it. But the truth was, they’d never been that close, not with Barbara constantly pressuring Ava to act like Layla, think like Layla, dress like Layla, _be_ Layla. There’d never been a close, sisterly bond between them and even though they were both now old enough to recognise Barbara’s flaws and acknowledge that most of their dislike for each other as children was misplaced, they could never have a relationship completely free of the past. Ali though. Ali was her little sister. Ali had been her little sister from day one, whether they were related by blood or not and Ava couldn’t bear to look up, couldn’t bear to see the confusion in her eyes, not if she was about to lose her.

So instead of launching into the explanation she’d been rehearsing in her head for days now, she swallowed, rubbed her clammy hands against her thighs and whispered “Can you tell them?”

Robert’s eyes flickered with surprise and something that resembled remorse. He nodded, squeezed her thigh comfortingly and turned his attention to his other two daughters, starting to speak.

He told them how a colleague of his from med school and turned up one day with a baby he had no way to care for, how he’d known that the Sharpes already had two children and would be financially secure to look after a child, about how none of them were willing to put her into the system and how they’d then taken her in, adopted her and raised her as one of their own. He told them about Spencer being old enough to remember, how they’d made him promise to keep it a secret, and about how Ava had found out sooner than they had intended, rummaging around in the attic for photos she never even saw, about how it was only fair that Ali and Layla knew now too. The more he spoke, the more the fear began to build sickeningly in Ava’s stomach. Neither Ali nor Layla said a word and their silence was making it harder to ignore the anxious pressure pushing down on her lungs. She leaned slightly closer to her dad as he finished, attempting to draw enough strength from him to look up, eyes drifting to Layla first, deliberately avoiding Ali.

Layla cleared her throat, eyes narrowing slightly. “Why did you keep it a secret?”

Robert looked over to his wife, expression indecipherable. For the first time Barbara took a shaky breath, composure slipping as her hand found Ava’s and gave it a light squeeze. “We didn’t want her to feel any different to you guys. And … we didn’t want it to impact any of your relationships.”

Ava choked back a bitter laugh at Barbara’s words, the irony of them not slipping past her as it seemed to have for everyone else. Layla nodded, seeming to accept the response. She asked a couple more surprisingly reasonable questions before leaning back in her chair, nodding stiffly. Her reaction was better that Ava had expected, and Layla’s apparent acceptance gave her enough courage to brave a look in Ali’s direction, hoping to see a similar response from her little sister, but an uncomfortable gut feeling made her feel not quite confident enough to expect it.

And it looked like she was right not to - Ali’s face was pale, eyes wide in shock, hands trembling just enough for Ava to notice before Ali shoved them roughly into the pockets of her jacket, meeting Ava’s eyes for the first time. Ava swallowed, reaching out to take Ali’s hand or place her hand on her knee, just to do _something_ to reassure her sister that she was right here, just as she’d always been, and nothing had changed. But Ali flinched away, giving Ava a long, confused and pained look before getting to her feet and disappearing down the hallway.

No one moved until a minute later a door slammed above them and Ava shuddered, burying her head in her hands and exhaling shakily, desperately trying to fight back the tears she could feel burning in her eyes and not wanting her parents or Layla to see just how much Ali’s rejection hurt. She knew somewhere, deep down, she needn’t have hid it. Everyone in the room knew how close Ali and Ava were, and Ava could feel the guilt rolling off her parents in waves.

“She’s just shocked Ava, give her some time,” Robert murmured quietly, wrapping a gentle arm around her shoulders. Ava immediately shrugged it off. She was feeling a sudden overwhelming surge of anger towards him and her mother for putting her in this position in the first place, for perhaps irreparably ruining the most important familial relationship she had left. But Ava knew they were already feeling this regret, had been since Ava had first confronted them and she didn’t want to twist the knife further. So before she slipped and lashed out, she pushed herself to her feet and avoided everyone’s eyes, murmuring something about having homework before leaving the room too as fast as she could without actually running.  

Upstairs, she paused briefly outside Ali’s room, trembling hand hovering over the doorknob as she fought the desperate urge to push the door open and explain it all properly from _her_ point of view, explain that nothing was different, not really. But all she could remember was the betrayal and distance in Ali’s eyes when Ava had finally glanced up at her and Ava snapped her eyes shut as though that would put some sort of halt to the overwhelming, crushing hurt that she could feel in every part of her body at the idea that she had actually, properly _lost_ Ali.

She pulled her hand back, sucking in a shaky breath and walked past Ali’s door to her own room.

 

* * *

 

 _Sara (ur fav human in the world and_ _  
_ _is better than u) Lance_

 **iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

 **  
** **_1:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** So we told Ali and Layla

  
**_1:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and?

  
**_1:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It was okay

  
**_1:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** what level of okay? okay as in, right  
couldn’t have expected any better  
this is pretty good in the grand scheme  
of things and it’ll even out soon, or okay  
as in literally could’ve been better in like  
every possible way but at least nothing is  
on fire?

  
**_1:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah that second one

  
**_1:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** shit aves, i’m so sorry that sucks

  
**_1:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** d’you want me to call you?

  
**_1:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No, I just

  
**_1:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t talk about it rn

  
**_1:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Which I know, makes no sense bc  
I just texted you about this but

  
**_1:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk

  
**_1:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey, it’s fine x

  
**_1:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** wanna get out of the house? come over,  
i’ve been dying to watch the b99 s3 finale  
and you’ve been tied up w all this for the  
past month

  
**_1:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Actually yeah, that sounds perfect

  
**_1:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** have you eaten? Dad’s home and he’s  
making quesadillas

  
**_1:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** he also said that if we end up binge  
watching b99 all afternoon then you’re  
staying for dinner lmao

  
**_1:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tell your dad I love him

  
**_1:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah he knows he likes you better than  
he likes me ;-)

  
**_1:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’s probably bc I actually make  
you clean your room  & unload the  
dishwasher

  
**_1:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** he just said that that’s accurate

 **_  
_ ** **_1:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i hate it when you two gang up on me

 **_  
_ ** **_1:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D

 **_  
_ ** **_1:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay I’m leaving now, see you  
soon X Do you want me to pick  
up anything from the convenience  
store in the village?

 **_  
_ ** **_1:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** POPCORN

 **_  
_ ** **_1:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and those weird toffee chocolate covered  
donut things that zari got me obsessed  
with

 **_  
_ ** **_1:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Aren’t you on a diet for soccer  
starting like, this week?

 **_  
_ ** **_1:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** shut up it’s my cheat day

  
**_Read:_ ** _Saturday._

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (lilssstein)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

TG&G: 1  
OG legends: 0

Good luck washing that purple  
hair dye out @nathanielheywood  
;-) (we loooove u ;’D)

#SCHSsenioryearprankwar

 

_Wednesday 15 February at 3:08pm:_

**_nathanielheywood replied to your story:_ **

I hate you guys

  
HAHAHAHA

It’s supposed to last 10  
washes so…. maybe just  
have a rlly long shower?

  
Uh huh sure

I can’t believe you got your  
dad to help you guys THAT’S  
SO UNFAIR

  
Dude there are no rules  
here, remember?

Senior year prank war is  
all in yo

  
Well you guys better watch  
your backs bc we are gonna  
get REVENGE

  
Have fun w that pretty  
boy :-))))

  
On another note I look kinda  
good w purple hair don’t ya  
think?

  
YEAH KINDA LIKE A GRUNGE  
ROCKER IN A PUNK BAND U  
KNOW????

 

* * *

 

It had been a week.

Neither Ali or Layla had spoken to her in a week. Way beyond what was necessary. But at least Layla wasn’t actively avoiding her. Layla was being normal (mostly). Layla wasn’t not meeting her eyes and shutting herself in her room, wasn’t flying out the front door without eating breakfast to avoid seeing Ava, wasn’t immediately moving to walk in another direction at school if she caught sight of Ava in the halls.

Ali was.

And besides, it would hurt less to lose Layla. Layla who Ava had never really got on with, not compared to the inseparability she and Ali had always had for the better part of 15 years.

That said … she’d never known how to talk to Layla, not since Barbara had started to draw a line between them, pushing them so far apart that finding out Ava was adopted was probably a relief to Layla, an excuse to _not_ have to force a connection between them anymore. Ava’s stomach flipped at the thought and she pushed herself up off the bed, something uncharacteristically reckless taking over and forcing her to move, marching down the hallway to Layla’s room. She shoved open the door, slammed it behind her as she stepped inside and Layla arched an unamused, slightly irritated eyebrow as she pulled her headphones out of her ears.

Layla opened her mouth to speak, but Ava got there first, the frustration that’d been building all week finally reaching its peak as she leaned back against the door, crossing her arms across her waist. “Look, I know you and I aren’t close,” she started, eyes fixed on Layla’s. “And I know we’ve got this weird, fucked up, antagonistic relationship, and I know you weren’t cool with me being gay and you love making my life a living hell, and I pretty much love doing the same for you and it’s always been that way but -”

“But?” Layla asked when Ava cut off abruptly, her recklessness dissipating slightly and fear making her words stumble suddenly. There was a flash of something in Layla’s eyes and she sat up a little, repeating in a quieter voice, “But what Ava?”, something other than indifference entering her voice for the first time since she’d found out the truth.

Ava took a deep breath, looping one finger under her charm bracelet without thinking about it. She thought she saw Layla’s gaze shift to the chain around her wrist, a thoughtful expression flitting across her face before her eyes moved back to Ava. Ava swallowed. “But …” she said in a small voice, “but you have no reason to … to give a shit about me anymore. We both know that. Not now that I’m not … not _actually_ your sister - ”

“No,” Layla interrupted, eyes flashing with something unidentifiable. “Mom and Dad don’t get to just suddenly pull the rug under all of us and suddenly reveal this bullshit as though everything that’s happened our entire damn lives just doesn’t _count_ for anything. We’ve been sisters for 18 years Ava.” She paused, expression softening slightly before her lips curved upwards in a wry sort of smile. “No one could annoy me this much unless we were siblings.”

 _Siblings_.

Ava froze, caught somewhere between shock and confusion. “I … wait, _what_?”

Layla rolled her eyes, the annoyance clear in the action causing Ava to sag against the wall in relief at the familiarity. Layla swung her legs over the side of the bed, getting to her feet with an over dramatic sigh as she took a step towards Ava. “Oh my God Aves, don’t be so overdramatic. Yeah, you’re adopted, yeah, it sucks that mom and dad lied to you for so long. But are you actually my sister? Yes. Are you a proper part of this family? Still yes.”

Ava bit her lip, trying desperately to sort through her emotions and pull herself back together before Layla noticed her falling apart. Layla narrowed her eyes, and there was no heat behind her words as she added, a little softer “And am I gonna kick you out of my room in 10 seconds flat if you get get all mushy about this? Also yes.”

Ava choked pack a relieved laugh, past pretending Layla’s acceptance didn’t mean anything to her. She managed a slightly uncertain smirk, not giving herself the time to overthink her actions but instead stepping forward, pulling Layla into a hug. It wasn’t until Layla lifted her arms hesitantly around Ava’s back, relaxing just ever so slightly, that this was the first hug they’d shared in years, since almost before Ava could remember. Layla squeezed her tightly for a brief moment and Ava leaned closer, taking a deep breath, savouring the moment she knew she wouldn’t last.

Then Layla pulled away, poking Ava in the stomach and narrowing her eyes. “Now get the fuck out.”

Ava laughed softly, giving Layla a small shove and dodging Layla’s attempted returning punch. She slipped out of the door, running one hand through her hair as she left and unable to keep her stupid grin off her face for any longer. She headed back to her room, closed her door behind her and flopped down on her bed. A sudden bubble of confidence overtook her, making her fish her phone out of her pocket to call Sara, desperate for someone to talk to. If Layla could let this go and promise they were still family, then Ali could too.

She had to.

Ava wouldn’t know what to do if she didn’t.

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (ztomaz)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

TG&G: 1  
OG legends: 1

What, you thought we weren’t  
gonna catch up? Nice try

(This is what happens when u  
let ur guard down during  
soccer practice HAHAHA)

@KuasaJiwe @lilssstein have  
fun with these new and very  
fashionable soccer uniforms  
#SCHSsenioryearprankwar

 

_Wednesday 15 February at 3:08pm:_

**_KuasaJiwe replied to your story:_ **

YOU KNOW WHAT

I WAS BEING R E S P O N S I B L E  
AND FILLING IN SOME OF THE NEW  
FRESHMEN ON THE TEAM ON HOW  
TRAININGS AND SHIT WORKED

THAT WAS A LOW BLOW TOMAZ

  
It’s go hard or go home this year  
Jiwe, you know that ;’D

  
Rip is gonna blow his fuse when  
he sees the uniforms tho

Like me and Lils don’t care

But I don’t wanna get in trouble

  
Nah dude it’s fine

Don’t go telling anyone else  
but we’re getting new uniforms  
for this season

Rip wanted us to go out in style  
so ruining these ones isn’t a big  
deal, don’t stress

  
Oh damn, that’s cool

Well on that note

I’m gonna try and figure out what  
the hell to do w this ridiculous  
jersey now

  
Enjoy ;’D

 

* * *

 

Sara wasn’t quite sure _how_ exactly everybody found out, but in all honesty, she wasn’t surprised. It was high school. Secrets weren’t exactly kept under a lock and key. Hushed conversations eavesdropped on in hallways, notes passed in class intercepted by an unsuspecting middleman, tearful phone calls in bathrooms overheard by someone in a neighbouring stall - Star City High School definitely wasn’t Fort Knox of teenage gossip.

Except … this wasn’t _just_ teenage gossip.

This was Ava’s life. A secret she hadn’t even _known_ until just over a month and a half ago, and the entire school suddenly knowing that Ava Sharpe was adopted was more than a bit disconcerting for _Sara_ , she couldn’t even imagine how shaken Ava would be when she found out that she was this week’s topic of schoolwide discussion.

Sara had realised within the space of five minutes as she approached her locker between Bio and P.E. on Monday morning. Ava hadn’t been in Bio because she’d been organising an event for one of the ridiculous number of clubs she was a part of, so Sara was alone as she tugged open her locker and grabbed her gym kit. It was then that she heard Trinity Bradley’s voice, clear and spiteful from a few lockers down as she said “I mean, is anyone shocked? It’s not like she _looks_ like them.” There was a ripple of chatter before someone else’s voice, a guy’s, replied with “I mean, she kinda does Trinity. And they always seemed like such a tight family - I definitely didn’t see this coming. I wonder how Ava’s taking it.”, another boy chiming in with “Ava Sharpe, adopted? That’s definitely a yearbook moment.”  

Sara’s blood went cold and she clutched the strap of her school bag tightly. No. They couldn’t know - _how_ would they know? (Easily, she thought logically. Someone could have easily overheard a conversation she and Ava had, or one Nora and Ava had, or maybe Ava’s texts had been hacked, hell, maybe Ali or Layla had told their friends and it had just rippled around the school - regardless, there were endless possibilities, but that didn’t make this any _better_.) Before she could slam her locker shut and berate Trinity for spreading mindless gossip and just being an all round bitch (possibly even give her another black eye), Sara’s phone buzzed incessantly in her pocket and she pulled it out immediately. Notifications lit up her lockscreen.

 

MESSENGER  
**Jax to your group** **  
** is this what’s been up w her these last few weeks???? are you with her?  
_now_

  
MESSENGER  
**Amaya to your group** **  
** Are all the rumours around school true? About Ava being adopted?  
_now_

  
MESSENGER  
**Zari Tomaz** **  
** Tell me you’re with her rn  
_1m ago_

  
MESSENGER  
**Zari Tomaz** **  
** This is why she was weird when i asked her about spencer leaving, isn’t it?  
_2m ago_

  
SNAPCHAT  
from thea Q **  
** _4m ago_

  
MESSAGES  
**Nora Darhk** **  
** How the fuck did everyone find out?  
_5m ago_

  
SNAPCHAT  
**legends™** **  
** from wally west  
_9m ago_

  
SNAPCHAT  
**legends™** **  
** from Z  
_14m ago_

 

“Shit,” Sara muttered under her breath, hurriedly unlocking her phone and opening her messages. If all their friends had heard, then it had definitely spread far enough around school that there was no rectifying this situation. Now, it was just a matter of whether _Ava_ was aware that her life changing secret was public news #1.

 

_Aves_

**iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
****Friday**

 **  
** **_10:36am:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey, where are you?

  
**_10:36am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Student council offices

 

Sara sucked in a sharp breath, slamming her locker shut and swinging her gym bag over her shoulder. Her thumb was already moving to press the _call_ button on her and Ava’s message chain, when her phone vibrated in her hand with another text.

 

_Aves_

**iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
****Friday**

 **  
** **_10:37am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Everybody knows, I know.

  
**_10:37am:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you okay?

  
**_10:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** They were going to find out eventually

  
**_10:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Aves

  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s okay Sara

  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Means I don’t have to figure out how  
to tell everybody

  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m just glad I got the chance to tell  
Ali and Layla in person before it all  
Became schoolwide news

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** what about kuasa and lily?

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s not gonna be weird that you didn’t  
tell them right?

  
**_10:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I did tell them

  
**_10:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** what?? when???

  
**_10:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Last night in our old group chat

  
**_10:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Everyone who really needed to  
hear it from me did, and that’s  
all I really care about

  
**_10:49am:_ ** **_  
_ ** doesn’t make this any easier

  
**_10:50am:_ ** **_  
_ ** being the centre of school rumours  
is never easy

  
**_10:50am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ve done it before when I came out,  
it’s okay

  
**_10:50am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shouldn’t you be in class, you’re late  
for gym?

  
**_10:50am:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah, well, you’re abandoning me  
and i have to be paired with peter  
connolly instead who’s gonna try  
flirt with me the whole damn time

  
**_10:51am:_ ** **_  
_ ** forgive me if i don’t rlly want  
to go

  
**_10:51am:_ ** **_  
_ ** My apologies ;’D

  
**_10:52am:_ ** **_  
_ ** make it up to me by coming over  
later? something tells me you don’t  
rlly wanna go home straight away  
after all this crap today

  
**_10:53am:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’ll be like, the 5th time in  
the past week I’ve come over

  
**_10:53am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey, we might as well make  
it a tradition then ;-)

  
**_10:54am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll think about it

  
**_10:54am:_ ** **_  
_ ** See you at lunch? X

  
**_10:54am:_ ** **_  
_ ** you got it xx

 

* * *

 

Ava hadn’t been _lying_ to Sara when she said that she was okay with everyone knowing. She was. Truly. It had been almost two months since she’d found out for herself, and there was a part of her that felt that now that more and more people were starting to know, it was less of a huge, daunting, suffocating reality that she had to brave on her own. But that being said, the fact that _everybody_ Ava had known pretty much her whole life suddenly _knew_ , was still a _lot._ Because yeah, on the one hand, it solved her constantly nagging problem of _how_ to tell the rest of the legends (because saying “Oh guys, hey, by the way, I’m adopted” wasn’t really something you could easily work into regular conversation). But now the whole school knew, and as Ava sat down at their normal table for lunch, she could tell her friends were trying desperately not to look questioningly at her, picked up the brief pause in conversation when they saw her and the awkward skip as Zari attempted to fill the momentary silence, could see Ray’s bursting desire to know.

So Ava sighed, rubbed her eyes and said “Yes, the rumours are true, I’m adopted, and you all have one minute to ask me whatever questions you have about it before this topic is banned from lunchtime discussion for the rest of the week.”

Beside her, Sara’s eyes flickered in Ava’s direction and her voice was soft as she said “Ava, you don’t have to -”

Ava shot her a _look_ , a tired one, but a _be quiet, it’s fine_ look all the same. “You’re cutting into their minute Sara,” she said quietly, jokingly. “You already knew, you’re not allowed to ask anything.”

There was a beat of silence in which it seemed that nobody quite knew what to say, what lines were drawn between appropriate and inappropriate questions, whether Ava was _okay_ enough to go into detail about what had happened, what parts of the wild speculation around school was true and what was just teenage over exaggeration. Finally, it was Amaya who broke the quiet.

“Are you okay?” she asked gently.

It wasn’t what Ava was expecting, not from a group like the legends, and it took her a minute to get her thoughts together before she could figure out what to answer without lying, or getting too far into a spiral about how much this had shaken her entire life out of balance. Before she could reply, Sara’s hand found hers under the table with a comforting squeeze, and Ava let out a breath she didn’t even realise she was holding. She gave Amaya a lopsided shrug before truthfully answering “I’m … I’m alright.”

Across the table, Zari’s eyebrows furrowed in concern - the same concern as the day they’d talked about Spencer and Behrad - before she said “How’d you find out? _When_ did you find out?”

Ava saw Sara’s mouth open, predictably about to tell Zari that that was too personal, and Ava kicked her shin lightly as a sign to stay quiet.

“I found the papers in the attic,” she explained. “I was looking for stuff for my 18th.”

“Wait, you’ve known since the break?” said Ray, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.

“Is that why you cancelled your party?” said Wally, wide eyed.

“Did you tell your parents?” asked Nate.

Ava kind of wanted to laugh, because despite the pointed _looks_ they were receiving from Amaya and Sara, none of the three boys seemed to consider easing up on the questions a little - the legends didn’t exactly know the meaning of boundaries or personal space. But strangely enough, Ava didn’t really mind. She supposed this was how Nora had felt, making the decision to trust the legends with the truth about her mom’s death. Because Ava _did_ trust them, and by now it was almost as easy to talk to them as it was to talk to Sara, or Nora, Gary, Lily and Kuasa.

Without really thinking about it, Ava found herself recounting what had happened when she found the papers, her realisation of what they were, trying to come to terms with it on her own, eventually telling Sara (without the details of that night of course), then Nora, talking to Spencer, and it all came out. The minute deadline for questions she’d given them came and went, but somehow the conversation carried on, Ava detailing the eventual confrontation with both her parents, explaining that her brother had always known but Ali and Layla had only found out a week ago, that one of these days, she would ask her parents more questions about it all but for now, she was still trying to wrap her head around it all being _real._

From Ava’s left, Nora bumped her shoulder. “How’s Ali taking it?”

Ava ducked her head and sighed, for the first time in the conversation feeling the way her shoulders sagged with the memory of Ali’s look of shock and betrayal from the previous week. She shook her head, giving Nora a sad grimace that was all Nora needed to know.

“She’ll come round,” said Jax, reaching across the table to give Ava’s hand a squeeze. “That kid loves you more than anything. You’ve just had more time to get used to the idea than she has.”

The looks they were giving her were so kind, so soft and warm and reassuring that Ava was caught off guard for a second. She felt the tension in her back ease, felt her eyebrows relax from where they were knit together and her lips curved upwards in a thankful smile. It seemed like less of a burden, with how chill they were all being about it. Kind of like how it was after she came out, when people hugged her and told her that this didn’t change anything, that she was still the person she’d always been. Before, the adoption discovery had felt as though it was the same level of _life changing_ as coming out as gay.

But with the way the lunchtime conversation broke into unrelated chatter, into jokes about the prank war and complaints about upcoming tests, with teasing and laughter and comparing social media accounts, Ava let out a soft laugh as she realised that nothing was actually that different.

Not really.

 

* * *

 

By lunchtime the next day, things seemed to have gone back to normal.

Almost.

Ava knew people were still whispering about her behind her back, and things at home were still tense and uncertain with Ali, but it wasn’t anything she hadn’t dealt with before and it didn’t seem like a big deal, not with her friends all grinning at her and acting _normal,_ not when Sara was seemingly subconsciously holding Ava’s hand under the table as she told the group a funny story from soccer practice the night before with a small, excited grin on her face. And it was definitely hard to feel too despairing about anything when when Sara finished talking and gave Ava this _look_ , a look that took Ava’s breath away, made her stomach flutter and her heart race and she had to stop herself from closing the honestly miniscule gap between them and kissing Sara because she just looked so _pretty_ and was smiling so wide and this look in her eyes was just so _much_ that for a second, it occurred to Ava that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t alone in these overwhelming feelings she had -  

But like all peaceful, calm moments she’d managed to find in the chaos of the last few weeks, it had to end.

“Ava!” said Jax, appearing by their lunch table out of breath and looking a little desperate. He curled his hand around her arm and tugged, pulling her to her feet and tilting his head towards the doorway that led out to the English corridor. “You need to come with me. Quickly.”

“Jeez Jax, you sound like the world is ending,” said Sara, also getting to her feet. “Chill out, what’s wrong?”

Jax gave Sara a half-glare, half beseeching look before his attention returned to Ava and he shifted his weight nervously. “Your uh … your sister kind of got herself into a fight.”

Ava’s eyebrows flew up to her hairline and her jaw went slack. “I’m sorry, she _what_?”

She was following Jax out of the cafeteria in an instant, Sara at her heels as they pushed past the crowds gathered in the hall, trying to get to epicentre of the conflict. There was a distinct lump in Ava’s throat as they neared the commotion, and she wished this wasn’t all so rushed and desperate, because she wanted Sara to give her that soft, reassuring smile Ava always drew so much calm from, wanted Sara to gently remind her that it would be okay, that Ali still needed her sister despite all of this shit that had blown up in their faces. But there wasn’t _time_ for that, because apparently Ali was in a damn fight, which she’d only done one or two times before in her entire life, and Ava refused to just stand by and let her get in trouble just because they hadn’t spoken since Robert had told her the truth. Ali was a spitfire, sure. But she was _smart_ and careful and the furthest thing from reckless - traits she and Ava shared. If Ali was already angry enough to fight with someone in the hallway regardless of the consequences, either whatever was going on must’ve been pretty serious, or she was reacting to Ava’s adoption worse than Ava could have ever imagined.

As though Sara could read her mind, she was suddenly at Ava’s side. She couldn’t take Ava’s hand in the chaos around them, being jostled by students trying to see what was going on clearer. Instead, she stepped into Ava’s space and curled her hand into the fabric of Ava’s sweater, her voice soft as she said “I know you’re scared to talk to her, but she clearly needs you, okay? Be her big sister.” Ava’s exhale was uneven and staggered, and Sara caught it, just leaned in a little closer and said “C’mon, it’s okay Aves.”, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Ava’s nerves about Ali were only about 40% of the reason why she was breathing so shakily (the other 60 coming from Sara’s proximity, the brush of her hair over Ava’s collarbones, the smell of her perfume, the fact that Ava wanted to kiss her so damn _badly_ -)

“Guys!” said Jax, waving them over. Sara stepped away, grabbed Ava’s wrist and pulled her through the last people in their way to the front of the crowd gathered around Ali and another girl, both of whom were shouting angrily at each other. Ava vaguely recognised Ali’s friend Erica - or rather, ex-friend after this year. One of Erica’s cheeks was a bright, flaming red, and Ava strongly suspected Ali had slapped her. Erica wore an expression of vindictive smugness, and Ava could see the intention to _hurt_ in her eyes, an intention that had clearly followed through because though Ali looked absolutely furious, also overwhelmingly obvious was heartbreak and unease in her eyes. Ava felt a rush of protectiveness towards her and immediately wanted to pull Ali away.

Before she could try and figure out _why_ the two were at odds, Erica said something else, something under her breath that Ava couldn’t catch but Ali clearly did. Ali lunged, and Nora and Kuasa were suddenly there too, both grabbing her arms and pulling her back before her fist collided with Erica’s face. Ava hadn’t seen them there before but they hadn’t been at lunch, and this explained why they’d been absent. She moved towards them, stepping in front of Ali before she could have another go at Erica.

“Ali, stop,” she said sternly, taking Ali by the shoulders and pushing just slightly so Ali’s gaze flickered from the girl she’d been fighting to her sister standing before her. “What the hell is this? What are you doing?”

The whole crowd seemed to hush a little, and Ali froze as it seemed to sink in that Ava was here. Ava watched - as though the world had slowed down around them a little - as Ali’s face fell, shock morphing into a moment of indignant anger before shifting into resignation, humiliation and hurt. It occurred to Ava suddenly that her words had made her sound reprimanding and disappointed, both of which she definitely wasn’t and she opened her mouth to explain that she wasn’t _mad_ at Ali for being this reckless, just wanted to know what was going on, but before she could, Erica let out a taunting laugh behind them.

“Told you Ali,” she said in a cruel, snarky voice. “Fake sister isn’t so proud of you now you both know she’s not _actually_ responsible for all your fuck ups, huh?”

Ava felt as though all her insides went cold at Erica’s words. Ali’s eyes were blazing with furious tears as she shoved past Ava to get to Erica, but Ava quickly had her arm around Ali’s shoulders and was pulling her away, away from Erica, from the crowd, down the hallway, round a corner where the clumped students who’d been following the excitement couldn’t overhear. She knew Sara, Jax, Nora and Kuasa would follow, saw them waiting a little way along the corridor to step in in case Ali wasn’t ready for a one on one conversation with Ava, but far enough away that the two sisters could still talk privately. It hurt somewhere deep in Ava’s chest that what had got Ali so riled up - so uncontrollably angry that she threw a _punch_ \- was Erica taunting her about Ava not really being her sister. Ava wasn’t sure what that _meant_ exactly. Whether it meant that Ali didn’t believe it, that she felt the same way as Layla, that it didn’t change anything, or whether she _did_ believe that her and Ava weren’t the sisters they used to be, and was angry about it being the truth.

Neither of them said anything for several moments. Ali’s harsh, uneven breathing filled the space between them and Ava forced herself to try ignore the tears still welled in Ali’s eyes that she wasn’t even attempting to brush away. Footsteps approached them, and somehow, Ava knew it was Sara before she came into view, before she cleared her throat and leaned against the lockers beside Ava, before she said “Wow lil Sharpe. Had no idea you were such a damn spitfire.”

Ava couldn’t stop the soft, affectionate laugh that slipped past her lips at Sara’s comment. She remembered - so so clearly she remembered - the board game night with their aunt Susan at the beginning of the year, remembered Ali admitting that she’d cut ties with her best friends because of their homophobic jokes, remembered telling Ali the same thing as Sara was saying now and Ali fondly replying that she’d learned it from Ava.

Ali also seemed unable to help the smile that crossed her face and she glanced at Ava briefly for a second before she shrugged, some of the tension easing from her shoulders. “I don’t know what to say,” she murmured quietly, almost hesitantly. “I uh … I learned from the best. Guess it must run in the family.”

Ava felt all the air leave her lungs in a moment of unbridled relief. Ali swallowed, eyes darting back to Ava as she shifted her weight nervously. She fiddled with one of the many rings on her fingers, sniffing a little before she said “Aves, I’m so sorry -”

“Shut up,” said Ava, shaking her head, and she saw surprise flash across Ali’s face, followed by uncertainty and fear. “God, just …” Ava shook her head, huffing to try and distract from the tears she felt pricking the corners of her eyes. “Just come here you weirdo.”  

Ali surged forward, arms around Ava’s waist in seconds before Ava even really had time to prepare for it. She relaxed immediately, wrapped her arms around her sister as Ali clutched her tightly, her face buried in Ava’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, voice muffled. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. That must’ve been the last thing you needed, that was so selfish. I just couldn’t even get my head around it and -”

“Al, breathe, it’s okay,” Ava murmured, running a gentle hand up and down Ali’s back.

“It’s not,” said Ali vehemently, pulling back a little to meet Ava’s gaze. “It’s not okay. I _knew_ something was up with you, I could tell you were torn up over something - on your fucking birthday when you were crying and I _knew_ it Aves, and I was so worried and I wanted to know but I didn’t wanna push and … and then you _did_ tell us and you must’ve been so fucking confused about all of it and you deserved to have us all support you, to prove that we were the same family we’ve always been.”

Ava hoped Ali didn’t hear the way her breath caught in her throat.

Ali looked so earnest, so desperate and insistent as she curled her fingers in Ava’s and squeezed tightly. “You’re my favourite person in the world Aves,” she said, her voice cracking a little. “You’re the best big sister I could’ve ever asked for and I’m so sorry for acting as though you being adopted changed any of that.”

Ava had to wait a few moments before she could speak because she knew her voice would be thick with oncoming tears if she even tried. She could feel Sara’s eyes on her, gentle and sympathetic and full of care and affection and that coupled with the look on Ali’s face, with Ali’s words, were enough to make Ava feel slightly overwhelmed. Eventually, she squeezed Ali’s hands back before letting go. She gave Ali a soft smile, rolled her eyes and poked her in the stomach playfully. “It’s okay,” she said, meaning it this time. “Little sisters always do stupid stuff. That’s why you’ve got us to bail you out when you do.”

Ali scoffed defiantly and Sara laughed, and Ava grinned at them both, feeling nothing but pure, untainted, joyous relief.

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
  
**

**  
** **_aliJsharpeXX posted 1 new photo:_ **

my best friend since day 1, love u sis @avacsharpe <3 #lookatthosechubbycheeks #backwhenwewerecute #whathappened

**_Tagged: avacsharpe_ **

**_Liked by:_** _lilssstein, amayajiwe, theaqxeen, noradarhk, saraalance, and 149 others._ _  
_**_Comments:_** ** _  
_**_avacsharpe:_ Gross you sap  
_aliJsharpeXX_ : @avacsharpe fuck u I was being sentimental  
_avacsharpe:_ I’m kidding I love you you weirdo XX (I don’t even remember this photo?? Where did you get it?)  
_aliJsharpeXX_ : @avacsharpe idk?? it’s been on my wall as long as i can remember, i guess mom pinned it up sometime after i got my room? _  
__noradarhk:_ @aliJsharpeXX this is still how I picture you sometimes bc it’s how you looked when we met I can’t omg look how cute lOOK AT THOSE DIMPLES  
_saraalance:_ @avacsharpe i can’t get over your hair??? like seriously what five year old has hair that majestic wtf  
_noradarhk:_ @saraalance Yeah it was definitely a contested point in our early friendship, I was not impressed that Ava had such pretty hair  
_gxryggreeen:_ @saraalance @noradarhk @avacsharpe yeah defs a sore spot. i also was not impressed.  
_noradarhk:_ ;’D ;D It’s true, he wasn’t

Tuesday 21 February.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shower us with love and validation, we (mostly) shamelessly beg of u 
> 
> [this](https://www.pinterest.nz/pin/621004236094075270/) is the picture we pictured for ali's instagram post at the end of the chapter! fun fact, we actually have a pinterest board for this au but it contains spoilers for the rest of the story / things that happen later in the au world that we've headcanoned. but if you guys wanna see it, we might make a spoiler free one so let us know if that's something you even remotely care about hahaha
> 
> (also, who would like to see photoshop instagram / social media stuff that would get posted to tumblr at some point? we have some talented creator friends that we're hoping to recruit into expanding this world through edits!)


	18. if I lost my way (would you stand beside me?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Sara?” she heard Ava ask again, worry clear in her voice. “You okay?”
> 
> She was trying so, so hard to give Ava space, to follow Tommy’s advice and give this whole thing time to unfold, to keep her feelings to herself and not make assumptions about any kind of reciprocity Ava may or may not feel, but right now her dad was out there in so much danger and there was so much going on and she couldn’t stop thinking, her brain wouldn’t turn off, the frantic, repeated 'What if they leave you' echoing round and round and round. And now Ava was asking her if she was okay for Sara didn’t even know which time that evening, and she wasn’t, but it felt like Ava was a million miles away and nothing she could do would change that. Sara shuddered, curling into a ball on her side and gripping to phone tighter. “No,” she finally whispered, voice breaking on the word.
> 
> “I’m coming over,” Ava said immediately, softly, without hesitation, and Sara pressed a hand over her mouth to muffle a broken sob." 
> 
> OR
> 
> quentin goes on another darhk raid, sara is coping not as great as last time and ava is there to talk her down (aka surprise surprise the Angst is back)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently we're incapable of writing anything other than angst 
> 
> happy thursday/friday depending where in the world you are! thank u heaps for all your comments last week, it was rlly good to see what people thought of the adoption arc so we can approach it accordingly in future chapters X also thank u all for being so sweet omg, we're still stressed outta our minds but for me (chim) at least, my semester is wrapping up and yall. 11 days til legends s4. im not coping i cant deal WE'RE SO CLOSE 
> 
> lemme tell ya we are getting on to the good stuff, I promise ya, I hope the fic isn't like dragging out or that you think it's getting boring. because we've tied so much of ava and sara's relationship development into the plot + the plot follows senior year in its entirety so we hope you don't feel like the slow burn is like ... too slow. we're trying to make this story beyond just the relationship, we've opened up a bunch of storylines that we rlly dont wanna just leave hanging solely for the satisfaction of getting ava and sara together if that makes sense. believe me things are abt to get very interesting, this chapter is set at the end of feb and the next two chapters skip through all of march, so we're on the home stretch (sort of hehe) 
> 
> ANYWAY. enjoy this chapter, sorry for the angst, revel in the fact that ava and sara are very very stupidly in love at this point (is anyone shocked) 
> 
> chapter title is from if i lost my way by neil diamond

 

 **Messenger  
** (Sara Lance)

Ava Sharpe  
_Active now_

_THURS 7:04pm:_

hey

you busy?  

  
Just doing homework

You okay?

  
yeah fine

ofc you’re doing homework

do you ever do this thing we less  
put together folks like to call   
‘procrastination’

bc if not, i’m inclined to think  
that you’re some kind of robot

  
Ha ha

Very funny

Seriously, Sara what’s up?

  
you’re doing hw

i don’t wanna like

interrupt you and your english  
essay’s quality time together

would hate to get between you  
and true love

  
Stop deflecting and talk to me x

  
_THURS 7:14pm:_

 _  
_ my dad’s on another raid

but like, this one’s important  
and he’s gonna be out for ages   
so i don’t wanna distract you for   
the next 5 hours or whatever

just

Idk if you’re free for half an  
hour or so just to text for a bit

 

* * *

 

Sara tried to tell herself it didn’t matter if Ava wasn’t free, because her dad always came back from these raids, and he was always careful. (Anyway, she was going to college next year - she should be able to deal with being left alone for a few hours by now.) It was just … this was the second time Quentin had gone on a raid this year, and usually these big, dangerous operations were few and far between. With Quentin having picked up the Damien Darhk investigation, it had suddenly moved from being a slow, stagnant, basically cold case that had been ongoing for the better part of 10 years, to a rapid, fast paced game of cat and mouse and Sara found herself becoming more and more anxious about her dad’s safety with each minute that ticked by.

Since the anniversary of Nora’s mom’s death, and giving Nora the home video that Quentin had retrieved from the evidence lockup, Sara had started to find out more tiny tidbits about Nora’s past, as well as Damien Darhk’s criminal affiliations, and although it had been interesting to know from the angle of wanting to become better friends with Nora, _now_ the information was just making Sara feel nauseous as she imagined all the different worst case scenarios her mind was capable of concocting.

She’d pretended she was fine for the first forty five minutes, but after nearly breaking down cooking dinner, Sara had caved and tried calling Laurel. Laurel hadn’t answered the phone (and Sara was trying not to read into it as purposeful, repeatedly reminded herself that Laurel was in _rehab_ , and the reception probably wasn’t manned at this hour.)

It was fine.

She would be fine.

It was just a few hours, and then Quentin would be home and everything would be okay again. It was just … something about having the house to herself tonight felt … wrong. It felt empty, hollow, like -

Like there was something missing.

And there was. It’d been months since they’d dropped Laurel off at the rehab facility, but in quiet moments like this it _still_ felt like she should’ve been here, even though if everything had gone to plan, she would’ve been across the country in California right now. But it was hard to picture that, and instead Sara was sitting on the couch in a house that felt too quiet, too big for just her.

And if her dad didn’t come back, then -

 

The sound of her phone vibrating against the couch cushion drew Sara out of her thoughts.  She frowned as Ava’s name flashed up on the screen from an incoming phone call rather than the text she’d been hoping for. After a moment’s pause, she tentatively reached for the phone.

“Hey?”

“Hey,” came the immediate response, and before Sara could open her mouth to ask, Ava added “I figured this would be easier than texting for 5 hours. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sara replied instantly, almost automatically, the words slipping out of her mouth a little too fast and far too defensively. She bit her lip, one hand instinctively fiddling with her necklace. “You didn’t need to call me, really. I’m okay.”

There was no way Ava could’ve seen the way her back stiffened, or the way the fingers of her left hand were anxiously tracing over the two intertwined canaries around her neck, but the way she softly sighed “Sara,” made it clear she could see straight through the facade Sara was desperately trying to maintain. She wasn’t exactly sure _when_ Ava had become the person she trusted most with her secrets, or the person she chose to call when her world was falling to pieces and she was barely managing to keep her head above the water, but she had. Not that that meant Ava had any obligation to stay on the phone, especially not when she had work to do and Sara couldn’t even manage to force any words out of her mouth.

“It’s okay if you’re not, you know,” Ava added quietly, her soft words still sounding far too loud in Sara’s silent house. “You don’t have to be alright all the time.”

Sara swallowed, trying her hardest to let Ava’s words sink in whilst simultaneously attempting to calm the deep sense of unease that had settled in her stomach. Ava didn’t push any further, something Sara was incredibly grateful for, but at the same time … it shouldn’t’ve been this difficult to force words out of her mouth.

The truth that she wasn’t okay; not even slightly. With everything that had been going on at school and with Ava, it’d been easier than she expected to ignore that tension and uncertainty that’d lingered since her fight with Laurel the week before Christmas. (Or at least, it’d been easy to _pretend_ she could ignore it, and her friends seemed to realise bringing it up would do more harm than good.) But now her dad was in danger, and she was alone, and Laurel had never felt further away - they hadn’t even spoken since the phone call on Sara’s birthday, and there was still so much pain and hurt and anger between them that resolving that conflict seemed near impossible. And it wasn’t fair to push all of that onto Ava, not when she had so much going on in her own life, with her parents and her own siblings and the whole mess that was her finding out she was adopted.

Sara didn’t need to add to all of that. But even so, it didn’t feel right to lie to her, so instead Sara just gave her head a slight shake, unable to put any of her thoughts into words.

She could hear the teasing smirk in Ava’s voice when seconds later she jokingly said “If you just shook your head, you do realise how phones work, right? Because if not, I’ve got some bad news I’m gonna have to break to you.”

It shouldn’t’ve been funny. It _wasn’t_ funny, not right now, but it was just such an _Ava_ thing to say that Sara couldn’t help snorting in response, the tension draining from the conversation and her shoulders. “Fuck off Sharpe,” she muttered warmly, the words far more affectionate than they should’ve been. Ava laughed, a soft, comforting sound but didn’t respond beyond that, still waiting for Sara to speak if she wanted to.

She really should. After all, she was the one who texted Ava in the first place, and it wasn’t fair to leave her in the dark about what was going on, even though she knew Ava would understand. Sara sighed, attempting to get rid of the lump in her throat, clenching the fingers around her necklace into a fist. “I am fine, really. It’s just … I know he tries his hardest to come home safe every day. And I know he’s a cop, so it’s his job, but at the end of the day he’s just … he’s my dad, you know? And he’s the kinda guy who’d throw himself in front of a bullet in a heartbeat if it would save the life of someone in his squad, or a civilian, and I know that’s supposed to be a good thing, but I don’t know how to even begin to be okay with it.”

Ava let out a quiet hum of sympathy, her voice soft as she said “No one expects you to be okay with it Sara.”

Talking about it should’ve made Sara feel better, but somehow, Ava’s words - quiet and gentle and so careful and caring - seemed to make the black hole in the pit of her stomach widen exponentially, make the hurt feel more acute and sharp. Last time this had happened, texting Ava had somehow taken the edge off, had made her feel whole enough to do some work and watch a movie until her dad had finally gotten home. But this time … something had changed. Laurel still wasn’t here - tonight, she wasn’t even there to talk to on the _phone_ \- and Sara had been anxious about this all day, and all she wanted right now was to curl up on the couch with someone and watch crappy movies until they were too tired to think straight. She’d only got as far as finding the remote before she gave up. Just like last time, it felt too wrong without Laurel here to mock the low budget and poor quality special effects. Plus, now that she knew Ava properly, - knew the ins and outs of her personality, knew what it felt like to lie so close to her that all she could think about was all the places that their skin was touching, could smell the subtle, soft hint of her green tea moisturiser, knew how her laugh made the world seem brighter, knew how much calmer and safer everything felt with her fingers linked with Sara’s - the uncertain, tentative conversation they were having couldn’t quite fill that void either.

She’d thought she wanted - no, _needed_ \- someone to make her talk, to force her to say the dark thoughts she couldn’t get out of her head, to take away her safety net and yank her out of her comfort zone so that she could wake up and properly remember _it would be fine_. But that someone wasn’t Ava - because Ava was soft and gentle and caring, even when Sara was a mess. Ava was the calm to her storm, Ava was the person whose hand she wanted to hold when everything was crumbling, the person she wanted by her side to tell her everything was okay when she failed to see that herself. Ava would never take away her safety net, she would just ease Sara away from it and stand by her side as Sara tried to navigate the unknown.

Sara stopped herself from swearing out loud.

What she needed was Ava to be _here_ , and part of her desperately wanted to tell Ava that but her voice wouldn’t cooperate and she was having to fight to keep her breathing under control, hoping that Ava couldn’t hear the way it hitched every time she thought about speaking.

It was times like these when she wished her dad just had an ordinary office job like most of her friends. Something normal and safe, a job where he wasn’t likely to end up with a bullet in his chest. But every time, those thoughts just made her feel more and more guilty, because she should be proud to have a dad who worked tirelessly to protect people, but instead … she just felt empty. Her dad was one of the best cops in Star City, was an incredible captain, was someone that even the Mayor had personally praised on occasion. That he had been entrusted with hunting down Damien Darhk, one of the most dangerous criminals in the city, should’ve been a good thing.

But sometimes, it fucking sucked.

Only when she heard Ava repeatedly say her name did Sara realise her thoughts had wandered and she shook her head, getting up from the couch and moving to get herself a glass of water, needing to do something productive with her time. “Yeah, sorry, I’m still here,” she said quietly, hating the way her voice cracked from lack of use. “Do you wanna maybe work on that history assignment?”

Anyone else might’ve pushed. But for some reason Ava just murmured in agreement, her quiet, sincere “If that’s what you want to do,” somehow reassuring Sara and calming her down at the same time, reminding her that Ava would listen, but only when Sara was ready to talk.

“Yeah,” said Sara in a barely a whisper. “If uh … if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course,” said Ava gently. “Let’s start with that third section, yeah?”

 

* * *

 

It shouldn’t have surprised her how quickly they fell back into their same old routine of taking notes together, discussing the details of their slowly progressing assignment and teasing each other across the phone like they’d done so many times this year. They’d stopped using the excuse of doing this project as a reason to hang out months ago - in fact, these days, they’d actually had to actively make themselves do work so they didn’t spend hours on end (afternoons rolling into evenings morphing into late nights) in the warm comfort of Sara’s room watching Brooklyn Nine Nine (or more recently, The Good Place as recommended by Zari). But now, as Sara sat on her rug between her bed and her desk, Ava wasn’t by her side - _no one_ was by her side. She was alone. There was no shoulder pressing into hers, no elbow giving hers a comforting nudge as she took notes, no one here to correct her mistakes.

And it was starting to feel a little like the softness of Ava’s voice as she talked over the phone was the only thing keeping the emptiness from consuming her, even if that that kind of responsibility or dependence wasn’t even slightly fair on Ava (especially when she didn’t even know about it).

Sara didn’t even notice the conversation drift - if you could call it a conversation, because it didn’t take long for Ava to realise Sara wasn’t really up for talking, not right now and instead filling the silence on her own, not expecting any response. Sara didn’t know when exactly Ava had gained the ability to read her _that well_ , and she found herself trying her hardest to ignore the warmth blossoming in her chest at the thought, a small, fragile smile creeping across her lips. Maybe it was because Ava didn’t start this year as part of her friendship group, but something about their relationship was just … different, different in a way that had nothing to do with how fast Sara was falling for Ava. It always _had_ been different.

It was more intimate than her other friendships, more intense, and Sara knew that if she did ask, Ava would drop everything and be here as soon as possible.

Which was exactly why she _couldn’t_. Not when she was trying to follow Tommy’s advice and give Ava some time so she could work through her feelings, not when she was 99% sure Ava only thought of her as a friend, and pushing this further threatened to damage that friendship irreparably. Even if it might be worth it, to recapture the warmth she’d felt blossoming in her chest when her lips had brushed against Ava’s cheek on New Year’s eve, or to see Ava look at her like she’d hung the stars just one more time.

Pushing those thoughts away Sara tuned back in to Ava’s words a little too late, only to find she’d stopped talking and was instead listening to Ali, who had at some point showed up in Ava’s room and was complaining about Layla not giving her a lift home because she’d gone to see her boyfriend, who sounded like a dick. Not that Sara intended to involve herself in the conversation, because it sounded as though Ava had forgotten she was listening. She briefly thought about hanging up - it felt a little like she was intruding, listening in on a conversation she shouldn’t’ve been part of - but an unexpected wave of panic shot through her at the thought, promptly putting an end to that plan as she gasped, loud enough that both Ali and Ava must’ve heard from the other end of the line. Sara sucked in a shaky breath, closing her eyes as she heard Ava ask “Sara?”, concern evident in her voice. “You still there?”

She faintly heard Ali say something to Ava, followed by a rustling sound that was most likely Ava shaking her head, and somehow Sara managed to pull herself together enough to take another quiet breath and force an acknowledgement out of her mouth. “Yeah. Still here.” She bit her lip, trying to ignore how fast her heart was beating at the prospect of being left alone with her thoughts.

It was okay. She could call Amaya, or Zari, or someone else if Ava needed to go. It’d be fine.

“You okay?”

The quiet “yeah” she managed to force past the lump in her throat sounded fake, even to her, and there was no chance Ava had missed the way her voice shook as she spoke, but for some unknown reason she chose to ignore it.

“So what d’you think?” asked Ava, a smile in her voice. “Ditch the boyfriend?”

Sara let out a huge sigh of overwhelming relief. “Oh yeah, for sure,” she agreed, voice still far too quiet, but Ali somehow heard her response and went off on another rant, this time more irritated than the first.

“Hey Sara” Ava said quietly, in that familiar, comforting tone. “I’m gonna put you on speaker, okay?”

Sara murmured an agreement, content to just listen to Ali and Ava talk, letting the words wash over her without taking any of them in. Ali was bright and bubbly, unhesitating in her enthusiasm. And Ava … somehow even over the phone Ava’s presence was calming, and slowly as she and Ali talked, Sara felt the weight that’d been resting on her chest all day ease slightly, making it a little easier to breathe. She moved to curl up on her bed, her fingers going back to tracing over the pair of canaries hanging round her neck as she let her mind drift, thinking about anything and everything except where her dad was right now, or what he was doing.

 

It wasn't until they were both in bed that the conversation turned back to the real reason for Sara's call. The darkness of the night, the cold that settled into the air, the resuming quiet of the big, empty house made it so much harder for Sara to keep her feelings at bay. A stillness had settled over the line now that most of Ava's family were in bed, all background noise fading so Sara could hear Ava's breathing echoing faintly in her ear. She bit her lip. If there ever was a time to open up, it was now - Ava couldn’t see her expression, and there’d always been a secrecy to things that were said in the dead of night, with no one to hold her accountable. Well, no one except Ava.

Not that Ava would ever share anything she told her, but … the darkness felt safer. More secure.

There was no context to the words that fell quietly from her lips, but Ava didn't seem to mind, listening closely. “I know I still have Laurel, and this is gonna sound stupid, but it feels like she's gone. And … and if … if I lose my dad too I don't know how - I don't know -”

Sara cut herself off again before her words could spiral into panic but she heard Ava’s quiet intake of breath, full of unspoken concern that made Sara wish even more that she was here. Sara's hand found its way to her necklace yet again, fingers curling tightly around the pendant as she tried to find the strength to continue. “I just … I don't want to be alone.” The admission was barely audible but Sara knew Ava had heard, and as she closed her eyes against the familiar burning sensation.

“That's not stupid, Sara,” Ava murmured, her voice still quiet. “How you feel about Laurel and your dad could never be stupid. And I know right now it feels like you're alone, but your dad and Laurel will come back and it won't feel like this forever.”

Sara tried to agree but the only sound that made it out her mouth was a choked gasp before her breath caught in her throat again for what felt like the thousandth time. “Sara?” she heard Ava ask again, worry clear in her voice. “You okay?”

She felt the hot tears spill past her eyelids, roll down her cheeks as her bottom lip trembled. It took everything Sara had not to crack, to not let Ava _know_ just how bad it was tonight. Ava was telling her she wasn’t alone, telling her she had people she could lean on, people who’d support her, but … they all felt so, so far away. Her dad, Laurel … and Ava.

She was trying so, so hard to give Ava space, to follow Tommy’s advice and give this whole thing _time_ to unfold, to keep her feelings to herself and not make assumptions about any kind of reciprocity Ava may or may not feel, but there was so much going on and she couldn’t stop _thinking_ , her brain wouldn’t turn off, the frantic, repeated _What if they leave you_ echoing round and round and round. And now Ava was asking her if she was okay for Sara didn’t even know which time that evening, and she _wasn’t,_ but it felt like Ava was a million miles away and nothing she could do would change that. Sara shuddered, curling into a ball on her side and gripping to phone tighter. “No,” she finally whispered, voice breaking on the word.

“I’m coming over,” Ava said immediately, softly, without hesitation, and Sara pressed a hand over her mouth to muffle a broken sob.

She swallowed thickly. She wanted to tell Ava not to because it was late and it was school night and it was stupid that she needed someone to come hold her hand because she couldn’t be home alone. But by the time Sara had forced her voice to stay steady, the only words that she managed to say were a hoarse, whispered “please,” that in absolutely no way whatsoever hid the desperation behind her words. She could hear Ava getting up, pulling some real clothes on and heading out of her room. Her voice went muffled for a second, cleary having run into someone in the hallway, and Sara felt a sudden spike of fear that it was Barbara who almost definitely wouldn’t let Ava leave this late, especially to a girl’s house that was currently uninhabited by adults.

But it only took a second for Sara to recognise Robert’s voice, followed by Ava quietly telling her dad where she was going and then the sound of Ava hurrying down the stairs and slipping out the front door. She talked for the whole journey, voice not quite clear, (probably because she’d put her phone down on the passenger seat whilst driving - safety first, and all that), but Sara still had no idea what she had said, zoning out and just listening to Ava’s voice, letting it calm her down like it had been all evening.

“There’s a key under the plant pot,” she said quietly when she heard the rumble of tires from the driveway and the sound of Ava’s footsteps walking up to the house. Sara wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and moved to get up but a sudden wave of fatigue hit her and she rolled back onto her bed, pulling a blanket from the bottom of the bed onto her lap, swallowing again and adding shakily “I’m in my room, can you just …”

“I’ll come up,” Ava said before Sara could finish asking, and Sara immediately heard the sound of the door opening before Ava closed it and locked it behind her, making her way up the stairs.

Sara’s finger hovered over her phone screen, knowing logically that she should hang up, but unable to force her fingers to move. She wiped her eyes again and quickly shuffled upwards so she looked a little less pathetic. Pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head against them, Sara wondering whether she should’ve just promised Ava she was okay, and told her not to come. This time by herself - these evenings where her Dad was working tough jobs - they were always the same, no matter how hard she tried to change things, and a small part of her still didn’t want to let Ava in, didn’t want her to know just how much of a mess she really was.

Because it was _these_ evenings when Sara felt at her most broken and her most alone, and for all the ways that she and Ava had become surprisingly close over these past months, Sara still couldn’t help but be afraid that maybe this was it. Maybe after seeing this, Ava would decide that Sara was just too much of a mess for her to have the time and headspace to deal with. And Sara didn’t think she could take losing Ava, not now.

She couldn’t -

Sara sucked in a sharp, panicked breath, blinking back tears when Ava hung up the call. Immediately, that familiar, all encompassing loneliness sprang up out of nowhere, but in true, Ava fashion, her timing was perfect and before Sara could be left alone with her thoughts, she felt the bed dip and Ava’s fingers brush gently across her wrists, her touch warm and comforting.

“Sara?” Ava asked softly, running her hands up Sara’s arms to tug her carefully so they were facing each other. Sara finally let her eyes flicker up to gauge Ava’s expression, and it was filled with so much concern that Sara had to force herself not to look away. She hadn’t even noticed her come in. She’d _known_ Ava was in her house and she _still_ hadn’t noticed her come into her room, too in her own head to even pull her gaze away from her phone until Ava had been right in front of her.

Sara didn’t speak, not entirely sure her voice could manage it, but Ava must’ve seen something in her expression because after a moment she reached out with a still, careful hand and smoothed Sara’s hair, the action so intimate and affectionate that Sara had to snap her eyes closed to stop the sudden urge to smother her problems with the distraction of closing the gap between them and kissing Ava.

 _No._ This wasn’t the time for Sara to act on impulsive emotions.

“What can I do?” asked Ava in barely a whisper. Sara pulled away suddenly, saw the worry and slight hurt flash in Ava’s eyes before she realised that Sara was just lying down. Ava nodded towards the empty space beside Sara. “Can I …?”

“Yeah,” said Sara in a small voice. “Please.”

Ava shuffled across the bed and lay down beside Sara, far enough that she wasn’t crowding Sara’s space but close enough that Sara barely had to reach to find Ava’s hand, already waiting for Sara’s to grasp it tightly.

“I …” Sara swallowed, tightening her hold on Ava’s hand. Ava’s thumb immediately moved to brush comfortingly across Sara’s knuckles, the movement so soft and light that Sara could barely feel it, but it was enough to zero the world in to just them - to just this moment in the darkness, to them on her bed, to Ava rolling over so she could look at Sara properly, and moving her other hand to trail up Sara’s arm as a silent _it’s okay, I got you._

“I wanna talk about it,” Sara breathed hoarsely, “but I just … I don’t know how. Can you - can you ask something?”

“Anything?” asked Ava, and her voice made her sound so close, close enough for Sara to roll over and fall into her arms if everything started to feel like it was about to overwhelm her.

“Yeah,” said Sara, trying to focus on the feeling of Ava’s fingers against her skin rather than the still distinctly unsettling panic hovering just below the surface.

“Okay,” said Ava, carefully scanning Sara’s face for any sign that she wasn’t up to it, before softly saying “Before … on the phone … you were talking about - about feeling like you’d be alone if something went wrong tonight.” She paused, a little uncertain, but Sara could already feel the need to talk about this building in her chest, so she nodded a little encouragingly. Ava shifted, moving just incrementally closer to Sara and squeezing her hand. “You know we’re all here for you, right? You’d never be _alone_ , you’d have all of us.”

Sara didn’t reply at first. They both already knew the answer to Ava’s question, even if Sara wasn’t willing to admit it right now - she _did_ know her friends would be there, they told her that more often than was probably necessary, but … right now in the middle of the night, in a room lit only by the streetlamp outside, she was struggling to understand that knowledge in her heart, rather than her head. It took everything Sara had not to shy away from Ava’s unrelenting gaze. She knew that Ava had the power to cut through the walls she’d so carefully constructed and send them tumbling down, and Sara wasn’t quite ready to let Ava see just how fragile she was underneath. Sara bit her lip, hoping her voice would cooperate as she said quietly “I uh … it’s not … it’s not really about knowing that I wouldn’t _really_ be alone. It’s …” She stopped, moving her hand to hurriedly brush the tears from her eyes but Ava caught it before it could reach her face, pulling it back down and keeping hold of it as it rested on Sara’s stomach. The touch gave Sara the courage to confess the reality of what had been weighing on her so much about her dad’s job this year. “Me and dad and Laurel... there's this conversation we have every year. About what would happen if he died in action.”

She heard Ava's breath hitch a little in sync with her own, but she didn't interrupt, leaving Sara space to continue.

“When Laurel was still underage, we would've gone to live with mom, but once she turned 18, we kind of agreed that she'd choose Starling City university for college and she'd stay here and look after me until I graduated. But now ... _God_ , I don't even know what happens. If … if he dies. Because I'm 18, so technically they can't make me go live with mom or anything, I'd just - I’d be all alone in this house until college.”

Her words sounded lost and she knew it hadn't slipped past Ava’s notice, but Ava still paused to give her time to continue if she wanted, before quietly saying “You wouldn't be alone Sara. I said it before and … I know it wouldn't be the same. But _even if_ the worst happens you still have friends and people who care about you, and no one’s just gonna leave you. We’ll all still be here.”

Sara didn't know what to say to that, so she let her eyes flicker shut as she thought about what Ava’d said. _We'll all still be here._ It was true, and she knew that, but hearing someone - hearing _Ava_ \- say it out loud helped ease the ache in her heart just a little. There was something else there too, something underneath Ava's words, a subtle promise of _I'll still be here_ creeping into her voice, and it shouldn't’ve made her feel like her world had tilted on its axis, but it did. Because Ava … Ava somehow had the ability to turn up out of the blue and make her feel like things _would_ be okay, like the things she was facing wouldn’t last forever, that it’d get better.

That it _could_ get better, if her dad didn’t -

Sara felt a stray tear roll down her cheek and wiped it away angrily.

“I want Laurel back,” she whispered, pushing herself up and looking over at Ava with tears in her eyes, unable to stop them coming now they’d started to fall. “I tried to call her, but I couldn’t get through, and I don’t even - I don’t know whether it was just too late, or if she doesn’t want to talk to me after what I said to her last time we - ”

“Sara,” Ava interrupted, also sitting up and reaching across to turn Sara’s chin to look her in the eyes. “She’d answer if she could. I know you haven’t talked to her since Christmas, but you’re her sister, and she loves you. So, so much.”

Sara closed her eyes, shaking her head and attempting to shuffle away, but Ava dropped her hand to Sara’s lap, squeezing one of Sara’s hands tightly, bringing the other hand up to cup Sara’s cheek and wipe away her tears. Sara shuddered, breath catching in her throat and making it hard to breathe as she choked “But what if she _doesn’t?_ Maybe she - maybe - ”

“No,” Ava said firmly, not even waiting for her to finish. Sara opened her eyes to find Ava had moved to sit right in front of her, concerned and sincere but determined. Ava sighed softly, pulling her forward into a hug and pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, letting Sara sag against her chest as she whispered “Don’t go there, Sara. Nothing you could _ever_ do would make Laurel stop loving you - you mean the world to her.” Sara leaned back to look Ava in the eyes desperately wanting to believe her words. Ava smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Sara’s ear and adding quietly “Just as much as she means to you.”

She knew Ava wasn’t convinced she believed her, but she was trying. She was trying so goddamn hard to agree with what Ava was telling her, to let Ava’s words sink in and stay there, but suddenly reality was crashing back down around her and Sara could feel her exhaustion seeping into her bones - tired of the same thoughts she couldn’t get rid of, tired of the tears and the uncertainty and the familiar sense of unease. Tired of wondering whether she’d ruined everything between her and Laurel when she’d let herself fall apart in Laurel’s room, screaming at her and then leaving without apologising, no matter how much her dad begged her. All she wanted was to close her eyes and wake up in the morning with her dad back home, safe, and Laurel back here where she belonged.

Even though right now, that seemed impossible.

Ava stifled a yawn, and a pang of guilt settled deep in Sara’s chest as Ava shook some hair away from her face.

“You don't have to wait up with me Ava,” said Sara quietly. “You must be shattered, and we have school in the morning and you're a nerd who likes to actually concentrate in class, so if you wanna go that's okay. You didn’t need to come over, I'll be alright.” She went to pull away, to give Ava room to get away but Ava kept her hold firm.

She offered Sara a caring smile and said, “Okay firstly, I resent that, doing well at school doesn't make me a nerd,” she started jokingly, voice still far too warm, heavy with an affection Sara wasn’t ready to acknowledge. A matching fond smile crept onto her own face, but before she had a chance to speak Ava continued, her voice softer and a little hesitant, “Secondly... of _course_ I’ll stay Sara. I’ll stay for as long as you want me to, I - ”

She cut herself off, but Sara frowned slightly, trying not to twist the unfinished sentence in her head. Ava sighed softly, meeting Sara’s eyes, clearly hoping Sara would see the truth in them as she finished “I can’t stand the thought of leaving you here alone.”

 

* * *

 

Sara stared at her for a long moment, long enough for Ava to begin to question whether she’d pushed things too far. But then Sara let out a shaky breath, wrapping her blanket tight around her shoulders as she shuffled back to rest against the headboard, and pointed vaguely towards her laptop. “Can we watch a movie or something? While we wait?”

Ava smiled with what she hoped was well disguised relief, nodding and handing Sara the laptop. She moved to sit next to Sara, their shoulders barely touching which felt odd given how close they’d been just moments ago. Sara let out a soft breath, her entire body relaxing when Ava didn’t teasingly ask why they weren’t watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine (which they were quickly powering through to the point that they soon would run out of episodes to watch). Ava hoped Sara knew she understood that the warmth and comfort and safety of the show that stupidly meant so much to them both was for days when they could enjoy it properly, when it wasn’t tainted by the loneliness of the Lance house and the uncertainty of whether or not Quentin would return over the next few hours. Sara placed the laptop back on the bed and chose an apparently obscure, low budget sci-fi comedy that was queued to her Netflix list. She shuffled closer and rested her head against Ava’s shoulder, tangling their fingers together in Ava’s lap almost subconsciously.

Ava pressed a soft kiss to the top of Sara’s head again before she could stop herself and caught the flicker of a smile on Sara’s face, slightly hollow but a little more genuine than anything else Ava had seen since she’d arrived. Sara’s eyes drifted, clearly not paying attention to the movie in front of them but glad for the excuse to zone out, glad to have some kind of background noise to fill the agonising quiet. Her gaze dropped to Ava’s lap where Ava was unintentionally tracing a gentle circle across the back of Sara’s hand. Immediately, Ava wanted to tug her hand back, feeling suddenly far too _seen,_ as though these moments of intimacy only worked when they were quiet and hidden, even between the two of them.

But Sara didn’t say anything. She just curled a little closer, seeming to relax properly for what Ava assumed was the first time in hours. Sara was warm and soft against Ava’s side, breath soft and more steady over Ava’s collarbone as the darkness and horrifying, dangerous possibilities of the world outside them seemed to fade into the distance.

“Thank you,” Sara whispered. Ava carefully untangled her fingers from Sara’s and moved to card them through Sara’s hair, smiling to herself when Sara sighed contentedly.

“Always,” Ava murmured. “Always, Sara.”

 

(Somewhere in Ava’s head, it occurred to her that _always_ was shifting into something else now. Until this point, it had meant _I’ll always be here for you._

Ava’s eyes snapped shut for a second, and she realised with a sinking feeling in her stomach that this revelation wasn’t as surprising as it should have been.

Because now, she was pretty sure it meant _I think I’ll always be in love with you._

Whether Sara felt the same or not.)

  


Quentin came back somewhere close to 2am.

Sara heard the front door open, heard the hinges groan and the worn out floorboards in the doorway creak and she was flinging the covers off her bed in an instant, flying out of her bedroom door and rushing down the stairs. Ava followed her, slipping her hands into her jacket pockets and pausing on the first floor landing to give Sara and Quentin a moment. He seemed just as relieved as she was to see him, and Ava wasn’t expecting the lurch of uneasiness in her stomach at the thought that the raid had clearly been dangerous enough for him to be worried about not coming home.

“Is that Ava’s car out front?” he asked, and Ava saw the way his eyes seemed to linger on Sara’s swollen, red eyes and tear tracked cheeks. Sara looked away when she saw him staring.

“Yeah, she came over,” she replied at the same time as Ava began to descend the stairs, catching Quentin’s attention and waving a small hello.

“Hey Mr Lance.”

“It’s Quentin, Ava, you know that,” he reprimanded, but he shot her a gentle, grateful smile that clearly said _thank you for being here._ He squeezed Sara’s arms before stepping back from her. “I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

“Do you want anything to eat?” asked Sara. “I stress baked cookies.”

Quentin let out a small laugh. “Let me get out of my gear, okay? I’ll meet you in the kitchen after.”

Sara nodded and Ava said goodbye as Quentin swung his bag over his shoulder and disappeared down the hallway to the downstairs bathroom. Once he was out of eyesight, Sara’s hands reached out to grab Ava’s, pull her a little closer.

“It’s really late,” said Sara apologetically. “You can stay if you want. You must be so tired.”

“I’m okay,” Ava lied even though she’d been struggling to keep her eyelids open for the past forty minutes. “I told Dad I would come back, and I’ll probably get in trouble with Mom if I stay.”

“Are you okay to drive?” asked Sara, her fingers curling almost protectively around Ava’s.

Ava smiled affectionately. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” she promised. “It’s like, five minutes Sara. I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Okay,” said Sara.

“Okay,” Ava echoed.

Neither of them said anything for a couple of moments, and Ava thought she felt her heart literally come to a halt in her chest when she could’ve sworn Sara’s eyes dropped to her lips for the briefest of moments. But then they were looking back up at her face and Ava’s heart restarted and she tried not to noticeably swallow, chalking up what she _thought_ she’d seen to her own exhaustion. Sara looked as though she was about to say thank you again, or maybe apologise, or perhaps that she didn’t know which to do. So Ava squeezed her hands tightly before letting go, checking that her keys and phone were in her pockets before offering Sara a kind, familiar smile.

“I’m glad he’s okay,” she said honestly. “And I’m glad you let me come over.”

Surprise and overwhelming gratitude flashed in Sara’s eyes. “Me too,” she said quietly. “I’ll uh … I’ll see you at school?”

Ava nodded. “See you then.” She was just pulling the door open, shivering a little at the sudden blast of early morning cold air, when Sara softly added “I’ll bring you a coffee for first period.” Ava smiled to herself, allowing a single glance over her shoulder to Sara who was standing by the staircase, leaning against it and had a tired but almost flirtatious glint in her eye.

_No. Not flirtatious. Just teasing, affectionate, friendly._

Ava shrugged, shooting Sara the same wry smirk in return. “I’m not gonna say no to a free coffee,” she said with a soft chuckle. “Especially not from you.”

 

* * *

 ****  
**Instagram** **  
** (gxryggreeen)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

TG&G: 6  
OG legends: 5

boxing gloves + glue = an  
absolute classic

sorry boys, bro code doesn’t  
apply to the prank war ;-)

@nathanielheywood   
@raymondcpalmer   
@jeffersonjax   
@mickrxryy   
@wallacewesttt

#SCHSsenioryearprankwar

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger  
** (Ava Sharpe)

Sara Lance  
_Active now_

_SAT, 9:18am:_

You free today?

Your dad’s working right?  

  
yeah he’s gotta do some paperwork   
to do with the raid but i’ve already   
got plans to go to the gym with the   
guys, and then me, jax and amaya   
are going shopping

  
you okay, need me to cancel?

  
No, no, don’t you dare

  
I’m fine :-)

  
I just had an idea I wanted   
to run by you

  
you know that’s what a   
phone call is for, right?

  
Fine I rescind my invite

  
I’M KIDDING I’M KIDDING

  
what was your idea?

  
Oh, now you wanna know

  
‘course i do aves

  
come oooon gimme something

  
Okay okay ;’D

  
And look feel free to shoot me down   
if you don’t want to or if it’s not a   
good idea

  
okay?

  
I was thinking about what you said   
the other night

  
During your dad’s raid

  
And idk I can’t imagine how much it   
must be weighing on you not knowing   
where you stand with Laurel

  
It’s been almost 3 months and I think   
maybe it’s time for you to properly   
talk to her about what happened

  
Of course you don’t have to do it now   
we have like a million tests this week

  
But I just, idk, I wanted to make sure   
you knew that if at any point you wanted   
to go see her, make things right, then   
I’ll drive you out there and back no   
matter what time, just let me know ok?

  
_SAT 9:26am:_

 _  
_ Sara?

  
If it’s a bad idea then forget about   
it, I just wanted to put it out there

  
no no it’s

  
It’s not a bad idea

  
you don’t have to do that ava

  
I know

  
I want to

  
If you want to

  
yeah i do

  
not this weekend

  
That’s okay

  
are you sure any time is okay?

  
Positive xx

  
you don’t know how much this means   
to me aves seriously

  
I do know, that’s why I offered

  
You need this

  
i know

  
i just didn’t think i’d get it until the   
next time dad visited, or until laurel   
eventually came home

  
You deserve to make this right   
on your own terms

  
For once

  
yeah you don’t say ;’D

  
hey i gotta go, nate’s giving me a   
ride to the gym but

  
god thank you so much ava i don’t   
know what i did to deserve you

  
i love you so much, i’ll call you later X

  
Love you too <3

  


* * *

 

 **Instagram** ****  


**_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

first game of the season, first win of the season!! your schs gals are back and better than every #schswolves (p.s. thanks to my legends kids who set aside our infamous prank rivalry for one night to come out and support our first match, love u guys xx)

**_Tagged: ztomaz, lilssstein, KuasaJiwe_ **

**_Liked by:_** _amayajiwe, nathanielheywood, avacsharpe, oliivxrqueen, raymondcpalmer_ _and 243 others._ _  
_**_Comments:_**  
_jeffersonjax:_ hell of a game!!! It’s gonna be such a good season, can’t wait to cheer ya on  
_avacsharpe:_ You guys were amazing! <3  
theaqxeen: was on the edge of my seat the whole time askdgkhaj you’re gonna be the best captain SCHS has ever seen!!!

Thursday 2 March.


	19. unspoken, i can barely breathe (when i'm with you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ava froze when she opened the door and saw the look of pure panic on Sara’s face. It was hard not to jump to the worst possible conclusion given how the past year had unfolded, and Ava immediately forced herself to stay calm, mentally running through the options of what was going on. Sara’s dad was working today, and even though he wasn’t on a raid he was still the captain, and something still could’ve happened, he still could’ve been injured. Or maybe it was something with Laurel and Sara had just found out, alone in the house without anyone there to talk to and -
> 
> Sara let out a shaky sigh and produced a stack of important looking envelopes, hand trembling slightly. Ava frowned, taking them from Sara and carefully bringing them closer to try and decipher the stamp on the top right corner. 
> 
> Oh. 
> 
> Ava let out the breath she was holding, a smile creeping across her lips. 
> 
> Sara’s college acceptances."
> 
> OR 
> 
> sara gets her college acceptances, and ava helps her make some amends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! 
> 
> sorry this chapter is a bit late, today's my last day of classes for the semester (woop!) and last week, we also ended up cutting what used to be half of the last chapter and merging it with the second half of this chapter because the two scenes were way too similar. that took Way longer than we thought, so again, apologies for the delay! to make up for it, this chapter is a 13k, so it's hopefully worth it! 
> 
> as usual, you guys have been wonderful and incredible in every possible way. we're chugging away at these later chapters and it's actually kind of freaky because we realised that there's not a whole lot of slow burn left and it's weirding us out a little. and in case any of you were wondering, just for your own anticipation, the story doesn't end with the end of the slow burn. so basically hold on to your hats, there's a Lot more coming. 
> 
> ANYWAY, we really really like this chapter, it's one of the chapters we planned out very very early on so we hope you really like it! we're only 1 chapter away from possibly one of our absolute favourite parts of the fic so things are getting good. hopefully you think so too! please leave us some love in the comments, you have no idea how much it motivates us to keep writing this XX
> 
> p.s. chapter title is from only us by drax project (seriously, check them out, they're an NZ band who started at the university i'm at and they're AMAZING)

Sara didn’t know what to do. Which was ridiculous, because it wasn’t that big of a deal, and if she hadn’t got into the colleges she applied for, she could reapply in a later semester, or she could just go to community college, try apply for a specialised soccer academy, or maybe she could just get a job, or an apprenticeship, or … something. But she’d applied to so many schools just on a whim, just because Ava and Laurel and Ray had told her she should, even though she’d been sure there was no chance of her getting in.

She did it anyway. (She did it because she’d just wanted to make them proud of her.)

Sara looked back over at the stack of envelopes on the bed, anxiously clutching her necklace and continuing to pace round her room. She couldn’t just _ignore_ them, but -

The idea of opening them, or reading the rejection letters that almost definitely lay inside made her breath catch in her throat and her heart rate quicken, her uncertainty quickly beginning to morph into a panic she couldn’t control.

Sara groaned and ran one hand through her hair. She forced herself to stop pacing and sat down on her bed, as far away from the pile of envelopes as she could get. This was ridiculous. Like, actually, _so_ stupid. If her 14 year old self could see her now, she would be laughing, would be making some comment about why Sara cared so much, snarking why college should even matter. Sara grit her teeth, pushing those thoughts as far to the back of her mind as possible. With a shaky sigh, she pulled her phone from her back pocket.

 

**Messenger**

Ava Sharpe  
_Active now_

_TUES 3:26pm:_

_  
_ come over?

  
Everything okay?

  
_3:33pm_

 _  
_ I’ll be there in 10 x

  
_Seen: Tuesday, 3:34pm._

 

* * *

 

Ava froze when she opened the door and saw the look of pure panic on Sara’s face. It was hard not to jump to the worst possible conclusion given how the past year had unfolded, and Ava immediately forced herself to stay calm, mentally running through the options of what was going on. Sara’s dad was working today, and even though he wasn’t on a raid he was still the captain, and something still could’ve happened, he still could’ve been injured. Or maybe it was something with Laurel and Sara had just found out, alone in the house without anyone there to talk to and -

Sara let out a shaky sigh and produced a stack of important looking envelopes, hand trembling slightly. Ava frowned, taking them from Sara and carefully bringing them closer to try and decipher the stamp on the top right corner.

 _Oh._  

Ava let out the breath she was holding, a smile creeping across her lips.

Sara’s college acceptances.

Ava laughed fondly. Because of course the schools Sara had applied for would’ve accepted her - between her grades and her brilliant leadership of their soccer team (both of which barely scratched the surface), a place in at least _half_ of these colleges was basically guaranteed. But Sara seemed so nervous, as though she didn’t actually believe that the letters in Ava’s hand held _acceptances_ , so Ava softened her expression and reached out to take Sara’s hand.

“Come on,” she said, tightening her fingers around Sara’s supportively. She stepped inside, shut the door behind her and pulled Sara gently up the stairs, rolling her eyes a little when Sara obstinately tried to resist. “Sara, it’ll be _fine_ , just come upstairs.” Sara huffed, giving in and trailing her feet over the floorboards, sighing overdramatically when they reached her room in an attempt to mask how anxious she was. Ava didn’t call her out on it. She wasn’t missing the irony of the situation. It was so, so similar to how she’d reacted when she got her own college acceptances, when Sara had watched Netflix with her until she’d calmed down enough to confront the situation. At which point they’d lain side by side on Ava’s bed, Sara patiently waiting for Ava to work up the courage to read each letter.

Sara sat down on the floor, back resting against her bed. Ava joined her without a moment's hesitation, placing the envelopes on the ground between them. Sara almost seemed to be shaking, her fingers tapping nervously against her thigh.

“I can’t,” Sara whispered, attempting to keep her voice level. “I can’t open them.” She ran one hand through her hair, looking down at the floor as she swore under her breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I dragged you all the way over here just to -”

“Sara,” Ava interrupted, small smile still on her face as she gave Sara’s shoulder an affectionate, comforting nudge. “Drag me all the way over here? Because I live _so_ far away, clearly.” Sara let out a noise that closely resembled a laugh. Ava nudged her again, this time staying close and keeping their shoulders touching. “Do you remember how nervous I was when I got mine?” she reminded. “You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. We’ll wait as long as you need to.”

Sara let out another shaky breath and nodded just as Ava reached out to place a hand on her knee to stop it from bouncing violently. “What are you so afraid of Sara?” she asked softly, tracing a gentle pattern across her leg. “You’ve got one of the highest GPAs in our grade, you’re the captain of one of the best soccer teams in our state and you have incredible personal recommendations from every single teacher around school … any college would be lucky to have you.”

Sara leaned her head back against the bed, closing her eyes, a quiet “What if that’s not good enough?” falling from her lips before she could stop it.

It was just so nervous, so vulnerable that Ava felt her breath catch in her throat, shifting slightly so she was fully facing Sara. “Hey,” she said firmly. “Why wouldn’t that be enough?”

Sara shrugged helplessly, still blatantly avoiding Ava’s gaze, even as her eyes opened again. “I - I don’t know. It was never enough for -” She stopped abruptly, as though realising suddenly what she was about to say and cutting herself off, lips pressed together tightly.

“For who?” Ava pushed gently, carefully running her thumb over the familiar scar over Sara’s right knee. When Sara didn’t say anything, she shifted just barely closer. “Sara, who?”

“My parents,” Sara said in a rush, voice cracking. “It was never enough for them. Not compared to Laurel. What if - what if it’s the same now, with college -”

“Stop,” said Ava, quietly but sternly. “Sara, look at me.” After a moment Sara did, tilting her head down and reluctantly letting her eyes flicker to Ava’s. “It _is_ good enough,” Ava promised, squeezing Sara’s knee. “ _You_ are good enough. These colleges aren’t sitting here trying to compare you to Laurel. They’re just seeing _you_ . And not only do I know you, I know how these colleges think - hell, I’ve been obsessing over it since I was 13. You _are_ good enough for them, trust me.” Her voice was so unwavering and confident, it left no room for argument, holding Sara’s gaze until Sara sighed and nodded.

“Okay,” she whispered, reaching out to take the envelope Ava was holding out to her with still trembling hands. “Okay.”

Ava smiled, squeezing Sara’s leg one more time before retracting her hand to sit back in her own lap. The sound of the envelope tearing seemed overly loud in the quiet room, but Ava didn’t interrupt the almost determined movements with which Sara was pulling the letter into the open. Ava’s eyes drifted over to the window as she waited patiently for Sara to finish reading, wanting Sara to tell her the news herself rather than just reading it over her shoulder.

Sara seemed calm. The contrast to earlier was so obvious that it was impossible not to notice, but the carefully blank expression on her face gave nothing away, even as she put one letter down on the floor and picked up the second. It felt like hours before Sara put the last letter down, hand sliding over to Ava’s and giving it a gentle squeeze to catch her attention, (as if Sara didn’t always have Ava’s undivided attention whenever they were in a room together anyway.)

“So,” Sara eventually started, her carefully controlled voice not managing to hide the complete astonishment behind her wide, surprised eyes. “Six schools accepted me.”

Ava’s face lit up and she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Sara shook her head, still looking unbelievably stunned. “Aves. I got four full soccer scholarships.”

Ava’s jaw dropped She had never doubted Sara would get accepted, but this was something else entirely. Women’s soccer was a definite niche, and there were so many talented players around the country that getting any kind of scholarship was an incredible achievement. _One_ full scholarship was astounding, let alone _four._ Ava laughed incredulously, shaking her head as she reached over to pull Sara into a tight, crushing hug. Sara let out an incredulous laugh and gripped her just as tightly, and Ava could feel her grinning against her shoulder with unbridled happiness and excitement.

“You deserve this,” Ava murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Sara’s head. Sara was still shaking slightly - though Ava suspected this was out of shock -  so Ava kept hold of her for a little longer than she should’ve (given how quickly her heart was beating, how much her stomach was fluttering at their closeness, at the feeling of Sara’s lips against the skin of her shoulder.) When Ava finally pulled away, she found Sara’s hand again, squeezing it briefly before taking the letters Sara passed to her to read them herself.

(It was hard to maintain a calm expression when she noticed that Brown had offered Sara a full ride, eyes flickering up to glance at Sara. Sara grinned back, and Ava had to try so, so hard to ignore the overwhelming tightness in her chest, because they both knew Ava had accepted Brown’s offer by now, and now Sara had an offer, and maybe -

Nope. _Don’t go there,_ Ava reminded herself, forcing those thoughts away before she let herself hope. Sara wasn’t the type of person to choose a school because of a girl - especially a girl who was just her best friend, not even a girlfriend.)

Ava swallowed the question about Brown that was on the tip of her tongue and placed the pile of letters back down on the floor before looking back over to Sara, the biggest, brightest smile on her face. “I’m so proud of you,” she said softly, firmly reminding herself now was not a good time to think about how much further she was falling for the girl in front of her. This was about Sara. Not Ava, and not the feelings that she had yet to figure out a way to get rid of.

“You are?” Sara asked, almost accidentally, words seeming to slip out before she had a chance to stop them. Ava pushed herself to her feet and reached out to pull Sara up as well, smile softening when Sara didn’t let go of her hand.

“I am,” Ava promised. She picked up her jacket from where she’d left it on the bed, raising an eyebrow when Sara gave her a slightly confused look and saying “C’mon. Find some shoes.”

Sara slipped her feet into her trainers lying on the floor by her bedroom door, but made a questioning sound when Ava started to drag her back down the stairs, towards the door, leading her outside and using Sara’s keys to lock it behind them. “I’m taking you to get ice cream,” she explained when Sara started to ask. Sara’s eyes widened with surprise and then filled with affection and joy. She ducked her head down with a soft laugh, leaning against Ava’s shoulder and looping one arm around Ava’s as they started heading down the street.

 

“You know,” Sara said quietly after a while of walking in comfortable silence, “I couldn’t have done this without you.” Ava bumped her shoulder gently but shook her head, opening her mouth to disagree. Before she could, Sara squeezed her hand and stopped walking, gently grabbing Ava’s arm to bring them to a halt. “No, for real Aves. I really couldn’t have. I never would’ve even tried in school if not for you.” She grinned a little, something reminiscent flashing through her eyes. Shifting her weight as they stood on the footpath, the ice cream shop just a few hundred yards away from them, she let out a soft, nostalgic chuckle. “D’you remember that massive French assignment in sophomore year?”

Ava nodded, trying to figure out where Sara was going with this. Sara slipped her hands into her pockets. “Remember that fight we had when I laughed at your physics grade and said I bet I could get just as good a grade if I was as much of a suck up as you? And you glared at me and rolled your eyes and said “I’d like to see you try to get anything close,” and you were just so smug and confident and the way you said it … I dunno, it partly made me want to punch you in the face, but there was something else in your voice that sounded like you were challenging me to do it, to just try. Like … like you actually thought I could.”

“I _did_ think you could,” Ava said immediately. “That’s what annoyed me so much. I knew you could be just as good as me if you tried.”

A faint blush graced Sara’s cheeks and she laughed with slight surprise before looking away, hair falling down in front of her face. “Yeah, well … I did try. Mostly just to prove you wrong, but … I got an A+ and seriously Aves, you should’ve seen the fucking look on my dad’s face when I told him, it was just - I don’t even know how to put it into words, but … doing well at school was always Laurel’s thing, you know? And somehow you changed that. You made me _want_ to do well, and I never even looked back.”

Everything Ava wanted to say caught in her throat, but it didn’t seem to matter, because Sara took one look at her face and her gaze softened, squeezing Ava’s hand again. “So … yeah,” she finished with a slightly awkward shrug. “There’s absolutely no chance I’d be in this position if not for you.”

Ava kind of hated herself for how hard it was to not kiss Sara right then and there, on the sidewalk in the middle of their neighbourhood. Ignoring the way her heart fluttered in her chest whenever Sara seemed to speak was difficult enough, but Sara saying things like _this_ … she wasn’t making things any easier. She smiled, smothering the urge to blurt out something stupid and cheesy that would definitely reveal her feelings, instead nodding questioningly towards the ice cream shop. Sara just grinned back, her cheeks still a little flushed as she curled her arm around Ava’s again, both falling back into step with each other as they tried to actually direct their thoughts back to ice cream.

 

* * *

 

 ****  
**Instagram**

**_sara1ancepriv posted 1 new photo:_ **

brb just crying over getting six college acceptances and four offers for a full ride lmao listen i dont wanna brag but for real, if im dreaming someone pls wake me up now, this is fucking unreal

**_Tagged: aveshharpepriv_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _amayajprvt, aveshharpepriv, Zzzzpriv, jaxisbetterthanu and 42 others._  
**_Comments:_ **  
_Zzzzpriv:_ oh my fucking god KAJSIDJFASA SARA HOLY SHIT IM SO PROUD OF U  
_amayajprvt:_ CALL ME RIGHT NOW OMG  
_jaxisbetterthanu:_ I FUCKIN CALLED IT YO  
_raymondpa1merpriv:_ I’m not crying you’re crying  
_aveshharpepriv_ : so so proud <3

Tuesday 13 March.

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_TUES 5:51pm:_

**_Nate:_ ** ****  
Okay guys I know we’re happy for Sara  
and all

But

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** SHE TAGGED AVA

 

 **_You:_ ** ****  
Does that mean she was with Ava  
when she found out

Did she open them WITH AVA

 

 **_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Guys I genuinely can’t with them anymore

 

 **_Ray:_ ** ****  
I think I’m more happy about Sara asking  
Ava to open them with her than I am about  
Sara’s college acceptances

Which says something bc I’m so so proud of her

 

 **_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** I saw that and I literally just texted Nora

 

 **_Nora:_ **  
Texted is a great way to describe it

It was more of an incoherent keyboard  
smash and then just

“they’re fucking KILLLIIINGGGG MEEEEE  
NORAAAAAAAAA”

 

 **_Nate:_ **  
I mean that accurately describes how I  
think we’re all feeling rn

 

 **_Amaya:_ ** ****  
I don’t know if I can handle the possibility  
that they might not actually end up together

 

 **_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know

They’re gonna end up in different colleges

And they’re both these oblivious gay idiots  
who don’t even realise how into each other  
they are

 

 **_Gary:_ ** ****  
surely there’s something we could do to...idk  
just help them out?????

 

 **_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Prom’s coming up?

 

 **_Wally:_ ** ****  
i don’t think i can handle the thought of  
them going to prom together

g uy ss

i need it

 

 **_Amaya:_ ** ****  
Okay but how would we even convince  
them to go together

There’s no way

 

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Unless

 

 **_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** What

 

 **_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** What

 

 **_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no

 

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Senior year prank war??

Double dares are still on the table  
right???

 

 **_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** holy shit

sara never backs down from a double dare

 

 **_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my God

 

 **_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** IM GONNA DIE

I CANT

 

 **_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s gotta be someone she’ll listen to tho

 

 **_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Amaya @Jax

 

 **_Jax:_ ** ****  
@Amaya Jiwe  call me rn we’re gonna plan  
this shit

 

_Seen by: You, Amaya, Ray, Jax, Nate, Mick, Lily_

* * *

 

Sara just looked so happy, sitting opposite her with a chocolate fudge sundae and one of the brightest smiles Ava had ever seen, that it was impossible not to grin back, completely lost in the seemingly endless, twinkling blue of her eyes. Ava’s stomach fluttered as she noticed the small smudge of chocolate sauce running along Sara’s lower lip, desperately fighting the urge to just lean forward and meet Sara’s lips with her own, reminding herself of every reason she couldn’t.

Sara was her _friend_.

Her unbelievably attractive, kind, excited, adorable friend, who was now wiping whipped cream off her nose, and attempting to hide her embarrassment.

Ava grinned and took a quick picture before sliding her phone back into her pocket, ignoring Sara’s playful complaints but offering her a spoonful of ice cream in compensation. Platonically. Because they were friends, and just because she couldn’t seem to get rid of these frustratingly persistent feelings, it didn’t mean Sara needed to know about them. Especially if it would cost their friendship.

Thankfully, Sara didn’t seem to notice her predicament, as she continued talking excitedly about the pros and cons of the universities she’d applied to, occasionally drifting back to talk about school, the end of the year, and the ongoing prank war between their friendship groups. (Ava’s group were winning, not that she was keeping score. Next week was the final week for pranks before the crowning champions were announced, and Ava knew Sara was gonna have to do something big if she wanted to pull this one back.)

Ava was slightly distracted by how Sara _looked_ rather than what she was saying - messy hair French braided over one shoulder, light washed, loose fitting jeans with ridiculously fashionable tears in the knees, an oversized, sunny yellow t-shirt from their Bio trip to the zoo last year; there was nothing _special_ in how she was dressed that should’ve been this distracting, but she just looked so at ease, so pretty and carefree that Ava couldn’t help but tune out of Sara’s words. At least until she noticed Sara duck her head down, suddenly trailing off and falling quiet, pushing her mostly melted ice cream around her glass. Ava kicked Sara’s shin lightly under the table. “Hey. You okay?”

It said something about how close they’d become that Sara barely hesitated before sighing, quietly admitting “I really wish I could tell Laurel. In person. I never imagined that I wouldn’t be able to tell her something this big because we’d had such a bad fight that I didn’t even know if I could call her.”

Ava paused for a moment, reaching across the table to curl her hand around Sara’s fingers and giving herself a moment to think. Sara’s confession was such an open, blatant display of trust that she almost didn’t know how to respond, the honesty she could hear behind her words so overwhelming, so unquestioning that it took Ava longer than she really needed to sort through her thoughts. Ava reached for her phone, glancing down at the time, several reckless ideas flashing through her mind.

It was 4pm. Laurel’s rehab centre was about an hour and half away, so they’d get there at around half past 5 if they left now and missed the end of the working day rush, and it was a school night, and there weren’t even official visiting times on weekdays, at least not after 2pm. But … Sara was sitting opposite her, eyes fixed on their tangled fingers, lost in thought. And she’d clearly though that admission was a stupid, crazy thought that could never be carried out. But it was also clear that this was quite possibly the one moment that Sara might _need_ to see Laurel enough, had enough courage, to finally take a risk and push their fight behind them, finally making amends and mending the divide that had existed since December.

Ava pulled her hand from Sara’s to grab her keys and her phone. “Let’s go then.”

Sara blinked at her in confusion, a hint of surprise on her face as she said “Wait what?”

Ava rolled her eyes affectionately, tugging Sara to her feet. “Layla’s out of town seeing friends until Friday, so the car’s all mine. We have no tests or assignments due in the next two weeks, we’re on top of history, and Rip gave you tomorrow off so you don’t even have practice.” Sara still looked confused, but there was something else there too, something equally scared and hopeful. “Come on,” Ava said softly, keeping hold of Sara’s hand, pulling her encouragingly down the street in the direction of Ava’s house. “You wanna go tell Laurel in person, and I promised you that I’d take you to see her when you finally wanted to fix things.”

Sara stared at her for a long minute with an unreadable expression on her face. “I don’t have a jacket, or my wallet or anything,” she argued weakly.

“Borrow something from me,” said Ava logically. “I’ll shout you food on the way back, you deserve it.” She paused, gently ran her thumb over Sara’s knuckles. “We don’t have to go,” she reminded softly. “But if you did want to, we could. And this would be a perfect opportunity - she’ll be so, so proud of you Sara.”

Sara’s eyes snapped shut at that, her grip on Ava’s hand tightening. “I want to,” she said in barely a whisper. “Yeah, I -” She swallowed. “Okay. If … if you’re sure that’s okay.”

“Positive,” promised Ava.

 

* * *

 

She’d been so jittery and anxious for the entire car ride that honestly, Sara was surprised Ava hadn’t just turned around and taken her home. Because home was easy, home was safe and familiar, whereas Laurel … she hadn’t even talked to her in _months_. And even though Ava had said it would be okay, and had told her Laurel still loved her and that things would work out, Sara couldn’t stop replaying the fight they’d had before christmas over and over again in her head, the way Laurel’s face had dropped imprinted forever in her mind, hurt and anger and uncertainty all rolling into one.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t _want_ to believe Ava, but everything she’d said about Laurel last week in the dark safety of Sara’s bedroom seemed so much harder to believe in daylight, with the rehab centre just coming into view as Ava pulled into the car park, reversing the car into a bay and then removing the keys from the ignition. She turned in her seat, giving Sara a look that was so concerned, so apprehensive that Sara wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and be back at the ice cream shop in the brilliant sunlight, laughing and talking with Ava, feeling the bubbling joy of her acceptances and no weight on her shoulders.

“Sara,” Ava murmured softly, hoping to coax her out of the car, but when Sara made no attempt to move she sighed, opening her door. A flash of panic shot through Sara, a frantic _I’m sorry, I can't, I’m trying_ almost falling from her lips, but before she could fully process the words Ava had opened the passenger door, crouching down in front of her and resting both hands gently on Sara's knees. Sara closed her eyes, trying her hardest not to let just how much she needed this - needed _Ava_ \- show on her face as Ava's fingers traced gentle patterns across her knees, barely there, but still enough to stop Sara from slipping back into her thoughts. “Sara,” Ava murmured again, this time more firmly. “You've got this. This isn’t just anyone, this is _Laurel._ It’s gonna be okay.”

It was so sincere, so … believing, that Sara had to close her eyes for a moment, letting her head fall back against the headrest, because she didn't _deserve_ this unwavering faith Ava seemed to have in her, not after she'd yelled and screamed at Laurel and then just walked away and not spoken to her for almost two whole months, not when she was the one who'd gotten herself into this situation in the first place. Ava traced one last circle across Sara's thigh before pulling herself to her feet, reaching out a hand for her to hold, if she wanted, and the loss of contact in itself was almost enough to draw Sara out of the car.

 _God._ She didn't deserve this.

Sara took one last shaky breath before pulling herself out into the carpark, slipping her hand into the one Ava had offered and giving it a tight squeeze, hoping Ava couldn't feel just how much her hand was shaking. “Can we…”

Her words caught in her throat, unsure, desperate, wavering slightly too much for her to be able to pretend she was okay. Not that it would fool Ava; by now, she seemed to know her own tells better than Sara could ever hope to herself.

“Hey,” Ava murmured again, running her free hand up Sara's arm. “We don't have to go in until you're ready.”

Sara swallowed, attempting to nod, her grip on Ava's hand tightening to the point where it must be been painful as she tried desperately to get her thoughts under control. A tremor that she couldn't suppress ran through her body, and Ava's gaze softened, waiting for a moment before leading Sara gently across the car park towards the entrance.

 

The tension Ava had been able to see rolling off Sara in waves since they hit the road seemed to have increased tenfold, and Ava felt something within her snap as a shudder ran through Sara's body, her hand tightening in Ava's enough to make her question whether this had actually been a good idea in the first place. “Sara,” she heard herself murmur, before she pulled her closer, trying to ignore the way Sara's breathing hitched as she curled into Ava's side, her free hand curling tightly into Ava’s sweater as she searched frantically for something - anything - to hold on to.

“What if - what if she's still mad at me?” Sara eventually whispered, face hidden from view. “What if she doesn't forgive me? I’m not even sure I deserve it, after what I said.”

“Sara,” Ava murmured, smoothing down Sara's hair. “We've talked about this. That's not going to happen.”

Sara nodded into her shoulder, a little hesitant, trying her hardest to believe Ava's words but still struggling to find the truth in them. Ava ran a hand across her shoulders, and after what seemed like hours Sara pulled away, untangling her hand from Ava’s shirt and running her fingers along the crease she’d made in the material, the tears she was trying so hard to suppress clearly visible in her eyes. Ava gave her shoulder one final squeeze before continuing to lead her towards the reception, turning around every so often to check Sara was still following even though she could feel Sara’s hand gripping tightly onto her own.

 

The guy on the front desk was surprisingly easy to charm, and Laurel already seemed to have him wrapped around her little finger, so he agreed to let them see her, leading them through a series of winding corridors towards what seemed to be Laurel’s room. Thankfully. Because Ava hadn’t even thought through what she would’ve done if they _hadn’t_ let Sara and Laurel talk, not after she’d gotten Sara’s hopes up and driven her all this way. The receptionist told them to wait for a second, that he was just going to head to the communal lounge to get Laurel, leaving Ava and Sara in Laurel’s room for what felt like far longer than the couple of minutes that it was. Ava watched Sara trace her fingers over the pictures Laurel had stuck all over the walls; photos of Tommy, and Oliver, and Thea, and Quentin. And so, so many photos of Sara scattered across all four walls - little Sara in her soccer kit, grinning at the camera, Sara and Laurel on vacation together as kids, both wearing matching obnoxiously colourful sunglasses. Sara on holiday last year, smiling softly and handing Laurel an ice cream, trying not to let it melt in the sun.

Honestly, Ava could’ve stood there looking at Laurel's photos of Sara for hours, but when Sara turned back around the tears in her eyes were threatening to fall, hands trembling again, and Ava stepped closer, slipping in between Sara and the back wall. Ava trailed her fingers down Sara's arms before letting them curl around her wrists, hoping that it would be enough to ground her, if only for the moment. She swallowed, brushing her thumbs across Sara's pulse point. “Just hold it together until she gets here, yeah?”

Sara nodded, closing her eyes and leaning into Ava, sucking in several hesitant breaths and curling one hand tightly around her necklace as she tried desperately to pull herself back together. Her back was to the door, facing Ava, having been staring intently at the photos blu-tacked above the bed before it had all become too much. Still facing the other direction, Sara didn't see Laurel appear in the doorway with an apprehensive look on her face, followed closely by a member of staff. Nor did she see Laurel take a hesitant step forward, uncertain, clearly unsure as to _why_ Sara was here after not talking to her for almost two and a half months.

For a brief moment, Laurel seemed to stumble, but when she met Ava's eyes she managed a smile which Ava found herself returning before shifting her gaze back to Sara, still trembling slightly in front of her, eyes firmly closed. “Sara,” she murmured, but Sara shuddered, an inaudible response forming on her lips before she pushed it away. Ava bit her lip, brushing her fingers gently across the fist Sara had formed around her necklace, which must've been almost cutting into her skin, but Sara remained frozen in place, refusing to move.

Ava'd never seen her this scared of _anything_ \- let alone of _Laurel_ , the sister she’d loved more than anything for as long as Ava could remember - and honestly, that thought in itself was enough to make Ava hesitate, flashing another concerned look over Sara's shoulder to where Laurel was still lingering in the doorway. Because sure, Sara needed to have this conversation at some point, and sure, it had been at the back of her mind for two long, painful months, but she was the one who had brought Sara here today, and she couldn't quite push away the guilt that washed over her as Sara looked so lost and confused and unsure that this suddenly all seemed like a bad, bad idea.

She caught Laurel's eye and shrugged helplessly, but when Laurel silently mouthed “It's okay, I've got it” Ava nodded, giving Sara's hand one last squeeze before letting go and stepping back, trying to ignore the way her heart lurched painfully at Sara's choked “ _No_ ", Ava’s ribcage felt as though it was closing in on her lungs at the raw vulnerability of Sara’s whisper. Sara finally opened her eyes, panic and desperation flashing through them as she reached out to catch Ava's hand once again, hovering for a moment in the empty space between them before Laurel stepped closer and caught her hand instead.

Sara stiffened, eyes wide and rapidly filling with tears before she attempted to pull her hand from Laurel's grip.

“Sara,” Laurel murmured, so softly that Ava barely caught it, pulling Sara's hand gently until she was close enough to pull into a hug, wrapping her sister in her arms before either of them had a chance to speak.

It was almost as if a switch had been flicked. Sara seemed to collapse, all the stress and tension and anxiety falling from her shoulders as she almost fell into Laurel, the tears she had been holding in all morning finally falling, soaking into Laurel's shirt as her hands tangled into the material, as though Laurel was the only thing holding her up.

She just looked so … broken wasn’t the right word. Because somehow, she almost looked _whole_ again, even as she clung to Laurel with everything she had, barely managing to stay upright as sobs wracked her shoulders.

“It’s okay,” promised Laurel, and Ava could see the way her bottom lip trembled, as she cradled Sara’s head against her shoulder. “It’s okay Sara.”

Ava carefully stepped away from them, navigating around the sparse furniture in the room and crept out of the room, giving the sisters some privacy. The past few months had been so hard on Sara, that Ava had known. But she didn't think she'd fully appreciated just how much guilt Sara was carrying until this moment; she hadn't lost it, not like this, since back at the start of the year on that bench in Queen’s Park when she’d first mentioned Laurel’s addiction, and even then, Ava didn't think it had been this bad.

“You were visiting Laurel Lance right?” said the receptionist, catching sight of Ava hovering a little awkwardly in the hallway.

“Yeah, that’s right,” said Ava, sliding her hands into her jacket pockets.

“Did you want to wait in the lounge?” he suggested. “It gets the evening sunlight and has a pretty stellar view of the bay. I can tell your friend where you are if she comes looking.”

Ava’s eyes flickered around her, shivering a little at the dull grey walls of the corridor and nodding, offering the man a thankful smile. “Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

Sara hadn't  _meant_  to fall apart; she'd spent the entire hour and a half long drive trying desperately to pull herself back together, trying as hard as she could not to let the tears that were building fall. Because as much as she’d been thrilled about her college acceptances, as much as she was so, so excited to _tell_ Laurel about it, she knew they first had to overcome the obstacle of actually talking about their fight. But the moment Laurel had pulled her into a hug her resolve seemed to collapse, as did she, almost falling into her sister’s arms as Laurel brought her arms up around her back, holding her in place as the sobs she'd been holding in finally fell from her lips.

When her tears eventually started to lessen, Sara realised that Laurel was still running one hand through her hair just like she used to when they were younger, her other hand tracing gentle patterns across her back trying her hardest to calm her, at least enough that they could talk. The soft reassurances falling from Laurel's lips were eventually enough to remind her where she was, the cold grey walls of the facility quickly bringing her back to reality, but more than that, the familiarity of Laurel's arms seemed to settle the part of her that had been on edge since the middle of December, or at least settle her enough that a fresh wave of guilt could take its place. Sara sucked in a breath, aiming to say something, to apologise, to _fix this,_ but the only sound that came out was a strangled gasp, and Sara shuddered again burrowing further into Laurel's arms.

“It's okay,” Laurel murmured softly, and it _wasn't,_ but it didn't even matter, because Laurel was here, and Laurel was hugging her and running a hand through her hair rather than yelling or refusing to talk to her, and _this_ was all Sara really wanted - not approval, not praise or attention, just her _sister._

The thought calmed her enough that she managed to pull away slightly, properly this time, untangling one hand from Laurel's shirt just long enough to wipe her eyes. Laurel reached up to remove it from Sara's face, looking her firmly in the eyes, searching for something unidentifiable. Sara bit her lip, blinking a little. “I should’ve called.”

Laurel shook her head, confusion flashing across her face for a brief moment before it vanished. “Don't worry, Ryan’s cool. His manager Elaine is a bit of a bitch but she likes me, so she’ll probably let you stay longer than you’re supposed to -”

“No,” Sara interrupted, closing her eyes so she didn't have to meet Laurel's gaze. “I mean - I mean, back in December. I should've called.”

“Oh, Sara,” Laurel murmured, but the words had barely left her mouth before Sara felt hot tears once again rolling down her cheeks. “No, you didn’t - I never thought -” She paused, bringing both hands up to cup her face, thumbs ghosting across Sara’s cheeks in an attempt to brush away her tears. It was too much, all of it, but as Laurel started to protest Sara shook her head, brokenly whispering “I'm so, so fucking sorry Laurel,” hating the way her voice cracked on the words.

Again, Laurel opened her mouth to argue, but now Sara had started she needed to go on, needed to say what she had to before she fell apart again, or lost her nerve. “I - I shouldn't've snapped at you, and I shouldn't’ve blamed you for this and I - I shouldn't've said what I said, not like that, because I know I betrayed your trust and I… I _had_ to, I couldn't take it anymore, not alone...But I promised myself I wouldn't tell you any of that and I did and I can't take anything back and I’m just -”

The words came out in a rush, tangled together, probably unintelligible and desperate, but she had to get them out, she had to let Laurel know … she just needed to make her understand that it wasn't about anger or hatred towards her, it could never be.

Sara closed her eyes, fingers still tangled in Laurel's shirt as she looked down at the ground and mumbled “I’m just so sorry, Laurel.”

She wanted to stare at the ground forever, but some dark part of her desperately needed to _see_ the disappointment on Laurel's face that’d match her father's, because at least this way, maybe she'd be able to stop imagining it every time she closed her eyes. But for some reason, even though Laurel's expression was a whirlwind of emotions, bursting with regret and sorrow and something else she couldn't put a name to, there was no disappointment in her eyes. If anything, it was just heartbreak. It was just as Ava said, and even though she'd had over two months to process it, it still felt out of place, and Sara found herself searching over and over through her sisters eyes for any hint of the emotions she was looking for before she gave up, slowly blinking up at Laurel and letting herself breathe.

Laurel wasn’t angry.

(At least not yet.)

Laurel gently tilted Sara's chin up once again to force Sara to look her in the eyes, and Sara felt herself tremble, hoping her sister hadn't noticed. (Of course she’d noticed - Laurel noticed everything.) She took a hesitant breath, stroking a thumb gently across Sara's jaw.e “ _I'm_ sorry Sara,” she said softly. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said to me over the past few months, and honestly? If you hadn’t lost your temper, you probably wouldn't have ever told me what you did, and …” she trailed off and swallowed thickly, clearly trying to get her thoughts in order.

After a moment Laurel continued, slightly firmer this time. “You were right. I never should’ve asked you to keep this from your friends. That was so selfish of me - I was so caught up in my own shame and humiliation that I didn't stop to think about _you_ , and I can never apologise enough for that.” She slid one hand down to Sara's shoulder, holding her in place with a grip that was barely there, but still firm enough to be reassuring. “I should never have made you feel like you had to carry this burden alone … and on top of your senior year, which is stressful enough on its own.”

Sara opened her mouth to argue, to insist that this wasn't Laurel's fault, and that she didn't have any control over it, but once again Laurel beat her to it, murmuring quietly “Look, just listen, okay?” and then waiting for Sara to nod before she continued. “Some of the things you said were uncalled for, I’m not gonna dispute that.” She sounded so much like a lawyer for a second that Sara couldn’t stop herself from huffing with wet laughter, a sound that made the corners of Laurel’s lips quirk upwards. “But I _was_ selfish and I _didn't_ think about how this would affect you, and honestly? I’m a little surprised it took you this long to snap at me.”

Maybe if she was thinking straight Sara would’ve managed to snort out a laugh, because Laurel wasn't wrong - Sara had never been one to hide her anger, preferring simply to fight it out and then move on. But right now, with Laurel's words bouncing around her head, she barely managed to choke out in a small voice, so hoarse Laurel almost missed it, “So you're not disappointed in me?”

She didn't mean for the question to slip out. Because it was okay admitting this fear to Ava in the safety of her room, because Ava was … well, Ava. And Ava didn't know where this fear came from, not like Laurel did, and Sara instantly _knew_ Laurel understood, could see her realising that _this_ was what Sara had been truly terrified of for the last few months, that _this_ was the reason she hadn't visited or called or texted. She briefly saw tears starting to collect in Laurel's eyes before she was pulled into a crushing hug, Laurel's arms once again snaking around her back and pulling her as close as she could get as she pressed a soft kiss to the top of Sara's head, hot tears falling thick and fast. When Laurel pulled away, her eyes still wet with tears, she grasped Sara's hands tightly in her own. “Jesus Sara, _no._ Never, I would never be disappointed in you. I couldn’t. _”_

Sara scrubbed her hands across her face, tears soaking into the sleeves of Ava's hoodie, desperate to claw back some semblance of control over her emotions. By the time she looked back up Laurel had wiped her own eyes and curled one hand around her wrist, pulling her gently towards her bed, giving her no option but to sit down and curl into her side. (Okay, maybe she didn't have to curl into Laurel's side, but they hadn't done this since before Laurel had started to slip last summer, and she'd missed the easy affection, the safety that existed between them.)

It took a moment for Sara to mull through all the things she wanted to say, but it was so easy to answer Laurel's questions about school, soccer, her friends, and so on, that Sara almost forgot why she was here. She couldn’t quite figure out how to bring up college, not when it suddenly appeared so clear that there was so much they had to catch up on, so many developments in Sara’s life from the past few months that Laurel hadn’t been able to witness.  Abruptly, Laurel stopped talking, her eyebrows furrowing curiously as her hand moved to curl around Sara’s. Sara’s, that had been instinctively holding onto the pendant hanging from her neck.

The canaries.

When Laurel gently pried Sara’s hand away from the necklace, Sara heard her breath catch in her throat, her thumb and forefinger tracing reverently over the two birds, an unreadable expression on her face as she breathed “It's beautiful,” clearly not meaning for Sara to hear her.

 _It is_ , Sara thought briefly, a small smile crossing her face as she watched the final lingering tension drain from Laurel's shoulders, as if she too had been afraid Sara wouldn't speak to her again after their argument. Laurel couldn't take her eyes off the necklace, and Sara had to resist the urge to fiddle with it as she usually did, fingers twitching against her side. Something about the way Laurel was memorizing it was so, so heartbreakingly familiar; she'd never told Ava, but in that first week after she'd given it to her when she’d still been so lost and confused and unsure, still reeling from her argument with Laurel, she’d spent hours lying on her bed staring at the gift, fingers tracing across the birds as if they were a sign, some reassurance that things would work out.

“Ava gave it to me,” she found herself murmuring, needing to let Laurel know _somehow_ that telling her friends wasn't out of spite or anger, and that they didn't think any less of her for it, that she had just desperately needed someone to help carry the load she was being crushed by. And somehow, the five simple words worked, they got through to Laurel in a way that an explanation never could, because as Laurel finally looked up she seemed to understand what Sara hadn't said - that Ava knew about the kind of person she was before all of this, before they both grew up, before Laurel had stumbled and found herself where she was now.

That Ava knew about the stupid canaries they had as kids, and she knew how much Laurel had loved them - how much she loved _Sara_ \- and understood that sometimes she just needed a gentle reminder of that fact before she let herself get lost in the depths of her own mind.

“Ava brought you today?” Laurel asked, but it wasn't a question, not really, not with how hard she was trying to keep her top lip from curling up into a smirk.

Sara rolled her eyes, a smile far too soft to match her puffy, red rimmed eyes creeping onto her face. “Yeah. She … she's been amazing. I don’t know how I would’ve managed this year without her.”

It wasn’t that she didn't _see_ Laurel raise her eyebrow, clearly asking for more information. Sara just wasn't ready for this conversation, not yet. And it felt weird to talk about Ava when she was probably just outside, undoubtedly having wanted to give her and Laurel some space. The thought made Sara’s stomach pang with guilt and she pushed herself off the bed suddenly. “Shit, I should probably see where she is.”

“You’re not leaving yet, are you?” asked Laurel, and Sara could hear the inadvertent plea in Laurel’s voice.

“No,” promised Sara. “I uh - I actually have something else to tell you. That’s the whole reason we came today. But I kinda want Aves there, so … maybe could you help me find her?” Laurel nodded immediately, already pushing herself upright and swinging her legs off the side of the bed, before pausing and turning back to face her, brushing a thumb across the dried tear tracks on Sara’s cheeks. 

“Bathrooms the second door on the left,” she said, firmly and so big sisterly that Sara felt so ridiculously safe for a second. “Go clean up for a sec. _I'll_ find Ava, okay? Go to the reception when you’re done, they’ll tell you where to find us.”

 

* * *

 

Ava turned around, feeling someone tap her shoulder, and was surprised to find Laurel rather than Sara behind her. She’d been so torn between giving Sara and Laurel space or checking to ensure they were okay (especially after how anxious and unsteady Sara had seemed all morning), and the lack of Sara’s presence did nothing to alleviate her concern. Laurel had clearly been crying, and Ava hadn't expected any less, but the absence of Sara by her side sent a shot of panic through her, instantly fearing an unknown worst, eyes meeting Laurel's as she searched for answers.

Immediately sensing her thoughts, Laurel shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “She went to wash her face, she's okay. Well, she's better than she was earlier.”

Ava’s breath left her in a rush and she let out a soft sigh of relief.

Sara was okay.

“Did you … did you have a chance to talk?” Ava asked carefully, wanting to know what to expect from Sara but still not wanting to overstep, well aware that she didn’t know much about Laurel’s situation, even with everything Sara had told her.

“Yeah,” Laurel replied, nodding and offering Ava a small, hesitant smile. Ava smiled back, almost reaching out to squeeze Laurel's hand, partly in gratitude and partly because she seemed so nervous - at least Sara had _known_ how this day might go when they walked through the door of the clinic, unlike Laurel, who had been taken completely by surprise. Ava went to say something - what, she didn’t quite know yet - but Laurel was speaking again before she could. “Thank you.”

Ava frowned. “For what?”

Laurel gave her a _look_ , so similar to the ones Ava was used to from Sara that it was momentarily unnerving. “Are you kidding? For this. For - for driving her out here, for being someone she trusts so much that she doesn’t have to pretend about any of this.” Her eyes softened. “For that necklace. Just - thank you for being there for her. And please don’t ever stop.”

“I’m just returning the favour,” said Ava truthfully. “She’s been there for me just as much this year, if not more. I’m just glad I can do the same.”

Something entered Laurel’s expression, suspicion or curiosity, or perhaps even understanding - understanding of _what_ Ava anxiously tried not to think about, hoping she hadn’t inadvertently revealed what she’d been carefully hiding from Sara for months now. Before either of them got a chance to further the conversation, Sara returned, immediately gravitating towards Laurel and giving her an emphatic, sideways hug. Laurel stumbled a little with a small laugh, eyes filling with so much adoration that Ava had to blink a little. She was suddenly struck with wondering whether she looked at _Ali_ like that, or if what Laurel and Sara had was just something so very unique.

“Hey you,” smiled Laurel, giving Sara a squeeze. “You good?”

“Yeah,” said Sara. “Way, way better.”

Ava felt the smile spreading across her face involuntarily, and she leaned over to nudge Sara’s thigh with her knee. “Did you tell her?”

Sara grinned, both proudly and shyly. “No, not yet.”

“Tell me what?” asked Laurel. “Is this the thing you mentioned before? The whole reason you came today?”

Sara nodded, brimming with obvious excitement but also clearly trying to figure out the best way to say it. Laurel raised an eyebrow at Ava but Ava just shook her head. This was Sara’s news, not hers, and she wasn’t going to ruin that moment. (And if she desperately wanted to see the way Sara’s eyes shone as she finally told her sister her hard work had paid off … well, sue her. She hadn’t seen Sara this happy enough times this year, and there was no way she’d ever be willing to risk that.) As if on cue Sara finally pulled away from a little, turning to face her properly. “I got in Laur,” she said, voice soft and so bright and vivacious. “I got my college acceptances, and I got in.”

Laurel’s face was alight with joy and excitement immediately and Ava felt a little like she was intruding as Laurel grabbed Sara’s hands, squeezing them tightly as an identical grin found its way onto her face. “Oh my God Sara, _where?_ ”

Sara shook her head, laughing and running one hand through her hair, voice still slightly surprised as she breathed “Everywhere, Laur. Literally everywhere I ever wanted to go accepted me.”

Ava hovered where she was a few feet away, not wanting to interrupt but unable to tear her eyes away from Sara and her infectious excitement, even when Laurel gazed incredulously at Sara, looking endlessly proud of her little sister. Ava gave them both a moment, waiting for Sara to continue talking but she didn’t, even after Laurel had pulled away.

“She’s selling herself short, you know,” Ava said quietly, taking a small step forward and shoving her hands into her pockets, eyes still fixed on Sara. “She didn’t just get in, four seperate places offered her a full ride.”

Laurel’s jaw dropped and her eyes flickered between them, hopefully not noting the way Sara’s eyes were fixed on Ava, an embarrassed yet pleased expression on her face. Ava could feel her cheeks beginning to heat up and looked away, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck, but thankfully Laurel chose that moment to slap Sara’s arm reprovingly.

“Are you _kidding_ , why didn’t you fucking _lead_ with that? Sara!”  

Ava tore her eyes away from Sara and Laurel, but before she could wander over to talk to one of the facility employees she’d been talking to earlier, Sara’s hand had grabbed hers. Sara pulled both Ava and Laurel to a couch by the window, bathed in evening sunlight. Squished between the other two, Sara’s eyes were filled with so much unbridled happiness as she excitedly started listing colleges, still not letting go of Ava’s hand. Ava had known she’d been the one who persuaded Sara to apply to universities she didn’t think she’d get into, but she’d always assumed Sara had considered them. Until she started rambling to Laurel about only applying for them on a whim, because Ava and Ray and Amaya had insisted she should, even though it was crazy. Ava tried not to make a disbelieving retort or comment, because she still found it ridiculous that Sara had so little faith in herself. Sara glanced over at her, grin still fixed on her face as she mentioned Ava getting accepted by most of the same universities, squeezing her hand at the same time and pulling her closer. Ava rolled her eyes and leaned back against the couch, letting Sara kick off her shoes and tuck her toes under her thigh, pretending when Sara smirked at her that she’d flinched because of the temperature, and not because of … anything else.

The more Sara talked, the harder Ava fell. There was just something about Sara’s unrestrained joy that made it difficult to watch her without noticing the curve of her lips or the light behind her eyes, especially when every so often her fingers would subconsciously fiddle with the charm bracelet around Ava’s wrist, making Ava want to tangle her fingers in the fabric of Sara’s - well, _her_ \- hoodie and pull her closer, close enough to -

Ava softly let out the breath she was holding, nodding to whatever Sara had said with a small smile and hoping that the thoughtful look on Laurel’s face was unrelated to her barely managing to hide how much she wanted to date Laurel’s little sister. Laurel blinked and focused back on Sara, and Ava shuffled on the couch to hide her sigh of relief. At least she’d managed to hide this from their friends, Ava thought briefly, a brief wave of panic flashing through her as the realisation suddenly hit -

If she ever said anything, she wouldn’t just end up losing Sara. She’d tear their friendship groups apart.

Ava swallowed, squeezing Sara’s hand but forcing her feelings away, more determined than ever not to mention this to Sara. Sara tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, slipping her free hand around Ava’s waist and pulling her closer, eyes flickering to Ava’s lips for a brief moment that Ava was convinced couldn’t have been real, before she looked back down at their tangled fingers, making Ava’s heart lurch in her chest. God, Sara wasn’t going to make this easy.

 

Ava hated to pull Sara away, but thankfully it was Laurel who brought it up, glancing out the window at the rapidly darkening sky before giving Sara’s shoulder a gentle nudge and quietly saying “You two should probably get home.”

Sara swallowed, nodding but still reluctant to move. Ava gave her what she hoped was a comforting smile. Laurel was right. They weren’t even supposed to be here, they had yet to get food on the way back, and on top of that they had school in the morning. Sara shifted slightly, untangling her legs from Ava’s and pulling Laurel into a hug, pressing her face into her shoulder and inhaling deeply, as though trying to imprint Laurel into her memory. Ava couldn’t blame her - neither of them knew how long it’d be until they saw each other again. Laurel hugged her back just as tightly, whispering something inaudible in her ear before pulling away, and once again Ava felt like she was intruding on a private moment, opening her phone to shoot her dad a quick text just to give them both some space.

“I’m so, so proud of you,” Laurel said quietly, taking both of Sara’s hands in her own, and the way Sara sniffed and looked away left Ava with a physical ache in her chest.

“I’m proud of you too,” Sara replied after taking a moment to let Laurel’s words sink in, but this time Laurel just rolled her eyes and scoffed slightly, and Ava felt her heart break for the other Lance sister too. Laurel didn’t deserve this either, but she clearly had no idea just how much truth there was in Sara’s words, and Ava found herself wanting more than anything to tell her. But it wasn’t her conversation to have, and thankfully Sara squeezed her sister’s hands instead, saying “Seriously, Laur. You have no fucking idea how proud me and dad are.”

Laurel looked as though she had a definitive response to that, but she seemed to swallow it away, instead softly saying “I’m doing it for you guys anyway.” She pressed a kiss to Sara’s forehead before pulling her to her feet, reaching out a hand to pull Ava up too. Ava smiled, sliding her phone back into her pocket and taking the offered hand, trying not to show her surprise when Laurel pulled her into a hug too, murmuring “Look after her?” too quiet for Sara to overhear before letting go.

“Of course,” Ava agreed, eyes drifting over to where Sara was shoving her feet into her shoes. “Always.” Before she had a chance to overthink her response Sara was back by her side. “C’mon,” Ava murmured softly, knowing that if she didn’t start leading Sara towards the door they wouldn’t be leaving any time soon. Sara hesitated n the doorway and turned her head to catch one last glimpse of Laurel before she was forced to leave, and Ava’s heart twisted painfully in her chest, wishing more than anything that they could take Laurel with them, just to wipe that heartbroken expression off Sara’s face.

But they couldn’t. Laurel had to stay, and Sara had to go, no matter how much it hurt to tear them apart. So instead of looking back too Ava continued to lead Sara across the car park, only stopping when Sara came to a halt next to Ava’s car and pulled her into a hug, creeping up onto her tiptoes and tightening her arms around Ava’s neck. “Thank you,” she whispered sincerely. Ava wrapped her arms around Sara’s back, letting her eyes slip closed for a second, holding the hug for several moments longer than she would have for anyone else. There was just something about Sara that made her stumble, heart catching in her throat every time she went to speak and making it impossible to think straight or to keep the distance she knew she should. And maybe it was just wishful thinking, but Sara seemed to need this too, even if it wasn’t in the same way.

Sara’s stomach growled, and Ava ducked her head down, trying but failing to hide her laughter. Sara swatted her arm playfully, sparkling eyes not quite managing to cover up the embarrassed flush on her cheeks, even in the poorly lit car park. “Come on,” Ava said fondly, unlocking her car and giving Sara a nudge towards the passenger door. “We can grab some milkshakes and fries from that diner about a quarter of a mile out. Wouldn’t want you to starve before we got back. Laurel would never forgive me.”

Sara laughed softly, her lingering sadness from before morphing into something else, something that probably wasn’t meant to be affectionate, but still managed to make Ava’s stomach tie itself in knots. Before Ava had a chance to embarrass herself (or worse, embarrass Sara) by revealing what she was thinking Sara slipped into the car, closing the door behind her. Ava groaned, running one hand through her hair before climbing back into the car, avoiding Sara’s ridiculously attractive eyes as she took her keys from her pocket and started the engine.

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (saraalance)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

midweek road trips & diner  
dates w  @avacsharpe  <3 <3

 **Central Bay Diner** **  
** **7:16pm**

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nathaniel Heywood)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_TUES 7:48pm:_

  
**_You:_ ** **  
** Guys

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** DINER DATES

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** DON’T

LOOK

AT

ME

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
Okay but WHY are they even  
all the way out at Central Bay?

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Laurel’s rehab facility is around there

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara TOOK Ava to see Laurel

You’ve gotta be kidding

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** ****  
Oh my god what if Ava took her to tell  
Laurel abt Sara’s college acceptances

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is a LOT

I’m

Fine

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m glad you are

Bc I’m literally the furthest  
thing from it right now

  
**_Mick:_ ** ****  
They’re basically dating now can  
they just do it properly and put  
us all out of our misery

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** so i nominate mick to tell them that

  
**_Lily:_ ** ****  
If they carry on like this im gonna go  
into heart failure from how anxious of  
a wreck i am honestly

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** IT HAS TO HAPPEN

SOON

I CAN’T COPE IF IT DOESN’T

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m talking to prom committee

I want them to be the prom queens  
we don’t need a prom king this year

I’m speaking it into existence

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** ****

**_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

come home soon pls  @laureldinahlance  i miss you <3

**_Tagged: laureldinahlance_ **

**_Liked by:_** _avacsharpe, raymondcpalmer, avacsharpe, oliivxrqueen, tommyxmerlyn_ _and 191 others._ _  
_

Tuesday 13 March.

* * *

 

Ava had driven Sara so many places over the past year, so it shouldn’t have been so so difficult to keep her eyes on the road, even if Sara was sitting next to her staring up at the stars with in amazement, fingers just creeping out of the sleeves of the hoodie she’d borrowed. She forgot sometimes that even though Sara lived 10 minutes away, she was in such a different part of town - a part of town with too many streetlights and tiny back gardens, a part of town where you couldn’t just lie on the grass with your siblings and stare up at the stars for hours and hours like Ava had done when she was younger.

Not that Sara would’ve had time for that, caught in the middle of her parent’s divorce for years before her mom had finally moved away.

There was just something about her childlike wonder, and the way her entire attention was on the night sky that had Ava falling faster and faster for her, heart wanting to reach out and take her hand whilst her mind screamed at her not to. Ava forced her eyes back onto the road, determined not to glance over at Sara for the rest of the journey.

The last, minute vestiges of sun caught Sara’s hair making the edges glow as she flopped back into her seat, eyes burning holes in the side of Ava’s head. Ava tightened her grip on the wheel and hoped Sara wouldn’t notice. She desperately needed to get a grip on these feelings. And _quickly_ , before Sara noticed her acting weird and assumed the wrong thing.

Or worse, assumed the _right_ thing. Because then there’d be no getting her back.

 

It wasn’t until they reached Starling city that Ava found her eyes drifting back over to Sara, who’d leaned back in her seat and tucked her feet under her, head resting against the glass with her face half obscured by Ava’s hoodie. In the moonlight Ava could see a faint dusting of freckles across Sara’s cheeks, usually covered by the makeup she hadn’t bothered to put on this morning. She shifted slightly in her sleep, hair falling away from her face as a small sigh escaped from her lips, still curled up into a peaceful smile like they had been since they’d left the rehab centre. She looked more comfortable, more at ease than she had done all year, the weight of college acceptances and Laurel’s addiction finally falling from her shoulders, leaving her free from all of the pressure and blame and heartache she’d been forcing onto herself since the start of last summer.

It was such an open display of trust that Ava almost forgot how to breathe, not knowing what to now her heart had started to beat twice as fast as it should. She couldn’t control this - the closer she and Sara became, the mora and more in love she fell, unable to stop herself now she’d realised she was falling. She couldn’t ruin their friendship. She _wouldn’t_ ruin their friendship - it meant more to her than anything else in the world, and it wasn’t worth sacrificing it for anything, especially not the incredibly slim chance Sara might love her back. _Like_ her back.

Ava swallowed and looked away, reminding herself that she’d had these thoughts before, and she knew exactly where they led. And she couldn’t do that tonight - not when Sara was right next to her, fast asleep in her car, smiling and happy and deserving every last piece of affection she could find.

She didn’t want to wake Sara once she’d pulled up outside the Lance house - it seemed harsh, to pull her away from her dreams. Ava sighed, reaching over to brush a strand of Sara’s hair out of her face and quietly whispering her name, unable to help her smile when Sara didn’t even stir. She pulled her keys out of the ignition and climbed out of the car, walking round to the passenger seat and opening the door, crouching down in front of Sara just as she began to move. “Hey,” she murmured quietly, squeezing Sara’s knee gently and trying not to laugh when Sara mumbled something grumpy about having to move, the hood of Ava’s oversized hoodie falling down over her face in a way that really shouldn’t have been so cute, but it was. “There’s food inside,” Ava said softly, pulling the hood away from Sara’s face and tucking her hair back behind her ears. “Plus you still need to tell your dad about your acceptances,” she added, taking both of Sara’s hands and starting to pull her out of the car, trying not to budge when Sara tugged at her jacket and attempted to pull her closer. “And it’ll be warm and comfy inside, instead of sitting outside in the cold.”

“But _you’re_ warm and comfy, and you’re _here_ ,” Sara almost whined, voice soft from sleep and absolutely not the most adorable thing Ava had ever heard. She let out a quiet breath as Sara burrowed further into her side, murmuring contentedly “so I’m not really seeing much incentive to move.”

Ava rolled her eyes, feeling heat creeping up her neck so pulling away, standing up but not quite letting go of Sara’s hands. “Fine, I’ll eat your dinner then. Have fun with the crick in your neck after spending the night in the car.”

Sara groaned loudly, swinging her legs over the side of the seat and hauling herself to her feet, stumbling slightly towards Ava before she regained her balance. Ava snorted and Sara swatted her arm, her quiet “Shut up Aves,” far too playful to be taken seriously. Ava bit her lip to hide her smile and closed the car door, before pulling Sara towards the house.

 

Quentin turned around to smile at them both the moment they walked through the door, reaching out for the remote and turning the TV volume down. “Hey dad,” Sara grinned, walking over to the couch and kissing the top of his head before flopping down beside him. Ava waved when he greeted her too, but hung back, unsure if Sara wanted to tell Quentin in private. But Sara beckoned her over to the couch and Ava forced a smile back onto her face, nodding but stopping to take off her shoes, leaving them by the door.

“Good drive?” Quentin asked, and Sara nodded in response, pausing for a moment before taking a slow, shaky breath.

“We went to see Laurel.”

Quentin’s eyes shot up in surprise before a concerned look crossed his face, and Ava leant back against the wall, still not wanting to to interrupt, but wondering whether Sara needed a push in the right direction.

“Is everything okay?”

Sara nodded, unable to keep the grin off her face as she let out the breath she’d been holding, looking over to meet Ava’s eyes. Ava fought back her own smile and tried her hardest not to blush under the intensity of Sara’s gaze, especially when Sara softly said “More than okay.”

God, there was just something about her, something special. Sara had this ability to make every word sound important, and to make you feel like you’d done something extraordinary just by being there, just by existing.

Ava rolled her eyes affectionately, hoping exasperation would mask the slight breathlessness in her voice when she said “Just tell him, idiot.” Quentin’s eyes flickered between them for a moment with a curious smile, a question starting to form on his lips, and Ava gave Sara a few more seconds to speak, before finally breaking the silence and revealing, “Sara got her college acceptances.”

Sara’s grin widened and Ava forced herself to glance away. Thankfully, before she could embarrass herself by saying something she couldn’t take back, Quentin placed his beer on the table and reached out to take Sara’s hands, catching her attention. “And?”

Ava waited until Sara began to talk before slipping away, giving them some privacy as Sara told him about the places that’d accepted her and the scholarships she’d been offered, voice just as excited as it had been before when she’d talked to Laurel. Ava opened the fridge to find two plates of food carefully set aside for her and Sara and pulled them out, putting the first one in the microwave and trying not to think about how much Quentin’s simple gesture meant to her. She wasn’t his kid, and he hadn’t even known whether she’d come in when she dropped Sara off but … he’d saved her dinner anyway.

“Sara, that’s incredible,” Quentin said proudly, voice echoing down the hallway. Sara laughed softly in return, leaving Ava to imagine the way her eyes would be sparkling, pure happiness twinkling under the warm lighting of the Lance living room. She groaned softly and rested her forehead against the fridge, wanting more than anything to go back into the living room and join Sara on the couch but desperate not to look like a lovestruck idiot in front of Quentin. The microwave beeped, and Ava swapped the plates over, fishing her phone out of her pocket and scrolling through Instagram instead of focusing on the thoughts she really couldn’t handle right now.

She had no idea how long it was before she felt Sara appear behind her, arms snaking round her waist and pulling her closer before she had the chance to turn around, pressing her face to the space between Ava’s shoulders and … oh _no_ , was that a kiss?

Ava bit her lip to stop herself from gasping, Sara’s touch burning in the best possible way.

“Thank you so much for today,” Sara whispered, and Ava had to take a moment to compose herself, swallowing the words on the tip of her tongue. The idea of kissing Sara seared in her brain stronger than ever and it took everything Ava had to force it down. It’d been there since new year, since Sara had brushed her lips so, so gently against Ava’s cheek in an empty hallway and suddenly made everything Ava felt absolutely impossible to ignore. But over these last few weeks these thoughts, this inescapable _need_ to pull Sara close and let her know everything she was feeling, to duck her head down and press her lips firmly against Sara’s, stroking a gentle thumb across her cheek and kissing her until the world faded away around them - it had increased exponentially.

Ava let out a shaky sigh, too quiet for Sara to hear, and then tangled her fingers with Sara’s and gave them a gentle squeeze, hoping to somehow get across every emotion she was feeling without having to speak.

Well, _almost_ every emotion. Some things ... some things would just have to wait.

(Or never be said at all.)

 

* * *

 

 

 **Instagram** ****

**_avacsharpe posted 1 new photo:_ **

So proud of you @saraalance <3

 ** _Tagged: saraalance_** ** _  
_****_Liked by:_** _amayajiwe, nathanielheywood, saraalance, jeffersonjax, raymondcpalmer_ _and 183 others._  
**_Comments:_**  
_saraalance:_ <3 <3 <3  
_aliJsharpeXX:_ OMG @saraalance so exciting!!! so happy for u ahhhh  
_iriswestxx:_!!!!  @saraalance always knew you’d kick ass X  
_amayajiwe_ : Couldn’t be happier for you @saraalance, you deserve this! <3 (p.s. This photo is too cute ahh)

Tuesday 13 March.

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_TUES 9:51pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Unbelievable

  
**_Nora:_ ** ****  
I’m about to throw myself off a  
cliff i s2g AVA SHARPE HAS NEVER  
IN HER LIFE BEEN THIS PUBLICLY  
AFFECTIONATE ABT ANYONE OKAY  
LET THIS BE KNOWN

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** can vouch for that

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
Sara hasn’t been this soft and  
smitten since Nyssa y’all

That was SOPHOMORE YEAR

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** They’re so sweet

Like

The smiles on their faces when  
they’re around each other

I’m just so happy they’re this  
happy and I can’t cope with this

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Stop I can’t deal

  
**_Nate:_ ** ****  
Believe me, that’s a common feeling  
right now

  
**_Ray:_ ** ****  
@Nate  don’t you have a 45% art history  
essay due in two days

  
**_Nate:_ ** ****  
SHUT UP LET ME WORK THROUGH THESE  
EMOTIONS RAYMOND

  
**_Lily:_ ** ****  
Yeah my chem homework has just been  
sitting here for the past 10 minutes while  
I go stalk ava’s instagram

Guys

I never even realised how much their  
Instagrams have basically just become

Each other

Isn’t that what happens when you’re  
dating that’s like, relationship 101

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Again

Basically dating

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
Maybe they ARE dating and  
they’re keeping it a secret  
to mess with us

That’s the only explanation

  
**_Wally:_ ** ****  
if they are, idk whether i will laugh  
or sob uncontrollably

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Both

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** You will definitely do both

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
@Amaya @Jax how’s that  
prom dare coming along?

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** gettin’ there

  
**_Amaya:_ ** ****  
Still working out the little details  
so that we can pass it off as a prank  
but fingers crossed!!

 ****  
**_Nora:_ ** **  
** Oh boy we are not ready

 **_  
_ ** _Seen by: everyone_

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (jeffersonjax)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

TG&G: 8  
OG legends: 9

SUCKERRRRRRS HAHAHA

I’m still dying at  @lilssstein   
& @noradarhk  ‘s faces omg  
#priceless

#SCHSsenioryearprankwar

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_FRI 1:19pm:_

  
**_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **  
** I am going to murder u  @Jax 

  
**_Angel of Darhkness_ ** **_  
_ ** Nope i’ve got first dibs

WATER BALLOONS?

AT L U N CH

REALLY??

I’M WEARING A WHITE SHIRT  
JEFFERSON AND I HAVE LIKE  
3 MORE CLASSES TODAY

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
you gotta admit it was pretty  
funny though right ;’D

@Nora  i’ve got a top u can  
borrow tho if u need one

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** It was nOT FUNNY

(thanks, Ray already gave me  
his spare one before)

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did he now?

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Sent 1 sticker to the chat._

  
**_Z:_ ** **  
** Um that’s not very appropriate

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shut up Zari

  
**_Z:_ ** ****  
Wow, feisty words coming from  
Mr Human Sunshine over here

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** ****  
Babe shush, prank season isn’t  
the time to antagonise people

  
**_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **_  
_ ** You don’t fucking say >:-(

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** ****  
At least you have short hair Kuasa,  
mine’s gonna take forever to dry

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** ****  
hey, i wasn’t the mastermind,  
I just posted abt it on instagram

the public wants to know how this  
war is progressing, it’s their civil  
right ‘n all

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shut up asshat  @Jax 

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D ;’D

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 


	20. none of it was ever worth the risk (but you are the only exception)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sara had never actually told Amaya (or Jax) about this crush. But somehow, something in their eyes was screaming that they already knew, that they just wanted Sara to be happy, and that this was the perfect opportunity. And somehow, when Amaya said it like that, cool and calm and confident, it started to sound like a better idea - what did she have to lose?
> 
> Ava, a voice in her head reminded her, but she pushed it away. This was part of the prank war - which meant if Ava didn’t agree, it didn’t have to be taken seriously. It was the perfect out, a safety net coupled with a gentle push from her friends. And … maybe, just maybe, there was a chance she hadn’t just been reading into Ava’s texts and snapchats and instagram posts … maybe there was a chance there was something real there, and Ava just needed this push too. Maybe it would work out better than either of Jax’s options, because Ava could say yes for real."
> 
> OR
> 
> zari finds out behrad's coming home, nora has a bit a rough time and ... yes folks. the prom dare is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update! 
> 
> i'm super busy all day tomorrow and also have a 6am train so you guys are gonna get this chapter early! 
> 
> so first of all. are we all alive? are we okay? have we survived the premiere? idk about you guys but we certainly haven't lmao we've literally been a) rewatching b) overanalysing every second of that entire episode for the past 3 days. you have no idea how well some of those scenes fit with later parts of the fic, we actually lost our minds. also can we just appreciate the costume department for a second for those shirtless tops? yes? great. 
> 
> oKAY RIGHT SO THIS CHAPTER. this is kind of a filler. emphasis on the 'kind of'. mostly. almost. for the most part. excuse the slightly fillery content but this chapter is a MASSIVE turning point and we hit pretty much our favourite part of this whole fic from here on out. it's gonna be a wild ride (not that it hasn't been already lol) but just trust us okay!!! it's gonna be great we promise so PLEASE ENJOY. i have to start studying for exams from next week so pls leave lots of lovely comments to tie us over <3 
> 
> p.s. chapter title is from the only exception by paramore

“Hey!” said Sara, smiling brightly as she ran over to the stands. “Just give us like, 10 minutes to pack up the gear and we’ll be ready to go.”

“No rush,” said Nate. “Good practice?”

“Would be better if the dumb freshmen could remember basic ball skills,” snarked Zari venomously, throwing her gear back down by her feet.

“You were a terrible dribbler freshman year,” quipped Sara. “I taught you everything you know Tomaz.”

Zari shoved her but the tension dissipated from her shoulders and a small, wry smile crept onto her face, widening when Amaya reached out to take her hand.

“Don’t mind grumpy Z, she’s just tired from me kicking her ass in defense drills for an hour,” smirked Lily, dodging Zari’s punch as everyone laughed.

It was a Thursday evening and they all had tomorrow morning off because a water main had burst in one block of the school and the plumbers hadn’t estimated it being finished until around midday. Morning classes had been cancelled with afternoon ones pending, and so all the legends had decided to go out for the evening to one of their favourite pizzarias, waffle houses, gelato bars or something of the like given that they didn’t have the pressure to get up early the following day.

Zari, Lily, Kuasa and Sara had soccer practice, but by 5:30, they’d covered basically everything Sara and Rip had assigned for today’s practice and had decided to wrap it up half an hour early. The other legends had come to watch the last hour, sitting on bottom couple of rows of the stands and snacking on popcorn they’d popped thanks to Ava’s access to the student council microwave. It was a clear evening, finally inching towards being warmer even as the sun drifted lower in the sky, and Ava couldn’t help but appreciate the lightness she felt as everyone passed around the bags of popcorn, laughed and joked about events of the day, complained about teachers, homework, eventual exams, and occasionally tuned in to the practice on the field which given the skill of the players before them, was almost as captivating as watching a game itself.

Ava knew it wasn’t subtle in the slightest, but it was hard to keep her eyes off Sara. Sara was breathtaking _normally_ , but when she was playing soccer, it was something else entirely (something that Ava wasn’t sure would have appreciated as much as she did if she wasn’t a sports player herself). Sara commanded the field with so much poise, relentless fierceness and driven, carefully controlled energy, it was easy to see why she was captain of the team _and_ why she’d been offered so many soccer scholarships. She pushed the players on her team she could see weren’t properly focused on their drill, but was gentle and encouraging to the freshmen who were still nervous about their place on the team. She joked around with those she was familiar with - especially Zari - and it was easy to see the effortless and admirable connection she made with each and every one of her players, a connection that gave them an unbreakable edge during games.

Ava remembered to tear her gaze away and pitch into the conversation enough that nobody noticed her distraction (except perhaps Nora, who gave her a _look_ accompanied by a classic Nora eyebrow raise that Ava blatantly ignored), but it was a relief when towards the end, Sara split the team for a mini game to wrap up practice to which everyone shifted their attention to watch. Sara didn’t go easy, and several of her less experienced players who were typically benchwarmers went down hard when she was on offence.

“Yikes,” said Gary, wincing. “Shouldn’t she ease up a bit?”

“No way,” said Jax, Ava and Nate at the same time - the only other team sports players in the group.

“That’s how hard they’re gonna get it in real games,” said Jax. “If they can’t stand their ground against Sara, they’re just gonna get knocked down in an actual match when it counts. She’s just preparing them.”

Sara did leave the game as it began to tick towards the final few minutes, jogging over to Rip to discuss something about player dynamics and team logistics, discussing who to put as a starting lineup for the upcoming game on Saturday. When Rip blew the final whistle, Sara called out a warm, encouraging “Good work girls! We’re finishing there for today - go home, shower, enjoy having tomorrow off and make sure you’re reading to kick ass on Saturday!”

Now, as the field was quickly packed away, Sara, Zari, Lily and Kuasa changed from their soccer cleats to regular trainers, pulled on their sweatshirts (Ava tried not to react to the fact that Sara was wearing one of the numerous jerseys she’d stolen from Ava over the past months) and grabbed their kits, heading over to sit with the rest of the group as they all decided where to go.

Zari ducked out to answer her phone and Sara watched her go, fingers fiddling with her necklace before tucking it back under her shirt. Ava sighed, trying to pretend she wasn’t more than a little touched by the action, giving Sara a chastising look when she caught her attention. “You know -”

“I know,” Sara interrupted affectionately before she could finish, giving her shoulder a gentle nudge.

“You really shouldn’t play with that on,” Ava said anyway, rolling her eyes again when Sara groaned overdramatically, catching everyone’s attention. Lily raised an eyebrow at her and Ava felt that familiar blush creeping up her neck, but thankfully Lily went back to packing up without a word. “Sara,” Ava repeated, trying her hardest to stop the corners of her mouth from twitching up. “It could hurt you, you should take it off for soccer.”

Sara’s stubborn, determined expression softened at Ava’s concern and she slipped her fingers into Ava’s, swallowing slightly as the thought of playing without this little piece of Ava made her heart clench in her chest. “Not a chance, Sharpe,” she said softly, too quiet for anyone to overhear. Ava wanted to keep pushing, to get Sara to agree with her, because this was so stupid and she could get injured and part of her would feel responsible for that, but before she had the chance Zari reappeared, phone in hand and a massive, un Zari-like grin on her face.

(Which should’ve been enough to keep her attention, because this was _Zari_ \- she didn’t interrupt group conversations, beaming from ear to ear, phone in hand, practically bouncing on her toes. Ever. Ava had never seen her like this, not even on New Years Eve, hand in hand with Amaya as they crept away after the fireworks, not even when Nate had turned up at lunch on her birthday and dumped two boxes of donuts on the table in front of her, fresh from the bakery down the street.)

But despite Zari clearly bursting with news about _something_ , Ava couldn’t stop herself from being distracted by the way Sara looked in the chilled evening air, skin still flushed from training, eyes bright blue and sparkling with infectious joy, ponytail high and swinging from the momentum of Sara turning to give Zari a quizzical, silently questioning look. She was _so_ beautiful, Ava had to actively remind herself to breathe. _God_ , Sara was going to be the death of her.

“What’s got you so chirpy?” asked Jax, nudging Zari.

“Behrad’s coming home!” blurted Zari, clutching her phone tightly in her hands and holding it against her chest. Immediately, Ava’s attention snapped to her and the entire group burst out with gasps and cheers of excitement. Amaya’s smile was widest of all, her eyes sparkling as she draped her arm around Zari’s shoulders and pulled her into a celebratory half hug.

“What changed?” asked Lily, beaming.

Zari shook some hair away from her face. “It’s been two months and according to the school, he’s been miserable the whole time. Mom and Dad saw how much it hurt me, and I know they missed him too and I guess his half term report wasn’t great so they decided they’d made a mistake and want him to finish the year back home.” She laughed a little breathlessly and it sounded incredulous, as though she couldn’t quite believe it herself. “I can’t believe it. He’s gonna be here for the rest of the soccer season - he’ll get to watch all the championship qualifiers! He’ll be here for graduation ‘n everything!”

It was great news. _Fantastic_ news. But Zari’s eyes flickered in Ava’s direction for a split second, expression uncertain, apprehensive, perhaps even _guilty_ , and it struck Ava suddenly with an unpleasant jolt in her stomach what Zari was thinking of.

Spencer.

Because as much as Ava’s secret was out in the open now and had been for over a month, as much as Nora and Gary more than anyone knew the complexities of Ava’s relationship with Spencer, Zari was the one who actually _got it._ After Ava had told the legends about being adopted, she and Zari had talked for hours over Messenger about their brothers, about how close they’d been when they were kids, about how much it hurt now that they were gone.

Ava was happy for Zari. She was. The past five years with Spencer gone, the way their relationship had become more and more distant as Ava grew up - that had hurt more than anything, and Ava was glad Zari wouldn’t have to go through that. But that didn’t mean it didn’t sting that Zari would get the chance Ava had always wanted to make things _right_ , to keep that closeness with Behrad that had gotten lost between Ava and Spencer over the years.

 _Maybe you just don’t want to lose the one person who understands how you feel_ , said a quiet, jealous and bitter voice in Ava’s head. Remorse filled her as soon as the thought crossed her mind and she shifted her weight uncomfortably, hating that it had even occurred to her that Behrad coming back was a bad thing. This wasn’t about her, this was about Zari. Suddenly, there was a hand on the small of Ava’s back, gentle and barely there, touch light enough not to startle Ava but still warm and constant and comforting. Ava’s eyes darted to Sara momentarily and Sara gave her a soft smile tinged with concern that clearly said _you good?_

Ava nodded, shooting her a grateful look and relaxing slightly under the touch. As she returned her attention to the group, who were still chattering excitedly to Zari, Ava saw Zari’s eyes flicker between her and Sara. Zari’s expression softened as her gaze met Ava’s and she looked quietly apologetic for a moment.

“We should change before we all head out,” said Lily, targeted at Sara, Zari and Kuasa, interrupting anything Zari might’ve been working up the courage to say.

“I just remembered I have some shit to grab from my locker too,” said Jax. “We okay to take the long way through the school back to the carpark?”

“Yeah, I gotta go via my locker too,” said Nora. “Why don’t we all do that and these guys can get changed, and we’ll meet by Lily’s car in like, 15 minutes?”

There seemed to be unanimous agreement on that, and Sara’s thumb brushed over Ava’s back comfortingly one more time before her arm dropped back down to her side and she was being pulled away by Kuasa. Zari seemed to take longer to be dragged to the changing rooms, her hesitant gaze lingering on Ava.

Ava waited until their group of friends had thinned out before speaking. “Z, it’s okay,” she said firmly, reaching out to squeeze Zari’s arm. “This is a good thing.”

Zari bit her lip. “I know, I just -” She sighed, shrugging a little helplessly. “I’m sorry. I wish it could’ve worked out the same way with Spencer.”

Ava tried to ignore the pang of hurt in her chest. “I know,” she said, smiling a little sadly. “But it’s alright. It’s not about me and Spencer, this is about you and Behrad. And hey, who knows, there’s still time for Spencer to change his mind and come home.” Even as she said it, she felt another surge of bitterness rise within her, this time directed towards her brother because she knew that there was no way he would willingly come home for good. He’d made that abundantly clear by coming back to visit a grand total of twice in the last five years.

Zari looked at her for a long, conflicted moment. It wasn’t until Lily hollered at her from the doorway of the locker room that she sighed and shoved her hands in her shorts pockets. “Look,” she said softly. “You … you can still talk to me about it. Please don’t feel like you can’t.”

Ava nodded. “Yeah, I know that Z. I … I will.”

The look in Zari’s eyes before she nodded and started to walk away told Ava that her lie definitely hadn’t been convincing.

 

* * *

 

Truthfully, Sara wasn’t quite sure what happened. Then again, she wasn’t exactly _watching_ for something to go wrong, nor was she near enough to have seen whatever went down from beginning to end. All she knew was that one moment, she was standing with Nate, Amaya, Jax and Zari by the water fountain while Zari filled up her water bottle, and the next, Nora was having a panic attack.

There weren’t many people left at school at this hour. Those who were were mostly confined to the library or were at sports practices outside. Today however, there was a small group of students Sara vaguely recognised as old friends from when she was a freshman, most of whom she suspected had just come from detention down the hall. She’d grown a pretty sizeable disdain for the kind of people those kids had become - rude, arrogant, uncompassionate, privileged - and was pretty glad to have distanced herself from them. Sara saw one of the guys, a football player named Jayden Matheson stop to talk to Nora who was just shutting her locker door, rolling her eyes at something predictably goofy and nerdy that Ray was saying. Sara vaguely remembered something about Nora and Jayden having dated briefly towards the end of the last school year but she couldn’t remember what terms on which it had ended. Regardless though, it hadn’t seemed particularly important, and Sara disinterestedly tuned back into Nate and Zari’s debate over which was the best Indiana Jones movie, while Amaya watched them both with an expression of fond exasperation and amusement.

But barely a minute later, Amaya’s gaze shifted and she reached out to grab Sara’s arm.

“What?” said Sara, a little startled.

“Is Nora okay?” asked Amaya in a low voice, nodding across the hallway. Sara whirled around, feeling something sharply protective flare up in her chest when she saw the way Nora was pressed up against her locker, eyes closed and her hands shaking, shoulders tensed in a clear effort not to break down as Gary pulled her a little away from Ray and Jax.

“Shit,” said Zari, eyes widening a little. “She doesn’t look it.”

Ray glanced over his shoulder, eyes meeting Sara’s and Sara saw the confusion and building anxiety and helplessness in his expression.

“Sara!” called Gary, catching Sara’s attention immediately with the uncharacteristic calm, seriousness and low urgency in his voice. “Where’s Ava?”

Sara opened her mouth to answer but before she could, Ava had appeared out of nowhere and was beside Gary and Nora, her hands reaching up to cup Nora’s face as she leaned in close, saying something that Sara couldn’t hear from across the corridor. Both she and Gary were oddly calm and unfazed, and while they were clearly concerned, it became unavoidably clear that they’d definitely done this for Nora before.

“Ray,” called Sara softly. When Ray’s head jerked up to look over at her, Sara gestured for him to come stand by them. “C’mere. Just … give them a second.”

Ray didn’t look as though he wanted to, but he stumbled over to them anyway, hovering nervously. He didn’t bother not trying to stare and he visibly tensed when Ava dropped her hands to curl around Nora’s wrists and tugged her out of sight into the girl’s bathroom next to the lockers they were in front of.

“What the hell even happened?” said Nate, breaking the shocked, confused and slightly awkward silence.

Ray shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure. Jayden stopped to talk to Nora and … I dunno, he looked mad. I don’t think they ended things great - I think Nora broke up with him and … he saw me and her and …” He stopped abruptly, colour rising to his cheeks. “I don’t mean -” he mumbled quickly. “We’re not -”

“Ray, we know,” said Sara gently, squeezing his arm reassuringly. “Just - keep going.”

Ray nodded, furrowing his eyebrows as he kept talking. “I was checking my phone to give them a minute to talk. I didn’t really hear what he said but - I think he called her Eleanor.”

“Eleanor?” echoed Nate. “Isn’t that her full name?”

“Yeah, literally no one uses it,” said Sara, frowning. “Not even the teachers.”

“Cos she asks them not to,” said Lily suddenly, stepping into the small circle and chiming into the conversation. Gary was beside her, and Sara figured he had filled her in on whatever it was that had just gone down.

“Eleanor is what her dad used to call her,” he added. “As soon as the police showed up looking for him 11 years ago, Nora stopped using her full name. It reminds her too much of him, of when she used to be his little girl, and she always freezes up a little if someone addresses her with it.”

“That was a bit more than ‘freezing up a little’,” commented Zari dryly, but Sara saw the flash of concern on her face.

“I think it’s because of how on edge she is cos of the investigation,” said Ray, shoving his shaking hands into his jeans pockets. “She’s terrified that the closer the cops get, the more likely Damien is to just show up and grab her for leverage against the police, or for whatever other sick reason he sees fit. If Jayden picked now of all times to use her full name to get a rise out of her, it makes sense that it would get to her more than usual.”

“Jesus,” said Jax, grimacing. “Do you think she’s okay?”

“She’ll be fine,” said Gary confidently. “Ava can get through to her better than anyone.”

“She won’t like us just hanging around waiting for her though,” said Lily. “She’ll probably look a bit like a mess when she eventually comes out so maybe we should head out to the carpark and decide where we’re gonna go. Sara, you could text Ava and they could meet us there?”

“Yeah,” said Sara, finding her voice. Something about what Gary and Lily were saying sounded painfully familiar and she had to stop herself from glancing back at the bathroom and volunteering to stay just to make sure Ava and Nora were good. They _were_ good. This was private, and Sara knew it wasn’t her place to pry. She cleared her throat and forced a wry grin on her face. “Yeah,” she said again, “that’s a good idea.” An idea occurred to her, an inkling of something Ava had mentioned a few weeks ago, and Sara made a split second decision before swinging her backpack over her head and nodding towards the front doors of the school. “Okay then, c’mon, let’s get the hell outta here. I’m craving waffles, so unless someone can make a valid, three pronged argument _with_ evidence showing why we should go somewhere else, I’m locking in the Waffle House as our destination.”

She felt Ray’s eyes on her as she led them out of the school gate, saw his small, surprised smile out of the corner of her eye. She knew they were both thinking the same thing.

 

Waffles were Nora’s favourite.

 

* * *

 

_Nora Darhk_

**Text Message** **  
** (Ray Palmer) **  
** **Thursday**

 **  
** **_7:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m sorry about today

  
**_7:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thanks for not pushing or anything

  
**_7:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What are you sorry for??

  
**_7:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You didn’t do anything wrong

  
**_7:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That guy was a jerk

  
**_7:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Btw Sara offered to beat him up

  
**_7:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Funnily enough pretty sure she’d kick   
his ass

  
**_7:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And idk

  
**_7:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It was stupid. It IS stupid. That something   
that small can get to me

  
**_7:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s only small out of context

  
**_7:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nobody thinks any less of you for   
having a weakness

  
**_7:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Especially not me

  
**_7:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you sure?

  
**_7:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ve calmed Sara down from a   
hundred panic attacks over the   
years, and she’s done the same   
for me, you have nothing to be   
ashamed of, it’s human

  
**_7:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait seriously

  
**_7:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What about?

  
**_7:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** School, relationships, trying to   
live up to our perfect siblings

  
**_7:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s like how Ava knew exactly   
how to get through to you

  
**_7:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_7:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s done it enough times

  
**_7:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you doing okay now?

  
**_7:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Still a bit jumpy but yeah

  
**_7:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can I um

  
**_7:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can I call you?

  
**_7:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Give me half an hour? Mom just   
said that dinner’s ready

  
**_7:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can eat later though if you need   
to talk now

  
**_7:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No no it’s okay

  
**_7:33pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Half an hour is okay :-)

  
**_7:34pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll call you as soon as I’m done X

  
**_7:35pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thank you Ray <3

  
**_7:35pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Anytime <3

 

* * *

 

_Nora Darhk_

**iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Thursday**

 **  
** **_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey

  
**_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** listen

  
**_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** we’ve got your back

  
**_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** all of us

  
**_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** no matter what, if you ever   
need anything

  
**_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thing with the legends is once   
you have us, you’re stuck with   
us so

  
**_10:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** don’t feel like you have to be   
embarrassed abt what happened   
today or anything

  
**_10:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** like i said, we got you

  
**_10:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That means so much more than   
you know

  
**_10:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (avacsharpe)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

Might be 2 months away but  
it’s gonna be here before you   
know it!!

Prom is the 5th of May this   
year & make sure you get   
your votes in for what you   
want out of your big night   
(especially you seniors)

Voting boxes are outside  
the student council offices   
and are open until this   
Friday!!

#SCHSprom

 

* * *

 

 _Sara (ur fav human in the world and_ _  
_ _is better than u) Lance_

 **iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Thursday**

 **  
** **_5:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Lmao guess what Ali came into   
my room raving about

  
**_5:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** a hot girl???

  
**_5:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** TELL ME IT’S A HOT GIRL

  
**_5:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** if it is i already call dibs on   
wanting to be there when she   
tell ur mom i wanna see barb’s   
face it will make my year

  
**_5:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Stop trying to project your   
gay onto my sister Sara

 **_  
_ ** **_5:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s not a hot girl

  
**_5:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** dammit

  
**_5:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’M NOT PROJECTING ANYTHING

  
**_5:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** anyway what did she talk to you   
about

  
**_5:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She finally started catching up   
on Brooklyn 99

  
**_5:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s like, almost at the season   
2 finale

  
**_5:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** OMG FOR REAL

  
**_5:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** THE JOHNNY AND DORA EP

  
**_5:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** make a gc with us and her

  
**_5:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** she has to message us as she   
watches it

  
**_5:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Or you could just come over   
and watch it with us?

  
**_5:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** is that okay?

  
**_5:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ali just asked mom

  
**_5:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re now apparently staying   
for dinner ;’D

  
**_5:49pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** tell her she’s my favourite oddly   
becoming liberal conservative   
christian white middle aged woman

  
**_5:49pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I absolutely will not

  
**_5:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you’re no fun ;-)

  
**_5:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** be there in 10?

  
**_5:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can’t wait x

 

* * *

 

_Ray Palmer_

**Text Message** **  
** ( Sara Lance ) **  
** **Friday**

 **  
** **_9:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** how did you decide which   
college to go to

  
**_9:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you got like 50 million diff   
acceptances right?

  
**_9:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yes sure let’s go with 50   
million as a guesstimate

  
**_9:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** shut up you know what i mean

  
**_9:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you’re a genius, every college   
in america wants you etc etc

  
**_9:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We talking about me or you?

  
**_9:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you, obviously

  
**_9:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I dunno Sara, you gave us geniuses   
a pretty good run for our money w   
your acceptances

  
**_9:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i love you for being that crazy   
person who makes me believe   
i can do anything ray but shut   
up and help me pick a school

  
**_9:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay okay

  
**_9:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** For me, MIT was the only real option

  
**_9:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** If I hadn’t gotten accepted, I would’ve   
looked at other schools as serious other   
possibilities but as soon as I got that   
acceptances from MIT, I knew i was going   
there

  
**_9:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** that’s my problem

  
**_9:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i don’t have a dream school

  
**_9:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** not like you or amaya or ava   
or nate

  
**_9:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** zari picked harvard bc it was the   
best school she was offered

  
**_9:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** but like, for me, brown, harvard   
columbia, like shit ray i didn’t   
expect to get accepted into ONE   
ivy league school let alone 3

  
**_9:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and like, i got into other really   
good schools too across the whole   
country and they all have good   
soccer teams and good history   
programs and i just

  
**_9:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** how do I pick??

  
**_9:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Honestly I have no idea Sara

  
**_9:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You really don’t have any school   
you wanna go to more than any   
of the others?

  
**_9:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** nope

  
**_9:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i mean, not really

  
**_9:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** not for the reasons that matter

  
**_9:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ **??

  
**_9:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** nothing, it’s not

  
**_9:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** dw, that didn’t mean anything

  
**_9:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** can i come over tomorrow? can you   
help me look through all those dumb   
ridiculously lengthy prospectuses?

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D Yeah of course

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Come over for lunch?

  
**_9:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you got it palmer x

  
**_9:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you <3

  
**_9:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3

 

* * *

 

**Facebook**

 

 **Ava Sharpe** was tagged in 9 photos with **Sara Lance** , **Zari Tomaz** , **Lily Stein** , **Nathaniel Heywood** and **8 others** in the album **_senior year_ ** .   
Thursday 15 March

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Sara, d’you have a minute?” Jax asked, not giving her a chance to reply before dragging her down to an empty part of the corridor, Amaya following closely behind. Sara groaned, thinking about refusing, because she _did_ have a soccer practice to get to, and she should probably find Z or do the english homework she’d neglected or - Jax rolled his eyes, letting go of her arm and turning around, an excited grin on his face that made Sara more than slightly nervous. “So,” Jax started after exchanging a long, indecipherable look with Amaya, “we had this idea.”

Sara opened her mouth to interrupt, to ask him to elaborate, but before she had the chance, he said in a rush “We think you should ask Ava to prom” and Sara froze, mouth rapidly closing. _They thought she should_ …

“For the prank war,” Amaya added quickly, lightly slapping Jax’s arm.    

Sara bit her lip and looked away, the idea throwing her off slightly more than it should’ve done. Because...it wasn’t a _bad_ idea, necessarily. In fact, maybe in a few weeks time, if she’d given herself chance to think about it, she might’ve had the _same_ idea - at least this way Jax was giving her a way out, in case this backfired. Or maybe they were just trying to find out how she really felt about Ava, because they’d picked up on her giving in to this crush and letting Ava take her hand under the table or curl up against her side whenever they hung out as a group. Maybe they’d noticed the way Ava pulled her into a hug every morning without fail, or the way they’d ended up spending ridiculous amounts of time just curled up on each other’s beds watching tv, or movies, or just talking about anything and everything - Amaya knew her better than anyone, and Jax was as good as her little brother by now - of _course_ they wanted to know if she had feelings for Ava.

Or at least, if she’d admit to it.

Sara raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Amaya before turning to give Jax a long, hard stare. “Is this a test or something? I thought we were replacing Lily’s chemistry textbooks with a collection of Dr Seuss classics.”

Amaya shook her head, not looking quite as disappointed as she should’ve done. “Wally accidentally let it slip in front of Gary, so that plan’s out. We had to come up with one quickly.”

“So why this one?” Sara interrupted before she could continue, folding her arms defensively across her chest. It vaguely occurred to her that acting like this really wasn’t helping the argument that any feelings between herself and Ava were completely, 100% platonic, but right now she was feeling a little too unsteady to care. Jax shrugged, expression softening slightly as he took a small step closer and looked her in the eyes.

“Because you guys are so close. What’s the worst that could happen, Sara? If she says no, you can both laugh about it, because it’s just part of the prank war. Or, if she says yes, you actually end up going to prom together which would be kinda cool, because aren’t we all gonna pair up anyway?”

He looked ready to say more, but Amaya seemed to sense what she wasn’t saying and placed a hand on Jax’s arm, grinning over at her, confident in a way Sara couldn’t imagine right now.“It would be you two going together at the end of the day, so we might as well win a point in this prank war with it.”

She’d never actually _told_ Amaya about this crush. But somehow, something in her eyes was screaming that she already knew, that she just wanted Sara to be happy, and that this was the perfect opportunity. And somehow, when Amaya said it like that, cool and calm and confident, it started to sound like a better idea - what did she have to lose?

 _Ava_ , a voice in her head reminded her, but she pushed it away. This was part of the prank war  - which meant if Ava didn’t agree, it didn’t have to be taken seriously. It was the perfect out, a safety net coupled with a gentle push from her friends. And … maybe, just maybe, there was a chance she _hadn’t_ just been reading into Ava’s texts and snapchats and instagram posts … maybe there was a chance there _was_ something real there, and Ava just needed this push too. Maybe it would work out better than either of Jax’s options, because Ava could say yes for _real_.

And they could go to prom together - properly, rather than as a joke - and she’d have the chance to sweep Ava off her feet, to charm her, to make sure she had the best evening of her life. To pull her outside under the stars and brush her hair away from her cheeks, to curl one hand around her waist and go up onto her tiptoes and kiss her until neither of them could breathe, until the only thing she could feel was Ava melting underneath her fingertips and the only thing she could feel was Ava, surrounding her, embracing her, making her _her’s._

Jax nudged her gently with his shoulder, smirk still firmly in place as if he knew exactly where her mind had wandered. Sara felt the back of her neck begin to heat up and looked away, but she could still hear the laughter in Jax’s voice as he  said. “Besides, it’s a double dare.”

Sara attempted to glare at him, hoping to hide the blush she could feel creeping across her cheeks, but a matching smirk from Amaya let her know she’d failed miserably. Amaya sighed and shook her head, poking her teasingly in the ribs. “Are you really willing to let us lose this prank war the very last time we get to do it?”

Something competitive flared up inside Sara and she groaned, her head falling back against the lockers, giving in and letting a small smile creep across her lips. Despite her teasing, Amaya had always been the smart, careful, calculated one in their friendship group, and she would’ve thought this through. She looked so earnest, so sure of herself, and… Sara trusted her. And besides, the idea of pranking Ava _had_ been on her mind, and on top of that she’d give almost anything to see Ava as adorable and flustered as she had been on new year’s eve, ducking her head down to hide the shy smile she could no longer control. Sara closed her eyes, letting the memory play out one last time before huffing out a breath and turning to face her friends, rolling her eyes as she said with a confidence she didn’t possess, “Okay, _fine_ , I’ll do it. But later. I have soccer practice during 3rd and 4th period.

_And I need time to figure out how I’m gonna pretend I’m not in love with her._

 

* * *

 

Sara was waiting by her locker when Ava got out of class, hair up in a high ponytail and dressed in her soccer kit (other than the trainers she wore instead of her cleats). She gave Ava a bright, radiant smile when she caught sight of her, bumping their arms together as Ava moved to open her locker.

“Heya.”

“Hey,” said Ava, returning the smile. “You weren’t in class.”

“Yeah, we’ve got extra practices scheduled at different points every week leading up to the big game,” explained Sara. “Any chance I could steal your notes?”

Ava turned, leaning against her locker to face Sara with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression. “What would you do if I said no?”

“Orchestrate an elaborate plan to steal your notes anyway just to spite you.”

Ava laughed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah sure, no problem. I’ll scan them and send them to you on facebook tonight.” She shoved her history and geography textbooks into her locker, eyes flickering to her timetable momentarily to figure out which books to grab for the next three classes. Sara was standing close, watching her with a soft smile on her face that Ava refused to unpack. (Look, while she was aware of her feelings for Sara, she wasn’t going to start reading in a reciprocity that wasn’t there because that would just mess with her head way too much). Once she’d repacked her bag and swung it onto her back, she carefully shut her locker and shifted to face Sara.

“So what’s up?” she asked.

Sara shifted her weight, slipping her hands into the pockets of her shorts and looking down suddenly. Ava frowned, she seemed almost … _nervous_? Ava suddenly caught sight of Amaya, Jax and Nate standing a little way down the hallway, watching them almost gleefully. She returned her attention to Sara suspiciously, folding her arms. “Is this your group’s prank this week or something?”

Sara sighed, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah, kind of. I got double dared.”

Ava smirked. “And everyone knows Sara Lance doesn’t back down from a double dare. Sara, this is gonna have to be some hell of a prank to win over the lead we’ve got on you.” Sara still looked nervous, and Ava couldn’t stop the involuntary way she leaned a bit closer, instinctively going to reassure her. Sure, she was a little suspicious of whatever the legends had up their sleeve, but she trusted Sara more than she was wary of this prank war, trusted Sara not to do anything that would betray their friendship, make Ava uncomfortable or be in any way dangerous or cruel. So Ava just reached out, squeezed Sara’s wrist and softly said “Go on, what is it?”

Sara seemed to relax at both Ava’s joking and her encouragement. Taking a deep breath and letting a much more familiar, mischievous and slightly sheepish glint flicker back into her eye, Sara shrugged and said “Wanna go to prom with me?”

Ava’s heart stopped. For one, agonising second, the entire world froze around her. She could feel the mixture of disbelief, pathetic hope and sceptical uncertainty rise inside her as her eyes scoured desperately over Sara’s face. There was no way - she was so sure that Sara wouldn’t feel the same, but maybe … maybe? Because _God_ , there had to be _something._ There was no way that friends talked the way they did, held hands and cuddled and were so unflinchingly affectionate the way they were. Ava loved and trusted Nora more than anything, but there was a distinct difference between her friendship with Nora and her friendship with Sara. There was something so intimate and raw about what they had, and for months, Ava had chalked it down to her own feelings, to her creating an attachment to Sara that explained all of this. But now - for a single, fleeting second, Ava gave herself the possibility to hope, to read into Sara’s lingering looks, to the hearts and ‘X’s’ in their texts, to the possible reality of the times Sara’s eyes had flickered to Ava’s lips for the briefest of moments.

But also … Sara had said this was a prank. If she meant this, she wouldn’t do it as a prank, right? Because this couldn’t just be a joke, Sara wouldn’t do that -

Then again. If Sara didn’t know about Ava’s feelings, then there would be no harm in it being a part of the prank war, a way for the legends to get the upper hand. Ava’s stomach clenched sickeningly. Jax and Nate and Amaya were giggling over by their lockers and Sara was rolling her eyes a little and grinning as though this was the most hilarious thing in the world, shifting her weight with what looked like embarrassment and Ava’s heart plummeted into her stomach.

It was in that moment that it finally hit Ava how far gone she was. She knew - of course she knew - that she was in love with Sara but that had never been anything she’d had to grapple with before. She’d spent 18 years not knowing exactly what that meant, and spent the last six months (who was she kidding, the entire past year) pretending that she could deal with being hopelessly, pathetically in love with her best friend. It was right now, standing in the hallway by her locker with Sara in front of her looking as breathtaking beautiful as always, that Ava realised that she couldn’t do this.

Couldn’t _keep_ doing this.

It wasn’t fair on her, on Sara, on their friends. Because this prank had clearly meant to be just that - a _prank_ \- and if it wasn’t for Ava’s feelings, Ava knew she’d be rolling her eyes and laughing about it. It _should_ be able to be laughed about, but instead Ava felt nausea and dread and humiliation and anger flare in the base of her stomach. Even worse, it was anger at _Sara,_ Sara who had done nothing wrong, Sara who didn’t deserve Ava’s misguided rage. Ava knew the only person she deserved to be angry at was herself.

It took all she had not to let the tears prick her eyes as she steadied herself, tried not to show Sara the way her heart was shattering in her chest. She smothered down the voice in her head telling her not to do this, the voice that was remembering the way it felt to have Sara pressed up against her side, how soft Sara’s forehead felt beneath her lips, the smell of her shampoo, the safe softness of her bedroom, the familiarity of being curled up under Sara’s covers watching Netflix together. The voice that still imagined how it would feel to properly kiss Sara, to know what her lips tasted like, to run her fingers through Sara’s hair and tug her closer and feel her smile -

Ava pushed the thought back as far as it would go. She needed to figure out how she felt, change something, because it couldn’t carry on this same way. Ava knew she owed it to herself, to Sara, to the friendship they had beneath Ava’s feelings.

Ava curled her fingers tightly around the straps of her backpack, swallowing the lump in her throat. “No,” she finally said through grit teeth. It came out almost like a bite, as though she’d spat it out, coated in disbelief and resentment and sounding far harsher than she intended.

“What?” said Sara, astounded at the tone in Ava’s voice and something indistinguishable filling her gaze. “What do you -”

“I mean _no_ ,” repeated Ava and she was shocked by the sudden coldness in her voice. The words were tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them, needing some excuse to leave, to put walls up between her and Sara so Sara wouldn’t see her crumble, to take the first step in getting over these feelings that she’d been avoiding for so long. “Not everything in my life revolves around jokes and spontaneous adventures and winding each other up Sara. This is my senior prom - I’m not going to waste it on a prank date.”

Sara shook her head, frowning in confusion. “Hey, Aves, I know that -”

Ava sucked in a sharp breath, cutting off Sara before she could continue. “I need to go.” She didn’t wait for Sara to answer, spinning on her heel to storm away. Sara called her name, moved to grab Ava’s arm but Ava dodged and practically ran down the hall, swerving through her classmates, ducking through crowds, following the winding corridors of the school until she was in a quiet wing that she knew no one would find her in. She pushed the door of the girls’ bathroom open, barely making it to the cubicle before the tears started streaming down her cheeks, a low ache settling in her chest. She was sliding down to the floor before any nagging voice in her head could remind her of the amount of germs in public bathrooms, or how absolutely cliche this was to be crying her eyes out in her high school bathroom about a girl who didn’t love her back.

It hurt so much Ava felt like she couldn’t breathe. All she could picture was the embarrassment and exasperation on Sara’s face, the laughter on their friends’ faces in the background, the unbearable truth that Ava had clearly been deluding herself this whole damn time. A strangled, uncontainable gasp caught in her throat, and Ava wondered for a minute if she would ever be capable of getting up from where she was now, of using her study pass to get out of class for the afternoon, of stopping her shoulders from shaking uncontrollably and the tears from streaming down her face as her entire body wracked with pathetic, desperate sobs. She didn’t know how long it was before her phone buzzed in her jacket pocket, making her startle against the graffitied, speckled grey cubicle wall and then reluctantly, sluggishly, pull the device from her pocket.

There was only one notification.

  


MESSAGES  
**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** aves where are you? why’d you run off?   
_now_

 

She could hear what Sara’s voice would sound like saying those words, picture the concern on her face, imagine the way she’d gently brush Ava’s hair away and lean in close, asking her so softly and caringly what was wrong. Ava clutched her phone so hard she was scared she’d break it. She wanted so badly to call Sara. She indulged herself for a minute, deluded herself into thinking that maybe, if she just told Sara the truth, Sara would understand, wouldn’t be embarrassed or repulsed or awkward, would just smile and hug Ava and promise her they’d be okay.

But it wouldn’t be.

Because Sara didn’t have feelings for Ava, and Ava was so in love with her that she couldn’t ignore it anymore. She couldn’t _pretend_ anymore. It wasn’t fair on anyone and it was only going to cause more pain.

Straightening her back against the cubicle wall, Ava wiped her cheeks with her palm. She unlocked her phone, stared at the notification for a long time, at Sara’s contact name, at the goofy photo of Sara sitting on her bed that she’d used as a contact photo. She exhaled slowly, tried to slow her thundering heartbeat that was almost painful against her ribs. With trembling fingers, she pressed down on the message notification and before she could talk herself out of it, pressed _mute contact._

Then, she swiped Sara’s message away and let her phone drop back into her lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry? 
> 
> WE ARE WE SWEAR AND LIKE WE SAID EARLIER, TRUST US, THIS IS GONNA BE SO WORTH IT WE PROMISE, you know these 2 and how fucking bad they are at just communicating and sorting out their shit like regular people (i mean, they were. come season 4 they're actually being real good adults wow guys we're so proud), we 100% swear that we've got good stuff to make up for this 
> 
> also, fun fact. next chapter is actually the first chapter we ever wrote. and it's kind of our fav chapter of the entire fic. we lowkey wrote an entire 170k fic just to get up to that chapter so ........ we really hope you don't hate this small road bump in the fic and like what we have to come too xxx 
> 
> (pls yell at us abt all of this we love u guys)


	21. i've been deep in this sleeplessness (i don't know why)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we wrote 170,000 words just to get to this chapter so you can do without a summary and just go read it (also bc like .... there's literally no way to give you a summary of this chapter tbh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRSTLY. thank you so SO fckn much for all your comments last week. like, ho BOY i dont think either of us expected you guys to love that angst twist as much as we do and it is so gratifying and heartwarming to know that you guys are invested on this rollercoaster of a ride 
> 
> secondly, and more obviously - surprise another early update
> 
> this one isn't because either of us are busy tomorrow, it's actually cause we literally just cant wait to upload this chapter any longer. i don't know if you guys remember what we said last chapter but like .... this is the bit that we wrote first. back when we were still planning out everything and trying to headcanon everything we wanted to put in this fic, i got this sudden idea and just ran with it and ended up with a) my favourite thing i've ever written and b) probably one of the angstiest parts of this angst ridden fic 
> 
> this is just 
> 
> The Chapter
> 
> there is so so much more coming after this but like, this was what we wrote the rest of the fic around and holy shIT do we hope you love it as much we do (please like it like omg we're so flippin nervous, it's slightly different from how the rest of the chapters are structured and we hope it works as well as we think it does) 
> 
> p.s. chapter title is from who do you love by marianas trench aka the song we both listened on repeat when the idea for this chapter + this fic overall first occurred to us and was kind of the springboard for this entire universe that now exists so like, if you're gonna listen to any of the songs for these chapter titles please listen to this one seriously

 

 _Sara (ur fav human in the world and_ _  
_ _is better than u) Lance_

 **iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

 **_1:57pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** aves where are you? why’d you run off?

 **_  
_ ** **_  
2:38pm:_ **  
you aren’t in class, are you okay?

  
**_2:51pm:_ **  
mr moore told me that you used your  
study pass to go home early. I know you’re  
on top of all your assignments, why’d you  
go home?

  
**_  
3:55pm:_ **  
ava please talk to me

  
**_  
4:58pm:_ **  
I texted ali, she said you seemed fine  
but upset when u came home

  
**_  
6:02pm:_ **  
aves please, what did i do

  
**_  
8:28pm:_ **  
I’m sorry, it was meant to be a joke  
i swear

  
**_  
10:15pm:_ **  
please call me

  
**_Read:_ ** _Sunday_

 

* * *

 

**_15 missed calls_ **

 

 **Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Friday, 2:46pm

 **  
** **Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Friday, 3:54pm

 **  
** **Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Friday, 4:39pm

  
**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Friday, 8:06pm

  
**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Friday, 10:12pm

  
**Amaya Jiwe**  
Saturday, 9:23am

  
**Nora Darhk** **  
** Saturday, 10:08am

  
**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Saturday, 1:58pm

  
**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Saturday, 4:16pm

  
**Lily AKA the smartest person u know Stein** **  
** Sunday, 11:31am

  
**Lily AKA the smartest person u know Stein** **  
** Sunday, 4:15pm

  
**Gary (Gay AF) Green** **  
** Sunday, 6:07pm

  
**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Sunday, 9:44pm

 **  
** **Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Sunday, 11:03pm

 

* * *

 

 _Lily AKA the smartest person_ _  
_ _u know Stein_

 **iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Sunday**

 **_11:58am:_ **  
I was having a nice relaxing sunday with  
no assignments  & no dumb high school  
drama

  
**_11:58am:_ **  
And what do I get for it?

  
**_11:58am:_ **  
I’ll tell you. I get like, 6 million frantic  
messages from sara asking if ur even  
alive

  
**_11:59am:_ **  
Which i think is dumb

  
**_11:59am:_ **  
Until u ignore all my calls

  
**_11:59am:_ **  
And sara’s

  
**_11:59am:_ **  
And amaya’s

  
**_11:59am:_ **  
And then I find out you’re even  
shading gary and nora

  
**_12:00pm:_ **  
So now i’m worried

  
**_12:00pm:_ **  
Ava whats going on?

  
**_  
3:25pm:_ **  
I will come to ur house and check on u

  
**_  
4:04pm:_ **  
Like i know ur alive, i’ve been watching  
ali’s snapchat stories

  
**_4:04pm:_ **  
And i’m glad ur reconnecting with ur  
fam after the whole adoption reveal

  
**_4:05pm:_ **  
But why are u ignoring us? What happened  
on friday dude, why did u leave school,  
why aren’t u talking to anyone?

  
**_4:15pm:_ **  
BITCH I SWEAR TO GOD IF U IGNORE  
ANY MORE TEXTS OR CALLS

  
**_4:15pm:_ **  
I’m fine Lily

  
**_4:15pm:_ **  
I just

  
**_4:17pm:_ **  
I’ve got stuff I need to work  
out, that’s all.

 

* * *

 

 _Sara (ur fav human in the world and_ _  
_ _is better than u) Lance_

 **iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Saturday**

 **_  
10:08am:_ **  
please answer my calls

 **  
** **_  
11:51am:_ ** **  
** I’m sorry

  
**_  
1:06pm:_ **  
can I come over? Can we talk?

  
**_  
3:54pm:_ **  
Why do I have to resort to watching  
ur sister’s instagram stories just to  
know that ur ok aves???

  
**_  
5:24pm:_ **  
you’re not answering anyone’s calls i’m worried

  
**_  
5:44pm:_ **  
ava please

  
**_  
6:07pm:_ **  
I’m literally like, 5 minutes away from  
calling LAYLA and asking her what’s going  
on, seriously ava

 

 **iMessage** **  
** **Sunday**

 ** _12:08pm:_** ** _  
_** ur even ignoring nora gary & lily????  
just talk to SOMEONE so that we  
know ur ok

  
**_  
1:02pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** this is why we hated each other so  
much freshman year I swear, like this  
is the side of u that i hated when we  
were 14

  
**_1:02pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** like, how can u be this selfish that  
u won’t even let ur best friends know  
where u are and what’s going on because  
we’re fucking scared ok ava, stop being  
so stubborn and ridiculous and just text  
someone back

  
**_  
2:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I didn’t mean that last message

  
**_2:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m just scared aves, please

  
**_  
4:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** lily just texted me & said u replied to her

  
**_4:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank u for replying to someone

  
**_  
9:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m sorry

  
**_9:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** for like anything and everything that hurt  
or upset you, pls just talk to me

  
**_  
11:56pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** pls say you’ll be at school tomorrow

 **_Read:_ ** _Sunday_

 

* * *

 

_Nora Darhk_

**Text Message** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Monday**

 **_7:04am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wanna talk about it?

  
**_7:04am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Or just ditch school altogether?

 **_7:05am:_ ** **_  
_ ** So, so tempting

  
**_7:05am:_ ** **_  
_ ** But I can’t. Too much stuff I need  
to do. Hide out in the student council  
offices with me at lunch?

  
**_7:06am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You got it

  
**_7:08am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you okay?

  
**_7:12am:_ ** **_  
_ ** No.

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_aliJsharpeXX posted 1 new photo:_ **

best weekend w the big sis! <3 thanks for shouting me brunch & helping me kick dad’s butt at basketball aves. gonna miss you next year even tho u never let me steal ur clothes & refuse to teach me how to drive >.< :*

 **_Tagged: avacsharpe_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Inferno Cafe_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, laaylasharpexx, noradarhk, saraalance, and 81 others._

Sunday 19 March

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

Sara  
_Active 1 day ago_

_SUN 12:42pm:_

I know u probably muted fb on friday  
afternoon but i’m trying anyway on the  
really small off chance that ur service  
plan is just being dumb and ur not actually  
ignoring me.

  
please talk to me

_Seen: Monday, 6:03am_

_WED 8:48pm:_

I miss u so much

  
I didnt even realise how much we talked  
everyday until suddenly we’re not  
talking everyday

  
please stop ignoring me at school

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Ray, Zari, Nate and 4 others  
_Active now_

_FRI 4:08pm:_

 

_You created the group._

_You named the group “OG legends”_

 

 **_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara…

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** look it’s not like we’re sitting  
w them anymore

i need a gc that’s just us okay?  
just … a gc that she’s not in

please

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay x

  
_Seen by: You, Zari, Nate, Ray, Mick, Wally and Jax._

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_FRI 5:31pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Y’all

This is not good

It’s been a week and they’re still  
not talking to each other

Sara just made a new fucking group  
chat called ‘OG legends’

What the FUCK is going on

 **  
** **_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know oh my god

I can’t believe this week has  
been real

 **  
** **_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is almost WORSE than  
when they actually hated each  
other

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is definitely worse than  
when they hated other

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** I don’t even understand what  
went down??? Like Sara asked  
her to prom and suddenly Ava  
hasn’t spoken to her in a week??  
Ava isn’t the kind of person to act  
that emotionally and irrationally I  
don’t get it

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think

God idk

The only thing I can think of is that  
Sara played it off like it was only  
a joke, and that Ava’s feelings are  
way way way deeper than we thought  
and like

Idk guys Ava’s never done any of this  
shit, she’s never been in a serious  
relationship before and I guess this is  
the closest she’s ever gotten and if  
she read Sara wrong on Friday then  
she would be so fucking heartbroken

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** But Sara DOES feel the same god  
we know she does we know HER

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** But does Ava know that??????

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** God and we can’t tell them

Bc we don’t have confirmation from  
either of them abt how they feel and  
that would be the biggest breach of  
privacy and trust ugh

But now they’re both just dumb and  
they’re not talking and I just

 **_  
_ ** **_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** They’re both so upset

It’s killing me

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** This gc name is giving me so  
many feelings

I’m so sad you guys

Like, we actually thought it  
was gonna happen

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** STOP TALKING LIKE THAT IT STILL  
MIGHT HAPPEN

it has to happen :-((

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** I miss you guys  @Nora Darhk  
@Kuasa Jiwe @Gary Green @Lily Stein 

I got so used to you sitting with us  
at lunch

Pretty sure my brother thinks i’m  
gay bc I keep staring wistfully at  
@Gary  from across the cafeteria

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’d date u nate ;-))

ok but for real

i hate this

i saw Ava CRY yesterday

do u know how many times i’ve  
seen her cry in the 10ish years  
we’ve been friends?

twice

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara lost it too a few days  
ago.

Just like … broke while we  
were just getting our books  
for physics

It was so scary I’ve never  
seen her like that

At least not since Nyssa

Also same I miss sitting w u  
guys @Nora @Kuasa @Gary  
@Lily

 **_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is like the fuckin parent  
trap

Mom & mom go get divorced

Each take a share of the kids with them

We all never see each other again

  
**_You_  ** ** _  
_ ** OK BUT IN THE PARENT TRAP  
THE KIDS GET THE PARENTS BACK  
TOGETHER LIFE IMITATES ART GUYS  
LET’S GO

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** nah guys seriously

that’s what the prom dare was meant  
to do

get them together

but look how that turned out

i’m scared we’re just gonna make  
it worse if we try and interfere

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ok we’ll give it one more week

One more week to get their heads  
outta their asses and realise how much  
they love each other and how miserable  
they are not talking

If they’re still being dumb by then, then  
we’re staging an intervention I s2g

  
**_Kuasa Jiwe:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hear fuckin hear

_Seen by: Nate, Nora, Zari, Gary, Lily, Amaya, Jax, Mick, Wally and Ray._

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

Sara  
_Active 4 days ago_

_SAT 9:03am:_

are you coming to the game tonight?

  
who am i kidding ofc ur not

  
bc u dont give a shit abt hurting other people  
u just do whatever u think works for u  
and everyone else just has to deal

  
u know what

  
fuck u ava

 

_SAT 5:34pm:_

Im sorry

  
whatever’s going on i know u  
have good reasons, u always do

  
please come to the game

_SAT 11:58pm:_

yu o kno w whst

  
I probly dservd it

  
like idk wha t it w ass

  
but knowbg me i probvs des rvfd it

  
I miss y uou thouhg

  
ur my be s t f tind

  
_SUN 2:06am:_

It’s zari on sara’s phone

  
She was drunk by the way

  
Idk if you’ll even read these bc you’ve  
been ignoring us all for a week now

  
But yeah, she was drunk

  
And for the record, I miss you too.  
Please just talk to one of us.

_Seen: Sunday, 9:27am_

 

* * *

 

_Zari <3 _

**Text Message** **  
** (Amaya Jiwe) **  
** **Sunday**

 **_10:34am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey you x

  
**_10:34am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wanna come over today?

  
**_10:35am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey XX

  
**_10:35am:_ ** **_  
_ ** God I wish I could

  
**_10:35am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t, i’m w sara rn

  
**_10:36am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is she okay?

  
**_10:36am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Literally the furthest thing  
from it if i’m honest

  
**_10:36am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit, what happened?

  
**_10:38am:_ ** **_  
_ ** She got super drunk last night  
at riley’s birthday party and  
had a massive breakdown abt  
ava, then proceeded to spiral  
down to all her big anxieties  
abt nyssa leaving and shit and  
then she drunk messaged ava  
and it was just generally a rlly  
bad time

  
**_10:38am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god

  
**_10:38am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is she still asleep?

  
**_10:38am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_10:39am:_ ** **_  
_ ** We stayed the night at lindsay’s  
cos her parents are out of town  
but i’m guessing sara is gonna be  
a) super hungover and b) just a  
100% wreck when she wakes up  
so i’m sticking around

  
**_10:39am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Should I come over?

  
**_10:43am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I don’t think so, something tells  
me that despite all this she’s not  
ready to actually Talk abt any of  
it yet

  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay, keep me updated

  
**_10:44am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I will

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll maybe come over tonight?

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Pls do <3 <3

  
**_10:45am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Jeez you’re needy, you saw me at  
school on friday ;-)

  
**_10:46am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shut up I’m being romantic

  
**_10:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know ;’D

  
**_10:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think Sara’s waking up and gonna  
need a bucket, I gotta go

  
**_10:47am:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll see you later, ok? Love you

  
**_10:48am:_ ** **_  
_ ** Love you too, give Sara a  
hug from me x

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

Nora, Gary  
_Active now_

_SUN 3:19pm:_

_  
_ **_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey

I uh

I know you guys have a lot going  
on rn

Especially you  @Ava  I don’t want  
to make a shitty week worse

And Gary, if you’re like, in the  
middle of an actual date with  
Constantine then don’t you dare  
bail

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** what do you need?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you okay?

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** The cops want me to go in bc  
they think one of my mom  & dad’s  
old friends from when I was little  
might have some kind of info abt  
dad’s current operations

They think I might be able to ID  
them even tho it was like, 11 yrs  
ago idk I just

I don’t think I can go in by myself

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll come

I need the distraction anyway

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you sure? I know this whole thing  
with Sara is a fucking lot rn

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can we not talk about Sara?  
Please?

I’ve got the car this evening  
so I’ll come pick you up

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’ll come too

i’ll walk over to nora’s to make rides  
easier dw

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thank you guys x

  
_SUN 3:28pm:_

 _  
_ **_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava look

I know you don’t usually talk things  
through, I know you’re really private  
in figuring shit out

WE know that

Hell, it took you the better part of  
2 years to come out to us

But God Aves I don’t think either of us  
have ever seen you hurting this much

We’re worried about you

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** we know you have to have had a rlly  
good reason for pulling away from  
everyone

you’ve ava sharpe, you never do  
anything for stupid reasons

and like obvs you’re not obligated  
to talk to anyone about it

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** But we’re not anyone

We’re us

And you can talk to us abt whatever  
happened if you need to, you know  
that right?

  
_SUN 3:36pm:_

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know, it’s not that I don’t  
want to

I just can’t

Not yet

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Just don’t let yourself get trapped in  
your own head

You’re the one who taught me that

So when you figure out where you’re  
at promise you’ll talk to us?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

I promise

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** great now that we’ve been mushy  
and emotional - when ava finally  
gets her ass on the road to pick us  
up can we get ice cream on the  
way to the police station

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Only if you’re shouting ;-)

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** deal

  
_Seen by: Ava, Nora._

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

Jax  
_Active 21 mins ago_

_TUES 6:29am:_

i know this all started because  
of the prom dare

  
for whatever reason it got to you  
and i’m so sorry ava

  
me and amaya never meant to hurt  
either of you

  
sara misses you so much and i know  
you miss her too

  
i’m so sorry

_TUES 8:21am:_

It’s okay Jax.

  
You didn’t do anything wrong.

  
It just made me realise that I’ve  
been neglecting heaps to do with  
college prep and finishing up with  
school

  
I’ve fallen behind on lots of  
assignments and I’m just trying  
to reconnect with my family  
before moving out next year.

  
Don’t blame yourself for anything

_WED 11:41am:_

we miss you

I miss you guys too.

_Seen: Wednesday, 11:43am._

 

* * *

 

_Z_

**Text Message** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Thursday**

 **_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** so uh

 **_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i kind of decided on a college

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHAT

 **_  
_ ** **_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** fOR real dUDE

 **_  
_ ** **_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHERE

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Brown

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** YES WE’RE BOTH IN THE  
IVY LEAGUE GRADE AND  
I’M IN THE NEXT STATE  
OVER WOOOO

 **_  
_ ** **_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WE’RE SO CLOSE AND I  
GET TO TOTALLY KICK  
YOUR ASS IN COLLEGE  
SOCCER NEXT YEAR

 **_  
_ ** **_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait

 **_  
_ ** **_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait hang on

 **_  
_ ** **_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Brown

 **_  
_ ** **_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Isn’t that where Ava’s  
going?

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yup

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Dude i love you but like,  
is that a good idea?

 **_  
_ ** **_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Like, I’m not saying that as  
though you two are never gonna  
make up but like

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I had already decided  
when the fight happened

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** literally 3 days beforehand

 **_  
_ ** **_4:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** like, as in, already accepted  
and told Laurel and started  
picking out college merch for  
my room.

 **_  
_ ** **_4:34pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh

 **_  
_ ** **_4:34pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit

  
  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah

  
  
**_4:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What are you gonna do?

  
  
**_4:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i dont fuckin know

 **_  
_ ** **_4:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i already asked and it’s too  
late to accept another school,  
i already declined their offers

  
**_4:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did you choose it for her?

  
**_4:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** sort of???

  
**_4:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i mean i picked it bc it’s 3rd  
in the ranking for ivy league  
soccer and it’s a HELL of a  
good school and obvs it’s  
near you and wally, nate,  
ray and mick are all gonna  
be in nearby states too

  
**_4:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and it’s close enough that  
i can come see dad

  
**_4:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** but yeah

  
**_4:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** like, 80% of why I chose it  
was bc ava is going there

  
**_4:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Dude you’re a mess

  
**_4:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** z what do I do?

  
**_4:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** what if she never talks to  
me again?

  
**_4:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** what if she gets madder  
when she finds out we’re  
at the same school???

  
**_4:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t deal w 4 years  
of my best friend hating  
me z

  
**_4:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh god

  
**_4:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Do you want me to come over?

  
**_4:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah

  
**_4:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** pls

  
**_4:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** See you in 5 xx

 

* * *

 

_Amaya <3 _

**Text Message** **  
** (Zari Tomaz) **  
** **Thursday**

 **_5:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Come over to sara’s asap,  
bring trashy movies and  
junk food, she needs us

  
**_5:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Be there in 20 mins <3

 

* * *

 

_Unknown_

**Text Message** **  
** **Friday**

 **_8:21pm:_ **  
hey uh, this is probably really random  
and you have every right to ignore  
this message

  
**_8:21pm:_ **  
but um

  
**_8:22pm:_ **  
this is sara lance. i’m a friend  
of your sister ava. well her best friend.

  
**_8:22pm:_ **  
at least i was until a couple of weeks ago.

  
**_8:25pm:_ **  
by the way if this isn’t spencer sharpe’s  
number then pls say so bc otherwise  
this is embarrassing.

  
**_8:26pm:_ **  
You’ve got the right number

  
**_8:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey Sara, yeah Ava’s talked  
about you before. Not recently  
though.

  
**_8:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m guessing something’s gone  
down between you guys because  
Ali tells me that Ava’s been in a  
not so great a place recently.

 **_8:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ava hasn’t told you anything?

 **_8:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No, not really. She just said  
that she’s super stressed. What’s  
really been going on?

 **_8:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** honestly? I have no idea

  
**_8:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I dont wanna tell u my side of things  
in case ava wants to confide in you. I  
mean - you’re her brother

  
**_8:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** but can you do me a favour and just …  
Idk, tell me if shes ok every once in a  
while? Idk how often you talk but im  
just so worried and she wont talk to me  
or any of our other friends.

 **_8:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Whatever’s going on seems  
serious. Are you guys ok?

 **_  
_ ** **_8:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** not really

  
**_8:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara

  
**_8:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** None of this sounds good

  
**_8:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Do you want me to tell her to  
talk to you or something?

  
**_8:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** NO

  
**_8:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** no pls don’t

  
**_8:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** just … when u guys talk, text me  
and tell me that she’s doing ok

  
**_8:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay. I can do that.

  
**_8:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Look after yourself Sara. And …  
I know it doesn’t seem like it right now  
but my sister really, really loves you.

 **_  
_ ** **_8:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I love her too.

 

* * *

 

_Ray Palmer_

**Text Message** **  
** (Nora Darhk) **  
** **Monday**

 **  
** **_10:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I feel like I haven’t seen  
you in so long

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I didn’t realise how much I  
saw you just through hanging  
out with our friends until

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Well

  
**_10:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Until we stopped hanging  
out as friends

  
**_10:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** How’s Ava doing?

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not good

 

 **_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** So, so not good

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara?

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** The same

  
**_10:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** How’s everything with you? Any  
developments with the case on  
your dad?

  
**_10:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nora?

  
**_10:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We don’t have to talk about your  
dad if you don’t want to

  
**_10:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I miss you so much

  
**_10:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I miss you too

  
**_10:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know we’re supposed to be  
like, in dumb solidarity with  
Sara and Ava abt whatever  
shit is going out between them

  
**_10:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** But can we hang out this week?

  
**_10:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course

  
**_10:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Tomorrow after school?

  
**_10:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Waffles?

  
**_10:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Perfect

 

* * *

 

**Messenger**

legends™  
_Active now_

_WED 11:56am:_

**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** who’s coming to the game  
tomorrow y’all?

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** Me & nate are for sure

It’s the qualifying match, course  
we’ll be there!!!  

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** I am XX

  
**_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m not :-)

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** v funny k

I’ll see u on the pitch at 6 or  
I’ll silly string ur car

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** Me and Gary will be, we’ll probs just  
be a bit late bc Gary’s picking me up  
from a meeting w my social worker

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** lit alg

I mean obvs not ur meeting w ur  
social worker

That’s not lit but u know

@Wally West @Ray Palmer u guys  
coming?

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** totally!! will already be there bc  
I have track practice beforehand

soz if im gross & sweaty i may  
stink just a lil

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gross

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** Deodorant is a thing Wally.

As are showers.

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s chill wally, i betcha ur  
athlete pheromones will attract  
some pretty girl anyway ;-)))

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah no man, contrary to popular  
belief, girls like dudes who shower

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** how would you know jax, i’ve  
hooked up w more girls than you

they love the sweaty look

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** DAMNNNNNNNN

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit Jax omg she got you good

  
**_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **_  
_ ** I mean, she’s not wrong

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING  
SARA LEAVE ME ALONE

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** But no, jax is right wally pls shower

dw jax i’ll wing-woman u

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m coming to the game!!! You guys  
are gonna be great  <3

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ray  <3

 **_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can someone give me a ride there

 **_  
_ ** **_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah i can mick if you’re ok w  
being there early?

 **_  
_ ** **_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah that’s alg

 **_  
_ ** **_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not to like, poke the bear or anything

But like

Pretty sure ava’s muted this chat

Has anyone asked her if she’s coming?

 **_  
_ ** **_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah i have

she wants to come

she misses watching soccer games and  
she rlly wants to be at this qualifier

and she misses seeing everyone too

she said she just doesnt know whether  
everyone would wanna see her after  
how she’s been lately

 **_  
_ ** **_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** I wanna see her!!!

 **_  
_ ** **_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, me too!

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course we want to see her

 **_  
_ ** **_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara Lance  is that ok w you?

Ava coming to the game I mean

 **_  
_ ** **_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** I mean it’s not like I can stop her from  
coming, it’s open to everyone

 **_  
_ ** **_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** You know what i mean

 **_  
_ ** **_Oh captain my captain_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah I know

It’s ok w me

If she wanted to come then I wouldn’t  
stop her

It’ll be nice for her to hang out w the  
group again

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Amaya  
_Active now_

_WED 12:28PM_

Are you sure you’re okay  
with Ava coming to the game?

  
It’s fine amaya

honestly

  
You guys haven’t spoken a  
word to each other apart from  
the occasional sentence in class  
for 3 weeks

Somehow I doubt that that equates  
to you being fine with her coming to  
the game

  
look

I know i should be mad

I want to be mad at her

But i’m not amaya

I just

miss her

is that super fuckin  
pathetic?

  
No Sara, of course not

  
it sure feels pathetic

  
It’s not

You guys became so close this year

You have every reason to be upset  
and to miss her this much

  
like

even if she doesn’t say a  
word to me the entire game

even if she’s only coming for  
lily and kuasa

I don’t even care bc she’ll be  
there

bc it’s the fucking championship  
qualifier and like, i don’t know if  
i can do it if she’s not up in the  
crowd somewhere

like i would rather just her be  
there even if she doesn’t even  
say 3 words to me

Lmao

now THAT’S pathetic

  
Babe I’m so sorry

This never would have happened  
if Jax and I hadn’t dared you to  
ask her to prom

no, amaya don’t

It’s not your fault

either of you

whatever this was about had  
to be about more than just  
that dare

I wish she’d just TALK to me  
about whatever it is

I’d literally help her with  
anything

  
I know

  
so yeah

tell her she can come to the  
game

If she wants, i can stay on the  
field the whole time so she  
never even has to talk to me

 

* * *

 

_Amaya Jiwe_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Wednesday**

 **_9:57pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Lily mentioned you wanted  
to come to the game tomorrow

  
**_9:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

 **_  
_ ** **_9:58pm:_ **  
I really miss it

  
**_9:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And I know it’s the big qualifying  
match and I really really wanna  
be there

 **_  
_ ** **_9:58pm:_ **  
I just dunno whether I’ve completely  
ruined my relationships w everyone  
after these last few weeks

  
**_9:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You haven’t

 **_  
_ ** **_9:59pm:_ **  
I promise

 **_  
_ ** **_9:59pm:_ **  
We all go through bad patches,  
it doesn’t mean that we’re not  
all still here for you

 **_  
_ ** **_9:59pm:_ **  
I mean, the number of times  
we’ve all fought and had a  
dramatic ‘it looked to be the  
end of their friendship’ to  
the level of ron weasley  &  
hermione granger is impressive  
honestly

 **_  
_ ** **_10:00pm:_ **  
I think you’ll find that everyone  
just really wants to see you

 **_  
_ ** **_10:01pm:_ **  
I really appreciated  
that HP reference, I  
must say

 

 **_10:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I knew you would

 **_  
_ ** **_10:02pm:_ **  
So you’ll come?

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Soccer is Sara’s safe place  
Amaya and

 ** _  
_****_10:04pm:_**  
Idk I don’t wanna step into  
that at a point where she  
might need her safe space  
FROM me

 

 **_10:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava

 **_  
_ ** **_10:05pm:_ ** **  
** All she wants is for you  
to be in her life again.

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk Amaya

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Please

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We don’t all have that  
much time left together  
before college

  
**_10:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t you want to be able  
to see Sara’s last few games?  

  
**_10:09am:_ ** **_  
_ ** You know how big these last  
matches are gonna be for her

  
**_10:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know Sara would want you  
there as she says goodbye  
to SCHS soccer.

 

 **_  
_ ** **_10:13pm:_ **  
Okay

  
**_10:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay fine

 **_  
_ ** **_10:18pm:_ **  
I’ll be there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not kidding, have sort of been freaking out this whole week about posting this so if you liked this, pls tell us so (rachel's hit her first instance of uni hell & i have 2 exams next week so like ............ send us some love & motivation to use our study breaks to write) 
> 
> we promise angst resolution is coming! there is a whoooole lotta good stuff on its way & we can't wait for you to see it <3 but like, also, seriously, thank you so fuckin much for your support so far and for being so kind and receptive and invested in this story. when we first joked around abt writing a hsau together and then later when we got to this point and wrote this chapter, we laughed abt how this was gonna ruin people, but we never even dreamed this fic would be this popular or that people would love it THIS much. it actually means the whole freakin world to us and we can't wait to show you guys more of this lil universe we've dreamed up for these characters X 
> 
> (it's not over yet though, don't you worry)


	22. keep my distance (say I love you when you're not listening)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava swallowed, frowning as she nervously rubbed the back of her neck and resisted the urge to take a step closer. “Then what -” Her eyes roved over Sara’s face for answers, but she came up empty. “- what’s going on, then? What’s wrong?”
> 
> Sara scoffed incredulously, eyes wide as she pushed herself off the floor and stepped closer into Ava’s space, words harsh as she hissed “Are you fucking kidding me? What’s wrong?” She took another step forward, now close enough that Ava could see the pain and hurt flickering in her eyes, only barely masked by anger. The overwhelming emotions, the blind fury, the heartbreaking vulnerability flashed so visibly that Ava’s throat went dry for a second, before it mellowed into something far too broken for Ava to handle. Sara threw her hands in the air hopelessly, searching for words, and Ava watched her eyes fill with tears, heart clenching at the sight. Sara looked away as the tears fell freely down her cheeks, and her impossibly quiet voice cracked as she said “I miss my best friend Ava. That’s what’s wrong.”
> 
> OR
> 
> the long awaited soccer game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after what feels like the longest and most incredible, exhilarating, unbelievable week of our lives, it is finally update day again. 
> 
> like what do I even say here 
> 
> I do thank yous every week bc of just how humbled we are by your incredible comments every week but like. this is something else entirely. this past week has ... i dont even know, is it stupid and cheesy if i say it's lowkey changed our lives? we never - NEVER - anticipated people having this much love and investment for the fic, especially not when we wrote ch 21 all the way back in may. we started writing this bc we were both just super excited to finally have someone to yell at abt legends and legends fics, and somehow it snowballed into this monster of a universe. over the last week, we've discovered the existence of a twitter group chat abt this fic which, shout out to you guys honestly you're amazing, been sent prompts, fan art, edits, playlists, countless messages of encouragement and support, and so, so, so much love that every single day, we keep thinking it can't possibly get any better than this and then it does. 
> 
> one day i wanna be writing as a career - writing for movies, television, novels etc, and you guys have proved to me over the past week that this is Exactly what i wanna do. you're the greatest readers ever and like. if we could meet every single one of you and hug you and give you a gift basket of flowers and chocolate and lots of HQ screencaps of caity lotz's best sleeveless legends outfits, we would. but seeing as we can't, we hope you'll take this chapter instead and accept our reassurances that the angst softens super quick after this so just hold on tight! 
> 
> this chapter is a big fav of mine, it's again one that we started writing months ago and we hope you love it too! thank u thank u thank u all again for loving this story, it means more to us than you could ever know <3 
> 
> p.s. chapter title is from distance by christina perri

Ava was engulfed in hugs the minute she arrived at the field. It would have been overwhelming, if she hadn’t been so unbelievably glad that they were  _ actually  _ happy to see her, that she hadn’t irreversibly ruined every good friendship she had. 

(Just one). 

First Amaya, then Ray, Lily, Wally and Gary, and then everyone else was crowding around her, cheering at her arrival, expressing gleefully how glad they were she was here. 

“Hey guys,” Ava laughed a little breathlessly, ignoring the way she instinctively clung to Amaya in relief that no one held a single scrap of animosity. “It’s good to see you too. Now uh, maybe let me breathe?” They released her with quiet laughs and retorts. Amaya kept one hand on Ava’s arm, offering a smile that clearly said  _ thank you for coming.  _ Ava nodded, pushing some hair away from her face and following the others to their seats. 

“You doing okay?” Nora murmured, glancing over at Ava as they sat down. 

Ava let out a quiet huff of slight amusement. “I’m … getting there.”

“Good.”

They were almost immediately caught up in the chatter, jokes and crazy bickering of the group surrounding them. Ava had forgotten how much fun they all were, how hard she laughed when she was with them and just how big of a place they held in her heart. The dark place she’d been in these past weeks had convinced her that they’d only become a part of her life because they were Sara’s friends, because she and Sara had been growing closer. But it was now that she understood they really  _ had  _ become her friends too. Amaya had been right - she did feel better being with them, and there was none of the awkwardness or tension that Ava was expecting after so many weeks of her giving them all radio silence. 

The flare of stadium lights, the roar of the crowd, the electric-like buzzing of excitement in the air, the flash of SCHS blue and white uniforms as the ran onto the field made Ava’s heart thump in anticipation, stomach fluttering in excitement. She’d forgotten how much she loved going to sports games. Especially with the people who were crowded in the row beside her. 

The game played out somewhat uneventfully - occasional fouls, the ball flying to opposite ends of the field, goals scored, shoves and cheers and the rising energy of a tense game of soccer.

Ava bit her lip as she watched the match unfold on the pitch below, trying her hardest to keep herself convinced that she was watching the game with objective interest instead of her eyes just following Sara around the field. She didn't  _ mean  _ to get distracted, but she'd spent the last few weeks trying to avoid Sara, keeping her eyes to the ground when they passed in hallways, swapping seats with classmates so they weren’t sitting next to each other in class, brushing Sara off every time she’d tried to offer an apology. And, god it’d been hard. For months now, Sara had been safety and comfort, she’d been reminders of laughing til Ava’s stomach hurt and making pizza with weird leftover toppings and going for runs at 1am if one of them was sad and hugs that made the world stop for a minute and feel like maybe it could be okay. She’d been reminders of curling up in bed watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, feeling comforted and cared for at the moments she broke down, she’d become - 

She’d become the first person in the world Ava had ever fallen in love with.

So every time in the last 3 weeks that Ava had had to tear her gaze away from Sara's hopeful eyes and walk away, knowing with a growing ache in her chest that she was hurting Sara just as much as she was hurting herself, it became more and more unbearable. Ignoring her texts, declining her phone calls, muting the group chats, telling herself even on days where she was crying to the point of breathlessness that she  _ couldn’t  _ give in, couldn’t call her no matter how much she wanted to.

In the end, it had to be done. (At least, that’s what Ava was telling herself). She couldn't keep on being best friends with someone she was head over heels in love with. It wasn't fair on either of them, and Ava had realised it when Sara’s joking about them going to prom together had hurt in a way that she couldn’t handle. The embarrassment on Sara’s face as she’d asked, Amaya, Jax and Nate laughing and watching amusedly in the background, Sara’s light, exasperated voice as she rolled her eyes at the seeming hilarity of it - it had all been too much. Ava had felt like she’d been hit with a freight train of emotions, and that the weight of just how much she loved Sara had all come crashing down on her at once. 

At least this way, she never had to tell Sara how she felt. She never had to deal with the surprise, then embarrassment, then pity that would cross Sara’s face, the awkwardness everytime they would interact because how was Sara supposed to act around a best friend that was hopelessly in love with her? 

So yeah. Pulling away, ignoring everyone, trying to find meaning in other facets of her life so that it didn’t all revolve around Sara? It was better like this. It  _ had  _ to be.

They’d both just have to get used to it. 

 

A roar from the stadium broke Ava out of her musing, and the loud, piercing screech of the whistle ground the game to a sudden halt. Ava was jolted suddenly by Amaya jumping to her feet beside her and instinctively, Ava stood up too. “What’s going o -”

Her question was cut off by Jax's exclamation of surprise and sudden string of expletives. Ava’s eyes immediately flickered to where everyone was looking, and Ava saw the cause of all the disruption. Sara was in the middle of the field, toe to toe with another girl from the opposite team. They were yelling angrily, shoving each other and getting closer and closer and Ava knew that they were seconds away from one of them snapping and throwing a punch. 

Her heart lodged in her throat in alarm when she saw Sara’s arm move to swing at the other girl’s face but Zari got their first, grabbing Sara wrist and trying to tug her away. Ava could see Zari shouting “It’s not worth it, Sara!” but Sara still tried to lunge at the other girl. It wasn’t until Kuasa and Lily showed up too, dragging Sara back to their bench that Sara stopped fighting them, her chest heaving with angered, laboured breaths and her eyes blazing with fury. 

“What the hell was that?” asked Nate in astonishment, glancing over at the rest of them. “Sara’s a spitfire, sure, but in four years of playing for this team, she’s never lost it like that on the field before.”

Ava frowned, glancing over to the bench and missing the pointed look Amaya shot in Nate’s direction, shutting him up before he mentioned just how rough a time Sara was having right now. Rip was trying admonish Sara, but Ava could see he was trying to talk her down as well, trying to assure her that she was in the right but she just needed to let it go. Sara yelled something Ava couldn’t hear, and when Zari tried to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, she shrugged it off and stormed off the field towards the locker rooms. The whistle screeched through the air again and Zari looked over at Rip helplessly. 

Rip seemed to shake his head, say something along the lines of “Give her a moment” before sending Lily on in Sara’s place. Ava sat down alongside the others, catching the way Zari looked over at Amaya with a  _ I don’t know what to do  _ expression on her face. Like Nate had said, Sara was fierce as hell but she wasn’t the type to give into someone provoking her to fight, particularly in soccer. For all her spontaneity and recklessness, Sara was calm and calculated, thoughtful, clever and controlled. Ava had only ever seen her like this twice before: back when Nyssa moved away in sophomore year, and earlier this year during those first few weeks of school when Sara seemed intent of keeping her feelings close to her chest, not letting anyone help her and lashing out at anyone who tried. 

That had been when Laurel first went to rehab, and -

_ Shit.  _ Ava’s thoughts came to a sudden halt and she felt fear creep into the pit of her stomach.

What if … 

She tried to shake the possibility away, tried to remind herself that the last time she’d heard about Laurel (about a month ago) she’d been doing really well, and there was no way she would have relapsed again. 

But then again, that’s what they’d said before November and Laurel had still slipped, and Sara had fallen right back down with her, all of the progress she’d made since September slipping away the moment she fought with Laurel, coming back with tears in her eyes and a lost look on her face and a sense of defeat Ava never wanted to see again.

But...what if it wasn’t Laurel though? 

Quentin was a cop after all, was always involved in dangerous operations and there was always a chance that something would happen, that he would get hurt or someone would want revenge or he would be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he’d try to save somebody and - 

_ No.  _ Ava squeezed her eyes together tightly. If something had happened to Quentin, she would have heard about it. Nora would have known - her social worker was keeping her updated with the case, and she’d’ve been almost as upset as Sara if her dad had killed Quentin when he was so close to taking him down for good. She would’ve called if something had happened, that little, broken voice Ava hated asking for her and Gary to talk just to distract herself from the million thoughts and bad ideas flying round her mind. 

And besides, even if for some reason Nora didn’t tell her, it would be all over school. The whole city would be talking about it, her parents would have heard something and let her know. 

Right?

Ava’s leg bounced nervously as she sat, getting antsy and unable to concentrate on the game. Eventually, she gave in and murmured something to Nora and Amaya about going to the bathroom, hurriedly making her way down the stands towards the locker room. 

It had been nearly three weeks since she and Sara had had a real conversation, and as much as she needed to distance herself, she couldn't bear the thought of Sara going through anything bad that might have happened alone. Because Sara was  _ Sara,  _ she was too stubborn to ask for help, and as close as she was to her friends, if something had changed at home in the past few weeks it was likely she hadn't mentioned it. It had taken her a good few weeks to say anything about Laurel, and even then it was only when all of her walls had crumbled and Ava pushed her about it. And she still hadn’t gone to any of her friends - she’d come to Ava, of all people. (It was unsettling to think that all those months ago, they hadn’t even been  _ friends.  _ Just like now, it seemed.) 

When she reached the locker room, at first glance it appeared empty and Ava almost swore under her breath before noticing Sara slumped against the wall, her head resting against her knees. She looked...defeated. And now she was here with Sara right in front of her, Ava didn't know what to do, her feet anchored firmly to the ground. It was stupid, she knew that. Because this was  _ Sara. _

Sara, who she'd spent all year teasing in every single damn class because of course they’d ended up with the same timetable. Sara, who she'd spent so long hating but had finally become friends with this year because there was  _ so much more  _ to her than Ava had ever though, Sara who had opened the door to find her crying on the doorstep last year and instead of asking questions had pulled her into a hug and taken her inside, sat with her until she remembered how to speak. Sara, who'd been by her side every single time she had doubted herself or her place in her family over the last year. 

But then again, that was the problem. Sara was too nice, to kind, too good, and Ava hadn't been able to address how she felt about that until it was too late, but it was so clear that Sara didn't feel the same way, and Ava just needed some space. 

Just for a while.

Ava took a step closer. Sara’s shoulders were shaking and her arms were covering her face, and even though she wasn't making a sound Ava realised with a sudden jolt that Sara was  _ crying,  _ not being to help the way her stomach twisted at the thought. 

“Sara?” she asked quietly, not expecting Sara's head to jerk up so suddenly, her eyes red and her cheeks streaked with tears.

Anger flashed in Sara's eyes for a brief moment before it faded, as if she wanted to be mad but didn't have the energy, which somehow felt so, so much worse. Sara scrubbed her face with her hand, brushing away the worst of her tears before looking up at Ava, who was still fixed in position, not sure whether to stay and talk or to run.

“What … why are you here?” Sara asked hesitantly, her words laced with exhaustion, as though she’d had this conversation a thousand times over in her head. 

Ava shrugged, not quite sure herself. She shifted her weight, eyes flickering around the room before resting back on Sara’s face, trying to ignore the way Sara’s expression hurt more than she ever could have imagined. “I uh … I was at the game. I saw what happened and I … I didn’t know …” She trailed off, biting her bottom lip uncertainly, unsure of how to put her thoughts into words without crossing the boundaries she and Sara had silently drawn out between them. “That … that’s not you, Sara, I’ve never seen you get mad on the field, not even when  _ someone  _ threw a ball at your head in 7th grade.” She smiled in relief when Sara let out a short, humourless laugh before schooling her features back into seriousness and adding “Are … are you okay? I mean - is everything okay at home? Did something happen with Laurel?” 

Ava watched as Sara’s expression shifted from confusion to something colder, indecipherable as she echoed “Is everything okay _at_ _home_?” 

It was impossible to tell what she meant by her tone, but Ava’s worry intensified. A lot could’ve happened in the three weeks they hadn’t spoken. Maybe … maybe she’d missed something huge, maybe Laurel had relapsed again, or maybe something  _ had _ gone wrong at Quentin’s precinct, he’d had another raid and been injured, or worse. Maybe she’d been so caught up in her own head that she’d forgotten the world would go on without her, and she’d just completely missed everything that was going on. For the first time in nearly a year, Ava realised she had absolutely no idea what was happening in Sara’s life, and even though she was well aware that she’d chosen to make it this way, the thought scared her. Because for all of senior year, they’d been each other’s rock, a support system they had always been able to count on through the highs and lows of the insanity of these past months, and without that, Ava was sure Sara had bottled any feelings she had about anything that might be going on until it all caught up with her.

And that was on her. Whatever Sara was keeping to herself, whatever was making her pick fights on the soccer field and slump against the wall with tears in her eyes - that was on her, because she’d ripped away Sara’s support system without any thought about how that would affect her.

Sara’s bitter laugh brought Ava out of her thoughts, and she coldly replied “Everything’s fine at home, Ava. It’s fucking perfect. Laurel is fine - great even. Dad is fine. It’s all  _ fine. _ ”

Ava swallowed, frowning as she nervously rubbed the back of her neck and resisted the urge to take a step closer. “Then what -” Her eyes roved over Sara’s face for answers, but she came up empty. “- what’s going on, then? What’s wrong?”

Sara scoffed incredulously, eyes wide as she pushed herself off the floor and stepped closer into Ava’s space, words harsh as she hissed “Are you fucking  _ kidding  _ me? What’s  _ wrong _ ?” She took another step forward, now close enough that Ava could see the pain and hurt flickering in her eyes, only barely masked by anger. The overwhelming emotions, the blind fury, the heartbreaking vulnerability flashed so visibly that Ava’s throat went dry for a second, before it mellowed into something far too broken for Ava to handle. Sara threw her hands in the air hopelessly, searching for words, and Ava watched her eyes fill with tears, heart clenching at the sight. Sara looked away as the tears fell freely down her cheeks, and her impossibly quiet voice cracked as she said “I miss my best friend Ava. That’s what’s wrong.”

Her words were so soft, so small that Ava nearly missed them, but when Sara looked back up to meet her eyes, she knew she’d heard her correctly. It was like Sara had deflated, because without her anger she seemed so much smaller, more unsure that Ava had ever seen her before.

She looked lost. 

And it took Ava’s breath away. She had no clever response to give, no witty comeback, because of all the things she was expecting Sara to say, that wasn’t one of them. And ‘ _ I’m sorry I’m ignoring you I’m just hopelessly in love with you and you don’t love me back _ ’ probably wasn’t going to help, not if she ever wanted to mend this relationship. Because she couldn’t pin that on Sara - not now, not ever. It wasn’t fair.

And even with all the times Sara had tried to apologise, she was still angry about her treating their friendship as a joke and asking her out to prom on a bet, because that  _ hurt _ , and it’d made Ava realise just how invested in this she was and how much time she needed to heal that tear in her heart.

But... somehow, during the last few weeks she’d managed to convince herself that Sara didn’t care about her - at least, not as much as she did. But standing here right now, it couldn’t have been more clear that she was so, so wrong. Ava had to push down the tears she felt building against her eyelids because God, she missed Sara so  _ fucking much _ , and they were both clearly upset and it would be so easy to just reach out and pull Sara into a hug and run a hand softly through her hair and let things settle back to how they were. 

But she couldn’t, they can’t, Ava can’t just pretend it never happened. So instead, she took a tentative step forward, pulling her sleeves up to her fingers in an attempt to stop herself reaching for Sara. “I’m … I’m sorry.” 

It wasn’t a good response, and her words were barely audible, but Sara caught them all the same, ducking her head down as something that resembled a sob escaped her lips. “I just. I don’t get it Ava.” She paused, brushed the tears harshly from her cheeks, but didn’t give Ava a chance to respond before adding “Look, I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have asked you to prom as a joke, I get that our senior prom is more important than the stupid pranks we pull and I’m so sorry. I get that it made you uncomfortable and it put you in a weird position about something that means a lot to you. But I don’t ... just talk me through  _ why  _ it’s so important. Let’s just  _ talk  _ about it Ava,  _ please _ . Please. Tell me anything, anything at all.” She shrugged, her voice breaking. “Shout at me. Scream at me like we used to in freshman year if you want. I’d …  _ Jesus,  _ I’d rather argue with you every day for the rest of my life than never talk to you again.” 

God, that hurt.

Sara had broken her heart, sure, but Ava hadn’t realised how much pulling away had broken Sara in return. Ava had somehow convinced herself that Sara didn’t care, but she couldn’t lie to herself forever. 

Sara cared. Just … not like  _ that.  _

Ava crossed her arms over her chest, letting out a sigh that was far too tearful, far too broken than she intended. “I - I had some stuff going on that I needed to sort out on my own. I didn’t want to drag you into it.” It was a pathetic explanation and Sara saw through it immediately. Her eyes flashed with hurt again, and this time it was different. 

“What do you mean, you didn’t want to drag me into it? That’s what we  _ do _ , that’s what we’ve done for like, an entire fucking year. Always, no matter what it’s about!”

There was a sick sense of irony to it that Ava tried not to focus on, forcing the  _ It’s about you, idiot _ to the back of her mind.  _ It’s always about you.  _ “I’m sorry. I just needed to work it out on my own.”

The excuse was feeble at best and they both knew it, but Sara let it slide, returning to her previous question. “What did I do wrong? Because I can tell, I  _ know  _ that this isn’t just about the prom thing. And if it is, I’m sorry and I don’t know how many more times I can apologise before you believe me. I’m so sorry the prank made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry I -”

Ava felt the tears burning in her eyes as Sara’s words reminded her all too clearly that it was a prank, just designed to make people laugh, and she looked away, hoping desperately that Sara didn’t see. If only she could just get over it, get over  _ Sara _ , and things could go back to normal. They could go back to teasing each other, studying together, doing group projects and being there through thick and thin, especially when things got rough. But instead, her brain couldn’t let it go, couldn’t stop fixating on just how fucking  _ in love  _ with Sara she was. Even after three weeks, after not having spoken to Sara for the longest period of time all year, Ava hadn’t been able to put her feelings to rest. It seemed near impossible. So now they were both just left broken, standing in an empty locker room with too much space and too many unspoken words between them as the soccer game carried on without them and they both hoped the other hadn’t seen their tears, but knew that they had. 

Ava blinked a few times, only letting her gaze flit back to Sara once she had her emotions slightly more under control. She took a deep breath, trying not to notice how hard Sara was working to do the same thing, to keep her breathing level. “I’m sorry for disappearing. I am.” Her voice caught and she attempted to swallow the lump in her throat, but the rest of her words came out as a whisper. “I miss you too Sara. So, so much. I just need some time, okay? Not … not forever. But I have to sort out what’s going on with me and this time, it’s not something you can help with. I know we only have until graduation until we end up in different places for college -” 

She paused as something akin to panic flickered in Sara’s expression, and she realised abruptly that she didn’t even  _ know  _ where Sara had decided to go for college, if she’d even chosen a school yet. The odd expression on Sara’s face urged Ava to ask, but eventually she decided to file it away for later. She needed to finish what she was saying, needed to make sure Sara  _ understood.  _ As much as Ava had pushed Sara away, she truly couldn’t bear to lose her for good, so she repeated softly “Please just let me work this one out Sara.”

Ava could see Sara thinking, her eyes searching Ava’s face for answers that she knew she wouldn’t find, the fear from before still evident in her expression. 

“How long?” she asked eventually. “Until grad? Exams? Over the summer?”

Sara sounded so desperate that Ava had to dig her nails into her hand to stop herself from reaching out to hug her. Because honestly, she really didn’t know the answer. Right now, she was struggling to see how she’d  _ ever  _ get over someone as beautiful and incredible as Sara Lance, but she wanted to be there for district champs, what might be Sara’s last game ever for SCHS, Ava wanted to cheer for her and the rest of the team. And she so, so badly wanted to enjoy herself at prom with Sara and all their friends, wanted more than anything for them to spend their last summer before college together. She just … she needed to sort herself out first. 

She sighed. “I’ll let you know?” 

It didn’t fix things, and she could still see the hurt in Sara’s eyes, but it was a peace offering, a step in the right direction, so Sara took it with a small nod. 

Ava bit her lip. “I think … give me until district champs?” 

It felt like so long away, especially after having gone this many weeks without talking. Ava could see that Sara had the same thought, but then she sniffed, nodded again, and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. 

“Okay,” she replied, her voice small. “Okay. But … can we stop ignoring each other though? Please? At least in class.”

Her eyes were pleading, still wet with tears, and for what felt like the thousandth time, Ava had to stop herself from moving closer and tugging Sara into an endless hug. Sara sniffed again, looking down at the floor, her words barely audible as she whispered “It just hurts too much to see you hate me.”

“Hey,” said Ava immediately, voice soft. Instinctively, she reached out to brush away the tears that had started to roll down Sara’s cheeks again, but stopped herself before she touched Sara and left her hand hanging mid air between them before she drew it back, wrapping it tightly around her waist. She rubbed her eyes before fresh tears pricked them. God, every time she thought she knew how much she’d hurt Sara, she was wrong. “I don’t hate you. I … I could  _ never  _ hate you Sara, you hear me?”

There was a pause, far too long of a pause, that gave Ava too much time to think about every single action she’d made in the past few weeks that she wanted to take back. But then Sara nodded shakily and Ava added “And … yeah. We could … we could start talking in class again. That would be okay.” 

Sara’s small, tentative smile was so relieved, but she looked at the floor immediately, clearly not intending for Ava to see it. (She did - she could never miss anything Sara did these days, not even when she tried her hardest to ignore her - and she couldn’t help the way her heart leapt in response.)

She really needed to figure that out, if they were gonna do this. Because ignoring Sara clearly didn’t work, just hurt them both almost beyond repair. But fooling herself into thinking she wasn’t hopelessly and embarrassingly in love with Sara wasn’t a good plan either, and Ava didn’t really know what to do about it.

Thankfully, Zari chose that moment to burst into the room, freezing when she saw Ava. The minute she caught sight of the tear tracks down Sara’s cheeks and suspiciously red eyes, her gaze turned threatening as her eyes hardened, but Sara shook her head, a momentary silent conversation taking place between them that Ava couldn’t interpret before Zari nodded and murmured a quiet “okay.” Her expression softened, and then she seemed to remember with panic why she came to find Sara in the first place. 

“We need you back on the field. Gwen just got carded and sent off.”

Sara let out a long sigh, all traces of her and Ava’s conversation slipping as she seemed to automatically school herself into soccer mode, switch back into the mindset she had apparently not been fully in earlier in the game. She moved to follow Zari out the room, but paused before she got to the door. She glanced over her shoulder, and Ava saw a hint of doubt flash across her face, instantly hating that she was the one that put it there. 

“Are you … are you gonna stay and watch?” Sara asked quietly.

Ava ignored the way her chest tightened at the idea she would just leave, even after Sara had just told her how much she needed her, voice cracking as she tried to hide her tears. She managed a barely there smile. “Yeah. Yeah I’ll be here.”

 

* * *

 

The game went somewhat back to normal - no fights, no cards, no unnecessary timeouts - once Sara went back to the field. She could feel her friends’ eyes on her from the stands, nodded her way through Rip’s hesitant questions about whether she was ready to get back out there. She allowed herself one glance up at Ava who was shuffling back into her spot next to Amaya and shaking her head at Nora’s inquisitive gaze. As the whistle pierced the air, Sara swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled her attention back to the game. The  _ important  _ game, she reminded herself. It was a damn qualifier, and if they didn’t win it, they wouldn’t be making it to district championships, or the playoffs, or even state champs after that. And this was her last year - she’d be damned if she lost that opportunity one last time because she was so hung up over Ava. 

(She knew that if she let this slip through her fingers, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from blaming Ava for it, and that wasn’t fair. That wasn’t Ava’s fault. That was  _ Sara’s _ for having these feelings she couldn’t control, for being so in love with Ava that she had banked way too much on a dare that she should’ve seen beforehand was a bad idea to begin with.) 

It was easier though, knowing that Ava didn’t hate her. That whatever it was that had made Ava pull away, that had left Sara in the cold feeling confused and lonely and spending way too many hours on the phone to Amaya and Zari and Laurel, crying until she couldn’t breathe, it was something Ava was working through. And that at some point soon, maybe -  _ hopefully  _ \- it would be over. 

Sara weaved around Zari to receive a pass from Lindsay, driving it down the field and dodging one of the CCHS defenders as she approached the goal. Knowing Ava was watching, knowing that she still cared enough to have gone looking for Sara and ask what was wrong - that at least was enough for Sara to school herself back into the game mindset, to give her the faint, weak promise that Ava wasn’t completely gone. Sara’s newly regained focus was enough to switch the team back into action, to give SCHS two more goals that finally dragged them back up the scoreboard with a fighting chance to qualify. As Lily moved to take a penalty shot, Zari jogged over to Sara, nudged her gently. 

“You good?” she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the goal, both of them ready to run in if necessary. 

“Yeah,” said Sara, shooting her a quick smile. “Sorry about losing it before. I should know better.” 

“You’re allowed a slip up now and then,” said Zari with a shrug. “Everything okay with Ava?” 

Sara swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding firmly. “Yeah. We … we came to an agreement. Now let’s just win this match, okay?” 

Zari’s eyes lingered on her curiously. But the whistle rang out into the air and her attention immediately shifted to Lily. “Yeah. You got it cap.” 

If Sara had  _ really  _ had her entire head the game, she would’ve taken a second to think about the fact that Malorie Benton - the CCHS player she’d almost gotten into a fight with earlier - probably had it out for her. They’d known each other for years, had played soccer together in elementary school, then middle school until Malorie and her family had moved to Central City. She and Sara had never gotten on well - in fact, she’d always been furious about the fact that Sara was just that slight edge better than her, usually beat her out for a place on the starting lineup or the recipient of a player of the day trophy. It was a stupid grudge to hold, but Malorie wasn’t really the forgiving type of person (which usually Sara would understand, but with grade school soccer, it made no sense to her. People were better than you, big deal, you just worked to get better). 

As Lily’s penalty shot got blocked by the CCHS goalie, the ball then getting booted back down the field, Sara found herself sprinting to get it, side by side with Malorie who had the same plan, both of them pushing and shoving along the wings to reach the ball first. Malorie was trying to keep it on the field given how close they were to the SCHS goal, while Sara was trying her hardest to land a hard enough kick to have the ball soaring past the sidelines. Her foot tripped over Malorie’s suddenly, her step skipping and as she fell, she pushed her leg out to slide along the grass with enough force to shove the ball out of Malorie’s reach. It worked, but just as the ball spun away from them and rolled over the sidelines, Malorie’s own kick landed, missing its target, her boot colliding with Sara’s outstretched knee just as the whistle blew for a CCHS throw in. 

Immediately, pain exploded in Sara’s leg and she let out a strangled cry, shoving her fist into her mouth as white hot agony rippled from her knee up her thigh and down her calf. Vaguely, she heard the crowd gasp, heard Malorie trip over her leg and fall to the ground too, heard Zari shout “Oh  _ shit _ ”, heard a second whistle blow that indicated there was an injured player on the field. Sara’s vision failed for a second and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push herself off the ground to a sitting position so she could see how bad her injury was. She tried to ignore the fear gnawing at her insides, the quiet voice in her head that told her that if this was bad enough, it could end her whole soccer career before it had even begun. This wasn’t the first time she’d hurt this knee - in fact, Malorie had been on her team when she’d done it, when she’d gotten caught up in a tackle too fierce and violent, when she’d fallen and slammed her leg against the goal post so hard that she’d blacked out, broken her kneecap and had to get surgery that put her out of the game for that entire season. She’d been just a kid and her doctor had promised her that because she was young and resilient, she’d make a full recovery with enough bedrest and physio, and she had. Sometimes the injury still flared up, gave her some grief, but Rip knew about it and she had bi-monthly physio appointments even after all these years that ensured her knee was still strong enough to play. 

Now though. 

If this was  _ bad _ , Sara didn’t know what would happen. Something told her it wasn’t, that it wasn’t nearly as dangerous as last time. The pain was already fading, less debilitating and suffocating as before and settling into a low ache, an uncomfortable throb that Sara recognised more as a considerable bruise and perhaps a slight dislocation more than a break. She held her breath and pushed herself up onto her good leg just as Zari, Kuasa and Lily reached her, all of them shouting in protest. 

“Fuck Sara, be careful!” hissed Zari, immediately pulling Sara’s arm over her own shoulders to help her stand. 

“Are you okay?” said Lily. “That looked like it  _ hurt _ , Jesus Christ.” 

“That’s your bad leg, right?” added Zari, nodding as Kuasa moved to Sara’s other side and the two of them helped her hobble towards the SCHS bench. The school medic rushed forward with a stretcher but Sara shook her head. 

“Don’t,” she said, wincing as Zari and Kuasa eased her down onto the bench. “It’s not  _ that  _ bad.” 

“Are you kidding?” said Rip, deadpan. “You went down hard Sara, you need to -” 

“I do  _ not _ need to go to hospital,” said Sara fiercely. “Rip, you know me and I know my body. It’s not a break. At most it’s a sprain okay, don’t take me off now. Gwen’s already on the bench and we need to win this game. You know you need me out there.” 

“I’m not ending your college soccer career before you’ve even graduated high school,” Rip replied. “Sara, look at how much you’re bleeding.” 

“Yeah, I got kicked by soccer cleats,” snarked Sara. “It’s gonna bleed a little. It’s just superficial, I promise it looks worse than it is. I’ll go to a doctor as soon as we win, please just let me go back out there.” 

Before Rip could answer, he was pushed aside by Nate, Amaya and the others who’d clearly hurried down from the stands as soon as Sara went down. Jax immediately launched into a case for why Malorie should be sent off, a case grounded in far too many football rules that Sara knew they definitely wouldn’t apply to soccer anyway but the thought was sweet. 

“Babe, you gave us a heart attack,” said Amaya, sitting beside Sara and carefully brushing some hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Be honest, how much does it hurt?” 

“I’ve had worse,” said Sara honestly. “I swear.” She saw movement in front of her, her eyes flickering up to see Ava hovering near Nate. Sara noticed that Ava’s eyes weren’t on her, but rather her knee, frowning as she scanned the profusely bleeding wound with a thoughtful expression. Sara bit her lip before softly saying “Ava, d’you think I can go back on?” 

Ava’s eyes snapped up, full of surprise and sudden uncertainty. “Sara, I’m not a doctor.” 

“Yeah, but your dad is,” said Sara, shrugging. “You’ve been helping at the clinic since you were 10, that doesn’t count for nothing. Plus you know the only thing our school medic is good for is shoving a thermometer in your mouth and being too stingy to ever prescribe painkillers.” 

The referee made a  _ hurry up  _ movement to Rip and Rip sighed frustratedly. He glanced across at Sara, tightening his lips. “Look, let me send someone else on for right now. If we decide you’re okay, you can go out there soon, just … give yourself  _ five minutes  _ Sara, okay?” 

Sara huffed in defeat, nodding and Rip immediately pulled Zari, Lily and Kuasa towards the field, pointing at several other players and shouting out a new arrangement to follow with Sara now on the bench. 

“Hey,” said Nora unexpectedly, nudging Ava. “You know you’ve got at least some expertise here. You literally showed me how to do perfect sutures on a doll when we were 12. Just take a look.” 

Ava glanced over at Sara, shifting her weight a little apprehensively. Sara just nodded, curling her fingers around the edge of the bench. She wanted some way to be given the all-clear and get back on the field, but it occurred to her suddenly that she and Ava hadn’t been  _ this close  _ in weeks, especially as Ava crouched down in front of her and tentatively stretched Sara’s leg so that it was resting straight in front of her. It seemed like a good sign that that didn’t hurt. Ava apparently thought the same think, immediately looking up and asking “Did that hurt at all?” 

Sara shook her head, holding her breath as Ava reached across to the med kit to find saline wipes and a bandage. 

“Ava, what are you doing?” said Rip, suddenly having caught on to what was happening. “We need to wait for someone first aid trained.” 

Ava said “I  _ am  _ first aid trained” at the same time as Sara said “But she  _ is. _ ” and both of them paused for a second, avoiding each other’s eyes. Rip frowned at the sudden quiet between them, sparing a quick glance at the field before letting his attention drift back to the bench. 

“Okay, well, let’s go along with this crazy assumption that I’m gonna let an 18 year old be the leading authority with all of this,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Ava, what can you tell me?” 

“That Sara’s right,” said Ava, rolling her eyes in tandem with Amaya almost involuntarily when Sara let out a triumphant  _ woop.  _ “This cut isn’t that deep, it’s just from the cleats of that girl’s shoe. There’s probably gonna be some swelling and bruising but I wouldn’t even go as far as to say that it’s sprained.” 

“Are you sure?” said Rip, furrowing his eyebrows. “Sara, you looked like you were in a lot of pain when you went down.” 

“That’s probably because she’s had a previous injury there,” said Ava immediately. “Obviously yeah, that means there’s a pretty high chance of being injured there again but it also means that it’s more tender and sensitive.” Sara couldn’t stop herself from smiling at Ava - real and honest and grateful, and Ava’s expression softened for a second when she saw it. Only for a second. She ducked her head down, pulling her hand away from Sara’s knee. “I’m … I’m not an expert though so it’s up to you Rip.” 

Rip looked at her for a long time, her  _ and  _ Sara, before glancing over his shoulder and watching the game for a moment. SCHS was playing on emotion, on anger on Sara’s behalf and CCHS had already gotten another goal in the fury driven haze. Rip sighed. “Yeah. Yeah okay, fine. But Sara, I swear to god, you  _ have  _ to go easy. Nothing crazy, nothing dangerous, you have to be smart. And as soon as this game is over, you’re going to see a doctor okay?” 

“I swear,” said Sara, beaming and moving to stand up. 

“Whoa, hang on!” said Ava, pushing her back down. “Hello,  _ infection _ ? You’re not going back out there with a gaping bleeding gash on your knee, jeez Sara.”

Sara felt Amaya shake with quiet laughter beside her, elbowing her defensively. “Shut up, I was excited.” She thought she saw something flicker in Ava’s eyes, something familiar and fond and affectionate that made her heart leap and her stomach flip before it was gone, replaced with a detached, steadfast focusedness as Ava carefully cleaned the cut and bandaged it delicately. Every time Ava’s fingers brushed Sara’s skin, Sara felt a sudden spark, a bolt of electricity and she wondered whether Ava felt it too, or if it was just Sara’s pathetic longing that made Ava’s touch feel on the verge of  _ too much  _ after so long without it. Ava taped the end of the wrap, carefully smoothing it and rising to her feet. Sara followed in suit, letting Amaya help her stand and carefully testing out her weight on her leg. 

“You good Sara?” said Rip. 

Sara grinned cheekily at him. “You need me out there that badly already, huh?” 

Rip didn’t dignify her with a response, just telling her to be ready for the next sub change. Sara nodded, carefully stepping over the bench and hovering near the sideline. She adjusted her uniform, grimaced at a smudge of blood on her shorts before turning slightly to be able to look at her friends. Ava was still there, standing between Nora and Amaya, and Sara forced herself to meet Ava’s eye. 

“Thanks Aves,” she said, overwhelmingly relieved her voice didn’t crack as she said it. It felt like a million years since she’d used the nickname, since she’d said it out loud and Ava seemed to think the same thing as recognition, sadness and something that also resembled relief flashed through her eyes. She nodded at Sara, sliding her hands into her pockets. 

“Just be careful,” she said quietly. 

The whistle blew before Sara could say anything else, and she pointedly turned away from Ava with a shaky sigh, flexed her knee one last time before running back onto the field.

 

* * *

 

If this were baseball, the commentator would be saying ‘ _ It’s the bottom of the ninth and all bases are loaded. _ ’ 

But it wasn’t. This was soccer and as the official clock ticked over to the 85 minute mark, Ava watched the field with a tight knot in her stomach, feeling the same desperation and anxiety she knew was running through every single girl on the SCHS team. 

_ 5 - 4.  _

The SCHS goalkeeper, Tara, was out of the game (and probably on her way to hospital by now given the way she went down when her shoulder hit the goal post during a miscalculated dive about fifteen minutes ago). Kuasa was the only one in any way experienced enough to sub in as a goalie in a qualifying match, but she was still sporting a position she hadn’t played since middle school and it was really damn clear that SCHS were in a precarious position that could risk their qualification to the championships this year. They  _ needed  _ to get at least one more goal in the next five minutes or they were out. 

Ava’s eyes drifted to Sara, who was standing near the centre line and watching as the CCHS goalkeeper shouted instructions to her own players. Ava noticed Sara’s hand moving by her side and frowned, trying to see what she was doing only to realise she was absentmindedly flexing her hand in and out of a fist, something Ava knew she did when she was really, really nervous, actively trying to stop herself from digging her nails into her palm. Ava couldn’t blame her for being anxious. Tara’s injury and Kuasa stepping in meant that as captain, Sara had to readjust everything about how she was structuring their team dynamics for the rest of the game (maybe even the rest of the season). 

As Ava watched her, she saw Sara’s hand still and her focus rest solely on the goalie. 

She knew what Sara was doing. Trying to estimate what play the goalkeeper was about to set in motion, so she could interpret it and flip it into an SCHS offensive play of their own. Ava may not have been a soccer player, may not have played sport properly in nearly four years, but she knew defensive tactics and she could see the thought process in Sara’s eyes, see her running through all scenarios, see her quickly calculating the best possible move. Ava caught the barely there smirk that appeared on Sara’s face when the CCHS goalie tossed the ball to a player hovering near her left wing. 

“Zari, Lily, pull back!” shouted Sara as the other two girls made a move to close in on their opponent. 

Lily obeyed unquestioningly, trusting Sara’s judgement, but Zari was  _ Zari  _ and glanced over at Sara, immediately confused and flashing her a indignant, defiant look that clearly said ‘ _ What, are you crazy? _ ’ 

Sara’s glare was a resounding ‘ _ Trust me _ ’, after which Zari didn’t hesitate to follow the instruction and moved back towards the centre of the field. 

“She’s gonna pass it,” said Sara, loudly and confidently, so over emphasised that Ava could almost hear it herself. 

“The hell is she doing?” gaped Jax, staring at the field, dumbfounded. “I’m useless at soccer and it’s completely obvious that that Central City chick is gonna dribble it - surely Sara knows that?” 

“Oh my god,” breathed Ava, unable to stop her face splitting into a wide grin. “I’ve seen this done in basketball, but never in soccer - if Sara pulls this off, holy  _ shit - _ ” 

“Pulls what off?” demanded Wally, eyes wide. 

“Wait for it,” murmured Ava, and she saw Sara slowly inching closer to the DCU player dribbling the ball. 

“ _ Now _ !” yelled Sara, and Zari and Lily descended on their opposition, blocking her front and right hand side. Lily made a lame attempt to swipe the ball, one that Ava knew wasn’t meant to work anyway, and CCHS number 6 kicked the ball away from the two girls in front of her and ducked around them back towards her own goal. Ava caught the flash of misguided triumph on her face, moments before she slammed into a waiting Sara who swiped the ball from between her feet and booted it over to Lindsay waiting readily by the goal. 

The ball soared through the air in a perfect arc, surrounded by a cloud of dust created by Lindsay’s boot. Nate, Wally and Jax scrambled to their feet, jostling Ava and Amaya as they rushed to join them, their friends in the row below them following in suit as a gasp rippled through the awestruck crowd. The CCHS goalie rushed forward as Sara, Lindsay, Zari and Lily ran to carefully positioned spots on the field in case the ball was saved or bounced off the goal post. 

But it ricocheted over the goalie’s shoulder and hit the net sharply, specks of condensation flicking up into the air as the ball bounced to the ground. 

“ _ Yes _ !” crowed Ava, and everyone cheered loudly beside them, Nate’s first punching the air triumphantly while Amaya threw her arm around Ava’s shoulders and waved her homemade SCHS flag with excitement. Ava was overcome with relief that no one thought to mention the sudden shift in Ava, the way she actually could  _ say  _ Sara’s name (unlike the first half of the match), finally shedding her hesitance and apprehension about being here. As though on cue, Amaya nudged Ava, her expression soft. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, quiet enough that nobody else around them would hear it. 

“Yeah,” said Ava in barely more than a whisper. “Yeah, me too.” Her eyes followed Sara, the blonde of her ponytail whipping sharply against her neck as she sprinted across the field to meet Lindsay and Zari by the penalty box, engulfing them both in a celebratory hug as the cheers from the SCHS stands continued. 

“That’s my girls!” yelled Kuasa from the goal, hooting approvingly. 

“Still three and a half minutes left!” shouted Rip, though Ava was sure that no amount of pressure could wipe the proud smile from his face in that moment. “Let’s go ladies, we need to win this to qualify!” 

Whether Rip had spoken too soon, or that one goal was the last straw of good luck SCHS had on their side, Ava didn’t know, but from there, things didn’t go well. 

Time began passing too quickly, and Ava and the others quickly noticed the sloppy mistakes exhaustion was causing the team to make. Rip couldn’t sit still on the bench, and started pacing up down the sidelines. Riley had to run on when Lily got sent off with a red card, Kuasa almost let another goal slip through her fingers because she was so unused to goalie instincts, Zari was tripped by multiple tackles she could usually get through without batting an eyelid, and Ava watched Sara’s shoulders slump further and further as the chance to make it to championships danced right out of her reach. 

Sara stopped for a moment - when the clock showed about two minutes left in the game - and looked over to the bench, before flickering up into the stands. She looked past where Ava and the others were standing, gaze instead settling on another seat a few rows over, one that Ava recalled Quentin sitting in on the occasions he’d managed to get the evening off work and come to see one of Sara’s games. It hit Ava suddenly that until this year, it would’ve been where Laurel sat and watched too, something that became all too clear when Ava saw the burning, hollow look in Sara’s eyes. 

The ache in Ava’s chest was almost unbearable. It hurt that she could still tell what Sara was thinking, that even after three weeks, she knew what Sara’s thought process would be right now, all the ways in which she was blaming herself for SCHS’s shortcomings in this game. Ava could tell Sara was drowning in the expectations she had for herself, in the need to prove  _ something  _ \- what, exactly Ava had never been able to understand or quite pinpoint, but it guided so much of how Sara acted, how hard she worked and it was right now that the fear of not  _ making it  _ was overwhelmingly obvious. 

“Don’t give up Lance,” breathed Ava, wishing more than anything that she hadn’t wedged the gap between them all those weeks ago so she could  _ tell  _ Sara that it’d be okay. “Just look for an opening, you still have time.” She wasn’t sure if anyone else had heard her (didn’t really care, honestly), but Amaya’s hand then caught hers and squeezed tightly, and Ava felt a pang of relief at the reminder that she didn’t have to carry her concern for Sara alone, and even more than that, that she still had a  _ right  _ to be concerned. Even after, well - 

After everything. 

The SCHS team were letting go. Slowly but surely, they were giving up, folding. From the stands, Ava knew exactly what - from a sporting perspective - needed to be done to turn the tables, knew that Nate and Jax and Wally could see it too. But it wouldn’t happen, not like this. Not with the team so out of sync and off balance. If they didn’t get another goal now, the game would go into a penalty shootout, where it would inevitably crumble. With Kuasa in goal, and Lily (one of their trickiest scorers) on the bench, with Sara’s knee stopping her from playing her best and making her stumble at every turn, with Zari already convinced they were going to lose - a penalty shootout was where it would all end if they couldn’t get  _ one more damn goal  _ in this last minute and a half. 

But Ava had been raised to never underestimate the power of the underdog. Her dad and Spencer had drilled it into her to never lose hope until the last minute and she knew that all SCHS needed was to penetrate a weak point, break through a single vulnerability and the win could be theirs. All they needed was a moment. One goddamn moment. An instant, a flash of a  _ chance  _ that someone saw before it got there and took it when it came. 

Sara and Zari both spied it at the same time. 

The moment when two CCHS offenders bumped into each other for the briefest of moments and the ball was kicked  _ just  _ out of their reach. There was a split second in which the entire stadium seemed to freeze, palpable tension in the air. Ava and the others rose to their feet, Rip’s pacing halted to an abrupt standstill, Sara’s eyes fixed on the ball and Zari’s mouth opened in a desperate shout of “Sara,  _ go _ !” and the world restarted in a flurry of motion. 

Sara stole the ball without a second thought and pushed it forward, but her eyes flickered over her shoulder and she could tell in the second of a glance she caught that the CCHS players were already right on her tail. Her eyes scanned the the field, and the ball went flying to Riley. 

Riley - new to the team this year - held it steady, driving the ball down the field unhesitatingly. Ava’s breath hitched in her throat, heart thumping relentlessly in anticipation. Amaya’s hand was clutching hers tightly with nervousness, Nate and Jax were pushing and shoving each other, almost falling into the row in front of them, barely able to keep still. Mick had a non-stop string of profanities escaping his lips, scowling in frustration and anxiety. 

But by now, defenders were chasing up Riley and there was a trio waiting for her by the penalty box - there were no SCHS players by the goal to help her out, and the desperation began to seep in again.

“Shit, shit, shit, she’s all alone,” swore Jax. “Everyone’s too far away, she’s gonna get cornered.” 

“There’s only forty seconds left,” choked Wally. “ _ Shit  _ -” 

“Z,” breathed Ava, so quietly that it just sounded like a whoosh of air. 

“Don’t just  _ sigh  _ Ava, say something reassuring!” Gary half screeched, eyes bugging out of his head. Even he and Nora - who literally hadn’t cared about sports a day in their lives other than being supportive for Ava’s basketball endeavours - were tense, eyes fixed on the field and clutching whoever was around them with a death grip. 

“I’m not  _ sighing  _ Gary, you moron, I mean Z as in  _ Zari _ , look!” shouted Ava, and she didn’t know if she’d ever been this excited for any moment in any game of sport she’d ever watched in her life, even her own basketball games. 

Zari was racing down the field, running faster than Ava had ever seen her sprint before, - not in trainings, other games, even when she and Nate were fighting for the last donut at movie night - her movements just a blue and white streak, sharp against the lush green of the field. And then there she was, on the other side of Riley and the CCHS defenders. The ball was gone from between Riley’s feet and at Zari’s in the second that Ava blinked. She dribbled closer, almost dangerously, riskily close. Then she … waited? 

— Ava’s brow furrowed, Nate practically screamed “ _ What are you doing Zari, shoot the fucking ball _ !” (ignoring the glare from the teachers and parents nearby), Amaya let out a strangled gasp of disbelief, Gary practically fell off his seat taking Wally down with him — 

Four CCHS players rushed to Zari at the same time that the goalie dived for the ball, obviously thinking it safer to snatch it rather than try to deflect a shot this close. But just before they reach Zari, she flicked the ball into the air with the tip of her foot — it arced, Zari jumped to avoid colliding with the five players attacking her, and the ball soared back down, Zari swerving into position so it bounced off her chest, back to the ground, and then rolled  _ perfectly  _ into the goal. 

“Oh my god,” croaked Jax. 

“ _ Yes _ !” yelled Mick, more ecstatic than Ava had ever heard him. 

The final whistle pierced through the air seconds later, and the SCHS side of the stadium erupted. 

“Thank god,” Ava said under her breath. 

Her chest was bursting with pride, and her eyes quickly found Sara. Sara stood there for a second, all the rigidity from her posture disappearing in seconds, before she sank to her knees on the pitch, burying her face in her hands and Ava saw her shoulders shake with tears of relief. Zari and Lily were by her side almost immediately, Zari’s arms stretching around Sara and it seemed to only make her cry harder. 

“Shit, is she okay?” said Nate, leaning forward. 

“They were so close to not making it,” said Jax quietly. “After everything that’s happened this year, I don’t think Sara would’ve been able to handle not qualifying for championships. Soccer’s the one familiar thing she’s always had to hold onto no matter what else has been going on and -” He paused, clearly trying not to look at Ava. “After … after these last few weeks … I think being that close to not making it in her last year on this team was just … a lot.” 

“It’s relief,” Ava said in a small voice before she could stop herself. “She’s … she’s happy. I think.” She could see her friends’ eyes flicker to her momentarily, saw Nora glance at Amaya, then back to Ava with an inquisitive, thoughtful expression on her face. Ava knew that Nora was trying to get a read on whether something had changed, on  _ what  _ had gone down in the locker room between her and Sara, on what exactly was going  _ on  _ with them now and honestly, Ava couldn’t blame her. She hadn’t taken Nora’s invitation to talk about Sara over these past weeks, and Nora, knowing Ava as well as she did, hadn’t pushed. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t curious, and Ava was pretty sure Nora was piecing together the puzzle on her own, waiting until the moment Ava finally slotted the final pieces in place. She probably had a pretty good idea of it all, at least. If anyone could figure out what was going on in Ava’s head half the time, it was Nora Darhk. 

But admitting to Nora the truth about all of this - that Ava was heartbreakingly, helplessly, pathetically in love with Sara, that three weeks of distance hadn’t changed that at all, that all it’d done was make them both miserable and ruin their friendship thankfully (and hopefully) not permanently, that now, Ava had to figure out what she was going to do about it because she had to let Sara back into her life but she refused to let her feelings come between all of that  _ again - _ all of that was a problem for another day.  

Right now, SCHS was in. They qualified. 

Sara looked up, her wide, red rimmed eyes scanning the field, the crowd, the sidelines, until her gaze fell onto Ava. Ava’s heart skipped a beat. Sara looked so incredulous and so hopeful that Ava couldn’t bring herself to look away. 

“You did it,” she mouthed instead. 

Sara nodded, paused, shook her head, and then broke out into a brilliant, beautiful beam. 

Ava’s chest ached with the bursting emotion that hit her suddenly, the pride and ecstatic relief, the adrenaline and excitement and adoration and after all of that, the pain and the heartache because  _ God _ , she was so in love that she didn’t know what to  _ do  _ with it, didn’t know how to make it go away. This wasn’t the time for that though, and she pushed it down (that, and for the briefest of moments, let herself bury the three weeks of distance too) and returned Sara’s wide smile, before watching her become engulfed in hugs from her teammates. 


	23. an old voice in my head is holding me back (tell her i miss our little talks)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava was the least put together looking she had ever been for any kind of study date. Her hair was still damp, was wearing old, tattered grey shorts that Sara recognised as her pyjamas, and - oh. 
> 
> Sara couldn’t stop her eyes from fixing on Ava’s sweatshirt. The first one that Sara had ever given her. The oversized, slightly faded maroon Harvard sweatshirt that had once belonged to Laurel, that Sara had given Ava to wear on the walk home in October of junior year when Ava had shown up at Sara’s house for the very first time. It hadn’t been this faded then, the sleeves weren’t as worn, the material softer and more aged as though it had been worn countless times in the past year and a half. 
> 
> OR
> 
>  
> 
> sara & ava finish their history project, and things finally take a turn for the better between them.
> 
>  
> 
> **[pls read chapt notes for content warnings for this chapter!]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CW: this chapter has vague references to suicidal thoughts, so if that might affect you in any way, please be wary! there is nothing very explicit or super dark, but it is mentioned and talked about a little.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> we're back! this chapter is a little early because i've picked up a friday shift over the summer so won't be able to upload on friday mornings (so chapters might come on thursday night from now on, hehe. or friday night if we need a little more time. we'll see.) 
> 
> literally, i don't think there's anything i can say More than what i said in the chapter notes last chapter. like. seriously wow. this whole adventure with you guys keeps getting better and better and more and more of you have kept reaching out with questions about the fic and theories and creations and requests for headcanons and praise and it just ... i actually dont think you guys realise How Much it means to us and how much it just makes our days to no freakin end to see you guys love this dumb little story so damn much. 
> 
> so just ... pls dont stop sending all ur love our way until you eventually get bored of this universe. and if you don't, then i promise you, we have endless content to share abt it. in the meantime, enjoy this chapter, bc they'll be back on the road towards the good stuff very very soon ;-) 
> 
> p.s. chapter title is from little talks by of monsters & men

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Ava Sharpe  
_Active now_

_SAT 8:19pm:_

_  
_ hey

  
i hope you don’t still have   
me on mute or smth bc i   
just realised that we need   
to finish our history project

  
considering that we didnt   
work on it for a whole month   
and now it’s due next week

  
Shit   


I forgot about that

  
yeah me too

  
I’m sorry, it should’ve occurred   
to me

  
it slipped both our minds

  
it’s fine

  
there was a lot going on

  
Yeah

  
are you free tomorrow? I know   
you’re slammed with organising   
prom w the student council during   
the week so i figured weekend might   
work better idk

  
Yeah I’m free tomorrow

  
We could meet at the Star City   
Library maybe?

  
ava come on

  
What?

  
are you so desperate not to be   
alone with me that you’re going   
to make us both travel 25 minutes   
into the city when you literally live   
down the street?

  
That’s not why I suggested it

  
then why did you suggest it?

  
In case you didn’t want me at your   
house

  
look i don’t care about that

  
unless you’re uncomfortable   
being at my house

  
my dad wouldn’t be home

  
It’s fine with me

  
okay

  
great i guess

  
10am? we’ll try finish it in   
a day or something

  
Yeah

  
Sounds good

  
_Seen: Saturday, 8:53pm._

  


* * *

 

  
Sara half expected Ava not to show up.

As much as they’d made a step towards peace at the soccer game, of course things weren’t magically back to the way they were. Like promised, Ava had stopped avoiding Sara at school, had stopped immediately turning in the other direction in the hallways, had stopped acting as though she and Sara were on entirely different planets. But in the three weeks that their friendship had come to a sudden, unexpected halt, Ava had gotten friends to swap seats with her in their classes and she made no move to shift their seating arrangements back to the way they were. Their groups had stopped sitting together, and part of Sara had naively hoped that now that she and Ava were on speaking terms again, perhaps Ava, Nora, Gary, Lily and Kuasa would rejoin them at their lunch table (they didn’t).

They definitely weren’t friends (anymore).

So yeah, Sara had a sinking suspicion, as she waited at the kitchen bench at 10:09am on Sunday, that maybe for once in her life, Ava was putting the good of a school project second.

(Second behind _what_ exactly, Sara wasn’t sure. Second behind hating Sara, apparently, and that hurt more than Sara would ever know how to handle.)

When the clock ticked over to 10:18, Sara sighed, shoving her mug of coffee into the dishwasher more forcefully than necessary, wincing at the loud _clash_ of the mug hitting her breakfast bowl. Carefully, she checked for any cracks before setting it back on the tray, almost jumping out of her skin when a sudden knock on the front door echoed through the empty house. Sara was hurrying across the room faster than she would’ve liked to admit, tugging the door open and staring a little surprised at Ava.

Ava, who was the least put together looking she had ever been for any kind of study date. Her hair was still damp, was wearing old, tattered grey shorts that Sara recognised as her pyjamas, and - oh.

Sara couldn’t stop her eyes from fixing on Ava’s sweatshirt. The first one that Sara had ever given her. The oversized, slightly faded maroon Harvard sweatshirt that had once belonged to Laurel, that Sara had given Ava to wear on the walk home in October of junior year when Ava had shown up at Sara’s house for the very first time. It hadn’t been this faded then, the sleeves weren’t as worn, the material softer and more aged as though it had been worn countless times in the past year and a half.

“You came,” said Sara before she could stop herself.

“Yeah,” said Ava, sounding slightly breathless. “I - sorry I’m late. I was up all night with Ali.”

Sara frowned. “Is she okay?”

There was a flicker of something in Ava’s eyes, surprise perhaps and a soft realisation that Sara genuinely cared about Ali. She shrugged, sighing. “The guy she’s had a thing with the last couple of months cheated on her. It wasn’t that serious or anything but like - she’s was still pretty upset. Me ‘n Layla were up with her until about 4am, and I overslept. I’m so sorry, my phone didn’t charge and it was dead when I woke up and I swear, I practically ran here -”

Before Sara could think about what she was doing, she’d stepped over the doorway and thrown her arms around Ava’s neck, hugging her tightly because she was _here._ She’d actually shown up. She hadn’t meant to be late, and she was earnest and apologetic about having kept Sara waiting and it made Sara’s heart hurt less, filled with an overwhelming relief that maybe at some point, things would be okay again. Ava stumbled at the force of Sara’s hug, catching her footing as her arms instinctively slid around Sara’s waist, and Sara clung a little tighter. It’d been a month since she’d been this close to Ava, and for a while, Sara had been sure she never would be again.

“You came,” Sara whispered again, and she heard Ava’s quiet inhale, felt Ava tuck her face into Sara’s shoulder.

“I mean, yeah,” said Ava in a small voice. “I’m not gonna fail this project after an entire year of work. It’s _me._ ”

Sara snorted with laughter because yeah. Ava Sharpe was never going to _fail_ something that was 85% finished. Ava Sharpe was never going to fail something period. Ava made a soft noise that sounded like a hum, sounded gentle and at peace and so, so relieved and Sara suspected she’d shut her eyes. They stood there for far longer than they needed to, hugging on Sara’s front porch, neither of them quite able to bring themselves to let go.

 

It was awkward after that.

They’d both momentarily let their guard down, brought down the defenses and the walls they’d built in the previous weeks to protect themselves from each other. But once they were inside, once the door was closed and Sara was hovering awkwardly in front of the stairs, asking if Ava wanted a drink and Ava glancing away and shrugging somewhat noncommittally, the distance between them then felt greater than ever.

They hesitantly gravitated up to Sara’s room. As she rounded the doorway, something lurched in Sara’s stomach when she saw her books and laptop piled on her bed, and she immediately crossed the room to grab them and deposit them onto the floor. The idea of sitting on her bed with Ava right now was both horribly laughable and achingly painful, and she knew there was no way after the past month that Ava would be comfortable with that arrangement. They settled on the rug between Sara’s bed and her desk, laptops open, the last of their resources from the library spread between them and their enormous brainstorming poster, now littered with colourful scribbles, drawings and annotations, stretched out on the floor at their feet. Thankfully, they’d always been able to work cohesively together even if they weren’t on good terms, something they’d reluctantly discovered years before they actually became friends. They’d planned out a shared vision for the project at the start of the year and now that it was so close to being done, it was easy to fall back into the familiarity and routine of working on it, of showing each other edits and additions and trying to think about the work _in front_ of them rather than the divide _between_ them.

It was nearing midday when it occurred to Sara that having overslept, Ava probably hadn’t eaten anything in her rush to come over to Sara’s, and the reluctance and awkwardness between them definitely wouldn’t have helped any option for her to voice asking for some breakfast. Sara tried not to look at for Ava too long before pushing her laptop away, straightening a little and asking “Hey. Do you want lunch?”

Ava’s stomach immediately growled and her cheeks reddened. She looked so flustered and embarrassed that Sara’s heart skipped a beat. Tinged cheeks, shy, brilliant blue eyes, disheveled hair and wearing _Sara’s_ sweater - Sara had to tear her gaze away and stare down at her phone, a lump forming in her throat. She had hoped that maybe a month of distance would have helped her get over her feelings, especially considering Ava seemed to despise her now. But it had just amplified them, made Sara’s dreams about Ava clearer, made her look more beautiful with each passing moment that Sara dared to steal a look at her, made the brokenness of their friendship hurt like nothing Sara had felt before. (At least, not in a very long time.)

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said, swiping her phone open and finding the app for Ava’s favourite place. “Margherita, yeah?” She knew she didn’t have to ask, knew that Ava knew that too. But Ava still gave her a small nod and a barely there, thankful smile that kind of like back on the porch, felt like the most infinitesimal movement towards progress.

They worked up until their pizza arrived, used the food as an excuse not to talk as they ate, and returned to editing their final section as soon as they were done. In some ways, Sara was grateful that they didn’t have to have another emotional, vulnerable conversation like the one in the locker room. But in other ways, all she wanted was Ava to _smile_ at her, to make a familiar, dry quip that she was used to, to move closer and be as soft and affectionate as Sara remembered. And if none of that, Sara just wanted to know _why._

But now wasn’t the time. She just shoved aside the nagging in her head and returned her attention to her laptop, attempting to locate their PDF guide on the weird, hybrid citation system their school had devised for history projects.

It was then that Ava’s phone rang.

They both startled at the noise, and Ava turned to grab it from where it was sitting face down by her bag. “Sorry,” she said, clearing her voice that was hoarse from disuse. “I uh - I thought it was on silent. I’ll call back later, lemme just -” She turned the screen over as she talked, cutting herself off mid-sentence when she saw the caller ID.

“Who is it?” asked Sara, twirling her pen in her fingers as an excuse to have something to with her hands.

“Nora,” said Ava. “I know I said I’d call back but … sometimes she … I should probably - do you mind?”

Sara shook her head, and Ava’s shoulders relaxed with something that closely resembled gratitude. As Ava answered the phone, Sara tried to ignore the flash of hurt in her chest at how soft and familiar Ava’s voice was as she spoke to Nora, how breathtakingly suffocating it felt that out of nowhere, Sara wasn’t sure she’d ever hear Ava talk like that to her again. She snapped her eyes shut, clutching her pen tightly and praying she wouldn’t snap it as she tried to calm her flickering anxiety and the burning behind her eyelids.

She just had to get through today. Then it would be fine.

Mostly.

 

* * *

 

“Nora? What’s up?”

For anyone else, Ava wouldn’t have picked up. Even right now, she considered declining the call before thinking better of it. She and Nora had created an open line policy years ago, back when Nora first slipped into a dark place around her early teenage years as she struggled to understand the realities of what was happening in her life and what had happened with both of her parents. Ava even had a special ringtone for Nora alone so she knew to recognise when it was her calling. Most of the time, Nora was fine, but in these last few months, Ava had noticed her best friend getting more anxious and on edge with the increasingly fast paced Damien Darhk investigation. And after her panic attack in the school hallway just over a month ago, Ava definitely wasn’t going to not at least _check_ that everything was okay.

Besides, if it was, Nora would understand and Ava could call her back after she left Sara’s.

But as soon as Nora replied to Ava’s question, it became very clear that picking up the phone had been the right option.

“Hey Aves,” said Nora, and her voice was barely a whisper. It was almost croaky. “You busy?”

“Nothing important,” said Ava immediately, her heart rate spiking. “Nora?”

“I’m fine,” said Nora quickly. Too quickly. “Not - not like … not _really._ But I’m not - I just need -” She stopped, cursing quietly under her breath. When she spoke again, it sounded slightly pleading. “Aves, can you …?”

She didn’t have to finish her sentence for Ava to know.

She and Nora had been friends for 12 years, over half of which had been spent trying to deal with the aftermath of the Darhk family’s constantly accumulating tragedies. Having been seven years old when her mother committed suicide, from a young age, Nora had quietly confessed to spending far too much time thinking about it - about whether _she_ was too much like her mother in any way. Ava remembered when they were 11, remembered the hesitant, almost ashamed expression on Nora’s face when she first brought it up, remembered the relief in her eyes when Gary said, “You’re not a weirdo for thinking about it. Swear.”, remembered the way Nora’s voice had cracked when she whispered out “Really?”

They’d all developed a somewhat morbid sense of humour with each other. A collection of jokes about death and mortality and the inevitability of all of their eventual ‘demises’ as Nora liked to put it. It had helped Nora feel less uneasy about the periods where she got caught up in her own thoughts, acted as a way to drag her out of the dark whispers in her head. Lily and Kuasa had learned to laugh at the jokes too, but they still had their occasional mutter of “Geez that’s dark, you guys.” They never pushed it though, and Ava was sure they suspected the reasoning _behind_ the jokes, and was grateful they didn’t press. The legends hadn’t either, but more so because Ava, Nora and Gary were more careful not to say anything too dire in front of any of them. The legends weren’t the type of people who were capable of leaving things alone, and Ava didn’t want Nora to feel any kind of obligation to confess the realities of her occasional dark patches to people she wasn’t comfortable sharing them with.

It was clear now though, as Ava sat cross legged on Sara’s bedroom floor leaning against her desk, that Nora just needed Ava to offer some kind of reminder, a grounding quip or reassuring retort that made whatever intrusive thoughts in Nora’s head ease just slightly.

“Nora,” said Ava slowly, sucking in a sharp breath. “If you die in the next year, I’m painting your coffin pink and I’ll let Gary bring glitter to the funeral.”

Nora immediately let out a choked, relieved laugh, at the same time as Sara’s head snapped up in astonishment and clear alarm. In all honesty, Ava had almost forgotten she was there, so focused on making sure Nora was at least _safe_ that the tenseness of this whole day with Sara had vanished for a moment. Ava wondered for a second whether to take a second to tell Sara not to worry about it, but the priorities in her mind were still the same - Nora had to come first.

“Thank you,” Nora whispered, voice already sounding just slightly steadier. But Ava refused to let her get off that easily, pushing the schoolwork in front of her aside.

“What happened?” she asked softly. “Are you okay?”

Immediately, Sara’s eyes drifted from her laptop back to Ava. Ava knew why. Despite the humour in her quip about the coffin and the funeral, her follow up question very clearly indicated that it was entirely a joke, and that Ava had done this for Nora before.

“It’s okay,” said Nora, sighing exhaustedly. “I just - I needed you to talk me down. That’s all. I wasn’t that bad, I just needed someone to snap me out of it.”

Ava nodded to herself, ran her fingers through her hair a little anxiously. “Yeah, well, I know you and I’m not quite done with that yet. Talk to me Nor, what happened?”

Nora didn’t hesitate. She sniffed, before launching into an explanation about the police coming to talk to her, going over old case reports now that they had new information. They needed Nora to go over old witness statements, wanted to talk to her about another arrest they’d made who apparently had had some kind of connection to her mother, and they wanted to know whether Nora remembered anything about him. It had eventuated into them having to go over Nora’s mother’s death report again (much to her aunt’s protestation), and the whole encounter had left Nora anxious and shaken and on edge.

“Jesus,” said Ava, swearing under her breath. “God, they shouldn’t get to just show up and drag you back down into all that without warning.”

Nora made a half hearted noise of agreement, before quietly mumbling out “Well it’s not like they know how fucked up Mom’s death left me. Not like this anyway. It’s - it’s not their fault.” Her voice shook as she said it, her breath shallow and unsteady.

“Pink coffin and glitter Nor,” Ava repeated gently. “The works.”

“Fuck off Sharpe,” muttered Nora, barely audible but with a hint of a smile in her voice. Neither of them said anything for a long moment. Ava knew she didn’t need to, knew that Nora just needed to know that Ava was on the other end of the line. It seemed like an age before she spoke, just two words in a quiet, remorseful sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Didn’t we come up with a rule that every time you apologised for this, you owed both me and Gary $5?” said Ava, resting her chin on one knee. “We had a jar Nora. Don’t make me bring the jar back.”

Nora scoffed darkly. “You didn’t sign up for any of this when you made friends with me in first grade.”

“Yes I did,” said Ava instantly. “I signed up to be your best friend, no matter what came with that for no matter how long.” On the other end of the receiver, Ava heard something that sounded suspiciously like a sob and she shifted immediately, moved as though she was about to get up. “Nora, I can come over if you need me.”

Sara moved in front of her, and Ava looked up to see Sara reaching over to her desk and grabbing her keys, eyes full of concern as she mouthed “I can drive you? I’ve got a key for the old car in the garage.”

“No,” said Nora, the muffled sound of her wiping her ages distorting her voice a little. “I’m fine Aves, I swear. Can uh - can you just stay on the phone? For a little bit?”

“Of course,” murmured Ava. She shook her head at Sara, mouthing back “It’s okay right now,” pausing before adding a soft “Thank you.” She cleared her throat and returned her attention to Nora. “Hey Nor, do you wanna add Gary onto the call?” They both knew Gary would keep up a steady and distracting stream of conversation about anything and everything and nothing, which would be the best way to properly pull Nora out of her low, and Nora quietly said “Yeah. Please.”

 

* * *

 

It was so _hard_ because everything was so rigid, so carefully balanced on this precarious edge of awkwardness and uncertainty and simultaneous familiarity that neither of them quite knew what to do with. Because hell, they’d spent an entire damn year knowing each other better than anyone, and now here they were acting as though they were strangers. Sitting on Sara’s bedroom floor, both trying to do everything perfectly so that nothing would screw up the weird, tentative truce they’d had going since the soccer match. Sara tightened her grip on her pen, silently reminding herself not to accidentally snap it and draw attention to herself. Ava had just answered Nora’s call, and Sara didn’t want to make things worse by making Ava feel _more_ uncomfortable about having what was possibly an important conversation in front of Sara. Sara inwardly groaned, pulling her laptop towards her, inadvertently glancing over at Ava against her better judgement, her heart both leaping and aching at what she saw.

The stiffness Ava had been putting on all morning, the rigidity, the careful attentiveness to not smiling too wide or being too relaxed or affectionate or comfortable, had all vanished in an instant the moment she started talking to Nora. Sara was entranced by the momentary glimpse of the Ava she _knew_ , the real one rather than this forced persona she’d been with all day. But in the same few seconds Sara saw her, - saw the softness in her eyes and the honesty in her expression - an overwhelming ache settled in Sara’s chest. Because this _real_ Ava had only appeared for Nora, had been purposefully hidden away from Sara for the past three weeks, and that thought alone made Sara want to cry. She didn’t know why Ava had let her facade fall when she’d clearly been working so hard to keep it up, but whatever it was, Sara didn’t want to eavesdrop. She was just contemplating whether to leave the room, use the excuse of needing the bathroom to give Ava some privacy, when Ava said in a low, inexplicably soft and stern voice, “Nora, if you die in the next year, I’m painting your coffin pink and I’ll let Gary bring glitter to the funeral.”

Sara’s head snapped up so sharply, she was shocked she didn’t give herself whiplash. _What the fuck?_ She could feel the cold discomfort brewing in her stomach. Though Ava’s voice held a strand of jokiness, though the words seemed to be a teasing kind of threat, there was a stern seriousness in Ava’s tone that sent chills up Sara’s spine. She’d rarely ever heard Ava sound quite _this_ assertive, and Ava was a very determined, unwavering kind of person. Reluctantly, Sara tried to pretend she wasn’t on high alert, wasn’t immediately distracted by the conversation she knew she shouldn’t be listening in on.

“What happened?” asked Ava. “Are you okay?”

Sara couldn’t stop herself from looking up from her laptop again. It was now very clear that whatever Ava and Nora were talking about, Ava hadn’t been kidding around with her previous statement. Sara could see her keys on the edge of her desk, along with the key to the car she and her dad had been fixing up together over the past few years that was finally usable again. She eased her laptop back to the ground, decidedly giving up all pretense of keeping a considerable distance. She and Nora hadn’t talked in weeks, not since her and Ava fell out and Sara knew what was going on with the Darhk investigation, knew how quickly it was closing in.

Though over the course of the year, Sara hadn’t really managed to get past the first few layers of Nora Darhk, but ever since giving her the home movie a couple of months ago, they’d actually started to become friends. _Real_ friends. The type that confided in each other about things, stuff like Nora admitting how much her dad still scared her, how terrified she was that maybe they wouldn’t catch him. So even though Sara couldn’t hear what Nora was saying, it wasn’t hard to guess, wasn’t hard to piece together that everything Nora had worked so hard to forget from her childhood was all being dragged up again at once, especially when Ava said “God, they shouldn’t get to just show up and drag you back down into all that without warning.”

There was a brief pause, a beat of silence, before Ava repeated, far more gently than before, “Pink coffin and glitter Nor. The works.”

All year, Sara had found herself a little confused and taken aback by the oddly morbid sense of humour Ava, Nora and Gary had between the three of them. She sent Ava a raised eyebrow every time one of them would make a dark quip during lunch that nobody else would really understand, and Ava always just shook her head as a _don’t worry about it_ signal. It had been one of the few things about Ava that remained a mystery as she and Sara got closer, something that was never properly explained. But now, it suddenly made so much _sense._ Because of course that would be the way she and Gary figured out how to help Nora cope with all the grief and pain she’d experienced. Of course it was something that would remain private between the three of them. Of course Ava would drop everything to answer the phone for Nora, because she would have _known_ that things were rough right now and would never leave her to suffer by herself.

Ava shifted from where she was sitting, made a move as though she was about to get up. “Nora, I can come over if you need me.”

Immediately, Sara reached for her keys. Ava’s eyes flickered to hers and Sara mouthed “I can drive you? I’ve got a key for the old car in the garage.”

Ava waited for Nora to respond before shaking her head, reassuring Sara that it was fine, even adding a soft _thank you_. She went back to speaking to Nora, offering to patch Gary into the call and his voice quickly joined the muffled sounds emanating from Ava’s phone, now much lighter with added exuberance and laughter courtesy of Gary Green. It was only then that Ava pulled the phone away from ear for a second, the tight tension in her shoulders dissipating only slightly as her eyes snapped shut and a shaky breath slipped past her lips.

“Is she okay?” asked Sara before she could stop herself. Ava glanced up, startled. The apprehension and uncertainty between them filled the air in an instant, and Sara immediately wanted to shift back to the defensive, wanted to close herself off and keep herself safe from the hurt of rejection. Not knowing where she stood with Ava was _so_ unsettling and the idea of being open and and vulnerable was so terrifying. But after the conversation she’d just witnessed, Sara smothered down her urge to hide and steadied herself, keeping her walls down and her eyes soft and concerned as she mustered up the courage to say, “Do you need to head over there?”

She could see the way Ava’s eyes flickered, clearly trying to decide whether or not to close herself off or to be truthful. But it only lasted a moment before the mask faded, Ava’s expression mellowing into raw, honest exhaustion and worry. She shook her head in response to Sara’s question.

“I don’t think so,” she said. “She should be okay. I’ll stay on the phone with her though, just in case … I’m sorry, I know we need to finish this -”

“It’s fine Ava,” interrupted Sara. “This is more important.”

A hint of surprise flashed on Ava’s face before her lips curled upwards just a fraction with relief and gratitude, giving Sara a barely there nod. Gary’s spiel continued, clearly brightening the mood because Ava even snickered at one point, rolling her eyes exasperatedly and Sara snorted with laughter as she heard Gary’s outraged “Can you two stop the judgement and help me about Constantine?”

“I’m finishing my history project at Sara’s,” said Ava after a moment’s hesitation, “so you can’t come wallow at my place, sorry Gary.” Neither Gary or Nora’s responses were loud or clear enough for Sara to decipher them, but whatever they were, Ava bit her lip and kept her gaze focused on the rug in front of her. Eventually, she let out a small huff and said “Nora, you’re more important than some stupid project okay, don’t be ridiculous.”

There was a pause where everything was quiet, where neither Nora or Gary said anything, where Sara waited, leaning against her bed and watching Ava with careful eyes, where Ava kept her gaze on the floor. It was so still, so silent that when Nora finally spoke up again, Sara could make out her words easily, and they made her stomach lurch.

“Is it going okay?” Nora asked softly. “Are _you guys_ going okay?”

Sara dropped her eyes to the textbook in front of her, heart hammering. She could feel the weight of Ava’s gaze on her and she knew she definitely didn’t look attentive enough to actually be reading the book in her lap. Tentatively, she let her eyes flicker up, look over to Ava. “Everything okay?” she asked quietly, thankful that her voice remained steady.

Out of nowhere, Ava smiled. _Properly_ smiled. The kind of smile Sara had come to know intimately, the smile she’d almost hoped was reserved for her, this soft, beautiful, sparkling smile that Sara thought she would never see directed at her ever again.

“Yeah,” said Ava softly. Sara didn’t know if it was an answer to her, or to Nora - maybe both - but she didn’t really care. A hint of colour filled Ava’s cheeks and she ducked her head. The conversation seemed to draw to a natural close, and eventually, Ava asked Nora if she was okay, jokingly inquiring whether she preferred pastel or neon pink before hanging up at Nora’s clear insistence.

Sara swallowed, slowly placing her book onto the ground and pulling her knees up to her chest. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Ava closed her eyes, a muscle in her jaw jumping. “No, it’s fine.” It was weak, unconvincing, but Sara held her tongue. She couldn’t push. That wasn’t what they did, not anymore. Ava seemed to hear how it sounded even in her own ears, and added “It’s … it’s just not mine to talk about.”

That, Sara understood. She wished she could reach out and squeeze Ava’s hand, or say “It’s okay, I won’t tell” or “I’m here if you need me” but again, it wasn’t what they did. Not anymore. What she did know though, was that the easiest way to keep Ava distracted was through study, so she nudged their planning poster in Ava’s direction with her foot and quickly changed topic, bringing up their last unfinished section in the project and asking how Ava thought they could wrap it up.

They didn’t mention Nora after that. Ava’s focus shifted back to the project, give or take the brief moments that she checked her phone for update texts from Gary, who had gone over to Nora’s house to keep her company. Sara could feel the way the tension lifted, especially when Ava crossed the space between them to sit next to Sara - the same way they had been when Sara opened her college acceptances. Sara knew it was _logical_ , so they could both see Sara’s laptop screen and there was still a significant gap between them, but it meant _something._

 

(It _had_ to mean something.)

 

Before Sara knew it, they were almost done, just left with their final few citations that they had to correct. It was nearing early evening, books and papers and pens spread out all around them as they lay on the floor, almost deliriously exhausted. Sara was scouring through the SCHS history handbook, trying to figure out how to reference an obscure primary source they were using with the ridiculous, hybrid citation style their history teacher insisted they use.

“Maybe we just should find another source?” suggested Ava, rubbing her eyes.

“Are you kidding?” said Sara, scoffing. “We got like, 50% of our information for the last two sections from there, absolutely not.”

Ava groaned in quiet agreement, dropping her head to the floor. “Cite it like a book then?” she said tiredly, voice muffled by the carpet.

Sara wanted to through the history handbook across the room. She knew her dad would be coming back soon, and if he saw Ava, he’d definitely invite her over for dinner and she was terrified that that would completely shatter any progress they’d made over the day. They just had _one last thing_ to do and it was taking _forever_ and Sara was so exhausted, she just didn’t even care anymore. Except she did, because as much as she wanted to take the easy road and do as Ava suggested, she could hear their history teacher’s voice in her head, stern and frustratingly condescending as he criticised their _singular_ error in the project.

“You know what Mr Philips will say,” she said, angrily flipping through the pages, mockingly adding, “ _If you can put the effort into finding a strange source, you can put the effort into citing it too._ ” She swore under her breath, venomously muttering “How about I put the effort into shoving it up your ass?”

Ava laughed.

A proper, clear, full bodied laugh that made Sara’s head snap over in her direction with shock. Because Ava just laughed.

With her.

Well, _at_ her, but it didn’t matter.

And it was like the spell burst just enough for the remaining iciness to crack, for the lingering tension to evaporate into the air because Sara couldn’t help but join in, shoving the handbook away and rolling onto her back as she chuckled. She could feel the distance still, the clear uncertainty of what to say and what lines to not cross, but the animosity was finally gone and Sara felt like she could actually _breathe_ for the first time in weeks.

She pushed her hair away from her face, looking over at Ava with a small, hesitant smile. “Maybe we leave it for now? It’s not due til Thursday so we could meet up after school at the library and figure it out. Because apart from that we’re done.”

Ava sat up, rolling her shoulders a little as she nodded. “Yeah,” she said, and as she too sat up, Sara tried to ignore the way her stomach flipped at the warmth in Ava’s voice. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Their eyes met for a second, and Sara was struck by how stunning Ava looked in the flickering afternoon sunlight, her hair falling out of its low bun and her eyes sparkling with leftover amusement. It had been a month since they’d had any kind of closeness, any real conversation, but Sara’s heart still fluttered incessantly at everything about Ava.

“Good,” she said, clearing her throat and hoping her flush would be chalked down to laughter instead of Sara’s apparent inability to _not_ be in love with Ava Sharpe. (She really needed to figure out how to get over that.) “That’s … that’s good.” Without thinking, she instinctively reached up to the canaries hanging from her neck, fingers absentmindedly brushing the pendant as she tried to focus her thoughts.

(She’d been making a conscious decision not to do that anymore, not to rely on this one thing from Ava she couldn’t separate herself from as a source of comfort when Ava clearly needed space for whatever reason. But now was different. Now she’d just spent several hours alone with Ava after weeks of barely talking and it was a _lot_.)

She didn’t notice Ava’s gaze abruptly fix on her in sudden surprise, at least not until Ava let out a quiet breath of air that sounded like it was meant to be a word.

“What?” said Sara, forgetting for a second to tread lightly.

“You’re still wearing it,” said Ava, voice a little hoarse. “The … the necklace.”  

Sara’s grip tightened on the birds and she felt her cheeks flush. “Oh. I … yeah.” She bit her lip, trying to draw on as much courage as she could muster before adding in a rush, “I never actually took it off. I um - I couldn’t.” It took several moments for Sara to bring herself to look up at Ava’s expression, and when she did, the brief softness she’d seen flashes, glimpses of over the course of the afternoon, was there. Her eyes were wide with gentle, slightly sad surprise and the faintest inklings of relief that made Sara just want to _hug_ her. Before she could debate the pros and cons of maybe doing that, Ava lifted her arm, pushing back the left sleeve of her sweatshirt just slightly.

Hanging there, around Ava’s wrist, as delicate and beautiful as the day Sara had given it to her, was the charm bracelet.

Ava wore a shy but somewhat wry smile as Sara’s eyes flickered back up to her face. “I couldn’t take it off either,” she said in barely a whisper. The air hung heavy between them, as though there was a million things they both wanted to say but didn’t know how, or whether to take the risk of filling the space with the vulnerable confessions on the tips of their tongues. It was Ava’s phone buzzing that eventually broke the silence, making both of them jump and look away quickly and pointedly.

“Everything okay?” asked Sara.

“Yeah,” said Ava, tapping her screen to see her notifications. “It’s just Gary giving me an update.”

There was a beat of awkward quiet, before Sara decided not to push it for today.  “So uh … we’ll finish up then? Meet up sometime later this week to figure out the last little bit?”

“Okay,” said Ava, leaning over to grab her bag. “Thanks for … for today. You know. Not just the project but … _getting_ it. The thing with Nora.”

Sara forced herself not to look at Ava. “Yeah. Yeah of course.” They finished clearing everything without much conversation, tidying the clutter from Sara’s floor upon Ava’s vehement insistence. Once down at the front door, Sara hovered a little awkwardly by the coat rack. She felt as though something monumental had shifted over the course of the day. She just didn’t know what it was, didn’t even know if Ava felt it too or if it was just her hoping.

“I’ll see you at school?” said Ava, nervously fiddling with the hem of her sweatshirt.

Sara’s lungs expanded with relief, and she offered Ava a small smile. “Yeah. In Bio.”

“In Bio,” Ava repeated, taking a step back in the doorway. “Bye Sara.”

Sara resisted the urge to step forward and hug Ava the same they had this morning. Instead, she shoved her hands in her pockets and leaned against the door frame, giving Ava a incremental nod. “Bye Aves,” she said softly.

 

(She tried very hard that evening not to spend every minute thinking about about the flash of a smile she’d seen on Ava’s face before she turned and she hurried down the porch steps.)

 

* * *

  


There were no fucking lunch tables.

Sara didn’t know whether she wanted to laugh or cry, watching Mick chew into the snarky, unbudging sophomores currently occupying their regular cafeteria table.

“We’ve sat here for four years, why would we stop now?” demanded Nate.

“Because you’re all graduating in like, a month and a half?” said one squirrelly looking 16 year old. “And you’ll be away for three weeks for exams, so we figured we might as well claim a good table early for next year -”

“And where are we supposed to sit?” said Zari, glaring.

“Guys, give them a break,” said Sara, and all eyes flickered to her with surprise. She shrugged, sighing. “This is basically what we did at the end of freshman year, just leave it. We’ll find somewhere else.”

“I have Chem homework to do!” said Ray anxiously. “And you know how long it takes me to eat - I can’t eat and work at the same time.”

“Ray, I bet your homework is for like, next week,” Zari said, rolling her eyes. “I, meanwhile, can’t feel my legs after Sara’s ridiculous fitness training last night. If we don’t find somewhere to sit in the next 2 minutes, I’m eating on the floor.”

Mick grunted gruffly, turning his back to the table and letting his gaze rove around the room for a free table. His eyes seemed to catch somewhere for a second, and Sara turned to ask him where, before she realised what he was looking at. On the other side of the cafeteria, Ava, Nora, Gary, Lily and Kuasa were sitting at an admittedly smaller, but still fairly spacious table with plenty of empty seats. Mick quickly looked away, and Sara saw him look uncharacteristically apologetic before continuing his search for somewhere else.

Ava glanced up at that exact moment.

Sara went to look away but their eyes met before she could and she couldn’t bring herself to tear her gaze to anything else. Ava looked uncertain and confused for a second, before she seemed to realise what the situation was, her posture straightening stiffly. The cafeteria was so crowded, and the still lingering distance and tension between them felt so, horribly stifling. Amaya shifted to stand beside Sara, catching onto what Sara was staring at and quietly asking if Sara wanted to go eat somewhere else, maybe outside by the soccer field.

“Hang on,” Sara murmured, swallowing. She knew it was crazy to hope after how much her and Ava’s relationship had deteriorated since the prom dare, but there was a niggling in the back of Sara’s mind, a faint, buzzing reminder of the very minute shift that had occurred the day they’d finished their history project, especially after Ava’s phone call with Nora. Sara couldn’t help but allow herself one, insane moment to give this a shot.

Just in case.

To Sara’s shock, Ava’s lips curved upwards slightly, her eyes softer than Sara could’ve ever expected given the circumstances. Ava tilted her head slightly to the empty seats at their table, biting her lip with what Sara assumed was hesitance and nervousness. Sara tightened her grip on her tray, giving Ava a look that clearly said _are you sure_? Ava paused, before she nodded, and Sara felt her entire body deflate with relief.

“Guys,” she said, raising her voice just slightly. “There’s uh - there’s a table over there.”

“Where?” asked Wally obliviously.

Sara couldn’t say it. She knew her friends had had conversations about all of this - about what had happened between her and Ava - behind her back, trying to speculate the reasons behind it all, wondering whether everything would ever go back to normal. She suspected Nora and the others had talked about it too - maybe even _with_ the legends. Sara couldn’t blame them. Her and Ava’s falling out had completely divided their friend groups and it was one of the things Sara felt worst about. Amaya had assured Sara that Ava’s friends (Sara hated that they were just _Ava’s friends_ now) didn’t harbour any ill feelings towards her, and that nothing they talked about was ever bad-mouthing or gossipy.

Still though, Amaya seemed to understand Sara’s predicament and provided the explanation instead. “Ava and the others have some spare seats. They said we can go over.”

Sara didn’t have to look to see the astonishment and questioning looks on her friends’ faces, and she instead just forced herself to put one step in front of the other and head towards Ava’s table. It felt like it’d been an age since they’d all sat together. They'd been one, large, obnoxious group at lunch for almost a full year, and it had always been one of Sara’s favourite parts of the day - getting to flop down onto the bench around their table and sag against Ava's side. In recent months, she’d taken to tangling their fingers together under the table, laughing as Ava whined halfheartedly (quietly of course, because she didn’t want to draw attention to them) about not being able to eat with one hand even as the affectionate expression on her face betrayed how she truly felt about Sara's antics. Lunch was when Sara got to hang out with her friends free of the stress their lives were usually so full of, when she got to tease Ava about her overly healthy lunch choices and watch her eyes roll so, so familiarly. Lunch was the time Ava usually chose to update her on the things she'd missed in homeroom while Sara had been talking to Rip about soccer practice, the time when people rushing back and forth with hot food and drinks meant the cafeteria would get hot enough for no one to comment on the blush that crept up Avas neck when she starred a little too long in Sara’s direction or the matching heat Sara felt creeping across her cheeks.  
  
Except when suddenly, a few weeks ago, all of that had stopped. Everything Sara loved about lunch suddenly ceased when she and Ava went back to sitting alone with their original friendship groups, Ava determined not to even look in her direction.

And back then, she'd wanted nothing more than this. She'd just wanted to sit with Ava, even if that meant getting yelled at for everything she'd ever done wrong, or even if it meant Ava glared at her from across the table like she'd done on the few occasions in freshman year where they'd ended up sitting near to each other. But right now, Sara just wanted everything to stop. Seeing Ava on Saturday to finish their history project had been nice. Really, truly nice. But that didn't mean Sara hadn't called Amaya afterwards and broken down over the phone, hating every awkward smile or hesitant movement more than she could ever put into words, heart breaking every single time Ava forced a shallow smile onto her face for Sara's benefit but refused to talk to her about what she’d even done wrong in the first place. Sara had kept it together while Ava was there - of course she had. Ava had pulled away for a reason, she’d asked for space, and Sara wasn’t going to step over every single one of those boundaries by tearfully demanding an explanation. Especially when Ava had already had to expend enough energy on making sure Nora was okay. After Ava had left though, Sara had let herself crack (for what had felt like the millionth time over the past month).   
  
Now though. Now the idea of having to exchange polite, forced smiles with Ava from across the table, or hold yet another insincere, shallow conversation just made Sara want to run.

But she managed to talk herself out of it as soon as Nate sat down next to Gary, grinning and asking how his robotics project was going. When Jax flopped beside Lily, who immediately nudged him and said that her dad wanted to invite Jax over for dinner next week. When Amaya and Zari sat opposite Kuasa, all three of them starting to joke about a Jiwe family party that Zari had attended as Amaya’s date the previous weekend. When Ray immediately gravitated to Nora who visibly relaxed beside him, offered him a smile so intimate and honest that Sara was a little taken aback.

It all felt familiar. Familiar and comforting, so perfectly normal that Sara just eased herself onto a bench space opposite Ava, shooting her a small, thankful nod that Ava briefly returned, before they both hurriedly returned to their food and let themselves get wrapped up in other conversations around them. The bridge between them still stung and this awkward uncertainty just broadened the chasm in Sara’s chest that felt like a never ending black hole of hurt.

It was okay, she tried to tell herself, pushing her mashed potatoes around her plate. She sighed, clenching her jaw and silently repeating it, firmer this time. It _was_ okay. It was a start, at the very least. Ava had come to the soccer game, and they’d talked and found themselves at some kind of a truce. She’d shown up at Sara’s to finish the history project - hell, they’d even shared a hug, and by the end of it, the icy antagonism between them had evaporated. Sara knew they still didn’t really know how to be around each other, where the boundaries lay of who they had been and who they were after everything had changed, but things were slowly but surely righting themselves.

It’s a start, she thought again. And it would have to do for now.  



	24. wrapped up in all this hurt (if you ask me i don't know where to start)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava was worried. Of course she was worried - how could she not be - especially after how shaken Sara had been during her dad’s last big raid, pretending she didn’t need help for as long as she could before she inevitably fell apart, voice shaking as she admitted over the phone that no, she wasn’t okay and yeah, she needed Ava to come over and wait with her for her dad to come back. But last time...last time was important, and Quentin was in a risky situation, but … this time was something else. This time there was a very real possibility that he might not come back - a possibility likely enough that Nora had gone out of her way to message her about it, even though she knew she and Sara weren’t exactly in a good place, and even though she probably needed just as much support right now as Sara did.
> 
> But if Nora was concerned … then the only place Ava wanted to be during this raid was right by Sara’s side, comforting her and promising her things would be okay just like she had done what felt like a million times before.
> 
> OR
> 
> the darhk investigation draws to a close with one last, big raid, and ava & sara - with both tears & cuddling - finally (mostly) mend the bridge between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I think thursdays are gonna be update days from now on bc i now work on fridays & we don't want you guys to have to wait an entire day longer for new chapters, so I guess you're just gonna get 'em a day early from now on (oh what a shame ;)) 
> 
> IT'S THE LAST OF THE ANGST GUYS. (or at least the last of This, painful, pre-relationship angst bc tbh soft angst is our brand and we'll always find some way to use it). thanks for hanging on to the crazy wild and very emotional ride of these past 4 chapters, and we 100% promise you that we're about to make up for the pain we've put you through with a Lot of softness. like so much. a ridiculous amount. 
> 
> as always; your comments are the highlight of our weeks. we love you guys more than you can ever imagine (not kidding. imagine how much we could possibly love you, multiply by 500, you're not even close). SPEAKING OF COMMENTS - in the end note, I'm gonna answer a few of the various qns / queries you guys have left in comments from the last couple of chapters just in case everyone is interested in the answers! meanwhile, come yell at us abt the fic on tumblr, and more recently, i've started to like, never shut up abt this dumb hsau on twitter so come chat to me on that too (@saraalcnce). on that note, shout out to everyone on twitter who just makes our hearts sour with your support and being endlessly sweet and supportive of this crazy story. lots o' love <3
> 
> anyway. this chapter. last of the angst. plenty of softness. here we go. 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from take me home by jess glynne)

_ Nora Darhk _

**Text Message** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Wednesday**

**  
** **_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Have you talked to Sara at all   
this evening?

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’re not really at the ‘casual   
conversations’ stage of this whole    
make up yet so no

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why?

  
**_10:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Maybe you should call her

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I just asked Amaya and Z and stuff   
and she hasn’t reached out to any   
of them

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why would she need to?

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What’s going on Nora?

  
**_10:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** They’re going after my dad tonight

  
**_10:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** As in this is it

  
**_10:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is the big dramatic bit of the action   
movie ‘n all where me and my aunt are   
at a safe house with cops watching us   
while Quentin Lance is on the hopefully   
final raid of this entire case

  
**_10:09pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shit

  
**_10:09pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nora

  
**_10:09pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m fine okay? I mean, I’m not obviously   
but like, right now, I’m okay. When they   
catch him, I’ll probably less okay so you   
can be the best friend ever to me then

  
**_10:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Right now I think Sara probably needs   
you a lot more, given that her dad is   
probably in the most dangerous place   
in the city right now

  
**_10:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_10:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thanks for telling me Nora

  
**_10:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Keep me updated x

 

* * *

 

Ava was worried. Of  _ course _ she was worried - how could she not be - especially after how shaken Sara had been during her dad’s last big raid, pretending she didn’t need help for as long as she could before she inevitably fell apart, voice shaking as she admitted over the phone that no, she wasn’t okay and yeah, she needed Ava to come over and wait with her for her dad to come back. But last time...last time was important, and Quentin  _ was _ in a risky situation, but … this time was something else. This time there was a very real possibility that he might  _ not _ come back - a possibility likely enough that Nora had gone out of her way to message her about it, even though she knew she and Sara weren’t exactly in a good place, and even though she probably needed just as much support right now as Sara did. 

But if Nora was concerned … then the only place Ava wanted to be during this raid was right by Sara’s side, comforting her and promising her things would be okay just like she had done what felt like a million times before. 

Which was how she’d ended up here, sitting in her car parked far enough down Sara’s road that it wouldn’t be visible from her house, stuck in a loop of unlocking her phone, opening Sara’s contact and then dropping it back down into her lap, not sure what to do. Because ‘ _ hey, I know I haven’t texted you in a while but I’m outside your house and I’m worried about you’  _ didn’t really seem like the right thing to say, especially on a night when Sara was already stressed about her dad and his case and God knows what else.

She didn’t need to be worrying about this distance between them too.

Ava groaned internally, hating that she’d pushed Sara so far away she didn’t know how to help her - or even if she’d accept any help she was offered. She’d never been good at asking for support from her friends, but they’d been getting somewhere. Just the two of them. They’d been helping each other through the rough patches, being there to remind each other that things weren’t impossible and that it would get better even when everything seemed bleak. Sara had let her in and let Ava see more of her doubts and fears than she ever had for Amaya or Zari or Ray … but Ava hadn’t appreciated that trust, not like she should’ve done.

(Or maybe, she’d appreciated it too much. Because when Sara Lance trusted you … it made you feel special. Wanted.  _ Loved _ . And how was she supposed to keep hold of her heart when Sara would tangle their fingers together and look her in the eyes, asking her to stay by her side until she was strong enough to manage this on her own?)

Ava rested her elbows on top of the steering wheel and dropped her head down into her hands, almost groaning for a second time but cutting herself off when her phone vibrated in her lap, Sara’s name flashing up on the screen.

 

_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _   
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Wednesday**

**_10:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i know we don’t do this anymore and i’m    
so sorry i know you need space and i don’t   
want to encroach on that but my dad’s going   
after damien darhk tonight, like properly   
trying to actually arrest him this time and   
it’s the most dangerous operation he’s ever   
been on and he actually honestly told me that   
he might not come back and i’m so scared and   
i don’t know what to do and i didn’t know who   
else to text 

  
**_10:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** can I please call you

 

Ava’s breath caught in her throat, her fingers tightening around her phone. She could almost hear the desperation over Sara’s text message, could picture Sara curled up on the couch looking so small and terrified, just waiting for Ava to text her back. Knowing that Sara would be able to see that Ava had opened the message, she quickly typed back a reply so Sara wouldn’t think Ava was ignoring her. Because she wouldn’t, not anymore. And especially not now. 

 

_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _   
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Wednesday**

**_10:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nora told me that they’re going after    
Damien tonight, I’ve been tossing up    
whether to call you

  
**_10:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** How long ago did your dad leave?

  
**_10:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** he’s been at work all day but he came   
home to talk to me before the raid

  
**_10:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** he left about three hours ago

  
**_10:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Three hours??? Jesus Sara why haven’t    
you called anyone? You shouldn’t be    
alone right now

  
**_10:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you’re the only person i wanted to call

  
**_10:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and i didn’t know if you’d pick up

  
**_10:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Look full disclosure

  
**_10:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I was driving to your place when you   
texted me and I’m parked outside

  
**_10:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Stay the night at mine Sara. Even if   
they catch him in the next few hours,   
your dad won’t be coming home tonight   
and you shouldn’t be by yourself

  
**_10:49pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i don’t know

  
**_10:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you asked for space

  
**_10:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** staying the night at yours isn’t exactly   
“space” 

  
**_10:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Well now I’m un-asking for space   
okay? Officially rescinded

  
**_10:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** If I come and knock on the door   
will you let me in?

  
**_10:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you gonna make me come back to   
yours and stay the night?

  
**_10:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yes

  
**_10:53pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** okay. 

  
**_Read:_ ** _ Wednesday _

 

* * *

  
Ava was surprised how easily Sara acquiesced to going back with her to the Sharpe’s. It was clear she was barely holding on by a thread, wincing at every loud noise, hands shaking as she shoved her phone into her pocket, not putting up any resistance when Ava hesitantly curled a hand around Sara’s wrist and pulled her towards the door with a quiet “Come on.” 

The car ride was just as quiet, Sara pulling one knee up to the seat and resting her head against it. She didn’t look at Ava, didn’t say anything, just near frantically checked her phone every time it buzzed. Ava resisted the urge to reach across the gear shift and put a comforting hand over Sara’s. They’d made a lot of progress in the last week, especially since having worked on their History project the previous weekend, and then sitting together again a few days ago. Just yesterday, they’d even spent half of lunchtime playfully bickering over which Harry Potter movie was the closest in accuracy to the books - and yet somehow Sara still felt unreachable, as if the divide Ava had made the mistake of forcing in between them was too big for even her to cross.

Sara’s phone buzzed again and Ava swallowed, pushing her feelings away and forcing her eyes back to the road. 

She could think about this later. Right now, Sara needed her.

 

It was already late, and being a Wednesday, Ava was about 90% sure that most of her family were asleep. (She could at least count on Barbara having retired for bed by now, Ali would be shut away in her room with her headphones in, and if Layla  _ was  _ home and caught sight of Ava sneaking Sara into the house, Ava knew she had enough dirt on her older sister to prevent her from snitching to their parents. It was only Robert that she was unsure about, but she just crossed her fingers as she quietly unlocked the door and pulled Sara inside.) 

 

For a brief, most fleeting split second, Ava found herself pausing in front of the guest room as she and Sara tiptoed down the second floor corridor. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Sara because she didn’t know  _ what  _ exactly she wanted to find on Sara’s face. She was equally terrified of either possibility; Sara staying in the guest room, or staying in Ava’s room. It was the way Sara’s grip tightened on Ava’s hand just incrementally that answered the silent question between them, the way she stiffened and her breath caught and sounded deafening in the still silence of the hallway. 

Ava nodded, and walked past the guest room door to pull Sara towards her own bedroom.

 

* * *

 

It was somewhere around 2am when Ava started awake, sitting up in bed abruptly and blinking into the darkness. She wasn’t sure  _ what  _ had pulled her back to consciousness but whatever it was, she could feel her heart hammering in her chest and it took several moments to slow it again even after she flopped back down to her bed. Ava rolled over, immediately spotting the empty space next to her. For a moment, she didn’t think anything of it. Then, the sudden recognition of the rumpled sheets and the still vague warmth emanating from the other side of the bed made the events of just a few hours ago flood back to Ava in a rush, and panic flared in her chest. It had taken at least an hour, but Sara  _ had  _ managed to fall asleep, her fingers curled around her phone and her bottom lip trembling as though she was still trying her hardest to hold everything together. Admittedly, she’d decided to sleep curled up on the other side of the bed with her back to Ava, wearing the sweatpants and hoodie she’d had on when Ava picked her up, but still. It’d been progress. (And it had taken Ava  _ everything  _ she had not to reach over and at least offer Sara  _ some  _ form of physical comfort. After everything that had happened recently, after how slow and tentative rebuilding their friendship had been, Sara staying the night was enough of a big deal let alone them sharing a bed. Ava didn’t want to push it.) 

But now it was 2am and Sara was gone, and Ava was trying not to panic but the fact that Sara’s phone had been left tucked under the pillow, that her wallet and keys were still deposited on Ava’s desk, that it seemed as though she’d only left not long before Ava had woken up, did little to alleviate the sudden, unexpected fear settling deep in her chest, so she swung her legs over the side of the bed and made her way across the room.

Sara was fine.

Sara was okay.

Sara had to be okay, she was … she was  _ Sara _ .

As she crept out into the hall, Ava caught sight of a low light from under the bathroom door, immediately making a beeline for it. Carefully stepping inside, there was a moment where she felt as though she was in the SCHS locker rooms again as she had been during the qualifying match: Sara was curled up on the bathroom floor, knees pulled up to her chest with still shaking hands, face pressed into her knees as she sucked in short, sharp breaths, her panic visible even in just the reflection of the mirror lights and the moonlight shining through the small window behind her. 

“Sara?” Ava asked quietly, but Sara just flinched at the sound, curled further in on herself, hands coming up to cover her ears as she gasped for breath, eyes squeezed so tightly shut and Ava suspected that she hadn’t even recognised that this was  _ Ava  _ talking, was just hearing the noise. “Sara,” she repeated, softer but more desperate, almost pleading, and before she had time to overthink whether or not she should be pushing Sara like this, Sara looked up. 

Her eyes met Ava’s, wide and confused and so, so scared. 

Ava forced herself to break out of her frozen state in the doorway and move closer, crouching down next to Sara’s side but still making sure they weren’t touching. She needed to be careful. This panic attack could be because of the raid, or Laurel, or something else entirely.

( … or  _ her _ , a voice whispered in Ava’s mind, but the thought made something claw at her chest and she swallowed down a sudden wave of nausea, forcing the idea away.)

Before Ava could get distracted again Sara closed her eyes, tears she couldn’t hide anymore beginning to creep down her cheeks, crying so silently that Ava would’ve missed them had her eyes not been so fixed on Sara’s face. Sara blindly reached out for Ava’s hand but jerked back the moment she realised what she was doing, back slamming into the wall as she pushed herself away. Ava sucked in a sharp breath, blinking back her own tears. Even in the middle of a panic attack, Sara was still trying to maintain the distance Ava had asked for rather than seeking the comfort she so desperately needed.

As if she’d rather hurt herself over and over again than ever make Ava uncomfortable.

Ava waited a moment until Sara caught her breath before shuffling closer again, trying her hardest not to corner Sara but needing to do something to help calm her down. “Sara,” she murmured again, cautiously reaching out a hand to rest it over Sara’s heart, her erratic heartbeat feeling far too fast and far too panicked under Ava’s fingertips. “Breathe.” 

There was a moment of complete silence, a pause in which Ava began to question every decision she’d made in the last few minutes and how badly this could all backfire. But then Sara brought one hand up to cover hers, gripping it tightly, and Ava felt her sag against the wall in relief. Relief, maybe, that Ava wasn’t going to push her away, or relief just that someone was here, Ava’s simple touch being enough to give her something to focus on rather than whatever overwhelming thoughts were flying round and round her mind.

“Breathe,” whispered Ava again. 

“I  _ can’t _ ,” Sara choked out, the tears getting caught on her jaw and dripping onto the collar of her hoodie. “God, I … I  _ can’t _ . I can’t stop thinking, my mind just won’t shut  _ up - _ ”

“Then talk to me,” interrupted Ava as soft as she could. “Sara, it’s okay. Just tell me what’s going on, let me help,  _ please. _ ” 

Sara swallowed. For a second, she went to lift one hand to wipe her face, but it was shaking so badly that she just dropped it back into her lap. “I can’t lose him,” she said hoarsely, voice thick with tears. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” said Ava, tracing her thumb over Sara’s sternum almost instinctively. “He’s gonna be okay Sara.” 

“You don’t  _ know  _ that. And … and God, I couldn’t do it. Not now. Not anymore. I’ve already … already lost Mom and then Laurel and I lost  _ you.  _ I can’t lose my dad. I can’t.” 

Ava had to take her own advice and remind herself to breathe. Sara’s words hit somewhere deep in her chest, caused a tangled knot of pain and regret to pulse against her ribs and Ava knew that Sara was feeling all of it and  _ more  _ right now. She applied more pressure to her hand on Sara’s chest and Sara’s breathing steadied just slightly. 

“Listen,” said Ava to catch Sara’s attention. “Listen to me Sara. You haven’t lost me, I promise. I  _ promise.  _ I’m right here.” 

She didn’t know if it would mean anything to Sara, but apparently it did because Sara’s shallow gasps abruptly fell quieter. Neither of them moved for a while. Ava watched Sara lean her head back against the tiled wall, her breath gradually growing slower and calmer until it sounded at least somewhat normal again sans the occasional wavering quiver (during which the pressure of Sara’s fingers tightened on Ava’s hand just slightly.) It was the sound of the bathroom door creaking that made them both startle, Sara’s nails digging into Ava’s hand as she let out a shallow gasp of fright. Ava immediately shushed her gently, her free hand moving to Sara’s knee to give it a small squeeze. 

“It’s okay,” she said softly, waiting to feel Sara relax under her before looking over her shoulder. Thankfully, it was Robert standing there, his hair ruffled from sleep and his pyjamas a little crinkled but the look on his face held only concern and careful inquisition. “I can explain in the morning,” Ava said to his silent question. She refused to bring up where Quentin was right now, not when Sara had only just calmed down. 

“Okay,” said Robert, giving her a small nod. “Do you guys need anything? Is she okay?” 

Ava could hear the involuntary  _ doctor’s voice  _ he had slipped into and she glanced across at Sara, raising her eyebrow. Sara shook her head, her hold on Ava’s hand still strong but her eyes looking a little more focused than they had before. Ava relayed the message back to her dad. “No, we’re fine I think.” 

Robert nodded again, giving Sara a gentle look before quietly saying, “You need me, you come wake me, got it?” 

“Got it,” Ava promised. She waited, waited to hear Robert’s footsteps down the hall and then the master bedroom door click shut before even switching her mind to what to do with Sara now. Ava bit her lip. She had so many questions she wanted to ask, but Sara didn’t seem ready to talk about anything right now, and the last thing Ava wanted was to send her back into whatever headspace she’d found her in. She slowly removed her hand from Sara’s chest and pushed herself up off the bathroom floor, reaching out to offer Sara a hand. It shouldn’t have been as much of a relief as it was when Sara took it, but she did, leaning into Ava almost instinctively as Ava carefully eased them both from the bathroom and back down to Ava’s bedroom and to the bed. Sara shifted to tuck her legs under the covers almost without thinking, sliding her fingers into the sleeves of her hoodie and hugging herself tightly. She avoided Ava’s gaze as Ava hesitantly slipped into bed beside her.

Sara seemed almost as if she was standing on a ledge, frozen, mere inches away from the edge - as if even a quiet, ill-timed word would cause her to crumble again, sending the tears she was barely holding in tumbling down her cheeks.

“Hey,” said Ava quietly. “Why didn’t you wake me?” 

Sara shook her head and pressing her eyes tightly shut as clearly swallowed back a sob. “I didn’t want you to be annoyed.”

Ava hoped Sara had missed the way she sucked in a sudden breath, tears beginning to burn in her own eyes because Sara had been scared of  _ waking her _ . Terrified that suddenly Ava would snap, pushing her away just like she had done before, ignoring her texts and calls and trying to cut herself out of her life. Ava swallowed thickly, for once hoping that Sara  _ could _ hear how upset she was by the idea as she quietly but firmly whispered, “Sara, don’t  _ ever  _ think I’ll be annoyed at you for needing me, you hear me?”

Sara’s eyes flashed with a sudden, unexpected anger as she drew back, flinching away from the hand Ava had rested on her shoulder as if it had physically burnt her “You  _ were _ annoyed at me when I needed you, Ava,” she said bitterly, voice laced with overwhelming hurt. “You were exactly that for  _ weeks. _ And I - ”

“Sara,” Ava interrupted weakly, almost pleading, but Sara looked up, hot tears starting to fall down her cheeks again even as she wiped them away. 

“No, Ava, listen to me,” Sara demanded, voice thick with tears, moving away for a second time when Ava tried to reach out to her. “For once, just  _ listen  _ to me. You had stuff going on, and I get that, and now’s not the time to talk about this, but don’t you  _ dare -  _ “ She cut off, shuddering and rubbing her hands over her face and just smudging the tear tracks staining her cheeks.  _ God, _ she looked so, so broken. And rationally, Ava knew that at least half of this was because of her dad, and the stress and worry of the situation right now, but the other half … wasn’t.

The other half, that was on her. Sara sniffed, taking several deep breaths in a futile attempt to calm herself before letting her hands drop and finishing her sentence, voice trembling with more emotions than Ava could name. “Don’t  _ you _ dare blame  _ me _ for not waking you when you’re the one who pushed me away.”

It was too harsh given how much they’d been walking on eggshells around each other. Hell, it might’ve even been too harsh had they been having a similar conversation  _ before  _ everything fell apart, and Ava knew that in the morning Sara would regret it more than anything, but the thing was … it was  _ honest. _ That wasn’t to say it was  _ completely _ fair, not entirely, but it was how Sara truly felt about this mess at the bottom of her heart, and Ava couldn’t pretend that there wasn’t an incredibly sickening element of truth to Sara’s outburst. She let out a shaky breath, resisting the urge to reach for Sara’s hand because she didn’t think she’d be able to bear it if Sara flinched away for a third time. 

“Sara,” she murmured quietly, trying desperately to stop her voice from shaking, “I wasn’t trying to blame you for anything. I didn’t mean  - ” She sighed, blinking back tears when Sara finally met her eyes, bright and blue, angry, vulnerable and  _ terrified _ . “Please believe me when I say that I  _ never _ meant to hurt you. I needed space, but I never in a million years wanted to make you feel like you couldn’t come to me if you needed.”

Ava leant back against the headboard, blinking back tears, watching Sara’s expression twist from anger to resentment to confusion. “You knew you were hurting me, but you did it anyway,” she said in an impossibly quiet voice. Ava opened her mouth, ready to offer some form of (weak, not in anyway sufficient for the pain she’d caused) argument in her defense, but before she could, a flicker of something else appeared in Sara’s eyes and she sat up straight. “You know what?” she said, her voice as hard as it had been moments ago. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” 

Ava’s stomach churned. Oh no. She was not prepared to have this conversation right now. 

“Sara,” she began, but Sara shook her head. 

“No, seriously,” she said, roughly wiping the tears from her eyes as her expression solidified into a glare that made Ava’s heart clench. “Whatever it was that you had to work through - why didn’t you just  _ say  _ something? That’s what we do isn’t it? Or did anyway, before you decided that suddenly, our friendship didn’t work like that anymore. What was it, Ava? What the hell was  _ so  _ bad that you couldn’t just  _ talk  _ to me?” 

There was a single, fleeting second, when the thought of just  _ telling  _ Sara the truth flickered in Ava’s mind. Just saying “I’m in love with you”, and letting it sit there, out in the open, for the world and for  _ Sara  _ to know so that it wasn’t this awful, suffocating weight on Ava’s shoulders anymore. But the same fear that had guided every single bad decision she’d made so far reared its head and the consideration disappeared almost immediately, replaced with quickly building fear and panic that crawled up her throat and made her tongue curl back in her mouth, stopping her from even  _ trying  _ to give another explanation. Her head fell back onto the headboard and she closed her eyes, squeezing them shut tightly as she pulled her knees up to her chest and desperately tried to sort herself out because  _ Sara  _ was the one who was hurting,  _ Sara  _ was the one who was just having a panic attack in Ava’s bathroom,  _ Sara  _ was the one who deserved to feel betrayed and upset, and Sara most definitely did  _ not  _ need Ava spiraling into a panic attack of her own because she had no idea how to deal with these feelings that truth be told, she hadn’t even tried to get rid of. Not really.

She couldn’t tell Sara. They had just started to get better, to start talking again, to slowly rebuild the bridge and make moves to go back to the way they were. And Ava couldn’t jeopardise that, especially if telling the truth resulted in losing Sara  _ properly  _ this time. 

But it was too much, to unexpectedly have Sara here in her bed, somehow looking as breathtaking as she always did in the moonlight sneaking through the gaps in her blinds, even though her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were pale and lips red from how much she’d been chewing on them anxiously. She was  _ here _ but not how Ava wanted her, her eyes weren’t soft, she wasn’t smiling, and instead they were having the fight that Ava had dreaded for weeks right  _ now _ , the one Ava had pulled away to avoid having to deal with, because Sara was asking the one thing she couldn’t tell her and Ava had nowhere to run anymore. 

“Ava?” 

When Sara spoke, Ava wasn’t expecting the anger to have vanished, nor was she expecting the accusatory tone that had been present earlier to have vanished or the the quiet apprehension in her voice that coated the quiet word. But it was there, and was so overwhelming that Ava had to suck in a sharp breath to avoid spiraling even more. 

“Ava, are you okay?” 

Ava would have laughed if she had the capacity, but she was pretty sure it just would’ve come out bitter and hollow. Because again, she didn’t have the  _ right  _ to answer “no”, because everything Sara had said before was true and it was now that she finally had to own up to how much hurt she’d caused when she reacted the way she did last month. 

“You … you don’t have to tell me,” Sara said, and the sudden concern in it made Ava want to cry. 

“I can’t,” Ava said, voice choked as she struggled to maintain even breathing as she spoke. “Please Sara, I can’t. I … I can’t tell you, I’m sorry -” 

“Okay.” 

Ava almost felt worse that Sara wasn’t pushing, because it was clear the only reason she was dropping it was because Ava had suddenly dropped into a state of panic. A voice in Ava’s head was still whispering at her to just get it over with, to say it anyway, but she pushed it away. 

“Was … was it something I did?” 

Ava’s eyes snapped open at Sara’s words, regret flooding through her entire body and a chill settling into the pit of her stomach. “No,” she said immediately, shaking her head. “No, no, of course not. God, Sara, no - it … it wasn’t anything you did. I swear.” She closed her eyes, wiping her tears on her sleeve before tentatively reaching for Sara’s hand, brushing her fingers lightly against Sara’s palm before curling them around Sara’s and brushing her thumb gently across her knuckles, trying and failing to convey emotions that she had no hope of ever naming. Sara shuddered at the contact, but didn’t pull away, instead meeting Ava’s eyes once again, that same fear from before creeping back into her expression. 

Ava  _ knew _ she had hurt Sara. She did.

But even so, she could never have imagined quite how much damage she’d done until now, until Sara was sat in front of her, shivering in a way which had absolutely nothing to do with the unexpectedly cold night chill, too scared to even wake her up when she was  _ having a fucking panic attack. _ “Sara,” Ava murmured softly, squeezing her hand lightly, still cautious about overstepping the invisible boundaries they’d drawn out between them as she continued, trying her hardest to keep her voice level, “At some point over the past year, you … you became my safe space. And I’m pretty sure that I became yours. And...what I hate, more than anything, the thing I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for, is that I took that away from you. And now … I don’t know how to repair that. I don’t know if I  _ can _ , but please just let me try.”

Sara’s eyes were wet with fresh tears, the lost, vulnerable look from before still evident in her unguarded expression, but this time, Ava caught a faint glimpse of something else, something hopeful, something she didn’t quite believe was there. Sara shivered again, leaning slightly closer, and something in Ava’s heart twisted painfully as she realised just how much Sara was fighting with herself, wanting the comfort she was offering whilst simultaneously not trusting herself not to overstep, still scared of breaking this fragile relationship they were rebuilding. 

Sara closed her eyes for a moment as if she was physically holding herself back, hands tightly gripping her knees instead of reaching out, and Ava felt something inside of her snap. “Sara,” she whispered, hesitant and more than a little uncertain, “what do you need?”

Sara didn’t even think before speaking, a desperate, unfiltered plea for help slipping out before she even had the chance to stop it. 

“ _ You.”  _

But the moment she heard what she’d said Sara seemed to freeze, that same fear from before finding its way back into her eyes, looking as if she might bolt the second Ava opened her mouth. Ava swallowed, not trusting her voice not to break so instead offering a shaky hand to Sara, letting it drop down to the bed when Sara just looked at her instead of taking it, so lost and so, so confused.

“Okay,” Ava agreed quietly, giving Sara what she hoped was a reassuring nod. Sara’s eyes flooded with tears and Ava had to force herself not to look away, all of the pain she’d caused staring right back at her. “Okay,” she murmured again, this time resting her hand lightly against Sara’s arm.  “Okay, I’m here.”

Realising that Sara wasn’t going to move, Ava tugged her closer gently, not entirely surprised when Sara lurched forward into her arms, fingers tangling tightly in the back of her shirt, hiding her face against Ava’s neck and not even trying to hide the way she was trembling. Ava cautiously brought one hand up to cradle the back of Sara’s head, her arm resting gently against her shoulder as she pulled Sara closer, hating that she felt almost  _ relieved _ when she felt Sara’s tears start to fall thick and fast against her neck, soaking into her t-shirt. Because this was something she understood, something that she and Sara had done before, some way for her to help rather than hurt, comfort rather than cause yet more pain.

Even so, she still felt helpless as Sara shuddered in her arms, drawing closer, grip on Ava tightening as she struggled to catch her breath.  _ It’s okay,  _ Ava thought momentarily, but then had to choke down a bitter laugh, because it  _ wasn’t _ okay, not even slightly - nothing seemed okay right now. She sighed softly, too quiet for Sara to hear, before murmuring “I’m here” again, rubbing one hand up and down Sara’s arm in the hope that it could provide at least some comfort.

 

Eventually, Sara pulled away, wiping the tears from her cheeks and shuffling back slightly, but remaining close enough to keep their legs touching as she slid her hand back into Ava’s, eyes flickering up to check it was okay as she did so. Ava bit her lip, not wanting to push Sara, but not entirely convinced Sara would start the conversation even if she wanted to. So instead, she lay down in bed and pulled Sara down with her, pulling the blankets over them and then tangling their fingers together in the space between their bodies as she asked quietly, sincerely “Do you  _ want _ to talk about the panic attack?”

Sara’s eyes widened for a moment before she closed them, leaning a little closer and murmuring, “Yeah” under her breath.  

Ava squeezed her hand gently, giving her a small, encouraging nod but remaining silent, waiting for her to speak. Sara sucked in a shaky breath. “I - I can’t stop thinking about what would happen if … if the worst happened. Because it actually  _ could  _ this time.”

“Sara,” Ava murmured gently, curling their fingers tighter together, but Sara shook her head, closing her eyes.

“I just … you know, what if … because if he does, Laurel’s still in rehab. Mom’s in Chicago. I have a month before graduation and then I’m supposed to be going to college in August. Nothing’s changed since the last time, except that there’s a very real chance that my dad is gonna die and I have even  _ less  _ of an idea of what to do.”

Ava swallowed thickly, brushing her thumb across Sara’s knuckles. She wanted to offer some kind of support, but that was the worst part of this whole situation. There was nothing either of them could do. Ava had no fucking clue where to even start, but scooted closer, taking a moment to think before looking Sara in the eyes and saying softly, “Sara, I know everything I can say is gonna sound hopeless right now but … just humour me and try and pretend I’m being at least partially convincing.” 

Sara snorted weakly, thick with tears, but the lightness in the sound made the worry in Ava’s chest dissipate. 

“Firstly,” she said, squeezing Sara’s hand, “your dad is one of the best cops there is, and he’s been planning this all year. This raid has been organising meticulously, this whole investigation has gained more traction in the two years that your dad’s had than the 10 years it’s been open. He’s gonna be okay. Secondly … I know I’ve told you this before, but honestly, I’m not entirely sure it got through to you, so I’m going to repeat it; he is  _ not _ all you have left. You told me back in January, when I desperately needed to hear it, that you and Zari and Amaya and Nora and all of the others were my family, and that they’d still be my family even if I didn’t have any family by blood. Because it’s not just about blood, it’s about who you trust, who you care about, who you  _ need. _ And, well, you should take your own advice because in that case, we’re  _ your _ family too.” 

Sara’s eyes were fixed firmly on her, staring with a familiar intensity as she clung desperately onto Ava’s words. Ava reached out to run a hand across her arm. “We are  _ never _ going to leave you completely alone. I promise you.”

Sara didn't blink, didn't shift, didn't move at all, searching Ava’s face for a long moment before whispering “ _ We? _ ” 

Ava purposefully stopped herself from reading into the soft disbelief in Sara’s voice. Instead, she tightened her grip on Sara’s hand and offered her the smallest, most barely there of smiles. 

“Yeah,” she said. “ _ We. _ ” 

Sara didn’t say anything, but the relief that overtook her face was clear and Ava found they both shifted towards each other at the same time, Sara tucking her face into Ava’s shoulder and Ava sliding her arms around Sara’s shoulders, resting her chin on the top of Sara’s head, knowing that either of them keeping their distance was the  _ last  _ thing they needed right now, especially after the pain of the last few weeks. 

She’d missed  _ this _ , this unexplainable familiarity, Ava realised as she used one hand to wrap her duvet carefully around Sara’s shoulders, leaving one hand resting there, hoping that it would somehow be enough. 

(She tried not to think about the shift she’d felt as Sara had fallen into her embrace, because things had changed so drastically between them so often in this past month. But right now, here in Ava’s bedroom, curled up in bed together at almost 3am, even though this felt familiar, there was something different in the air between them, as if something had changed irreversibly over the course of the night.

 

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Ava thought that maybe - just maybe - it’d changed for the better.)

 

* * *

 

Ava’s phone vibrated against the surface of her bedside cabinet at 5:55 on the dot, obnoxiously loud in the silent house. Immediately, Ava groaned into her pillow, blindly reaching out to silence it. She rolled onto her back, keeping her eyes squeezed shut as she ran one hand through her hair. She was vaguely aware that she hadn’t had nearly enough sleep but still not awake enough to remember why, not until she absentmindedly reached over to the other side of the bed and her hand knocked something - oh wait, some _ one  _ \- who seemed equally perturbed by the unpleasant ring of Ava’s alarm. 

Ava’s stomach jolted and her heart momentarily froze in her chest.

_ Sara. _

Sara, who was thankfully far more asleep than Ava and was still burrowed into Ava’s bed covers, only mildly jolted out of her slumber by Ava’s regular  _ go for a run  _ alarm. Considering she was running on barely 3 hours of very stilted sleep, Ava’s first instinct was to ignore her routine and settle back into bed. (Especially considering bed had  _ Sara  _ in it, Sara who was sleepy and soft and adorable and if the hand lightly curled into Ava’s t-shirt was any indication, very cuddly.) But Ava wasn’t sure how the rest of the day was going to unfold; whether or not they’d have to go to school, whether Sara had heard from Quentin or the police or  _ anyone  _ (and she didn’t want to betray her privacy and check Sara’s phone without permission), whether Sara felt in any way up for a regular day after how broken she’d been the night before. And Ava was about 90% sure that regardless of which way everything ended up playing out, she needed to be awake and ready to figure it out. Sara deserved that from her. So with immense reluctance, she extricted herself from Sara’s loose grip and slipped out of bed. 

Sara immediately let out a half asleep  but definitely disgruntled noise of protest. “Where are you going?” she mumbled into the pillow. 

“Alaska,” teased Ava without thinking about it, her heart fluttering with Sara snorted and faint amusement flickered onto her face. 

“Ha ha,” she murmured sleepily. 

“I’m going for a run,” said Ava, silently hoping that Sara’s eyes were shut as she pulled off her t-shirt and shorts and tugged on a pair of freshly washed gym tights and a sports bra. Grabbing her phone and headphones, she carefully readjusted the covers around Sara before brushing a stray strand of hair away from Sara’s face. “Go back to sleep,” she said softly. “I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Sara said, pulling the duvet up to her cheek and sighing contentedly. Ava rolled her eyes, unable to stop herself from grinning. The hesitance and apprehension was still bubbling low in the pit of her stomach; she knew once Sara was properly awake, everything that had happened last night would be more of a weight on their shoulders, would be a wedge between them that they’d  _ have  _ to talk through. But right now, Sara was joking around with her half asleep, was comfortable and safe in Ava’s bed, and at least for the moment, Ava was going to take that for the progress that it was. 

 

(And well, if she immediately accepted her dad’s offer for them both to stay home from school today so that she could finally take a day to make things  _ right  _ with Sara, sue her. 

Because for once, as Ava hovered in her bedroom door and watched Sara - bathed in early morning sunlight and still fast asleep, her fingers curled tight around the edge of the pillow case and her hair fanned against the cream coloured sheets - Ava didn’t hate the unignorable feelings of affection and adoration that spread through her chest. She didn’t hate the soft, quiet realisation that yeah, after everything, she was definitely  _ still  _ stupidly, ridiculously in love with Sara Lance. 

It felt okay.  _ Right  _ even. 

So Ava just deposited her phone and headphones to her bedside table, grabbed her towel and slipped out of her bedroom to shower, leaving Sara to sleep for as long as she needed to.)

 

* * *

  
  


When Sara woke (properly this time), the light was streaming through the Ava’s wooden blinds onto the bed, lighting up the room with a soft, morning glow. The sheets were bunched at Sara’s hips, and as she sat up, she realised she was alone in Ava’s bedroom. Sara reached out and ran her hand over the cold, empty space next to her and purposefully pushing down the vague hints of panic rising in her throat. Instead, she exhaled quietly and let her eyes flicker around the room, immediate relief settling into her chest. Ava’s workout clothes were tossed over the edge of her laundry hamper, her phone disconnected from its charger on the bedside table, her towel drying on the back of her chair. 

Ava  _ had  _ been here, probably in and out, quiet enough that Sara hadn’t woken up. Ava’s phone flashed with a notification and Sara caught the time. 

_ 9:57am.  _

“Shit,” she swore, shoving the covers back and searching the sheets for her phone. It’d been  _ seven hours  _ since she’d last checked for an update from her dad. Hell, she was supposed to be at school almost two hours ago, and nobody had woken her. What if that’s where Ava had gone? 

No way, Ava wouldn’t just  _ leave  _ Sara alone in her house while she went to school, that was ridiculous. As if on cue, the door swung open and Ava stepped into the room holding two mugs, one steaming and one noticeably cooler. She smiled when she saw Sara was awake, crossing the room and placing the warmer mug on the windowsill behind the bed. 

“Hey,” she said gently, sitting down in front of Sara on Sara’s side of the bed. 

“Hi,” said Sara, clearing her throat when her voice came out hoarse. She could suddenly feel just how much she’d been crying the night before. “You’re uh … you’re here. At 10am. On a Thursday.” 

Ava smirked, softer and more affectionate than her usual smirks. “Dad ordered us to stay home. I figured you needed the sleep.” 

Sara reached out to curl her fingers around the mug, wrinkling her nose suddenly. “This isn’t coffee.” 

Ava scoffed. “Yeah, no, definitely not. You are  _ not  _ having caffeine right now, drink your green tea.” 

Sara resisted the urge to stick out her tongue, instead bringing the mug to her lips and taking a small sip, sighing quietly at the warmth that spread through her entire body. She suddenly felt more relaxed than she had been in what felt like  _ forever _ , sitting here in the morning sunlight with Ava, alone in the Sharpe house, drinking tea and trying to pretend she didn’t enjoy it as Ava gave her an amused grin that showed that Sara wasn’t being convincing at all. 

The only thing that was still in any way distressing was the faint nagging in the back of Sara’s mind about the raid (although, she didn’t feel as panicked and on edge as last night.) 

“Hey,” she said, swallowing a little as she rested her mug against her thigh. “Do you have my phone? I think I fell asleep with it.” 

Ava nodded towards her desk. “It was on less than 20% when I found it under your pillow. I put it on charge after I showered - figured you’d need it on throughout the day.” 

Gratitude and relief and fondness overtook Sara. She wanted to hug Ava but they were both still holding hot tea and Sara still felt a little emotionally overwhelmed from everything that had happened since she arrived at the Sharpes’ house the previous evening and instead, all she could manage to say was a quiet “Oh.” 

Ava seemed to get it though, and just gave Sara’s knee a gentle squeeze. “Get up and shower whenever you’re ready, okay? I’ll just be downstairs making breakfast.” 

“You don’t have to -” Sara went to argue but Ava just sent her a look, pushing herself off to her feet and slipping around the bed to grab her phone. 

“I’m making you breakfast Sara,” she said firmly, sounding non-negotiable. “Eggs sound okay?” 

Sara bit her bottom lip, hoping that the light blush she felt heating her cheeks and neck wasn’t visible, but the softness in Ava’s eyes kind of indicated otherwise. 

“Yeah,” said Sara quietly, lips curving up just slightly. “Yeah, that sounds great. Can I uh - can I borrow some clothes?” 

“Of course,” Ava said immediately. “You know where everything is. Help yourself to whatever, I don’t mind.”  She shot Sara a small smile, not waiting for a response before slipping from the room and closing the door behind her, leaving Sara to sit in sun soaked sheets, fingers wrapped around a slowly cooling mug of tea, feeling safer and more steady than she had in over a month.

 

* * *

 

By the time Sara made her way downstairs, Ava was already cooking scrambled eggs, stood at the stove with a spatula in hand, humming softly to the music she was playing from her phone. The house was deserted, and Sara hadn’t properly registered the time when she’d checked her phone for notifications, but the sunlight streaming through the window was a pretty solid indication that it was at least late morning. Sara paused in the doorway, dragging the sleeves of Ava’s sweatshirt over her fingers, unable to stop herself from taking a moment to stare at Ava. Ava had let her sleep in even though it was a school day and they had exams coming up soon and Sara didn’t think she remembered Ava ever missing a day of school in her life (which was a whole other box to unpack, but she couldn’t do that right now, not when Ava was standing right in front of her in a cute button down top and three-quarter length jeans looking more gorgeous than she ever had, not when Sara could feel her heart fluttering in her chest, consumed by that familiar, overwhelming emotion she wasn’t sure she had the energy to think about right now.)

“Hey,” Ava said quietly, turning around when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, inhaling slightly as if she’d completely lost her breath before her lips curled up into a smile, affectionate in a way which almost hurt, because Sara was trying  _ so hard _ not to read into this, but damn, Ava was making it difficult. Sara ran one hand over her face as she took a step closer, trying to wake herself up but giving up and returning Ava’s greeting, tucking her hands into the sleeves of the oversized sweatshirt she’d borrowed from Ava’s wardrobe despite the fact that she’d brought her own hoodie with her last night when Ava had picked her up. 

She took a few steps closer until she was standing side by side with Ava at the stove, gravitating towards the warmth and comfort (she told herself it was the warmth from the  _ stove  _ but the way her skin tingled even under the fabric of the sweatshirt when Ava’s arm brushed against hers, said otherwise). Sara couldn’t help but silently wonder where the line between them had moved to after last night, because falling into Ava’s arms in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly giving her space, and part of her had been expecting Ava to pull away this morning. 

But she hadn’t. 

She’d been softer and sweeter than Sara ever could’ve imagined, more outwardly affectionate than Sara thought she would ever receive again. Her touch had been warm and unhesitating, caring and recurrent, leaving Sara hoping that maybe, just maybe, Ava had missed this too.

 

“Here,” Ava said just as softly as before, sliding both plates of scrambled eggs and toast across the table and lightly nudging Sara towards the empty seats, not commenting on how distracted she seemed to be. It was understandable, with everything that was going on in Sara’s life right now, but she wished she could take away some of the worry behind her eyes so she could rest, or simply have a moment to breathe.

As always, they quickly fell back into a lazy, quiet conversation. It was even easier after that final wall of hesitance between them was dismantled last night, as though finally, they knew how to really be  _ them  _ again. It was the same as it had always been. Familiar, not talking about anything important but instead helping each other relax, the comfortable silences that fell between them not so awkward anymore. It was only once they’d both finished eating that Sara looked around uncertainly, picking her phone off the counter and shoving it into the pocket of the sweats she’d borrowed (and had rolled up at the cuff to make them fit). 

“I should - I can go back home, if … if you want,” she said, biting her bottom lip. “You could probably still sneak back into school, I know you’re starting to think about exams and you have so much to organise for prom -” 

“Stay,” Ava interrupted before Sara could even finish her sentence. Sara’s head jerked up a little too quickly and Ava reached out, gently squeezing just above her knee, ignoring the way her heart was suddenly pounding in her chest. She flushed slightly at the slight desperation she’d heard in her sudden request, looking away for a moment when her brain caught up with her. But Sara’s eyes met hers not moments later, and Ava forced herself to smile, to let her expression soften even as nerves fluttered in her stomach. (Here was the weight of their conversation last night that Ava had been expecting, the tentative trepidation of what was too far to push in this new dynamic they were stepping into.)  “Stay here,” she finally worked up the courage to repeat. “At mine. I don’t like the idea of you sitting alone waiting for news, especially not today. Dad specifically told me that going to school was a bad idea, for us both, and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate if I went back. I … I want to be with you.”

Ava was met with a still silence that made her want to bolt. 

This was a bad idea, she thought, her mind beginning to swirl with panic. She’d pushed too far, the softness from this morning was only because Sara had been half asleep, nothing had  _ actually  _ changed  -

“Okay,” Sara breathed, eyes fixed on the table for a long time before finally finding their way to Ava’s, hesitant and a little disbelieving but so, so relieved. Sara fiddled a little with the edge of the sweatshirt sleeves, looking just as out of place as Ava remembered feeling the morning after she’d first slept over at Sara’s, uncertain where she stood (but knowing, for certain, that she was head over heels in love). It was so  _ Sara _ . It was another one of her little anxious tells that Ava hadn’t realised she’d picked up on until Sara was gone, and everything had abruptly come to a halt. She’d found herself missing the way Sara would pick at the seam of her jeans when she was curled up on the bed and avoiding eye contact, the way she’d tap her fingers in a familiar rhythm against her thigh, the way she’d look down at the floor and subconsciously reach for her necklace when she was overwhelmed or unsure or felt out of place, just like she was doing now. 

Ava tore her gaze away, getting up from the table and placing both of their plates in the dishwasher. She poured Sara another cup of tea, carrying both of their mugs over to the couch, knowing Sara would follow her (yet still feeling relieved when she did). Sara hovered a little near the edge of the couch, clearly waiting for Ava to sit so she could try figure out how much distance to put between them, even after they’d spent the night literally in each other’s arms. Ava tried to ignore the way her heart lurched a little as she realised what Sara was doing, and instead tilted her head towards the tv remote. 

“Pick something to watch,” she said gently. “I’m gonna go grab us some blankets.”

Something akin to relief and gratitude flickered on Sara’s face. “Okay,” she said with a small smile. 

 

Something about this felt … weird. Not  _ bad _ weird, just a little off, a little uncertain, as if the tension that’d been between them for the past few weeks had shifted but things hadn’t gone back to how they were before, as much as she’d wanted them to. (Not yet. Almost as though there was something - one more thing - that needed to be slotted back into place before things were  _ right  _ again, and neither of them quite knew what it was). Part of all this uncertainty, Ava thought as a wave of guilt washed over her, was because she was now painfully, intimately aware that these feelings  _ weren’t going away _ . Sara was on her mind all the time - even at the lowest points of these last few weeks she’d been there, shooting hopeful glances in Ava’s direction when she thought she wasn’t looking, smiling softly when Ava caught her eye, tucking her hair behind her ear subconsciously without even realising it was setting off the butterflies that seemed to permanently reside in Ava’s stomach.

Before heading back into the living room, Ava paused in the doorway. She squeezed the blankets clutched tight in her arms, letting out a quiet, shaky exhale.  _ Focus _ , she told herself sternly. Sara needed a  _ friend  _ right now. Her dad was still unaccounted for, Damien Darhk still hadn’t been caught. Sara deserved whatever she needed from Ava right now, whatever Ava could give, and Ava wasn’t going to let how in love she was come between that. (Not anymore.) 

 

They ended up on the couch, Ava tucking the blankets over both their laps as Sara pressed play on The Parent Trap, curling her legs underneath herself and sinking back against the couch cushions. She looked exhausted. Which was entirely understandable after last night and her lingering fears which still hadn’t been entirely resolved, but … there was something else too. This  _ tension  _ Sara was carrying, almost like she was terrified of messing up, terrified of letting herself relax in case she said something she shouldn’t or did something wrong, and - 

_ Oh.  _

It occurred to Ava suddenly what Sara was so afraid of. 

She was afraid of losing  _ this.  _ Losing  _ Ava.  _

It barely took any thought before Ava was reaching out, unable to bear how small Sara looked in Ava’s own clothes, anxiously clutching at her phone. “C’mere,” she murmured softly when she felt Sara’s split second of hesitation, and that was all it took for Sara to give in, letting Ava silently guide her head into her lap and pull the blankets up around her, fingers combing gently through her hair. Sara let out a shaky breath, not quite quiet enough for Ava to miss it, equally shaky fingers curling around Ava’s knee and squeezing it lightly, a silent thank you she was far too exhausted to voice. 

“Go to sleep babe,” Ava murmured softly, filter kicking in a little too late to catch her slip. But before she could try and cover it up, she felt the last remaining tension Sara was carrying drain from her shoulders, thumb gently stroking across the fabric of her jeans, and Ava couldn’t bring herself to take back her little slip-up. 

It wasn’t as if Ava wasn’t  _ aware _ that in the past 12 hours, they’d crossed almost every single line she’d drawn out in the ground between them, but with Sara half asleep in her lap, completely exhausted but warm and soft and managing to patch up the gaping hole in her heart just by being here, Ava couldn’t bring herself to care. She’d taken this day off to be here for Sara, but if she was being honest with herself, she’d needed it too. Perhaps just as much. She’d needed Sara to want her, to care about her, to trust her to look out for her when she wasn’t sure she trusted herself. She’d needed to see Sara relax, to keep her safe, to prove without a doubt that she was here to stay, and she was never leaving Sara’s side again.

She’d needed Sara to know how much she cared about her. And as Ava also settled into the couch, her fingers gently woven into Sara’s hair and her eyes focusing lazily on the familiar movie before them, she found herself hopeful that perhaps  _ finally _ , Sara  _ did  _ know how much Ava cared. 

And maybe, after all the pain they’d both felt in the past weeks, something  _ good  _ could come of this. 

 

* * *

 

**Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all    
_ Active now _

_ THURS 11:02am: _

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are we gonna talk about the fact   
that neither Ava or Sara are at   
school today? Ava Catherine    
Sharpe is NOT at school guys

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD NOT   
TO THINK ABOUT IT BUT 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I texted them both but neither of   
them replied

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ray and  @Nora aren’t here either   
tho is there like a class trip

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Maybe it’s a ‘convince ur teacher’s   
pet bff who u also have a crush on    
to skip school with u’ double date

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** why weren’t u and amaya invited then

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you calling me a teacher’s pet Gary?   
  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** yes 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D ;’D

It’s ok babe ur the best kind   
of teacher’s pet

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Firstly, shut up Zari that sounds like   
the lamest date ever

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are we not denying that it’s a    
date then? Will we be seeing   
fb confirmation anytime soon?

Do I need to remind you both to   
use protection 

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Should I make another ‘congrats on the   
sex’ cake? 

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m going to kill all of you oh my god you’re   
the worst

No, and no to all of the above

Secondly to what I was saying before

Sara and I are both home from school for the   
same reason I’m assuming, and I’d be willing   
to bet Ava’s with her same reason why Ray   
is with me

Quentin’s raid on my dad’s operations was last    
night, and I haven’t gotten any news abt whether    
they got him yet, so I don’t think Sara has either

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh 

Shit

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** You need anything Nora?

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not right now, thanks K x

I’ll keep you guys updated if I hear   
anything, but yeah, just so that no   
one got any hopes up abt anything/   
any reason why they weren’t here

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** hope ur okay nora <3

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** We love u and we have our fingers   
crossed for everything to go smoothly

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Nora i’ll call you later?? 

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah you got it  @Gary

  
_ Seen by: everyone. _

 

* * *

 

_ Nora Darhk _

**Text Message** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Thursday**

**  
** **_4:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I just got the call

  
**_4:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** They got him

  
**_4:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Quentin’s okay too

  
**_4:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Does Sara know?

  
**_4:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, she just got the call too

  
**_4:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you okay?

  
**_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk, I think so. Ray’s here and like. It    
sounds stupid but I just feel calm with   
him here

  
**_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It doesn’t sound stupid at all

  
**_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’re packing up to drive back   
home rn

  
**_4:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Police escort ‘n everything

  
**_4:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I feel like Mia Thermopolis from the   
Princess Diaries 2 it’s great

  
**_4:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course you do

  
**_4:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is Sara okay?

  
**_4:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Relieved. A bit overwhelmed too. 

  
**_4:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_4:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s gonna stay for dinner but I’m    
dropping her home to shower and    
change and stuff and have a sec to   
breathe 

  
**_4:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Will you be home in like, an hour? Is   
it okay if I come see you?

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Always

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, I’ll be home then

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m okay though Aves

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m gonna come by anyways

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3 

 

* * *

 

Nora had said she was fine, Ava reassured herself as she parked her car outside the house, grabbing her keys and jacket and then starting to make her way down the drive. And she wouldn’t’ve lied about this, not anymore, but...the thing was, Nora and Sara were too alike. They were both the type of people who’d  _ always _ say they were fine - who’d usually manage to convince themselves they were fine - especially if someone else needed help. And then they’d keep the truth hidden until they started to fall apart at the seams, when they couldn’t possibly hide it any longer.

Although … Nora  _ had  _ told her Ray was there. Or at least, that Ray  _ had been  _ there. So it really shouldn’t have been a surprise to her when she leaned against Nora’s door frame to see Ray Palmer sitting by Nora’s side, one arm resting against hers whilst his other hand was in his lap, Nora absentmindedly fiddling with the leather band he wore around his wrist. And yet as close as she knew Ray and Nora had become over the past year it still felt unfamiliar to see Nora like this, so open and trusting, so blatantly affectionate.

Not that it didn’t warm Ava’s heart when Ray looked over to her with a smile and murmured something about going to make tea, climbing off the bed and pressing a quick, gentle kiss to the top of Nora’s head, then giving Ava’s shoulder a light squeeze as he made his way out of the room.

Nora deserved this. Especially after everything she’d been through. 

In all honesty, she should’ve spotted it earlier. but it was only when Nora’s eyes fluttered shut that Ava realised, with an unexpected jolt, why the scene she’d accidentally walked in on felt so familiar. That easy, casual affection, the gentle touches, that look in Ray’s eyes as he’d torn his eyes away from Nora and over to the doorway...she’d seen it before - she’d seen it in Sara’s eyes, when she’d looked over to her and smiled and asked if she wanted to stay for dinner. She’d felt it in Sara’s touch when she’d trailed the tips of her fingers across her skin and brushed her thumb across her wrist, or when she used to gently tangle their fingers together under the table at lunch, grinning up at her, making the whole world stop for a second, stealing Ava’s breath with a single glance. 

She’d seen it today. She’d seen it over the past few weeks too, even though it was tinged with heartbreak and regret and that pained, lost look she never wanted to see again. (She’d been seeing it all year, if she was completely honest with herself, and she knew if she looked in a mirror she’d see it there too.)

“Ava?” Nora said quietly, catching her attention. 

Ava blinked, pushing her thoughts away. As always. Even though she  _ knew  _ she should talk about it, eventually. Probably. 

...maybe.

She pushed herself off the door frame and made her way over to the bed, sitting down in the space Ray had left moments before and turning to face Nora, raising an eyebrow with a curious smile, gently poking her leg. “So, you and Ray?”

Nora’s eyes flashed with uncharacteristic shyness, quickly masked with indignance. “So, you and Sara?” she shot back immediately, and a sudden, momentarily tense silence filled the space between them. Ava could see Nora’s thought process clear as day on her face - the abrupt realisation that they had never actually  _ talked  _ about this. That Ava’s not very subtle feelings for Sara had never been discussed or mentioned between them, had never been a topic of conversation, and Nora had never pushed, never prodded, never made Ava confess before she was ready to say it to someone. 

Until now. 

(Even though they both knew that if Ava really wanted to, she could ignore the comment. Or deny it. Either way, it occurred to Ava for a second to deflect it and quickly move on to another topic of conversation. But then she remembered the feeling of having Sara curled in her arms the previous night, the way it’d felt when she opened her eyes and saw Sara lying beside her when she woke up this morning, and for the first time, the idea of pretending with Nora just felt  _ wrong. _ ) 

Nora’s eyes clouded with uncertainty and she opened her mouth to say something, but Ava shook her head before she could. 

“Touché,” she said softly, her cheeks burning a little. Nora’s eyes widened in surprise, her mouth opening a little in a stunned little ‘o’, before a small, almost proud smile graced her face. 

“He’s been great,” she said eventually, shuffling upwards to sit just a little straighter. “Ray, I mean. These last couple of days.” Ava just nodded, not surprised at her own lack of both relief and disappointment; she  _ did  _ now want to talk to Nora about Sara, but she knew Nora would get back to it eventually. There wasn’t any rush. She figured Nora wanted to talk about everything with Ray just as badly - they were long overdue in a best friend debrief. 

“They told me Tuesday night that they were gonna move on Dad the next day,” said Nora, “and that me and my aunt would be moved to a safe house after school on Wednesday. I told Ray and literally the first thing he did was ask if he could come with me and keep me company, bless his soul.” 

“That’s the most Ray Palmer thing I’ve ever heard,” said Ava with a smirk and Nora laughed. Before either of them could say anything, Nora’s phone buzzed loudly and Nora immediately went to check it. “Everything okay?” Ava asked, and Nora nodded. 

“It’s just Ray,” she said, her voice softer than Ava had ever heard it. “He checked the pantry and because we’re all out of food, he’s gonna go down to the store and pick up some stuff because he knows my aunt will be at the station until late today.” 

Ava raised an eyebrow. “Is he aware that you, given the option, live off takeaways?” 

“Yes, he knows,” said Nora, rolling her eyes. “I uh …. I think he’s actually just giving us some time to talk without him hovering awkwardly in the living room.” 

Ava felt a sudden surge of affection towards Ray, and she reached over to turn Nora’s phone towards her to read his message that was chock full of overly bright smiley faces and X’s. Ava laughed, her eyes flickering up to Nora as a grin spread across her face. “Wow, Nora. This guy has it  _ bad  _ for you.” 

To Ava’s surprise, Nora actually  _ blushed _ , ducking her head down and letting her hair shield her face just slightly as she chuckled affectionately. “Yeah,” she said quietly, the smile evident in her voice. “Yeah, I know.” 

It was so unlike Nora that Ava felt an odd mixture of emotions stir in her chest. It was weird seeing her best friend like this, so overcome by the usually few and far between instances of being soft and vulnerable. Ava was almost jealous knowing that Ray clearly got to see so much of Nora this way, but she pushed the feeling aside almost immediately. Nora had been hiding who she was, pretending in front of  _ everyone  _ who weren’t her closest friends, since she was 9 years old, and now she finally had someone other than Ava and Gary who she felt safe being entirely open with. 

The same way Ava had Sara. 

(Well, hopefully the same way.) 

Ava nudged Nora to move over a little so that she could lie down on the bed, Nora quickly readjusting to do the same. They’d done this endless times when they were kids, back when Nora was always moving around the city with her mom or later, when she was carted around foster homes or dumped with different relatives until she was eventually taken in by her aunt who moved from National City to Star City to take care of her. Ava had always come over to help Nora furnish and redecorate her new room in every new house she found herself living in, and the first thing they’d always done afterwards was lie down on Nora’s bed, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, and stare up at the ceiling. They would talk for hours, until someone came to pick Ava up or Nora was called for dinner, talking about anything and everything the way they always did, so that something about this strange house and these people Nora didn’t know would be somewhat safe and familiar. 

But Nora had been living here for years now, and they hadn’t done this in what felt like forever. Neither of them spoke for a while, but it was Nora who eventually broke the silence. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said in barely a whisper. “I … I want to be fine. About dad. And he deserves to be arrested and go to jail - hell, maybe he deserves worse than that. And all these years all I’ve been able to think about is all the reasons why I’m terrified of him, of all the things I imagine he could do to me or to my friends. But now, all I can think of is all the reasons why I loved him as a kid. All the dumb goofy things he did for me growing up. All the ways he was my  _ dad  _ you know?” 

Ava sighed, blinking up at the ceiling. “Yeah,” she said softly. “I know Nor. That’s all I could think about on the drive over here. I remember that time he taught us how to play chess. Or when he gave Gary tricks on how to perfectly flip a pancake. He … he was so funny and kind and cool. And he loved you so much Nora.” 

Nora’s breath hitched audibly. “I know,” she mumbled out. “That’s the worst part.” 

There was another long beat of silence, and Ava didn’t try to break it. She could tell Nora was struggling to sort out her emotions, trying hard to both keep herself steady while also opening up to Ava in a way that she needed to. But Ava knew they had time for that, and she didn’t want to push Nora, not when this was something that was inevitably going to take a long time to work through. 

Finally, Nora spok again.

“You really like Sara, don’t you?” 

The automatic urge to lie and protect herself flared up in Ava’s mind. She sighed, swallowed, closed her eyes. “Yeah,” she said, hearing how quiet and hesitant her voice sounded in the otherwise pin drop silent room they were in. She didn’t know if it was because Sara was the first girl she’d really  _ liked  _ since discovering she was gay, or whether it was some weird internalised homophobia, or perhaps lingering fear from how badly her coming out had gone last year, but whatever it was, it was the reason Ava had been so adamant not to talk about this crush to anyone, even Nora. Why it still felt so disconcerting to talk about now. 

Ava felt Nora reach out and curl her fingers in Ava’s, squeezing just lightly enough that the unease in Ava’s chest lifted just slightly. Nora shifted so that she could turn her head to look at Ava. “I’ve never seen you like someone this much before,” she said softly. 

Ava kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling, her throat going a little dry. “That’s because I haven’t.” 

Nora let out a quiet noise of surprise, one eyebrow raising in clear astonishment. She turned, propped herself up on one elbow. “Wow Aves,” she said, her voice still gentle. “I knew you had feelings for her but … I didn’t really know how bad.” 

“Bad,” said Ava immediately, unable to stop the small, kind of frustrated smile that rose to her face. “ _ God _ Nora, you have no fucking idea. She’s just … she’s  _ perfect.  _ She’s everything I never even realised I wanted.” 

Nora smiled wryly. “I think I have  _ some  _ idea,” she said, slight colour rising to her cheeks. Ava saw and laughed. 

“We’re a mess,” she announced, draping an arm over her face. 

“Aren’t we always?” joked Nora, flopping back down to the bed and nudging Ava playfully. Ava paused, dragging her arm down to rest over her stomach as her eyes scoured over the little cracks in the ceiling. 

“I think I messed this up completely Nor,” she said in a small voice, before she could stop herself. “After the prom dare. Pulling away. I … I  _ had  _ to, I - I couldn’t do it anymore. We were so close and everything was almost how I wanted it. But I’ve never done anything like this before and I just … I couldn’t  _ tell  _ what was happening. Whether I was reading stuff into the things I was noticing, or if there was actually something there. And I know I could’ve just  _ asked  _ but that would’ve meant revealing how  _ I  _ felt and risking everything - risking my friendship with Sara. And I couldn’t lose that - I was so scared of losing that, even if there  _ was  _ something between us because what if I fucked it up? I’ve never done this before, and Sara’s …  _ Sara.  _ I don’t know, Nora. I panicked. I needed space, I needed time to sort my shit out so I just … I pulled away.” 

“You did a  _ me _ ,” said Nora, both frustrated and fond. 

Ava snorted. “Yeah, I guess I did.” She groaned, running her hands over her face. “But I think by doing that, I screwed everything up. We’ve been getting better - especially recently, after the history project and her staying over last night but … but last night we talked and … I hurt her so much Nora. I think I finally managed to make things right so that we’re not tense or awkward or anything anymore, but I don’t know if she’ll ever trust me the way she used to again. And now I feel like if I  _ say  _ something about how I feel about her, it’s even more of a risk than it was before.” 

Nora took Ava’s hand again, squeezing tighter than before and reassuringly tracing the divots of her knuckles. “It’s always gonna be a risk putting your heart out there,” she said quietly. “But you’re the one who taught me that with the right people, it’s worth it. You’ll never believe it, but Zari fucking Tomaz actually told me at New Year’s that love is apparently worth the risk.” 

“No she didn’t,” said Ava disbelievingly. 

“Oh she did,” said Nora, smirking. “I just wish I’d gotten a snapchat of it as proof and maybe blackmail. But if Zari I-don’t-feel-emotions Tomaz is out here preaching it, I think maybe it’s worth taking on board.” She glanced across at Ava, smiling softly. “I know you’re scared Aves. But you’re the bravest person I know. At the end of the day, Sara cares about you, and I think she cares more about having you in her life than anything else. If the right moment comes up where you think that it’s worth taking that leap of faith and telling her how you feel, then do it. Honestly? I don’t think you’ll lose her for it, no matter whether she feels the same way or not.” 

Ava let out a shaky exhale, tightening her grip on Nora’s hand gratefully. “Okay,” she said, the words almost lost in a rush of breath. “Okay. You know the same goes for you and Ray, right? Except there’s no question about whether he feels the same way because he definitely does.” 

Nora rolled her eyes, flushing again. “I suppose I don’t have the ‘I need to wait until my dad goes away’ excuse anymore, huh?” 

Ava’s face softened into a sympathetic grimace. “Yeah, not anymore.” To Ava’s surprise, Nora didn’t slip back to the sad resignation she’d expected. Instead, her expression narrowed into something that was lighter, still careful and tentative, but hopeful in a way that was almost contagious. 

And when Nora spoke this time, her words had the same tone to them; a soft acceptance, a steady determination, almost a little bubble of anticipation. “Well then,” she said, looking safer and happier and more at ease than Ava had seen her in  _ forever.  _ “I guess we’re both just waiting for the right moment then, aren’t we?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> answers to some of the questions in comments just for all your general interest X 
> 
> 1) you guys are def going to see the reasons why our favourite resident gay idiots are so convinced the other doesn't like them back in the next couple of chapters, so look out for that. 
> 
> 2) this universe is planned out WAY into the future, but this fic in particular will end with the end of their senior year. in saying that though, we have a lot of one shots (and the occasional, admittedly much smaller, multi-chapter fic) planned for stuff from the summer post senior year, college, post college, and like. the rest of their lives lmao. 
> 
> 3) sara's fear of disappointing / not being good enough for people! oh BOY this girl has some issues and we defs have headcanoned the root of all of that so yes, you will be seeing that in coming chapters too, can promise you that. 
> 
> 4) if you guys have any requests for separate one shots / prompts, send them to either mine or rachel's tumblr bc they'll get lost in the comments, even if we do see them and go WOW we defs wanna write that! we might not have time to write it immediately, or we might end up writing it in bullet fic / headcanon form at first, but if you want to see it written out in some way, for sure fire us an ask on our blogs. we have so many ideas for separate one shots that happen within this story for other characters (esp darhkatom) so it's so worth sending ur request through x


	25. i was a little bit lost (but i'm not anymore)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ava’s lips quirked upwards fondly, and she did her best not to look at Sara who was standing almost as close to her as Nora was to Ray. Honestly, it was nice seeing Nora like this, if a little odd. She hadn’t relaxed completely - how could she, with her dad locked up awaiting trial, a trial they all knew she’d be forced to testify in whether she liked it or not. But even so there was something about the way she held herself, the way she smiled and joked and stood a little taller, as if she was finally, finally, free."
> 
> OR
> 
> the chapter where the ball finally gets rolling ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, full disclosure, we've been running behind the meticulous writing schedule we had managed to keep up with for the fic so far so like, we were expecting this chapter to be a comparatively short and sweet filler. what we ended up with was 11k finished two days early and we love pretty much every second of what we wrote for this chapter so like, seriously seriously hope you guys love it because we definitely do. 
> 
> as always. thank you for the love. thank you for the comments and the raving support and the freaking out and the absolutely glowing reviews of everything we've written. it still stuns us when people say that they binge read the fic in a few days even this far down the line. we don't think we ever could've even anticipated half of what this fic has turned out to be and the support it's received, let alone what has actually unfolded. for both of us, i think this is probably going to end up being one of the most rewarding things we've ever done and we have all of you guys to thank for that. 
> 
> BUT this ride's not quite over yet - in fact, this is the chapter where 200k of slowburn finally starts to amount to something, so hold onto your hats people, there's not long to go before Things Happen ;-) 
> 
> (ps. chapter title is from the cure by little mix everyone go listen to their new album LM5 it's a masterpiece)

It was freezing. 

Like, the kind of freezing that was bearable and almost  _ nice  _ if you were wrapped up and had a hot drink in your hands and were comfortable in somewhere inside and somewhere warm. But as Ava winced at the sharp bite of the wind, curling her hands inside her jacket pockets, she stood there wishing that she could  _ enjoy  _ the unusually cold weather by succumbing to the little pleasures of hot drinks and the warmth of a radiator. 

Instead, she was shivering on a beach as it rained intermittently and the wind howled along the shore, making loose strands of hair whip against all of their cheeks and posing a significant threat to any loose belongings in their hands. 

“Fucking typical,” Lily swore from a few feet away, tightening her scarf around her neck. “It’s halfway through April, and it’s like, negative a million degrees. We’ve gone to the  _ beach  _ in April before. I literally feel like my fingers are about to fall off.” 

“Lily, stop complaining about the temperature and go check on your lichen case study,” Professor Stein reprimanded and Lily scowled at her father, stomping petulantly to where Nate was crouched over a rock pool, taking photos of the sea life on his phone. 

“I want to laugh at her,” said Sara, appearing at Ava’s side, “but I can’t feel my ears and I think I’m going to go into hypothermic shock.” 

Ava rolled her eyes, tugging Sara a little closer with a smirk. “You’re being overdramatic.” 

“It’s  _ cold _ ,” whined Sara, tucking her face into Ava’s arm. “Like, jesus, it was so sunny yesterday. It was  _ hot  _ yesterday. We got  _ ice cream  _ on the way home.” 

“Yes, I remember, you stole half of mine,” reminded Ava and Sara poked her in the side. 

“Shut up, you ordered the better flavour,” she said, voice muffled by Ava’s jacket. “I’m just saying. Why did they have to pick the day when it was going to be gross and wet and cold for the senior year Bio trip to the beach. Imagine if it’d been sunny. We could’ve all worn bikinis under our clothes and gone swimming and sunbathing in our free time.” 

Ava immediately had to work very hard to pretend that she wasn’t imagining Sara’s in a bikini, sunbathing on this beach, her pale skin starkly contrasted by the rich black rock that covered the whole shore. It turned out to be refreshingly easy to not think about, because it was just so cold that imagining  _ anyone  _ in a bikini felt near impossible. 

“There’s not exactly very many sunbathing options on this beach,” she decided to point out (and she wasn’t  _ wrong _ ; this wasn’t the ‘beach trip during the summer’ kind of place. It was definitely the ‘take all your Biology students here on a disgusting day to be miserable out in the cold’ kind of place. 

“Sara’s just holding out for summer at this point,” said Amaya with a smile as she came over to stand near them, patting Sara’s arm. “She always gets like this around April and May. Any vague hint of the cold and she’s the biggest grump you’ve ever seen.” 

“The same girl who dragged me into the first snow of the year at like, 6am?” teased Ava, arching an eyebrow. 

“First snow is exciting!” insisted Sara, glaring at them both. “Feeling like I should be surrounded by White Walkers with people chanting  _ winter is coming  _ four months  _ after  _ first snow is just fucking annoying.” 

Both Amaya and Ava burst out laughing so hard that it had Zari grinning a little as she wandered over to them, a grin that widened into a smirk when she saw Sara’s defiant expression. 

“Are we winding Sara up?” she said, curling her fingers in Amaya’s and tugging Amaya’s arms around her shoulders. “Can I join in?” 

“No you cannot,” said Sara, punching her best friend in the arm. “Why am I friends with any of you?” 

Ava chuckled affectionately, unwinding her scarf from her neck and gently looping it around Sara’s. “Because of this?” she said, hoping she still sounded teasing rather than how mushy she felt at the way Sara’s eyes had softened towards her. Sara held her gaze for a second before tightening the scarf and ducking her face into it. 

“Yeah okay,” she said with a small smile. “This’ll do.” 

“Are the others still taking their samples?” Zari asked Sara, even as Ava caught a glint of curiosity and intrigue in her eyes as she looked between the two of them. 

“Yeah,” said Sara, shivering less now that she had Ava’s scarf. “Although, Ray should be finished, I dunno where he -” She stopped abruptly, something flashing in her eyes. “Oh.” 

“What?” said Zari and Ava in unison while Amaya just turned to try and spot Ray on the beach. 

“I didn’t realise Sydney took Bio,” said Sara, a slight hint of disdain in her voice. 

“Yeah,” said Amaya, tightening her lips. “He’s in that really small stream of it. He doesn’t really try very hard - I don’t know why he’s taking it to be honest.” 

Ava furrowed her eyebrows. “Do we not like Sydney or something?” she asked, bumping her shoulder against Sara’s. “I always found it kind of weird that he and Ray don’t seem close at all, given that they’re identical twins.” 

“They’re kind of close,” said Amaya, shaking her head. “They’re just very, very different people. And we do like Sydney. He can just be a little overbearing sometimes … he doesn’t really notice when he kind of talks  _ over  _ Ray or outshines him.” 

“Outshines him?” echoed Ava. “Ray’s literally going to MIT. How do you outshine  _ that _ ?” 

“Get a fancy football scholarship,” said Sara with a shrug. “Their stepdad is a super traditional sporty macho type guy. He cares way more about Sydney and all his sporty shit than Ray’s kickass science stuff. Sydney hates that Ray gets sidelined all the time but he doesn’t really try to do anything about it.” 

There was an edge to her voice that Ava picked up on, and she immediately glanced across to try and get a read on Sara’s expression. It was frustratingly neutral.

“He probably secretly likes being ‘the better one’,” said Zari with a sigh, making imaginary quotation marks with her fingers. “It sucks. Ray always kinda retreats into his shell when Sydney’s around. It’s why he usually does everything he can to stick to completely different circles.” 

Ava’s gaze found Nora, who was in Ray’s group for the sample gathering task they’d all been assigned. Ava watched as Nora shivered, slipping her hand into Ray’s pocket and leaning closer to him, still vaguely managing to hide her affection as huddling for warmth. Ava’s lips quirked upwards fondly, and she did her best not to look at Sara who was standing almost as close to her as Nora was to Ray. Honestly, it was nice seeing Nora like this, if a little odd. She hadn’t relaxed completely - how could she, with her dad locked up awaiting trial, a trial they all knew she’d be forced to testify in whether she liked it or not. But even so there was something about the way she held herself, the way she smiled and joked and stood a little taller, as if she was finally,  _ finally,  _ free.

Free to live her life as who she was, free let her friends in, free to love who she loved without fearing her dad hurting the people around her if he found out how she felt. And God, she deserved it. It made Ava’s heart ache thinking about how it had taken this  _ long  _ for her to get that chance.

As Ava tuned back into herself, returned her attention to Sara beside her, she noticed Amaya and Zari had left. She was about to ask where they were when she caught sight of them hurrying over to Nate and Lily, helping them finish their sample collection. Ava’s eyes flickered back to Sara, and she noted a soft, yet slightly concerned smile on Sara’s face as she gazed at Ray. Ava nudged her shoulder, shuffling closer (for  _ convenience _ , so they could  _ talk _ .) 

“What is is?” she asked quietly. Sara’s eyebrows tilted down into an almost imperceptible frown as she shrugged, chewing her wind-chapped bottom lip for a moment, trying to find the right words.

“It’s Ray,” she said finally. “He’s … I don’t know. I think Sydney hanging around threw him earlier. More than usual, I mean.  He’s acting … weird. I haven’t seen him like this in a while.”

Sara bit her lip again, wary of continuing in case she was overheard, but it only took one look back at Nora, smiling and leaning against Ray’s side, for Ava to slip her arm through Sara’s and pull her a little further away from the group, wandering over to a rock pool under the pretence of actually starting their next task - the worksheet they’d been assigned - before stopping and turning to face Sara. Ava didn’t want to intrude, not really; whatever was going on with Ray - and whatever Sara knew about it - was between them. But she’d talked to Nora last week and  _ encouraged _ her to pursue her feelings for Ray, and she knew better than anyone how much losing him would hurt. 

So if there was any chance at all that this could backfire, she needed to know. She refused to be the one who tore  _ their  _ relationship apart too. 

“What do you mean?” she asked quietly, pushing away some damp loose strands of hair from her face and meeting Sara’s eyes.

Sara fiddled with her zip, eyes drifting back over to where Ray, Nora and the rest of their friends were still huddled. “Do you remember what I was like in freshman year? Back when you hated me?”

“I didn’t  _ hate _ you,” Ava protested weakly, the smile on her face betraying her. Sara grinned back.

“I was awful, Aves. Like, the walking representation of a little shit. If you can’t admit that, then you’re misremembering.” 

“Hey, you said it, not me,” said Ava with a small laugh and Sara rolled her eyes before something a little more serious crept into her expression, the sparkle in her eyes dimming. 

“It was bad though,” she admitted, wrapping her arms around herself and hugging tightly as another icy breeze rippled across the beach. “I purposefully  _ tried  _ to get into fights, didn’t do my work, skipped school with Len and Mick and just … went out of my way to get myself into as much shit as possible. And if you’d asked me why I was doing it, I wouldn’t’ve known.” Her eyes darted back to Ray and Nora, something reminiscent and sad tinging her voice. “Ray was the one who eventually pointed out to me that I was doing everything I could to avoid being Laurel, no matter how much trouble I got myself into. Because he - he got it. He was just as desperate to separate himself from Sydney, the favourite child, and he was struggling with believing he was good enough. Just like me. We’d both spent our whole lives with people telling us that who  _ we  _ were wasn’t worth as much as our siblings, and … I dunno. I guess we were both equally fucked up by it in our separate ways.” 

Ava reached out to find Sara’s hand, squeezing it tightly and swallowing the insistent retort on her tongue that Sara was worth  _ so  _ much more than the ways she and Laurel were alike. It was clear that Sara was going somewhere with this and Ava didn’t want to interrupt. (Even so, she stored that information away for later. It wasn’t as if she didn’t already know about that particular insecurity, but it was different hearing Sara admit it out loud, especially because it was only to help her friend.) Sara sighed, kicking a loose pebble upwards onto the back of her foot in an absent minded soccer move. “I think … Sydney was walking away from Ray and Nora when I saw him, and he waved goodbye to them both. Nora too. Did you see that?” 

Ava nodded, slowly starting to realise where Sara was going with this, turning her head slightly to look across the beach to where their friends were standing, slightly obscured by the gentle drizzle that’d been falling all day. Even from this distance, she could sense Ray’s hesitance, and her concern for Nora faded into something deeper, a concern that the gentle, softer side of them both - the one she’d seen last week as she had stood in Nora’s bedroom doorway - might not be enough to bring them together. 

“I think Sydney chatting to Nora earlier might’ve spooked Ray a little,” Sara admitted quietly. “It’s difficult to explain, but when you’re always treated as second best, it - it messes with you. It makes you believe it. And Sydney … he’s popular. Sporty. And, to be honest, he’s far more like anyone else Nora’s dated than Ray is. I know you told me none of those relationships meant anything to her really, but in the most superficial sense of it all, Sydney  _ is  _ Nora’s type.” 

Ava grimaced.

“ _ We  _ can see how Nora really feels,” said Sara, chewing anxiously on the inside of her cheek, “and I think Ray knows she cares about him too, but it’s so much more difficult to believe you’re someone’s first choice when you never have been before.”

There was so much understanding behind Sara’s words that it made Ava feel slightly sick. She had a sudden, desperate urge to remind Sara that she mattered too, but she was unsure whether to focus on her, Ray, or Nora. She wasn’t quite sure whether it was her place to say something about any of them. Sara squeezed her hand gently, thumb brushing against her skin, completely misinterpreting the look on her face. “Don’t worry about Nora, she’ll be okay. Ray could never break anyone’s heart, even if he is a little too caught up in his own head. They’ll be alright.”

Ava swallowed, nodding. Her quiet, “yeah” was lost to the howling wind. Sara tilted her head towards the group and raised an eyebrow, silently asking if Ava was ready to go back over, as though Ava had been the one sharing personal stories on a cold, windy, miserable beach, rather than the person standing there and listening and falling even more in love.

 

(Honestly, Ava didn’t particularly want to rejoin the group, especially with one of the more stern Biology teachers standing near Zari and Nate and watching them closely. But something told Ava they were going to get rounded up to head to the next location on the trip anyway, so she just nodded at Sara.) 

 

“I know we were talking about Ray,” Ava added quietly, keeping a firm grip on Sara’s hand as they walked back over to the others. (She ignored the voice in her head that told her to bring it up to her lips and press a gentle kiss to Sara’s knuckles), “but you know you’re my favourite Lance, right?” The sentence was awkwardly affectionate, kind of clunky and sounded strange and joking the minute it rolled off Ava’s tongue. What she  _ really  _ wanted to say materialised into her head seconds later.

_ You’re my favourite everything _ .

Before she could consider whether to say it though, Sara smiled, ducking her head down damp hair falling in front of her face but failing to hide the blush creeping across her cheeks or the sincerity behind her words. “I’d better be Sharpe.”

 

Now that Sara had pointed it out, it was obvious. The way Ray’s eyes flickered away when Nora laughed at something he’d said, drifting across the beach as if searching for his brother, waiting for him to come charm Nora and whisk her away. The way he hesitated when she pulled his arm around her shoulders, unsure that what he was doing was the right thing to do, as if he was wondering whether his brother would do something else in the same situation. 

The worst thing was that Ava could clearly see how much it was bothering Nora, and how much she was struggling not to call Ray out on it. Because this wasn’t really a conversation they should have on the beach surrounded by people, shivering and rain splattered and miserable, but still Ava found herself tensing, wondering how long it would take for Nora to snap. Nora was  _ Nora _ , and she had a short fuse and an impressive temper, and Ava knew that her frustration was only going to build with each passing deflection on Ray’s part. Because Ava knew that  _ this  _ was Nora’s right moment. Her dad was finally behind bars, at least for now, and she had a chance - a  _ real _ chance - to let herself fall in love with someone she truly, genuinely cared about, someone who’d been there for her every time she needed him for the past year, someone who was sweet and generous and everything she deserved.

“Relax,” Sara murmured quietly, leaning into Ava’s side and slipping one arm around her waist, squeezing lightly. “Nora knows him better than anyone. She’s not gonna mess this up.”

There was a hint of something in her voice, a faint  _ not like I did _ that wasn’t meant to be there, something they’d talked about even after their emotional midnight conversation during the raid, but that Sara didn’t seem to be able to get over. She sighed softly, squeezing Sara’s shoulder in return. “I know,” she said quietly. “I’m just ...I  want this to work out perfectly for her, you know? She’s been through enough already.”

“It will,” Sara reassured her, glancing up to meet her eyes with a smile, tilting her head over to where Nora was looking up at Ray, a mixture of concern and confusion and irritation on her face. Her smile widened, confidence growing. “It will.”

 

It happened so fast. One moment, Ava was looking down at Sara and wondering whether it’d be worth breaking all of her rules and kissing her right there and then, and the next Ray was visibly tensing at something Nora had said, pulling away slightly and shoving his hands into his pockets, clearly overwhelmingly torn between tugging Nora into his arms or making a run for it, leaving her to find someone he seemed to think was better, someone he thought she deserved. 

Nora’s eyes flashed with exasperation as she spun around to face him, fingers reaching out to curl into his shirt and tug him closer, making sure he couldn’t bolt. Ava’s breath caught in her throat, everything Sara had mentioned earlier flooding to the forefront of her mind. She desperately wanted to warn Nora to be careful which insecurities she pushed at. But if Nora and Ray’s friendship had been anything like hers and Sara’s, Ava had to trust that Nora already knew exactly where the root of Ray’s unease was coming from. 

“She knows,” Sara reassured her quietly, even though Ava hadn’t spoken out loud. Sara’s eyes were fixed on Ray, but her words were soft and meant only for Ava to hear as she softly murmured “Stop worrying, Aves. She knows him better than anyone, she knows what she’s doing.” 

Ava nodded. She attempted - with great difficulty - to just  _ trust  _ her best friend’s instincts rather than imagining her and Sara in the same situation and overthinking every single way this could go wrong (and then imagining every single way it could go  _ right _ ). She exhaled just as Nora’s eyes met Ray’s, frustration painfully obvious even from so far away. Ray shivered slightly and Nora’s eyebrows tilted down into a frown, fed up with biting her tongue when she wanted to speak, and very clearly fed up with Ray’s hesitation. “I like you,” she said abruptly without warning, loud enough that it caught everybody’s attention. Ava felt her heart swoop into her stomach, and Sara let out a quiet noise of surprise. Either Nora missed the sudden intake of breath from everyone nearby or simply didn’t care, because she continued as if nothing had changed, that same edge from before creeping back into her voice as she added, “You know that, right?”

Something unidentifiable flashed through Ray’s eyes and he rubbed the back of his neck, laughing nervously. “Well I’d hope so. We’ve been friends for almost a year - ”

“Shut up,” Nora snapped again, a little more forcefully, and Ava felt Sara’s fingers slip into hers, squeezing tight enough to bruise. It was okay. They’d be okay. 

Ava let out a shaky breath, squeezing Sara’s hand back, both past pretending they weren’t paying close attention to everything going down between two of their closest friends. They both knew what was at stake. (They both knew how much it hurt, putting yourself on the line and losing your best friend because of it.) 

Everyone nearby, even those not in their friendship group, was staring by now, but Nora didn’t seem to care. “You know what I mean, Ray. I have ... I have feelings. For you.” She bit her lip, eyes still defiant but her voice softening slightly, a slither of hesitance masking her irritation from before.  “You - you do know that, don’t you?”

Ray blinked, a wave of understanding and unhidden shock flickering across his expression. He fiddled nervously with the leather band around his wrist, eyes drifting away from Nora’s gaze, as though he wanted so badly to tell her the truth, but was almost too scared he might lose her. 

Oh. Yeah.

Sara shifted slightly in front of her, back pressing up against Ava’s chest, close enough Ava could feel her breath catching as she too realised the familiarity of Ray’s expression. Ava nudged Sara’s shoulder gently with her own and Sara’s posture relaxed just incrementally. 

“I mean, yeah,” said Ray, his voice hoarse and cracking a little as he spoke. “I thought...I thought maybe. I … I guess I kind of hoped. That you did.”

Nora’s eyes were fixed on Ray’s face, searching for some kind of confirmation before she swallowed, smoothing down the creases she’d created in Ray’s t-shirt and gripping the lapels of his coat instead. When she spoke again, her face was so open and vulnerable, more so than Ava had ever seen her be in front of  _ this  _ many people before that it made Ava’s heart leap into her throat in anticipation. “Do you like me?” Nora asked in a small voice.

Ray’s voice softened to match his expression. An incredulous, fond and maybe slightly embarrassed smile graced his features. “Yeah, Nora,” he said, ducking his face down to hide the slight flush that spread across his cheeks. “Of course I do. How could I not?” 

For a split second Nora looked as though she was going to speak and Ava waited, breath caught in her throat, for Nora to attempt to contradict Ray’s words with all the excuses she’d given Ava about why them dating was probably a bad idea. But then … she didn’t. She didn’t tell Ray there were better people out there, she didn’t list the reasons she didn’t think she was worth dating or every way them being involved could get him hurt. She didn’t mention her dad or ask Ray to take things slow, she didn’t look around to check who was watching, and she didn’t take Ray’s hand like Ava was expecting and pull him away somewhere private, somewhere she could let her walls down without anyone seeing. Instead, she gripped the lapels of Ray’s coat tighter and slunk up onto her toes, whispering something only he could hear before pulling him down into a kiss.

“ _ Yes _ !” crowed Nate and their entire crowd of classmates broke into  _ whoops  _ and cheers and applause that was barely audible in the carrying whistles of the wind.

Sara twisted around at the same time Ava let her hands trail down Sara’s arms to rest at her shoulders. Sara tore her gaze away from their friends to grin up at Ava, chapped lips and windswept hair not managing to take away from the excitement in her eyes, that familiar, unbridled affection for Ray and Nora that would’ve been visible even from the other side of the beach. “Told you they knew what they were doing,” she whispered smugly, leaning back against Ava’s arms, head at the perfect angle that Ava could - if she had the courage - to lean down and wipe that cocky expression off her face. But the brief flare of courage she felt in her stomach roared back down to a quiet sizzle almost immediately, and so when Sara rolled her eyes, Ava brought one hand up and brushed her finger across Sara’s cheek to catch a wet lock of hair, tucking it back behind her ear where it belonged. Sara smiled widely at her, softly and full of warmth and something so intimate that it made Ava’s heart flutter almost painfully. 

_ The right moment, _ she reassured herself, tearing her eyes away from Sara’s lips. Nora had found the perfect moment for herself, and now it was only a matter of time. She could wait. Because standing here, on a cold, windy beach with Sara warm and comfortable in her arms … it felt more right than anything ever had before. Somehow, Ava finally felt  _ sure  _ that something was to come, even if she didn’t quite know what it was going to be.

And this was  _ Sara _ . However long she had to wait for her, Ava knew without a doubt it would be worth it.

 

* * *

 

It was late by the time the bus finally rolled back into the SCHS car park. The lights were dimmed in the bus, and everyone was quiet, either listening to music or sleeping through the duration of the seemingly endless journey back to Star City. Ava shifted, her eyes catching the familiar landmarks through the window and attempting to straighten her seat and wake herself up. She was immediately halted by the weight of Sara at her side. Sara’s head was heavy on Ava’s shoulder and her arms were looped around Ava’s as she dozed. Ava nudged her. 

“Hey. Sara. We’re here.” 

Sara made an immediate noise of sleepy, disgruntled protest, curling further into Ava. Ava laughed. 

“C’mon sleepyhead, get up,” she said affectionately. 

Sara grumbled incoherently again, and she turned to bury her face in the crook of Ava’s neck at the same time that Ava turned to grin down amusedly at her. As a result, Ava found her lips inadvertently brushing against Sara’s hairline in a way that could only be interpreted by Sara as a kiss, and Ava had to stop herself from freezing in alarm. But instead of pulling away or stiffening, Sara just relaxed, one of her arms shifting to wrap around Ava’s middle and latch on stubbornly. 

“Don’t wanna get up,” she mumbled, and Ava could feel Sara’s lips against her collarbone and had to resist the shiver she felt running along her spine. She desperately hoped Sara wouldn’t be able to hear how fast her heart was racing. All she could feel was how close Sara’s body was pressed up against hers, every soft curve, every edge of hard muscle. How Sara’s hand was tucked under Ava’s jacket, fingers loosely holding Ava’s t-shirt and her wrist resting against the smallest flash of skin of Ava’s stomach where her t-shirt had ridden up. How her breath was warm against Ava’s neck. How her leg was looped around Ava’s. Ava’s stomach fluttered and she tried to remember to like.  _ Breathe  _ properly. 

_ Yesterday  _ certainly hadn’t helped. Not when - unlike today - it had been a swelteringly hot day, and when Ava, Nora and Nate had swung by the field after studying to catch the end of soccer practice, half the team had pulled off the soccer jerseys and were running around the field clad in shorts and sports bras instead. 

(If Ava had had  _ any  _ lingering uncertainties about her sexuality, they definitely would’ve evaporated into oblivion then.) 

And then there was Sara, whose back muscles rippled when she turned away from Ava to throw the ball in from the sidelines, whose arms tensed when Zari jumped on her back for a piggy back ride across the field, whose smile was wide and sparkling as she glanced over to grin at Ava with way too much visible skin shining with sweat and glistening like some kind of fucking  _ ethereal being  _ in the sunlight. Ava had kind of wanted to throw something at her (and at Nora, who kept sending her amused smirks the entire time). 

Before Ava could try and muster up something to say to pull her thoughts away from the unbelievable gay disaster that had been yesterday afternoon, the overhead lights of the bus flickered on abruptly, flaring brightly and making everyone groan. 

“Oh come on,” mumbled Sara, fingers tightening into Ava’s side. Ava blinked, trying to adjust to light before finally sitting up properly. She reluctantly and gently eased Sara upwards too, and Sara rubbed her eyes before meeting Ava’s gaze with a slightly sheepish, embarrassed smile. 

“Sleep well?” teased Ava. 

“Shut up,” said Sara with a half hearted glare. “Thanks for the pillow.” 

Ava managed to stop herself from saying  _ anytime _ , because she didn’t think she’d be able to handle the suggestive smirk Sara would send her without literally melting into the seat below her. Somehow though, when she looked up, Sara was closer than before, eyes so vibrantly blue in the oddly warm artificial light of the bus, lips still chapped from the cold of the day and one cheek red from where it had been pressed against Ava’s shoulder for the past few hours. It seemed like the millionth time in the past couple of weeks that Ava had had to actively stop herself from giving into the urge to just  _ kiss  _ her. 

Thankfully, their biology teacher saved Ava this time, telling them to all pack up their stuff and get the hell of the bus so everybody could go home. Sara rolled her eyes over dramatically, making a big show of exaggeratedly grabbing all her stuff that just made Ava snort and poke Sara’s stomach. 

“Get a move on,” she said with a smile. “I don’t wanna get locked on this bus because you took 3 million years to grab your shit.” 

“What if the zombie apocalypse is about to break out and I know about it through my dad’s contacts at the CDC and I’m stalling so that we can take control of this bus and use it as our home base as we have to travel across the country in a quest to save humanity?” 

Ava didn’t know why the joking expression on Sara’s face, the glint in her eye, and the absolute  _ ridiculousness  _ coming from her mouth right now made Ava want to kiss her  _ more _ , but apparently she was in love with a nerd, so - 

“Then I trust you’ll swing by my house on your way out of the city and save me from the flesh eating savages,” she said with an eye roll, and Sara just laughed.

 

* * *

 

**Instagram** **  
  
**

**_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

when  @avacsharpe is trying to get you to study for exams ALREADY, literally no thanks can we just go get burgers instead please

**_Location: Star City Library_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Liked by:_ ** _ ztomaz, iriswestxx, avacsharpe, lilssstein, aliJsharpeXX and 159 others.  _ _   
_ **_Comments:_ **   
_ avacsharpe:  _ No   
_ avacsharpe:  _ You’ll be thanking me when you get As on all your exams ;-)    
_ noradarhk:  _ OH GREAT she’s found someone new to drag to the library 3 million years before exams even start, thanks for taking one for the team  @saraalance   
_ avacsharpe:  _ Hey  @raymondcpalmer you know Nora doesn’t study unless like, 100% forced right? Wouldn’t it suck if she failed all her senior year finals?    
_ noradarhk:  _ I hate you  @avacsharpe

Sunday 16 April.

 

* * *

 

**Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all    
_ Active now _

_ SUN 10:02am: _

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** It rlly says a lot abt the emotional   
toll that these last few weeks have    
taken on me considering I saw sara’s    
Instagram & almost burst into tears bc    
they are POSTING abt each other again

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gary did burst into tears

Not kidding he is actually crying

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** shut up lily you’re making it sound more   
overdramatic than it is i tEARED UP is all 

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Literally would sell my soul to know what   
happened earlier this week that changed   
everything bc they were still weird and   
awkward around each other and then   
they took that day off school and it’s   
like everything is Properly Back to the   
way it was

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I almost want to say it’s more than back   
to the way it was

Something’s different

I don’t want to say they told each other abt   
their feelings but it almost seems as though   
they could have

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** there’s no way 

not after this past month

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** They didn’t confess their feelings but they   
definitely fixed whatever had been off since   
the prom dare, I know that for sure

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** What?????

How

How do you know that for sure

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHAT ZARI SAID how do u know

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava came round the day my dad was    
arrested to check on me

I’m not gonna give you guys details bc   
some of the stuff Ava told me was    
private but I can tell you now that she   
finally said it out loud 

She has feelings for Sara

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** HOOOOO BOY

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** i know we all knew this already but   
like, having them actually say it just   
killed me a little inside im not ok

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** I wish we had a proper confirmation from   
Sara too 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I mean, if things changed that much between   
them that night, then maybe she’ll talk to   
one of us sometime soon?

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** It better be soon

Soon is very relative rn

Soon = district champs

Soon = prom

Soon = exams

Soon = graduation

Soon = college

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fuck it better be before all of that    
bc I am not waiting that long for    
them to stop being idiots abt how   
feel ffs 

* * *

 

It was edging on early evening, and Star City High School was almost deserted. The sun was still hovering in the sky, very slowly drifting closer to the horizon as the soccer field was aglow in a golden haze of flickering spring sunshine. Rip had cancelled tonight’s practice, even though district champs were barely a few weeks away, having claimed that the team had been working hard and deserved a night to rest and enjoy the unusually clear April evening sun. The other girls had immediately voted to drive out to the bayside diner near Central Bay as a treat, but Sara and Zari had opted to stay behind. 

They knew the team was on top of practices, knew their plan for district champs was solid, but Sara knew neither of them would be able to take an evening off with their last chance to make it to playoffs looming so close. Sara had been captain for two years, and this year had made Zari her co-captain; they’d worked flawlessly in the year and a half they had played together since Zari’s arrival in Star City, and in conversations about the upcoming season before senior year had begun, Sara had immediately voiced wanting to appoint Zari as co captain, knowing that with her insight, they’d almost definitely have a killer season ahead of them. 

And she’d been right. 

Apart from perhaps two particularly difficult games (one having been the championship qualifier), Zari, Rip and Sara had been able to orchestrate exactly the game plans, plays and lineups that had made this Star City’s best season in almost six years. 

They were so close to a perfect season; if they could win district champs, make the playoffs and then fight their way to state championships, Sara would be able to graduate without a single regret over anything she  _ hadn’t  _ done with SCHS soccer. So even when Lindsay nudged her and said “Come  _ on _ Sara, you work so hard! Rip’s right, we’ve been training like crazy, just take a night off!”, Sara couldn’t bring herself to fold and be dragged out to Central Bay with her team. 

“I’m staying,” said Zari with a shrug, catching Sara’s eye. “I gotta get home before 7 so I can’t head out, so I was just gonna practice some drills. Feel free to join if you want.” 

Relief flooded Sara and she nodded, shooting Lindsay an apologetic smile. “Sorry Linds,” she said, squeezing Lindsay’s arm. “Captain’s responsibility ‘n all. Plus, I think I need some stress relief with how many final assignments I have to wrap up this week so I’m gonna stick around.” 

 

It turned out to be exactly what both of them needed. Zari’s household had been chaos the past month or so with Behrad returning home, Zari’s parents fretting over him and everyone trying to readjust to the now full house. Sara meanwhile was still trying to get used to having Ava back. After the final Darhk raid, it was like they’d catapulted back to where they’d been before the prom dare, back to the unhesitating affection and the quiet, hidden touches of interlocked fingers and gentle nudges when they hoped no one was looking. 

But something was different; before the dare, Sara had just chalked everything down to an overly affectionate friendship, to her and Ava having gotten so close so quickly and both so desperately needing this kind of relationship to hold onto during the insane year they’d had. She knew that anyone looking at them would have scoffed skeptically given how easily their interactions could be read as romantic, but there was something that had held Sara back from trying to read too hard into a reciprocity of her own feelings. 

(She said  _ something _ , as though she didn’t know exactly what it was. She just didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to force herself to that far into her own head.) 

But something  _ was  _ different, because unlike before, Sara could feel that the invisible grip holding her back from confessing her feelings to Ava was inexplicably weaker. She didn’t know why, but it was as though something similar was happening to Ava, because all of a sudden, she could  _ see  _ things. She could see the untameable affection in Ava’s eyes, could hear the way her breath hitched when Sara leaned in close enough, could no longer ignore the way Ava’s eyes darted down to her lips so many times in a day that Sara felt as though she was melting into the ground with desire and an urge to just surge forward and kiss her. 

So now, she really, really wanted to think that something was there, and that abrupt hope that refused to dwindle was a  _ lot  _ for Sara to figure out what to do with. Additionally, Quentin had quietly mentioned that discussions were now in the works for Laurel to be released from rehab for a trial period to see how she responded being back in her regular life. Laurel had put in a request for being released in time for Sara’s graduation, and while Sara was absolutely  _ ecstatic  _ about that possibility, it felt somewhat suffocating and overwhelming after having almost a whole school year to get used to being  _ just  _ Sara as opposed to Sara in comparison to Laurel.  

So kicking a ball around with Zari, focusing on the upcoming game, surrounding herself by the fresh, crisp evening air and the peachy, sunlit haze of the world around them - that turned out to be exactly what Sara hadn’t realised she needed. 

 

“How are things with Amaya?” asked Sara, taking a quick swing of water as Zari finished the last of her sprints. 

“Good,” said Zari breathlessly, her eyes lighting up with the sparkle Sara recognised as the one that illuminated Zari’s face every time she talked about her girlfriend. “Really good. I’m like, really happy that Behrad’s home ‘n all, and I don’t wanna sound ungrateful for him coming back especially considering how upset I was that he was leaving back in January. But it’s been so crazy with him moving back. I hadn’t gotten  _ used  _ to him being gone, not really, but the house is so busy all the time now with them trying to slot him back to life in Star City, so it’s really nice to go to Amaya’s. It’s just so quiet and like, you know her. She literally radiates calm. It’s comforting.” 

“I can imagine,” said Sara with a small smile. “I’m excited for Laurel to come back, whenever she ends up getting released, but it’s gonna be so weird when she does. I’m not really ready.” Zari nodded understandingly. Sara gestured for her to pass the ball, and Zari did, Sara stopping it with the inside of her foot and almost instinctively running through a routine skills drill with the little orange cone wedged into the grass in front of her. “Have you guys talked about college? You ‘n Amaya.” 

Something flashed in Zari’s eyes and she nodded again with a sigh. “Yeah. We … neither of us wanna break up. Absolutely not. Like obviously we don’t wanna hold each other back for something that  _ could  _ happen in the places we’re going but I don’t think either of us are prepared to give up on this that easily. We’re gonna try make long distance work for as long as we can. If it doesn’t work, we’ll reevaluate and see whether one of us thinks it’s worth it to move. If like, we think we can get the same quality of education at somewhere close by to the other. Breaking up is literally the last resort.” 

“That’s the most sensible and well thought out thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth Z,” teased Sara, and Zari rolled her eyes, throwing a sweat towel at her that Sara immediately ducked away from. “No, but seriously. I’m glad you guys are giving it a shot. I think you guys could make it work, even though me saying that’s probably not worth much.” 

“Sara,” said Zari, her voice uncharacteristically soft. “You saying that is worth everything. You know that.” 

It was an abrupt shift in tone that Sara didn’t really know what to do with. Their conversation had been relatively honest and genuine from the start, but the edge in Zari’s voice as she said it, the way it was clear she was bordering on diving into another pool of conversation, took Sara aback just slightly and she couldn’t muster up an appropriately sarcastic response to try deviate from the seriousness of where they’d stumbled. 

“Glad my word means so much to you,” she settled on eventually, keeping her eyes focused on the soccer ball in front of her to avoid looking at Zari. Zari didn’t say anything for a second. 

“I wish I could see you be with someone like I have Amaya,” she finally said, voice barely above a whisper. An uncomfortable itch crawled up Sara’s spine and she ignored it by passing the ball to Zari. 

“One day,” she said with feigned brightness. 

An odd expression flickered in Zari’s eyes. “Nothing right now?” 

Sara rolled her eyes to hide the suddenly risen wave of fear that arced within her. “Z, you’d know if there was, come on.” Zari stopped suddenly, her foot resting on top of the soccer ball, nudging it forward just slightly. Her gaze was pensive and thoughtful, eyes curious and flickering with a torn, clearly unmade decision. Sara sighed, trying to crack a lighthearted smile. “Come on Z, what is it? You got someone you wanna set me up with? If not, leave me to be single in peace.” 

“So it’s not because of Ava?” 

Sara froze. She swore her heart stopped in her chest for a second, a cold chill sending shivers down her back as her legs suddenly felt as though they could give way at any moment. She turned away, hoping to hide her deer in the headlights expression from Zari, but she could sense the way Zari just took a step closer. 

“It’s not because you like her?” Zari pressed, voice quieter and gentler than before. 

Sara snapped her eyes shut, fingers almost desperately moving to pick anxiously at her soccer jersey. “Z, how?” she asked in a shaky breath, her voice already sounding scratchy with inklings of panic. 

Zari snorted. “You’re not exactly  _ subtle _ .” 

Sara whirled round, eyes wide and fearful. If  _ Zari _ knew, then did Ava - 

Zari seemed to be able to tell what had crossed Sara’s mind and she shook her head. “Hey, it’s okay. She’s even more oblivious than you.” Sara didn’t say anything, and Zari didn’t push her to, just sighed and backtracked to answer Sara’s question. “Quite a few of us had been joking around about it a lot for a while. About the tension between you two, having a laugh about how funny it would be if you guys ended up hooking up with all that animosity behind it all. I wish I could say that you guys becoming so close was what made me realise you had feelings, but it wasn’t. I think that’s how some of the others figured it out - Amaya and stuff.” 

“Why not you?” asked Sara, voice strangled. 

Zari looked down, expression heavy. “Because I’ve only ever seen you heartbroken, Sara. When I moved here, it was right after everything with Nyssa. The only other relationship I ever got to see for you was the actually, painfully tragic unfolding of you and Oliver. As I watched everything that happened after the prom dare play out, that’s when I realised that it was more than just the fleeting crush we all talked about from time to time. You were as devastated as I had seen you be after Nyssa and Oliver, so there had to be proper feelings involved - I just wasn’t sure if you knew yourself.” 

Sara couldn’t stop herself from murmuring “I knew.” 

Zari’s hand was soft and sudden against Sara’s arm. “Yeah. I thought you might.” 

Sara swallowed, forcing herself to look her best friend in the eye. “You’re sure she doesn’t know? I … I can’t lose her again Z, if you know about this and you said that Amaya and the others know -” 

“We haven’t said anything this far,” promised Zari, squeezing Sara’s arm a little. “Honestly, I think they’d all kill me if they knew I was talking to you about this. We wanted you to come to us if and when you were ready. I just … I hate seeing you this miserable. You deserve this kind of happiness.” 

Sara shrugged, trying to smother the tiny flickers of panic that still roared away in the base of her stomach at the very concept of having this conversation. “I’ll find happiness. I just need time to get over her.” 

The same, odd expression before flashed through Zari’s eyes before it was replaced by a fierce burst of determination even as her gaze stayed soft and reassuring. “Sara,” she said quietly, slowly. “Sara, you realise she likes you too, right?” 

 

Sara’s first instinct was to scoff. Her second was the sudden urge to throw up. (She managed to smother the latter.) 

“No she doesn’t,” she automatically retaliated with. “She does  _ not  _ like me, Z. No way. Especially after that prom dare.” 

“Sara, can’t you see  _ why  _ that didn’t work?” insisted Zari vehemently, stepping back a little. “You played it off as a joke! If she liked you even a  _ fraction  _ of how much you clearly like her, can you imagine how fucking heartbreaking it would be for your crush to roll her eyes and try and deflect asking you to prom as being an exasperating part of the prank war?” 

Sara had let herself hope about that maybe a grand total of twice since it happened, but it was different coming from Zari’s lips. Zari who was an outsider, who at this point was close with both Ava  _ and  _ Sara, Zari who didn’t make jokes that often about stuff like this, who didn’t have serious conversations like this, who was looking Sara in the eye and clearly trying to convince her about everything rolling off her tongue. 

“Why are you so convinced she likes me?” asked Sara, and she could hear how much it almost sounded like she was begging, pleading in a pathetically desperate whisper that if it was anyone else, she would mortified about. 

“Why are you so convinced she doesn’t?” demanded Zari. 

Sara’s “Why would she?” slipped out before she could stop it. Zari’s eyebrow immediately arched in astonishment and defiance, and Sara felt the words bubbling to the surface involuntarily, as though they wouldn’t stay repressed for a single second longer. “I’m so fucked up Z. Everything with Nyssa - her dad forcing them to move  _ just  _ because he didn’t approve of me, her waiting an entire  _ year  _ before even reaching out. Oliver using me to make himself feel better about Laurel and to make Laurel feel like shit. My mom thinking I’m a failure. My dad inadvertently wishing Laurel was the strong one he gets to have around on a daily basis. God Z, Ava’s - Ava’s incredible. She’s  _ everything _ . Why the hell would she like me? Clearly all the people I’ve ever had in my life who care about me the most ended up realising it wasn’t worth it. Even if Ava  _ did  _ have feelings, I don’t think I could cope with waiting for her to realise I wasn’t worth it in the end.” She couldn’t lift her gaze to Zari’s, just dug her cleats into the no longer fully pumped up soccer ball at her feet. 

“You -” said Zari, voice quiet and incredulous. “ _ God _ , Sara, do you know how much of a fucking idiot you are?” 

Well,  _ that  _ sounded more like Zari. 

“Gee, thanks,” Sara muttered sarcastically, shoving her hands in her shorts pockets. 

“I’m serious,” Zari snapped, her voice a little harsher than before. “Sara, Nyssa’s dad was a controlling, arrogant asshole who cared about his own reputation and conservative beliefs before his daughter’s happiness. Both you and Oliver’s feelings for each other were tainted by the one person both of you loved  _ more  _ than each other caught in the middle of it all - Laurel. Your mom left when you were nine, and she has no fucking idea what kind of incredible person you grew up to become and she doesn’t deserve to  _ have  _ a part in that if she can’t be bothered opening her eyes and seeing it. And I guarantee Sara, for all the moments in your life that your dad has inadvertently put Laurel first, if any of it was pointed out to him, - bless his sweet, oblivious soul - he would make up for it in an  _ instant  _ because he’s so,  _ so  _ proud of you too, even if he doesn’t always show it. You’ve been through some shit, yes. But you hanging onto it all and letting it  _ stop  _ you from chasing your happiness  _ now  _ is what’s fucking you up, not any of the stuff that actually happened. Not anymore.” 

Zari’s words hung in the air between them, filled the quiet and the tension that seemed to crackle around the entire soccer field, for several minutes. Sara’s throat had gone dry, and she could feel her hands shaking in her pockets. 

“Sara,” Zari began, uncertainty creeping into her voice for the first time since she’d first brought this up.

“Are you sure?” Sara interrupted. Her voice shook, and she swallowed, tried to say it a little steadier and managed only  _ just.  _ “Are you  _ sure _ ?” She could hear her own hesitance, hear the tentative suspicion and anxiety that maybe wouldn’t be there if someone had told her this  _ before _ she’d gone and made Ava think going to prom together would just be one big joke. But she had to ask. Because unless Zari was absolutely, one hundred percent certain that Ava had feelings for her, she wasn’t going to let herself hope that something could come of it. Hope wouldn’t get her anywhere. Hope was where she’d gone wrong last time - hope that Ava  _ did _ like her back, hope that she would squeeze her hand and laugh and agree to come to prom, to be Sara’s  _ date, _ to … no. She’d promised Ava space weeks ago, and even though things were better now, even though it was almost the same as it had been before (perhaps even verging on feeling  _ different  _ this time in a way Sara was too terrified to think about), this tentative friendship still felt fragile. 

And after everything, she wasn’t going to let  _ anything _ jeopardise that.

Zari sighed, gesturing for Sara to pass the ball to her and then flicking it up into her hands, tilting her head towards the bench and not giving Sara the chance to even attempt to get out of sitting down and properly  _ talking  _ about this for the first time since she’d discovered her feelings in December. Sara bit her lip. It wasn’t that she didn’t  _ want _ to talk about Ava. She always wanted to talk about Ava - she couldn’t get enough of her, the way she tilted her head slightly and nudged Sara’s shoulder to check she was okay, the way she curled up on her bed to talk or watch movies or study, the way she  _ smiled _ when it was only Sara around, eyes wide and sparkling and - 

Sara sucked in a breath and moved to join Zari on the bench, grabbing her water bottle and taking a long sip just to avoid Zari’s eyes. Zari smirked at her anyway, as if she knew exactly where her mind had gone, but gave Sara space to think for a moment before asking in a quiet, thoughtful voice, “Sara, have you seen the way she looks at you?”

_ The way she looks at you. _ The way she sometimes caught Ava staring when they were supposed to be studying, lost in thought, that same familiar smile Sara tried not to think about on her face. The way Ava would blush a little every time Sara noticed her looking and duck her head down, tucking her hair back behind her ear and clearing her throat to ask a pointless, unnecessary question in an attempt to change the subject. Or maybe Zari was talking about the way Ava looked at her when she got a good grade or admitted she needed to talk about something, or back when she’d gotten her college acceptances and finally managed to open them - that pure, unfiltered  _ pride _ that made something flutter deep within her, making her want to do better and  _ be _ better so she could be everything Ava wanted and more.

“Have you heard the way she speaks to you?” Zari continued softly, not tearing her eyes away from Sara’s. “Seen way she checks up on you when you’re having a bad day, just to make sure you’re okay? Or the way she trusts you with things she’d never tell anyone else, secrets she knows you won’t share, because you’re  _ you _ , Sara. You mean the world to her.”

_ She means the world to me, _ Sara thought before she could stop herself, swallowing her words and closing her eyes, tilting her head back to rest against the cool metal of the stands. Objectively, she knew she and Ava had something unique. Something  _ more  _ than a friendship, something beautiful and special, something she’d never tried to put a name to because she was too scared of overthinking it and letting herself realise what it truly was. 

“Oh and also,” said Zari casually, the smirk clear in her voice, “Nora may have mentioned something about how after the raid Ava finally admitted to having feelings for you. But if the others ask, I never told you that.” 

Sara’s eyes shot open and she stared at Zari in shock, jaw hanging open. She felt as though her heart was going a mile a minute in her chest, and she didn’t know whether it was butterflies or nausea in her stomach. Every moment that Sara had ever tried to convince herself was just platonic was suddenly burned into the forefront of her mind because now Zari was telling her that it had been real; that every lingering touch, every smile, every glance she thought she’d imagined was  _ real _ . 

Ava liked her.

“Ava likes me,” she said, testing their words out on her tongue. Immediately, a low flush spread across her face, a warmth rapidly filling her chest and she bit her lip in a futile attempt to stop her lips from breaking into a shy but uncontrollably happy grin. She turned her drink bottle in her hands, sucking in a sharp breath. “Ava likes me,” she repeated. “Holy  _ shit.  _ Holy shit, okay. Okay. She … she likes me. Wow. Okay.” 

“Real smooth there Lance,” chuckled Zari, rolling her eyes affectionately. 

Sara shot her a glare. “Shut up, this whole feelings rollercoaster hasn’t exactly been easy.” 

Zari’s eyes softened and she nodded. “Yeah. I know.” 

Sara tightened her grip on the soccer ball that she’d rolled into her own lap.  _ She  _ knew Ava liked her, but if she had been this oblivious all this time, who was to say that Ava hadn’t been too? Especially after the prom dare. Which meant that the ball was in  _ Sara’s  _ court to make a move, to figure out how the hell to fix all the mistakes they’d both made, to cross the line they’d both been toeing for so long and been too afraid to step over. But it had to be  _ perfect.  _

“What the hell do I even do about this now?” she demanded, glancing over at Zari with wide, confused eyes. “I can’t just go up to her and tell her I have feelings for her. I … I need to make  _ up  _ for how this all went wrong the last time. Like … like ask her to prom again, but for real this time, so she believes me. Jesus, I haven’t confessed my feelings for someone in like, three years Z, what do I do?” 

A vague spark of something alit in Zari’s eyes and a slow smile spread across her face. “I think I know who can help you out with that.” 

 

* * *

 

**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

avalance will rise y’all    
_ Active now _

_ TUES 6:09PM: _

**_  
_ ** _ Zari added Sara Lance to the group. _

_   
_ **_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Zari wHAT

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh my god

  
_ Nate removed Sara from the group. _

_   
_ **_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god you guys it’s FINE

  
_ Zari added Sara to the group. _

_   
_ **_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Trust me okay?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s okay guys I know

also what the fuck is this chat

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Uh 

I’m gonna plead the fifth on that   
second question and just ask

By ‘you know’

What exactly do you know?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** that ava and i have been idiots for   
the better part of this whole year,   
that I like her and she likes me and   
we both almost fucked up by not   
realising that and now i need your   
help to make things right

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** See? 

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** hOLY SHIT

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah uh Wally and Gary are gonna    
need a minute here

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh 

My 

God

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Took long enough

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** WOW OKAY THEN

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** How did you figure it out?

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** I AM 

NOT

OKAY

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** z kinda gave me a nudge in the right    
direction    
  


**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** S E E???? we should’ve just told   
them from the fuckin beginning

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** speaking of

how long have you guys had this   
chat???? and again

what the fuck is it

what’s an avalance

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s your ship name

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** our what 

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** LOOK YOU GUYS DID NOT MAKE IT   
EASY OKAY IT’S H A R D TO JUST   
SIT THERE AND WATCH U BE SO   
CUTE AND SMITTEN AND NOT EVEN    
REALISE IT WE NEEDED SOMEWHERE    
TO TALK ABT IT 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh my god

you guys have been trying to set   
us up haven’t you??

that was the prom dare 

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah 

We’re so sorry about that

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** no it’s okay

your hearts were in the right place,    
i should’ve known that it wasn’t a    
good idea 

but again 

how long have you had this chat

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Uh 

Since September I think

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** SEPTEMBER

WHAT

ava and i weren’t even proper    
friends back then

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** … Yeah

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** there was still CHEMISTRY

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i didn’t even fuckin realise i   
had feelings for her until like

my birthday

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** I FUCKING CALLED IT

THE NECKLACE

@Gary YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you kidding me

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sorry continue with your revelation

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** so like

everyone predicted i would have   
feelings four months before i did? 

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Um

More like four years

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m sorry what

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** The whole school has kind of been   
shipping you guys since we were   
freshmen

Not really back then, not while you   
and Nyssa were dating but everyone   
always joked abt the sexual tension   
between you and Ava back when you   
hated each other

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** and then after nyssa left and you and   
Ava stopped being so feisty with each    
other, people kind of started to notice    
that if you ever stopped arguing, you’d   
probably be really good together

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Z broke the unofficial school rule by   
telling you btw 

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey if this gets them together i don’t   
think anyone has the right to yell at   
me for it okay 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** whoa 

okay 

this is a lot

apparently everyone knew more   
about my own feelings than me

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** You okay? X

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah

yeah i’m fine

it’s just weird talking about it   
after so long i guess

until z talked to me today i was   
still 100% convinced there was no   
way she actually liked me back

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** How?

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah, ^^ that have you SEEN the   
heart eyes that girl gives you

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i mean i thought maybe but then   
everything happened after that   
prom dare and i was so sure i was   
wrong

ANYWAY 

we can talk abt that later bc rn   
i wanna stop wasting time and   
figure out what tf i’m gonna do

how do i tell her? i don’t want   
the prom thing to happen all over   
again, i want her to know this is for   
real this time

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** “for real this time”

wow i am D y IN G

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Code red: it’s h a PPENING

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** ACTUALLY THIS TIME

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** GUYS COME ON HELP ME

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay okay okay everyone calm   
down, get your shit together ok,   
this is what we’ve been wanting   
for years, now let’s make it happen

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara how do you wanna do this?    
A big grand gesture or something rlly   
small and private?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i just want her to know that   
i mean it, that i rlly want this

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** OH

I just had an idea

And there’s no way she would be able   
to take it the wrong way this time

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m listening

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thoughts on doing something after/during    
the championship game?

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** OH

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god PLEASE

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Holy shit that would be so cute

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** i ca n n o t co pe 

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara please please please

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** yo if you do it right, it would prove   
that you’re not kidding around abt   
it either

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** We would totally do it right

Not making the same mistakes twice

 

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** this sounds VERY cheesy high school    
romantic comedy

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** It definitely is

So?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** … yeah I’m so in

  
_ Seen by: everyone. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you can all tell that things are about to get veeeeery interesting from here on out. next chapter is like. AHH i cant even say because i don't want to spoil anything but like. all i can tell you is: fairy lights. heart eyes. a tree house. a pillow fort. dancing. 
> 
> :)))) 
> 
> anyway. scream at us in the comments because we are SO VERY CLOSE to the good stuff (although I'd like to think there's been some good stuff in this slow burn too). also i (chim) am like. so very sick and will have to suffer through a 7.5hr shift at work tomorrow so pls give us some nice things to read while i'm miserably drinking lemon honey and gingers on my breaks <3 
> 
> WE LOVE YOU GUYS


	26. there's a shimmer in your eyes (like the feeling of a thousand butterflies)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You uh … you look beautiful.” 
> 
> Colour rose to Sara’s cheeks and her eyes flashed with something Ava wasn’t able to catch before it was gone. 
> 
> “Thanks Aves,” said Sara softly, twirling the flowers a little absentmindedly in her fingers. It was just as Ava had restarted her walk towards the stairs, that Sara quietly added, almost too quiet for Ava to hear, “So do you. By the way.” 
> 
> Ava glanced down at her outfit - at the t-shirt she was pretty sure was Ali’s and had been their father’s before that, at the jeans that were splattered with old pain and car engine grease and had tears at the knees. 
> 
> _So do you. By the way._
> 
> It took every single ounce of willpower Ava had to keep walking, and not kiss Sara in the middle of the foyer before the party had even begun."
> 
> OR
> 
> fairy lights. heart eyes. a tree house. a pillow fort. dancing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look who's back, back again. 
> 
> (miraculously this time because there was So Much that needed to be done to this chapter 12 hours ago, and at least half that time was spent procrastinating by rereading like 4 separate multi chapter fics and then crying abt my feelings over them)
> 
> firstly, i can't believe i forgot to yell about The Lingerie Scene in 4x06 in last week's chapter notes like WHEW wow guys are we all alive (belatedly). secondly, we all still Feeling Emotions about ava's clone trauma in 4x07? yes good same. we are getting fed so good this season y'all, we are not ready for the midseason finale wowee (and I hope you all know that we definitely plan to fill the void that legends will leave in the hiatus with plenty of hsau verse stuff) 
> 
> meanwhile. guys. last chapter. we just. we have literally no fucking words. there were 89 comments on ch 25 and we honestly are still trying to process. it was meant to be a FILLER and it turned out being what it is and you guys were so fucking lovely and so responsive to it, i can't even tell you just how much this means to us, and just how many times this gets us through difficult weeks or writer's block or just how overwhelming uni is at the moment. every single fuckin one of you means so so so so much to us and if we could both just hug you all personally and tell you how much your support means to us, would. 
> 
> (btw the endnote for this chapter is gonna be huge just bc imma answer some qn's from the ch 25 comments and also let u guys know just a lil psa abt next chapter) 
> 
> right so: this chapter is just. phew. okay. like, i thought last chapter was my favourite after ch 12 and ch 21 but this. Ho Boy. this is my next favourite. anyone who saw my meltdown of emotions about this chapter on twitter knows you guys have a Wild Ride coming over the next 14k words (also; we don't know how this keeps happening, we always go, right so ~8k chapters yes? and then we end up with This). when both rach and i read it, we both had to stop and get up and take a walk during a certain scene because we were having far too many emotions so like. good luck lol. ANYWAY. please read it. love it as much as we do. scream as much as you did last chapter. 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from andante andante by ABBA)

_ Nora Darhk _

**Text Message** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

**  
** **_9:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Can I bring Ray as my +1 tomorrow?

  
**_9:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah of course

  
**_9:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Pretty sure Ali and Layla already put him    
on the guest list tbh 

  
**_9:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** So is Sara on the guest list too? 

  
**_9:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I haven’t actually asked her

  
**_9:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Um why tf not? 

  
**_9:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Because that would mean asking her as    
my DATE Nora, it’s almost as big a risk as    
telling her how I feel

  
**_9:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s like

  
**_9:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Showing my entire hand of cards

  
**_9:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah well, maybe this your shot Aves 

  
**_9:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You think so?

  
**_9:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah I do x

 

* * *

 

_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _  
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

**_10:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey, you up? 

  
**_10:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah 

  
**_10:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you okay? <3 

  
**_10:02pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m good <3

  
**_10:02pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I actually had a question for you

  
**_10:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh? 

  
**_10:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you doing anything tomorrow night?

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** not currently?? 

  
**_10:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** why?? 

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** aves? 

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary    
party and I was wondering if you maybe    
wanted to come 

  
**_10:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** As my date

  
**_Read:_ ** _ Friday. _

 

* * *

 

**Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

OG legends   
_ Active now _

_ FRI 10:08pm: _

  
  


**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** MOTHERFUCKING HELP

AVA JUST ASKED ME TO BE HER FCKN   
DATE TO HER PARENTS’ ANNIVERSARY   
PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT

WHAT THE FUCK

IM 

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** She WHAT

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** omg omg omg

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Omg Sara!

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey, I’m going to that too! With   
Nora!!!! 

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO SAY

HOW DO I ACT AS THOUGH I’M NOT    
LITERALLY PLANNING HOW I’M GOING    
TO ASK HER OUT AT THE BIG GAME W   
EACH DAY THAT PASSES

I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE ASKS ME OUT    
BEFORE I GET TO DO THE WHOLE BIG   
ROMANTIC DISTRICT CHAMPS PLAN I’M   
GONNA KILL HER

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Literally only fucking you would draw   
that conclusion from this situation

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** if u dont say yes to going to this party    
just bc u wanna one up her & get to   
enact YOUR romantic prom ask 2.0,   
I’m gonna kill YOU sara

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** of course i’m gonna fucking say yes   
jefferson, are you kidding me

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** You should probably do it soon before   
she freaks out about you not saying    
anything and takes it back

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh 

shit

yeah, right

 

* * *

 

_ Nora Darhk _

**Text Message** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

**  
** **_10:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I ASKED HER FOUR MINUTES AGO AND SHE’S   
SEEN IT BUT HASN’T REPLIED NORA HELP

  
**_10:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHAT IF I READ ALL OF THIS WRONG

  
**_10:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** N O R A 

 

* * *

 

_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _  
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

**_10:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** HI SORRY dad was giving me updates abt    
the laurel coming home situation

  
**_10:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yes ofc I wanna come! that sounds so cool,   
i didn’t know your parents were capable of   
throwing parties??? 

  
**_10:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh, they’re not, Layla and Ali are    
planning the entire thing

  
**_10:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You really want to come? You don’t   
have to if you don’t want to or if   
you’re busy or something

  
**_10:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey, no, of course i want to

  
**_10:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It sounds like fun

  
**_10:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and i’m never gonna say no to hanging out   
with you <3 <3

  
**_10:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 

  
**_10:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh, wait, kidding i meant ali

  
**_10:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay bye you’re uninvited

  
**_10:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D 

  
**_10:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** dress code?

  
**_10:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know casual formal is the most frustrating   
dress code ever but that’s the one Layla has   
assigned even though it means literally nothing

  
**_10:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s also a white theme

  
**_10:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** So like, white, cream, off-white, anything similar   
is your best bet :-) 

  
**_10:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t wait xx

 

* * *

 

_ Nora Darhk _

**Text Message** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Friday**

**  
** **_10:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Just kidding she said yes we’re good

  
**_10:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god

 

* * *

 

_ Amaya Jiwe _ _  
_ **iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Wednesday**

**_  
_ ** **_10:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** remember the rlly cute white and light   
blue dress I got you for your birthday    
last year?

  
**_10:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yes?

  
**_10:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i need to borrow it tomorrow night

 

* * *

 

Ava should’ve realised what she was getting herself into by inviting Sara to this party, but somehow she’d gotten so caught up in asking Sara to come - asking Sara to come  _ as her date _ \- that she hadn’t stopped to consider how difficult it would be. Not how difficult it would be to spend more time with Sara - no, that was easier than breathing these days; the moment she’d let her walls down, Sara had managed to slot right back into her life, filling the void that’d been left behind when Ava had pushed her away. Sara was wonderful, she was beautiful, so was sweet and funny and caring, and she was never going to overstep or make Ava feel uncomfortable at a family party.

She was the perfect date.

And that was exactly the problem. Because Ava had had a hard enough time trying not to kiss her over the past few weeks, every time Sara leaned a little too close to see the textbooks they were sharing, hair brushing against Ava’s bare shoulders and making Ava long to slip her fingers into it, tilting Sara’s head down exactly how she wanted it and leaning forward and ... 

And it was the same every time she’d gone down to meet her after a soccer practice to find her hot and sweaty and grinning at her from across the pitch, messy hair falling out of its ponytail. Every time Sara had shivered and leaned into her side, whining about the wind just as an excuse to bury her face in Ava’s shoulder. Every time she smiled, every time she tucked her hair back behind her ear, every time she  _ breathed _ .

So, yeah. Now she’d admitted to having feelings  _ to  _ someone (even if it was just Nora), it’d become so much harder to keep it together, and yet, somehow, she’d still let herself be convinced inviting Sara to this party was a good idea. She had managed to completely forget that her  _ family _ were going to be here, and that Sara was going to dress up, and that forgetting how to breathe when you open the front door because your date looks breathtaking was the fastest way to get your feelings caught out by the very people you were hoping to (at least currently) keep them a secret from.

Sara smiled, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear before seeming to remember it was in an elaborate updo and flushing slightly, a little embarrassed, dropping her hand back to her sid and smoothing down the fabric of her dress. Ava swallowed and cleared her throat. She knew she hadn’t managed to hide the way her eyes drifted away from Sara’s to take in her outfit when Sara’s lips tilted up into a grin, expression filled with mirth, as if she knew exactly what she was doing. (Ava didn’t doubt it for a moment. There was no way this hadn’t been deliberate -  _ especially  _ after everything Nora had told her about  _ trusting  _ that there was something there between them.)

“I um - I need to go change,” Ava eventually managed to force out, gesturing vaguely to the old, tattered jeans and t-shirt she’d put on to decorate.

Sara smirked, opening her mouth to speak but then closing it again, thankfully swallowing whatever innuendo or offer of help had sprung to mind because Ava was 100% sure she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Her smile softened and she leaned against the doorway with a slightly playful twinkle in her eyes, her fingers still holding the flowers she’d brought with her. “Most people start with hello.”  

Oh. 

Yeah. 

Ava stepped back, letting Sara in and then closing the door behind her, resisting the urge to pull her into a hug because she wasn’t convinced she’d ever be able to let go. “Ali’s in the garden setting up the lights, and uh … Mom’s in the kitchen if you want to give those to her, it’s through there - ” She gestured vaguely in the direction of the kitchen and Sara’s smile widened, eyes bright and teasing.

“I think I know my way around by now Aves,” she joked, poking Ava in the side and then nudging her gently in the direction of the stairs.  “Go get changed, I’ll still be right here when you get back.”

Ava flushed, slipping her hands into her back pockets as she took a couple of steps towards the staircase. “Hey Sara?” 

“Mm?” Sara paused on her way to the kitchen, glancing over her shoulder. Ava bit her lip, ignoring the almost sickening fluttering of nerves in the base of her stomach. 

“You uh … you look beautiful.” 

Colour rose to Sara’s cheeks and her eyes flashed with something Ava wasn’t able to catch before it was gone. 

“Thanks Aves,” said Sara softly, twirling the flowers a little absentmindedly in her fingers. It was just as Ava had restarted her walk towards the stairs, that Sara quietly added, almost too quiet for Ava to hear, “So do you. By the way.” 

Ava glanced down at her outfit - at the t-shirt she was pretty sure was Ali’s and had been their father’s before that, at the jeans that were splattered with old pain and car engine grease and had tears at the knees. 

_ So do you. By the way. _

It took every single ounce of willpower Ava had to keep walking, and not kiss Sara in the middle of the foyer before the party had even begun.

 

* * *

 

Honestly, Ava wasn’t sure how exactly she was expected to survive tonight. 

Like, it was hard enough that Sara was here looking like  _ that _ , in that mid thigh length white dress with thin straps and the most delicate, light blue flowers embroidered at the waist, showing more skin that Ava even knew what to do with. 

Then, once Ali deemed their parents appropriately intoxicated, she had to go change the playlist to one that had Sara beaming and dragging Ava out to the dance floor in the middle of the enormous Sharpe back garden. And Ava had already known Sara dancing was just a  _ lot  _ to handle - she’d known that since New Year’s Eve. But this was different, because so much had happened since then, and the  _ smile  _ on Sara’s face as she took Ali’s hand and twirled her, the way her hair framed her face as she glanced over her shoulder to grin at Ava, the way her dress hugged  _ all  _ the right edges and accentuated  _ all  _ the right curves - 

Ava kind of wanted to melt into the ground below her. Especially when Beyonce’s  _ Crazy in Love  _ started playing through the speakers and everyone under the age of 30 cheered and made their way to the dance floor and Ava found herself jostled into Sara, Sara immediately latching on to Ava’s waist almost involuntarily to steady herself. 

“Sorry,” said Ava quickly, but Sara just smiled, her thumbs brushing just barely over the small cutouts of Ava’s dress that revealed the tiniest flash of skin at her sides, and Ava thought she was going to combust right then and there. 

“It’s okay,” said Sara, voice soft and out of breath from dancing and doing  _ something  _ to Ava’s head. 

“I need a drink,” said Ava, realising too late she’d said it aloud. Sara laughed. 

“Well, considering your parents are supplying unlimited glasses of champagne,” she said with a wink, “I’m gonna say yeah, me too.” 

Ava couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this  _ happy.  _ This whole evening had been like something out of a dream. Decorating the back garden with Ali and Layla without a single argument between the three of them - her and Layla even ganging up to tease Ali about her terrible fairy light placement around one of the oak trees. Killing time shooting hoops with her dad in the driveway. Her mother’s quiet and  _ genuine  _ compliment on her choice of dress when she, Layla and Ali had tried their outfits on earlier in the afternoon. How nice it had felt to have Sara in her house again, hanging out in her room after all this time, lounging on her bed and smiling at her worn Harry Potter copies on the windowsill, teasing Ava about the  _ state of untidiness  _ in the room (i.e., the one, stray t-shirt draped over Ava’s desk chair). The soft hum of comfort at all the smiles and hugs she’d received as the guests arrived, the people she hadn’t spoken to in  _ forever _ , the ones she’d purposefully distanced herself from out of fear after she came out, but who now hugged her and asked how senior year was going and told her how proud they were to hear she was accepted to Brown. Getting to see Nora smile and tangle her fingers in Ray’s, introduce him to Barbara and Robert as though they were her parents, showing Ray around the Sharpe house and telling him stories about all the times she’d spent here as a kid. 

Nora and Ray seemed to have had the same thought as Sara and Ava, appearing at the refreshments table just as Ava and Sara arrived there themselves. 

“Hey!” said Sara, smiling brightly. “Where’ve you guys been?” She gave Nora a smirk and raised an eyebrow at Ray. Ray flushed and Nora rolled her eyes. 

“I was  _ just  _ giving Ray the tour of this place,” said Nora, poking Sara in the stomach with a half-hearted glare. “You know. Because a tour of the Sharpe mansion takes like, three hundred years.” 

“Shut up,” said Ava, throwing a napkin at her. 

“Your house is amazing Ava!” said Ray warmly, ignoring his girlfriend’s quips. “It’s -” 

“Rich?” interrupted Nora, sending Ava a wry grin. “Huge? Over the top? Like you stepped out of a Republican homeware magazine?” 

Sara snorted into her champagne flute, swallowing her sip before bursting into laughter. Ava rolled her eyes, reaching out to pat her back as Ray sent Nora a pointed  _ look.  _

“I was going to say it’s so  _ nice _ ,” he said, glancing apologetically at Ava. 

“It’s okay Ray,” said Ava, chuckling. “It  _ is  _ nice. But it’s also all of the above of what Nora said. Blame my parents.” 

“Hey, I didn’t say I was complaining,” said Nora, lifting her champagne in a  _ cheers  _ gesture. “Makes hanging out here all the more fun.” 

Ava was about to remind Nora of the time she got lost downstairs during hide and seek when they were little, but before she could, Ali’s voice suddenly rang out through the garden, an astonished but overjoyed exclamation that caught everyone’s attention and made Ava suddenly feel like something cold had been dunked over her head as her entire body froze. 

“ _ Spencer? _ ” 

An almost comically echoing gasp rippled throughout the crowd of people, and Ava whirled around in time to see Robert drop the napkin of finger food he was holding, to see Barbara’s eyes fill with tears as stunned beam spread across her face, to see Layla shove her boyfriend out of the way to follow Ali’s lead, to see Ali sprint across the garden and throw her arms around a tall, familiar figure who let out a bright laugh and lifted her off the ground and spun her on the spot in a hug of ecstatic relief. 

“Oh my god,” said Nora. 

Ava didn’t realise she’d grabbed Sara’s hand until she felt Sara’s fingers tighten around hers as Sara turned to look at her. 

“Is that -” 

“Yeah,” said Ava hoarsely, before Sara could even finish her question. “Yeah, that’s … that’s him. That’s Spencer. Oh my  _ god _ , he’s - he’s  _ here. _ ” 

“When was the last time you saw him?” asked Ray, his voice so gentle that Ava could feel the tears prickling behind her eyelids. 

“A little over two years ago, he came home for Christmas,” said Ava in barely a whisper. “But he left before my birthday. He was only here for a few days. God, I … I was fifteen. I hadn’t even come out yet, and … now he’s  _ here _ , holy shit.” 

“It’s okay,” said Sara softly, still gripping Ava’s hand and bringing her free one to squeeze Ava’s shoulder. 

“Is it?” said Ava, and she could hear how much her voice was shaking. “The last time I talked to him properly, it was right after I found out I was adopted. After I found out that he  _ knew  _ about that my entire life. What do I even say to him?” 

“Hey Spence, long time no see?” suggested Nora dryly, and Ava couldn’t help the weak laugh that slipped past her lips. 

Spencer finally let Ali back down to the ground, turning to greet their parents. He laughed as Robert pulled him into a hug, smiled and rolled his eyes good-naturedly when Barbara took his face in her hands, gave him a disapproving  _ tsch  _ at his somewhat scraggly stubble and the messy state of his hair, before smoothing the navy blue waistcoat he was wearing and tugging him into a hug of her own. 

Ava saw Spencer’s eyes flicker shut, watched his arms encircle their mother and his lips move as he softly said, “Hey Mom. Happy Anniversary.” 

Ava’s breath hitched. She knew Sara could feel it, and Sara’s hand on her shoulder trailed down her arm, light and reassuring. 

“Go talk to him,” she said encouragingly. “He’s probably missed you more than anyone.” 

“What do I say?” repeated Ava, her voice cracking. As if on cue, Spencer pulled away from Barbara, his eyes immediately roaming around the party with purpose, scouring through the crowd and searching the faces until his gaze finally fell on Ava. Ava felt something flip in her stomach, and she didn’t know if she wanted to cry, throw up, or sprint across the garden and throw her arms around her brother. 

Her brother who was  _ here.  _

_ Home.  _

For the first time in almost two and a half years. 

Spencer’s eyes softened and a small, uncharacteristically shy smile flickered onto his face. “Hi,” he mouthed, swallowing with evident nervousness. 

Ava had never been more thankful that she hated wearing high heels. 

One second she was standing with Sara, Nora and Ray, her hand still clinging tightly to Sara’s. The next, she was running across the yard, faster than she could remember running in a  _ long  _ time, weaving through the few stragglers in the crowd that were in the way, and slamming into Spencer without hesitation. She could feel the way his breath left him at the force of her hug but he didn’t seem to care. He wrapped his arms around her frame, lifted her the way he had Ali, and Ava clung tightly to his shoulders, curled her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and it was like any emotions she’d been trying to contain just came rushing to the surface. 

“Hi,” said Spencer, aloud this time, and his voice sounded thick with tears. Ava tried to speak but it just came out as something that most closely resembled a sob, and she buried her face in his shoulder as his arms tightened around her. “Hey, hey, don’t cry. It’s okay Aves. It’s okay.” 

All Ava could remember was  _ this _ . Spencer. His arms around her back when they were kids - when Spencer was a gross, 14 year old teenage boy and Ava was a 9 year old little girl - as he’d always try to piss her off, all gross and smelly from running around outside and trying to annoy his little sister by being in her face. The way he had always hugged her when she was upset, a little too tight, a little too tall, but so determined and comforting that Ava just tucked her face into the crook of his neck and cried until she felt better. Nights spent talking - then arguing, then talking some more - out on the patio, staring up at the endless night sky and quietly discussing, with childlike wonder, what they each thought was up there. The memory of a hug, just like this, five years ago at the airport when they’d gone to see Spencer off; how Ava had tried so, very hard not to cry and Spencer hadn’t even bothered to pretend he wasn’t. How Ava had still been so furious at him for leaving that she barely said a word, just clung to him and then ignored the suffocating panic clawing at her throat when Robert had eased her away, gently telling her that Spencer had to board his flight now. 

It felt like a million years since then. 

“Don’t cry,” said Spencer again, quieter this time as he ran his hand comfortingly along Ava’s back. “‘m here, Aves.” 

Ava waited until he set her back down onto the ground, until she managed to catch her footing and  _ breathe _ before carefully wiping her eyes, trying to avoid smudging her makeup. “I know,” she mumbled, sniffling a little. She finally looked up to meet his eyes. They were also red, wet with unshed tears, even as he smiled down at her. 

“Look at you,” he said softly, shaking his head with an incredulous chuckle. “Wow. You’re … you’re 18. You … you weren’t even 16 when I last saw you, this is crazy.” 

“Haven’t changed that much in two and a half years,” said Ava with a shrug, biting her bottom lip nervously. Of all of them, Ali was the one who’d grown the most dramatically in the time Spencer had been gone, having been 10 when Spencer left, and 12 the last time he’d been here. 

Spencer slipped his hands into his pockets. “Yes you have,” he said, something heavier in his voice, and Ava knew he was thinking about more than just her growing a few inches taller, getting streaks in her hair last year when Ali insisted, finally owning more makeup than just one shade of lipstick and some mascara. 

“It’s okay,” she said, smiling honestly at him as she repeated his words from before. “You’re here now.” 

The barest hint of tension eased from Spencer’s shoulders. “Yeah. I am.” 

“What’re you even doing here?” demanded Ali, looping an arm around Ava’s waist as she stepped back into Spencer’s vicinity. Ava slung her own arm over Ali’s shoulders, thankful for the comforting weight of her sister beside her. 

“Layla invited me,” said Spencer, grinning cheekily. 

“What?” said Ava and Ali in unison, both staring at Layla in astonishment. 

“On the  _ Facebook event _ !” said Layla with a disbelieving scoff. “You know, you invite people to things because it’s  _ courteous  _ to, even when you know they can’t come! I figured you’d give me crap for planning a whole anniversary party and you didn’t even know about it -” 

“Wait, so you three didn’t know about this?” laughed Robert, waving his index finger between the three girls. 

“No!” insisted Ava, Ali and Layla. 

“They didn’t,” assured Spencer. “I got Layla’s facebook invite and … I dunno. I was nearby for a work thing and I didn’t know if I’d be around long enough to come but I managed to figure things out. Figured it might be a nice surprise for your anniversary.” 

“How long are you staying?” asked Layla. 

“Well, I always planning on coming home for Ava’s graduation,” said Spencer with a shrug. 

“You were?” said Ava, blinking. 

“Yeah,” said Spencer, smiling at her. “That was also supposed to be a surprise but now that I’m here, I’ll probably just stick around until then. If that’s okay.” 

“Of course it’s okay!” said Barbara immediately, beaming with an overwhelming joy that Ava hadn’t seen on her mother’s face in  _ years.  _ “This is wonderful. Everything about tonight is wonderful.” She blinked quickly, smoothing Spencer’s waistcoat again before turning to also look between Layla, Ali and Ava. “I hope … I hope all four of you know how grateful your father and I are,” she said softly. “Not just for this party. For you. All of you. We love you all very, very much.” 

Ava saw Layla’s expression soften into something so genuine, so un-Layla-like at Barbara’s words. Ali squeezed Ava briefly, resting her head on Ava’s shoulder. Spencer ducked his head to hide the tears that pricked his eyes again, bumping his arm against Robert’s with a small smile. 

And for the first time in a very, very long time, Ava loved her family more than anything in the whole world.

 

* * *

 

Nora had known the Sharpes for what felt like her entire life. 

It might as well have been her entire life, because she kind of didn’t even count those first 6 years before she met Ava, anyway. She’d asked Ray once what it was like having a twin, - the good things, not the bad - and everything Ray had said had made Nora think of Ava. 

_ You’ve always got someone in your corner.  _

_ There’s someone who kinda always knows what you’re thinking and feeling, and sometimes it’s annoying but it means you can never really get that far in your own head without them pulling you out of it.  _

_ You’ve got someone to screw up with and you know they’ll get in trouble  _ **_with_ ** _ you.  _

_ No matter how much you drift apart, you know they’ll have your back. _

_ You’re never truly alone.  _

Nora hadn’t said it then, because it felt kinda stupid to vocalise that Ava - who wasn’t even really her  _ sister  _ \- might as well have been her twin. But it was kind of true. They’d been inseparable from the moment they became friends, and of course Gary had been too, but there was something special about the way Nora found herself stumbling into the open arms of the Sharpe family. Because for all Barbara’s cold, standoffish nature with Ava, for all her conservative beliefs, for all of Layla’s snark and attitude, for all of the craziness of four children under this absurdly wealthy house in one of the nicest neighbourhoods in Star City, Nora had never for a second felt like she wasn’t  _ welcome  _ here, that the Sharpe house wasn’t as good as home. 

She remembered the first time she met Spencer; a buff, grey eyed, dark blond 11 year old who Nora had been immediately intimidated by, until he came over and smiled brightly, all kind and warm and asked Ava if this was the Nora that she’d been talking about all week. 

People always asked only children what it was like not having siblings. Nora had never quite been able to answer, because she’d always felt like she  _ did  _ have siblings. Four of them. She’d grown up playing hide and seek with Ali and Ava, almost blowing up the Sharpe microwave making mug brownies, stealing Layla’s lip gloss until she pulled a screeching tantrum from the second floor landing, playing basketball with Spencer outside, sneaking out onto the roof from the attic to watch the sunset. Play fighting,  _ actually  _ fighting, spending summers having water fights in the Sharpe pool house, being taught by Robert how to throw a baseball pitch, Barbara teaching her, Ava and Ali how to bake the perfect pecan pie, Christmas Eve lunches watching all the  _ Home Alone  _ movies until they fell asleep on the couches and had to be carried to bed. 

So when, 5 years ago, Nora had answered her aunt’s phone to find Ava crying her eyes out, telling her in between broken sobs that Spencer was leaving, - joining the army and being shipped out to basic training wherever the hell that was going to be - Nora had felt her heart break in her chest not just for Ava, but for the brother she felt as though  _ she  _ was losing too. She’d gotten a brief goodbye the day before he left, when he came to pick Ava up after school and had pulled Nora into a hug and told her to be good, to take care of herself, to promise that she would keep the Sharpes close. It hadn’t felt real, because Nora had no memory of Star City without Spencer Sharpe in it. So she’d nodded and hugged him back and the next day he was gone and Ava didn’t say a word all day. 

Now though, suddenly, out of nowhere, he was back. 

And he was  _ so  _ different. 

He’d always been hot, but Nora had never really found him attractive. Maybe it was because she felt too much like an  _ actual  _  brother to her, so the whole ‘best friend’s brother’ thing just didn’t work with him. He’d gotten fitter in the last five years though, understandably. He seemed taller, his hair was lighter, his face darker with more lines and he had the weird in between of stubble and the beginnings of a proper beard. Spencer with a beard. It was strange to look at. 

Everyone was excited to see him, stopping to talk to him, hugging him, appreciating how grown up he was now. This party was extravagant, yes, but it was fairly intimate as far as Barbara and Robert’s circles went, so Nora was sure that the people fawning over Spencer had been part of the crowds he had known well before he left Star City, and she wondered how none of them could see it. See the things that were  _ off. _ See the way he didn’t really know how to fit into his own family’s party. The way he watched Ava (and Sara) with a mixture of fondness and sadness. The way he startled a little at loud bangs of party poppers or the door slamming. The way he winced if he stood a certain way for too long, then shifted his weight and touched his right leg gingerly. 

Nora pursed her lips, letting out a quiet, determined breath before walking up to where Spencer was standing by the food and drinks table. 

“Hey,” he said, straightening abruptly and Nora caught the way his fingers dug into his thigh, his jaw clenching as he tried not to visibly flinch. When he realised it wasn’t just  _ anyone  _ standing beside him but  _ Nora _ , his eyes softened and he turned to her. “Hey Nora.”

“Champagne?” she said, nodding towards the refilled tray in front of her. 

“No, I’m fine,” he said, shaking his head with a clearly forced smile. Nora arched an eyebrow and Spencer gave her an exasperated but fond look. “I’m not drinking tonight.” 

Nora hummed quietly, leaning her back against one of the numerous large oak trees surrounding them. “Not allowed to with that pain medication, huh?” 

Spencer’s eyes bugged out, panic flickering into his already wary expression. “How did you -” 

Nora gave him a  _ look _ , leaning over and lightly tapping his right leg. “What happened Spence?” Spencer immediately went to shake his head, and Nora could tell he was about to say  _ nothing _ , so she interrupted him. “Come on, don’t lie to me. Didn’t you promise you never would?” 

Recognition appeared in his eyes, followed quickly by resignation and he sighed, sliding his hands into his pockets as he looked away. 

(He  _ had  _ promised once; back when Ava and Nora had been kids and they’d all been up in Ava’s room as Nora bitterly complained about how all the adults around her kept dancing around the truth, about how  _ angry  _ she was and how she just wanted someone to be straight up with her. Spencer had nudged her shoulder, and in all his 15 year old glory, promised that when he was an adult, he’d never lie to her. No matter what.) 

It was several moments before he spoke, but when he did, his voice was quiet. “I got hurt,” he said eventually. 

Nora snorted. “Yeah Spence, I gathered that. How bad?” 

Spencer’s eyes flickered over to meet hers, all hesitance and regret and pain and confusion, an overwhelming swirl of emotions that made something tug in Nora’s chest because she’d never seen the man she’d always looked up to as an older brother look this  _ lost  _ before. 

“Bad,” said Spencer in barely a whisper, an unhumorous laugh slipping past his lips. “I uh … I got honourably discharged. My leg’s too screwed up.” 

Nora’s jaw dropped. “Jesus  _ Christ _ , Spencer - have you told your parents? You must’ve been in recovery for  _ ages  _ and Aves never said anything -” 

“Because she didn’t know,” said Spencer and he sounded a little desperate. “None of them knew, not even my parents, and don’t you dare tell them.” 

Nora laughed a little incredulously. “I’m not gonna go yelling it from the rooftops, but if they ask me Spencer, I’m not gonna lie to them.” 

Spencer sighed, closed his eyes. “And Ava?” 

Nora knew that Spencer was well aware Nora would never lie to Ava for him. Especially after how much he’d hurt Ava these past five years with leaving, his distance, barely even making more of an effort after she came out. So she was glad when he didn’t seem surprised at her shake of her head. “I won’t lie,” she repeated slowly. “Not to my best friend. You know that. And I especially won’t lie about this, so you need to get your shit together and tell her.” 

“I know,” he said immediately, the words almost lost in the rush of air that came with them. “God Nora, I know, okay? I … I only just got back. I didn’t even know I was coming home until yesterday. Just give me some time to get my head around everything.”

He suddenly looked so old. Like there were line on his face he hadn’t had five years ago, a wary, tightness in his smile and a dark, tiredness in the depths of what were once bright, mischievous eyes. Nora felt something tighten in her chest, and she realised that she’d never really thought about what was happening to  _ him _ all this time - that Spencer was in the  _ army.  _ That five years without him was a long time for them, but alone, without his family, without everything that had been familiar and comfortable, how much longer must it have felt for him? 

“Okay,” said Nora quietly, carefully placing her champagne flute onto the table. “Is this  _ why _ ? Why you came home?” 

Spencer shook his head. “No, I … I was always gonna come home for your and Ava’s graduation. That’d been the plan since the start of the year - Dad called me to talk it through back in October. But after this injury, they sent me back to the states for surgery and physio and stuff. I’ve been in Virginia the past couple of months at a vet PT facility.”

Nora sighed, leaning against the table and shrugging a little helplessly. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you reach out to anyone? We were right  _ here  _ Spencer, we’ve been so close for so long. We literally thought you were on the other side of the world -” 

“I didn’t want any of you to see me like this!” Spencer spat out, looking away. “Fuck Nora, you should’ve seen me. I couldn’t even  _ walk.  _ I didn’t want my parents to say I told you so. They never wanted me to join the army anyway. I didn’t want to see Ali look so scared when she saw me in hospital. And … I don’t even know what Ava would’ve thought. The idea of seeing her and not being able to be  _ us _ , to throw a basketball around, go running, be the big brother she always remembered. I couldn’t stand it.” 

“But you were all alone,” said Nora. 

Spencer didn’t answer, swallowing a little. “Yeah,” he said eventually, opening his mouth to add something before closing it again. Something snapped in Nora, and before she could talk herself out of it, she surged forward to hug him abruptly. He stumbled back and winced. “Sorry,” Nora said immediately, the word mumbled into his chest. 

“It’s okay,” he said, arms closing around her, and Nora felt his shaky exhale. “I missed you Nor.” It was so easy to hear what he wasn’t saying.  _ I missed you. And Ava. And my parents. And Layla and Ali. I missed basketball. I missed Star City. I’m proud of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m glad your dad finally got caught. I wish I could’ve been there when you needed me.  _

Nora clutched him tighter. She hoped  _ he  _ could hear what she wasn’t saying too.  _ It’s okay. I’m sorry you were alone. I hope you’re better now. You should’ve talked to us. Star City isn’t the same without you. It’s been a long five years. It’s gonna be okay.  _ “We missed you too Spence.”

 

* * *

 

The fairy lights reflected off the water in the pool - newly filled, now that the weather was warm again. The reflection illuminated the soft waves of Ava’s hair, highlighted the faint, fading makeup she’d put on so many hours ago as well as the natural blush creeping up her neck. There was nobody else in here, just them; they’d snuck away from the party for a moment to breathe, just a few minutes away from the loud music and the bustle of people. But being here, alone, - in this ridiculously extravagant pool house that was lit up through the windows by the lanterns strung up around the garden, - felt like a daze that Sara never wanted to snap out of. Ava’s eyes remained fixed on Sara’s lips, too distracted (by what, Sara didn’t know) to even realise what she was doing. It was sweet. It was a side of Ava Sara hadn’t see in so long. 

Not since … since before. Before the prank war, before the dares, before she’d made so many mistakes that she pushed Ava so far away, she was terrified she’d never get her back. Sara tightened her grip on Ava’s hands and tugged, shifted slightly closer, trying to imprint the intoxicating scent of woodsmoke and champagne and the vanilla body wash Ava used, combined with her familiar perfume, wishing she could live in this moment forever. She smoothed down the fabric of Ava’s dress, mostly focused on trying to remove the wrinkles she’d caused when she’d used it to pull Ava into the pool house. But something flared low in Sara’s stomach when she felt the particularly hard to ignore muscle beneath her fingertips, not helped by the neckline that revealed far too much of Ava’s skin and yet not enough - never enough. 

The door shifted slightly further open as a gentle breeze swept through through the garden, making the lights move and causing the reflections from the pool to dance across Ava’s face in a way that made Sara never want to look away, completely and hopelessly enraptured by the sight before her. The melody of an unfamiliar song - something from the 60s, requested by Robert - drifted through the pool house. It was too faint to make out the lyrics, but loud enough that Sara swayed inadvertently, feeling Ava’s eyes on her as she moved and immediately wanting  _ more _ , wanting to pull Ava closer until all she could smell was her, until every breath she took was tinted with Ava’s perfume, until all she could see wherever she looked was Ava, swaying along to the music beside her, lost in their own little world.

And maybe she’d had a little too much champagne, and maybe she was far too unsteady on her feet for this, but when Ava held out one hand and whispered, “Dance with me?”, Sara was already too far gone to refuse, buzzing with alcohol and anticipation and something else, in love with the way Ava’s eyes sparkled as she curled their fingers together. Ava’s other hand moved to rest against Sara’s waist, fingertips brushing against the bare skin of Sara’s open back and making Sara shiver, leaning into her touch. Ava was never like this, was never this bold and unhesitating, and Sara wasn’t sure what had changed but it had her heart leaping into her throat, untangling her fingers from Ava’s to trail them up her arms and then to loop lightly around Ava’s neck. Ava smiled and continued to sway with the music, eyes never leaving Sara’s even when voices carried inside by the wind threatened to break the moment and ruin whatever was happening in here (something they’d both lost control of so long ago, before they’d even realised what was happening). 

Ava spun Sara round and she stumbled, too uncoordinated due to the alcohol to do anything but stare up at Ava when she caught her, now close enough she could feel her warm breath against her cheek even in the cool early evening temperatures, somehow simultaneously distracting her but keeping her attention, making Sara want to run but also stay here forever wrapped up in Ava’s arms, never having to face the world because right here, right now, Ava was the only thing in the world that mattered. 

Ava exhaled softly and slid the hand on Sara’s waist up to the small of her back, pulling her just incrementally closer, fingers curling into Sara’s skin. Sara shivered again. Every place Ava’s skin was touching hers burning and yet prickling with goosebumps at the same time. For a split second, Sara found her eyes drifting up to meet Ava’s, wide and shining and brimming with affection and regret and want all rolled into one, making Sara’s breath catch in her throat as a million possibilities flashed through her mind, a million ways this could end, each one better than the last. Ava’s eyes flickered down to Sara’s lips and she swallowed, and Sara was pretty sure her skin was running so hot right now that she was seconds away from just throwing herself into the pool. She shifted her weight as their swaying slowed, took another slow breath as Ava leaned almost imperceptibly closer, clearly too distracted by Sara’s lips to even realise what she was doing.

God, they’d both been so  _ stupid _ .

Sara almost hadn’t believed Zari when she’d first told her Ava had a crush on her. How could she, when Ava spent what felt like a lifetime pushing her away, ignoring her calls and texts and not speaking to her in class. But Zari had been right. Maybe it wasn’t exactly the same, maybe Ava didn’t feel quite the same way Sara did, maybe she wasn’t  _ in love _ , but there was something there.

Undoubtedly.

Something special, something that made Ava lean close enough for Sara to forget how to breathe, something that gave Ava the most uncharacteristic confidence to wrap Sara in her arms and ask her to dance, even though they were both far too tipsy and far too infatuated to make that work.

Ava trailed her fingers lightly down Sara’s back, back around Sara’s waist, then down her arm until she found Sara’s hand. Sara managed to suppress whatever involuntary sound she almost made at the featherlight feeling of Ava’s fingertips on her skin. Ava’s eyes found hers again, suddenly a darker blue than before, and yet bright and highlighted perfectly by the shimmering reflections of fairy lights in the water. Sara leaned closer, kicking off her shoes at the last second, and oh  _ boy _ , she hadn’t realised how much she loved the very slight height difference Ava had on her until now. 

She was running on instinct, on adrenaline and anticipation and the uncontrollable pounding of her heart in her chest, on the feeling of Ava’s hand on her hips and the other curled in hers, at the feeling of Ava’s breath so close to her lips that it felt unbearable to  _ not  _ be kissing her - 

And then suddenly, all at once, Sara remembered. 

_ The game.  _

The insane, elaborate, over exaggerated plan she and the legends had been planning for after district champs, the romantic comedy-like promposal that was less than a week away, the one she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all week, every time she was around Ava. 

The reality of right now kicked in in an instant; that anybody could walk in, - any of Ava’s parents’ friends - that this was Robert and Barbara’s anniversary party, that they’d both had probably way too many glasses of champagne and were tipsy and exhilarated and Sara knew Ava wasn’t  _ drunk  _ but she didn’t want this to happen with the nagging reminder of alcohol and the lack of inhibitions in the back of her mind. But  _ God _ , Ava was so close and was so beautiful, and Sara just wanted to do  _ something _ , wanted a way to make sure Ava knew that this wonderful, crackling  _ thing  _ between them in this moment was  _ real.  _

She slunk onto her tiptoes, one hand on Ava’s neck as she let her thumb trace so lightly along Ava’s jaw line, flashing Ava the softest of smiles before leaning in to brush her lips against Ava’s cheek. 

It felt like New Year’s all over again - Ava’s skin was just as soft, Sara could still taste champagne on her lips and could smell it in the sharp intake of Ava’s breath, could feel the way Ava’s body tensed and then relaxed, even as her fingers tightened at Sara’s waist. It was everything Sara needed but it only made her crave Ava’s touch more, so she let her lips linger for a moment longer than she should’ve done, trailing them across Ava’s cheek and relishing in the way Ava gasped in her ear before pulling away, reminding herself firmly that next week, she could do this properly, and Ava would be hers. 

(And she’d be Ava’s.)

Sara bit back a quiet laugh, hand reaching up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Ava’s ear, fingers brushing against her skin and making Ava smile, tilting her head slightly to brush her lips against Sara’s wrist, not quite a kiss but close enough that Sara could feel that familiar warmth spreading out from her stomach, wrapping it’s fingers firmly around her heart and promising never to let her go.

Who was she kidding, Sara thought with a smile, not able to control her lips any more than Ava was able to control hers. She’d always been Ava’s.

Ava had had her heart from the day she’d slipped out of her house and walked her to the park, bumping her arm occasionally with her elbow to remind her she was there even when taking the hand she was offering had been too much, too intense. Ava had taken care of her heart when she was seconds away from crumbling, she’d stood by her side and waited for her to be okay before promising she could call, anytime, if she ever needed somewhere to be that would be safe and warm and comforting, somewhere she could just be herself with no expectations or demands from anyone. Ava had sat by her side and let her cry onto her shoulder when her world was falling apart, she’d taken her out for ice cream and celebrated with her and driven her across the state to go see Laurel when she thought it was necessary, she’d reminded Sara who she wanted to be and made her believe in herself even when it felt like the most difficult thing she could imagine.

Yeah, Ava had had her heart for longer than she’d known, and honestly, Sara couldn’t imagine ever giving it to anyone else. 

“We should probably get some water,” she eventually heard herself say, glad that at least some part of her brain was still capable of making rational decisions. “And sober up a bit.”

Recognition flickered into Ava’s eyes, as though she understood suddenly why Sara hadn’t given in to the moment they’d clearly been moving towards. Ava nodded, hand slipping into Sara’s and squeezing tightly, holding her steady as she slipped her feet back into her shoes but then not letting go afterwards, just pressing a kiss to her knuckles and pulling her towards the door. Her arm slipped around Sara’s waist to steady her when she stumbled again on the pool tiles near the door. 

And if it was deliberate this time … well. Who could blame her?

 

* * *

 

Ava watched as Ray dragged a slightly-more-sober Sara into the kitchen to get another (hopefully non-alcoholic) drink, or perhaps to interrogate her, because neither of them seemed to be able to keep their affectionate, excited smiles off their faces for more than a few seconds. Nora nudged her shoulder lightly, catching her attention, and even just lit by the fairy lights she could just about make out the inquisitive expression on Nora’s face.

“You okay?” Nora asked quietly, pulling her gaze away from Ray and turning to face Ava properly. 

Ava laughed softly. She ducked her head down as she felt her cheeks begin to heat up but then reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, some combination of  _ yeah _ and  _ I’m good  _ and  _ I’m so fucking in love  _ mixing together in her head, but thankfully before she had the chance to embarrass herself Nora reached out to tilt her head towards the light, brushing her thumb against her cheek. “Hold still, you’ve got something - oh.” 

“What?” 

Nora rubbed Ava’s cheek a little harder, finger coming away a little darker than before, and Ava felt her breath catch in her lungs as she realised what the stain was, thankful that Nora wouldn’t be able to see the way her cheeks were on fire, heat creeping up her neck and making her flush worse than ever before. Nora raised an eyebrow at her, lips twitching up at the corners as she said in a carefully neutral voice, “You’ve got lipstick on your cheek.”

Maybe it was the alcohol that was still coursing through her veins. Maybe it was the way Sara had turned up this evening looking so good it shouldn’t’ve been legal, dress simple and yet stunning, makeup highlighting her eyes and emphasising the lips Ava desperately wanted to kiss, hair flowing gracefully over her shoulders and making Ava want to tangle her fingers in it it and pull Sara closer. 

Ava swallowed, trying not to lose her train of thought or let on to Nora what she was thinking. Maybe … maybe it was just having Sara here by her side at this family party, eyes sparkling with every emotion Ava had been wanting to see since before New Years, but something - something had changed, like a switch had been flicked inside of her, and suddenly she didn’t care.

She didn’t care that Nora was looking at her with a curious grin on her face, knowing without a doubt that this was  _ Sara’s _ lipstick trailing across her cheek, but not sure whether to call her out on it. She didn’t care that Ali had probably seen the lipstick on her face when she’d walked past them a few minutes ago or that Sara was probably telling Ray her side of the story right now, and that he would know about the dancing and the almost-kiss in the pool house. She didn’t even care that her Mom could’ve seen her with another girl’s lipstick on her cheek, because Sara was  _ here _ and Sara didn’t hate her, even after everything she’d put her through - instead, she seemed to be as open and affectionate as Ava was feeling, tired of hiding and pretending and not telling anyone the truth about how she felt. 

And with Sara right next to her … every other problem seemed to melt away. How was she ever supposed to focus on anything else, with Sara by her side?

“Are you gonna try to defend yourself or something?” Nora asked teasingly, bringing her back to the present, but Ava simply shook her head, thinking back to the moments she’d shared with Sara earlier, lights twinkling and music softly playing in the background as they basked in each other’s company, undisturbed and, for the first time in weeks, unburdened by any of the remaining tension that lay between them.

Ava felt a smile creep onto her face, not able to stop it widening. “Nope.”  She laughed softly when Nora rolled her eyes and poked her affectionately in the ribs, smile matching Ava’s and eyes sparkling with unbridled happiness on Ava’s behalf.

“Okay.” She nodded, finding Ava’s hand and giving it a squeeze, tilting her head towards where Sara and Ray had just come back into the garden, heading in their direction. Sara made eye contact with her from across the garden, visibly biting her lip but still doing a terrible job at hiding the softest smile Ava had ever seen, giving her a slightly lopsided, slightly drunken wave. 

“Go get your girl then Aves.”

 

It was only later when the party started to wind down that Ava realised with a sudden, almost unexpected jolt that she didn’t  _ want  _ Sara to leave. Even though things felt like they were better than they had been before, even though she knew in her heart that this time, she and Sara were heading somewhere special, somewhere she  _ knew _ now they’d both dreamed of,  something that had always seemed unattainable right up until tonight when she had Sara in her arms, slowly swaying to the music they could hear through the pool house door, pushing her hair out of her face so she could look up and smile and meet Ava’s eyes, going up onto her toes to press the smallest, softest kiss against her cheek - even now, she couldn’t bear to let Sara go.

Tonight had been incredible, and Ava was certain that the next few weeks would only get better, but now people had started to leave she couldn’t help tightening her arm around Sara’s waist, pulling her closer, because it felt as if she’d only just got her back and the idea of her leaving - even though she only lived a few minutes away - made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

Sara shifted slightly as she sensed Ava’s uncertainty, turning just enough that she could meet her eyes with a gentle, slightly concerned smile as she murmured “You okay?”

“Stay,” Ava blurted out before she think better of it, nerves fluttering in her stomach when Sara raised an eyebrow, not responding immediately.  _ Shit. _ Maybe she’d overstepped, or misread the signals Sara seemed to be sending her way, or maybe - 

No. No, she hadn’t. Not this time.

Something flickered through Sara’s expression, something that wasn’t hurt or confusion or anything Ava sort of expected to see - it was more vulnerable than that, more cautious, more … hesitant. As if Sara was unsure, but not because she didn’t  _ want _ to stay over - more that she wanted to stay far more than she thought she should’ve. 

She wanted this.

She wanted  _ Ava _ .

Sara swallowed, her fingers trailing down Ava’s arm to lightly nudge the charm bracelet hanging from Ava’s wrist. “Are you sure?” she said, voice quiet enough that Ali - who was beside them trying to sneak herself one of the remaining glasses of champagne - wouldn’t hear them. 

“If you want to,” Ava said quickly.

Sara’s expression turned soft. “Of course I  _ want  _ to,” she said with a hint of teasing exasperation. “I’m just - I don’t wanna …” 

“What?” said Ava before she could stop herself. 

“I don’t wanna push this too far,” Sara said with a rush of breath. “Tonight’s been … it’s been so perfect Aves, every moment and … I don’t wanna step over the line.” 

Ava wanted to say  _ you could never _ because there was nothing she wanted more than to sneak Sara into her room and fall asleep next to her (because both Barbara and Robert were far too drunk and exhausted to notice), to wake up with Sara the way they had a couple of weeks ago (but also this time without Quentin being in danger and Sara having had a panic attack and both of them running on just a few hours sleep). But before Ava could get a word out, Ali appeared beside them, scowling at Spencer who was pointedly taking the champagne out of her reach. 

“No luck, huh?” smirked Ava and Ali glared at her. 

“Don’t test me,” she said with a pout. It only lasted a second though, quickly replaced by a bright sparkle in her eyes as she perked up a little. “Hey, are we doing the Sharpe post party tradition tonight?” 

“The what?” said Sara immediately, a small smile building on her face. 

“Sharpe post party tradition,” Ali repeated. “Mom and Dad rarely throw big parties because of how busy they are but like, when they do, they’re always  _ huge.  _ It’s great because the next morning is the only time our house is in any kind of chaos and we have every excuse to add to it. Ever since me, Ava and Layla were little, we always used to build this massive pillow fort in the living room after big parties and have a sleepover and snack on leftover dessert and watch movies and stuff until we fell asleep.” 

The affection on Sara’s face made Ava want to kiss her right then and there. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Sara with a soft laugh. 

“I think Layla’s taking Mom and Dad’s distraction as an opportunity to sneak off to Kyle’s,” admitted Ava, sending Ali an apologetic grimace. 

“So?” said Ali with a shrug. “Sara can stay instead.” 

“What?” said Ava and Sara at the same time. 

Ali look over at Sara with a deceptively sweet expression. “Weren’t you already staying?” she asked innocently.

“Ali!” hissed Ava, suddenly wanting to strangle her little sister. 

“I was thinking about it,” said Sara, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “Pillow fort, you say?” 

“The grandest you’ve ever seen,” said Ali with a nod, crossing her arms over her chest. “Fairy lights ‘n all.” 

Sara grinned, nudging Ali and winking at Ava in a way that had Ava’s heart hammering. “How could I say no?

 

* * *

  
  


It was warm when Sara woke up, curled in a duvet on the Sharpe’s living room floor, having fallen asleep by Ava’s side in their pillow fort the night before. It took a moment for her to get over her momentary disorientation, familiarised by Ava’s sheets and duvet, but a little confused at the foreign ceiling, the hard floor underneath her. It was Ali’s quiet, sleepy mumble that made Sara aware of her surroundings, and she found herself running one hand through her hair, unable to keep her smile off her face as she thought back to the night before. The way Ava’s eyes had sparkled, illuminated by the reflections of the fairy lights off the water in the pool house, arms wrapping around Sara as she pulled her closer and asked her to dance in a quiet whisper, meant only for the two of them. Sara let out a soft sigh, cracking her eyes open and blinking against the early morning sunlight, but frowning when she didn’t find Ava beside her, reaching out to run her hand over the empty space where she expected her to be. The sheets  _ smelt _ like Ava, and Sara felt safe and protected and filled with the inexplicable warmth she always found herself full of when Ava was around, and yet, she wasn’t. 

Sara rolled over, hoping to find Ava curled up on her other side having rolled away in the night, but she didn’t. A flash of panic crept through her before she forced it away, smothering the uncontrollable fear that maybe she’d taken things between them a step too far the night before and caused Ava to freak out. But it was the memory of  _ Ava _ pulling her into the pool house, Ava asking her to dance and later wrapping her arms around her shoulders from behind as they stood around the Sharpe’s outdoor fireplace, lips brushing against the top of her her head - not quite a kiss, and admittedly alcohol induced, but  _ definitely _ not the actions of someone who was freaking out about this relationship - that calmed Sara’s fear.

_ Relationship _ .

They weren’t  _ in _ a relationship … not yet, at least. 

Although it would’ve been tempting - if she didn’t already have a hugely extravagant, completely ridiculous but hopelessly romantic plan for asking Ava to prom - to just ask Ava out last night, and then kiss her  _ properly _ in the pool house, instead of hovering uncertainly on the edge of whatever they were heading towards, not quite confident enough to take the final step. 

Sara sighed, pushing herself up onto her arms and looking around the room for any sign of Ava’s whereabouts but coming up empty. Instead, she gently nudged Ali with her foot and whispered her name, apologising when Ali groaned and pulled her duvet further over her head. Sara smiled at the action she’d seen once or twice before from Ava and reached out to pull it back down, leaning over the littlest Sharpe as she asked, “where’s Ava?”,  hoping Ali would answer her question without reading into her words. (She did - she definitely did, if the way the corners of her lips tilted up into a teasing smirk was anything to go by, but thankfully she seemed to care more about sleep right now, so she didn’t say anything about it.)

Ali waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the french doors that opened out the patio, mumbling “the treehouse” before rolling over and pulling the duvet firmly back over her head, anything else she said too muffled to make out. Not that Sara cared - she was already pushing herself to her feet, not stopping to think about grabbing a hoodie or shoes. Instead, she pushed the backdoor open and made her way out into the garden, focused solely on finding Ava so she could take her hand and curl up next to her and wait for the world to wake up, peaceful and calm and for once, so so unbelievably happy to be head over heels in love with her best friend.

 

It didn’t take long to find her. Sara wasn’t actually  _ aware _ the Sharpe’s had a treehouse in their back garden, but in her defense, the garden was big enough she couldn’t see right to the end, and almost all the time she’d spent out here in the past year she’d been focused on trying to keep her eyes off Ava. Not that had  _ changed _ now. If anything, Sara would be happy to stare at Ava for the rest of her  _ life.  _

(She had to wait a week. Just one week, and then she could ask Ava out after the game and pull her so close she could barely tell where she ended and where Ava began, and brush their lips together - she’d be able to feel Ava’s hot breath against her skin, fingers burning where they’d inevitably curl into her soccer jersey and never let her go, breath catching in her throat as she thought about speaking, eyes shining with happiness this time rather than tears.)

Unless - 

No. No, she wasn’t going to go there. Sure, Ava still hadn’t told her why  _ exactly _ she’d ran off and tried to cut her out of her life after the dare, why she’d gone so far as to ignore her for weeks and then only tentatively started to let her in again, but … Sara didn’t need to know. At least, she didn’t need to know right now - she’d talked to Zari about it, and she’d talked to Amaya about it for so long time she was probably sick of hearing the same fears and doubts repeated over and over again. Ali and Nora had promised her Ava would love it, and that this wouldn’t be like last time. And anyway … even if their friends hadn’t been so certain, after last night all of Sara’s doubts had evaporated, vanishing just as fast as her self control when Ava had smiled at her in the pool house, lips a little too close and smile a little too affectionate as she curled one hand around her waist, leaning close enough Sara could smell the alcohol on her breath as she asked her to dance.

Sara shivered as a breeze blew through the garden, wrapping her arms around her waist, a poor mirror of the way Ava had embraced her last night to protect her against the evening chill, soft and warm and entirely un-platonic. 

Right. 

Ava.

Ava was out here, and she would be warm and sleepy and maybe even very slightly hungover (which Sara would pay good money to see), and there was no one Sara wanted to spend time with more - even if it did mean climbing a tree barefoot and in her pyjamas. 

It was worth it, to see the way Ava was gazing out of the window in the far side of the treehouse to watch the sunrise, hair catching the early morning rays of sunlight just as it had the morning Sara had woken up with Ava in her room, lips curved up into a small, unrestrained smile, completely engrossed in her thoughts in a way that just made Sara fall for her harder, too late to catch herself but this time not wanting to. Ava seemed comfortable here, like it was  _ her _ space - probably somewhere her siblings rarely came, now they were older and had other things to fill their time with, so Ava had claimed it as her own. Sara held her breath as she watched Ava from a distance, imagining her coming up here to read in the evenings in the summer or spending early mornings studying when no one was around, or simply coming up here for some peace and quiet  - somewhere separate from the world, somewhere that felt like it belonged in a different place and time, somewhere no one could ever touch her.

“Hey,” she said quietly, voice coming out a little hoarse from last night, but catching Ava’s attention nonetheless. Ava turned her head and smiled at her, eyes crinkling at the corners and making Sara’s heart flutter in her chest, the remnants of her immaculate makeup from the night before slightly smudged but still just as beautiful as she had ever been. She was wrapped in several blankets and wearing a hoodie Sara vaguely remembered losing near the start of the year, hair falling out of the intricate braids Ali had put it into last night, loose strands now framing soft waves around her face.

“Hey,” Ava replied in a quiet voice, not wanting to disturb the peaceful bubble they’d found themselves in. She tilted her head slightly and the sunlight shifted, orange hues fading to yellow and somehow making Sara’s breath catch even more. She swallowed, trying not to think about how easy it would be to kiss Ava right now and instead taking a step forward when Ava beckoned her closer, settling down on the floor next to her and wrapping her arms tighter around herself, trying to rub some warmth back into them.

“So, uh … since when have you had a treehouse?” 

Ava raised an eyebrow at her, an explanation ready on her tongue, but before she started speaking, she cut herself off, instantly noticing when Sara shivered. “Hey,” she said softly, this time not a greeting but a gentle reprimand, voice dripping with concern. “You’re freezing.”

Sara opened her mouth to respond, a gentle retort on the tip of her tongue, but before she could Ava slipped her fingers into Sara’s and brought her hand up to her mouth to press a gentle kiss against her knuckles, lips warmer and softer than Sara expected, causing goosebumps to break out across her arm. Ava raised an eyebrow, mostly teasing but still with a hint of concern, holding Sara’s hands between her own and rubbing them gently as she repeated “you’re _ freezing _ Sara. You don’t even have shoes on - what were you thinking? I know Amaya said that you like to pretend it’s summer from the slightest hint of sun but it’s not summer  _ yet _ . You have district champs next week.”

Sara shrugged. “Honestly, I wasn’t,” she said, it coming out as a slightly sheepish mumble when she shuffled closer to Ava. “Thinking, that is.” Ava’s expression softened but Sara shook her head slightly, deciding that maybe it was worth saying  _ some  _ of her feelings about Ava aloud, to make sure that what Sara knew they’d both felt last night didn’t get lost in the memories of the party. She bit her lip, blinking slowly before her eyes met Ava’s once again and she let out a shaky breath, words quiet and vulnerable as she admitted, “I woke up, and you weren’t there, and I … I wanted to be with you. So when Ali told me where you’d be, I didn’t stop, I just - I wanted to come find you.”

Ava’s eyes stayed on her face long enough to make Sara doubt her decision to be gross and sappy and honest, but then Ava brought her hand up to tuck Sara’s hair back behind her ear, one knuckle ghosting across her cheek so lightly Sara would’ve thought it was an accident, if the soft smile on Ava’s face didn’t give her away. She moved her fingers down to lightly rest against Sara’s chin, tilting her head up as if she was about to kiss her, and for a second, Sara’s entire world came to a sudden, grinding halt, her heart going haywire in her chest and her stomach flipping with anticipation. But then, Ava just smiled even more affectionately than before, and whispered, “And what if I wasn’t here, huh? What would you’ve done then?”

She was teasing - the way the corners of her lips were still curled up into a smirk gave that much away - but even so, Sara couldn’t help the warmth that spread out from her chest at the concern in Ava’s voice, concern for  _ her _ , concern that she’d be cold even though Ava was right here beside her. 

“You  _ are _ here,” Sara mumbled quietly, settling down properly against Ava’s side and closing her eyes, tucking her frozen feet under her, smile widening when she felt Ava wrap a blanket around her shoulders and not pull her arm away once she was done. Her other hand found Sara’s and tangled their fingers together in her lap, thumb tracing a constellation of freckles across the back of Sara’s hand under the blankets, a pattern she couldn’t even see and yet instinctively seemed to know. Sara hummed softly against Ava skin, letting herself enjoy the feeling of Ava’s lips against her temple, warm and safe and  _ here _ , and never going anywhere ever again. 

“Yeah,” Ava whispered quietly, voice becoming slightly more fuzzy as Sara tucked her head under her chin, inhaling deeply and smiling against Ava’s neck, letting herself get pulled back to sleep now Ava was here and happy and determined to stay right beside her. “Go to sleep,” Ava reassured her, gentle smile audible in her voice. She pressed another kiss to Sara’s temple, lips lingering long enough to make Sara’s heart flutter once again as she exhaled, words barely a breath and yet honest and true and more reassuring than Sara would ever have thought they could be. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

Ava almost forgot to let go of Sara’s hand before rounding the corner back into the kitchen. She’d gotten so used to being so close to Sara all evening, that when Sara abruptly tugged on her hand, stopping them in the middle of the hallway and purposefully flickering her eyes down to where their fingers were joined, it was only then that it occurred to Ava that the bubble of last night had broken. (At least, it had in front of everyone else. Ava wasn’t sure why, but the crackling, physically palpable energy between her and Sara hadn’t dissipated in the slightest, not even once the alcohol had faded and reality set in.) 

“Oh,” said Ava, reluctantly untangling their fingers and letting her arm falling back down to her side. “Right. Yeah.” The past 18 hours had been such a haze of music, laughter, and Ava’s heart feeling so full it could burst, she’d momentarily forgotten that this was  _ her  _ family.  _ Her  _ mother, who was no longer distracted by her friends and numerous glasses of champagne, and would almost definitely have things to say if Ava showed up late to breakfast hand in hand with a girl. 

“It’s not that I don’t want -” Sara tried to say quickly, stepping closer to Ava (so close that Ava had to put in far too much effort to remember to breathe). 

“Yeah, I know,” said Ava, before Sara could finish. She smiled, unable to stop herself from just lightly trailing her hands down Sara’s arms from her elbows, feeling a rush of  _ something  _ when Sara’s eyelids fluttered shut for the briefest of seconds. “I forgot for a second that this was  _ my  _ family we’re around.” 

Sara opened her eyes, expression sympathetic. “Maybe they’ll be different,” she said quietly. “Now that Spencer’s back.” 

Ava sighed, glancing over her shoulder. “Yeah. Maybe.” 

 

Layla must have snuck back into the house sometime earlier in the morning, because she was sitting at the kitchen bench when Ava pulled Sara into the room. Spencer was leaning against one of the counters, a large mug of coffee in his hand while Robert stood at the stove, cooking. Barbara meanwhile was tidying the large amount of mess accumulated around the kitchen over the course of the night. 

“I always say we need to keep things tidy over the night so we don’t have as much work to do in the morning,” she said with a frown. 

“And yet, we never do,” said Layla, meeting Ava’s eye and Ava had to look away to stop herself from grinning. 

“Oh, hey Sara!” said Robert, smiling warmly when he noticed the two of them. “I didn’t realise you’d stayed the night. You hungry?” 

“Always,” said Sara with a smile. “And yeah, I hope it’s okay that I stayed. Ali insisted.” 

“Clearly then, you didn’t have a choice,” joked Robert with a wink. “Speaking of, where is that girl?”

“Asleep,” said Layla, Spencer and Ava in unison, all glancing up in surprise seconds later. Barbara and Robert looked at each other, a quiet expression of fondness and nostalgia on their faces as their three eldest children chuckled a little. 

“Some things never change,” said Spencer softly, his eyes flickering towards Ava. Ava’s stomach swooped a little and she bit her lip, turning away from Spencer so she could grab her and Sara two plates from the cupboard. She knew she should be happy he was back. She  _ was  _ happy he was back. It’d been so long, and the minute she’d thrown her arms around him last night, she’d felt  _ safe  _ in a way she hadn’t in a long time. But she was also older now. Old enough to not need him anymore. Old enough to recognise that she  _ was  _ allowed to be angry at him for leaving. Old enough to know that yeah, him joining the army just as she was figuring out she was gay, and him keeping her adoption a secret for 18 years wasn’t necessarily his  _ fault _ , but she was allowed to be wary around him because of it. 

Sara seemed to sense Ava slipping away from everything in the kitchen and into her own thoughts, and reached out to take the plates from Ava, her thumb brushing gently over Ava’s hand as she did. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to jerk Ava back to reality. 

_ You okay _ ? Sara mouthed, and Ava nooded, offering her a grateful smile. 

“Where were you girls this morning anyway?” asked Robert, shovelling hash browns from the pan onto a large serving tray in the middle of the kitchen island. “I saw Ali out to the world when I came downstairs and caught Layla coming out of the shower …?” 

Ava felt a vague hint of panic curling in her stomach, even though she knew she and Sara hadn’t been  _ up to  _ anything inappropriate, even by her mother’s standards. Before she could come up with a viable excuse that quickly averted the oncoming disastrous conversation, her mother had already spoken, much to Ava’s surprise. 

“Let me guess. Treehouse?” 

Ava’s gaze snapped up, the shock clearly evident on her face if Barbara’s responding eye roll was anything to go by. “How did you -” 

“Ava, please. You’ve spent every morning there after any big family function since you were eight.” 

Ava didn’t quite know what to say. There was a fondness on Barbara’s face that seemed so  _ foreign _ . An acceptance and affection, and perhaps even the faintest glint of  _ I know what you’re not telling me _ . As though she knew exactly how Ava and Sara had spent the last hour, curled up in each other, far too close to be in any way platonic, quiet, sleepy conversation passed between them as the sun steadily rose on Star City. And more than any of it, Ava couldn’t see any -  _ any  _ \- suspicion or unease about it. She was wondering whether to ask if her mother had suddenly been replaced by a clone in the insanity of the previous night, when Sara saved her from having to provide any kind of response. 

“My dad, Laurel and I built a treehouse when me and Laur were kids,” she said, “but it’s  _ nothing  _ compared to this one. I feel like this is like the treehouse from that old cartoon of the secret agents kids that we used to watch when we were little.” 

“How is Laurel?” asked Layla, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the kitchen counter. Automatically - almost instinctively - Ava leaned in a little closer to Sara. It’d been almost nine months, but she didn’t expect Laurel’s rehabilitation to be  _ easy  _ on Sara, even now. Lying about it had to still take its toll. 

“She’s good,” said Sara, and Ava could hear the truth in her voice. “She was struggling for a bit over the year, but she’s a lot better now. She’s looking into coming home for the summer early, so she can watch me graduate.” Nothing Sara had said was a lie, and Ava was impressed at how a vague enough answer could easily defer from the reality of where Laurel had really been all this time. 

“The three of you should come over for dinner once she’s back,” said Robert brightly. “It’ll be nice for Layla and Laurel to catch up, and I would love to meet her properly.” 

Sara glanced over at Ava, a small, shy smile on her face. “Yeah, that’d be great. She’d love to meet all of you too.” 

Something flipped in Ava’s stomach, and it wasn’t just because of the way Sara was looking at her (although yeah, maybe that had pretty significant part of it.) The idea of her dad just offhandedly suggesting their family hang out with Sara’s was just - 

“Do you know when she’s coming home?” asked Barbara, before Ava’s thoughts could run away with her. 

“No, not yet,” said Sara with a shrug. “I think she’s still sorting stuff on her end. Hopefully soon though.” She leaned into Ava as she reached across the kitchen bench for a clean glass, and Ava couldn’t help the way her eyes fell onto Sara’s face. They’d both (at least attempted) to take off their makeup the previous night before curling up in the living room to watch movies with Ali, and Ava was pretty sure she was never going to get over how  _ soft  _ and so, unbelievably  _ beautiful  _ Sara looked like this. It’d been a year and a half since she’d shown up on Sara’s doorstep that one October night, and Ava was still breathless every time she caught a glimpse of Sara’s piercing blue eyes, delicate, blonde eyelashes, freckle littered face, the tiny little dimple on her chin that was probably the cutest thing Ava had ever seen - 

“Hey,” said Sara, kicking her foot lightly and Ava blinked. “Pretty sure I left my phone under my pillow in the living room. Want me to grab yours?” 

It was an innocent question, accompanied by a light, warm smile but the way her leg was still leaning against Ava’s, her hand resting on Ava’s forearm, the small sparkle in the corner of her eye, all told Ava that Sara knew  _ exactly  _ why Ava had been distracted. 

And it made Ava’s head spin with shy nervousness and something she tentatively wanted to pin down as  _ hope.  _ Because after last night, - after all of  _ this _ \- for the first time in months, Ava felt like a haze had lifted and she could finally see things they way she thought she’d been imagining; the way Sara bit her lip and flushed when Ava teased her about something, how Sara’s eyes would flicker to Ava’s mouth almost involuntarily, how her touch seemed to linger just slightly longer than usual, how her smile was brighter around Ava. 

Almost like she felt the same way Ava did. 

(Who was she kidding? After last night, Ava was almost  _ certain  _ Sara felt the same.)

“Yeah,” she said, remembering to respond to Sara’s question and trying not to let her breath catch as Sara’s fingers brushed over Ava’s wrist. “It uh … it should be charging by the TV.” 

“Got it,” said Sara, smiling. “You want anything else?” 

_ You.  _

Ava bit the inside of her cheek, shook her head. The last thing she needed was to blurt  _ that  _ out in front of her whole family. “Just throw pillows at Ali until she gets out of bed. Otherwise she’ll be there until like, 2pm.” 

Sara grinned and laughed. “Oh,  _ that  _ I can do.”

 

* * *

 

_ Aves _

**Text Message** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Sunday**

**_3:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i know we just spent like, 18 hours   
together hanging out and stuff

  
**_3:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** but is it weird if i say i kinda miss   
you already 

  
**_3:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re literally going to see me    
tomorrow morning you goof

  
**_3:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** (I miss you too)

  
**_3:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It was so nice having you around   
again, I’d forgotten how much fun   
it is 

  
**_3:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Except for when you and Ali gang   
up on me, then you’re just annoying

  
**_3:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you love it ;-)

  
**_3:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** it was such a beautiful party

  
**_3:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** like holy shit, i think i know what   
layla needs to do as a career

  
**_3:49pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s always had a knack for it

  
**_3:49pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** how’s having spencer home? You guys   
talked much yet?

  
**_3:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** A little bit

  
**_3:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** He’s staying in the guest bedroom bc   
his room turned into storage while he   
was away lol

  
**_3:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Mom and dad are just so happy to have   
him back though, it’s crazy seeing them   
smile this much

  
**_3:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you? happy he’s back?

  
**_3:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

  
**_3:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s just weird, you know? It’s been so long   
that I almost forgot what it’s like to even    
have him here

  
**_3:51pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And so much has happened in the last couple   
of years since I last saw him, I feel like I’m a   
completely different person. I don’t really know   
what to say to him

  
**_3:52pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** he’s still your brother aves, just talk to    
him. there’ll still be something there to   
connect you guys

  
**_3:52pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** maybe play basketball or something?

  
**_3:54pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, I might ask him if he wants to shoot some   
hoops later or something

  
**_3:54pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** let me know how it goes x

  
**_3:55pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I will X

  
**_3:57pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thanks for coming last night Sara

  
**_3:58pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t even imagine what it would’ve been   
like without you there

  
**_3:59pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you for inviting me

  
**_3:59pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i loved every second <3 

  
**_4:00pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3    


 

* * *

 

 

_ Spencer Sharpe _

**Text Message** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Sunday**

**_4:13pm:_ **   
you can’t tell ava

  
**_4:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can’t tell Ava what???

  
**_4:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** A secret cookie recipe? 

  
**_4:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That platypuses literally shouldn’t be    
a real life honest to god animal?

  
**_4:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** That Snape kills Dumbledore?

  
**_4:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re gonna have to be more specific   
Sara, there’s a lot of possibilities here

  
**_4:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** about us texting

  
**_4:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** before

  
**_4:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** while ava and i weren’t speaking

  
**_4:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you can’t tell her about that

  
**_4:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why?

  
**_4:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** are you kidding spencer?? I just got her back,   
and me violating her privacy and contacting    
her brother without her say so i could have a   
way of knowing about her life is just

  
**_4:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** it would ruin everything

  
**_4:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** it would show that i didn’t respect her   
boundaries, i didn’t give her space or    
trust her reasoning for pulling away

 

**_4:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i can’t fucking lose her again spencer

  
**_4:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m not gonna make her mad at me when    
we’re finally in a good place again

  
**_4:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i have so much riding on this next week   
and i need me and ava to be okay

  
**_4:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** please

  
**_4:21pm:_ **   
Oh

  
**_4:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re in love with her

  
**_4:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You are, aren’t you?

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** spencer, please

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** promise me you won’t say anything

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey, yeah, okay

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I promise

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She wouldn’t be mad though Sara

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i just can’t risk it

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** not yet

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’ll talk to her about it soon, after the   
big game okay? I just need to know   
things are okay until then

  
**_4:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I won’t say anything X

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you    
  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** really

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** thank you so much

  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s not gonna be mad at you though

  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can promise you that as well

  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Everything might be different since the first   
time you texted me, but I know for sure my   
sister still loves you a lot

  
**_4:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Maybe even more than she did before

  
**_4:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m banking on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because we are the Queens of Slow Burn ofc we just had to drag it out just the teeeeeeeniest bit longer ;-) (we're sorry lmao) 
> 
> FIRSTLY; qn's from last chapter's comments!  
> 1) we've had quite a few questions abt the rating for the fic / whether there'll be smut at any stage. the rating of the fic will not go up in the foreseeable future. as much as yes, we'd love to post smut from this au just to like. make the story feel Complete in a way, it's not something either of us are quite comfortable posting atm, esp. bc for us both, there's a considerable number of irl people who have access to this fic. there's a possibility that at some point, higher rated one shots might be posted on tumblr or something (if the site doesn't like. disintegrate), and we will definitely let you know if that is the case! we're sorry if that's disappointing to anyone, and we rlly hope that doesn't change how invested you are in the fic. it's defs something that's been a bit of an insecurity for us bc we wanna give you guys what you want from the story, but we also have to stick to what's comfortable for us as writers rn  
> 2) we DEFINITELY want to write more little one shots for this au, and even just post a whole lot of headcanons for it too. the best place for the latter is on twitter or tumblr, so pls reach out to us there (twitter: @saraalcnce, tumblr: lenalvthor OR legolasunderstoodthatreference) 
> 
> SECONDLY; next week's update  
> next week's update may be 1-3 days late. we're super, super sorry but we wanted to let you guys know in advance, because we have a Lot of work to do on it and we both have extremely hectic weeks. i have work over the next 3 days, and then a 20% essay due wednesday, and an interview on thursday, and then work again friday saturday sunday. rachel has a presentation on tuesday and it's the last week of classes for both of us until january so rach also has labs every day + an exam, so it's kind of like. A Week for us both. next chapter is Big and we absolutely refuse to half-ass it or post it at anything less than us being 100% happy with it, so we hope you'll bear with us. we're definitely going to post an update next week, it just might not be on the usual day, so please hang in there! 
> 
> GOD these were some long chapter notes. apologies. ANYWAY. we hope you loved this chapter as much as we do!!! pls leave us comments / messages on twitter or tumblr / screaming / anything to get us through the week, bc we're gonna need it yikes! we love u all heaps, have a brilliant week X


	27. i said remember this moment in the back of my mind (that time we stood with our shaking hands the crowds in stands went wild)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sara had never been more grateful for her soccer playing skills than she was at this moment, because she was pretty sure she had also never been less focused on a game in her entire life."
> 
> OR
> 
> it's district champs folks. 
> 
> this is it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> just go read it guys
> 
>  
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from long live by taylor swift)

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Spencer Sharpe  
_Active now_

_TUES 4:01pm:_

Hey so

  
god that sounds ominous

  
What??

No??

Ali and I are out right now and she’s  
out of data and you’re messaging her  
freaking out about your plan to ask  
Ava out and she wants me to say smth  
reassuring

  
SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT?

ALISON JENNIFER SHARPE I’M GONNA  
KILL YOU

  
I’m not gonna tell Ava, don’t worry

Also Ali just flipped you off via flipping me  
off and I don’t know how I’m supposed to  
translate that into messenger form so just  
take my word that she’s pulling the finger  
at you for using the middle name card

  
you promise?

you’re not gonna tell ava?

god i feel like i’m asking you to keep  
a million different things from her rn

(also right back at u lil sharpe)

  
Of course not

And it’s okay

Now that I know WHY you needed things to be  
okay with Ava for the game, I’m absolutely  
fine with it

Getting to see the look on Ava’s face when all  
of this goes down is gonna be one of the best  
moments of my life

  
you really think she’ll like it? It’s  
not too much or anything? I’m so  
scared it’s the wrong thing to do

  
Have you talked to Nora about it?

  
yeah

heaps

she told me that ava likes me enough  
that she’s not gonna care what i do at  
this point, she’ll say yes no matter what

as long as she knows i mean it this time

I mean, i meant it last time but she didn’t  
know that so

  
Then you have nothing to worry about

Also, I wanted to ask if you were okay  
with me and Ali making our parents  
come to the game

  
you want barbara sharpe to be there when  
her gay daughter gets asked out by her bi  
best friend like we’re in a damn romantic  
comedy movie?

  
Yes

  
will your mom like

take it okay?

I know she’s gotten better this past year but  
also my mom got better too until she actually  
had to deal with me being bi in practice

the minute i got a girlfriend she was weird abt  
it and i don’t want it to be the same for aves bc  
it hurts so much to believe that your mom is going  
to be supportive bc she is in theory but in reality  
she ends up just being kind of worse

  
I know

And I thought about that

But the Barbara Sharpe I’ve come home  
to is literally the furthest thing from the  
woman I left behind

And despite everything, at the end of the day  
I know all she wants is for Ava to be happy

I think the biggest thing to help her get over  
any kind of uneasiness about Ava being gay  
would be her actually getting to see Ava  
have that kind of happiness

  
that’s if ava says yes

  
She’s going to say yes, Sara

  
god i hope so

okay so yeah, your parents can come to  
the game

  
It’s gonna go great

After all of this, you both deserve this to  
go great <3

  
thanks spencer <3

  
_Seen: Tuesday, 4:11pm._

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_laureldlance posted 1 new photo:_ **

Surprise, guess who’s back??? <3 <3

 **_Tagged: saraalance_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City_ **

**_Liked by:_** _avacsharpe, theaqxeen, ztomaz, tommyxmerlyn, saraalance, and 224 others._ _  
_**_Comments:_** ** _  
_**_saraalance:_ thanks for making me cry in front of all my friends rlly appreciate it there laurel ( <3 <3 <3)  
_theaqxeen:_ WHAT YOU’RE BACK IN SC SHUT UP CALL ME RIGHT NOW  
_amayajiwe:_ So so glad you’re home!!!!  
_oliivxrqueen:_!!!! Come over whenever you’re settled, we wanna see you!

_Tuesday 24th April._

 

**_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

she’s home <3  

**_Tagged: laureldlance_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, raymondcpalmer, noradarhk, tommyxmerlyn,_ iriswestxx _, and 191 others._

_Tuesday 24th April._

 

* * *

 

It was nice, having Laurel back. As much as her friends had gone out of their way this year to make sure she didn’t spend too much time on her own – time that before, she would’ve spent sitting and chatting with Laurel for hours on end – it hadn’t been quite the same. She’d missed spending her evenings watching crappy movies from the ‘90s and early 2000s, she’d missed having someone around who knew her inside and out, every childhood memory and middle school crush and every insecurity that’d ever crossed her mind. And…maybe, she’d missed being prodded in the side a little too hard, interrogated about her friends, and asked nosy questions about her love life too.

Laurel laughed as she squirmed away, unable to keep her grin off her face. “So are you gonna tell me about Ava or what? Because you know I saw those Instagram posts from last week, of you two looking all fancy and dancing together at whatever party you went to.”

“Going to a party with someone doesn’t have to _mean_ anything,” Sara protested weakly, but Laurel just raised an eyebrow, which … well, it was fair. Because going to that party with Ava, as her date, _definitely_ had meant something. It’d meant _everything_ . And even though Laurel hadn’t been here all year, she was still her big sister – she deserved to know at least _something_. Sara sighed, kicking off her trainers and pulling her legs up to her chest, leaning back against her arms. “Okay, fine. Yeah, there’s … there’s something there.”

“Something there?” laughed Laurel, reaching out to curl her fingers into a ticklish point on Sara’s side. “That’s the biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard. You should’ve _seen_ the way she looked at you when you came to visit me last month. Those heart eyes were nauseating. And you were _not_ much better.”

“I didn’t have _heart eyes_!” Sara protested, her words spiking upwards into a high pitched squeal as Laurel moved to tickle her even more. Sara tried to shuffle away but it was like they were suddenly 12 again, and Laurel leaned over the bed to zap Sara’s sides, making her shriek and attempt to roll out from Laurel’s surprisingly strong hold. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Sara gasped out, shoving Laurel’s shoulders in a futile attempt to get free. “When the fuck did you suddenly get strong enough to hold me down?”

Laurel smirked. “Not a lot to do in rehab, babe. Thought I’d take a page out of your book and use exercise as an outlet. Looks like you’ve finally got a match in our New Years armwrestling matches with Ollie, Tommy and Thea.”

“Okay,” said Sara, squirming. “Then let’s talk about Tommy. That’s a great idea. He told me he came to visit you - how’d that go?”

Something flickered in Laurel’s eyes but she shook her head. “Nope. You know that’s not how this works. You tell me about Ava first.”

“Jesus, nosy much?”

“I’ve been away from home for _eight months_ , and apparently I’ve missed a lot. Come _on_ Sara, don’t make me ask _Dad_ -”

“Okay, okay _fine_! I’m in love with her! You happy?”

Laurel’s breath caught abruptly and she shifted off of Sara, her eyes wide. The weight of what Sara had just said seemed to settle and Sara sat up immediately, wondering for the briefest moment whether telling Laurel just how deep these feelings went was the right choice (even if she’d kind of just let it slip as a way of crying _uncle,_ because apparently, even after all this time, Laurel could still be an _annoying_ big sister).

“You are?” said Laurel, her voice softer than before, the look in her eyes matching the tone of her voice. Sara swallowed, her gaze darting down to her lap. The words suddenly felt so big, so momentous, the _I’m in love with her_ hanging so heavy in the air. It wasn’t as though Laurel was the first person to _know_ any of this; Sara had admitted that she _liked_ Ava to all her friends, and that’d be fine after her conversation with Zari. And sure, she’d admitted the _love_ thing to Spencer (well. Not really. He’d figured it out, which really said a lot). But there was something different to saying the words out loud – especially to _Laurel_ , sitting in exactly the same place they had been back when Sara was in eighth grade when she’d told her about another crush - on Emily Roddingham - that’d changed her entire world. (Although truth be told, Sara was pretty sure that _this_ crush now had changed her world more than anything ever had before.)

Sara had known in her heart she loved Ava for months now, ever since she’d woken up on that cold January morning to see Ava lost in thought as she gazed out the window after spending the night curled up against her side, warm and safe in her arms, and realized with a jolt that that was how she wanted to wake up _every_ morning (maybe even for the rest of her life). And yeah, maybe she’d tested the words out before, tentatively whispering them to herself in the dead of night when she was too distracted to sleep, Ava’s voice and her smile and her fingers managing to distract her even when she wasn’t there in person.

But that had been before. Before she’d dared to ask Ava out, before she’d joked and pretended she wasn’t serious about this, before Ava had turned and run and spent _weeks_ trying to push her away. And … it was before they’d made up. Before she’d sat on Ava’s bed and begged her for answers and realized that Ava was hurting just as much as she was, that Ava needed her too. It was before Zari had rolled her eyes in exasperation and told her how obvious it was that Ava liked her back, but then patiently sat and waited for her to think things through, and promised her that whatever this was, they’d work it out together.

So this time … this time was different. This time, letting the words _I’m in love with her_ tumble from her lips was so _huge_ because Sara was sure. She was certain. And more than that, this time there was a hint of something else there, a hint of whatever it was she could feel every time Ava’s fingers brushed against her skin, every time their eyes met, every time she caught Ava staring at her lips, cheeks a little too red, eyes twinkling just enough to make Sara’s stomach flutter. This time, when she exhaled she could imagine (or rather, _remember_ ) Ava tangling their fingers together and tucking her hair back behind her ear, or asking her to dance and then spinning her around the pool house, quiet laughter echoing off the walls and finding a home deep within Sara’s heart.

(This time, there was _hope_.

There was a little voice in the back of her head, quiet and calm yet firm, determined and certain, saying _Ava loves you too._ )

“You love her?” Laurel prompted again, and Sara blinked, surprised to find Laurel so close to her, blushing the moment she realized she had no idea how much time had passed since she’d spoken, or if Laurel had already responded. She ducked her head down in an attempt to hide the smile that had pretty much been a permanent fixture since last weekend. But Laurel reached out, catching her chin with two fingers and tilting it up gently to look her not so little sister in the eyes, her smile widening when she saw the look on Sara’s face. Sara bit her lip.

“Yeah,” she said in barely a whisper. “God Laur, you … you have no idea. She’s so _perfect._ I’m so fucking in love with her. I think I’ve been in love with her since February.”

“February?” Laurel echoed. “Shit, Sara.”

Sara laughed, flopping back down onto the bed and blowing hair away from her face. “Yeah, I know. I’m a mess.”

Laurel shook her head. “She has feelings for you too you know,” she said, her voice teasing but so clearly genuine. “Why haven’t you asked her out?”

Sara’s gaze fixed on a crack on Laurel’s ceiling. It had been made inadvertently when Sara had accidentally thrown her softball too high, too hard, and it’d hit the ceiling with a loud _thump_ , making Quentin rush down the hall and Laurel yell at Sara for damaging her room. Bits of plaster had even fallen onto the bed. It had been just after Dinah moved to Chicago, and Quentin had never quite found the time to make the repairs, and eventually, they all just forgot about it. Now though, it felt oddly comforting. Familiar, somehow.

“Have you talked to Dad at all in the last few weeks?” said Sara, her hands fiddling with the strings of her hoodie.

Laurel nodded slowly. “A couple of times.”

“Did he tell you about what happened at the end of March?”

Laurel’s forehead creased a little. “Not properly. I don’t think he knew exactly what was going on. All he told me was that you were miserable - almost as miserable as when Nyssa left, if not more - and that Ava had stopped coming around. I reached out to Ollie, and he told me that Thea had been keeping tabs on both you and Ava, through Ava’s sister, but even she didn’t really know what had happened. But back then, I knew I was probably gonna get to come home soon, so I figured I’d ask you what happened when I got here.”

Sara sighed, scrubbing her face with one hand. She didn’t even know where to _start_ , but somehow it all came spilling out, an out of order list of events, interspersed stories about the dare, about she and Ava getting closer, about prom coming up, about Sara panicking, playing off the dare as a joke. About Ava suddenly walking away and not answering any of Sara’s calls or texts all weekend. About the three weeks that followed with no contact, with Ava swapping seats in classes, with their groups dividing, with Sara feeling more alone and heartbroken and miserable than she thought she would ever feel again.

It was _easy_ to tell Laurel, the same way it was easy to tell her almost anything. Sara knew the story wouldn’t really make sense to anybody else, but Laurel seemed to pay attention, barely asked any questions, and just reached out to curl her hand around Sara’s when Sara had to stop abruptly and look away to blink back tears. Sara told her about the qualifying game, about her and Ava finishing their history assignment, about Nora’s phone call, about Quentin’s final Darhk raid, about staying at Ava’s that night, about the panic attack and the argument and then the next morning where everything finally _mellowed_ in a way that Sara had started to believe that it never would.

Eventually Laurel was caught up. On everything. Including the intricate details of Sara almost kissing Ava in the Sharpe pool house the previous weekend.  

“Who needs prime time television when my sister’s love life is literally a romance movie?” joked Laurel, but her voice was gentle and held a tinge of concern. “Sara, this all happened in like, a month? Are you okay? You sure you don’t have like, whiplash from how fucking quickly these things have been turning around?”

Sara let out a quiet laugh. “I’m okay,” she said, grimacing and adding a soft, “ _now._ For a while … for a while, I definitely wasn’t. But things are okay now.”

“Now that you know Ava likes you back,” said Laurel, the smirk returning to her face as she nudged Sara’s thigh with her knee.

Sara laughed again, nervously this time as her fingers found the pendant hanging from her necklace and twirled it around. (Laurel looked fond as she saw what Sara was doing). “I sure hope she likes me,” Sara murmured, anxiety clamping down on her chest the way it always did when she thought about the upcoming game for too long.  She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, “‘cause I’m about to lay everything on the line for her.”

Laurel tilted her head slightly, raising a curious eyebrow, and Sara shifted, sat up again.

Everything was finalized now – the crazy, stupidly romantic plan, how to make sure Ava knew this was real, the reprogramming of the TVs around the stadium, Zari controlling the messages from her phone, Ray’s friends at the SCHS tech club who were in charge of all the electronics for the night – it was all decided. Sara knew how she was going to ask, she’d imagined Ava’s reaction over and over again, lips curling into a smile as she looked across to her almost-girlfriend, taking a step closer and curling her fingers into her soccer jersey to pull her into a kiss, friends and family forgotten, lost in each other. She’d imagined Ava’s eyes, twinkling under the stadium lights, brimming with the affection reserved only for her when she pulled away, and the quiet, whispered “yes” that’d be just between them.

She’d thought about it for days on end, she’d poured out every fear and insecurity about losing Ava to Amaya and listened as she’d picked apart every single one, reminding her of how Ava smiled when she entered the room, how she immediately reached for her hand, how she’d spent almost every single lunchtime since her parents’ anniversary party smiling and laughing and slipping her arm around Sara’s shoulders, pulling her close enough to press quick, gentle kisses to the top of Sara’s head, assuming no one else would notice.

( _Everyone_ noticed. Sara knew they’d noticed, because they yelled about it repeatedly in their ridiculous group chat, despite the fact that she was now literally _in the group chat_.)

“Hey, c’mon,” said Laurel, poking Sara’s arm. “You can’t just leave me hanging on that. Eight months in rehab, remember? I want to _know_ things.” Sara rolled her eyes.

“I dunno,” she said teasingly, shrugging. “It’s kinda lame. Maybe I should just wait for you to see it yourself.”

Laurel glared, grabbing a pillow and swinging it into Sara’s face. Sara yelped and grabbed Laurel’s knee to stop herself tumbling off the bed, shoving the pillow away and returning her sister’s glare.

“Don’t make me tickle you again,” threatened Laurel, arching an eyebrow. Sara lifted her hands in defeat. There was something warm in her chest, a soft, quiet hum of comfort at the feeling of Laurel being back in the house, of this room being filled with bickering and laughter and teasing rather than the heavy despondence of Laurel being _gone._ Sara had been so worried about suddenly losing her footing on her own life once Laurel returned to Star City, but instead, it was as though everything had just fallen into place in a way Sara didn’t even realise they needed to. And for all her evasive crypticness, of _course_ Sara wanted to tell her big sister her ridiculous, overly-elaborate, hopelessly romantic plan to ask out the girl she’d been crushing on for almost a year. She’d wanted Laurel there at every development of her and Ava’s relationship so far, and now she finally _was._

It was going to be, as Zari had concluded in their group chat the evening before, a night that (hopefully) no one would ever forget.

 

* * *

 

_Laurel <3 _

**iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Wednesday**

 **_4:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re not at home, are you?

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** nope, soccer practice

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you know

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** practice for biggest game of the year,  
maybe my last one for schs ever, the  
one that’s in two days?

  
**_4:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Shut up I was just checking

  
**_4:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** why??

  
**_4:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re never gonna fucking believe  
this

  
**_4:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh no

  
**_4:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** what?

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** is it bad? I have to go back to  
practice in like, 30 seconds

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** When does practice finish?

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** 6

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m gonna come pick you up, okay?

  
**_4:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** why????

  
**_4:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Mom’s here

  
**_5:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** she’s WHAT

  
**_Read:_ ** _Wednesday_

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

OG legends  
_Active now_

_WED 8:19pm:_

 

 **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** kill me

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’s called murder and is generally  
frowned upon and I would not like to  
go to jail so no

  
**_Jax_ ** **_  
_ ** why?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** my mom’s in town as a ‘surprise’

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yep

 **_  
_ ** she said it’s for the big game  & for my  
graduation but i guarantee that it’s 90%  
bc laurel’s home again

 **_  
_ ** if laurel was still in rehab then she would  
for sure have found some work excuse for  
why she couldn’t come

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Even for you own grad?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** honestly? wouldn’t put it past her

only reason she came to the championship  
game sophomore year was because laurel  
and dad forced her to come cos i was a  
mess after nyssa and they knew i needed it

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Do we have a running total on her  
disapproving comments yet?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** YUP

IT’S BEEN LIKE, 2 HOURS

AND I’VE ALREADY BEEN CRITICISED LIKE  
FIVE TIMES

I S2G I’M ABT TO SWAN DIVE OUT MY WINDOW

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah don’t do that

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** We could brainstorm a way to piss her off?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i would love nothing more, except that she’s  
here until graduation and i don’t wanna make  
things more difficult, esp for laurel

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** jeez that’s rough

lmk if you wanna come over or anything to get  
outta the house

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’d invite you over to work on fixing up the  
old car but i know it’d end in me probs  
hurling a wrench at my mom

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** your mom scares me tbh

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** same

i’ve literally met her once & i’m  
terrified

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** lmao she’s not scary she’s just

idk

it’s not that i’m not happy to see her

i’ve missed her heaps and it’s really nice to  
have her back for a bit

idk i dont wanna sound ungrateful

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Babe you don’t

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** You don’t sound ungrateful for being wary abt  
being around someone who criticises literally  
everything you do

It’s okay to be kinda weird about that

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s also just a Lot you know?

it’s been just me and dad for eight months

suddenly not only is laurel back but mom too?

it’s like we’re all trying to play happy families  
right now even though we know we’re like, the  
furthest thing from it and everybody’s walking  
on tiptoes trying to avoid a big blow up

i haven’t even SEEN her since the end of sophomore  
year and it’s just so weird pretending everything is  
normal when my normal for the past 8 months is just

gone

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you busy right now?

 **_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** nah just doing homework upstairs

 **_  
_ ** **_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m gonna come over okay? Your mom’s  
always liked me so she won’t give you  
shit about ‘friends over on a school night’  
if it’s me

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i love u

 **_  
_ ** **_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Egg dinah’s car for us

 **_  
_ ** **_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Change some rlly basic word in her phone  
to autocorrect to ‘dick’

  
**_Zari:_ ** **_  
_ ** Be super passive aggressive

Shitty middle aged white ladies hate when  
you give them a taste of their own medicine

 **_  
_ ** **_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I am doing absolutely none of those things

See you soon  @Sara 

**_  
_ ** _Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

_sir raymond of the palms_

**Text Message** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Wednesday**

 **_11:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Amaya still there?

  
**_11:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** nah, she left about an hour ago

  
**_11:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You okay?

  
**_11:09pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** nothing gets past you, does it raymond

  
**_11:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Plenty of things get past me :p

  
**_11:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I just know YOU really well

  
**_11:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And disapproving families who generally  
make you feel like crap is kind of the  
basis for our whole friendship so I thought  
maybe I’m the leading authority on making  
sure you’re okay

  
**_11:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** is it too late if i call you?

  
**_11:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Definitely not xx

  
**_11:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Nate Heywood)

legends™  
_Active now_

_FRI 5:11pm:_

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara @Zari @Kuasa @Lily Yo guys  
good freaking luck for the game!!!

We believe in you guys, we know ur  
gonna kick ass, and we’ll all be there  
to cheer you on <3 <3

@Sara  especially you cap ;-) it’s gonna  
be great X

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thanks Nate <3

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** hgjdakgakj still think I’m gonna throw  
up but thanks heywood xxx

  
**_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** **_  
_ ** GOOD LUCK GUYS <3 <3

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** **_  
_ ** you guys are gonna be amazing!!!!!!

have a brill last schs game  @Sara  :-D

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** You guys will kill it, kick their ass

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** Got ur back, win or lose y’all

but try to win ‘n all

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** Everything about tonight is gonna go  
great guys  <3

  
**_Gary carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** CAN’T WAIT TO SEE ALL THE MAGIC  
TONIGHT

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** What everybody else said

  
**_Director (valedictorian) Sharpe:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Sara @Lily @Kuasa @Zari you guys  
are gonna kill it <3 <3 Good luck X

  
**_Oh captain, my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** thanks guys <3 <3

i’m with lily, still think i’m gonna puke  
but i’m glad you’re all gonna be there

 **_  
_ ** **_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Everything’s gonna go perfectly cap

We’ve been waiting for tonight for a  
long time

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, you got this Sara X

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s all gonna be worth it soon enough

 **_  
_ ** **_Oh captain, my captain_ ** **_  
_ ** fingers crossed

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

Sara had never been more grateful for her soccer playing skills than she was at this moment, because she was pretty sure she had also never been _less_ focused on a game in her entire life.

 

 

Ava could tell Sara was distracted. She didn’t know whether it was the sheer _importance_ of this game, or whether it was the fact that literally everyone Sara cared about was watching - Laurel and Dinah especially - or if something else was on Sara’s mind, but Ava found herself incredibly relieved that the SCHS team apparently had all their bases covered and that the game was unfolding in their favour, because Sara’s head seemed to be a million miles away.

 

 

The ball ricocheted off the goal post and rolled towards the stands, the whistle blowing and the referee calling for a corner kick. Sara swore under her breath. She could’ve made that shot in her sleep. Hell, she _had_ made that shot a million times before, effortlessly. A spike of frustration erupted in her chest and she had to stop herself from scuffing her cleats on the grass in annoyance, the anxiety eating away inside of her as she nervously glanced at the scoreboard.

It was okay.

They were winning. By a _lot._

At least the rest of her team seemed to have their heads screwed on straight.

 

 

“I hope Sara’s okay,” said Ava quietly to Nora, who was sitting beside her.

“What do you mean?” said Nora quickly, eyes darting to Ava’s face with something unreadable in her expression.

Ava frowned. “Nor, I know you pretend to hate sport but _look_ at her. We know what Sara’s like when she plays and she’s _so_ out of it. I wonder if she’s feeling alright.”

“She’ll just be nervous,” said Nate from the row below them. “She’s got a lot riding on tonight.”

The way he said it, Ava couldn’t help but think that there was something she was missing, something he wasn’t _quite_ saying, something that would explain Sara looking like she was thinking about something miles away from the game she was caught up in right now.

 

 

“Fuck Z, I’m sorry. I need to get my shit together.”

Zari shook her head, squeezing Sara’s arm. “Dude, stop. It’s okay. Look at the fucking board, we’re kicking their ass. Our game plan is going _perfectly_ , we prepared for this.”

“Yeah but I should be actually helping,” said Sara, roughly brushing hair away from her face. “Jesus, I just … I can’t stop thinking about it. About it going wrong.”

“Hey, stop.” Zari’s voice was firm, and she pulled Sara to a halt as the ref called a foul from the other team, demanding a penalty kick for SCHS. “Look at her Sara. Up in the stands. Look at the smile on her face every time you look over at her. That girl is so fucking head over heels for you. Just trust yourself okay? Trust _us._ And until you actually have to worry about it, do what you do best and use soccer as a distraction.”

Sara felt her lips curving into a wry grin. “You’re really good at this feelings thing when you actually try, you know that?”

Zari flipped her off. “Shut up Lance and get your damn head in the game.”

“You got it Troy Bolton.”

 

 

Once Sara found her rhythm again, she was flawless. _Seamless._ With her focused now, it became even more evident that SCHS had this game in the bag, because every play, every goal, every sideline throw in and corner kick and penalty shot seemed to be orchestrated to do exactly what Sara and Zari wanted, to unfold exactly what SCHS needed to turn the game in their favour, and Ava felt a warm, aching burst of pride burn bright in her chest as she watched the bright, sparkling beam on Sara’s face. Sara wore the same expression glancing around at her team, at Lily cracking jokes and Kuasa snorting from the goal and rolling her eyes, at Zari clapping Lindsey on the back when she tackled a Gateway City defender with all her might before booting the ball across to Gwen.

It was testament to how close the team was, to how much they’d clearly grown together in the past 4 years that they barely had to blink before knowing what to do, how to respond, what was the best way to make this _their_ game.

Ava glanced over to where Laurel, Quentin and Dinah were standing, not far away from the legends. There was a distinct pride and excitement on all their faces (Laurel and Quentin more so than Dinah), but Ava couldn’t help but feel smug on Sara’s behalf at the awe and astonishment on Dinah’s face.

Ava didn’t know why she looked over at her own family after. She wasn’t sure what it meant that she so hoped to see that same pride for Sara on their faces, and it made something in her stomach twist not unpleasantly when she saw that it _was_ there. Not just on Ali and Spencer’s faces, but Layla, Barbara and Robert’s too, accompanied by a hint of the same surprise and awe Ava had spied on Dinah’s face.

 

 

Half time came around faster than Sara knew what to do with, and suddenly all the nerves and terror about _after_ the game hit her again in full force. As Rip praised them on their playing, as all the girls filled up their drink bottles and lay on the locker room floor for a minute to _breathe_ , Sara slipped into one of the shower stalls, leaning against the wall and trying to suck enough air into her lungs.   

It was okay.

It was gonna be okay.

Ava was going to say yes and it would be okay.

God, it _had_ to be. Because what if she didn’t? What if somehow, Sara and all their friends and Ali and Spencer and Laurel had all read it wrong, and Ava didn’t have those feelings and the almost kiss in the pool house _had_ really been because of the champagne and Sara was about to do something incredibly cheesy and ridiculous and romantic and properly lose her best friend -

 

 

“Sara? Are you okay?”

Ava carefully eased the door shut behind her, trying not to overthink how small and panicked and shaky Sara looked, leaning against the wall of the shower stall and clearly trying to steady herself from whatever was freaking her out.

 

 

Sara knew that given _what_ was causing the ridiculously, rapidly increasing anxiety in her brain, hearing Ava’s voice really should’ve been more panic-inducing than it was. But instead, the minute she heard Ava, - soft and concerned and reassuring - Sara’s heart slowed and the nausea turning her stomach inside out quelled just barely. She let her eyes flicker up, and something pulled at her chest - she hadn’t had a chance to _see_ Ava before the game, and it was only now that Sara could see how cute (and how beautiful) she looked, wearing ankle length, light wash jeans and a massive _SCHS Wolves_ t-shirt that was front tucked into the waistband of her jeans. Her hair was down, she had a blue and white stripe painted on her cheek, and her eyes were full of affection and pride and worry, and Sara couldn’t stop herself from surging forward and hugging her tightly, arms clasped tightly around Ava’s waist and her head tucked into Ava’s shoulder.

 

 

Ava stumbled slightly at the force of Sara’s hug, but her arms instinctively came to wrap around her all the same, one hand lightly rubbing reassuringly along Sara’s spine. Sara was still trembling a little, even though Ava had seen her visibly relax as she entered the room. She squeezed Sara’s body gently, turning her head to press a kiss to the side of Sara’s head.

“Hey. What’s wrong? You guys are playing incredibly - you’re winning by a landslide.”

Sara sniffled. “I know.”

“What’s this all about then? I saw you were distracted at the start of the game. Is it about this being your last SCHS game, because at this rate it won’t be - you guys will make the playoffs no question.”

“I know,” mumbled Sara again. Ava frowned, pulling away slightly and gently brushing her hands down Sara’s arms comfortingly.

“Talk to me,” she said softly, eyes roving over Sara’s face to try and find _something_ that would explain the anxiety that was literally radiating off Sara in waves. For several moments, neither of them spoke, the only sound in the echoey little stall being their breathing - Sara’s shaky and a little broken, and Ava’s calm and controlled. Eventually, Sara let out a long, stuttering sigh before her gaze hesitantly shifted upwards to meet Ava’s.

“I’m not gonna lose you again right?” she whispered. “No matter what?”

 

 

Ava’s eyes widened immediately, and Sara felt her chest constrict with fear. Before she could overthink the shock on Ava’s face, Ava’s hands dropped to take Sara’s and squeeze tightly.

“No Sara,” she said firmly, thumbs tracing small circles on the back of Sara’s palm. “You’re not gonna lose me. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“No matter what?” Sara repeated, hoping that her pathetic desperation wouldn’t be obvious in her voice. “We’ll still be friends - we’ll still be _us_ , no matter what?”

“Yes,” said Ava, and the promise was clear in her tone, in the flash of determination in her eyes. “Always, Sara.”

Sara swallowed, and the lingering nausea in her stomach ebbed away. “Okay,” she managed to say, steadier than before. “Okay.”

 

 

Ava didn’t ask. She didn’t want to. She just wanted Sara to _know_ that she was telling the truth, to know that she wasn’t going to run away again, to know that she _trusted_ whatever was going on between them more than the quiet rumblings of fear that still called out in the back of Ava’s mind.

 

 

Sara wanted to say more - what exactly, she didn’t quite know - but the door creaked open and Zari appeared at the doorway. Surprise flashed across her face when she saw them, but Sara shook her head as discreetly as she could, hoping it was convey the _it’s okay, I didn’t blow the plan or anything, we’re still on for Literal High School Romantic Comedy Cliche Act III._

“We’re back on,” said Zari, slipping her hands into her pockets. “You ready cap, or you want a sec?”

“She’s good,” said Ava before Sara could reply, shooting Sara a small, proud, confident smile. “You’re good,” she said again, softer, to Sara this time. “Go kick ass. There’s a trophy on that sideline with your name on it.”

The painful knot in Sara’s chest - the one that had made it difficult to breathe all evening, the one that made her want to scream because all her nerves and fear and uneasiness seemed to leach out from it - suddenly vanished.

The urge to kiss Ava right then and there was almost stronger than it had been last week in the pool house.

“Thanks Aves,” she decided to say instead. “I’ll uh … I’ll see you after the game?”

Ava smiled. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

 

* * *

 

Ava wasn’t sure how it happened.

One minute, she was easing her way through the crowd and back to the stands to sit with the legends, and the next, she was on her feet, yelling and cheering down at the field with everybody else on the SCHS side of the stadium as the official clock for the game began to count down from the final minute.

 

_00:00:56:22_

 

Sara felt a Gateway City defender grab her jersey, try to tug her away from where Zari was about to cornered in with the ball. With all her strength, Sara shoved the defender aside, hearing the snarl of her jersey tearing slightly under the strong and desperate grip that was suddenly wrenched away.

 

_00:00:48:59_

 

“They’re gonna make it” crowed Jax, slapping Nate so hard that an angry red spot began to blossom on Nate’s arm. Nate didn’t even seem to notice.

“I don’t even think they realise they’re winning,” said Amaya, the beam painted on her face so overjoyed and brilliant, eyes sparkling with pride.

 

_00:00:32:07_

 

“Sara, I’m open!”

Sara only glanced up for a millisecond, catching sight of Lily hovering near the right wing far enough away from any Gateway City players that Sara immediately put all her weight into her right foot, swinging her left to send the ball flying across the field in Lily’s direction. Lily jogged back, and the ball bounced off her chest and to the ground before she began driving it forward, her eyes already darting between players ahead of her to try and navigate the best route for the ball to find its way to net in front of them.

 

_00:00:22:46_

 

For the briefest of moments, the ball slipped from where Lily could reach it and there was a rippled gasp across the stadium. If Gateway City - in the next 22 seconds - managed to _miraculously_ score another goal, it would go into a penalty shoot out. (Yeah, Star City had been winning but it wasn’t like GC was _bad_ , they’d definitely stepped up their game in the second half of the match.) But before the panic could even settle in, Gwen had appeared out of nowhere, snatching the ball and kicking it forward, shouting for Zari to come meet her near the penalty box. They were so _close_.

 

_00:00:15:51_

 

Zari and Gwen passed the ball between them, weaving in and out of the defenders ahead while Sara frustratingly tried to break free of her marker so she could sprint close enough to the goal to receive Zari’s pass and make the shot before time ran out.

 

_00:00:09:16_

 

Sara feigned running towards Zari and Gwen, feigned it long enough that her marker took off in that direction, hurtling towards the ball with enough obviousness that Zari immediately offloaded it to Gwen. Sara meanwhile jumped back, skidding a little on the grass before catching her footing and rushing towards the goal, whirling around to shout at Zari.

 

_00:00:08:36_

 

“Zari! Pass me the ball!”

 

_00:00:07:28_

 

“Oh my god, do you think Sara’s gonna make the shot?” gasped Wally.

 

_00:00:06:03_

 

“Shoot the ball Sara, you’ve got this!”

 

_00:00:05:48_

 

“ _Fuck I can’t watch_!”

 

_00:00:04:31_

 

Sara looked up, looked on each side of her, made sure there was no one ready to block her shot, saw every single member of her team race to mark up with a Gateway City player, to keep them out of her way -

 

_00:00:03:54_

 

Sara’s left leg swung with so much force that it kicked dirt from the field into the air along with the soccer ball, and the entire stadium seemed to hold their breath for a single second -

 

_00:00:02:25_

 

_00:00:01:47_

 

The Gateway City goalkeeper dived for the ball, calculated and desperate and one last, final attempt for some kind of victory, and her fingers _just_ brushed against the synthetic leather but the force of her dive and the weight of her arm was too much for the speed of the ball spinning through the air and whooshing past her, and just as her body hit the grass with a _thump,_ the ball slammed into the net with a satisfying hiss.

 

_00:00:00:00_

 

The stadium erupted.

 

“ _And the victory goes to Star City High School, 6-4! We’ll be seeing you in the playoffs Wolves!_ ”

 

* * *

 

Sara could hear the scream of the crowds, see the pulsing lights and the confetti and streamers, the balloons being released from the SCHS side of the stands, could hear the school band playing one of those cliched victory marches, could see the cheer squad’s pom poms being thrown into the air.

There was a second - just one second - of numbness. When Sara couldn’t move, when suddenly everything around her cut out - the sound of everything around her, the sight of the grass below her feet at the Gateway City players despondently crowding near their goal, it all disappeared for just a _moment._

Then something slammed emphatically into Sara and it all came back in a rush. It was Zari, her arms tight around Sara’s neck and Sara stumbled before latching on to her best friend, a hoarse laugh slipping past her lips. Neither of them had gotten a word out before Lily had jumped on Sara’s back, Gwen piling on Zari, Lindsey throwing her arms around them, Kuasa sprinting across the pitch, Riley skidding on her shin pads over the grass and crowing triumphantly before running over and clambering on, each and everyone one of the team joining in within seconds and yelling a variation of “ _We’re in the playoffs, we did it, we won_!” as they sank to the ground.

Sara couldn’t breathe and she didn’t care. There was an uncontrollable, bursting happiness in her chest, overflowing and seeping through her whole body, making her knees weak and her hands shake with shock and elated joy and a million other emotions that she didn’t even know she was capable of feeling at once. She didn’t realise she was crying until their mess of a dog pile group hug started to untangle and Zari looked at her, eyes softening as she reached over to brush away tears with a dirty thumb.

“You did it cap,” she said in a small voice that sounded as overwhelmed as Sara felt.

“ _We_ did it,” Sara amended, swallowing. “Fuck Z. We did it.”

Zari grinned, pushing herself up to her feet and hauling Sara up with her. “There’s still one more thing you have yet to do.”

 

 

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” shouted Nate excitedly, clambering over the seats in front of him to jump down to the next row when Amaya, Ava, Wally and Nora weren’t moving fast enough out of their row for his liking.

“We’re in the fucking playoffs baby!” hooted Jax, punching the air with his fist.

“Are we even allowed to go down yet?” asked Ava, even as bystanders spilled onto the field before their eyes.

“We can and we will,” said Nora firmly, taking Ava’s hand and tugging her down the stadium steps with surprising force and assertiveness.

“I’m so freaking happy!” said Wally grabbing some confetti from the ground and balling it up in his fists (Ava suspected it was to shower on Sara once they got down there).  

The entire stadium was _alive._ The band music was barely more than a hum over the cheers of the crowd, the lights were bright and glowing from all corners. The stands were a mess of bright colours, - blue and white, and green and white - overly elaborate signs hoisted up in the air (although the ones still being waved around proudly were mainly the Star City ones at this point). Electric energy crackled in the air, victorious and uncontainable and infectious, and Ava couldn’t stop smiling, couldn’t stop laughing, couldn’t stop feeling like they were all suddenly in the _clouds_ because she felt like she could be flying with how happy she was, seeing all her friends happy, seeing _Sara_ this happy.

 

 

“I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“No you’re not,” said Zari without blinking, as their team crowded around the two of them, remembering suddenly what was still to happen tonight. “If you throw up then you can’t kiss Ava in less than 5 minutes so you’re not going to do that because that will spoil this whole thing.”

Sara snapped her eyes shut, trying to remember why she was doing this. Trying to remember the way it felt when it was just her and Ava in one of their bedrooms, lying so close that there was barely an inch between them. Trying to remember the relief she’d felt when Ava had shown up to finish their history project. Trying to remember the feeling of Ava’s breath on her lips at the anniversary party last weekend, Ava’s hands on her waist, Sara’s fingers curled in Ava’s dress. Trying to remember falling asleep with Ava curled into her side. Movie nights. Study dates. Brooklyn Nine Nine marathons. Evening runs. Walks to Queen’s Park. Ice cream dates. Every laugh, every stolen look, every forehead kiss, every inadvertent, affectionate nickname, every hand hold, every single moment that had made Sara fall harder, deeper in love with each and every day that passed, all leading up to this.

“What do you need me to say?” asked Zari, her voice cutting through the foggy, haze of memories in Sara’s head.

“Remind me why I’m doing this,” Sara half gasped out, keeping her eyes closed and digging her teeth into her bottom lip. “Why did I decide to do it _now_ , in front of _everyone_?”

Zari’s fingers curled into Sara’s forearms, digging in just enough that Sara felt herself jerk back to reality.

“I don’t know Sara,” said Zari softly. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Because she deserves to know,” whispered Sara without hesitation. “She deserves to know that I want _everyone_ to know I like her. That I … that I _love_ her. I don’t know, I want something that you guys helped me with, because you’ve been as much of a part of this as us. I want to ask her for real this time. I … I want that after everything we’ve both been through, - after hating each other for so long, after Nyssa and Oliver and Ava’s family’s reactions when she came out and Laurel this year and Aves finding out she was adopted - I want us to have _something_ that’s just a dumb, high school cliche. Something stupid and dorky and happy and straight out of a movie and something that even if in ten or twenty or thirty years, we don’t end up together, we can both remember this moment for the rest of our lives.”

Zari’s hands squeezed, and Sara opened her eyes. Zari was smiling, and her eyes looked suspiciously watery.

“You got this Sara.”

 

 

Amaya tugged them to a halt before they could reach the team. Ava wanted to ask why, because enough bystanders were on the field by now, were hugging girls from the team they were friends with, were playing with the streamers and balloons and confetti that littered the grounds. Before she could though, Ava caught sight of Sara and Zari, in the middle of a slight team huddle, Zari talking Sara down from something. Sara wore the same, anxious expression from the first half of the game, from how she’d looked in the locker room at half time and Ava moved to go over and check she was okay, but Nora grabbed her arm before she could.

“What?” said Ava. “I just wanna check she’s okay.”

“She is,” said Nora confidently. “Just … just give it a sec Aves.”

“Gary, calm down, you look like you’re about to combust,” said Nate.

“I had no idea you were this invested in sports Gary,” said Ava dryly.

“I’m not,” said Gary and everyone suddenly shot him glowering looks that made Ava wrinkle her nose in confusion. Ahead of them, Zari suddenly stepped away from Sara, grinning widely and whirling around to wave animatedly at the technician’s box from high up in the stands. From where she and the other legends were standing, Ava could just vaguely see someone in the box give the thumbs up and wave back before suddenly, out of nowhere, every single light in the stadium blinked out.

A beat of confused silence, and then an uproar of chaos and panic and shouts of exclamation. Before it could unravel into proper anarchy, there was a low buzz and the lights flickered back to life. This time though, they were lower, softer, less bright and glaringly white and more of a soft, yellow glow circling around the whole stadium that made everything feel oddly warm and safe. The chatter had lowered to a speculative murmur, everyone a little uneasy about the sudden blackout. The band shifted abruptly, abandoning the piece they’d been playing before the lights went out and launching into something quieter, less _victory march_ and more gentle and slow. The TVs that were mounted just above the lights (the ones Ava had protested when the school first spent the exorbitant and unnecessary amount of money on them) flashed brightly, and where they had previously displayed the final score for the match as well as congratulatory messages for SCHS, they were suddenly blank. It was as Ava moved to turn to Amaya, ask if she had any what the hell was going on (whether someone had planned a flash mob or something  equally ridiculous), that Ava felt the heat of a light directly on her and she squinted, eyes flickering up to the corner of the stands it was coming from.

“Since when have we had _spotlights_?” she demanded, but as her gaze returned to eye level, she realised with an uncomfortable jolt in her stomach that all the legends had stepped out of the circle of light. She glanced over at Nora. “Guys?” she said a little apprehensively.

 _It’s okay_ , Nora mouthed, and her eyes were sparkling.

A figure stepped into the light across from Ava, and Ava looked up to see Sara standing in front of her, bobbing nervously on her feet, sweat along her hairline and her uniform  stained with dirt and perhaps the slightest hint of blood, her fingers fiddling nervously with nothing as she offered Ava a small smile.

“Hey,” she said.

Ava raised an eyebrow, smiling back even as sweat began to gather on the back of her neck and her stomach started to flip anxiously. “Hi,” she replied, a little teasingly. “What’s all this?”

Sara shrugged, swallowing and sliding her shaking hands into her pockets. “I figured that after a game this big and this crazy, I probably wouldn’t quite be thinking straight, or have much a voice to talk,” she said, and as if to prove her point, her voice cracked on the last word. Ava laughed and Sara flushed, an uncharacteristically shy grin on her face. “I um. I thought that instead of trying to do this when I can barely think straight, I’d make sure I had exactly what I wanted to say ready to go.”

Ava thought her heart was about to beat right out of her chest with how fast it was hammering against her ribs. “Oh?” she said, trying to sound nonchalant, but she could hear her voice trembling and she knew Sara could too. “And um … what exactly did you want to say?”

Sara’s smile widened just a fraction, and she stepped a further into the light, just one single step. She look away from Ava for a second, nodded, and Ava suddenly saw a phone screen light up, recognised Zari as the one holding it as she tapped an instruction into the device, and then suddenly, the obnoxious stadium flat screen televisions flared back to life. They still didn’t display the match’s final score, they didn’t have a celebratory message for SCHS, or a reconciliatory message for GCHS. But there _were_ words.

Six screens, each with a separate message. Messages made up of words that Ava suddenly couldn’t process.

Words that made Ava feel like she’d forgotten how to read.

Words that made her knees shake.

Words that blurred as tears burned behind her eyelids, as a gasp rippled through the crowds behind her, as the chatter of all the bystanders watching this rose in volume, as Sara hesitantly stepped forward again, further into the light, as the energy in the stands seemed to increase tenfold, as time seemed to slow down and the world twisted into an unrecognisable moment of frozen disbelief, as the lights hummed and the band played softly and the air smelt of sweat and hot dogs and that burnt scent of party poppers when you release them and slightly wet grass and before Ava could let this pocket of _what is happening_ sink into her consciousness, the moment had passed and everything collided back into real time in an overwhelming rush.

The words finally hit, and Ava heard a soft, strangled, incredulous sound from the back of her throat.

 

_HEY AVES._

_I KNOW THIS DIDN’T GO WELL THE LAST TIME, BUT TO BE FAIR. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED WHEN I ASKED THE LAST TIME._

_THIS TIME I DO._

_THIS TIME IT’S REAL (I PROMISE)._

_I LIKE YOU._ **_LIKE_ ** _LIKE YOU. COS APPARENTLY THIS IS GRADE SCHOOL._

_PLEASE GO TO THE PROM WITH ME?_

 

 

Sara still wanted to throw up just a little bit.

But something about Ava’s smile, about the nervousness in her eyes, about the _familiarity_ of her eyes, about her arched eyebrow and soft, teasing “Hi,” and her stupid Wolves t-shirt and beautiful angel-like hair and the way the cracked blue paint on her face seemed to make the blues of her eyes shine even brighter than usual just made the roaring in Sara’s ears lower to quiet whisper.

Ava stared at the TV screens for a long time, so long that Sara started to feel the simmering worry bubbling in the pit of her stomach. Hesitantly, she took another step closer. She was still several steps away from Ava. (Apparently their school spotlights were huge.)

Finally, Ava’s eyes fell to Sara’s face. They were wide, full of hopeful disbelief and Sara thought she saw tears and her breath hitched.

This was it.

 

Ava smiled.

 

Sara let out the soft, relieved, breath of laughter before she could stop herself because _God_ , Ava’s smile was as gorgeous and as radiant as ever and she knew what it meant, knew what it _had_ to mean without Ava even saying anything and for a moment, she didn’t even _need_ Ava to say anything because that smile was enough, enough for Sara’s heart to start beating on overdrive and the noise of the crowds to increase in pitch and the lights to flicker just a little brighter and Sara wanted to close to gap between them, to walk over there but her legs were frozen to the spot, as though every single ounce of energy she possessed was currently being exerted in keeping her upright.

“Oh my _God_ , you guys, please.” Nate’s voice suddenly cut through the spell between them that kept them locked in place, and their eyes both snapped to where he was standing. “Just like. Do the thing. Walk over to each other. Please. We’re _dying_ here.”

“What he said,” said Zari immediately. “I would trade passing my finals for this. Like, for the love of God, one of you please just kiss the other. I might die if you don’t.”

The pressure of anxiety and panic that had stilled weighted itself down on Sara’s chest eased at the sound of her friends’ voices, and the strange trance they’d been wrapped in broke.

It was okay, she realised. It was like Ava had promised. It was _them_. Sara and Ava. It was okay.

The feeling in her legs returned in an instant, as did a sudden rush of determination, the familiar urge to feel Ava’s lips on hers and this time she knew she _could_ , and Sara pulled her hands from her pockets and _finally_ moved to walk over to Ava, to do what she felt like she’d been waiting for her _entire life._

But before she could, before she could even get three steps in, Ava was suddenly there, crossing the space between them and was standing in front of Sara, her face flushed from the warmth of the lights and her bottom lip red from being worried with her teeth and looking so unbelievably beautiful like she did every single day that Sara could remember. Ava’s eyes met Sara’s, still baring a hint of uncertainty but holding Sara’s gaze. She took a deep breath, exhaled, and then cleared her throat.

 

“Yes.”

 

Sara was pretty sure her heart jumped into her throat, and she really should’ve thought out what she was actually going to _say_ when Ava _said_ yes because she just _had_ and Sara couldn’t speak, but thankfully, _thankfully,_ before she even had a chance to formulate words, Ava’s hands had curled into Sara’s soccer jersey, and Sara caught the briefest flash of a smile before she was being tugged towards Ava and she knew what was coming even in the briefest of seconds that followed, and she caught her footing, let her hands find purchase on Ava’s hips, arched ever so slightly onto her toes just in time for her lips to meet Ava’s and for the whole world to suddenly fade into oblivion, for nothing except _this_ to matter.

 

 

Kissing Sara felt like the calm at the eye of a hurricane, the morning just after the sun has risen when you wake up with someone in bed beside you, warm and safe and knowing you’re loved. It was the warmth you feel when you first get handed a hot chocolate on a cold day and the icy calm off the sea all rolled into one, the feeling that everything you’ve been waiting for is finally, _finally_ here.

It was like coming home. Like something Ava hadn’t even realised was out of place and slotted itself right where it belonged, like the world had shifted on its axis and everything that Ava had ever wanted or needed or worked towards had led towards this moment of _peace,_ to Sara’s lips that were soft and careful and tentative but _real_ and perfect as Sara brushed a thumb along Ava’s jawline the same way she had last weekend, but this time Sara was _actually_ kissing her and Ava could vaguely hear cheers and hoots and yells and clapping behind her but she didn’t care, she didn’t think she would ever care about anything except _this_ for the rest of her life.

Ava exhaled softly, warm breath dancing across Sara’s lips as she shifted, fingers tightening in Sara’s shirt. She tilted her head slightly to deepen the kiss, free hand sliding around Sara’s waist so her thumb could brush against the smallest slither of skin exposed where Sara’s jersey was caught in her shorts, unable to help the quiet laugh that slipped from her lips when Sara shivered, breath escaping in a rush.

She felt as though this was the moment that the sun needed to rise over the city even though it was starting to set in the horizon, that the heavens needed to open up and the long awaited thunderstorm needed to rain down on them, because the closest thing to the feeling in Ava’s chest had to be magic.

And suddenly, everything she’d been through this year - every doubt about her place in her family, every time she’d ended up in tears over terrible Thanksgivings or adoption papers or feeling like she didn’t belong, every worry or anxiety about school or her friendships, about college, about _Sara_ \- it’d _all_ been worth it. Because it had brought her and Sara together. It’d brought them _here_ , and suddenly nothing else mattered except the girl wrapped up in her arms, kissing her as if she was the most important person in her life, cupping her cheek and sliding her fingers into her hair as if she was valuable, as if she was special, as if she _loved her_.

(And Ava knew that _that_ was still a long way out. She didn’t even know what came after this, but it didn’t matter.)

 

 

Finally, Sara pulled away.

She felt like she was floating. Ava’s breath ghosted on her lips, her forehead against Sara’s and her fingers still tight in Sara’s top.

“Hey,” said Ava in barely a whisper, her voice hoarse.

Sara opened her eyes, and she was pretty sure she wanted to spent every minute for the rest of her life getting to see what Ava Sharpe looked like after Sara had kissed her.

“Hi,” she replied, and the smile took over her face before she even had a chance to try stopping it. The grin that slowly spread across Ava’s face definitely wasn’t much better.

“So,” said Sara, shifting her weight slightly and taking the most minute step backwards so she could reach between them and take Ava’s hands. “You uh … you know that this whole asking you to prom thing means I also want you to be my girlfriend. I know that wasn’t on the TVs ‘n all but like, you’re good at English, I figured you could use your nerdy inference skills to work it out.”

Ava sent her such a half-hearted, weak excuse for a glare that Sara snorted with laughter.

“Yes, Sara, I gathered that,” said Ava, rolling her eyes.

The retort was so familiar, so _them_ , that Sara felt her heart quite literally, in the most pathetically cheesy way possible, skip a beat. In her peripheral vision, she could see their friends watching, laughing, taking photos, probably crying. Behind Ava were the endless crowds, were Laurel and her parents, were Ava’s family, were all their friends from school, everyone Sara loved cheering and smiling and waving flags and banners and posters and Sara wanted to live in this moment for as long as she could.

Ava’s hands squeezed hers, and Sara looked back at her. Sara was about 90% sure if she could look in a mirror right now, she would look just as entranced as Ava did.

“What now?” Ava asked softly.

Sara smiled, and tugged Ava into another kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. 
> 
>  
> 
> firstly, obviously, the story is far from over. but like. let's just take a second because while the story is not over, you made it guys because the slow burn is. 
> 
> secondly, lmao remember how we were like 'oh yeah this chapter probs won't be uploaded until like, the end of the weekend' well apparently not as i'm sure you're aware having just read it and all. i don't quite know how it happened, bc i swear like yesterday all we had written was like, one scene and all the social media stuff & then i think there was some kind of dream state trance shit entered and 6k written in like 4 hours and now it's done so like? you get a regularly scheduled chapter after all? 
> 
> thirdly. if you're gonna scream about any chapters to us, please scream about this one. we've been avoiding writing anything for it until literally like 4 days ago bc we were terrified it just. wasn't gonna be good enough, wasn't gonna be worth the slow burn and we want this story to be worth it for you guys bc you're the reason we're still doing this after all this time! we both have a crazy few days ahead of us so like, give us some love, as always, we love you all so much in return. 
> 
> fourthly. just. thank you. this isn't the end, obviously. but this is what like, 8 months of headcanons and writing and planning and late nights and procrastinating our assignments and being awestruck by all of you and literally our entire lives being flipped upside down from this fic has all led to. this game, and sara's plan to ask ava out, and the pure, romantic comedy cheesiness of it all was one of the very very first things that we headcanonned back in may when we first started planning this fic and it's kinda surreal to think that like. we actually did. we got this far. we wrote it, and we've got soooo much more good stuff to come XX
> 
> fifthly. the chapter title for this song is kind of the song that encompasses this whole fic. someone recommended it to us months ago on tumblr as a perfect song for the fic and we listened to it and both lost our minds bc it IS absolutely perfect and ever since this fic has blown up since ch 21, every time we listen to it we get super emotional and there's just a lot of feelings so make sure you listen to it bc it's just. oof. 
> 
>  
> 
> that's all for now. we love ya, catcha next week X


	28. broke your heart i'll put it back together (i would wait forever and ever)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It took about 10 minutes of lying in bed and staring at her ceiling for Ava to realise that everything that had happened yesterday was real. She let out a soft, incredulous laugh. Sara had asked her out. Both to prom and in general. For real this time. And Ava had kissed her in front of everyone, her parents, Sara’s parents, their entire school even."
> 
> OR
> 
> sara's hungover, ava's the best girlfriend ever, it's 'meet the mom' time for ava, and they're both just super soft and finally talk out their issues from the first prom ask that went so horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. 
> 
> they're dating. 
> 
> can you believe it? we certainly can't. 
> 
> it seems like the perfect timing for the slow burn to end because now we get to fill (at least some of) the hiatus with soft, super in love, finally dating hsau avalance and god knows you guys deserve it after sticking around for this long. not heaps to say this chapter, just that we have endless, endless, unbelievable love for every single one of you. your support and encouragement on how we chose to do last chapter meant the absolute world to us and we're so fuckin glad you guys enjoyed it as much as you did. we've loved every single moment of seeing you guys delve into this world and sharing it with you is just. so so great. so thank you a million times over. 
> 
> OH also in case you weren't already aware: jump over to twitter (@saraalcnce) to see me yell abt this fic some more with extra headcanons and ALSO to see some super talented edits for this au by some super talented people <3
> 
> merry christmas and happy holidays for the next week! hope all of you get to spend it with people you love and take a moment to find the joy in your lives. you're all a big part of the joy in ours XX (as a holiday/christmas gift: have these 13k words of sara and ava being super soft the 1st proper day of their relationship)
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from how you get the girl by taylor swift. in case you were wondering, yes taylor swift is about 90% of our hsau playlist.)

It took about 10 minutes of lying in bed and staring at her ceiling for Ava to realise that everything that had happened yesterday was _real._ She let out a soft, incredulous laugh. Sara had asked her out. Both to prom and in general. For _real_ this time. And Ava had kissed her in front of _everyone_ , her parents, Sara’s parents, their entire school -

 

_Ava felt like she was in a haze as Sara pulled back, dropped back down from her tiptoes to her feet and smiled up at Ava with sparkling eyes. The crowds around them were still cheering, and Ava realised the spotlight around her and Sara had vanished, the entire field illuminated in the sharp glare of the  artificial stadium lights._

_There was a beat, where the world still felt like it was just them - just Ava and Sara, their eyes scouring each other’s faces, still standing so close that it would take absolutely no movement at all to be drawn into another kiss - before they were suddenly crowded by numerous figures launching themselves at the two of them in aggressive, exuberant hugs._

_Ava laughed at the loud exclamations of their friends, at the feeling of Nora hugging her tightly, at Zari’s ecstatic whoop, at the clearly real and genuine joy on all of their faces._

_“Let us breathe guys,” said Sara with a breathy laugh, and the group retreated a step._

_“Yeah, because all that making out left no room to breathe at all,” said Nora with a smirk and heat flushed along the back of Ava’s neck._

_“Shut up,” she grumbled, aiming a halfhearted swipe at her best friend._

_“Z, are you crying?” said Sara incredulously and Zari glared at her, hurriedly wiping her eyes._

_“No,” she scoffed, folding her arms defensively. “Allergic to emotions, remember?”_

_“Speak for yourself,” said Ray, sounding suspiciously sniffly and Ava felt her heart expand with fondness as he too brushed his hands over his cheeks to wipe away tears._

_“Aw, guys,” said Sara. It was a little teasing, but Ava could hear the emotion behind it, could see the softness in her eyes as her gaze flickered around the small huddle of people around them. “Thanks for your help. I couldn’t have done it without you.”_

_“Yeah, so did everybody know about this?” said Ava, raising an eyebrow. “Were you all scheming while I was sitting_ **_right there_ ** _at lunch every day?”_

_Sara grinned a little sheepishly. “Possibly. But don’t be too hard on them! I forced them all to secrecy.”_

 

Ava let out a soft, incredulous laugh. Holy shit she was dating Sara Lance.

She curled her fingers around her bed covers, biting her lip in a futile attempt to smother the uncontrollable grin that began rising on her face. Below her room, she could hear the blender going which meant Spencer was up making his disgusting morning health kick smoothie. Ava rolled over, unplugging her phone to check the time and her notifications.

_10:32am._

Okay, good - Ali and her parents would be at lacrosse and Layla would still be asleep, which meant Ava wouldn’t have to go downstairs and hide how stupidly giddy she felt out of fear of relentless teasing and slight discomfort. (She’d had enough of that last night). Spencer, she could handle.

  


_Ali reached Ava first, talking a mile a minute as she threw her arms around Ava, hugging her so tightly that Ava stumbled several paces backwards with a breathless laugh._

_“ - you should’ve seen your face, I mean, I know I could barely fucking see it but Lily was doing an Instagram live the whole time and God, I knew it was gonna be good but it was so perfect and I can’t believe that just happened, I’m so glad you said yes, holy_ **_shit_ ** _Ava, you have a freakin’ girlfriend -_ ”

_Ava zapped Ali in the sides to untangle herself from her sister’s grasp, grinning down at her with an arched eyebrow. “You knew, huh?”_

_Ali gave her a_ **_look_ ** _. “Of course I knew. Sara needed_ **_someone_ ** _on the inside.”_

_“She makes herself sound special,” said Spencer with a roll of his eyes, strolling over to them, his hands in his jacket pockets. “I knew too.”_

_Ali glared at him. “Only because I_ **_told_ ** _you!”_

_“Well if it makes you feel any better,” said Layla, “nobody told me, and I’m pretty sure half of your grade saw me almost choke on my hot dog, so …”_

_Ava snorted, sending Layla a wry grin. “I mean, at least everyone in this family knows the Heimlich…?”_

_Layla shoved her, but the expression on her face was soft, softer than Ava had ever really come to associate with her older sister but had started to see more and more over the past year._

_“You look happy,” Layla said, bumping her shoulder against Ava’s._

_“I think it’s shock,” Ava corrected, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks a little. “But uh. Yeah. I … I guess I am. I kinda can’t believe that just happened.”_

_It was then that Robert and Barbara finally caught up with them, clearly having lingered a little further away to give the four siblings a minute to themselves, a minute to talk about the monumentous development in Ava’s life without having to filter anything with their parents hovering over them._

_“So,” said Robert, grinning. “You and Sara, huh?”_

_Ava recognised the expression on his face - the same expression he used every time any of them voiced any kind of crush on anyone, any time there was anything vaguely embarrassing for him to later bring up at the most inappropriate of times, any time there was a moment for him to make an awful Dad-joke that would make them all roll their eyes._

_“Dad, that’s not news,” said Ali, shrugging. “They’ve been_ **_a thing_ ** _for like, most of this year. They were both just too gay and stupid to realise.”_

_“Hey!” protested Ava, yanking Ali’s cap of her head and hitting her on the arm with it, hard enough for Ali to yelp and duck away to stand beside Spencer._

_“Give me some credit, I knew that,” insisted Robert, looking affronted at the simultaneous scoffs his children emitted. “What? You think we didn’t have an inkling? The number of times Sara came over this past year, of course we knew!”_

_For the first time, Ava could suddenly feel her mother’s presence as she stood beside Robert, still not having said a word. Ava swallowed, forcing herself to glance across at Barbara._

_“We?” Ava said in a quiet voice, quieter and shakier than she’d anticipated. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ali straighten a little, saw Spencer’s eyes fixed carefully on their mother, clearly ready to say something the minute Barbara expressed any slight form of disapproval. Even Layla seemed to be holding her breath. Barbara held Ava’s gaze for a long moment, before Ava saw the corners of her mouth curve upwards just incrementally, barely noticeably._

_“Yes_ **_we_ ** _,” said Barbara, shaking her head. “Call it a mother’s intuition, if you will.”_

 _The pressure on Ava’s chest lessened just slightly, but there was still something unsure, something uncomfortable churning in her stomach. She wanted to ask outright, just say_ **_so are you okay with this?_ ** _, but she couldn’t bring the words to her lips, couldn’t make her tongue move and form the sentence she so desperately needed to say. But she didn’t have to. Barbara’s eyes softened, and she took a step forward gently tuck some of Ava’s hair behind her ear._

_“You just can’t wipe that smile off your face can you?” she said quietly, and the smile on her face widened slightly, still small but so clearly genuine. All the air left Ava’s lungs in a rush, relief seeping through her whole body as her shoulders untensed and her stomach finally stopped flipping._

_“No,” she admitted, blushing and looking away when Ali mimed being sick behind Spencer’s back._

_“We’re glad you’re happy Ava,” said Robert gently, reaching over to squeeze Ava’s shoulder. “After everything these past few years, you deserve to be happy.”_

_Ava nodded, any response she might have stuck behind a sudden lump in her throat. “Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes more on her mother as she said it. “I just … thank you.”_

_“You also deserve to finally be on the receiving end of me giving you crap about being lovesick,” announced Ali, throwing an arm over Ava’s shoulder. “I can’t wait.”_

_“Which starts now,” added Spencer, “because guess what. We’re going out to dinner with Sara’s family.”_

_Ava stared at them. “I’m sorry, we’re_ **_what_ ** _?”_

  


Ava stretched her arms behind her head, rolling out a few cricks in her neck before picking her phone up from where she’d tossed it on her covers beside her, and unlocking it. She’d stayed up pretty late, so most of the Snapchats she’d received, Instagrams that had been posted, and group chats that had blown up she’d all been privy to as it happened the night before, curled up on the couch with Ali and Spencer. Now though, there were a few drunk messages in various group chats from the early hours of the morning, sent by the soccer girls who’d been predictably partying after their victory.

 

_Ali leaned over to look at Ava’s phone screen, which had been buzzing with notifications almost non-stop for the past five minutes._

_“God, you’re popular,” said Spencer from the adjacent armchair, lifting the remote to pause the movie they were watching._

_“It’s because she just got a girlfriend,” said Ali, resting her chin on Ava’s shoulder. “That makes you an incredibly interesting person in Star City High School, especially when acquisition of said girlfriend happens in front of literally the whole school.”_

_“Acquisition?” echoed Ava. “Ali, you make it sound like a top secret CIA operation or something.”_

_“And who says it wasn’t?” retorted Ali. “It wouldn’t shock me. Sara had that shit planned to a fucking T, it was immaculate.”_

_Ava felt something fond and still somewhat surprised flutter in her chest. She still couldn’t quite believe how much trouble Sara had gone through_ **_just_ ** _to ask her out. She was pretty sure she would be in a state of disbelief for good week before this all sunk in._

_“Hey. Aves. Your new girlfriend is snapchatting you.”_

_Ava let her attention flicker back to the present, her eyes darting down to her phone screen as she tapped the most recent snap from Sara to open it. Immediately, an image of Sara and Lily popped up, blurry and dark and oversaturated but just clear enough that Ava could make out who was who and see the bright flash of red lipstick on them both. Sara’s caption read: HI ur so pretty DID U KNOW THAT U are my FAVOURITE person <3 _

_Ali snorted and even Ava couldn’t stop herself from laughing._

_“What?” said Spencer, glancing across at them._

_“It’s been all of an hour and a half,” said Ava, “and I’m pretty sure Sara’s already drunk.”_

_“She just won a regional championship,” said Ali, shrugging. “I’d say she deserves it.”_

 

 **_Sara (ur fav human in the world and_ ** **_  
_ ** **_is better than u) Lance_ **

**_iMessage_ ** ****  
_(Ava Sharpe)_ **_  
_ ** ****_Friday_

**_11:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _HELLOOOOOO_

  
**_11:43pm:_ ** ****  
_IDK IF UR ASLEEP OR IF U AND ALI_   
_AND SPENCER R DOING SMTH BUT_   
_I MISSED U AND I WANTED TO TEXT_ _  
_ U

  
**_11:58pm:_ ** ****  
_HI AGAIN SORRY WE WERE GETTING_ _  
_ MORE DRINKS :-)))

  
**_11:59pm:_ ** **_  
_ **_have i tpld u thst i like u lotsds_

 _  
_ **_Saturday_ **

****  
**_12:03pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _OH WAIT I ASDKED U OIT LOL_

  
**_12:14pm:_ ** ****  
_i can’t believ u saiud yes thsnk u fir_ _  
_ saying yes

  
**_12:28pm:_ ** ****  
_i wish u were here i wanna see u drumk_ _  
_ and also i want to makje out w u more

  
**_12:34pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _WE’RE DOING SHOTS WOOO_

  
**_12:46pm:_ ** ****  
_ava pls be my gf i like u sooiiooo_ _  
m uchj_

  
**_12:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ **_Sara, I already said yes ;-D_

  
_ **12:49pm:** **  
** OMG THAT’S RIIIIGHYYTT_

  
**_12:50pm:_ ** **_  
_ **_HI UR AWAK E_

  
**_12:51pm:_ ** ****  
_Yeah, me Ali and Spence are having_ _  
a movie night _

  
_ **1:03pm:** ****_   
_y uo k nwo i wouldnt hsve caredf even if u_   
_s aid no toda y i’m jst gla d ur talking to  
me agahn_

  


_Ava’s throat went dry. She immediately shrank away from Ali a little so she wouldn’t see the text (not that it would have mattered, Ali was half asleep against Ava’s side and had been for the majority of this last movie they were watching. Even Spencer looked like he was crashing)._

 

 **_Sara (ur fav human in the world and_ ** **_  
_ ** **_is better than u) Lance_ **

**_iMessage_ ** ****  
_(Ava Sharpe)_ **_  
_ ** ****_Saturday_

**_1:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Me too. I’m sorry for all of that._

  
**_1:05pm:_ ** ****  
_We’ll have this conversation properly_ _  
_ when you’re not drunk X

  
_**1:07pm:** **  
** that’s pribly a good idea_

  
_ **1:07pm:** **  
** i missed u sm_

  
_ **1:07pm:** **  
** I missed you too_

  
_ **1:09pm:** ****_   
_i’m sorry i fucked up the first time_   
_i asked you_

  


_Ava’s breath caught again, and she went to quickly text back, to reassure Sara that they both had as big a part to play as each other in how that first prom ask had gone down. But before she could even start writing the text, her phone started ringing, Sara’s contact name and photo flashing brightly on the screen. Ava glanced across at Ali and Spencer. Though she was pretty sure they were both asleep, she still carefully extracted herself from Ali’s grip and eased her down onto the couch before slipping out of the room and into the hallway to answer the call. She couldn’t even get a word in before Sara had started talking._

_“I’m so sorry Aves, I never meant to hurt you, I just really really liked you and I never thought you would actually like me back and I was so scared of you saying no or maybe I was even more scared of you saying_ **_yes_ ** _so I played it off as a joke but I actually really wanted you to say yes and I’m so sorry.”_

 _Her words were slurred and barely coherent, and Ava could tell she was_ **_very_ ** _drunk. But she also knew that this - the fallout between them that they still hadn’t actually had an in depth conversation about - was definitely something that had to be weighing on Sara normally, and the alcohol in her system had probably brought it right to surface and past Sara’s regular filters._

_Ava sighed, leaning against the wall. “I’m sorry for how I reacted Sara,” she said quietly, her eyes flickering over to the stairs in case either of her parents were still awake. “I’m … I’m sorry we didn’t understand each other then.”_

_She almost instinctively added_ **_I love you_ ** _before catching her tongue, a tiny little gasp slipping past her lips as she realised how close she had been to saying it. Not that Sara would’ve probably remembered it the next morning, but still. Sara didn’t seem to hear Ava’s sudden hitch of breath, just sighed shakily and mumbled “I think my dad’s onto something with that full disclosure policy.”_

_Ava laughed softly, running her hands through her hair. “Hey Sara?” she murmured._

_“Mm?”_

_“Is Zari there?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Can you pass her the phone for me?”_

_“Mmk.”_

_There was a moment of quiet static, of background noise and the handover of Sara’s cellphone, before Ava heard Zari say “Ava?”, her voice sounding far more herself than Sara’s._

_“Hey,” said Ava, feeling a little more relieved at the lightness and laughter evident in Zari’s tone. “How’s the party?”_

_“Insane,” said Zari with a chuckle. “I’m getting so much good ammunition for birthday Facebook posts next year.”_

_Ava snorted. “Yeah I can imagine.” She paused, biting her lip and fiddling nervously with the ties of her sweatpants. “Hey Z, how much has Sara had to drink? Is she okay?” She knew there was an edge of concern in her voice, and she was grateful when Zari didn’t mention it._

_“Yeah, she’s alright,” Zari promised. “Don’t worry, we cut her off a while ago. I think it’s just hitting her now. I’ve seen her drunker, I can tell you that, and I’ve got an eye on her. I’ll get her home safe ‘n all.”_

_Ava exhaled in relief. “Thanks Zari. You okay too?”_

_“Yeah. You know me, I don’t drink, so I’m just having a blast watching these bozos make absolute idiots of themselves while I get it all on camera. ‘s pretty fun.”_

_Ava laughed, and Zari hesitated for a second._

_“Hey Ava?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’m really, really glad you said yes today. Well, yesterday really.”_

_Ava smiled. “Me too,” she said softly._

_“It was killing us seeing you guys so miserable,” Zari added, quieter than before and Ava could tell she was moving away from Sara as she said it. “Those few weeks you weren’t talking were hell, not just for you guys.”_

_Ava chuckled a little sadly, maybe a little bitterly too. “Yeah. I don’t think that was either mine or Sara’s finest moments.”_

_“You don’t say. It was stupid, and you’re both idiots.” Ava rolled her eyes, not getting a chance to reply before Zari said, “I’m giving the phone back to Sara so prepare yourself. Unless you want me to hang up now and save us both.”_

_Ava knew that that was probably a good idea. But truth be told, she still couldn’t get over today. Couldn’t get over the fact that this was all_ **_real_ ** _, the fact that she and Sara were_ **_together_ ** _now, and drunk or not, she really wanted to hear Sara’s voice again. So she just laughed, and said “It’s okay. Give Sara back the phone,” smiling when Sara answered exuberantly, their earlier conversation clearly forgotten._

  


Ava found herself sitting up, blinking the sleep out of her eyes and slightly cracking open her blinds, scrolling through instagram as she waited. (She wasn’t waiting, she told herself firmly. She just wanted to give herself _time_ to wake up. She _wasn’t_ waiting for Sara to wake up and text her).

(She was. She knew she was.)

It was almost quarter to 11 when Sara flickered online on Messenger, and without thinking, Ava immediately switched apps.

 

**Messenger**

Sara  
_Active now_

_SAT 10:43am:_

Hey

  


i want to die

why were you not at the party last night?

why were you not there to stop me from drinking   
so much aves my head is like world war ii

  


Oh no

How much did you have?

 

so much

not like

dangerous amount

i haven’t puked yet

don’t think i’m going to

 

That’s good

Do you have aspirin?

 

yeah

lmao i just got a text from lily

i made her do tequila shots and she’s not   
happy about it this morning HAHA

ow even thinking in capslock hurts

 

Omg babe

Drink lots of water

Showering might make you feel better?

Idk tbh like you know me, I don’t drink   
much I don’t really have advice to give   
you

 

i appreciate the sentiment dw

btw

have u seen snapchat

 

Whose?

 

the SCHS location snap story

there’s literally like 200 snaps of people filming   
and screaming abt us

i’ve watched me ask u out like 10 times already

 

Are you serious

Oh my god

I don’t know whether to be amused   
or disturbed

 

same

it’s like

the whole school

i knew our FRIENDS knew abt this for ages but  
i didn’t think the whole school was actually   
betting on it

  
They were what??!?

  
oh did i not tell you last night?

so like, all our friends knew we liked each other  
for months & they’ve had a group chat yelling   
about how dumb we are since like, september

  
I don’t think I even had a crush   
on you in September???

  
yeah don’t get me started

but apparently, the entire schs student body  
has also been in on this for a weirdly long time

  
Again

Unsure whether to be amused  
or disturbed

  
their hearts were in the right place i guess????

ok but does this mean that if someone had just   
SAID something to us, we probs could’ve gotten   
our heads out of our asses and done this YEARS   
ago?!??  

 

Probably

Although to be fair

We probably wouldn’t have been  
as receptive to it if everything this   
year hadn’t happened first

Reminder that we did kind of hate  
each other for the majority of our   
time at high school

  
why are you so logical

you make everything make sense

  
Are you complimenting or insulting me? ;-D

  
both

oh my GOD my h e a d

oh shit

i just stood up to get aspirin and i kind   
of feel sick now

brb

 

Shit Sara

Do you want me to come over?

 

_11:10am:_

 

sorry lmao was puking

 

Are you okay?

Do you want me to come over?   
I can be there in 5 minutes

 

do i want my girlfriend to see me expelling my   
guts literally the first day we’re dating? not   
particularly

so charming and romantic

but do i want my best friend to hold my hair   
back and crack stupid jokes and distract me   
with speculations abt our fav tv shows?

v v much

so i don’t know which one to go with

  
You just called me your girlfriend

 

i think we established that yesterday

but yeah

why not?

that’s ok right?

 

More than okay

And considering you’ve been my best friend   
for almost a year now, i think you trying to be   
charming and suave is a lost cause

I’ve seen you trip over solid ground and spill   
guacamole all over yourself sooooo

 

fuck off

that was ali’s fault for yelling down   
the stairs

 

Mm hm sure

 

shut up

fuck laurel just texted me

she’s making hangover breakfast for me   
but i have to try act ok bc mom is there   
and she’s so shitty abt this kind of stuff   
she’ll literally chew me out so bad if she   
sees i’m hungover

 

So Spencer makes this unreal miracle   
juice hangover cure that he swore by in   
high school

and I swear that mom never once realised   
he was hungover bc it worked so well

Want me to bring some? It’ll just take   
an extra 10 minutes

So I can be there in 15

 

you are my absolute fav person

date me?

 

Ha ha

 

;-)))

 

See you soon? Drink lots of water, I’ll bring   
my laptop, maybe we can watch a movie or   
something when you feel better

 

are you even real

like wow

i love u

 

* * *

 

Ava was halfway through pulling on her jeans when she glanced at her phone to see what Sara had replied, freezing when she reached the last message. It wasn’t like it was this was the first time either of them had said _that -_ the closeness of their relationship over the last 6ish months meant that it wasn’t exactly like they hadn’t expressed just how much their friendship meant to one another.

But they weren’t just friends anymore. They were dating.

And it’s not like Ava _didn’t_ love Sara. She did. She really, really did. Ava had worked out at the exact moment she’d woken up in Sara’s arms the night Sara had comforted her about being adopted that she was almost definitely _in love_ with Sara Lance.

But they’d been dating for not even one whole day. And it was almost certain that Sara meant ‘I love you’ with the same sentiment as any other time she’d said it before this. _Not_ in a romantic, _I’m in love with you_ sense.

Ava let out a unsteady breath that she didn’t even know she’d been holding.

 _Be normal,_ she told herself sternly. _Don’t you dare fuck this up before it’s even started._

 

**Messenger**

Sara  
_Active now_

_SAT 11:18am:_

 

Ily <3

Be there soon XX

 

_Seen: Saturday, 11:21am_

 

* * *

 

In the 5 minutes it took for Ava to see Sara’s message, and then the 1 minute afterward it took for her to reply, Sara genuinely contemplated throwing her phone down the toilet and then drowning herself in it too.

What the fuck had she been _thinking_ , they had been dating for like 16 hours and here Sara was deciding in her hazy, nauseous, hungover state that it was a good fucking idea to drop the ‘L’ word the first day of their relationship.

Sara dropped her head to the lid of the toilet, groaning. Yeah, she loved Ava. So much that if she took a moment to think about it, her heart felt like it could quite possibly burst out of her chest. She loved the twinkle in her eyes, the wry half fond, half exasperated smile that she gave Sara about 50 times a day, she loved how hard Ava worked at school, the competitive gleam in her eyes when she played basketball with her family, the way she would clutch Sara’s wrist during intense parts of movies, the warmth of her body when they lay on Sara’s floor studying or watching movies, arms touching and legs inches away from being tangled in one another. And look, if Sara wanted to be superficial she could because _wow_ did she love Ava’s body - her long legs, the subtle but strong arms, her warm toned skin, her lips and her eyes and the way the muscles of her back rippled when she moved, and Sara wasn’t even going to get _started_ on Ava’s abs.

And beyond that: Ava was kind, soft, generous, determined, infuriating in the best possible way, competitive, endearing, ambitious - she was everything Sara had ever wanted in a girl and yeah, Sara was very much in love with her.

But again. _First day of relationship._ She couldn’t go around casually telling Ava she loved her when the stakes that rested in those words had changed so significantly.

Sara felt kind of sick again and she was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the alcohol in her system. But then her phone buzzed and she almost dropped it in the toilet in her scramble to grab it.

 

**Messenger**

Aves  
_Active 1 min ago_

_SAT 11:18am:_

 

Ily <3

Be there soon XX

  


Sara let a soft whoosh of air hiss past her teeth. Okay. Okay that was fine.

She was glad Ava hadn’t decided to bring it up because Sara was _not_ in a clear enough headspace to talk about it. She just wanted Ava here, sitting on the floor beside her, running her fingers through Sara’s hair and telling her dumb, meaningless stories until Sara’s body stopped turning on her.

Sara let her head fall back to rest against the glass wall of the shower. It wasn’t that she _regretted_ last night - they definitely deserved to let loose after the most incredible season of soccer that SCHS had played in 4 years, especially considering they’d just made the playoffs. Plus, Sara had refrained from partying too much this year, focusing on keeping her body in shape for soccer, buckling down on school and keeping in mind college applications, so she definitely felt that letting loose was well earned. But not drinking pretty much all year had made Sara’s alcohol tolerance plummet.

Her stomach churned and she let out a curse under her breath. She knew her body pretty well, and she was fairly sure that she wasn’t going to throw up again, just feel like absolute death for the rest of the day.

It felt kind of pathetic how much she wanted Ava here.

She purposefully occupied herself by letting her train of thought drift as she pushed her hair away from her face, closing her eyes and thinking about the parts of last night that she _could_ remember.

 

 _Sara honestly couldn’t tell if this was a dream. She’d dreamt about tonight non-stop for the past week - both good dreams and nightmares - and everything about it all seemed so_ **_perfect_ ** _right now that it was hard to believe that she was awake, that it was all really happening._

_That at some point in the past 10 minutes, she’d honestly had Ava’s lips on hers. That Ava had said yes. That they’d won the regional champs._

_That her Mom had actually given her an honest, genuine hug when she, Quentin and Laurel had come down from the stands, that when Sara glanced over to the Sharpes, she saw Barbara pulling Ava into a hug of her own that had pure, uncontrollable relief crashing over Sara._

_“This can’t be real,” she said to Laurel for possibly the millionth time, but Laurel didn’t roll her eyes. She just laughed fondly, pulling Sara close._

_“It is,” she promised. “It’s the happy ending of the high school romantic comedy.”_

 

 _Everything was kind of like a daze, even after the lights were readjusted to normal settings and everybody became preoccupied with the victory from the soccer match_ _that everyone had_ ** _actually_** _come to see, after the Snapchats and the Instagram stories died down, after Rip pulled each and every member of the team into a proud hug, after Sara pulled Zari aside and murmured “Thank you. We wouldn’t have got here this year without you as my co-captain.”, after Zari had blinked with surprise and hugged Sara forcefully, much longer than either of them ever had before. Even after Laurel had nudged Sara and informed her that they were all going to dinner with Ava’s family, after Lindsey told Sara that the rest of the team were going back to Riley’s for a couple hours to shower and get ready before heading to the ‘undisclosed location’ for the after party and that Sara should text them when she was on her way._

_It was all just a blurry haze of bubbling happiness and laughter and congratulations and hugs and Sara wished that she could press pause for a second and savour every moment that seemed to fly past her eyes._

_It was only later - after Sara had showered in the locker rooms and pulled on the dress she’d asked Laurel to bring so that she could go straight from dinner to the after party - that Sara realised what she wanted to calm the insanity that had been this entire evening._

_Ava._

**_Just_ ** _her and Ava, at least for a few minutes, without prying eyes or smug looks or gleeful friends who knew what was coming._

_So Sara cracked open the door of the locker room, eyes searching the thinning groups of people hovering around before catching sight of Ava talking with Laurel, Ali, Spencer and Layla._

_“Aves!” called Sara, quiet enough that their parents (just a few paces over) didn’t hear. Ava glanced over, a small smile breaking onto her face when she saw Sara, and she pushed off the wall to walk over._

_“Hey,” she said, slipping her phone into her back pocket. “You okay?”_

_“Help me with my make up,” said Sara, stepping away from the door so Ava could come in._

_“Is_ **_help me with my make up_ ** _a new code these days?” teased Spencer and Sara glared at him, flipping him the bird before slamming the door shut and pointedly locking it._

_“Is it?” asked Ava, grinning a little._

_“Is what?”_

_“_ **_Help me with my make up_ ** _. Is it code?”_

_Sara’s cheeks burned and she looked at her feet. “Shut up. Maybe. I just … wanted a second with you where literally everyone else in our lives wasn’t watching us. I probably should’ve thought that through when I planned this whole thing.”_

_“No, it’s okay,” said Ava quickly, stepping towards Sara and reaching out to tug her forward. “Everything was perfect Sara. So, so perfect.”_

_Something fluttered in Sara’s chest and she leaned towards Ava almost instinctively, hands finding Ava’s waist. Sara had taken off her soccer cleats, obviously, and had yet to put on her heels while Ava was wearing slightly heeled boots, so the height difference between them was as prominent as ever._

_“Can …” Sara swallowed, licking her lips that had suddenly gone very dry. Ava’s eyes flickered down at the action, and Sara suddenly felt even more nervous than she had the first time she’d done this out on the field in front of_ **_everybody._ ** _It felt different somehow, with just the two of them here, nobody else watching. “Can I kiss you? Again?”_

_Ava’s throat bobbed and she nodded._

_Sara was almost too scared to do it, but her body seemed to move without her needing to tell her to do anything. She slunk up onto her tiptoes at the same time that Ava stepped forward, and Sara carefully trailed her hands along Ava’s arms until she could loop one arm around Ava’s neck, resting her other hand on Ava’s collarbone. It occurred to her suddenly that she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this comfortable; being this close to Ava, knowing that she could lean in and kiss her without any repercussions, felt like the most overwhelming sense of being_ **_home_ ** _._

_Ava raised an eyebrow, and it was the most Ava Sharpe expression of ‘you gonna do it or not?’ that Sara felt a burst of defiant determination flare in her stomach and she gave Ava a indignant glare before closing the gap between them and sealing her lips to Ava’s._

_It was as perfect as the first time._ **_More_ ** _perfect maybe, because Ava had already said yes and this had already happened before and Sara knew it was going to happen again and everything about the future felt limitless knowing that she could kiss Ava Sharpe now._

_But also, maybe Sara hadn’t quite thought this through because her body seemed to remember right then that she’d actually just played a full game of soccer for a regional championship, and yeah she’d stretched and cooled down and all (albeit, a lot less thoroughly than she probably should have) but her calves decided now was the time to start burning painfully._

_“Fuck,” Sara muttered, abruptly pulling away and stumbling back a bit, trying to stretch out her legs._

_“What?” said Ava, blinking. “Are you okay?”_

_“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Sara through her teeth. “My legs are just really sore, it turns out.”_

_“Wow, I wonder why,” said Ava dryly, “it’s not as though you just played an amazing game of soccer or anything.” Sara pointedly ignored her, attempting to shake out the stiffness in her calves. “You should stretch properly Sara,” added Ava reprovingly._

_“I_ **_will_ ** _,” Sara insisted, huffing triumphantly when she regained regular feeling below her knees. “But I dragged you in here for a_ **_reason_ ** _, so …” She stepped back towards Ava, smiling as she pushed Ava down onto one of the benches, sliding down into her lap. “There. No leg cramps.” Ava’s breath hitched audibly, her hands moving to rest at Sara’s hips. Sara watched Ava’s face carefully, hovering just far enough way to take in any change in facial expression. “Is this okay?” she asked softly, hesitantly._

 _Ava’s eyes flickered up to hers. “You’re kidding right?” she said, the words sounding so breathy that Sara’s stomach flipped. Before she could conjure up an answer, Ava had leaned in, tugging Sara forward at the same time and_ **_God_ ** _, Sara didn’t think she would ever get tired of how it felt to kiss Ava. Everything about her was so warm and soft and smooth and perfect, even the cracking paint on Ava’s cheek, even her hair smelling like the smoke from party poppers, even her clear apprehension about_ **_this_ ** _, about_ **_kissing_ ** _Sara that Sara was sure boiled down to a distinct lack of experience. But Sara was kind of addicted to this and she’d only done it 4 times now; she was pretty sure she’d never gotten to do anything as great as making out with Ava Sharpe._

_“Hey,” she murmured, smiling when Ava kept her hold on Sara’s hips. “Do you think we can get away with just staying here and ditching dinner?” Ava laughed, and it sounded so bright and unrestrained that Sara couldn’t help but duck down and steal another kiss._

_“No,” said Ava decidedly. “We definitely wouldn’t get away with it.”_

_Sara sighed over dramatically, and Ava rolled her eyes. “_ **_Fine_ ** _. But you have to stay and help me do my makeup anyway.”_

 

Sara exhaled slowly, relieved when she didn’t feel any additional nausea at the action. She wanted to be a bit more awake for when Ava arrived, so she reached into her lap for phone to catch up on social media from the previous night, intentionally watching the full videos of every single snap of her and Ava from the game. It was kind of creepy, but also, admittedly cute. Sara almost hit her head on the toilet from laughing when she realised one of the snapchats was _Nate_ , standing closer than most of the others that were taken from the crowd. The video caught the whole thing - the lights flaring, the music going down, the signs being hoisted up into the air, Ava’s face, Sara’s nervous ask, Zari’s insistent retort, the kiss, the crowd cheering, and their friends crowding them with hollers and laughs.

Sara snorted as the last few frames of the video zeroed in on Zari’s tears before she shoved the camera away with a “Shut up Heywood, I’ve been waiting for this for three years!”

It was then that a soft knock on the door echoed through the bathroom and Sara startled suddenly, looking up and feeling warmth spread through her body when the door opened and Ava peered through with a hesitant smile.

“Hey.”

For the first time all morning, Sara’s stomach fluttered with something other than nausea.

“Hi.”

Ava shut the door behind her and crossed the space between them, crouching down and smoothing Sara’s hair with a gentle smile.

“You were right, you look terrible.”

Sara groaned, shoving her lightly and covering her face in her hands. “I thought you were here to _comfort_ me.”

“Well I think it’s fine seeing that I find you unbelievably attractive on a normal day, so I can deal with you looking like a bit of a disaster while hungover,” said Ava, shaking her head with a smirk.

“Unbelievably attractive, huh?” Sara flashed Ava a shit-eating grin and Ava rolled her eyes.

“Here.” She passed Sara the drink bottle that had Spencer’s miracle juice in it. Their fingers brushed as Sara took it and the both jolted a little before meeting each other’s amused and slightly shy eyes.

“Can uh -” Sara cleared her throat and nodded to the sink. “Could you pass me my toothbrush? And toothpaste.”

Ava did so, also grabbing a glass of water before sitting down beside Sara with her back to the glass wall of the shower and their shoulders touching ever so slightly.

“How’d you get in?” asked Sara before beginning to brush her teeth.

“Laurel,” explained Ava. “I think she guessed you might ‘phone a friend’ to help you look presentable before seeing your mom.”

Sara spat the toothpaste into the toilet before taking a large gulp of water and repeating the action. She was about to put her toothbrush and toothpaste on the floor beside her before Ava let out a chastising tut and snatched them from her hands with a reproving look. She rose to her feet to carefully place them beside the sink, arching her eyebrow at Sara.

“What?” said Sara.

“You were seriously going to put your toothbrush on the bathroom floor? Beside the toilet? _Gross_ Sara.”

Sara rolled her eyes and reached up to grab Ava’s hand, tugging her back down to the floor beside her. As soon as Ava was seated back on the ground, Sara scooted over and nestled into Ava, winding her arms around Ava’s middle and nuzzling her face into Ava’s neck. “I’m hungover, don’t judge me. I just want cuddles and fried food.”

“You’re going to have to eventually go downstairs for the latter,” said Ava, “and might I add that it smells amazing.” She couldn’t suppress the affectionate grin that rose onto her face at Sara’s clinginess. But she’d seen the pale complexion of Sara’s cheeks when she walked in, the bags under her eyes and the exhaustion in her features. So instead of commenting on Sara’s uncharacteristic cuddling, Ava just moved to card her fingers through Sara’s hair soothingly, smiling to herself when Sara let out a soft, appreciative sigh and nestled in closer.

“So, yesterday was kind of crazy huh?” said Sara, her voice coming out muffled against Ava’s skin.

Ava laughed softly. “You can say that again.”

There was a moment’s pause and Ava felt Sara stiffen a little.

“You okay?” Ava asked. “You gonna be sick again?”

“No,” said Sara, “I just … you’re okay with this, right? Us … _dating_?”

Ava opened her mouth to answer with insistent vehemence but Sara pulled back from her arms and immediately cut her off with nervous rambling, her eyes wide and anxious.

“Because it only kind of occurred to me after I woke up this morning that the big grand gesture might have put you on the spot and made you feel like you were obligated to say yes and then everything was happening so quickly with our parents taking us out for dinner and the soccer after party and now it’s all over social media and I realised I probably should have just _asked_ you in private if you had feelings for me so I could give you an out in case I’d read all of this _so_ wrong and it feels like there’s no going back now -”

Ava pressed a finger to Sara’s lips and gave her a stern but amused _look_ to shut her up.

“Sara,” she said with as much gentleness as she could put into her voice. “I know we’ve been kind of hot and cold about where the hell we stand recently, and that we were both clearly stupid enough not to realise we had feelings for each other, but we literally spent a good ten minutes making out in the locker room after the game.”

“Yeah, but -”

“And even without that … after the anniversary party last weekend, how could you have any doubts?”

Sara’s eyes sparkled with something Ava couldn’t recognise, and her lips curved upwards slightly. “Yeah, after that I was _less_ unsure. I … I hoped. I was mostly sure.”

“Mostly?” Ava echoed. “I almost kissed you in the pool house.”

“ _I_ almost kissed _you_ ,” argued Sara, waving her index finger between them. “And then chickened out because of the champagne and the fact that any one of your family members could’ve walked in at any moment.”

“And because you were just scared,” teased Ava. Sara didn’t answer for a second, biting her lip and letting her gaze flicker up to meet Ava’s.

“Yeah,” she said in a small voice. “I was.”

Ava sighed, shaking her head and reaching out to tangle her fingers in Sara’s. “Sara, you know me. You know I never do _anything_ unless I’m 100% sure about it, unless I really, _really_ want to and if I’m not certain, I have absolutely no qualms about backing out and I don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks. There is no way I would have kissed you in front of the entire school unless I wanted to.”

“Yeah, but -”

“No buts. Except your butt cos it’s great.” Ava grinned as Sara burst out laughing, the anxious mood that had risen in the room breaking instantly.

“You rewatched the proposal episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, didn’t you?” said Sara.

“I was feeling sappy last night,” said Ava with a shrug. “You were busy partying and I couldn’t stop thinking about you anyway and Gary had texted me saying that you watched like, every Halloween episode like 6 times in figuring out how you were gonna ask me and Ali, Spence and I had Netflix up on the TV anyway so I thought now was as good a time as ever.”

Sara’s shit-eating smirk had returned and she beamed. “Aw _Aves_ that’s so cute! Look at you, actually giving in to romantic sappiness -”

“Shut up, I told you that to reassure you that I have feelings for you, not so you could give me shit.”

Sara shut her mouth but her eyes still twinkled mischievously. Ava raised a challenging eyebrow, waiting for her to make another joking comment but Sara seemed content just to smirk. Ava gave her a gentle kick in the calf before saying “Now, do you believe me? I really, really want to be your girlfriend Sara Lance. I swear.”

Sara’s eyes softened and filled with affection. “Yeah. I just needed to make sure.” She ducked her head, colour rising to her cheeks. “I still kind of can’t believe this is real.”

Ava grinned too. “Yeah, me neither. I stayed in bed for ages this morning trying to process it, and then just lay there waiting for you to get online so I could talk to you.”

“Full disclosure, literally the first thing I did when I woke up and the room stopped spinning was message you,” said Sara, looking almost as shy as she had the previous night on the soccer field when Ava had spun around from the stands to look at her incredulously, desperate to know that what was happening was real.

Now, as Sara glanced up to meet Ava’s gaze, her deep blue eyes were so captivating that Ava felt the breath leave her lungs for a second. Despite the pallor of Sara’s skin, she could still see the freckles that littered her entire face, couldn’t help but smile at the smudged mascara remnants in the corner of her eyes, the too-redness of her lips that revealed what Sara’s lipstick shade from the night before (not like Ava had stared awestruck at the dozens of full makeup, slightly blurry snapchats she’d received the night before).

“Stop staring at me Aves,” said Sara, glancing away self consciously. “Don’t worry, I’m well aware just how shitty I look this morning.”

“No, it’s not that,” said Ava, swallowing to regain a somewhat normal tone of voice. “You’re just … _really_ beautiful. And I get to say that now. Like, _wow_.”

Sara’s eyes widened in surprise before an embarrassed blush covered her cheeks and she nervously pushed some of her hair away from her face.

“Aw shucks,” she said jokingly, but her eyes flashed with something that Ava could see went far beyond simple affection, and she was overcome with just how much she loved the disheveled, flustered girl sitting cross legged on the bathroom floor in front of her. To stop herself again from opening her mouth and saying something she might regret letting slip so early in their relationship, Ava curled one hand around Sara’s wrist and tugged her forward, pressing a gentle, chaste kiss to Sara’s lips.

Because she _could_.

Sara let out a muffled sound of protest when Ava went to move away, leaning forward to grab Ava’s shirt and pull her back. “I’m pretty sure like 90% of my dreams involved making out with you, come back here.”

Ava laughed, indulging in the briefest of moments in getting lost in the feeling of kissing Sara, of one of Sara’s hands weaving into her hair, of the warmth of Sara’s lips still tasting of spearmint, of Sara inching closer until one of her legs was draped over Ava’s and Ava’s arms were wrapped around her waist and just as Sara moved to straddle Ava’s lap, Ava broke the kiss and grinned up and her.

“Maybe how’s the time to drink the miracle juice and make an appearance downstairs?”

Sara whined. “Who needs miracle juice when I could be kissing you?”

Ava rolled her eyes with a soft chuckle. “As much as I want to agree with that, I think you’ll find that if you were to stand up right now, you’d be hunched over the toilet again so here.” She reached out and handed Sara the drink bottle. “Drink up, then we can go downstairs.”

Sara pouted but at Ava’s unflinching, resolving stare, she huffed and flipped open the lid as she shifted to sit beside Ava with her legs resting over Ava’s lap. They fell into their trademark, comfortable quiet as Sara downed the juice (which, surprisingly, didn’t taste revolting like most hangover cures). As Sara placed the empty bottle on the ground beside her, the silence was broken by her quietly asking “Is it okay if we just sit here a bit? I … I dunno if I’m ready to go down and be civil to my mom. It was fine last night while we were at the game and I was running on adrenaline and stuff but now …”

“Hey, yeah, of course,” interrupted Ava, tracing gentle, comforting circles on Sara’s shin. “As long as you want.”

Sara smiled gratefully, leaning against the shower wall again and pulling out her phone, rechecking for new messages and notifications. Ava did the same, finding herself relieved at how easy it was to slip back into the familiar routine of how to act around Sara, that they were still the same as they had always been. A good quarter of an hour passed with soft spoken conversation and quiet, twinkling laughter between them as they poured over their respective instagram feeds and snapchats, scrolling through shared group chats and showing each other hilarious congratulatory texts they’d received from their friends.

A sharp rap on the door from Laurel was the eventual catalyst for them moving, her voice clear through the door. “Hey, so if I come in there right now is anyone gonna be naked?”

Ava’s cheeks burned as she said “No, it’s fine” but Sara being _Sara_ retorted with “Wait let me find my underwear.” Ava slapped her arm and Sara dissolved into giggles.

Laurel seemed to take Ava’s answer over Sara’s and pushed open the door, a small smile creeping onto her face when she saw them.

“Your leeway time is up,” she announced apologetically. “If you guys stay up here any longer, Mom’s either going to realise Sara is hungover _or_ she’s going to think you guys are having sex and neither of them will fly very well.”

Sara groaned and dropped her head to Ava’s shoulder.

“She’s being pretty good this morning,” added Laurel reassuringly. “She and Dad haven’t snapped at each other once, and they’re sticking to neutral topics. Mom hasn’t even made a single comment about rehab.”

“Yeah, but you’re her favourite,” muttered Sara.

“Me and Dad are there to mediate,” promised Laurel. “And she wouldn’t dare say anything in front of Ava.”

“C’mon Sara,” said Ava encouragingly, running her hand through Sara’s hair again. “You need food. As soon as you’ve eaten, we can come back up to your room and watch a movie.”

Sara groaned again but this time, she leaned back and sat up properly, eyes flickering to settle on her sister. “She’s cool with the bi thing in _theory_ but when she actually sees it, I know it irks her. She tries to be supportive but sometimes she slips, like … she was always weird about Nyssa and if she says _anything_ about me and Aves, I swear to god Laur -”

“If she says anything, I got your back,” Laurel said immediately.

“I’m sorry in advance,” said Sara, glancing over at Ava who shook her head, helping Sara to her feet.

“Sara, are you kidding? Do you _remember_ what my mom was like when you first came over to study at my place? It’s okay, honestly.”

Sara smiled wryly. “Our moms are _something_ huh? Maybe they should be friends. Compare notes on how to be vaguely unsupportive and difficult to deal with.”

Ava snorted with laughter. “Yeah I’d rather they didn’t. But hey look,” She squeezes Sara’s hand. “If you wanna play this a certain way, it’s okay with me. We can tone down the affection and stuff if you want, just to keep things civil, I’ll get it.”

Sara shook her head firmly, eyes flashing with defiance. “Hell no. I’m gonna act exactly how I want to and if she’s not cool with that then she can say so.”

 

* * *

  


Ava didn’t know exactly what to expect from Dinah Lance. She didn’t really _know_ much about her in truth, it wasn’t something she and Sara had talked about over the year. It never seemed to come up, other than in the occasional conversation about Laurel. In fact, Ava was kind of surprised that Sara had so much resentment towards her mother, because it had always seemed like they had a good - though somewhat distant - relationship. Ava had only _seen_ Dinah a couple of times - she and Quentin had been divorced for as long as Ava had known, and known _of_ Sara. She remembered seeing the woman at Layla’s graduation, there to support and cheer Laurel on, but the only time before that that Ava had a clear memory of Sara’s mother was the district championship soccer game in sophomore year. (Ava had pointed out a photo of the match in October junior year, the night she’d come to Sara’s in desperate need for someone to talk to, and at the time, Sara had mentioned that it was the first game of Sara’s Dinah had been to since the divorce. Since that night where Ava had discovered that Dinah had initially not been so approving of Sara’s bisexuality, but was now fully supportive, she hadn’t learnt much more about the situation between the two of them.)

But Ava wouldn’t have even known how to act towards Sara’s mom if they’d met back when she and Sara were just friends. That they were now technically dating? Ava had absolutely no idea what protocol was towards a woman that Sara clearly didn’t have much of a connection with on literally the first day of her and Sara’s relationship. She’d said her hellos the previous night when Laurel and Quentin had introduced her, but now was a different story.

Now, was breakfast with her girlfriend’s family.

“Ava!” said Quentin when he caught sight of her dragging Sara through the doorway. “You joining us for breakfast?”

“I didn’t hear you come in,” said Dinah with a curt but somewhat suspicious smile.

“I told her to come over as incentive to get Sara the hell out of bed,” said Laurel, saving both Ava and Sara from answering and giving them both a smirk that clearly read _yeah, you owe me_ . Ava could tell Sara was about to answer with a quip along the lines of _that was more of an incentive to stay_ **_in_ ** _bed_ , and poked her side to stop her from making this whole situation even more awkward, and Sara rolled her eyes with a quiet chuckle. Ignoring the heat that flushed up the back of her neck, Ava pulled Sara around the kitchen bench to help Quentin plate up the food.

“Morning superstar,” said Quentin, kissing the top of Sara’s head, and stepping across to pull Ava into a quick hug. “How’re you feeling this morning?”

“Fine,” said Sara, sneaking a side glance across at Ava with a slightly sheepish grin. “Just tired. Muscles are killing me a bit so I’m probably gonna use all the hot water after breakfast, just FYI.”

Quentin seemed to catch onto Sara’s lie and he smirked a little, patting her shoulder and joining Laurel by the stove. Dinah didn’t notice however, and turned her attention to her emails on her phone.

“So,” said Laurel, moving to stand by Sara’s side and shovel some bacon from a pan onto a plate. “You two going Facebook official?”

Ava felt her cheeks redden and Sara’s eyes flickered towards her with a fond smile.

“Cutting to the chase there, huh Laur?” said Sara with a slightly embarrassed chuckle.

Laurel grinned at them both. “It’s all anybody’s been talking about on social media since last night so yeah, I wanna be first in the loop with my sister’s love life.”

“You’ve got full disclosure then,” promised Sara with a joking wink.

“So, Facebook?” prompted Laurel, returning to the stove and stirring the pan of fried potatoes.

“Let them _breathe_ Laurel,” laughed Quentin, nudging his older daughter.

“I mean,” said Sara with a shrug, keeping her gaze on Ava, “yeah, if you’re cool with it? If you’ve got family that will be weird though…”

“Pretty sure any family that would have an issue with anything like this unfriended me after I came out last year,” said Ava, and she saw the flash of sympathy in Sara’s eyes. “It’s fine,” she added quickly.

“It sucks,” Sara amended, reaching out to squeeze Ava’s wrist.

“What, you think I actually care what my aunt Susan thinks of me?” said Ava, raising an eyebrow.

Sara wrinkled her nose. “Okay, maybe not _her_. But like, her kids and stuff?”

Ava laughed softly. “Her kids snuck out of the house three days after Christmas the year I came out to drive to Star City so they could personally give me the Christmas presents their mom wouldn’t let them send me, and apologise on their parents’ behalf. Their mom doesn’t have to know we still talk, just like their mom doesn’t know that her eldest son doesn’t actually go to youth group on Friday nights but sees his secret girlfriend instead.”

Laurel choked on her orange juice and Sara immediately burst out laughing.

“Okay, so Facebook is fine, as we can see,” smirked Laurel. “Get on it then you two, I’m pretty sure the entire _city_ is waiting for this public announcement.”

Sara glared at her, but pulled her phone from her dressing gown pocket nevertheless, leaning closer to Ava as she swiped it open and tapped on her Facebook app. Bumping her shoulder against Ava’s lightly, she smiled, bright and brilliant and eyes sparkling and blue, and her voice was soft as she said “Here goes nothing then.”

 

* * *

 

 **Facebook** **  
** (Sara Lance)

  
**Sara Lance** is in a relationship with **Ava Sharpe** .   
April 28th.

  
_Zari Tomaz, Nora Darhk, Nathaniel Heywood, Ray Palmer and 397 others liked this._

 **View 203 other comments**   
**Zari Tomaz:** And to think everyone kept telling me NOT to give them such explicit hints like GUYS THIS IS BC I TOLD SARA WHAT WAS UP YOU CAN ALL THANK ME NOW  
**Sara Lance:** calm down, we would’ve figured it out eventually  
**Jefferson Jackson:** would you have though @Sara?   
**Sara Lance:** rude @Jefferson  
**Gary Green:** i can die happy  
**Nathaniel Heywood:** So happy for you guyssss <3   
**Lily Stein:** God, waiting for this was the most painful experience of my life  
**Ava Sharpe:** I beg to differ, I have videos of you post wisdom teeth removal  
**Lily Stein:** …. Okay second most painful   
**Tommy Merlyn:** Good to know you can be 60% idiot and still get a super cool girlfriend  
**Sara Lance:** why, you wanna know for personal reference?  
**Tommy Merlyn:** Shut up short stuff  
**Sara Lance:** you set yourself up for that one ;-)   
**Oliver Queen:** So happy for you Sara!  
**Amaya Jiwe:** Love you both so very much <3 <3  
**Ali Sharpe:** hi yeah I’m still dying over last night can I post the video to my instagram  
**Ava Sharpe:** You’re so weird  
**Sara Lance:** @Ava it’s cute, indulge her (go for it Ali, pretty sure instagram already has like 3000 different versions of it floating around)   
**Ava Sharpe:** @Sara She’s gonna like you better than she likes me  
**Ali Sharpe:** already do ;-)   
**Ava Sharpe:** Just for that you’re not allowed to borrow my red top for Thea’s bday  
**Ali Sharpe:** I TAKE IT BACK  
**Ray Palmer:** Yay, so excited about this!   
**Nora Darhk:** Took your freakin time, didn’t you? (<3 <3 <3)

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_saraalance posted 3 new photos:_ **

playoffs, here we fuckin come!! #SCHSwolves

 **_Tagged: ztomaz, KuasaJiwe, lilssstein, rileeymcneeil, lindsaycarlislexx, and 12 others._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City High School Stadium_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _raymondcpalmer, noradarhk, aliJsharpeXX, theaqxeen, avacsharpe, and 247 others._

_Saturday, 28th April._

 

**_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

this is how those high school rom coms end, right? with getting the girl ‘n all? #apparentlythewholeschoolwasbettingonus? #wegotthereeventually  

 **_Tagged: avacsharpe._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City High School Stadium_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, ztomaz, laureldinahlance, aliJsharpeXX, wallacewesttt, and 304 others._   
**_Comments:_ ** ****  
_avacsharpe:_ <3 <3   
_ztomaz:_ Don’t even look at me I won’t be fine for SO LONG after this   
_saraalance:_ @ztomaz  what happened to you not having emotions? ;-)   
_aliJsharpeXX:_ EEEEEP  <3 <3 this is so cute!!!!   
_jeffersonjax:_ guyyyyyys this is so grossly cute aw   
_iriswestxx:_ Yeah, not just the whole school,  @barryyallen  , you owe me 20 bucks xx   
_saraalance:_ @iriswestxx @barryyallen WAIT FOR REAL how tf did this spread to central city   
_barryyallen:_ BLAME WALLY OK HE WOULDN’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT WHEN HE CAME AND VISITED   
_saraalance:_ @wallacewesttt  ???   
_wallacewesttt:_ …. i plead the fifth?   
****_View 8 other comments_

_Saturday, 28th April._

 

* * *

  


Sara hadn’t meant to fall asleep. She hadn’t. It was just … so comfortable and warm and her stomach finally felt settled and she felt more awake and more _herself_ after showering and the sun was softly falling through her half drawn curtains and she was cuddled into Ava’s side and she just -

Dozed off.

When she woke, the laptop wasn’t playing the movie they’d been watching, instead softly playing what Sara faintly recognised as _Gilmore Girls_. Sara realised she wasn’t leaning on Ava’s shoulder anymore, but her face was pressed against Ava’s stomach, fingers curled around the material of Ava’s familiar grey hoodie. A hand was combing gently through Sara’s hair, nails lightly raking along her scalp and Sara sighed contentedly, burrowing further into Ava.

“Hey,” said Ava softly, in barely a whisper. “You awake?”

Sara hummed. “Yeah. Sorry for falling asleep.”

“Don’t apologise,” said Ava immediately. “You needed it. Sleep okay?”

Sara stretched one arm around Ava, squeezing her briefly. “Perfect. You’re a great pillow.”

Ava laughed, poking Sara’s back lightly before Sara shifted to look up at her, hand gently, almost subconsciously, brushing against Ava’s wrist before she pulled it away. She loved this - loved every minute of being this close to Ava - but there was still a tiny voice in her head reminding her not to push boundaries, just in case. Ava had reassured her earlier about being two feet into this whole thing between them, but in the back of Sara’s mind, she was remembering how badly Ava had needed space these past weeks, how much their first prom ask had divided them. Sara blinked, frowning as a very vague reminder of having talked about this flickering in her memory. It was a part of the haze of last night, the fuzzy not quite recollections of what had happened after those disastrous tequila shots, and suddenly, not knowing what Sara had said or done over the past 12 hours was making the tiny little uncertainties about where she and Ava stood multiply exponentially.

Sara knew she finally had everything she’d been waiting for. And she was grateful. Really. But she still didn’t know _why_ Ava had reacted the way she did the first time round. Maybe it was the fact that her mom was here and Sara suddenly felt like every aspect of her life was under scrutiny, and that even though she had been riding a never ending high after last night, Sara could feel the uncomfortable, deep seated insecurity that had eaten away at her since Nyssa left, start to creep back into her thoughts.

  


Ava felt Sara stiffen in her lap, and leaned over with concern to try check her expression, but Sara had her face burrowed into Ava’s hoodie, and Ava couldn’t see her eyes to tell whether something was wrong. For a moment, Sara had seemed as though she was about to sit up before an abrupt heaviness had entered her entire posture and she’d seemed to suddenly close herself off, even as she curled into Ava even more than before. It wasn’t unusual - Ava had noticed Sara’s light touches and almost unnoticeable affection ever since they’d made up, but now. Now they were _dating_ , and it stood out even more.

“Why do you do that?” Ava asked quietly, catching the fingers Sara had just gently brushed across her wrist and holding her hand still, watching as something she didn’t recognise slowly flickered through Sara’s eyes before she forced it away, blinking up at Ava and then smiling, soft and quiet and yet still … off. And sure, even after Spencer’s miracle juice she was still probably a little hungover, and maybe Dinah being here had thrown her even more than Ava had realised, but it felt as if there was something else she didn’t want Ava to see, some vulnerability she was trying her hardest to suppress before anyone ever caught sight of it. Before _Ava_ caught sight of it.

“Do what?” Sara asked with a forced lightness, and Ava sighed softly, slowly turning Sara’s hand over so she could cup it with her own, thumb lightly tracing across the lines in Sara’s palm, trying to work out how to push this without causing Sara to back away, or give her answers which weren’t entirely truthful. This was day one of their relationship, and yeah Ava didn’t really know how relationships worked as well as Sara probably did, but Ava was certain that the two of them needed to learn from their mistakes. Starting with actually talking to each other.She bit her lip, eyes flickering back up to meet Sara’s, wide and crystal clear but almost _scared_ of what Ava was asking, as if she already knew the answers to her questions but wasn’t ready to voice them out loud. Ava brought her free hand over to cup Sara’s face, thumb tracing across her cheek softly enough to make Sara’s eyes flutter shut, pale eyelashes resting against her skin for a moment and standing out against the faint dusting of freckles which had just started to reappear. Ava let out a quiet breath, desperately hoping Sara wouldn’t misunderstand her as she whispered “ _this._ ”

Sara’s eyes opened and she stared back at her, confused and yet understanding, unsure but like she knew exactly what Ava was talking about, as much as she hated to admit it.  She was talking about these tiny absent minded touches, almost involuntary, as though Sara just needed some way to be closer to Ava.

Sara swallowed and Ava shifted slightly, not breaking eye contact but tucking some stray hair behind Sara’s ear, fingers lingering on her neck for a moment before she returned them to Sara’s cheek, trying to offer some kind of reassuring, comforting touch to encourage her to open up.

Ava wanted an answer. She wanted to know _why_ , but the vulnerable, more than slightly uncertain expression on Sara’s face told her she might need to give Sara more if she wanted an honest response to what she was truly asking, rather than a half truth. “I like it,” Ava promised, slipping one hand down to Sara’s thigh and giving it a gentle, comforting squeeze, keeping her voice low enough not to disrupt the intimacy of the situation they’d somehow created. “I … I love it when you sit really close to me, or when we’re cuddled like this in one of our rooms. Or when you hold my hand. It’s nice. All of it. It’s … I can’t even put it into words. It’s special, and it always has been, and that’s not going to change now we’re dating. I just wanna know why you’ve always done it.”

Sara’s eyes were still fixed on her and Ava bit her lip slightly, still trying to work out what would get her an honest answer without making Sara pull away or worse, make her stop all the gentle touches and casual affection that warmed her heart every single day without fail. She brushed an eyelash from Sara’s cheek with the tip of her thumb and sighed softly, keeping her voice as gentle as possible. “But there’s more to it, isn’t there? There’s something I’m missing. Something important.”

Sara nodded almost imperceptibly, head only moving a few millimeters, but it was enough.

“Why do you do it?” Ava repeated, voice barely a whisper. Sara’s gaze was so intense, burning with a million thoughts and feelings she wasn’t sure whether to express, but Ava held it until Sara looked away, fingers fiddling with the fabric of Ava’s hoodie as she clearly tried to work out what to say. She looked lost enough that Ava was tempted to interrupt, to change her mind and tell her it didn’t matter and that she didn’t have to talk about whatever it was that had Sara so uncertain, but … at the same time, it was _because_ Sara looked so small - lying on the bed with her head in Ava’s lap, not meeting her eyes because she didn’t want her to see the vulnerability hiding there - that Ava so badly wanted to know.

Sara’s fingers gently traced over a papercut on the pad of Ava’s middle finger and she sighed, still avoiding Ava’s eyes.“Because … because I _can_.” She said it so softly that Ava nearly missed it.

 _Because I can_.

It should’ve made sense, but Ava frowned, eyes flickering over Sara’s face as she tried to work out what she meant, because even though the statement was simple, something about the way Sara had said it made her feel like there was something _more_ to it, something … _oh_.

 _Because I can._ Or, more accurately, Ava realised, because before, Sara _couldn’t_.

Because for weeks, she’d refused to speak to Sara or look her in the eyes, and even when they’d tentatively started to rebuild what they had there had been so much distance between them - walls behind walls behind walls that they’d never encountered before, so much pain and uncertainty and hidden desperation for what they’d had before, for the things they’d both taken for granted before they knew what they had to lose. Because Sara hadn’t known why Ava had forced that distance between them. She hadn’t understood why she couldn’t hold her best friend’s hand anymore or pull her into a hug, she hadn’t known that Ava was avoiding her because she couldn’t control her feelings, just assumed that she’d done something wrong and all affection was off limits - or that maybe she’d never deserved it in the first place.

And on top of that, she hadn’t gotten a real explanation for months - Ava _still_ hadn’t made any attempt to tell her the truth, even though she should have. Even when Sara had had a panic attack in the middle of the night at Ava’s house and refused to wake her because she didn’t want to overstep the fragile trust they were rebuilding - _even then_ \- Ava hadn’t explained. And she could’ve. Sara wanted to know, she’d been desperate to understand why things couldn’t go back to how they were and _still_ Ava had chickened out, of giving any real explanation.

So yeah, it made sense that Sara seemed to take every opportunity to be closer to her after what Ava had put her through. It made sense that Sara slipped their fingers together whenever she could or traced patterns across her skin, keeping her eyes fixed on Ava’s face as if she might vanish the moment she looked away and she’d lose everything she cared about in the blink of an eye.

It made sense.

But God, the reason behind it all hurt a lot more than Ava had anticipated.

 

Sara frowned, meeting Ava’s eyes again as she attempted to sort through the slightly fuzzy memories in her brain, an unsure expression flickering across her face as she asked, “Did we … did I call you last night?”

Ava didn’t even have a chance to speak before Sara closed her eyes, running one hand through her hair in embarrassment. “Fuck, I don’t even remember what I said. Shit Aves, I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d get that drunk -”

“Hey,” Ava interrupted immediately, reaching over Sara to pause the episode that had just started playing and then pulling Sara’s hand away from her face, tangling their fingers together. She squeezed lightly and Sara trailed off, any further explanation that was on the tip of her tongue dying away at the warmth of Ava’s hand around hers and the feeling of Ava’s other hand gentle and comforting on her hip.

“Yes, you called me,” said Ava, and she had a soft smile on her face, “and we had a very sweet conversation about how much you liked me. It was adorable. But Zari made sure to take your phone off you before you could say anything you’d regret this morning. You don’t have anything to apologise for.”

“Did we talk about - this?” Sara asked, feeling slightly sick in a way that had nothing to do with her hangover.

Ava’s free hand drifted up to Sara’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze as she shook her head. “No.  You - you did ask, but it wasn’t a conversation I was going to have over the phone, especially not when you were that drunk.”

“Shit,” Sara muttered again, squeezing Ava’s hand tighter. “I’m … God, I promised I wouldn’t ask after the night I stayed at yours. I’m so sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about it -”

“Sara,” Ava interrupted, just firm enough to stop Sara mid sentence. “Babe, stop. That - _all_ of that, every reason why I didn’t want to talk about it - was before. Before I knew you liked me, before _this._ Before last weekend and before last night. Everything’s different now - none of those reasons matter anymore, and honestly? I’d rather go into this relationship with both of us understanding what happened last month so we never have to go through that again. If you want to know, you can ask.”

Sara blinked slowly, looking up at Ava with understanding eyes, and she could tell Ava could see her silent reply of _only if you want to tell me_.

Ava took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“I was scared,” she admitted, fingers tapping a gentle rhythm against the inside of Sara’s knee. “I’d never - I _still_ haven’t ever - felt like this before. And I when I realised what this was, I didn’t know what to do about it, because I’d convinced myself you didn’t feel the same way and I was desperately trying to pretend that I wasn’t in - that I didn’t _like_ you. And I’d been quietly trying to deal with that for months, ever since New Years really, so when you asked me to prom and laughed about it, pretended it was all a  joke...I didn’t know what to _do_ , because it kind of hit my like a freight train just how hard I’d fallen for you. I was so blinded by all of the emotions I couldn’t control that it never occured to me you actually _meant_ it, and that you were trying to hide it too in case _I_ didn’t feel the same way. So I ran, and I pushed you away - I pushed _everyone_ away, because there was no way of explaining myself without admitting how I felt.  Because … God Sara, I was terrified that unless I managed to get rid of those feelings for you, I’d end up losing you for good, that I wouldn’t be able to hold onto our friendship without ruining it somehow and I didn’t know what I would do if what we had crumbled and it was my fault. It wasn’t until that first soccer game when we talked in the locker room that I realised how much this was hurting you too - how much _I_ was hurting you - and that if I kept at it, I’d lose you either way.”

Ava swallowed, and Sara could see her avoiding Sara’s gaze the same way Sara had earlier as she whispered another apology, leaning forward to press her lips against Sara’s forehead before pulling back with her eyes closed. Sara made a sound that could’ve been a laugh in any other situation and looked up properly, smiling softly.

“It’s okay Aves,” she breathed quietly.

“It’s _not_.”

“It _is,_ ” Sara responded firmly, finally pushing herself up so she was sitting and then shuffling forward, moving close enough that she knew Ava could feel her breath warm against her cheek. “It makes sense,” she whispered, reaching between them to squeeze one of Ava’s hands. “And … it explains why you never told me earlier either, and why you started to panic every time I tried to ask. The truth if Aves, that first time i asked you, I didn’t think about you. I mean, obviously, I thought about you, I’m always thinking about you -”

(Ava smiled, colour rising to her cheeks.)

“- but I didn’t think it through properly. I didn’t realise playing it off as a joke would mess with you, I was only thinking about the security that it gave _me_ if you didn’t feel the same way - a security that you didn’t have. I’m sorry too. I fucked up as much as you did.”

Ava murmured a clearly reluctant agreement, sucking in a slow, slightly shaky breath when she Sara’s lips brush gently against the corner of her mouth, an apology and a reassurance all rolled into one. “Open your eyes,” Sara added quietly, hand sliding up from Ava’s shoulder to cup her neck, fingers warm and light against Ava’s skin.

Ava shivered, but then did as she was asked, opening her eyes to find Sara a few inches away from her. Sara held her gaze, eyes wide and sincere and bursting with an overwhelming affection that she hoped would make Ava see just how truthful she was being. She hoped that Ava’s inability to stop the corners of her lips from twitching up in response to Sara’s smile was an indication that Ava understood.

“Hi there,” Ava said, a little teasing.

Sara’s laughed, expression softening, and she had to fight the overwhelming urge to lean forward and press their lips together, to forget all about the conversation they were having and talk about it later. But she forced herself not to, to be _responsible_ , to do as Ava had very rightly pointed out and start this relationship on the right page. Her hand shifted, fingers curling into the hair at the nape of Ava’s neck, expression turning a little more serious once again. “Maybe everything wasn’t okay back then,” she admitted quietly.Ava opened her mouth to respond - maybe to argue, or apologise again - but before she could, Sara continued firmly, leaving no space for disagreement, “but it’s okay _now_ . _We’re_ okay now. That’s what matters, right?”

There was more to talk about, but Sara raised an eyebrow at Ava, flashing her a determined look that she knew would be both reassuringly and frustratingly familiar, almost daring Ava to keep arguing with her. Ava sighed with both defeat and relief, smiling a little. Instead of arguing whatever unspoken point she had yet to make, Ava seemed to give in, leaning forward and letting her lips brush against Sara’s for the briefest, most indulgent of moments that made sparks fly along Sara’s spine and warmth fill her body all the way down to the ends of her toes. Her whole body relaxed into Ava, and she couldn’t bring herself to protest Ava pulling away when Ava snaked one arm around Sara’s shoulders and pressed another kiss to the top of her head. Sara scooted closer, turning her face into Ava’s neck and kissing the skin just above her collarbone with a small smile.

“Okay,” Ava finally agreed quietly, and Sara felt comfort wash over the room again as Ava restarted the episode and pulled Sara just that tiny little bit closer. “You’re right. We’re okay now.”

 


	29. ain't it nice to know (we don't have to be perfect)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""Sara knew Ava could see just how much the events of the day had taken a toll on her, though that was unsurprising considering the way Sara practically stumbled straight into Ava’s arms the minute she stepped out of Zari’s car.
> 
> “Hey,” said Ava softly, lips brushing against Sara’s forehead. “You okay?”
> 
> Sara made a non-committal sound, tucking her face into the crook of Ava’s neck and sliding her arms around Ava’s middle, squeezing tightly. “Am now,” she mumbled. “You sure it’s okay I stay with you tonight?”"
> 
> OR
> 
> both sara & ava have to deal with some family shit now that both their families are all home for the first time in a very long time. thankfully, they have each other to lean on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! 
> 
> keeping notes short this week bc it's 2am and I have work in 6 hours and we only just finished this chapter about 10 minutes ago so here's hoping it's a good one. christmas kind of did a number on how much time we thought we'd have to write this past week whoops. 
> 
> (HAPPY CHRISTMAS / HAPPY HOLIDAYS!) 
> 
> hope the hiatus isn't killing all of you & that the fic is tiding you over just enough so far! don't forget to head on over to our tumblrs / twitter for some extra lil tidbits from the au verse bc we're at the point where we just want everyone to know all these lil details we have for before, during, and after this fic. hit us up with headcanon requests and asks abt the fic; if we haven't answered yours yet - promise we will! our lives are probably just a bit crazy, don't worry, our #1 fav thing to do is talk about this dumb fic so we'll definitely give you your headcanons / answers soon enough Xx
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from perfect by sara evans)

The argument was already happening by the time Sara saw Laurel’s post. She was sitting at her desk, vehemently avoiding studying for her rapidly approaching final. (Ava had already suggested a million times locking her instagram, facebook and snapchat apps, to which Sara had just given her a pointed  _ look  _ and said “How am I supposed to obnoxiously flaunt our relationship?”) So Sara was scrolling through instagram,  _ The Greatest Showman  _ soundtrack blasting in her ears when her eyes caught Laurel’s username on her screen. An almost instinctive smile flickered across Sara’s face. It was this kind of thing - the tiny little trivial details, like seeing Laurel posting on Instagram again - that truly made it feel like Laurel was actually home. But as Sara scrolled to read the post’s caption, all the breath left her lungs in a suffocating rush. She straightened in her chair, her heart rate accelerating suddenly. 

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_laureldlance posted 1 new photo:_ **

Anyone who knows me know that I don’t like shying away from the most important, most difficult things that need to be said. I’ve spent my whole life wanting and trying to stand up for the people who can’t and I always intended to do that with my future career, whatever that ends up being. Somehow though, when it was me that stumbled into an important and difficult situation of my own, all I wanted to do was hide, and I did. Right now, I’m home for the first time in nine months, and for the first time in that time, I realise just how much love and support I’m surrounded by from so many different people. It’s because of this that I finally realised how badly I need to tell the truth, so here it is: I’ve been in rehab since August last year. I know that most people thought I was at Stanford, and yes, that was purposeful. I was humiliated and ashamed and wanted everybody to keep believing I was the same Laurel Lance I’d always been. (Just fyi, telling a kid they’re one of ‘Star City’s golden girls’ from the time they’re like, 8, really doesn’t become a healthy headspace when they get older.) But after coming home, after seeing in recent months just how much what happened to me affected the people I love most, I know now just how badly trying to keep this a secret isn’t helping anyone. Stuff like this doesn’t just happen to people who ‘deserve’ it (and even then, they don’t), who put themselves in bad situations. It happens to people who are trying their hardest and just lose sight of themselves, who stop listening to the people around them trying to help. I’m still going to Stanford next year. I’m still the Laurel Lance who was valedictorian of her graduating class. I’m also now four months sober, and four months clean. I don’t know what I want everyone to take away from this, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I just want people to know. That it’s okay to fuck up. That you can trust the people who love you even when that voice in your head is telling you that you can’t. That there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re still the same person you’ve always been. And you’re gonna be okay.

**_Liked by:_ ** _ tommyxmerlyn, ztomaz, theaqxeen, iriswestxx, raymondcpalmer, and 427 others. _

_ Sunday 5th May. _

 

A strangled gasp slipped from Sara’s lips, and she pushed herself up from her desk, yanking her headphones out of her ears. Immediately, the (all too familiar) sound of raised voices became abundantly clear. Honestly, Sara was surprised she hadn’t heard it before - her parents and Laurel weren’t exactly being  _ quiet _ , even if she could only barely make out what they were saying. 

 

“ _ Take it down Laurel, now! _ ” 

“ _ Why the hell should I? _ ”

“ _ Don’t you dare speak to me like that _ !” 

“ _ Dinah, give her a break _ !”  

 

Shit. 

Sara was on her feet before she even knew what she was doing, but once she reached the door, she hesitated. She was half tempted to call Ava right now and see if she was free, making her escape before anyone (her mom) could see her and drag her into this too. She ran one hand through her hair, sighing in frustration before remembering her mom was downstairs and attempting to smooth it back down into something presentable. If Laurel wanted to put this out in the open, that was her choice - and Sara was going to support her either way, but … she didn’t have to do it  _ now _ , when Dinah was here and everyone was already on edge, when Sara had spent the last few days trying to ignore her. Because now, Sara would inevitably get dragged into the argument, and she’d end up fighting and getting herself into a mess just like she always did, and Dinah would remember why Laurel had been her favourite all along.

Sara just couldn’t work out  _ why  _ Laurel had done it. Everyone loved her, and this wouldn’t change that, but she’d been so determined at the start of the year that no one could know, not even Sara’s close friends. They’d even fought about it, yelling and crying and then not talking for months, Sara keeping her distance because she was so completely, utterly convinced that Laurel hated her, and would never be able to forgive her. 

And, more than that, she didn’t understand why Laurel would rock the boat like this when she had nothing to prove, no one’s affection to win, two parents who always loved and supported her no matter what. It didn’t make  _ sense _ .

“Laurel,” Dinah said, almost pleading, and Sara froze halfway down the stairs, suddenly not sure she even wanted to be seen. “Just take it down. It’s not going to do you any favours in the long run, and people don’t need to know that about you.”

Something bitter flashed through Sara before she had a chance to process what it was and she leant back against the wall, taking several deep breaths as she attempted to calm herself down. This was ridiculous. It was an instagram post. And yeah, okay, it could have an impact on Laurel’s reputation or alter her future, but still - she was  _ Laurel Lance _ . Everyone loved her. And what she’d said was  _ important _ . She had a platform, and she was willing to use it in the hope that someone else might benefit, might manage to get help before they spiralled as badly as she had and ended up in rehab, needing a year to screw her head back on straight. Dinah was being, well,  _ Dinah  _ about this and it was unbelievable. 

Sara just wished she had the courage to do more than take the last few steps down the stairs, and sink down onto the bottom step, listening to Laurel argue that everyone would’ve seen the post by now, and taking it down would be pointless, even if she wanted to. 

Dinah huffed in annoyance and Sara resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “This is ridiculous Laurel,” she snapped again, loud enough that Sara needn’t have bothered coming downstairs at all. “You’re jeopardising everything - you could lose your Stanford acceptance because of this - and you’ve already lost the scholarship they were offering.”

“Then I guess I’ll lose my Stanford acceptance, won’t I?” Laurel managed, sounding far too casual. “There are other places to go to school, mom.”

A textbook slammed shut from the other room and Sara flinched. “Be reasonable Laurel, you’re acting just like -”

Dinah cut herself off before she could finish, but Laurel’s voice was cold as she said through gritted teeth, “Like who, Mom?” despite it being blatantly obvious how that sentence was supposed to finish. Sara shivered, fingers finding her necklace and squeezing it tight enough that it left an imprint on her skin, wishing she could stop listening but unable to make her hands cover her ears. 

“Laurel - “

“Finish it,” Laurel snapped, anger audible.

Quentin murmured a vague protest. Dinah sighed, nails tapping against the table, voice dropping low enough Sara almost missed her when she spoke. (Not that it would have mattered. They all knew what she’d been about to say, no matter how reluctant she was to keep going. 

_ You’re acting just like Sara _ .)

“You know I didn’t mean that,” Dinah attempted, and Laurel scoffed. Sara’s fingers automatically clenched into fists at her side before she forced herself to calm down, fishing her phone out of her pocket and opening up her contacts, thumb hovering over Ava’s name. 

“You did,” Laurel continued, voice colder than it had been before. “You did mean it, even if you don’t think you did.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Quentin asked, quietly enough that Sara almost missed it. She gripped her phone tighter, shrinking away from the door, hating that she could tell exactly where Laurel was going with this. It wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful Laurel was sticking up for her; she knew how much Laurel had hated the way Dinah treated her for years. It was just ... now that she had finally snapped, Sara was filled with an unknown, unfamiliar dread that made her want to run, to hide, to never show her face again. Nothing would change if their parents didn’t know.

Not that she  _ didn’t _ want things to change.

Of  _ course _ she didn’t want her mom to keep reminding her of everything she was doing wrong every second of every day she spent here, picking at flaws she didn’t even know she had, comparing her every move to Laurel and reminding her of all the ways she could be better. And of course she’d like her dad to notice, to build her up instead of ignoring everything that had been going on between her and Dinah since before she could remember, completely oblivious to what Sara needed. Laurel laughed bitterly and Sara curled her fingers tightly into the sleeves of the hoodie she’d borrowed from Ava after soccer practice last week, feeling slightly sick now that the conversation had turned to her. 

“Dad, are you kidding? Surely after 18 years you know Sara better than that. You can’t just keep ignoring -”

“Laur, don’t,” Sara interrupted, finally slipping into the room, shooting a pleading look in her sister’s direction. 

Laurel glanced back at her, expression softening slightly but the concern and determination was firmly etched into her eyes, not going anywhere. She shook her head. “Not this time,” she said quietly, fingers twitching at her side as if she wanted to reach out and take Sara’s hand, but had to restrain herself. “I should’ve said something years ago, but I never did. And if it took me going to rehab to get the backbone to actually say what they need to hear, then at least it was good for something. I’m not gonna stand by and watch this bullshit any longer.”

“Laurel, mind your language,” said Dinah immediately and Laurel sent her a withering glare, while Quentin said, “Dinah, come on. They’re not children, Laurel’s 19.” 

Sara’s attention was still on her sister though. Her sister who seemed so determined, so certain, and somehow the warmth in her eyes managed to cut through Sara’s panic enough for her to tilt her head into a nod, giving Laurel the permission she was waiting for. 

 

It was weird, hearing all of this coming from Laurel. Not that Sara hadn’t always known how much attention Laurel paid to this, slipping into her room when Dinah thought she was in bed to tell Sara how proud she was of the grade Sara got in her maths test, even though Dinah had ignored it. Or cancelling plans with her friends to cheer her on during soccer games when neither of their parents could make it. She’d always made sure Sara knew she had  _ someone _ in her corner, even when their parents hadn’t bothered - even when Sara was struggling and skipping school and didn’t think she had anything to be proud of. 

But even so, they’d never talked about this until the day Sara had visited Laurel after Christmas - and even then, they’d kept things vague, Sara not wanting to admit anything more than Laurel already knew (which was a lot, it turned out, when Sara tuned back into the conversation. Laurel had noticed it all.)

“ - and you go out of your way to put her down, to make her feel like she’s not worth it, and maybe - maybe you haven’t seen it dad, but you’ve been ignoring it for  _ years, _ it’s been going on for as long as I can remember. Probably longer. Mom, you - you tell her she should dress like this or act like that, and you’re just trying to make her more like  _ me,  _ you never stop to appreciate how amazing and wonderful and unique she is, just because you don’t  _ approve _ of any decision she makes.”

“I’ve never said I don’t - “

“You don’t need to say it,” Laurel snapped back angrily, and Sara curled her arms around herself, oddly self conscious. “It’s obvious. Have you - you haven’t even asked her about college yet, have you?” Laurel paused for a moment, glancing back over to Sara to check this was okay, eyes still filled with a familiar, defensive anger. Sara shrugged, but gave Laurel a small nod. “You were so busy earlier chastising me about losing my scholarship, but you haven’t even asked your other daughter about which colleges accepted  _ her. _ And you know what, mom? She’s done fucking amazing. Not that you care. She got accepted by every single Ivy League school she applied to. She got offered  _ four full scholarships _ . Four. Which, just for the record - not that you should ever compare your kids to each other - is two  _ more _ than I got. Not that you knew that, because you didn’t ask about  _ Sara’s _ achievements. You never do.”

Quentin shuffled awkwardly, unsure whether to object, but looking as if now Laurel had mentioned this, he could see it too. 

“You know what’s the most messed up?” Laurel asked quietly, eyes flickering from one parent to the other but lingering on Dinah, stare cold and disappointed. “This year, I managed to become a drug addict and an alcoholic. I had to forfeit my scholarship to Stanford and check into rehab for a year. That’s literally the definition of a mental breakdown, right?  But somehow, I was still the favourite daughter even though Sara was  _ right here _ .”

Sara’s breath left her in a rush. She’d said almost exactly the same thing to Ava the night she and Laurel had fought, all those months ago, but the fact that it had occurred to Laurel too was -

“Sara,” Laurel said softly after one final glance between Dinah and Quentin, turning to face her sister and placing a gentle hand on her arm. Sara attempted to smile, but clearly did a poor job because Laurel raised an eyebrow, concerned, her silent  _ did I say too much? _ hanging between them without her having to ask out loud.

“We’re okay,” Sara murmured softly, too quiet for either of their parents to hear. This was … it meant a lot, that Laurel had even noticed this, and it meant even more that she was willing to bring it up, to validate every bitter thought Sara had had over the last year and still somehow make it all seem logical and well thought out, more rational than Sara could ever hope to be. And she was grateful for that - she couldn’t imagine what it’d be like without Laurel here to stick up for her.  But that didn’t mean Sara didn’t feel her heart sink the moment Dinah said her name, dread flooding straight through her, fingers anxiously fiddling with her necklace. It was almost suffocating, this room, this atmosphere, and although she’d been working on not running from her problems, Sara found herself desperate to get out, to get as far away from here as she could. Laurel murmured her name again, squeezing her wrist reassuringly. “If you need to leave Sara, go. I don’t care what they have to say about it.”

Sara let out a shaky breath, nodding but not looking back over to her mom, barely managing a quiet “Thank you” before she was slipping out of the room, shoving some shoes on her feet and making her way out the door.

 

* * *

 

**_1 missed call_ ** **_  
_ ** (Ava Sharpe)

 

**Sara (ur fav human in the world and is better than u) Lance** **  
** Sunday, 1:16pm.

 

* * *

 

_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _   
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Sunday**

**_1:29pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Hey, sorry I was at the clinic with   
Dad! Everything okay? <3

 

* * *

 

**_3 missed calls_ ** **_  
_ ** (Sara Lance)

 

**Aves <3 <3** **  
** Sunday, 1:35pm.

  
**Aves <3 <3** **  
** Sunday, 1:49pm.

  
**Laurel <3** **  
** Sunday, 2:01pm.

 

* * *

 

****  
_ Sara (ur fav human in the world and  _ _   
_ _ is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Sunday**

****  
**_2:04pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Babe, call me back, I’m worried

  
**_2:07pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Laurel’s trying to reach you too,   
she asked if you were with me

  
**_2:08pm:_ ** ****_  
_ She just gave me a brief rundown   
of what happened, I hope you’re   
okay xx

  
**_2:14pm:_ ** ****_  
_ I’m at home now and I’ll be here   
all afternoon / evening & I asked   
Mom and Dad, you’re 100% okay   
to come over/stay if you need to

  
  


* * *

 

_ Zari Tomaz _

**Text Message** ****  
(Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Sunday**

****  
**_2:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yo sara’s with me

  
**_2:15pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Her phone was on like 2% and she   
saw your messages just now but    
it died before she could reply and   
I don’t have an iphone charger so

  
**_2:16pm:_ ** ****_  
_ She wants to know if your offer to   
stay the night is properly on the   
table 

  
**_2:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Of course it is

  
**_2:17pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Obviously it would be in the guest   
room because my mom is My Mom   
but like, yeah of course she can   
stay 

  
**_2:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is she okay?

  
**_2:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, she’s better now

  
**_2:21pm:_ ** ****_  
_ She was just needed to clear her head   
and get out of the house and stuff

  
**_2:22pm:_ ** ****_  
_ I’m driving over to Amaya’s in a couple of   
hours so is it alg if I drop Sara off at yours   
then?

  
**_2:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, I’ll be here

  
**_2:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Give her a hug from me

  
**_2:25pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Gross no pretty sure ur hugs to Sara grossly   
overstep mine and Sara’s lines of friendship

  
**_2:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh my god Zari

  
**_2:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** F i n e

  
**_2:26pm:_ ** ****_  
_ She just asked if you can text Laurel where she   
is / that she’s staying at yours tonight

  
**_2:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yup will do

  
**_2:28pm:_ ** ****_  
_ K I’m gonna distract her with bend it like beckham   
until we leave so talk later yeah?

  
**_2:29pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Thanks for being the best friend   
she could ask for x

  
**_2:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 

 

* * *

  
  


Sara knew Ava could see just how much the events of the day had taken a toll on her, though that was unsurprising considering the way Sara practically stumbled straight into Ava’s arms the minute she stepped out of Zari’s car. 

“Hey,” said Ava softly, lips brushing against Sara’s forehead. “You okay?” 

Sara made a non-committal sound, tucking her face into the crook of Ava’s neck and sliding her arms around Ava’s middle, squeezing tightly. “Am now,” she mumbled. “You sure it’s okay I stay with you tonight?” 

“Stay as many nights as you need to,” murmured Ava, her fingers gently stroking the small of Sara’s back. 

Sara sighed into Ava’s skin. She already felt calmer, more at ease, around Ava. Ava felt like  _ home _ , felt like everything that was safe and wasn’t the confusing mess of everything waiting for her back with her family, wasn’t the low, humming, oncoming stress of exams and graduation. She was just  _ Ava.  _ All soft and gentle and warm skin from sitting in her sun soaked room, and Sara wanted nothing more than this right now (and quite possibly for the rest of her life, but she didn’t want to think too hard about that yet). The Sharpe house was so refreshingly  _ normal _ \- so untouched from the chaos and conflict at the Lances’ - and Sara was determined to keep it that way, chatting quietly to Barbara in the kitchen whilst making a cup of tea, slipping her fingers into Ava’s and letting herself get pulled upstairs, kissing Ava softly the moment they were alone. Ava seemed willing to go along with it, letting Sara distract herself and waiting for her to bring up anything she wanted to talk about, not mentioning the fight at all beyond a brief “it’s okay, Laurel told me everything,” when Sara was struggling to decide whether to properly explain or stay quiet. It wasn’t until much later ,after dinner, after they’d crept away from Ava’s family to watch a movie in Ava’s room that Sara dared venture there, lying on her back on the bed with her head in her girlfriend’s lap, eyes closed so she didn’t have to see Ava’s reaction when she spoke.

“It was all supposed to be okay now,” Sara murmured quietly, keeping her eyes closed as Ava raked her fingers through her hair, gently untangling the knots Sara hadn’t yet brushed out. “That’s how it’s supposed to work, isn’t it? You go through all the shit and have your big, romantic moment, and then live happily ever after.”

“I don’t think it really works like that babe,” Ava said quietly, hand coming to rest against Sara’s hip, still and heavy and comforting, keeping Sara in place as if she knew just how badly she wanted to run. Sara sighed, slipping her hand over Ava’s and interlacing their fingers, brushing her thumb over Ava’s in a silent thank you, the loudest one she could manage right now. She knew why Laurel had snapped, she knew it’d been a long time coming, and she  _ knew _ that it would probably be a good thing in the long run - at the very least now her dad was aware how oblivious he’d always been, and Dinah couldn’t pretend not to see her blatant favouritism for any longer. Laurel had done it for her, to defend her, so it really didn’t make sense why Sara couldn’t stop playing Laurel’s words over and over again in her head in an effort to make sense of them, or why she’d jumped at the offer to stay at Ava’s for a few days, at least until things calmed down. 

Maybe she’d hated the way her mom had  _ looked _ at her when she’d walked in, maybe being the centre of attention had thrown her for a loop, and having two parents staring at her with varying amounts of surprise had been more overwhelming than she’d thought.

Maybe family arguments just put her on edge. 

“Talk to me,” Ava quietly reminded her, brushing a thumb gently across her cheek, following the trail laid out by the freckles littering her pale skin. Sara sighed, biting her lip almost hard enough to draw blood but letting herself relax when she felt the pad of Ava’s thumb brushing across her lower lip moments later, managing to calm her in a way no one else could. “C’mon,” Ava encouraged softly after a long moment of silence, returning her fingers to Sara’s hair and leaning back against the headboard, content to wait as long as Sara needed, but not willing to let her overthink this in silence.

“I don’t know what there is to say,” Sara eventually murmured, hearing how pathetically lost her voice sounded. She opened her eyes suddenly, pushing herself up and moving to sit opposite Ava on the bed, crossing her legs and smoothing down the blanket in front of her. She picked at a loose thread hanging down from the hem. “What d’you think?” she asked after a moment’s pause, spurt of confidence fading away the moment she met Ava’s eyes, clear and blue but filled with concern. “I don’t understand - I don’t know why this got to me, it’s nothing  _ new _ .”

Ava reached out, tucking Sara’s hair back behind her ear with a gentle smile before letting her hand fall back down to rest against Sara’s knee, squeezing it lightly. “You want my honest opinion?” Ava asked to check, chewing the inside of her cheek for a moment after Sara nodded. “I think … you weren’t expecting it. I think part of you really did believe things would be perfect now, because you’ve got Laurel back, and you’ve gotten through to the championships, and - and we’re together. We’re  _ happy _ .” 

Sara let out a shaky breath, tilting her head in a barely visible nod, just enough to tell Ava to keep going without needing to speak. Ava reached out to cup her jaw, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to Sara’s lips before continuing. “You mean the world to me - you’re  _ everything _ . And - I think it hurts you to have that confirmation that not everyone else appreciates you for who you are, especially when they’re people you’ve looked up to, people whose approval you really, truly wanted. I get it, you know I do - and it sucks.”

Sara murmured a vague agreement, letting herself be pulled into a hug and sinking against Ava’s chest, letting go of the breath she felt like she’d been holding all evening when Ava pressed a slow, tender kiss just below her hairline, breath warm and comforting against her skin. Sara buried her head further into Ava’s neck and felt her smile in response, 

“As much as I want it to, this - us being together - doesn’t mean things are always going to be perfect,” Ava continued quietly once Sara had settled, for once not ignoring the way her stomach fluttered when Sara’s lips brushed against her collarbone but embracing it, because this time they were  _ together _ , and she didn’t need to pretend anymore. “It just means that if things do start to fall apart, I’ll still be here. If you need someone to remind you that you matter or tell you how important you are, I’ll be here. And if all you want to do is curl up in bed and maybe make out a bit until we forget what’s going on around us, that’s okay too. Just because things aren’t perfect, it doesn’t mean we can’t be happy.”

Sara didn’t respond, but Ava felt her soft breath of relief into Ava’s skin, felt Sara’s gentle smile against her shoulder, felt Sara’s body curl and tuck itself closer into Ava’s, and  _ that,  _ \- the way her arms tightened around Ava’s waist, the way she craned her neck to pull Ava into the softest, slowest of kisses, the way she mumbled the quietest  _ thank you _ , more a hum than actual words -  that was enough. 

 

* * *

 

“Jesus Aves,” Spencer laughed, running one hand through his hair and trying to catch his breath whilst Ava spun the basketball on her finger, a smirk that she’d definitely picked up from Sara plastered across her face. She’d taken Sara’s advice and finally decided to take a study break in the form of a 1 on 1 game with Spencer - the first in years. Basketball had drifted so far from the immediate vicinity of Ava’s life and circles of importance that she had almost completely forgotten how much she loved it. The rush of adrenaline, the way her calves burned from running back and forth across the (half) court, the feeling of textured rubber underneath her fingertips, comfortable and steady and familiar in her hand as the vibrations of the ball bouncing up from the concrete hit her palm. She loved the flash of victorious triumph she felt when she dodged one of Spencer’s defensive manoeuvres, loved the sound of the basketball swishing through the net, loved the scrape of her trainers over the concrete driveway below them as she tried to grab the ball from Spencer’s (still admittedly skilled) hands. 

She managed to beat him, 24-20, and she couldn’t stop herself from ginning smugly at Spencer’s almost bewildered awe. Until he said, out of breath and almost absent minded in its delivery, “I forgot how good you were at this. Why the fuck did you quit again?”

Ava’s shoulders tensed immediately. God, it had been so long since she’d had to think about that. She hadn’t, not properly, since Thanksgiving, but even then it was only briefly in passing during that conversation with Sara. For years, whenever anybody had asked her why she gave up on basketball, she had a perfectly rehearsed, incredibly convincing answer lying in waiting at the tip of her tongue. The words came to her lips without hesitation, remembering their old places and she spoke them as though they were an old, unforgotten choreographed dance. “Wanted to focus on school. Remember?” She forced a smile onto her face, holding the ball firmly against her stomach to keep it still, to give her hands something to do that wouldn’t give away how unconvincing her purposeful lightness and disinterest was. 

She knew she sounded like she was full of shit, but even if she hadn’t, Spencer’s raised eyebrow and thoughtful expression would’ve given it away. Maybe she’d been more convincing when she was thirteen. (She hadn’t known back then, not really - and maybe it was easier to convince people your lies were true if you believed them too.) Or maybe Spencer hadn’t really been listening back then anyway, too preoccupied with his own plans of packing up his life and leaving everything he had ever known behind.

“Ava?” Spencer asked, taking a cautious step forward, the curiosity behind his eyes quickly fading into concern when Ava stepped back, away from him, eyes flickering down to the ground.

“It’s nothing,” she said too sharply. Too quickly. Too defensively. “It … it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed into a frown and Ava shook her head, wanting to take another step back, but finding her feet fixed firmly to the ground. It  _ didn’t _ matter now. The Ava Sharpe who’d quit basketball when she was thirteen was scared, nervous, and desperate to fit in. She didn’t know what she was giving up. She didn’t even understand her sexuality, was just starting to figure it out, and she didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. 

Because the only person she ever would have said anything to decided suddenly that he was joining the army.

She shook her head again. “Drop it Spencer. Like I said, it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me,” Spencer said quietly, and neither of them said anything for a moment. Briefly, it occurred to Ava that maybe if she didn’t elaborate, stopped denying it, perhaps Spencer  _ would  _ just leave it alone and she wouldn’t have to worry about it all. She could go back to pretending that leaving behind what had once been the most important part of her life had just been about something as ordinary as studies, moving to high school, growing up. But then, something akin to realisation crept into Spencer’s eyes, something that made Ava seize up, breath leaving her in a rush. He couldn’t know. She’d promised herself she’d never tell him, she’d never tell anyone, she hadn’t mentioned it for  _ years _ until Thanksgiving, and - 

Spencer tilted his head to one side, stepping forward, back towards her. “Ava,” he said, voice soft, but only amplifying the sudden, uncontrollable fear that had taken over Ava’s entire body, heart pounding in her chest, grip tightening on the ball in her hands. “Aves, when … when did you first figure out you were gay?”

And there it was.

She shifted, snapped her eyes shut in a desperate attempt to hide her expression and immediately knew Spencer had seen the way every muscle in her body had tensed, knuckles going white. Because unlike Ali, who had been too young to understand at the time, and Layla, who probably hadn’t even noticed, Spencer would  _ know _ . He had to remember hearing the same whispers that terrified Ava going around school, seeing the way other girls whispered and laughed and joked behind people’s backs, would’ve been aware what the other rich kids in town were like, how narrow minded they could be. 

He would’ve  _ seen  _ all of it. And if he had actually been here, he would’ve known back then without Ava even having to say anything.

(He should’ve known that his little sister might need him, a voice in her head reminded her, cold and bitter and far too familiar.  _ And he ran away anyway _ .)

Spencer’s expression was unreadable, and he sighed. “Why, Aves?” he asked quietly, voice barely a whisper. “Why’d you quit?” Ava bit her lip, shaking her head slightly. She couldn’t. She couldn’t do this right now. It was coming up on exam season and graduation and Sara was just in the house and she had enough shit going on with her family and she needed Ava there to support  _ her _ , not the other way round (even as a voice in Ava’s head reminded her of her own hypocrisy in thinking that; just because they were together didn’t mean they weren’t allowed to still need each other to talk through the other less than perfect parts of their lives.) 

But even still. Even if it had been a better place, a better time - Ava couldn’t have this conversation with Spencer, not today, not right now, preferably, not  _ ever _ . She couldn’t tell him. She wasn’t ready, and he would be so upset. He’d always wanted to be here for her, she knew that, and he hadn’t realised back when he was still a rebellious 17 year old how much he was about to leave behind.

But he’d left Ava alone with a family who she was convinced would hate her (and who for a while after she came out,  _ did  _ hate her), before she even had a chance to ask him for help. And he hadn’t visited, not for nearly two years, and even then he’d only stayed a few days. A few days, where they had no chance of ever properly reconnecting, and she hadn’t been able to get enough time with him alone, no matter how much she needed to. 

She’d ended up coming out to him on the phone barely an hour before she talked to the rest of her family, and had spent another two hours on the phone crying to Nora over how disappointing and underwhelming it had been. 

“Ava,” said Spencer, eyes wide and voice gentle and earnest that made Ava suddenly so inexplicably furious. “Aves, why didn’t you talk to me?” 

It was like something inside of Ava snapped, something that had been tightly coiled and holding in five years worth of bitterness and resentment and anger and confusion and loneliness, and for one, overwhelming moment, white hot rage flooded through Ava’s whole body faster than she could control.

“Because you  _ left  _ Spencer!” 

 

She didn’t mean to let it slip. She could see the painful understanding dawning on him, could hear his breath leaving in a rush as the words lay heavy in the suffocatingly humid early May air, the uncharacteristic anger hanging in the air between them, thick and heavy and unbearable.

Ava’s hands shook and she dropped the ball she was holding, shoving her hands roughly into her pockets a millisecond too late to stop Spencer from noticing. The sound of the ball bouncing loudly on the concrete driveway was near deafening in the sudden silence between them.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak, and Ava almost forgot how to breathe.

So she left.

And God, that irony hurt like a bitch.

 

* * *

  
  


Ava slammed her bedroom door behind her, immediately locking it and sucking in a sharp breath of air as she tried to ignore the coiling nausea and unease in the base of her stomach. Sara was lying on her bed, very halfheartedly flicking through a Social Studies textbook. It’d been three days since Laurel’s fight with Dinah, and Ava had loved every moment of Sara staying at her house, and it was times like right now that she was extra grateful for it. There was something about the way Sara just  _ being here _ took the edge off every growing ember of anxiety that Ava had felt since Spencer first made his absent minded comment outside, and Ava wasn’t quite sure what she would’ve done if she’d had to come back up here to an empty room. Sara looked up as soon as she heard Ava enter the room, her eyebrows furrowing with concern when she caught the expression on Ava’s face. 

“Ava…?” 

“Don’t,” Ava choked out, snapping her eyes shut. From downstairs, she heard the click of the front door close and panic clawed at her throat. She needed to  _ not  _ talk to Spencer right now, to at least have a  _ bit  _ of time to avoid the conversation she’d become convinced she would never have to have. 

“Ava,” Sara repeated, swinging her legs off the bed and crossing the room in a flash. “Aves, babe, what’s wrong?” 

“Not yet,” pleaded Ava, shutting her eyes and desperately trying not to let the burning tears in her eyes fall, especially when she felt Sara’s hands slide comfortingly up her arms. “I just … I need a minute okay? Let me go shower and … and I’ll explain soon.” 

“Are you okay?” asked Sara softly, her thumbs rubbing featherlight circles at Ava’s elbow. “You can talk to me.” 

“I know,” said Ava quickly, almost instinctively drifting closer, closer to the sound of Sara’s voice. “I will. I  _ want  _ to. I just need to clear my head.” 

Sara hummed, and Ava felt the ringing in her head quieten when Sara’s lips were suddenly pressed against hers, Ava’s entire body relaxing against the door. She sighed into the kiss, unable to stop the almost involuntarily laugh that slipped past her lips when Sara lightly tickled Ava’s sides. 

“Stop,” Ava half-laughed, half-rasped. 

“Only if you promise to talk to me later,” murmured Sara, kissing Ava again before pulling back a fraction. 

Ava’s heart had slowed significantly (almost ironically, considering how close Sara was to her), and even as she heard Spencer moving around downstairs, knew that seeing him at some point over the evening and confronting him sometime during the next few days was inevitable. “I promise,” she said in barely a whisper. “As long as you’re here, I’ll always talk to you about anything.” She finally opened her eyes, and Sara was smiling comfortingly, reassuringly. 

“Go shower then,” she said, leaning in again to kiss Ava’s cheek. “I’ll be here.”  

 

* * *

 

It was easier to believe that she hadn’t irreparably fucked up the tentative ground her and Spencer’s current relationship was built on, being around Sara. Ava managed to shower and return to her room without running into anyone in her family (and she strongly suspected that Spencer was staying downstairs purposefully; he knew her all too well, knew that she would need space to sort her thoughts out before they talked about any of this, before Ava was forced to dive back into something she’d tried very hard over the past five years to forget). Thankfully, nobody else in the family tried to come talk to them either. Ava knew Ali and Layla somewhat suspected why Sara was staying with them - they both followed Laurel on instagram, and they’d both been as shocked as the rest of Star City at Laurel’s post earlier in the week. Ali had cornered Ava in the bathroom that first night Sara had stayed, demanding to know whether Ava had known about this all year, whether Laurel was okay now, whether this was why Sara was staying. Ava also assumed her parents had heard through the grapevine of Star City gossip, and were decidedly not pushing either her or Sara for any explanation of why Sara needed to be away from her house for this many days, hence why they were also letting Ava have her girlfriend upstairs behind closed doors with absolutely no reservations whatsoever. Although right now, she was more grateful for that for her  _ own  _ sake rather than Sara’s, because it meant getting to spend a good half hour distracting herself in cuddling into Sara’s side watching Brooklyn Nine Nine (and maybe also getting distracted in Sara’s lips a few too many times, but that was also fine). 

Ava had spent enough years navigating Barbara’s unnerving comments and Layla’s snide remarks over dinner times to know exactly how to pretend that everything was smooth sailing between her and Spencer. She knew exactly how to let herself get tugged into conversations with Ali, with her dad, with Sara, how to interact with Spencer just enough that nobody suspected something had happened, but to avoid talking to him any longer than would lead them into their unavoidable, looming conversation. Sara was perfect (unsurprisingly), tangling her fingers in Ava’s under the table if she ever seemed too tense, quickly changing topic and dragging Ava into it to divert topics of conversation in a different direction. 

So by the time Ava ended up side by side with Spencer at the kitchen sink doing the dinner dishes, somehow, she managed to find it in herself not to flee from the confrontation. Spencer had never seemed older and more far away than he did right now, tall and tanned and fitter than Ava could remember him, so different from the slightly shallow, popular, delinquent of a teenager Ava still pictured him as. And she loved having him back, she  _ did _ , but she had purposefully kept that  _ one thing _ a secret for a reason. Sara had been the only person she’d properly told about why she quit basketball - the  _ true  _ reason behind all of it - and of everyone who Ava had ever considered telling, Spencer was the last person on that list. She knew he’d take it to heart, knew he’d blame himself, knew that it would change everything about his leaving five years ago and Ava barely knew how the hell to act around Spencer  _ now _ , let alone with this information out in the open between them. 

(She guessed this was how Sara must’ve felt with the whole Laurel thing earlier in the week.) 

And God, Ava was scared. She was scared of what Spencer thought of her now, scared that maybe he was angry that she had to go and make everything harder than it already was between them, scared that having this conversation would lead to possibly finding out  _ why  _ Spencer left in the first place (or more specifically, possibly finding out that the reason was  _ her. _ ) 

But as Spencer grabbed a tea towel, took the bowl from Ava’s hands and started to dry it, he shot her a gentle, sidelong smile. It was a little unsure, tentative, but genuine, and it made Ava’s entire body unfold with relief, made the suffocating pressure on her lungs lessen and she finally felt like she could breathe again. 

“X-men marathon tonight?” asked Spencer, nudging her shoulder. “Ali claims she can finally stay awake through more than 2 of the movies at a time.” 

Ava snorted. “That’s unlikely.” 

Spencer grinned. “Yeah, I know. But I bet her 20 bucks and I can’t wait to see her face when I wake her up during the final scene of X2.”

Ava chuckled, swallowing a little as she rinsed the soap suds off of the plate in her hands. “Can … can Sara join us?” 

Spencer’s eyes flickered with something unreadable. “Yeah Aves, of course. You don’t need to ask.” 

Ava nodded. “Okay. Thanks Spence.” 

 

They didn’t  _ talk  _ about it that night. It was okay though, because Ava definitely wasn’t ready, and something told her that Spencer wasn’t ready to face any of this either. Ali predictably fell asleep halfway through the second movie, while Robert retired to bed after third, Sara falling asleep on Ava soon after the fourth began and Spencer and Ava finally deciding to call it quits when they reached the fifth. 

Sara finally headed home later the next afternoon too (although she did sneak into Ava’s bedroom early that morning, slip under the covers so they could just lie there for a couple of hours, dozing and talking in soft, sleepy murmurs, fingers and ankles tangled under the sheets as the morning sunlight peered in through the gap in the curtains). Ava tried not to overhear the conversation Barbara pulled Sara aside to have, but she did catch the words  _ you’ve always got a home here if you need it _ , and something achingly warm and soothing spread within Ava’s chest. 

“Text me after you talk to Laurel,” said Ava gently, pulling the car over in front of the Lance house. “Or call. Or come over. Chances are everyone in the house will miss you by then.” 

Sara laughed, leaning across the gear shift to kiss Ava’s jaw. “Thanks. I will. Do one of those things, I mean, calling being the most likely.” She reached over, squeezing Ava’s knee. “Call me after you talk to Spencer too, okay? This means a lot to you both, I know it’ll go alright.” 

Ava smiled, a little uncertainly, a little amusedly. “Ditto,” she said softly. 

 

It was a few days before they did talk about it. Spencer was booked catching up with old Star City friends, Ava had study dates planned with Sara and the other legends, she and Gary had time allocated to go with Nora for her information session on what she should expect with the upcoming Damien Darhk trial - 

For those few days, Ava wondered if perhaps her brief altercation with Spencer would be buried and forgotten in the mountains of happenings that seemed to be accumulating in both their lives. Star City had a way of doing that. But as the week drew to a close, Ava finally found a day where she could breathe for a few hours, just have some time by herself, studying alone in her room like she was so used to doing, listening vaguely to Layla’s endless conversation down the hall with her current boyfriend Kyle, to Ali’s preppy early 2000’s pop playlist, to the sound of Robert tinkering in the garage, audible through Ava’s open window. It was then that a quiet knock on Ava’s door drew Ava out of her focused trance, and she glanced over her shoulder to see Spencer leaning against her door frame. 

“Can I hang out in here for a bit?” he asked, sliding his hands in his pockets. 

Ava didn’t know where the small burst of courage came from, but it was suddenly there, and she smiled a little wryly as she said “You mean can we talk about that thing we’ve been avoiding for four days.” 

Surprise flashed across Spencer’s face before he laughed a little sheepishly, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. “Yeah,” he admitted. “That.” He walked over, flopped onto the bed beside her and let his eyes trail over the carefully scribbled notes along the margins of Ava’s textbooks. “I can come back if you’re studying.” 

“I’m studying because I have nothing else to do,” promised Ava, wincing when she heard just what that sounded like in her own head. “God I’m a nerd.” 

Spencer laughed loudly. “I’m not even gonna try dispute that.” 

“Hey!”

Spencer just grinned, helping Ava push her study materials away slightly so they could both fit comfortably on the bed. There was a few moments of quiet, a little too silent and maybe a bit awkward, hesitant, filled with the lost five years that seemed like an absolute chasm between them. Ava knew that the next words either of them spoke would be about  _ that _ , and she didn’t want to have to be the one to say it, so she waited. To her immense relief, Spencer seemed to take the cue. He sighed shakily, his gaze careful as it took in the all too familiar view out of Ava’s windows, before he finally seemed to find his voice. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly, shuffling slightly closer and rolling onto his side so he could look Ava in the eyes. She swallowed, words forming fractured, broken sentences in her head. She’d planned this conversation over and over again for the past 5 years, but even now, her thoughts kept catching and tangling into a mess she could never imagine attempting to untangle, even after days of anticipating talking about this with Spencer.

Spencer waited, eyes open and understanding in a way they hadn’t been when they’d first talked about this, giving Ava the time to think about his question or back out if she really didn’t want to answer. Ava let out a shaky breath, eyes flickering over to meet Spencer’s before finding their way back to the ceiling. “I was going to,” she admitted. “I really was, but I wasn’t ready - I wasn’t even  _ sure _ .” Her words caught in her throat. “God, I’d only just started thinking about it that same year. All the rumours around school, people starting to talk about crushes and throwing the word  _ lesbian  _ around like it was some kind of insult. I was so fucking scared Spence, because I’d heard stuff that Mom’s family said at Christmas, I remembered the sermons at church sometimes and all those rumours and stereotypes the other 12 year old girls gossipped about - sporty, muscled, butch girls being gay because they didn’t  _ act  _ like girls and because they didn’t wear dresses and makeup. And I’d always hated all that stuff, always played basketball with you and Dad but I felt sick to my stomach hearing all my classmates talk about this stuff because I didn’t want it to be me.” 

“Ava …” he started softly, eyes full of remorse, but Ava shook her head, closing her eyes so she didn’t have to make eye contact. 

“It was supposed to be you,” she said, rolling onto her back and slinging her arm over her face because she could feel her already pretty terrible poker face crumbling. “I was always going to tell you first Spencer, because you’re  _ you _ ; I knew you’d still love me. Or at least I was trying to convince myself that I knew you would. But I was always going to tell you later that year, and I was trying to psych myself up for it, slowly figure out  _ what  _ exactly I was - what it all meant, you know. But then  … then all of a sudden you were leaving, and I didn’t have time to decide what to do because I thought I had all the time in the world to work up the courage to tell you and I hadn’t thought that far ahead, not really. It just - it felt like the ground had been ripped out from under my feet because I  _ needed _ you and then you were  _ gone _ and I -”

She sucked in another shaky breath, keeping her eyes closed and hoping Spencer couldn’t see the tears building. She’d promised herself a long, long time ago that she wouldn’t tell him this because neither of them could change anything about it and it always,  _ always _ hurt to think about. 

An arm brushing gently against hers brought her out of her thoughts, reluctantly opening her eyes and glancing across at Spencer. It hurt how unfamiliar the eyes staring back at her seemed, even though she’d known them for as long as she could remember. She supposed that was what five years did to a relationship, especially five years that had held  _ so  _ much change for both of them. Ava had just been a kid when Spencer left - barely a teenager - and Spencer had still  _ been  _ a teenager when he left town. Not even eighteen yet. Now though. Now Ava was just weeks away from graduating high school and Spencer was in his twenties. An adult in every legal way. They’d changed so much and there was so much distance between them, so much they didn’t know about each other despite having once been each other’s favourite person in the world. 

“You what, Aves?” Spencer asked in a barely audible whisper, almost holding his breath.

Ava bit her lip, forcing herself to hold his gaze. She watched the hurt she was causing flicker across Spencer’s expression as she mumbled “I uh … I thought that … that maybe you were leaving because you didn’t care. Or because of you having to keep the adoption a secret and you not wanting that responsibility anymore. Or because I wasn’t good enough, or because I quit basketball and that was what you really cared about, or maybe I was too clingy and was just your dumb little sister who you didn’t actually want hanging around you all the time and you just wanted some space away from me and -

“Ava,” Spencer interrupted, and though his voice was thick with unshed tears, it was firm and clearly non-negotiable as he said, softer, “stop thinking.” He reached out to take her hand, squeezing it just as tightly as she remembered him doing when they were little kids and he knew exactly how to gently ease her away from the nagging, anxious thoughts that would worm their way into her head. The action was so grounding for a second, so familiar and comforting that Ava felt the suffocating panic ebb away just a little. Spencer tugged her hand a little so that Ava would roll over to face him. “Ava, I’d change everything if I could,” he said in a rush, words coated in regret. 

“You shouldn’t have to,” Ava responded  automatically, just as quietly. “You shouldn’t have  _ to change  _ anything Spencer, you had every right to go live your own life. I would much rather that than you ending up resenting me for holding you back.” She purposefully made a point to not look in his direction because she knew if she did, she might cave in, might let her tears fall and admit that she’d needed him to stay more desperately than she’d ever needed anything back then, that she’d needed someone in her family she could trust and rely on and who’d be  _ here.  _

Spencer sighed, sitting up on letting his gaze drift around the room. It had changed a lot since he was last here a couple of years ago. After Spencer had moved out, Layla had claimed his room, Ali taking Layla’s old room and Ali’s tiny (not so great bedroom having been the youngest) became the room for Spencer’s stuff, or a second guest bedroom if all the others were used up. When the rooms had switched around, Ali had insisted on Ava doing a massive redecoration because she was the only one who didn’t get to move into a different bedroom, so Ava had ended up going into a high school with a newly painted, newly organised space to come home to, and it’d felt good. It’d been something that wasn’t suddenly missing Spencer, something that was  _ Ava’s  _ room and Ava’s alone. It had evolved slightly as Ava herself had changed over these past years from her sports focused persona to who she was now, the SCHS valedictorian going to Brown on scholarship. But it was only now that it occurred to her that Spencer didn’t quite know where he fit in this space anymore, a space he could barely recognise since he’d last spent an extended period of time here. 

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes shifting to rest on the framed photo of him, Ava and Ali on Ava’s bedside table. A fond, familiar smile crossed his face, even as a sad nostalgia tinged his gaze. “I know I didn’t  _ have  _ to Ava,” he said quietly, “but you’re my _ sister. _ You’ve always been my sister, and somehow I got it into my brain that I was always gonna look out for you, and that didn’t just change suddenly. I don’t know  _ how  _ I didn’t think about it Aves, I guess - I dunno. By senior year, I just had it with Mom and Dad. I’d had enough with this whole city and Layla was becoming this annoying teenager I really couldn’t stand and you’d said you were quitting basketball and so I figured it was now or never if I wanted to just get out of here. But god, I thought about you so often during basic training and my first deployment. I could tell you were mad and upset that I just up and decided to leave, that I’d barely given you any time to get used to it before I just vanished and all I wanted was to go back and do it properly. Make sure you  _ knew  _ that I wasn’t just abandoning you. I would’ve - and still would - do anything for you Aves and …  I really, honestly wish I could have a chance to redo everything. Maybe I wouldn’t’ve stayed, but I’d have called more, and texted you to make sure you knew you weren’t alone. Even after you came out, I know I wasn’t there for you. Not enough. If I could do it again, I would’ve done this all so much better.”

Ava didn’t respond, couldn’t manage to force any words past the lump in her throat, and after a moment Spencer took a deep breath, shifting ever so slightly closer until his arm was brushing against hers, wanting to offer some form of comfort but not knowing how to cross the distance between them after all these years away. “So … yeah. I know this apology is far too late, but I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, especially when they reacted badly to you coming out.”

Ava blinked.

Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and she knew it was past time they had this conversation, but ... still. She hadn’t expected it. It wasn’t as if she didn’t  _ know _ Spencer was sorry - she’d known he’d hate himself for leaving the moment she admitted why it mattered so much to her, why she’d tried to hold onto him so tightly at the airport, terrified of losing the one person in her family she felt safe with at the time. She’d  _ known _ the truth would hurt him, and he’d want to make amends. 

She might not know him like she used to, but he was still _ Spencer _ . He was still the big brother who used to sneak into her room with ice cream after her bedtime, the brother who’d sit next to her in church and promise her she could change out of the dress she’d been forced into the moment they got home, the brother who used to accidentally order basketball shirts too small so he had an excuse to give them to Ava, because he knew Barbara would never buy them for her. 

He was still the brother who’d apologised for leaving and tried to call her over and over again in the first few weeks after he left, no matter how many times she declined his calls.

It was one of the reasons she’d kept how much she’d needed him a secret until now - no matter how much she’d talked about telling him with Sara, and Nora, and Zari. Because … he didn’t have anything to apologise for. Not really. He hadn’t known how much she needed him, he hadn’t known how their parents would react, and she hadn’t made any effort to reach out for him afterwards. This wasn’t just on him. ( _ It’s not on you either,  _ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Sara reminded her, just like she always did.)

Just like she had when Ava had first opened up about this in the back of Mick’s truck at the start of the year, a little too cold and a little too reckless, but knowing that if she fell, people would be there to catch her.  _ Sara _ would be there to catch her. Sara would be there to hold her hand and pull her close and run one hand softly through her hair, brushing her lips gently against the top of her head, making everything a little less overwhelming, a little easier to bear.

Just like she had earlier, when Ava had come back into her room after arguing with Spencer, shaking and unsettled and needing someone to calm her down. Ava smiled slightly, glancing over to where Spencer was lying beside her on the bed, eyes fixed on her face because he couldn’t quite trust her voice, not anymore. 

“It was okay,” she breathed, so soft he nearly missed it. She glanced in his direction, meeting his eyes for the briefest second before looking back up to the ceiling, mind flooding with memories of lying here for hours on end, talking and crying and laughing and falling quicker than she ever could’ve imagined. “I had Sara.”

She didn’t look over to see his reaction. Part of her wanted to, desperately, but she knew he’d be able to hear the weight behind her words and she couldn’t - she didn’t - 

Not yet. Spencer raised an eyebrow, and Ava shivered. 

The silence between them stretched, and Ava’s fingers began to tingle, itching to reach out, to find something ( _ Sara) _ to hold on to. Spencer let out the breath he was holding, smile audible as he rolled over, watching every single emotion imaginable flicker over his sister's face before quietly asking “She makes you happy?”

Ava’s breath caught in her throat and she froze, the fingers of her left hand finding the bracelet around her wrist and spinning it absentmindedly, the outline of the small, silver heart Sara had chosen imprinting on her thumb.  _ She makes you happy. _

He’d phrased it like a question, but it wasn’t. He’d seen them. She knew he’d seen them - at the anniversary party, spinning each other around until they couldn’t quite see straight, leaning into each other and slipping their arms around each other’s waists. He’d seen them the morning after, so, so completely distracted by each other, zoning out of conversations when their fingers brushed under the table, eyes flickering down to each other’s lips but still just about holding back from whatever this was becoming. 

He’d seen them over the last few days, seen the way Sara had held her hand when she got overwhelmed and stroked her thumb across Ava’s skin to calm her down, seen the way she’d been there after they fought and managed to keep Ava level headed, distracting her when she wanted to be distracted and diverting conversations that could make her uncomfortable.

Spencer might’ve only been back for a few weeks, but whatever had shifted between her and Sara over those weeks - it wasn't subtle.

So of course he knew.

Ava let out the breath she was holding, meeting Spencer’s eyes and letting her lips curl up into a smile, making no attempt to hide the light blush creeping across her cheeks. “I’m so in love with her Spence, you have no idea.”

_ I’m in love with her smile _ , she thought about adding, but laughed softly instead, running one hand through her hair.  _ I’m in love with her eyes, with her freckles, her lips. I’m in love with the way she texts me when she knows I’m having a rough time, the way she’s always here when I need her, the way she smooths down my hair and tells me she cares, and that she’s there, and that things will work out. I’m in love with the way she makes me feel - like I’m the most beautiful thing she’s ever laid eyes on, like I matter.  _

_ I love that I’m hers. _

Spencer snorted, nudging her shoulder, and Ava felt her cheeks heat up as she realised she’d let herself get distracted  _ again.  _ She just - she didn’t seem to be able to help it. How could anyone, when Sara was … well,  _ Sara _ . 

“Look at you,” Spencer said softly, smile almost as wide as hers. His eyes twinkled as he nudged her again, grin playful and entertained by how flustered she was but still brimming with affection. “You’re all grown up.”

Ava ducked her head down to hide her smile, trying her hardest not to let on how fast her heart was beating in her chest. Sara always did this to her. Even when she wasn’t here, she somehow managed to make her world spin. Ava reached out to slip her hand into Spencer’s like she used to when they were kids - and even though they were bigger, grown up, with callouses in unfamiliar places and fingers that didn’t quite fit together as well as they used to - it felt  _ right _ . Ava smiled. “Yeah, maybe,” she agreed softly, voice just as quiet as his had been, and no less affectionate. “I still need my big brother though.”

Spencer nudged her shoulder with his. “You’ve still got him Aves.” 

 

* * *

 

_ Aves <3 <3 _

**iMessage** ****  
(Sara Lance) **  
** **Friday**

**_8:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** did you talk to spencer?

  
**_8:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did you talk to Laurel?

  
**_8:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you first ;-)

  
**_8:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fiiiiine

  
**_8:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It was good

  
**_8:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hard but good

  
**_8:13pm:_ ** ****_  
_ I don’t think I realised how badly   
I actually needed to have that    
conversation 

  
**_8:13pm:_ ** ****_  
_ Or how long I’ve been WAITING   
to have that conversation

  
**_8:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** honestly get you

  
**_8:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah? How was your talk with Laurel?

  
**_8:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** good 

  
**_8:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** there was much crying involved

  
**_8:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh no Sara <3

  
**_8:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** no no in a good way

  
**_8:16pm:_ ** ****_  
_ she was scared she fucked up by telling   
mom and dad what she did and i really   
needed to tell her that she did the right   
thing, it was just a right thing that i never   
quite envisioned playing out the way it did

  
**_8:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What now? With your mom and dad?

  
**_8:17pm:_ ** ****_  
_ if we’re being honest, i don’t think me   
and mom will talk about it again

  
**_8:17pm:_ ** ****_  
_ i say again as though we’ve talked abt   
it at all lmao

  
**_8:18pm:_ ** ****_  
_ idk there’s just no grounds to really   
have that conversation 

  
**_8:18pm:_ ** ****_  
_ but her KNOWING is something, it’s   
enough for me right now and i’ll take   
it 

  
**_8:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** And your dad?

  
**_8:19pm:_ ** ****_  
_ we’re hanging out tomorrow, just the two   
of us. we’ll probably end up talking abt it   
then i guess? It’s almost harder for him bc   
it was never intentional and he would never   
want me to feel like this at all and he probs   
feels so fucking bad

  
**_8:19pm:_ ** ****_  
_ That’s good though, because it means that   
as soon as he understands just how much all   
of it got to you, he’ll actually make an effort   
not to ever do it again

  
**_8:20pm:_ ** ****_  
_ yeah, I know. and i don’t think it’s gonna    
change a lot

  
**_8:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** not really

  
**_8:20pm:_ ** ****_  
_ but at least neither of them can use the   
excuse that they didn’t know

  
**_8:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Exactly

  
**_8:21pm:_ ** ****_  
_ hey so you can never tell anyone i said this   
and i know i saw you today but i miss ur voice

  
**_8:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and falling asleep down the hall from you

  
**_8:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Give me 5 minutes and I’ll call you <3

  
**_8:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** fucking hell we’re nauseating i hate us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey so at the risk of sounding shitty (this isnt us being shitty, this is a general fic writing psa); 
> 
> pls don't stop commenting just bc they've gotten together now. there's still a pretty good chunk of this story to come and we're so excited to finally write them soft and dating and what both you and we have waited like, 270k for. we're grateful for every single inch and word and illegible keyboard smash of support, but it kinda sucks when you're feeling so unbelievably motivated during the slowburn bc everyone seems super excited, but the interaction level drops once the slow burn is over. there's still a story to be a told, a story we're super proud of and we want you guys to still be excited about it! even if you just say one thing you liked from the chapter, or one thing you wanna see in the next chapter, it gives us motivation for finding the time in our insane lives to chug out another 8-13k chapter in a week. 
> 
> we love all of u so so very much & we're so grateful to anyone who has at any point expressed any form of support during this insane journey of a fic! we just hope that we can still have some support in this last stretch towards the end? <3 
> 
> oh and just btw. next chapter? it's prom time ;-)


	30. hold on to the memories (they will hold on to you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sara looked beautiful. Not that it should’ve been a surprise, - Ava had lost count of the number of times she’d had that exact thought over the last few months - it was just … there was something about the way she looked tonight, standing on Ava’s doorstep like she had at the start of the year but this time smiling softly, hair cascading gently over one shoulder, light waves brushing against the freckles dusting her collarbones and drawing Ava in, distracting her enough that she almost forgot about her mom standing right next to her with her camera already in hand. (She knew, really, what was making tonight special. She knew why it felt different to everything that had come before, she knew what had added that extra something to whatever was going on between them - tonight, Sara was hers.)"
> 
> OR
> 
> this chapter is a rollercoaster: a million and one different important conversations, but let's just entice you with IT'S SENIOR PROM EVERYBODY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so super sorry that this chapter is late you guys!! it's been an insane week (it's been an insane Few Weeks but somehow this chapter was the one that got caught in the middle of it all). rach is sick, studying for exams & still doing that whole Socialising With Family While At Home For The Holidays thing, while i'm working most days in the week, have an essay due in like 5 days, a 400 page historical novel to read and classes for my summer papers restart on monday so we've both kind of been disasters on the keeping up with our writing schedule front this week. it's harder bc we're writing week to week now without any buffers, but thankfully, this chapter's only a day late! 
> 
> to make up for it: enjoy the fact that it is, and i count, 19,337 words. 60 pages. we hit the limit on our previous google doc for how much we had written and had to start a new one this chapter. truth be told, we probably should've chopped half of this and put it into ch 31 but there's So Much good stuff coming, we didn't wanna delay it and we wanted to get what we'd written out there already (even if it's gonna make it harder for us next week, whoops). also! you guys might have noticed that we've finally put an end chapter count on the fic: currently, we're estimating that we'll have 36 chapters, the last of which will probably be an epilogue. the rating of the fic will not change at any point; we're not comfortable posting smut at this stage but keep an eye out on either twitter or tumblr bc if we do change our minds about that, it will almost definitely get posted on another platform (probs tumblr)
> 
> ANYWAY. enjoy this beast of a chapter. it kinda sucked our souls dry for a while there, but now we're just super proud of it and very emotional about all the characters and how far they've come by this chapter. we're also very emotional about all of you guys. thanks for showing all your love last chapter, it made a very very long week bearable and is the reason this chapter is making it to you in the length that it is <3 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from new year's day by taylor swift)

They’d been dating less than two weeks, but even so Sara pulling Ava upstairs and into her room would never stop feeling special - even if she was just here to study. While Sara dumped her bag on the chair by her desk and started to unpack her books, piling the things they’d need onto the desk, Ava wandered over to the bed, intending on kicking off her shoes and sinking down onto the mattress to wait for Sara to change into something more comfortable. Instead, she reached for the package that was lying neatly at the end of the bed, holding it up so Sara could see it. “Hey - what’s this?”

Sara glanced over her shoulder, and then shrugged. “I dunno. You can open it if you want.”

Ava ran her finger over the edge of the package, fiddling with the tape. “You sure?”

Sara nodded, already pulling her jeans off and reaching into her wardrobe for some sweats, so Ava slipped her finger under the tape and carefully tore the parcel open, pulling out a white soccer jersey, LANCE written in bold, light brown letters above a number 7.

Oh.

For college.

Because at the end of summer, Ava was going to go to Brown, and Sara was going …

It hit Ava suddenly that in the insanity and distractions since the district champs game, she hadn’t found the time to ask Sara what college she’d chosen. (Though that was sort of a lie; the one thing that had made this relationship less than perfect so far was _this_ \- the looming thought that by the end of the summer, it wouldn’t be the same, it would either be over or subject to long distance, none of which were particularly comforting thoughts and so Ava had pointedly avoided focusing on it too much.) But knowing her luck, Sara would probably end up on the other side of the country, and Ava had _known_ this would happen, in her late nights spent worrying about it endlessly, lying sleepless in bed thinking about the feeling of Sara’s lips against hers and wondering just how long she had until she couldn’t take it for granted anymore. She’d been so scared this would end up as one of those cliche high school romances, doomed to fail the moment they left school, and … she wasn’t ready to lose Sara. (Not again.)

She wasn’t ready for _any_ of her friends to live more than a twenty minute drive away, but Sara …

Ava swallowed, placing the jersey back down on the bed, letting her eyes drift over to the letter that’d arrived too. She wasn’t going to read it. She’d never been one to pry, not like Ali or Layla, and she had literally opened her mouth to tell Sara to come open the rest of the package for herself when her eyes suddenly caught sight of the logo on the top right hand corner of the page. Something invisible curled around her heart and tugged it down into her stomach and Ava moved on autopilot to grab the letter with shaking hands.

No way.

It couldn’t be. She knew that logo. She’d had that crest printed out and sketched into the back of her yearly planner from the age of 15. She’d imagined what it would be like to receive an acceptance letter with that emblem on it, she _remembered_ the feeling of absolute overjoyed, ecstatic happiness when she _did_ receive an acceptance letter with that emblem on it.

Desperately, Ava unfolded the letter, her eyes scanning the opening lines of the first paragraph. Her heart bounced back into her chest but she was pretty sure that for a second, it thudded to a momentary halt.

 

_Congratulations, and welcome to the Brown University soccer scholarship programme Miss Lance!_

 

Sara’s back was still turned from Ava as she rifled through her wardrobe to grab a change of clothes. “What was in the package babe?”

“You’re going to Brown?” Ava blurted out before she could stop herself and think about a better way to phrase it.

Sara let out a yelp as she spun around, still trying to force one leg into her sweats and almost overbalancing in her shock. She managed to catch herself, hastily shoving her sweatpants up to her hips and slamming her wardrobe door shut before she even grabbed a change of shirt. Ava immediately looked back down to the letter, trying to avoid mindlessly staring at the sight of Sara standing before her in just sweatpants and a bralette. Instead, she found herself reading the first line over and over again, still not quite believing it, even when Sara took a hesitant step closer, uncertainty flickering through her eyes. Ava nodded towards the jersey on the bed, and watched as Sara’s eyes widened. “Your uniform arrived.”

For a moment, Sara was distracted by the jersey, her jaw dropping in what seemed like astonishment and awe and the briefest second of brimming, overjoyed excitement before she hurriedly tampered down her reaction and turned back to Ava. Before Ava could even _think_ about what the hell to say, - her mind was whirring at a hundred miles an hour, on an endless repeat of _you and Sara are going to the same school, you don’t have to break up at the end of summer_ \- Sara was talking, her words hurried and rushed and panicked.

“I should’ve told you, I know, I’m so sorry. It was just - when I was thinking about it, I kept circling back to Brown because God, you were right to have it as your dream school - it’s so _good_ , it’s got such good classes, the history program seems so cool and the soccer scholarship they were offering me was amazing and the team is so highly ranked in the Ivy League standings right now and Z’s gonna be going to Harvard which isn’t too far away really, and we’ll get to play against each other too and Mick and Wally will be in Central City and Ray’s gonna be at MIT which is as close as Z will be - like an hour away - and Nate’s nearby too and it’s all close enough to Star City that I can drive back and see my dad as often as I want and I … it just seemed like the best choice. It made the most sense.”

Ava took a second to let Sara’s words sink in, for those same reassurances to suddenly calm her own worries about college starting. Sara was right. It wasn’t as bad as Ava had thought - she wasn’t suddenly leaving all her friends behind. Just as, if not more importantly, she wasn’t leaving _Sara_ behind.

“So,” she said slowly, raising an eyebrow, “you made that decision completely objectively? Us ending up at the same school was entirely a coincidence?”

There was a beat, before Sara groaned, hanging her head to pointedly avoid Ava’s gaze. “No. Fuck, of course not Aves. Those … all those things were true - _are_ true - but they were also just ways to convince myself that I wasn’t deciding which college I wanted to go to for a girl. For … for _you._ ” She glanced up hesitantly, and Ava realised with a jolt that she looked just as - if not more - nervous as she had after the district champs game, moments before the TV’s had flared to life and she’d asked Ava to prom. She shrugged. “I dunno Aves. After I got my acceptances, every time I thought about where I was gonna go and the friends I was gonna make and who was gonna be cheering me on during my games and who I’d come crying to when I was stressed and who would help me study for tests or whose room I’d sneak into when I was annoyed at my roommate and who I wanted to go on spontaneous adventures with … all I wanted was you. I couldn’t imagine any of it without you.”

Ava’s throat was dry with astonishment, her heart pumping in erratically in her chest. “When?” she asked, her voice a little hoarse. “When did you decide?”

Sara’s expression was unreadable before it wavered and fell into something resembling defeat. She sighed. “Three days before we stopped talking,” she murmured.

Ava couldn’t help the soft “Sara” that slipped past her lips, and Sara almost immediately shook her head, lifting her eyes to meet Ava’s.

“I was planning to surprise you somehow,” she said in a small voice. “I wasn’t sure how but … but then we had the fight and I didn’t know why you were mad but you _were_ and I couldn’t stand the thought of making you more angry with me by … I dunno, taking away any chance you had to _escape_ being around me by choosing the same college.” Ava opened her mouth to interrupt but Sara couldn’t seem to stop now, just mowing right over her. “And I called Brown and asked if I could take back my scholarship, I called so many other schools asking if I still could accept their offers but it would have been this whole big process and I just didn’t have the energy at the time so I thought that hey, Brown’s a big school, maybe it’ll be okay.”

Ava’s eyes dropped back to the letter in her hands. She didn’t know what to think. She’d accepted that regardless, she and Sara wouldn’t be at the same college next year, that maybe their relationship would have to end after the summer because long distance was a _bitch_. In fact, Ava had only just started to revel in what they had right now, trying not to think about not knowing how long it would last. But now …

Now there was _four years_ ahead of them that they’d get to spend _together_ and Ava was more than a little overwhelmed by how ecstatic she was that she couldn’t even bring herself to react. It didn’t occur to her that her silence would be unreadable to Sara, and Sara was suddenly talking again, continuing just as nervously as before.

“- and i know we made up after we finished that history project but we were still on such shaky ground that I didn’t want to risk it in case you did still want a clean break from me after high school, and then everything was happening so fast with soccer and planning how I was gonna ask you out, I just figured I’d get around to telling you eventually.”

Ava found her voice. “What about now? We’ve … we’ve been dating for almost two weeks and you didn’t say anything.”

Sara swallowed, looking away and fiddling with the hem of her sweatpants. Her voice was very quiet when she spoke. “I don’t know. I was scared. I … I kind of thought you’d be the kind of person who wanted to start afresh at college, who’d want to leave the same old things from high school behind.”

It was _that_ that was kind of the tipping point, and Ava dropped the letter to the bed, pushing the rest of the package away from the edge of the bed so she could close the few steps between her and Sara and take Sara’s face in her hands. “Sara, there’s a difference between leaving the same old high school things behind and leaving _you_ behind.”

Something flickered in Sara’s eyes. “Wait, so … you’re not mad?”

Ava took a small step back, let her hands drop as she laughed softly. “Sara. The one, enormous, crushing anxiety I’ve been having about our relationship is remembering that we only had until the end of the summer before we both went to separate colleges and everything would change. God, I even started kicking myself for having to be so obsessive about early admittance, because if I’d just _waited_ like a normal person, I could’ve known where you were going and at least picked somewhere close by.”

Sara blinked. “You would’ve chosen your _college_ based on where I was?” she said incredulously.

“Isn’t that what you did?” said Ava with a frown.

Sara shook her head in disbelief. “I mean, yeah but that’s _me._ There are good history programs everywhere. I could play soccer anywhere. I’m smart yeah, but there are plenty of good schools all over the country, especially if it was one you’re picking. But … Brown’s been your dream school since you were like, 15.”

Ava didn’t say anything, just shrugged, because in all honesty, she didn’t know if she would pick Sara over brown but it was so damn close that she really didn’t know to think that hard about it. Sara paused too, and there was a moment of soft, contemplative silence between them before a small crossed Sara’s face and she bit her lip a little shyly.

“So,” she said. “We’re both going to Brown.”

Ava grinned too, and it widened when Sara just stepped forward and looped her arms around Ava’s waist, burying her face in the crook of Ava’s neck. Ava hugged her back tightly, ducking her own face into Sara’s shoulder. They were both laughing with relief, maybe a little teary because all Ava could feel was relief knowing that she wasn’t going to lose Sara after the summer, that they could finally talk about college without any heavy hanging dread looming over them. They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other with Sara’s package from Brown still half unopened on her bed. There was a moment - or perhaps several - where the thought of studying in their dorm rooms and texting about their professors and coffees on campus and Ava watching Sara’s soccer games and in later years getting an apartment together and turning 21 together and getting to go out clubbing and just having the next four years (at least) to hopefully _be_ together, all flashed in front of Ava’s eyes and somehow, she knew Sara had thought the same thing. Ava felt almost giddy with the idea of this actual, tangible future that she and Sara could now have together.

Ava eventually pulled back to tug Sara down to her bed to finish opening the package, and it was so clear just how excited Sara was now that she could _talk_ to Ava about this, because if this had all been eating away at Ava, she didn’t even know how much anxiety this must have been causing Sara all this time. There was something so much more real about it all, about college and what was to come at the end of the summer just ahead of them, now that they were thinking about it _together_ , and as Sara sent endless snapchats to Zari about her soccer jersey, as they called Laurel into the room to take a photo of them together (Sara wearing her soccer jersey and forcing Ava to pull on the sweatshirt that had also been sent in the package), Ava was pretty sure that at least for now, there was nothing in the entire world that could make her happier than thinking about her future knowing Sara was going to be right by her side.

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

your favourite blonde babes are going to brown together!! so excited for another 4 years with this beautiful girl <3 (and hopefully this time, 3 out of those 4 years won’t be spent arguing like, 80% of the time) #gobrownbears

**_Tagged: avacsharpe_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, amayajiwe, aliJsharpeXX, raymondcpalmer, and 201 others._ _  
_ **_Comments:_ ** **_  
_ ** _avacsharpe:_ Can’t wait  <3 <3  
_ztomaz:_ I also can’t wait but for me it’s to kick ur pasty ass when we play you xox  
_saraalance:_ lol you wish  @ztomaz 

_Monday 8 May._

 

* * *

 

_Nora Darhk_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Tuesday**

 **  
** **_4:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey, do you have anything big at  
school tomorrow?

  
**_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not that I can think of

  
**_4:21pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why? Want me to come with you  
to court tomorrow?

  
**_4:22pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** If you want? Ray’s got a big physics test  
that I’m forcing him not to skip out on

  
**_4:23pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You got it xx

  
**_4:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh wait Spencer said he wanted to  
talk to us about something straight  
after school

  
**_4:24pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** But I can just ask Ali to fill me in  
so just lemme know

  
**_4:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wait what did Spencer want to talk about

  
**_4:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Idk he didn’t say

  
**_4:25pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s a family meeting or something

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** But Layla’s missed like a million of  
those so no biggie

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You know what, offer rescinded

  
**_4:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You should be at that meeting

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What????

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Aves, it’s gotta be important

  
**_4:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Spencer was never one for those kinds  
of family meetings

  
**_4:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** If HE’S insisting on one then there’s  
gotta be a good reason

  
**_4:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You know something that I don’t,  
don’t you?

  
**_4:34pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yes

  
**_4:35pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** How bad?

  
**_4:35pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** You’re gonna want to hear what he has  
to say from him Aves, trust me

  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What about court? I don’t want you to  
have to go alone

  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’ll text musketeer numero tres

  
**_4:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m sure Gary will go without question

  
**_4:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fuck now I’m nervous for whatever  
Spencer’s gonna tell us

  
**_4:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s okay, I promise

  
**_4:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Call me after, yeah?

  
**_4:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Will do x

 

* * *

 

Ava fiddled nervously with the side of her phone case, avoiding making eye contact with Ali as they waited for the rest of their family to join them, not wanting to answer Ali’s inevitable questions about what was going on, whether she knew, and why _Spencer_ had been the one to call this family meeting. She’d been thinking about it all day - more than that actually, ever since Nora’s text the previous evening. Ava had been distracted enough that it hadn’t taken Sara long to pull her away from the rest of their group and quietly ask her what was going on, squeezing her hand and reminding her that she was always here to talk if Ava needed her later.

Spencer walked into the room and Ava pulled her legs up onto the couch, shoving her phone back into her pocket. It would be fine. Nora had promised it was okay, and Ava trusted her, especially when it came to things about her family. Her family that Nora knew _everything_ about.

“Ava?” Spencer asked quietly, pulling Ava out of her thoughts. She looked up, confused for a moment until Spencer gestured towards the empty space on the couch between her and Ali, silently asking for permission to join them.

This felt odd.

It was as if the distance that’d been there during Spencer’s first week back had suddenly reappeared, and Ava wasn’t sure if it was just nerves about whatever he had to tell them, anticipation of her reaction, or something else entirely - but either way, she hated it. She spun her bracelet around her wrist as their parents made their way into the room, sitting on the couch opposite from Ava, Ali and Spencer while Layla settled into the adjacent armchair.

Spencer tapped his fingers awkwardly against his leg.

“I uh - I wanted to talk to you all,” he said. “I probably should’ve done this sooner, but … I don’t know. It never seemed like the right time, and there was so much going on that I didn’t wanna add this sudden big revelation to the craziness of everyone’s lives. Although I guess I was also kinda using all of that as excuses for stalling.” He trailed off a little, shrugging, but then took a deep breath and sat up straighter. His eyes scanned the room, taking in his sisters’ faces before his gaze shifted to rest properly on his parents. Ava could already tell that whatever he was about to tell them, it was something Barbara and Robert would probably take the most time to process.  Spencer sighed, rubbing his eyes. “So here’s the thing. I told you I was nearby for a work thing when I decided to come to the anniversary party, and figured I would stay until Ava’s graduation since I always planned to come back for that anyway.” He sucked in a sharp, careful breath. “That’s uh … that’s not entirely true. I um. I _was_ nearby for something related to work, technically, but it wasn’t … it wasn’t what I probably led you all to believe.”

“Spencer,” said Robert, his voice low with a mixture of encouragement and stern warning. “Stop beating around the bush. What are you trying to say?”

“I got honourably discharged.”

Nobody said anything for one long, silent moment, before it seemed as though chaos erupted in the room.

“You _what_?” said Robert, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.

“Wait, discharged as in you’re not in the army anymore?” said Layla incredulously. “Since _when_?”

“Why didn’t you call?” demanded Barbara. “Why haven’t you _said_ anything the entire time you’ve been home?”

“Does that mean you’re home for good?” asked Ali eagerly.

Spencer didn’t reply to any of their questions, instead glanced over at Ava, who hadn’t as yet spoken. The unspoken _so what about you_? was clear in his eyes.

“Honourable discharge,” said Ava, and the words felt heavy on her tongue. There was a nagging thought in the back of her head, a mixture of mismatched thoughts and memories trying to piece themselves together. Remembering Spencer at the party, - remembering how he hadn’t drunken any champagne, how he’d flinched a little bit when a car tire burst across the street - remembering how out of practice he’d been at basketball when they’d finally played a game - and how then, Ava had just assumed that he was taking it easy on her. The bottle of very obviously prescribed medication on his bedside table when she’d popped her head into the guest room to say goodnight on her way up to her room. The fact that he’d _actually_ unpacked his suitcase (the suitcase that seemed bigger than all the others he’d ever brought with him when visiting home in recent years) for the first time since he left.

“Yeah,” said Spencer, his eyes still on her.

Ava furrowed her eyebrows, trying to spot what she now knew she’d somehow missed in the past couple of weeks. “You got hurt, didn’t you?”

“What?” gasped Barbara, eyes widening with sudden fear and concern.

“No he didn’t,” said Layla automatically. “He would’ve told us. You would’ve told us, right Spence?”

But Spencer didn’t reply, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“Oh my god,” breathed Ali. “You _did_ get hurt. Holy shit Spencer, how badly? You were honourably discharged - don’t they only do that if you’re so hurt you can’t do your job?”

Spencer laughed and the sound was hollow and bitter. “Yeah,” he said again, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, they do.”

“What happened?” said Robert, and his voice was just as careful as it had been before, except this time Ava could tell he was trying very hard to hide his own worry for his son.

Spencer gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing visibly. “You’re not gonna like it,” he warned.

“Shocking,” quipped Layla and Spencer glared at her.

“Fine. There uh … there was an explosion. Grenade. I was working as a field medic and someone made a mistake - didn’t realise that this was an injured and wounded camp. I was caught near enough to the explosion, and when I woke up, I couldn’t feel my right leg. Turns out I was lucky. Was found early enough that they could operate on it straight away and they didn’t have to do anything drastic like amputate.”

Ali made a shocked, strangled noise in the back of her throat.

“I was flown back to the U.S. - back to DC - and then sent to Boston to a Vet physio centre to recover. I … I’ve been there for almost three and a half months.”

“You almost lost your leg,” repeated Robert in disbelief. “You almost _lost_ your _leg_ Spencer and you didn’t even _call_!”

“I know!” said Spencer quickly, his voice rising to match Robert’s. “I _know_ okay Dad? I fu - I screwed up. But I couldn’t bear to see _this_ \- to see this look on your faces. I knew you’d go into doctor mode Dad and you’d spend every minute of every day trying to figure out how you could’ve done - how you _could do_ \- better and fix me. I knew it would be so much for all of you to take in at such a busy time of the year, I just … I couldn’t do it. I thought I’d wait until graduation to be in Star City and tell you all then, but then I got the invite for the party and I just needed to see you all. To come home.”

“So … now what?” said Layla quietly, her voice uncharacteristically shaky.

Spencer didn’t reply.

“Spence,” said Ava quietly. “Now what?” She finally let go of her bracelet to slip her fingers around Spencer’s wrist instead. He looked over to her, and the apprehensive, almost _scared_ look in his eyes was enough to make Ava lose her breath too.

“I can’t go back,” he said after taking a deep breath. “At least not now. My leg is too weak. So … for the foreseeable future, I’m staying here.”

Oh.

Ava could hear her parents talking, could hear Layla and Ali chiming in with questions, wanting details of the story Spencer still hadn’t filled them in on, but it wasn’t until Spencer finally looked over to them and started to speak that she let herself exhale, sagging slightly against the back of the couch. The rest of the story didn’t matter. At least, it didn’t matter _right now_ , not to her, not when she felt as if the floor had just been pulled from under her, because Spencer was back, _for good_ , but she hadn’t wanted it like this.

It should always have been his choice.

(And she hadn’t wanted him back _now._ She’d wanted him back _before_ , when she needed him, not when she was leaving right after the summer. And that whole timing thing was completely out of Spencer’s control, and she knew it wasn’t deliberate, but still … it kinda felt like it.)

“I’m gonna make some coffee,” said Barbara suddenly, her voice trembling a little.

“Hey,” said Spencer, reaching up to grab her arm as she moved to walk past the couch. “Mom. I’m … I’m okay now. I promise. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when it happened.”

Barbara looked at him for a long moment. “You could’ve died Spencer,” she said in barely a whisper. Spencer swallowed, forcing himself to keep Barbara’s gaze.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I … I know.”

Barbara shook her head, leaning over to kiss the top of Spencer’s head. “You’re home now,” she said decidedly, but Ava could still hear the fear in her voice. “Tea. We need tea. Not coffee.”

Ava bit her lip, playing Spencer’s words over and over in her head. _Honourably discharged._ Injured badly enough that he _couldn’t_ be in the army anymore. And he hadn’t even told anyone - he hadn’t told _her_ . He’d kept it a secret even though it meant he’d been alone, because … because he hadn’t wanted them to see him? Because he hadn’t wanted to see _her_?

Spencer said her name quietly and Ava’s head snapped up, eyes finding his . “Sorry,” she murmured quietly, and Spencer smiled.

“It’s fine.” He gave her the same look he’d given Barbara - apologetic and sincere and remorseful and hesitant and tired. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Aves, I just never got the chance.”

“You told Nora,” Ava responded immediately, hating how sharp the words sounded coming out of her mouth. She didn’t mean that. (Well. Maybe she did. Just not the way it probably sounded.)

Spencer gave her a wry smile, clearly resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Nora figured it out on her own, and called me out on in in the middle of the damn anniversary party.”

Ava’s lips twitched up into a smile to match Spencer’s, but it only took his hand slipping into hers for her to remember exactly what they’d been talking about before. She chewed on her lip again, unsure whether Spencer would answer the questions she desperately needed the answer to. She sighed. “Why _didn’t_ you tell us when it happened?”

She barely had time to process the intense, burning regret that flashed through Spencer’s eyes before it was replaced by an honest, open vulnerability. “I don’t know,” he admitted quietly, not loud enough for anyone else in their family to overhear. “I really don’t know. I think … there were a lot of reasons, and I … I haven’t quite untangled them yet. But I have to see a shrink as a part of my recovery and they’re referring me to someone hear in Star City, so here’s hoping we get to the bottom of that soon enough.” Ava shifted slightly and Spencer’s grip on her hand tightened. “But Aves - it was nothing to do with you, okay? I know you’re overthinking it. It had nothing to do with how we left things, nothing to do with you coming out, and absolutely _nothing_ to do with the adoption. You hear me?”

Ava swallowed. “Yeah - yeah. I know. I was just …”

“Overthinking everything,” Spencer repeated, not giving her the chance to finish. Ava rolled her eyes, but Spencer’s smile widened as he softly added, “you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t,” nudging her shoulder lightly with his own. “It’s okay. And if it’s too much, we can finish this conversation later - technically we never finished our X-men marathon the other week.”

“Spencer,” said Robert, his voice softer than before as it caught both Ava and Spencer’s attention. “If … if it’s okay with you … I’d like to take a look at your medical records. See exactly what happened to your leg. I’m your dad and I’m a doctor and if I couldn’t have been there when all this happened, I want to know now. For my own peace of mind.”

Spencer nodded, a small, seemingly surprised smile on his face. “Yeah, you got it. I’ll put in a request to have them sent over to you.”

Robert appeared satisfied with that, also getting to his feet and squeezing Spencer’s shoulder on his way out of the living room and towards the kitchen. Spencer too got up, moving to grab the TV remote to get out of any more prying questions from Layla and Ali. Before he could move too far away, Ava reached out to catch his wrist.

“Spence,” she said quickly. “For what it’s worth … I’m … I’m sorry about your leg. The army - it sounded like it suited you.”

Spencer shrugged, a little halfheartedly, and the expression that crossed his face was one that Ava couldn’t quite pinpoint.. “Yeah, it did,” he said, something soft and thoughtful in his voice, “but - I dunno Aves. I think maybe … maybe it was time for me to come home.”

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_aliJsharpeXX posted 1 new photo:_ **

it’s your favourite classic white family back at it again with the obnoxious photos, this time with the whole gang back together XX good to have u home spence <3

**_Tagged: avacsharpe, laaylasharpexx, spencerpsharpe._ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _saraalance, theaqxeen, lilssstein, avachsarpe, and 164  others._

_Wednesday 10th May._

 

* * *

 

“So is this where you tell me that if I ever break Ava’s heart, no one will ever find my body?”

Nora blinked, her hands curling around her steaming mug of coffee as confusion flitted across her face. “What? No. Why would I say that?”

Sara raised an eyebrow, her own vague stirrings of confusion starting to overshadow the nerves she’d felt since Nora had first messaged her yesterday afternoon with the one question: _hey, can we talk?_ She pulled her own coffee cup a little closer to her on the table. “So you’re not here to give me the shovel talk?”

Nora laughed, her eyes filling with understanding and then an accompanying flash of amusement. “Are you kidding?” she said with a wry grin. “Considering how in love you are with Ava, I don’t think that’s really necessary.”

Sara choked on her coffee. How did Nora -

 _Obviously,_ she and Ava hadn’t done the ‘I love you’s’ yet, they’d barely been dating two weeks and were taking things as slow as they could, trying to savour every moment of what they now had together. Nora seemed to catch sight of the astonishment (and perhaps panic) on Sara’s face and smirked.

“What?” she said, taking an innocent sip of coffee. “Was that supposed to be some big secret?”

Sara schooled her features into a glare, kicking Nora’s shin under the table. “Shut up. Does … does Ava _know_? That … y’know … ”

Nora rolled her eyes. “Sara, Ava didn’t even properly know that you _liked_ her until you had giant signs displayed on the flat screen TV’s of the high school stadium at district champs asking her to prom. I think you’re safe.” Something shifted in Nora’s expression and she leaned forward a little, her smile softening. “But for the record, you don’t have anything to worry about. She lov -”

“Don’t,” said Sara quickly, her stomach somersaulting. “We’ve … we’ve barely been dating a couple of weeks.”

Nora smiled, somehow, even gentler than before. “You don’t have anything to worry about,” she repeated, so quietly that Sara almost didn’t hear it. Her words sounded so confident, so sincere, that something tugged at Sara’s chest. She swallowed, her eyes darting down to stare into her cup, to watch the uneven swirl of dark, black coffee encased in the white porcelain of the mug in her hands.

“If you’re not here to tell me not to hurt Ava,” she said, hesitantly glancing up and hoping Nora would let her divert the topic, “then what’s going on?”

Abruptly, something unreadable flashed in Nora’s eyes - something suddenly uncertain and vulnerable _,_ and a surge of concern flared low in Sara’s chest. A few moments passed where Nora didn’t reply, moments where Sara waited, trying not to push and hoping that whatever Nora was clearly working up the courage to say, it wasn’t _bad_ or dangerous at all.

“I uh  … I just wanted to make sure of something,” Nora said finally, so quiet and apprehensive and hesitant in a way that Sara had never seen _Nora Darhk_ act before. “I wanted to make sure we were okay. You and me.” The confusion must’ve shown visibly on Sara’s face, because Nora saw her expression and sighed before quietly adding, “You know … because of my dad.”

_Oh._

Sara felt as though a bucket of cold water had been drenched over her head because when Nora looked up properly to survey Sara’s reaction, she actually looked kind of _scared_.

“I wouldn’t blame you if we weren’t,” said Nora quickly, her hands curling even tighter around her own coffee cup. “I mean, he’s the reason your sister was in rehab and why your dad’s been in mortal danger for most of this school year. And I know we’ve been friends all year but Ava’s my best friend and you guys are _dating_ now and I just - I don’t want it to be weird for you. I don’t want you to feel weird _around_ me because of my father.”

Sara couldn’t stop herself from reaching over and curling her hand around Nora’s wrist, pulling it down to the table so she could squeeze Nora’s hand. “Look,” she said. “If it had come down to a shootout in that final raid, - if my dad had had to shoot yours - would you have blamed me?”

Nora’s eyes widened. “No, of course not.” Sara gave her a _look_ and the understanding dawned on Nora’s face almost immediately, and she let out a tired little laugh. “Oh, right.”

Sara smiled, retracting her hand from Nora’s but resting it closeby. “I’ve never blamed you for your father’s actions Nora, and the things he’s done or the ways he’s affected my life has never changed how I see you. If anything, becoming so close to Ava this year showed me all the reasons why I _wanted_ you in my life, not the other way round. It’s not your responsibility to bear the weight of your dad’s sins, you know that right?”

A sharp inhale of air told Sara that she’d almost definitely hit the nail of something that probably ate away at Nora far more than she deserved.

“You sound like Ava,” Nora mumbled with a small grin that didn’t meet her eyes in the slightest.

Sara chuckled. “Something tells me this won’t be the last time you say that.”

Nora laughed too, but Sara could see how unsure she was, how nervous she was to press this topic of conversation. It probably didn’t help that the Damien Darhk trial had started this week, keeping Nora away from school 3 out of 5 days, and a distracted mess during the other 2 where she wasn’t required in court. It was a highly publicised trial, and most of Star City’s media had sharply turned away from whatever else they reported on to focus on covering how the trial unfolded. As a result, Nora and her aunt had immediately been in the public eye and the media spotlight. Quentin had advised them both to stay elsewhere as the press were likely to hound their house for interviews, so Nora’s aunt was staying at a hotel near the courthouse while Nora had spent the past few days staying with Ray. Sara wasn’t _supposed_ to know how on edge Nora was about everything that was going on, and she wouldn’t if not for Ava (who swore her to secrecy when revealing details about the Darhk case that Sara had previously been unaware of) and Ray (who spent the better part of an entire evening texting Sara asking for advice on how to distract Nora from thinking about her dad. He’d been sorely unimpressed with Sara’s immediate answer of ‘sex’.)

“Hey,” said Sara softly, gently tapping Nora’s elbow to get her attention. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“I brought it up,” Nora tried to insist, but the relief in her voice was clear.

“Well, I’m promising you now that we’re okay,” said Sara firmly. “No need to keep talking about it. Not if you don’t want to.”

Nora bit her lip, nodding. “Okay.”

“Good.” Sara smiled, and it quickly morphed into a mischievous grin. “So. You and Ray.”

Nora groaned, dropping her head to the table. “I take it back,” she announced, voice muffled. “We can talk about my dad.”

“Nope, that ship has sailed,” smirked Sara, laughing at the incredibly uncharacteristic flush along Nora’s neck. The beet red blush on her cheeks was the most un-Nora Darhk thing Sara had ever seen.

“Is this where you tell me that if I hurt him, no one will ever find my body?” asked Nora, a smile playing at her lips and Sara laughed, leaning back in her chair. She didn’t reply immediately though, hesitating with her hand tracing a ring of a coffee stain on the wooden table.

“I know you think you don’t deserve him,” she decided on saying, and she saw the shock and vulnerability flash startlingly clear across Nora’s face.

“I don’t,” Nora replied without hesitation, looking away from the sympathetic expression she obviously expected to see Sara wearing. 

Sara paused, slowly placing her mug back down on the table and leaning forward, just enough to catch Nora’s attention. “What if I’d said that about Ava?” she asked quietly, not waiting for Nora to chime in with an _it’s different_ before adding, “you’d have a million ways to talk me out of it, right?”

Nora sighed, leaning back a little in her chair and shaking her head. “It’s different,” she said quietly, and Sara’s lips twitched, almost amused. It felt odd, being on this side of the conversation - until this year, she’d always been the one needing this advice, the one shaking her head at Ray and Amaya as they promised her she was worth it, struggling to actually accept that as the truth.

Sara raised an eyebrow. “Why, ‘cause of your dad?”

It felt like maybe she was pushing too far, but instead of pulling away like Sara was expecting her to, Nora nodded, and then shook her head, and then shrugged. She looked … lost. As though she didn’t have any excuses or arguments to make, and couldn’t _explain_ why she didn’t think she was good enough for Ray, she just believed it with every fibre of her being and wasn’t ready to let anyone change her mind. And yeah, Sara got it - how could she not? None of her reasons had been the same as Nora’s, but she’d been here too, and she’d been just as stuck in her head as Nora seemed to be.

She sighed, shuffling a little closer. “Listen to me. Ray … Ray’s a pure, naive guy, sure. I’ve known him since we were 14, I know all about his idealistic view of the world.”

Nora let out a quiet, affectionate laugh and nodded, tucking her hair back behind her ear and finally looking up to meet Sara’s eyes. Sara couldn’t help but match her smile. “But here’s the thing - anyone who knows Ray knows he’s not an idiot; he’s a fucking genius. So as much as he’d like to believe everyone has the capability to be good, he’s not dumb enough to believe that’s real life. He knows a lost cause when he sees one, and he knows if someone’s not worth it. Which means that if he believes in you, chances are there’s a pretty damn good reason for it.”

Nora bit her lip, but then opened her mouth to speak, presumably with an argument on the tip of her tongue. Sara cut her off before she had the chance, voice softening. “Back when we first met, I thought Ray was pathetic and frustrating for being so optimistic and always looking for the best in people - and I thought he was an absolute idiot for believing I could be more than the reckless troublemaker I was back then. But you know what? He never let that stop him.”

“And now you’re dating Ava Sharpe and going to Brown,” Nora added quietly, expression soft and thoughtful.

Sara laughed, leaning back in her seat and letting a smile creep across her cheeks, hoping her message had finally gotten across. “Yeah, now I’m dating Ava and going to Brown.”

Nora pulled a leg up to her chair, resting her chin on her knee and offering Sara a soft, slightly sheepish, wry smile. “Aves kept saying this year that we were very similar people. I guess she was right.”

Sara shrugged. “If that’s an excuse for us to finally become better friends after all these years of _vaguely knowing each other_ , I’ll take it.”

Pleased surprise flashed across Nora’s face as she ducked her head down with an affectionate grin. “Yeah,” she said. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

As much as Sara had spent the better part of April longing for her and Ava’s groups of friends to reunite, there was something special about spending time with _just_ her group of legends, at least for a few hours. They were the reason high school had turned out the way it had, the reason Sara’s life had done such a sharp 180 by sophomore year, the reason she’d finally found a version of herself that she was actually, truly _proud_ of. And yeah, she loved Ava and Lily and Kuasa and Nora and Gary. They’d fit so seamlessly into their group of friends this year that Sara couldn’t imagine their wider group of legends without them (those few weeks where she and Ava had tore everyone apart had been hell). But _tonight_ of all nights, Sara was grateful for the time she got to spend getting ready for prom with the friends she’d had through _all_ of high school. The friends she didn’t think she would ever be ready to leave behind after they graduated.

“Help,” announced Amaya. “Lipstick colour. I can’t decide.”

“What’s Zari wearing?” asked Jax, waggling his eyebrows cheekily, “because whatever colour it is, it’s gonna have to match her dress too considering how much of it will probably end up on her lips too.”

Amaya glared at him while Zari hauled a cushion in his direction, both of them ignoring everybody else’s peals of laughter.

“Z’s wearing a jumpsuit,” said Sara, grinning over at her best friend. “And I guarantee, she’s gonna give all your tuxes a run for their money.”

Ray frowned down at the tie in his hands. “Yeah, you don’t say. How do you tie these things?”

Sara gestured for him to walk over to her so she could take it from him, loop it around his neck, and easily and skillfully tie it under his collar. “There. Very dapper. Nora’s gonna go weak in the knees ‘n everything.” Ray blushed, and Sara was suddenly reminded of Nora, sitting opposite her the other day as they talked, soft and thoughtful and probably not even realising just how in love she was. “How’s she doing? With the trial and everything? Must be weird her staying with you guys.”

“A little,” admitted Ray, sitting on the edge of Sara’s bed to tie his laces. “My mom can see that Nora’s not really used to this big, happy, dysfunctional family kind of thing so she’s been taking it easy but my step dad and Harley and Peter just … they’re a lot. All the time. And like, they’re kids, those two, I can’t really blame them. But me and Nora kinda just stick to my room to avoid all the craziness.”

“Oh I bet you do,” smirked Mick, his bow tie hanging loose over one shoulder.

Fierce colour came rushing to Ray’s cheeks and he glared reprovingly at Mick. “Not like _that._ We … we haven’t … you know. Done … _that._ ” He bit his lip, fiddling with his cufflinks. “I know that’s probably weird, considering how close we were all year and that we’ve been dating for almost a month and there’s … I dunno, a _timeline_ of how quickly you do things when you’re in a teenage relationship.”

“Ray, that’s bullshit,” said Jax firmly. “That timeline is a way for the shitty kids around school to use sex as a measure of who’s ‘cool’ like them, and it’s stupid.”

“And dangerous,” added Sara. “Take it from someone who used sleeping with people as a very unhealthy coping mechanism with her own shit for a few months. It’s not such a bad thing to not rush into it. Me ‘n Ava aren’t either.”

“Fuck, really?” said Zari, poking her head around the wardrobe door. “Dude, you should’ve told me - I would’ve eased up on the ‘why haven’t you fucked yet’ jokes.”

Sara grinned. “It’s okay Z, I’d have told you if it was an issue.” She nudged Ray’s knee with her own. “Point is Ray, there’s nothing wrong with you for doing things at whatever pace you want. Plus, something tells me Nora’s never had a relationship that means _this_ to her either. I think she wants to take things as they come too.”

Ray smiled, standing so he could carefully re-adjust how Sara’s dress was falling. “When did you become the wise one?” he asked, his voice soft and something bordering on proud and it made Sara’s chest ache a little with how much she loved him, loved all of people scattered around her room right now.

“I had some good teachers,” she replied, tugging him into a hug.

“Can you believe this?” said Nate as he leaned against Sara’s desk. “This is senior prom. We’re going to _prom_ guys. We did it. We made it through 4 years of all of this.”

“It’s not over yet,” reminded Amaya. “Final assignments, exams, graduation -”

“Don’t say any of those words again or I’m kicking you out,” declared Sara, tossing a sock in Amaya’s direction. “Tonight’s about prom. And us. And us making it this far. And those of us who have smoking hot significant others to kiss.”

“Remember when we were talking about homecoming dance and Sara said that prom was the one where we were all gonna separate to make out with people in the bathrooms?” said Wally, finally re-entering from the bathroom where he’d been trying to fix his hair for the past twenty minutes.

“I did not say that!” said Sara, the back of her neck flushing.

“Oh you did,” said Jax, nodding. “So I guess we all know where you’ll be if we can’t find you on the dance floor at some point during the night.” Sara just flipped him off, ignoring his wide, knowing grin in return.

“Holy shit,” said Amaya, and they all glanced over to her to make sure nothing was wrong. Her eyes were on Zari though, who had just stepped out from behind the wardrobe doors. Amaya’s jaw hung open as she took in how Zari looked - wearing a burnt orange jumpsuit with elegant strips of black lining the places where the suit had cutouts to reveal the smallest flashes of skin. She wore long, matching moon and sun earrings and black, platform heels that put her almost at almost the same height as Amaya in her own heels.

“Whoa Z,” said Nate, a smile spreading across his face. “You look amazing.”

“Everyone stop staring please,” said Zari and Sara could see the shy flush on her cheeks. “Look at Sara and Amaya instead. They also look amazing.”

“That’s gay,” said Sara. “Amaya, keep your girlfriend in line. She’s coming on to me.”

“Fuck off,” said Zari, rolling her eyes and just walking over to Amaya and tugging her off where she was sitting at the edge of the bed. “It doesn’t quite match your dress but I figured it was close enough.”

“Definitely close enough,” said Amaya, beaming. “You’re beautiful. You’re _perfect._ ” She leaned in, kissed Zari softly and Sara couldn’t help but smile at just how obviously in _love_ they were with each other. She and the boys gave them a few seconds - tonight was special, and as much as they were all renowned for their endless remarks and teasing, it was like Nate had said. They’d made it _here._ Something had to be said for that, and none of them were going to deny just how much it meant to all of them after how much shit they’d all had to deal with (how much it had _changed_ them) in the four years they’d attended Star City High School.

But they were still _them_ , and once those few seconds had passed, Sara wolf whistled obnoxiously, Nate, Wally and Jax quickly joining in and making Amaya and Zari break apart hurriedly, both blushing profusely.

“You guys are cute,” smirked Sara, hoping they’d both hear the hint of sincerity in her voice. At the softness in both their eyes when they glanced over at her, she knew they had. “As long as no one is getting lucky on my bed.”

Amaya and Zari both sighed exasperatedly, Nate pretended to gag, Ray rolled his eyes, Jax and Mick laughed, Wally grabbed his phone to resume his candid picture-taking operation. Sara hovered by the edge of her bed, glancing around at her seven closest friends and feeling something warm and tight in her chest, a lump in her throat at the thought of these being the beginning of the end of their seemingly limitless days together. Even though she knew prom was literally less than an hour away, that dancing (and hopefully  making out) with Ava was in the cards for the rest of the night, that playoffs were soon and then if things went right, state championships, that everything Sara had ever really wanted was just round the corner, suddenly, all she wanted was to stay waiting just before the corner, to be able to stay in this room full of laughter and the smell of perfume and deodorant and hairspray, with clothes scattered all over the floor and Jax’s familiar upbeat playlist blasting through Sara’s speakers, with all of them happy and locked into a future that was waiting for them but for now, just _here._

Together.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Ava sit still, I’m nearly done.”

Ava resisted the urge to roll her eyes, not wanting to ruin Nora’s hard work as she added the final touches to the hairstyle she’d been obsessing over for at least the last half an hour. “I’m sure it looks lovely Nor.”

“It’d better,” Nora nodded, finally taking a step back to admire her handiwork and then gesturing for Ava to spin round. “We want to make sure we take Sara’s breath away.”

“Just like you’re gonna take Ray’s breath away?” Ava teased, and it was Nora’s turn to roll her eyes, the blush creeping up her neck perfectly complimenting the dark burgundy dress she’d picked out when she and Ava had gone shopping a few weeks ago. (Ava had been keeping it in her room so Ray didn’t accidentally see it while Nora was staying at his over the trial). Ava’s smirk softened into an affectionate smile, and she lowered her voice slightly, looking up to meet Nora’s eyes. “It’s gonna be a great evening, I promise. And it’s exactly what you deserve right now - it’s what we all deserve, with exams and graduation coming up and all the stress we’ll soon be under - but you especially.”

Nora squeezed Ava’s hand, her small, grateful smile the only thing letting Ava know just how much she’d needed to hear everything Ava had to say. Because as much as tonight was a big deal for Ava - getting the chance to go to prom with her _girlfriend,_ who she’d been madly in love with for over half a year, _and_ who had her mother’s full support - she knew it was an even bigger step for Nora, who’d spent the majority of her time at high school avoiding any relationships with _feelings_ involved just in case it all backfired on her.

“You know, there were times when I didn’t think I’d make it this far,” Nora admitted softly, far too quiet for anyone but Ava to hear. She gestured vaguely around the room to Lily, Gary, and Kuasa all teasing each other as they got ready, laughing and joking and filling the room with a sense of happiness that Ava wished she could bottle and keep with her forever. A fond look flickered through Nora’s eyes, and Ava knew instantly that she’d had the same thought too. “But I’m still here.” she added, turning back to Ava with a smile. “And we’ve made it all the way through high school, and we’re both going to college next year with the people we care about most in the world.”

“We get to go to prom with them, tonight,” Ava chipped in, and Nora nodded, going back to doing Ava’s hair, smile now firmly in place.

“That we do.”

Ava let her eyes drift across the room again, and tilted her head slightly in Gary’s direction, ignoring the mock-irritated huff Nora gave her when she moved. “Is it just me, or does Gary seem a little off?”

Nora hummed a little, turning enough that she could inspect Gary in Ava’s full-length mirror, accidentally catching his eye.

“Don’t worry, she always takes Sara’s breath away,” Gary piped up from across the room, as he finished tying his tie, automatically assuming Nora was looking for a second opinion on Ava’s hair. Ava raised an eyebrow, and he sighed. “It’s gonna go amazingly.”

“Yeah?” Lily asked, poking him lightly in the shoulder until he turned to face her. Ava frowned slightly. She could sense where this was going, and none of them had brought it up until now, assuming Gary would when he wanted to. “Then why don’t you sound as excited as the rest of us?”

“I _am_ excited!” Gary replied indignantly, coming over to sit next to Ava on the bed, handing Nora the can of hairspray she was looking for. “But you know, I just … ”

“Wanted to come with Constantine,” Nora finished, pausing what she was doing for a moment.

Gary shrugged. “He’s not really the prom kinda guy. But … yeah. I dunno. ‘would’ve been nice, that’s all. But -” he interrupted before Ava had the chance to continue, “that just means I’ll have more time to take pictures of you all being obnoxiously cute with your dates. And wow you with my incredible dance moves, and eat all those little chips and cookies they always leave in bowls at the end of the drinks table for the people who are awkwardly lingering there.”

“Gary,” said Lily, looking sympathetic as she slung an arm around his shoulders. “I’m sure there’s a bunch of hot, single, probably closeted gay guys who’ll let down their inhibitions for prom and come running.”

Gary smirked, nudging Lily as a quiet _thank you._ He gave Ava a look, a look that clearly said _change the topic please_ and Ava quickly obliged, standing from her bed and ordering Nora to twirl so she could take in her dress in all its glory.

“Why’d you choose a dress Aves?” asked Kuasa. She was wearing a red dress that made her dark skin shimmer, the make up on her face sparkling in the evening sunlight. “Weren’t you thinking about a suit?”

“Yeah for a while,” admitted Ava, walking over to look at herself in the mirror. Her dress was long, a dark blue colour, had thin straps that zig-zagged across her back and cut wide over her front in an elegant V (that she had to admit, made her boobs look great.) It was almost a two piece, only held together by a thin strip over Ava’s stomach while the rest of her sides were exposed (one of many reasons why she’d been adamantly upping the length of her runs in the morning; she remembered the expression on Sara’s face back in November at the beach when Ava had pulled her shirt off, and she kind of definitely wanted to see that expression again). She’d never really been a dress kind of person, but there’d been something about this one when she, Nora and Ali had gone prom dress shopping that had made her stop and do a double take. “I dunno. I just … I guess this just caught my eye. And obviously, I want to see Sara’s face when we show up but … I kind of want to see my mom’s too. Because I know she’s cool with me being gay now and she’s cool with Sara, and I think part of her expects me to come downstairs in a suit. I really want to see her face when I come downstairs wearing _this_ instead.”

“She’s gonna cry,” said Kuasa decidedly. “For sure.”

“ _I_ can’t wait for _Sara_ to see you,” said Lily, carefully clasping a bracelet around her wrist and glancing over to Ava’s dressing table to search for her matching earrings. “She’s gonna lose her mind.”

“Yeah,” said Ava, but she saw the way her friends glanced over at her at the very very obvious hesitance in her voice.

“What?” said Nora immediately. “C’mon Aves, this night is supposed to be perfect. What’s wrong?”

Ava sighed. “I’m just scared.”

“Of?”

“That tonight _is_ gonna be perfect. A perfect senior prom cliche. Because … in all the movies … all the big cliches …. senior prom ends with - you know.”

Recognition flashed in Nora’s eyes first, and then everybody else’s moments later.

“Sex,” said Nora, grimacing sympathetically. “Gotcha.”

“Have you and Sara talked about that?” asked Gary, fiddling with his bowtie.

“Not yet,” said Ava. “How do I even bring it up?”

“How about this,” said Nora, reaching over to squeeze Ava’s hand tightly. “For now, we don’t think about it. It’s _prom_ and you’ve put in _so_ much effort into this night. Sara would never push you into something you’re not ready for so don’t even worry about it for tonight okay? And … after that, you can come over to mine in the next couple of days and we can talk about it properly. Figure out what you might wanna say.”

Ava exhaled in relief. “Yeah. Yeah okay.”

“Until then,” said Lily, grinning, “come on ladies and Gary. Downstairs. It’s time for photos.”

 

* * *

 

Sara looked beautiful. Not that it should’ve been a surprise, - Ava had lost count of the number of times she’d had that exact thought over the last few months - it was just … there was something about the way she looked tonight, standing on Ava’s doorstep like she had at the start of the year but this time smiling softly, hair cascading gently over one shoulder, light waves brushing against the freckles dusting her collarbones and drawing Ava in, distracting her enough that she almost forgot about her mom standing right next to her with her camera already in hand. (She knew, really, what was making tonight special. She knew why it felt different to everything that had come before, she knew what had added that extra _something_ to whatever was going on between them - tonight, Sara was _hers_.)

“Hi,” Ava just about managed, nerves melting away the moment Sara’s eyes met hers, clear and bright and sparkling with an excitement that made Ava’s stomach flutter in anticipation. Sara’s eyes flickered over Ava’s outfit and she smoothed down the fabric of her dress, taking a step closer and resisting the urge to pull Sara into a kiss, not wanting to ruin her perfectly applied lipstick.

“Wow,” Sara breathed, flushing the moment she caught what she’d said. Ava laughed softly, catching Sara’s hand in her own and tangling their fingers together. It felt as if the world was spinning around them, too fast to stay in focus and yet at the same time far too slow, because suddenly Sara was standing in front of her looking more beautiful than she ever had done before, and all Ava wanted was to take her hand and pull her out the door and kiss her until they both forgot how to breathe.

Nora went up onto her tiptoes just behind Sara to straighten Ray’s tie, and Ava found her eyes drifting across to the rest of the group, taking in Jax helping tie the corsage he’d gotten Lily around her wrist, Nate and Wally helping Barbara adjust the settings on her camera whilst Gary and Kuasa tried not to smile at the chaos, and Ali complimenting Zari’s jumpsuit and Amaya’s nails as they lingered by the stairs, arms wrapped around each other’s waists. It was the perfect moment, and Ava wished she could freeze it and stay here forever.

She never could’ve imagined this. This year … it’d had rough points, points she wouldn’t’ve made it through without her friends - without _Sara_ \- there to help her. But in the midst of it all she’d found this wonderful group of people, this _family_ , who’d been there for her through thick and thin.

Sara cleared her throat, pulling a small bouquet of flowers out from behind her back. “I got you these, but it seems a shame to pin them to your dress, so I thought…” she trailed off, taking a step closer and pulling a single forget-me-not from the bunch and carefully weaving it through the complicated half up, half down arrangement Nora and Kuasa had styled Ava’s hair into. Ava’s breath left her in a rush, but Sara simple reached out and used two fingers to gently tilt Ava’s chin to give her a better angle, and then continued with what she was doing. Ava hadn’t put her shoes on yet, and Sara’s heels gave her just enough extra height that when she finally finished and pulled back to admire her handiwork, her eyes were almost level with Ava’s, wide and crystal clear and brimming with affection. Sara reached up to tuck a stray curl behind Ava’s ear, fingers lingering for a moment too long before she pulled them away and leaned forward instead, breath warm against Ava’s skin as she murmured, “you look beautiful.”

Nothing in the world could’ve hidden the blush that Ava could feel warming her cheeks.

Sara pulled her closer, free hand coming to rest lightly against her hip, thumb tracing across the fabric of her dress. “Hey Aves,” she said softly, too quiet for anyone to overhear (not that they were paying attention - everyone seemed lost in each other, in the buzz and excitement of tonight, just like they were meant to be). “Thanks for coming to prom with me.”

Ava’s smile widened, stomach fluttering with that ever so familiar feeling, a feeling she’d cautiously put a name to but wasn’t quite ready to admit to out loud. Something flickered through Sara’s eyes, the briefest flash of vulnerability, and Ava shifted so she could catch Sara’s hand with her own and bring it up to her lips to press a gentle kiss against Sara’s skin, light enough that her lipstick didn’t leave a mark. “Thanks for asking.”

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (noradarhk)

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

Never been one for sappy  
high school moments, but  
walking into prom tonight  
was the most movie-like  
experience of my life

  
@avacsharpe  you & your  
crew did a FLAWLESS job  
so proud of you, this night  
is MAGIC <3 <3

#schsseniorprom  
**Star City Grand Hotel**  
8:07PM. 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (gxryggreeen)

  
**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

planning prom was great, but  
experiencing it is Way better  
(& also way less stressful jfc)

#schsseniorprom 

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (saraalance)

  
**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

so fckn proud of my gal for  
planning, organising, &  
decorating such a beautiful  
night for all of us

@avacsharpe  <3 <3

#schsseniorprom  
**Star City Grand Hotel**

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (ztomaz)

  
**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

who needs a prom king & queen  
when you can just have two prom  
queens instead?

@avacsharpe @saraalance <3

nice job schs for smashing the  
patriarchy and all that

#schsseniorprom  
9:32PM. 

 

* * *

 

  
Sara swayed against her side, lost in the music, lost in _her._

This reminded her of her parent’s anniversary party, of spinning Sara around in the pool house as the fairy lights reflected off the water, catching in her hair and her eyes and stealing Ava’s breath straight from her lungs. It reminded her of birthday parties and New Years parties and hours spent curled up with Sara on her couch or her bed, so close she could smell that ever so familiar coconut shampoo and feel Sara’s heart beating in time with hers, calm and steady even when the world felt anything but familiar. It reminded her of Sara swivelling in her seat with a cocky grin on her face on the first day of term to tell her they had the same timetables, of Sara’s eyes meeting hers from across the dining hall when they had nowhere to sit, of Sara pulling her towards the sea in the middle of winter and laughing, hair blowing in the wind, freckles from the summer sun still standing out against her skin, even more obvious when littered with tiny droplets of icy water from the sea.

It reminded her of every single memory she and Sara had shared over the past year, every tear, every heartbreak, every night spent talking because neither of them could quite bear to leave each other alone, and … every smile. Every glance, every touch.

Everything.

Sara’s hand moved slowly from Ava’s hip to her lower back, thumb brushing against the edge of the cutout in her dress lightly enough to make goosebumps break out against Ava’s skin. She shivered, looking down to find Sara’s gaze fixed on her, tracing the line of her jaw and the curve of her lips before flickering up to meet her eyes, burning with an intensity that made Ava’s stomach flutter, consumed by a desperate longing to curl her fingers into the fabric of Sara’s dress and pull her into a kiss and spend the rest of the evening tangled together, silently showing Sara just how important she was - and always would be.

Sara’s eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as she watched Ava’s fingers twitch against her side, longing to reach out. She subconsciously bit her lip, carefully applied lipstick long forgotten, too distracted by her girlfriend to care. Ava bit back a groan.

“Do you wanna …”

“Yeah,”  Ava breathed before Sara could finish the sentence, fingers curling around her wrist to pull her towards the nearest exit, unable to keep her smile off her face when she heard Sara’s soft laugh from behind her, bursting with affection. “Yeah, I really do.”

 

Ava’s breath left her in a rush as her back pressed up against the cool, tiled bathroom wall. Sara’s fingers tangled in her hair, careful not to to dislodge the flowers she’d woven into it earlier, momentarily distracted by winding a soft, pale blonde curl around her pinkie. “God, Aves,” she breathed, eyes meeting Ava’s for the first time since they’d snuck away, wide and swimming with that ever so familiar affection, and - not for the first time - something _more_.

Ava’s heart skipped a beat in her chest and she slid the hand that’d been resting against Sara’s hip around to her lower back, pulling her closer, close enough that she could see the faint freckles dusting Sara’s cheeks under her foundation, smell the shampoo that _still_ somehow managed to make her weak at the knees, and feel Sara’s breath against her skin. Sara’s eyes flickered down to Ava’s lips, and Ava’s control snapped.

“Kiss me.”

The words had barely left her mouth before Sara moved, closing the gap between them in a heartbeat, lips soft and warm and everything Ava had imagined a million times over, everything she’d been waiting for, everything she hadn’t known she needed until Sara had accidentally fallen into her life and she’d found _this_ , and discovered feelings she didn’t even know she had.

It would never get old. Kissing Sara - no matter how many times she got the chance, it felt _special_ . There was just something about it, something she hadn’t expected, but just felt _right_ , like Sara had been the piece of her she’d been missing all along, even though it’d taken her until now to realise it. And now they were going to college together, she had the chance - a real, proper chance - to spend the rest of her life like this, by Sara’s side, kissing her until the world was spinning around them and they’d both forgotten how to breathe.

Sara’s fingers tightened in the fabric of Ava’s dress and Ava couldn’t help the little gasp that escaped (or the way her body seemed to react when she felt Sara’s lips curl up into a smile against her own in response, and _oh shit_ , suddenly Ava was remembering the conversation with Nora earlier back in her bedroom, was remembering that she and Sara hadn’t talked about sex yet, and she’d been meaning to bring that up now she knew she and Sara had all the time in the world and could take things at their own pace, and maybe she should - )

Sara pulled away, eyes finding Ava’s once again. With a small, half smug, half sheepish smile, she brought one finger up to wipe away a smudge of lipstick from Ava’s lips. Her hair had slipped slightly out of the carefully arranged waves Amaya had spent so long on, but if anything, it made her look even more beautiful than she had done before. Sara reached down to straighten her dress before smoothing down the crease she’d left in Ava’s too, fingers tangling with Ava’s once she was done and pulling her over to the mirrors, not seeming to mind the way Ava’s eyes remained fixed on her, incapable of drawing them away.

(She didn’t know how she’d managed to get this lucky. And she didn’t know how it was possible for anyone to look as good as Sara did now, casually reapplying her lipstick in the mirror of a fancy hotel bathroom, tucking her hair back behind her ear and offering to redo Ava’s makeup too.)

Ava swallowed for a second time, reminding herself that the middle of prom was neither the time or the place to have the conversations she wanted to - they had to go back out and talk to people and dance rather than spending the whole evening in here, kissing each other until they both forgot their names.

And besides, Ava reminded herself with a smile, leaning closer so Sara could press the briefest, softest kiss against her lips before touching up her lipstick - they had the rest of their lives ahead of them now.

They had all the time in the world.

 

* * *

 

 **Instagram** **  
** (avacsharpe)

  
**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

Wouldn’t have wanted to  
share this night with anyone  
other than the people who  
made this the best year at  
SCHS to date <3

@saraalance @noradarhk  
@lilssstein @KuasaJiwe  
@gxryggreeen @ztomaz  
@amayajiwe  
@raymondcpalmer  
@nathanielheywood  
@wallacewesttt @jeffersonjax  
@mickrxryy 

#schsseniorprom  
**Star City Grand Hotel** **  
** 11:22PM. 

 

**_You uploaded 1 new story:_ **

Thank you to everyone who  
helped create the magic that  
was tonight! <3

And thank you especially to  
all the SCHS seniors who have  
made the past four years what  
they were. Tonight was for you.

#schsseniorprom  
11:47PM. 

 

* * *

 

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance will rise y’all  
_Active now_

_SAT 9:01AM:_

 

_Zari removed Sara Lance from the group._

_  
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know they’re together now and everything  
but I didn’t anticipate still having so many  
feelings about all of this after they started  
dating and it turns out I still need this gc to  
yell about how nauseatingly cute they are

So

Last night was just a fucking time wasn’t it

  
_Nate renamed the group “avalance rose y’all”_

 

 **_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** mood

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** DID YOU SEE THEIR FACES WHEN THEY SAW  
EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME

SARA HAD TO FUCKING PICK HER JAW UP OFF  
THE GROUND WHEN AVA OPENED THE DOOR

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** I was standing by the photographer when they  
got their proper photos done and I couldn’t  
even deal with how sweet they were

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** You know what the funniest fucking thing is  
though you guys

Dad told me the teachers had a pool on this  
as well

IT WASN’T JUST AS ALL OUR TEACHERS SAW IT  
COMING

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ARE YOU JOKING

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** I COULDN’T MAKE UP SOMETHING THIS GOOD

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** I bet Rip won

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh he so did

  
_10:13AM:_

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** AVA AND SARA ARE MY BIGGEST OTP AND LAST  
NIGHT WAS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Good morning Garfield Green nice of you to join  
us would you mind telling me why I had to lie my  
ass off to your wonderful mother and tell her you  
and I were staying at Lily’s and that was why you  
didn’t come home last night

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** well clearly u weren’t ACTUALLY worried otherwise  
u would’ve called me

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh she knows where you were, we just want to  
hear it from you ;-)

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Gary is your full name actually Garfield

  
**_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** It’s not but he was 8 and watched the movies for  
the first time and was convinced for like a year  
that it was and we will never ever let him forget

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** thanks so much k i rlly appreciate it

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** QUIT STALLING GREEN WHERE WERE YOU

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** so uh

constantine may have actually shown up to  
prom after all?

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** GARFIELD GREEN

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** I feel like a proud mother

  
**_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** GARYYYYYY

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** we are not making a big deal out of this

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Coming from the person who literally  
had a mental breakdown every time a  
single development occurred between  
Ava and Sara

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** shhhhhhhh

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Did you use protection

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS

(yes of course who do u take me for)

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS X2

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** What we probably should do is relocate  
this conversation to the main gc before  
Ava and Sara become suspicious as to why  
we all know details about Gary and his  
love life before they do

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is the reason you’re going to MIT

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Z you’re literally going to Harvard

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_SAT 10:38AM:_

 

 **_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** GARY AND CONSTANTINE FUCKED

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’M BAKING A CAKE

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** So is this business that we all just get a cake  
every time we hook up with someone?

If so, give me one day & @Nora let me reinstall  
Tinder pls

  
**_Angel of Darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** No

  
**_Will kuasa-kill u if u give me a dumb nickname:_ ** **_  
_ ** No

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** no

  
**_Director (valedictorian) Sharpe:_ ** **_  
_ ** No

Also  @Gary  I’M SORRY WHAT WHEN

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i feel like we all need more insight into  
lily’s tinder escapades to understand this

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** NO OKAY I RESCIND MY OFFER I CAN BAKE MY  
OWN CAKE

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ava  bc it’s clear that Gary will not be answering  
your question:

yes, our young Garfield has indeed flown from the  
nest and had a night of Romance and Passion with  
Jonathan Constantine after prom

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** okay his first name is not jonathan but w/e

secondly, gary’s full name is garfield?

  
**_Gary carebear Green:_ ** **_  
_ ** NO

IT

IS

NOT

  
_Nate changed Gary’s nickname to “Garfield”._

 _  
_ _Gary left the group._

 _  
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m so confused

  
_Lily added Gary to the group._

 _  
_ _Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

“You’re not gonna let me avoid this at all are you?” said Ava, closing her bedroom door behind her and Nora. “Not even for like, fifteen minutes.”

“Considering I have to go talk to my lawyer in an hour,” said Nora, “no. And also considering that I’ve known you for twelve years and know all your baggage and skeletons in your closet, there’s no point in a long winded explanation of how we got to this point. I know what’s going on in that head of yours Aves. You’re scared of having sex with Sara.”

Ava arched an eyebrow before walking over to flop down onto the bed beside Nora. “You sure you shouldn’t be taking Psychology classes at college?”

“Very funny, stop deflecting.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t. C’mon Aves, talk to me. There’s probably a million different reasons why you’re freaking out about this so let’s just start with one. Give me _one_ thing that’s making you uneasy about it.”

Ava sighed, her eyes following the faint paint cracks in her ceiling. “Is it weird if I say that one thing is that nobody’s seen me naked since I was like, 6?”

Nora snorted, but it wasn’t a condescending, malicious sound. It was soft and affectionate and matched the tone of Nora’s voice when she said, “No, it’s not weird Aves. Although I’m pretty sure you, Gary and I had a naked pool party at Gary’s place when we were 7 because of the heat wave that summer.”

“Okay fine,” said Ava, grinning a little at the smile in Nora’s voice. “Since I was 7 then.”

“I get it though,” said Nora quickly before Ava could sidetrack them with stories about that summer. “It’s not like you have the same body you had when you were 7.”

“Yeah,” said Ava in a quiet voice. “Exactly.”

Nora nudged her gently. “What else?”

Ava held her breath, the words chasing each other in her head so fast that she had trouble catching them and holding them still long enough to form a proper sentence. “I’m scared because it’s something I don’t know anything about and she does. What if I fuck it up?”

“Ava, you know that ‘practice makes perfect’ literally applies to everything in this world,” said Nora patiently. “Luckily, sex is one of those things that isn’t so bad to practice.”

Ava couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess.” She sank her teeth into her bottom lip, feeling her eyes burn suddenly. “This … this one’s gonna sound so fucking stupid.”

“Nothing can ever sound more stupid than Gary animatedly arguing that New Zealand and Australia were one country that one time in 5th grade Geography,” said Nora, her hand curling around Ava’s wrist and squeezing reassuringly. “Tell me.”

Ava exhaled shakily, leaning a little subconsciously into the warmth of Nora beside her. “Having sex. That … that would be the last thing that would … I dunno, _solidify_ me being a lesbian. And I know that’s not a bad thing, but crossing that line - sleeping with Sara - would mean once and for all that that’s who I am. That I could never really go back. Not that I _want_ to, especially now that Sara and I are together. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. But it’s felt like at every stage, there’s always been something else I had to do when it came to my sexuality, and it was kind of comforting knowing I could just hover where I was at any given point and tackle whatever was next whenever I wanted to. But once I do this, it means I can’t avoid it. I don’t have an out anymore. And … that terrifies me so much more than it should after all this time.”

“Ava,” said Nora softly, and there was something so shocked and careful and reassuring about her voice that Ava had to shut her eyes to stop the burning in her eyelids to spill over to tears on her cheeks. “Ava, that’s not stupid. Confronting who you are, what’s _real_ about who you are, won’t ever _stop_ being terrifying no matter how much time has passed for you to understand yourself. Take it from someone who’s the resident expert on pretending to be someone they’re not. You have every right to be scared about something like that. And also, isn’t there that whole thing about sexuality being fluid and you don’t ever have to lock yourself into being one thing forever and you can always rediscover who you are at different points in your life even if you were something else before?”

Ava’s lips quirked upwards. “I mean, yes.”

“ _See._ ” Nora elbowed her in the ribs. “But that’s not be undermining your very valid insecurity about any of that, by the way. I’m just saying. You don’t _have_ to be scared about that. You are allowed to be though.”

“Yeah, I … I know. But what if - “

Ava cut herself off. Now that they’d hit this part of the far from quiet musings in her head, she suddenly wanted to keep all of her thoughts to herself.

What if … _what if._

That was it, really. That was where these anxieties had started, initially just little thoughts at the back of her mind, but growing more and more every time she thought about them until she could barely sort through them to find the cause. But now … what if telling Nora about all of this forced her into telling _Sara._ (Because she knew that was the healthy, sensible, responsible decision, making sure communication channels with her _girlfriend_ were open was important but voicing these fears to Nora was one thing. To Sara, that was something else entirely. Especially because another one of the anxieties that had eaten away at Ava about all this, was worrying that her relationship with Sara was incomplete somehow, because other than making out when they hung out, almost nothing had changed. Or at least that was what it felt like. And Ava couldn’t stop thinking about whether _sex_ was what she and Sara were waiting for to set the ball rolling, to actually shift their relationship into what it needed to be. What if _she_ was the one holding back the progression of their relationship with how far into her own head she was getting about this one little thing.

Though, if she was entirely honest, Ava knew it wasn’t even true. So much had changed between her and Sara. She spent so much time at Sara’s now that she might as well move in, and Quentin seemed to cook for her every night just in case she ended up coming over, and … and she could kiss Sara whenever she wanted, leaning over the table in math class and brushing her lips against Sara’s cheek before she looked at the textbook between them, turning her head slightly so her lips met Sara’s when they met up in the hallway before homeroom, Sara more often than not with one black coffee in her left hand and a double shot caramel latte with extra foam in her right. Now they were dating, she could grab Sara’s hand when they walked at the back of their group of friends and pull her into an empty classroom, or let Sara push her against the wall in her kitchen and kiss her until she forgot what they’d even come in for.

And yet … it _did_ feel a little like something was missing. Like something _more_ should’ve changed between them when they started dating, because when people talked about relationships they always seemed like such a big deal, and this relationship wasn’t.

Well, no. It was a big deal to _her_ , and to Sara, but it wasn’t a big deal like Layla’s relationships always seemed to be, over the top and dramatic and so very different to just being friends.

“What if what, Ava?” Nora prompted quietly. She rolled over onto her stomach, and Ava did the same. Nora must’ve sensed Ava’s significant uneasiness because she moved her arm, resting her hand next to Ava’s on the bed and nudging her with her pinkie.

Ava let out a breath through her teeth and pulled back her hand, picking at her nails to avoid having to look Nora in the eyes. “What if … look, I don’t know how this dating thing works, Nor. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or what I’m not supposed to do or what even makes this a real relationship, you know? What if Sara expects things from me now we’re dating that I don’t know about, or what if … what if - how do I know this is even a _real_ relationship when barely anything’s changed since she asked me out, what if - ”

What if just staying at Sara’s until nearly midnight and kissing her until neither of them could breathe wasn’t enough? What if relationships weren’t built on gentle touches when no one else was looking or soft kisses during half time of soccer matches, what if the thing that needed to change - the thing that made this relationship _real_ was exactly the thing Ava wasn’t even ready to think about right now? What if - what if this wasn’t enough for Sara, and she decided she’d rather be with someone else, someone who’d been in relationships before and knew what they were doing and knew how to make her -

Fuck.

Nora remained silent for a long time, letting Ava’s words hang in the air between them before tilting her head and raising one eyebrow, somehow looking as though she already knew what Ava was thinking without her even having to voice it out loud.

“You wanna know why things haven’t changed between you guys?” she asked, keeping her voice quiet and steady. Ava nodded. “It’s because you were practically dating for a _very_ long time before Sara asked you out. There’s a reason there was a bet running around school, and why we had a group chat to yell about how cute you guys were, and why all of us - even your families - could tell something was going on. Because the way you guys _acted_ was how people in relationships act. Think about it Aves. Would you ever have been the way you were around Sara with me? Hell no. It would’ve been _weird._ But it wasn’t with you two, because you skipped from the ‘just friends’ thing to ‘basically dating’ without either of you even realising.”

Ava wanted to speak but there was a lump in her throat stopping her.

“Hey,” said Nora, looping her pinkie around Ava’s. “Trust me. You don’t want to push yourself into something you’re not ready for. It fucks you up.”

Ava immediately looked over at her, the lump in her throat growing for different reasons. She knew what Nora was getting at. She remembered the night back towards the end of sophomore year that Nora had shown up at the Sharpe’s doorstep in tears because she’d convinced herself she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend at the time. She’d realised afterwards that it had been not only a way to distract herself from the reality of what was going on in her life - the disaster that was her family - but also her trying to reinforce the other version of herself she presented to the rest of the world, the version of herself that kept her (and everyone she loved) safe from Damien.

“I know,” said Ava in barely a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” said Nora instantly. “I learned from it. But it taught me exactly what the _wrong_ way to approach sex was, and that’s why I’m talking this through with you now. Sara would never forgive herself if she found out you had sex with her for the first time because you felt like you owed it to her.”

Ava ducked her head down, focusing her watery gaze on her and Nora’s entwined pinkies. “You know, Layla said the same thing when I asked her about it yesterday.”

Nora didn’t seem surprised that Ava had gone to Layla about this. For all of their animosities, and all the ways Layla had been a less than ideal sister to Ava over the years, there were a few very specific things that she could offer solid and unwavering advice about.

“Yeah well,” said Nora, sounding sadly resigned. “Layla was in the same boat as me, wasn't she? Made the same mistake I did. Hence the identical advice spiels.”

Ava let out a quiet, appreciative chuckle before glancing over at Nora a little apprehensively. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Does Ray know? About how you regret losing your virginity the way you did?”

Nora smiled, a half grimace, almost pitying sort of smile, and then nodded. “Yeah. I told him. And you know something Aves? We haven’t slept together yet either.” Ava tried to keep her expression neutral, but knew she’d failed when she saw Nora’s lip twitch slightly in amusement before she hid it with a gentle smile.  “It doesn’t make our relationship any less real. I love him and he loves me, and _that’s_ what matters. Nothing else.”

“Love, huh?” said Ava with a raised eyebrow, and Nora flushed. “When did that happen?”

“After prom,” Nora mumbled, avoiding Ava’s grinning, inquisitive gaze. “We were waiting for his mom to pick us up and … I dunno. I just said it okay? You tell anyone and I’ll kill you.”

“My lips are sealed,” promised Ava with a smirk.

“About that, yes,” said Nora. “About _your_ shit, no. Talk to her Aves. If not about _all_ of this, at least make sure she knows that you’re not ready to take that step yet.” She sounded almost stern, even as the gentle firmness of her voice didn’t quite match the affectionate, comforting look in her eyes. “I want you to swear that you’re gonna bring it up at some point soon.”

A wave of panic washed straight through Ava, heart clenching in her chest even though she managed to keep her fingers from visibly doing the same. She opened her mouth to object but Nora shook her head, properly tangling her fingers in Ava’s and squeezing, repeating her words, more gentle this time, making it sound like a better idea than it had been before.

Ava knew Sara would never push her or ask for anything she wasn’t ready to give, that she’d be perfectly content with letting this relationship progress at Ava’s own speed, regardless of what anyone else had to say about it. Sara loved spending her evenings curled up on her bed watching tv, with Ava warm and soft and right beside her - she’d told her repeatedly how much these quiet nights in meant to her, especially in between the madness of soccer and exams and the end of the year.

And right now they were both perfectly content with spending quiet evenings curled up on Sara’s bed watching tv, her head resting against Ava’s shoulder, warm and soft and fresh from the shower she’d take after soccer practice, smelling of honey and lemon and that ever familiar coconut shampoo. And sure, it wasn’t sex, and maybe Sara wanted that, but the way she’d slip down on the bed until her head was resting on Ava’s lap and close her eyes, waking up only when it was time for tea with a sleepy smile, eyes fluttering closed when Ava brushed her hair out of her eyes … that had to count for something, right?

“Ava,” Nora interrupted again, grinning a little as though she knew exactly where Ava’s mind had wandered. “Relationships are built on communication.”

_Relationships._

This was a _lot,_ and even though she’d specifically asked Nora to come over to talk about it, she still wasn’t entirely sure she was ready for the rest of this conversation. So instead of letting Nora continue down the same route Ava bit back a teasing smirk and nudged Nora gently with her elbow, unable to keep the smile out of her voice as she quietly repeated, “Relationships, huh? Because you’re the crowned expert now, huh? One whole month of dating Ray Palmer and you’ve got all these words of wisdom.”

This time it was Nora who looked away, hair falling in front of her face as she unsuccessfully tried to hide the blush creeping up her neck. (Ava was pretty sure she’d seen Nora blush more times in the past month than she had in 12 years.) Nora cleared her throat, and Ava bit back a grin. Nora was adorable (even though she’d threaten bodily harm to anyone who ever mentioned it, unless their name happened to start with ‘Ray’ and end with ‘Palmer’).

To be entirely honest, Ava hadn’t seen this coming - not from Nora, and yet ever since Nora and Ray had gotten together she’d seen an entirely new side of her, the side of her she’d hidden from so many people for so long, and had only just started to settle into now her dad had finally been arrested. Nora cleared her throat for a second time, sitting up, tucking her hair firmly back behind her ear and folding her arms across her chest, cheeks still a little too pink to be blamed on anything except her bashful embarrassment as she admonished, “Yeah, I’m an expert.” She waited for Ava to follow her lead and sit up too before saying, “Which means you should listen to my advice and talk to your girlfriend about this, instead of just sitting here and overthinking it. Promise me Aves. I wanna know you’re not gonna put yourself into a bad situation when all it’s gonna take is one conversation to avoid it.”

Ava could see the sincerity in her eyes, the unflinching resolve and protectiveness and concern, and there was something about Nora’s unyielding confidence that however this conversation went down between Ava and Sara, it would be _okay_ , that comforted Ava to no end.

“Okay,” she said finally. “I promise.”

 

* * *

 

Ava didn’t have any idea what she did in a previous life to end up here, or how she found herself at this point _now_ , but she silently thanked every past reincarnation of herself for doing _something_ right because she was pretty sure that the apocalypse could start right about now and she wouldn’t even notice. Her entire brain was just screaming one thing: _Sara._

Sara, who was currently straddling Ava’s lap, scraping her nails against Ava’s scalp, kissing Ava in a way that should be illegal, and smiling every time Ava let out a quiet, muffled noise of appreciation.

Ava had no idea how to do this. Not only had _they_ never done this before in their relationship so far, _Ava_ had never done this before period. Sure they’d been dating a week and a half so far, but they hadn’t exactly been following the ‘classic teenage dating timeline’ as Spencer jokingly referred to it. In the craziness of school starting to wrap up, prom, playoffs, Sara’s practices for state champs, Ava being (officially) chosen as valedictorian and them all beginning to study for exams, Ava and Sara hadn’t even really gotten one full _day_ to spend together since they started dating. Ava was now used to holding Sara’s hand, to admittedly increasingly long make out sessions when nobody else was around, to Sara cuddling into her side when they were sitting in a group and Sara’s increased physical affection, but nothing beyond that despite everyone’s incessant teasing about them not having had sex yet after almost a year of ‘unbearably sickening flirting and heart eyes’ as Zari called it.

Ava always laughed along with everyone else, but her stomach twisted uncomfortably every time the subject arose, and she pointedly tried to grin in amusement at Sara and hide the spike of anxiety she felt rise rapidly within her. She’d never had sex before - hell, she’d never even been in a relationship. Everything about realising she was gay had happened in such a strange haze of sharp realisation and a rapid sequence of unfolding events that the actual idea of being in a relationship didn’t even occur to Ava until much later (and when she discovered her feelings for Sara, any other thoughts just didn’t seem to matter). But Sara had been in a relationship before, both serious and casual. Ava knew she’d also had sex with both guys and girls, and it didn’t bother her but once she stumbled upon the realisation that sex would inevitably come up in _their_ relationship, Sara’s experience in the matter began to intimidate Ava to absolutely no end.

Prom had been the first time it had _really_ crossed Ava’s mind, for more than just a brief second. More specifically, the moment Ava was pretty sure had been replaying on a loop in her brain since it happened - when Sara had dragged her to the disabled toilets and pushed her against the wall to kiss her. Ava’s mind had gone blank almost immediately, instantly preoccupied with the feeling of Sara’s warm lips on hers, of Sara slinking up onto her tiptoes (having discarded her shoes hours ago) and curling her fingers into the fabric of Ava’s dress, tugging slightly so that she and Ava were pressed so closely up against each other that Ava could feel every inch, every curve of Sara’s body against hers. When Ava had sighed contentedly against Sara’s lips, Sara had smiled, squeezing Ava’s waist gently and murmuring “You look so beautiful.”, to which Ava had just blushed, whispered “You too.” and closed the gap to kiss Sara again. It had been in that kiss - when Sara gasped a little in surprise before letting out a muffled moan into Ava’s mouth, when she’d pressed forward and slid her tongue suddenly against Ava’s and made every inch of Ava’s body erupt in goosebumps - that the thought _you need to have the sex conversation_ crossed Ava’s mind. But before she could break away and say something, Sara pulled back first, smirking a little as she wiped some of her lipstick from the corner of Ava’s mouth and opening her clutch to find the makeup she’d brought with her, saying “We really need to touch up.”

They hadn’t kissed quite like that since, - not with that much intensity - hadn’t even _talked_ about it, and part of Ava wondered if it had really happened.

 

Until now.

Now being 2:36pm on a Friday making out on Sara’s couch.

 

School had let out early for seniors and when Ava went to grab her books for the weekend, Sara had bumped Ava’s hip with her own and said “Wanna come over and study?” Ava knew Quentin was still at work and Laurel was spending this weekend in Chicago with Oliver, Tommy and Felicity but finals were closing in fast and Ava had no reason to question Sara’s genuineness in motive. But she’d had barely taken three steps into the Lance living room, carefully placing her school bag on the leather armchair facing the tv when Sara had tugged Ava round to face her, pushed her onto the couch and immediately straddled her lap.

“I thought we were studying,” said Ava, her voice already going dry as her hands instinctively moved to rest in on Sara’s hips.

“We will,” said Sara, a gleam in her eye. “But we’ve got three extra hours that we would usually spend in class and considering how insane the last week and a half has been, I really _really_ just wanna have some uninterrupted time to make out with my girlfriend.” She arches a teasing eyebrow. “You know. Unless you’d rather be agonising over physics or something.”

The crooked smile she wore was doing funny things to Ava’s heart, as was the warmth in her eyes and the weight of her in Ava’s lap. Ava desperately wanted to kiss her, but her brain was reminding her of all the things that could happen, all the things she didn’t know how to do and this was good a time as ever to either bring it up or just get over herself and _do it_ , but didn’t even know how to _start_ or how to approach having this conversation, so she just shook her head in response to Sara’s teasing question.

Sara grinned, gently brushing Ava’s hair from her face and leaning forward, her soft murmur of “Good.” barely more than a whisper of breath over Ava’s lips and Ava had to suppress a shudder before Sara closed the gap and pressed their lips together.

It was softer than Ava had been expecting, more tender and familiar despite the mischievous glint in Sara’s eyes and the seemingly focused intent in her actions as she’d shoved Ava onto the couch. But the fear of what might be expected to come - the lingering thought of _three uninterrupted hours_ \- was impossible to shake off and Ava found herself unable to relax, stiff and rigid and terrified. It wasn’t that she didn’t _trust_ Sara because she did. But she was 18 and had never been in a relationship, and the idea of that kind  of vulnerability with _anyone_ , even Sara, was so daunting that Ava just needed more _time_ to accustom to the idea of someone seeing _all_ of her in every way before she just leapt into it.

Thankfully, Sara noticed her hesitance almost immediately.

“Hey,” she said, pulling back with a concerned frown. “You okay? You seem tense.” Her fingers trailed down Ava’s bare arms, briefly thumbing the edges of her t-shirt sleeves before tracing gentle, meaningless patterns on Ava’s skin.

“I’m fine,” Ava tried to say nonchalantly but it came out strangely, too hoarse and unsure and Sara’s eyes flickered with worry.

“Aves,” she said, her right hand moving to tilt Ava’s chin upwards so that Ava would meet her gaze. “Me getting to claim the role of both best friend and girlfriend means I get full disclosure in the ‘very clearly not fine’ department. C’mon, what’s up?”

Ava shook her head, suddenly feeling embarrassment crawl up her neck and a flush work it’s way across her cheeks. “It’s so stupid.”

“I bet it’s not,” said Sara immediately, her voice so unbelievably gentle. “Unless it’s that you actually do wanna study for physics right now. Then that’s a little stupid because you’re sitting at an A+ for physics and the exam isn’t for like, two weeks so -“

“I don’t know how to do this,” Ava blurted out.

Sara quietened, furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to work out what Ava was talking about. “Do ... what?” She gestured between her and Ava. “This as in _us_? Or this as in making out on this couch?”

Ava shrugged helplessly, eyes darting down to avoid the seemingly inevitable amusement she would see on Sara’s face when she said “I don’t know. Both.”

There were several moments of silence, in which Ava got the overwhelming urge to bolt from the room. But Sara’s thighs were firm and strong around hers and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to move even if she tried. She found herself playing with the strings of Sara’s hoodie in an attempt to distract herself, until she startled at the feeling of a soft kiss being pressed to the bridge of her nose.

“I’m not dating you for your relationship experience Aves,” murmured Sara and Ava could hear the soft, joking tone to Sara’s voice, could feel Sara’s lips moving against her forehead and she let her eyes flicker shut at the comforting sound of Sara’s voice. “This isn’t a job interview - I’m not expecting a minimum of three years experience in previous relationships, 20+ hours of making out on a couch and at least four pride parades attended.”

Ava snorted with laughter and felt Sara’s smile against her skin. Sara hands moved to gently card through Ava’s hair and Ava let out a quiet hum of appreciation.

“I’m dating you because you’re my best friend in the whole world Aves, and you make me feel all stupidly gooey inside and you understand my dumb jokes and support me in every single thing I do and let me fall asleep on you during movie marathons and put up with my crazy friends and also, you’re kind of so insanely gorgeous that I think the gay in me multiplies by like, 500 every time you do anything ever.”

“Sara!” Ava laughed, letting her head drop to Sara’s collarbone as she giggled, embarrassed now for completely different reasons.

“I’m serious!” insisted Sara, pulling back and nudging Ava upwards so she could look Ava in the eye. “You should have _heard_ the conversations I had with Amaya and Zari after I realised I had feelings for you. Pretty sure neither of them want to hear anything about your ‘legs for days’ or ‘perfect abs’ or ‘gorgeous eyes’ or ‘stupidly kissable lips’ ever again.”

Ava’s cheeks burned and she poked Sara lightly in the stomach. “Perfect abs? Are you kidding me? Have you _seen_ yourself?”

Sara squeaked, squirming a little as she swatted Ava’s hand away. Ava raised a curious eyebrow.

“Are you ticklish?”

“No!” Sara said a little too quickly and Ava smirked, her hands creeping up Sara’s sides. Sara reached down and curled her own hands around Ava’s wrists. “Before you ruin any cool cred I have left with you by realising just how ticklish I am, let’s finish this conversation.”

The smallest pit of dread opened at the base of Ava’s stomach despite the soft reassurances that Sara had given her before, because there was still one thing that was nagging at her. Sara waited for her to talk, seeing the apparent struggle in Ava’s eyes as she attempted to find the words for what she wanted to say. Ava had intended to be indifferent and easy going when she eventually brought this up, to appear as unfazed as she was sure Sara felt about the subject.

“So sex,” was all she ended up managing to say.

Sara’s mouth quirked upwards slightly and she nodded. “Sex,” she repeated.

“That’s a thing.” It was taking every ounce of Ava’s courage to maintain eye contact with Sara right now. Sara, who almost instantly caught on to what Ava was very clearly _not_ saying, whose eyes softened and smile widened just a little, who leaned forward and pulled Ava into the gentlest of kisses.

“A thing you’ve never done?” she guessed after pulling away.

Ava nodded. “Not ... not even close. I’ve never even done _this._ ” She gestured between the two of them similarly to how Sara had earlier. “I don’t know how to do any of this Sara, and it’s _you_ and you’re so perfect and I don’t want to mess any of this up - I just want to give you anything and everything you want without being so fucking clueless about all of this. And God, I was so scared before I knew you were going to Brown that because we’d probably end up at different colleges after summer, I was just gonna have to bite the bullet and figure my shit out because if I took so long to agonise over this, we’d probably end up missing out on this entire part of our relationship and -” Ava sucked in a sharp breath, trying to focus on the feeling of Sara’s fingers on the skin of her arms, of the weight of Sara in her lap rather than the slight embers of panic starting to burn in her chest. “I don’t _want_ that,” she said in a rush of breath. “I … I _want_ you to be my first. I don’t want to be so caught up in my own head about losing your virginity being this _big deal_ that I messed up getting that chance with you.”

“Ava stop,” interrupted Sara, taking Ava’s face in her hands. “Babe, listen to me. Anything and everything I want is _you._ Just you. Not sex with you or making out with you or any of the things you might be terrified of. Sara and Ava, what we’ve always been - that’s all I ever really want.”

“Please don’t just say that to make me feel better,” pleaded Ava, the knot in her stomach only slightly loosened at Sara’s reply.

“Hey, do I sugar coat things?” demanded Sara. “Fuck no. Especially not with you. And look, I never, _ever_ would’ve wanted us sleeping together to happen because you felt like there was a ticking clock on our relationship. I swear, I would’ve flown over from wherever the hell I was in the country to come see you at Brown rather than you forcing yourself to do something you’re not ready for.” She traced her thumb just below Ava’s lip, the pad of her finger so featherlight that it almost tickled. “And … now that we know we’re both gonna be at Brown, I need you to also know I’m not _waiting_ for anything okay? You could take the rest of this school year, all summer, hell - take our entire first year of college to figure out how you feel and decide whether or not you want to have sex. It _is_ a big deal Aves, even if it’s not in the whole socially conditioned ‘losing your virginity’ sense. It’s … it’s a lot to be _that_ kind of vulnerable around someone and I would much rather know that you’re comfortable enough to be like that around me than any other option at all.”

Ava swallowed. “You promise?”

Sara’s eyes flickered up to the ceiling and then back to Ava’s face, her mouth twisting into a wry smile. “You want the truth?”

Ava felt nauseous. She wasn’t sure she did want the truth, but she couldn’t lie to Sara. “Yeah.”

Sara laughed quietly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “The truth is ... I’m probably more nervous for us to have sex than you are.”

Stunned silence weighed between them for almost as long as it had when Ava had let her revelation slip, before Ava broke it with a shocked, incredulous “Bullshit.”

Sara chuckled but Ava was astonished to see the glaring vulnerability in her expression. “Nope,” she said, popping the p. “I’ve genuinely spent several sleepless nights agonising over it.”

“Over _what_?” exclaimed Ava, blinking. “You’re the one who knows what you’re doing! What do you have to be nervous about?”

“It’s _you_ !” Sara shot back. She shook her head, fingers fiddling with the cuffs of her hoodie before Ava saw a flash of gentle amusement flicker on her face and she added with a small smirk “Because it’s _you_ and you’re perfect and I don’t want to mess any of this up and I just want to give you anything and everything you want and deserve.”

Any and all remaining tightness in Ava’s stomach and chest dissipated as her own words were tossed back at her.

“All I want is you,” she said before she could stop herself, and they both grinned at the realisation that they were just repeating each other’s replies.

“The fact that you’re a virgin doesn’t bother me Aves,” promised Sara. “You only just figured out you were gay last year, haven’t been in a relationship since then and you’re definitely not the kind of person to sleep with someone for the first time on a whim. I admire that about you. Not that it’s not perfectly acceptable to sleep with someone for the first time on a whim.”

“Trying to appreciate my chastity while avoiding slut shaming someone else, get yourself a girl who can do both,” joked Ava and Sara rolled her eyes.

“Chastity makes you sound like a nun,” she said with a grimace, “and I’d like to think that sex is a thing that _could_ happen eventually.”

“Eventually,” said Ava, “yeah, of course.” She shrugged, ducking her head down to hide her blush. “You never know, maybe not so eventually. I just ... need to get used to _this -_ us right now - first.”

“There’s no rush,” said Sara quickly. “None at all.” She bumped her nose lightly against Ava’s. “Just talk to me about it, okay? That’s what I’m here for - I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, especially about us. _Especially_ the stuff that’s so new to you because you haven’t had anything like this before.”

Ava nodded. “Yeah. Yeah okay.”

Sara relaxed a little, dropping her hands between them to absentmindedly play with Ava’s t-shirt. “Do you wanna study?” she asked, her voice gentle. “Because we _do_ have assignments due next week, and that _is_ why you came over.”

“But we still have ages until your dad comes back,” Ava said, firmly stopping herself from immediately answering _yes_ and playing it safe. Her instinct told her not to testing any of her comfort zones even after having this conversation, and it took every fibre of her being to fight it. Sara seemed to see right through her, shaking her head and leaning forward to kiss Ava’s cheek.

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna push you into doing _this_ ,” said Sara. “Not after what we just talked about.”

“But I like this,” said Ava before she could stop herself. “ _This_ being us just … just being here. Talking.”

“Oh?” said Sara, grinning a little as she leaned in close. “Just talking? So like, no making out then?”

“Okay, maybe a little,” said Ava, trying not to let her eyes flutter closed at the feeling of Sara’s breath against her lips. “Now that you … you _know_ that I’m not ready for this to go anything further, I really like this.”

The smile that graced Sara’s face at that was so bright and radiant, Ava swore she could feel the warmth of it in her own chest. Sara shifted her weight, her fingers trailing up Ava’s sides before taking Ava’s face in her hands, thumbs gently tracing Ava’s jawline.

“In that case,” she said in barely a whisper. “Study can most definitely wait.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we pretty much looked at all your comments from chapter 29 and went, okay, how much of the stuff they're asking for can we put in one chapter. originally, ava was gonna find out about brown a little later but you guys were all asking for it and we wanted you to see how it goes down so!! 
> 
> hope everything about this chapter lived up to all your expectations! pls let us know what else you might wanna see or what you're curious about, we've got space to fill in coming chapters between the plot points we've outlined and we'd love to include stuff that you guys specifically ask for XX


	31. we loved (and got lost in the moment)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Well, I’m here now,” Ava pointed out. “I feel like I’m already helping then.” 
> 
> “You are,” Sara said with a smile. “You could help even more by staying the night.” Ava’s eyes widened in surprise and Sara saw the sudden flash of uncertainty the filled them clear as day. “Not like that,” she promised quickly, immediately lowering her voice so Tommy and Laurel wouldn’t hear. “You know that babe. Just … stay. It’s the weekend. It’ll be nice. We can stay up playing more Monopoly and then sleep in tomorrow morning and I can make you pancakes - well, Laurel can make us pancakes because I’ll probably burn down the kitchen - and then I’ll walk you home and we’ll finally get to see each other for more than a couple of hours after school or during class.”"
> 
> OR
> 
> the darhk trial ends, ava & sara's softness in their relationship hits an all time high, and it turns out things aren't magically better between sara and dinah after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello it's 1:31am and I have work in less than 7 hours so i'm going to briefly ramble and then bid adieu for my own sake oof (also i've started saying oof unironically and I hate myself for it and I may or may not drag myself in a group chat convo of this chapter so look out for that) 
> 
> thank u as always <3 last chapter's important convos meant so much to us, and we're still kinda in awe that we wrote almost 20k in a week, so we hope it made up for the day's delay in posting. all of you leaving enormous, heartfelt, incredibly sincere comments about how much the development of this relationship means to you guys was so wonderful and it means a lot that you all resonated with the decision we made in terms of sara & ava's characterisation within their relationship. i've said it before and i'll say it again; we do this for you guys <3 
> 
> this week's chapter is on time, is a much shorter (lol) 11k and may or may not contain the softest thing either of us have literally ever written in our entire lives (to make up for some pretty considerable both sara & nora angst bookending it, we would apologise, but it's us, the angst is inevitable, even now) 
> 
> hope easing back into work / school / uni in the new year is going okay for u guys! this month is gonna pretty fckn hectic for both of us but we're hoping we can push through and keep updates regular. any announcements abt whether there might be any delays will be on my twitter (@saraalcnce) so go have a gander over there if u wanna make sure ur not missing anything! 
> 
> OH ALSO this chapter wraps up the darhk trial but just to be clear: we literally have no idea how the law works. let alone american law. i dont know what happens in court cases past what i've seen in far too many cop tv shows. i don't know what the official words for crimes u can be charged for are. idk about how the press reports on any of that. just ... suspend your disbelief for our sake pls, we're not law students & the take away from the trial is nora, not the details of it, same way that the take away from the soccer scenes are sara & the team, not the accuracy of the game itself. 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from polaroid by jonas blue, liam payne and lennon stella. we're obsessed with this song and we love the vibe of it for the fic, both the original and the acoustic so give it a listen!)

The words “Guilty on all counts” were still echoing in Nora’s head, and she was pretty sure she was crushing Ray’s hand with how desperately she was clutching it.

It was done. Damien was going away. _Forever._ So why wasn’t she relieved? She was finally safe, everyone she _loved_ was finally safe for the first time that Nora could even remember, but she still felt sick to her stomach, still felt like she was in an odd, unfocused haze the way she had been during every hearing of the trial.

“Hey,” said Ava softly, her hand gentle on Nora’s back. “Breathe. We can get outta here now if you want? Mom and Dad said you’re coming to ours, non negotiable.”

Nora let out a quiet, suspiciously wet laugh. God. Robert and Barbara Sharpe. Nora didn’t know what she’d ever done to deserve them, but undoubtedly, the Sharpes were the one thing in her life that had never gone wrong. She quickly wiped her eyes with her blazer sleeve, leaning into Ava just a little (but still refusing to let go of Ray’s hand; it felt like the only thing keeping her grounded).

“Thanks Aves,” she said, keeping her voice down. Quentin had advised her to be wary about things she said in public, especially while still in the courtroom as most of Star City’s press would be unmerciful in their attempts to get some kind of statement from her about the court ruling, whether official or not. “Yeah I’m … that sounds good. Just give me a minute.”

“As long as you need,” promised Ava. “Mom ‘n Dad said they’d wait out back, pretty sure there’s a police detail on them to stop any press from hounding them. I can meet you there …?”

“No,” said Nora, grabbing Ava’s arm. “No, can you … can you stay? This won’t take long. You don’t have to do anything, I just need you guys here.”

“Even me?” piped up Gary from the row behind them, where he was sitting with Lily and Kuasa. Nora smiled, elbowing him affectionately.

“Yeah Green, even you,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Stick those shoulders back a bit. I want it to look like I have a small army in my corner.”

“And you want Gary to be here for that?” joked Lily. “Not sure that’s the best plan of action Nor.”

“Uh, excuse you,” said Gary, his eyes narrowing into a glare at Nora. “I can be menacing.”

“I’m sure you can!” said Ray reassuringly, while Ava, Kuasa and Lily all snorted. Ray gave them all beseeching looks, and it was that protective, caring, gentle and _safe_ look on his face that made Nora’s terrified heart slow a little, made her stomach stop flipping neverending somersaults. She exhaled a little shakily, tightening her grip on Ray’s hand and smiling a little to herself when his thumb seemed to instinctively brush comfortingly over her knuckles. His glance broke away from Gary and the others back to Nora, expression shifting into concern. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” said Nora, glad her voice came out steadier than the word sounded in her head. “There’s just one thing I need to do.” She untangled her fingers from his, taking a deep breath and stepping out from around the stands. She was barely three steps across the courtroom when a uniformed officer stepped out in front of her, his face rigid and stern and seemingly, incredibly uncompromising. Behind him, she could see the other cops moving to lead Damien Darhk out of the courtroom.

“Wait, can I … can I talk to him?” asked Nora, trying to stop her voice from shaking, but it was a lot harder to do when it wasn’t _Ray_ she was talking to.

“I’m sorry,” said the officer, “but I can’t let you do that.”

“O’Connell, let her through,” said a sudden, authoritative voice, and Nora glanced over to see Quentin Lance stepping beside her, his hands in his pockets and looking just as sturdy and reassuringly unflinching as he had during every moment of this trial. Over the last three weeks, Quentin had been one of the only things that had kept Nora calm about everything that was going on, and it was now that she was sure she’d never been more grateful that he had been assigned to the case.

Officer O’Connell looked at Quentin wearily. “Sir, the guy’s a psychopath, and she’s 18 -”

“She’s his daughter,” interrupted Quentin. “He’s not going to hurt her. He’s going to prison for the rest of his life, let her talk to him.”

O’Connell hesitated but he seemed to sense that Quentin was seconds away from making it a direct order, so he stepped aside. The nausea in Nora’s stomach returned with a vengeance, and for a second, she couldn’t bring herself to step forward. But Quentin gave her a small nudge and she took a stumbling step towards where Damien was standing, cuffs at his hands and feet and armed guards at both his sides. As she approached him, Quentin placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I can’t give you guys privacy,” he said quietly, clearly speaking only to Nora. “I’ve gotta stay here for your protection.”

Nora nodded. “Yeah, I know,” she said. “It’s okay.”

Quentin squeezed her shoulder, before stepping as far aside a he could, his eyes careful as he watched Damien for any sudden or suspicious movements. For several moments, the deep, barren chasm of silence made Nora’s knees shake and she had to clench her fists together, folding her arms to stop her father from seeing them shake. She stared at him, willing herself to speak.

She hadn’t seen him properly - been this close to him - in _years_. Honestly, he barely looked like the man she remembered as her father.

Damien shifted his weight. “I’m sorry -”

“No,” Nora spat out, her tongue suddenly working again. She shook her head, every bone in her body suddenly vibrating with fury. “ _No._ You’re not. Don’t lie to me.”

A wry smile crossed Damien’s face, and it made Nora feel sick. “You were always too smart.”

An angry, whistling breath slipped past Nora’s lips and she narrowed her eyes. “I’m not here to make small talk,” she hissed. “I’m not trying to give you some kind of forgiveness or peace of mind before you go and rot in prison for the rest of your damn life.”

Damien’s expression was frustratingly neutral as he kept his gaze on her. “What are you here for then Nora?”

Nora bit her lip. It took everything in her power not to cry. “Just tell me the truth,” she said in a small voice. “Did you kill her? Did you _have her_ killed?”

Daimen’s eyes flickered in surprise at the same time as Nora heard Quentin’s sharp intake of breath before he took a step closer to her. Nora wanted to turn and fall into him, to be comforted in the fatherly way Robert had always done for Nora when she was younger, but she kept her eyes fixed on her dad. She _needed_ to know the truth about this. Damien straightened, and the sound of his handcuffs clanging was unbearably loud in the thick, stifling, expectant silence between them. When he spoke, his voice was far too familiar to how Nora remembered it in the back of her mind, the way it had been when she was a little kid, and she didn’t know if it made her more upset, or more angry.

“No Nora,” said Damien, his voice so quiet that if Nora wasn't listening so carefully, she would’ve missed it. “I didn’t have her killed. I loved your mother. I never would’ve done that to her, no matter how much she knew.”

Nora’s eyes snapped shut. “So she knew,” she whispered, voice cracking and not being able bring herself to care. “What you were doing. The stuff about the operation.”

“I don’t know,” said Damien truthfully. “She never said anything. But … you got your brains from her, Nora-doll. Not me. There’s no way she didn’t know.”

Nora opened her eyes again, didn’t bother to hide her tears. “Why didn’t you?” she demanded harshly. “Kill her? It would’ve made life so much easier for you if she wasn’t around as liability for your whole fucking operation?”

Damien’s lips tightened. There was a long beat that felt like it stretched on forever, before he said, low and quiet, “Because I couldn’t do that to you.”

Nora let out a disbelieving scoff, and the pounding in her head increased tenfold. She wanted to _scream._ He couldn’t be serious, he couldn’t actually be for _real_. But the worst part was the he was serious, this was real and it made her so much angrier at her mother, made the uncontrollable rage and confusion more suffocating and the same, childhood naivety and broken helplessness seemed to swallow her whole as she stared incredulously at the man before her, eyes brimming with tears and the lump in her throat impossible to swallow.

“But _she_ did that to me Dad!” she burst out before she could stop herself, the tears pouring down her cheeks and her chest tightening until it became difficult to breathe. “ _She_ left me alone even when you couldn’t!”

Quentin stepped forward again. “Nora,” he said softly, but Nora shook her head, pushing him away. But then Damien said the same thing, said her name, and for some reason, Nora couldn’t help but listen to him. He looked at her searchingly, eyes full of pathetic remorse and honesty.

“Because she wasn’t leaving you _alone_ Nora,” he said. His eyes flickered to something behind Nora, and she turned to glance over her shoulder and saw suddenly what he was looking at: Ava, and Gary, and Ray just a few paces away, then Lily and Kuasa and Sara hovering closeby with all the other legends waiting at the back of the courtroom, waiting to escort Nora to where Barbara and Robert had parked the car, waiting to shield her from prying spectators and relentless media, waiting to hug her and tease her gently and show her that everything was _okay_ now, that she finally had control over her own life for the first time ever. Nora felt all the breath leave her lungs. Her shoulders sagged in sudden exhaustion, and she couldn’t bring herself to turn back around, to look at her father.

“Okay,” she said to Quentin in barely a whisper. “Okay, I’m done.”

She wasn’t sure if her legs would keep her upright as she started to walk away but they did, they did long enough for Nora to find her way back to Ray, to immediately seek out his warmth and curl into his arms, the tears falling hard and fast as he hugged her close. She could feel Gary and Ava step forward to hide her from view of both her father and the others still present in the courtroom, Ava’s hand gentle as it eased Nora’s hair out of the tight, carefully done ponytail it had been in all day. As it fell loose onto her back and shoulders, oddly, Nora felt more like herself than she had in the entirety of the last two weeks, and as Ray pressed the softest of kisses to the top of her head, the ache in her chest lessened, the pain at the memory of her mother’s choice subsided just slightly, and the realisation finally sunk in properly.

She was _free._

  


Ava watched as Nora’s entire posture relaxed, her eyes lightening as she glanced up at Ray, and untaintable relief spread through her entire body at the knowledge that Nora finally _had_ someone else who she trusted to hold her up at moments like this.

It had been over a decade since Nora hadn’t been walking in the shadow of both her parents’ actions, and Ava knew it was going to take Nora a long time for her to piece together who she was without those things hanging over her head. It was okay though. She had all the time in the world to figure it out.

Something - Ava wasn’t sure what - pulled Ava to take the briefest of glances over to where the officers were checking Damien Darhk’s cuffs, ready to lead him out of the courtroom and back to prison. Her stomach jolted disdainfully when she saw he was already looking at her, and her heart skipped with sudden fear. It diminished almost immediately at the uncomfortably familiar expression on his face, an expression that she hated because she remembered it so clearly, remembered him looking at her and Nora like that when they were kids and Ava spent countless hours at the Darhk house.

The unspoken message was clear. The silent apology and plea rolled into one.

The _look after her._

Ava wanted to glare at him. She wanted to look away, or to storm up to him and yell that he had no right to demand or instruct anything at all to do with Nora, that he lost that right 10 years ago, perhaps even before that. But something stopped her, and she slipped her hands into her trouser pockets, meeting his eye for what she knew would be the last time, because he was going to prison for the rest of his life, no bail, no parole, nothing, and she sure as hell had no plans to visit him.

Ava nodded, and before she tore her gaze away, she saw Damien smile.

 

* * *

 

  
**Facebook**

 

 **_Star City Daily News shared 1 new link:_ ** **_  
_ ** May 15th.

 

After over 10 years of Damien Darhk and his crew ravaging crime all over Star City, his highly publicised trial came to a close today. Darhk was charged with several counts of murder, conspiracy to commit murder, arms trafficking, drug production, possession, trafficking and distribution, among more. He was sentenced to life in prison. Present at the verdict today was his only family, his 18 year old daughter Eleanor Darhk. She, along with the Star City PD are yet to release an official statement regarding the sentence.

 

* * *

 

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_theaqxeen posted 3 new photos:_ **

the old gang finally back together again!!! <3 <3 (swipe to see @laureldlance losing her MIND when tommy showed up after school today hehehe)

**_Tagged: saraalance, oliivxrqueen, tommyxmerlyn, laureldlance_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _aliJsharpeXX, saraalance, cvrtishxlt, avacsharpe, laureldlance and 206 others liked this._  
**_Comments:_ ** ****  
_laureldlance:_ I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW LONG YOU GUYS KNEW ABOUT THIS  
_saraalance:_ I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS KEPT THIS FROM ME  
_oliivxrqueen:_ @saraalance  You literally would’ve told Laurel the minute you knew  
_saraalance:_ um RUDE i would NOT HAVE  
_laureldlance_ :  @saraalance  You 100% would have  
tommyxmerlyn: Missed you losers  <3 (except you @oliivxrqueen)

_Wednesday 17 May._

  
**_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

welcome home tommy boy, still offended you didn’t include me in your surprise plan but whatever, guess i forgive u

**_Tagged: tommyxmerlyn_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _avacsharpe, ztomaz, theaqxeen, oliivxrqueen, aliJsharpeXX and 241 others._  
**_Comments:_ ** ****  
_tommyxmerlyn:_ ;-) I mean if you rlly didn’t miss me I can always give Laurel the grad present I bought for you  
_laureldlance:_ Yes do that  @tommyxmerlyn  I was in rehab, I deserve gifts  
_saraalance:_ @laureldlance @tommyxmerlyn UH FUCK OFF I TAKE IT BACK NOT WELCOME HOME SEE YA GO BACK TO CHICAGO  
saraalance :  @tommyxmerlyn  (i’m kidding don’t we missed u a lot)

_Wednesday 17  May._

 

* * *

 

“I’m gonna fucking kill you Thomas Anthony Merlyn.”

“You’re welcome to, but first, pay me the rent you owe thanks.”

 

Sara glowered at Tommy, huffing frustratedly as she forked over the fake Monopoly money piled in front of her and ignoring Laurel and Ava’s amused laughter. Yet for all her feigned annoyance, there was something about this that made Sara feel so light and content - about sitting on the floor in her living room, her, Ava, Tommy and Laurel around the old coffee table with sodas and popcorn and chocolate (and a few bowls of fruit, at both Ava and Quentin’s insistence). About the Monopoly board and all its components strewn in front of them, about an appropriately _chill_ Spotify playlist playing softly through the speakers, about Sara sitting there with her legs in Ava’s lap, Ava tracing soft patterns absentmindedly around the bones of Sara’s ankles while waiting for Laurel to roll the dice.

Tommy and Laurel had always kind of been a safe space for Sara. Especially after everything that happened between her and Oliver, Sara had always found it easier to go to the two of them, as though whatever she was running from at the time couldn’t touch her as long as she was around what she saw as the strongest, wisest pillars of security in her life. Even years ago, long before Laurel and _Oliver_ had dated let alone Laurel and Tommy, Sara remembered the way Tommy was different around Laurel; softer, somehow. Gentler. Kinder and more sincere, less quick to mischief like he was with Oliver, less cocky or smug, and far less of the pretty rich boy persona he played up those early years of high school. With Laurel, he was the smart, funny, earnest kid who always had time to kick a ball around with Sara in the Lance’s backyard, even if he had homework to do or some important Merlyn function his dad was insisting he attend.

Now was no different.

Although Sara felt like her entire life for the past few weeks had been this precious bubble of success and love and happiness that seemed like it could never burst, it had taken Tommy coming back for her to realise how much she missed the excuse to actually spend time with him, Oliver and Thea, who had been Sara’s lifelong friends a very long time before any of the legends stumbled into her life. And more than that - Sara hadn’t even realised that the tiniest, most minute of things seemed to be missing from Laurel until Tommy returned. Though Sara was sure they hadn’t had any conversations about the elephant in the room between them (that being their relationship status), even just as friends, Laurel seemed so much more at ease, more comfortable with Tommy around, familiar and reassured by him in a way that she wasn’t with anyone else. Sara suspected a lot of it had to do with Tommy’s visit, and then the subsequent frequent calls he’d made to Laurel’s rehab centre to talk to her in those months that she and Sara had been on the outs. He’d seen - and talked her back from - possibly one of the most vulnerable, lonely times in her life and Sara knew for a fact that whether they got back together or not, their friendship at least was something that would play a huge part in Laurel figuring out her place in her old life after all this time.

 

 

“This game blows,” Sara grumbled, pouting.

“Babe, it’s because you made all those spontaneous, reckless purchases at the beginning and now you don’t have enough money to keep up with all the bills you have to pay through the rest of the game,” said Ava logically, a smile playing at her lips.

“This is a good lesson for college,” smirked Laurel, easily dodging the dice Sara threw in her direction and instead resting her chin on her knee. “Hey, don’t blame me. You were the one with the bad financial decisions.”

Sara looked over at Ava. “I’m giving you full power over all my bank accounts next year,” she announced. Something fluttered at her stomach at the momentary shock, then remembrance, then blushing affection and pleased surprise on Ava’s face while Laurel and Tommy laughed again. Sara knew it still hadn’t properly sunk in for Ava that they were going to Brown together, and the unbridled joy on her face every time she remembered was incomparable.

Before Ava could reply to Sara’s declaration, (or Laurel or Tommy could make another well meaning dig at Sara’s ability to play Monopoly), a soft knock on the wooden door frame of the living room gained all their attention.

“Hey guys,” said Quentin, his eyes fond as he smiled over at them all. “Who’s winning?”

“Not Sara,” said Tommy with a wide, smug grin at the same time as Sara grumbled “Tommy. But only because he’s a damn Accounting major, okay?” Quentin snorted, murmured something that sounded like _sure_ _honey_ , and Sara shot him a glare, followed by a disgruntled, mock-offended gasp. “Dad! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I’m sorry baby,” chuckled Quentin, “but we all know how terrible you are at Monopoly.”

“I didn’t until tonight,” Ava pointed out. “But I gotta say, it’s proving to be very useful information.”

“I’ll break up with you,” Sara threatened weakly, scrunching her nose. Ava just smiled wider.

“No you won’t,” she said, eyes sparkling as she leaned over to kiss Sara’s cheek. Sara tried to keep her expression unimpressed, but failed when she caught Laurel’s eye, and instead a fierce blush rose to her cheeks. Thankfully, she was saved by her dad continuing to speak.

“I just came in to remind you guys that it’s late, and not to stay up too long,” he said, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Don’t worry about noise, Dinah’s all the way at the other end of the hall and I’ll be up a bit longer working on stuff for the Darhk trial, but don’t make it too late of a night.”

“Any time you want us out of here Mr Lance?” asked Tommy, reverting back to the polite, well-mannered kid he had always been in front of Quentin (whom Tommy respected immensely). “I can give you a ride home when we head out, Ava.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” said Quentin immediately. “Both of you can stay the night. It’s Saturday tomorrow, and it’s already almost midnight. Just let your parents know you’re here - you both know where spare towels and stuff are. Help yourself, you know you’re welcome here anytime.”

He smiled before disappearing back into the hallway, and Sara sat up a little, shuffling closer to Ava and resting her chin on Ava’s shoulder.

“Can I help you?” Ava asked, arching a teasing eyebrow.

“Yeah,” said Sara, looping her arms around one of Ava’s. “You can. You totally can. See, I’m all tired from all the practices we’ve been having for playoffs, and final Bio essay really took it outta me and like, all of that plus the Darhk trial ‘n all means we haven’t seen each other for _ages_ -”

“Sara, it’s been like two days,” reminded Ava, but the roll of her eyes was betrayed by the faintest hint of colour rising to her cheeks. Her eyes darted over to Tommy and Laurel, but they were currently occupied bickering over the validity of Tommy’s get out of jail free card (that he had almost certainly used before).

“That’s _ages_ ,” insisted Sara, pouting.

“Well, I’m here now,” Ava pointed out. “I feel like I’m already helping then.”

“You are,” Sara said with a smile. “You could help even more by staying the night.” Ava’s eyes widened in surprise and Sara saw the sudden flash of uncertainty the filled them clear as day. “Not like that,” she promised quickly, immediately lowering her voice so Tommy and Laurel wouldn’t hear. “You know that babe. Just … stay. It’s the weekend. It’ll be nice. We can stay up playing more Monopoly and then sleep in tomorrow morning and I can make you pancakes - well, _Laurel_ can make us pancakes because I’ll probably burn down the kitchen - and then I’ll walk you home and we’ll finally get to see each other for more than a couple of hours after school or during class.”

Ava bit her lip. “I wouldn’t be able to stay for that long tomorrow morning,” she said apologetically. “I have plans with Ali all day but … my dad did tell me to just text him if I ended up staying the night. Which means I guess I have permission.”

“It does,” said Sara, a grin spreading across her face. “It totally does. And it doesn’t matter if you can’t stay for brunch or anything. I just wanna -” She stopped, something abruptly unsure clamping down on her tongue and stopping her from finishing her sentence.

“What?” asked Ava, rubbing soft, reassuring circles on Sara’s knee.

Sara felt the heat in her cheeks as she looked down at her lab, mumbling, “I just wanna be able to wake up next to you.” Nervously, she glanced up to see overwhelming affection and adoration on Ava’s face.

“Really?” Ava asked, her voice much quieter than it had been before. When Sara nodded, Ava smiled, wider than she had before and leaned over to kiss Sara softly. “Okay,” she murmured against Sara’s lips, pulling away so that neither Laurel or Tommy could accuse them of being gross and PDA-y. “I’ll stay.”

 

* * *

 

Kissing Sara was so easy now. The easiest thing Ava had ever done. Easier than _breathing._

(And way, way better than breathing, in Ava’s very unbiased opinion.)

And _God_ ; Ava had never known just how perfect it could be to have the weight of Sara Lance sitting in her lap until they’d started dating, until Sara thighs were bracketing Ava’s hips and her hair was falling around loose around her face, only just starting to curl out of how Sara had straightened it in the morning, brushing against Ava’s collarbones all soft and smelling like coconut and vanilla and making Ava dizzy with the scent of _Sara._ Sara’s hands were feather light, somehow both cool and burning hot at the same time as they travelled without reason from being curled tightly in Ava’s hair, to looped around Ava’s shoulders, to sitting at Ava’s waist, to cautiously sliding underneath Ava’s t-shirt, nails raking gently over Ava’s abs and making her shiver and sigh quietly against Sara’s lips.

Ava wondered if maybe this was what it felt like to fly; to not be able to feel the ground below you or for your body to be tethered to nothing (except maybe Sara), to feel as though you were floating, getting increasingly lightheaded with every little inch soared higher up into the clouds. She wanted to do this forever. To _feel_ like this forever - weightless and unfocused and hazy and her whole body tingling and warm and everything just being about _Sara_ , and nothing else mattering at all.

Sara’s thumbs traced the soft lines of muscle along Ava’s stomach, light enough that it just felt like a feather - even tickled a little - but hard enough that Ava wanted more. She squirmed and arched a little into Sara’s touch, the back of her neck flushing when she felt Sara smile into the kiss that felt like it hadn’t broken in a million years.

“Shut up,” Ava mumbled, dragging her hands along Sara’s thighs to pull her ever so slightly higher in her lap, and Ava had to crane her neck backwards a little to keep kissing her. Ava’s head fell back into the stupid amount of throw pillows on Sara’s bed and she relaxed. “You’re just as ticklish, okay?”

“I didn’t say anything,” chuckled Sara breathily, not giving Ava time to reply before sealing their lips back together. This kiss was teasing, a little taunting but harder and more purposeful and Ava’s tiny little gasp was lost in it, and something she could only describe as a warm, flickering feeling of comfort flared in her stomach, spreading through her whole body as Sara’s hands retracted from below Ava’s t-shirt and travelled upwards to cup Ava’s face, her thumbs stroking along Ava’s jaw. She licked into Ava’s mouth, slow and soft and warm and Ava really hoped the quiet little noise of approval she heard in her own ears had gotten stuck in her throat before Sara could hear it. Sara didn’t say anything though, didn’t break away to grin or look smug or tease. She just hummed and Ava’s lips buzzed a little from it, something shivering along her spine and without thinking, she found her own hands slipping under Sara’s t-shirt, her nails tracing tiny little unintelligible patterns along Sara’s back.

Sara made a tiny sound, barely audible but to Ava, it sounded like something between a hum and a moan and it made Ava’s head spin, made her want to hear that noise on repeat every moment of every day for the rest of her life. She wanted to smirk, but she remembered how frustrating Sara’s smugness was when it was on the receiving end, so stopped herself, just shifted her weight a little so she could ease back into the pillows. She sighed with relief when Sara followed her down, now straddling Ava’s stomach and half leaning over Ava, one of her hands moving from Ava’s jaw to sink into the pillows beside Ava’s head.

Ava didn’t know how long passed in the haze that was Sara’s lips, Sara’s hands trailing along her side, Sara’s hair falling so softly and gracefully around Ava’s face - for all she knew, it could’ve been minutes, or hours, or a hundred years. But when Sara finally pulled away, - hovering over Ava for a moment before pressing the lightest of kisses to the corner of Ava’s mouth - Ava kept her eyes closed for several moments, trying to bring her head back down to reality.

“Hey,” said Sara teasingly, and Ava could hear the smile in her voice. “Am I really that out of practice that kissing me put you to sleep? Wake up you dork.” Ava felt Sara kiss her cheek and finally let her heavy eyelids flicker open.

“I’m not asleep,” she said, her voice a little scratchy. “Just happy.”

Something flickered in Sara’s eyes before they softened, and she gently traced Ava’s bottom lip with her thumb. “Me too,” she said softly. “Me too Aves.”

Ava smiled, carefully readjusting the crinkles Sara’s t-shirt. “We uh ... we should probably go to sleep.”

Sara let out a soft laugh. It sounded a little sheepish. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea.” She pulled back, adjusting her t-shirt and running a hand through her hair that had been completely mussed from Ava’s fingers. Ava was pretty sure Sara had never looked prettier than this moment; kiss swollen lips, hazy, sleepy eyes, red cheeks and messy hair and the freckles all over her face, collarbones and shoulders visible in the low, gentle golden light of Sara’s bedroom.

Ava was also pretty sure she’d never been more in love with Sara than she was in this moment, but considering she thought that at least once a day, she let it pass. For a second, the words were on the tip of her tongue, feeling less scary, less terrifyingly important than they did at any other moment that Ava considered saying them. Sara’s fingers had settled back on Ava’s hips, and she sat there atop of Ava’s thighs with a soft, intimately secret smile on her face as she gazed down at Ava.

“What is it?” she asked in the barest of whispers.

The words vanished from Ava’s lips before she could even properly consider saying them. “Nothing,” she said, finally sitting up. “I just uh … it’s nothing you don’t already know.” In the back of her mind, a voice that sounded far too much like Nora’s was saying, _Ava, that’s the most bullshit way of getting out a love confession I’ve ever heard._

“Oh really?” said Sara, her smile a little teasing as she tucked some of Ava’s hair behind her ear. “Well I know lots of things. How am I supposed to know which one you’re talking about?”

Ava’s stomach flipped at the way Sara was looking at her. “Take a guess.”

Sara’s eyes sparkled. “I know that I like this. Being here, with you. A lot. Is that it?”

Ava shook her head, a sheepish grin playing at her lips. “Not quite.”

Sara smiled wider. “Okay. I like kissing you. You’re really good at it, did you know that? I like it a lot. Am I warmer?”

Ava laughed. “No. But I like kissing you too.”

Sara chuckled as well, swaying a little so that she, almost involuntarily, leaned back into Ava’s space, almost close enough that their lips touched again, but instead brushing her nose against Ava’s a temptingly before pulling back. Ava forced herself not to chase Sara’s lips, otherwise they’d end up spending far too long making out again and would never get to sleep, and Ali would ask a million questions tomorrow about why Ava was so tired that Ava _definitely_ didn’t want to have to answer.

Sara’s eyes flickered suddenly, as though something occurred to her, and Ava felt her throat close up for a moment.

“I like _you_ ,” Sara said quieter, breathier, her eyes softening. “I really, really like you.”

Ava swallowed. She didn’t want to read into Sara’s words, read into the very easy, one word substitute in that sentence, but her heart was racing uncontrollably. “I really, really like you too,” she whispered.

Sara’s throat bobbed, and her thumb traced Ava’s bottom lip again, gentler this time, less purposeful and more reverent. “Was that it?” she asked, her voice just as quiet.

Ava looked at her, her breath catching at the breathtaking sight of Sara Lance in her lap, soft and warm and beautiful and sleepy and everything Ava had never known she wanted at 1:30 in the morning on a still May night.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “That was it. Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

Ava bit her lip. “Sort of,” she repeated, her tongue feeling as though it was stuck to the bottom of her mouth before she could even think about _maybe_ letting it slip. But the smile that graced Sara’s face - bright, radiant and full of something Ava had to believe was as close to love as it could get - made her think that maybe, Sara knew what she meant anyway.

 

* * *

 

The first thing Sara saw when she woke up was Ava.

Ava, soundly asleep, hair falling slightly over her face, expression peaceful and content and snoring just barely audibly under her breath. Sara smiled, shuffling a little to ease the pins and needles in one foot and reaching out carefully to brush Ava’s hair away from her face. This - falling asleep with, and then waking up next to Ava - was something Sara definitely could get used to. She’d forgotten what it felt like to wake up to the warmth of someone beside her in bed, to whisper soft conversations and try to muffle giggles until their alarms rang and jolted them up for the day, to spend as long as possible watching them as they slept, trying to take in their sleepy features and try not to wake them.

And Ava was just -

So, _so_ beautiful.

Sara couldn’t stop herself from leaning in to kiss Ava’s nose, laughing under her breath when Ava stirred and burrowed into the pillow a little.

“Morning,” murmured Sara, feeling something in her heart expand when Ava reached under the covers to find Sara’s sleep shirt and pull her a little closer.

“Hi,” mumbled Ava, still not opening her eyes. “What time is it? Do we have to get up?”

“No rush,” promised Sara, draping her arm across Ava’s waist and trying not to visibly melt into the warmth of Ava’s hand on her hip. “You sleep okay?”

Ava hummed, shuffling a little closer. “Yeah,” she said in barely a whisper, a hint of a smile on her face. “I uh -” Her cheeks coloured and she ducked her head down, nuzzling her face into Sara’s shoulder. “I like falling asleep next to you.”

Sara felt the breath leave her lungs for a second. This kind of honest affection still felt so new and tentative, and there was something about the way Ava said it - thick with sleep, shy and a little nervous but so very vulnerable and truthful - that made Sara love her so much that it felt almost overwhelming. She let the breath whistle past her lips shakily, wrapping her arm tighter around Ava and pressing a kiss to the side of Ava’s forehead.

“I like falling asleep next to you too Aves,” she murmured, nudging Ava slightly so she could lean down and kiss her for the briefest of seconds. “And I really, _really_ like waking up next to you.” She could feel Ava’s smile against her lips, also felt the way Ava’s fingers tightened in her shirt just momentarily, and Sara gave in to stealing another quick kiss.

They lay there in the peaceful quiet for a while, Ava’s eyes flickering shut again as she seemed to doze off again. Sara half wanted to tease her, make fun of the fact that Ava Sharpe, whose alarm rang at 5:55 every morning, was now dozing in Sara’s bed somewhere nearing 10am. But Ava looked so undisturbed and comfortable that Sara kept her mouth shut, especially given that she was pretty sure she herself would be happy to live in this small pocket of time for the rest of her life if she was able to. Instead, she let her hand trail up Ava’s body, fingers tracing each rib along her side, lightly brushing over the divots of Ava’s spine, before moving to gently card through Ava’s hair and untangle the small knots that had accumulated during the night. Ava made a soft noise of contentment, rolling onto her stomach so that Sara’s arm wasn’t awkwardly bent around her body.

“Hey,” she said, her eyes opening slowly to meet Sara’s. “It was nice of your dad to let me and Tommy stay over.”

Sara shrugged. “He loves both of you. Pretty sure you’re both his top pick in terms of people me and Laurel could be dating.”

“And he trusts you,” added Ava. “Both of you. You know. Not to - or even if you did - he didn’t seem to care about … _that._ ”

Sara arched a slightly amused eyebrow. “You mean us having sex?”

Ava flushed. “Yeah.”

Sara chuckled, rolling her eyes affectionately and propping herself up with one hand, carefully retracting the other from Ava’s hair to rest back at her waist. “He knows we’re taking it slow,” she said, giving Ava a reassuring smile. “So he’s not fussed. He wouldn’t care anyway, not really. He doesn’t about Tommy and Laur - although neither of them have actually _said_ anything about getting back together. I think they’re still figuring out their terms and conditions so who knows whether they got up to any funny business last night.”

Ava furrowed her eyebrows. “Did you tell him? That we’re not -”

“No,” said Sara quickly. “I mean, yeah, sort of. I … I went downstairs last night after you fell asleep to get something to eat and he was down there and he could kinda tell that we hadn’t had sex. I told him we were taking it slow but he didn’t need an explanation, not really. He -” She stopped, biting her lip as she tried to figure out how to phrase this without popping the bubble they were in by dragging up any expectations from past relationships. “He’s seen what I’m like when I’m not serious about someone,” she finally decided on saying. “When I’m just fucking around. Or when _they’re_ not serious about me. He knows because that’s when things end up moving pretty quickly. That’s what happened with Ollie.” She saw the way Ava’s eyes flashed with uncertainty and something resembling jealousy, and she quickly shook her head. “But this is so different Aves, and I think my dad can tell because of how slow we’re taking it. He knows it _means_ something to me.” Trying to prove her point, Sara squeezed Ava’s hip earnestly, and the uneasy expression on Ava’s face mellowed into slight relief.

“I’m glad we’re taking it slow,” said Ava in a soft whisper, almost absentmindedly reaching up to trace the canary necklace hanging from Sara’s neck. “I like getting to have moments like these.”

“Me too,” Sara agreed without really thinking about it, ducking her head down slightly to hide the blush creeping across her cheeks, despite knowing that at this point, it was a lost cause. Ava had seen her last night, barely managing not to fall apart the moment their lips touched. She’d seen her this morning with that goofy smile she didn’t seem to be able to get rid of on her face, she’d seen the way Sara relaxed into every touch, leaning closer without even meaning to, not realising what she was doing - she was pretty sure that at this point, any of her remaining cool cred had gone straight down the drain.

But when Ava smiled at her like this, laughing softly and poking her in the side for being such a sap, she couldn’t bring herself to mind.

Ava’s phone vibrated against the bedside table and she groaned, reaching over to glance at the text from Ali, asking what time she’d be done making out with her girlfriend. She rolled her eyes, and Sara laughed, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Ava’s lips before pushing herself up, reaching for the hoodie she’d left at the end of the bed. “Ali?” she guessed, and Ava nodded.

“Pancakes might have to wait till another time.” She offered Sara a smaller, apologetic smile, but Sara shook her head, grinning with both affection and sleepy, unhidden suggestiveness.

“ ‘s okay Aves. Besides. I guess that just means we’ll have to do this again sometime, right?”

 

* * *

 

Ava reached over the counter to take the keys Sara was holding out to her, fingers brushing lightly against hers in the process. She couldn’t help the small, involuntary smile that crept across her lips, despite knowing she’d had nothing but that stupid, lovestruck grin on her face all morning. “As much as I’m looking forward to spending the day with Ali,” she murmured quietly, for some reason slightly uneasy about Dinah overhearing the conversation despite being sat on the other side of the room, checking her emails, “I’d love to spend it with you.”

Sara smiled - that bright, beautiful smile that made her eyes light up, filling with warmth and affection and making Ava’s heart flutter in her chest - and reached out to curl her fingers around Ava’s wrist as she moved away, thumb accidentally brushing against her bracelet and shifting the cool metal charms against her skin. Ava tangled their fingers together, thumb tracing the trail of freckles she knew she’d find if she looked down at the back of Sara’s hand. “You could just stay,” Sara replied quietly, that familiar, teasing smirk finding its way onto her face, but not quite managing to hide the sincerity behind her words.

Ava rolled her eyes. “I have to take Ali shopping. I’ve already put it off twice for the trial, I don’t think she’ll forgive me a third time - especially if I’m just spending the day making out with my girlfriend.”

Sara huffed in mock annoyance and let go of Ava’s hand, but reached out to tangle her hand in the shirt Ava had borrowed instead and pulled her closer until their lips were inches apart, waiting until Ava’s eyes met hers before whispering, “I guess we’d better make up for that now then” and closing the final distance between them.

Somehow, Sara’s lips were even softer than they had been that morning, the hand resting against Ava’s hip warmer and more secure, holding her in place slightly more possessively, as if she couldn’t quite bear to let her go. Even now, kissing Sara still felt like something new, something precious and incredible, something she didn’t know what she’d done to deserve, but wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

“Call me later?” Sara whispered against her lips when she pulled away after lingering for a moment longer than usual, long enough to make Ava’s lips curl up into a smile against her own.

Ava found her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Always.”

 

 

Sara sat there staring at the door for a moment too long after Ava gave a polite wave to Laurel, Tommy and Dinah and left, making her way down the drive to where she’d parked her car the evening before. Even though Sara knew Laurel would undoubtedly tease her about it later, she couldn’t manage to pull her eyes away. There had been something special about waking up next to Ava - waking up to Ava as her _girlfriend_ , and getting to brush her hair out of her eyes and kiss her good morning and curl up into her side, waiting for the world to wake up together - even more special than the few times she’d woken up by her side before, way back near the start of the year.

She’d known she’d wanted this since then. But now, it felt as if something inside of her she hadn’t known was broken had been fixed, like Ava had somehow filled an unnoticeable hole in her heart, and made her complete. It felt as if everything she’d ever wanted had fallen into place, and sure, it’d been a bumpy ride, but every second of it had been worth it.

Predictably, Laurel smirked, giving Sara a sly nudge as she returned to the kitchen to finish buttering her bagel.

“Stop,” she muttered, but the heat rising to the back of her neck and the uncontrollable, sheepish smile she could feel in her cheeks just made Laurel grin wider. Quentin entered the room, adjusting his tie as he smiled hello to everyone (he had said goodbye to Ava upstairs), and joined in on trying to find something in the crowded kitchen space that qualified as breakfast.

“I’d just like to point out the still present stupid beam on your face,” said Tommy matter-of-factly and Sara scowled, throwing a small chunk of her bagel at him. He just caught it in one hand, popped it in his mouth and winked at her. Sara would have felt uncomfortable at the insinuation their teasing gave way to, but Laurel knew that Ava and Sara were taking it slow, and Sara had no doubt that either Laurel had told Tommy, or Tommy had been able to infer it easily in the same way Quentin had: by seeing just how serious Sara was about Ava.

It was then, though, that Sara caught sight of her mother, whose eyes were careful and disapproving, her lips pulled into a tight, narrow line and her expression clearly far from content. Worst of all, it was a look Sara had seen before. Watchful and the wrong kind of thoughtful, wary and almost condescending. Sara knew exactly what it meant, and suddenly, her blood started to boil, her fingers curling around the kitchen counter as defiance and indignance burst into a huge, uncontrollable flare in her chest.

“You can stop looking at me like that Mom,” she snapped before she could stop herself, slamming her cup of coffee down onto the bench and making everybody jump. “Ava and I didn’t have sex, but even if we did, it would be none of your damn business.”

“Watch your language,” said Dinah sharply. “And you could be less crass about it.”

Sara scoffed. “Less crass? Mom, it’s you, me, Laur, Tommy and Dad. Who would I need to be _less crass_ for? You?”

Sara knew that eventually, the confrontation Laurel had forced them all into earlier in the month would result in a good, positive exchange in Sara’s relationship with Dinah. But for now, though it had temporarily allowed Sara a break from her disapproving retorts and the like, it had settled into Dinah being stubborn, irritated and uncomfortable about being called out for her actions, and the resulting tension had been palpable. Now being a prime example. Sara felt her own classic stubbornness and defiance flash across her face like an open book, but was so caught up in her own fury that she missed an identical expression flicker onto Laurel’s own features. Before Sara could stand her ground, Laurel was speaking first, voice so calm and quietly fuming that Sara was a little unnerved.

“Sara and Ava may not have had sex,” she said between grit teeth, folding her arms across her chest, “but we did. Tommy and me.” Dinah’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head, Quentin and Tommy both choked on their coffee and Sara whipped her head around to stare at Laurel incredulously. “So if you’re gonna give anyone the judgey spiel about responsibility and safety,” Laurel added, a smug glint in her eye, “and go on about how we’re ‘too young and irresponsible’, you might as well give it to me, Mom.”

Tommy pointedly looked away, his cheeks burning. Laurel just glared at Dinah challengingly, silently daring her to say something. Eventually, it became clear that nobody was going to speak, so Sara took it upon herself to fill the awkward silence, considering that Laurel had just caused it to back Sara up.

“Well that’s just revolting,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “God I’m glad I didn’t hear anything. _Gross_ you guys.” She shuddered overdramatically, making a loud retching sound before sending Laurel a small, _thank you_ smile and moving over to the other counter to get a coffee refill. Quentin cleared his throat uncomfortably, glancing warily at Tommy.

“I uh … I gave you the … you know, _that_ whole speech when uh … when you guys started dating the first time,” he said, looking as though he wanted to melt into the ground below him. “So I’m uh … I’m hoping - I’m _guessing_ \- that I don’t have to do it again?”

“No sir,” said Tommy immediately, shaking his head. He looked like he was about to _salute_ and both Laurel and Sara glanced away to try bite back their laughter. Tommy glared at them both. “No sir, we’re … we’re good. You uh … you don’t have to … you know. Say any of it. Again. Captain Lance. Sir.”

Quentin didn’t reply, just nodded curtly at Tommy before grimacing, grabbing his keys from the mantlepiece and as he packed up his files into his briefcase, and muttering something under his breath about getting breakfast on the way to the courthouse. Sara would’ve laughed at the look of relief on Tommy’s face when Quentin left, had it not been for Dinah, somehow _still_ giving her that subtle, disapproving look from across the room, as though Laurel had never interrupted.

“She’s going back home tomorrow,” Laurel reminded her quietly, giving Tommy a teasing, but slightly apologetic nudge as she slipped past. She reached across the counter to take Sara’s empty coffee mug from her hands, placing it in the dishwasher before turning back around and offering Sara a small, understanding smile. “You’ve only got to last until then.”

Sara sighed. “I know. It’s just … you know. It was such a perfect morning, until she ruined it with her whole judgey … thing. And I wanted it to _stay_ perfect.”

“I get it, I do. It _was_ a perfect morning,” Laurel replied, slipping into the seat next to Sara and lightly squeezing her hand, eyes accidentally drifting over to Tommy for a moment before she heard Sara’s, “Gross Laur, I’ve already heard far too much about your sex life.” and pulled her eyes away, affectionately slapping Sara’s shoulder.

“Shut up, this isn’t about me and Tommy. Well, maybe it is too, but - what I’m saying is that this isn’t a one time thing, Sara, it’s not the only chance you’re gonna get to have a morning like this. You’re going to college with Ava next year, and you’re gonna spend the whole summer with her - and Dad will let her stay over any time she wants. You’re gonna get to have this again and again and again, if it’s what you want. And there’s nothing mom can ever do to take away from that.”

She was right. She’d always had this infuriating way of being right all the time, but this time Sara found herself smiling, squeezing Laurel’s hand back, and giving her a nod. “Yeah, I … thanks. I needed that reminder.”

Laurel stood up, glancing back over to Dinah and then giving Sara an affectionate smile. “Well if you need it again, let me know.”

“I will,” said Sara, pausing for barely a moment before adding, “So. Does this mean you and Tommy are officially back together?”

Laurel just groaned, pointedly took an overly large bite of toast and avoided Sara’s gaze with increasingly red tinged cheeks.

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

legends™  
_Active now_

_SUN 11:24AM:_

  
**_You:_ ** **  
** SHE’S GONE

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** AMAZING

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yay!! Do you feel better?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** so so much

i feel like i can BREATHE again without  
getting glared at for doing it too loudly

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oof

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** ****  
@Zari   nope didn’t I say we weren’t  
going to succumb to these new  
fangled millennial linguistic mannerisms

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** O O F

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** N O

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** ****  
@Sara  I thought she was staying a few more  
weeks???

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah she was

but after the whole argument with laurel  
and me and my dad, things have been kind  
of weird and uncomfortable so i think she  
figured it would be better for her to go ****  
**_  
_ ** ANYWAY

can we have a ‘sara’s overbearing bitch  
mom has gone back to chicago’ party

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is she coming back for grad??

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** she said she was going to

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** You think she’s actually gonna?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** honestly? Idk

i wanna hope so

but i don’t have that much faith

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** guys i’m fine

i haven’t had faith in her in a very  
long time

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** You understand that that’s like

Really depressing, right?

  
**_You:_ ** ****  
you’re making this happy day a lot more  
introspective  & uncomfortably psychological

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ain’t that just how we roll

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** fuck u all

  
**_Director (valedictorian) Sharpe:_ ** ****  
Nothing like the legends to bring you  
face to face with your own childhood  
issues babe

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** …

can we maybe go hang out somewhere  
so we can do that gross feelings thing

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ew do we have to

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** ****  
My parents are both out, everyone at mine  
bring snacks  <3 <3

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

Back from Amaya’s, Sara had been in her room watching _Pitch Perfect_ (sue her, she, Amaya and Zari had spent far too long in junior year yelling about the clear gay subtext in the movie for it not to have become one of her comfort movies) for the past hour or so. Usually, she liked watching movies _with_ friends, but the past few weeks had been so intense and full on, that Sara found herself desperate for just a _moment_ by herself. She had finally started to feel a little more relaxed for the first time in what felt like nearly a month, when she heard her father’s voice calling up from the bottom of the stairs.

“Sara! You up there?”

Sara sat up, pulling her headphones out of her ears. “Yeah, what’s up?” she called.

“Someone sent you flowers! They’re downstairs.”

Something lodged itself in Sara’s throat and she curled her fingers into her bed covers. Desperately, she tried to tamper down the hope rising steadily in her chest that maybe - just perhaps, after going back to Chicago and finally absorbing everything that Laurel had said the other week - her mom was wishing Sara her congratulations over her Brown acceptance. Maybe Dinah had turned a new leaf, just like Quentin had optimistically said she would, had decided that the quick congratulatory text she’d sent earlier in the week wasn’t good enough.

Especially since she’d sent Laurel flowers when she’d gotten accepted into Stanford. just last year.

Sara swallowed, forcing those thoughts away, knowing they were entirely unrealistic. But couldn’t quite crush that final slither of hope that flared insistently in her chest as she made her way down the stairs, taking the flowers her dad handed her and placing them down on the table, reaching out for the card that’d been sent with them.

She let out a shaky breath, running her finger over the edge of the envelope, feeling her dad’s eyes on her, burning for a moment before Laurel appeared and gave him a _look_ , at which he nodded and wandered of towards the kitchen. Sara slid a nail under the edge of the envelope, tearing it open and pulling out the card inside, looking at the front - at the generic, cute, congratulatory picture - for far too long before she worked up the courage to open it.

She knew before she flipped it open that it wasn’t Dinah. The picture was too sweet, too informal and too close to Sara’s actual taste.

The flowers were too extravagant.

The love heart under Sara’s name on the front of the envelope was too affectionate.

Sara took a deep breath and opened the card.

_Congratulations, Sara! We’re thrilled to hear you got into Brown, all the best for the future xx_

 

__Robert and Barbara Sharpe x_ _  
_ _

 

  
Sara ran her fingers over the letters, tracing over the handwritten note in silence, not knowing what to think or say or feel. So it wasn’t her mom. Of _course_ it wasn’t her mom, why would it have been? She’d given up on that idea long ago, and her mom had probably forgotten she’d sent Laurel flowers anyway. It didn’t matter.

Ava would have told Robert and Barbara about Sara’s acceptance to Brown as soon as she found out, but something told Sara that it was Dinah’s departure now that prompted the sudden flower delivery. She knew Quentin and the Sharpes had talked at some point while Sara had been staying with them, and it wouldn’t have surprised her if the details of the argument at the epicentre of it all had come up. Barbara Sharpe, renowned for being a mother to people who didn’t have that from anyone else, wouldn’t have hesitated to step in to fill Dinah’s shortcomings.

“Sara? Are those from -”

Laurel cut herself off almost as soon as she started to speak. She knew better than to ask. To give Dinah the benefit of the doubt that maybe for once, Sara would get put first. Sara felt Laurel take a step closer, placing a gentle, comforting hand on the small of her back as she quietly amended her words from before.

“Who are those from?” she asked, even with the card in her line of sight.

Sara swallowed, trying desperately to regain some control even as she felt the heat of tears burning behind her eyes. “Ava’s parents,” she managed to say past the lump in her throat. She hadn’t anticipated how much this tiny thing - receiving flowers for her college decision - would mean until right now, until having the beautiful bouquet arranged on their dining table and a sweet, handwritten card in her shaking hands. To be fair, she also hadn’t realised how much she’d needed some kind of maternal affection until she’d been casually invited for dinner with the Sharpes and asked how school was doing and congratulated on captaining the soccer team to victory in the district championships, all in a way which seemed second nature to Barbara. And that wasn’t even touching on the way she’d been accepted into the Sharpe’s house and allowed to stay when she’d needed it, and quietly promised that she’d always have a home there if she needed a place to escape to.

“That’s sweet,” Laurel murmured, pulling Sara into a one armed hug and pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. Sara bit her lip, blinking back the moisture in her eyes and leaning into Laurel’s side, nodding slightly. Laurel didn’t speak either, and even though Sara knew she wasn’t waiting for a response, she found it in herself to clear her throat slightly, and say, “Yeah, it is,” hoping the words sounded less shaky out loud than they did in her head.

Thankfully, before Laurel could question it Quentin reappeared beside them, squeezing Sara’s shoulders before moving the flowers to the centre of the table, a proud smile on his face. He seemed to sense her uncertainty and said firmly, “It’s what you deserve sweetheart.” His tone left no room for argument, full of unquestionable pride and if Sara listened hard enough, the faintest hint of anger. There was no guessing who that was meant to be directed at. Sara glanced down at her hands, at the elegant writing of Barbara Sharpe, not entirely sure she agreed with her dad’s words, although she knew perfectly well that that was just her age old, ever present insecurities deciding they wanted to rear their ugly heads.

She wasn’t sure if Quentin could tell how much the flowers meant to her, or how conflicted she was about it. But if he did, he hid it well, trusting that Laurel knew what was going on.

Of course Laurel knew what was going on, and exactly what she was thinking. She always did, when it came to _this_.

It was just … it was a lot. Her mom, Ava’s parents, those flowers … all of it.

She leant back against Laurel, subtly trying to control her breathing without her dad noticing how hard she was trying to pretend everything was okay, forcing a smile onto her face as he left the room, squeezing her arm lightly on the way past and murmuring something about ordering Chinese. The moment he left, Sara slipped her hand into Laurel’s, pulling her up the stairs and into her room, letting Laurel close the door behind them and pull her into a hug. Sara shuddered, burying her head in Laurel’s shoulder and trying to keep her tears at bay, tangling her hands into the back of Laurel’s shirt.

There was so much irony in this that it hurt - fate’s last cruel twist before she went off to college, pulling her back down to a place she’d spent so long climbing away from. Because it was right here in her room that Ava had spent the evening after she’d come out, to get away from her family - from her mom. From a mom who didn’t support her, but had somehow over the last year become more supportive to her, and on top of that, more supportive to _Sara_ than her own mother had ever been. Sara remembered telling Ava how much things had changed between her and Dinah, and at the time, that wasn’t untrue. Dinah had certainly gotten over her initial fierce objection to Sara’s sexuality, and when she was distanced from it - only saw it through glimpses on social media while she was away in Chicago - she had no problems. But in person, her disapproval had never quite faded. Obviously, Sara had refused to admit that to Ava then - it had been the farthest thing from what Ava needed to hear. Besides, Dinah had eased up on all of that considerably since Nyssa left, although Sara knew that most of that was only because of Laurel and Quentin’s fierce insistence that everything with Nyssa had hurt Sara enough, that she didn’t need Dinah’s lack of support on top of that.

“I know Sara,” Laurel murmured, her words soft and gentle against Sara’s head. “I know how much it hurts.”

Hearing Laurel say it just opened the floodgates and Sara broke, her entire body shaking as the anger and confusion about her mom hit in a rush, even as she felt overwhelming thankful and grateful to Ava’s parents for _everything._

It felt like hours that they stood there, Laurel running a hand through Sara’s hair comfortingly, waiting in silence for her to speak, but not expecting her to. It would be the same thing as always, the same words, the same furious questions about _why_ , the same heartbreaking resignation and frustrated uncertainties that had consumed Sara her entire life. Because this … they’d talked about it before. They’d talked about it a lot, especially back when they were younger, over and over and over again. And after Laurel had confronted Dinah about her constant, inexcusable favouritism, they’d actually had a long and uninterrupted conversation about the _causes_ of all Sara’s insecurities for the very first time.

(Or at least, a conversation about the insecurities she was _willing_ to talk about.)

But somehow, even after talking things through with Laurel, and then with Ava, and after Quentin had taken Sara out for coffee to apologise and make sure he knew exactly what he could do to fix his mistakes, Sara was still managing to twist her dad’s words into what she expected to hear - just like she’d done right before Christmas when she’d fought with Laurel. And it was starting to feel like nothing had ever changed.

“I hate that it’s still so hard to believe him,” she murmured eventually, words muffled by Laurel’s shoulder. She could tell it took Laurel a moment to think back to the firm _‘It’s what you deserve’_ Sara was referring to, but the moment she caught on her grip tightened and she pressed another kiss to the top of Sara’s head.

“I know.”

Sara sniffed slightly, and Laurel sighed, leaning back a little so she could look Sara in the eyes, one hand cupping her chin, thumb brushing away more tears. “He is proud of you, Sara. He’s so, so proud - and so are Ava’s parents. They think you’re amazing.”

Sara closed her eyes, wishing that for just one moment, that could be enough. “I just want _my_ mom to care about me.”

Laurel could’ve disputed it. Laurel _would’ve_ disputed it, any other day, because it was too harsh, and they both knew it. Dinah _did_ care about Sara, it was just … It was complicated. Dinah was a complicated woman, with a complicated view on motherhood and her responsibility for her daughters. Her relationship with Sara had _always_ been strained, and yes, there were honest and real reasons for that but …

Laurel wasn’t going to make excuses for her. Not today. Instead, she pulled Sara closer. “I’m sorry Sara,” she murmured again, arms tightening around Sara’s back. “But let me promise you one thing. I will _always_ be proud of you. Always. For the stupidest, most insignificant little things. For getting through senior year with the worst gym teacher in the whole school, and actually getting her to _like_ you.”

Sara laughed tearfully.

“For what you’ve done with the SCHS soccer team the past four years. For everything you’ve achieved at high school. For everything you achieved _before_ high school, all those little things that nobody bothered to look for. For Ava. For the ways you help your friends. God Sara, you’re such a wonderful, kind, smart, selfless, radiant person and you teach me _so much_. I’ll always be proud of that, and even if these flowers prove that our mom clearly isn’t lucky enough to have you in her life, they prove that I’m not the only one who sees how incredible you are. Not anymore.”

Sara couldn’t bring herself to speak. She didn’t even know what she could say to that. Laurel seemed to get it though, and she just pulled back a little, smiled down at Sara and took her face in her hands.

“One day,” she said softly, “Mom is gonna see exactly what she missed out on, and she’s gonna regret it. But until then, keep being you, okay? You’re worth so much more than her pride. I promise.”

Sara let out a quiet, shaky breath, and slowly swiped her palms over her cheeks and then dried them on her shorts. Glancing up at Laurel, she gave her a small, wry smile before holding up her hand. “Pinkie swear?”

Laurel’s eyes twinkled, firm and genuine and sincere with love and admiration. “Pinkie swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a couple of answers to some comment questions! 
> 
> 1) again, no, there won't be smut in this fic. it's not that we're not comfortable writing it - i (chim) have written it before, even if it hasn't been posted. the issue in question is that too many people in my real life have access to and are aware of this fic, and posting this kind of stuff isn't something i wanna do with that in mind. that being said, as mentioned before, additional one shots with higher ratings may very well be eventually posted on tumblr, so keep an eye out for any announcements on twitter that let u know abt that x
> 
> 2) we're not continuing this particular multi-chapter fic into their college years BUT we have headcanons lined up literally for the rest of their damn lives, so you guys are going to get plenty of one / two / three shots, maybe the occasional 5 shot to fill in all of these gaps. feel free to send us prompts bc in 4-5 weeks, we'll have way too much time than we know what to do with
> 
> lots of love (and pls leave us some to get us through the week, rach has exams next week & i have Way too many things due yikes). hold on tight everybody, we're starting our descent into the last few chapters over the next month X


	32. they gave us our trophies (and we held them up for our town)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was as though the entire time were telepathically connected. Sara knew Zari was nearby, open for a pass, without even needing a second glance in her direction. Every SCHS girl could recognise the play Sara was putting in motion without a moment’s thought. They were so in sync, so in tune with each other and the game and the ball arcing graceful between them on the field - Sara had never quite thought of soccer as anything resembling magical, but there was something about this that was starting to change her mind."
> 
> OR
> 
> it's the end of the SCHS soccer season and nobody's quite ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry times a freakin million that this chapter is late guys! this week has just been absolute hell for us both uni wise and we've only just finally gotten a chance to work on it enough to finish it (now being like, 1am after 2 days in a row of work for me and another 2 days to come, so it's kinda a miracle that we ended up getting this much done oof) 
> 
> this one is a little shorter than the last few ones have been (short being 8k, when did those two things become synonymous?), but we hope it's still okay! we're nearing the end of this fic and we're trying very very hard not to like. have an absolute mental breakdown about that. but bearing that in mind, please start requesting anything and everything you'd like to see in the next 3 / 4 chapters bc we have a lot of space between plot points to write some other stuff in, and now's the time to ask for stuff you wanna see in this universe while they're still at high school! 
> 
> until then! please comment! pls give us some love! i refresh my ao3 account like, a million times a day for the first four days after we update bc your guys feedback just means So Much, and i dont know how else to make you guys understand that you're the only reason we're still doing this, that we're still working this hard to get chapters out between uni and work and stuff. this heart of this fic is all you <3 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title from long live (again) by taylor swift, shut up we know it's like the 4th time but it's at the point in the fic where every chapter is basically a line from long live ok)

Ava let out half squeal, half laugh as Lily tried to tackle her into the ocean, instead sidestepping and bursting into proper, full laughter when Lily went headfirst into the water.

It was nearing on five, the sun still high in the sky with the air still soft with a comforting, late spring warmth that was just bordering the start of an evening chill. Ava remembered Ali once describing an afternoon like this when they were younger - the world alight with sharp, bright, luminescent rays of sunlight - looking like the sun had been cracked open and bearing its whole soul to the world. It had just been Ali’s precious, childlike way of stringing words together at the time, but Ava had always tucked it away with fondness at how beautiful her sweet, innocent observation had been.

Just like that afternoon all those years ago, Ava wanted to curl her hands around these moments and the memories with the people scattered on this beach with her, and pocket them so she could always remember how much softer and brighter everything felt with that quiet hum of happiness thrumming inside of her.

“Hey you,” came Sara’s voice, gentle, and Ava felt arms - warm from the sun - slide around her waist and Sara’s chin rest on her shoulder.

“Hey,” said Ava, squeezing one of Sara’s wrists. “You feeling a bit less stressed now?”

Sara laughed a little sheepishly into Ava’s shoulder before pressing a tiny kiss to the skin where Ava’s shoulder met her neck, then murmuring, “Yeah. Loads.”

The whole reason for this spontaneous beach trip had been, of all things, an argument at lunch. Ava couldn’t even remember what it had been about, but out of nowhere, Zari and Nate were ripping into each other with words fiercer and more heated than Ava could ever remember hearing from either of them before. Sara had attempted to intervene, but that had just spiralled to her and Zari disagreeing on something small and trivial to do with soccer. Between the chaos of Amaya tugging Nate aside and demanding what this was about, and Ray calmly pulling Sara to her feet and asking her for advice that they both knew he didn’t really need, and Ava nudging Zari and asking what was going on, a collective realisation had dawned on all of them that they were all _far_ too on edge, stressed and anxious about the multitude of deadlines and endings and decisions approaching fast that the tiniest little tensions were erupting.

It hadn’t been difficult to convince everyone to take the afternoon off so they could let off some steam.

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Ava Sharpe)

legends™  
_Active now_

_MON 2:08PM:_

_  
_ **_You:_ ** **  
** You’re all officially free this afternoon

I’m changing our study group plans

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** changing them to anything in particular?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yup

Beach trip

I can take four other people in my  
car, who else can offer rides?

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** Me

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Fuck you’re a genius Ava that’s the  
best idea i’ve heard in weeks

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** You said that about my pocket knife  
come calculus kit designs that I showed  
you last week!!! :-(

  
**_Angel of darhkness:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ray  I’m sure Nate was genuine at the  
time babe

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** I FORGOT ABOUT THAT RAY NOPE THAT’S  
STILL A BRILLIANT IDEA :-) :-)

But also I can offer rides

  
**_stein jr:_ ** **_  
_ ** Me also

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Okay cool, that should be transport  
sorted for all of us

Meet at the carpark after last period,  
we’ll sort out rides and shit and we can  
head straight out there

Everyone grab your towels & changes of  
clothes and shit from gym lockers

We’ll stop for food on the way

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is why you’re class president  &  
valedictorian Aves

 

_Seen by: everyone._

 

 

“Hey,” said Ava, tracing her thumb lightly over the back of Sara’s hand. “If you’re feeling stressed about anything, you know you can talk to me right? I may not know all the ins and outs of what you’re trying to get your head around for playoffs, but I know the basics. And we’re studying for exams _together_ , if you’re getting too in your head about it, you know I’ll pull you out.”

Sara hummed quietly, squeezing Ava momentarily. “I know,” she said quietly, sighing and resting her forehead against Ava’s back. “God, I know. And you’re right, you’re so right. I didn’t even realise I was stressed until today, it all just kind of came out at once at the smallest, dumbest thing.”

“I don’t think it’s just you babe,” promised Ava, carefully uncircling Sara’s arms from her waist and turning to face her. “We’re all losing our minds a little here. Just remember that you’re not the only one.”

“Yeah,” said Sara, sounding as though she was a million miles away. Ava followed her gaze, saw her looking at Zari who definitely seemed lighter and more at ease than she had been at lunch, but was still very clearly more on edge than any of the other legends.

“What do you think’s up with her?” asked Ava.

Sara’s eyes flickered back to Ava’s face, full of a soft kind of surprise that Ava had so quickly picked up on why Sara was preoccupied still. Sara squeezed Ava’s hand, before her expression morphed back into tired concern. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I think the thought of the season ending is a lot for her. Z knows soccer isn’t _all_ she has, not anymore. But before she and Amaya started going out, back when Behrad was sick, or back when she first moved here and wasn’t close with anyone yet, that was the one thing that was safe and familiar. I don’t think she’s ready for it to end.”

“I don’t think _you’re_ ready for it to end either,” Ava pointed out.

“We’re not thinking about that,” said Sara promptly, sending Ava a sheepish, wry grin. “Not yet.” She sighed. “All of this - senior year, grad, end of the soccer season, leaving home … I think it’s all hitting her harder and faster than it’s hitting the rest of us. Firstly, she’s going to Harvard, which is an hour further away from Star City than Brown. Then, there’s the fact that she and Amaya aren’t going to college together - the long distance thing is gonna be hard. A lot of things are changing all at once for her and Z’s not really a fan of change.”

Ava nudged Sara gently, tracing her thumbs lightly over the bone on the side of both of Sara’s wrists. “I can relate,” she said, also glancing over to look at Zari who, yes, was smiling at Ray, Nate and Jax trying to triple team against Mick who was near impossible to haul into the water.

“Maybe you should talk to her,” suggested Sara. “You guys got pretty close this year. You’re very similar people.”

Ava smiled. “Yeah, I know,” she said softly. “But I think the person she needs right now is you, Sara. You’re the one who knew what she was anxious about without even having to ask, you’re the one who gets feeling like the weight of playoffs and this final season of soccer is on your shoulders as a captain. I know both of you are kinda shit at doing the whole, emotional conversations thing with each other, but I think now’s one of those moments to put that aside.”

Sara bit her lip, nodding a little into Ava’s shoulder. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

 

The right moment to talk to Zari arose closer to sunset, as cold started to settle in the air and all the legends began tugging on sweatshirts and piling into cars - the same way they had back in November, back before Thanksgiving, what felt like a million lifetimes ago. Zari was perched on the edge of Lily’s car, swinging her legs and gazing out at the sea. Her eyes were more confused, churning with a tumultuous swirl of conflicting emotions as she picked at the hem of her (Amaya’s) sweater uneasily. Sara dropped the bag hanging from her shoulder to the soft sand at her feet.

“Hey,” she said, leaning against the trunk of the car. “Room for one more?”

“No,” Zari deadpanned and Sara shoved her. “What? There’s literally not enough room up here for two of us, not unless you want to rearrange everybody’s gym bags.”

“God, you suck at this,” said Sara with an eye roll, relieved when Zari cracked a small grin.

“Yeah, that’s kinda my brand,” she said, shrugging. She paused, her joking grin fading into something a little more genuine, and a bit sadder, more like the expression Sara had caught sight of earlier. “You gonna call me out on being the big party pooper here?”

“Nope,” promised Sara, popping the ‘p’. “I’m gonna ask you what’s wrong. And then I’m gonna ask you what I can do to help. And then, when you try to deflect and tell me you’re fine, I’m gonna tell you to stop being an emotionally repressed asshole and talk to your best friend, so let’s just skip that last one, yeah?”

Zari snorted, ducking her head with a low chuckle. “You really know how to read all the way into a girl’s thoughts, don’t ya Lance?”

“Always,” said Sara immediately. “C’mon Z. You’ve been out of it for days.”

Zari sighed. One hand reached up to push away hair from her face, the other curling a little tighter around the edge of the car trunk. Sara took a small, tentative step closer - close enough that she knew Zari could feel her there without needing to look up. Zari didn’t glance over at her, didn’t say - or even smile - a thank you. She just let a moment pass, a beat of still silence and clear, chilled hesitation before her shoulders sagged and she spoke. “You know what this is all about,” she said in barely a whisper. “Other than Amaya, you’re the only person who can get into my head.”

“There’s a difference between me knowing what’s wrong, and you needing to talk about it,” said Sara gently.

Zari tilted her head in a silent, if somewhat reluctant agreement, but remained silent for  a long moment before tentatively starting, “I don’t want it to end.” She gestured round at the rest of the group, hand hovering in mid air before she gave up and let it drop down to her lap. “This.”

Sara nodded, slightly, but didn’t interrupt.

“It’s all just… we’ve only got one game left, and then exams, and then...then that’s it. That’s high school done. And I know we’re gonna spend most of the next few weeks and all of summer together but then we’re all going our separate ways, and it still feels like this year’s barely gotten started and there’s so much more I want to do with you guys but you’re gonna be a million miles away, and I won’t have you to drag me down to the beach when you can see I’m not okay or call me out for not dealing with these emotions.”

“An hour,” Sara corrected, shooting a wry smile in Zari’s direction. “Just an hour.” Zari glared at her, but Sara could see the vague hint of a grin playing at her lips. “Who would’ve thought. Zari Tomaz getting nostalgic about the carefree, happy high schools days.”

“Hey, nobody said anything about that!” said Zari sharply, wrinkling her nose. “Soccer was great. You were great. The legends were great. But high school was bullshit and anyone who tries to say otherwise is kidding themselves.” She shrugged a little. “It’s not … not like _that._ I’m excited about Harvard and college soccer and getting to figure out what life is like away from home. Lemme tell you Sara, I love my family but brown parents can be a _lot_.”

“Oh, you’ve said,” chuckled Sara. “Many times.” She turned her back to the water, resting her arms against the trunk of the car to look up properly at Zari. Zari shifted too, shuffling back a little to lean against the numerous duffle bags piled around her, pulling her knees up to hug them against her chest. Sara reached across to squeeze Zari’s wrist reassuringly. “Things aren’t just black and white Z. You can be happy about everything in our future and still not be ready to let go of all of what we have.”

“But that’s what’s wrong!” Zari burst out, a hint of something looking far too desperate creeping into her eyes. “ _Our_ future isn’t a thing. It’s … it’s over the day we throw those stupid graduation hats in the air. The day that final whistle blows for our last ever soccer game together. The day we’re suddenly further apart than we have been the entire time we’ve known each other.” She ran a shaking hand over her face, and Sara’s stomach dropped when she heard a quiet sniffle. “Here’s the thing,” Zari whispered. “Long distance with Amaya … that, I think I might be able to handle. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I think she loves me enough that we’re both gonna make it work.”

“You will,” promised Sara quietly. Zari looked a little less uncertain at that, but Sara could tell by the way she was incessantly picking at her nails that she was still very far away from this moment on the beach.

“I just don’t know how to be that far away from you,” said Zari in a rush, pointedly looking away. “I was a completely different person before coming to Star City. You’re the reason my life is what it is Sara, and I know this is weird and uncharacteristically sappy for me but … I’m not ready to say goodbye to you. I don’t even wanna think about soccer because every time I do, it reminds me that there’s so little of it left. And then when I _do_ realise I need to get my shit together and think about playoffs, I just … I keep screwing up. Every play, every stupid little trick I usually know in my sleep, all the drills we’ve been doing for three years - all of it. It’s like I’m so scared about it all ending that I’m ruining everything that’s happening _now_.”

“Hey,” said Sara fiercely, curling her hand around both of Zari’s to stop her anxious fidgeting. “Z. You’re not ruining anything.” She blatantly ignored the lump in her throat. “And … and we’re not ending. I know an hour seems like ages away after living so close all these years, but it’s not _long distance_ like that. We can meet halfway, we can hang out on weekends. I’m not going anywhere, and you’re not losing me. You’re my best friend and you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Zari laughed - a quiet, wet, broken laugh, resting her cheek against her knees and glancing over at Sara with a watery smile. “Promise?”

“Promise,” said Sara firmly. “Now, as for soccer. College is still three months away. Playoffs are in three _days._ And we’re gonna be just fine. C’mon.”

Zari frowned, straightening her legs and sliding down from the back of the car. She wobbled a little as she landed on the sand and Sara grabbed her hand to steady her, then tug her back towards the others.

“What are you doing Lance?” said Zari warily.

“Practicing,” Sara answered promptly, dragging Zari to Mick’s car before popping the trunk and grabbing the soccer ball neatly tucked in the corner. “Lils! K! Spontaneous drill for playoffs, let’s go!”

It said something about how much playoffs had wormed their way into the anxiety of every player on the team, that Lily and Kuasa didn’t make any comments about it being their day _off_ practice, about this being a beach trip to _destress_. Kuasa kicked off her shoes, jogging over to where Sara and Zari were, as Lily tugged on a t-shirt and did the same.

“We don’t have to do this for me,” said Zari, slipping her hands in her pockets. “We’re supposed to just be chilling out.”

“We’ve all been playing soccer since before we were properly literate,” quipped Lily, rolling the ball under her foot, kicking it into the air and catching it. “Pretty sure this sport makes up a good 70% of who we are. A beach day isn’t complete without a game.”

“Plus, I need to whip your asses into shape for Thursday,” teased Sara, bumping her shoulder against Zari’s. “What kind of captain would I be if I didn’t?”

“One who didn’t act as though we were playing for the USWNT?” said Kuasa, arching an eyebrow.

Zari finally cracked a small grin. “Nah,” she said with a shrug. “Sara’s right. Co-captain’s jumping on the time to get our shit together train. Let’s practice.”

 

* * *

 

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Last time in the playoffs wearing Star City blue! See you soon state champs, your wolves girls are ready to kick some ass #schswolves  

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* * *

 

Sara didn’t think she had ever played a game that felt like this, and she was sure she never would again.

It was like every second slowed around her, every tiny little facet of the world as it turned was suddenly clear in a resoundingly brighter light. The way the grass crunched under her cleats, the crisp, familiar feeling of her SCHS uniform - and the knowledge that this was the last time she would wear it. The nerves she’d felt during district champs and playoffs, the anxious nausea and restlessness, was nowhere to be found, replaced now by a steadfast focused energy that Sara could feel buzzing all the way down to the tips of her fingers and toes. And it was almost as though she could _sense_ it in the rest of her team, even as they stood scattered around the field, carefully waiting for the starting whistle, quiet and calculated and attentive, every bit in tune with each other as they were themselves.

Since she’d first started playing, Sara had always found herself keenly aware of the crowds watching her games, even as she desperately attempted to break the habit. She knew a lot of it boiled down to wanting the attention, pride and validation she craved from both her parents, but after almost a decade, it had just become habit to every so often glance up into the stands and smile when she caught sight of someone she knew was there for _her_ , whether her dad, Laurel or her friends. She wasn’t used to consistent attendees of her games; after the past year, she’d forgotten what it was like to have Laurel and her dad cheer on given Laurel’s absence and Quentin’s entanglement with work since the Darhk case picked up. While Sara could usually count on her friends to be there, she understood their absences for exams, assignments, family commitments and the like. But for the first time in as long as Sara could remember, when she took the briefest of seconds to glance over at the stands, she genuinely lost count of how many people she could recognise sitting there for _her_. How many people had made the trip from nearby cities - or even faraway cities, like National City - to come see this championship.

But for whatever reason, she didn’t have that constant nagging need to see them, to know that they were there.

From the very first kick off, Sara felt like she was in a trance. She accepted Zari’s pass without having to look, slipped past the defender blocking her with a trick she couldn’t even remember learning how to do, just felt her feet move and the watched the defender lunge and she swerved, pulled the ball with her and kept going.

It was as though the entire time were telepathically connected. Sara knew Zari was nearby, open for a pass, without even needing a second glance in her direction. Every SCHS girl could recognise the play Sara was putting in motion without a moment’s thought. They were so in sync, so in tune with each other and the game and the ball arcing graceful between them on the field - Sara had never quite thought of soccer as anything resembling magical, but there was something about _this_ that was starting to change her mind.

Rip barely had to call any shots. Sara didn’t know whether he was about to have a nervous breakdown or if he was just in a frozen state of shock and pride as he watched his team score 2 goals in 7 minutes (which Sara was sure had to be some kind of a record), but Sara found herself orchestrating everything without needing to think, organising her players, shouting out instructions, and Zari seemed to know what she was thinking without Sara having to vocalise it at all, adjusting strategies and shifting arrangements to fit with what was happening almost seamlessly. Lily was almost just as perfectly in tune, Kuasa too, catching sight of what Sara was doing and instructing the players close to her accordingly. The four of them - Sara, Zari, Lily and Kuasa - had spent so many endless lunchtimes and classes during these past weeks pouring over strategies and tactics, and it was so clear in every passing moment of the match the team trusted each other - and Sara - implicitly.

But as the game picked up, so did the intensity. For all that SCHS knew what they were doing, Gotham City’s team were known for the fiesty, aggressive play, and Sara watched her players go down one by one, taking hard hits and nasty falls, scraping their knees and twisting their wrists and attempting dangerous dives as intercepts that exuded dramatic, frightened gasps from the crowds. Never once did any of her team hesitate to stand back up again, but Sara had to try hard to tamp down the desperation she felt trying to envelope her, the quiet voice whispering _if you keep going down like this, you’re not going to win._ She told herself it was the exhaustion kicking in, but every time Rip gave her a small wave that she knew meant “You should sub off”, every time she moved to give in to it, something shifted on the field - a shout, a call, an alarming yell, the crowd’s cheers increasing in pitch, the referee whistling, the sudden franticness within the bubble of the match picking up the pace.

Half time came and went in a blur, and the second half of the match only seemed to get more brutal. Sara found herself putting her foot down in a way she never had before, ordered Riley off the field when she insisted she could play despite possibly having a concussion, made Lindsey promise to go _easy_ on offense because the cut on her thigh had only just stopped bleeding uncontrollably and the only reason Sara wasn’t benching her was because she knew they would be a hopeless mess another man down.

It was around the 85 minute mark that Sara’s legs suddenly stopped, stumbled, made her freeze in her tracks. She felt it all crash into her in a rush, the exhaustion catching up and grasping hold of her, refusing to let go. Her eyes darted hazily to the scoreboard, and it hit her with fatigued uneasiness that she’d been playing this entire game with barely any water, without accepting the muesli bar Rip had offered at half time, without taking a moment to _breathe_. Sara’s stomach lurched suddenly and she desperately gave Rip the hand signal for needing a sub, sprinting towards the bench with a burst of adrenaline. She vaguely heard whichever girl Rip had sent on asking if she was okay, but she didn’t stop to reply, only just making it to the sidelines and grabbing a bucket before her stomach jolted again and she threw up out of sheer exhaustion.

Rip swore, dropping to his knees beside her. Sara could hear the SCHS supporters near the bench talking. Word that Sara Lance had run off sick rippled through the stands, and Sara squeezed her eyes shut, spit into the bucket and curled her hand around Rip’s shoulders to weakly push herself up to her feet.

“Sara,” said Rip warily, but Sara ignored him, taking a long swig of water and reaching blindly for some gum in her bag. “Sara, hang on -” Before he could order her to sit down or go see the medic, Zari was yelling from the field.

“Lance! We’ve got a minute left and we’re one goal behind! Rip, send Sara back on!”

Rip opened his mouth, predictably to say ‘absolutely not’ but Sara interrupted .

“It’s one minute Rip,” she said hoarsely. “And it’s my last game _ever_ for SCHS. Please. I can do this.”

He didn’t need to reply. Sara saw the look on his face, grinning weakly.

Her legs screamed as she ran back on, mind spinning from lightheadedness but Zari was at her side almost immediately, holding her up.

“I got you, okay?” she said quietly. “We _all_ got you. Just tell us what we need to do.”

Sara nodded. That she could do. That she knew. They could make it to the end of this game, and Sara knew they could win.

 

And they did.

 

Sara swapped Lindsey and Lily - two players who had an incredibly similar skill set but entirely different approaches - and it threw the Gotham City team so unexpectedly that Gwen managed to get one more effortless goal.

Twenty seconds left, and the way Sara had always wanted it to be, it came down to her and Zari.

Her and Zari, weaving in and out of the Gotham City players, passing the ball between them as though it was the two of them running drills on an empty field.

Her and Zari doing the thing that had first drawn them together, the sport that sparked their friendship, brought them close and kept them both standing when the rest of their lives looked like it was crumbling around them.

Her and Zari as the clock was counting down, and Zari passed Sara the ball and Sara aimed, kicked, and scored one last goal.

The final whistle blew in a piercing screech. The stadium erupted, and for a second, Sara wondered if she was going to collapse or faint, but then Zari and Lily and Kuasa reached her before she could, hugging her so tightly, holding her up and Sara laughed breathlessly, her throat burning and her muscles aching but letting her head fall to Zari’s shoulder as she knew so resolutely that everything was going to be fine. _She_ was going to be fine.

 

Later, after the immediate chaos and the hugs, congratulatory wishes, the photos for Instagram, the shaking hands with principles and other players and teachers and college scouts still trying to entice them to take other offers, the awarding of the huge, golden, obnoxious, glittering trophy to Sara and Zari and the rest of the team, Sara finally managed to stumble her way away from the multitude of people crowding her and into the arms of the one person she needed to be close to after the insanity of the whole evening. She sighed in relief, sagging into Ava’s hug and tucking her face away from the tumultuous chaos of the end of game victory celebrations. Ava’s arms were warm and gentle, pulling Sara close and pressing the most barely there of kisses to the side of her head.

“Look at you, state champ,” Ava murmured, trailing a hand up Sara’s spine. Sara laughed exhaustedly into Ava’s shoulder, curling her fingers into Ava’s shirt.

“Yeah,” she rasped out. “Would you look at that.”

Ava pulled back a little, concern flaring in her eyes and she carefully eased Sara’s chin upwards to meet her eyes. “You need water,” she said sternly. “I saw you go off before. You’ve been running on adrenaline for the past two hours, you need food and water and rest.”

“I need _you_ and this hug to last for about three million years,” corrected Sara, smiling a little when Ava snorted with fond amusement. She knew Ava was right though, and she knew that there was already a set in stone plan for a barbeque dinner at the Sharpes - it had been decided that win or lose, Sara, Quentin, Laurel and Tommy would come round and spend the evening with Ava’s family, celebrating Sara’s incredible soccer season regardless of how state champs played out. This triumph though - the unreal, obnoxious, gold trophy that Sara had been handed just ten minutes ago - meant tonight just got to be full of joy; no what ifs, no small, lingering disappointments.

The SCHS end of season, post state champs party was in a couple of days, Sara and Zari both having anticipated how shattered their team would be after this game - and rightly so. Sara couldn’t remember the last time her entire body had _hurt_ this much after a soccer match, and all she could think of was the hot shower awaiting her at the Sharpes, and the soft, lazy evening she knew would follow. “I feel like I need to go talk to people,” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes tiredly. “So many people I know came to watch this game. People from as far as National City. I’m just so fucking tired.”

“Everyone who came to this game saw how brutal it was,” Ava pointed out, taking Sara’s face in her hands. “Nobody’s just gonna pack up and leave tonight. Come back to mine, spend the evening relaxing, and then send out thank you texts tomorrow to everyone who was here. If you have time, you can catch up with them for coffee before they leave.”

Sara swayed a little, leaning her forward against Ava’s shoulder. “Yeah,” she breathed. “Why are you so logical? Why can’t I be logical?”

“Because you just played pretty much 90 minutes straight,” said Ava easily, brushing her thumb gently over a blossoming bruise high on Sara’s cheekbone. “C’mon. Let’s grab your stuff, you can get a ride with me, Layla ‘n Ali back to my place.”

“Can you take my shit to the car?” requested Sara, flashing Ava some prime puppy dog eyes. “I just wanna go talk to the team before we go.”

Aa nodded. “Take your time, okay? There’s no hurry.”

Sara smiled, tightening her fingers just momentarily in Ava’s t-shirt and rocking on her feet to steal a kiss. “Got it,” she murmured against Ava’s lips, and for a second, the words _I love you_ almost slipped out, soft and casual and ordinary, the way Sara wanted to be able to say it them every day. But as tempted as Sara was, she didn’t want it to be like this - her hazy and exhausted, distracted by a million things and entire body aching.

 

Soon.

She’d tell Ava soon.

 

For now, Star City High School were state champions, and nothing in the entire damn world could take that away.

 

* * *

 

Ava had always liked how it felt to have Sara in her room (not like _that_ , in a completely sweet and innocent and before December, totally platonic sense). But it seemed as though every time they were up here now that they were dating, Sara just seemed to _fit_ in the space so much better, as though she brought a new kind of comfort and brightness to the room that Ava hadn’t even noticed wasn’t there before.

It only took Ava thinking about going back downstairs for Sara to reach out, catching her hand and using it to tug Ava back towards her. “Wait a sec - could uh … could you stay?”

Ava paused. She expected to see that _look_ in Sara’s eyes, familiar and playful and designed to make her blush, but instead she was surprised to see a light pink flush creeping across Sara’s own cheeks, expression open and affectionate and just vulnerable enough that Ava momentarily lost the ability to breathe. She still wasn’t quite used to _this_.

Sara traced the pad of her thumb across Ava’s palm, skin still warmer than usual from the shower. “I’ll only be a few minutes. It’s just … I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever with practice and everything going on these last few days.”

Rationally, Ava knew it had been just that - a few days. She’d only slipped upstairs to check Sara was okay and grab her some clean sweatpants to change into - she wasn’t intending to _stay_ , because Sara was going to come downstairs once she was dressed and they’d get to spend the whole evening together. But seeing Sara like this, bouncing around her room excitedly like a seven year old who’d just won their first soccer match, brilliant smile fixed firmly on her face, not caring that she was only wearing her underwear, one of Ava’s t-shirts and the fuzzy socks she’d claimed as hers a few weeks ago - it was enough to make Ava pause, reaching out to tuck a wet, slightly wavy lock of hair back behind Sara’s ear.

Sara looked up at her, the affection in her eyes morphing into something _more_ , something they’d only hinted at before, something that made Ava’s heart speed up and her stomach launch into neverending somersaults.

“Please?” Sara asked quietly, and Ava leaned forward, pressing a careful, gentle kiss to Sara’s hairline

As if she could ever refuse.

She made her way over to the bed and slid down to the floor in front of it, watching as Sara maneuvered around the bed to grab Ava’s moisturiser from her dresser, not even looking what she was doing, distracted by humming a song Ava didn’t know the lyrics to. A small, content smile was fixed firmly on Sara’s lips. There was something special about this, seeing Sara absentmindedly wandering around her room getting ready, exhausted and distracted but _comfortable_ , as if she was always meant to be here, wearing Ava’s clothes and drying her hair with her towel and fitting so perfectly in Ava’s space that Ava had started to miss her everytime she wasn’t here. It was Sara’s smile, casual and affectionate and slightly disbelieving every time she caught Ava’s eye from across the room. It was the way she played with the hem of the shirt she’d borrowed when she though Ava wasn’t looking, the way she bit her lip as she decided what to do with her hair, the way she stretched out her arms after tying it in a loose bun, back muscles shifting under her t-shirt.

Another day, Ava might’ve teased her about needing to put some pants on before they went downstairs to talk to their families.

Another day, she might’ve gone over to stand behind Sara in front of the mirror and trailed her lips across the freckles dusting Sara’s neck, pressing the faintest kisses against her skin and letting her actions take her wherever they may, closing the door on the world for the evening and making sure Sara knew just how special she was, just how important, just how loved.

Another day.

It felt like it’d been an entire lifetime since Ava had stood in this doorway and watched Sara sleeping, eyes tracing over the barely dried tear tracks on her cheeks from the night before as she worried about Quentin’s raid and Sara’s ability to cope with it all, and wondered when getting over her crush had turned into this, pushing Sara away until she reached her breaking point, but only managing to fall deeper and deeper.

That’d been the morning she realised. The morning that had changed everything, really, the morning that’d made her blink and take a step back and reach out to catch Sara before she slipped too far out of reach. It’d been the morning she’d crept back into her room after her run and spent far too long watching the sun flicker through her blinds and catch in Sara’s hair, the morning she’d gotten to watch Sara wake up, blinking as she slowly remembered where she was, eyes wide and slightly unfocussed but brimming with an affection she hadn’t yet learnt to understand.

An affection she _would_ understand, one day.

An affection Ava could feel in the tips of her fingers, itching to reach out for Sara and pull her close, never letting her go. An affection she could feel every time Sara’s skin brushed against hers, making her skin tingle and heart flutter all in one go, self control hanging by a thread. An affection she could see in every glance, taste in every kiss, and hear in the whispers of the _I love you_ on the tip of her tongue, not quite ready to be said out loud, but almost. Nearly.

Sara leaned over the bed, reaching for the sweatpants Ava had left out for her and Ava blinked, not having noticed her move.

There was just _something_ about Sara. She was intoxicating - she could make Ava lose focus in an instant, she had this ability to make nothing else in the world matter, nothing except her. Ava reached out without realising what she was doing, fingers curling lightly around Sara’s ankle, thumb tracing the outline of a graze. Before she knew what she was doing she was leaning forward to brush her lips against the dark bruise blossoming on Sara’s knee, barely obscuring the slightly reddened scar tissue underneath.

Sara’s breath caught in her throat, and Ava let herself linger for a moment longer, pressing another soft kiss to Sara’s skin before pulling away, tilting her head to look up, meeting Sara’s eyes. Sara swallowed.

She wanted to check Sara was okay. She wanted to run her hands across her back and find every scrape, every graze, every bruise. She needed to make sure none of the falls Sara had taken during the game had caused any lasting damage, and she knew Sara would be honest about this - all she had to do was ask. But for some reason when Ava opened her mouth, the only thing that came out was a quiet, breathless, almost reverent, “you’re beautiful.”

Sara’s throat bobbed for a second time and Ava let her thumb trail across her knee, tracing the edges of the slightly raised patch of skin.

“This is from your surgery right?” she said as quietly as she dared, hoping it wouldn’t break the delicate stillness in the room between them. “Back when you were a kid?”

“Yeah,” said Sara, turning slightly to sit on the edge of the bed. Ava rested her chin by Sara’s knee, resisting the urge to trace the scar again.

“What happened?” she asked.

Sara shrugged, stretching out her legs gingerly and gazing down at the aggravated skin. “Remember what happened at the qualifying game? With Malorie from the Central City team?”

Ava grimaced, her head spinning at the memory from that game; Sara sliding across the field trying to intercept the ball, Malorie’s leg swinging and colliding with Sara’s knee, Sara’s gut wrenching scream, the way she’d curled in on herself for a second, her whole body shaking with agony.

“Yeah,” said Ava, shuddering. “I try not to though. Seeing you in that much pain was awful.” She slid her hand along Sara’s thigh, squeezing lightly. “Seeing you that beat tonight was hard too,” she added in a small voice.

Sara’s eyes softened. “I’m okay Aves,” she promised. “And it wasn’t too bad the first time either. Similar thing happened - I was nine, got into a tackle a little too rough for me to handle, went slamming into the goal post. Broke my knee and I had to get some minor surgery and a hell of a lot of physio for a year before I could play again. Still gives me shit every once in a while - especially after games like today’s - but for the most part I don’t have to worry about it anymore.” She wrinkled her nose. “I just hate how ugly it is when it gets all irritated. It looks gross.”

“No it doesn’t,” said Ava immediately.

Sara gave her a wry smile. “That’s sweet Aves, but it so does.”

“It’s badass!” Ava insisted, pushing herself off the floor to sit beside Sara. “ _You’re_ badass.” She didn’t let herself linger on the thousand and one emotions clouding Sara’s eyes. They were both supposed to be downstairs, and sure, her mom had gotten better, but staying up here alone together right after Sara had just won the biggest soccer game she’d ever played was sure to set off some Barbara Sharpe alarm bells somewhere. Ava nudged Sara, her fingers catching Sara’s jaw and tilting her head up slightly. “You’re beautiful,” she said again, softer than before, making a mental note to tell Sara more often. “And a soccer superstar.”

“ _Your_ soccer superstar,” Sara reminded her quietly, the tiny, barely audible hitch in her voice reminding Ava again of the three little words still left unsaid between them.

(That was okay. It wasn’t the right time. And besides … Sara didn’t need to say it out loud. The same way she suspected Sara had known what Ava was trying to say the night Ava had stayed at the Lances, this time, Ava had heard was trying to say.)

Ava smiled, trying to pour every single emotion she didn’t know how to voice into an expression Sara could read. She tucked a strand of hair that’d slipped out of Sara’s messy bun back behind her ear and waited until she met her eyes to say “I’m so proud of you,” squeezing her wrist lightly. “And I wish we could stay right here all evening, but I think we’re pushing the limit on how much time we’ve got before Ali gets sent up to find us. So put some sweatpants on and we can go curl up on the couch together downstairs, okay?”

Sara’s smile could’ve lit up the room. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

Moments like this, Ava would give anything for.

When she’d wandered into the kitchen a few minutes earlier to find an ice pack and vaguely asked if there was anything she could do to help, she’d been given strict instructions from everyone there to sit down with Sara and make sure she didn’t come into the kitchen, only partly because she needed to rest her knee. Spencer had grinned at her lopsidedly from across the room, spare piping bag in one hand and a bowl of icing in the other as he waited for Barbara to wash her hands.

(“Congratulations Sara’, or just ‘congratulations’?” Barbara had mused, looking down at the cake in front as she dried her hands on her apron. “Which one Ava?”

Ava’s chest filled with an indescribable warmth as she realised what her mom was doing, without even considering how much this little gesture would mean. She’d smiled, ignoring the way Spencer’s grin softened as he took in her expression. “Mom, she’ll love it either way.”)

When Ava, Sara, Ali, Spencer, Layla, Laurel and Tommy had been ordered to stop trying to help cook, organise and prep, and instead found themselves piled on the couches in the living room, debating what to watch while they waited for dinner to finish cooking.

(“Nothing Sara has to pay attention to,” suggested Spencer with a grin. Sara went to glare, but instead just had to smother a yawn and found herself snuggling sleepily into Ava’s side.

“Nothing too heavy,” added Ali. “Today’s a good day. We want something chill and happy.”

“Brooklyn Nine Nine,” said Ava and Sara in unison.

“Wait, is there a new season?” said Laurel suddenly, eyes wide.

“You haven’t seen it?” gasped Ali, looking aghast.

“My access to cable TV was kinda limited in rehab,” Laurel pointed out, but her wry smile made it clear that there was no weight to her words.

“Brooklyn Nine Nine it is,” said Spencer decidedly, “if only to remedy the genuine human tragedy of the fact that Laurel hasn’t seen season 5.”)

 

Sara shifted on the couch, rolling onto her side and pulling her knees up closer to her chest, the ice pack slipping to the floor. Ava reached out her hand to rest it on Sara’s knee under the pretence of checking for inflammation, but didn’t remove it, not even when she saw Ali raise a teasing eyebrow at her from across the room. “You can sleep babe,” she murmured softly, thumb beginning to trace circles across the bruise she knew was blossoming on Sara’s knee under the sweatpants she’d borrowed (and had to roll up at the ankle, which was still _adorable_ , even if she did get glared at every time she even thought about commenting on it).

“ ‘don’t wanna miss anything,” Sara mumbled against Ava’s shoulder, fingers curling into her t-shirt, somehow managing to be affectionate and possessive at the same time. Ava brought her free hand up to brush the few strands of Sara’s hair that had escaped the disheveled bun out of her face before running one knuckle lightly down her jaw, trying to suppress the urge to kiss every single freckle dusting her girlfriend’s cheeks.

“You’re not gonna miss anything,” she promised softly, corners of her lips twitching up into a smile as Sara let her eyelids flutter closed, grip on Ava’s tee loosening slightly. “You’ve seen this episode before, remember? Besides, I don’t think anyone in this family would let you help even if you tried. So go to sleep. I’ll wake you when food’s ready.”

Sara snorted sleepily, and Ava’s heart fluttered in her chest for about the fifteenth time that day. She let her fingers trail across the delicate chain of Sara’s necklace, brushing lightly against her collarbone until they landed on the two intertwined canaries, which Sara still firmly refused to take off for soccer, even though one day it was probably going to get her into trouble.

Sara somehow managed to shuffle even closer to Ava as she murmured “‘s why you’re my favourite,” causing Ava’s smile widen even though she could barely remember the conversation they’d been having. Ali rolled her eyes for a second time, miming throwing up from across the room, but Ava didn’t care. She had everything she’d ever wanted right here in her lap, probably drooling slightly on her hoodie as she slept, and there was nothing in the world that would ever be able to take away from that.

Not now, at least.

And knowing that, Ava felt as elated as she knew Sara would be tomorrow, when she woke up and realised that she’d let Star City High School to a state championship victory.


	33. in this world of ups and downs (baby you're the one, the thing i found)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slamming of a car door from the driveway made Ava jump and she sat up properly, jostling Sara in the process but offering her an apologetic smile when she murmured a faint protest. Ava groaned, dropping her head back to rest against the couch. She didn’t want visitors. It was Saturday, and exams were coming up, and she just wanted to sit here with her girlfriend in peace, enjoying over-analysing the way they fitted so perfectly into each other’s lives instead of having to socialise with whoever was outside. Ali glanced out of the window with matching annoyance. Ava knew Ali had also had a long week, and had been looking forward to this weekend’s planned movie marathon just as much as Ava was. But when Ali did a double take, snatching the curtains back with a strangled gasp, Ava felt her insides go cold.
> 
> “What?” she asked slowly.
> 
> “Fuck,” said Ali through grit teeth. “Shit, shit - it’s Susan and Randy.”
> 
> OR
> 
> ava's aunt susan is back, and both ava & sara find that neither of them are quite okay afterwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would ya look at that, a chapter completed on time and before midnight? a concept. this week feels extra long, but this chapter has been planned and headcanoned and anxiously awaited since like, may, not even kidding, so we hope we did it justice to the vision we had in our own heads. this idea for this chapter was what kicked off barbara's slow and steady redemption arc through many, many headcanons between us both and has a very special place in both our hearts <3 
> 
> thank you guys for all your requests and suggestions in the comments for stuff to include in the next few chapters! just as an answer to one query: yes, we 100% will be doing more one/two shorts for this au verse, starting with the summer after graduation and continuing on into college and wherever we might decide to go from there. no guarantees on when that will happen, bc we may just need a bit of a writing break, but there are some already completed one shots that we've got banked away ready for posting after this fic ends (which is in 2 chapters guys, we're just. not fucking ready at all. 
> 
> BY THE WAY - trigger warning in this chapter for just generally homophobic relatives, just in case that gets to you a lot or if you're in a place rn where that's not something you want to read. 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from thick and thin by the jackson 5)

Sara shuffled closer to Ava on the couch, resting her head against her shoulder and closing her eyes. Ava smiled, slipping her arm around Sara’s waist. She’d been here all morning studying for exams, but they’d taken the afternoon off to watch movies with Spencer and Ali - at Ali’s insistence - and she couldn’t really complain. She was well aware of her tendency to get caught up in the stress of exams and forget what was really important, but having Sara here to pull her out of her head was more helpful than she could ever have realised.

And it wasn’t just that - there was something special about the way Sara just _fit_ too, accidentally becoming a part of this family to the point where Barbara knew which foods she liked and disliked, knew which days Quentin was working and which days Sara would stay for dinner, and had even extended that invitation to Tommy and Laurel as well.

The slamming of a car door from the driveway made Ava jump and she sat up properly, jostling Sara in the process but offering her an apologetic smile when she murmured a faint protest. Ava groaned, dropping her head back to rest against the couch. She didn’t want visitors. It was Saturday, and exams were coming up, and she just wanted to sit here with her girlfriend in peace, enjoying over-analysing the way they fitted so perfectly into each other’s lives instead of having to socialise with whoever was outside.

Ali glanced out of the window with matching annoyance. Ava knew Ali had also had a long week, and had been looking forward to this weekend’s planned movie marathon just as much as Ava was. But when Ali did a double take, snatching the curtains back with a strangled gasp, Ava felt her insides go cold.

“What?” she asked slowly.

“Fuck,” said Ali through grit teeth. “Shit, _shit_ \- it’s Susan and Randy.”

“What?” said Ava hoarsely. “What do you mean? As in they’re _here_?”

“Here and walking down the fucking drive,” said Ali, backing away from the window. “Jesus Christ. They don’t look happy Aves, they’re literally yelling at Dad right now.”

Ava froze. _No._ She’d been hoping - maybe it’d been too naive, but - she’d thought her mom’s family had all unfriended her on facebook after she came out anyway, so would have no way to see that Ava’s ‘gay hadn’t gone away’ after her recent relationship announcement. Ava’s fingers tightened in Sara’s and she sucked in a shaky breath. Maybe this was a coincidence. Maybe Ali had seen it wrong and they weren’t actually _angry_ about about anything. There was always a chance they were just popping in, and if so, Ava knew she and Sara would be able to slip out before anyone noticed they were gone and hopefully Layla hadn’t taken the car and they could just leave -

Spencer frowned, clearly confused, and only then did Ava realise no one had filled him in on the mess that had been Thanksgiving, or anything that’d happened as a result of it. “What’re they doing here?” he asked, and Ali’s eyes met Ava’s from across the room. Ava saw Ali’s throat bob with an anxious swallow.

It wasn’t as though Ava hadn’t thought about this. She’d known the moment word got out about her and Sara dating that her mom’s family would have something to say about it, and she’d repeatedly told herself that she didn’t care. But she hadn’t thought family gossip would spread so fast, and she hadn’t known they’d go as far as this, turning up at her parent’s house on a lazy Saturday afternoon to stir up things Ava hoped had been left in the past.

Muffled shouting from outside brought her back to the present and both Ali and Spencer stood up to peer out of the window, so in sync it would’ve been almost comical in any other situation. Robert Sharpe - the calm, kind, joking doctor who Ava could barely remember _ever_ raising voice, was yelling so loudly that they could hear every word from inside the house.

“You have no right to be here,” Robert snapped, and Ali hesitated with one hand on the handle to the open window, torn between opening it further so they could hear their aunt and uncle’s side of the argument properly, or slamming it closed so Ava didn’t have to listen to whatever Randy was about to say.

“We have every right, seeing as you and Barbara seem incapable of -”

The door banged open, and Ava only had a millisecond to feel relieved that she didn’t have to hear the end of Randy’s sentence, before Susan strode into the room, immediately catching sight of Ava on the couch, fingers still tangled around Sara’s. Her eyes narrowed and she took a few steps forward, causing Ava to straighten. Cold, nauseating fear was starting to prickle in the base of Ava’s stomach, and she  swallowed, trying to scramble together something to say to preemptively defend herself, but found her throat dry.

Susan’s eyes skimmed over Sara, dressed only in shorts, a tank top that showed the smallest flash of midriff, and a flannel shirt she’d stolen from Ava’s wardrobe a few weeks ago. Her upper lip twitched, furious disapproval flaring clear as day on her face. Ava wanted to the throw up.

“Susan!” Barbara said sharply and suddenly, appearing in the doorway seemingly out of nowhere, and Ava let out a breath through her teeth. She’d never been more grateful to see her mother, and judging by the pressure on Ava’s hand, neither had Sara.

“I was going to leave it,” Susan started coldly, glaring at Barbara. “I didn’t say anything for a long time, because I thought you would _fix_ this. But instead, look at what you’ve let happen! It’s a disgrace to this family.” She turned to glare at Ava, gaze cold and unforgiving, forcing Ava to suppress a shiver while Ali opened her mouth to say something probably very rude and inappropriate. Susan got there first though, voice full of disgust as she spat, “Your parents raised you to be better than this Ava.”

Ava knew she should’ve had an argument. She’d always had arguments for this kind of situation, written out in her head long before she even came out, knowing this kind of family situation would be inevitable. She just hadn’t accounted for _Sara_ , for Sara being here and them being _together_ and Ava having to defend not only herself, but her girlfriend and she couldn’t … she didn’t _know_ how to do that.

But before Ava could find it in herself to fight back, Barbara spoke instead, her voice dangerously quiet and far too calm and collected. “Girls,” she said slowly. “Go upstairs now.”

“But Mom - ” Ava tried to say, but Barbara sent her a look that left absolutely no room for argument.

“Upstairs,” she repeated. “Now.” She fixed Ava with another sharp _look_ that still somehow managed to be comforting, tilting her head slightly into a nod. “Ali, you too.”

Sara tugged Ava up from the couch with sudden, surprising force, squeezing Ava’s hand encouragingly as she pulled her across the room away from the argument. Ava watched, a knot in her chest, as Barbara offered Sara a small, grateful smile for moving to lead Ava out of the room. Sara attempted to return it, but Susan’s head snapped over to them, finger pointing accusingly at Sara. “ _This_ is what I’m talking about, and I won’t stand for it Barbara. Can’t you see how she’s _corrupted_ your daughter? She needs to leave, and stop leading Ava astray - how can you let her be _here_ , in this house of all places?”

The shift in Sara was almost imperceptible, but even so Ava felt the way she tensed, standing a little straighter, a little taller, a little more guarded. Ava clenched her jaw and ignored the desperation in Sara’s voice as she whispered, “C’mon Aves,” too blinded by the blood rushing to her head, making it difficult to think about anything except the overwhelming urge to spin round and let herself snap.

A gentle hand curled around Ava’s arm, distracting her from the unbelievably fury coursing through her whole body, tugging her towards the door just as insistently as Sara was, and when Ava turned, it was Layla standing in front of her in the hallway.

“Here,” Layla said, grabbing Ava’s wrist and pressing the car keys into her hand. “Go. Neither of you need to be here right now.” She tilted her head back to the living room to where Susan was already listing a familiar stream of accusations and revulsions that made Ava’s blood run cold.  

“She’s right Aves,” Sara murmured, nodding encouragingly, but Ava couldn’t make her feet move, consumed by an overwhelming rage not for herself, but on Sara’s behalf. Sara pulled a little harder. “Ava, _please_. Let’s go, okay?”

Something else had entered Sara’s voice, something past desperation, maybe even on the verge of panic, and it was enough to temporarily shake Ava out of whatever trance she’d fallen into. She swallowed, nodding and letting Sara take the keys from her hand before starting to move, following Sara out of the room and closing the door behind her. But even that wasn’t enough to mask the sound of Barbara starting to shout, or the anger in her voice.

Ava tried not to stumble as her feet hit the smooth concrete of the drive, heart hammering with a terrified intensity. She’d never - not in her entire life - heard her mother this angry.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

A clatter of tools made both Ava and Sara jump, and Ava watched, frozen as Sara shifted to stand slightly in front of her when they saw Randy from across the drive. He immediately turned to advance towards them, angry and glaring and making every anxious bone in Ava’s body suddenly buzz with burning, uncontrollable fear. She curled her fingers around Sara’s squeezing so tight she knew it must have been painful, but before Sara could move or say something, before Robert could run over from where he was standing in the front yard, before Ava could come to her senses and finally stick up for _herself_ , suddenly Spencer was there. Ava didn’t know where he’d come from because she hadn’t seen him leave the house, or follow her and Sara out the back door, but out of nowhere he was there, standing in front of Ava and Sara in all his 6”3, high school basketball champ glory, looming over Randy with a genuinely terrifying expression of fury on his face that made Ava remember with a jolt that he’d spent the last five years in the _army_. For the first time, she found herself looking at the soldier version of Spencer, not the brother she held in her memory.

“Don’t even try it,” he threatened, voice low and dark and eerily similar to Barbara’s, making Ava feel even colder even as she and Sara stood there in the warm afternoon sunshine. Sara’s breath too seemed to catch in her throat, and in that moment, all Ava wanted was for both of them to just _leave_ , to get as far away from here as they could right now, to be somewhere where they were safe and didn’t have to think about this and where Ava didn’t feel like she was teetering on the edge of a full blown panic attack. Spencer glared down at Randy, clearly intimidating enough that after a brief moment of consideration Randy backed down, taking a few steps back in defeat. The vice like grip Ava had on Sara’s hand lessened, and she let go of the breath she’d been holding since the moment Susan walked in. In front of her, Sara’s shoulders visibly sagged in relief.

Sara ran her thumb gently across Ava’s wrist, turning around to face her. “Let’s get out of here okay?”

Ava swallowed, forcing her eyes to find Sara’s in the midst of the chaos, relieved when they made her feel just as reassured as she’d been hoping.

“Where?” Ava asked in the quietest, shakiest whisper. She wanted to scream at the vulnerable quiver to her voice, relieved when Sara didn’t send her a concerned or pitying look, instead just reaching up to run a comforting hand through Ava’s hair.

“Nate’s,” Sara said decidedly after a moment’s thought. “He’s having a really low-key movie day today to blow off some exam stress and I know some of the gang will be there.”

Ava nodded, carefully tugging open the car door and slipping inside, exhaling thankfully when Sara immediately reached to find her hand again and squeeze extra tight. Ava knew Sara was trying to give her every single reassurance she could think of that she couldn’t quite work out how to voice yet. Ava relaxed just slightly into into the car seat as Sara fired up the engine, feeling the panic start to very incrementally dissipate as headed down the drive and swerved out onto the road, away from the Sharpe house.

“You can breathe babe,” said Sara softly, her thumb gentle and delicate as it traced the ridges of Ava’s knuckles. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Ava snapped her eyes shut, pulling her legs up to the seat and sliding her fingers into her hair to give them _something_ to do other than shake uncontrollably. “Yeah,” she whispered with a rush of breath. “I guess.”

Sara took a careful turn that Ava knew led to Nate’s house. She sighed, giving Ava’s hand another squeeze. “We’ll _be_ okay,” she amended, so quietly that it almost seemed as though she was saying it to herself.

Ava glanced away, leaning her head against the car window. “Why are we going to Nate’s?” she asked in a small voice. Sara untangled her fingers from Ava’s, trailing her hand down to Ava’s thigh. The weight was warm and comforting in a way that Ava hadn’t even realised she needed.

“Because,” Sara said, her voice soft and sad, “I think you need a different kind of family right now.”

 

* * *

 

“Shit, what happened?” Nora asked the moment they walked into the room, eyes flicking over Ava, immediately noticing the tension in her shoulders and the way she was still tightly gripping onto Sara’s hand. Ava hesitated for a moment, not wanting to let go of Sara quite yet, but Nora pushed herself up slightly and shuffled over to make room for them both on the couch and Ava sat down, slumping into her side.

“Remember my aunt Susan?”

Nora nodded. “How could I forget?” she muttered darkly under her breath.

Ava’s lips curved into her first smile since this whole thing had happened. “Remember when we were 10 and you offered to orchestrate her unsolvable murder for my 18th birthday present?”

Ray choked on his drink and Nate thumped him on the back, trying his best not to laugh. “You _what_?”

Nora shrugged innocently, but her eyes quickly drifted back over to Ava. “What about it?” she asked quietly, a hard suspicion creeping into her voice as though she already knew what Ava was about to say.

Ava sighed, running her hand over her face. “Let’s just say I’m calling in that favour now.”

She wasn’t sure what reaction she was hoping for, but something about Nora’s immediate concern made Ava’s chest tighten and she suppressed a shudder, eyes falling back to her lap.

“It’s okay,” Sara murmured softly, gently squeezing just above her knee and shuffling close enough to rest her head against Ava’s shoulder, and Ava nodded, taking a deep breath before starting to talk. Somehow between them - Ava had no idea how - she and Sara managed to get out most of the story, with only slight pauses for everyone’s indignant, horrified, verging on furious reactions. Sara’s hand never drifted, either from Ava’s hand or her leg or arm, and Ava blindly reached for it, gripped it tightly as she finished speaking, making a mental note to thank Sara later.

“My mom was ripping her to shreds when we left though,” she added quietly, almost as an afterthought, and Nora’s eyebrows shot up.

“Wait, your mom?” she said with disbelief. “As in, Barbara Sharpe? Defending her gay daughter to her homophobic sister?”

Ava laughed, probably sounding just as incredulous as Nora, but lacking the energy to hide her surprise. It shouldn’t have been this surprising - she _had_ been a little apprehensive of her mom’s reaction after she and Sara started dating, especially after hearing about Dinah’s outburst, but Barbara had turned out to be nothing but supportive. Sara squeezed her hand softly, turning her head to press a quick kiss to her shoulder, and Ava relaxed slightly under her touch, nodding at Nora.

“Yup,” she said, smiling a little wryly. “Full on yelling ‘n everything.”

Nora shook her head in disbelief, a matching smile playing on her lips. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

 

* * *

 

Being at Nate’s was everything both of them needed. Sara could remember countless days after Nyssa had left that she’d spent curled up on this very couch with Amaya and any number of the rest of the legends, feeling numb and sick to her stomach while the world felt like it could never possibly be okay again. It’d taken a very long time, but eventually, those movie nights made her laugh a little, Nate had convinced her to help him bake cookies, Zari had started bringing her large assortment of video games and coerced Sara into learning how to play them, and Ray had provided the surprisingly comforting distraction of helping Sara get back on track with school in the aftermath of Nyssa’s disappearance. Nate’s basement had been illustriously decorated over the last few years - covered in photos, Ray’s invention sketches, Amaya’s paintings, movie posters they’d snatched from the Star City cinema when the new releases had stopped playing. It had been legends HQ for most of their time at high school, but the chaos and busyness of the past year had left it mainly unused. Sara hadn’t really realised how much she missed it until now.

It was a while before she extracted herself from the couch, pressing a gentle kiss to Ava’s knuckles and then letting go of her hand, making her way up the stairs to the kitchen. It was only then, away from everybody’s (especially _Ava’s_ ) eyes, that she curled her hands around the kitchen bench, hung her head and attempted to breathe steadily. It was as though she was moving on autopilot, grabbing a glass out of the cupboard and filling it with water despite not needing a drink, closing her eyes for a brief moment and attempting to quiet the voices in the back of her mind, voices she hadn’t heard in _years_ . Voices telling her that of _course_ this was going to happen, because it _always_ happened, and she should’ve known better than to fall head over heels in love with Ava because now she might lose her and she’d already done this one time too many and -

“Sara,” Amaya said softly, hand coming to rest just below her elbow, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.

Sara blinked, looking up. She hadn’t noticed Amaya following her upstairs, but she wasn’t surprised - though she’d just about been managing to keep it together and pretend everything would work out okay, for Ava’s sake, she’d known the legends - namely Amaya and Zari - would be able to see straight through her the moment she walked through the door. Because they knew her. They’d been the ones who’d been there after Nyssa’s family ripped her from Sara’s life, they were the people who’d stood by her and distracted her when she needed it. Zari had been amazing then, even though she’d only just moved to Star City. She seemed to pick up when to antagonise Sara _just_ enough about how shit she was at video games to irritate Sara into finally joining in on their Mario Kart wars, or when to toss a soccer ball in Sara’s direction and force her focus on training instead of everything else that was going on. And Amaya … she’d been there by her side from the moment she’d first heard Sara’s broken, lost, almost incoherent account of what’d happened. She’d given Sara a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and she’d been someone Sara knew she could cling onto when she’d come back into school after Nyssa’s goodbye to find it too loud, too bright, and far, far too lonely.

Even if they hadn’t realised they were doing it at the time, Amaya and Zari had been the ones who’d slowly pulled down Sara’s walls and led her away from the hole she was on the verge of slipping into, they’d been the ones who even now were always willing to drop everything to talk to her when she needed the distraction. They were the ones who’d been so happy and in love around each other at the start of the year that it’d made her wonder if maybe, just maybe, she could have that again too.

Sara shook her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Don’t,” she whispered. “Please. I know what you’re thinking, and I can’t - not now.”

Amaya sighed, fingers slipping down to curl around Sara’s wrist, knowing that if they were properly going to have this conversation, Sara had to be the one to bring it up. “It’ll be okay,” she promised softly, keeping a firm grip on Sara’s wrist to stop her from walking away. “It’s not gonna be like last time.”

Sara attempted to nod, but found she couldn’t move, frozen in place and terrified of even considering how this could’ve played out. It wasn’t fair to make Amaya pull her through these same fears all over again. If she could just get it together, maybe -

Sara bit her lip when she heard Amaya repeat her name even more softly than before, and closed her eyes to block out the expression on her friend’s face, brimming with concern and affection and heartbreak on her behalf. Before Sara realised she was moving, she’d taken a step forward, half falling, half being tugged into Amaya’s open arms, clinging onto her for everything she was worth. “It’s okay,” Amaya said again, hugging her just as tightly in return. “It’s okay, Ava’s _here_ Sara, and her parents stuck up for you both, and she’s not going anywhere.”

Sara let out a shaky breath, this time managing to nod against Amaya’s shoulder, letting her words sink in. It _was_ okay.

“You ready to go back?” Amaya asked quietly when Sara finally pulled away, tactfully ignoring the way Sara was blinking away the tears she’d refused to let fall. “Because we can stay up here for a bit, if you want. Everyone would understand.”

“No,” Sara replied without hesitation, more firmly than she thought she’d be able to manage. “Ava’s downstairs, and I … I need to be okay. For her.”

The look on Amaya’s face said she disagreed, but she nodded anyway. “Okay.” She held out a hand and Sara took it, squeezing it lightly before picking up the glass of water she’d poured and leading Amaya back through the door, reminding herself determinedly that Ava was still going to be exactly where she left her.

She was.

She _was._

 

* * *

 

_Ali_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Tuesday**

 **  
** **_2:08pm:_ ** **_  
_** they’re still going at it

  
**_2:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** lay  & i are sitting outside the in the   
hallway eavesdropping

  
**_2:10pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** holy SHIT aves i’m telling u mom is   
not fucking holding back

  
**_2:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** and i quote

  
**_2:11pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** “i always thought you couldn’t understand   
anything remotely important beyond the   
scope of your own tiny world, but i never   
would have thought you were this much of   
a bigot that you would put your own stupid   
prejudice above your family.”

  
**_2:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WOW MOM

  
**_2:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** DIDN’T KNOW SHE HAD IT IN HER

  
**_2:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Holy shit

  
**_2:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She actually said that???

  
**_2:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** dude it’s just fucking getting better

  
**_2:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _1 Audio Message - 0:24 seconds_

  
**_2:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _1 Audio Message - 31 seconds_

 _  
_ **_2:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ **_1 Audio Message - 11 seconds_

 _  
_ **_Read:_ ** _Tuesday_

* * *

 

_“You’re her mother! It’s your responsibility to teach her right from wrong!”_

_“And this is an example? What exactly is the_ **_wrong_ ** _I’m supposed to be guiding her away from Susan?”_

_“Don’t play games with me, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Ava’s confused Barbara, she’s twisted herself into believing this is who she is. It’s your job to remind her of who she’s supposed to be -”_

_“Who she’s supposed to be is exactly who she is right now.”_

  


_“If you let her continue down this path, then Randy and I can no longer consider Ava a part of our family.”_

_“How can you say that? She’s my_ **_daughter_ ** _Susan!”_

  


_“Sara’s a wonderful girl Susan, and she’s done so much for Ava and our family over the past year. I’ve never seen Ava this happy before. Shouldn’t that count for something?”_

  


_“This is what happens when you pick up strays Barbara - Ava, that Darhk girl. Taking in kids from God knows where who become God knows what, just like this.”_

 

 _“Get the_ **_hell_ ** _out of my house.”_

 

* * *

  


_Ali_

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Tuesday**

 **  
** **_2:26pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** shit aves I didnt mean to send that   
last one

  
**_2:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i didn’t want you to hear that

  
**_2:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m sorry

  
**_2:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh my god

 **_  
_ ** **_2:30pm:_ ** **_  
_** she’s leaving

  
**_2:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** she’s gone aves, she actually left

 **_  
_ ** _iMessage_

 **_  
_ ** **_5:01pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** dad wants to know if you’re gonna   
be home for dinner

 **_  
_ ** **_5:02pm:_ ** **_  
_** also i wanna know if you’re ok

 **_  
_ ** **_5:02pm:_ ** **_  
_** i’m sorry about that last recording

 **_  
_ ** **_5:03pm:_ ** **_  
_** It’s okay Ali

 **_  
_ ** **_5:03pm:_ ** **_  
_** It was a lot but I needed to hear it

 **_  
_ ** **_5:04pm:_ ** **_  
_** Yeah, I’ll be home for dinner

 **_  
_ ** **_5:05pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara’s coming too, can you ask if   
that’s okay?

 **_  
_ ** **_5:06pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ava i’m pretty sure at this point mom’s   
ready to ask sara to move in for everything   
she did for you today

 **_  
_ ** **_5:07pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** lol she just told me to tell you to ask sara to   
come for dinner if ur coming back so :-)

 **_  
_ ** **_5:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** She’s really doing everything she can   
to make up for all this even though   
it’s not her fault, isn’t she?

 **_  
_ ** **_5:08pm:_ ** **_  
_** yup

 **_  
_ ** **_5:09pm:_ ** **_  
_** We’ll head back around 7ish?

 **_  
_ ** **_5:10pm:_ ** **_  
_** you got it  <3 <3

  


* * *

**_  
  
_**

Barbara was waiting outside when Sara pulled into the driveway, arms wrapped around herself, looking uncharacteristically small and uneasy. Ava shivered. Sara shifted in her seat, pulling the keys out of the ignition and then turning to face Ava, squeezing the hand she hadn’t let go of for the entire drive home. “She’s worried about you,” she murmured quietly, and Ava nodded. She knew that. And it wasn’t as though Barbara had never worried about her before (especially recently), but this time it felt different, because even though she’d listened to every recording Ali had sent her over and over again, she still hadn’t quite trusted what she’d heard until now.

Until she’d been able to see her mom standing here, looking nervously at the car neither she or Sara had gotten out of, wondering whether she was okay.

Sara smiled softly, eyes flickering over to Barbara. “Go.”

 

Ava was moving before she knew what she was doing, climbing out of the car and almost running across the drive to throw her arms around her mom, breath catching in her throat at the affectionate, surprised noise Barbara made before she wrapped her arms around Ava too. Ava swallowed her tears, but Barbara’s arms tightened around her anyway and she pulled her close, a quiet, concerned “Ava?” slipping from her lips.

Ava swallowed. “Don’t be mad at Ali,” she started, fingers curling into her mother’s cardigan, not ready to let her go quite yet. “But she overheard what you said to Susan and told me. Before she and Randy left.”

Barbara’s breath hitched, and Ava clung to her tighter, momentarily wondering whether she should’ve kept that information to herself but far too exhausted to care. Before Barbara had the chance to reply Ava tucked her head into the crook of her neck. “Thank you so much. It - it means a lot.”

 

Barbara smoothed a hand over her hair and Ava bit her lip, suddenly very aware that she hadn’t shared this kind of prolonged intimacy with her mother in years - even when they’d talked about the adoption, it hadn’t been like _this_ . It hadn’t been this … protective. Defensive. And part of that was probably due to Barbara now knowing how much she’d doubted her place in this family over the years, and how much she’d struggled to find herself back at the start of the year - but it wasn’t _just_ that, there was something else too. Something like ... _Oh._

Regret.

Regret for not understanding, regret that she’d let this situation get this bad, and maybe, - Ava could only hope - regret that she hadn’t said something sooner, back at Thanksgiving when things had started to spiral out of control.

(Although, looking back, Ava thought that maybe she wouldn’t change anything. Because as shitty as Thanksgiving, and the October before that, had all been, it’d been the first time, really, that she’d begun to consider Sara as her friend.)

“Listen to me,” said Barbara eventually, her voice soft and so careful and honest as she leaned back to tilt Ava’s chin upwards and then take Ava’s face in her hands. “Your father and I are always going to put you kids first over anything or _anyone_ else. No matter who it is.”

Ava sucked in another shaky breath, attempting a nod. “But she’s your sister,” she whispered, it coming out choked and almost too quiet to be heard.

“And you’re my daughter,” Barbara said firmly, and she pulled Ava into a tight hug before Ava could even attempt to look away to hide the tears starting to spill past her eyelids. “There was no choice to make Ava.”

  


Sara tilted her head in a silent acknowledgement but clutched the keys tight, ignoring the way Layla’s keychain dug into her palm. Everything was fine.

They were fine. And Amaya was right - Ava was still here, and her family had supported her and defended them both. Standing here now, seeing Barbara promise Ava that nothing would ever come between how much she and Robert loved her, that was proof enough that it _would_ be fine. That Ava _wasn’t_ going anywhere.

Sara just wished she could shake the pit of dread settling deep within her, familiar and dark and terrifying, making it so much more difficult to pretend she was okay. She _had_ to be okay. Ava needed her to be okay. Ava needed a hand to hold, someone to remind her that she was important and valued and more loved than she could ever imagine, and Sara wanted - _needed_ \- to be that person.

Her feelings could wait.

 

* * *

 

Sara knew Ava wasn’t really one for PDA, especially in front of her family, but everything about tonight was different. They’d spent plenty of evenings curled up beside each other during Sharpe family movie nights, but never quite like this, never _this_ close, never this intimate. Sara usually reserved nuzzling her face into Ava’s neck, murmuring soft affirmations into her skin for when they were alone in one of their bedrooms. But as they sat there, squished into the massive armchair so old it had cracks in its worn red leather, a bowl of mishmash Chinese takeout dishes between them, it was so easy for Sara to feel every moment where Ava’s mind clearly drifted from the movie they were watching and back to the afternoon’s showdown. Ava physically tensed each time, goosebumps breaking out on her bare leg where it was resting against Sara’s, her grip on Sara’s hand loosening as though she was suddenly gone from the present, far away from the Sharpes’ living room, from _Ocean’s 11_ playing on the TV, instead tangled in the memory of Susan’s sharp, hateful words, of the terror of Randy as he’d advanced on them in the drive before Spencer had intervened.

Sara’s chest ached, hurt so much that it felt like a biting chill, an acrid distaste that made her feel physically nauseous. Ava had already suffered so much pain and loneliness over the course of coming out, and Sara wished she had some ability to take away all those long forgotten emotions that would’ve inevitably arisen after today.

So now, each time Sara felt Ava stiffen, she instinctively shifted to rub soft circles over Ava’s knee with her free hand, closing the barely there gap between them and kissing Ava’s jaw until the rigidness in her posture began to ease up.

“Don’t think about it right now,” murmured Sara against Ava’s cheek. “We can talk about it later, okay? For now, focus on the masterpiece that is this tacky, early 2000s con movie.”

Ava’s mouth quirked upwards slightly, and she turned to glance at Sara. They were so close that Ava’s lips brushed Sara’s brow, tickling a little as she spoke and Sara bit her lip to stop herself from laughing and squirming, instead tucking her face into Ava’s shoulder.

“Do I tell my parents that the new one with all the lesbians is better?” Ava joked under her breath and Sara muffled her snort into Ava’s t-shirt, smiling at the genuine lightness in Ava’s voice as she spoke. Ava shifted in the armchair. The fingers of her hand that were tangled in Sara’s squeezed a little. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Just … keep distracting me, okay?”

“You got it baby,” murmured Sara softly, lightly dropping another butterfly kiss to Ava’s skin, this time just above her collarbone. “You should eat some more too. You didn’t eat anything at Nate’s.”

Ava shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

“I know,” said Sara, determinedly spearing a dumpling with her fork, “but I know for a fact that this place does your favourite takeout and in about 6 hours, you’re gonna wake up at like, 3 in the morning regretting that you let your girlfriend eat all the dumplings, even when she offered them to you like, _four times -_ ” She stuffed the dumpling in her mouth, grinning at Ava as her words came out muffled, “- and like, these are good dumplings Aves, I’m telling ya -”

“Oh my _god_ Sara, chew your food,” chastised Ava, rolling her eyes. “You’re gonna give yourself a stomach ache.”

“You two done being disgustingly domestic over there?” Ali called before Sara could indignantly reply. “I’m trying to focus on Brad and Clooney’s beautiful faces, and their clear gay subtext.”

Spencer guffawed with laughter, while Robert spluttered on his sip of beer.

“Yeah Ava,” said Sara, smirking. “Stop distracting Ali from the hot men and the gay subtext.”

Ava gave her a disdainful glare, poking Sara’s thigh. “Remind me why I’m dating you?” she said dryly.

“Because you lov -” Sara stopped, her breath catching before the word could accidentally slip out. She swallowed, dropping her eyes to her and Ava’s hands clasped in her lap. “Because uh … because you like me,” she said in a breathy murmur. “I hope.”

For a few agonising moments, Ava didn’t reply, and Sara almost hoped that she would ignore the inadvertent almost-reveal. She turned, curling into Ava and returning her attention to the sudden, overdramatic explosion in the movie that boomed through the living room speakers.

“Yeah,” Ava whispered into Sara’s hair. “I do.”

Sara didn’t ask what exactly she was replying to. She didn’t need to.

  


Apart from Ava and Sara in the armchair, the living room was empty by the time the movie finished. Barbara had work, Robert had a consultation at the hospital early the next morning, Layla had a trial at a new job, Ali had a study group, and Spencer had an appointment with a physical therapist in Central City, and they had all long since retired to bed. Sara’s eyes were heavy as the screen suddenly flickered off, and she glanced up to the doorway to see Barbara leaning in the doorway with the remote.

“Hey,” said Sara, clearing her throat a little when she heard the rasp in her own voice. She went to straighten up, only to find the weight of Ava soft and still and soundly asleep curled up at her side, fingers curled tightly in Sara’s t-shirt. Sara smiled a little, turning and carding her fingers delicately through Ava’s hair. “Aves. Wake up.”

Ava made a soft, mumbled grumble of protest, burrowing further into Sara’s shoulder. “No,” she said sleepily. “Don’t want to.”

“Ava, we gotta go,” said Sara with a encouraging shake. “Or rather, you need to get to bed, and I need to get home.”

“Or you could stay,” said Ava, slurred and groggy and softly honest. From across the room, Sara saw Barbara pause in her absentminded tidying of the room. Sara bit her lip, stroked Ava’s hair gently.

“Can’t baby,” she said, kissing Ava’s forehead. “Spencer’s in the guest room, remember?” Ava swore into Sara’s shoulder, trying to cuddle in closer. “It’s okay,” murmured Sara. “I can call Laurel.”

“Don’t be silly Sara,” said Barbara suddenly, and Sara glanced up in surprise. “It’s late, and there’s no need to bother your father or sister. Just stay the night.”

Sara’s tongue felt very heavy in her mouth all of a sudden, her fingers freezing against Ava’s knee. She knew what Barbara was saying _underneath_ what she was saying. What she was implying. The only available bed in the house for Sara to sleep in was Ava’s.

“I can go home,” she said, even as Ava’s warmth felt more and more comforting at her side, reminding her of that night back at her house that they’d fallen asleep side by side for the first time in their relationship. “Laurel won’t mind giving me a ride.”

The look in Barbara’s eyes was indecipherable as she carefully adjusted a photo frame on the mantelpiece. She smiled at Sara, expression soft and warm in a way that made Sara feel so unbelievably safe. “I’ll leave a toothbrush and a towel in Ava’s room,” Barbara said gently, voice clearly leaving no room for argument, before slipping out of the room. Sara waited a second, gave herself a moment to actually come to terms with the realisation that _Barbara Sharpe_ of all people had just given her daughter’s girlfriend permission to spend the night in her daughter’s bed.

“Aves,” Sara said finally, swallowing the lump in her throat and nudging Ava’s dozing form. “Wake up. We gotta go to bed.”

“Sara?” mumbled Ava, sitting up a little and blinking, looking a little more awake. “Was that my mom? What were you talking about?” She looked down at Sara, bleary eyed but still so breathtakingly beautiful that Sara couldn’t help but tug her in by her t-shirt into a slow, soft kiss. Ava’s whole body relaxed against Sara, fingers sliding absentmindedly down Sara’s thighs. “Hi,” she murmured when the kiss broke. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” breathed Sara. “Just … just this.” Her skin tingled in every place Ava touched, and she reached up to take Ava’s face in her hands. “Turns out I’m staying the night.”

Ava frowned, her nose scrunching in adorable confusion. “Where? Downstairs spare room is full of all of Mom and Dad’s work shit, and Spencer’s staying in the upstairs guest bedroom while we sort out all the storage in his room.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Sara, tracing the line of Ava’s jaw with her thumb. “Your mom gave us the all clear for me to stay with you.”

Ava’s eyes were wide as saucers at that. “She did not.”

“She did,” said Sara with a small, confident nod. “While you were being all cute and drooling on my shoulder.”

“ _My_ mother?” repeated Ava disbelievingly. “She gave you permission to sleep in _my_ bed? _Knowingly_?”

“Yes,” said Sara. “Now you gonna sit there gawking all night or are we gonna go to bed?”

Colour rose to Ava’s cheeks at that, a sweet flush that filled Sara’s chest with overwhelming affection. Ava took a deep breath, rubbing her sleepy eyes before reaching for Sara’s hand to tug them both up from the armchair. “The latter. Definitely the latter.”

 

* * *

 

Ava was still sleeping when Sara blinked awake, despite the late morning sunlight that was streaming into the room and the soft breeze blowing through the window they’d forgotten to close the night before when they’d tumbled into bed, both physically and emotionally drained and determined not to let go of each other. Ava’s arm was still draped possessively across Sara’s waist even in her sleep, fingers brushing gently against the strip of skin exposed by her shirt riding up during the night. Sara smiled.

She wasn’t sure if Barbara had noticed how terrified she’d been of letting Ava go last night - there was a chance, but ... maybe she’d just seen how shaken Ava was, how she hadn’t let go of Sara’s hand all evening, how she’d been trying so desperately to keep it together and not show how much Susan had gotten to her. But whatever Barbara’s reasoning, Sara had never felt more grateful than she had been when Ava started to fall asleep next to her on the couch and Barbara had come over and quietly wishing them both goodnight, telling her she’d leave a spare towel in Ava’s room in case she wanted to shower in the morning.

Sara hadn’t expected it. Not from Barbara. And in all honesty, she wasn’t sure how she would’ve reacted if she _hadn’t_ been allowed to stay, even though she’d never been allowed to stay with Ava before, not when her mom knew about it. Last night she’d just been … desperate. She’d _needed_ to stay.

She’d needed _this_.

She’d needed to be able to prop herself up on her elbows and watch as her girlfriend blinked awake, the slightly smudged eye makeup she’d been too tired to take off yesterday standing out against her skin, somehow managing to make the affectionate, still sleepy expression on her face even more adorable than it had been the last time Sara had seen it.

Ava’s lips twitched up into a smile as she looked up, face mostly curtained by the hair slipping out of Sara’s ponytail. “What?” she asked playfully when Sara didn’t make any attempt to move, eyes drinking in every inch of Ava’s expression, trying to imprint every single part of her to memory. Ava laughed softly and leaned up to press a quick kiss against Sara’s lips, taking her by surprise, before flopping back down onto the bed, eyes so gentle and happy and affectionate that Sara felt her heart skip a beat, breath catching in her throat. “What is it?” Ava asked again, but Sara shook her head, watching as something else entered Ava’s eyes, something _more_.

Sara’s breath left her in a rush and she felt her smile widen. “You’re here.” Without thinking about it, she found herself ducking her head down so her lips could follow a trail down Ava’s jaw, relishing in the way she could make her flush under her touch. Ava let her continue for a moment before pulling back slightly, taking a moment to catch her breath before poking Sara playfully in the stomach, an exasperated, yet teasing expression on her face. She attempted to blow her hair out of her eyes, smile widening when Sara reached out a hand to brush it away for her.

“Yeah, ‘course I am. Where else would I be?”

She was teasing. Sara _knew_ she was teasing, but even so, Ava’s comment froze her in her tracks for a moment, just long enough for Ava to shift, reaching out to tangle their fingers together. Sara shrugged, hating the forced lightness she knew Ava would be able to hear in her voice, instead returning her lips to Ava’s skin and pressing a gentle kiss to her shoulder, half hoping her mumbled response would be missed. “I dunno. Anywhere. Across the world.” She shrugged halfheartedly, lips making their way down Ava’s collarbone so Ava didn’t get a chance to see her expression. “Doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re here.”

She felt more than saw the moment it clicked for Ava, muscles tensing under her fingers, one hand gently pulling her away so she could meet her eyes, wide and flooded with concern. “Sara,” she breathed softly, and Sara’s grip on Ava’s shirt tightened, far too nervous about whatever Ava’s next words would be. It wasn’t as if she’d _deliberately_ avoided telling Ava this was bringing up feelings she wished weren’t so painfully, heartbreakingly familiar. It was just … well, yeah. She had.

And it’d seemed like a good idea at the time. Because Sara wasn’t an expert on comforting people, but she was pretty sure ‘ _hi, I know your homophobic relatives are giving you shit but it’s reminding me of losing my ex-girlfriend and I’m terrified and I don’t know what to do about it_ ’ wasn’t the thing to say.

Someone had needed to keep it together.

Out of the two of them, she had to. Except now Ava was looking at her like _that_ , waiting for her to speak, to elaborate, and … she couldn’t. Ava let out the breath she seemed to be holding, finding Sara’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “ _Sara_.” Something about the way Ava dragged out her name made Sara want to let her in, to talk about everything between them she still hadn’t managed to voice - all the things she’d pushed into a box so many years ago and promised herself she wouldn’t talk about, because she didn’t know where to begin. “Sara, I’m sorry, I didn’t even - ”

Sara shook her head, attempting to shut the conversation down before it even started, because she was warm and comfortable and _in Ava’s bed,_ and yesterday had been awful and she’d wanted Ava to have today, just _one_ day that was perfect. “It’s fine. Everything’s fine Aves. Nothing happened.” She swallowed, fingers fiddling nervously with her necklace when Ava didn’t speak for a long while. “You’re here,” she repeated, eyes flickering over Ava as the sun moved out from behind a cloud, sunlight filtering through her blinds and getting caught in the soft, slightly tangled waves of hair falling around Ava’s shoulders.

Ava frowned slightly, rolling onto her side when she felt Sara pull away. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Ava’s voice was gentle, but Sara still felt shame wash over her and she ducked her head down, unable to look Ava in the eyes. She _should’ve_ said something, yesterday, in the middle of all that mess. Even if she didn’t want to add to Ava’s problems, she should’ve talked this through with Amaya properly when she’d gently pulled her aside and checked up on her, knowing everything that was going through her mind without having to say a word. She could’ve said something to Ray when she’d noticed the looks he was giving her from across the room, concern and worry blatantly obvious in his expression. She could’ve talked to Nate or Jax or Mick, who all must’ve realised, because even though she’d always been good at hiding when she was falling apart she’d never been _that_ good. And if she’d wanted to talk to someone else, someone who hadn’t been there to see all the rawest, most vulnerable moments of her falling apart all those years ago … Zari was there. Zari was always there, ready to call her out on her bullshit but then gently remind her that Ava was here, and Ava loved her, and Ava wasn’t ever going anywhere.

Sara bit her lip as Ava murmured her name, reaching over to tuck Sara’s hair behind her ear, concern thick and heavy in the air. Ava’s fingers trailed lightly across Sara’s cheek before settling at the base of her neck, warm and secure and pressing just hard enough against Sara’s skin to remind her she was there. Sara tightened her grip on Ava’s shirt and shrugged, aiming for casual. “I - the focus was on you, you were struggling with everything that was going on. It was your family, and you were so shaken by it, and you needed someone to look out for _you_. I could wait.”

Ava sighed softly, eyes burning into Sara’s even though she refused to look up, a little too fearful of the disappointment she might see. “That doesn’t matter,” she eventually replied, seeming to realise Sara wasn’t going to continue. “That _never_ matters. Just because I’m having a rough time, it doesn’t mean you can’t be struggling too.”

“No - I … Aves, you’re not - ”

Sara cut herself off immediately when she heard the desperation that was working itself into her voice, but knowing it was too late to hide anything she was feeling right now. Ava traced a circle across the back of her neck with the pad of her thumb, and Sara took a shaky breath, trying to get her thoughts into order.  “I had to focus on you - I _needed_ the focus to be on you. Because for you … for you there was something I could _do_ . I could reassure you and make sure you were okay, and knew that I was there. I could remind you your family loved you, and calm you down if you started started to panic about what was going on at home. And … I needed to be able to do that, because I couldn’t - I _didn’t_ \- “

She closed her eyes, reaching out to find Ava’s hand and bring it up to cover her heart, reminding herself to breathe. It was okay. Ava was here, and her parents had defended her, and this family she’d accidentally ended up caring about was here to stay.

Ava ducked her head down, pressing a gentle kiss to Sara’s hairline, lips lingering for a moment longer than they needed to before she murmured,  “Do you want to talk about it now?”, words soft enough that Sara could’ve ignored them.

She did want to talk about it.

She wanted to have this conversation with Ava, her _girlfriend_ , because it was important and it mattered and it was something she should probably be aware of. But, that said, the idea of having it _now_ , when the memories yesterday had dragged up were all so clear in her mind made panic crawl up Sara’s spine and she shivered again, mind filling with a static she was failing to control.

Ava brushed her thumb against Sara’s collarbone and Sara shook her head, sucking in a shaky breath and easing her grip on Ava’s shirt, forcing herself to open her eyes. God, Ava looked so concerned, her usually clear blue eyes swimming with emotions Sara couldn’t even begin to put a name to. She bit her lip, focusing on keeping her breathing even, gaze now fixed on Ava, who was real and here and not going anywhere.

“It’s a lot,” she eventually managed to force out, hating how her voice fractured the words, revealing emotions she was trying to keep a lid on. Ava hummed in agreement but didn’t move, ready to listen to however much of this she wanted to share. Something stirred in Sara’s chest and she felt herself tremble, wavering for the smallest of moments before looking away. “I’m sorry. It’s too much, I can’t - ”

Ava nodded as if she’d been expecting that response, gently rubbing Sara’s arm as Sara sat up, hovering, caught somewhere between wanting to stay here with Ava or going to shower to avoid the rest of this conversation. “That’s okay,” Ava repeated, guiding Sara closer and shuffling back slightly on the bed until she could lean against the headboard, pulling Sara to sit in her lap (which Sara hated to admit had become one of her places in the world to be). Ava reached out, cupping Sara’s jaw. “I don’t want to know until you’re ready to tell me, and if you don’t _ever_ want to talk about it, that’s okay too. Just … just let me know if you’re not okay next time, yeah?”

“Next time?” Sara asked wryly, raising an eyebrow.

Ava rolled her eyes at her blatantly obvious deflection, but indulged her just this once, poking her lightly in the stomach. “You know what I mean, jerk.”

Sara smiled, closing her eyes. _It’s_ _okay_ , she reminded herself, letting Ava’s words sink in and trying her hardest to believe them. (She was easy to believe when she looked up at her like that, pajama shirt tousled and makeup smudged, but eyes determined and certain, that small, confident smile Sara loved gracing her lips.)

“Thanks baby,” Sara said in quiet whisper. “I … thank you.” Ava traced a tiny, lingering bruise from state champs on Sara’s hips as a small flush worked its way up her neck and cheeks. Sara gently ran her fingers through Ava’s hair. “What?”

“Nothing,” said Ava too quickly, her hand coming to play with Sara’s necklace a little nervously. Her voice dropped to something that sounded like a  mumble. “It’s just … you … you’ve never said that before. _Called_ me that before.”

Sara frowned, and then colour suddenly rose to her cheeks too. “Oh. You uh … you mean _baby_?” Ava bit her lip, nodding and Sara felt something both uneasy and a little embarrassed flutter in her stomach. “Right. Is uh … is that okay? I can stop -”

Ava shook her head immediately. “No! No - don’t. I … I like it.” By now, she was blushing furiously, and Sara found herself so enamoured by it that she couldn’t help but lean over and kiss her gently. When she pulled away, she met Ava’s eyes, shrugging a little

“I dunno,” she said softly. “I guess … after everything that was happening yesterday, it just slipped out. I wanted you to feel comforted and safe. And …” She paused for a second, a brief flash of contemplation flickering through her mind and her gaze dropped down to her lap for a second. “Comforted,” she repeated in barely a whisper, “and safe and … and loved.”

Ava’s breath left her in a sudden rush, her fingers finding Sara’s. “I did,” she admitted quietly. It wasn’t an _I love you_ , not quite, but it was so close that Sara could taste the words on the tip of her tongue and hoped to god that Ava could feel them in the way Sara leaned in to kiss her, slow and chaste and brimming with a thousand unspoken emotions. And when she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against Ava’s, Ava reached up to lightly stroke a finger down Sara’s jaw and added, “I _do_ .” in the quietest of murmurs. Sara just beamed, leaned forward to cross the gap between them until her lips brushed against Ava’s, tentatively at first, as though she was checking Ava still wanted this. (Still wanted _her_ ). Ava tangled the fingers of her free hand into the shirt Sara had borrowed late last night and used it to pull her closer, making Sara’s stomach flutter familiarly when her lips curled up into a smile. Ava was here. They were _both_ here.

And neither of them were going anywhere.


	34. your touch is sunlight through the trees (your kisses are the ocean breeze)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It felt a little odd to be knocking on Ava’s front door with a smile on her face, sun streaming through her hair and warming her skin as she waited, almost vibrating with anticipation. If she was being entirely honest with herself it felt a little strange to be this completely, unabashedly happy, but exams were over and summer was starting and she got to spend every last second of it with her girlfriend and her sister and the rest of the legends, and it felt as if everything had finally, finally fallen into place.
> 
> It’s what you deserve, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Ray reminded her, and her smile softened. That one still needed some work, but for the first time in what felt like forever, she was getting there.
> 
> The door clicked open and Ava raised an eyebrow. “Hi?”
> 
>  
> 
> OR
> 
> the penultimate chapter; a little fillery, but sweet and full of softness and our fav crazy kids in love as the year starts to draw to a close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. ch 34. here we go. 
> 
> it's the beginning of the end guys, or rather, the almost end of the end because this time next week will be the last chapter we post for this wonderful insanity of a story and we're both excited and terrified and heartbroken and ecstatic that it's all coming to a close. 
> 
> there's not much to say yet that we won't save for ch 35's end notes - as always, thank you for you lovely comments. we wish we had the time in our weeks to reply to all of them but we can barely find the time to Write the chapters as it is! (which, by the way, is one of the reasons this chapter is posted on tuesday rather than the regular thursday - last week was just. hell. like actual honest to god Hell in terms of workload and shit we had on for both of us and it got to thursday and the chapter really just was nowhere close to being written. also, a week from today is rachel's birthday (!!!!) and seeing as we posted the first chapter on MY birthday back in july, we thought it would be sweet to end it on hers.) 
> 
> ANYWAY. pls still leave us some love in the comments even though this is all coming to a close! hearing the reasons why you love this story is the whoooole reason why we stuck it out this far and in general, it's important to keep supporting your fav fic authors (esp once the slow burn is over *pointed looks*). but we're so grateful for you guys and will continue to be for a very Very long time i promise you <3 
> 
> (p.s. chapter title is from better place by rachel platten)

**Messenger** **  
** (Nora Darhk)

legends™  
_Active now_

_SUN 9:01PM:_

  
**_You:_ ** **  
** Y’ALL

YOU’RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS

I MEAN YOU ARE BC IT’S TOTALLY IN THE  
REALM OF POSSIBILITY BUT LIKE

HOLY SHIT

  
**_Director (valedictorian) Sharpe:_ ** **_  
_ ** What????

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** ****  
Should we be scared? Nervous? Give us a  
generalisation of how we should be feeling

 ****_  
_ **_You:_ ** **  
** EXCITED

FUCKING ECSTATIC

THAT’S HOW YOU SHOULD BE FEELING

 ****_  
_ **_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **  
** wow okay this is exciting and nerve wracking

 ****_  
_ **_Haircut:_ ** **  
** It’s not that big a deal

 ****_  
_ **_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **  
** right so we know it’s about raymond

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Excuse me  @Ray  it’s a mega big deal

MIT FUCKED UP GUYS

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO SEND RAY A  
LETTER MONTHS AGO AND IT JUST GOT  
LOST AND EVERYTHING

HE’S GOT A F U L L F U C K I N G ACADEMIC  
SCHOLARSHIP TO MIT GUYS

TUITION AND ACCOMMODATION

ALL OF IT

I’M DATING A GENIUS

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

  
**_Engineer extraordinaire:_ ** **_  
_ ** DAMN RAY

  
**_stein jr:_ ** ****  
I just let out the loudest yell and  
my parents asked what was wrong  
and I told them and my dad said  
that he’s never been prouder to  
have been the one to teach you  
physics

  
**_Z:_ ** **_  
_ ** HOLY SHIT RAY THAT’S AMAZING

  
**_Animal whisperer:_ ** ****  
That’s incredible  @Ray  !!! You should be  
so proud of yourself!  <3

  
**_Garfield:_ ** **_  
_ ** YAY!!!! THAT’S SO COOL!!!

  
**_Director (valedictorian) Sharpe:_ ** ****  
MIT doesn’t give out scholarships like that  
lightly either, that’s so impressive Ray!!

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** Thanks guys <3 <3 I’m still kind of in shock?

  
**_Heat wave:_ ** **_  
_ ** That’s badass haircut, nice job

  
**_Kid flash:_ ** ****  
ADGAJDGHAK RAYMOND :’) THEY GROW UP  
SO FAST  <3 <3

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** ****  
wHat the f U CK ING SHIT RAYMOND ARE U  
SERIOUS IF U ARE IM GONNA CRY IM SO PROUD

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** 100% SERIOUS

I WAS IN THE ROOM WHEN HE GOT  
THE CALL AND I’M JUST

This is so cool my boyfriend is gonna  
be some massive tech developer CEO  
guy wow

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Ray  your mom must be so happy!!!

  
**_Haircut:_ ** ****  
She is :-D :-D she always said she’d make it work  
but I think she was super stressed about how she  
was gonna pay for both me and Sydney’s college  
stuff, and now she doesn’t have to worry so much

I’m glad she doesn’t have that burden anymore

  
**_Pretty boy:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’re glad YOU don’t have that burden anymore

Ray this is so cool!

(I just told my mom and she wants you to come  
over sometime soon for a congratulatory dinner  
so …)

  
**_Haircut:_ ** **_  
_ ** <3 <3 I love your mom

Thanks guys

I never would’ve gotten this without you all  
being so supportive of me all the time <3

  
**_Oh captain my captain:_ ** **_  
_ ** You deserve it xxx

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_noradarhk posted 1 new photos:_ **

When your boy finds out he’s actually on full scholarship to MIT!! Y’all I’m dating a genius, how did that happen? (Catch this being one of the few allocated days in a year that I’m just unapologetically sappy) #proud

**_Tagged: raymondcpalmer_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _sydneyhpalmer, saraalance, amayajiwe, felicitymegsmoak, nathanielheywood and 241 others liked this._

_Sunday 4 June._

 

* * *

 

  
“I cannot _believe_ I had to find that out from your girlfriend, you got a _full fucking academic scholarship_ and you didn’t even _tell_ me?”

“I found out about yours on instagram,” Ray answered dryly, but didn’t quite manage to keep his smile off his face. Sara poked him repeatedly in the arm. “Ow, okay okay I’m sorry! I was going to, Nora just beat me to it. Plus, I wasn’t even sure if it was confirmed or anything.”

“So what, the fuck up was literally as simple as they forgot to send you the letter?” said Sara with a disbelieving scoff.

Ray grinned wryly. “Yeah. How ridiculous is that? Some new clerk at the paperwork office just mishandled my file and the letter that was supposed to go out _months_ ago telling me I’d received a full ride was, I dunno, lost somewhere.”

“Shouldn’t they have followed up when you didn’t accept it though?” asked Sara, reaching forward and snatching an oreo out of the box that sat between them.

“I accepted my offer of study and they just assumed all the paperwork I sent in included the acceptance of my scholarship,” said Ray with a shrug. “It takes them forever to get through everybody’s stuff so they probably wouldn’t have even realised for ages if I hadn’t applied for this financial hardship scholarship. I’m serious Sara, you should’ve heard the guy’s voice on the phone, he was so confused why I’d applied for financial aid when I already had a full ride.”

Sara snorted, leaning back onto her forearms and gazing out at the view of Star City before them. When Ray’s mother had remarried and their stepfather had moved in with his two kids Ray and Sydney had ended up claiming the attic as their bedroom, given that it was the biggest room in the house (which their mom, feeling remorseful about suddenly forcing her twins out of their comfort zone with this sudden new family, had unhesitatingly agreed to.) They’d shared the room until starting high school, when their stepfather - with Quentin’s and Amaya’s father’s help - had built a dividing wall to give Ray and Sydney their own bedrooms. Sydney had got the bigger half, but Ray had lucked out with a window that opened out onto the roof, and it was a bonus that Sara and the other legends had taken advantage of endlessly over the years. It’d been months since Sara had been to Ray’s house though, and she’d forgotten how serene and peaceful it was up here, how familiar this view of Star City was in the golden, almost-summer evening light. It had been the view she’d taken comfort in more nights a week than not during the second half of freshman year, once Ray and Amaya had started to make Sara realise that her brash, reckless behaviour wasn’t helping anyone (least of all, herself).

“I still can’t believe it,” said Ray in the quietest, most incredulous of whispers. “Like _jesus._ A full ride to MIT? That was like … the ultimate, most unrealistic of freshman dreams.”

“Well if anyone was gonna do it, it’s you,” said Sara warmly. “And now you can stop yapping on about my damn scholarship to Brown because you _totally_ got me beat. Look at you, you fuckin’ genius.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m - ”

“A genius” Sara cut him off firmly, leaving no room for argument. “And this is all you - no Sydney, no step brothers, nothing. Just you, letting the world know it’s not ready for things you’ve got coming. Don’t think I’ve forgotten all those crazy plans you have for your own tech company. Me ‘n Nate have dibs on throwing Palmer Tech a launch party, remember?”

Ray laughed, cheeks slightly redder than they had been at the start of the conversation. He ducked his head down and ran one hand through his hair, and Sara knew she’d done nothing but grin at him all afternoon but she couldn’t help the corners of her mouth from twitching up into another smile at the reminder that as much as Ray had changed, he was still the same nerd she’d accidentally made friends with what felt like decades ago. “Yeah, yeah, the rights to the launch party are still yours, don’t worry.”

Sara fist pumped the air and Ray laughed again, smiling affectionately over at her. “I always knew you could do it too, you know,” he said softly. “Even when you didn’t believe it yourself. And I know it hasn’t been easy Sara, but now you’re _here_ and we’re graduating next week and you’re going to college - an _Ivy League_ school too - and God, you’ve come so far.”

“Are you proud?” she teased, playful smirk not quite managing to mask the sincerity behind her words.

Ray grinned, giving her shoulder a gentle nudge. “ ‘course I am.” His grin softened into a genuine, curious smile, and Sara knew what he was going to ask before he even had to speak. “Are you?”

 

_“Don’t you want to achieve something you can be proud of?” he asked, confused, sitting opposite her on her living room floor with two folders and a textbook open in front of him, attempting to teach her all the calculus she’d skipped since the start of the year in an attempt to raise her grade._

_She shrugged, pushing at a magazine on top of the coffee table until it fell onto the floor, pages crumpling. “I don’t care. I just gotta pass.”_

_Ray’s eyes found hers, brighter and more piercing than she expected, and Sara found herself unable to look away._

_She didn’t care._

_She didn’t need to be proud of herself, she thought firmly, pretending Ray’s defeated sigh didn’t cut right through her. She bit her lip, fiddling with the band around her wrist. “I don’t know how.”_

_Ray shuffled over until he was sat next to her, tapping her leg lightly to get her to move it and then pushing the textbook over, handing her a pen and paper. Sara sighed._

 

_“One day you’ll get there,” Ray promised quietly before he left, hovering in the doorway with his bag slung over one shoulder, words confident despite the way Sara scoffed. “And when you do I’ll be right here cheering you on.”_

 

A content, slightly surprised smile played on Sara’s lips and she nodded, eyes flickering over to meet Ray’s. “Yeah. I am.”

She could see him thinking about continuing, bringing up the memories they were both thinking of, but it was far too close to the end of the year and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to think about that yet - and besides, making Ray blush was far more fun. “So... how’s Nora feeling about dating our resident genius?”

Ray groaned, shaking his head and joining her in lying back onto the cool aluminium of the rooftop. A wry smile crossed his face, almost involuntarily. “She’s just as amazing, you know that. Not everyone’s clever in the same way, and Nora’s so strong and she never gives up and she’s got this incredible talent for knowing when people need her, and - ” He flushed, glancing away and cutting himself off when he finally caught up with what he was saying.

Sara’s beamed and she nudged his shoulder. “...and?”

Ray attempted to smother his smile but failed miserably, and Sara was tempted to reach for her phone to take a photo of the awkward, blushing, hopelessly in love idiot beside her, but decided to leave it. Ray deserved this more than anyone she knew; he’d always had a rough time with relationships, through no fault of his own, and he’d somehow always been gracious and understanding about every breakup he’d been through. He was sweet, caring, funny, and one of the best guys she’d ever known. He’d stuck by her side and helped her when she’d needed him to, he’d believed in her and encouraged her and gently nudged her in Ava’s direction after they’d made up without her even realising what he was doing.  

And hey, she had eyes - he was hot. What wasn’t to love.

“And she’s beautiful,” Ray murmured, and Sara’s eyebrows crept up.

“Should I tell Nate to start baking?”

Ray’s cheeks darkened but he made no attempt to deny what she was insinuating and Sara couldn’t help her accidental surprised laugh. “I’ll take that as a yes then,” she teased, and Ray threw a chocolate bar wrapper at her.

“Yeah, maybe,” he mumbled, very purposefully keeping his gaze fixed on his phone in his lap.

“Wait, for real?” said Sara, eyebrows shooting up to her hairline as she gave his arm a light slap. “Raymond Palmer!”

“Can we not talk about this?” begged Ray, another, much fiercer blush creeping up his neck.

“Absolutely not,” said Sara firmly and gleefully. “When was this?”

“Last day of the trial,” Ray said with a small shrug. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s a very big deal.”

Ray glared at her. “Well have you and Ava?”

“Have we what?” Sara asked, determined to make him say it. Ray rolled his eyes, cheeks redder that she’d ever seen them before.

“Have you two had sex yet?”

Ray Palmer saying the word _sex_ really didn’t have the satisfaction (nor the distraction) that Sara had been looking for, because there it was. The Question. Despite having goaded him into asking Sara instantly regretted it, because out of everyone, Ray was the one she knew had never really stopped worrying about her. “Have you?” he repeated softly, and this time it was different.

This time, there were years of subtle, concerned glances behind his words, months of quiet reminders that sleeping around wasn’t a good coping mechanism and offers to talk, promises that even though Nyssa had been an important chapter in her life, it wasn’t the end of the book. (This time, she knew they were both thinking about the day she’d come to him hating herself more than she ever had before, shifting uncomfortably and jerking her hand away when he tried to touch her skin. She’d shivered and crumbled and finally admitted that she knew she was messing things up, knew she wasn’t doing any of this for the right reasons, knew she needed someone’s help. And he’d listened. And he’d slowly, carefully pulled her into a hug and let her cling to him, promising her firmly that she wasn’t bad person, and that now she’d admitted this was a problem, they could fix it.)

“No,” she admitted quietly, and Ray’s smile softened. “Not yet. I wanted to wait until after we graduate or something, and make it special. Plus we agreed to take it slow, and I don’t want Ava to think I’m rushing her or that sex is the most important part of this relationship or anything like that.”

Ray nodded, but didn’t quite manage to hide the skeptical expression that flashed across his face.

Sara sighed, rolling her eyes. He’d known her for almost longer than any of her friends, and she should’ve known he’d be able to see right through her excuses - he always could. He’d been someone she knew she could come to without being judged, without that _look_ other people seemed to give her without realising, that patronising _‘why do you always get yourself into situations like these’_ expression Laurel seemed so unknowingly fond of. He’d seen her at her lowest, he’d heard all her secrets and insecurities and probably already knew what she was about to say. Sara chewed her lip for a moment, before quietly admitting, “And maybe … maybe I’m nervous.”

“Maybe?”

“Probably,” she corrected, and Ray nudged her shoulder in encouragement. “Okay, _definitely._ It’s just - you and I both know my relationship with sex hasn’t exactly been healthy. And I know we worked through that, and that’s not who I am anymore, but Ava’s more important to me than I ever could’ve imagined and this is gonna be her first time and whatever happens I just really want to get this _right_.”

“You will,” Ray promised, not wavering for a moment. “You _will_. It doesn’t matter if happens tomorrow or if you wait a few more weeks, months, whatever - if you’re ready, and she’s ready, it’ll be the right time.”

“How do you know?” she asked quietly, and Ray gave her a long, thoughtful look. He tilted one shoulder up into a lopsided shrug to match his smile, knocking his knee gently against her own.

“ ‘cause you love each other. And _that’s_ what makes it special.”

Sara couldn’t bring herself to say anything for a few moments, but when she did - when she managed to swallow the lump in her throat and blink back the suspicious wetness in her eyes, she elbowed Ray in the ribs and smirked half heartedly. “Gross,” she teased, smile spreading across her face when Ray rolled his eyes and threw his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a careful side hug. Sara sighed into his shoulder. “What am I gonna do without you next year?” she mumbled.

“I’m only an hour away,” Ray reminded her gently. “You’ve gotta promise to call me whenever you need to talk about stuff, yeah?”

“Ew, talking about your feelings? Who does that?”

“Healthy, functioning people whose friends refuse to let them wallow in their own self doubt.”

“Sounds awful.”

Ray laughed. “Yeah. Absolutely terrible.”

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_tommyxmerlyn posted 1 new photos:_ **

Guess it's time for me to ramp up these tanning skills bc this pasty Star City boy is heading from Chicago to Menlo college in Stanford California.

**_Tagged: laureldlance_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _theaqxeen, laureldlance, laaylasharpexx, oliivxrqueen, avacsharpe and 339 others liked this._

_Tuesday 6 June._

 

* * *

 

“Hey Sara?”

“Mm?”

“Are Laurel and Tommy back together again?”

Sara looked up from her phone with sudden bewilderment, startling a little at how close Ava turned out to be. Ava smiled at the tiny little yelp Sara made before softening at Ava’s proximity and leaning into her a little. “No,” Sara said, reaching for soda can in front of her. “I mean not as far as I know. When Dad and I interrogated Laurel, she said that them sleeping together that time you and Tommy both stayed over was a complete accident and they were just gonna be really careful and take things as day by day. Why?”

Ava turned her phone screen to show Sara the instagram post she’d paused on, and Sara frowned, trying to read the caption in the low light of Ava’s treehouse. The shock hit after the first read through and she let out a strangled “Holy _shit_ !” that only evolved into more creative profanities the second and third times she skimmed through Tommy’s revelation. “Oh my _god_ , he must’ve told her.”

“Care to share with the class babe?” asked Ava, smiling wryly.

Sara shook her head, gaping at Ava’s phone in disbelief. “We … we talked about weeks ago. Me ‘n Tommy. I could see how close he and Laurel were getting and I called him out on how much them dancing around their feelings was just gonna get both of them first. I just can’t believe he actually followed through.”

 

 _Sara pulled Tommy to the side, waiting until Laurel was out of earshot before slipping her hands into her pockets and letting out a sigh. “Tommy, I love you, you know that. And I know you care about Laurel a lot, but … I’m sorry Tommy but I wouldn’t be her sister if I didn’t ask you what - ” She gestured vaguely between Tommy and the hallway Laurel had just vacated, “ - this is. Because yeah, she’s better, but she’s still not completely_ **_okay_ ** _and you of all people know that. You’ve been this amazing support to her, especially when I wasn’t, but you guys being all hot and cold about how you feel is gonna fuck with her head. So what the hell’s going on?”_

 _Something flickered in Tommy’s eyes - resignation, as though he’d been expecting Sara to bring this up, and relief, as though he’d_ **_wanted_ ** _Sara to bring this up so he had an excuse to talk about it. He folded his arms, leaning back slightly to rest his upper back against the wall of the upstairs hallway. The tiniest flash of regret shot through Sara at the torn expression on his face, but it was gone before she realised it was there, replaced by a more familiar burning protectiveness for her sister. Tommy met her gaze and sighed, tugging Sara’s arm to pull them both out of the hallway and into Sara’s room, both sinking down to sit on the floor against the door._

_“Look,” said Tommy quietly. “You … you know I’m in love with her.”_

_“Really? I had no idea,” said Sara teasingly and Tommy rolled his eyes, elbowing her._

_“Shut up. I’ve been in love with her since we were 17, you don’t get any brownie points for picking up on that. But god Sara, that’s why the last thing I want to do is screw her over. We both so badly wanna just jump straight back into whatever this is because it feels so_ **_right_ ** _and so perfect and I didn’t realise how much was missing this year until I came home and got to see her again. But there’s still the same … we’re still in exactly the same place we were after graduation last year. About college. We’re still going to different places across the country doing degrees that just don’t allow a long distance relationship to work out. But I don’t wanna lose her again.”_

_Sara hummed quietly in agreement, trying - for the briefest moment - to imagine going to college without Ava by her side, but failing, instead finding herself with an uncomfortable ache in her chest at even the hypothetical possibility. Over the past year, Ava had become as much of a part of her as she had of Ava, and the idea of not being able to count on that when things were hard, to curl up with Ava and just be able to breathe until the world felt okay again … not having that just felt wrong. Terrifying and too unfamiliar and lonely to even imagine._

_Sara nudged Tommy’s foot with her own, catching his attention. “So what’s the plan here Merlyn? Because you know you and Laurel are gonna be miserable if you ignore this thing between you, but it’s gonna fuck you both up if you have to make the same decision Laurel made last year before you graduated. The definition of insanity ‘n all that. I don’t wanna see either of you go through that again.”_

_Tommy attempted to smile in her direction, but instead let his eyes drift around the room for a long moment before they found hers again. This time, he managed a wry smile, giving her shoulder an affectionate nudge.”Guess I need to take a page out of your book then, right?” he said with a soft, fond grin._

_Sara frowned, wrinkling her nose in confusion._

_Take a page out of -_

_Oh._

_Sara’s eyes widened and she turned, properly this time, so her eyes could scan Tommy’s face. “You don’t mean - ”_

_Tommy shrugged, pulling out his phone. “Wonder how much it costs to move from Chicago to Stanford.”_

_Sara let out a short, incredulous laugh and Tommy released a shaky, seemingly nervous breath. But he already seemed lighter, more at ease and relieved as he scrolled through the Stanford website on his phone, looking for a number to call. “Hey,” he added quietly, looking up for a moment. “Do me a favour short stuff and … don’t mention this to Laurel yet, okay? I don’t want to get her hopes up if it all falls apart, or if I can’t make this work just yet.”_

_Sara smiled softly, giving Tommy’s shoulder one final grateful nudge before pushing herself to her feet, holding out a hand to pull him up too. “I was about to say the same thing,” she said quietly, and Tommy grinned._

_“I know.”_

 

Sara looked down at the post one final time, and Ava rested her head against her shoulder, smiling slightly against her skin. “I know they tell you not to,” she murmured softly, unable to keep her grin off her face when Ava’s arms crept around her waist, tips of her fingers playing with the drawstring of her shorts, “but I’ll never stop being grateful that you picked Brown for me.”

A slow, soft smile spread across Sara’s face and she relaxed in Ava’s arms, turning her head to press a featherlight kiss to Ava’s neck before murmuring, “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

“Mom I’m really, really _certain_ that’s enough bug spray,” Ali groaned from the other side of the room where she was peering over Barbara’s shoulder at her Amazon order. Ava snorted. They’d been going over this for what felt like hours while she and Robert sat on the couch, half of their attention on the game Spencer had left on earlier and half of their focus on the hopeless attempt at holiday shopping. She’d finally been persuaded to take a few hours off revision seeing as tomorrow's exam was her final one and she’d been studying for it for weeks, and though watching Barbara and Ali debate over camping supplies wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind for this evening it was just as entertaining as anything else she’d planned.

She kicked her legs up onto the couch and tucked her toes under Robert’s thigh to warm them up, letting her attention drift back to the TV.

“Ava, what’s Sara got planned for that week?” Barbara asked absentmindedly, still scrolling through pages of airbeds, not taking her eyes off the screen.

Ava shrugged. “Probably hanging out with our friends. And Laurel and Tommy, I dunno, I never asked - it’s not like we’re gonna be here.”

Robert and Ali rolled their eyes in sync, Ali’s sarcastic, “wow, way to miss the point Aves” muffled by Robert fondly clarifying, “Ava, your mom is asking if Sara would like to come.”

Ali smirked and Ava’s phone immediately buzzed against the table, and she knew without looking it was a dirty joke from her sister. She ignored it (rather impressed by her ability not to flush beet red), eyes flickering back and forth between her parents. “Are you serious?”

“Of course we are,” Barbara responded, looking up and peering over the top of her glasses.

Robert grimaced. “Layla’s demanded to bring Kyle, so it’s only fair. And besides, we do actually _like_ Sara - gotta balance it out somehow, right?”

Ava smiled, wishing she’d managed to record that so she could play it back to Sara on loop. She’d never really thought about her parent’s opinion of Sara until they were already dating - it’d been a while since she’d cared for their opinion on her sexuality. But this blatant, genuine support of her girlfriend would never, ever get old - _especially_ because she had a strong suspicion that her mom’s approval meant the absolute world to Sara.

Ava cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah. Thanks - I’ll ask her.”

“Good,” Barbara nodded, pushing her reading glasses back up her nose and looking back down at the list in front of her, drawing a firm line through the top few items before swatting Ali’s hand away from the laptop so she could continue.

 

“Once exams are over I should really go shopping,” Ava mused out loud, running plans over in her head. “I don’t even know what happened to the bikini I bought for last year’s camping trip.”

“Do you want me to order one?” Barbara asked, and Ava’s eyes widened in horror.

Thankfully Ali stepped in before she had a chance to speak, her demure innocent as she swiftly said, “Don’t worry mom, I’ll take her shopping,” managing to hide her intentions from everyone except Ava.

“What?” she mouthed from across the room and Ava’s expectant _look._ “Sara’s coming, I’ll help you out.” Ava glared halfheartedly at her, almost groaning out loud because Ali didn’t have to say anything more for her silent ‘ _I’m gonna help you buy bikinis that will make your girlfriend weak at the knees’_ to come across loud and clear. Ali looked far too smug and gleeful, reaching for the drink she’d set aside, knowing perfectly well that Ava was never going to refuse her offer.

Barbara nodded, still somehow completely oblivious. “Does Sara have a bathing suit? Or should I order her one too?”

Ali almost choked on the sip of lemonade she’d just taken, and Ava glared at her for what felt like the fifteenth time, dragging a finger across her throat and attempting not to think about the images Barbara had just inadvertently put into mind. Oh _god._ If Sara came on this trip, there was absolutely no chance of her _not_ wanting to swim, and Sara was _exactly_ the kind of person to go shopping for an entirely new collection of bikinis just to watch Ava squirm in front of her family. Not that the idea of Sara tanned and freckled and climbing out the lake in whatever swimsuit Barbara selected for her was much better, because she’d still have droplets of water rolling down her collarbones and Ava would _still_ be able to see her abs through the thin, soaking wet fabric and _fuck_ this was starting to sound like a disaster already, because there was _no way_ she was gonna manage to keep it together and -

“Sara’s got bikinis, I’ve seen them on instagram,” Ali responded easily with a false sense of calm, raising a pointed eyebrow at Ava from across the room but failing miserably to hide the glint in her eyes. Ava cleared her throat, offering a short agreement, having to put far too much effort into keeping her voice even (although thankfully only Ali seemed to notice, and she at least had enough sense not to bring it up _right now_ ).

“I still need to ask her if she wants to come on the trip in the first place,” Ava protested weakly, and Ali rolled her eyes yet again. This time, the smile she gave Ava was a softer, more affectionate.

“C’mon Aves. Like she’s ever gonna say no.”

 

* * *

 

 

It felt a little odd to be knocking on Ava’s front door with a smile on her face, sun streaming through her hair and warming her skin as she waited, almost vibrating with anticipation. If she was being entirely honest with herself it felt a little strange to be this completely, unabashedly _happy_ , but exams were over and summer was starting and she got to spend every last second of it with her girlfriend and her sister and the rest of the legends, and it felt as if everything had finally, _finally_ fallen into place.

 _It’s what you deserve,_ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Ray reminded her, and her smile softened. That one still needed some work, but for the first time in what felt like forever, she was _getting there_.

The door clicked open and Ava raised an eyebrow. “Hi?”

She took a step forward and Sara reached out, fingers curling into the old, oversized t-shirt she had on and using it to tug her into a kiss, grinning against her lips when she felt Ava’s fingers slip into her hair. “I just finished exams,” she murmured as she pulled away, and Ava smirked.

“I’m aware. So did I.”

“Exactly.”

Sara tucked a loose strand of hair back behind Ava’s ear and then trailed her thumb across her cheek, wiping the smirk from her face. Ava swallowed, and Sara pushed herself up onto her toes to press another brief kiss to her lips. “So you currently have no responsibilities or obligations, right?”

Ava sank her teeth into her bottom lip and Sara’s eyes instinctively dropped to her mouth, stomach fluttering as she almost instantly began rethinking her afternoon plans. (No. They weren’t doing that, not yet, not when they were both still tired from exams and they had the whole summer spread out in front of them, with infinite time to fill.) Ava cleared her throat, rolling her eyes slightly at Sara, oblivious to where her mind had drifted - or at least, pretending not to have noticed. “I mean, it’s Tuesday and it’s ‘kids cooking night’ so I have to be back by six to make sure neither Ali or Layla set the kitchen on fire, and I’ve lost count of the number of times Spencer and Layla have tried to kill each other in the kitchen, so -”

“So … you’re free for the next two and a half hours?” Sara interrupted after checking her phone, and Ava couldn’t help but laugh at the hopeful, mischievous, yet still somewhat sweet expression on her face.

“I am,” she confirmed, even though Sara had already known the answer. “What did you have in mind? A romantic walk in the sunshine?”

She was mostly teasing, but Sara blushed and ducked her head down all the same and Ava couldn’t help the soft laugh that slipped from her lips. She reached out to tilt Sara’s chin up and press a gentle kiss to her cheek, lingering for slightly longer than was necessary and setting off the butterflies in Sara’s stomach all over again. “Seems like we really did become a pair of hopeless romantics,” Ava murmured softly and Sara paused, the three little words she’d thought about over and over lingering on the tip of her tongue.

“Yeah,” she agreed, swallowing her first reply. She reached out to find Ava’s fingers and then tangled them with her own, lightly tracing a heart across the back of Ava’s hand with her thumb and hoping (knowing) she understood. Her voice was quiet when continued, but Ava was close enough to catch the soft whisper, a quiet, honest secret passing between the two of them. “Looks like we really did.”

 

It was a while before either of them spoke, content to walk in a comfortable silence like they had so many times before, wandering aimlessly hand in hand around the neighbourhood and simply enjoying the time they had together. She’d known Ava was stressed about exams - of course she had; this was Ava Sharpe, valedictorian. But she didn’t think she’d truly noticed the difference until now, seeing Ava walk as though a weight had finally been lifted from her shoulders, gripping her hand loosely and swinging it between them as they moved. Despite neither of them having spent much time in the sun Ava’s hair was already starting to lighten, skin slightly more tanned than it had been a few weeks ago, and _maybe_ Sara hadn’t quite stopped thinking about her conversation with Ray yesterday or maybe it was just _Ava_ , but suddenly graduation felt all too far away to _wait_.

Ava laughed suddenly and Sara blinked in confusion, but before she could ask Ava tilted her head towards the gates in front of them, and only then did Sara realise where they were.

They always seemed to end up here.

“C’mon,” said Ava, her voice so full of warmth and an honest, unbridled joy that Sara couldn’t help but let herself be tugged through into Queen’s Park, surrounded by the bustle of late afternoon joggers and kids playing after school, the hum of birds and crickets, the splash of the pond and the rough sound of skateboard wheels against concrete.

“Slow down, it’s too hot to run!” complained Sara, pulling Ava to a stop and Ava rolled her eyes.

“You’re the one who wanted a _romantic walk in the sunshine_ ,” she reminded. “It’s your fault that I’m all hot and sweaty now.”

“Hey, I never said I didn’t want you hot and sweaty,” said Sara before she could stop herself, winking. Ava flushed but didn’t bat an eyelid, just gave Sara a withering stare (even as her lips curved upwards into the faintest hint of an amused smile), and Sara’s stomach fluttered with anticipation.

It said a lot that Ava didn’t get flustered or uncertain about these kinds of jokes anymore - in fact, it said a lot that Ava seemed to have completely moved past her hesitation about the next stage in their relationship. Ever since Sara had stayed the night after the Susan and Randy debacle, it was as though a wall had vanished in Ava’s head, a mental blockade taken apart brick by brick over the few weeks to the point that _Sara_ had had to be the one to stop them because Ava seemed to have no qualms about stepping over the invisible line they’d drawn.

(Sara was pretty sure she deserved another large, sparkling golden trophy to go alongside the district and state champs mini trophies Rip had gotten for all of them, with a massive plaque that said SARA LANCE. AWARDED FOR THE GREATEST SELF CONTROL KNOWN TO MAN. She never thought she’d be one to say no to Ava when they were both bathed in soft yellow evening light, comfortable and tangled in each other in shorts and bralettes with so much skin in view that Sara was incredibly impressed with her brain’s ability to not short circuit then and there.)

“I thought that was waiting until after graduation,” said Ava with an eyebrow raise and a grin and Sara gave her a poke in the side.

“It _is_ ,” she said with a glare. “Stop _tempting_ me.”

“I’m not doing anything!”

“You’re always doing something.”

“Are you calling me provocative?”

“No, I’m calling you beautiful and absolutely _terrible_ for my self control.”

Ava’s eyes softened from defensive to gentle and abashed, and she pulled Sara closer to drag her into a slow kiss. Sara hummed into it, untangling her fingers from Ava’s hand to curl them into the soft curve of her waist, Ava’s tank top hugging her figure too tightly for Sara to grab hold of any shirt material.

“See?” murmured Sara against Ava’s lips. “Bad for my self control.”

Ava laughed, quiet and twinkling and she pressed her lips to Sara’s chastely one more time. “Let’s keep walking.”

 

Sara waited until they were sat down before looking back over to Ava again, instantly losing her train of thought when she realised what was holding Ava’s focus. They’d ended up sitting on a patch of grass near the boating lake rather than the bench they’d been aiming for - _their_ bench - because that was occupied by two other girls, a year or two younger, who seemed like they needed it much more. The smaller girl picked anxiously at the hem of her jacket and Ava’s lips twitched up into a fond smile.

“What’s on your mind?” Sara asked quietly, and Ava pulled her eyes away and shrugged, giving Sara a small, knowing smile.

Sara’s eyes flickered back over to the bench and she curled her hand around Ava’s wrist, brushing her thumb gently across the much smaller silver park bench dangling from Ava’s bracelet. “Yeah,” she murmured, watching as the girls shifted closer, seeking each other out for support. “Me too.”

Ava’s lips twitched up further into an involuntary, affectionate smile and she turned to face Sara properly, crossing her legs and reaching out to find Sara’s hands, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze. “There _was_ actually something I wanted to ask,” she started hesitantly, tapping one finger against the back of Sara’s hand. “Mom and dad asked last night if you’d maybe want to come camping with us this year.”

Sara’s eyebrows shot up. That was … unexpected. Well maybe not entirely, because she _had_ spent almost as much time at the Sharpe's over the past few weeks as she had at home, but still … _Robert and Barbara Sharpe_ had invited her, their daughter’s girlfriend, to come camping with them over the summer. Camping as a _family_.

“But you really don’t have to,” Ava continued in a rush without giving her a chance to speak, nerves audible in her voice. “It’s a dumb idea and I know you probably already have plans to hang out with your friends, and there are always bugs and we never get enough sleep and my parents will make us play dumb games and try to embarrass us, and Spencer and Ali will help - ”

“Ava - ”

“ - and we’ll have to share a tent with Ali and maybe Layla, and her shitty boyfriend’s coming too this year so - ”

“Ava!”

Ava trailed off, and Sara pushed herself up a little straighter, untangling Ava’s fingers from her own so she could stroke her thumb gently across Ava’s palm whilst she worked out what she had to say. She swallowed, looking up to meet Ava’s eyes, not intending to sound so disbelieving as she asked, “Your parents invited me on your family camping trip?”

Ava nodded, smile softening slightly, something similar to affection flickering through her eyes, only more intense than Sara had ever seen it before. “Yeah,” she nodded, just as disbelieving, voice barely a whisper.

“The one you’ve been on every single year since Ali was four?”

“That’s the one,” Ava confirmed, and Sara’s breath left her in a rush. An incredulous laugh slipped past her lips and she dropped her head to Ava’s shoulder.

“Holy shit,” she whispered against the soft cotton of Ava’s t-shirt.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna come,” said Ava, and Sara could feel the nervous tap of Ava’s fingers on the inside of her knee. “It’s not that _I_ don’t want you to - I do, it … it would be amazing. The woods where we go camping are pretty much my favourite place in the whole world. It’s just that it’ll probably be so awkward and I know you wanted to do heaps with the legends this summer - especially Jax and Amaya and Wally because they’re not gonna be that close for college - and you wanted to make up for all the time you and Laurel didn’t get to spend together _last_ summer and … and God knows my family is a disaster and definitely not the greatest family to spend two whole weeks with -”

“Aves, don’t be ridiculous,” Sara interrupted with a soft chuckle, leaning over to tuck some of Ava’s hair behind her ear. “I love your family almost as much as I love you.”

The words caught up with her just seconds after the slipped from her mouth and Sara felt as though the world had suddenly slowed to an agonising stillness and quiet around them. Her blood was roaring in her ears suddenly, and everything - the scratch of her linen shorts against her thighs, the tickle of the grass under her skin, the coolness of her necklace against her neck, the rustle of the trees overheard, her hair brushing against her neck in the gentle breeze - seemed to amplify into an overdrive of feeling, an overwhelmingness of every single one of Sara’s senses. The nearest phrase that Sara could think of to describe what she knew would be her own expression was a deer caught in the headlights, and she opened her mouth - to say what, she didn’t know - only for Ava to be the one to interrupt this time.

“Don’t,” she whispered in a hoarse rasp. “Don’t you dare take it back Sara. Please.”

Sara frowned. “Why would I take it back?” She shook her head, feeling the colour rise to her cheeks as she sank her teeth into her bottom lip and shuffled just minutely closer to Ava, draping one leg over Ava’s and leaning closer to her. “I love you,” she repeated, so softly that she wondered if Ava could even hear it over the chaos of the park’s ambient noise, but at the way Ava’s eyes flickered shut and her mouth curved upwards in a gentle, beautiful kind of relief, Sara knew she had. “I love you _so much_ Ava Sharpe, and … and if it’s okay with you, I’d really like to come camping with your family.” Ava’s cheeks were stained with the lightest of flushes from the heat (and probably now also from Sara’s words). Her eyes were earnest and shocked, roving over Sara’s face and the one hand that was curled loosely against Sara’s was slightly sweaty, the other that had before been tapping indecipherable, anxious patterns against the crease of Sara’s right knee was now still. Everything about Ava right then was so ordinary, so reserved and normal and wonderful in absolutely every possible way that Sara wanted to say it again, and again, wanted to pull Ava close and murmur it into every inch of her body.

Ava got there first, hand sliding along Sara’s thigh from her knee to curl her fingers into the material of Sara’s shorts and tug her towards Ava, their lips colliding almost unexpectedly in a way that had Sara’s stomach flipping even after over a month of her and Ava being together. She sighed into Ava’s mouth, almost gasping at the feeling of Ava’s fingers sliding into her hair, at the warmth of Ava’s body pressing in closer, at the emotion - at the _love_ \- that Sara was suddenly overwhelmed with in Ava’s kiss. She knew what Ava was trying to convey, and she didn’t even care if Ava couldn’t actually _say_ it yet. It felt so good to be able to put those words into the open, have them there and have Ava _know_ them, to have shed the burden of trying to keep them to herself. Sara reached up to grab hold of Ava’s wrists, pulling away just slightly.

“You don’t have to say it back,” she said, not even trying to mask the dry crack in her voice from the kiss. “But honestly Aves? I’ve been in love with you for months. Since the morning you stayed the night at my house after telling me you were adopted.”

“Wait, seriously?” said Ava, jaw dropping. Sara couldn’t stop her eyes from flickering down to her lips. As much as kissing Ava was something she was used to by now, it didn’t stop her from wanting it pretty much every second of every day.

“Yeah,” said Sara, swaying a little forward back into Ava’s space to brush their lips together again. She hummed, running the pads of her fingers along Ava’s forearms. “When I woke up and saw you sitting there in my desk chair looking out the window. You’d just showered and you still looked kind of broken after the night before but you were so peaceful sitting there and watching the sunrise and you looked so fucking _beautiful_ that I just … I knew I was in love with you.”

Ava laughed, loudly this time and dropped her forehead to Sara’s. “That’s the morning I realised I was in love with you too,” she said, her words barely louder than a breath of air.  Sara inhaled sharply, snapping her eyes shut, and she could feel Ava’s smile even without seeing it. Ava closed the gap between them before Sara could say anything, and Sara was pretty sure there was absolutely no kiss she could remember that compared to how keenly she _felt_ this one right now - her and Ava, under the large oak tree that Sara remembered falling from during a Queen Family Fundraiser, sitting on the grass, their legs tangled and t-shirts wrinkled and in the middle of a place that so many months ago had become _theirs_.

It felt like a million years had passed by the time Ava finally pulled away, and Sara chased her lips only for Ava to laugh and grin adoringly at her. Sara sighed over dramatically to hide her sudden breathlessness. The sun had found its place in the late afternoon sky so that it shone down onto the tree above them, broken shards of light reflecting off the leaves and onto Ava’s face, making her hair shimmer and her eyes look so radiantly blue, and the lightest, faintest hint of freckles on her nose were just barely visible. Her lips were kiss swollen, eyes blissfully hazy and full of a warmth that Sara could feel brimming in her own chest.

“Hey,” Ava said, and her voice was like honey, soft and both raspy and velvety smooth at the same time, and Sara wanted to shut her eyes again and listen to it forever.

“Mm?”

Ava bit her lip shyly. “Say it again.”

Sara’s teasing laugh got caught in the back of her throat, replaced with a sudden lump of unexpected emotion. She cupped Ava’s face in her hands. “I love you,” she whispered.

The moment Ava smiled, - so wide and brilliant, a full, teeth flashing, eyes sparkling, nose crinkling smile - the wind rustled the leaves of the trees and the sun flashed through the gap, illuminating them both in a sudden warmth and glow that felt so vividly magical in the golden glimmer of Queen’s Park in the early evening. Ava let out a soft breath, and met Sara’s gaze, and Sara could tell that whatever quiet, unspoken reverence about this moment had made it what it was, Ava definitely felt it too. “I love you too, Sara.”


	35. it was the end of a decade (but the start of an age)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now this was it. This was when she couldn’t just stand in front of her bedroom mirror reciting the speech over and over again until Ali threw something at her door and yelled “For fuck’s sake Ava, even we know that damn speech by now!”
> 
> This was the moment to say both thank you and honestly, fuck you to Star City High School, to Star City overall, to the place she’d called home and grown and learnt so much from in the short four years that it had been her whole life.
> 
> “And now, it’s my pleasure to invite to the stage our wonderful valedictorian Ava Sharpe.""
> 
> OR
> 
> the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi 
> 
> so uh 
> 
> this is it i guess? 
> 
> wow neither of us even know what to say? i guess we're just gonna leave it for a massive ramble in the end notes lmao bc it's 5am for me and it is a long uni day for rachel (IT'S ALSO HER BIRTHDAY WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE COMMENTS) and this chapter went from 5k to 16.5k in the span of one day so. oof. 
> 
> but yeah. thank you. as always. one last time. we hope you enjoy this chapter - it kinda put us through the ringer a bit bc we needed it to be Special somehow and we didn't figure out what we wanted to do until halfway through the day. pls yell at us in the comments, on twitter, on tumblr, leave us prompts for this au verse, tell us whether this 340ishk / 8 month journey was worth it. it so so was for us. 
> 
> (p.s. unsurprisingly, the chapter title is from long live by taylor swift. there are also a fuck tonne of references to this song in this chapter bc of how much it means to us in relation to this fic. it is The Song for the fic. so it's probably the song to listen to while reading this chapter <3)

“So clearly I missed something,” Laurel smirked, dropping down to the couch and pressing play on the movie she’d selected but immediately turning to Sara with that curious, nosy grin that used to drive Sara mad. Sara shrugged, smile playing on her lips, and Laurel rolled her eyes overdramatically. “C’mon Sara, I know Tommy only dropped me off 15 minutes ago but whatever _this_ is -” she gestured to Sara’s face, raising an eyebrow at the dopey, uncontrollable smile that Sara couldn’t’ve got rid of if she tried, “ - I haven’t seen it before. And I seem to remember you promising to give me _all_ the details of anything that happens between you and Ava to make up for me apparently missing the entire build up, so spill.”

“Who says this is about Ava?” Sara asked indignantly, and Laurel gave her a _look_.

Yeah, okay. That was fair. She couldn’t see her expression right now, but she knew if she looked in a mirror she’d see the same look that’d been on Ava’s face all afternoon staring right back at her, all twinkling eyes and a gentle, bashful blush, smile bright and uncontrollable. Not that she could help it, because Ava - perfect, beautiful, incredible Ava - thought she was important, thought she was special, thought she deserved her affection.

“Ava loves me,” she murmured softly, testing out the words.

Her heart sped up slightly and she ran one hand over her face, laughing softly to herself. Holy _shit_.

Laurel nudged her leg with her foot and Sara blinked, looking back over to her, heat creeping up her neck the moment she met Laurel’s eyes. “Yeah?” Laurel encouraged quietly, barely a whisper, and Sara fiddled with the pendant hanging from her neck - those two intertwined canaries she’d spent hours staring at over the last few months, even when thinking about Ava had hurt more than anything she could imagine. She should’ve realised back in December, really - it’d been obvious Ava had feelings for her from the moment she’d slid that necklace across the kitchen counter on Sara’s birthday with a tentative, affectionate smile - anyone else would’ve noticed it if they’d been in the room. (If they hadn’t been preoccupied pretending their heart wasn’t jumping out their chest like she was, entirely distracted by these cautious, thoughtful gestures and the soft, quiet smiles Ava kept sending her way).

Everyone else _had_ noticed it, Sara reminded herself with a wry smile, and Laurel nudged her again.

“She invited me on their camping trip,” she admitted quietly, quickly losing the ability to pretend to be anything but the sappy, lovestruck, tongue-tied mess she was (it wasn’t as if she’d been fooling Laurel anyway.)

“And?” Laurel prompted and Sara grinned, the whole story tumbling out before she had the chance to stop it - going to Ava’s after exams, the walk, Queen’s park, talking about the camping trip, the inadvertent love confession, and the long, blissful sunny afternoon spent under an oak tree talking about anything and everything and listening to Ava tell her all about the best parts of the camping trip that she couldn’t wait for Sara to see.

“So after all that … you said yes?”

Sara rolled her eyes, half heartedly tossing a chip in Laurel’s direction. “Of _course_ I said yes - in what world would I refuse? She’s - she’s _Ava_. She asked me if I wanted to spend two weeks camping with her and her family, because she usually spends most of the time swimming in the lake and going on hikes, and - I quote - ‘it’d be nice to have you there beside me’.”

Laurel’s grin widened and Sara couldn’t help the blush that crept across her cheeks, pulling up a cushion to bury her face in a pathetic attempt to hide it but failing miserably. Ava _loved_ her. Ava loved her, and wanted her to spend the summer with her and her family, relaxing and hanging out and falling further and further in love. Laurel snorted and Sara groaned in response, her muffled “Shut up!” lost under Laurel’s laughter.

“God, you’re so far gone,” Laurel grinned when she finally pulled the cushion away, tossing it onto the floor. Sara groaned for what felt like the fifteenth time, but Laurel held up her hands. “Hey, I can’t judge, I know me and Tommy are just as bad, but - ”

“But?” Sara interrupted, raising an eyebrow. Laurel shrugged.

“I dunno. It’s different, I guess, ‘cause it’s you. And maybe it’s me that’s changed - I know I was away for a whole year and I missed a lot - but it feels like you really found yourself this year. And I _know_ that’s related to you and Ava finding each other too. And besides - you know. You’re really cute together.”

“Who’s the sap now,” Sara muttered under her breath. Laurel reached across the couch, grabbing Sara’s phone and unlocking it to see the picture of her and Ava kissing in the middle of the soccer pitch at championships that she’d set as her background, turning it to face her with a raised eyebrow.

“Still you,” she smirked, and Sara swiped the phone out of her hands, grinning down at the photo Zari had taken for a moment too long before letting her phone drop back down to her lap.

Laurel’s expression softened. “You should invite her on our roadtrip,” she said casually, as if she wasn’t aware this was a Big Deal.

Sara paused, eyes flickering back over to Laurel, and Laurel shrugged. “You know Tommy will end up coming, so it’s only fair. Plus I’m not sure you’ll be able to cope that long without her, she seems to be here more often than she’s not.”

 

_“It’s okay with you if Tommy comes, right?” Laurel asked, grinning so excitedly at Sara that it would’ve been almost impossible to say no. Not that she ever would’ve - Tommy had been a part of this family since before he and Laurel ever dated, since way back when they were barely more than kids and he’d spend his weekends on their couch watching TV or playing soccer with Sara in the garden, attempting to avoid going home. She’d never had an older brother, but this must’ve been what it was like - having someone there to ruffle her messy hair when she’d just got back from soccer practice, let her know when her shoelaces were untied, or grin at her from across the room and compliment her on the test score he’d heard about or the tackle he’d watched during her last game._

_“Of_ **_course_ ** _I don’t mind,” Sara replied emphatically, but Laurel hesitated._

_“Are you sure?” she asked again, teeth catching on her lip as she attempted to decipher Sara’s thoughts. Sara swallowed. It didn’t take much to work out why Laurel was cautious - in another world, a happier world, one where everything went to plan and she didn’t still have this gaping, Nyssa-shaped hole in her chest - she’d’ve been able to bring her girlfriend too. Laurel reached out to curl her fingers around Sara’s wrist and squeeze it gently, voice slightly softer and far too understanding as she added, “I know it’s been a rough year for you, and this has always been a family trip - and I don’t want to take away from that by bringing him too.”_

_Sara shook her head, tapping her fingers against her leg. Laurel wasn’t_ **_wrong_ ** _. This was the one week in the year that Quentin had completely set aside - no cases, no work, no nothing except Sara and Laurel and the various old, slightly run down hire cars he got from the same garage on the corner of the street every year, leaving them all wondering whether they’d end up stranded on the other side of the country. Ever since Dinah left, it’d been the one week that was_ **_theirs_ ** _._

_But then again … one day, she’d like to be able to bring someone on family road trips too. If Nyssa ever came back there was a space here for her, carved out in this little family who loved her more than her own ever would._

_(She wasn’t coming back.)_

_Sara swallowed, shaking her head when Laurel murmured her name, ignoring her quiet plea for her to actually talk about all this rather than bottling it all up until it eventually spilled over. Tommy_ **_should_ ** _come. It wasn’t fair to deny Laurel something she wanted too - someone to curl up with on the back seat and point out the sights to, someone to swim with and climb with and go for walks in the middle of the night to look at the stars with, someone who loved her and would stick around and never let her go._

 

“Don’t you want to?” Laurel asked gently, and Sara’s fingers curled instinctively around her necklace.

She bit her lip, the memory of soft summer sunlight on her skin and Ava’s hand heavy in her own coming to mind, her laughter echoing in Sara’s ears as she pulled her through the park, happy and carefree and excited about getting to spend the summer like this, with her girlfriend right beside her. _I love you too,_ Ava murmured against her lips, and Sara’s heart fluttered familiarly in her chest.

Laurel gave her shoulder a teasing nudge and she blushed.

 

_“Invite him,” Sara repeated, nodding this time, attempting to sound more sure of herself._

_She’d get the chance to have what Laurel had eventually - or so Amaya had told her, repeatedly, after that mess with Oliver had fallen apart. She didn’t need to force things, especially when she wasn’t ready to get over Nyssa, still clinging to the faintest hope that one day she’d return. It’d happen when it happened, and when it did it’d be worth the wait and the heartbreak and everything else in between._

_“One day,” Laurel reassured her quietly, knowing instinctively where her thoughts had drifted without having to ask. “You’ll get this too,” she promised, leaning over to press a light kiss to Sara’s temple, tucking her hair back behind her ear. “You’ll find someone eventually who makes your world tilt on its axis, who fills you with warmth and is there even when you don’t feel like you deserve them. And you’ll love them for it, more than you ever thought you could - you’ll love the sound of their voice in the morning, their gentle touches and casual affection, the way they whisper your name like it’s more precious to them than anything else in the world.”_

_Sara swallowed, eyes fixed on Laurel, unable to tear them away. Laurel grinned at her, fingers squeezing hers tightly. “And when you do, I want you to bring them on this crazy, ridiculous road trip with us all. I want them to be a part of this family.”_

 

Sara wondered if Laurel remembered that conversation two years ago, the one that had been one of the first moments that Sara had considered that maybe one day, a life - a _future_ \- with someone other than Nyssa could be a possibility. The soft, knowing smile on Laurel’s face told Sara that she probably did.

“I’ll invite her,” she finally conceded, “ _after_ graduation.”

And she couldn’t even bring herself to be annoyed at Laurel’s frustratingly smug grin. **_  
  
_ **

* * *

 

Ali perched on the arm of the couch, eyes drifting over to the basketball game Spencer had just muted on the TV but quickly losing interest. “Another family meeting? Are you feeling okay?”

Spencer rolled his eyes. “I’ve got a few years to make up for, so I think I get a free pass.”

Ali made a skeptical noise in the back of her throat but didn’t have a chance to continue before Ava flopped down onto the couch, pulling her knees up with her. “Everything okay?” she asked Spencer softly, too quiet for Ali to overhear.

Spencer smiled. “Yeah, it’s – everything’s good. There’s just something I want to tell you all, and I figured this was easiest.”

“Cryptic,” Ava teased, and Spencer groaned.

“You’ll find out in a minute, okay? Just be patient.”

Ava sighed overdramatically and leant back into the couch cushions. Sara had said the same thing to her only a few hours before, whispering the words against her lips with a smile when Ava’s fingers had toyed with the hem of her shorts, brushing against the bare skin below. _Soon_ , she’d promised, breath mixing with Ava’s and falling hot against her skin. _Soon,_ Ava had conceded, trailing her lips across Sara’s jaw –

Ali’s words snapped Ava sharply out of her dazed distraction, bringing reality crashing down with a sudden chill. “You’re not leaving again, are you?” she asked in a small voice, eyes wide and uncertain and looking properly like the baby of the family that she hadn’t been seen as in many years. Ava’s heart jumped into her throat and a cold, unpleasant feeling settled in her stomach. Suddenly, it struck her just how similar this all felt to the family meeting Spencer had called five years ago, the one where Barbara couldn’t be in the room, where Robert hadn’t met anybody’s eyes, where sweet, naive, 10 year old Ali had kept tugging Spencer’s arm to ask if he was coming to her lacrosse tournament and he’d carefully eased her hand away and told her that he needed to talk about something else - something important - right now.

 

_Ali pouted, sinking down into the couch cushions and huffing sulkily. The breath sent wisps of hair flying away from her face and she frustratedly shook them away. She’d gotten a new haircut recently and was still trying to get used to its length, particularly the way it always seemed to fall over her eyes now, so Ava nudged her and handed her the scrunchie from around her wrist._

_“Thanks,” said Ali, and Ava smiled, pulling her legs up to cross them in front of her on the couch and return her gaze to Spencer, who was shifting his weight a little nervously as he stood in front of the tv with his hands in his pockets._

 

Ali and Spencer were the siblings who now, after Spencer’s five years away, had the most distance between them - perhaps even more than Ava and Layla. Ali had been so young when Spencer left and grown up so drastically in that time that there was almost no common ground between them anymore. But since Spencer had come home, Ava had watched as they discovered how similar they were, finally becoming close after so many years of distance and indifference, and now, Ava recognised with heartbreaking familiarity the expression on Ali’s face, knew without ever having seen it that it had been the same expression she had worn five years ago.

“Hey, no,” said Spencer, curling his hand around Ali’s wrist. “No way Ali. And even if I was, it wouldn’t be right now - not yet - and I wouldn’t tell you guys like this.”

“Wouldn’t tell us what like this?” asked Layla as she appeared in the room, settling into the old, cracked armchair.

“If I was leaving,” said Spencer, “which I’m _not_. It’s - that’s not what this is about, okay?”

 

_“So here’s the thing.” Spencer’s voice sounded uncharacteristically hesitant. Each time he looked up, his eyes flickered away almost immediately, and Ava noticed that he was blatantly avoiding their parents’ gaze. “I’m …” He gulped, glancing up at the ceiling. “I’m leaving. Moving out.”_

_A beat of silence._

_“You mean to your own place?” asked Layla, wrinkling her nose in confusion._

_“No,” said Spencer, voice cracking a little. “Leaving Star City. I’m joining the army.”_

 

Ava felt Spencer’s eyes on her and kept her gaze fixed on her phone, hoping Ali was the only one who could hear her heart rate now starting to slow after her momentary panic. The four of them stayed quiet, and Ava knew they were all caught up in the memory of the turmoil from Spencer’s announcement that he was joining the army. It had created one of the first truly tense periods in the Sharpe household that had continued for several months, both before and after Spencer’s departure. Ava dragged her finger over the edge of her phone’s screen protector, trying not to dwell in the silence between them all. Now that she thought about it, - not that she hadn’t spent far too much time thinking about it before - it was Spencer’s departure that had shifted everything away from the somewhat normalcy and general contentedness that had existed in their house for the past decade. After he left, Layla began to act more superficial, more outwardly shallow, pouncing on the already existing differences between her and Ava and widening the chasm between them exponentially. Ali’s attitude and sarcasm suddenly skyrocketed, and though she was never really _that_ troublesome, it definitely proved an abrupt change from the stubborn but otherwise bright, chatty and mostly agreeable kid she had been. And of course, Ava remembered who she had become. Closed off, reserved, unsure about every single aspect of her life and her personality. Terrified of being gay, pushing away basketball out of fear (and admittedly, anger at Spencer), becoming someone who invested more in her studies than anything else, who didn’t confide in her parents, who argued with Layla - even Ali sometimes - and who determinedly did everything possible to quietly piss off her mom as the years went by.

“Alright, what’s up Spence? Everything alright?”

Ava glanced up in surprise at the sound of her father’s voice, not having noticed him or her mother entire the room.

“Yeah,” said Spencer, running his hands over his thighs in what seemed like a little bit of a nervous tick. “Yeah, I uh … I just wanted to talk to you guys. About a um … idea I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks and I wanted your opinion on it.” His eyes flickered across the room. “ _Everyone’s_ opinion of it. I’ve made decisions before that affected this whole family and I didn’t think about the consequences back then. I don’t wanna make that same mistake, even though this isn’t as massive as joining the army.”

Ava saw Barbara and Robert exchange slightly confused, wary looks. She was sure Spencer had noticed it too.

“So I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said, nails picking at a loose seam in his jeans. “After being discharged, obviously I need to figure out what I’m gonna do with my life. When I first came home, the plan was to stay for Ava’s graduation and then get in touch with some of the people I was in PT with and see if they could hook me up with a job somewhere. Anywhere.”

“You said -” Ali began fiercely and Spencer shot her a look.

“I meant what I said,” he said calmly. “Just … let me finish okay?” He waited for Ali’s reluctant nod before continuing. “Being here though … it’s made me realise how much things have changed since I left. I uh …” He laughed, glancing away with a slight flush on his cheeks. “I kinda don’t want to leave.”

 

 _“The_ **_army_ ** _?!” Ali exclaimed, bolting upright on the couch. “What the hell do you mean you’re joining the freaking army? You’re kidding right?”_

 _“When?” demanded Layla with wide eyes. “_ **_Why_ ** _, Spence? You … you haven’t even finished high school!”_

 _“You don’t have to have finished,” said Spencer with a small shrug. “You just have to be 17. I wanna_ **_do_ ** _something with my life, not just sit around and follow a career already set out for me,” - Robert glanced away - “and never do anything meaningful and just be another person who everybody forgets.”_

 _“What about_ **_us_ ** _forgetting you, huh?” said Ali, the bitterness in her voice heightened by incredulous tears of confusion and anguish. Spencer swallowed, avoiding her question to take a step forward and look down at Ava._

_“Aves?” he asked quietly. “Say something. Please.”_

 

“You don’t have to leave,” said Barbara immediately, and a small smile crept onto Spencer’s face.

“Yeah,” he said, a little quieter than before. “That did occur to me. The longer I was here, seeing everything I missed, helping Dad at the clinic, seeing friends I’d forgotten I even wanted around - I don’t think Star City ever felt like home until now.” He swallowed, looking up to meet Robert’s eyes. “I never told you what I did in the army, did I?”

Robert frowned. “You were a soldier.”

“To start, yeah,” said Spencer with a small, bashful grin. “I actually became a field medic.”

“Spencer Sharpe became a field medic?” echoed Layla, arching an eyebrow. “You mean the same Spencer Sharpe who was so adamant about not becoming a doctor and joining the family clinic that he refused to even watch Grey’s Anatomy when it came on TV?”

“That was like, the one thing you said you never wanted to do!” said Ava incredulously.

“Yeah I know,” said Spencer, shrugging. “But I guess back then, the only reason I didn’t want to do it was because I was a shitty, angsty teenager who wanted to be in absolutely no way similar to his parents. It wasn’t until I was out there that I realised it was actually the only thing I really wanted to do.”

Robert let out a soft, disbelieving laugh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s why all the staff around the clinic kept saying how confident you were these past few weeks. I just thought that you’d grown up a lot, not that you’d gone and become an actual honest to god doctor while you were away.”

“Not quite a doctor,” Spencer said quickly. “But uh … that’s kinda the plan right now.” He ducked his head and bit his lip nervously. “I know I turned this all down five years ago when you offered it to me Dad. But if it’s okay with you, I was hoping I could come work at the clinic for a bit because honestly … I can’t think of anything else I would rather be doing.”

“Offer’s always been open to you Spence,” promised Robert gently. “No matter how many times you turn it down, the door’s always gonna be open, okay?”

 

_Ava wanted to throw up. Spencer, gone._

_She’d spent the entirety of the last month panicking after Perry Hawthorn’s quiet, scandalised whisper, “Did you know that Meg Pearson is a lesbian? That’s why she always dresses like that and is freakishly obsessed with wanting to join the boy’s football team. How weird is that?” Ava’s one reassurance had been that once Spencer sorted out everything with his SATs, she’d have time to sit down with him and talk to the one person in the world she knew would understand her if she asked whether what Perry said was true, if the same factors then made_ **_Ava_ ** _a -_ **_that thing_ ** _\- too. She didn’t want to be. Didn’t want to be like_ **_that_ ** _, she just wanted to be_ **_normal._ **

_But she remembered Spencer telling her once that his friend Andrew didn’t like girls like the rest of the guys, he liked guys instead, and Ava had frowned and asked if that wasn’t right at all because she remembered her aunt Susan saying something about it once and Spencer had shrugged and told her, “Don’t listen to everything the family says Aves. They … they have a very particular way of seeing the world. People are more complicated than that. And besides, what’s the big deal? He likes guys instead of girls. There are worse things in the world, right?”_

_The terror, the nausea, the absolute overwhelming, icy, suffocating dread kicked in now and then because somewhere in the back of Ava’s head, she_ **_knew_ ** _that there was something about Perry’s accusation that felt a little too personal - less like silly, 8th grade gossip like it was about Meg Pearson, but instead, actual honest truth. Something that made_ **_sense._ ** _But she told herself that it was okay, that Spencer was right. There were worse things in the world. She would talk to him later and ask him and he would tell her that if she was or wasn’t like_ **_that_ ** _then it was okay, and Ava could let it go and stop worrying. But now … now he was leaving._

_“Ava?” Spencer asked again, a tinge more anxiety in his voice._

_“When do you leave?” Ava whispered. Spencer sighed. Looked down at his feet._

_“After Christmas.”_

_Ali exploded into another series of disbelieving, angry abominations, hurled towards Spencer in a teary rage as Layla shouted, “That’s_ **_one month_ ** _away! How could you decide to leave and only tell us_ **_now_ ** _?” while Robert and Barbara finally involved themselves in the conversation and tried to exert some calm over the situation._

_Ava got up from the couch and ran upstairs._

 

“Yeah?” said Spencer, eyes full of relief. As Robert nodded and Barbara moved to stand and carefully smooth Spencer’s hair, Ava felt as though a tightly coiled string that had been wearing thinner and thinner with each day that passed over the last five years suddenly snapped, the tension breaking and ice melting and something warm and light and reassuring seemed to seep through the air. She knew that Spencer’s departure and return wasn’t the sole reason for everything that had happened over her time at high school, but there was something about knowing that that period of uncertainty and distance between them all had ended, that gave Ava more comfort in being a part of this family than she had felt in a very long time.

 

_“Ava! Please open the door. I know you’re upset and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Can we talk?”_

 

 _“Aves, it’s been a week. We’ve only got a few weeks left before I leave, can you please just_ **_talk_ ** _to me.”_

 

_“C’mon. Get any flavour, my treat. You can even get three scoops if you want.”_

_“This isn’t gonna make up for you leaving Spencer. You can’t just buy me a damn ice cream and pretend everything’s fine.”_

_“I know Ava. But there’s not a whole lot more I_ **_can_ ** _do. Just let me do this?”_

 

 _“There’s something you’re not saying Aves. It’s_ **_me_ ** _, you can tell me anything.”_

_“It doesn’t matter. You’re leaving.”_

_“I’m not vanishing off the face of the earth, you can still call me. I’ll still visit. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep secrets from me.”_

_“It’s nothing Spencer. Just drop it, okay? It’s nothing.”_

 

“Oh,” said Ali, and Ava smiled at the soft surprise in her voice. “So when you said you were staying, you _really_ meant you were _staying_.”

Everyone laughed and Ava elbowed Ali teasingly in the ribs before reaching over to tap Spencer’s shin with her toe. “Glad you’re sticking around,” she said sincerely, and then smirked, “but if you think me moving out means you get to claim my room, you’ve got another thing coming.”

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Zari Tomaz)

avalance rose y’all  
_Active now_

_SUN 11:06AM:_

_  
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey guys

I think Ava & Sara are gonna be That Couple

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** By which you mean what exactly?

 **_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** You know

/That/ high school couple

The ones who end up spending the rest of  
their lives together without any doubt at all

 **_  
_ ** **_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Wow I love the faith that Z has in me,  @Ray   
and  @Amaya 

**_  
_ ** **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I didn’t mean THAT

I was just thinking about it and I can’t imagine  
them not ending up together you know

 **_  
_ ** **_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah

I know what you mean

 **_  
_ ** **_Wally:_ ** **_  
_ ** if they get through college and stuff, how soon  
do you think they’ll get married

 **_  
_ ** **_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Guys they’ve literally been dating just over a month

 **_  
_ ** **_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** You say this as though we didn’t spend almost a  
whole school year imagining how cute they would  
be together for Months before they even realised  
they liked each other

 **_  
_ ** **_Kuasa:_ ** **_  
_ ** You raise a good point

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Wally  I reckon a year

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** No way

Probably two

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think four

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** what if they get married while they’re at  
college???? people do that

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava Sharpe doesn’t do that Gary

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ava Sharpe also doesn’t usually like big  
fancy over the top promposals in front  
of her whole school and family but here  
we are

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m pitching in with gary tbh

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nah I’m with Mick

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** I agree with Amaya

  
_Zari added Ali Sharpe to the chat._

_Zari added Laurel Lance to the chat._

_  
_ **_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** What

  
**_Ali:_ ** **_  
_ ** the fuck

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** How long do we think it’s gonna take for  
Ava and Sara to get married, go

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m sorry what?

  
**_Ali:_ ** **_  
_ ** oh, probs like 3 years after they finish  
college or smth

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** What is this

  
**_Ali:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Laurel  probs that group chat they used  
to set ava and sara up all year and failed  
miserably until april :-)

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh right

  
**_Lily:_ ** **_  
_ ** Excuse u ali we resent that

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are we willing to put money on these predictions?

 **_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hell yeah

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** This bet is gonna be even more agonising  
than the last one

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I know :-)))

  
**_Ali:_ ** **_  
_ ** wow ur encouraging underage gambling

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I can remove you from this chat

  
**_Ali:_ ** **_  
_ ** k putting in 20 bucks

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is insane

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’M IN FOR 20 TOO

  
**_Gary:_ ** **_  
_ ** we are the Worst people

  
**_Nora:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are we literally betting on when they get  
married when they haven’t even had sex  
yet?????

  
**_Ali:_ ** **_  
_ ** GROSS I DON’T WANNA KNOW WHAT MY  
SISTER IS OR ISN’T DOING

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah ditto

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** @Laurel @Ali liars, you know you’d be the  
first demanding to know

You in on this bet laurel???

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is wrong in so many ways

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh we’re aware

  
_Laurel added Tommy Merlyn to the group._

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** 30 on four years after college.

  
**_Tommy:_ ** **_  
_ ** What does that even mean?

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t worry about it Merlyn

You in?

  
**_Tommy:_ ** **_  
_ ** In for what?

  
**_Laurel:_ ** **_  
_ ** He is

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** Perfect

  
**_Tommy:_ ** **_  
_ ** Is this a cult?

 

* * *

 

The rough, abrasive polyester of the graduation robes was oddly grounding, and Ava let out a soft, whistling breath through her teeth. She scuffed her boots against the carefully mown grass, the principal’s voice a quiet hum in the background repeating endless cliches wishing success and bright futures upon the diverse and vibrant graduating class. Ava couldn’t bring herself to listen, in case his speech muddled the one she had carefully prepared in her head, the one she’d spent hours, and days, and weeks, and months carefully writing out, drafting, revising, rewriting, until it was as close to perfect as she could think of. She hadn’t shown the full thing to anyone. Just parts of it to some people - a paragraph to her parents, a line or two to Ali and Spencer, a snippet to Nora, a slightly larger snippet to Sara.

(With Sara, it had been just a few days ago while they’d been hanging out in the tree house with a ridiculous amount of cushions and snacks and Ava’s laptop in the corner playing a movie they’d paused over half an hour ago as Ava had spiralled over the thought of her graduation speech. Somehow, Sara had ended up on her side on the pillows as Ava lay just a little above her, quietly reciting one part of her speech that she was still hesitant about. She still felt sick every time she spoke it aloud, and her only reassurance was seeing that Sara wasn’t _watching_ her, instead had her eyes shut as she absentmindedly played with the knot that Ava had tied her shirt in just above her belly button. Out of everyone Ava had reluctantly revealed parts of her speech to, Sara was the one who stayed quiet the longest once Ava was done. When she finally opened her eyes, they were hazy with awe and pride and adoration and Ava’s breath caught in her throat, any demanding inquisitions about what was _wrong_ with it dying on her lips. Sara shook her head, pulling Ava’s face down towards hers.

“God, you’re … you’re _something_ Aves,” she murmured, kissing Ava with an impact that Ava wasn’t expecting. “That was so good. Beautiful. _You’re_ beautiful. And so smart. Fuck, I’m gonna bawl my eyes out at grad when I hear the whole thing.”

“You really mean that?” asked Ava in a small voice, and Sara smiled sincerely at her, fingers carefully tracing the bones of Ava’s cheek and jaw.

“Yeah baby,” she said softly. “I mean that.”)

Now this was _it._ This was when she couldn’t just stand in front of her bedroom mirror reciting the speech over and over again until Ali threw something at her door and yelled “For fuck’s sake Ava, even _we_ know that damn speech by now!”

This was the moment to say both _thank you_ and _honestly, fuck you_ to Star City High School, to Star City _overall_ , to the place she’d called home and grown and learnt so much from in the short four years that it had been her whole life.

“And now, it’s my pleasure to invite to the stage our wonderful valedictorian Ava Sharpe. Ava has been one of our most spectacular students from the time she first joined us at Star City High School four years ago, and has continued to be a model for kindness, modesty, drive, intelligence, spirit, resilience and character. Please give her a round of applause.”

Ava took a deep breath, rolling her eyes to herself at the sound of her friends’ (and family’s) loud obnoxious cheers. She could feel the sheet of paper in which her speech was neatly printed rustled in the inside pocket of her robes, but she knew she wouldn’t need it. It was just for reassurance really.

It was the same portable podium that had been used for every school assembly. It was as familiar as the rest of this school was, right down to the little scribbles of graffiti underneath that her fingers had become well accustomed to tracing during speeches about prom to her grade, announcements in assembly, helping set up for an infinite multitude of school events. She curled her fingers around the smooth but worn wooden edges, smiled a little wryly at the tiny etching of _F*CK GOTHAM CITY HIGH SCHOOL_ along the bottom that had clearly been missed by the staff. With a soft, steady exhale, she glanced up. Somehow, her eyes immediately found Sara in the sea of students, teachers and parents seated before her.

Sara smiled encouragingly.

“Remember this moment,” said Ava, gaze scouring over the crowd of students in navy robes. With a jolt, she realised how comforting all their faces were. The familiarity, even if she didn’t know them all personally, of having seen them everyday in hallways, classes, sports games. Her lips quirked upwards. “That’s what they always tell us, right? To take a hold of every moment of this part of our lives, because nothing will ever be the same afterwards. Except every moment feels like it’s on super speed, rolling into the next one and pulling you with it until you blink and suddenly we’re here. Graduation day. When did that even happen, I swear we were overexcited freshman with terrible hairstyles, awfully edited instagram photos and schoolbags double the size that we were like, five minutes ago.”

Everybody laughed, and Ava saw Nate, Mick, Jax, Amaya and Sara all poke Ray pointedly as Ray flushed.

“Then again,” she said with a small laugh, “those schoolbags did make for great pillows during those ‘plan for your future’ seminars that felt like they wouldn’t be relevant for another million years.”

Ray made some ridiculously corny finger guns, as another student called out “See, thank you!”, predictably from similar friends teasing him about his own turtle shell freshman year schoolbag.

“Weirdly enough,” Ava continued, “today’s that one time that this moment seems to last forever. A million years all caught up to today, but today is for _us._ Our time to hold onto everything we know and love - and maybe hate at the same time, high school’s complex - for a final day of being Star City High School students. Making history and all that. A history that’ll hopefully be remembered, by students following in our footsteps, teachers who’ll continue to roam the corridors, and by us, as we all step into everything that’s to come in our lives. Not necessarily together - not like _this_. But not alone either.” Ava dragged her fingers along the indent that lined the sides of the podium. “I don’t want to pretend that the last four years have been a picnic. They haven’t. I know a lot of you, but there’s even more that I never got a chance to know very well and for every person whose worries and insecurities and heartbreak I had to witness, there were five more whose anguish I was oblivious to and for that, all I have to say is that high school really sucked, huh?”

Another round of laughter, with some additional appreciative whoops and a quiet smattering of applause. Ava steadied herself, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat as the words for the next section of the speech shifted to the tip of her tongue. “I don’t know about you guys though, but I don’t think I could ever take any of it back. Not being the kind of stuck up annoying nerd for a good two years before realising that was just … you know. Annoying.”

(More laughter.)

“I wouldn’t …” Ava hesitated, closing her eyes for a moment. “Wouldn’t take back coming out. Even though it terrified me, it made me realise just how lucky I was to know the people I did at this school.” She opened her eyes and let her eyes fall briefly on Sara before shifting back to the stands where she could see her family sitting near the front row. “I wouldn’t change everybody finding out I was adopted, because it was _that_ that made me realise nothing had actually changed. I was still the same Ava Sharpe I always had been, and for that, I’m eternally grateful for you all. For the people that this school has brought into my life - this year especially.”

(A couple of _whoops_ and wolf whistles erupted from the audience, followed by warm, knowing laughter that made Ava blush and roll her eyes.)

Ava watched Barbara dab a handkerchief to her eyes, and then returned her gaze to Sara, properly this time, trying not to let the way her chest constricted at the way Sara was looking at her trip her up in this last part of her speech. “I’d like to think we’ll all know each other forever,” she said a little softer, clearing the dryness from the back of her throat and trying not to look too hard at Sara, at the wide eyed, stunned expression on her face. “That we’ll stay in each others’ lives until the end of our days, through college and grad school and competitive careers, travelling, figuring out what the hell we wanna do, and the insanity of falling in love, getting married, raising families.” Ava exhaled shakily. “But if we’ve been told anything about ‘real life’, it’s never what you think it’s gonna be. So if, God forbid, fate steps in and pushes us all our separate ways, as one last farewell to this year’s Star City High School graduating class, I ask you all this. In ten years - or twenty, or thirty, or forty - if you have kids, or families, or people in your lives who you tell about these ‘good old days’, about the elations and disappointments of this era in your life … tell them about all of us. About the nights we stayed up until early hours of the morning, messaging each other on facebook because we had no idea how to finish the assignments we’d left until the last minute. About that time a visiting rescue puppy chewed through his leash and peed on Mr Williams’ leg. About the kids who moved away, and the music competitions we won, and the little inside jokes -” She smirked, “- the bets about your fellow students’ love lives.”

A chorus of widespread, unrestrained giggles and snickers erupted from the crowd.

Ava’s smirk softened into a small, proud smile. “And you better tell them about the time our girls soccer team became state freakin’ champions.”

(A burst of overwhelming cheers.)

“Tell them about the walls we crashed through and the mountains we moved. The magic and the laughter and all those moments in between that we forgot about until now.” She paused, and for the briefest of seconds, it hit her with overwhelming suddenness that this was _it._ She blinked back the abrupt tears, a quiet, breath of a laugh slipping past her lips. “Tell them everything. Then one day, even when we’ve all started to forget, all these adventures will be remembered.”

 

(They were all on their feet before she’d even taken a proper step back from the podium. Deafening applause, hoots and whistles and waves and salutes, the endless wave of familiar faces engulfing her the moment she stepped back down to the crowd. She laughed with them, feeling the all consuming blanket of relief encircle her coupled with the faintest flares of pride as the clapping continued even after the principal resumed his position on the podium.

It was only when Ava finally reached her seat again - next to Sara - that the other students eventually went to sit down, but she was still jostled by pats on the shoulder, small nudges and nods and smiles and waves of thanks and congratulations from every corner of the crowd that surrounded her.

“Hey,” murmured Sara, so quiet it could barely constitute a whisper. She leaned over, kissed the tiny place where Ava’s jaw met her ear. “That was incredible. _You’re_ fucking incredible. God, I love you so much.”

Ava snapped her eyes shut, her shoulders relaxing at the feeling of Sara’s fingers curling around her knee, at Sara’s lips against her skin. “I love you too,” she whispered.

Sara smiled. “I know. You said.”

“No I didn’t.”

“You didn’t have to.”)

 

* * *

 

Parties at the Queen house had always been amazing. Lavish and spectacular and full of a ridiculous amount of streamers and helium balloons and grazing tables and an impeccable playlist and far too much alcohol provided given they were all underage and were at a mansion unsupervised by any adult over the age of 19. It didn’t matter though, because unlike almost every other party Oliver had thrown at his own house over the years, this one had a carefully curated guest list of Sara’s nearest and dearest from her graduating class, which thankfully was a couple of dozen less than the usual stampede that showed up to Oliver’s parties. This party was _for_ Sara. For Sara and her friends and their first night as high school graduates.

Somehow, the party had already kicked off and was in full swing by the time Layla dropped Ava and Sara off (which was on _time_ ). They were immediately dragged in by an already tipsy Nate and a definitely drunk Gary, thrown into a room full of pulsing music and flickering fairy lights and laughter and out of tune singing and Sara immediately wrapped an arm around Ava’s waist, leaned into her at least for a second before everything about tonight inevitably got crazy.

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks,” said Ava with a grin, kissing Sara’s forehead. “You track down some sober members of our friend group.”

“Deal,” laughed Sara, hip bumping Ava as she walked away.

It didn’t take long - all of two minutes in fact - for Sara to be ambushed by a legend; Zari it turned out, who Sara had barely had any time to talk to all day.

“Hey - _oomph_!” Sara laughed a little uncertainly (and definitely breathlessly) as Zari attacked her in a sudden, emphatic hug. Sara caught her footing, attempting to meet Zari’s eyes but failing when Zari buried her head against her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist. Zari sucked in a quiet, slightly shaky breath, causing Sara’s to leave her in a rush as she curled her arms protectively around Zari’s back, one hand lightly trailing up and down. “What’s this about?”

Zari shook her head slightly but didn’t respond and Sara considered pulling back so she could look her in the eyes, but instead let her take the time she needed to pull herself back together, waiting a moment and reminding herself that she’d never been able to push Zari into talking about her emotions, and that wasn’t about to start now. “What’s wrong Z?” she eventually repeated, trying her hardest to keep the worry out of her voice, but failing miserably.

Zari’s breath hitched. “‘m glad you’re here.”

“Did something happen? Do I need to kick someone’s ass?”

“No,” Zari laughed tearily. “No it’s not … I just. God. I’m gonna miss you so much,” she whispered into Sara’s shoulder, so quiet that Sara had to strain to hear it. Her heart clenched in her chest at the tears she could hear in Zari’s voice and she tightened her arms around her, swallowing the wave of sudden, unexpected emotions that threatened to wash over her.

“I know,” she eventually murmured, moving one hand to Zari’s hair and absentmindedly smoothing it down. She bit the inside of her lip, closing her eyes and reminding herself  that she could visit Zari anytime, but still making a mental note to ask Ray to check up on her during the first few weeks to check she was doing alright with both her and Amaya scattered across the country. Zari‘s grip on Sara tightened almost imperceptibly and Sara swallowed again, attempting to stop her voice from shaking. “I’m gonna miss you too, Z.”

 

_“Hey guys. This is Zari Tomaz - she’s a new transfer student.”_

_Sara glanced up from the cafeteria’s mystery meat of the day to where Ray and Jax had finally joined their lunch table with a girl Sara didn’t recognise between them. She had very light brown - almost olive - skin, dark eyes and dark hair that shimmered with reddy brown highlights every time the sun hit her having flickered through the high windows of the cafeteria._

_Jax nudged Zari and nodded around the table. “This is Mick, Nate, Amaya, Kendra and Sara.”_

_“Hi Zari,” said Amaya warmly, flashing Zari that same beautiful, soft, welcoming smile that was known to win anyone and everyone over. “It’s nice to meet you. Where’d you transfer from?”_

_“Seattle,” said Zari, visibly relaxing at Amaya’s gentle demeanour._

_“What do you think of Star City so far?”_

_Zari shrugged. “Only just moved over the weekend. Still figuring it out, I guess.”_

_“You gotta know the things that make Star City worth it,” said Kendra with a grin, leaning into Ray as he slipped into the seat beside her. “Don’t worry, we’ll teach you.”_

_Zari smiled even as a slightly shy, embarrassed flush appeared on her cheeks and she twirled the straw to a juice box between her fingers, eyes scanning the table curiously, trying to silently learn whatever she could about the people sitting around the table._

_Sara bit the inside of her cheek, glancing back down at her plate. She hated having eight people around the table. There needed to be a gap. A spare seat. For Nyssa, for when she came back._

_(She wasn’t coming back.)_

_Jax and Nate started pointing out the various cliques around the cafeteria to Zari, telling her ridiculously embellished and overly dramatic stories about all their fellow students. Sara watched as Zari glanced over at Amaya and Kendra with an arched eyebrow, a dry, slightly amused expression on her face. Amaya grinned back, mouthing “Just roll with it.” and Zari ducked her head with a quiet laugh, returning her attention to Nate who was telling her about Ava Sharpe and her friend group sitting on the other side of the room. Sara didn’t hear the joke Zari made, but Nate laughed and Jax smirked too and even Mick cracked a smile, and Sara didn’t even need to look across to Kendra, Ray and Amaya to know they looked just as_ **_smitten_ ** _with the ‘new girl’._

_“What kind of things are you into Zari?” asked Ray, trading his ham and egg sandwich for Jax’s apple. “Music? Science? Sport? Are you a theatre kid?”_

_“God no,” said Zari with a short laugh. “You wouldn’t catch me dead in some stupid costume in a school play.” She shrugged again, shaking her hair away from her face. “I like sports though. Played soccer at my last school.”_

_“Oh for real?” said Jax with a beam. “Sara’s on our girls’ team! You should try out for this season.”_

_“Is it a good team?” asked Zari, her gaze fixing on Sara for the first time._

_Sara’s eyes flickered up. Her eyes were a similar dark shade of brown to Nyssa’s, and it took far too much effort not to look away. “Yeah,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. “We’re not bad. We made it through to qualifiers last year but our couch Rip Hunter is aiming to get through to playoffs this season.”_

_Interest and excitement sparked in the corner of Zari’s eyes. “Oh, cool.”_

_With relief, Sara dropped her gaze back to her tray. Beside it, her phone buzzed. She knew it was from Amaya without having to look. Amaya checking up. Asking if she was okay. Why she was so quiet today (as though she hadn’t been quiet and withdrawn every single day since Nyssa left.) Sara didn’t open it. She didn’t want Amaya to have to spend her lunchtime coaxing Sara to talk about her feelings when she was clearly interested in Zari and getting to know her. Zari, who had actually brought something fun and interesting to the group for the first time in weeks, who wasn’t dragging everybody down with day after day of being a sad, mopey, pathetic mess even as she knew with nauseating certainty that Nyssa was gone for good._

_Zari was mischief eyed and bright and fun and had joking, sarcastic looks_ **_already_ ** _about the boys and their antics, she was clearly witty and smart if Ray had taken a shine to her, and hell, she was even a damn soccer player. Sara choked back the bitter scoff in her throat, violently stabbing a particularly large chunk of stew._

_Maybe Zari was just gonna turn out to be a better version of her._

_(Sara kind of hated her already.)_

 

“I can’t believe I sort of hated you when you first moved here,” Sara mumbled into Zari’s shoulder.

Zari snorted, fingers curling into Sara’s top. “Cos I was better than you, right?” she teased.

Sara hesitated, shrugging a little. “Yeah, kinda.”

Zari pulled away, her eyebrow raised in the same, familiar quirk that Sara remembered so clearly from that very first day. They’d all grown up over these last few years, but Sara could still see the small glimpses of vulnerability in Zari’s eyes that she’d only realised was there later, once they became friends. The same simultaneous excitement and nervousness for everything that was to come, for this new adventure they were all about to embark on.

“That’s bullshit Sara,” Zari said bluntly. “I … I didn’t even know who I _was_ when I moved to Star City. And then I met you. And everyone else of course, but _you_ … you were falling apart and your life was at this horrible low but you still were determined to let people help you, to still be kind to your friends and put in 110% into soccer every single practice and try hard at school and everybody knew you were barely holding it together at the seams but you were _amazing_ Sara. You still are. There’s a reason you’re the captain of our team. And like, the unofficial captain of this group of jackasses too.”

“Shut up,” said Sara, swatting Zari pathetically. “I’ve already cried way too much today, I _just_ got my mascara sorted again.”

Zari rolled her eyes. “Whatever, you can try all you want for being cool and emotionless but we’ve all seen how gross and sappy you are.”

Sara glared at her, but there was something about the glint in Zari’s eyes that made her snort at give her a small, playful shove instead. “For real though Z. I’m sorry I was a bitch to you when you first moved here. You reminded me so much of me but me before I became this hollow shell after Nyssa left. I dunno. I was threatened by you.” She laughed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Man, I never could’ve ever imagined that you would become my best friend.”

Zari smirked, nudging Sara with a wink. “For a couple of years, at least. Before Ava came along.”

Sara flushed furiously. “Okay, _no_ , you know what. That’s false.”

“Oh, really?” said Zari, raising an eyebrow.

“ _Yes_ really,” said Sara indignantly. “Look. Before I realised I had feelings for Ava, _yeah_ , that was what I thought she was for a while. And she is still I guess, she’s my best friend but -”

“See -”

“ _Shush,_ I haven’t _finished_ ! Ava is … she’s …” Sara bit her lip, glancing away as her cheeks burned. “God, I think she’s the love of my life. And I’m pretty sure that’s what she was back before I even realised I had feelings for her. _You_ Z. You were the first real best friend that I had. Amaya and Ray and the others - they changed my life. Of course they did. And I love them more than anything. But you never wanted anything from me - not to see me do better or push me to be a better version of myself or anything. You just showed up in Star City and yeah, there was something about both of us that made us butt heads but then, somehow we both just realised that we needed this. Each other. And it was different from Amaya and Ray, and it was different from Ava.”

Sara saw Zari’s throat bob, and tried to tactfully pretend she hadn’t heard Zari sniff.

“This is why we don’t do this,” Zari mumbled, making a vague and indistinguishable hand gesture. “This feelings bullshit. Look at this - Amaya did my makeup _flawlessly._ I blame you Lance.”

Sara smirked through her on wet eyes and tugged Zari into another hug. “C’mere dumbass.” She smiled when Zari didn’t hesitate, just sank back into the hug that despite their rare occurrences, felt as natural as ever. Sara snapped her eyes shut, letting out a soft, quiet sigh. “Love you Z.”

Zari clutched her tighter. “Love you too.”

 

* * *

 

“Chips or veg?” Sara asked, holding out the two plates in front of her, looking for a second opinion. Ray paused, but without giving him the chance to speak Sara rolled her eyes, sliding the plate of neatly sliced vegetable crudités back across the counter towards the hummus and popping a chip into her mouth.

“I know we talked about this the other day,” Sara said softly, leaning back against the kitchen counter, “but I’m really glad I made friends with you.”

Ray rolled his eyes affectionately, nudging her shoulder with his own, and Sara let herself lean into his side. “You mean you’re glad I forced you to be friends with me,” he corrected, and she had to hold back a laugh. Yeah … that was far more accurate.

_He held out a piece of paper to her, crumpled on one corner and covered in her familiar scrawl, a faint coffee spill staining the edge. “You left this in class, and I figured you might want it back,” he offered with an over enthusiastic smile, and Sara stared blankly at the paper for a moment before shifting her attention back to her lunch._

_“I don’t want it,” she insisted, and his smile wavered for a split second before he fixed it firmly back on his face. She shrugged, aiming for nonchalant, but something about Ray’s innocent persistence grated against her nerves. “Keep it if you want,” she offered sarcastically, eyes flicking over his smart polo neck and jeans, backpack far too large and probably stuffed with textbooks he’d taken out of the library for fun._

_“I saw your score when I was handing the tests back,” he commented casually, sliding onto the bench beside her and grinning over at her but only managing to maintain his bright smile for a moment before it started to slip and he leaned back, instead settling on a frown. “I’m Ray.”_

_Sara groaned and Ray tapped his fingers against the table, waiting for a response even though he seemed like the type of person who learnt people’s names during those awful bonding activities on the first day of kindergarten and never forgot them. Sara ignored him, and he raised an eyebrow at her, continuing what he’d started earlier. “You’re smart. I know you are. Or you could be, if you put a little bit more effort in.”_

_Sara shook her head, wishing he’d leave her alone to eat her lunch in peace._

_“I think you just need some decent friends to prove it to you,” he added with a quiet confidence that made Sara’s heart clench in her chest. She glared at him, stabbing a potato wedge onto her fork._

_“We’re not friends,” she said harshly, but Ray just smiled._

_“Maybe not yet. But we could be. I’ll see you around Sara.”_

 

She’d never meant for it to happen. She hadn’t become friends with him for a few months after he’d insisted on sitting with her every once in a while, not really – she’d assumed they were completely different people, and she’d wanted nothing more than for him to leave her alone. But he hadn’t. He’d infuriated her, sitting opposite her in homeroom and flicking through flashcards as if she didn’t know exactly what he was doing, inviting her to hang out on evenings he knew her family was busy, dragging her along to movie nights and later, when Sara reluctantly let herself become slowly wrapped up into the legends’ comfort and support and reassurance, creeping out onto the roof with her and Amaya and talking until the sun came up. He’d been there from the very beginning, gently coaxing her into letting him help her, letting him introduce her to his friends, sticking by her every step of the way until they’d found themselves here, surrounded by people they loved and who loved them right back.

And somehow, they’d managed to collect the best group of friends anyone could wish for along the way, even though she’d never intended for any of it.

Sara smiled when Ray held out his phone to show her a photo, both of them in freshman year grinning over at the camera with blue and white stripes painted across their cheeks, probably from one of Sara’s first few high school soccer matches. “Amaya found it the other day,” Ray murmured softly, and Sara ducked her head down so her hair fell in front of her eyes, attempting to hide her face from view, as if Ray hadn’t been able to see straight through her since day one.

She bit her lip and her phone buzzed in her pocket, undoubtedly Ray making sure she had a copy of the photo too.

“Whatcha thinking?” he prompted when she remained silent for too long, trying her hardest to hold on to the memories which were already slipping through her fingers, just out of reach. Sara let out the breath she was holding, eyes still fixed on the floor.

“I’m not sure I’m ready for this to end,” she eventually admitted, and Ray reached out to curl one arm around her shoulders.

Sara leaned into him, closing her eyes for a brief moment, trying to savour these moments which were starting to feel more final, less like gentle affection and more like a goodbye. “This isn’t the end,” Ray reminded her, sounding so certain that Sara paused, playing the statement again in her head before murmuring a faint agreement. “We’re only just getting started.”

 

* * *

 

**_Four years ago;_ **

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Amaya Jiwe  
_Active now_

_THURS 9:23PM:_

_  
_ hi so idk how to do this bc you  
were rlly nice whenever u talked  
to me and i was an asshole and  
decided that being gross to anyone  
who had their life together in any  
way shape or form more than i did  
justified me being a jackass to them  
but turns out i do actually rlly need  
to take you (and that weird super  
happy other nerd ray or whatever?)  
up on your offer to help me out with  
my grades and stuff it that’s still ok  
with you

  
for the record, i did actually think you  
were really nice when you introduced  
yourself a few months ago

  
i’ve just kinda been a bit of a mess this  
year and you remind me a lot of my sister  
who i love a lot but i’ve sort of been trying  
to do everything possible to not be like her  
and i guess that just turned into me being a  
bitch to you

  
i also don’t know why i’m telling you all of this

  
It’s been a bit of a night

  
_9:41PM:_

Hey, you don’t need to apologise

  
I remember you from middle school,  
you’ve always been fun to be around,  
high school can just be hard to adjust  
to, you know?

  
And listen, I’ve lived in Star City most  
of my life, I know how much everyone  
loves Laurel Lance. It can’t be easy  
having to compare to that

  
yeah

  
you don’t say

  
you figure all that out without me  
even saying one nice thing to you?

  
No, I figured all that out through Ray,  
who has a twin brother who he thinks  
is better than him in every way

  
isn’t ray like, an honest to god genius?

  
Yup

  
I’d be willing to bet you probably are too

  
i’d just like to pass at this point

  
if i don’t they’re gonna kick me off the  
soccer team

  
Is that why you messaged me?

  
yeah

  
does that also make me a shitty person?

  
No way

  
It makes you someone who has something in  
their life they can’t lose, and if you ask me,  
that makes you the opposite of a shitty person

  
wow

  
you’re really sweet

  
:-) I’m usually pretty good and being able to  
tell when someone’s worth it

  
I had a feeling about you

  
i guess i’m just not used to that

  
You’re dating Nyssa al Ghul right?

  
yeah, why?

  
Why don’t you guys come sit with us at  
lunch tomorrow? She’s friends with Kendra  
Saunders isn’t she? Kendra and Ray just started  
dating, so you won’t just be surrounded by  
a bunch of nerds ;-)

  
;’D that would be cool

  
as long as your friends don’t mind?

  
They won’t! Nate and Jax are lovely

  
And honestly, I’m dying to have a few more  
girls around

  
you’re surviving on your own with  
three 14/15 year old boys?

  
i honestly can’t blame you

  
is it okay if i bring mick and leo too? we  
usually sit with them

  
Go for it! And we can sort out a time to meet  
up and start studying then as well x

  
thanks amaya

  
i really owe you

  
No you don’t Sara :-) Just promise you’ll let  
some of us be your friends from time to time

  
funnily enough, for the first time,  
i don’t actually hate that idea

 

* * *

 

 **Messenger** **  
** (Sara Lance)

Nate, Amaya, Jax and 6 others.  
_Active now_

_FRI 4:54PM:_

_  
_ _Nate named the group_ _  
_ _“legends™”_

 _  
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** what the fresh hell is this

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** YAY WE HAVE A GROUP CHAT

  
**_Mick:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh hell no

  
_Mick left the chat._

_Sara added Mick Rory to the chat._

_  
_ **_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** play nice

but i repeat

what is this

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’re hanging out at lunch everyday  
now right? We’re a squad! We need  
a group chat

  
**_Nyssa:_ ** **_  
_ ** Please never say the word ‘squad’ again

  
**_Kendra:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hey no this is a good idea! We can organise  
study dates and hang outs and going to Sara’s  
soccer games without a long text chain!!

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** wait, you guys are coming to my  
match????

  
**_Nyssa:_ ** **_  
_ ** No, I’m definitely not gonna be there ;-)

  
**_Leonard:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah we wanna see u get pummeled ;-)

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** ur the worst snart

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey len catch me aim a penalty kick  
to your head :-)

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** How much would everyone hate me if the  
first plan I made with our nice shiny new  
group chat was a study sesh for the math  
test on Monday?

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** immensely :-)

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** Too bad, my house, tomorrow, 2pm  
<3 <3

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ughhhhhhh

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** C’mon Sara, you got a B on your last  
algebra test and Mr Alden’s face was  
priceless!

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** yeah, i know, studying is just gross

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** What’s noooot gross is coming watching  
you kick ass at your game tonight!!!

  
_Nate started a plan._

_Nate named the plan Friday night lights._

_Nate updated the plan time to 7PM._

_Nate updated the plan location to Star City High School._

_  
_ **_Kendra:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nate as a football player surely you  
know that ‘friday night lights’ is not  
a term used for soccer matches

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Look it SOUNDS better than ‘sara’s soccer  
game’ OKAY

  
**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;’D ;’D

you guys don’t have to come btw

if you’re busy or something

  
**_Leonard:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nah i’ve got nothing better to do

  
**_Jax:_ ** **_  
_ ** hell no ofc we’re coming!!!

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Yeah, this is exciting Sara! Your first  
match for Star City High School!

  
**_Nyssa:_ ** **_  
_ ** As long as  @Ray  doesn’t make a massive  
obnoxious poster ;’D

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** Why, are they not allowed?????

  
**_Nate:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh buddy

  
**_Ray:_ ** **_  
_ ** What?!?!?!

  
**_Amaya:_ ** **_  
_ ** We’ll be there Sara <3

  
_Seen by: everyone._

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_nathanielheywood posted 1 new photo:_ **

Proud of you @saraalance !!! <3  

 **_Tagged: raymondcpalmer, lensnartt, saraalance, jeffersonjax, nyssaalghul, amayajiwe, kendraasaunders, mickrxryy._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City High School_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _saraalance, noradarhk, nyssaalghul, jeffersonjax, raymondcpalmer and 94 others liked this._

_Friday 21 February._

**_  
_ ** **_saraalance posted 1 new photo:_ **

high school can kinda suck sometimes but sometimes it’s also really really cool. especially when your friends show up to your very first schs game and make dumb obnoxious signs and cheer for you the whole match and force u to take dumb cheesy photos like this one :-) :’) <3 <3 (winning the game just makes it all eeeeven better) #schswolves

 **_Tagged: nyssaalghul, raymondcpalmer, nathanielheywood, kendraasaunders, amayajiwe, mickrxryy, lensnartt, jeffersonjax._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Location: Star City High School_ **

**_Liked by:_ ** _laureldlance, amayajiwe, raymondcpalmer, lilssstein,_ oliivxrqueen _and 156 others liked this._

_Friday 21 February._

 

* * *

 

**_Now;_ **

_  
_ _Dad_

 **iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Tuesday**

 **  
** **_8:02pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hope you’re not too exhausted after  
last night sweetheart, wanted to just  
text to say I’ll be home late tonight -  
big investigation my squad is leading  
so don’t wait up

 **  
** **_8:02pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Money for takeout is under the keys  
bowl if you need it. Love you

  
**iMessage**

 **  
** **_10:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** be safe, love u <3

 **  
** **_Read:_ ** _Tuesday._ _  
_ **  
  
**

* * *

 

_Laurel <3 _

**iMessage** **  
** (Sara Lance) **  
** **Tuesday**

 **  
** **_10:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey are u home?

  
**_10:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Nah, out with Tommy, Ollie and Felicity!

  
**_10:36pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** We were thinking about taking a day trip  
to Central City but if you wanna hang out  
I can come home

  
**_10:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** don’t you dare

  
**_10:37pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** go to central city thanks

  
**_10:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** spend the WHOLE day there

  
**_10:38pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** actually spend the day AND the night  
there that will be a fun a cool couples  
retreat or smth ya know

  
**_10:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Are you still drunk from last night?

  
**_10:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** what

  
**_10:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** no

  
**_10:39pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i just want you to have a nice day

  
**_10:40pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Uh huh sure

  
**_10:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t burn the house down or whatever

  
**_10:41pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Invite Ava over so there’s someone responsible  
in the house please

  
**_10:42pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i will :-)

  
**_10:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** OH

  
**_10:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

  
**_10:43pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh oh oh oh I get it now :-))))))

  
**_10:44pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** ;-) ;-) ;-)

  
**_10:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** god you’re the worst

  
**_10:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** look it might not even happen

  
**_10:45pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m just gonna invite ava over and see

  
**_10:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** What about dad?

  
**_10:46pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** working late

  
**_10:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Isn’t that ideal ;-)

  
**_10:47pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i’m going to ignore you now

  
**_10:48pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** HAVE FUN ;’D ;’D <3 <3 ;-) :-))))

 

* * *

 

Having spent the whole year complaining about sign out day, Ava was surprised at how relieved she was that it was still hovering in the distance, one more thing still on the list before everything - this whole crazy high school experience - was over once and for all. It wasn’t that she wasn’t _ready_ for high school to end, because she sure as hell was - finals had definitely proven that. But for all its ups and downs, high school had changed Ava irreversibly and she would never be more grateful for what she now had at the end of the rollercoaster four years. _This_ rollercoaster year in particular.

Her voice was still hoarse from all the laughing, crying, cheering and loud, out of tune singing from graduation day and night, and for the first time ever, Ava was actually hungover this morning. She didn’t mind though. Not when she had the luxury of sleeping in without disturbance until midday, and waking up to exactly the text she wanted to see -

 _Sara (ur fav human in the world_ _  
_ _ & is better than u) Lance _

**iMessage** **  
** (Ava Sharpe) **  
** **Tuesday**

 **  
** **_12:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** hey you hope you’re not feeling too  
gross and hungover this morning  <3

  
**_12:08pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** (i’m assuming you’re hungover given  
that it’s past noon and u haven’t been  
online since 3am)

  
**_12:09pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** but when you wake up text me bc i’m  
bored and also hungover and you should  
come over and watch stuff with me xx

  
**_12:12pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Hi

  
**_12:12:_ ** **_  
_ ** This is literally the worst feeling  
in the world I want to detach my  
head from my skull

  
**_12:13pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** omg baby you really are hungover

  
**_12:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Y e s

  
**_12:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Not as bad as you were after regionals  
though, I’m not feeling nauseous at all

  
**_12:14pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** My head is just fucking killing me and  
my mouth feels like sandpaper and oh  
my GOD i am NEVER drinking again

  
**_12:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** you’re so fucking cute

  
**_12:15pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Don’t be condescending I hate you

  
**_12:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** :’D :’D :’D

  
**_12:16pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m gonna go beg Spencer to make me  
his miracle juice smoothie bullshit

  
**_12:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** omg pls bring me some <3 <3

  
**_12:17pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** No you were mean and mocking me

  
**_12:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** wow hungover ava is touchy

  
**_12:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Bye going to go drink my miracle juice  
enjoy yours

  
**_12:18pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Oh wait, you don’t have any :-)))

  
**_12:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** WOW HUNGOVER AVA IS BITCHY

  
**_12:19pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** it’s kinda hot, reminds me of old times

  
**_12:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I am 100% kink shaming you for that

  
**_12:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** brb screenshotting the fact that ava sharpe  
knows about kink shaming

  
**_12:20pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Sara, I’ve had Nora and Gary as my  
best friends for over a decade and  
I’m dating you, this is unsurprising

  
**_12:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Sent 1 attachment._

 _  
_ **_12:27pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Miracle juice :-)

  
**_12:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** :-(((((

  
**_12:28pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** i want the miracle juice and cuddles  
from the cute girl holding it  </3

  
**_12:29pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** There’s enough left if you want some x

  
**_12:30pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** HEY THE NICE VERSION OF MY GIRLFRIEND  
HAS RETURNED

  
**_12:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** Never mind I’ll have the rest

  
**_12:31pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’M KIDDING AND I MADE BROWNIES  
WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO  
WAKE UP COME OVER AND WE CAN  
HAVE SOME PLS

  
**_12:32pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** I’m just gonna shower and have something  
to eat really quickly and then I’ll walk over

  
**_12:33pm:_ ** **_  
_ ** see you soon <3

 

* * *

 

It was nearing 1:30 when Ava finally made her way over to Sara’s, and was immediately tugged inside by Sara who snatched the miracle juice from her hands and pulled her out of the already fierce sunshine towering high in the sky.

“Hi,” said Ava, glaring when Sara looked gleeful at the hoarse edge to her voice. “ _Don’t._ Spencer’s cure works wonders but I’m still fucking exhausted.”

Sara’s face softened and she reached over to tuck some of Ava’s hair behind her ears, slinking up onto her toes to kiss Ava gently. “I know you are,” she said, her voice much sweeter than Ava was expecting. “C’mon. I’ve got brownies upstairs already and we can just chill out and watch stuff all afternoon.”

“Netflix and chill, huh?” said Ava dryly and a surprising flush appeared along the back of Sara’s neck as she moved to pull Ava up the staircase.

“Something like that,” she said with a vague shrug, tightening her fingers around Ava’s.

Sara’s room had never been lovelier than it was then as they rounded the corner into the space that had become as familiar to Ava as her own bedroom. Sara had kept the curtains almost completely drawn and had the hallway aircon running so the room was alight with soft, muted afternoon sun but was cool and familiar and full of the vibrant yellows and reds and orange hues that had always filled Ava with a wonderful warmth of _safeness._

The safeness of _Sara_ , of these quiet, magical moments of normalcy with her as they sat side by side on her bed, sharing what was probably the biggest singular brownie chunk Ava had ever seen in her life. She didn’t care though. Not when Sara held her fork out for Ava to take the bite as though they were in an honest to god _movie_ , and Ava felt her stomach do stupid little somersaults at the soft affection in Sara’s eyes every time Ava stole a glance in her direction. An early episode of Parks and Recreation was playing on Sara’s laptop, but even as Ava attempted to watch it with wholehearted focus, the feeling of Sara’s nails dragging ever so lightly over her scalp, the way her toes were tracing tiny little patterns over the top of Ava’s foot, the feeling of bare legs pressed up close against Ava’s and the smallest flash of her stomach where her tank top had ridden up was making Ava’s already hazy head spin just a little.

“Hey. Sara.”

“Mm?”

Ava reached up to curl her fingers into the hair at the base of Sara’s head, tugging lightly to drag her face down into a chaste, slightly off-angled kiss that Ava hoped would be satisfying enough that she could pay attention to the rest of the episode. But just as she moved to pull away, - to settle back into Sara’s side - Sara let out a quiet noise of surprise and approval, sighing into Ava’s mouth and curling her fingers in Ava’s hair. The bowl and fork clinked in Sara’s lap and Ava went to break free from Sara’s lips to move it, but Sara just tugged her back in and absentmindedly placed it on the bedside table, immediately taking Ava’s face in her hands and ever so lightly brushing her thumbs over Ava’s jaw.

It tickled every single time, but Ava knew that the little half gasp, half giggle she let slip was exactly what Sara was looking for and she felt Sara’s lips curve upwards into a smile.

“We’re missing the episode,” murmured Ava.

“We’ve seen it before,” said Sara without a second’s pause, dragging her lips to Ava’s jaw and down her neck, and Ava startled a little at the barely there sensation of Sara’s teeth daringly brushing against her skin.

“Don’t get cocky,” she warned a little breathlessly, even as her eyes flickered shut when Sara’s fingers cheekily slipped under her singlet. “If my family sees a hickey, I swear to god I’ll kill you.”

Sara laughed into the dip above Ava’s collarbone. “Have I mentioned how cute it is that you’re this cranky when hungover?”

Ava wanted to shove her away just to make a point, but the weight of Sara leaning against her and the smell of Sara’s deodorant, shampoo, the soft smoothness of recently shaved legs sliding against Ava’s (which was something Ava had never considered as anything particularly enticing until dating Sara) was way too hypnotising to give up, even when faced with her pride.

“You’re really good at this,” said Ava before she could stop herself. “You know that right?”

Sara chuckled, kissing up Ava’s chin before placing the smallest of pecks to Ava’s lips. “Not so bad yourself Aves,” she said, the fingers under Ava’s top still tracing the lines of muscle on Ava’s stomach and sending sparks with every minute little touch. “Reckon we should actually watch some of this episode?”

“Yeah,” said Ava, already finding her eyes dropping distractedly to Sara’s lips. “Maybe just a bit.”

 

It took four more episodes of Parks and Rec for Sara to find the courage to move. Admittedly, the episodes were only half watched because Ava’s lips were stupidly distracting and Sara’s hungover brain didn’t have the self control it usually did, but neither did Ava’s, it seemed.

(Although truthfully, in the past couple of weeks, it’d been Sara who had drawn the line every time their control had spiralled away into the distance, Sara who had broke away from Ava’s lips, smiled when Ava chased them with a quiet whine of disappointment and a slightly breathless complaint of, “Sara, we don’t need to take it slow anymore. I’m okay with that.” Sara had been the one to press a kiss to the hollow of Ava’s throat and murmur, “I know. But I have a _plan_ and I want to stick to it.”

“You don’t have to do anything special for me,” Ava said immediately, resting her weight on her elbows. “I don’t need a big grand gesture Sara. I just want _you._ ”

Sara’s heart skipped a little and she leaned back down to kiss Ava again. “Just trust me, okay? Soon.”)

In her head, Sara had planned to be suave. Smooth and graceful and pulling Ava into a slow, agonising kiss that they’d both started to become wonderfully familiar with in recent weeks. She’d wanted to be so onto it that Ava figured out what was going on immediately and everything just fell into place from there.

In reality, the butterflies in Sara’s stomach turned into weighted bricks that had her frozen, nestled into Ava’s side and longing to surge upwards and kiss her but rooted to where she was, tucked into Ava’s arms and every single place where she could feel Ava’s body against hers burning with want.

“Hey,” said Ava quietly, slipping her fingers under Sara’s top to tap a comforting yet infuriatingly teasing pattern along the bare skin of Sara’s hip. “Are you feeling okay? You’ve been really quiet the past hour.”

Sara swallowed, nodded into Ava’s shoulder, then pressing a kiss to the base of her neck just for additional measure.

“You sure?” said Ava, fingertips starting to trace tiny little circles and Sara’s head spun a little. Okay, this was just ridiculous. With a sudden burst of resolute determinism, Sara sat up and slid across into Ava’s lap.

 

Ava blinked, her hands automatically shifting to Sara’s hips out of instinct. Sara being here was incredibly familiar at this point. A comforting weight that Ava craved way too often when it wasn’t there. Ava had gotten so used to this - to Sara’s hair and her skin so close and her thighs strong and secure around Ava’s, her fingers light and careful as they explored the divots and freckles and lines and scars on Ava’s (visible) skin. Ava loved this. She loved _Sara_ like this.

“Hi,” she said with an amused chuckle, tugging Sara forward by the hem of her top.

“Hey,” said Sara, and Ava frowned with slight concern at the breathlessness in Sara’s voice, for no apparent reason.

“You okay?” she asked, bringing her hands to rest at the waistband of Sara’s shorts, her thumbs sliding gently over Sara’s hip bones. Sara’s eyelids flickered suddenly, and before Ava could even process Sara moving, Sara had reached down, lifted her top and tugged it over her head.

 

“Um.”

Something about Ava’s astonishment - the way her whole body seemed to go into shock for a moment, her jaw going slack and her eyes dropping down to Sara’s body and her grip on Sara’s hips tightening instantly - made Sara less nervous. In fact, it made her smile.

“Haven’t you been complaining about how slow we’ve been taking it for the past two weeks?” she teased. Ava made a quiet noise that sounded like agreement but didn’t move, instead just stayed _staring_ in what Sara wondered for a second was real, legitimate shock. She swatted her girlfriend lightly. “Aves! Eyes up.”

Ava’s cheeks burned red, eyes darting up to Sara’s face. “Did I miss some massive hint that we were doing this today?” she asked, and Sara felt a distinct satisfaction in the hoarse edge to her voice that she knew had nothing to do with her hangover.

“No,” said Sara softly, shaking her head and gently carding her fingers through Ava’s still slightly damp hair. She couldn’t help but laugh quietly, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of Ava’s mouth. “No, you didn’t. I wanted it to kinda be a surprise.” She sank her teeth into her bottom lip, quietly triumphant when Ava’s eyes dropped to her mouth. “I also uh … I kinda wanted to wait until we’d officially graduated so that …” She glanced away with a noncommittal shrug. “I dunno. It’s stupid.”

“No it’s not,” said Ava immediately. “So that what?”

Sara hesitated, smiled a little shyly, then glanced down at her lap. “So that we weren't just a high school relationship anymore. So that we'd made it through all that when we did this. Now that we've graduated, it's kinda like … we've really actually got this whole future ahead of us and … I dunno, maybe it's dumb but I wanted to wait until we got here before we did this."

Ava didn’t respond for a while. Almost long enough that Sara started to get worried. But the minute she shifted in Ava’s lap, - whether to pull away or lean in a little closer, she wasn’t sure - Ava blinked, reaching out to slide a hand into Sara’s hair and pull her into a kiss that was somehow so searing that Sara felt a spark go flying up her spine, but also so soft that she almost melted into Ava, gentle but still enough to make Sara regret waiting this long because they could’ve been doing this weeks ago and _damn_ if Ava wasn’t a quick learner.

 

It hadn’t taken long in their relationship for Ava to realise that Sara’s lips were going to be her big downfall, because nothing in Ava’s entire life so far had been quite as distracting and intoxicating as kissing Sara Lance. To the point that it actually took far too many minutes for Ava to remember that Sara was, in fact, topless in her lap, upon which she pulled away and finally let her eyes flicker down again to take in the unbelievably unfair expanse of soft, ever so slightly tanned, freckled skin on display.

“You’re like …” She shook her head, not even bothering to be embarrassed about her inability to construct a proper sentence. In the most inarticulate way possible, her brain was mush. “Jesus _Christ_ , Sara _what_ -”

Sara grinned with that frustrating glint in her eye, running her thumb over Ava’s bottom lip. “Aves, baby. You’re staring.”

“Yeah, can you blame me?” Ava scoffed. “Look at you!” Despite the heat pooling in her stomach and the sparks igniting through her whole body, Ava had to work extremely hard to ignore the quiet ebbs of panic calling out from the back of her mind. Because yeah, maybe it was a little overwhelming. Ava knew that she’d wanted this for weeks - more than that, if she was honest with herself - and yeah it was Sara, but it was also _Sara_ who was half naked in Ava’s lap and okay, right, they were going to have sex and it was all great and exciting but also just as terrifying as Ava had been trying to pretend it wasn’t because she really didn’t know what to do and all she was used to here was her hands on Sara’s hips, maybe roaming under her shirt but not this - not this vast expanse of _so much skin_ -

It took barely a second for Ava to start spiralling before Sara’s grin shifted into a softer, more reassuring smile. Gently, she tiled Ava’s chin upwards and kissed her softly, kissed her again and again because this, Ava knew how to do and this she could do every day for the rest of her life until the world burned down around them. When Sara pulled back, Ava could see the familiar glint of mischief in her eyes and raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“What?”

Sara grinned, lightly pushed Ava down until her head hit the pillows and her back hit the mattress. “You first.”

“You expect me to roll with that when you’re out here looking like this?” said Ava dryly and Sara burst out laughing, so loud and bright and familiar that it instantly quelled almost all of Ava’s anxieties, made them vanish into the cool, late afternoon air in Sara’s sunlit bedroom. Sara reached over to pick up her top, twirling it on one finger and smirking widely.

“I can always put this back on to minimise your distractions,” she said teasingly, to which Ava just swatted her hand with an exasperated eye roll.

“Don’t you dare.”

Sara chuckled, trailing her fingers down Ava’s arms with that familiar twinkle in her eye as she gazed up and down Ava with a gaze so reverent and entranced that Ava’s breath stuttered a little. “It’s an unofficial rule,” Sara said, inching Ava’s tank top up her stomach. “Virgins first.”

Ava scoffed so loudly, so full of half-hearted, disdained amusement that Sara snorted. “That’s not a fucking rule,” said Ava wryly.

Sara laughed, leaned over, and kissed Ava’s nose. “No, it’s not. But I’m instituting it now because I want to, so there.”

“You’re such a child.”

“Don’t be mean to the girl who’s about to have sex with you.”

“Watch me.”

“Wow, I don’t know why I put up with you.”

Ava paused, gazing up at Sara, so captivated by how she looked illuminated in faded sunlight, hair coming loose from its bun, topless with wrinkled shorts and a tacky toe ring and so freckled and beautiful that Ava had to reach out, slide her hands along Sara’s thighs just to remember that this was real, _she_ was real. “Because you love me.”

Sara stopped at that. She reached down and tangled her fingers in Ava’s. “Yeah,” she said softly. “I do.”

 

* * *

 

**Instagram**

**  
** **_avacsharpe posted 1 new photo:_ **

The end of a decade, the start of an age. Thank you for everything SCHS. #schswolves  

 ** _Tagged: saraalance, noradarhk, lilssstein, raymondcpalmer, gxryggreeen, ztomaz, nathanielheywood,_**   ** _jeffersonjax, amayajiwe, mickrxryy, KuasaJiwe, wallacewesttt_**. **_  
_****_Location: Star City High School_**

 **_Liked by:_ ** _saraalance, aliJsharpeXX, ztomaz, noradarhk, and 399 others liked this._

_Tuesday 13 June._

 

* * *

 

_Sara hated high school already. Somehow, it was only homeroom and she already had a two introductory essays to write, a chapter to read, two stupid intro exercises to do and she was sure she was behind in every other class, even though she hadn’t had them yet. She sighed, twirling a pen between her fingers and eyeing both the vaguely familiar, and the unfamiliar faces in the room._

_Nyssa wasn’t in her homeroom class._

_Sara scratched a flaky bit of paint from the side of her desk. She knew that shouldn't be a big deal. She could_ **_handle_ ** _a few classes without her girlfriend - they weren’t one of those weird, fiercely codependent couples who couldn’t stand to be apart. (Those people were weird. They were 14, for Christ’s sake.) She and Nyssa hadn’t even dated for one full year._

_It was just that … for the first time, Sara felt alone. Laurel, Tommy and Oliver were all a year above her, and Thea in a different school altogether, and they were Sara’s closest friends. Without them, and without Nyssa, Sara wasn’t quite sure who to approach to try and befriend._

 

 

_Ava inwardly groaned when she walked into homeroom to find it already completely crowded, no three seats available near each other. She glanced over her shoulder at Nora and Gary, both of whom grimaced and scanned the room on the off chance that they’d missed another spot._

_They hadn’t._

_“It’s fine,” Ava said, nudging Gary. “You two go take that seat. I’ll find somewhere else.”_

_She knew how badly Nora needed people familiar and grounding going into what they all knew would be an insane and trying four years, for Nora especially. Gary was just too anxious to find a seat by himself, and Ava didn’t want him doing (or saying) something awkward that would make him some kind of pitiful freshman outcast on their very first day._

 

 

_Sara shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She recognised a few people. Ray Palmer, who she’d seen around school since they were little kids. Mick Rory. Jefferson Jackson. She was pretty sure that other girl’s name was Maya or something. And there was Ava Sharpe, who’d just walked in and, okay, was taking the seat next to her._

_Sara immediately unlocked her phone as an excuse not to make polite conversation. It wasn’t that she didn’t_ **_like_ ** _Ava Sharpe - she didn’t even_ **_know_ ** _Ava Sharpe. They’d been at middle school together but had only shared a couple of classes. The only thing Sara could remember about her was that she’d been in the top basketball team._

 

 

_“_ _Okay everyone!” called the teacher from the front of the room - a tall man with an English accent, a sharp nose and angular face. “My name is Rip Hunter. In front of other teachers, call me Mr Hunter. When it’s just us though, feel free to call me Rip. I think the whole first name thing is a bit pretentious, to be honest.”_

 

 

_Sara grinned. He seemed cool._

 

 

_Ava smiled at Rip’s warm, friendly greeting. He seemed cool._

 

 

_“Right, now to start we’re, unsurprisingly, going to do an icebreaker. Yes, yes, I know how boring and agonisingly awkward it is but it’s the first day of high school and you all should know that this awkwardness is going to prepare you well for the years ahead. Now please turn to your neighbour and go through the following prompts written on the board.”_

 

 

_Sara sighed, turning to Ava and resting her chin on the palm of her hand. “So. If you had to spend the next four years handcuffed to one person in this room based only on their appearance and what you know of them so far, who would you pick?”_

_Ava wrinkled her nose, eyes flickering to the whiteboard. “That’s not one of the icebreakers.”_

_Sara rolled her eyes. “No duh Sharpe. C’mon, live a little. We’re gonna get those icebreakers every single class for the next two days. Might as well do something fun. Rip seems as though he wouldn’t care.”_

 

 

_Ava pursed her lips, glancing to the front of the room to look at Rip, who was watching the class with curious, careful eyes._

_“No,” she said, shaking her head, “Rip seems as though he’s the kind of teacher who’s chill because he expects everybody to at least do as they’re told because he’s nice and approachable about it.” She tapped her fingers impatiently over the edge of the desk. “Name one hobby you hope to explore over the following year.”_

 

 

_“Larceny,” said Sara without a moment’s hesitation, flashing Ava a mischievous grin. “Maybe even throw in some credit card fraud while we’re at it.”_

_Ava’s nostrils flared. “Can’t you just be serious about this?”_

_Sara raised an eyebrow, resisting the urge to smirk. “Who’s to say I’m not serious? You asked for a hobby, I gave you two. I went above and beyond the call of duty. Your turn, same question.”_

 

 

_“Baske -” Ava stopped, clamping her mouth shut. An uncomfortable chill settled in her stomach and she looked down at her feet, clearing her throat. “I uh … I don’t know.”_

_“You don’t know?” Sara echoed. “Seriously? So you’re all up on my ass about following the rules and being straight and boring about dumb questions that don’t serve any purpose other than to pass the time, and then when I flip the tables, you have nothing to say? What was the point of that then?”_

_“I don’t have a hobby,” Ava shot back, frustration flaring in her chest. “My focus is school.”_

_“School?” said Sara with a condescending scoff. “We’re 14, Sharpe. It’s our first day of high school. What the hell do you have to be focused on? The SATs?”_

 

 

_Ava’s eyes flashed with indignance, her cheeks flushing a little angrily. “Excuse me if some of us already have higher aspirations than a 9 to 5 job at Sink Shower ‘n Stuff, which is apparently the path you’ve laid out for yourself with your clear attentiveness to rules and your just being a generally uncivil person.”_

_Sara’s jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”_

_“You heard me.”_

_Sara clenched her teeth, leaning forward in her chair and ignoring the awful scrape of its legs on the freshly polished linoleum floor. “Okay then. No hobbies huh? What happened to Little Miss Top Team in Basketball. D’you flake out? Pressure get too much? Couldn’t handle a single perfect hair out of place when a game got too feisty?”_

_Something dark and furious and vulnerable was suddenly startlingly present on Ava’s face and Sara had to swallow a lump in her throat as Ava looked away, curling shaking hands into a tightly coiled fist._

 

 

_“Why don’t you just mind your own business?” Ava snapped, squeezing her eyes shut. “You know what, you were right. These icebreakers were stupid.”_

 

 

_Sara hesitated. Something like regret was starting to peek through the anger and defiance still burning in her blood. “Hey, look. Sharpe. I didn’t -”_

 

 

 _Ava sniffed, spinning on her chair to send daggers in Sara’s direction. “Does it look like I want to talk to you Lance? Why don’t you just sit there planning how you’re going to further expand your riveting criminal undertakings this year and that way I finally have the pleasure of not having to_ **_talk_ ** _to you!”_

 

 

 _Sara let out an incredulous huff, turning away and clutching her pen tightly. Who the hell did this girl think she was? Maybe she could get transferred into Nyssa’s homeroom class. Or_ **_any_ ** _other homeroom class. Anywhere that stick up her ass Ava Sharpe was_ **_not_ ** _._

_The bell for the end of homeroom couldn’t come quick enough. The minute it shrilly pierced through the air, Sara swung her bag onto her shoulder and made a beeline for Rip’s desk. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see Ava doing the same, and for a second, she paused, wondering if maybe it was a better idea to do this in private. But then Ava arched an eyebrow, sent her the most infuriating, challenging stare and Sara scowled._

_“Hey Rip,” she said cordially, sliding her hands into her jeans back pockets. “I was wondering if there was any chance I can change homeroom classes? Nothing to do with you, this just doesn’t quite suit me.”_

_Rip chuckled a little. “We’ve had one class Sara, I don’t think you have an accurate measure of what does and doesn’t suit you in high school just yet.”_

 

 

_Ava snickered, ignoring the heated glare Sara sent her way._

_“Okay,” said Sara, pushing some hair away from her face. “What about seats then? Can we change? I’m not really fond of the middle of the room anymore.”_

_Ava held her breath. That had been what she was going to ask. She refused to spend a single minute more than she had to in the company of Sara Lance._

_Rip smiled and squeezed Sara’s shoulder. “Sorry Sara, but no can do. My philosophy is to create a classroom environment in which everybody has to learn to work with, talk to, and appreciate each other regardless of differences. The seat you’re in will be your seat for the next four years.”_

 

 

 _“_ _I’m sorry_ **_what_ ** _?” Sara exclaimed at the same time as Ava spluttered “_ **_Four_ ** _years?”_

 _“You want me to sit next to her for four years?” said Ava with surprising outward bitterness. “Sir, I’m a dedicated student and I’ll definitely do anything I’m instructed to but please, just let us switch with_ **_someone_ ** _else.”_

_“If that’s the case,” said Rip, and Sara’s hope soared for a second, “then I’m instructing you and Sara to remain sitting where you are. I’ve heard a lot about you both from your previous middle school teachers and I think you could work together very well.”_

_“Not if we murder each other first!” insisted Sara, and Ava muttered “Yeah, you’d know.” Sara resisted the urge to flip her off, instead turning back to Rip with wide, begging eyes. “C’mon Sir. This is gonna be the longest four years ever if I have to deal with her everyday.”_

_Rip shrugged. “Then I guess it’s going to be a long four years ladies. Now if you please, on to your next class.”_

 

 

_Sara waited until they were outside the classroom to swear loudly, shaking her head with a disbelieving scoff. “My sister says Rip makes his classes do projects and special work together. If I have to spend my entire time at high school dealing with your bullshit -”_

_“_ **_Mine_ ** _?” said Ava, taking a step towards Sara. “You’re the one who’s so unbelievably self centred and arrogant. I actually care about school. If you do anything in_ **_any_ ** _way to jeopardise my grades and my chances at college -”_

_“Relax princess, college isn’t for another four years,” said Sara, crossing her arms. “Maybe learn how to be a normal, less high strung, entitled rich kid and come down to level ground with the rest of us before thinking about integrating with the real world.”_

_Ava sucked in a sharp, fuming breath. “I don’t have time to waste on you. I’m going to class.”_

_“Of course you are,” scorned Sara. She shook her head, wondering if it was possible to go through the next four years without having anything at all to do with Ava. “God, I already can’t wait for high school to be over, if only so that I never have to see you again.”_

_A dry, cool smile crossed Ava’s face. “Well at least there’s one thing we agree on.”_

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right. 
> 
> god we don't even know where to start. 
> 
> thank you. obviously, thank you. endlessly and infinitely and from the bottom of our hearts and souls, just thank you all so much for this. we had the inklings of ideas for this story in may, back when we'd only recently become friends and barely knew each other. never, in a million years could either of us have foreseen any of this. any of you. every single one of you who commented beautiful, incredible supportive comments that we never got round to replying to: thank you. you're the reason we continued to write this even on the days that it felt dumb and arduous, even during the storylines we liked a little less, even when our real lives were kicking our asses so bad that writing was the last thing we wanted to do. 
> 
> i don't think either of us can put into words what this fic means to us and everything it's done to help us, to distract us from shit in our own lives, to be the story we needed to hear and read and tell, to be the therapy through which we figured out our own feelings and sexualities and insecurities. we started this for us , as a random little story when we were still figuring out how to cowrite a story, and we never thought it would become what it is. 
> 
> firstly, we outrightly said that we never wanted it to be longer than harry potter and the order of the phoenix (250k) and here we are, having completely thrown that out the window. 
> 
> but secondly, we never could've dreamed the support and love and interaction that was to come. the messages. the comments. the fucking fan art???? the photoshop edits. the twitter @'s. the dm's. the goddamn motherfucking group chat. in 10 years of writing fanfic, this was always the ultimate dream and i don't think we ever would've anticipated it would be this fic that achieved it. 
> 
> we've met so many amazing people through this, made so many new friends, most important of which was each other. being able to write a body of work this enormous, tell a story from start to finish that had this many characters, storylines, subplots, twists, complexities, to maintain a writing schedule week to week no matter what else was going on - being able to DO that has proved to both of us that we're capable of so much more than we ever could've thought and that's absolutely life changing. 
> 
> we started posting this on my birthday last year (july 7th) and out of sheer luck and a slight rearrangement of our posting schedule, we've finished posting this on rachel's birthday (feb 12th). we don't actually know why that feels special somehow but it does and we just wanted that put out here too bc we're lame 
> 
> i don't think there's much more to say without just saying the same thing over and over and over again, other than this; this universe isn't over. over these past 8 months, we tentatively expanded ideas and headcanons and characterisations for this verse from college, to beyond college, to the rest of everybody's freakin lives and now we've ended up with decades worth of headcanons about everything in this whole damn au. we have as many original characters as there are legends characters in the fic, and we can promise you that there are one / two / three (maybe even up to five) shots coming, there are headcanons sitting impatiently waiting to be posted, there's edits and characters and whole storylines that we're so excited to be able to share now that this story is over. so keep your eyes peeled and feel free to send us prompts, because there's a whole world waiting in our heads for us to write about. 
> 
> until then, it's goodbye to this fic. we hope you loved the ride as much as we did. 
> 
> love from chim & rachel.

**Author's Note:**

> buckle up y'all bc you're in for the wildest ride of your lives, this fic is gonna take you for everything you're worth (it's already done that to us). 
> 
> please please please comment + leave kudos, let us know what you liked, what you didn't, what you want, what you don't want, anything and everything because we would love to write based on what you wanna see!! (also we're desperate for the external validation, i mean what)
> 
> also come cry with us on tumblr abt avalance as we not so patiently wait for s4! 
> 
> (rubyhvle) & (legolasunderstoodthatreference)


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